Men Can't Read Your Mind

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[@Pikawarps]

Women: we’re the best communicators! Husband: she said she didn’t want anything, i will respect her decision

[@CourtneyRyan]

🫠

[@cb9d90]

yes love it.❤❤❤

[@DavidZ4-gg3dm]

She said she's fine, so I believed her, then she became angry with me.

[@basedkaren51]

😆 Hahaha

[@MrSomsoc]

I see your point and I have experienced the same. How I go about it is a bit different, I pay attention to what she repeatedly says that she wants throughout the most recent months close to the "event" and then I act on it. But as that marriage didn't work (another case of me being too good of a husband), I don't know anymore.

[@Metatarsus0]

"value her enough to do something for her without being asked" Lady, he cared enough *to ask YOU!*

[@benross9174]

Is it a bit stressfull to be constantly asked about stuff. Its nice to arrive home when chores are done and its a nice suprise. Often its the little things combined with lots of other little things that matter the most

[@D.M.S.]

​@@benross9174yes, but in the end they wanted things done their way and then I wasted time and she needs to do it again, even though she actually does not need to do it again, because I actually did it her way. And then we're both disappointed in the end. I can't do it right either way.

[@benross9174]

@@D.M.S. fair. I just wanted to provide the other perspective at well. Its important to take both sides into concideration and actually communicate

[@brookswift]

@@benross9174 so answer with that!

[@xxxlonewolf49]

She's insane, it's just that simple.

[@TravelEntity]

"each year is a new paper cut." She's preparing her exit as a victim.

[@thrilla72]

Well good luck to her, she will struggle on the dating scene

[@spacepope87]

​@@thrilla72Shell be a le to buy tons of toys with that alimony she'll and with the assets division.

[@thrilla72]

@@spacepope87 Good for her

[@spacepope87]

@@thrilla72 There's plenty of lonely men out there willing to put up with her BS.

[@thrilla72]

@@spacepope87 I know, but how will those men compare to her current husband? Will she look back and think, I've done better than my ex husband?

[@herb2694]

The moment she told him "no," she lost all credibility. Also, she wants to shame her husband. She won't tell him about it, but it is her way of covertly punishing him.

[@williamking7800]

It's a very silly lie about a rather small thing, but it's still a lie

[@Mancer1980]

Spot on. And she makes a stupid social media post about it? I'm sure he really appreciated that.

[@highsol222]

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

[@IRL_Lore]

I'd actually say the biggest problem is the same people paying lip service to the importance of communication also constantly employing manipulative tears (or etc deflections) to prevent it, but good quote regardless 👍

[@PRdude]

It really does suck to have people complain about me to others instead of taking the issue up with me. Especially when they tell me to my face that it's not a problem and everything is fine.

[@richg4011]

Its crazy she said I didnt want to bring it up to him and cause tension, so youre making a video on tiktok for the entire world to see that could potentially go viral and now his friends, family, or coworkers are hitting him up like bro your wife is complaining on the internet you dont get her presents for mothers day. HOW COULD MAKING A TIKTOK VIDEO NOT BE WORSE?? LMAO

[@tdrive398]

Yep. TF (typical female).

[@christopher-yi3rm]

@@richg4011 showing everyone that knows him he knows nothing about his woman or theyre relationship.if she says she do not want anything then go get some for her its a surprise to her.if she says she will eat anything do not ask her just order it and surprise her.how can she feel special and spoiled by her man if she knows what she will get.

[@xxxlonewolf49]

Women are liars, that's the problem. They lie to you. They lie to each other. And WANT lied to. Even been asked if X outfit makes them look fat?

[@random19911004]

The “lady” in the video looks so masculine (short hair, lots of jewellery, singlet). Her husband is probably a beta male lol

[@slicerneons3300]

A woman who refuses to communicate like a mature adult deserves the disappointment of getting nothing. Men have their own lives, as much as they love their women, their is not enough time in the day to guess what a woman wants.

[@frenchfan3368]

Very well stated!

[@Swearengen1980]

You don't have to guess. He should have never asked. They've been together 20 years and have children. He's an absolute moron to not automatically take his kids shopping to find gifts for her.

[@slicerneons3300]

@Swearengen1980 Counter argument; she is an absolute moron to constantly.say she does not want anything but then be disappointed that he got her Ecactly what she asked for, nothing. A mature woman would tell him(her husband) clearly what would make her happy as a gift, and I 💯guarantee he would get her that without any problem. Going on social media to dunk on her husband abiut giving her the nothing she communicated as what she wanted is peak modern women stupidity. Man deserves better from his wife.

[@daniellehotsky1776]

@@Swearengen1980 And she will post about it publicly on internet? Well, they find each other I guess then.

[@Swearengen1980]

@@daniellehotsky1776 Maybe if her husband wasn't a moron, she'd have never ended up on tiktok to begin with. As awful as some women have gotten, that's led to an irrational level of hatred to automatically release men from all responsibility to be a damn gentleman, use manners, consideration, and thoughtfulness. When I see women our age on tiktok making videos like this, I think they're just too cheap to pay for a therapist or have the balls to have a rational conversation with her husband). Point is, they are equally at fault here.

[@jtrojan]

Lots and lots of women air their relationship complaints on TikTok. This woman values the validation from people whe doesn't know instead of talking to her husband.

[@dang75790]

That's very sad. My wife and I don't place the garage on the Internet for others to view.

