Midweek with Dr. C- When Narcissists Refuse To Reason

[@ChildoftheLIGHT]

They turn reasonable conversations into arguments and then accuse you of wanting to argue!🙄🙄

[@christinelamb1167]

Yes! It's crazy-making! 🤪

[@KaarinaKimdaly]

They project their inner crap upon you. Yes, indeed, they project and then they will invalidate you by saying to you that you are "projecting"--LITERALLY!-- once they hear the concept. You see, they lack insight into their own psychological functioning. They are habitually defensive, always seeing the problems as existing out there, outside themselves. This can be dangerous to societies when they identify groups to scapegoat. Hitler took no accountability to himself when Germany lost the war shortly before his and Eva Braun's suicides, but it was he who was the primary instigator. Hitler chose to blame shift the loss of that highly destructive major tragedy that was WWII to the German people! Hitler was a nutball narcissist.

[@MT-ij4kd]

Omg, you are so right!!!!! I never understood why my narc used to do that and I just labeled him as a difficult person 😭

[@kellyandaaron2005]

It's exhausting. I had no idea just how exhausting, until I was out of that relationship and started communicating with others. After years of interacting with him that way, I had really started to see this as the norm. Nope. Healthy people do not turn every conversation into a competition.

[@annjohnson8437]

Just happened to me yesterday. 😮‍💨

[@INCYTER]

Hi Dr Les, I'm am old man now(they tell me) and you taught me a few new tricks. You've helped change me and I've been so blessed through you. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you, and although I feel like I know you, I know you don't (yet) know me. Though I think we have a mutual friend in common. And I am sure one day you will hear from Him, "Well done thou, good and faithful servant". ❤ Thank you Dr. C

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for these encouraging words. Perhaps one day we can meet!

[@KaMo8819]

Dr. C. I’m living in an extremely difficult situation. My husband is a narcissist and I feel certain his mother is also a lifelong narcissist. When we leave from a visit with her (most visits are typically difficult) he immediately begins fussing/angry about her narcissistic behaviors - many of which are the same behaviors he displays daily. How do two narcissists typically deal with each other and is it a waste of time to call this out next time he’s fuming about his mothers behavior. Life hasn’t been peaceful, nor is it fun when the person you sleep next to is anything but my “safe place”. In fact, it feels anything but safe. Thank you for providing this content/helpful information!

[@INCYTER]

@@SurvivingNarcissism I hope so, Brother

[@lindabell2940]

Yea buddy, I'm thinking of the thought for my heavenly Father,

[@aaronkwolfe]

Reason is for the reasonable.

[@carefulcarpenter]

Reason. How do you reason synchronicity? I landed a handyman project at a local church. I met the pastor yesterday--- he asked me what my relationship was with the church member who referred me. I asked, "Do you believe in synchronicity?" He told me after we took a look together at the work--- obviously I was hired on arrival. He recognized an honest craftsman.

[@44Mat]

@@carefulcarpenter You've really made it in life

[@carefulcarpenter]

@@44Mat Life is a university. I have not graduated yet. ☺ I made a moral decision at about age 8; I remember that was 3rd grade.

[@carefulcarpenter]

@@44Mat "You really made it in life." In 2021 on our wedding anniversary, we lost a 7-year court battle with the Big German Bank. We were told by their attorney that the bank had no obligation to assist us in keeping our home. We lost 350k of equity. The house sold for 203k. We entered bankruptcy in 2014. We no longer have debt--- nor our home of 24.7 years. I no longer have a shop to work in. Most of my equipment was confiscated by the new owner. "You really made it in life." Still married after 45 years. My daughter always reminds me that she loves me. She says I am the best father she knows. Yes--- I really made it in life! ♥

[@sbg4ever120]

I’m finally realizing after 4 years of marriage to a narcissist that I will never be enough in his eyes and certainly never an equal partner with an equal opinion. God bless you, Dr. Carter 🙏

[@mostHigh23]

Never..😢

[@anacardinale5769]

Thank you Dr C! How can anyone reason with arrogant, proud, self grandiose people who feel entitled to control everyone with their false narrative. There is no dialog only bullying. The constant invalidation is a sign that there is something evil in these people and the best thing to do is walk away. Who cares what they say to others behind your back? Isn't it better to cut your losses and re-invent your world with people that actually love you?

[@christinelamb1167]

Yes!

[@caroleminke6116]

Toddler level emotional maturity 🤦‍♀️

[@Staranaise]

Well said! That's why I went NC 18 months ago. I swear, it's hard not to feel like there is actually evil in my mother. To purposely be cruel, especially when I was hurting, is just evil.

[@anacardinale5769]

@@Staranaise If it's any consolation, I have been scapegoated ostracized and rejected by my mother and my siblings since I was a child. I am 67. I still suffer from CPTSD I still relapse into all kinds of negative patterns. The excessive abuse has left me traumatized. I already went NC but now I want to heal. That is what matters!

