Men Rarely Understand This About Women | Jordan Peterson

In this impactful video, Dr. Jordan Peterson provides essential relationship advice on the importance of men listening to their wives. Dr. Peterson explains how understanding and addressing your partner's concerns can strengthen your marriage. He highlights the unique emotional experiences of women, emphasizing the necessity for men to be attentive and supportive. By helping your wife identify and solve her problems, you can foster a deeper emotional connection and maintain a healthy, lasting relationship. Don't miss out on these crucial insights from one of the leading voices in psychology, perfect for anyone committed to keeping their marriage strong and harmonious.
Speaker: ‪@JordanBPeterson‬
Full episode: • Dr. Jordan B. Peterson...
Music: www.storyblock...
Footages: www.storyblock...

[@petermartin8756]

My wife says I have two faults, one is I don’t listen, and something else….

[@frankharris3380]

You are just supposed to know, if you know what I mean….she shouldn’t have to say a thing to you. That’s what makes women better communicators.

[@aramisy.cajigas744]

On the opposite. Worst communicators.​@@frankharris3380

[@petermartin8756]

@@frankharris3380 I was actually making a joke Frank….

[@user-jk6ed9ux1t]

​@frankharris3380 why?

[@gsncash2024]

@@user-jk6ed9ux1t most of the time we men assume that nothing is wrong as long as our intimate partner isn't complaining, usually it comes from her not wanting to crush your ego but as time goes on when you keep failing to read your own partner as a man, she ends up building an emotional barrier to protect herself from getting more hurt because of expectations & lack of quality bonding from her partner. & most of all we men treat women like robots once they are all ours, we may stop initiating sex in an interesting manner like lack of foreplay & consistent compliments as well as emotional reassurance, we just want to rush their bodies for a quick nut. they too always want sex as much as you want it but women value quality sex than quantity, listen to you partner ask why she's quiet, ask where you went wrong keep the love young & dont be boring & square. dont find yourself living with someone you aren't emotionally connected with, read their emotions & actions, help each other & stop putting your wives in a box, give her more reasons to feel excited for being with you, nobody is perfect, she'll also surprise you when you make her feel alive*

[@Martty8807]

The way Jordan Peterson defends women in this video is eye opening, and when any person says that he's a misogynist, I'll pull up this video and gladly show them.

[@truerosie]

I thought he was, until this video.

[@retiredby3570]

You are so clueless dude it is embarrassing

[@jay-ti4bt]

​@truerosie why would you think that ever lol such a weird phenomenon

[@BloominOnion1]

accusations of "thought crimes" don't even warrant a response, usually the accuser isn't interest in evidence to begin with imo. Maybe I've become cynical.

[@tmengucor]

He just was in his good day 😂

[@FrankM]

As a 45 year old man, every ex-girlfriend I was with, in long-term relationships, and even every woman so far I have dated, never communicated their issues. I often was the initiator, asking for them to talk to me, to share, and I'll listen. I never got anything more than the blank stares and silent treatment. There may be some women that communicate, but many women don't, even if given the opportunity of a safe space to do so. But you damn well better know that women expect the man to be a mind reader and figure out on his own.

[@jjeanedoe]

It's easy for both men and women to be guarded in this sense, probably because they learned through past experiences that there are consequences to saying something disagreeable, even if it's true or needs to be said. I think a lot of folks don't realize that they inadvertently punish their partners for being truthful. Even if that punishment is just a but more emotional distance after an argument, people learn that speaking their truth causes their partner to pull away. I'm not saying that this would be the case with you, just saying that it takes a hell of a lot of consistent emotional security for a person to unlearn these subtle behaviors, and men are pretty much exactly the same in this particular regard.(trouble communicating their own needs and thoughts to the sheer frustration of their partner)

[@matthewk6731]

FrankM I'm 65, and I completely agree. In my relationships, I learned to communicate and do so more than the women. Most of the women have lied about something significant, whether it's the last time they had sex, if they are seeing someone else, if their last relationship is definitely over, if their male friends are "just friends", how many times they have been married. When they get together with their girlfriends, look out. Women are relationship killers. If they're not destroying their own, they're often trying to destroy their girlfriend's. They come up with things like, I'm married because I asked a woman out to lunch, I'm a detective hired by her ex-husband to keep track of her. I'm taking secret photos of her naked because I won't let her into my office that has confidential client information. Women are nuts.

[@7ackass]

Facts.

[@olandoaleki3821]

You’re energy needs to change. You attract what you are.

[@alexforget]

Ask and you shall receive. As JBP said: if you ask yourself what you are doing that is stupid that you should stop the answer will come right up. Never failed me. The hard thing is that it's something I usually don't want to do, or don't want to hear.

[@seekingjesus307]

When my wife and I first married we chose to clear the air on issues every single day. For us it meant acknowledging our own behaviour and recognising how it affected the other person. We chose not to say sorry. The word sorry can be meaningless. We chose to verbally declare to each other the wrong we had done and not to say sorry but to ask if the other would forgive our wrong actions and words. Honestly it cleared the air between us every day.. I have never found it easy declaring my wrong doings. I have never found it easy asking for forgiveness. The hardest thing for me is forgiving my wife when she had hurt me. But I tell you. This has worked for us. It's still tough sometimes but 40 years later we still live this way and it's been a total blessing. Hope this helps.

[@krystalharris79]

You're so right about saying 'sorry' - the word does have its place - it can be used as a quick acknowledgement of misdeeds! And useful with randoms and other people. But it's true how meaningless the word is if actions don't back up consequences. One has to make changes to their behavior to bring meaning to the word. That is, to say "I'm sorry about X - and this is what I'll do about it" Or you just do things differently. It sounds like how you & your wife have put that into meaningful action - and made it work for decades. Power to you both for decades still to come! 👏💯

[@samsonslmpson1986]

I'll never understand why it's so hard for people to admit they're wrong. I love the opportunity. Mostly because I'm almost always right 😉

[@michaelrenner3214]

​@samsonslmpson1986 umm you missed the POINT 👉 ENTIRELY. 😮😮🤔😉🫡 . Listen again

[@hsarclaedi]

@@samsonslmpson1986 You're also right in admitting the wrong so there you go.. :)

[@psalm2forliberty577]

Great job Brother you both have my admiration. My late wife & I enjoyed 31 years together until she was called home by the LORD. We always sought to have a Christ centered marriage - and truly His Strength carried us through many storms & trials. She passed with grace after an 11 month struggle with Liver cancer. We did practice unconditional love & understanding - but our 7 person (5 children, homeschooled) became SO busy that frankly, finding that 90 minutes each week to focus on "MARRIAGE MAINTENANCE & US" frequently didn't happen. So we tended to go on "Auto Pilot" mode and there were issues (how to discipline the kids, enforce standards with grace yet firmness) that never resolved. What is revealing is how on our "3 exclusive days yearly" - her Bday, my Bday & Valentine's Day - where we'd get the whole day for hours - it was a total renewal of all that had gone unmaintained. Like a mini-honeymoon reset. These videos are extremely helpful for me to see my weak spots as a husband - now it's clear I needed to be a non-judgemental sounding board FIRST, not jump in with all my "solutions". I see JP isn't saying "Never get around to your Solutions - but LISTEN 👂 first & completely before discussing or suggesting any solutions." REVELATION for me ! I think the extreme busyiness of our 7 person home made me feel in a rush to "fix & solve everything" in a bit of a roughshod manner. I'm bullet pointing this lesson so that should the LORD show me a 2nd great Lady I may be a greatly improved Husband 2.0

[@blatherskite9601]

I'm a consulting Engineer, and your advice meshes exactly with how I've been successful: Listen to (your client), let them speak finished, and they will often tell you the solution. Then the problem becomes "How do I bill that?"

[@SuspiriaX]

Under "psychotherapy". (code 90834/90837) Damn engineers taking our jobs.

[@SuspiriaX]

Under "psychotherapy". (code 90834/90837) Darn engineers taking our jobs.

[@michaelperrone3867]

LMAO I can relate

[@qua7771]

I wish more customer services were like that. My question regarding relationships is; where is the billing? If demands are being placed on you, there must be some benefit outside of extortion. By that I mean her hijacking the relationship if new demands aren't constantly begging met without reciprocity.

[@markofilipovic9260]

Why problem? They are taking your time, so you bill them for that time. You listen to them for two hours, you bill them two hours? No?

[@user-fi7rf8nk7z]

52 years of marriage to my wife taught me this. It also taught me that if you are not actively engaged in whatever it is that is bothering her you are part of the problem. You are not paying attention, you are ignoring her, you are not interested, you are not taking her seriously and the list goes on. But if you sit down and listen and seriously talk about it you will eventually get her to understand that there either is no problem or you will find out what it is and take care of it. If you ignore her or don’t listen that’s when you become a problem and add to her problem which then becomes a nightmare for you.

