Midweek with Dr. C- Narcissism Shows Up In So Many Ways

[@julienatoli8561]

Dr Carter you are such a beautiful person .. a true blessing!! I think it was from you, the term "alternate reality" that really reached me!! God definitely uses you in a powerful way .. I mean just that term, "alternate reality" .. and "Team Healthy" .. really set me free. I have endured narc abuse for almost 30 years and you have shed so much light and wisdom on it, I am forever grateful. It's your gift, you make it look easy! Your intuitive nature and discerning heart is a true blessing. I absolutely LOVE that you always remind us that PEACE is the goal. 🕊️🕊️🕊️🙌💞 God bless you Dr Carter .. and please give Gus an extra belly rub from me and Ace!! 😍🐾🐾

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for your encouraging comments, Julie!! You just made my day!

[@Hollyrh4574]

Thank you for doing what you do, Dr C ❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are quite welcome.

[@nina.868]

It’s so useful when you give examples how to respond and what to say to not get into their games. It’s very effective, it’s not what they expect. And it gives me a sense of assertiveness that I need.

[@anonymouscm7270]

Many thanks Dr. C, Gus and Team Healthy🙏🌷🕊💝🤗

[@ociana]

I am thankful for you, Dr. C.

[@well_weathered]

You gave Mrs Carter a beautiful compliment. It was so sweet to hear! Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, Dr Carter. 🧡✨️

[@INCYTER]

I love you too, Dr. C. You're in my heart and mind too. Be well Brother.

[@BaraSchmidt]

Covert. Grandiose. Communal. Self-righteous. Malignant. Whatever version you face - they are like movie sets...they "appear" to be a complete building. From the outside. When you walk through the door, though... there ain't no "there" there! These are unfinished, incomplete humans. And they can never give you what they don't have. Be well and Stay Healthy!!

[@caroleminke6116]

Well put!

[@Hatbox948]

A very good analogy.

[@roxymovie3938]

I like your wise analogy, Bara.

[@BaraSchmidt]

@roxymovie3938 You are very kind, Roxy! I quite enjoy your perspectives as well!

[@roxymovie3938]

@BaraSchmidt Thank you for your kind response, Bara. I am always reading your posts for I find them very "refreshing" and very "lively". And of course, they are also very educational.

[@jeankipper6954]

Thank you Dr. C. You are one of the reasons for being thankful tomorrow. SO helpful. Writing from near Seattle Washington State.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks Jean

[@brucefriedman1]

Narcissists rely on a herd mentality with which they can attach themselves in order to satisfy their insatiable craving for feeling superior to others. This is the primary reason why it is often so difficult to detect or isolate narcissists because they blend in with others.

[@Mr8t0]

The funny thing is that they are such bumblers. Bumblers that want to be superior. Mine is splitting on this day. “Perfect” leadership for a beautiful sharing holiday. Amazing!🎉

[@DanaP3335]

Yep, deceptive. I do think they believe they are doing and thinking rightly. My ex really thinks he has been a good husband because he told me so. Who tells their spouse that? And adds I am the problem and what is he going to do with me. Group think in pulling our kids to side with him. It is sick and selfish. But he thinks he is righteous, cause he told me he is. Again, who tells their spouse that? A narcissist truly believing their own false narrative and convinces others who fall in line

[@Mr8t0]

@@DanaP3335 Amen. I am so thankful that we see through them now. I had so many years of “why?” now are days of “Aha!”. My narc tells me today, after a crazy day of splitting, that I left them years ago for “the news”. Yes, they accuse me of looking at daily events as a betrayal😆 talk about your “blame shifting”. After a day where they physically attacked me & stole my phone & hid it from me. They have unbelievable gall! Hang in there. I’m having Thanksgiving alone in the house I raised two beautiful boys in. Cold & empty except my dog, that is someone to be with. Funny how the narc can wrangle your loved ones from you. Hang in there. Build your great characteristics. Happy Turkey day. ☮️

[@aaronkwolfe]

Isolation strangles. Make connection where you feel safe.

