Megilat Ḥam-Ed - the Scroll of the Steamed Portions of Cham

A sacred text of my people, restored to its original Hebrew and recited in the manner of the Megillah.
I'd say this is the stupidest translation I've ever made, but it's not even the stupidest translation I've posted on this channel. Happy Purim!

[@IsaacMayerCreativeWorks]

hey if you want to make a snarky comment about Israel then it will be deleted, this video has nothing to do with Israel and thinking all Jewish content is Israel content is antisemitic

[@saucysos]

It’s really sad that people are raiding your comments section over steamed hams. I thought people would have better things to do in this day and age.

[@Pangloss6413]

@@saucysosyou think far too highly of what humans get up to when they have nothing in the world but free time and anonymous ways to fuck with people

[@gurinderpurewal3689]

@@saucysos Their hearts have yet to be steamed.

[@tokevarvaspolvi8999]

@@gurinderpurewal3689 Yea, for it was Adonai that hath left their hearts unsteamed.

[@ZellDincht-oo2fk]

@@tokevarvaspolvi8999 - no, I said "unsteamed hearts." that's what I call antisemitism!

[@mojoforthewin3069]

TRANSLATOR’S NOTE: The actual dish served in this scroll is unclear. Modern translators tend variously towards ‘Clams’ or ‘Hams,’ despite neither being acceptable under contemporary Jewish law.

[@zawarudo6805]

Brilliant 😂😂😂

[@BionicleFreek99]

Thanks for the note!

[@austincde]

Luckily it was beef 😂

[@chaotickreg7024]

It was obviously ground beef, they had access to that. Source: Trust me bro

[@velazquezarmouries]

Some scholars point to a dish similar to a kofta but served between two flatbreads but have no bases for their assertions though if real it would point out to the discovery of our first predecessor to the roman burger

[@dimanosov5393]

A PILLAR OF FLAME? AT THIS TIME OF YEAR, AT THIS TIME OF DAY, IN THIS PART OF CAANAN, LOCALIZED ENTIRELY WITHIN THE TABERNACLE?

[@michaelsinnreich6626]

כה וכה

[@LXWLESS]

🤣🤣🤣

[@austinbaccus]

This is the funniest comments section I've ever read

[@MarkTuchinsky]

7:19

[@adamsinger123]

YES 😂😂😅🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Stevothehuman]

The KJV translates the phrase "Steamed portions of Cham" to "steamed hams," leading to the misconception throughout the Anglosphere that eating ham was permitted in Mosaic law.

[@connorbaldwin9872]

Well I'm from the tribe of Benjamin and I've never heard the phrase "steamed portions of cham"

[@dimanosov5393]

@@connorbaldwin9872 Oh ho! No! That's a Levitical expression!

[@dystop]

I blame the Septuagint

[@youtub-fj8mu]

Fantastic

[@matthewlaurence3121]

There is evidence, suggesting it was permitted pre-Babylonian Captivity; swine-flesh was consumed in the land of Canaan for a longtime before it wasn’t. A theory behind the prohibition is derived from the deforestation of the region that occurred throughout the time of the Judges & Kings; resulting in pigs thriving off an unnatural diet of refuse, facilitating a belief that they were unclean animals whose meat caused poisoning.

[@iantaylor9586]

The Talmud records three opinions on the identities of Shalmer and Simor: 1. That they were residents of Sodom, and the destruction of Simor’s house occurred as a prelude to the destruction of the city. 2. That Shalmer was Pharoh, and Simor his advisor, and the destruction of Simor’s house was a punishment for his part in the enslavement of the Jews. 3. That the story is merely a parable, and neither Shalmer nor Simor ever actually lived.

[@KairuHakubi]

"A rabbi would never exaggerate! A rabbi composes. He creates thoughts. He tells stories that may never have happened, but he does not exaggerate!"

[@seronymus]

The autism levels are off the charts and I love it.

[@samuelkatz1124]

What does Rashi state on the passage?

[@Makaneek5060]

Due to the mention of sea-fruits I am inclined to side with the view that Shalmer is pharaoh, since nothing grows in the Dead Sea near Sodom.

[@isiahs9312]

It is sad that I get this reference completely

[@colly6022]

Bart Mitzvah

[@enderknight39]

💀

[@johnwolfenden7599]

Insanely underrated

[@nolmanimates3031]

That's literally how I thought it was spelt when I was little 😂😂😂

[@Finch912]

More like fart mitzva

[@nolmanimates3031]

Lmao, got destroyed by Finch912, Better luck next time the Jews

[@thehungrylittlenihilist]

This is what I recited at my Bar Mitzvah

[@dylanchouinard6141]

What did you say for your speech interpreting it?

[@snakey934Snakeybakey]

Mazal Tov!

[@professorhaystacks6606]

I thought that had to specifically be Torah, not Ketuvim?

[@ZXL000]

OY VEY

[@paulb8030]

@@professorhaystacks6606this is in the torah

[@theshlohan]

This is actually peak comedy. The target audience is so small but I’m so happy to be part of it

[@trueKENTUCKY]

i have no jdea what us going on i am a baptisted boy 🧒

[@Thestuffdoer]

I presume the target audience is Jews who like memes

[@Clarence_13x]

It should be smaller with what is going on today.

[@Thestuffdoer]

@@Clarence_13x true, sad but true

[@yezki8]

You could say that we are the chosen people

[@Akrafena]

Context: This scroll was discovered in the library of the late Matthäus Gröning, a professor of the University of Vienna, donated by his wife Mrs. Matthäus Gröning.

[@alexross1816]

"it's a regional dialect." "Uh-huh. Eh, what region?" "Uh, Manasseh." "Really? Well, I'm from Megiddo and ive never heard anyone use the phrase "Steamed Hams."" "Oh, not in Megiddo, it's a Samaritan expression." "I see."

