Men Share BIGGEST Red Flags in Other Men

[@Cuestar]

hammed burger :(

[@littleshyghost674]

watching your videos is better than eating a really good hamburger

[@lebonk8081]

I looove reddit readings, ESPECIALLY when they're NOT done using tts

[@extremelyhappysimmer]

Better than a non hammed burger tho

[@lebonk8081]

DER BURGER!!!!!!

[@innorege8119]

Absolutely not

[@davidnissim589]

I have a couple: - Won't let you have male friends or see your friends. This is probably the biggest red flag a guy can give off. - Doesn't cook or clean because "that's a woman's job." Cooking and cleaning are life skills that everyone needs to know, not just women. - "Women don't go for nice guys!"

[@spiderlily7058]

I dated a guy who hated that I had male friends and would get upset when they texted me or wanted to hang out. Accused me of cheating multiple times, and it got to the point where I got a knot in my gut whenever my phone when off when I was with him, because if one of my male friends texted me, it would lead to a fight. Once, I mentioned the name of someone who I described as a former friend, clearly implying that we were no longer hanging out or talking to each other (this friendship had ended long before my ex and I ever dated), and he flew off the handle, demanding to know "who the hell X was" and why I "never told him about the guy." The former friend wasn't even important to the story, he just happened to be involved.

[@davidnissim589]

@@spiderlily7058 oh jeez. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. Are you ok now?

[@spiderlily7058]

@@davidnissim589 Yeah, I'm fine. Just kind of astounded I even put up with that. Glad to be rid of him.

[@cult_of_odin]

Statistical a guy isn't wrong for not liking his gf to have male friends. 90% of them are are just biding their time in an attempt to get in a relationship with the girl. I've heard girls claim "oh he's like my brother he would never even think of me in that way" tell them to call the guy and ask to have sex and see what he says.

[@cult_of_odin]

As for cooking and cleaning I can do both but why should I be expected to do half the household chores when I work 10 hours a day and she has no job?

[@BaadGoat0819]

As a married man, I would say if he starts sending you sexually charged texts (before you start it, and on the first day of texting) it would be a flag. That shows intent. If he's actually trying to court you, and you want those sexual conversations, go for it, that's good. But if he goes straight to sex talk, go with your instinct

[@kolonarulez5222]

Applies to all genders: if they laugh at or dismiss a real issue of yours. Nothing made me feel more crazy or alone than when I was told "No one wants to hear that."

[@itsalwayshalloweenexceptwh5118]

This happened to a high school buddy of mine. We kept in touch during and after college, he got a gf and eventually started living with her. There was an increase in our email contact, as he was highly stressed with work and home life and he needed someone to talk to about his stress. I don't remember if I was the one that asked or if he just told me but he told me when he wanted to talk to her about his issues or worries she would always say she didn't want to hear it, BUT if she wanted to talk to him about her worries and issues then of course he had to listen and help. She found out he was venting to me and forbade him from mailing me at all, and forbade him from having long conversations on WhatsApp. He did as she told him. They got married, I was invited to the wedding. They both looked really happy so I hoped things were better for them. Our contact gradually decreased to zero, I haven't heard from him in years. A few years ago he would still say "let's meet up with the gang, it's been so long" every so often, but it never actually happened. I stopped sending him new years wishes because I felt I was intruding and if he responded he was doing something he wasn't allowed to. He stopped initiating contact as well. That is one marriage I don't want to get between. As I understand it he does have one friend and that does make me feel a bit relieved, because otherwise I would feel partially responsible for letting his wife isolate him.

[@_catboy_]

@@joshrust7691 lol no

[@_catboy_]

@@joshrust7691 Please don't. I'd rather not have someone patronizingly pray for me because they think I'm going to hell for knowing gender (even sex) is fluid. Mind your own business please 👍

[@_catboy_]

@@joshrust7691 I hope you don't have a blessed week! Told a Christian friend about you and they said that praying for someone without consent is disgusting, and now you're going to tell a bunch of people to do the thing I asked you not to. You can fuck right off, I guarantee your God does not think I'm the problem.

[@oellappen269]

@joshrust7691 Yea, please pray for that dude. He's probably not even grown up and believes everything which fit's into his narcissist narrative. Stay strong brother and God bless you!

[@cheshirepat30]

In mental health, the abusive relationship red flags we look for are controlling money, controlling transportation, and controlling communication with others.

[@slashbash1347]

Some I've noticed: 1. Thinks men and women cannot simply be friends. Anyone who thinks this is a coomer. They will either cheat or cut you off from your friends. 2. Doesn't like any of your friends. A man should WANT to get to know your friends, and at least attempts to get along with them. 3. Says things like "you're going to leave me too." Brings up his exes constantly. 4. Gets mad over the pettiest issues. If he can't handle the little stuff, how's he going to handle the big stuff? 5. Expect you to change for him but as for him changing for you? "That's just who I am." All of these I noticed in one guy, who married a former friend of mine. Marriage makes all red flags go away but only because there's no point in a warning when you're already there.

[@ScarletteRose164]

Idk about number one. It mostly only applies to men. Their only motivation for being nice to women it seems is the possibility of sex. As a woman I can be friends with guys but they always try to turn it sexual even when I state repeatedly and specifically that I want friendship, zero romance. EVER! They always think they can convince me otherwise and I kick them off to the curb Asap. It's why I don't keep male friends anymore. It always happens. Never had a guy friend that hadn't tried anything and they get upset when I say no as if I owe them.

[@Raebrained]

This seems to apply to both toxic men and women

[@phantom-X2086]

@@Raebrained True, I've also heard many people say men and women can't be friends because the guy will try to get with the girl and that just made me feel like all I am is a womanizer or something just because I want to be friends with a woman

[@JaseekaRawr]

This is a great list. I was trapped in an abusive relationship for an entire decade by a man that displayed every single one of these. 😭 I've since gotten out, but it was insanely hard. I still carry the scars mentally from it. I don't have a single friend, still, bc he ruined my ability to make & maintain friendships, when before I met him I was a "social butterfly". 🥺 I'm working on it currently. One of the biggest red flags goes along with your #2. The way he cut me off from my friends was this: he'd start a fight whenever I got home from hanging out with my friends. Big fights, too. It got so bad that it got to the point where I just stopped hanging out with my friends to avoid those fights. Then slowly I lost touch with all of them. Then the abuse got worse & worse. I'm writing this so others can see how it happens. If you're in a relationship that sounds familiar to this, RUN! Immediately. Never look back! It will save your life, I promise you. 🙏🏻

[@atamalethatwantstotalk5177]

On number 4 I agree and disagree I've seen people complain about prettiest things then actual big stuff comes they act like nothings wrong. I guess it depends on some people

[@ruddiko]

The last one thing you mention, oversharing, can also be a sign of anxiety, adhd, autism, and alot more, not just a "red flag" for a bad partner. Judging someone by ONE thing is very much a red flag tho

[@Lovelightandmusicisall]

Yessss so true

[@JadeAnnabelArt]

I will tell my life story to the first person who listens because I have no filter. So thank you for your comment.