[@caroleminke6116]

It’s tough when what passes for normalcy doesn’t feel right for you! I just don’t have the energy to engage. Thanx for team healthy

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Indeed👍

[@roxymovie3938]

​@@caroleminke6116 I can relate to this. And it even depends on your character though. As an introvert I get mostly of the time more energy when connecting to nature, animals etc. which are always safe 😊

[@LisaSmith-yb2uz]

❤ so true 🥹

[@PPK-727]

Dr. Carter, I am positive I am not alone; I refer to you so many times, using your name is pretty much a weekly norm for me. You are a household name! Thanks for everything! Blessed Thanksgiving to you and the Mrs.

[@caroleminke6116]

His words came out of my mouth as I went gray rock… he saved my life! Not kidding either

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks so much!

[@lishmahlishmah]

Today's live has so many lessons I want to re-listen again . Thank you dr C 💚 . Ok, we all know already somehow what the topics are all about. But I need to feel this kind of support . Indeed, the "repetition" is very helpful, after so many years of brainwashing and abuses by malignant narcissist ( > sociop) family member

[@caroleminke6116]

I heard his voice in my head as I went gray rock & sometimes his words came out of my mouth, surprising the narcissist as well as me! He saved my life

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Lishmah!!!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

I always listen again 🤗

[@lishmahlishmah]

@@SurvivingNarcissism 🖐️🙂💚🌼 @Carole 🌼✨✨ @Amanda 🌼🌼🌿

[@carolgates5297]

I'm so grateful to be a part of team healthy. Dr C is funny in the greatest sense. Good humor is intelligent.

[@BettyCrocker-v8y]

Happy thanksgiving 🦃🦃🦃

[@Hatbox948]

Happy Thanksgiving Dr. C! 🍗 🦃 🍗

[@eph2vv89only1way]

Having been diagnosed with cancer in January and having lost an aunt, 2 friends, and 2 of my kids' friends to death this year, I am thankful to be alive and cancer free

[@RebuildingWithClarity]

Sorry for your losses and pain and suffering. Sending healing your way.

[@eph2vv89only1way]

@RebuildingWithClarity ty

[@Mr8t0]

We’re all in this together. TH is a place to be. Love is the environment. ☮️

[@carolkristian1146]

We just got home from grocery shopping, one of the few times I felt well enough to uout, as I am currently in hospice care at home. My husband made the whole trip miserable. You would think that he would want quality time with me. But no, he made it all about him and his anger. I keep 46:33 hthings that come my way,, like my animal companions.w could he treat a sick person this way?? But then I remember that he doesn't care and never will. He can't love anyone. I have to give up hope, every minute of every day. It's very sad, but it's reality. I have to put my trust in God , a enjoy the small, joyous

[@bereal6590]

I hear you, im truly sorry for your situation. I have a very difficult situation as well and I know how hard it is. It's impossible to understand their cruelty and these times. I hope your fur companions bring you joy andnd im sending you love and hugs, and the very best✌

[@garlickebagg]

6:50 Excellent Question!!! Thanx Doc. And GUS too.

[@yakyssim]

I was married for 22 years to someone that I thought was a good person and thought he cared about me & my kids. Well when I woke up about 7 years ago & started seeing things different, real & seeing him for who he really is I wanted to leave but couldn't. So long story short I finally left and recently (3months ago) got divorced. Well now I am left wondering if all of the bad things that have happened to me over the last 20+ years were his doing so he could be the "white knight" in the situation. I will tell you I am so mentally screwed up right now trying to wrap my head around the last 20+ years of my life. It wasn't just me that he had fooled either. My kids, my sister, my best friends, my parents most everyone that know him can not believe what kind of person he really is. Everyone is blown away by it. But it has really screwed me up. Now I find myself questioning everything in my life and it has really exasperated my anxiety/ panic disorder. What can or should I do to protect myself & help to mentally deal with what he has done & is trying to still do.

[@aaronkwolfe]

Missy, journal. Write down everything you’d seen, everything you’d felt. It doesn’t have to be complete and perfect. But never starting means never having a record.

[@well_weathered]

I'm experiencing this anxiety right now. If I hadn't heard Dr Carter and Team Healthy I would still be questioning...I still am so mindblown. We don't understand that way of thinking, we can't comprehend.