[@VgVi13]

@@anacardinale5769 Same here. Been no contact for around a year and I am so at peace. I can't even believe how calm I feel. No drama, trauma or abuse.

[@deborahnorahmc3257]

Dear Dr C & the rest of the team healthy. I found your channel here on Jan 1st 2024. I did not realise until then that I was ina full blown narcissistic “relationship “. I’ve believed for over 10 years that I’m a truly despicable person. Now that I have been enlightened I have completely altered my engagement with him. I really work hard at not being drawn into the crazy baiting and childish sulking. So now it’s getting through and he wants to know “what is going on with me because something has changed “. I felt so grateful to this channel when he said that. Unfortunately now - 2 bunches of flowers & a dinner date later - I’m trying hard to believe this is not a new him, just a hoovering operation. I’ll keep watching and stay vigilant. Thank you everyone ❤🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@Snezanah]

Hi, Dr.Ramani...also very very very good. Funny is this: I was thinking dr.carter and she to come together. And you know what? A LOT of vieuwers thought and had that wish too. So I thought..Finally...when I saw video with the two of them ..and they also ..I think...said..finally..base us who say something about them coming together. You can type their names together maybe than you see them both😃🙋👍 oh and Kris Reece is also a good one 😊

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Keep learning, Deborah. I'm glad to be on the path with you.

[@annjohnson8437]

Don't fall for it. It's an act to draw you back in. It's not a real change you're seeing.

[@mostHigh23]

You better keep watching.😅 And do the right thing and get tf away from himmmm!!!😅

[@CharingCross712]

Deborah - they never change. If you allow him to draw you back, his behaviour will be worse than it was before. Drop kick him out of your life.

[@BaraSchmidt]

My biggest takeaway from this live is how physically exhausting dealing with narcs is. This was very validating, Dr. C! Thank you! And, SIR GUS - scritch, scritch!

[@carefulcarpenter]

I am replying to you for the opportunity that others will read the comment section and join in. *"I love trolls."* I began writing creatively on a messageboard in 2003. I used my real first name as my username, but would sign poems theatrics, and random thoughts with a character name. I became what I refer to as: "The first cyberpoet". I was the first interactive poet, and now I realize I was the "First and Only Cyberpoet". Some referred to me as a spamming troll. 😊 Any input so far? I value your point of view.

[@Hatbox948]

So true!

[@carefulcarpenter]

@@Hatbox948 Please read my comment and add to the discussion. Thanks!

[@aaronkwolfe]

Wow. They are everywhere.

[@carefulcarpenter]

​​@@aaronkwolfe On messageboards it was rather easy to identify them by their habitual nature. Avoidance was one. Lack of sincere curiosity was another. Today, YT comment sections are seeing rampant censorship. For 24 years this has been one way, or one concept that helped in groups( not thinking that they are everywhere, BTW) *"IGNORE is the root of ignorance."* cc 2003 They will ignore you--- if they fear being revealed in a group. When they can label you, or others label you, they will hop on the bandwagon to abuse you---- misbelieving that a poet would be damaged by disparaging comments. Some people labeled themselves "mean girls". Creativity is not their strong point--- but they often think sarcasm is genius.

[@kellyandaaron2005]

That was one of his favorites. 'You always act like you don't like me' It was his go to anytime I wanted to talk about feeling hurt by his behavior.

[@christinelamb1167]

Oh my gosh! I was dating a guy a few years ago that I was having a lot of issues with. Whenever I would try to have a discussion with him about something he was doing that bothered me/hurt me, he would become very sullen and pouty, and he's ask me "Do you even like me at all"? That's called deflection, and I would call him on it. Of course, he would then become angry, and accuse me of "viciously attacking him". 🤣 Thankfully, I got out of that relationship after 9 months, and it's been about 1 1/2 years since I've been free of that BS!

[@kellyandaaron2005]

@@christinelamb1167 Yep, sounds very familiar 😄 I'm glad we're free of that nonsense.

[@KaarinaKimdaly]

The 'big baby' tactic. They ' think' with their emotions and their emotions are selfishly "entitled". Their scripts are self-serving and are based on their delusions of their Superiority and 'right' to rule their 'kingdom'. They will trample on your human rights. They are control freaks and falsely imagine they have more rights than you do and have the 'right' to boss you about for their benefit. This is really about their ego and their personal power issues, to put it mildly. . . They are demonic. Don't associate yourself with people like this if you can help it, or you will become the gift that keeps on giving to someone who will exploit you until you lose yourself.