[@samhg3658]

My dad's a good person and all, but the moment he meets somebody new he over shares so many things it's scary. Like, barely meets a guy and he be telling the story of his life as if he's talking to a life long friend. Idk if he's neurodivergent though.

[@NatureFreak1127]

I used to do this, I have anxiety, depression and I am almost sure some mild ADHD. I always knew I shouldn't, but the urge was too strong. Only when some shady people tried to use it against me in work setting finally made me shut up. It took a lot of stress to counter that urge. I am glad I don't do it anymore.

[@eyesofthecervino3366]

Red flag doesn't necessarily mean someone's bad news, though. It's just something to take notice of, so you can be aware of any patterns emerging.

[@kirahoney2068]

This reminded me of a dude I went on a date with, who asked me out three times before I finally said yes, even though I didn’t really want to and had made it clear I’d just had a bad breakup and didn’t want to be dating anyone (I was a bit of a people pleaser back then, and had trouble putting my foot down about things). While we were on the date, he made a joke about how he ‘hoped he wouldn’t have to ask me three times every time we went on a date’, at which point it hit me- not only does he not think my ‘no’ means anything, but knows it, and sees it as something to be joked about. That was when I decided I needed to bugger off out of there, and not get hung up on hurting his feelings, since clearly he didn’t care much about mine. Also he ate my Mcdonald’s hash brown without asking, which is unforgivable

[@JadaCarlton]

not the hash brown!

[@AngelaMerici12]

The hash brown... I H@TE when people ale my food without asking. I would never eat with that person again.

[@Sliverbane]

6:00 Lost a friend to suicide over this exact issue. He was obsessed with treating his wife like a goddess- cooking for her, cleaning for her, cancelling plans with long time friends on a whim because she wanted something trivial. His wife was a vampire that sucked the joy out of the room. We'd be hanging out and it's only 8pm on a Saturday...and he'd say: 'Gotta go, have to make the Wifey dinner.' O_o -WTF!? He alienated people and created a rift to make sure she was treated like a queen. (Edit: He also stopped/lessened a few of his hobbies [gaming/collecting figures, anime] to placate her.) In the mean time he was not dealing with depression, anxiety and deep seated PTSD; He had only recently realized he had experienced sexual assault as a child. When they got married we all tried to include her, but he always found an excuse to not be present. When we did actually get together at their place, she'd hide in the bedroom. I'm sure she needed some help as well. Their marriage fell apart and they split up. While I still chatted with him online....I stayed away. I was still hurting from all the broken promises. I hate that I didn't realize how much he was hurting too. In the end...he took his own life. The crazy wife couldn't even be bothered to tell anyone.... She posted some vague 'RIP' on Facebook like her goldfish died. His friends didn't even realize he was gone. We had to find out from his extended family days after.

[@davidlisteresq]

Red flag for both men and women: if they talk about all or most of their exes negatively. Its a sign that its most likely they are the problem and not all their exes.

[@crlozwzhrornot2013]

Biggest red flag are the "Where my hug at?" Dudes

[@Unlikely_Neutral]

No and stop should trigger an immediate ‘what’s wrong?’ response be it verbally, physically (freezing, stepping away) or both. Years ago as a teen my mate was clearing game data from her stepbrothers PS4 to download another game (had his permission) I don’t know what happened but right as she pressed delete I saw in the split second before it goes to the confirmation screen that ALL the games had suddenly highlighted, I quickly said “Stop” and raised my hand out, she instinctively froze and looked at me in concern, I calmly explained what I saw and she went back to the selection screen and we saw everything had indeed been selected somehow. She was thankful I saw it and we avoided it but I was thankful with how quickly and seriously responded to a “Stop” out of nowhere.

[@goodnightgoodnightgoodnight]

love bombing is not just a way to manipulate someone to forgive abusive behavior, but its a method lots of abusers use in the early stages of a relationship to get the victim attached. though yeah, the word gets misused a lot

[@ununhexium]

the instant vulnerability thing is REAL. i've been studying abuse for awhile and i've gotten pretty good at detecting the red flags. i picked up my car from the mechanic a couple months ago and as I was paying, he somehow started telling me about how his mom died of cancer and he had to take care of her. I know intellectually I am expected to be like "oh how horrible, etc." but I literally was shocked to see the red flag happening to me and just said "oh okay." lol

[@iloveplasticbottles]

If he's nice to you but not to others, then he's not a nice person at all. This applies to everyone.

[@syenite]

The one that's "if you have a guy friend and they say another guy gives off weird vibes" can absolutely go two different ways. I was dating this one dude for about 6 months when a guy friend started telling me that my new bf wasn't treating me well. He'd pull me aside and say "I don't like the way he treats you." and then he would give specific examples, and explain why he thought it was wrong. Fast forward a year, and I'm getting a restraining order against my bf. My guy friend was absolutely right. Another case: I had been casually flirting with a guy for about 2 months. A guy friend started saying "he gives off bad vibes" and "I just got a bad feeling." Couldn't ever give anything more concrete than "vibes." As time went on, it became obvious to me that the guy friend was a Nice Guy. He wasn't saying that the guy I was romantically interested in was bad because he cared about me, he was saying it cause he was jealous that he wasn't the object of my attention.

[@Revelwoodie]

Huge red flag that people tend to think of as minor at first: Men (or women I suppose) who are slobs. If you go over to his house for the first time and it looks like a teenager's bedroom, take that seriously. He's not going to get better when you're married. On the contrary, he'll get worse, because he will start expecting you to take on a motherly role - cleaning up after him, making appointments for him, etc. That gets old REAL quick, especially once you have kids. Even if he cleans up his act for a while when wooing you, he will almost certainly revert to his old habits once he has you locked down. Seriously, don't date a slob, you'll regret it.

[@nekojen9]

I have ADD and deppresion. But I don't expect anyone to look after me.

[@PettyIsMyMiddleName]

I learned the hard way. Dated someone, asked me to move in and when I did I deep cleaned his apartment because I like living in cleanliness lol. He came home and said “ you act like company is coming “? I was like noooo you know how I kept my apartment nice and tidy I’m just doing the same . Worse experience ever!

[@Revelwoodie]

@@PettyIsMyMiddleName Did you ever do that thing where you're like, "I'll just stop doing it! He'll learn! He'll step up when he has no choice!" Then you're horrified to discover he doesn't even notice, because he has no problem at all living in filth?