[@flarky_dark]

take my upvote and get a theology degree

[@stetsuninu2374]

The effort to translate the clams/hams into Hebrew while maintaining both the auditory wordplay and roughly the definition is honestly pretty incredible... "sea fruits" indeed

[@SGtheArtist17]

Totally agree! They really went all in for this! Although, “Sea Fruits” really got me off-guard, because it’s a bit too literal of a translation! It woulda been more accurate to translate it to Seafood, but tbh, that kinda added to the joke for me!

[@SGtheArtist17]

Also, I just now realized who you are! Man, this took me back, I love your content, and watched it a lot when I was younger!

[@hpesoj00]

​@@SGtheArtist17 I'd say it's quite appropriate since "seafood" in multiple modern European languages literally translates to "sea fruits".

[@SGtheArtist17]

@@hpesoj00 Of course, of course, what I meant is that it would make more sense to translate it to “Seafood”, because, while the literal translation is Sea Fruit, most people won’t really know that

[@YasonYou]

​@@SGtheArtist17I'm not sure I understand you correctly, or what your background is, but in modern Hebrew in Israel we do say "sea fruits" to talk about seafood. פירות ים

[@sethmitchell2176]

"far reaches of the north" "baal-bani" I never thought it could be possible to combine these kinds of humor, but here we are.

[@BlahCraft1]

Could you explain? I tried googling "baal-bani" and couldn't find anything. Edit: it's a pun on Albany, and the joke fley straight over my head.

[@MCYonazz]

@@BlahCraft1 "The far reaches of the north, the region of Neve Jorech" is upstate New York, and "Baal-Beni" is Albany, NY. Which is where Skinner says they call hamburgers steamed hams.

[@sovietcanuckistanian]

@@BlahCraft1 As MCYonazz said it's a pun on Albany in upstate New York. In addition Baal was a word meaning Owner or Lord in Hebrew and other ancient Semitic languages and was used to refer to Canaanite gods, and was part of the name of cities dedicated to their gods.

[@DonMrLenny]

Chalmers also says that he is from "haïr haatika" which in hebrew translates into the ancient city and it sounds like Utica @@MCYonazz

[@grimble4564]

This video is truly on some James Joyce level word play

[@PabbyPabbles]

Love the King James style of English for the translation Everything is cooler when people say thing unto others, and everyone is always pausing to behold stuff

[@E4RLIES]

I’m definitely going to use the word ‘thence’ more from now on 😁

[@jodofe4879]

And lo I have beheld that this comment speaks unto us most verily.

[@rachel_sj]

As someone who was raised as a Fundamentalist Christian, and read A LOT of Old Testament verses, I love how this version of Steamed Hams Talmudic text is so similar to the KJV (since the Bible expands on the Talmud and other Hebrew Scriptures)

[@Agentporpoise]

Verily

[@vaiyt]

Behold, corn!

[@beardlessodin945]

This is perhaps the very best takeoff on the Steamed Hams meme I have ever seen in all my born days and has a _criminally_ low amount of views for the work put in and the pure majesty of the comedy on show here. I’ll do my best to share it around. I find the finer subtext of this situation to be almost as funny as the video itself. In later seasons, Gary Chalmers is revealed to be devoutly Jewish. This means that both the actual original roast that got burned (which one can easily see is a baked glazed ham by looking at the criss-crossed texture of the rind of the meat) _and_ the nonexistent steamed clams would both be entirely off limits to a Jew who follows Mosaic Law/Halacha and keeps kosher. It was only the happenstance of the Krusty Burgers being grilled portions of beef in lieu of steamed portions of Cham or steamed sea fruits that allowed the Superintendent to partake in the first place. This is high art, more so than any other iteration of the steamed hams meme I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen and heard damn near all of them. Mr. Mayer, you are a treasure. May Elohim bless you and keep you, O chosen one!

[@porksterbob]

For something similar look for the 1920's German art film version.

[@thegrassguy2871]

I thought hamburgers weren't kosher either since most have cheese

[@liorramati265]

Hamburgers can be fine, cheeseburgers (with both real cheese and real meat at any rate) cannot be

[@urbanarmory]

​@@thegrassguy2871 I can tell you as a kosher observant man my entire life, you can make and eat a burger without cheese

[@M0butu]

Jews were safe in the 90'ies. There was neither real meat, cheese or fish in those burgers. 😊

[@MaxChaplin]

Apparently the name "Utica" really is etymologically connected to the Hebrew word for "ancient". Wow.

[@usernamenotfound80]

Yup, named after Utica in what is now Tunisia whose name is Latinised from Phoenician ˁattiq, meaning ancient, related to Aramaic עַתִּיק whence Hebrew עַתִּיק.

[@margraveofgadsden8997]

Does the word antique come from this?

[@usernamenotfound80]

​@@margraveofgadsden8997 English "antique" comes from Latin "antiquus", which is equivalent to "ante" (in front of/before, distantly related to English "and") + "oculus" (eye). The Indo-European word it descended from can be parsed as "facing the front". Latin "ante" actually distantly related to English "and". Aramaic "עתיק" (old/ancient), on the other hand, is formed from the verb "עתק" (to age/to be old).

[@rogercameron6912]

It's an.... Ancient dialect. I see. 😂

[@BBWahoo]

​@@usernamenotfound80 Me, a Tunisian Jew: I'm from Utica. 🏝

[@shadowcween7890]

I love how the lieral translations and spellings come into play. Devil means adversary, and he said "to serve as an adversary" instead of "devilish"

[@professorhaystacks6606]

Close. Satan means adversary, which is translated as Diabolos in some Greek manuscripts, which becomes Diabolus in the vulgate. Diabolus is a loan word but Diabolos means 'slanderer' or something to that effect (it's less neutral than Satan, hence why some manuscripts merely transcribe the Hebrew word). Take that through Old French into Norman into English and you get Devil. ...Sorry I get into that sometimes. I know the greek and latin better than the hebrew.