[@sbg4ever120]

“Not just a complaint session, but a springboard toward growth.” Gold! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@bereal6590]

My main narc: when you're in pain im going to complain about my own stuff; when im in pain you need to give your full attention while I pretend I'm not in pain. Loose loose, can't win or do anything right. Then when you're I im will pretend nothing happened and I will carry on with my day and put on a big smile for distant relatives. Translation, you carry my pain

[@PaulineMesplou]

After putting me through the wringer for 20+ years, my ex claimed that I wasn’t being reasonable when I decided to leave. I guess they do reason, they just operate with their own set of standards, bending facts to suit their weird reality 😅

[@lauracoussens6207]

You are spot on as Dr. C. would say.

[@yelodoggie]

I stayed many many years. My narcissist had been deeply wounded by her FoO. She had a narcissistic parent and was physically abused. She died 9 months ago (feels like Years, because my life is so radically different now) and I've been in therapy. I've learned that my own childhood trauma of taking care of an alcoholic parent, sexual abuse, and all the shame that came with those things made me into a rescuer, unable to talk about the misery I was experiencing. I am happier now than I have been in more than 30 years. Still healing.

[@denisewalker1120]

Hello everyone, I hope that everyone is fine. Thank you Dr Carter, I totally love your videos. from Australia

[@carrie6157]

I’m 75 years old I’ve been married40 years to a narcissist! THANK YOU dr carter … I didn’t know this for most of my marriage until I came upon your videos . My husband and I talk about nothing because it always ends up in a fight . I’ve been called names for years.. the last one was “ your a fn whore” he also kept trying to make me hit him .. hit me hit me I’ll call the police “ that when I put all my knowledge ( thank you dy carter) together and started to put my dr carter knowledge to work . It’s been a couple years now that I’m working on me . TRYING to ignore ‘ the nowhere man” . THANK YOU dr carter … and GOD bless ALL of US 🙏

[@honey-feeney9800]

Refusing to reason = obstinance .

[@carolnahigian9518]

mulish- dense& mean and PROUD OF IT! such Poison.

[@AnnePerkins-po5jo]

Yes, sometimes you don't want to tell a controlling person what you had for lunch because it will trigger a long lecture about the evils of having eaten that particular food. They might criticize what you buy at the grocery store in the same way, so you don't feel like discussing those apparently trivial things with that person. Also, with reactions, it is amazing that you can respond in as bland a way as you can muster to some outrageous statement, only to be accused of 'flipping out,' 'paranoid' or some other psychological dysfunction. You'll never win in their games.

[@splainyourself9811]

My narc x husband would block me in a room and yell at me for hours. He pushed me to the brink and of course I wound up being the bad guy.

[@mday3821]

Their entitlement can be they have the right to take your things or break your things.

[@KaarinaKimdaly]

@mday3821: Yes! They will do this. They do not recognize your rights to your property, privacy, dignity. This is part of their DELUSIONAL entitlement to you and their DOMINEERING ENVY. They cannot tolerate other people's happiness! They will willfully try to destroy other people. Really, it IS psychopathy. . .or plainly put, evil. Many years ago I read a book by the late M. Scott Peck (author of The Road Less Taken) entitled The People of the Lie. It is worth reading, imo. Les Carter's work is an enlightening beacon for humanity. I am thankful to have opportunity to be exposed to the fruit of his well-earned wisdom via these broadcasts and I hope that society in general, as well as all the individuals who give ear to him here and learn to see the patterns, will be healed and comforted and strengthened thereby!

[@l.5832]

Ooohhh. It took me YEARS to understand what he was doing. My most precious, irreplaceable, sentimental possessions would be broken when I was not there. He would blame it on the cat (but nothing ever broke when I was there). He would blame it on company. Finally, I confronted the company about what happened (husband's brother). I was given three different stories about what happened, each story blaming a different person. It was totally psychotic. When I told the therapist the story she said she had never heard a worse case of psychological abuse.

[@yelodoggie]

This made me let go of attaching sentimental value to objects, and being very cool about items I really loved.

[@l.5832]

@@yelodoggie I think it is perfectly fine to have sentimental value on an object given to you by your now-deceased father, or a momento from a family trip you took decades ago to a place you will likely never see again. It's not the object, per se, but it is a reminder of people and places that collectively make up your history. What I discovered was he would only break things that I acquired in my life prior to meeting him. He was trying to erase my past. The only life he wanted me to have, was the one with him. Once you are elderly and don't get around much and much of your family and friends are dead, these tokens are extremely important to you and also help to stimulate your memory.

[@yelodoggie]

@@l.5832 I agree, and my narcissist tried to erase my past, too. But it was less hurtful for me to detach myself from things.

