How To Have Difficult Conversations | Mel Robbins

[@Dipwad]

Refresher: 1. Acknowledge responsibility 2. Define outcome 3. Listen and validate 4. Restate the outcome

[@andrejacavnik-executivecoach]

Another Dan, great recap!

[@leonessbutterfly8813]

Yup. Outcome and goals!!!

[@whi2gan]

Much needed🙏

[@carolann724]

Thank you!

[@christinecarlos7316]

NOTES: Untangle your emotions from the need to have this difficult conversation. 1) Acknowledge your responsibility. Be accountable. 2) Define the outcome (the objective of the conversation) that you wanted in the first place. Always go back to your objective. 3) Listen & Validate the person. Hear where they're at. 4) Restate the outcome. Keep talking until you hit the outcome. 5) Bonus: Rehearse w/ a friend first Difficult conversations comes down to one important thing--- the ability for you to separate your emotion about doing it from the things that you actually you need to talk about & the outcome you want to cause.

[@angelammoreno503]

I wish I would have seen this a couple of days ago, I just had to speak to one of my employees that is struggling with their productivity. This is great and I will definitely be using this. Thanks Mel!

[@basetsanarabaji1680]

I’ve always been a passive and passive aggressive person. Watching this video has taught me a lot about myself and why most of my relationships end bed. Thank you very much Mel.

[@danbleumer]

Clear, legitimate, good advice. Keep on keeping on Mel. This is the kind of advice that will help bring society back to being rational again. One step at a time. Thank you Mel.

[@Janet2684]

These are the kind of life tools we should have been taught in school. I wish more people sought information (like this video) on how to handle difficult conversations instead of giving excuses for why they avoid it and/or handle it badly. We all have to engage in difficult conversations at some point and often times they are on important topics so might as well learn and handle it in a thoughtful way. We owe the other person that, as well as ourselves. The tools are out there and easily accessible with the internet. Thank you for this clear, informative video. Great tips!

[@carladulaney7040]

I have 4 adult children and 1 seventeen year old and I have been noticing that he is totally different from all of the rest. Having the difficult conversations with him, are so much harder than they were/are with the others. This is helpful!

[@celeanor7540]

Thanks Mel. I'm in the process of preparing for a difficult conversation with my managers. I was promoted nearly six months ago, and despite learning so many skills and growing considerably in this new role, I'm burnt out and exhausted from living and working the way I am and have hit a serious wall. I'm going into the conversation with the hope that they will offer me a part time role. This has been a huge decision and something I've thought over considerably, but I know if I don't have this difficult conversation another year will go by of poor health and living somewhere I don't want to be. There's a high chance they won't be able to offer me this, so I know this conversation could become extremely uncomfortable as I'm going to stand firm in my decision to not work like this any longer for my health's sake, even if that means stepping down from my current promotion. Your videos are excellent as always and I will be using these tips.

[@kayla2.22]

@@jenettequinones5668 I think not saying those words and avoiding it would actually attract more. They’re acknowledging their needs well, not many people can speak up for what they need. If you ignore or bottle up feelings with toxic positivity or you can explode/get to a serious breaking point.

[@gemmariser4714]

I was frantically googling “how to have an uncomfortable conversation” and this was the first video that came up . It is exactly what I needed to hear this morning. Thank you so much !!!

[@mrsdrhux]

I honestly can thank you enough for creating this video. I have been really struggling to be be able to communicate tricky conversations with my partner for 15 years now, and usually choose the easy option and avoid it altogether until it weighs on my conscience enough to talk about about it and by that point it’s always a huge issue, and I have been trying to bring up my thoughts early and build myself up to tell him something, to find it wasn’t such a big deal after all. I also tend to slip back into my old ways and have been trying to find help online as well as with my counsellor to help me break the cycle of why I behave this way, but never know what to actually type into you tube to find the content that fits. Thank you so much for giving me the building blocks to have better conversations, open up and broach subjects I find difficult. X

[@LiahYoo]

This was so helpful! Thank you so much 🙏🏼

[@whi2gan]