[@NM-jd9ck]

Also shows they have no manners and social awareness because a normal person would definitely make sure they clean up before inviting a person over for the first time

[@amber7591]

Absolutely!

[@mytruecrimelibrary]

I love that Cue just straight up told a redditor that he hates his username and that he needs to change it 🤣

[@JuliaMarieH]

This is Reddit, you can’t change it lol

[@donniejefferson9554]

@@JuliaMarieH He just needs to start over. Name needs to change one way or another

[@AzriusN]

The biggest red flag for me is any man who calls himself a sapiosexual. I've yet to meet one that wasn't a pretentious predator obsessed with the smell of his own farts and immediately threatened by anyone smarter than him. My spouse attracts their kind constantly.

[@EMbosliceN777]

Well I could see how that could be something go be concerned about. A few that I've met are total misogynistic creeps who think they are better then everyone but just come off ass bitter because they're so judgemental and to me, not that intelligent. But there are some that truly are attracted to people because of their intelligence. I think the trick to figuring that out would be to spend some time woth that person to gage their intelligence with their interactive, observational, and objective qualities. See if they are what they claim to be attracted to, ya know. But yeah, I feel you on what you said.

[@AzriusN]

@@EMbosliceN777 Define "Intelligence."

[@jl4260]

Lol I totally agree. Men who call themselves that give me the ick 😅

[@EMbosliceN777]

@@AzriusN knowledge + experience + wisdom =intelligence

[@EMbosliceN777]

Knowledge and experience being applied of course gives you wisdom. Speaking to or of that to another person can give you a sense of intelligence. Someone who actively thinks for themselves, questions everything, and is self aware and mindful. Being smart and/booksmart does not make someone intelligent.

[@maddiemcnugget1076]

I would like to tell everyone, it’s not “toxic” to keep track of yellow or red flags. Writing down things is good for the brain to process things. Of course don’t be overly critical and sometimes it’s good to look at the most charitable interpretation. I think writing or talking it out can help with this.

[@jacksonfitzsimmons4253]

Keeping a list of slights (small or large) that someone commits against you is incredibly toxic and is approaching mass shooter territory

[@-nvmanyhow1436]

@@jacksonfitzsimmons4253 Not necessarily. It all depends on how you use it. The key word here is *processing.* Writing about you feelings or talking about them with a friend or a therapist can be incredibly helpful to work through your thoughts about someone's questionable behaviour, assess and gain clarity in the situation. Like why did the questionable thing that person did/said make you uncomfortable? Was it because of some unresolved issues they have or maybe you have that you could work on together, or is it a potential sign that of something more troubling and you should proceed with caution. It is completely different from if you make laundry list of things that upset just to whip it out during an argument to use againt the other person, or even just as a way of bottling up you resentment. The difference is the goal - do you write about the things that upset you because want to understand _why_ you feel the way you do, or merely to justify yourself and being upset? This sort of self analysing excersise can be very helpful for people-pleasers who have trouble with setting up healthy boundaries and standing up for themselves.

[@nekojen9]

I unintentionally do this by writing in a diary. It helps pin point earlier signs and that it's not all in your head.

[@HeadOnAStick]

I'm a married guy who just turned 60. I agree with the general take on these red flags. But it's worth acknowledging that most people are a little f***ed up because some bad shit happened that they haven't yet figured out and processed. Often how it plays out is that you're attracted to someone who is in certain key ways like a character from the past, usually mom or dad, recreating the original drama. If the outcome is the same, you are retraumatized. But if you (plural), motivated by your love for one another and desire not to hurt one another, manage to recognize the patterns and learn, grow and overcome, the experience can be very healing. Sure, watch out for the red flags. But attraction will inevitably take you back to the scene of the crime, so get ready to psychologically CSI the shit out of yourselves. You're getting naked with someone, for real. Or you can hide your heads in the sand, and neither know someone nor be known by them. But I can't imagine that's very fulfilling.

[@Jacketsfan96]

This is insanely true 👏👏👏

[@sevcrycat]

That seems true but also going to therapy getting out of that trauma and then dating someone who also worked on their trauma before hand sounds much better.

[@BananasForSale]

makes sense

[@HeadOnAStick]

@@sevcrycat Yeah, I agree. Maybe trauma is too strong a word for what I meant by "a little f***ed up". The kind of thing where you don't know you need therapy until you're in the relationship and the shit comes out. Therapy can really help you grow and overcome. But learning how to love the one you love and be loved by them is the proving ground, IMO.

[@chengliu872]

A major one in my opinion is when someone constantly has to prove how dominant they are.

[@ibabechanel]

What's the implication of this ?

[@chengliu872]

@@ibabechanel: that they are insecure.

[@ibabechanel]

@@chengliu872 Ok.

[@rachelnstephens]

2:47 - good people don't have to convince you that they're good.

[@silvanalucas6403]

Over sharing that's a sign that they want you to spill as much information about your as possible. They start out telling you things that you didn't want to know and then they expect you to spill the tea over every single trauma you have. It's like they think that nothing is off limits for them to know it's absolutely toxic

[@misscheif]

Knowing how much my mom struggled when my dad (the bread winner) left my mom penniless, convinced her to drop out of high school too, so she had a slim pick of jobs, and thought he would definitely had her under his thumb for life cause she had no choice 100% hearing a man say 'I'll take care of you' gives me a trauma response. It will always feel like they are clipping my wings, I NEED other people to know that I'm capable even and I'll jump to prove I can do anything without other people Which is unhealthy (im slowly working on my trust issues) but the point is never let someone have full control over your situation, financial abuse is very seldom seen by anyone but the victims

[@moniquerodriguez3013]

yeah the thing about the guy friend who always seems to think he's the best option for you regardless of how you feel 🚩🚩🚩

[@Tsuchiyomi]

im like the poster child for over sharing :/ Ive been trying to work on it, but through my whole life nobody has cared one bit about ANYTHING i have to say, people in "friend" groups, family, teachers, any time I would speak I would either be spoken over or ignored, so when someone actually cares to listen I usually go a bit too deep and scare them off :( Really trying to get this under control.

[@_catboy_]

I understand this completely, I'm glad you realize and are working on it. Im unsure if this would work for you, but if you can't afford therapy, you could try writing out the dumps you want to do, whether that's in a journal or typing on a computer? It's of course much more cathartic and relieving to have someone listening and responding, but even just getting the thoughts out of your mind can help a ton. I wish you all the best, you've got this!

[@apocalypso3427]

Hey, I care about you. I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I care. I don't have to know anything about you to care. You exist, and that's enough for me. It should be enough for others as well. You'll find your people, I promise. And until then, remember that if a stranger on the internet can care about you, anyone can.