[@judyoltman5190]

Thank you Dr. C. I’m determined to be healthy.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes! #TeamHealthy

[@cherylnathanodette]

So many people here struggling I'm so sorry, evil people aren't worth your effort. Thanks Dr. C

[@DonSmith-nv4mv]

Omg. So relevant. I'm watching a guy in my town who has lost custody of his kids due to his own behavior. He refuses to acknowledge he's done anything wrong and the kids/teens don't want to see him. He's convinced he is a victim of parental alienation yet his house is filthy, he randomly shows up to his kids school and blames his ex for everything. He's laid complaints against every professional he deals with when he doesn't get his way. He's laid frivolous complaints against every school, the principal, the school district, every police officer, their supervisors, the court judge, lawyers and clerks, also the sheriff's at the court house. He's been doing this for years even though he's never been successful in any of them. He constantly claims to be the victim of abuse...ie didn't get my way. Now he's about to sell his house to hire an out of town lawyer (none here will touch it) and Parental Alienation expert. The judge already refused to put the kids through a full psychological assessment and for sure it'll be turned down again. No one, not even his family, can get through to him. He'll never change.

[@DiscipleofHim]

These shows are a big help in sorting and justifying my feelings. I grew up around these types.

[@kathyschneider5443]

So I finally left my vulnerable covert narc husband after 23 years. My kids saw me engage in a lot of reactive abuse and years of non stop fighting. My issue is with trying to explain to them why I'm leaving. I'm filled with guilt for how this doesn't make sense to them. I'm struggling to explain to my 18 and 21 year old children what my reasons for leaving are and the years of emotional abuse and manipulation that is hard to see in covert narc. These covert narcs are so sneaky. Mine has me looking like the problem and always has. I'm hesitant to try and explain Narcissism to my kids. They just see that as character assassination. I must say there is a new calm in my life and interactions that I haven't had in 20 years. Hoping my kids can see that for a start.

[@AAXS-op1vo]

I know this is hard to hear but I would suggest you NOT try to explain to the kids (unless they directly ask you). If your children are observant, their father’s true nature will be revealed in time. I had a narc mother in law AND spouse and it was exceedingly difficult to manage that. Very shortly, the children were able to figure their grandmother out and one of them has started to see the issues with their father, post divorce. You have to have the patience of Job but, believe me, the truth will come out eventually. Try to hold your peace or give very measured responses. Anything more will get weaponized against you. Just my opinion.

[@michelepascoe6068]

Unhealthy entitlement is where that person is favoured above others in various ways, and things always end up being done their way, at their home and at yours, and you never have a chance to run your own party/outing/dinner/celebration/occasion your way. Others end up giving in to the entitled person or they are punished in some way. The entitled person never "hears" what you have to say about anything. They always know better and their way is best. Your opinions and preferences don't matter because they're wrong anyway. The entitled person is the most important one and nobody should upset them.

[@Lea-EttaCalzolano]

The way I interpreted it has been “ You do not exist until I want you to. And when THAT HAPPENS it will ONLY be to meet MY NEEDS . “25 years of this self absorption and lack of empathy or respect .

[@bethgotts8031]

My flying monkey sister told me a couple weeks ago on a walk that she has already spoken with my other sisters and she and her Narc spouse have decided they are going to purchase my Covert moms home on a lake before she dies to keep it out of the courts? This of course makes zero sense bc it just means that she is getting the house and the rest of us are not. & my mom will basically give it to her in its entirety vs being fair and splitting the amount among us evenly. Even though I have spent the past 2 plus years dealing, as the scapegoated child, caring for and living w Covert mom. It appears I will not be left with much if anything in the will. At this point I don’t really care, it just really sucks how easily narcissists can dismiss everyone but themselves for whatever reasons they deem matter. My theme lately: “Let them”. Helps a bit.

[@marclee1657]

One can't reason wit any person who's mind is set in unreasonableness... 😢

[@rwdchannel2901]

Grey Rock Method hits the narcissist where it hurts the most. Don't give the narcissist a positive or negative emotional response and you'll see the narcissist meltdown. That's the only thing the narcissist wants and if you deny it the narcissist hates it. I used it on my father and he started ghosting me. He did me a favor because I don't need to be in contact with someone who's going to insult me in order to feel superior. I used that opportunity to go no contact.

[@AAXS-op1vo]

Great answer

[@MT-tx7bu]

Dr C, I hope you're feeling better! I hope I can share a short story about my Narcissistic MIL. My husband, daughter and I were walking into a restaurant for lunch. My MIL and FIL were paying for their lunch and almost ready to leave. When she saw us, she turned her back on me, along with her granddaughter and only spoke to her son (my husband). I felt awkward just standing there so I walked over to our table and sat down. About a few minutes later, my FIL comes over to our table with a cup of coffee in his hand and sits down next to us. I was confused because I thought they were leaving. About a few minutes later, my husband and MIL come around the corner and she says to my FIL, "I thought we were leaving? What are you doing?" He replied, "I'm having coffee with my favorite daughter!" The look on her face. It just goes to show you how narcissistic behavior is rough but that others do see it and my FIL handled that situation beautifully! 🤭I miss him, but I wanted to share his story of how you can turn that nastiness around.