There’s a reason why you’re at the top of my KZbin search😤👌

[@quitetidy]

1.Take responsibility. I acknowledge I haven't brought this up before and I should have sooner. 2. Goal; outcome defined. Stabilize your thoughts by focuses on the outcome. 3. Listen and Validate Stay quiet 🤐 Listen Once they feel validated they will listen to you. 4.Keep talking until you hit the outcome

[@PracticalInspiration]

Fantastic video, really admire Mel and her book has changed my life. This was great advice, the first point especially, in taking responsibility, is vital

[@marianafuciac1770]

Oh my God! you’re so amazing. Thank you for helping us. I’m so lucky that someone like you exist.

[@maranofan]

You’re a legend! Thank you for doing what you do and setting an example that we can switch our careers and be employment chameleons..

[@jalushy16]

Thanks! I really needed this. I've been avoiding a couple of very difficult conversations for too long, and I want to have them soon. So thanks for the timely tips!

[@nadiaschwican4622]

Thank you so much for these precious pieces of advise! You are a generous person who share fondamental principles with concrete exemples that help us to behave as mature adults in our relationships. You are a guide in my life.

[@irapreachertowne8255]

Allow someone to confront you and confront others in wronged areas toward self or others even person your confronting or confronting you tell your wrong doing first gain understanding by validating your words get them to hear your issue but give them reason to listening. Then listen to them so they can be validated as a co person involved and validate the listening by ending issue that was bad by turning it into good or better then after both have validation of what is agreed by taking the steps to work and do it takes 2 not 1 unless you have problem with self then thats another issue but in long run you gain someone or lose someone because like you can agree to agree you can also disagree in matter of that you ignore you keep aware or you get someone else involved because prob or issue wasnt fixed by party that refuses to solve issues but to continue in them by being stuck unless you make tension and just have an anger build up work place or home because people carry grudges and misery loves misery even at work

[@lolimsquidward2855]

I have severe anxiety and this really helped me talk to my mom about service animals!

[@TheCinder24]

I could have used this information a several months ago. It would have helped me have better communication with a colleague and a better outcome with an employee. Thanks Mel.

[@achieving.excellence]

There is an epidemic of people that are unwilling to have uncomfortable conversations... so true. The problem with this is that the issues usually get worse if not dealt with. It is not easy but can be done with respect.

[@23Cbeard]

Ms Mel Robbins… simply validating could drive someone crazy who sees through your just talking. Get to know their actual point and perspective. Simple steps

[@hlucienne]

I am sharing this w someone I spoke w today who is preparing for a very difficult conversation w her boss!

[@TheNiknuks]

I really like the validation part, I find it very helpful.

[@amandav3484]

Great advice! I would love to see an example of this type of conversation in motion.

[@ashleystardust2513]

I think you are just amazing, I really love your words. Your one of the moms I'd like to someday be like instead of the disorganized mess I am currently lol

[@kaylynanderson3714]

🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 all so very true! This can be applied in any uncomfortable confrontational conversation. I’m a counselor and in my professional and human opinion, I fully support her suggestions in this video! Thank you, Mel!

[@catherinehart3775]

Thanks this was really helpful! Your advice is so practical and realistic for putting into practice. Can’t thank you enough for your continued integrity!

[@mrkenz7566]

Great Advice Mel Robbins Once again !! I really enjoy all your content thank you for all the wonderful support, very inspirational book also .

[@CrimsonHazmat]

You are a hero

[@healthybrittany2645]

So true! Great tips + explanation! Currently reading your book and loving it!

[@gustavomacuil7457]

This was an excellent video...so true in all aspects of hashing out conflicts, misunderstandings, and unclear messages at work. Separating the emotions from the goal at hand is probably the most difficult skill to learn. Love it...thanks!!

[@lorrainewalters4640]

Awesome Mel thanks so much ❤.

[@joycesegers5578]

Validate, validate, validate!! TY!!

[@sanfordjessop5956]

Thank You, Mel !

