Miscellaneous Myths: Typhon

Are you getting sick of Zeus? Are his constant antics getting you down? Do you wanna hear about the time he got his ass kicked by Godzilla?
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[@indulhensiyani]

"They re-string him like the world's horniest ukelele." _Never in my life have I expected to hear these words in this exact order._

[@AngiraBlu]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@aphato2770]

I don't know why you would be expecting them in any other order

[@johnkarakash]

It doesn't get funnier than that!

[@NawidN]

@@aphato2770 Like the world's ukelele, they re-string him horniest.

[@marcperez2598]

r/newsentences?

[@JeweledRoseStudios]

I love the image of Typhon just delicately handing Echidna a bouquet, like he’s a world ending terror but he’s got class!

[@sirapple589]

Mama Gaia raised a gentleman.

[@heresy8384]

*"I'm not one of your Titan tramps! I'm a (snake) Woman! I like my Ancient Greek Kaiju dangerous. Monstrous! You want to by my lover?! Earn it! Seduce me!"*

[@themockingdragon135]

'Least he had the decency to stick with a lady, better yet one he actually liked.

[@Honeycombog]

Maybe he's a monster, but mama gaia raised a gentleman with *class*

[@seelcudoom1]

i mean he mainly opposed the gods who with like 2 exceptions were massive pricks, and he treats his lady nice, are we sure hes the baddy?

[@mithmoonwalker]

uranus: I HATE KIDS chronos: I EAT KIDS zeus: I HAVE TOO MANY KIDS typhon:... typhon: I LIKE SNAKE LADY

[@CJCroen1393]

He has monster kids!

[@klebermarchand]

I wasn't expecting to share the same tastes as a greek kaiju, but here we are...

[@mase5995]

I did like how the part where he has tiny flowers for his snake wife

[@savagebeastxl9670]

When you truly love someone, you don’t care what they’re like, even if they are a nymph snake thingy. From what another person said, Echidna and Typhon were happy, they had no fights and loved only themselves and their kids (which makes Typhon a THAD by staying loyal to his wife, and for being a good father to his spawn). I honestly think that between Persephone and Hades, and these two love beasts, that’s as healthy as god relationships get in Greek mythology. Unlike some gods who should KEEP THEIR LIL DEMIGODS IN THEIR TOGA, ZEUS!

[@candypg1]

Typhon: I like nice snek lady, and smull mes

[@karmapotato5048]

Typhon: *crushed under mountain* Sun Wukong: First time?

[@Silverwind87]

Sun Wukong: If I had a nickel for every time I got crushed under a mountain, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.

[@kryptonavenger2024]

@@Silverwind87 That still sounds like one more nickel than Typhon has.

[@Ajehy]

@@Silverwind87 - Nerites-the-Shrimp: Welcome the “weird stuff happening twice” club, buddy. I don’t have any nickels, though... no pockets in a carapace.

[@eugeneimnotgonnatellyoumyl5513]

I mean like, wasn't the mountain Buddha's hand?

[@Ajehy]

@@eugeneimnotgonnatellyoumyl5513 - no, the universe was Buddha’s hand. The mountain was just a mountain.

[@bee5158]

I’d like to think that Hades is just chillin in the underworld groaning as the roof of his house is shaking violently

[@richmcgee434]

Hades, angrily banging the ceiling with a broom handle. "Keep it down, you assholes! You're making enough noise to wake the dead!"

[@RVGmetallicasaw]

Yes he was, though this is described as "cowering".

[@jlupus8804]

I’m sure he was used to it after hearing Gaia and Tartarus’ baby-making

[@reyonXIII]

@@jlupus8804 Tartarus is partly his domain...you have to wonder how he dealt that 1/3 of his crib was responsible for the literally gigantic hot mess causing mayhem.

[@jlupus8804]

@@reyonXIII If he was a democratic leader, they'd put all blame on him!

[@mjj459person3]

On today's edition of phrases I thought I would never hear: The World's horniest Ukelele

[@amineelyoussoufi4371]

And ukulele are already the horniest instruments !

[@nyxshadowhawk]

@@amineelyoussoufi4371 I think horns are the horniest instruments. I'm sorry

[@davyrando1203]

Clearly you have never had a Bard in your D&D party.

[@4492]

I am so glad that we live in an age where this is a phrase, ngl

[@Jobe-13]

MJJ459 Person 😂

[@leomcdonnell2553]

Gotta love the idea of Hephaestus hanging out in Mt Etna with Typhon under him, powering the forge “Hey dude pick it up I need more fire for Achilles’ new duds” “FUCK YOU I AM A DESTROYER OF WORLDS” “Yeah that’s more like it, thanks Typhon”

[@shadowclaw7210]

"Dude there letter from your son cerberus" "Ohh he probably tried to write it with mouth I need later thank Hades"

[@ewankirby2602]

One of the cyclopses (cyclopsi?): Hey boss, we need more fire or we're not gonna finjsih the poject by the deadline Hephaestus: Let me sort it out Hephaestus: (Throwing rock into the fire) HEY ASSHOLE, WE NEED MORE FIRE UP HERE! Typhoon: PATRONISE ME NO, SON OF ZEUS, LEST I SWALLOW YOU WHOLE! Hephaestus: Don't forget you're still behind on rent Typhoon: Typhoon: fine

[@TheActualMrLink]

Tainted Jacob using Dark Esau as a weapon like

[@maximaldinotrap]

I like to think that Haephestus and Typhon formed a bromance.

[@raptormage2209]

Even funnier is that in some versions Typhon is the Son of Hera who she made asexualy,just like Haphaestus

[@tiredhedgehog4608]

“Big monster.... and just a whole lot of snakes,” Egyptians: diD SOMEBODY SAY SNAKES-

[@deathstar6998]

SNAKE!!!! SNAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!

[@lordfelidae4505]

Snaaaaaaaaaaake.

[@h31pm3._.2]

Ok I’m an Egyptian and I’m a little bit offended by this yet at the same time.. I can’t stop laughing lol 😂

[@reyonXIII]

Bruh, they'd see Typhon and probably go "HOW THE DUAT DID APOPHIS ESCAPE AND TURN SEMIHUMANOID!?"

[@Toon_Topaz]

Am I secretly a reincarnation of an ancient Egyptian ? cuz cats and snakes are my favorite animals lol

[@fianafarrington6899]

Greek women: [Breathes] Zeus: *REJOICE, MORTAL, FOR I HAVE DECREED THAT WE SHALL BANG*

[@richmcgee434]

Not 100% sure even the breathing part was mandatory.

[@chilzer5612]

Zeus: We'll bang, OK?

[@TTeuio6969420]

@@chilzer5612 smosh?

[@chilzer5612]

@@TTeuio6969420 Mass Effect fan dub, but close enough

[@Temi222]

Chilzer nahnah it’s more like this: Zeus: We _will_ bang.

[@solisemporium]

“Worlds horniest ukulele” That is the best description I’ve ever heard

[@ravenpotter3]

Ru ! Mood

[@flinncleary7719]

Ru ! In other variants of this myth, Hermes strung Zeus the wrong way... So they had to rip out his tendance again and redo it

[@blackvial]

I did a spit-take at it

[@jessicajayes8326]

As a person who plays said 4 stringed instrument, that tickled me.

[@Audrxl_]

lol ur not wrong

[@Pefonmo]

"You have a killer aesthetic! I want you to be cool!" You know, suddenly all those benevolent Zeus in popular media suddenly make a lot of sense.

[@despinasgarden.4100]

Actually..... you're right

[@dreadcthulhu5]

Is that why they got Liam Neeson? Probably.

[@zephyrsblade7188]

@@foundation2854 we would think too much of the planet imo, also zeus as a name is pretty cool. Something about the names of Greek gods and not their Roman counterparts tends to sound majestic in modern times... though it’s probably because scientists made latin their go-to for naming stuff. Neptune still sounds pretty cool tho and we tend to hear references to him here and there, similar with Venus and but stuff like Mercury (outside of like brands), Mars (I literally only care about Mars rovers and the chocolate bar), Saturn (no offense who ever even talks about Saturn???), Uranus (outside of jokes), and Pluto (outside of being pissed over it being demoted to a dwarf planet) usually don’t have a lot of presence and badassery these days.