[@katiedid8192]

I was married to a covert narcissist. A year after we married we moved 1000 miles across country to his home town and family. I had become pregnant on our 1 st anniversary. Once there I felt like the third shoe to a pair. His parents were definitely a priority. I was told that I was never to do anything to upset Mother or Father. Of course I could never be what they expected ( honestly I really didn’t try very hard). My husband visited them every Sunday morning ( a way to keep him from going to Mass with our kids and me). Almost every Sunday he would come home not speaking to me without explaination which could last 6-8 weeks. Needless to say after a few years I learned that this behavior was his issue and not mine. Stayed till the kids were grown and prepared a career so I could leave. Sad that my ex. Never knew love ( conditional with his parents) and could not give or receive true intimate love. He died never knowing love.

[@Hatbox948]

My ex narc was very difficult to reason with. After a while of getting pulled into jerk ball conversations, you give up trying to communicate.

[@theyellowshoe]

It's like treating a toddler like a full grown adult!?

[@KJ-lb4tj]

You can't reason with a narcissist, the onus is on the one that keeps trying.

[@KaarinaKimdaly]

​@@theyellowshoe Narcissists can be emotionally immature for their entire lives, so, yeah.

[@winter-qd4yw]

Thank you Dr Carter on your take on reactive abuse; specifically hesitating to use the word “abuse”. I was in a decades long marriage to a covert narcissistic but had no idea what was happening at the time until years after leaving. I then wondered if I was the narcissist once I learned about it due to my reactions. Yes, I argued back. I did not know better at the time and felt that I was sticking up for myself. However, my kids saw this anger. In hindsight I can see how detrimental this was all the way around but can’t change it. If I had known what was happening I can assure you I would not have reacted. Like you state, I was the “angry” person and it was used against me in the most hurtful way - my kids. Anyone reading this please don’t fall into the trap as I did. The price is too high😓

[@fairygurl9269]

Team Healthy

[@patriciarye-si4zj]

Listening To The Video I Can't Believe How True This Is,It's So Draining For Sure

[@CharisToTheWheeler]

Dr. Carter I have been listening to your channel for some time and I’m so grateful for you. Thanks for helping us navigate through life with a narcissist. 🤗💜

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are very welcome, Ashley.

[@kellyjones5133]

Thank you Doctor. I appreciate you so much and your knowlege is so helpful. I think I would die without having you to validate my feelings. Thank you so very much.💝

[@bethgotts8031]

OMG. I feel like this w my controller every single day! I think the hardest part is she does not behave this way with everyone. ( Covert). That’s really tough to take some days more than others…

[@melodyharcrow5940]

Good afternoon.

[@SallyKlee]

About triggering and trying to get the worst out of us: so on point what you say! You know what? I also repeat in my mind "dignity, respect and civility" like a mantra while I take a deep breath and it helps me every time ❤ My narcissistic brother and I don't live together and I guess it makes it easier. But it is hard and draining (also financially) to deal with him almost daily listening to his messages. I'm about to go no contact but a part of me still feels sorry for him... it's not easy. Thank you for my mantra "DRC" 😊

[@michellehill718]

Thank you very much Dr. C! One of my very favorites persons of peace! ❤🙏🕊

[@25N77]

Dr. C (and Gus), Over the past 3 or so years, I’ve tried to do what you spoke about and that is to sit down and talk about thing’s especially her affair(s?). I prepared an agenda, gave her a copy so she would take notice that she was not being emotionally ambushed. Within that hour of going through the agenda, of course you know what info I got and it was nothing. I commented all this on one of your videos and you actually responded which I thought was extremely gracious. You said that some people just won’t be redeemed. Excellent info. My question today that may not be your usual concerning covet narcissism. Due to finances, age, and quality of material life and comfort, we dwell in same house. I do not have anything to do with her outside of the house. That means different churches, different friends, no lunches, no trips and no movies. You get the idea. The marriage is long since over. Here is the meat of my long question…. I dream often about many things which are very vidid. I still dream about the two of us taking trips, buying new houses and seemingly having a normal life. How can my awake life be so different from my dream life. I’m not asking for dream interpretations but am trying to find out what world is my brain living in. So sorry for the long lead in!!! Thank you for your consideration.

[@jillhollierleal6017]

I so appreciate you. Very good explanations. "Listening from the heart" is something for people to really understand and implement. "Cognitive empathy" is the perfect reverse behavior explanation. Thank you.