[@markvoelker6620]

Suppose he *could* read her mind: Just reach in and know what she wants without her speaking her desires. Then by her standard, he could *never* give her a meaningful gift, because he would always know what she wanted.

[@williamking7800]

I now understand why Professor X isn't married

[@paulomoniz3811]

If man could read minds, they probably would dump them on the first date.

[@kevinbradshaw6127]

She just strikes me as a big baby, she's probably like that with everything " if you have to ask me if I want mashed potatoes with my meal, you've already ruined the dinner"

[@spacepope87]

Poor husband...

[@justingary5322]

YES I'd hate to be her husband 😔. Men can't read minds ladies and neither can anyone else . I understand that physical conditioning and fitness is crucial for healthy living and relationships but so is having reliable family, friends knowledge and awareness of reality. Congratulations on the 700k subscribers 👏🎉. I really respect Courtney Ryan for at least trying to help Men and Women out in promoting healthy relationships, positive mindsets and growth in individuals 🙏 ❤️. I'm a 24 year old single Christian virgin guy working as a teacher and counselor seeing unhealthy relationships in people occasionally despite being single myself because no sex before marriage. I've been watching Courtney's videos since 2021 so this lady's channel is really helpful especially on KZbin and social media. This has nothing to do with the video but please listen if you want to otherwise leave it alone and ignore it. Hello my name is Justin and I'm a Christian and Apologist but I'm also a college graduate. I'm not a closed minded Theist as I have nothing against Atheists or unbelievers as I speak to them often to understand their reasons for unbelief but we as Christians are convinced of God's Existence due to many real factors). I'm not trying to convert anyone or convince anyone to become Christians as that's The Holy Spirit's job to help people believe but only explain why I believe in Jesus Christ. There's actually evidence of God's Existence in Christianity. First of all there's proof that Jesus of Nazareth existed in history since the writings of Tacitus, Josephus Flavius, Pliny the younger and other historical documents prove that He was living two thousand years ago that even scholars both religious and Atheists agree with historically speaking but not that He's The Divine Son of God because obviously they don't. I'm going to give you historical and archeological evidence for God's Existence as The Scriptures have prophecies that predate the events recorded in them by several millennia including Matthew, Hosea and Zechariah which prophesy accurately of the people of Israel becoming a nation again after over 1900 years of being scattered around the nations since the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem in 70 A.D. spoken of by Christ in Matthew 23:29-24:3 and returning to their homeland after The Holocaust with Jerusalem as their capital in 1948 exactly as Jesus The Christ said. The prophets including Daniel spoke of the time where several world empires would arise and fall including the Babylonian kingdom, Medes and Persians, Roman Empire, and Saladin and the Muslims which went in consecutive order for the past few millennia. The people of Israel becoming a nation after The Holocaust in 1948 (ironically the melting point of gold as God compares Israel to gold that's tested in fire in Zechariah 13:8 and Jeremiah 16:15) exactly how Jesus The Christ said would happen since God us everything to come in The Scriptures and not just because people were working towards as Atheists claim which are impossible for any regular man to predict. Just before anyone says Christianity is a white man's religion made to oppress blacks during slavery you obviously aren't aware that the first Christians were Jews in The Middle East and that Christianity just like any religion can be used by evil and corrupt people to oppress others but you forget that the first Abolitionists/Civil Rights activists were Christians who sought to abolish slavery, racism, segregation, injustice and prejudice throughout American history. Jesus The Christ loves you enough not to give you what we all deserve which is God's Wrath by His Own Blood. Charles Darwin didn't originally come up with The Theory of Evolution over 200 years ago as it is mentioned in the writings of Ancient Greeks who believed in Demons that gave knowledge to philosophers. Evolution makes no sense when nothing has evolved after thousands of years of human history and supposedly the first creature came from primordial sludge several millions of years ago funny how they won't believe that God an Eternal Almighty Spirit Being created us from the Earth) which came from a supermassive expansion of matter at high temperature that inexplicably created everything in the known universe that supposedly came from nothing billions of years ago. How did the organs evolve before there were bones, skin, substance and how did any creatures see before eyes evolved? I've studied evolution and abiogenesis in the past and read Darwin's " Origin of The Species" and I'm not convinced of macro Evolutionary biology whereas I accept micro Evolution like speciation and adaptation but not macro Evolution because there's no evidence of it nor clear observable examples of it where living creatures evolve into other kinds of species plus the fact that fossils don't show evidence of evolution and genetic entropy rules out evolution. The question begs how did two genders evolve from a common ancestor with a perfectly hospitable and sustainable environment with breathable oxygen and resources to survive on inexplicably? Atheists have the burden of proof to explain how everything came to be and why our existence is possible without the Existence of God from an godless perspective just as Christians have to provide evidence of God's Existence and the validity of His Word. Evolution requires life to already exist in order to take any effect in living organisms so it doesn't account for the existence of Life and reality. Also evolution is impossible because it goes against The Law of entropy and the second Law of thermodynamics because evolution makes things better whereas nothing continues to get better but decays and turns to absolute destruction in the end. Mark Ridley an Evolutionist said "No evolutionist whether gradualist or punctuationist uses the fossil record as evidence in favor of The Theory of Darwinian Evolution as opposed to special Creation". God's Existence is made perfectly known and observable in the universe as demonstrated in His Handiwork in the intelligently designed manner that Creation was made, human consciences and consciousness historical and archaeological evidence of God's Word being valid history, fulfillment of Bible Prophecies God in His Holiness and Righteousness could give us what we deserve in Hell for our since but He's merciful to give us free will to choose to accept or reject His gift of salvation by grace through faith in His Son Jesus. I don't mean this is any condescending manner but if you'd like to discuss The Scriptures with me or have me listen to your view on anything my instagram account is Savage Christian Kombatant

[@alexo5861]

“Unspoken expectations are premeditated disappointments.” C.R. Amazing, maybe the best thing Courtney has ever said.