[@rogueflare4929]

@@zephyrsblade7188 Agreed. It's like all the Greek and Roman names (Including first names,middle names AND last names.) just sound sooo empowering,majestic and badass but the Greek economy is kinda 😫

[@hesiod_delta9209]

They were restoring a squandered character.

[@Silverwind87]

Cerberus is the son of Typhon, so he's probably more intelligent than a regular doggo. So I just want you to imagine Cerberus talking to Hades like Garfield talks to Jon. "Oh Spot, we have a visitor!" "Don't tell me it's Orthrus." "It's Orthrus."

[@pikpikgamer1012]

I cannot unsee that ROTFL

[@BladeMasterIcarus]

Orthrus: hi bro some random guy called Hercules killed me so i'm here now.

[@metarcee2483]

Who's he kicking off of the table? Can he mail the hydra to Abu Dhabi?

[@jaydeflayme2890]

​@@metarcee2483 Probably the Chimera, they're siblings lmao

[@magic8ball134]

So, Zeus, king of the gods, lord of the sky, is a shape shifting horny disaster But Typhon, nightmare of the ancient world, killer of Gods, bringer of storms, has a functional healthy relationship with someone who actually likes him. Oh Greece, you, weird place.

[@paradoxacres1063]

What're you talking about..? *Ugly people* (like Typhon & Echidna) are always portrayed as Evil Villains, even in these Modern times 🙂🤷‍♂️

[@maracabo1176]

@@paradoxacres1063 Well actually some say that echidna was a brautiful woman and was choose by gaia both by her size and her beauty being the one who she thought would be the best for Typhon, do yeah he also had a more healthy relatioship with his mother than zeus since reia is forget after the theogony

[@corndogthemagnificent2212]

Paradox Acres Hunchback of Norte Dam: *Am I a joke to you?*

[@silvergir89]

@@paradoxacres1063 Tell that to Eris/Discordia after getting revenge on not getting invited to Achilles' parents' wedding, invoking a war in the process when beauty (Aphrodite) won over leadership (Hera) and strategy (Athena), and ultimately guided Aeneus to find Rome.

[@Obscenerio]

I think it's mostly "sequel drama." As in, the longer a story goes on and the more writers get involved, the more likely relationship drama is to occur. Typhon and Echina have relatively few stories, so no need or opportunity to insert quick conflict. Meanwhile the gods get tons of stories, so you get a lot of Disney Sequel style "I know the previous story said they lived happily ever after, BUT..."

[@Noxshade]

“Re-string him like the world’s horniest ukulele”. That’s it folks, Red’s best line yet.

[@donatodiniccolodibettobardi842]

Horniest?

[@Cheshirekat.]

Agreed! I lol'd

[@00Monkeyz]

Her powers of sass are reaching critical levels.

[@thomaspoteete4119]

I dunno if it's better than "Unorthodox display of hubris, but very well," but it's definitely up there.

[@thomasball5432]

@@donatodiniccolodibettobardi842 Zeus has sex with basically anything that moves, half of Greek mythology is just women being victim blamed so hard they turn into animals.

[@artemisthefoul7597]

“Like the worlds horniest ukulele” Me: Haha My guitar: Falls over onto my lap Me: Zeus? Is that you?!

[@TTeuio6969420]

Guitar:S*!#!!!!!!

[@franziska9260]

Oh my Gods run. Now.

[@sindrevangenrobberstad2889]

Zeus-Guitar: Hey bb, ya wanna pluck me? ;)

[@sparaxisblanc2473]

Burn the guitar and get a new one.

[@midnight_rose2337]

HOLY SHIT! YOU NEED TO RUN! NOW!!!!!!!!

[@kostaskladis6665]

Greek here: In some versions of the myth, while Hermes and Pan go to reassemble Zeus, the god Ares is fighting Typhon until Zeus comes to have the final fight, essentially buying time for Hermes to do his job. Ares is not mentioned in the popular myth because most knowledge we have from ancient Greece comes from Athens which did not like Ares as a deity. Edit: Apparently Ares also managed to weaken Typhon a bit due to his spear getting stuck in Typhon's intestines. So he helped his father as well. Edit2: Wow I did not expect this comment to blow up. Thank you.

[@amogus1415]

Gigachad ares

[@notesmaker204]

Ares was a bro.

[@SuperNoah9999]

Huh, a moment of Ares actually being awesome.

[@rileyholloway4619]

I think its important to always remember that the Greek States and such had their arguments over their games Some of them they liked Some of them they hated

[@johnnygyro2295]

Hermes: "Damn... We need to go fix Zeus, but I can't reach the cave with that monster in the way." Ares: "Leave that to me." Athena: "Ares are you out of your mind?! Typhon defeated father single handedly and you want to take him on alone?!" Ares: "This monster declared war on Olympus. And given that war is my domain, I'm determined to answer. Besides, if we're going to die anyway, I might as well go out in style. Apollo give me some theme music!" Apollo: *Turns on jukebox.* *"Here I am! Rock you like a hurricane!"* Ares: "Hell yeah! Have at thee!" *Charges/flies at Typhon* Hermes: "Is... Is Ares actually being awesome?" Athena: "I see it and even I have trouble believing it..."

[@Aecan]

Was fully expecting Zeus to seduce his way out of that cave

[@snakeorbreak6258]

or just skip the "way out" part and go straight to seducing the cave like a stereotypical D&D Bard

[@lordfelidae4505]

He is the god of bards, not Apollo.

[@martinmarvinofsparta3656]

I’m willing to bet there’s a version of the story where that happens but we just haven’t found or translated it yet

[@dreameater8548]

The world's horniest ukelele Confirmed: Zeus IS a bard

[@benjaminhobbs6722]

And how would he do that? His entire body was a floopy noddle at that point. Would he do some bizzare noddle dance of seduction?!

[@Dragonlover553]

I like to imagine that Haphestaus and Typhon have this weird, friendly coworker relationship where they both kinda want to kill the other but have long since become resigned to each other’s presence and existence and just kinda make a small talk these days.

[@CJCroen1393]

I heard that some myths paint Hephaestus as Typhon's "warden" so to speak, along with the Cyclopses that act as his assistants (the same ones Zeus freed from Tartarus in the Theogony btw).

[@RogelioALoya]

Hephaestus: DO NOT DARE INSULT ME CREATURE typhon: THEN FREE ME, PATHETIC CHILD OF ZEUS Now Hephaestus: so my wife cheated on me again Typhon: dude you should really just leave her Hephaestus: I know but my mom would be mad cause she says “ marriage is sacred” Typhon: if only her husband got the message

[@HieroGLPH]

@@RogelioALoya this sounds like it would be an amazing comedy show

[@DeinosDinos]

@@RogelioALoya yes. Yes. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I love everything about your comment.

[@anadaere6861]

@@RogelioALoya Typhon: Can you like make a giant back scratcher? Hephaestus: Aight, heat the forge up

[@JucheJohn]

"Some days I just really wanna see you get your ass kicked" It's funny when you think about Zeus being scared shitless of Nyx

[@pokeyscorpion8224]

And occasionally Hades in some stories. Whether that's due to Hades being the oldest of the brothers or just because the underworld made everyone uneasy on principle, I don't know

[@user-xl6bh4ji5o]

The Titans were rivals. The Giants were an obstacle. But Typhon, was a threat.

[@CJCroen1393]

Typhon is indeed Greek Mythology's true Big Bad.

[@dragonheart1236]

@@CJCroen1393 I'm actually making a DnD campaign where Typhon is the big bad

[@wildcardjoey4776]

@GammaBoy that was one of the hecatonceries

[@user-xl6bh4ji5o]

@GammaBoy that was Briareus, a giant with 100 hands. Not snake heads.

[@dreameater8548]

i hEARD SNAKE HEADS

[@luminaryprism75]

Typhon is interesting because he’s the first and only time that the Olympians have struggled this severely in a war. The Titanomachy was a close one, the Gigantomachy was tough, but they were all solved by cleverness and the might of the Order of Zeus. Typhon is the only time we see those things thrown out the window and Zeus actually get beaten back this terribly. He wasn’t just a monster, he was THE monster.