[@lindabell2940]

Yea buddy in Texas, his staff, that lady the other day, truly Doctor C, slash gus, I'm so thankful just to know, I can smile, and listen in my class community, ,give lots of thanks, the whole 9 yards , the good work, the cool hearted people, I hit the jack pot, go team healthy, our Doctor can like give cool joy

[@sharonsalyer4912]

Some people stay in these type of relationships because of there religious beliefs that divorce is Not an option and others for personal reasons, often the shame factor, why couldn't you make it work? What's wrong with you? And some are simply afraid of being alone. It's just not that simple, especially emotionally.

[@Stewart-zk1fg]

Thanks Dr. Carter. I can't believe you answered my question, and it definitely helped. I got to a point where I was bringing up someone's past indiscretions to try and get them to stop doing the same to me. I'm done getting pulled into drama. If he who pronounces the shame first wins, that's fine with me. I'm walking away and keeping my peace.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad I was able to get to your Q!

[@margaretmlydon6910]

Dr C, thank you for another great video, and for continuing even when your voice was going, and you had to cough. You are a trooper. ❤

[@l.5832]

Regarding entitlement to inheritance. It matters greatly where you live. In my province in Canada, a parent is not allowed to arbitrarily disinherit their child. If there has been a situation where the adult child has committed a crime against the parent or abused the parent, there may be an exception allowed. My sister coerced my mother to change her will disinheriting me from both my mother's estate and my father's estate which she was holding in trust. A single phone call to my sister's lawyer stopped that in its tracks because it is not legal where I live. I am not entitled. I know what is right and I know what is legal. Of course my sister accused me of being selfish. 😂

[@JHavanas]

I like your style of communicating the particulars of this disorder. I'm from Dallas and I appreciate your insight.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad to hear from a fellow Dallasite! Before retiring to Waco, I lived near Preston and Forest.

[@carolnahigian9518]

SUCH A TOXIC super - system... abused by 2 RELATIVES; then I am branded a LIAR& shunned many Years.

[@melodyharcrow5940]

Every conversation

[@Blackcatsrlucky]

Mine would do hurtful things or wouldnt do things that i needed help with and then when I tried to talk to him about these things he would say "I can't ever make you happy." That was also his response for cheating and abadoning me throughout our 10 year marriage.

[@loriw1189]

Thank you Dr C

[@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively]

Oops... Missed. ❤ I'm paid up for the webinar! He made my family illness worse when I finally learned how to manage. I passed up so many opportunities thinking he was better than me. Mom taught me I had to have a man. She projected her love of art into him. I've enjoyed learning from Black w 16:48 omen: a man is not a plan. Amen to that.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Hey Nancy...Hope the webinar meets expectations!!

[@mollycote1021]

Thank you Dr C, you teach me something every video!🥰🫶🏻💯🙏🏼‼️

[@lynnschaeferle-zh4go]

I watched my BPD daughter in law bond with my malignant covert Machiavellian. Both apparently have a problem with my son loving me. I finally figured it out. And I wasn’t a threat because I wanted grandkids. I guess that threatened them too. After watching the person I was married to for decades decide to smear and alienate me. He was entitled to the kids, and he decided I wasn’t fit to be in the family. Oh well. Just wasted my life.

[@Lea-EttaCalzolano]

I pray that you find God’s love and comfort and strength in your circumstances. I recognize‘Tough’ when I hear it & it hurts no matter how you look at it.🤷‍♀️🌻

[@Lauralaura477]

🙏

[@mazermajestic]

It is taking every ounce of me at this current moment not to pity the narcissists in my life regarding their horrible choices

[@ClickerTrainer1]