[@Foxisreallymyname]

I’ve just found out that I have ADHD and this is very common for people with ADHD! It’s helped me so much with understanding myself and not feeling bad about it. Autistic people can also suffer from this as well! Don’t feel bad! People are here for you’ 💖

[@zeykriid]

13:05 as someone who was in a cult (whose favorite tactic on first stage defectors was Love Bombing) I also want to mention that ANYONE can do this to you, and that it IS typically part of a cycle; the part that draws you back in once you’ve made your first attempt to leave (i.e. distancing yourself from the congregation/partner/group). in my experiences, specifically, they would call it a “Heart Attack” (REAL subtle, huh?) and would show up to your home while they KNEW you weren’t there, cover every door and window in handmade paper hearts with messages like “we miss you” and “please come back” written on them, and leave containers of baked goods on the doorstep. if it makes you feel nice that they “care this much,” you go back, and they win. if it scares you that they know where you live, when you aren’t home, and every entry point, you go back, and they win. if you’ve realized a situation is bad, and you’re working on getting out of there, do NOT let them make you second guess yourself and pull you back into their prison. your opinions and feelings on the matter are just as valid as theirs. and to anyone who has been through ANY abusive situation, you are strong, you are a person and deserve to be treated like one, it was NOT your fault, and the strawman villain your abuser swears you are ISN’T who you are, especially if you don’t let it be.

[@cariyaputta]

May I ask what is the name of the cult you were in?

[@ReverieOfThorns]

What cult was this?? My previous church does this but only around valentines day for the less active members. They usually just do a card and baked good, not necessarily when you aren't home tho and they call it the same thing. Other members have said this exact thing has been done to them tho...

[@zeykriid]

@@cariyaputta i try not to say too much bc they do still have my identity and all my information, but these things occurred in an LDS church congregation

[@zeykriid]

@@ReverieOfThorns just replying to you as well so you can see the answer I gave above!

[@KoreaMojo]

A lot of people don't realize on a personal level when it is a part of a cycle, which it may not be, the cycle is self-contained. We personalize things even when they have little to do with us. So if you are the chosen partner of this person and they have let's say, issues with abandonment and engulfment, they will do things to detach to feel more comfortable by creating distance. Usually these detachment strategies are not so nice. They have learned or gravitate towards these behaviors and found they make them feel better in such a case. No real conscious thought mind you. Then when they see some distance for enough time to them, they may feel simultaneously happy for the relief and scared for abandonment so they show you a great time because of one or both. When you feel good you treat people better in general and when you don't want someone to leave you make grand gestures the more likely you think that is. It's all a call and response but it starts and ends with the individual and not who is kind of drawn into it. The "victim" may have their own cycle or affinity for certain familiar situations. A cult well that's something a bit different although I suppose individuals can act similarly as well as having a more intentional and conscious plan if leading the group. OP brought up the point but the comment is really speaking to a misconception and not OP really.

[@user-ru5qg5cz2l]

I feel like most jealous guys end up being cheaters, while some people seem to sadly think it means they really value loyalty.

[@gretchenmyers1279]

i'm going to throw out a big one for either gender. When your S.O. makes sure, without seeming to, that you see them staring at/flirting with other people. This is meant to undermine your self esteem. Its been 13 years since I ran from my emotional abuser, and I still have issues with feeling good enough

[@bluetiger2468]

I've experienced love bombing once online. The person was super friendly, constantly complimenting me, and that gave me weird vibes. I'm an artist online and they also draw stuff. She would draw stuff to get my attention (like drawing my OCs). She started to message me daily and I just got tired of all of this quickly. I felt like the person was pretending to be nice and I really don't like people who pretend to be nice. Because she would say nice things and then say bad things about herself hoping to get me to comfort her. Grabbed onto my successes to complain about herself. When I posted a comic, she would say she wishes she can make an original comic like me but she didn't have the motivation (I tried encouraging her but she always had excuses as to why she couldn't, like "No one will care about my comic"). I got tired of that and I ignored her for 5 days. When I looked at the chat, she left paragraphs of messages asking if I was okay and she was worried about me. (Keep in mind, this whole thing was within three weeks.). I told her I have a life and it was not appropriate for her to leave paragraph of text without me responding. She told me I was being rude and my behavior is disgusting. I haven't talked to her since. Afterwards, a close friend of mine got a message from her. Again, love booming them online. I warned them about that person and that ended quickly. It's so weird because another person I knew wanted advice about how to "break up a relationship" because he started a relationship with someone and he said "I love you too" back to her but after some time, he regretted saying that to her and asked for my opinion on how to deal with this problem. Using context clues, I realized it was the same person! When I asked him, "Are you talking about ****?" He said yes. It is a big red flag when people love bomb you because as soon as you want to detach yourself from them because they are being too clingy, they will turn around and call you a bad person because they have been nothing but nice to you. If they were always nice to you, then you must be the a$$hole for not wanting to be friends with them anymore. Pretending to be nice isn't good enough to maintain a friendship or a relationship. It's often a way to try to hide all your red flags using kind words as a distraction. Sometimes they will say they don't have any friends, or all their friends always leave them, so it makes you feel guilty if you want to distance yourself from them.

[@lancerguy3667]

"Love bombing" is indeed right up there with "Gaslighting" in the "Words the internet has caused people to use WAY too liberally" olympics. Being mindful of manipulative/predatory behavior is important, but people have become a little hypervigilant.

[@kaydwessie296]

Oh my god the "it's OK if you don't work" one. I have little side jobs but I don't work. I'm disabled. I'd have no energy to even function or eat food if I worked. My ex used to always tell me that was fine, but then also blame me for all their shitty financial choices. Like how buying juice for me to drink (WHICH WAS LIKE A DOLLAR) was expensive, but a $200 cymbal for the drum kit isn't. Okay.

[@Lunar_Spell]

I've definitely been guilty of the last thing- trauma dumping. I grew up extremely isolated and now that I'm an adult, whenever I have someone to talk to, I'm an open book. As invinting as it may seem, especially when that person is genuinely interested and wants to hear you, trauma dumping can hurt the person you're with in the long run because they feel that they aren't being heard as well. Luckily, the only relationship I've ever been in was a patient guy who actively encouraged me to let it out, and proceeded to spill his guts right back at me, so no harm done there lmao. I'm in therapy now, basically regularly scheduled trauma dumping sessions, and doing much better with it. 😊

[@jimbo0386]

honestly, when people open up with eachother especially in a relationship it’s not always “trauma dumping” trauma dumping would imply that it’s on purpose and used as a manipulative device to make the other person feel bad. Opening up to your partner isn’t a red flag, women literally beg for men to open up to them, it’s super harmful that people go out there and say that women will leave them and feel bad if they open up, It has the same energy as people who are like I want an emotional guy or say that it’s a safe space with them but then make fun of that person if they ever show emotion or heaven forbid they cry because of something, like obviously you gotta be responsible with it and both sides can’t be upset and showing it to eachother at any given time but go back and forward and be there for each person works so well. A healthy relaxing should be able to grow from it

[@silvanalucas6403]

Another huge red flag is if the guy constantly acts jealous of celebrities looks. They will actively tell you not to be attracted to those people as if they have some control over your biological functions. It shows a huge lack of self-confidence and it also shows that they're willing to control you on a base rule level.