[@ladybug591]

Usually women just like to talk, most don't have a real problem to solve, so don't waste your breath. Talking is how women relieve their tension. It never stops with some women, don't marry and endless talker. She will go on and on, because it's what she likes most, talking - most men don't. Older guys used to just sit and nod, apologize if accused of any wrongdoing, agree and never contradict "she who must be obeyed". Shutting down the flow of her words may be the most difficult - some say it's best to stand up, give her a hug and say I'm glad you can tell me what you THINK about things. That is what she is doing, waiting for approval even if what she says is wrong or pointless. Don't EVER think a hug means you can then suggest having sex....lol.

[@wolfgangkranek376]

This is all nice and good. But if I dont start a family with a woman (because she doesnt want children or is too old), why should I go through all these nonsense? But they will still expect men to do.

[@wolfgangkranek376]

@@forestspritestephanie Its usually women who love to string men along. It helps them to feel special.

[@konichiwa373]

@@beyondthesacrosanctbreeze I read everything you wrote. Have you tried explaining to her how you feel? Like having a good, calm conversation about it? You mentioned trauma. I had an abusive father and it really messed up my thinking. I’m trying hard to heal from that. Like you said, you can’t heal her. You can help though. My husband is amazing and says good things about me and it can be easy to dismiss because I don’t believe those good things about myself. Also talking helps me to process and understand things. It may seem pointless sometimes, but it’s often therapeutic. I know I can be a pain sometimes, but I thank him all the time and he thanks me. I think this is really helpful. Having fun together brings you closer as well. I would try to have a serious heartfelt conversation with her. Let her know you love her and care for her but that it feels like she doesn’t feel that way towards you. Try to figure out why that is and work on it together. Possibly she may think she’s showing love to you but you don’t receive it that way. The 5 love languages can be helpful.

[@konichiwa373]

@@beyondthesacrosanctbreeze Overcoming trauma is incredibly hard. It takes a lot of work. I’ve had periods of time where I thought I was doing so much better only to greatly back slide. Unfortunately, I think it may always be a struggle. That it’s something I’ll always have to work on. It’s normal to have good times and bad in your relationship. I’m sorry this has been so hard on you. Reading that made me cry. My husband has expressed these same feelings at times about trying so hard to reach me in vain. It’s incredibly hard for me to believe that he could truly love me or I may think he does but will eventually change his mind. I pray he never gives up and that I can learn to fully trust his love. I obviously don’t know your relationship, but she may have similar feelings.

[@DavidHansen1]

After being married for more than a quarter century I'd have to say that sometimes the most fruitfull communication in my marriage comes when my wife feels safe to "freak out" a little. She'll question situations, decisions, and my view point. After this, assuming I'm smart enough to remain level headed and not get offended, she settles into a partnership attitude and really wants my opinions and view point. We often solve problems best and grow together as a couple in these moments. It's hard to ignore the darts when they come, but it sure pays off when I do let them pass without getting offended. And the inevitable apology always more than makes up for the darts.

[@BraDarryljr06]

Thanks. This is helpful, especially about letting the darts pass. I often get the urge to correct every single thing that is not accurate, but perhaps this creates too much tension. Letting them go will probably help me not get on the defense.

[@S1000xrhp]

That is a healthy perspective but the real question is wtf is she throwing these darts in the first place? It's my view that women cannot cope with their own sensitivities and perceived threats. They need a punch bag - to go crazy on - in order to reason things out. From other comments on here it's definitely a mental health issue with most women. Only you can choose how long to continue as that stoic punch bag. Many men eventually walk away from such an emotional burden. Resulting in their partner divorcing them - for not listening & 'unreasonable behaviour'. Man finds peace. Imagine the level of self entitlement that exists which consider it reasonable to have to listen to all their mental sensitivities as a right!! No one explains that you are expected to put up with all their shit when you get married. But every man in the congregation knows what follows.

[@OnePieceWonPeace]

Apology? Um... I think you married a dude, man.

[@dunedainmom]

Yes. As a woman (14 yrs married) it means so much to me that my husband keeps calm thru the darts. I respect that. Alot.

[@9avedon]

Women do not apologize for emotional outbursts, their feelings are all the evidence they need to blame you for not being a better provider.

[@stephenshipley1066]

One thing I have learned about women is that it is important to spend time showing that you care that they are unhappy. rather than jumping in with a solution to take the unhappiness away. When you have given them time to talk about their unhappiness, you can gently propose the solution you would have leaped in with before. You always cared about their unhappiness, which is why you wanted to take it away, but now you show them that you care.

[@msimon6808]

"Unhappiness" - amplifying negative emotions. My rule is "tell me about it without negative emotions".

[@JackHaveman52]

A wise man once told me "A woman's not happy till they're not happy".

[@williammartin2842]

@@JackHaveman52 Some customers are not happy until they find a flaw in the work. For those we leave something obvious so they have the satisfaction of being right and then will not look closer searching for other imperfections.

[@frequencyagreements1280]

The vast majority of women are unhappy by default. They like to make it other people's job to make them happy. It is a form of laziness and a lack of self-awareness and self-respect. Any man dead set on trying to make a woman happy is guaranteed to fail. Happiness is her responsibility can help her achieve that by encouraging her to do the things she should be doing for herself. But other than that you're wasting your time, money, effort, and everything else that you're putting into it

[@willbass2869]

Meh.....some people "weaponize" unhappiness / weakness. AKA ... manipulation As a power move they often magnify some supposed unhappiness just to make YOU "jump"

[@SJT0001]

💯 communication. When humans don't communicate they start to assume and create their version of a story in their head. And, in the end creates separation. Thank you for your insight and words of wisdom 🙏

[@djmj1000]

Separation, anxiety and paranoia when their thoughts are trapped in their head that created an echo chamber.

[@yodad4776]

U just described marriage

[@kky.x]

Yep. lack of communication triggers rumination which furthers division

[@Afriqueleblanq]

Never assume. Never jump to conclusions. Learn to listen, assimilate, analyse, solve.

[@jacquelynhoagland3371]

Yes! The voiced in my head, as I call them, can create a scenario in my head that is far worse than any of them actually are. They can whip up something that never bothered me in the past. In self-defense, I began working on myself, and have developed a way to test the veracity of an issue and dissect it down to a deep-seated insecurity. That I can work with and dismiss or address.

[@10scdreamin]

These truths are tremendous. Every young man, every husband, would benefit from understanding these fundamental differences between men and women.

[@frankharris3380]

The challenge for us is that we are required to simply intuit what they want without being told anything.

[@guillermosalazar419]

So again we have to take the high road and be the reasonable ones.. lol! ;)

[@TheDYLAUGHING]

@@frankharris3380 you only have to listen.

[@TheDYLAUGHING]

@@guillermosalazar419 no u only have to listen.

[@JackHaveman52]

Every woman would benefit from understanding these differences about themselves and men, as well. You can't "fix" the other person but you can "fix" yourself so one can understand the difference between a true problem from one that has been created in their own minds. That might help the individual woman to reach an understanding with a man who really wants to get along.

[@shelleyvanover]

One piece of advice from my perspective. When she talks to you about how she feels about something (it may not even be about you) don’t tell her “you shouldn’t feel that way” and proceed to give a fix for it. Sometimes she’s just sharing her feelings, not looking for a fix for them. Always dismissing her feelings will cause her to stop sharing them with you. The beginning of the end for a relationship.

[@Luckystoic]

I once dated a woman who had a dog named Buck. This woman was always telling Buck what to do and how to do it. When I finally ended our relationship, she couldn’t understand why I was doing so. I told her that she needed a man like Buck and that I wasn’t Buck

[@bittehiereinfugen7723]

Oh well. With dogs you can at least be sure that they are intelligent and loyal.

[@Luckystoic]

@@bittehiereinfugen7723 i dont think so, I can take care of her, but not the dog

[@vilyam]

​@@bittehiereinfugen7723dogs also lick their own balls.

[@acustomer7216]

@bittehiereinfugen7723 100%

[@hiteshc2718]

😂😂😂

[@BQ900]

My fiance is a lot like my grandfather. When we have a problem; we hold hands and talk it over while looking each other in the eyes.

[@billpetersen298]

I love that. So elegant.

[@awsambdaman]

My wife is a lot like my grandmother too in the fact that they’re both 60 years older than me

[@BQ900]

@@awsambdaman he’s not 60, he’s my age but he was raised right

[@oonojoe]

Barf.

[@laurawalker546]

I hope you keep that practice up for the rest of your lives

[@pahadandguitar]

Everything will work in a relationship if both partners are "willing" to put their egos aside and recognise that they need to identify their strengths and weaknesses and be each other's biggest supporters. Being kind to strangers is easy, being kind to the people you love and not consider that as a duty is tough, howsoever oxymoronic that might sound.