[@gregbettger3196]

16:43 “Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.” This is a surprisingly stronger statement vs. “disappointments”

[@SeekerGoOn2013]

Thumbs Up x 100

[@wyattstone8222]

I gotta admit, it gives me the warm fuzzies hearing Court say "my husband" because I used to watch videos where she was saying "my fiancé/boyfriend" instead and it's like watching your friend grow up. I know, I know - parasocial relationships and all that. But it's still nice to hear.

[@CourtneyRyan]

🥹🤍 this made me smile. Thank you my friend!

[@wyattstone8222]

@@CourtneyRyan You're very welcome. :)

[@douglasrau5094]

So she loves him but not enough to be honest with him because he asks, "Do you want anything this year for Mother's Day?" and she says, "No". She could say, "Yes, I would like something but surprise me. Take your best guess".

[@Treadstone1986]

Exactly this. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. Or even mean or offensive. “I feel appreciated when you get me something, but seeing what you think I’d like makes it more meaningful to me.” It’s not that hard.

[@teresamagnusson]

What kind of man asks this question? Way to spoil the mood, the fun, and the surprise. This is the most awkward husband ever.

[@LordHolley]

I know this whole thing is about communication, but I'd like to add a counterpoint in regards to gift giving. You get to a certain point in life where you've been given gifts for birthdays, Christmas, Father's Day, on and on, and you start getting really tired of crap that you don't need. You don't want to hurt somebody's feelings by throwing it away next week, so now you got to keep it for at least a year. Anybody here over 40 knows what I'm talking about. The occasional surprise is nice, but asking your significant other what they would like...... is communicating!

[@thrilla72]

Exactly! How likely is it that he started asking her because he bought her something he thought she'd like a few times and saw that she didn't use/appreciate the gifts?

[@justinlevy274]

You'd also think they have been married long enough that the husband would trust that she would just level with him.

[@joegarrick2760]

My wife and I have reached the point where if we want something, we get it. Our gift to each other is not questioning what we get for ourselves. I don't ask her why she needs thousands of skeins of yarn. She doesn't ask why I need more eyepieces for my telescopes. Sometimes she'll ask if I want something for my birthday or father's day or whatever, and my answer is always the same. "The things I want cost more than you're willing to spend (a $2,500 table saw, for example), so I'll just buy it when I need it and have saved up enough to buy it." This year, I wanted to see the eclipse. We all went in 2017 and loved it, and I wanted to see it again (so did she). When I started buying stuff I wanted to have for it, she asked where I came up with the money for it. I told her "I've been saving for this since 2017." She just said "OK," and we drove off to Texas in the RV I rented.

[@nicky611]

​@@joegarrick2760we're exactly the same except I say: look what you got me for Christmas! And he'll say oooh very nice of me.

[@radhiadeedou8286]

That's why my husband and I don't do gifts for birthdays and anniversaries, we celebrate together but gifts are optional. A few years ago I knew he wanted a nice watch so I got him one for his birthday or he got me a coat I liked in a store, but most years we don't

[@darrenskjoelsvold]

2:41 this woman gets what she deserves for her poor communication skills. Also ladies stop complaining about your significant others online. Seriously it's absolutely a problem complaining about husbands or boyfriends or even wives and girlfriends. Keep it between you two.

[@frenchfan3368]

Yup, this girl in the TikTok video has a lot of growing up to do. Be an adult and talk with hour husband directly rather than commenting about your relationship insecurities. If you say, "no," to something, that's what you should mean. Childlike communication will generate childlike results.

[@howaboutsomesoyfood]

always a sure sign of maturity when they go to social media than talk to you directly.

[@Vaquero4382]

I have had so many gifts thrown back in my face as "not what I wanted," that my policy now is; tell me what you want or get nothing.

[@dr.sampco3115]

One of the real reasons I will never remarry is that the juice is not worth the squeeze since women thrive on chaos, conflict, and constant tension. I love my peace.

[@Swearengen1980]

Some women. Many women don't want any conflict at all.

[@DrSoapp]

Cap

[@meganhale4554]

I told my husband I wanted 5 green carnations, 2 chocolates, and an iced americano for mother's day. He got it all. We were both very happy. He went through the effort to pick it all up.

[@steveunderhill5935]

5 green carnations is weird af. I’m sure any live plant would be acceptable… And a case of champagne because Mother’s Day means Summer is coming!!!!!!!

[@meganhale4554]

I have tons of plants and we met in AA.

[@carolincheco7711]

I love how specific you were ❤❤❤ wishing yall all the best 😁

[@teresamagnusson]

Way to spoil the surprise for yourself.

[@numskulltheory7133]

Protect this one men! She figured out the code of just simply being direct, we need this woman safe at all costs!!

[@Shreadington]

Married 20yrs here. My approach for those days are to make several suggestions for her to chose from. For instance, of the ones I chose this year for Mother's Day she chose the BBQ. I grilled burgers and smoked sausage for all the moms. Her, my mom, mother in law, sisters in law, aunts in law. We had 20+ people at our house and in the pool. I did most everything and some moms brought sides and desserts. Huge success. I give her choices and if she doesn't like them she'll tell me what she's thinking she wants to do.

