Advice To Men Who Are Struggling - Connor Beaton

[@ChrisWillx]

Hello you beauties. Access all episodes 10 hours earlier than KZbin by Subscribing on Spotify - spoti.fi/2LSimPn or Apple Podcasts - apple.co/2MNqIgw. Here’s the timestamps: 00:00 The One Rule of Men 09:39 Why Is So Much Expected of Men? 13:26 Men’s Roles in Competition & War 23:14 The Double Standard of Aggression & Vulnerability 33:39 The Huge Rise of Internet Men’s Advice 45:12 Vacancy of Father Figures & Friends for Boys 58:19 How Does Fatherlessness Actually Impact Young Men? 1:06:54 Vulnerability Around Men Discussing Sex 1:15:15 Increasing Testosterone Improve’s Men’s Capacity 1:25:36 Advice to Men Who Want to Open Up More 1:32:30 Where to Find Connor

[@dalibofurnell]

Chris, thank you so much for this conversation. I appreciate this. Respect. Sending love and blessings from South Africa 🇿🇦 ❤ I'm not sure if you'll be having more conversations like this, but I hope so. These are valuable, and I didn't even know how much of this I didn't know, and I am very grateful to finally have some clarity about a few things. Keep well ✌️

[@life42theuniverse]

When you do give up the drugs, be careful, your brain needs time to come to balance.

[@paulbucklebuckle4921]

Thanks for your work Chris, the bit you did about how you naturally increased your testosterone would be really useful as a video subject or maybe another format , I'm 55 by the way and I sense mine is low but don't want meds 😊

[@DTreatz]

45:05 You mean *SINGLE MOTHER HOMES and SINGLE MOTHER BEHAVIOR* Men aren't taking the blame on this one, no more of that nonsense. *IYKYK* 💊

[@DTreatz]

58:19 You mean *SINGLE MOTHER HOMES and SINGLE MOTHER BEHAVIOR* Men aren't taking the blame on this one, no more of that nonsense. *IYKYK* 💊

[@cocoacrispy7802]

I was 11 years old when my father died. I'm now 80. Looking back, it's clear to me that not having him around was the biggest reason for the lack of direction in my life.

[@drewmorrison]

I know it was a long time ago but I’m sorry. I lost my father when I turned 18 and even 15 years later, I’ve struggled to keep my compass pointing north. I’m not a f up but there have been many times where I needed a father figure to point me in the right direction instead of winging it or asking someone else.

[@midnight816]

Dad died at 14, and same. Tbf it could be the affect of the death itself on our psyche too.

[@burtbiggum499]

Check out Blood Meridian this is talked about in the book. I have similar upbringing.

[@fredjung]

My dad died when I was 14, but even before he didn’t teach my brothers and I how to be a man. So we were raised by mom and basically we’re dysfunctional and weak. I married a dominant wife who treated me like a doormat.

[@PAX---777]

Congrats for being introspective. REINCARNATION is real, you'll/I will be back...even better if we raise up to the next level! Cheers man

[@berniepina860]

As a man nobody's coming to save you. Society will let men crumble and fall before any help is offered. You must save yourself. This is taking your life in your own hands. I highly recommend starting small and building upon good habits. Starting with exercising 30 minutes a day, 5 to 6 days a week.

[@johndoe-fq7ez]

I’m already a gym rat I need help with all the other stuff

[@berniepina860]

@@johndoe-fq7ez the other stuff like friendship and relationships just takes social skills. Social skills being something that needs practice. Join clubs, reach out to friends, hangout in person, try and be a little bit confident. Career wise, we all know we can't get further without some education/ training. Take online classes. Take community college classes. Train and learn in a specific field or practice until you get a degree or a certificate or some experience. It's tuff out there. Life is a competition. Everything takes effort, patience, time, consistency. Things won't just flip around in a day or 2. It will take months and years of building yourself up.

[@YummyFoodOnlyPlz]

Can we flip the script around about this? Think of "nobody is coming to the rescue" as an implicit societal stress test. If you undertake it and come out ok (note: you can even lose and still come out ok), then you are that much stronger on the other side. As long as you don't lose your life over small losses/setbacks, you get to live to fight another day. It's all going to be ok.