[@weevilknievel]

Guy I almost got into a relationship with had 5 of these that I practically denied the existence of until the very end. It's very helpful and relieving to hear about this from other men, thank you for posting

[@hrefna1606]

When (according to them) every single one of their exes were exploitative/ abusive/ crazy/ insert negative personality trait here. I guarantee that, when you eventually break up, they'll be telling their next partner that you were exploitative/ abusive/ crazy/ and so forth.

[@mikmak2102]

I feel like I need to take notes. Sooo many of these red flags I ignored in men 😂 My ex fiancé love bombed the shit out of me, we had a kid and then I realised he was a horrible and controlling person. After 4 years I got out. It became DV in the end. He now hasn’t had contact with myself or our son for 5 months but he’s got a new family and that woman thinks he’s soooo amazing. They got pregnant a month in. She’s got no idea what’s coming.

[@hi-bl4vq]

I think the biggest red flag is that one in a Chinese stadium

[@Casvaleon]

Bing chilling

[@pollypockets508]

Ok uncle or aunt jokes

[@RatTailSoup4]

ok. you get one point for funny.

[@KyleJoseph94]

@@pollypockets508 Uncle or Auntie? Is that like a dad joke but not in the slightest bit funny?

[@kiriyareview9823]

I actually chuckled at this… what kind of humor is this? I need to find more of it but I need a name for it… I think I have this type of humor.

[@TotalNoobAtEverythin]

My last bf was one of those “youre the only good thing in my life” kind of guys and I knew it was a red flag even then. It made me so uncomfortable because I instantly felt pressure to keep him happy. I knew this, but it still took me figuring out my sexuality for me to dump him. Sometimes we just brush things off and don’t follow our gut feelings. I know I won’t be making that mistake again.

[@TigerwomanXsweden]

I dealt with someone who put my needs before his own. It was sad as I realized he was just using me because he didnt wanna deal with the pain he was feeling inside. You can't heal if you just avoid your own pain. Those people aren't open to being loved and actually loving someone.

[@lifeiswonderful22]

If a man makes you feel like you owe him something or dismisses your feelings, red flag.

[@ConejitoPequenito]

All of these red flags apply in friendships imo! I've had a much better time staying away from "friends" like this

[@Me-wk3ix]

I fully agree with the red flag about a partner that focuses too much on your needs and ignores their own. It's a sweet instinct. But if I only wanted everything to be about me, I might as well be single. If you have no needs or wants, you aren't very interesting, to be honest. You should be half of the equation to be a decent partner. That's why relationships are giving and taking. Not just one or the other.

[@evomusic1720]

If they are too much of a people pleaser...red flag. They are more interested in being liked than being honest and transparent. Not always but I've found this to be true a few times.

[@BerryTrekkin]

Oooft, I’m guilty of putting the needs of someone I care about above my own. I’d never thought of it as a negative trait but I can see how it could be in certain contexts. Something to bear in mind if I ever get into a relationship. Cuestar videos, educating the world!

[@Vonias]

It might sound backwards, but you should almost always prioritize your own emotional needs above everyone else. You can't be a stable, reliable pillar of support for people if you're constantly throwing yourself at everybody's problems all the time. Be centered, take care of yourself first, and when people need you emotionally you'll be in a way better place to actually look at things objectively and give more rational advice. You don't want to get caught in constant cycles of drama trying to "fix" everyone and everything around you. This also applies to one off situations (for people who aren't obsessed with being "the supportive friend"). Don't let someone else's mess make *you* a mess. Keep some boundaries and again, you'll be in a better place to help them if you aren't caught in the crazy with them. It's kinda like if someone's caught in a whirlpool and you jump in to save them, you're just going to drown too. Stay ashore and try to pull them up from there.

[@BerryTrekkin]

@@Vonias very true! The whole “put on your oxygen mask/life vest before helping someone else” analogy.

[@audreym3908]

@@BerryTrekkin Just think of that image when a friend/family asks you of something that is very draining and say "I'm gonna go deal with my oxygen now, I will help yours out later". Sorry if that doesn't make sense, it's 12:40 am by where I'm at😅

[@epicriku9162]

I'm very guilty of this myself. Something I had to tell myself after getting out of a relationship where I acted like that was that you can't fix someone. They're gonna do what they're gonna do regardless 🤷🏾‍♂️ give your advice once or twice but don't waste your life trying to force them to take it. Forcefully squeezed melon isn't sweet and in the context of a relationship will not quench your thirst. It'll start to breed resentment after a while.

[@CharlesChristinaWH]

@@BerryTrekkin I'll say this as a man who's indifferent to dating , I tend to not tell my female friends about all the red flags I see because I end up arguing with them I had one friend who had kids and was dating a registered sex offender who was cheating on her and she was spending money on him, I tried to tell her she didn't listen and I had to walk away and many others walked away and she's a self indulgent victim so she blames me and her other former friends for "not being there for her" And sadly enough when cuestar mentioned "hanger on guys" that's who she thinks are her "real friends"

[@crinklyonion1410]

In high school at least, if a guy comes up to another guy and is immediately acting like he is a “bro” or something like that, they are either making fun of you or want something out of you.

[@z0mbiedroper867]

I think it's crazy how many of these posts say people can't change. As someone who has had to check unintentional toxic traits, people can change. It's all a matter if they want to and put the effort into changing

[@kristy1653]

While that is very true that good people like you can change if they acknowledge their flaws and put in the hard work, very few people actually do.

[@mlgsty8880]

People only change if they experience something that shocks them, be it physical or mental. Otherwise people will not change from their core behavior.

[@rmercedes971]

What was said is that people rarely change, this is usually the case. Not everyone is self aware enough to know they are the problem, and even a smaller number are humble enough to accept it and change their ways.

[@cjfelldownagain]

If they say you're the only one who thinks certain things about them. If you bring up an issue and they go "Oh, no one else says that about me". Cool. No one else is dating you, we see different sides than our coworkers. They're avoid fixing problems and it will eventually end with them saying you're the one in the wrong.

[@dominicmanester8125]

Just learn to be better judges of character. Instead of looking for arbitrary flags, look to the core of who they are and decide if you would even consider spending a lifetime with them. The more you practice with strangers, the better you'll get at spotting bad apples, even from a distance. Posture, mannerism, the way they choose to dress ect can tell you a lot about a person before you even speak to them. Eye contact, the way they speak about others and themselves are more in-depth answers about them too. Studying these things formally can help but honestly, the best practice I got was from just meeting people every day for years.