[@pookiecatblue]

Very nicely said, and some of the truest words I've read.

[@Buttercup251]

@@pookiecatblue Agree with you. That's where you are hit with the "hypocrisy of Christianity" = easy to love those far away from you, but no great success with loving your spouse, your immediate family members.

[@Buttercup251]

Agree with you. That's where you are hit with the "hypocrisy of Christianity" = easy to love those far away from you, but no great success with loving your spouse, your immediate family members.

[@GrooveTasticThang]

The problem comes when your partner says you are the problem ! That’s what I’ve had for 18 years of listening and negotiating

[@CJFCarlsson]

Just tell us how you managed that for 18 years and I will give up Jordan Peterson and listen to you instead.

[@lucasfabisiak9586]

Well, are you?

[@andrewcarlson2178]

That's the most common problem I've seen and experienced with married couples. One partner quits trying, eschews accountability, and them blames the other partner.

[@stuartdamon3610]

@@lucasfabisiak9586 Nobody’s perfect. But leaders get the arrows in the back. If you believe in why woman file for 75 percent of divorces, men are the problem. I personally believe the problem is societal. Woman now believe they no longer need men.

[@paulfitzpatrick6566]

I had it for 1 year, not 18. And that was 11 months too long. Got up one day, confronted her & informed her, one more repetition & I’m out. The repetition occurred 2 days later. Walked & never went back. That was 38 years ago. 👍😃

[@MMMORPGPVPPLAYER]

I have been watching Jordan Peterson from the beginning, when he first stood up to those leftists at the university. Every day since then I have watched his content for about 10 years if not longer...But no matter what I do, I cannot fix my life.... Women don't stick around, even if I follow the rules... I have had about 30 partners in my life & they all left.... I am so tired of investing in someone and having my heart broken... I work, I look after my body, I don't drink alcohol, I am supportive, I listen carefully to them, I make my fucking bed every morning ... But they always leave... I just don't know why? Sometimes I feel like disappearing... I am a sensitive person, I have been super wealthy, I have been super poor but the only thing that I can think of that drives them away is that I am insecure... I was not like this... But after having my heart broken so many times & being cheated on so often, I don't trust any of them... The formula is not working Dr Jordan Peterson...I am not a feminine male and I might be a little on the hyper masculine side...I take physical risks every day and I grew up in the third world where I had to put my body on the line to protect my women...But as it seems, I am 40 years old and apparently still a loser... Maybe there is no formula to success with a women...Maybe, it is just blind luck and some of us are not destined to be with a women... FYI - I am one of those father's that lost full custody of their children in a divorce...I never see my children... It has broken me

[@jacquelinehogan9727]

Therapy...the outside perspective and guidance works if you want it to work...

[@raalvarez9241]

I’m 32. I’ve had a bad childhood, and ten years as an underpaid and over worked emergency medic. My wife has given me two sons and the best 9 years of my life and a reason to get up in the morning. Except I can’t let go of my own past trauma and I can’t stop bringing it alive into my life wrecking my marriage and the respect my wife has for me. If there’s anyone who’s been married long who still loves their wives please tell me how do I fix me before I ruin my whole life. If I lost them I wouldn’t, couldn’t forgive myself.

[@cazbullen2012]

Get some therapy lovely, and make your wife,and your beautiful family,your number priority in your life. I've been married for 37 years and it's tough at times,but worth it. I was also a registered nurse for 40 years and that's a tough gig too,as is being a paramedic. Give yourself a break 😊too,you have done so well. Focus on you and your beautiful family ❤Caz x

[@TheEczemaChannel]

Also, I recommend reading Robert Jackmans book Healing Your Lost Inner Child, and getting the companion workbook that goes with it. These are extremely helpful to work through past trauma from childhood.

[@Southernman469]

You need the one who made you to fix you. You may have no desire for the word of God but that is your answer. He is the only way you can change yourself by letting Him change you through His word. All the best man.

[@marciasloan534]

12 Step program or church

[@boxingacct378]

Don’t let yourself get caught up in that past trauma on a daily basis. I’m not sure how but you need to let go of that past trauma. Seneca said it the best “complaining about the past should be outlawed. “ You can do this brother.

[@thinman8621]

Mr. Peterson talks about things I have never heard much about but I need to know. Thank you, Mr. Peterson.

[@BenjaminIam]

Dr. Peterson

[@DannyDKNYC]

Mr

[@personincognito3989]

​@@DannyDKNYChe is a Dr. A Doctors title is Doctor

[@lreeher]

His daughter is a single mom.

[@dwaynemauk566]

It is hard when dealing with hundreds of "problems" and "challenges" all day long, and being held accountable for not finding solutions, to come home and "listen" without trying to solve. We get to drive home from work, and so it takes about 15 - 20 minutes, so we can visit. My wife and I (well, I should say she's agreeable to the arrangement) kind of have a 2 tier type of discussion to various things. If perchance I am mentally worn out, and she's talking about her day (she also works) and is discussing a problem, etc, If I say "What is the point of what you are telling me?" or "Give me the punch line", she's willing to get to the point, and then I can mentally relax and let her go back to the beginning and discuss it through. Otherwise, my attention spam is about as short as a dog trying to sit still when there is a bone on the table. If I'm not mentally worn out, then she can talk as much as she wants because I do find her interesting in how she sees life. She's also learned that it's ok for me to interrupt her when she's expressing her day, because sometimes I have to give verbal feedback (not necessarily solutions, but feedback) in order to keep my mind focused on what she's saying. Otherwise, I can just go into a "uh huh", and drift off like listening to the TV. For me, discussion has to have an ebb and flow to it whereas she was early on in our marriage, upset when I'd interrupt. We've been married now 17 years, and she's learned if I'm mentally distracted and tired from the day, to go right to the point. And I'm trying to learn that not every problem needs a solution. We're a work in progress, but it's progress.

[@truerosie]

Great to hear this. You're asking for what you need to stay connected, and she's doing her best to meet you. And vice versa. Great grounding for a healthy enduring relationship, I wish you more success.

[@23DanielVincent]

Sounds like you have found a good middle ground.

[@gardenjoy5223]

Seems you both are on the right path. It IS giving and receiving. In any good relationship. (To explain my choice of words: I do not believe in 'give and take'. When taking comes in, the hurt follows suit.)

[@kaycee625]

You sound like a barrel of laughs - not!

[@gardenjoy5223]

@@kaycee625 Well, maybe not when he comes home and is Really tired. But are you on your best when you are exhausted? They communicated and worked it out for the both of them. That's more than all divorced people can say. And even more than quite a few married people can say. They'll have relaxed laughs After he's rested enough.

[@robertacolarette1594]

This was so wise. Every man who’s in a relationship should see this.

[@blewbal]

Lived with a woman for 20 years, her priorities and mine parted ways with no chance to meet in the middle. Luckily I'm almost past any further concern with women since I have little patience at this point in my life for dealing with little BS problems they create in their heads in order to keep drama alive. I have no use for struggles created by them for no other reason than to cause stress and grief. We always create this little lie in the back of our heads about the kind of relationship we'd like to have, but is nothing more than a pipe dream achieved by few.

[@oneiros1401]

Well said.

[@asaojohnston8235]

Well said I work mostly with women for 27 years if could do it over would work with men only

[@NileGoddess]

They they they .You are not a smart man.

[@cricket88671]

Completely understand that but in my case” Take the word women and replace it with men. It’s definitely not just a woman issue!

[@chopperking1967]

Proof they are "better" to rent than "buy".

[@truerosie]

This is the wisest discussion I've seen of Dr Petersen. My respect for his work has climbed considerably.

[@JamesSmith-yb2vi]

Jordan is the light of our times. Very few are so brilliant like him.

[@jeanettefigueroa6086]

As a woman, I would add, a man must communicate with some kind of reaction to what he is listening to and offer some kind of VERBAL response. Talking to your man should not be the same response as talking to your pet or the wall. Listening is only the start to effective communication. I get that some men are of few words, but better save some words for your wife every day! If you are using them all on coworkers or friends and come home empty headed, not good. Communication at home is more important than any other communication one will have in any given day. I've never met a hospice patient lamenting over wishing they had spent more time and energy at work. It's always wishing they had more time with their family. Prioritize time wisely.

[@ColbyAzimuth]

That's why a man who deals with trouble, big trouble out in the world, will never be allowed to speak and have human conversations. People only listen to the women who are troubled, for the verbal processing and companioning of women only. In dozens of communities and relationships, I've never seen men be welcome to speak how things are for them. Talking with each other 90 minutes every week is not possible if ONLY the woman is speaking their concerns, fears, and problems (as shown in this video) and only the man is paying attention. I suggest mutual listening. Mutual capable adult grownups.