[@HarderTime89]

I heard someone say a closed mouth doesn't get fed. It fucked my head up.

[@johndoe-fq7ez]

@@HarderTime89 the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

[@berniepina860]

Men can vent to other men that they are very close with. Your best friend or your dad. Venting is good for your mental health. But after you have gotten your feelings out, it's time for action. Take steps to do what you need to improve your life, your situation, and your mental space. You can't just only talk your way out of depression or a bad place in life. You have to DO something about it.

[@AceRothstein-dr7hn]

EXACTLY. It's crucial to grieve. After that, action action action.

[@DerekGotega]

I’ve never had a problem giving my best friends my most vulnerable thoughts and feelings. We still competed. But never with each others trusted shit and when we were young we competed in a way to make us better for when we competed together against other groups of men. Which we always won. Lol

[@Returntotheworld]

They can. But more often they don’t or they only give very superficial access to what’s really going on. The man listening often isn’t really listening, he’s looking to fix his mates problem. Not saying this is always the case. Some men are amazing listeners but more often than not we aren’t and women have sorted need out much more effectively.

[@AceRothstein-dr7hn]

@@Returntotheworld Agreed. Men can be more fixers than listeners for other men.

[@Sentinel82]

​@@Returntotheworld if the problem is solved then there's no more need to dwell on it

[@name-vi6fs]

It's interesting to see scientists and academics slowly realize that we act certain ways because of biology and necessity, not because the "patriarchy planned it this way."

[@comfysituations3566]

Gay men, despite being biologically identical to straight men, are much more free to be vulnerable and express emotions and very often do (gay guys have 0 qualms about crying in public, for instance). This is because these are quite obviously social taboos and not biological. We hold different types of people to different standards because of social norms.

[@sibyloftexas]

Even in matrilineal cultures, men "act certain ways" they're expected to act in patriarchal cultures. The Spartans for example. Patriarchy has nothing to do with it.

[@sibyloftexas]

@@fiveleavesleft6521 people were matrilineal until the invention of property. Otherwise we'd still be dragging our knuckles in subsaharan Africa with the chimpanzees. Where do you get this nonsense?

[@coonhound_pharoah]

@@sibyloftexas Well it's definitely true to say without the invention of property we'd be barely better than knuckle dragging chimps lol. I'm not sure about the rest though.

[@thecodebrief]

To me it often feels like they are trying a forced evolution ahead of its time. It's not to say there can never be a time in the far future where all men and women are empathic , kind, vulnerable yet strong people - but as long as scarcity exists that will never be the case cause somebody will have to jump over somebody else. Ironically if the left wants to win - they should be solving nuclear fusion and climate change lol

[@lindybeige]

I'd be interested to look at that study in the UK that said that 92% of male suicides were in therapy. Can you cite this?

[@amandarios448]

It does mean therapy causes suicide it is biased towards already mentally ill people because if you are very mentally ill with several things at the same time it's more likely you will be in therapy. And if you got big bad traumas and start therapy they will come up

[@carpo719]

This is probably true for most men, but I built a friend circle that supports each other, and shares our vulnerabilities. We are married or single., but all face the same problems. I am almost 50, but even when we were 15 we shared our feelings at times Talk to other men, find friends you can share with, we all need it. To be honest, I never compare myself to other men as far as 'status', I laugh at the ones who try too hard.

[@paulmryglod4802]

I long for that. That sounds like a huge win

[@stevearnold8265]

Hey Carpo, a long time sub. Good to see you here! Looks like I’ll be binging your videos today 😂

[@noNdeSCRIpt732]

It seems that the subject being discussed is always qualified as YOUNG men. I'm 42 and feel like I'm just as immersed and disaffected by these attitudes as any age group within the community of men in this country. I think statistics pertaining to male suicide reflect this in glaring fashion.

[@Louisadamson]

You're accurate in your thinking. I'm 44, and I've had relatives, friends and am aware of many others estranged by their manhood senior to me.

[@bluewave3417]

I’m in my 40’s as well. And you are spot on. There needs to be a clear message to young men that it doesn’t automatically get better as you age. As men we MUST take proactive steps to the right balance. And do it sooner rather than later.