[@CourtneyRyan]

Love this!

[@justingary5322]

That's cool dude 😎

[@lampione]

A few times in the past I went and got something for my ex gf, without asking, just because I wanted to celebrate them. Each and every time I got hurt so much by them not liking the gift enough, or maybe pointing out something like "I like it but there was this other thing..." So I will ask, not because I don't value you, but because I value myself

[@xxxlonewolf49]

Yep, been there so much I stopped trying. Here's some cash, go get something you want & don't give me shit about it, is where I am at.

[@wheeltrouble]

My wife does this. So I gave up. I don't do anything. If every gift I give is always wrong, I'm stopping. I'll show my affection to my cat, who appreciates whatever I give her.

[@OneFreeMan17]

💯👍🏻🤘🏻

[@katemiller7874]

Ask her what she wants

[@thedoneeye]

@@katemiller7874 A clean litter box each day would be nice. At least with the cat it's easy. 😉

[@wheeltrouble]

@@katemiller7874 brushed, snugs, the occasional rare steak... She's pretty easy to please, being a cat and all.

[@williamking7800]

This will make your wife jealous. She will focus on how the cat doesn't ever say anything

[@aleidius192]

"I shouldn't have to ask" Well, there's more than one way of asking. I can understand not wanting to ask for flowers for your birthday the day before your birthday. But if you occasionally say that gifts are something you really appreciate and mention flowers, you are more likely to get flowers.

[@johnd1231]

Flowers are a funny thing. On days like valentines day when they "expect" them, the appreciation for the gift doesnt seem to be there. Send them on a random Thursday after they had a bad week and there is 10x more genuine appreciation. I dont want to gift things because its expected. I want to gift when I know it will be appreciated but if you tell me not do do something, I wont do it out of respect too

[@michael5679]

My wife and I have been married for over 20 years. Early on in our relationship she realized that I wasn't very good at gift giving. I remembered the occasions and bought her gifts, but they were weak. So she started leaving hints, like a piece of jewelry marked on an add left on the table. I'm no dummy so I would buy the hint. And when she opened the gift she faked surprise. Our relationship got so much better after that.

[@carolincheco7711]

Omg that’s so cute!!! I love that idea… 😄 do you have any suggestions for someone who is not yet married but maybe girlfriend and boyfriend?

[@michael5679]

@@carolincheco7711 I would just do the little "hints" - After a while even our boys got into it. The entire extended family was in on it after a while. With some good natured ribbing at my expense.

[@BloodSweatandFears]

This is the way! My husband and I do the same thing.

[@johnd1231]

When I tell my wife I want nothing for my birthday or a holiday, I mean I want NOTHING. I dont need you to buy me things I dont need and waste money for no reason. You can do something special like make a nice meal, etc but when someone says I dont want anything you to get me anything I take it as do not get anything.

[@ratamacue0320]

A (nice) meal is a thing, though

[@johnd1231]

@@ratamacue0320 Making someone a nice meal is an act of doing something for your partner rather than just buying them crap.

[@ratamacue0320]

@@johnd1231 ok, but that's still not "NOTHING" as you originally put it.

[@johnd1231]

@@ratamacue0320 No. If I say I want nothing I dont expect anything. I dont expect something to be purchased and I dont expect anything to be done. Once again If I say nothing I mean I want nothing and wont be upset if nothing is done.

[@DDD11239]

​@@ratamacue0320 Read a book. Plays on words are common in daily dialogue.

[@BrandonW23]

100% correct. SO many women do this. Tells her friends, parents, etc but doesn't tell me. It's a game. We're not mind readers.

[@cur244]

Social media really has killed common sense for a lot of people.

[@jamesg3808]

Or even tells strangers on social media, which is beyond idiotic.

[@JACQUEZJOHNSON23]

​@@jamesg3808Facts

[@lawrence31415]

A key quality I look for in a future girlfriend is that she has to know how to be an effective and direct communicator. A functioning relationship can only move forward and grow when both people consistently inform each other their wants, needs, expectations, decisions, and feedback.

[@xxxlonewolf49]

Good luck...

[@hyronharrison8127]

Another one is can you take rejection? Do you take things personally? Both things that are important to find especially in a woman

[@JasonMoir]

This is why so many of us are burned on on dating. It's just not worth the stress and exhaustion of always being wrong about something that only she is aware of....because they expect us to know what the issue is.

[@TKO_AMO]

Wait a minute. She is willingly not going to communicate to her husband directly but is giving a direct complaint to potentially millions of people about her issues with her husband??? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE

[@CourtneyRyan]

😵‍💫🫠

[@jmgaerial2871]

"I WANT TO BE VALUED AND CELEBRATED WITHOUT HAVING TO ASK" Ok Xerxes.

[@melo.lucas320]

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS !!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING FOR THE PAST DECADE !!!!!!!!!! WE'RE NOT CHARLES XAVIER, LADIES, TO READ YOUR COMPLICATED MINDS !!!!!!! THANK YOU LORD !!!!!

[@michaeljohnson6019]

Yes, I have to agree. We do have to tell our girlfriend or wife what we want as well. And hold them accountable if they withhold that important information from us. 😊

[@GillesSimonify]

Entirely 100% her fault

[@trueconspiracies7945]

As a Man in my 60's, I find I am a better communicator than the women I meet. And it is always a problem when you find them lying.