[@culturedamericanweeb431]

LuminaryPrism75 He’s the Big Daddy of all monsters.

[@CrownofMischief]

@@culturedamericanweeb431 quite literally too

[@krspaceT1]

Clearly they should have written the mythological version of JLA/Avengers if they had lasted longer. Stupid Jesus, without you we could have had Thor dual wielding the Trident and Hammer while wearing Hermes's sandals atop Cerberus.

[@cherechesalexdaniel811]

He is the only monster from greek or any mythology for that matter that i was actually terrified of. I recently kind of got over it.

[@Morganinism2]

He is essentially the first thing Zeus could not tell to f*ck off by throwing a few lightning bolts at it.

[@CursedChildOfTheFae]

Zeus getting described as "a misbehaving chicken leg" and "the world's horniest ukelele" brings me way too much joy.

[@benjaminklaassen4722]

_Final Battle_ *Zeus:* TYPHON! Move away from my throne! *Typhon:* YOUR TIME HAS ENDED, ZEUS! THE AGE OF TYPHON HAS BEGUN! *Zeus:* I think not. Now! _Mountain falls from the heavens_ *Typhon:* WHAT?! NO! _crushed_ *Zeus:* My time is not over yet, Typhon. The Age of Olympus will endure! *Other Gods:* _massive cheer_ *Zeus:* Because I'm going to make more kids than any beast could ever kill! *Other Gods:* _confused noises_

[@samdold2482]

It turned into a war of attrition

[@briannadragonrider]

Hera: "WHAT?!"

[@rkarges]

Did you know Hades has the Titans and toddlers so it’s like every day have to deal with the Titans and when he hears that they’re attacking Zeus he just says how do you like that

[@lolbots686]

@@briannadragonrider later Hades:hey guys was back and uh...WHAT,THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE!? Artemis:typhon,also zeus got his ass kicked once Hades:ha,nice karma. ...so yeah popping in to say hi,work to do.

[@gorvarhadgarson5227]

Odin: Oh look, Zeus is getting beaten up by a large monster. Ra: What a shame. Beer? Odin: Sure. ( cracks one open) Hades: Pass me one to, I've been DYING to see this happen.

[@Catdogomeow]

Gorvar Hadgarson lmao , the last one I did not expect

[@sonofjack6286]

@@Catdogomeow Probably not a fan of seeing his brother bang every woman in Greece and not having karma roll around to get him.

[@PheonixGirl-hg7cf]

Hahahahaha!! I can 100% see that happening!!!! XD

[@katiearbuckle9017]

It's weird but I even pictured that with Voices. Odin sounded a bit like Gandalf. Ra sounded like the Pharaoh from Night at the museum. And Hades well The Disney Version clearly made an entrance.

[@MorrahaDesigns]

@@katiearbuckle9017 whereas Hades sounded more like Loki in my head. Because its honestly the same vibe in this instance.

[@wavestrider2160]

So you're saying that typhon didnt get to rule because zeus's friends helped him retake the throne? So maybe the greatest weapon really is the friends you made along the way

[@Ismael-kc3ry]

ribgribber lol oh hush

[@johnfortnitetheraw]

okay buddy, you just lost tendon privilege

[@ThingsStuffington]

Not his friends, his children. So, I guess, the greatest weapon is the children you made along the way?

[@BUGGG_1]

@@ThingsStuffington so that explains why Zeus had so many children

[@justbny9278]

Just remember the real monster was the English language we made along the way and you'll be fine

[@ElAlbertoPadron]

Gaea: What is your destiny? Typhon: I will avenge Cronus...take his place as ruler. Gaea: Yes! What have I taught you? Typhon: Zeus is the enemy. Gaea: And what must you do? Typhon: I must pork the pretty snake-girl! ... Gaea: Wait, what? * Typhon proceeds to give flowers to a flustered Echidna * Gaea: WHAT?!?

[@camilaalmiron5588]

TYPHON has his priorities in order

[@augustrempelewert4377]

I'm not sure if it was intended that way, but this exchange feels like a Lion King 2 reference.

[@leshyaedawnfire]

@@augustrempelewert4377 It so is! 🤣🤣

[@Chaotic42Kami]

It gets even funnier/more disturbing when you remember that Echidna is also a daughter of Gaia and Tartaros. So he kept the family tradition of keeping it in the family. ... ...I'll see myself out...

[@deadcool3227]

Gaia: Hello dear, nice to meet you, you seem like a very nice woman and I'm sure you'll do right by him as much as he will to you- BUT YOU CAN BE LOVEY-DOVEY LATER!!!!!

[@eleanorbateman4317]

I won't lie, Hephestus probably doesn't care about Typhon. My headcanon is that Hephestus works away, humming merrily with Typhon threatening him in the background, before he turns around and says "dude, I'm not afraid of you. Shut up and help me make this sword! Just be glad that your mother actually loves you." And then typhon is like "yikes dudes...owch. okay, when I get out of here I'm sooo making you my second in command"

[@camilaalmiron5588]

It would be a good story potential or an interesting oc

[@concept5631]

Typhon seems smart enough to not want to waste Hephestus' talents.

[@thepip3599]

3:24 I’ve heard another version of the story that I prefer. In that version Typhon had taken the tendons with him, and a minor satyr god named Aegipan (I think he’s minor, but maybe it’s just another name for Pan, I don’t know) gets them back. He calmly sits down on a rock and plays his panpipes, pretending not to notice the giant monster raining chaos all around him. Typhon is so confused by this, having never heard music or met someone who didn’t immediately flee from him that he stops and talks to him. The satyr offers to write a ballad about Typhon’s victory over the olympians, but says he’d need an incredibly powerful harp. Typhon gives him Zeus’s tendons to make it, then Aegipan plays a lullaby on his panpipes that makes the giant monster that even the gods feared fall asleep like a little baby. Then Hermes flies him away up to the cave and they return the tendons so Zeus can finish him off. I love that version because it’s such an underdog story.

[@sayerglasgow115]

This is what bards can accomplish when they're not..... doing the kind of things Zeus does.

[@caiawlodarski5339]

Level 20 bard intensifies !!!!

[@saulo4302]

I wonder what would happen if he actually made that harp. I mean, if he could make Typhon sleep with a lullaby, imagine what he could do with Zeus' tendons... idk

[@noukan42]

I knew the same story, but whit Kadmos lol.

[@cardboardbox331]

I believe Aegipan was turned into a constellation afterwards, or became the god Pan instead.

[@artemiswolf4508]

Greek hero: Father I wonder why all this monsters are so angry and keep trying to kill me and all your children? Zeus: *Vietnam flashbacks to when he yeeted a mountain on top of Typhon* Yeah weird, huh?

[@simon_magus65ad]

Props to you, tjis is the funniest thing I read all week.

[@poppyspaperbacks1433]

Artemis Wolf Percy Jackson in the distance when he finds out : *you WHAT*

[@SuperMasterman64]

To be fair, Typhon hit him first.

[@xavierpittman1533]

Really makes you remember that all the monsters are mostly pissed that the gods killed their dad lol

[@edim108]

@@xavierpittman1533 Well, not even killed. Imprisoned under one of the tallest mountains in Europe so he's pissed but alive.

[@jayvillemin]

Wait if Cerberus is Typhons child and Typhon is Gaia’s child then that means Cerberus and Hades are first cousins

[@catherine.marial]

Imagine Cerberus and Hades bonding over having Gaia as a grandma

[@beastmaster0934]

Imagine having your first cousin be your dog.

[@Damassan]

@@beastmaster0934 I blame Alabama.

[@cobaltordinaire5219]

Cerberus: fur baby & fur cousin

[@idiotgoddess2114]

Wait, having your first cousin as a pet isn’t normal?

[@MulToyVerse]

If you want Zeus's ass kicked, you should do a video on the time Hera led the rebellion against him.

[@Nega_Man]

Yea and how it ended badly

[@HarshDude126]

Zeus quashed that rebellion.