[@Bjorn_R]

Dont know if I count as "young" I am 30 and I just think it has gotten progressively worse with age.

[@OHanzo]

I’m 36 and I think it DOES get better with age. The more I’ve lived the more I’ve understood that it’s all about accountability. If you’re not doing the right things over a prolonged period of time then of course you won’t get the results that you want. First you have to be clear in what you want out of life. A lot of people are so lost but it’s sad because life is pretty fucking straightforward if you pay attention/read books/ eat healthy enrich your mind instead of binging Netflix/porn etc

[@skylinefever]

We find that the masses do not get the ROI they were sold. I love the fight club speech about all the things we were supposed to be, and never got.

[@SigmaWarrior1978]

Nothing beats having a best friend as men. These brothers have your back at all times.

[@GaZonk100]

til a chick comes on the scene

[@SigmaWarrior1978]

@@GaZonk100 Yes, that definitely puts it to the test. Bros before hoes all the way.

[@Motivational_Posters]

Not true, at least in my experience, both men and women have proven to be unreliable and unavailable when needed.

[@pavanatanaya]

Men are forced from being stoic, only to be called petty for being emotionally open Men are forced into an emotional double bind

[@rpospeedwagon]

Easy solution. Don't play the game. Be stoic. Frankly, I don't care what women "say." They don't even know how to articulate what they want. No use in listening to them.

[@betsybala6773]

This podcast was such a revealation for me and something I’ve never heard addressed. My father was a POW in a German concentration camp when he was in his early 2o’s. He was evacuated and had his feet partially frozen when he was liberated. They sent him to a place in NJ to recover and then home with no support. His first child, my brother died. The rest of his life was a series of divorces, fleeting relationships and substance abuse. The only thing he ever told me about his experience were Hogan’s Hero’s humorous anecdotes, that because my grandfather was German and he had a rudimentary understanding of German, he was kept alive to translate. The other story was that he befriended a spider in the cage he was kept in. I had a superficial and resentful relationship with him as did my step siblings. He left my mother when I was seven. He was never cruel or intentionally mean, just unable to have a relationship. I had no understanding or empathy for him because of my anger at his abandonment. Understanding only came when I was much older. It has been a generational trauma in some ways. You gave me so much insight-thank you!! Maybe you could do a podcast on how to deal with the triggering Donald Trump’s comments-losers and suckers etc…can stir in children of POW’s. His authoritarian agenda to subvert democracy that many of our families had our childhood parenting fucked over for is so distressing.Sure some love him, but many might find it disturbing. It’s brought it to the forefront for me again

[@pattyb6003]

In a debate during a high school feminism class one the girls got frustrated and said "you guys have oppressed us for thousands of years!" ... I said to her "We're both only 16!"

[@Ragnarok6664]

Women have always played the game of life, talking about oppression is fairly moot

[@Yarblocosifilitico]

'oppressed', as in: everything hard done for them. Now they're 'liberated' by devoting their life to a company or the government. Hilarious and depressing at the same time. Historically, most men would've loved to stay at home taking care of the family, instead of doing long hours of physical labor.

[@LordRykard9376]

Feminism was a hijacked movement from the start. Elites have been manipulating it to break up families, destroy roles, and atomize people who would otherwise work together, into antagonistic positions that only elites gain from.

[@raymondmurdock8603]

Seriously hate that attitude like yeah women were oppressed for so long and still are in some ways but you can't blame every single man alive today for the sins of their ancestors that's really unfair like we're not responsible for what these other people did just because bad men exist doesn't mean all men are never allowed to have any problems ever as a cisgender white man it doesn't matter how liberal my views actually are and how much I try to support women and minorities I'll always get accused of being a bigot or told to shut up that I don't have any right to speak on issues because I'm too privileged and yet they don't see it as its own kind of bigotry

[@Christopher-eq1rn]

@@raymondmurdock8603how are women still oppressed?

[@mattanderson6672]

Brilliant, I really enjoyed that! Such knowledgeable guests, really great analysis by Connor Thank you for having him on!