[@thrilla72]

Women are TERRIBLE communicators

[@garysandberg3259]

This is the fundamental challenge in our society these days. People do not know how to communicate. Social media, texting...this is why ghosting is so prevalent. When social circles were smaller and people had to interact, it was necessary to discuss issues. Now, it is easier to just vent outside rather than deal face-to-face.

[@VideoGameRoom32]

Men and women are so wired differently when it comes to relationships. Men are more direct, and women are more indirect when they communicate. Women will give you hints thinking that men would get it. But that's not always the case. Why can't men and women be more direct and in a respectful manner?

[@OneFreeMan17]

No wife = Happy life

[@Metatarsus0]

On top of that, people interpret actions and situations differently. I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect your partner/spouse to communicate to you who they are.

[@supernotnatural]

Women aren't direct for a reason. If women says to a men a bad stuff, men can beat, rape her. They have instictive fear of men. Men are stronger gender if u didn't know? That's why when you ask a girl out, they won't say "no" but give another logical answer but they hope you get it. Because there are men out there that would rape them. Not the other way around. I don't expect women to rape or beat me potentially if I reject their offer to date. The lady is right and Courtney is wrong or can't understand. She wants attention to seee if he really cares about her and nıot just finish the day. My friend who is married with 3 children just said to his wife "He doesnt celebrate birthdays since he is 30 now" etc... then made a surprise for her. Because he loves her. And he is a very masculine man. If you don't date your wife, another guy will.

[@limerickman8512]

Not indirectly, but often lie to their partners, then wonders why their relationships are bad.

[@thrilla72]

The thing is, the same woman herself is usually BAD at picking up on hints it is shocking.

[@letsdomath1750]

20:21 This is an issue with people with indirect communication styles who grew up feeling like their needs were not taken into account. Then developed masks and personas to pretend to be agreeable because they care about being perceived as nice and good people. They care too much about being liked versus communicating authentically. The issue is that they set up a minefield because they are constantly reliving traumas where they felt unsafe expressing their dissatisfaction, and then one day, they either let their guard down or, when stressed out, drop the facade. They then openly complain or have a meltdown. It is one of their worst versions because they couldn't be honest from the start nor pause long enough to consider their actual desires without stringung others along. It happens with both men and women, including gym bros who pretend to be alphas as well as partially woke feminists. It reveals that this version of them is deeply insecure and unstable.

[@AndyTut77]

My wife and I went through this exact scenario except that she came to me and expressed her feelings and, speaking as a man, I was so glad she did. It was uncomfortable to address my blindness to her needs and desires but the result has been well worth the extra effort. Thanks, Courtney!

[@rdog77]

Completely agree with . Uncommunicated needs turn into resentment. Men and women need to learn to communicate. No one is a mind reader

[@Courtney-Alice-Gargani]

Everyone has checkboxes on what they want in a relationship. You're not going to get all the boxes checked.

[@williamking7800]

"A piece of toast." No, it can't be a piece of toast. You can't tell me that he'd get you a piece of toast for Mother's Day and you wouldn't punish him.

[@davedove67]

I was thinking, if he sees this, she can expect a lot of toast for special occasions.

[@Brutus111]

I agree babes.....u know one thing I'll never be is selfish even when I hurt because I prefer to serve the persons and people I truly care 4 🙏

[@RickMoraOriginal]

A lot of times people don't know how to communicate their expectations to their partner without it sounding like criticism. If their partner overreacts or gets distant, they eventually stop trying. Also, a lot of people don't know how to hear their partner's expectations without feeling they are not enough or that they are deficient. By the way, you are absolutely correct in that there needs to be a class on relationships, and it should be a prerequisite before obtaining a marriage license.

[@djplayskeys]

If he doesn’t ask, how is he going to know what you want? Early in your relationship he knew nothing about you, and unless you are a narcissist you were eager to tell him your likes and dislikes. What changed? If he asks, it’s his way of wanting to find out what to do or get you to please you on that special occasion. Men are more afraid of doing something wrong or giving you something you don’t want/like by not knowing. We don’t do hints, subtle or otherwise, period. And posting a rant on social media about your partner is very immature.

[@konbonwa]

I'm a guy that once had a girlfriend that had these unrealistic unspoken expectations and our relationship became toxic due to the unspoken resentments that eventually built up in my girlfriend. I could feel her resentment but when I asked my girlfriend about her feelings she would not own up to her resenting me even though I could feel it. But later she would let a resentful comment slip out and I would tell her that I could see that she was resenting me over something that she had silently expected from me that I had had absolutely no clue about. And then my girlfriend would tell me, "If you really loved me you would just know what I want without me telling you". Fortunately, that relationship did not last. It doesn't matter who you are, NO ONE wants this kind of toxic behavior in a relationship. 😵‍💫

[@Rez-yp7jn]

I went through the exact same thing. In fact, she used the exact same words. She'd never air out her expectations and in case I asked her what was wrong, her response always would be: "You should know." When the relationship ended (she called it off), an accusatory finger was stabbed in my direction; "You just don't care. If you cared, you'd know what I want." But I always cared enough to ask and the only response I kept getting was: "You should know."

[@japanesereadingandwriting]

Direct communication is often the best.

[@answerman9933]

Her husband sounds as if he has a "engineering" mind, much like myself. Also, once the children are old enough to celebrate mothers day on their own, I would think it is more their obligation to observe Mother's Day than myself. She is their mother, not mine.

[@waris3732]

Exactly, it's not an anniversary or women's day that you're pandering gifts to your spouse. Mother's day is a mother-son/daughter thing.