[@yakyssim]

@Summer_Harvest exactly. My councilor asked me what I'm doing to kind of safe guard myself when I'm by myself and I said I'm not really. I don't know how to protect myself against such horrible mental & psychological abuse/attacks. I can't even begin to think in that way let alone be able to think of ways to protect against it. My boyfriend when I was younger was physically abusive & I could protect myself against him easier than I can my ex husband.

[@well_weathered]

@yakyssim 🫂

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

I understand. I was married for over 40 years and the abuse really messed me up, too. My divorce was final this past July and I feel like I'm just beginning to feel who I am. It's been a long process and Dr. Carter and my therapist have helped me tremendously. So many days I don't feel like I'm not going to make it and then the next day after a day of sobbing the day before, I feel a little bit lighter and a sense that I am going to make it. I still have a lot of healing to do. I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

I loved your beautiful words that you expressed with the woman whose son took his own life. My heart hurts for her. Thank goodness she chose to ask you for help. I learned a lot today and thank-you.

[@Mr8t0]

I was quite impressed that the ability to forgive was brought out. It seems to be a key element to contradicting the pull towards narcissistic behavior.

[@bernetajohnson3296]

Thank you Dr. C for your videos. They help us to see life from a different perspective. Hope you and your family enjoy the Holiday weekend.

[@HotSeat17]

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES....even the turkeys. 🦃🦃🦃🙏✝️❤️😘🇺🇲

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Happy holidays to #TeamHealthy!

[@Sequencers]

I have a narc brother who i only see on FB he is so full of himself and is always putting the world to right ! Politics, morals or any other subject he is an expert, but if i remember correctly when i still had contact with him he was so crooked and devious had no problems with stealing, lies, or greed in fact my last contact with him was when he lied and stole from myself but God caught him in the very act and he has never been in my life ever since he cut me off (over 35 years) it makes me sad that as kids he was my mentor and now he is the last person I want in my life, I think maybe its because I became a Christian but i think its more his narcissistic character he done me a favour 🤔 Thanks to Dr Carter i can look back over the last 50 years and know and understand those who where narcissist 👍 happy thanksgiving from Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

[@CarolPoarch-i6l]

Thank you Dr. C for all that you do. I’m grateful for you.

[@alexastirling4385]

Though we don't celebrate Thanksgiving here in Australia, I wish all of you who do a Very Happy Thanksgiving 💖

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So kind...coming from a supportive Aussie!!

[@susanmercurio1060]

When my kids were little, I used to go around the table and each one of us had to name one thing for which we were thankful.

[@fred.k9875]

Carter family, my kind of family!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Fred!!!

[@evangelinerito8409]

GOOD MORNING, DR. CARTER THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONCERN AND GIVING REMINDER AS TO WHST TO DO.HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. GOD BLESS.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you!

[@Teresa-hw5fg]

Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and love, Dr. C ❤ You're in my heart, too, and I recommend your livestreams and videos to everyone I love in my life. I don't know where I would be without you. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, and to Gus ❤

[@sami6086]

Happy thanksgiving ❤ I’m grateful to you and your input via these videos. If it wasn’t for your videos enlightening me, I would have still been in an abusive malignant narc marriage and probably dead. So glad I’m out of it ❤

[@fred.k9875]

Doc and team healthy when holiday time approaching I always brace myself you know how narcissists love to ruin holidays.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Stay strong. BTW, you know I like the tuxedo pic!

[@fred.k9875]

@@SurvivingNarcissism thanks Doc!

[@mday3821]

Wishing you Dr. C and your family including Gus a Happy Thanksgiving. 🦃❤ Thank you for all that you do. I appreciate you and your hard work.

[@lishmahlishmah]

That sweet potato recipe in the newsletter, please 😁

[@SherryWilson-dk7bo]

I always wanted to entertain friends and family the way you and your wife do Dr.C, I think that is really good and giving but my husband changed that. I didn't know about shunning til he started talking about it almost all the time. He likes only his people. I started going to family events and birthday parties of my family 's a long time ago, people have stopped asking about him. Love to you,your wife Jennifer and family and Gus and also Team Healthy! I hope people in the U.S.have a blessed Thanksgiving and our friends in other parts of the world have a blessed time too. ❤🙂🙏🙌✨️

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

Happy Thanksgiving, Dr. Carter. The souffle sounds absolutely delicious.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

It's better than good.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

It was a very heartwarming live this week 💕 I love this Team Healthy family 🕯

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Amanda...you know I so appreciate you being right in the middle of #TeamHealthy!

