Michael McIntyre describes his children's bedtime

In the fifth of his recent BBC series of standup variety shows Michael McIntyre warms up the audience with a brilliant routine about how only threats get children to bed, and how only death threats get them to behave themselves.Harsh, but true ...
BG at www.hatterkepek.hu/picdownload...
To those who like to moan about small production imperfections:
If you don't like the extraneous sounds and desktop run-on at the
end then tough - I can't be bothered to fix it, too busy, and there's
little point in deleting the clip which seems to bring pleasure to most
If you can produce a better edit and upload it then get on with it,
don't waste your energy carping about imperfections in this - it's
not a production competition. Jeez, I've seen the BBC News play
out bigger cockups than these ... and Sky lots of times (8^D)=

[@hannahgoodman8677]

"Hey Michael, maybe tonight you'll get lucky when the kids are asleep-YOU'RE NEVER ASLEEP!"

[@LilyGrace95]

"I've got a plan and an alibi" XD I laughed so hard~

[@mattbabernz]

"You never love your children more than when they are unconscious but still alive"!

[@byusaranicole]

Matt Baber SO TRUE!!!

[@zeinamazin3743]

still breathing

[@lizbz]

I don’t think I would have loved my kids at all if I never saw them sleeping. Lol

[@mariamerrill5875]

Never a more truer statement;)

[@ellahowze8135]

“Can you not interrupt Mr. Penguin!” I lost it

[@CodeAndGin]

I genuinely looked up his bedtime story and laughed my arse off

[@TomKennyIsLovely]

"FIVE MINUTES!" He is hilarious. I laugh at everything he says!

[@BrendanMoran-je4gi]

What happens when his children are older and watch him doing this? "So dad, your spent a large part of your carrier taking the piss out of me"

[@mrcow202]

Brendan Moran maybe it will be in one of his future stand-ups. Then you can sue him for stealing your joke. Being one step ahead is key.

[@noemipataki1514]

I found this when my daughter was a baby, 2 years later it still cracks me up. Perhaps more than ever before! Especially the 2nd half. Thanks for the upload!

[@Cinedragon]

'I'm still awake' 'GO TO SLEEP!!' My favorite part!

[@madperson876]

At work, one of the teachers threatens the child who isn't as well behaved as the other ones. During one of our fire drills when they called his name out he just made silly noises and she said "You shouldn't do that because if there is a real fire and the firemen come, we won't be able to see you and hear you answer to your name and we will lose you." It does work! xD

[@luce_1993]

I just watched the bedtime story and just giggled all the way through

[@silverbrumbyfan]

This has me dying with laughter, he is one of my favorite comedians and i don't understand it when people don't find him funny, just the way he dances around the stage makes me laugh

[@XRioteerXBoyX]

oh god i completely lost my self control at the torretes of death part. Everything in my mouth came out because of my laughter. Not a good thing to eat cereal and watch this but it sure was damn funny.

[@Tylermayxo]

XRioteerXBoyX I think it said threats of death, just saying but it was probably a spelling error

[@taranjitkaur3277]

Micheal you are soooo realistic about your description........ you are just amazing, superb, fantastic.......... Plzzzz plan your show in India as well

[@jacquelyns6548]

I fucking lost it at "you selfish, selfish little shit!"

[@phanicatthetwentyneblackpa9830]

Jacquelyn S lmao

[@lillslovesyou]

I love the way he acts out his children.

[@pohoward]

This is fantastic words cant describe how talented he is can't wait to see him in October 2012 :)

[@MsLaughAlot100]

I always got the "I'm going to count to three" bullshit

[@paragonnatalie5873]

I still do and I'm fourteen.

[@stenosagamingdecartez4621]

I'm 14 and my parents don't try any more, mainly cos they don't know I'm on my phone till 10 o clock when I'm "supposed" to go to sleep at 8:30

[@mass8175]

StenosaGaming Decartez I thought I was hard done by

[@harvindhakshanrajasegar9734]

Can you not interrupt Mr Penguin !

[@joystixxify]

oh my freakin god, that guy makes me laugh like no one else. FIIIIVE MINUTES!!!