[@MulToyVerse]

@@HarshDude126 Yes, but Blue has not done a video about it yet.

[@pokimanefartcompilation]

they literally had to trick zeus into falling asleep because none of the olympians were strong enough to beat zeus, including poseidon

[@amogus1415]

@@pokimanefartcompilation zeus was a chad amongst chads,im pretty sure it is stated he could solo all of olympus along with the entirety of heaven and earth.

[@anu-lc2ke]

“From absorbing your first wife” ... forgot about that.....

[@zusfrankenstein8561]

Instead of a divorce, he got an invorce.

[@Temprael]

@@zusfrankenstein8561 More like an invores, amirite lmao

[@beccag2758]

Ancient Greek dude: why didn’t you just divorce her?? Zeus: she was fated to have my son who would overthrow me!!! Ancient Greek dude: You could’ve stopped sleeping with her! Zeus: that... doesn’t... make... sense?

[@KC-xg7gs]

"Ripped out his tendons like a misbehaving chicken leg" and "And they re-string him like the world’s horniest ukulele" are two sentences I never thought I would ever hear, yet here we are.

[@PheonixGirl-hg7cf]

Facts tho, completely okay with the fact that I did tho

[@MagnustheDemon71]

Haha

[@tabeenasaleem367]

@@PheonixGirl-hg7cf Truly the best sentences in the whole dang video XD

[@triforceofcourage100]

You forgot to mention the spaghetti Zeus

[@Vecchio_Rhosod85]

Those two sentences sound like some legit scary threats. I like it.

[@CJCroen1393]

Returning to this to say I actually found a passage from the _Dionysiaca_ that gave Typhon a creepy villain monologue when he got to Olympus, where he told Zeus all the _lovely_ things he wanted to do to his family upon overthrowing him. Apparently, this included chaining up Poseidon with the chains that bound Iapetus; sending a bigger, stronger eagle to peck out Hephaestus' liver to avenge Prometheus; trapping Hermes in a jar forever to avenge those two giants who kidnapped Ares; enslaving Ares and Apollo; forcibly marrying off Artemis, Athena and Leto to Orion, Ephialtes and Tityos respectively with very...not pleasant implications behind that (especially his claim that he wishes to "make Ares a slave and Athena a mother"); and turning Hera, Selene and Aphrodite into his own personal harem (what do you think Echidna thinks of that?).

[@DeltaOdyssey]

that genuinely startled me a bit while I read it.

[@davidmckay6453]

So, Typhon was planning to go Emperor Joker on the universe, which is something that none of the Olympians would want for themselves or the world? Too bad for him. He got barbecued by Zeus and then turned into a kaiju-pancake.

[@philipgood5041]

Maybe he was going to share with Echidna

[@inkedseahear]

Well the Dionysiaca was written in the 1st AD, so Nonnus probably has a lot of "canon" materials to work with, basically gotten everyone more or less nightmares and write it out.

[@Chaotic42Kami]

Considering that Echidna was said to "take all the semen that did not end in the marital womb. The semen sown by the hand of man, the semen spent on the brothels and on the sheets of a concubine's bed" and that that was why she was always pregnant and birthing monsters, not only the major ones spawned from Typhon, well...I don't think she'd have a leg (badum tss) to stand on if she was opposed to the idea.

[@connorgolden4]

“The half beautiful nymph half enormous fuck you dragon” I don’t know why but the way it’s said cracks me up.

[@dmua9551]

"The real monster was the English language all along" Never before have I been so offended by something I 100% agree with

[@stormrunner4081]

It’s not one language it’s 3 stacked on top of eachother in a trench coat

[@luciusvernus3174]

I know,I am angry but in Argeement

[@sirentucker4938]

@@stormrunner4081 A "from somewhere I don't remember the English language is 3 languages in a trench coat taking spare grammar from other languages

[@kortmann9]

The truth has been spoken!

[@benedict6962]

The real monsters were the words we used along the way.

[@Sam-O-matic]

Pan: What's up Zeus? You streched yourself too thin? Zeus: haha really funny Pan, now help me. Hermes: Don't be rude Pan. Don't you see he's hanging by a thread? Zeus: Ok jokes over guys. Pan: Oh come on, don't get so tight man. Pull yourself together. Zeus: *Gods dang it you two!*

[@pretentiosaurus]

what's his deal? some people are so high strung

[@Sam-O-matic]

@@pretentiosaurus IKR! They need to let loose.

[@pretentiosaurus]

@@Sam-O-matic they always get tangled up in their own emotions

[@Sam-O-matic]

@@pretentiosaurus Maybe they need some knitting classes to let go.

[@santiagozuniga1473]

@@Sam-O-matic Zuse:GOD DAMIT GUY'S

[@danninmatthews5640]

For Hades, I could imagine him carrying a puppy version of Cerberus while he sees a dying Echidna.

[@camilaalmiron5588]

SAD

[@UrpleSquirrel]

If Echidna was slain by some Greek hero, does that mean that part of the reason Cerberus guards the underworld is so that he can easily visit his mommy?

[@danninmatthews5640]

@@UrpleSquirrel Yes.

[@Alice_Kavanagh]

Zeus: hades where did you get a multi headed dog Hades: he just showed up the other day Zeus: wait...

[@scriibles]

“And they re-string him like the world’s horniest ukulele” As a ukulele player, *n* *o*

[@Lin2Waterfall]

Your Ukelele suddenly starts talking to you "Hey, wanna bang?"

[@joshuaminton7583]

Scriibles is that a bass?

[@Ky-Nas]

@@Lin2Waterfall Ukelele Sheppard: "We'll bang, okay?"

[@doctordrizzles1281]

joshua minton if a ukulele was a bass I’d SLAPP it

[@tenhirankei]

The cello "Hold my beer."

[@zenebean]

Zeus, if the giant monster that rips out your tendons is still more of a romantic than you are, then maybe you should do some introspection ...though then you might run into the wife you absorbed, so...

[@irsyadsyauqi3105]

Most sense of the day😂😂

[@CJCroen1393]

A theory I think I saw once was that the reason Zeus is constantly making stupid decisions is because Metis is subtly influencing him and trying to get him to screw up badly enough to get himself deposed so she can get revenge on him for swallowing her.

[@TheSchultinator]

@@CJCroen1393 Seems fair

[@todddempsey1277]

@@CJCroen1393 Same.

[@alejandroojeda1572]

That was a good one

[@FairbrookWingates]

"I think the lesson here is that the real monster was the English language all along." As an English literature major, I approve this teaching.

[@jaywilliams8730]

2:12 I can just see typhoon being all shy trying to ask her out “like uh do you want to go on a date”

[@CJCroen1393]

Gaia: That's my boy!

[@VoidKing666]

Who’s Echidna?

[@timothymclean]

He's the perfect foil to Zeus.

[@mafic3351]

So basically every Greek myth starts with "And along came Zeus.."

[@natetso3307]

“He hurled his thunderbolt!”

[@pikachusdisciple7389]

very true

[@tomswiftyphilo2504]

the real monster was zeus's libido all along...

[@489herobrine9]

He zapped, locked those suckers in a vault

[@sirentucker4938]

And every other story Hermes is just there giving cool mystical items to a hero. Just like Hey I know your dad screwed up your life by Screwing your mom But I am your cool uncle that's gonna only Show up once good luck and don't die Kiddo

[@williambenson8197]

Can you imagine how humiliating it was for poor Orthus to have Cerberus as a brother? Imagine going through life with only two heads and working a thankless security job at a giant's stable in the middle of nowhere, knowing that your three-headed brother is living large in the Underworld as the god of the dead's pet. To add insult to injury, all anyone remembers about you is that you were unceremoniously killed on the job by one of the most famous heroes in mythology because some king decided that both your brother and the cattle you were guarding were more impressive than you.

[@joaocisne556]

yeah, he was a woobie pupper

[@decoral]

And ironically enough, Orthrus is actually older than Cerberus according to Hesiod. Specifically he's actually the OLDEST of Typhon and Echidna's children, with Cerberus being the second oldest.