[@roxymovie3938]

Unfortunately, I am not able to do the live for it totally overstrains me in speed and also confuses me with so many people...But I am glad that you are enjoying it ❤

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@roxymovie3938 The live IS quick and not everyone's cuppa tea. I also like to listen again without doing the chat 👍🕯❤️🫂

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@SurvivingNarcissism Team Healthy is a massive part of my life now. Thanks Dr.C for all you do for us 🫂❤️

[@amandaliverpool3374]

​@@roxymovie3938I also like to listen again without the chat. ❤️🫂

[@snowbear1877]

Happy Thanksgiving Dr Carter and family from Australia.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks so much!

[@MzNettyBird]

As always 🎯Blessings to you and all you love🙏🏽 Thank You🙏🏽

[@itm4173]

Thank you, Dr. C, for your continued expertise and shared wisdom. I am grateful to you and to all those who share this difficult journey. Holidays are so difficult. Regarding family, my life is the polar opposite of holiday shows, commercials & greeting cards. I am learning (one step forward, a few back, and forward again) to make a life on my own terms. I am grateful. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for sharing! And thank you for your support.

[@stephaniehepler8341]

My X used to say his name calling & emotional/verbal abuse was justified because I do the same to him - which of course is absolutely not true. They always have an excuse, like a snotty spoiled petulant child. Me Me Me. He is a deeply dysfunctional, unhealthy & disturbed individual to this day. I know none of his behavior is justified. Let him be himself, he will end up alone & despised by all someday. It’s sad.

[@csillaschannel]

Dr. C, thank you. It’s challenging to put this into words but your words have helped me tremendously through the past year and a half. In this video you talked about us being part of you, and your human experience. You are a part of my life and have provided guidance. So, thank you, again from Canada. 🇨🇦

[@lisacoleman9398]

Thank you Dr C, these videos have been so helpful.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are very welcome!

[@normanieves9178]

Hope you had a fabulous Thanksgiving, Dr Carter! We are all so grateful for you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you. Same to you!

[@edith4334]

Dr. Carter and family have the best of day tomorrow surrounded with love and peacefulness and once again many thanks for being in our lives and taking the time to make us aware that we are team healthy. Sending a belly tickle to Gus❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Edith!

[@DanaP3335]

I was married 26 years and just divorced a few months ago. Our sons are indoctrinated by him. They blame me for the divorce. My one son that will talk to me said dad needs them, dad is lonely. He said his dad is more of a friend than father. He lives with all 4 sons (3 of them adults), I live alone, so who is lonely? He is playing the victim and convinced the kids they are victims of my supposed mental illness. I didn’t think I would survive this past year and saw no future. It was like this year took me to accept this is life now. No longer a wife and mom. I was a stay at home mom, kind and caring I believe and shielded them for years from their dad's anger. That is where I went wrong, I never held that man accountable out of fear. Trying to protect my kids really pushed them to be intangled in his web of manipulation and control. The injustice of this can play with my emotions, cause me to be consumed running thoughts of the years of abuse and now has my kids and is involved in their lives, girlfriends of my adult sons, outings, dinners out and then there is me, alone. Really God has been my only comfort, security, and strength. I could never get out of bed each day without my relationship with Jesus! Praise him in the pain, in the heartache and hoplessness. My eyes get off my situation on to he who is on the throne and knows all and is perfect, and loves me fully and completely.

[@cmoore6895]

@@DanaP3335 my heart and prayers are with you. Jesus our comforter is here for all. Peace is so valuable. 🙏♥️

[@andreacook6000]

Thank you for this video. Listened on tape delay today. 4.48pm in NZ this time. Have a wonderful thanksgiving. Looking forward to hearing how the sweet potato soufflé was!! I hope the smoked turkey breast goes well! Enjoyable, wonderful days! Blessings to you and your family and friends.✨✨✨🌻🍃

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you, Andrea.