[@KatieDerrick]

This made me laugh SO much! It's so true!

[@mikhailr13]

Id never heard of Michael McIntyre until I saw him in TopGear. Laughed my head off. Now cant stop laughing at the vids on KZbin. So good.

[@stenosagamingdecartez4621]

He has hellish children. My parents always say how good I was, I literally looked at some thing my parents had and pointed to it then they would say yes or no and I would listen!

[@zainahmed5026]

StenosaGaming Decartez Naaa he has normal kids. U wer just TOO gud

[@PurpleSmilexx]

ahhh don't you just love his baby voice !

[@sirmryazza]

love the screensaver at the end

[@XxhannahsmileyxX2]

I loved that I got to see his desktop at the end of the video, very nice.

[@reincarnatedman]

1hdwallpapers.com/3d_pier-wallpaper.html

[@XxhannahsmileyxX2]

Haha, Thankyou! x

[@mercedesfenrich9364]

Hannah Jackson

[@SPower2810]

I love his 'little child walk'!

[@megacoolgirlable]

i love him he is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@SuperStig1992]

LOL! His threats are hilarious. This is like the millionth time I've watched this :)

[@amzyangel92]

I love him :) I really do x

[@KatatieTV]

I didn't read the starter warning about a little girl shouting and when she did, I jumped out of my skin. I've been playing Amnesia for the past two hours. Oh my god. Jumpscares by comedy. And Michael McIntyre of all people.

[@whaleoilbeefhookedmain7672]

Did I hear a kid saying mommy don't stand in the TV @2.26?? Funny Michael. Epic at stories hehe.

[@r4ng3hustle]

I love how Michaels videos never have thumbs down

[@edwardk44]

Come on Michael. Take it seriously. LOL

[@ANTONBLAKE-COX]

Lauraaa K can you not interrupt Mr Penguin

[@MaddieIsSoAwesome11]

The bit at the end is my faverout part

[@serenmaiii]

My room is filled with tears omg😂.

[@brandonmakowe1701]

I wonder if his kids have seen this yet?

[@bratz111ful]

I just love the way he makes the threats so funny :D

[@Brainiac12000]

"If you don't go to bed I will personally kill you." Right then I had my head in my hands I was laughing so much.

[@deecomedyqueen]

Love it!!!

[@emmalouise2494]

Let the penguin speak Micheal

[@mariaw4013]

I ♡ Michael!!!!!!

[@SkateboardIssie]

Good, I love him

[@pcareyoffice]

we love you michael!!! :)

[@Fiobo823]

That you will die thing really works :D I had to resort to it on occasion and it never failed me :D

[@truda88]

"-FIVE MINUTES!!" HAHAHAHAHA!!

[@MuziekFan1995]

Omigod, I love him =).

[@shouldntve]

I love the way he says, 'And you will die'!

[@katkin_24]

WILL YOU NOT INTERUPT MR PENGUIN

[@reincarnatedman]

Job done!

[@hayis4horsesxx170]

"you selfish, selfish little shit!" i can't! 😂

[@bresco8901]

I was laughing so hard when he said u selfish little shit LOL

[@fionanewport716]

Everybody uses the Santa threat.

[@clothilde1623]

My dad used to tell my siblings and me that Santa could see us through the lightbulbs and was always watching to see if we did anything bad. I've been getting undressed in the dark since I was six. 😂 My dad also told us that the tooth fairy lived in a little hole in the wall by the stairs. Then he forgot and filled it up with polyfilla. We were like, "You killed the tooth fairy!" He thought it was hilarious. He's always had quite an evil sense of humour. 😏

[@catherinerg1]

Fiona Newport yeah coming up to Xmas there I see kids acting up on their parents where I work n I turn round to them and say ooh Santas watching u some behave others don't care lol

[@itsyagurluwu5084]

Go to sleep. If you don’t go to sleep, Santa won’t come. In the morning when you expect to find presents and don’t, you will suffer with depression, commit suicide and die!