[@hawkinsgames5773]

@@decoral yet he got his ass thoroughly kicked

[@phoebusapollo8365]

Hawkins Games you have to realize Heracles also wrestled his younger brother into submission, so, you kinda have to see that Heracles just beats everything and everyone.

[@megabladechronicles962]

@@decoral despite being the oldest, he's probably the weakest of their children

[@CHAAAAAOTIC]

I like to imagine when the Greek gods went to Egypt Ra was like “WHAT THE FUCK MAN DONT BRING THAT THING OVER HERE!”

[@reyonXIII]

"I already deal with our own giant apocalyptic nasty who wants to eat me every damn night! We don't need another!"

[@timothymclean]

_(Apophis and Typhon run into each other)_ Athena: "Let them fight."

[@philipgood5041]

@@timothymclean Surtr shows up too.

[@concept5631]

​@@philipgood5041 *_oh no bro_*

[@philipgood5041]

@@concept5631 3 way fight.

[@hannahmotley1863]

“Unfortunately Zeus was feeling horny” ~ a summary of almost every Greek myth ever

[@auzpayeur8229]

Y’know, we’re overdue for a reinterpretation of Greek mythology that focuses on Typhon and Echidna. We’ve got dozens of pieces of Hades/Persephone rep, I think we’re ready for a kaiju and his snake wife raising monster babies

[@Nico-qh2mi]

Someone write a book

[@auzpayeur8229]

Kurai I mean most of us have the free time now

[@ameaninglessdemon9030]

I would pay for that

[@firebladeentertainment5739]

thats sounds super interesting tbh. I bet theres a japanase artist already working on that.

[@vinx.9099]

like, antagonists? or just the weird setup for an urban fantasy romcom?

[@Just_Some_Guy_with_a_Mustache]

*Cerberus (turns to Chimera):* "...Man that grocery store must be pretty far away. I hope he gets that milk, soon."

[@lahlybird895]

😂

[@stephenflint3640]

Hahahah ...aw, now I'm sad. Now you got my in the mind of being down the firing line of a triple barreled puppy eyes barrage. Feels real bad, man.

[@Resistant396]

@@stephenflint3640 Don't worry, he gets adopted.

[@moiramain2k]

Though the rest of his siblings are as lucky.

[@joaocisne556]

@@moiramain2k Ohtros was

[@shirleydiaz7802]

I feel like nobody is appreciating red's obvious queen reference. "Thunderbolts and lightning, very, very frightening me" Like, i have to wonder how she said that with a straight face.

[@mdruffel]

Mama Mia mama Mia let me go BELEZABUB HAS THE DEVIL PUT A SIDE FOR ME

[@ianmorgan7793]

Honestly, my biggest surprise take away from this is that Typhon is suppose to be this kaiju sized father of all monsters that is prophesied to usurp Zeus as head-honcho of all the cosmos like Zeus did with Cronos and Cronos did with Ouranos and who has had an epic 1v1 with Zeus that resulted in Typhon getting trapped under a mountain, ... but whenever someone wants to make some modern fiction involving the Hellenistic Pantheon they make Hades the primary antagonist, maybe Cronos if they did their research and not even MENTION Typhon! Where the hell is my modern Greek epic about fighting a Greek equivalent to Godzilla so terrifying that all the Olympians run all the way to Egypt just to get away from him!?!

[@InsertJack]

That did actually happen in the fifth Percy Jackson vid.

[@lewismartin3430]

Percy Jackson. for the back half of the series luke/cronos wasn't even the Olympians biggest problem. it was the newly freed typhon making his way across the USA towards olympus in New York

[@jazumo0067]

May I introduce you to a little Nintendo DS RPG called "Glory of Heracles" ?

[@julius9943]

that would be absolutely fascinating, like the cycle was never broken but instead waiting for the day Typhon got tried of imprisonment and emerged to claim the world under one, himself. a demiurge figure compared to the hellenistic pantheon as the father remains Tartarus which represents the exact opposite of what Uranus legacy was, a giant family tree consisting of many powerful entities. the new generation Gaia wrought with Tartarus however is a whole new breath of life into reality compared to the old world, one that is defined not by stories of many immortals aiding man but just the mortal lifes who aspire to the one immortal that is Typhon, the result of Gaia starting anew with everything that Uranus was not.

[@niserresin2006]

Why do you think Percy Jackson culminates with a teenager facing down Kronos on Olympus itself? It's cause all the gods are busy dealing with something much, much worse. Except Hades, who's just so done with his family's bullshit that he refuses to help at all and I guess plans on letting them wear Typhon and Kronos down. Fair, considering that literally everyone assumed he was the villain of book 1 (you were supposed to be smart, Chiron)

[@masterofmythology]

Let's see: Zeus marries his sister Hera. Zeus has a daughter with his sister Demeter. Hades marries his niece (twice over) Persephone. Ares has a son with his (potentially) half-sister Aphrodite. Hephaestus marries his (potentially) half-sister Aphrodite. Heracles marries his half-sister Hebe. Cronus has 6 kids with his sister Rhea. And many more that I just can't think of. So yes, that happened a LOT.

[@onyeomanwosu7381]

Gaia also had kids with her son Ouranos

[@CrazyHand7894]

Antaeus (earth monster that fights Heracles) is the son of Poseidon and Gaia. So Poseidon banged his own grandmother.

[@wbrooks5913]

Wow. Talk about keeping it in the family.

[@flamingpi2245]

Actually Aphrodite was formed from ouranos’ chopped off gonads mixed with seafoam, so she’s technically Zeus’ half great aunt

[@deadlydingus1138]

Sweet home Olympus

[@alexiswelsh5821]

"The true monster was the English Language all along." Someone put that on a tshirt!

[@starshade7826]

*crosses out the word "language"* Fixed.

[@tenhirankei]

There are plenty of other t-shirts to be made. Let's not forget Basque, Estonian, Finnish, Russian, Japanese and Chinese.

[@CAPace09]

Yes

[@cocoabeanz6171]

there are a lot of languages I know (a few I speak) which I consider trash can dumpster fires of languages. English is one of them. Native language from hell.

[@whyareallmynamestaken1382]

Welsh

[@aaronhossain4492]

I kind of want to imagine that, even though Typhon is basically the ancient Greek equivalent of Godzilla, he's a total teddy bear with Echidna.

[@reyonXIII]

So, later Showa Godzilla, the one that did the "flying" double kick?

[@johnburt7935]

So, let's see: Typhon is buried beneath a mountain while his wife Echidna spawns monsters. Sort of like how Apsu is buried beneath a mountain while his wife Tiamat spawns monsters. Loki is deeply buried, but neither of his wives quite fits the "mother of monsters" profile - but Loki is the father (and mother) of many monsters....

[@thejoel1012]

Well there’s Angrboda. I don’t think she’s Loki’s wife though.

[@johnburt7935]

@@thejoel1012 Matter of definition, I suppose. I once read a lovely novel in which Loki's relationship with Angrboda ended with a visit after many years apart which revealed she had outgrown him-literally. In that story, Giants are born scarcely larger than human babies and are slightly taller than humans when first sexually mature, but they keep on growing. Angie was willing to make it with the Aesir dude when he was eight feet tall and she was nine foot two with eyes of blue, and even when she was twelve or fifteen, but when he dropped by when she was thirty feet tall, she just laughed at him. That isn't a bad way of explaining it, and puts a different cast on the ogre's beautiful daughter, too.

[@SecretSexSkeleton]

Two for three. Not bad. Something something Chaoskampf

[@CJCroen1393]

World mythology really does have this tendency to overlap doesn’t it?

[@johnburt7935]

@@CJCroen1393 I studied several different methods of massage developed in different countries. They all had elements in common, because they all developed from study of the human body. Our myths developed in different cultures, but they were all created within human brains, in human bodies, living Stone Age and Bronze Age lives. Maybe that is the real nature of what Jung called the collective unconscious.

[@agentzwlf3693]

"Typhon rips out Zeus' tendons" Hoo Boy. *Griffith torture flashbacks*

[@ladymidnight4282]

Oh god don't remind me

[@kennethgdavis4643]

GRIFFITH!!!!