[@SharTheo]

Women Rarely Understand This About Men, Jordan Peterson

[@SacAdam-nr1qg]

I deal with androphobic people and misandry about twenty times a day. Being treated like a man is the most horrible and horrifying behavior that one can do to a human being. Depersonalizing and demonizing, then reduced to just a vending machine.

[@phoenixrisin2269]

@@SacAdam-nr1qgWe are expendable. Dont be expendable. Stand up and speak your truth 💪

[@andrewcarlson2178]

That's because we're supposed to be stoic and solve problems. No one cares about ours.

[@imonlydancingsal1509]

Exactly

[@danalawton2986]

I work from home, my wife works a 40 hour job nearby our house. Everyday when she comes home I make it a point to sit and talk with her for at least 30 minutes to an hour. If you do not do that you are screwed... because once you start to discommunicate it is difficult to restart it.

[@svetlozarrusev4026]

30 to 90 minutes every day works for me! You're 100% right! Thank you!

[@robinriebsomer4607]

Most people just want a sounding board. Just listening is a very powerful way to create intimacy and lasting relationships.

[@ladybug591]

Women mostly just like to talk. Watch a group of women all talking, talking, talking, mostly not responding or listening to one another and then they have the cheek to expect a man to listen properly to them. They need to control their overwrought sense of drama and teach other women to listen and respond and leave a tired husband to recover for an hour or so after being at work all day probably solving problems. lol. Her opinions might be interesting.....

[@johnpruett2255]

There is so much power in just listening, people love talking about themselves...women love a good listener. Communication is fascinating really, good communication is a real art form.

[@Marine450x]

​@@ladybug591I've notice the thing women talk the most about between themselves is Other Women. Even when I ask my wife about here day, she works at the local HS, she talks the most about other women, not her job, students, things that went well or were special or interesting, but other women, sometimes the good, but more often what frustrates her. Second most common is she reherces in some detail the male leaders who undermine her, or are not leaders but authority figures that do a poor job. What I get from that is women in general, and a growing number of men are weak, poor at their job, or over compensating leaders. What she really wants is common sence, competent leadership.

[@motina2960]

For good communication: 1. be all of youwhen listening to her 2. Intimacy. The more intense the more she will want to open up to you 3. Don't be judgmental, shel will tell all she think and feel comfort to speak 4. solve problems together let her know you are there for her problem and tell her that YOU BOTH for the problem together.

[@bethbluett4211]

If a husband is willing to have a deep and meaningfully conversation without being distracted, it will make the wife know she is very important to him. This leads to good intimacy.

[@dh12.]

😂 shouldn't you already know that you are important to him? Sounds like you use sex as a way to control your husband. He can do better.

[@mikeford5106]

This SHOULD work two ways !!!

[@framboise595]

@bethbluett4211 " This leads to good intimacy" Yeah sure , that's why plenty of modern females have tons of sex with men whose name they hardly know ! Nothing but female wiles , moving like a serpent . IF you do this bla bla... No submission at all. Women take over through communication and language because it is their only area ! Women have no physical and sexual power as men have.

[@framboise595]

@@mikeford5106 This never works two ways because when a man lets his wife lead him to HER area of communication and conversation , he is already defeated. She has him , she has taken over because men are more into action than communication. It's a trap.

[@themindsidea1127]

Bless you ma'm - Noted📝

[@marietgagliardi]

I'm very clear in my communication and have found that men ignore what they don't think is important. They often don't listen unless you say you are leaving. Then they say, oh i didn't realize it was such a big deal. This makes me furious because a partner who cares should listen when you communicate calmly not wait until you make threats. By then, i don't trust you anymore

[@TheOlzee]

If he never listens to anything ever that’s an issue. But at the same time if the man is the leader of the relationship (which we are) and we deem your concern and unimportant or pointless or silly then you should trust him and drop it. Immediately. See how that goes

[@LaurieWilliams-lk8fc]

"a partner who cares should listen when you communicate calmly" - that depends on the nature and quantity of the things you communicate. If you calmly rant about stupid pointless things in irrational emotional attention seeking victim playing manner for hours every day then the only person you deserve to have in your life is you.

[@ghelfling_bunny]

The conversations he mentioned doesn't need to be stressful of boring. It can happen in a very pleasant and organic way. It is not a monologue either and both can and should speak their minds. I don't want my husband to be unhappy and one day I figger he is leaving for reasons I was not even aware and did not have the chance to address. What has been working for us is a long and enjoyable breakfast in the weekend, only the two of us, with no other appointments to attend in that morning. It is a safe space with no intention to make accusations and no reactive responses. Only the true intention of understand, to feel understood by each other and find solutions (and enjoy our time togheter!). However, it requires a trust that takes time to be built. Each time we have a conversation and we are not attacked and judged, we feel respected and loved, so the trust gets stronger to continue communicating. This is the way we feel we are connected and at the same page for the last decade. I will say that initially it is a challenge to speak about things that you are frustrated about in a loving and calm way, but just try it. It is surprisingly possible. Also, it is not easy to hear about your own faults and the initial reaction is to get pissed, but it gets easier. I know it takes both to make it work, so if the other one speaks in an agressive way, you can stay calm and point it out. If you are the one who spoke aggressively just try to calm down and say sorry. Have patience, don't let things escalate, and teach those skills to your children. When no one is competing, both win.

[@kevinlewis8137]

It usually is very boring, with rehashing and rehashing and rehashing. I have learned to do my best to act interested. It’s way more trouble if you don’t.

[@Mechaniclemaniac]

So you're saying be a simp? I've had better luck with stoicism which includes leadership and protecting the family.

[@gardenjoy5223]

Excellent advice. It works. But some men will try to escape this and make it look ridiculous. They are the big losers in life. They will find that out, one day. But then, to save their faces (or so they think), they will just blame their partners and act all antagonistic towards women. No, they played bad, and they lost much. That's the truth. But they love their lies more than the women in their lives.

[@dplant8961]

Hi, Folks. Some years ago. I got involved in some counselling work. It very quickly changed the way I listened. I learned that I had to listen on THREE different levels. I had to listen to WHAT people were saying, HOW they were saying it and also to what they were NOT saying. How can anybody listen to what another person is not saying? Most of that comes from listening to their tones when they are talking and observing their body language - ALL of their body language. I'm still not a really good listener 'coz I don't do enough of it now to keep those skills sharp. Just my 0.02. You all have a wonderful day. Best wishes. Deas Plant.

[@josee-karineanglade2]

What they are not saying is what's important. That's the essence of effective listening.

[@user-jk6ed9ux1t]

Can i take that counseling work ?

[@truerosie]

Good counsellors/ therapists do this. It takes being very present, to a level many people never are.

[@dplant8961]

Hi,@@josee-karineanglade2. You are entitled to your views but I think I'll stick with my approach of listening on all three levels - seemsta work best for me - and for the people with whom I work. Just my 0.02. You have a wonderful day. Best wishes. Deas Plant.

[@dplant8961]

Hi,@@truerosie. Agree. For most people, especially for men, the biggest problem is continuing to LISTEN instead of trying to formulate a reply while sorta listening. Just my 0.02. You have a wonderful day. Best wishes. Deas Plant.

[@jimmymac4559]

My wife is worried about everything under the sun. Every moment with her is doom and gloom. Everything is terrible and only bad things are going to happen. Everyone is sick and dying. Its tiresome to live with.

[@matthewk6731]

You didn't know this before you married her? I had a girlfriend like that. "It's like a black cloud follows me wherever I go." I'm not a black cloud, so I didn't follow her for long.

[@Kalkirain]

Dating before marriage is important. Only 5% are tuned-in, rationally. You're not here to buy the whole grocery store, or a random grocery item, just the one that suits your lifestyle well.

[@jimmymac4559]

@@matthewk6731 This is something that grew slowly over 20+ years.

[@ghelfling_bunny]

I'm sorry to hear that. I totally get what you are saying. What worked for me was: wanting to change, behavioral cognitive therapy and antidepressants. I'm not saying she should do the same, because worries are necessary to an extent, specially if you have a more relaxed partner. They balance each other. But in my case, it was too much. At my lowest point, I started to think: why are people happy if they know that ultimately they will die? Then I knew it wasn't normal. After a month on antidepressants, I did not relate to that thoughts anymore. However, I guess I will never be low in neuroticity. My husband also helps using humor and by remembering me that everything is fine.

[@user-cg7dg7uv8f]

My Mom is like like that and in a way it is tragic - I think, "what a waste of life to have lived so long and never enjoyed one moment of being alive", but mostly, it is very tiresome and totally draining to be around 100% negativity

[@tone3560]

This applies to dealing with ALL PEOPLE in regards to active listening

[@pwilson6439]

Thank you, Dr. Peterson. I put your advice into practice recently and by listening carefully to my wife (the resident threat detector) before offering any solutions, my life has ALREADY IMPROVED ! It takes patience, but YOU ARE REALLY ONTO SOMETHING HERE ! Thank you, good doctor.