[@michaelsinnreich6626]

This may be the best usage of Hebrew ever. I say this as a Hebrew teacher.

[@SGtheArtist17]

And, as someone who speaks it in my day-to-day, I approve!

[@DonMrLenny]

As an Israeli I approve

[@SGtheArtist17]

@@DonMrLenny Yoooo! You’re also Israeli? Awesome!

[@AvrahamYairStern]

Israelis speaking anything but Hebrew 💀​@@SGtheArtist17

[@SGtheArtist17]

@@AvrahamYairStern כאילו, אני יכול לדבר בעברית אם אתה ממש רוצה, אבל אני מניח שהרבה אנשים מבינים אנגלית יותר טוב (חוץ מזה, כן, אני מדבר גם אנגלית)

[@columbus8myhw]

1 And it was after these things, and there was a man from the city of the Field of Spring and his name was Shalmer, the great supervisor over all its learnings. 2 And it was one day, and Shalmer rose and went by Simor Haskiner, administrator of the school house, and he came to the entrance of his house. 3 And Shalmer said to him, saying: "Lo, Simor, behold I have come before thee, for I have transgressed thine instructions." 4 And Simor answered and said, "Ah, my lord supervisor! 5 Peace be upon thee, and I hope that thou mayest be prepared for a feast not to be forgot!" And Shalmer groaned and came after him. 6 And Simor came alone towards the kitchen, and saw, and behold, the oven was all asmoke, and he cried a great cry. 7 And he said, "Ah, my God, for ruined, ruined is the fire-roasted meat I have made!" 8 And he said, "But were I to purchase myself food of haste and cover them as my own food...", and he laughed, and he said in his heart, "How beautiful and how sweet is this thing, to serve as an adversary, Simor!" 9 And he opened the window and lifted his leg to leave it, and behold, Shalmer standing in the entrance to the kitchen! 10 Thus say the bards: "Haskiner, in his explanations of insanity. 11 Is there no balm for the chief of supervisors? And when he hears all of his bloated mutterings, there will be strife in the city this night!" 12 And Shalmer cried and called: "Simor, Simor!" And he said, "Ah, my lord supervisor! 13 Behold I stretch myself in my calves upon the posts of this window, so as to strengthen the body in equal measure. And if thou wouldst join me, join me!" 14 And Shalmer said to Simor saying: "Why doth thine oven smoke, Simor?" And he said, "Please, my Lord, 15 it is not smoke that rises from mine oven, but steam, steam, for the steamed sea fruits that we shall eat! And behold, what is well flavored as steamed sea fruits?" 16 And Shalmer left the kitchen, and Simor saw and left towards Qerustiberg and took a plate of kuftaoth of meat. 17 And he again came towards the kitchen and he said to Shalmer, saying: "I hope, hope that thou mayest be prepared for a feast well-flavoured of kuftaoth of meat!" 18 And the supervisor was confounded, and asked Simor, saying: "Yea, was it not heard in mine ears that behold, we are to eat steamed sea fruits?" 19 And Simor answered and said: "Not steamed sea-fruits, but steamed portions of Cham, for I call kuftaoth by that name." 20 And Shalmer asked and said: "Thou callest kuftaoth by the name 'steamed portions of Cham'?" 21 And Simor answered and said: "I call them by that name, for it is in the way of the speech of my land." 22 And Shalmer asked and said: "What is thy land, whose way is to speak such as this?" 23 And Simor answered and said: "The far-reaches of the north, the region of Neve Jorech." 24 And he said, "Speakest thou thruth? For from the ancient [Hebrew: ʿAtiqah] city am I, and I have never heard this matter of 'steamed portions of Cham' from all the mouths of my comrades." And behold, the ancient city was within the far-reaches of the north, the region of Neve Jorech. 25 And Simor answered and said, "No, not in the ancient city, for they speak such as this in the city of Baal-Beni." 26 And Shalmer said, "I have seen," and bit the kuftaoth and said, "Behold, these kuftaoth seem as the kuftaoth of Qerustiberger!" 27 And Simor denied and said, "No, ah, no, for listed kuftaoth of Haskiner are these, as an old teaching of my clan." 28 And he yet again asked and said, "An old teaching upon the matter of 'steamed portions of Cham'?" And he answered and said "Upon them it is." 29 And he answered and said, "And thus thou callest them by the name 'steamed portions of Cham', but with all this it is clear in my eyes that these are roasted." 30 And he delayed, and Simor requested Shalmer saying: "Permit me for just one moment," and Shalmer said, "I have permitted thee." 31 And Simor left from by the table and opened the door of the kitchen, and saw, and behold, the kitchen was aflame in fire. 32 And he returned towards the table and made as a man concluding, and said, "How glorious it was, and a time of goodness for all people. And behold, I am tired." 33 And the great supervisor rose to leave and saw the light of the fire in the kitchen, and he shouted and cried, "Oh, Lord of goodness! What is it that occurs thence?" 34 And Simor said, "The radiance of the firmament it is." 35 And Shalmer cried in a loud voice and called: 36 "The radiance of the firmament it is? In this season of the year, and also at this time of the day, and also in this province of the land, and also it is dwelling from head to end within thy kitchen?" 37 And he said, "Thus and so." 38 And he requested, saying: "May I see it it?" And he answered and said, "No." 39 And Simor led Shalmer out of his house, and his mother cried and called: "Simor, aflame is the house!" 40 And Simor answered her and said, "Not so is this matter, O my mother, for the great luminaries are they." 41 And Shalmer said to Simor, saying: "Lo, Simor, a differentiated man art thou, yet for all this I shall say that behold, you have known to steam a portion of Cham." 42 And this scroll, the Scroll of Cham-Steam, was written and sealed by the hand of Isaac Harel son of Jael and Abraham Meir the priest, in the thirty-second year of the family of the sons of Simp. 43 May the LORD be unto us a help, a help!