[@michelleseratte9730]

A lot of these describe my ex. Yes he got hobbies another female co-worker. Sadly, all my family never told me they didn't like him when or before we got married. When we separated one of my brother in law's said FINALLY I Hated that guy.

[@FluffyBunniesOnFire]

"When he looks to you as his sole source of happiness, or entertainment." If you're in a relationship, yeah, you are his sole source of romance, and when that stops coming hobbies are not going to fill that void.

[@JadeAnnabelArt]

The money thing I've seen a few times. Read a Reddit story about this girl whose partner was like 'yeah dw bout money, lets move in with MY family in the country' who were all very.... 'it's tradition to be stay at home mums in this family'. Super cultish, she was separated from her friends and family, had no job, and no transport.

[@closetgamer8315]

Be soooooo careful about the "making you their whole world" trap.... I fell into it when I was 15, and now, 14 years later, 10 years married with kids, I'm finally going through therapy, recognizing the problems, and realizing I need out with no support to get there.

[@slashbash1347]

1:52 Men don't change when they have everything they desire. That's something I learned.

[@person2442]

The first one is really true, my mom had a boyfriend that did this in the beginning as a joke. But it later became something that he uses to exscuse his actions.

[@j.washington8961]

I definently agree with that one where folks will use others issues as a distraction from their own issues. Im/was definently guilty of that, i allowed a lot of my personal needs to slip by, making me become unreliable because i simply didnt have enough to run off of anymore. Its a slippery slope, esp if you find happiness in helping others

[@_catboy_]

My ex from my first and only relationship so far absolutely moved way too fast. They got us promise rings within the first few months and wanted to get engaged at our first anniversary. I was too nervous to put my foot down sternly, but luckily i did say no on the engagement thing. Two months later they ended up dumping me for a couple that I thought we'd be in a polyamory with, and then called me too clingy and needy when I asked why. Cut everyone we knew mutually off, only to recontact two of those friends weeks later, where they painted me as some horrible clingy abusive monster. I had been talking to a friend group we had both been a part of throughout our breakup for support and they got my perspective that way. The person I was super close to out of the two people my ex recontacted (who had been best friends with my ex for YEARS mind you) heard out their side and ended up blocking them again. Didn't apologize to it (my friend uses it/its pronouns) for blocking it for no good reason, brushed everything off, only talked about themself, and proceeded to call me awful things, stretch the truth, and straight up lie about me. That's not to mention that during our relationship they lied TO me. I HIGHLY value communication and always talking out if we have issues with one another. They told me they communicated their issues with me all the time. They didn't. Like I said earlier also they refused to talk to me about what happened. I still don't know the truth behind why they did what they did because they said so many conflicting things (they told me the first day after breaking up that they still loved me and if i became less clingy maybe we'd get back together. Blocked me when I got angry at them and demanded the truth bc their earlier mentioned ex best friend talked to me and helped me realize they were a POS. Told me that their behaviors reminded it a lot of past abusers it had dealt with). Though my ex did a lot of positive things for my life while we dated (like how they helped me realize I'm trans), and as much as it hurt, I'm very glad they broke up with me. It ended up bringing me and that friend group extremely close, and also made me a much stronger and assertive person. Not to mention that its best overall that I'm not dating them lmao. TLDR; Be careful of people who move too fast, and take care of yourself. Put your foot down, as hard as it is to do that. You don't owe them anything. If they're pushy when you say no or straight up get mad at you, then they're very likely not worth it. Take care of yourself and stay safe!

[@silvanalucas6403]

There's also that awkward moment where the person gets mad at you for not saying I love you right away

[@bedazzledmisery6969]

Story at 08:37: Do not be a white knight, "savior" or a "Captain Save a Ho" as the term has been known too. But it actually applies to BOTH genders! Female versions are a "I can FIx him girl" or "I'll love him enough to cure him" mindset. Or simply a far too kindly and charitable hearted individual that gets used for their ability to provide financial security in one way or another. aka, the "gold diggers". I have always found that term to be gender neutral, imo. I really want to vouch from firsthand experience for the financial trap situation that the OP describes themselves in. Even if one isn't entirely helpless or dependent on a partner this often can change very quickly, though. And the even MORE scary thing is that usually neither party actually ever had malicious intent to begin with. They usually are just genuinely wanting to be a good, kind and helpful person and partner and offer up what sounds like a heavenly deal. Usually it's about having a job or not having to work. The "savior" is happy with the arrangement for a while but quickly encounters hurdles down the road because, news flash, two incomes are much better than one! However, they already committed this deeply into their promise and had managed to make it work, albeit with a heavier toll on their well being. This causes their internal conflicts to basically drive their mental health entirely into abysmal territory. If they're able to cope in a healthy way and actually communicate their struggles, however, this is NOT a death spiral of doom! Lol. Being honest and vulnerable with the partner and letting them know they needed help again would be the STRONGER and mature thing to do!! Not keep it from the partner out of shame and then take your relationship, life, finances and mental health down with you when everything inevitably collapses. HOPEFULLY without any DV issues happening as a tragic symptom of an unhinged and unwell mind. Much like what Cue pointed out earlier in the video, the issue is about making big life choices too quickly into a new relationship's honeymoon period. Moving in together too quickly is actually not talked about often, imo. If living together would make things easier financially but it's still hardly been a few months?? Yeah, no, just pay the extra and keep your own place if possible. If it's serious, y'all will make it to where moving in together is in that safer zone beyond the honeymoon phase. Don't put yourself in a situation of your being dependent on a partner for your security and survival no matter how much the savings in money for yourself. Just pay a little extra in rent for the sake of your own self-respect, boundaries and just that much longer to get to fart anywhere anytime in the privacy of your own place. Don't go getting married just because of stupid traditions or for the money. It's 2022 and last thing anyone needs is to be financially tied to ANYONE they've been together with less than like at least a year at bare minimum? And that's literally already too great a risk imo! Be exhausted from busting ass at working for a smaller wage, but sleep soundly in your own bed, your life, your health and your freedom.

[@k3upikachu]

Yeah no matter how much my partner makes or how much I trust them, I'm never going to have just a joint account with them or not make my own money. I saw so many SAHMs of my friends trapped in marriages of financial dependence and/or spiral into alcoholism out of boredom and loneliness.

[@MistyMoth]

I have always had the red flag of being too emotionally dependent on my partners as I struggle to keep friends… I’d like to say that I know how to fix it, but at this point I’m pretty lost.

[@mustbetheSUN]

Why do you struggle to keep friends?