[@Raptanax]

This reminds me of the time where my wife got into a fight with me and reconciled, all while I was asleep. She told me all about it after I woke up. She didn't realized that this was what she had done, but I pointed it out to her that she'd had the entire conversation with me by herself, without involving me, by imagining what I would have said. Despite experiences like this, she says she still wants to keep me around.

[@louisehogg8472]

How accurate was her reconstruction of you?

[@Raptanax]

@@louisehogg8472 accurate enough that I didn't disagree with any of the things she'd imagined me saying.

[@louisehogg8472]

@@Raptanax will AI, appropriately deployed, therefore actually circumvent the offence that escalated human violence, rather than adding to it after all? It seems we can hold hypothetical disputes ANYWAY, but it would allow us ALL to wake up to them already resolved! 🤣

[@Raptanax]

@@louisehogg8472 that's certainly a possibility. AI isn't ready yet, but I can see it being helpful in matchmaking services, both in romance and in business, but once AI gets to the point that it's useful on that level then it will probably become an actor (millions of actors) that fights each other as much as humans do.

[@princessdejanay2418]

The connection of talking is not as easy as it sounds . Cell phones have added yet another barrier to husband and wife closeness. Great advise Dr Peterson.

[@michelewilliams7250]

"You Have To Weave Your Stories Together Like A Rope Across Your Life ~ "

[@jeffro.]

This is good insight, i learned it long ago. More men should be sensitive to these things. One lesson i had trouble with was early in my marriage to my current wife (of 37 years): Many times when she is verbalizing problems or concerns she's having, she does NOT want you to SOLVE them for her. She just wants to vent. I had a hard time getting that to sink in, i was always offering solutions! I love everything about my wife, including the things we disagree about. Because i love that we're not the same! She is an independent thinker, and i truly value her opinion. She has good ideas. She has often changed my mind about things, if i allow her to! Or sometimes come up with new insights for borh of us. That's usually me, but i allow her to have opportunities to do so as well, because, like i said, i value her & her opinions. The things we disagree on are very minor, in perspective! Except one: we used to argue (jokingly) about which of us was smarter. We each thought it was the other. Sometimes, i think she's decided that it really is her, because she does take me for granted at times. But i still think it's me, because i chose her! (But only sfter SHE had pursued ME for so long, lol.). So i guess that one isn't settled yet.... 🤪

[@zamfiradanila1587]

haha thank you for the stories and the wise advice

[@bootz0409]

I dont know what JP is on about... there have been only 2 times I did not understand my wife: before marriage... and after marriage! 😅

[@andrewcarlson2178]

Constantly negotiating your identity could also be stated as: constantly growing, evolving and learning. If you're learning and adding new knowledge, it changes you, as does growth.

[@TheOlzee]

Could also be exhausting. Better for the man to know what he stand for and be the leader. She can fall inline or pack her things

[@YvonneHoerde]

Thank you soo much, Dr. Peterson. It is so sad that did not know that earlier. Great advice!

[@andreakear97]

This info has been abundantly clear to me and several other woman I know for decades. We don't need a band-aid or for something to be immediately fixed, just for someone to listen while we talk it through.

[@beccalove8791]

When I would voice my concerns my husband would usually respond with yelling or criticism. I learned to be quiet and keep my thoughts to myself. He didn’t do well with noisy emotional children either. He yelled and yelled and yelled. I tried to be mommy and daddy to the children which was really difficult to keep them away from him. I had a selfish husband.

[@Pamsmith59]

How did he keep this behavior from you during your courtship? Hard to believe you married a type like that.

[@NeanderthalWoman-ou8ev]

​@@Pamsmith59Easy. During courtship, he is super happy, so he's calm and pleasant. Also, he thinks you're great, doesn't see your flaws. Once you get married and have children, life becomes stressful. Then his response to stress becomes obvious: tantrums, unrealistic expectations, trying to control everything around him. Sure, there were probably red flags during courtship, but they can be hard to spot if you are not familiar with this type of person. Also, most of us want to be a good person and a pleasant partner, so during courtship we are super agreeable, always let the guy have his own way, figuring this is a mutual relationship, so the day will come when he will reciprocate. But that day never comes. Please don't blame her for marrying this person. I assure you, she already feels like an idiot for having done so, and has gone over her past choices in her mind again and again.

[@Pamsmith59]

@@NeanderthalWoman-ou8ev NOT "hard to spot" because they're there if you're looking. The entire purpose of courtship is to actually see how the other person reacts to others, to children, to your family, to his own family, to stress, to life. And, of course, divorce exists for a reason.

[@NeanderthalWoman-ou8ev]

@@Pamsmith59 I absolutely agree, that is the ideal purpose of courtship and it's what all young women should aim for. Unfortunately, not everyone makes perfectly wise decisions when they are young. Typically we don't know ourselves very well yet, we may be afraid we'll be unable to find a spouse, and we may believe our partner's actual behavior will line up with the principles they verbally affirm. Of course, anyone courting should be on a sharp lookout, but it is not helpful to Monday Morning Quarterback a person who has married someone who is more immature than she expected. Instead of helping her know how to live in this situation, it just implies she deserves all of it for having been so stupid. Might be true that she was shortsighted, but shaming people does not motivate them, it drains their energy further. When in a difficult marriage, you have to weigh thoughts of divorce carefully. If there is physical or sexual abuse, it's a no-brainer (although trying to divorce such a person might be physically dangerous and might take more strategic skills than the victim by themselves has the mental bandwidth for). If the unpleasantness is merely verbal tantrums, and the kids are small, she may calculate that a divorce would damage them more than their current home life, however less than ideal it may be. There are many situations in life that present us with no good options. Bottom line, it is very easy to find a way to blame a mom for her partner's bad behavior. Assume she is a caring & competent mother who is doing her best in the situation. I recommend the book Why Does He DO That? by Lundy Bancroft.

[@andrew.gardiner]

Hi Becca- this makes me sad bc you’re likely a lovely person. Falling in love is SO easy, but staying in love is a totally & completely different equation/experience altogether. I’m no expert, but I have learned, the hard way, that we get what we choose (accept/tolerate) in life. You have been given a rare and worthwhile opportunity to date & fall in love with YOU. And to make yourself the #1 priority in/of your life… and to also to become the sole object & recipient of your love, time, energy and attention. One can’t give something away you don’t have. XOXO Andrew

[@John-yy4kc]

That's why I love being single after my wife divorced me. Thanks honey.

[@kenriehl7852]

The problem is, is when your girlfriend or wife brings you the same problem over and over and over again and does not want to formulate a solution. At some point, I stop listening. I mean, I can’t speak for everybody else, but as a man, I don’t wanna hear that Over and over again if you don’t wanna do something about it. People in general, especially women need to suck it up and ride it out sometimes.

[@MyArgylesock]

That depends on the problem. If it’s a problem she needs to do something about you are correct but if it’s a problem that you need to do something about she doesn’t have any control beyond bringing it up.

[@manuel8617]

Just pretend like you're listening they want emotional comfort from you not necessarily a solution. Just hug her and tell her you love her , dance with her kiss her just generate another emotional landscape that she can immerse herself in and you're golden.

[@nofybn7794]

Sexist and wrong. She does, you don't listen. She can't figure out a solution. Isn't that what you guys do?! SEXIST and wrong. Maybe that should apply to men as well buddy! Suck it up and ride it out.

[@diogopereira1475]

Youre right and to me this sounds alot like emotional immaturity

[@SKOLAH]

Or maybe you need to stop offering the same one 'solution' that YOU think is a fix but she obviously doesn't, and find a real solution that suits you both. Which takes maturity. You seem bitter and aggressive, and you seem to dislike your wife. I wouldn't want to be in her position. 🤷‍♀️

[@iamthatiam44444]

I'm a female, and frankly, it's easier to be single. I've been single 20 years now😊 I'm just tired of trying to fit in to this world.

[@Rebecca-ds4vk]

💯 with you, sister. I've no need to shack up, I'm done with bearing children, and the effort to live life aligned with another infinitely complex being, and masculine too, I choose no. I think having a intimate other is part of the programme. Sex, it's just not right to constantly practice it but not want to have children. It's big business and reason for anguish constantly with immature beliefs, and reality of emotional trauma, violence, abandonment, generational trauma, nope. I'm so done. 😊

[@iamthatiam44444]

@Rebecca-ds4vk 🤣🤣 well you sure are, aren't you!? I never even bothered with kids, told my mum when I was 4 I'm not having em, she argued with me and I was very firm on it. NO, I WON'T BE HAVING KIDS☺️ Cheers from 🇦🇺🍻

[@josecajigas9210]

@@iamthatiam44444it’s easier to be single but having the correct partner is more fulfilling. Ask any grandma that. When you’re 60 you’re not going to be wishing you were single, but someone to grow old with.