[@parkfield7296]

is there a special Al Hanisim to commemorate Yom HaChamed?

[@davidbailis8415]

Please write this out in Hebrew with trope if possible, because that would be a cake on another cake on another cake, anyway great video.

[@davidbailis8415]

Also do this again with trop of the Torah.

[@AdmiralWinfrey]

Bless you.

[@WhiteRoseYorkshire]

As someone who speaks Hebrew, I love this 🇮🇱

[@OrangeHarrisonRB3]

"A Jewish entertainer? Pfffft, get out." -Xomer, Son of Simp

[@Aqiisa]

best comment

[@אופקפישר-ד4ר]

Do you mean, "-omer, son of simp"

[@aokperson_]

@@אופקפישר-ד4ר no Khomir, son of simp

[@misaentropik7321]

Khomer ben Abraham ben Simp.

[@barrydheil]

Khomer, Ben Ibrahim, Ben Simp.

[@OtterTuna]

תפילה מקסימה ומרגשת😢 שלמר הוא הנביא האהוב עליי

[@senwod70]

It is written that Beit Shammai held that having promised to deliver sea-fruits, Skiner was obligated to serve such a meal as promised, lest he bare false witness. But Beit Hillel held that by serving an unforgettable luncheon of portions of Cham, Skiner had met the greater obligation of being a good host.

[@ZellDincht-oo2fk]

Beit Akiba however held that Haskiner's bearing of false witness led to him also the dishonouring of his mother

[@freakishuproar1168]

_"Oh, Lord of goodness! What is it that occurs thence?!"_ is unironically a banger of a line, and I'll strive to introduce it into my everyday vernacular.

[@lehnrik]

3:06 I was waiting for how Krusty Burger would sound chanted in Hebrew, and I was not disappointed.

[@utvpoop]

I hope I'll make a chant in Church Slavonic on it someday.

[@MassachusettsTrainVideos1136]

That’s awesome

[@urosjankovic1509]

please do it

[@seronymus]

Orthoskinner? ☦️ Based

[@aw7248]

Uncreated light? At this time of year? In this parish?

[@seronymus]

@@aw7248 localized entirely within your coffee hour room? "yes." may I see it? "with Theosis."

[@coleslaw9449]

gonna tell my goyische friends this is the shema

[@mintykiwi]

same

[@LXWLESS]

😂

[@loblollypine8223]

They'll believe u lol

[@JuanGomez_rz]

I'm a goy goblin and I approve this message

[@stickinthemud23]

Mine don’t know what the sh’ma is but I can certainly mess with the people in the 101 class!

[@indigofenix00]

Never before have I seen such incredible effort put into something so brilliantly stupid. Well, that's probably not entirely true, but definitely somewhere in the top 20. Hats off to you, good sir, and have a happy Purim!

[@yakovhadash]

not since the original text!

[@memesthatmakeyouwannadie3133]

9 minutes of Hebrew chanting for a meme.

[@ZellDincht-oo2fk]

there was nothing stupid about any of this it is top tier comedy

[@HespersQuest]

I do not understand Hebrew, and I do not have context on why it is being sung, and I do not get the cultural references. I am, however, a Steamed Hams enjoyer, and this is clearly a REALLY HIGH EFFORT meme, and it's kind of beautiful???

[@giusepperaciti1591]

This is the way of reciting the Megillah, which is a Jewish text that recounts the event occurred between Mordechai, Esther and Aman in Ancient Persia. The meme is very high end.

[@simonf3919]

As a jew and a fellow steamed hams enjoyer, you're right: this is a very high effort meme. He translated our beloved steamed hams to ancient biblical Hebrew and sang it like it could be sung at a synagogue. It's not just translated, it's also changed to the style of biblical Hebrew. It's amazing. It's a masterpiece.

[@MassachusettsTrainVideos1136]

@@simonf3919During the Epistle reading of the Divine Liturgy in Orthodox Christianity the readings are read like this as well as all prayers

[@urbanarmory]

For slightly more context, a tradition on Purim is to make absurd or silly Jewish Talmudic study or plays, etc. Steamed Hams works very well.

[@simonf3919]

@@treyebillups8602 yeah it's called cantillation (te amim). There seems to be a term for reciting the Quran: Tajwid 🙂

[@gamergator]

when he said "Qerustiberger," I felt that

[@Natalieowomeow]

The words of our ancestors are powerful.

[@Thestuffdoer]

Ah, Rabbi Chalmers, Welcome, I hope you are prepared for an unforgettable service!

[@Smapti]

I have arrived, Simor, in spite of the fact that your directions required crossing an eruv

[@hex3132]

the original Biblical story was translated and changed so much, but I can see it never lost its true meaning. Thanks for sharing

[@sirel33]

I don’t understand Hebrew but I’m in awe of the English translation. The use of early modern vocabulary and syntax is flawless.

[@noblegas8485]

The translation is very accurate

[@SGtheArtist17]

@@noblegas8485Yeah, other than Sea Fruits, lol! But that was a funny, very literal translation, imo!

[@bibisbakerycafe]

This is beyond brilliant. A niche audience perhaps. But as a member of that audience, I say bravo. Excited for the eicha version.