[@marzipanmango]

At the beginning of my relationship with my bf, which is my first (and hopefully last) serious relationship, I wasn't paying attention to my friends. I didn't really make an effort to hang out with them because I was so focused on my boyfriend. It wasn't his fault; he's always been supportive of me hanging out with friends just like I am with him. But after a few months I came to my senses and realized I'd been neglecting my friendships! I reached out to everyone and apologized, and they were lovely about it. I make sure to hang out at least once a week with them if possible. I'd suggest reaching out to old friends and apologizing, and asking if they'd like to get together, go see a movie or whatever. If you have a friend who has a partner you could go on a double date. Also if your family is decent, make sure to spend time hanging out with them too! Even if you don't really feel like spending time with anyone aside from your bf, just force yourself to make plans and follow through. Having more than one close relationship in life is VERY important for your happiness and security. If you don't, you run the risk of feeling like you can't live without your partner, because they're your whole world. Which will make it almost impossible to leave them if they become abusive, and your life will completely fall apart if they break up with you or they die, god forbid. Romantic partners are a huge part of our lives, but they shouldn't be our only source of friendship and connection. It also places a lot of pressure on them because you're relying on them for all your social interaction, which isn't fair to them. For example, if I need to vent about my feelings and about how stressed I am, I usually vent to my mom. She's very understanding and gives good advice. My boyfriend is also understanding and sympathetic but he doesn't like conflict and it stresses him out if I vent for too long. Also he's not a woman so he doesn't really understand some of my problems like my mom does :P I tell him about my troubles but I keep it brief. And I know he prefers to talk about certain things with his guy friends rather than me, and it's the same with my girl friends.

[@nekojen9]

Same here.

[@MistyMoth]

That is good advice, I really think that pushing for more friend time is what I need to work on… but a worthy use of my time. And to answer why I struggle to keep friends, in a short and concise way, is that my male friends have notoriously struggled with boundaries and my female friends are usually busy with their own relationships. I struggle with feeling like I’m bothering them, instead of realizing that I’m a woman too and would love for them to “bother” me to hang out more 😅

[@rando-missus-l2030]

Yikes after watching this it makes me realize how many red flags my last relationship had ._. Them rose tinted glasses is a hell of a blind sight huh? 😅

[@luvely1062]

I'm a woman on KZbin hearing about red flags of men to men on Reddit... What a day!!!

[@sapphiclynx7761]

I am unfortunately also guilty of doing the one at 6:00. I feel bad because I am so use to doing it that I don't even notice that I do this to my girlfriend until she tells me to let her do stuff by herself. I am trying not to smother her and let her figure stuff out but at the same time I feel like an asshole if I don't step in when she is obviously struggling with something. My gf has childhood trauma from her parents yelling at her at the smallest thing that goes wrong so as a result she gets mad at herself for doing simple things like spilling something on the floor. I know when she spills something I should let her do it herself but when she does it herself she gets angry at what she did and starts crying (she has bipolar and is medicated). She has slowly gotten better with this and I know it might seem small to me but something huge to her. Any advice would be appreciated for this, would leaving her alone to do these things act as a type of exposure therapy and help her not get as upset?

[@lial1056]

i'm someone who is neurodivergent, and i think that you should let her do these things on her own. let her know that you'll be there for her if she needs help and for her to not hesitate to ask. there's no shame in needing or asking for help. even knowing all of this it can be difficult to ask for help, in my case i don't realize if i need it or not or i don't like to bother others. if she's doing something like in your example cleaning up a spill, check up on her and ask if there's anything you can do. maybe you can suggest for her to count or sing or try to rhyme while she's cleaning so she doesn't get angry and cry? you could even join in and make a game out of it.

[@zombieparrot2606]

Hi Cue. I’m sorry to say, but i have a small parrot (sun conure) who’s name is The Q. It’s short for Quba Sue. He wanted me to let you know he’s ok with you using the name Cue since it’s spelled differently, but he’s watching you.

[@Cuestar]

glad i have his blessing, hope i don't disappoint!

[@zombieparrot2606]

@@Cuestar hahaha never!! We both dig you !!!

[@RaccoonWithRabies]

2:46 Except if they straightup tell you they're a manipulator... you should probably believe them. I learnt that one the hard way :')

[@tabagathedestroyer9654]

4:40 This is me. On the up side, I'm pretty good at reading social cues and know when to give my bf space. I have hobbies but if I go even a week without interacting with my bf I'll get super depressed and my hobbies become difficult. Been working on getting better...I just have thus irrational phobia of everyone I love leaving me or dying...because that's consistently happened for most of my adult life.

[@fishxutopia_]

i feel like its a red flag to expect everyone to be perfect and they cant make a single mistake

[@roninfredricson6958]

With the "I'll take care of you, you don't have to work" I'd like to add a related red flag which is not being able to concieve of a time where the two of you no longer are together. Of course if you love someone you don't WANT to think about a future where you might fall out of love or even HATE each other but you have to consider that it COULD happen. And if you truly love them you'd want them to still be okay after that. Wanting them to still survive without you. Or if you don't fall out of love but something happens to you? What you become sick? What if if you died? What if some switched flipped in your brain and you eventually became a violent person or you fell into substance abuse that caused your personality to change or made you unable to support them? Sure, you don't WANT that to happen and you don't THINK that will happen but who ever does?

[@cariyaputta]

Clear communication from the get go is the key for any healthy relationship.

[@VampiraVonGhoulscout]

Not me neglecting myself to take care of others 👀

[@Jen316666]

I don't even have to date a guy for him to act as a jealous possessive boyfriend. I have had male friends or even acquaintances get all passive aggressive and huffy if I have other male friends, don't text enough, or have other plans. Like you ghosting me? Dude I was making dinner and it had only been 15 min.

[@lizfritz6546]

Ugh my sister and her bf are so terribly codependent and she def feels like he is her main source of happiness and vice versa. Ive tried to get her brain on right but she doesnt care

[@Kestrill]

man that last one is such a mixed bag, it really depends on the person. like me and my boyfriend said ‚i love you‘ considerably early, and also we got together after 9 days of talking and now it‘s almost been a year and we‘re still as happy as on that first day. Like some people just know what they feel and want very fast. (of course it‘s important to not use these feelings to manipulate your partner, goes without saying) like just because i feel something strong doesn‘t mean i try to push it on him if he doesn‘t.

[@bobbybutler8897]

I warn women not to date guys named bobby. ( Do these early comments help in the algorithm)

[@Cuestar]

i always tell women to date all bobbies (yes they do)

[@Cinnie.Stories]

I've been on a Cuestar binge the past few days. I had to click away from an old one to watch this new one lol

[@rheverend]

If he’s on social media a lot, especially if he posts thirst traps. I just can’t respect any adult that craves attention like that.