[@josecajigas9210]

@@iamthatiam44444the only thing that stays when you’re old is your kids and partner. Everyone dies… think about it.

[@iamthatiam44444]

@josecajigas9210 I'll be 62 next birthday😄 I don't want someone to grow old with. I'm a lone wolf.

[@gammayin3245]

*Men are optional.* I have a great income from my career, have followed the advice from Dave Ramsey, live a modest, single life that is quite fulfilling. Men and women are my friends and I prefer to live that way, rather than risk the disrespect and outright abuse that domineering husbands or other family members have given me. Not all men are domineering and think they are superior, but rather than sifting through the options on dating sites, I want to extend this possibility of being single to all young women who would prefer to live a safe, sane and happy life. Dogs or cats can give affection, loyalty and love and they usually don't cheat. BTW: stay out of bars - that's where the alcoholics hang out.

[@Damo-np7ul]

Misery loves company, and it would appear shuns critical analysis and self-awareness. I'm surprised you have any male friends, after all men are optional according to yourself and with the way you talk about men and exclude them from your invitation of possible singles happiness. Doubt many would want to be around you. Hmmm, not so much optional then but more unavailable or out of reach, eh? Nothing wrong with being single, although most would rather be in a loving relationship, also family, closeness, touch and intimacy amongst other requirements are important for a healthy happy well-balanced life. I would advise young women to listen to women like Gammay, and then do the opposite. PS More women cheat than men.

[@MegaDeathtoislam]

I say this as a woman... men are not optional, they are ESSENTIAL. You are only able to have this life you think is so great because of the civilization that MEN have built, that MEN maintain & the protection provided by MEN. Try surviving in the wilderness a few months or years & then come tell me that men are optional. Well you won't have to move anywhere because anarchy is coming and our civilization is going to collapse soon, then you will see. The best survival unit is a male - female pair, it has been this way for millions of years.

[@cousinzeke4888]

"Where have all the good men gone?"

[@patioprimate4740]

Great way to become a bitter old woman with no loving family

[@wg820]

Dogs and cats don't take care of you when you are an old lady. Your children do! The best way to have a well adjusted child is for the child to have a married mom and dad committed for life who work at loving the spouse more than himself or herself. No other way is better. Anyone who tells you otherwise is looking to justify his or her bad behavior.

[@gremel7]

This is GREAT advice...My husband & I have been married 36 years & we take time to communicate regularly now... he really tries harder than ever to really listen to me & our marriage is better than ever....

[@framboise595]

@gremel7 Yeah great youare now rulingover your husband ! Good job !

[@delavan9141]

KZbin is suddenly 10% new content by actual creators, and 90% people riding on the backs of those creators. You've even got a sub-genre of people reacting to other people's reactions. It's ridiculous.

[@scruffynerfherder33]

You are right. I'm going to copy and paste this comment everywhere.

[@gardenjoy5223]

@@scruffynerfherder33 lol

[@williammartin2842]

Keeping the conversation going

[@frankbreuer8849]

Jordan blows fundamental misconceptions about human communication and therapy out of the water in a heart beat and in a very appreciative and validating way. Awesome.

[@waynetoneseekerandersen2213]

Speaking as a man married 24 years, we find it hard to talk for 90 seconds a week about the household and finance. Kids and work, 5 mins per day thou. Some women do not want to negotiate how they do things. My wife is one of them.

[@davidr9589]

90 minutes* a week

[@gardenjoy5223]

Wayne, lucky you?

[@andrewhobbins1915]

Many people lie about if they are qualified to have a relationship?There are more sociopaths out there than sane people. There is nothing wrong with being single because happiest isn't about having a relationship if people aren't emotionally and intellectually prepared. Our society doesn't equip people to have good relationships. Having a good relationship is literally the opposite of the capitalistic system of use and abuse. If you want to have a good relationship than abandon the establishment of the business world for starters.

[@harleymann2086]

Amazing how much romantic imagery is out there to create this video. The message is good, but would prefer to see trains moving through mountains, or something. 🤣

[@fenrir_427]

That's quite a freudian image you're asking for

[@JFDA5458]

Several years ago, a train company in the UK were forced to pull an advert for their services because they used that image.

[@harleymann2086]

@@fenrir_427 sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

[@bittehiereinfugen7723]

Yes, some people are quickly overwhelmed by slightly more complex content and it is understandable that they would much rather watch train videos, for example.

[@brucejay1409]

You mean like the final scene in North by Northwest 😂😂

[@jdstep97]

A date night for a couple of hours each week will help you get that 90-minutes in. When on your date, TALK. Forget the phones. (Well if you have kids, at least one should have the phone nearby.) No texting, no phone watching. Just talk. Of course, you can smooch the other 30 minutes. 😄

[@joey6818]

A woman still needs to take responsibility for her irrational actions and emotions. If she disrespects you just to relieve her insane anxiety there is no excuse for that. Giving her an excuse saying that, "it is just one of those days," will not cut it.

[@framboise595]

@joey6818 I perfectly agree with that. Modern women are not held accountable anymore. That's why they are such a nightmare.

[@agelessbeing8641]

You also need to consider and learn their 4 phase menstrual cycle and be sensitive to it. The problem is most women are not even in tune or listen to their own cycle or don't even experience a natural cycle. Feminine energy is not stable, she's not crazy it's up and down, a woman needs to accept and respect her divine feminine and her man or father should be a stable emotional pillar that understands her to be in his masculine. Not an emotional crybaby that mirrors her feminine but also not an emotional avoidant corpse that doesn't understand her emotions. Men should not be slaves to their emotions but masters of their emotions and emotions of all females in their lives.

[@framboise595]

@@NANINANI-cs6rn How so ? Modern men are nothing but simps who let women control them.

[@framboise595]

@@agelessbeing8641 "Feminine energy is not stable" Of course it is not. That's why it is men who have to be in charge and rule and women have to be stripped of so many rights. God knows it , it is written in the Bible but the West could not care less. Our Western world is a doomed.

[@gastube22]

This is largely good and helpful in terms of some broad generalisations, however it's No.1 important to first understand that all women are not the same. The cliche that all men are the same (usually said by women...) is of course just as false. So assumptions that women will think or behave according to some theoretical model that men dream up, whilst possibly helpful in some respects, are also inevitably somewhat flawed - at least when it comes to the detail. It's rather that each sex tends to have certain traits more frequently, or more in prominence, than the other, and it can be very helpful to understand this. Especially if you happen to be lacking in something that your partner is expecting, or is hoping for, in you - such as the ability to listen well. Understanding the needs and thought-traits of a particular woman are part of the process of getting to know her as a complex beautiful individual - but guidance such as this video can help direct us on a new aspect of this process that we might not have previously considered.

[@arthurblennerhassett429]

I was aware of each idiot step that lead to the breakdown of the relationship. I was also aware of how powerless I was to prevent them, even if I fully knew the outcome.

[@billpetersen298]

Ouch! Yes I know too.

[@alespogacnik]

I feel you....cause I did the same....sorry for your undesired outcome.

[@patrickrampy6885]

I could see our impending divorce coming a couple of years in advance, but I didn't know how to change the trajectory.

[@gardenjoy5223]

That must have been really frustrating! Next time, try it with some powerful help. Ask Jesus Christ into your life and heart and listen to His word in the Bible and in the correction and reassurance in your heart. That really makes a lot of difference in how competent a person is.

[@FindTheTRUTH337]

Following this advice requires wisdom ,intentionality, and commitment.

[@timothyn4699]

I'm very logical in my thinking and direct, this helps me make more sense of and be more understanding of women and their mindset, thanks for the vid

[@GhostAdvocate13]

Customer care 101: Let the client vent. Remain calm. Listen. Emphasize with their feelings. Gently offer a solution. Profit.

[@James-dt7ky]

Never treat a woman like an object. It hates that.

[@razbest]

Lol

[@stevegaines-vq3bd]

hahaha.....good one...

[@alexletemoin]

😂

[@darioberretta7130]

😂😂😂

[@Cov930]

Not unless she’s getting paid then it’s ok to entirely

[@wkrp01]

"Be a compassionate listener" is good advice not just for men, but also for women.

[@user-zy6gu5sh9l]

I am guilty of not listening to my wife. As a police officer I have been solving people’s basic life problems for many years. I realized that if I can listen to strangers problems who can barely make it through the day without calling the police to solve their basic life issues, I could take the time to listen to my wife, my best friend.

[@gardenjoy5223]

Good for you. That will make your marriage much nicer for the both of you :)

[@framboise595]

@user-zy6gu5sh9l Adam was found guilty by God of listening to his wife and this has led to our current human tragedy . Men who listen to women usually fall into huge traps and they don't even realise it.