[@sandyhenry3238]

I'm thankful I found you 4 to 5 yrs ago. You helped me understand what I married and got me to figure my way out of it. I am getting divorced and very excited for my next life's adventure. Happy Thanksgiving Dr. C ❤

[@bereal6590]

We are grateful for you dr c. Yours and dr r were the first channels I found and have kept me sane in my darkest time. Thank you ✌

[@irenecbcn]

Lots of Love from Sweden , wish you and your familly nice x-mas and Happy New Year

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are so kind. So pleased to be with you there in beautiful Sweden.

[@michelepascoe6068]

The narcissistic family system has the following traits in common with cults: * There is a supreme leader who determines the beliefs and practices of the group * Power is maintained by inspiring fear, either overtly or covertly * They have devoted followers/useful idiots/flying monkeys, who do the leader's bidding, flattering and defending them, agreeing without question, and punishing or ostracising the leader's "enemies" (any who dare to question or disagree) * Favourtism is practiced to reward those in the group-think circle and keep them competing for favour (driven by fear of being cast out like other rejects) * There is a web of misbeliefs which the leader can change, alter or add to, at any time. The followers will agree or not notice and maintain that it was always so. * Once you lose the leader's acceptance, it's lost for life and no punishment is sufficient. The stories about you will marinate in contempt and you will be an unspoken warning to anyone else who might dare to be different. * The leader is completely good and right, whatever they do, and "enemies" are completely bad and wrong and are incapable of ever doing anything good. * A devotee may not make a decision without the approval of the leader ... they can be held in the glance of the leader and do their bidding without words being spoken, puppet-fashion, if they've been groomed and trained over time. When the leader dies, such a follower can experience inner crisis and turmoil.

[@suzannerichardson3208]

My mother was a lying thief.

[@Georgia.O]

I am thankful for this video and the midweek sessions. I'm hoping my question may feature some day. This video came at a really crucial time!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it was helpful!

[@Beyondbelief-n9n]

The coldness of it all shocks me to me soul Doc. Actually wish I had a little of what they have. Not caring for a while would be peaceful. Would they ever feel forfilled though.

[@darinsmith2458]

Since you were talking about the dark side I will go there.. I agree with what Dr. Phil says about not doing for others what they can do for themselves.. I also agree with what Dr. Phil says about not rewarding bad behavior.. With that being said I live in Colorado and I serve the one who created the mountains.. I say that because I draw off that strength to do what I need to do.. I have been dealing with people who put stolen shopping carts in front of my place.. Today they put stolen shopping cart in front of my car.. These people are living in the dark side.. They intentionally do whatever they can get away with and do not care about anybody but themself.. So I found a total of 3 shopping carts and since the condo complex that I live in is right next to a part I took them all over and put them under the canopy in the park.. I am not going to reward and enable people who chose to do wrong.. I am not going to use the Power of Christ to save these people who do not want to be saved.. I am going to use the Power of Christ not to go down with them.. 1. Cult.. Wow great way to put it.. Everyone does seam to have a role.. 2. Son ending life.. This might have been the question that I first tuned in on.. My role is the son so I am not going to comment on this one.. 3. Narcissistic Husband.. I think with all the wonderful videos on Narcissism we can get a good idea of someone with those traits.. At that point we can choose what kind of relationship if any we have with them.. 4. Solve your problems.. Something that is coming up for me is when my step-father wanted me to do something and I constantly told him that I did not know how to do it.. 5. No resolution zone.. I can relate to this.. My experience is that their is a resolution but it is theirs.. It serves them and not me.. 6. Acting like them.. This is something that I naturally do.. I have to be very aware of it.. I live in the city but I go to the mountains skiing.. I tell everyone at the mountains if you have a problem with me that it is me.. I also tell them that I come to the mountains to get out of the city and to get the city out of me.. 7. Mimicry-empathy.. All these questions are great.. What comes to mind is that we confuse love with pity.. This is where I trust my feelings.. Is my stomach turning over or is it stable.. 8. Siblings.. I did think that my brother was an alcoholic but I was not sure about my sister.. The more videos that I watch on Narcissism the more of the traits that I see in both of my siblings.. With all the questions that we go over in this KZbin I could apply them to both of my siblings.. They clearly are Flying Monkies.. Even though they don't leave their kids with my mom they will always take my mom's side over mine.. Both of my siblings will not let me close..