[@tobybartels8426]

Maybe not such a niche. Take out the chanting and the Hebrew in the thumbnail and title, and plenty of Christians will think you're just spoofing the King James Bible. (I was raised Christian and am not at all Jewish, and while I got nothing from the chanting, I still enjoyed the text.) So some slight edits give you the mass-market version.

[@fslknsadglkdahawerykljwa3aw643]

​@@tobybartels8426 So you got nothing from the core premise of the bit, most of the jokes flew over your head, and you still think you're part of the target audience? Classic Christian :P

[@tobybartels8426]

@@fslknsadglkdahawerykljwa3aw643 : On the contrary, the core premise of my comment is that I'm _not_ part of the target audience.

[@plaidpvcpipe3792]

I feel so lucky to be the target audience for this.

[@BBWahoo]

🔻Target Acquired

[@yezki8]

Indeed. I too feel very blessed

[@nikthetrickster9948]

We're not only lucky to be the target audience for the video, the commentaries are just as hilarious xD

[@gloriouspeanut]

I guess this means steamed hams are kosher after all.

[@pitodesign]

And behold, the vendor of steamed portions of cham, Querustiberger, is actually jewish, as told in the stories of the sons of Simp. ;-)

[@memesthatmakeyouwannadie3133]

Steamed portions of Cham are a bit of a misnomer. They are portions of kuftaoth beef and do not inherently violate kashrut.

[@sethmitchell2176]

Depends, but yes.

[@crixxxxxxxxx]

Steamed clams aren’t

[@btsnake]

Ham: Jewish haram Clam: Jewish haram Cham: kosher

[@nomoriplex]

Sven was the father of Rupert, Rupert the father of Garwood, Garwood the father of Howland and his brothers, 3 Howland the father of Tut and Gaston, whose mother was "Happy", Old Tut the father of Orville, Orville the father of Abraham, 4 Abraham the father of Homer, Homer the father of Bart, and his sisters at the time of the unforgettable luncheon.

[@keysmashwarrior5057]

This is so good

[@a-s-greig]

5 And as for the events of their lives, are they not recorded in the annals of "The Book of Simpsons"?

[@dovidstaples9985]

I need Rashi's commentary on this

[@adamsinger123]

😂😂 don’t we all

[@nikthetrickster9948]

Just posted it somewhere here, alongside Ibn Ezra's and Rambam's 🤣🤣🤣

[@knyght27]

This is incredible. Some of the phrases and word choices made me laugh out loud. For example Shalmer being the supervisor over all the learnings of the City of the Field of Spring

[@PhantomAlucard]

The fact that you zoomed in on the word "help" at the end tickles me. Very well done! Truly this scroll belongs in the library of Steamed Hams.

[@RAMtheRAM]

Biblically accurate.

[@HotColdmann]

Bizarre idea but a flawless execution

[@ZellDincht-oo2fk]

he is an odd man but he sings a good ham

[@kvark137]

I can't get over how both wholesome and absurd this is. You're a special kind of person to commit so much time and energy for a good laugh :)

[@adamandsethdylantoo]

“And as his chief did lay bleeding his life out, he did turn unto the son of Bain and said, “mine last request unto thee is this: may this man Mendoza be blotted from the earth”. And the son of Bain did scream unto the Most High, and cursed the name of Mendoza.” - Divri-BenBain, 3:19

[@ApocGenesis]

"So it was that Mendoza sought to unleash upon the world a great evil. And Mendoza gathered to him the wicked of the world, and revealed unto them this evil. Sayeth Mendoza to the wicked, "Behold this poison of dangerous potency, which I have named 'Swank'!. A poison ten times that of the hemp leaf. And we shall unleash this blight unto the world, and from their misery we shall profit!" Lo and Behold! Hidden in the House of Mendoza in a statue of ice was the Son of Bain, and he revealed himself to all the wicked of the House of Mendoza, declaring "From the Ice, I know your wickedness!" and slew the wicked. Yet Mendoza he did not slay, for Mendoza greeted the killer in welcome. Sayeth Mendoza, "Son of Bain! I am glad you are here--come partake of my table as a guest." And the Son of Bain took the courtesy of the wicked Mendoza, and by tainted offerings was the Son of Bain struck down!

[@Smapti]

Behold, saith Mendoza, this elixir that the LORD hath named Swank. Unto the mind it bestows prophecies half a score greater in potency than those birthed from the fruit of canniba. Let us drink, therefore, in the name of the suffering of man!

[@n0denz]

​@@Smapti Lo unto the fold of Mendoza and his host of Amalek, Canaan, Babylon, Assyria, and of the Philistines which he gathered to plot against the children of Israel, was delivered an idol that shone like beryl. And this idol borne by the nations unto the table of Mendoza was cold to the touch. Yet the features of the idol shattered in full view of Mendoza's host, and beset were they by the figure of ben-Bay'in of the Nazirites. Thus spaketh he: "The waters drawn from your well by night so that they may freezeth and be cut thus so in alms to your false gods was I sent by the LORD and be made to greet you in mockery as the cold like unto your idol may greet you coldly. But praise be to the LORD, my G-d, that of my father and my father's father, that he should speak unto me and command me to mete out His fury for your profane acts." "Lo, did he say to me, "And you shall be the instrument of my horrible wrath, Reuven son of Bay'in and set forth upon those who hath drawn my anger in the killing of thy brother Shko'i, and they shall know by your slingstones and your arrows that I am the LORD."" Then did ben-Bay'in smite the host of Mendoza until each of the sons of Amalek, Canaan, Babylon, Assyria, and the Philistines lay dead before the table of Mendoza the Amalekite.

[@yochaiwyss3843]

@@n0denz Ah yes, the lost chronicles of Judge Reuven son of Bayin, thought lost to history.

[@thecool887]

being fluent in hebrew while listening to this masterpiece makes it even more of a fun time lmao

[@DaL33T5]

The sheer effort put into these memes is unparalleled.