[@gardenjoy5223]

@@framboise595 Wow, first: obviously Adam didn't explain the whole thing well enough to his wife, for she says they cannot even tough the fruit, but that was not part of God's command. Second: the Bible holds him more responsible than her ("in Adam all sinned"). It is so of the devil, the way you write against women! Don't you dare think you belong to Christ. For Christ loves his church and cherishes her and makes her shine. But you throw dirt on half of his church. Your heart is very far away from how Christ is. By the way: almost all cult leaders were and are men, leading many in huge traps. And they don't even realize it. The Southern Baptist "church" in the USA teaches the crap you just spit out.

[@Journey1968]

Sounds bites of Jordan Peterson is always GOLD.

[@nano7586]

It's important to distinguish this from toxicism.

[@christydurham5464]

I told my husband years ago he needed to treat our daughter with kindness yet he didn't listen and 5 years later she doesn't want to have anything to do with him. Wish he would of listened to me.

[@Dethian666]

Great speech! hope for less confusion and manipulation

[@DemonsCrest1]

awesome video! and thanks for providing a link to the full thing. for anyone else who is interested, the bit in the original where he talks about this is about 5 mins and 40 seconds in.

[@brentazevedo3845]

The woman is drama driven. I’ve hardly the time to sort out what it is that the woman fails to be able to communicate. I’ll keep my piece of mind and my money, thank you.

[@yummygummy2133]

I bet you're fun to be around 😌

[@hannahjones8992]

​@@yummygummy2133😂😂😂😂❤

[@TheDYLAUGHING]

Whole mind is preferable to piece brother.

[@JackHaveman52]

@@yummygummy2133 I'm the same way and strangely enough, I am a fun guy to be around. I'm divorced and I have no interest in a serious relationships but I spend lots of time with women, even travelling with them. But, I've seen how they can be extremely toxic. The minute they start complaining, I'm outta there. Why not? Women don't need men. I don't need women. I'm a happy go lucky guy and I'll hang out with anyone until they become too demanding and grasping. When that happens, I leave with a smile on my face, whether you're a man or a woman. No fights, no arguments and no battles over property.

[@sarahscharnett8233]

Fairly certain there's an important typo in the captions at 5:14. Peterson is actually saying, "He said that he could see all women IN his wife." If so, the takeaway from this friend he's calling so wise makes perfectly profound sense.

[@Cpt_Adama]

He forgot to mention the most important reasons why woman initiate 75%-80% of divorce: The huge payday & the favorable advantage women get in family court are the real reasons.

[@RubenWalsh-iv5ik]

Jordan is simp in many ways

[@VLOGNOSIS]

In the beginning of this video he says that it's possible women pick up on negative signals before men do. If this were true, then why is almost every one of them a single mom with multiple abusive ex's? The consistently pick bad partners. No wonder good men choose to live alone🤷

[@MB-of1bk]

All that is true with normal women, but if she's a narcissist then all that goes out the window, because a narc thrives on creating chaos and problems.

[@Kalkirain]

Maybe engage only with the fully capable grownups.

[@Mike-rg6ri]

We have 3 daughters. All 3 are hard working, very capable, tremendously successful young women who are great leaders. But all 3 have said in regards to getting married, "I just want a man to tell me what to do!" And all 3 have said that when they're losing their minds, which happens at least once a month, they just want a man who will tell them the truth. They're disappointed in what society has called men. Instead, they want a solid rock for a husband--they know they need a man.

[@charlesfravola7830]

I’d rather be alone!!!!!

[@user-cg7dg7uv8f]

Yes. This stuff makes me bone weary just listening to it - the amount of noise-to-signal ratio

[@jisarayalaportugal885]

One of the healthiest women i know once told me, "i focuse in 3 things: atraction, how you make me feel and how you treat me"

[@delavan9141]

Could someone explain to us the reason why these people who re-package other people's work and profit off other people's work, never even provide a link to the source they are stealing from?

[@JNChannel95]

Good question. This conversation in particular I recognize from Shawn Ryans show. It's Episode 108.

[@Alas-xj8cr]

When I'm in public I always recognize two things immediately; threats and beautiful women. I can't help it, it is because I'm a man. So I don't think women see threats more easily than men I think they obsess over them when they see them whereas a man categorizes it and decides what he will do if it becomes real and then moves on. Another but related point: When I am out in public with friends and strangers I can read people's faces (no big deal anyone can, even babies do it) and see stress, happiness, anger, whatever. But I generally choose to not react to it and not talk about it. Women see the same things and feel obligated to talk about it. Which by the way is a mistake because the same person that you recognize has an issue can look at you and determine you are talking about them and that leads to problems. The trick is to make it appear you are oblivious but to react as a wise person would. Poker face, don't let people read you.

[@johnmaxwell1356]

"Women initiate about 75% of divorces, you might say that women are primarily troublesome within a relationship". If he had stopped there he would be correct. And while each relationship is different...the fact that roughly 75% of ALL divorces are initiated by women, would indicate that women, overwhelmingly, take issue with their husband. Men are generally easy going, women are ever changing. As a result of that constant change it's almost impossible for any man to navigate a relationship. It's like dating the weather: should I wear a jacket today?, is it going to rain; is it going to be 75 degrees and beautiful...or did I say something "wrong" and now I have a tornado to deal with?

[@HandleMitCare]

Trying to understand women is like trying to figure out what color the number seven smells like.

[@TrishHermit]

It's because men wont stop cheating and using porn. That is literally the statistic.

[@TrishHermit]

"..or did I say something "wrong" and now I have a tornado to deal with?" Easy fix, stop saying things that you know will upset her... maybe?

[@user-cg7dg7uv8f]

@@TrishHermit - Or how about not getting upset at everything he says? Which changes continuously depending on her stress levels, interactions with other people, and her hormonal fluctuations

[@TrishHermit]

@@user-cg7dg7uv8f ,So she isn't allowed to get upset ever then, since you think she does all the time, so each time will be wrong? Lol. You know I see men say this all the time and it's an effort to silence so you can get your way. Don't use hormones as an excuse. We ladies might start using testosterone as an excuse to not speak like you do to us.

[@xiongjacob2739]

It makes sense that women are more sensitive. A bad woman is a woman who makes an excuse, a good one finds the problem, a great woman finds a problem, solves it, if unable to are not afraid to ask the husband for help.

[@NUKEzx10r]

I am sorry for my former actions.

[@Thelastetherborn]

Idk what you did but, you can always do better. You are forgiven if you can forgive yourself. Good luck my friend ❤

[@paulkirjonen1226]

Popular media says you should have no regrets, but the opposite is true. Having some regrets is a sign of a mature, responsible and moral human being who is aware of the consequences of their actions. These are prerequisites to having regrets.

[@kenriddle3552]

Something that can be said about most of us. We are typically sorry for something we did or didn’t do or say.

[@gardenjoy5223]

Smart of you. For this makes you escape former mistakes and changes your chances for a much better outcome from now on! God bless!

[@rainbow72878]

Interesting...i found most men dont spend time communicating authentically. If we love them we want to help solve issues, but found if i try and its not what they want to hear, they shut down. Not that im concrete with my response but exploring and wishing they would continue exploring with me as a connection and continuing to relate and be helpful.

[@bytejuggler]

So what do you do if your wife is extremely disagreeable? Like she seems to think she needs to always take a contrary view or position. Sometimes you just want someone to listen and be understood.

[@brashmane2749]

Bonus points when she immediately changes her position once you validate her viewpoint (into whatever other position that is antagonistic to the original one)...

[@bytejuggler]

@@brashmane2749 I know right?!

[@gardenjoy5223]

It looks like you've reached the point where couples therapy steps in. The therapist (when he/she is any good) will be able to play advocate for Both of you. The fresh look of a good professional, who knows to ask the right questions, can make a lot of difference. If your wife disagrees to come with you (that's her main problem, as you identify it), you can go by yourself and see if you can glean some insights from the therapist, as you explain the problems as they arise.

[@gardenjoy5223]

@@TheOlzee Olzee, the extreme way you react... You seem to be Very Triggered and possibly suffer from a some Disorder, like FASD or NPD! This is Very Unhealthy and utterly selfish behavior. Totally loveless. (No matter what the believed cause in this threat.) You seem to be at war! So much inner turmoil. I strongly advice you to seek a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis. Perhaps something can be done and you can be more at peace with yourself and the world at large. Wishing you well.

[@framboise595]

@@TheOlzee " Then tell her YOUR rules" Good point. Women are always impressed by power . Male power. Phallic power. I'm female btw

[@crazywiener11]

There comes a point in a relationship where you have to become considerate of the woman's feelings. If you don't, she may look elsewhere for emotional intimacy. So many relationships break down that way. You still have to be a man, but you will find that part of that is dealing with internal emotions. Then, you realise that the relationship has taught you something about yourself and so this 'problem' has become a beautiful thing. It has deepened your understanding of yourself and strengthened your relationship in the process. The main point being is how you respond to the problem, not the problem itself.