[@Mr.Guild1971]

8;20 Totally true with women too,considering your allowed to have "women friends" in the first place by your girlfriend or current infatuation

[@Regnye4Artist]

Love listening to you!

[@smokeyskeet1694]

My bf and I met on vrchat in a public lobby watching The Good Fellas. We were the only ones sitting quietly on the couch while it was hard to even hear over everyone else, so we went to a private lobby and continued the movie. We almost immediately started talking about our most recent relationships or past trauma. It was a mutual dump. We kept hanging out and like a month later I decided to ask him out in an among us lobby after a “girl” with fbt started dancing on him in front of a bunch of little kids. He tried backing away and telling her to f off. What makes this even worse is that he has that phantom touch where u can feel shit in vr. I got super jealous even tho he wasn’t into it and I asked him out on the spot. This seems like a red flag to ask on a whim, but I had been planning on waiting til we went back to watching movies in private that day to ask. He gave me a very excited “yes fuck yes. I was gonna ask you, but I didn’t know if u liked me”. It was very exciting day and we’ve been excited to even talk or be on call with each other ever since. It’s almost been 7 months and he has some WILD ass takes, but it hasn’t stopped me from caring for him. I’ll be honest tho some of his opinions would’ve be red flags if we had had the conversations before dating.

[@smokeyskeet1694]

@@gircakes yes we are :)

[@bluebird4759]

I’ve been accused of love bombing by girl friends of my fiancé, thing is, I’m autistic. He’s my special interest. He’s my special someone. I love him. So in my brain it makes no sense as to why I would not show all my love and support for him. We’ve been dating for almost 3 years before he made the big ask, he loves to hear me blabbering about plants and wants to build a family with me even if I’m a bit difficult at times. So it’s all about context. Love bombing is not as common as people think.

[@amber7591]

Mine is if they're always worried about you cheating, they're probably the one doing it. I'm 3 for 3 on that one.

[@cult_of_odin]

"Disregards your opinion" well what if their opinion is just objectively wrong? I mean should a person just ignore it and play pretend with the person?

[@michaelmcarthur2944]

Anxiety can make someone destroy themselves and their relationships. While some of the responsibility is certainly on them to manage, you can definitely help your significant other manage and move beyond anxiety with words of encouragement, physical affection, maintaining consistent contact with them (goodnight texts and the like), and even just spending time in the same room as them can help a lot.

[@nexusgiga]

I think the joking around one is interesting, because it’s possible they’re having a bad day or are insecure for a moment can be possible 😊

[@papereater704]

Anyone else say “alright I’m safe” after each one?

[@audreym3908]

I got flashbacks to the "love bombing" from one of my exes. Thank God it was a complicated LDR for almost a year.🤦‍♀

[@c.c.l.9139]

While purposefully financially isolating someone is of course a red flag, but single income households are fine. Being home for my kids is more important than a job in an office.

[@bg7476]

Hey cue!! You should do a video reacting to video game anti piracy screen videos. I know most of them are fake but a lot of them are super creepy and really well made. I think you would like them!

[@lilithangel9268]

I wished i would have known so many of these before i got with my ex! it would have saved so much pain and hardship, and would have saved me from having to put my life back together!

[@KingSpadille]

I was recently in a relationship with a man who love bombed me a lot. I was (at the time) polyam. My ex of 7 years broke up with my and my other partner was/is insanely supportive. I got in a relationship with this guy who showered me with love and made me feel super good since my ex was abusive. My other partner (C) had been with me maybe two months at this point. I got together with K and he loved bombed the hell out of me. Roses, plushies, the works. All while, behind the scenes, attempting to put me against C so K could isolate me. It almost worked too. I broke up with C because of K. For a month. In that month K bragged endlessly to C about it since the pair were friends. K also sexually harassed C which I wasn't aware of. I started rethinking all the stuff K said and ended up thinking that I needed to be back with C. It was just this intense feeling of "I have to be with them" We got back together and K lashes out by being overly sexual and really condescending to C for another month until C finally told me everything K was doing behind the scenes. I dropped K so fucking fast after this. K wanted to propose to me and planned it out and thank God for C. Me and C are now engaged and monogamous. (Per my own request) and I could not be happier. C is my perfect partner and we've been through HELL together this past year. I physically couldn't imagine myself with anyone else and sometimes I think about how awful my life would have been if C didn't fight for our friendship after the break and when we got back together C is everything I could have asked for and more. Some folks aren't so lucky. I hope the advice in this video helps someone

[@silvanalucas6403]

Don't trust somebody who brags about their many many talents or hobbies that they have. Odds are they only pick those things up because they thought that other people would find them interesting they don't actually care about the things that they're doing and they are rather mediocre at what they're doing because they're picking up everything at once. I find it rather disgusting that that people would pick up things not because they're interested or curious about the same thing but they know it will make them look momentarily impressive. There's a distinct lack of personality integrity with people like this.

[@sharky6404]

The scary thing is I know a lot of people who have said similar things at work. Another scary thing, I have known a lot of women go through these things.

[@certs743]

I think the grand gestures one should be looked at in context of other behaviors. Something people don't like to talk about but this sort of thing is what most people at least in the west grow up being told is how romance works. Everything from Disney, every romantic comedy since the 80s, Hallmark's entire media brand, etc.

[@lern2reed]

I just wanna say just because someone talks about themselves a lot that doesn’t mean they’re not an empath. A lot of neurodivergent people will do that as a way of relating to people, or they might just not be good at small talk. However, if someone unprompted is claiming to be a empath, then yeah, they probably aren’t.

[@Shannon_Vlogs]

I have experienced so so many of these! I wish I had known how to recognize them earlier, but it’s better late than never!

[@pollypockets508]

My bf takes responsibility for everything. If I drop food on myself, he will apologize. Ordering food is a mess though because I'm like what do you want and he says whatever you want. Smh.

[@Zullala]

Omg yes! Please don't date someone who looks only to you for entertainment and enjoyment! I did that and it meant that I couldn't express any other emotions besides happiness. If I was sad, tired or had a problem I wanted to address well forget it. My reason for existing was so that my partner could feel happy and if I had issues well tough shit. Also if your partner has no one else to vent to then they'll dump everything on you. They have no hobbies so when you're doing your hobbies they'll keep interrupting you and begging you to hang out even though you already asked them if they wanted to do anything and they said no... But now that you're doing your own thing suddenly they need you right now! Uuuuugh!!!! I dated not one, not two, but 3 guys like that! I did eventually learn my lesson and I made sure that my next partner had a solid friend group, a job and hobbies. I've been with a man who has all three of these for about two years now and it's been wonderful haha.

[@raydgreenwald7788]

So happy to see a video like this that isn't a bot read

[@amandajones6241]

Cue always makes sure we get the best advice :)