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Darin, I so appreciate how you are appreciating. For what it's worth, Dr. Phil finished his doctorate two years ahead of me at North Texas St. University. We've never met, but I know people who know him.

[@TruthandJustice-hz9nv]

This was pure gold DR Le's, Thank you so much for this, Speaks volumes, I'm dealing with two unhealthy individuals, I won't allow them to undermine my intelligence and confidence, I'll speak my mind and Truth, Peace, love and respect to you, Gu's and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory power praise and smiles to the most high :-) :-) :-)

[@Ayebaybaye]

Hey everyone! Let’s teach more about self love, boundaries and that this is a generational curse on blood lines. More love, more understanding and more BOUNDARIES ❤ BE WELL EVERYONE

[@Shimmerin]

"That's quite a dilemma." *SNORT LAUGH*

[@snowbear1877]

Interesting what you say about narcissists getting on the empathy train because they think it might make them look good. My sister who is a narcissist has taken to talking about empathy a lot. It really is a buzz word for those who don't have any!

[@patrycjaolejarz]

Thank you for this, I love the bear painting on the background 😊

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

The artist is Miri Rozenvain. You can probably find her in a quick internet search.

[@Jessecraft1954]

I'm also 70.😊

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

It's not as rough as I thought it might be about 10 years ago!

[@evangelinerito8409]

BE BACK LATER , TNX.

[@ClickerTrainer1]

My notes with time stamps: 6:34 Q: "Could you discuss how the narcissistic family system resembles a cult, especially when covert malignancy is involved and children are indoctrinated?" Dr. C: I've had a lot of cases that are headed up by domineering family members. There's this mindset that says inside this family there's a certain way that you'd better be and there will be no tolerance for any difference. When we talk about a cult, we're talking about having a leader with very strong authoritarian attitudes and with no sense of accountability. "I'm the one who gives orders. I receive input from nobody." They have no willingness to receive questions. When you say well "why do we do it this way?" and "why do you think like this?" the response is "You're not allowed to ask those questions. I'm the one who makes the rules around here." Cult-like families have a sense of paranoia about people 'out there'. "People out there are going to ruin us, therefore we have to be very guarded about what we reveal about ourselves." These individuals are easily triggered. They can hold people in contempt. Cults are known for how they shun people that are inside their system if you do anything that that comes against me. You don't get to choose; you have to defer. Narcissists want to separate you from your real self. They want to remove you from your own internal bearings. (ME: All these specifics are very helpful to seeing the whole complex dynamic.) 11:09 Q: "Can you give me advice on how to proceed in life after my son ended his life? He was kind, empathetic and forgiving yet my ex (his father) systematically destroyed his life. My son and I loved each other yet his father kept us apart using so many tactics." Dr. C: The narcissist, especially the sociopathic, psychopathic or malignant narcissist, and they're all very closely intertwined, they will elevate themselves by destroying you. You will always carry a grief. You can focus on your son. Be thankful for the time that you had with him. Know that you loved him. Know that he loved you. Focus on the things that are right. 17:03 Q: "I'm dealing with a narcissistic husband who becomes explosive when questioned, especially about other women. He's not the cheating type. I'm so insecure because he threatens to leave me. He literally says can abuse me because I question him. I ask simple questions to get reassurances, but I only get anger and that makes him look guilty. Am I wrong if he is faithful?" Dr. C: The resounding answer to that one is no you're not wrong for feeling like you do. I have some really large questions about the veracity of his claims that he's never been unfaithful. When you mention something to him, there's a reason that you want to mention it. If he had a love for you, and if he had a faithfulness and fidelity toward you, his first thought would be "This is my wife and I want to make sure that she feels comforted and she feels secure in me so I will offer her that security by listening to her." This is not a relationship that you need to be in. "Since you're not going to be responsible with your emotions then I'm going to remove myself." And you don't have to keep secrets on his behalf. 23:03 Q: "My narcissist repeatedly says 'When I tell you how to solve your problems I'm showing you my love.' What's that all about? Because I sure don't feel love." Dr. C: That's BS. He's condescending. 26:35 Q: "What do you say about the wait game? My husband waits me out in conflict into the 'no resolution' zone. It's infuriating and exhausting." Dr. C: There's different forms of anger and the most weaselly form is stubborn, passive aggressive stonewalling. They are basically saying "I have no willingness to engage with you in a constructive way. I refuse to acknowledge that there is a difference that you and I need to explore. I have to be right. If I'm am not afforded the right position by you, then its my task to make you feel awkward and uncomfortable. I can out-stubborn and out-wait you. I must be in the dominant position." The aggression means that "I'm going to take care of me at your expense." The more you squirm and the more you say 'this is awful', he's over there thinking "I'm winning." You're not winning, you're just making a miserable mess of your life. 33:52 Q: "Is it possible to get angry with a narcissist and start acting like them because their ignorance is so insulting to your intelligence? Even with plenty of evidence, they imply you're the crazy one." Dr. C: In my field this is called reactive abuse, but I'm reluctant with that. I don't want to say that you're an abuser. But what you can't afford to do is to allow that narcissist to establish your pace because there's a game that they like to play and it's called the gotcha game. Don't get sucked in. 38:00 Q: "Can you speak more on mimicry and what good actors some narcissists are, with their cognitive empathy versus real empathy?" Dr. C: These scheming narcissists may try to say or do things that indicate 'You see, I'm a nice pleasant guy.' But over time, you begin realizing they're not really sincere about it. They're just using a ploy. Because when push comes to shove, that mimicry, that that willingness to seem to be like a reasonable person, falls apart. Particularly when there's a question about the narcissist's motives or the choices that they make. You're dealing with a pretender. One of the ways that people manipulate is to become counterfeits. They make up their ideas about how the rules are supposed to be that suits them. Truth is something that can be swept aside when necessary. When you say "Let's go back and get that truth and put it right in the middle of our relationship.", they are like "No, that's Kryptonite to me." (ME: I love this idea of truth as Kryptonite.) When a person is mimicking empathy, it almost inevitably is not accompanied with true compassion and kindness and availability, especially in moments of difference and conflict. 41:32 Q: "When one sibling is a narcissist is it likely that the others will be as well?" Dr. C: Not necessarily. The roles that are assigned inside a family system can be quite different. Inborn temperament can differ too.