[@kentonkirkpatrick5225]

So the man must listen to the woman but she won't listen to you? Sounds perfect

[@billyliar1614]

You've got no choice, she will only want to talk about herself. One running theme you consistently come across from both Left and Right is that it's always the man's fault, especially if the man is from a Western background. A man must have mastery, and yet not have mastery. He must be generous, and yet not financially irresponsible. He must have a good sense of humour, and yet he should 'grow up', be responsible and take things seriously. The moral ? Forget the theories and forget appeasement.

[@donnaking8294]

@@kentonkirkpatrick5225 We are to listen to each other. - It is a mutual reciprocity.

[@donnaking8294]

Please also read my response to @billyliar1614

[@GnomeInPlaid]

The reverse of the woman listening to the man is a different video.

[@prophetdr.danareece3748]

Men really don’t understand how easy women really are. If they would really focus on listening to her and not avoiding and shutting down, and stepping up to lead, things would improve dramatically. On the flip side, women need to shift into their feminine and not be so bossy and controlling. Women need to stop being so insecure, and easily triggered, and focus on being positive and reasonable. I think sometimes women want the “accessory” of having a husband, but don’t really want to put him and the marriage first. It requires intention and commitment on both sides. It’s really not hard. Doing the inner work will be required.

[@framboise595]

I know a man who focused on listening to his wife . His name was Adam....

[@kirstisamuelsen3712]

So wise.I will work to reach that level

[@ingelabounty8886]

I've learned the hard way...men don't want to listen when a woman is on to something that they are guilty of. She's right 90% of the time. Her intuitions & gut feelings are guiding her...SHE KNOWS WHEN SERVED LIES. 🌹

[@prophetdr.danareece3748]

As a woman I can say that women aren’t always right, just like men aren’t always right.. Sometimes women let their fears and insecurity take control.

[@jeffmiller2682]

A womans answer

[@stefanmatton8778]

Women want, nay demand this, yet are unable to reciprocate it when asked to do the same. Dont expect anything if all you do is take from others

[@Stephanieforbeshamilton]

Someone has done a real number on you.

[@Scottlp2]

@@StephanieforbeshamiltonPeterson is brilliant in many areas. Dating advice in 2024 ain’t one of them,

[@nofybn7794]

VERY VERY VERY WRONG. WOMEN DO FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR MORE THAN MEN.

[@Stephanieforbeshamilton]

@@nofybn7794 we're not supposed to point that out. 🤣🤣🤣

[@Grayslakegunner]

​@@Scottlp2 Yes, if you should disagree with them. Then the response is, who hurt you? Notice they avoid responding to what you are saying. Let's drag the conversation down to your impaired, hurt self for bringing up such a uneasy topic. Peterson is great about the beta bucks side of things, but not so much about the Alpha f--ks side of things. Perhaps too close to home with his daughter being a single Mom and all.

[@user-cg7dg7uv8f]

Peterson starts from the assumption that we all like figuring out puzzles, like he does, when we don't, and that his way of dealing with the world is The Way.

[@gardenjoy5223]

Don't. Ever. Get. Into. A. Relationship. PERIOD. This man is a profound clinical psychologist. He's read the statistics of what works and what not, for starters. And you just dismiss it. like it was but his own small preference. Yikes.

[@user-cg7dg7uv8f]

@@gardenjoy5223 - Your user name is a misnomer - you are a real killjoy

[@robpolaris7272]

I’d say women are more agreeable to social pressure. If a woman is happy, but her friends tell her to dump a guy or to cheat. Most of the time they will submit eventually. If their friends tell them she should get divorced, most of the time they will. Not the first time it is mentioned but over time they tend to submit to social pressure. This isn’t just an opinion, it has been proven over and over in experiments.

[@framboise595]

@robpolaris5002 " they tend to submit to social pressure" The woman was made for submission and man for leadership , so the woman will always submit to someone or something even the worst thing ever. The problem today is that they don't submit to their husbands anymore and never to pressured to do so. The video totally silences this critical reality.

[@robpolaris7272]

@@framboise595 They are being told by society and their friends they will be happy if they sleep with every guy they meet, no kids, no commitment. They are finding out at 40 it’s not so much fun being alone.

[@framboise595]

@@robpolaris7272 I know that. Another evidence that this video is bogus : women don't detect threat at all .

[@burtingtune]

In my experience, women often seem oblivious to threat, not seeing an obviously dangerous situation and thinking thins are just fine.

[@tanyadeanne164]

Brilliant. He's nailed this 100%, is my conclusion. If men understood this, .......I mean, I really believe it would easily save countless marriages. I mean......if people could eliminate the outside influences as well. Because those also unfortunately contribute (I mean wandering eyes, i.e., adultery, so forth).

[@mattk6719]

"75% of divorces are initiated by women" May explain why many long-lived cultures generally did not allow women to initiate divorce--to preserve marriages from unilateral female abandonment.

[@bittehiereinfugen7723]

​@@mattk6719Yes, the creation and maintenance of such regulations has been very beneficial to one half of humanity. It was so wonderfully convenient to keep women legally, economically and socially dependent. Where else would a man end up if he had to develop further as a human being...?

[@gardenjoy5223]

@@bittehiereinfugen7723 Excellent response to a very indecent comment!

[@gardenjoy5223]

@@mattk6719 IF you had paid any attention at all, you'd know by the end of the video, that women merely are better in detecting marital problems. Women just want to feel truly loved. They will give you their everything, if you make them feel truly loved and appreciated. But Very Many 'Men' indeed are so underdeveloped in their beings, that they will not invest the time and energy needed for a happy wife. Which is self-destructive in many ways, for there is truth in the saying 'Happy Wife - Happy Life'. When a woman wants a divorce, in Many cases that is because she feels abandoned First in her values and needs as a wife. And she has tried Everything to get through to her husband and then there comes a point of despair, where it hurts her Less if she's alone, than if she stays with such a man. That's when she files for divorce. When she's at the end of her rope and then some. And still 'men' like you are too thick in the scull and too self-centered to even notice. So you want to do the utter betrayal: force her. May God Himself judge you for this immense sin of yours!

[@cousinzeke4888]

​@@bittehiereinfugen7723It must have been awful for those women, having all of their needs handled with none of the responsibilities. I couldn't imagine the hardship of having someone else voluntarily taking on the burden of caring for me forever, while I get to focus on the one most fulfilling thing in the world. Truly hell on earth.

[@isabelbard853]

I ended things with a guy I was dating recently for a lot of reasons. But a main one was because he didn't listen when it really mattered to me. I once told me about a difficult experience I had in elementary school and how it and other experiences had really soured the concept of public school for me, and I want to homeschool my kids, and he gave me the standard, "But it's all in the past now," and "How are you going to socialize your kids without public school?" I found that really disrespectful. He didn't care about my experience and anything outside of his comfort zone. He wasn't a bad guy, but he was subtly desperate, insecure, and a little obsessed with my appearance. He told me I was beautiful 5 times and stunning once that night. It doesn't matter how attracted to me he is if his devotion to me is superficial. I wasn't attracted to him; I should never have dated him as long as I did.

[@cousinzeke4888]

Socializing kids is such a dumb complaint against homeschooling. I for one do not want my kids fitting in today and besides, just because you're homeschooling doesn't mean you're locked in the house. Go out and do stuff, bring them with you on errands etc.

[@timothypeterson59]

This maybe true for a vast majority but when you’re married to a narcissist this will never change. You both have to listen and be open minded. Working together.

[@RhetoricalMuse]

Those people whould choose wiser.

[@patrickrampy6885]

Narcissists don't understand "work together".

[@RhetoricalMuse]

@@patrickrampy6885 They do, if they benefit from it

[@gardenjoy5223]

True. Tragic, but true. Narcissists are evil abusers. They are spiders: first they get your into their web with false charm. Then they imprison you in their net and suck the life right out of you. Personally, I do not believe it a sin, when someone frees himself from an evil abuser, that lured you into marriage on false pretends.

[@kevinhall3449]

Aaahh, listening - guess I missed that detail. Thx for the info Dr J, again.

[@timh3561]

Glad my relationship with my wife isn't like that.Walking on egg shells acting as a therapist for her needs. My wife would think I was a dork.

[@flyharvey6666]

For real

[@JustCammie]

That's not what this information is suggesting....

[@stevendegreef93]

@@JustCammieIt is actually, if you think about it

[@TheOlzee]

Totally agree

[@Coffs-yq7qw]

More like this please, Jordan your work is amazing, after enjoying yrs of your advice this clip was presented perfectly. Thank you