[@mcebisap8806]

Not Jewish, but after providing security at a local synagogue for the past year, I'm able to enjoy this interpretation of Steamed Hams on another (limited) level. Great work my friend.

[@PURPLECATDUDE7734]

Thank you for protecting our community

[@badgermcbadger1968]

Thank you for service

[@Axlthekoopakid]

I love how I get recommended this when Purim is right around the corner lol

[@richardrosengarten4504]

Dearest Isaac, this is sublime. I can't think of a greater, more shining example of creative Jewish fun. Truly truly brilliant and heartwarming.

[@sac7404]

The change from "upstate New York" to "the far reaches of the north, the region of Neve Jorech" is genius! Neve Jorech not only sounds like New York, but could be a real possible name for a place, perhaps it means something like "the place of (the pact of swearing on) the tights"

[@francofernandes2006]

"I call them by that name, for it is in the way of the speech of my land." "What is thy land, whose way is to speak such as this?" "The far-reaches of the North, the region of Neve Jorech." "Speakest thou the truth? For from the ancient city am I, and I have heard this matter." This can easily pass as a real account of a conversation in some diplomatic feast. Like you could actually see this in an old book written by a royal scribe. Amazing.

[@Aresydatch]

It's amusing to listen and hear words I recognise in Arabic

[@Aresydatch]

Bani Simp sounds so funny in Arabic

[@ssjcrafter8842]

I only know/remember a bit of Arabic, and know way more Hebrew, but some words exist in both Hebrew and Arabic but have slightly different meanings("medina" for example, "city" in Arabic and "country" in Hebrew) nevertheless, there are indeed a lot of similarities.

[@dailygurrilavideos]

I know no Persian but the Hebrew word for supervisor sounds similar to the Persian word Faki which as I understand is the name of a council of Elders in Iran. Curious.

[@vitaurea]

​@@dailygurrilavideos During the Babylonian Exile up until the Return to Zion that many ancient Jews experienced, there was a sizeable influence of Iranian administration, culture, religion, and language on the Jews within the Persian empire.

[@TheHashSmokingStoner]

I was thinking the same thing, especially when I heard "one day" in hebrew, I was like "wait a sec"

[@outbakjak]

I'm not a Jew but even without context this is one of the greatest things I've ever seen on KZbin. Wtf, algorithm.. thank you lol

[@Asticky_]

…I’ve been working on what is pretty much a Latin version of this on and off for months, and I had no idea this existed. There really is nothing new under the sun.

[@ٴٴٴٴ_0]

The Parable of Steamed Hams, my favorite bible story

[@IsakGerson]

This is the best thing I've seen in a long time. I literally lolled at "zohar harakia hu". Truly you have deserved a part in the oilem habo now.

[@vsGoliath96]

Can we just take a moment to think about the fact that we now live in a world with a retelling of the steamed hams scene from an episode of The Simpsons that aired in 1996 sung in perfect Hebrew? What a time to be alive.

[@noriyakigumble3011]

Old Testament scholars still debate the meaning of this passage from “the 22 short books on the Field of Spring” Personally my professor is of the mind that this story relates to the profundity of Gods love as acted through the Shema, even when legal authority remains dubious; it’s a world of paradox and confusion where only love for the neighbor and for god can set right. Shalmer notes that he made it to the synagogue of Simor; despite the directions given to him by the Levite; but that begs the question as to why a Priest like Shalmer is asking the Levite for authority on the subject of devotion, and it is noted that Simor never invokes his position, and it is rather his acts that set the word right. Simor then does a series of actions that correlate with not just the Shema, but the Law of love; demonstrating love for his neighbor Shalmer; through his love for Shalmer he shows love for the lord. 1) Simor actively mourns the burning of his roast, pure emotion streaking his face at the prospect of not feeding Shalmer 2) Simor then proceeds to scheme his way past this; showing not just soulful resolve, but perhaps also making a wider statement as to the nature of human souls; is it our persistence or our capacity for deceipt that is notable? 3) Simor demonstrates his might be stretching his calves on the “windowsill” which I say for lack of a better term, as the term comes from a more anglicized translation of old Greek texts which kind of stuck. 4) Simor finally demonstrates not just love for his neighbor Shalmer, but also love for his neighboring merchant, krusty Burger; using patronage to sate the hunger of Shalmer. Now there’s actually a lot of scholarship concerning the entrance of this third actor to this narrative; I recommend more scholarship on the matter. It is known as to what extent Shalmer knows of Simors deceit; and the implications Therein; but the reversal of this pedagogical scenario comes full circle when miraculously; a heavenly light appears in Simors kitchen; prompting the priest Shalmer to become awe stricken and humbled; asking Simor for a lesson as to its origins; which Simor denies. From here the parable flips back to the status quo, with Shalmer validating Simors cooking; the world set right again.

[@syro33]

I absolutely love seeing people's analyses of this, it's truly beautiful.

[@ZellDincht-oo2fk]

do we have a known date for when the 22 Books were written? Maimonides wrote that the stretching of calves refer to Greek gymnasia and that Simor was actually a Helenist

[@noriyakigumble3011]

@@ZellDincht-oo2fk certainly an interesting theory; I’m not one to discount it even if most voices in the theological community reject it; however, I believe there’s no historical Basis for Simor being a Hellene strictly through the practice of Gymnastics. Lest we forget, it has been stated that Simor plays a subordinate position to priest Shalmer and goes through great pains to keep the synagogue and meals ritualistically pure; it’s likely Simor was a Levite and thusly raised in a very Jewish context while claiming descent from an ancient line. It’s also likely that his knowledge of Gymnastics and Hellenic gymnastic practice could have come from cross cultural contact with either Greek Towns outside Palestine or in the very Gymnastic svhool built by the Seleucid kings in Jerusalem (Antiochus IV comes to mind) It could be possible that Simor is ironically practicing Gymnasia in an attempt to avert Shalmers eyes from the ritualistically impure meal; in Ancient Greece, nudity was an essential aspect to the sport which was looked down upon by the Jews; believing nudity in sports to go against gods mandate in Genesis. Simor being fully clothed, paired with Shalmers quiet derision frames this incident as an affront to priestly sensibilities, but only of mild distaste.