[@Libby2025]

Thank you for all your invaluable insights. They help so much. You’re a special and wonderful human being. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. Ps. Can’t believe you’re 70?! You look way younger 🙂!

[@karenmininni4962]

Dr. Carter you are in us and with us also. Thank you. But can you please emphasize rumination issues as it’s something I have been battling for awhile. Thanks again. You are loved.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks so much, Karen.

[@jorunnbye2119]

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family, Dr. Carter !🙏❤️I have listeded at your videos for many years and you have helped me so much! And your warm-hearted personality and humor is such a good help for me to overcome many of my difficulties with narc persons in my life in both family and work❤️🙏😇Thank you from my heart 🧡

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you so much.

[@artistmaureensharkey5321]

I feel a bit blue since a realization hit me on Thanksgiving. Seems in my husband's family and in my own family, narcissism won and the nice, respectful, civil, people, lose. Pit-bull behavior has increased and respected. No matter how nice and respectful I have been to all of these people, for so many decades, still, any attempted conversation is thwarted by a slam from an alligator who knows better. Perhaps the younger generations coming up believe the older generation's narcissists seem like the kind of winners they want to be; and they view the polite, kind ones as weak doormats, therefore, losers. It's heart-wrenching to witness the expanding narcissism in these expanding families, along with the memories of the decent ones that have passed on without due respect for their decency. Here, you give constantly for the betterment of mankind, but so many deaf ears. So weird.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Good to hear from you, Maureen. The way I put it, in relationships, the more negative person "wins."

[@notagain779]

About the term "stonewalling": I have a male relative who won't discuss any difference of opinion if I stick to mine. If I don't capitulate to his opinion, his demeanor will become arms crossed over his chest. I'll be treated to a view of his nostrils and a shine on his glasses. He decides we won't talk about this until I "come to my senses." 😂

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Watch for the new video this Monday.

[@notagain779]

@@SurvivingNarcissism , I can't wait!!

[@angelawade1445]

If you only knew how many people use your name to help others.