[@sterlingdennett]

This is called a "covert contract" - she acts as though there is some agreed-upon contract between them, and he HAS to act a certain way in order to fulfill the terms of the contract. EXCEPT that this entire "contract" exists NOWHERE but inside her own head! SHE, unilaterally, drafted up the contract in her head, and she treats him as though he signed it with full knowledge - but that is a lie! He doesn't even know this contract exists! And she punishes him for failing to live up to "his side of the contract"! As others have said, she is just laying the groundwork for her eventual divorce, so she can leave feeling like the wronged and put-upon victim, so she can leave him without guilt!

[@jejo63660]

The rare version of a Nice Girl

[@Corthos10]

Social media is not for airing out your dirty laundry or your relationship issues. If a girlfriend did that to me, I would leave. It's a sign of disrespect and manipulation.

[@cardinalsfan9610]

It's like saying "I'm cold, can you please get me a blanket / turn the heat up?" vs "are you cold?" with the expectation of it being the former question in mind reading form. Guys are taught early on enough in life that guessing will always lead to bad things. And sadly, as we experience things in life over time, that gets reinforced ad nauseum. Ladies, it's better to straight up say what you want instead of hinting, as tough as it might be to be direct. Boys and girls both need to be taught that being direct in asking what you want is ok. It saves everyone future hassle - and for relationshp sake, it can make relationships better too.

[@NoMoreAsterisks]

Too many guys are approaching the wrong women. When I drive up to women, I’m met with a smile. I roll down the window, and invariably they ask me if I’m looking for a date. Of course I tell them yes, and they enter my car. I always have a good time.

[@unstoppablesk8300]

😂

[@kyleanuar9090]

Lol! I have to read twice to understand.

[@ForestForTheTrees3283]

This man is NOT her child. She is NOT his mother. Her kids (assuming she has kids...) are who should be buying her "Mother's Day" gifts. I will assist my kid in getting a mother's day gift for their mom but she is confusing Mother's Day with their Anniversary. (I'm sure she gets a "paper cut' on their anniversary too).

[@BlindPeatch]

"Comparison is [a] thief of joy." This is so true in so many aspects of life. Great video and message, Courtney!

[@TheWinterfox10]

This point needs to be pushed more strongly in society: TO COMMUNICATE YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS IS AN ACT OF LOVE BY ITSELF.

[@DZ60]

she says she knew that’s how he is and that she’s accepted it, but then proceeds to make a whole video about it for the entire world to see…

[@AngelsandWolves1]

Okay, so I barely watched the end of the Tiktok itself before I was able to get my thoughts together, before Courtney shared her thoughts, most of which i agreed with as the video went on 😅 but we gotta talk about something here. So, it's common sense that if you don't ask for something, you won't get what you want, but putting that aside, the lady in the TikTok literally says that she has come to accept that if she has to ask, she obviously doesn't want it enough, because her partner should just know to do something for her. This is an underlying problem right off the bat because this points to passive-aggressive communication, which will possibly lead to problems in the relationship, if it hasn't already. She's operating on the logic of a woman's brain. Now, I'm not implying that women communicate this way as a whole, just because it was mentioned next to my previous point, just getting my thoughts out, in case that's a point of contention. Men and women literally don't think the same way, and in this case, it's because we don't view sentiment the way that women do. So, instead of getting upset, put your ego aside, and remember that fact. It's not that your husband doesn't care, he's not thinking about it, simple. Another point about this, although it isn't as, prevalent, for lack of a better word, let's talk about love languages. What if your love language falls under physical touch and your secondary language is words of affirmation? So for you to feel loved and appreciated, in this case, on Mother's Day, you would want something different than a gift, because gift giving isn't your love language, even though the holiday calls for it. Again, that's something that has to be communicated. You can't expect someone to understand something just because you feel it. Your husband isn't Charles Xavier from X-Men, he's not a telepath, nor is he a mind reader. By not speaking about desires, you make your frustrations worse because you still won't get what you want. Better to speak on that and not risk even more frustration because you accepted that you won't get what you want, like you've expressed here. This was definitely posted for validation and support, because if you're just getting your thoughts out, use your phone, write it down as a memo or use a voice note. No one on the Internet needs to know about your martial problems, not our business, that's a lack of maturity, looking for validation in that area. Go to a counselor if you need to share your thoughts. On top of that, what if your husband finds this? Now you have a fight because of something that could have been resolved another way, not worth it. On top of that, no one on the Internet knows the dynamic of your relationship with your husband, so taking advice from them might do more harm than good. She definitely dropped the ball here posting this onto TikTok...

[@TheZeroviral]

I think what’s even worse is that my soon to be ex wife would disrespect me and talk trash about me in front of others based on something she expected me to do. She also expected me to be a mind reader. I don’t have social media, but thankfully I don’t think she was ever posting negatively about me. But it still hurt a ton. Especially when she said things like “you won’t be a good dad”

[@amosglitterz2649]

Almost every single time ive bought a gift for this one past relationship, it's been wrong. Clothing, appliances (she owns a home), restaurant reservation, flowers, etc. Wrong color, wrong day, wrong size, wrong something

[@ki11atj49]

Women seem to only care about the minor things men fall short instead of the numerous things she loves about him is a major problem in a lot of relationships these days

[@randomrey6568]

Blessed Sunday Everyone

[@CourtneyRyan]

You too my friend

[@ilyafilru]

I dated a woman briefly who told me "you should just know if I'm having a bad day".