[@ZellDincht-oo2fk]

@@noriyakigumble3011 interesting. Maimonides postulated that Simor was a negligent priest who bore false witness against Shalmer and who was lazy in his rituals

[@martaleszkiewicz5115]

It shall be noted that he only denied him the lesson on godly knowledge in order to protect him; for upon gazing into the heavenly light he saw the truth and saw all there is in the world, both good and evil, at once. And the visions of God's everlasting good overwhelmed him, and the visions of hell and the devil's doing terrified him in all their wickedness and made him to tremble down to his very core. Thus, he resolved to keep the vastness of the truth a matter sealed between him and the Lord, as to shield his neighbours from the curse of the divine wisdom, lest they lose their senses, for their minds be crushed under the weight of heavenly knowledge, that is only for the chosen ones to bear.

[@DPedroBoh]

Im an agnostic brazilian from a christian family and i dont know anything being referenced here besides the simpsons. Yet i don't know if i laugh my ass off because of such a high effort shitpost or if i just stare in awe, with my jaw on the floor, for the same reason. This is amazing.

[@4thalt]

oh my god, what? same

[@SomeGuilStuff]

It's supposed to be a Jewish prayer, from what i know.

[@GentlemanCockroach]

@@SomeGuilStuffsomewhat close, it’s based on the Megillah/The Book of Esther, a chronicle of the events of the Jewish holiday of Purim 😀

[@armourvgyt]

I'm very tempted to show my Messianic mom just the audio and tell her it's a traditional Jewish sacrificial chant

[@austinbaccus]

Do it and report back please.

[@fuzzytheduck]

This is so funny do it

[@andrewvella7829]

I am ignorant of Hebrew, but even I see that this is a work of great beauty

[@historyish7873]

That's it. Everyone else can go home. The Steamed Hams translation game has been definitively won.

[@aaronvazquez427]

This makes me want to convert.

[@fuzzytheduck]

I don't know if this means into or out of Judaism and I don't know which is funnier

[@000aples]

@@fuzzytheduckchoose your own adventure

[@badpasters]

the fact that the burgers don't have cheese on them makes this even better, and it makes sense that they wouldn't (krusty is jewish and of course his own fast food chain would have to be kosher)

[@voxvilis3644]

“A differentiated man art thou” has found a place in my pantheon of passive aggressive insults

[@deadlydingus1138]

“Good lord what is that being built out there!?” “A perch for the Ziz?” “A perch for the Ziz? At this time of year, at that height, in this part of my 127 provinces, built entirely within your backyard?” “Yes.” “May I hang you on it?” “No.”

[@rudetuesday]

This is my favorite take on the meme, and so well-executed. Thank you for taking special care with it.

[@pleasurepanda3285]

Extra funny to me because today I burnt the ham i was making for dinner and had to go get hamburgers. My son started to quote from this episode about steamed hams.

[@Dudebrush4pwood]

I keep stumbling across steamed hams that just astound me with their creativity and ingenuity. Truly our land hath been blessed by THE LORD with the meme of all time

[@TheBrotherGrim]

My personal favorite is Steamed Hams Inc where they remix the whole bit into a gorillaz song. It's gold. This one was pretty great too

[@annonimus6883]

The story of how ham ceased to be kosher

[@kaklina666]

now i need a gregorian chant version of this

[@sabersalsh1200]

Switching from Esther to Eicha nusach when referencing the burning oven is genius!!

[@vaultdude4871]

Ottoman puppet play, jewish chant, soviet film. We need more high culture stuff

[@timhartman3359]

I need a Mormon version.

[@sweetypuss]

@@timhartman3359 seems like you guys like heresy

[@tapesaucer]

How 'bout Catholic Plainsong or Greek Chorus?

[@vaultdude4871]

@@tapesaucer I'd prefer georgian polyphonie

[@sweetypuss]

@@tapesaucer or an orthodox hymn. but these cowards are too afraid to do that

[@moishele]

Simply cromulent! Yashar koach!

[@HaShomeret]

Now that's what I call elevating the text!

[@naturalistmind]

Hearing steamed hams as a biblical story in Hebrew seems about right for my mental state at this moment

[@benleitner4060]

How have I only just found this??? One of the funniest things I've ever seen, and the switch from Esther to Eichah trope for the oven on fire completely cracked me up. Brilliant!

[@henrykjaronowski8023]

Lollllll

[@fuzzytheduck]

I didn't notice that omg!

[@seththomas9105]

This may be late to the party, but as a Christian in the Judeo/Christian side of things I say this is just.... The internet is fullfilled; peace on earth, good will toward men. Happy Passover and Easter to everyone.

[@bluehairedemon]

bruh passover is in like a month, purim was just yesterday, and you wrote this comment like 2 weeks ago

[@seththomas9105]

@@bluehairedemon You'll also notice "Peace on Earth, good will toward men" which is associated with Christmas. And, yes, I wrote it 2 weeks ago. Do you chastise people for saying Merry Xmas or Seasons greatings on Dec. first? Peace in the Middle East.

[@Xezlec]

@@seththomas9105Bro this is what happens when you try to be nice. If you'd just been nasty and racist like a normal person, people would've left you alone.