My notes: 12:40 Deep into their adult years, some people have a mother who is like, “You seem to forget, if you stray too far, you’re going to be in trouble. I’m going to put you in time out.” 13:00 Is the mother-in-law (MIL) jealous of her son’s wife? Oh yeah. You’re a threat. You’re basically saying “there’s a different way of thinking and being and I’m exposing my husband to that.” The MIL is saying “I require people to buy into my BS. I require people to just go along and nod their head. And then we are going to be happy.” When you marry into that situation, and you don’t buy into the BS and you think very differently, they’re like, “Get out of here.” Good for this daughter-in-law to decide “I don’t need to expose myself to that.” Sometimes, the husband can say, “I know my mother is difficult but she’s still my mother. I don’t require you to have the same connection with her that I do. I see what’s going on with her.” As long as it’s not too damaging, the husband and wife can have an agreement. If not, and the husband is nothing more than an apologist on behalf of his mother, and comes after the wife, saying “you’re the problem here”, then sure enough, we have a problem. 16:30 There is a healthy kind of entitlement. You want to be clean in the way you do that. Having a sense of entitlement is not always wrong. When we talk about narcissists who feel entitled, we are talking about raw selfishness. “It’s all about me.” There entitlement says “you need to defer to me.” They have an “I deserve, I deserve, I deserve” attitude. A sense of community doesn’t cross their mind. It’s a two-way street. It’s a matter of degree. Healthy entitlement is based on common sense, not raw selfishness. 20:50 Cognitive empathy is when someone can understand that you have a particular emotion. But that’s as far as it goes. They don’t actually act on that understanding. It’s not really empathy. They aren’t listening from the heart. 25:30 There are times when narcissists will be ‘vulnerable’. It doesn't mean vulnerable in the way that I would. They may tell you about a mother or father that was ‘difficult’ or they may tell you about a situation that was ‘awful’. “It really impacted my life because I had these struggles.” They may even give a lot of details. You might think they are having a break-through. But narcissists, when they start sharing personal matters, it’s a complaint session only. A healthy individual knows that their healing will come from inside. It’s about coming to terms with what is inside themselves. They examine the messages their pain gives them. It’s a springboard toward growth, not just a complaint session. Narcissists ‘fake share’ to get sympathy. “Now that I’ve told you about my difficulties, what are you going to do to make my life better?” 29:50 Q: What do you do when you have someone constantly trying to push you into reactive abuse? A: I don’t like the word ‘abuse’ in the term reactive abuse. Narcissists love to trigger you. They love to make you look like the dysregulated one. They will be harsh and critical. Eventually they will be so offensive that you are going to blow and tell them to stop it or you will argue with them. Then the narcissist will point at you. They goad you and they know what they are doing. They are wanting to make you look foolish. They want to make you look like the abuser. Reactive abuse isn’t abuse because you aren’t initiating it. You may be mirroring some of their bad characteristics. But it’s coming from the narcissist. They want to bring out the worst in you. They want to generate evidence against you. So how do you avoid responding to the narcissist? Ask yourself, do I need this narcissist’s validation? Will that ever happen? The narcissist is just a game player. Ask yourself, what is their endgame? When they goad me, what are they hoping to accomplish? When narcissists want to go into a tough space with you about you, what they are really trying to do is get to respond poorly so they have something to hold against you. Healthy individuals who want to discuss something difficult about you with you, will have an arm of encouragement around you. They understand that you are coming from a place of pain and they want to be a healing presence as you go back and revisit problems. If you find yourself being repeatedly triggered by a narcissist, you may be expecting something, such as empathy, that is never going to be there. If they try to trigger you, you can set a boundary and tell them you just aren’t going to discuss it.

[@maureenroy4739]

Loved this video. Thank you.

[@gralbr]

I have been banned from going to my girlfriends sons house. Narcissist son……..he is a binge drinking alcoholic. I do not drink or smoke marijuana, I believe he can not handle a sober person with strong boundaries and high self esteem. The mother has a hard seeing her son for who he is. I watched the son, when I was still allowed in his house, drink a 6 pack of beer, in his police uniform, 30 minutes prior to leaving for work.

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

Uuuuug…but SOOOOOOOOOO TRUE. SOOOOOO TRUE Gus and Dr. C OOOOH MYYYYYYYY…..ALL the phrases From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA

[@none562]

When you reason with a narcissist and lay out the facts, they may say, “You are that guy in Beautiful Mind.” In other words, by being reasonable and sticking to facts, YOU are crazy, and their world of delusions is the only true world.

[@MeCynthiaAnn]

BOOOM BOOOOM…AWESOOOOOOME VIDEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@bonlevina5621]

To the guy with the 91-year-old father, my first thought was that he had probably forgotten the whole episode. Couldn't there be dementia or another organic condition that would cause a person to revert to old patterns, besides conscious ill-intent or 'gaslighting'?

[@KaarinaKimdaly]

Old narcissists never die, they just get abandoned.

[@patriciarye-si4zj]

Hi I'm New To This Group & I am Looking Forward To Getting Healthy Again After A Relationship With A Narcissist ,Seattle Wa

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad you are on board!

[@alinnepereda4345]

Hi dr, you look well! 👍

[@nina.868]

Yes, you think they are showing they can be vulnerable... but it's only a complaint session.

[@jamiecargill3697]

Can you talk more about the son that defends his mother?

[@caroleminke6116]

Insecure attachment 🤦‍♀️ remember they never separated from mother & aren’t really individuals as adults are supposed to become because that window @ 3 years old got cut off probably by golden child syndrome

[@AAXS-op1vo]

I am dealing with a boss who appears to be showing narc behavior. Not sure what to do with it. I was married to a narc for over 20 years so I am well aware of what it looks like scampering around in the earth. One can’t keep changing jobs all the time but how long do we wrestle with it before exiting stage left?

[@yanetrodriguezcruz3609]

Please if you can report this i have more otherwise we do not know who maybe the next victim. Thanks foe the CE

[@VaitheeswaranRamaswamy]

I snap at the Narcissist in my life whenever I find that person very unreasonable. How do I respond better?