[@AraujoDaisuki]

I guess that's the standard punishment for being horny

[@silentspirit8923]

Nope! Nope! Nope! I'd seen enough from Berserk. Curse you Griffith!

[@MarkSultanaX2]

Is this a Berserk reference?

[@sirapple589]

“World’s horniest ukulele” is something that I wasn’t expecting to hear today but I’m certainly not going to complain about it.

[@Merrypaws]

Yeah. I spat wine at my computer screen, not gonna lie. Nightmare to clean, but I'm not even mad, it was that good. XD

[@randomknowledgeperson2872]

Red: Earthquakes, lava, thunderbolts and lightning very very frightening. Me: MAMA MIA!

[@deathstar6998]

ME: GALILEO

[@jillidan0286]

BISMILLAH NOOOO

[@anselmareich3549]

@@deathstar6998 GALILEO FIGARO~

[@deathstar6998]

@@anselmareich3549 Magnifico

[@lmbusiness5300]

OH MAMA MIA LET ME GO

[@EvilOverlord1662]

Wait, I just caught that Typhon is the father of Cerberus, meaning Hades adopted the son of his greatest enemy! Hades truly is the kindest of the gods!

[@beatle4-117]

I always heard the story where Pan convinced Typhon to give him Zeus's tendons to make killer lyre strings, lol

[@lizadon0740]

So pan was trying to make an electricic lyre.

[@silentspirit8923]

@@lizadon0740 That's Metal!

[@shadowstriker6506]

@@silentspirit8923 *epic guitar riff”

[@aubreyackermann8432]

@@shadowstriker6506 How else do you herald a prophesy

[@beccag2758]

“Yeah he married his sister but that was normal for gods” Ancient royalty too!

[@tomasxfranco]

Cousins mostly

[@westernstealth873]

Cyrus’ kids and the Ptolemys were the exception and definitely not the norm. Incest (cousins don’t count because royal families) was extremely taboo in Greece.

[@datalysjr3339]

Oh hell nah!!! 🤢

[@vibevibevibemcommentedtoda5717]

lol have you seen egypt? I think all of the ancient world had all kinds of incest. They just had rules that did nothing against their genetic diseases popping up.

[@kazaddum2448]

@@westernstealth873 The Seleucids also fancied to occasional sibling marriage.

[@BoostedMonkey05]

Something interesting is that since this myth is linked to Mount Etna, it might probably an andromorphization of Volcanic Lighting during Eruptions since it looks like there is a fight between Zeus and Typhon inside the smoke and ash.

[@dreameater8548]

I love how Red talks about it like she was there, filming it with the oldest camera ever Also, do you think sea monsters bring Typhoon gifts from his children? Like, a drawing made by the Hydra with the blood of heroes and random people saying "ai love u papa"

[@greyladybast]

"The real monster was the English language all along." English is what happens when drunken Roman soldiers try to make dates with flirty Saxon barmaids. English gets other languages rip roarin' drunk, beats them up, then goes through their pockets for spare vocabulary. English is the redheaded stepchild of languages. (the "three languages stacked on top of one another in a trenchcoat" thing has been mentioned already)

[@SonofSethoitae]

Nah, Saxon supplanted the local Vulgar Latin almost completely. Most of the Latin-based vocabulary actually comes from Norman French a few hundred years later. It's more like drunken Saxons trying desperately to impress their absent French stepdad by dressing up their language with a fancy accent and weird grammar.

[@HamTransitHistory]

Drunken Norman soldiers & Saxon barmaids

[@dazaimaru5799]

These are amazing

[@silvergirloftheborderlands5533]

I usually just say the three languages stacked on top of each-other thing, but I add that the trenchcoat is leather made from the hide of a fourth language. Why am I telling you this? As a lead up to: Yours is cooler.

[@energeticcreeper7969]

@@tarmil you made that word up and we both know it. Franketymology isn't a real thing. KZbin comments even have spellchecker how did you get that wrong? did you uninstall Grammarly?

[@voidify3]

FUN FACT relevant to the start of this video: the Wikipedia category “offspring of Zeus” contains 114 pages. (Some of them are different versions of the same characters but STILL)

[@gingermcgingin1733]

And those are just the ones we know about

[@morehero1]

A lot of kings made their ancestors children of Zeus to make themselves look better. If ancient Greece was just one nation he would probably have had fewer.

[@prestonjones1653]

That's honestly lower than I expected.

[@seant1326]

By complete coincidence I'm like #69.

[@libbybollinger5901]

Preston Jones tbf, that’s only counting the ones with Wikipedia pages

[@TheBitingBat]

What I like about typhon is that in most myths he is straight up stronger than Zeus and looses only because Zeus had help. In one version Zeus doesn't even have a round two, he just drops mt etna on top of typhon while he sleeps, and in another typhon is tricked by Hermes into drinking a ton of undistilled wine and is too wasted to fight back against zeus

[@Scarshadow666]

Pan: "Hey! Don't Hermes and I get a thank you?" Zeus: "For the tendons thing, or my constantly enduring boner thing?" Pan: "Both. Both is good."

[@fianafarrington6899]

Also, Typhon holding the little flowers for Echidna is precious.

[@tabletaussendienst2721]

So cute

[@dreameater8548]

*deep demonic voice that sounds like he's talking from the bottom of the pits of the Underworld* "me. Flowers. For you" Echidna, holding back tears: t-thanks...

[@abdullaaleef1170]

@@dreameater8548 someone write a book about this!

[@thogthemighty7960]

I imagine he nervously says in a voice like thunder, fidgetingwith his snake heads: "SO, UM, I NOTICED YOU WERE HANGING OUT IN THIS CAVE ALONE, AND I WAS, UM, WONDERING, WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND?"

[@flu-shot-turned-me-gay]

"gaia mostly makes monsters" well she made zeus so yeah

[@richmcgee434]

Also (to paraphrase from Darwin) a truly inordinate number of beetles.

[@flu-shot-turned-me-gay]

@Ulises Leon 1. i mean yeah rhea gave birth to zeus but gaia was the parental figure who raised him 2. tea

[@ivoryadventures6485]

Gaia’s son Kronos is the father of Zeus Edit: ... hmm... but I guess technically you’re right, she is his grandma after all

[@lenocturnefan4258]

@@flu-shot-turned-me-gay Who raises him is changed in every version of the myth. In one the one who raises him is Rea in secret, In other version 3 nymphs raise him on a tree (Cause if Kronos sees everything that happens under what he rules and he rules under the sky and earth, If they raise him in a tree that isnt in neither of they, He wouldn't see Zeus), in another version a goat is the responsible adult and in other there's just drunk satyrs that take care of him.

[@jacobsheehan9715]

Lol

[@zacheryschmidt2611]

Typhoon was so tall he “scraped the stars themselves” Wings that “stretched from east and west” With each arm having a hundred fire breathing heads Instead of legs he had living snakes, each writhing with toxic venom Scary dude

[@concept5631]

I'm curious as to how him and Echidna got it on.

[@zacheryschmidt2611]

@@concept5631 don’t put that image in anyone’s head

[@concept5631]

@@zacheryschmidt2611 I'll try not to o7

[@memoryofsalem4474]

​@@concept5631nothing is said about his genitals sooooo, I dunno

[@channyt8818]

Zeus backstory is like the original story book and his shenanigans is like the fan fiction that followed.

[@wishfulink1219]

I find it hilarious that Typhon and Echinda had a healthy and functioning relationship and had all their monster babies yet Zues can't be loyal to his wife and he is suppose to be King of the Gods. Same with Hades and Persephone. They actually love each other. And are loyal to one another. Zues? Commitment? WHat's tHAT!?

[@mihaimorar2043]

Zeus*

[@ianmorse9381]

Remember that time Zeus transformed into the literal symbol of monogamy to get it on with some rando? Pepperidge Farm remembers.

[@_.h0odiexuyyyshxun._254]

Wishful Ink Zeus is a man-whore & Hera is a bird for going after everybody but her unfaithful husband.

[@jacobfoxfires9647]

Maybe whatever action Echidna gave was just that good that Typhoon just couldn’t get enough. Maybe the same with Persephone and Hades but I think that’s more love then anything. Besides, Persephone didn’t deliver all the monsters into the known Greek mythology.