[@seththomas9105]

@@Xezlec Thank you. Yes, I know. The 15 year olds are just having their fun. Best wishes.

[@bluehairedemon]

@@seththomas9105 i dunno about your religion, but us jews do not wish for a happy holiday before the previous holiday even happened. my culture is not your hobby, stop acting like you understand it

[@KKbionic]

believe it or not, this helped me better understand biblical hebrew intonation and narrative verb constructions. I also got a good refresher on pronouns and vocabulary. Recommended highly is the one who makes his silliness of great value!

[@MalachiCo0]

Words cannot possibly describe how much entertainment I received from this.

[@rasurundfrisurmitmarco5748]

I have found the perfect KZbin video. How could anything be better than this? That's it. I can stop using the internet now.

[@s.tepper4030]

Brilliant, chaver Yitzchak! Reader, I am not a Simpsons fan, so I do not know the context, but if you are a Simpsons fan and have stumbles upon this, know that you have found a top-notch telling of a Simpsons episode using the most elegant of Biblical Hebrew, chanted with the most deft application of the cantillation notes for the Scroll of Esther.

[@KairuHakubi]

It's worth a watch, at least the first 7 to 13 seasons. Lots of wonderful things said about Judaism, they really did their homework when Krusty's rabbi father was involved.

[@arson_carson]

This is the greatest shitpost of all time. Not only did you go to the lengths to read it with tea'amim, but I'm pretty sure that your translation is impeccable. I can't believe I went 3 purims without being aware of this masterpiece of a shitpost, that maybe a handful of people who are overlapped between having been to Kriyat Megila and being Steamed Hams enjoyers will actually really appreciate. This made my day. I'll listen to it next purim

[@ButchBirdie]

I cannot even imagine how long this took. Absolutely brilliant, yasher koach

[@tobiasheal]

This the kind of ridiculously niche and nerdy content I live for

[@rebyossi43]

Steamed Haman

[@heartofgoldfish]

I hope you're ready for mouth-watering hamantashen

[@rebyossi43]

@@heartofgoldfish You call them steamed hamantashen despite the fact that they are obviously baked.

[@YuriHabadakas]

Boooooooooo! *furiously spins gragger*

[@markmedrano9514]

I spit my drink reading this comment 💀💀😂

[@ReTsU19]

@@markmedrano9514 that makes two of us. XD

[@betoen]

It's wholesome to see intelligent and artistic versions of Steamed Hams like this one.

[@GarfieldDiCaprio]

holy moly is that calvin from beloved comic calvin and hobbes by bill watterson

[@betoen]

@@GarfieldDiCaprio No, that is the Incredibly Annoying Human Echo.

[@yehudagreenfield]

The fact that this was recommended to me two days after purim is so perfect

[@qaziquza]

Same. It's bloody hilarious.

[@DogDogGodFog]

yehuda springfield

[@mikeyfranklin6364]

this alone redeems the entire internet

[@fakeskyler2305]

2:38 Shalmer casually just dropping the BEAT

[@kukachoo42]

"food of haste" reset my brain chemistry

[@joshuasims5421]

This is truly wonderful, perhaps the best steamed hams I’ve seen. Also, today I learned the Hebrew word for ‘said’ is ‘yomer’! The more you know.

[@YuriHabadakas]

Incredible. Absolutely incredible. The effort you went to here is just outstanding.

[@YuriHabadakas]

Like, I can't believe this is real. It's just SO good.

[@alexanderboulton2123]

This is a good reminder to me, as a Christian, that the reason the Bible reads so weird is probably because it was meant to be read in the form of song 😂

[@ChristopherSobieniak]

We Catholics certainly didn't help.

[@naps_878]

mmm, i love cantilation.

[@Tmccreight25Gaming]

This is quite possibly the highest effort steamed hams meme ive ever seen. Well done sir!

[@congregationbethamisrael6560]

This is the Mona Lisa of..of what? There is no precedent for this, no equal for sure. Scholars will study this, essays in Commentary will be written. HAH-SEEK-NAIR- for that alone worth it. Bravo, bravo, bravo and you can sing like a mother!!!! Well done, sir. Well done indeed.

[@fuzzytheduck]

Getting this recommend to me on Purim is perfect this is so funny

[@mmoney416]

Same. Chag Purim Sameach

[@fuzzytheduck]

@@mmoney416 chag Purim sameach!

[@timmysleftnutsack5075]

Free Palestine

[@danielamdurer1779]

​@@timmysleftnutsack5075Literally nobody mentioned either Israel or Palestine. Do you go up to random Christians and bug them about Russia?

[@ssjcrafter8842]

@@timmysleftnutsack5075 the lack of existence of a palestinian state ever aside, this comment has absolutely NOTHING to do with either palestine nor Israel. you're spouting nonsense irrelevant to the subject at hand.

[@djackmanson]

This is magnificent. And I know nothing about the religious context of the chant/song. But I can still tell this is magnificent.

[@yudel]

This is the melody to which the Biblical Book of Esther is chanted on the Jewish holiday of Purim (which celebrates the events described in Esther).

[@djackmanson]

@@yudel Ah thank you!

[@YuriHabadakas]

And, from what little biblical Hebrew I understand, it's accurate! Amazing stuff.

[@lcplaztec]

@@YuriHabadakas Yup. Biblical Hebrew has slightly different grammar and syntax than modern, and this is spot on for biblical.

[@Mooew13]

highest effort shitpost ive ever seen

[@internetkurator9256]

I am speechless and both delighted for this is a masterpiece!

[@johanwestin3030]

This is such an exquisit blend of reverence for tradition and pure shitposting. Truly immaculate

[@omerappel9898]

וואו, זה אחד בדברים הנפלאים והטובים שראיתי מימיי. אשרייך צדיק. שכוייח!