[@barbarablackburn4755]

Grey rock. Leave the room, leave them out of your ...life. I snap right back like a rubber band...yes they then hear me, for the moment. Exhausting even as an observer .

[@suelindsey2295]

When I tell my narcissistic husband don’t tell me what to do He gets angry and has an angry reaction why is that😢

[@darinsmith2458]

1. Mother In Law... The way I look at it if my partner takes their side rather than mine then we really don't have a relationship..

[@darinsmith2458]

2. Entitled... Well in the context of a Narcissist.. The way I look at it is that they think that they are better than you.. Like with my mom, I was expected to do all of the work and she was the one who benefited from it.. When it comes to a will.. I watched a sermon the other day.. When it comes to anger (resentment) then you owe me and then with forgiveness that means you do not owe me.. A forgiveness of debt.. That is how I look at my family.. When they do not owe me then I am truly free.. When I don't need from them I am then free.. I would say that addresses the codependency issue..

[@darinsmith2458]

3. Elderly Father.. If people are mean then I try to stay away..

[@darinsmith2458]

4. Breakthrough... Again this is more about me protecting myself from them..

[@darinsmith2458]

5. Reactive abuse.. When I stopped reacting they did not want anything to do with me..

[@darinsmith2458]

6. Stay in relationships... I think it is at a sub conscious level..

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

Thank-you, Dr. Carter. Is your special live program last February called "Decoding Darkness" available online somewhere?

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes, If you go to www.survivingnarcissism.tv then click the "Our Webinars" tab you'll find it.

[@ChildoftheLIGHT]

It’s much like Jesus, God in flesh, said: Let him who has ears hear. Yet they refuse…

[@KJ-lb4tj]

Jesus also said, 'don't throw pearls before swine'

[@Shelley-j2y]

When you try to have an adult conversation with them and they put on that blank face. There is no reasoning with a narcissist. Walk away.

[@nicolebalmain8076]

💯🙏💖🙌💖🙏💯

[@LynnTrammell]

I have to eat crow and go back to work for some difficult people. Is it narcissistic for me to do that?

[@NancyBrown1975]

What does it mean when the narcissist has told you they do what the voices say to do? Are they just trying to be dramatic?

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That person is either pulling your chain or is psychotic.

[@bonnieromick9397]

Their mistakes are your fault

[@Dad_Bod_E]

Dr. C why do NPD's get so upset when you actually fix their problems or give them easy common sense solutions to whatever is going on? What is going through their minds at that time?

[@caroleminke6116]

Enablers are never respected

[@KaarinaKimdaly]

The fact that you can easily by common sense solve their problem gives them nothing to complain about then, and possibly makes them envious of you, for you have dis empowered their false narrative, which is that they are always to dominate you and every narrative.

[@barbarablackburn4755]

Insightful about lifelong refusals to be helped.

[@kimwilkinson3360]

I think they don't want to lose face. They feel shame because they didn't come up with the answer so they lash out at you.

[@alankeeling2946]

REASON is not possible with NARCS EVER

[@DiscipleofHim]

Why are the ads talking in Spanish and featuring Spanish people? You Tube mis-directs the ads..the ads are not targeted for the particular audience it seems.

[@cocomuhly]

“I was trying to help…” you off a cliff!

[@yanetrodriguezcruz3609]

I have been in another state and trying to provide bussiness in deferent places and seen criminal activities including sex traficking of weak or disable people. Profit for crime through gaslighting. I can not live here on the street with drug addicts. I called crime unit a few times but they have not respond. They want me to do reports and use me to report crimes. This is not my kob i cant live on the street or around criminals. Can you help me to get out of those criminals. Do you have a criminologyst friend may be .

[@yanetrodriguezcruz3609]

They are trying to create disability and use those people for profit and create business. I can not work for them. Please if you have a crime unit you know tell them.

[@yanetrodriguezcruz3609]

Trafficking childrens with others childrens profiles! It looks like those situations doesn't look familiars to them. They are buried adults and named under someone else to obligate family to cover their crimes.

[@yanetrodriguezcruz3609]

They are refused to give you job if you don't comply and operate to do crimes or cooperate with them.

[@yanetrodriguezcruz3609]

It took all life to study this. Do you think those types of personalities will live with me. Honestly! No. I can not provide any professional job in this state. IMAJINE for how long they have been doing those crimes. I holded well. Please if you know someone to get out of this street i will appreciate it. I do not do crimes or do traffics of humans.

[@CristinaBrophy]

You might consider having Jordan Peterson as a guest on your podcast. He’s another favorite psychologist on KZbin & speaks well on how to move forward despite suffering.

[@mostHigh23]

You'll never have a normal conversation with a Narcissist.😅

[@davidparker5439]

👍