[@flamingpi2245]

Actually hades cheated on Persephone twice, once with the nymph of the River cocytus menthe (Persephone crushed her and turned her into mint) and another with a different nymph who hades straight up kidnapped and Persephone turned into a poplar tree

[@kagetasan]

"And then they re-string him like the world's horniest ukulele" I...never realized how much i needed to hear those words strung together. Thank You.

[@danielneverloses]

Ha! *Strung.*

[@JosephMurphyRevised]

I see what you did there...

[@josiahcain4176]

"With Tarturus itself as the father..." WTF Hades you just let Tarturus mate with your grandma!? Are you that polite!?

[@NoBody-lj5xh]

To be fair, if Hades had tried to get between the two, he'd have two fight two different beings that could each rip him to shreds while Zeus laughed at him.

[@CJCroen1393]

Tartarus: (gettin' it on with Gaia) Hades: (trying to look away) Nope, not gonna ask. Not gonna ask...

[@Ajehy]

I think at that point it’s less “getting physical” and more “getting metaphysical”. Plus Tartarus is already underground, so...

[@todddempsey1277]

@@CJCroen1393 *Tartarus and Gaia getting intimate* *Tartarus:* Oh Gaia. *Gaia moaning:* Oh yes! Tartarus! *Hades clawing his eyes out:* Oh Gods WHY!?

[@VivaLaDnDLogs]

I'm more confused that a bottomless pit is the *father*. Like, how would that work? Would Tartarus be the carrier? Male pregnancy?

[@tyrant-den884]

Metis: "Okay, try winning this time." Zeus: (unironic)"Oh, thanks, I never would have thought of that!"

[@LittleMissRequiem]

*FUN FACT:* It wasn’t mentioned here, but Hades was not specifically mentioned as one of the gods who fled to Egypt when Typhon showed up, though he IS mentioned as trembling in the underworld during Typhon’s massive rampage. -- _Hades is chillaxing in the underworld, minding his own business, when suddenly..._ *TYPHON:* _RRRROOOOOOAAAAAAARRRGH!_ 🦖 *HADES:* NOPE, not my problem! 😧 *_*slams the door shut*_* -- _Later, after the battle is over, a certain 3-headed puppy wanders into the underworld..._ *HADES:* Hey there, little guy! Where’s your mommy and daddy? *_*Cerberus whimpers and points his heads toward Mount Etna.*_* *HADES:* Oh... well, you can stay here with me if you want; we got plenty of food and chew toys for you. *_*Cerberus leaps into Hades’ arms and licks his face all over.*_* *HADES:* Oh, aren’t you precious, you little cutie? Alright, let’s go home Spot! You mind if I call you Spot? *_*Cerberus barks happily and wags his tail.*_* -- *_EDIT:_* Thank you all so much for the awesome likes and replies! 🥰

[@amusement4009]

This is one of the best things I have read all week.

[@aliallail9874]

Awww😍 That's adorable😘

[@westernstealth873]

Cereberus means Spot... just putting that thought out there

[@ricokd507]

This comment made my day

[@emilyglonek7417]

THIS is why I read You Tube comments

[@TheRogueCommand]

The paradox of reading Percy Jackson: wanting Percy to succeed because he's a good boy, but wanting him to fail so Zeus finally gets the butt kicking he so rightfully deserves

[@NoBody-lj5xh]

That's the thing I love about Mark of Athena. Percy admits that he won't ever fight for someone like Gaia, but that the Gods are still MASSIVE assholes, and that won't ever change.

[@spawnoftyphon]

When I was around 12 years old, I found a Greek mythology book in my house (probably the Theogony). While I was reading, I was getting increasingly more confused at why Zeus seemed like the protagonist since a lot of what he was doing made him look more like an antagonist. And when I got to the part about Typhon and Echidna, they seemed like the secret heroes of the story. After that, the monstrous couple became the two most important characters to me and they still are. One thing that I despise is when a writer characterizes Typhon as only a stepping-stone villain without any further depth or dialogue. I like how you've boiled this down for people to see him more objectively. Thanks for that. I often feel like I'm one of the few people in the world who truly cares about Typhon and Echidna wholeheartedly. I've devoted so much of my time and writing to them. My first foray into writing was creating a children's book for them and their babies when they were younger (inspired by how John Gardner wrote Grendel from his view). But my truest act of devotion was writing my urban fantasy novels where my future children rally dragons from all cultures around the world in an attempt to shatter Mt. Etna and finally free my pinnacle role model.

[@sonofcronos7831]

It was not the Theogony. Hesiod goes out of his way to make Zeus the good guy in the Theogony and in Works in Days. I mean you can still see Zeus bad things there, altrough Hesiod will get some excuses or will use his lovely poetry to make Zeus not look so bad

[@user-tp9uw1pr6m]

​@@sonofcronos7831 wasn't Hesiod kind of a Zeus fanboy?

[@erlk2210]

​@@user-tp9uw1pr6mall of ancient Greece is Zeus's fanboy/fangirl so yes.

[@concept5631]

Typhon's description of his tenure as the King of Gods sounds less actively malicious (although it would very much suck for the Olympians) and more alien to us mortals. Like invasive species outcompeting us not because they inherently hate us, but because they are better at surviving.

[@onyx7332]

Zeus: my tendants will never be returned to me, and i shall sit like this forever, because no god would be stupid enough to- Hermes and Pan: yo Zeus: ah. right.

[@PhazonOmega]

"Typhon is more like a force of nature..." I mean, look at the mother!

[@thomastakesatollforthedark2231]

@cak01vej wasn't Kronus the titan of harvests and such while Chronos was the titan of time?

[@Kalebfenoir]

Typhon was my favorite monster. Pretty much Gaia's kill-switch for the Gods. His whole purpose was to annihilate them. The fact Zeus couldn't actually kill him says loads about his level of power. Probably my favorite myth, honestly. Where else do you get kaiju, Gods, and a fight that melts the land, ignited the air and boils the sea with its intensity.

[@huntergraham702]

Ragnarok

[@lourobbaydeng2335]

Yes ! Honestly Typhon is the best and the fact that he didn't marry his familly relative and had a mutually consentual realtionship is a +1000 points

[@Arenuphis]

Gaia really does have a long history of helping her children or grandchildren fuck up her other children or grandchildren

[@DJchilcott]

This seems to me less about retribution for Zeus, and more the reason why he thought he could do what he wanted. He thought himself untouchable, because he'd defeated the greatest threat to himself and the world.

[@isaiahdobesh5109]

Hmm. Just like his father assumed himself safe.... (sorry to necropost)

[@concept5631]

​@@isaiahdobesh5109 Sucks that the Greeks didn't get to that part before good ol' Jesus came a knockin'

[@petermcnamara7040]

Just a Lil thing I noticed; It was Hermes and Pan who helped stitch Zeus back together. And in the Hermes analyzing video, the idea that Hermes initially started out as an epithet for Pan was introduced. So perhaps in the OG text, Pan/Hermes helped stitch Zeus together solo, but the story got rewritten to accommodate the division of Hermes and Pan. Just something I noticed. Fun fact: Pan also fled to Egypt along with the Olympians, turning into a half-goat half-fish within the Nile. So Pan is also Hermes.

[@iamtfred]

Even more fun when you realize that the "green man" revived the storm god, caster of lightning, to kill the apocalyptic multi headed "dragon" that scrapes the heavens and breathes fire. I mean that's like THE quintessential commonality in nearly every religion

[@spacemegalodon5049]

*Typhon destroying stuff* Apollo: Run! It's Godzilla! Athena: It looks like Godzilla, but due to international copyright laws it's not. Apollo: We should run like it's Godzilla Athena: *looks at camera* though it isn't. *both run away screaming*

[@newtonianlaw3249]

I get that reference

[@alucard347]

I do not understand that refrence

[@TheOverArchiver]

ALUCARD Me neither.

[@Nparalelo]

Which is extra funny because in one version of the myth I read, Athena (along with Zeus) were the only gods who didn't run away.