[@diaa2841]

Thank you for great advice!

[@timeinreverseproductions9748]

Thanks Mel, this is really helpful.

[@jillspady6450]

The little kid, "listen to me LINDA! " LOL...

[@lauravasquez169]

I love that video❤

[@Hamza-oj3nc]

Very practical, as always, thank you Mel

[@dorianroberson]

I love this! So helpful

[@surajmishra7553]

Thank you

[@MelissaDryden]

Great advice! Thank you for keeping it concise and simple

[@amit12000]

Great , your advice changing my life considereable

[@Suraj_Mehra0211]

Thank you Mel for this video. This was really amazing.

[@GigLifewithLexi]

This is brilliant! Love your channel Mel. I've learned a lot and only recently started watching!

[@ulicornprocreateartclub2617]

Thanks! Very helpful. Wish me luck. Going to try this RIGHT NOW

[@TheNikki284]

Mel, thanks so much for this. Super-important question for you: what if the person you need to talk to has a history of never validating me? She has a strong narcissistic bend (the covert kind) and it means she can't ever validate my feelings or experiences, no matter how gigantic they are. Should I still validate her in this difficult conversation or is that counter-intuitive to my goal?

[@ettiw1233]

Thanks for sharing this - it’s just what I needed to hear to feel more confident about conversations I’ll have in the upcoming weeks 👍

[@PrakashHathi]

Thank you Mel. This DID help.

[@nekoalbury8606]

Great advice!!!!👍👍👍👍

[@ankeeffey9091]

Thank you very much for sharing your advice!!!!! So very helpful!!!!🌷😃

[@emmiejackson7554]

Mel, Great subject matter...everyone needs this input!!! Can you give some more detailed examples...Thanks! I never fail to watch your youtubes...on ANY subject!

[@nyandanyandalous9052]

Great video thank you.

[@Ory2404]

Thanks Mel, its a fantastic topic

[@MichelleCoxPhotography]

Such a great video... Thank you for talking about this REAL issue!

[@amolbilgi]

Very useful. Thanks

[@thedylanshow1]

Awesome video thank you!

[@janetspiteri5043]

That's great thanks Mel

[@HananBenNafa]

Thank you.. love you so much

[@jeremiahmelson8530]

Thank you 🙏🏽

[@julieb4765]

Thanks for uploading this. I'm about to have a difficult conversation with my bf regarding his weight and sex and have been having trouble approaching those sensitive topics

[@comment-creator-co]

What’s the outcome you’re after?

[@julieb4765]

@@comment-creator-co that he takes my criticism in good stride and goes to the gym again and sees a doctor instead of saying I was never into him and want to change everything about him

[@comment-creator-co]

Julie B The reason I asked is that I’m probably like your BF. I think this video is more for a supervisor/employee relationship. If you use this method with someone you love, he may feel you’re his boss, not his sweetheart.

[@julieb4765]

@@comment-creator-co I think the structure of it can be applied to all kinds of situations and what can separate it from boss/employee and bf/gf is tone and affection.

[@comment-creator-co]

Julie B I hope your convo goes well. Just remember that the opening sentence of this video makes it clear she’s referencing challenging business conversations.

[@hossainsha9842]

Superb idea...

[@Youngling_Boi_66]

Thanks

[@candylopez5402]

Thanks 😊

[@nihilrasta]

A lack of ego and depression makes every conversation with me difficult

[@MizDynasty]

Wow this was spot on helpful

[@AmericanAccentMastery]

Great video!! Thanks a lot Mel:)

[@rachellarsen6112]

I love you Mel! #AudienceMemberForLife

[@chulow9024]

That little boy saying listen to me 🤣🤣 But im in the middle of reading the book Difficult Conversations.

[@cynthialodermeier5291]

How do you validate a narcissistic user who accuses you of everything you see as negative in her? One who has taken advantage repeatedly and when is finally not allowed to behave this way, “ questions our friendship”? I’d really like to take the high road but.... i’m done !

[@_NotDownWithOPP_]

You don’t. You just run!