[@tomtom21194]

Agree with this more than I can say. Being a boy with no older male role models makes the world so much harder. Makes growing up so much harder

[@Knibbzz]

I can't help but hear MrBallen when Connor speaks, which is definitely a compliment

[@moez2388]

For lack of understanding, intensive ignorance and selfishness I put my dad onto an imaginary gallow with silence. I have grown to realize the problems I'm facing are the same issues he too is suffering, but he was busy to survive; therefore, had no time and effort to suffer and puzzle. In my case, my life is completely comfortable floating above the poverty line for that I had time and effort to suffer and puzzle such prestige, and luckily I have realized how could he be a father figure when he was a man-boy. Boys may look like men but to become men, he has to go on a journey in the darkness, it would be helpful give him some guidance but do not forget " the road to hell is paved with good intentions. There are fewer shepherds than sheep for a good reason.

[@JimBillyRayBob]

Only the dead have seen the end of the war. Men have lived war as a constant reality. Coping with it is in our DNA.

[@relishcakes4525]

My father told me that suppression is bad but that there is a time and place for emotional expression and vulnerability. This helped me once I actually stopped and reflected on it in my 20's. Of course, the women in my life generally taught me that If they are involved, the time is never and the place is nowhere. Men of the world have some problems but they can't solve all of it alone.

[@tyronefrielinghaus3467]

Chris : another outstanding discussion...and so , so important.

[@BubbleOnPlumb]

I also found great value in the "negative roll model" while growing up. There were a very few older men that I knew that were worth trying to model myself after. The greater percentage were men who taught me by example of what not to do or how not to be.

[@Foxie770]

9:32 Honestly, women have these same issues. And no support to deal with them from family or society. My story began at age 16 in much the same way. It took me over 25 years to grow up, unwind all that I was struggling with and find my purpose and direction in life.

[@thorinhannahs4614]

I have come to learn that no matter how happy, how depressed, how wealthy or how poor I am that life doesn't care and is going to happen no matter what. So instead of caring about dreams of wealth or happiness I just have a "bucket list" of things that have to happen before I die. I have two so far: out live my father and be out of debt. My emotional state does not play a role in achieving those things.

[@tjbroussard3524]

Despite the "Rules" we say of don't show your feelings. What we say and what we do are often 2 different things. Suppress in public but talk in private. Think boy scouts, sports, barbershops, father son camping trips or outings, wedding, funeral, their childs birth or big life events, etc. ..anyone forgetting what a bromance is. lol Things that used to be mentioned a lot for men to do these things but they've all been either compromised, forgotten, tarnished/stigmatized, etc. Despite the flaws of the past men were taught to be strong in moments but they never said whole sale not to have any emotions. Hell it was even in television men showing emotions from your classic sitcom to interviews. We just seem to repeat the phrases that men dont' do this or not supposed to do that but we do it anyway. Just not the same as the other side of the fence. We really got to stop saying this first and really identify where, when, and how we actually do these things. We aren't just some random silent bottle that randomly explodes. If that were the case...it would be way worse than what you observe right now. Most of these studies are surveys....so again...say one thing...and do another or not recognize what we do.

[@morgothbauglirmelkar]

Men are generally very practical, we need plans we can put into action to solve the problem. Venting about things can only go so far, but then we need real plans to follow in detail

[@truck_yeah_440]

3:09 " Be the strongest man at your father's funeral." Well I guess I failed that test. How fitting to see this video on the day of my father's funeral and for me to get choked up in front of everybody while talking about my dad. I guess I wasn't the strongest man in the room. I guess I'm a weak man. Now I know why I am still single at 38.

[@FieryCold]

You have discord bro? Lets chat

[@dareedle]

The rule is a two edged sword. When you are at your bottom you realize you are alone in the world and no one gives a crap about your hardships. People who possibly do care, like a mother don’t want to deal with it because it hurts them too much. The upside you adjust, survive and thrive because instead of looking for others to blame for your situation or fix your problem, you take it upon yourself the changes you need to make your life a little bit better.

[@melissaradaker1128]

Best conversation I've heard in a very long time. A strong woman doesn't want to be her partner's mother. Sexual attraction understandably diminishes to zero.

[@lorenzogotta7489]

The same as saying that you cannot genuinely love a man 😢

[@thek2despot426]

So is expecting your man to be your rock not expecting him to be your father?