[@JordanSmith-yi3ji]

Good ol Austin Powers.

[@happykiwi8407]

Zeus back then: *everyone respected and an awesome person* Zeus now: * basically 1.5% of ancient Greece dad*

[@eh9618]

I mean, he was beack then too. It's just that back then people were too scared to call out his bullshit

[@ataventurine7515]

Tabii da kiwi not really, the ancient Greeks feared their gods. They don’t actually respect them with genuine love and devotion, they are just really afraid of the gods. Everyone acknowledges that the Greek gods are very vengeful, so they don’t want make the gods angry.

[@dashiellgillingham4579]

Genghis Khan managed to become forebear to

[@happykiwi8407]

@@ataventurine7515 yeah ik this is just for laughs

[@happykiwi8407]

@@dashiellgillingham4579 looks like someone outmatch Zeus then

[@purplehaze2358]

I can’t help but imagine that Hades had to work overtime because of all the new arrivals in the underworld from all the people Typhon killed. But, at least he got a loyal dog out of it.

[@camilaalmiron5588]

Yeah...

[@reyonXIII]

Persephone hands him some goblets of this energizing Minoan variant of ambrosia to get him through the massive workload. Being Minoan, the goblet's marked with a bull.

[@reyonXIII]

Persephone hands him some goblets of this energizing Minoan variant of ambrosia to get him through the massive workload. Being Minoan, the goblet's marked with a bull.

[@renthewerecat]

"and drops a moutan on his head" that feels very familiarrrrrr

[@kryptonavenger2024]

Sun Wukong: First time?

[@silentspirit8923]

​@@kryptonavenger2024 Typhon: Yeah.....hey do you have anyone living above you?

[@todddempsey1277]

I would love to see Wukong and Typhon duke it out Godzilla VS. Kong style.

[@gustafhillertz9374]

Kragnos?

[@magpie1371]

" The real monster was the English Language all along " I've found my new motto

[@micahquinto2748]

I want to see Typhon and Monkey have a conversation about having a whole mountain dumped on them as punishment for wreaking havoc

[@lourobbaydeng2335]

Yesssss !! I'm totally gonna draw that 😍😍😂😂

[@fantasyshadows3207]

Monkey: you got crushed too? Typhon: yes it was miserable Monkey: man that sucks, I’ll pull you out and we can spar in Tartarus alright? Typhon: sweet see you there! Hades: MONKEY OH MY GOSH FOR THE LAST TIME TARTARUS IS NOT FOR SPARRING YOU ARE GIVING PERSEPHONE A BAD EXAMPLE! Persephone: can I join you guys? Typhon: sure. Hades: *internal screaming*

[@mrfrog3876]

I mean to be fair Typhon was doing exactly what he was supposed to do.... fight the gods.

[@gregorypantos2100]

@@fantasyshadows3207 Persephone wanting to fight alongside these two and Hades being a worrying husband is precious

[@pogfection787]

It's been 6 months and I'm still having trouble digesting Angsty Teenage Hades at 0:50

[@dotdotdot...176]

"Ripped his tendons out like a misbehaving chicken leg" Typhon, the hero we didn't know we needed.

[@camilaalmiron5588]

Totally true

[@user-tp9uw1pr6m]

He's the villain of the story

[@dotdotdot...176]

@@user-tp9uw1pr6m yeah, that's why I said "hero we didn't know we needed" because Zeus could be taken down a peg or two lol

[@user-tp9uw1pr6m]

@@dotdotdot...176 Zeus still kicked his ass in the end sooo

[@dotdotdot...176]

@@user-tp9uw1pr6m yeah i just mean at least he got taken down a bit before that though. Also, who the villian is in the story depends on who is telling the story and who the protagonist is. And just because Zeus won in the end does not mean he _didn't_ deserve to get taken down a peg or two anyway for the things he had done. Him ultimately winning the fight doesn't really change that or make him the goog guy. Any it's not that deep.

[@renegard5442]

"Now cause the modern image of mother nature is generally positive and nurturing" *looks at 2020* yeah about that

[@danteslayer9455]

@@Chad_Eldridge the are, just look at nurgle

[@animorph17]

@@Chad_Eldridge How could a disease NOT be part of nature? The biomass of local bacteria outweighs every other plant on the planet combined.

[@geraldgrenier8132]

@The Martial Lord of Loyalty Don't forget wildfires in a drought zone

[@hansakkerman2611]

@@Chad_Eldridge who ever said they weren't?

[@feha92]

@@geraldgrenier8132 Or the temper tantrums of the child of the most famous volcano. Like in april.

[@corneliallawliet9682]

"Zeus waits long enough for the Egyptian artist to get his good side--" Zeus's major character trait, pride, established within 3 seconds. Genius. (EDIT: fixed!)

[@eliburry-schnepp6012]

Can Zeus have hubris? Isn't the definition of hubris thinking yourself better than the gods? Can Zeus think he's cooler than himself?

[@numbnut7808]

I'd say that's pride rather than hubris

[@pattheplanter]

​@@eliburry-schnepp6012 In Ancient Greece _hubris_ (ὕβρις) meant wanton violence from pride or passion, insolence, outrages against or violation of other humans, especially violent attacks, sexual abuse and rape, inappropriate lust or lewdness. _Hubristes_ (ὑβριστής) meant a violent, overbearing man. The hubristic bully had no honour - _time,_ τιμή. Presumably the use of _hubris_ by poets like Hesiod and Aeschylus to describe transgressions against the gods was to associate the act of sacrilege with being a dishonourable rapey bastard who thinks with his balls.

[@eliburry-schnepp6012]

@@pattheplanter "In its ancient Greek context, it typically describes behavior that defies the norms of behavior or challenges the gods which, in turn, brings about the downfall of the perpetrator of hubris. "

[@pattheplanter]

​@@eliburry-schnepp6012 Much more so the "defies the norms of behaviour" part than the god-bothering sense famous in modern times. Your quote came from Wikipedia, I recommend that you read further down that page - the "Ancient Greek Origin" section. The meanings I described are the general use of the word in Ancient Greece. I got my information from "A Greek-English Lexicon" by Liddell and Scott, one of the standard texts for Ancient Greek translation.

[@genesismultiverse4896]

Fun fact Hephaestus not only forge creations but also is Typhon's psychiatrist

[@concept5631]

Given what Hephaestus was put through by Hera and Aphrodite and Typhon's surprising knack for functional relationships, I feel it's the other way around.

[@Jerry_the_Head]

3:30 "and re-string him like the world's horniest ukulele" i literally am laughing so hard at this line; this and the "it is i, your fairy dadmother" will be the 2 osp lines that live rent free in my head

[@theshadow9360]

"The real moster was the English language all along" -red So true

[@ArgKaiser]

as someone who had to LEARN English and speaks it as a second language, can confirm

[@shadowstriker6506]

The fact that your pic is an American flag only adds to the humor

[@gavinbrown216]

I was like: “didn’t we already know that?”

[@Nega_Man]

Here is something interesting, In some myths, Hera is Typhon's mom so I just imagine right after ripping Zeus' tendons, Typhon imprisoned Hera somewhere who is terrified of her monstrous kaiju sized son.

[@CJCroen1393]

Indeed, IIRC, some of these myths say Typhon was created by Hera _entirely by accident._ She just wanted to one up Zeus "birthing" Athena by producing a child without his help.

[@Nega_Man]

@@CJCroen1393 but instead of a god or goddess, she spawned a monster

[@CJCroen1393]

@@Nega_Man Exactly!

[@Nega_Man]

@@CJCroen1393 I think the reason Typhon tries to kill Zeus is that Hera is sick of Zeus' adventures with humanity

[@meth-1518]

Fun fact: As opposed to what was said in the video, Typhoon is actually a Japanese word. It is written with the same Kanji as Chinese (大風｜台風) and is pronounced “taifū”, high is the exact pronunciation of the English word bar the ‘n’.

[@kittykat5090]

"restring him like the world's horniest ukelele" is an extremely good saying ngl

[@Valigarmanda]

“strength on par with a spaghetti plate” wow that’s oddly satisfying to hear and imagine.