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

Wait just a sec, DrC! Were you a part of “the boys” radio show back in the early 90’s? I listened to them every single day on my lunch break. Even when they were addressing things that had nothing to do with me or what I was experiencing (at that time I was so clueless to what I was actually experiencing,) I still gleaned something from their coaching. When I first discovered your YT channel just a few years ago, I vaguely remembered thinking I had listened to a “Dr Les Carter” on parenting somewhere in my early parenting years (28 years ago Dec 4th!) But I thought nah surely I am remembering that Dr’s name incorrectly. This can’t be the same guy haha. Was that perhaps you? If so- wow I feel even more grateful for you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I had a radio run with Minirth-Meier from 1985-96. We had a fantastic team, and I thoroughly enjoyed doing it.

[@peat_dont_repeat]

Did you see the commercial that was on the channel during the re-play? O.M.G. It has nothing to do with Dignity, Respect, or Civility. I just skipped it. I don't know if you have any control with it. It was Sly Stallone and it was digitally altered on his voice. Very bold of the person who produced it. Respectively I made this comment. I am not criticizing.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I have zero input on the ads

[@snowbear1877]

Dr Carter, do narcissists have the capacity to love? For instance, can a narcissist love their child?

[@familychromebook1852]

Tell Jennifer I'm going to try making her souffle!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

We just had the last of the leftovers a couple of days ago. Man, that stuff is good!!

[@ElizabethSeiden]

Hi Dr. C! Amazing video! I've heard that narcissism is a intergenerational curse. They say that the scapegoat/blacksheep is the truth teller. How do I break the trauma bond with my npd roommate and stay out of his traps? I'm working on my behavior to maintain my well being. Thank's for your help. Happy Thanksgiving!❤😊

[@ryangrundy4290]

Hi Dr. Carter, What do you think the difference is between responsibility and accountability and how the two may get confused? Also, why do you think fascistic narcissism is appealing to so many westerners?

[@JimKJeffries]

cluster b have one aspect in common: service to fear. Hell they are slaves to it. Their example makes it easy for those around them to as well. First step of leadership is setting the example. Why not set your example of love (Corinthians)?

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You make sense.

[@davidgoldsberry8230]

Can cults such as this be within a church. I keep trying to get an annulment from the narcissist and the church staff is hindering my progress with all the classic tactics.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes, they can, and may I suggest you making your own decisions about your marital status as a free person. Sounds like you are running into a wall of authoritarian domination.

[@andreah6379]

If you ever watch true crime stories enough, you will find that claiming to be church-goer/very religious person provides great cover for narcissistic/ sociopathic-types. They can use the fact that they are so tied to God that, "Hey, don't suspect me, I'm the avid church-goer...of course I'm innocent." We all need to listen to our gut feelings if you suspect someone is sabotaging you, doing you wrong.

[@teresadvorak6145]

U don't need organized religion for a divorce. It's none of there business. They need to butt out. This is between the two of you, not the people at church! If anything, they should be praying for the best outcome of the situation, not telling you what to do or how to do it. Keep it all to yourself. Not the church. From here, it looks like u need to divorce the church along with the husband & get out of there so u can heal & get a new life. U can send your very own personal line out to God. U don't need all the extra unnecessary flack irritating what your trying to do ❤

[@Dove-gx5gz]

HI Dr. C, I am trying to find the video where you mentioned Dr. Minirth and his thoughts on OCD treatment/Rx. Can you tell me where I can find it? Thank you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Frankly I can't remember which one it was either.

[@Dove-gx5gz]

OK. Am I correct in remembering that Dr. Minirth thought OCD is often best treated with antipsychotic Rx?

[@Kaliesi154]

Would love to submit a question. How do you end circular arguments and discussions without looking like being the uncooperative one. My spouse will keep going until I'm so exhausted and confused that I am no longer able to follow the conversation. It's about 3 hours typically before he quits. How can I end the discussion? When I do, he'll say things like I don't care because I don't want to talk about it or I'm walking away from the issue. (well - it's usually a mountain of topics by the time I attempt to get away).

[@josiahm9090]

7:45

[@Mr8t0]

Happy thanksgiving! I hope all of TH will have something of that delicious “Sweet potato soufflé”.🦃🪶🥮