[@jessesaunders9129]

@chriswillx can you share more specifics around the supplement stack that lead to the improvement in t levels? I've heard this before with boron, omegas, plus DHEA and pregnenolone but was curious how yours compared. Great podcast.

[@carbon1479]

10:56 - Beautifully put (competition-based friendships = hidden vulnerabilities).

[@akichler]

Chris, Great Video, and WOW! The subject matter impressive. At the the age of 59 Oh! How I wish that I would have been learning about this kind of stuff 25 years ago. I guess better late than never. Keep up the good work. 👍

[@edwardjoseph8007]

"I've had some great role models" "Where'd you find them?" "It was just by happenstance" Great, thanks...

[@ManTalks]

Ya, wasn't the best answer. Honestly I sought out older men and men roughly my age who were (in my perception) VASTLY more skilled and knowledgeable than me. The 3 men who i've mentored with over the years were all in their 70's and 2 of them showed up in my life because of the career or vocation I was pursuing. When they showed up I knew there was something in them or about them that I was lacking (depth, wisdom, competency). I did my best to offer something to them (helping around a farm, building a marketing plan for a business) and made it clear that I was interested in learning from them and was willing to exchange money, time, energy, and any skill I had in return. However, I've learned that one of the most important elements with mentors and mentees is actually about relationship. I ended up building a really strong relationship with them that has been different from my friendships, father, and other male relationships. This last part is important because there are many people out there willing to take money to teach skills, but are unwilling to build and invest in the relationship... That's where the real magic has happened for me. Hope that's a bit more robust and let me know if there's other pieces I can support with.

[@indicatorhunter4500]

Such a great conversation 🤝 thank you Chris for introducing me these great people that you talk to

[@corneredfox7216]

Hey, Chris. What do you think of the following? Suppression seems, to me, to be a part of our evolutionary hardware (biology) as men, not software (culture). The ability to suppress and successfully perform in the face of antagonistic forces seems to be a signal of overall fitness. The software (culture) then comes in the form of “Suck it up, embrace the suck” etc. This software functions to reinforce and serve the male hardware (biology); therefore, these surface-level, linguistic sayings articulate what is happening at the biological level. Very ancient. It’s the Omega Principle in action (put forth by Bret Weinstein and Heather Heying). “Culture serves the genome”.

[@Nick-iu7ks]

I think being dominant is important in being a man. It doesn't have to be aggressive dominance and there are times for vulnerability with the RIGHT PEOPLE. The wrong person will use that against you.

[@TheMightyWalk]

As a man you deal with your own stuff. There’s no need to put it on others in your family who need to have faith in you . Therapy is for women … it teaches feminine principals . Struggle makes you strong

[@gkelly99]

For sure therapy is suited more for women than men. But the adage I like is "Pressure creates diamonds, but crushes stone" As a man, you have to know what battles you are capable of handling internally, and what battles you need external help with. You're no use as a masculine figure if you're tormenting yourself inside. And the suicide rate is a show of this. The modern world has too many complexities to say, in every situation, the solution is to suck it up and work harder.

[@TheMightyWalk]

@@gkelly99 you are talking about being smart enough to choose the proper tools . That’s a different conversation. All in all irrespective of the situation the responsibility is always on you … this is talking about relief from that imo

[@Triaxx2]

@@gkelly99 Pressure crushes everyone. All you can do is last as long as you can, knowing there's no support available. You do it entirely alone for as long as you can.

[@simhgamedev]

similar to the way I bought against my illness. thanks for the account....

[@jessecunningham920]

Simply in a way of being I wouldn’t expect a cat to behave like a dog, nor would I deal with their struggles the same way or punish them for being of their own kind. Greater understanding & neutral, unbiased awareness of the nature of things in required, instead of projecting a diagnosis from where I stand & see things as fit. We’re human beings with limited perceptions, not an all-knowing doctor of life

[@elijahaa]

32:00 Why is our definition of vulnerability so limited? Vulnerability is ment to encompass far more than "crying" And "weakness" the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally. Is a quick google search definition. Those experiences are also possible if you pursue a business,try a new skill,ask someone out or to marry you, telling someone how you feel. Expressing happiness or anger. All of these things have the potential to make someone want to hurt you or lash out at you. Yet all we ever focus on is crying and weakness,why???? Not to mention when it comes to men and women dynamic. Maybe if she knew you were like that from the beginning she would have dealt with it. Why is it so shocking that if an emotionally stunted male begins to open up his partner leaves??? Chances are she is just as emotionally stunted as you are. People of similar emotional maturity end up with each other.