[@pcareyoffice]

we love micheal

[@JustLornaxx]

Love this man he is solo funny :)

[@reincarnatedman]

You are very welcome; I was compelled to upload it because it is so funny.

[@Rachy2049]

I started choking on my water as I watched this.

[@meganamiee1]

There's no time you love your child more when there unconscious but still breathing LOL

[@CandyYum96]

4:38-5:38 was definitely the best part.

[@tibbybear123]

:') crying with laughter x

[@MegaPENGUIN5]

this makes my userame even more special

[@BouHub]

"you selfish, selfish shit" i died at that part

[@troublenough]

so glad theres comments saying they heard the kids voice too, i pooed my pants hahaha

[@missbanana3]

Watch this then watch him read the stories. Brilliant

[@Thndrbolt54]

In Childrens' defense... At night, parents tell their kids to go to sleep... but in the morning they tell them to wake up! I mean come on! Make up your minds!!

[@culthosmythos]

I remember 1 very effective trick my Dad used on me when I was little. He said that all parents know Santa's/Father Christmas' phone number, and Dad actually "rang" him once in front of me and asked him to take back all my Christmas presents, ON CHRISTMAS DAY! I'll tell you what though, it worked!

[@XsweetCookie]

Awhh you gotta luv the way he says cbeebies xD and cbarberrss XD

[@caydenobrien9671]

This is my dad to my stepbrothers

[@reincarnatedman]

He is performing in Bristol (by way of explanation of the dialect jokes) to warm up the audience for his first guess. Great stuff.

[@TheCaulfield1]

If you're a parent, like me, and you're watching this, YOU WILL SO UNDERSTAND!!!!

[@allieeekazam]

Director: CUT! Michael can you not take the piss? Michael: CAN YOU NOT INTERRUPT MR PENGUIN?!

[@EmmaAdams1]

nice home screen :D

[@RoryH00]

lol i kept checking my fan lol, even after id read the annotation

[@jecka1982]

Think this was when Michael was beginning to 'joke' through his frustration with his kids. Did anyone see his show at xmas? fucking hilarious when he was describing the nightmare they have to go through everytime they leave the house etc! As time went on he became more resentful to childless couples!!

[@girlsrule713]

don't interupt mr penguin!! lol/ i luv him.

[@wctrqn]

So funny!!

[@marthacossham4350]

'im still asleep!' GO TO SLEEEEEP :D

[@peter-juliemorrison9685]

LOL SO COOL!!!!!!!!!

[@joewilliams9324]

Wooooowwww a recording from KZbin !!!!!

[@louiswilkins7461]

That's so right

[@EveM1Love]

This is so funny

[@laurahouston5996]

he's so funny it's un-real. I wish I could go to one of his shows :(

[@gibsonfamily9343]

Soo true

[@jennifermartin92]

"if you don't go to bed i will personally kill you" i died.

[@00BeachGirl001]

One of the best jokes xD

[@reganthomas6533]

Nice background mate

[@CrissCross808]

Reminds me of that bedtime story, Go The F*** To Sleep. Hahaha

[@eurogirl1990]

1:43 ----- lmao!

[@callummetcalfe7545]

I laughed and then I died

[@k3rrin3]

You never love your children more than when they're unconscious but still breathing..

[@BeautifulBetdown]

His hair was the only thing I was watching throughout the entire video...xD

[@Nizingur]

Oh HAHAHAHAH! Sorry, nothing more intelligent to say. LOVE THIS GUY!

[@sophierose1998]

4:40 - 5:48 and here we have the part where I wept with laughter..

[@reincarnatedman]

Mission accomplished ;-)

[@talkingbowl]

This guy ought to narrate the British audio book of "Go the Fuck to Sleep."

[@freemanstubey]

@Darkseraphim101 no, its there very faintly in the background, but its still there.

[@StarlightShaari]

i wonder what his kids are gonna think in a few years time when they're old enough to watch this :P

[@Musicislife2407]

lmao omg! "go to sleep! you selfish....selfish little shit....close your eyes!" LMAO!!!! hahahahaaha

[@JazzLolipop]

"I have a plan and an alibi!"

[@edwardk44]

I couldn't stop laughing