[@andy_an_outdoors_guy]

the idea of talking about and buying gifts together actually sounds like a great idea - might even turn it into and experience where the gift isnt even the point anymore 😄

[@iamkrishnaavtar]

CUTE BLUE DRESS 👗 ❤

[@Yosef_Maharat]

Courtney, "Communicate. We can't read your minds" - You probably meant: "Women, men can't read your mind."

[@williamking7800]

I've seen men get frustrated expecting women to read their minds. I mean, I don't think that men and women have equal likelihood here, but it's not completely one sided

[@alla5687]

Im a man and I have always expected my significant other to read my mind, its not gender-biased tbh

[@stjoelawyer]

I agree, 100%.

[@MrTmax74]

​@@alla5687you do? That's interesting. I just communicate it. 🤔

[@nextghost]

Fun fact: When her husband asks every year whether she wants something, she's not obligated to answer "yes" or "no". She could instead say that she just wants him to stop asking every year and do whatever he feels would be right. When she answers "no", it creates an obligation to respect what she said!

[@Kadsistency]

It’s one thing to not communicate what you want and not get it and be mad. It’s a whole other level to communicate the EXACT opposite of what you want and be mad when you get exactly that. That’s wild.

[@orlandoosorio1554]

Happy Memorial Day to you Courtney.

[@user-ms9cv3lo1q]

I'm not afraid to come out and tell women what I want, It's just that times have gotten so that people can't come out and say what they mean...people don't like honesty...people don't like to hear the truth...I hate walking on eggsshells having to deal with certain people...i don't like political correctness....

[@xerr0n]

i'm in the same boat with a girl. cant seem to convey i'm not interested, but still anything i do is flirty, surely not to anything to do with my job (shes a colleague that i unfortunately have to interact with). i'm starting to see its not really me, but a (her) fantasy of me that wants her. i'm just not gonna respond to her anymore, its been draining after 4 times of explicitly saying no to her. if the boss starts to harass me on it i'm out, probably with a complaint to the labor inspectorate.

[@user-ms9cv3lo1q]

@@xerr0n I feel bad for you, bro....

[@xerr0n]

@@user-ms9cv3lo1q Thanks, ill have to manage

[@xerr0n]

@@user-ms9cv3lo1q Thanks, ill have to manage

[@xerr0n]

@@user-ms9cv3lo1q Thanks.

[@raulgarza2517]

I heard this once on some commercial when I was a kid. "If you don't speak up, not even God will hear you. " I'm not a religious person, but I always understood what that meant, even as a kid. Ladies, always speak up and ask or tell your partners what you need and want. It's not that hard and can avoid problems down the road. Asking for something specific isn't a bad thing at all. I always make it clear what I want for my birthday or Christmas to my partner, and if she doesn't follow through, I'll get it for myself, and I'm still happy I have what I wanted. It's not a big deal. I already know I'll not get what I ask for so I accept that and move on.

[@dacripe]

My wife always told me she never wanted flowers. "Why spend so much money on something that dies within a week?" she would say. This year after being together 18 years, she asked for flowers on Valentine's Day. Guess what? I got her flowers for the first time ever. Amazing how that works. One thing I find odd with women today as a side note to this video - why do women want gifts on Mother's Day when they are not mothers?! Plus, why do wives want gifts from their husbands on this day? They are not their mother. The husband should be getting his mom a gift and not his wife. If the couple has kids, then their kids should be getting gifts for mom. I never get my wife anything on Mother's Day since she is not my mom. My mom gets the gift. I am nice and will take my two girls away somewhere so she can be alone without kids that day. But, I'm not buying her anything for Mother's Day. Maybe this is a Gen Z or Millennial thing?

[@JEFFRYAN-]

It's Gen Z they are exactly like Gen X

[@Mac_Kymera]

“Hey babe are you ok I’m concerned about you, talk to me” Proceeds to say “I’m fine” even though she isn’t and wants her guy to listen to her 🙄

[@Yosef_Maharat]

Hey, Courtney and everyone.

[@basedkaren51]

Hi 👋

[@CourtneyRyan]

Hey Yosef! ❤️

[@pharmcat8484]

I’m turning 40 this year. My ask of my wife was that we do nothing to celebrate, and I mean it. Let’s see what happens.

[@itsshierlz]

Omg this is the exact thing my therapist taught me NOT to do. Always communicate VERY specifically what you want/need and never expect them to read your mind. It was a game changer in my relationship. Please please please communicate, women!!

[@masterdroid2191]

wait, what? if am mistaken then correct me but isn't mother's day a time to celebrate YOUR mother? the one who gave birth to you? why he is suppose to give/buy her anything? her kids should wish her well and maybe give some gift but why husband?

[@heatb2pac]

That’s funny coming from a girl. Y’all never mean what you say, there’s always a hidden message

[@CourtneyRyan]

Hahaha

[@h.4315]

By expecting to be celebrated on Mothers' Day *IS* creating an obligation to her husband. Whether she tells her husband what she wants for Mothers' Day or not, this is creating an obligation for him and not necessarily heartfelt either. The same can be said about Valentines Day, where most men just do things *out of obligation* because if they don't do anything, they get compared with other girls that receive something.

[@JoshG8408]

Posting online about relationship problems is a definite betrayal. It’s right up there next to cheating. It will gain you an instant goodbye now matter how long we’ve been together.

[@nicholassankar9103]

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

[@Courtney-Alice-Gargani]

I think some people who are on TikTok post a video just for attention.