[@cynthialodermeier5291]

@@_NotDownWithOPP_ agree! Just sorry it took me awhile to recognize her narcissistic ways.

[@jamesshaw3850]

I will use this with my wife. thank you mel

[@bridittebargeot2679]

How do you validate mobbing or take responsability in false accusations?

[@REMIX8604]

from the guys whos been fired to the guy who is firing. my life has changed.

[@anareade3534]

This is really good but how do you have a difficult conversation with a narcissist? I feel like I'm always doing the validating and not getting anything back.

[@TheNikki284]

You just described my existence: invalidated. Covert Narcissist sister. Did you ever find out how to have that discussion with yours? I'm still looking for a way.

[@SophiliaLarkPhD]

I love your videos.

[@Inevitable.Change]

Thank you for the video! May you please help with anxiety and OCD with a focus on loved ones getting hurt or ill? P.s. I can fly more or less comfortably because of you! Thank you!

[@positive_energy8259]

Try out some meditation, yoga practice some sort of physical activity so you can move your attention from it. Also believe you can do it, and you will. All the best

[@januarybaby]

Thanks online mom. Once again.♥️

[@ruthmacclure609]

From New Zealand

[@AppleyGirl5280]

I'm getting ready to have a difficult conversation with my husband and this video pops up in my feed. And now I'm sitting here thinking about him screaming and spitting in my face telling me what a skanky whore I am and how I'm supposed to validate that...yeah, I just can't wrap my mind around that.

[@TheSpermalan]

Love it

[@leomirza2463]

Looking at Mel depression disappears 😂

[@Ifaii9l]

Responsibility , listen and validate validate validate

[@goodflowh]

I like her lesson but unfortunately to the study of HUV too my manager used and made it hostile for me and I would avoid having conversation bc she would use me as her punching bag. Perhaps didn't know properly how to use.

[@vanessaruda3488]

Is there a transcript available to accompany this video?

[@marieb421]

What are the best ways to validate?

[@ThePeterDislikeShow]

Question. I have a family member who is so good at interrupting I often feel rushed to dump what's on my mind as quickly as possible before I get interrupted. To the point it often doesn't come out right or clean. And then my family member then gets even more defensive. What do you do?

[@GreenIceTea93]

Tell him he is doing this.... probably he doesn't notice that.

[@bluecatblu76]

What do you do if it’s around the other way? I have a manager that is really bad at her job. How can I tell her she sucks in a nice way?

[@ashleyc9320]

You should also tell your subconscious mind that you will in fact do good and be okay. Most of the time, your subconscious mind turns it into a reality.

[@nornasyiha]

how to handle toxic husband? every time all just are not right? whyyy and howwww? then start to beating me is just much much hurting... when im quit i get hurt within anf when i try talk i get hurt physically so how not to hurt? please help me

[@vineesharma5545]

I am from India but you know maam what the problem i am facing today i am dealing with unemployement i am gradute but maam dont have any job and not having a good future in my life .and i am just going into the dark room .

[@sunnygupta7437]

mam i am a big fan of you..but basically trying to contact you in order to get rid of a bad habit which is,,,well its hard to define but i get angry very quickly when someone provokes me because of all those bad choices i made in my life and i know it doesn't matter what they they think about me but still i unconsciously imagine certain things which are not even real and become furious at myself for the the choices which i made for myself...if you can tell me how i can stop such things from happening..it would very beneficial for me and for those who are encountering the same problem,,,#love from India

[@rikiroll3d]

Well for the most part if you were a good boss you wouldn't be needing to have that uncomfortable conversation. So yeah if you have to have that conversation, you've already failed.

[@lovinglife2232]

Where was this information when I was led into the lions den 5 years ago 🤔

[@soniczforever5470]

I got a text from a friend...im just taking a while to figure it out. Maybe its the corona getting to him.

[@gimmetheacoountplix]

Fuck you are good!

[@khalilchantouf6589]

Hir there, why don't create a whatsapp group to exchange ideas, son we van enrich our mines . Who's with me ?