[@CourtneyRyan]

Totally

[@Chris-hp2gg]

We speak each others unspoken language. You know what I'm going to say without me having to say it. I love the way your mind works.😂

[@ItIsMeJamesE]

"You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled." a quote my Dad taught me.

[@PRdude]

That woman kind of scares me.

[@user-ot1bl5jo5h]

Why would your partner give you gifts on Mother's Day? You're not his mother, are you?

[@michaelpowers6551]

Your serous aren’t you…. I have never met someone like this lol…

[@victoriaporsiempre]

for having his children 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

[@robertsaunders9733]

My wife said she is not a "gift" person. I don't get her a gift she gets upset. I get her a gift and more often than not it's a waste of money (impractical/too expensive/adds to clutter, etc.). If I ask her what she wants, "Nothing." When she asks me what I want I tell her. Her getting me the gift is more important than the gift itself. It showed she listened and got me the gift I wanted and most importantly there is no drama.

[@tomswan3401]

2:41 I was brought up in a family where we did not give gifts to each other. I didn’t miss attention from my parents, but I was brought up without getting gifts. So my point is even as an adult I don’t need gifts to feel valued or so. I can understand that there are people out there needing this regular attention (like small surprise gifts on occasions like Mother’s Day).^^

[@Laceykat66]

20+ years and she can freely tell TicTok but not her husband? For some reason, this type of behavior is coded in female genetics. You have seen dozens of complaints form women who feel men should know instinctively when no means yes, what we want for our birthdays, what anniversaries should be celebrated (first kiss, first walk by the lake etc), and my favorite when we tell them we are not interested in any sort of relationship and then we are furious when they go off and start dating our best friend. HOW DARE THEY !! I believe this is linked to the same gene in those women you see get angry when he takes you to the Cheesecake Factory for a date when he should know it is Five Star or nothing. There is a link to this and the gals we see who have minimum spending levels for dates AND he should pay for your hair and makeup.

[@daveoliver8308]

Publicly criticising your spouse online is so disrespectful. Is she that desperate for attention that she'll undermine her husband on the Internet like that. She's publicly shaming him over a day that was made up to sell cards and gifts. Shocking.

[@dylanmaya4456]

I was nodding my head the entire time Courtney,you're right. On the flip side, my ex had said her love language was *blank* (a rotation of 4 of the 5 love languages). I couldn't ever achieve her expectations.

[@ReyesRP]

I think my wife has the correct perspective. She says, “I’m not your mother I’m your wife. Go do something for your mother.”

[@perpetualprocrastinator]

AIRING YOUR DIRTY LAUNDRY IS THE ULTIMATE FORM OF BETRAYAL AND DISRESPECT. Only small minded and spiteful people are capable of acting this way.

[@jagriffin1]

As a man I subtly ask things throughout the year and then give it as a gift.

[@eternalbear1135]

Great video! I agree completely. One of the weird things about people is we have the tendency to believe in either/or situations-as if there are only two options. It’s frustrating because there is almost always another, better way. We just have to be creative sometimes. Like this lady-she has a point but she is not communicating that point so she is just continuing to get hurt and lying to her husband. There’s almost always a third choice!

[@TheElfangor67]

As the great philosopher Mick Jagger once said, "You can't always get what you want. But if you try, sometimes you get what you need."

[@marathoner43]

I will never understand taking the dirty laundry to the internet for likes, clicks, views, validation etc. etc. And if you're taking advice on how to handle it from random strangers who comment on that post, you need to remember who are these random people? One last thought, if you can't communicate on things you want, how on Earth are you ever going to communicate when something serious happens? You know, what if, God forbid, one of them gets diagnosed with a serious medical issue? If you can't communicate, on something simple like what you want, how will you ever communicate when something serious happens? Oh, and Courtney, I love the line at about 16:55 "Unspoken expectations are pre-meditated resentments."

[@brandondegraaf]

The thing about not communicating your needs is that you get to act like the victim, without ever having to negotiate with another person about whether your needs are realistic, or how your needs interact with their needs. She knows what she needs to do, and she chooses not to do it.

[@robertlequang3409]

Totally agree! Don’t know why people just love airing their dirty laundry to the world instead just talking it through with that person.

[@howardps499]

Hi Courtney, from the perspective of the one with needs, one problem I've run into regarding communicating those needs, is that you only know something is an issue after the triggering event has occurred. When that happens, it can be difficult to summarize and inform your partner in a coherent and succinct way quickly, especially if it is a new issue that you didn't realize you had before. For me it can end up taking a few days to bring it up. When I bring it up, very often I am hit back with a "Why didn't you tell me this earlier?", which made me feel at fault for feeling that way and invalidated, reducing my desire to bring up future issues as a result. It's something that's been on my mind when people say to just say what you want. Sometimes it's not so simple to articulate your needs, and the person who is receiving the complaint is not always going to be so receptive and understanding.

[@mottorcyle5052]

After a couple years of getting complaints about gifts, I stopped giving me wife anything.

[@iamkrishnaavtar]

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU. YOU ARE REALLY WISE.

[@DesertJoe]

A key rule to live by: "Say what you mean, mean what you say". She told him "no", and he believed you. And now she's compounding the lack of communication by not talking to him about the disconnect. She's a lost cause.

[@skywalkershaun1]

I’m on the spectrum, and luckily my wife understands and supports me. I am terrible with body language, and I don’t get hints. I’ll ask her about a month before birthday, Christmas, anniversary what she would like, and she’ll tell me. Been together 14 years, and never had a bad gift for her.