[@NotoriousBBB]

Funily enough im listening to this on a 6 to 6 night shift, the relatability is comforting 😂

[@BigDiscussions76]

Just 9:13 in. Yep. We don't always have someone to talk to and that's damaging.

[@MissBrennan]

As a lesbian mom of 3, these male empowerment vids are essential. Since divorcing 6 years ago, I see how desperately my 2 boys crave male leadership and guidance…ALL female teachers, too, who are horrifically woke. I take every opportunity to relay the message of embracing their masculinity and being on guard against the cult feminists, but it is so hard here in liberal Massachusetts…thank God for you and other voices, (even Andrew Tate for the most part ❤)

[@tommivation]

@ChrisWillx would you mind sharing your diet/protocol you got prescribed to boost your testosterone (which you mentioned in this episode). Would appreciate a whole lot!

[@misteroz]

“Status is the currency of men” A million times yes.

[@MichaelJames-lz7ni]

For two Generations of young men, raised to believe that other people's feelings (women's) "don't matter".....there sure are a LOT of them who care a LOT how others thing/feel about them. One would conclude that young men are a united Army of Sigma Leaders who are storming the leadership ranks of Western Society via their individualist, libertarian crusades. Where are these people? They're living in Escapism via marijuana and video-games - their parents are relieved that their sons aren't violent sociopaths (that they know-of).

[@smintedinc2482]

Women ARE checking out of society en mass too :/

[@MonaMarMag]

We all should know very well that suppressing your emotions ( especially the negative ones ) is unhealthy . That is right when you feel that you have a negative emotions in you you should find a way to get them out of you . For men that could be sporting activities or manual labor for example : carpentry , locksmith , construction worker ... etc. For women that could be also sporting activities or art classes , dance , painting ...etc That is the right way in my opinon . When you suppress your emotions , it simply harm your healh . ( depression is example of that .) Living in harmony with yourself , not to please everyone around . When you are true to yourself , when you respect yourself at the same time you are true to other people . Lets not forget that human being are body and soul so we should take care of both . PS Admitting weakness is not a sin . However laziness and lack of self - improvement are not good for us . Bearing in mind that self improvement is not about competing with other people around us . I do not have to prove anything to anyone but myself .

[@josephshepard2962]

Be careful about letting your guard down. The wrong person will throw your vulnerability back in your face.

[@moose5445]

15:50 I disagree with the framing of men and how they deal with emotions after the World Wars. Chris starts talking about the 3 generations of the World Wars as though that were the aberration. Before WW1 was: Spanish-American War (1898) American Civil War (1861) Mexican-American War (1848) War of Texas Independence (1836) War of 1812 (1812) The Revolutionary war (1775) French Indian War (1754) For all of American history until now, if you did not go to war/were at risk of going to war, then your Father or your son was. This wasn't just a small portion of dysfunctional men that arose during the wars, it was the default setting.

[@sharonberry410]

If you read radical feminists, they talk a lot about how patriarchy imprisons men as well as women. Men need to embrace other men and help each other. This is not women's mandate to fix men's issues. We are busy working on our own. 17:10

[@gabriellamclellan1102]

Those grandmother glasses on you Chris ..please..!! .I want to see those Eyes...!!

[@BassBunnyMusic]

Will you please post the details to your protocol for increasing your testosterone?

[@greyfoxice]

Its not wars! Most men can be severely depressed and never step foot in a battlefield. Its 3rd wave feminism and technology that's causing all this confusion and depression with men.

[@Andrea-zm1nl]

To the men who have opened up to a woman and have had that ruin the relationship, : women say they want a sensitive man. What they mean by that is that they want a man who is sensitive to their needs. They don't actually want a man who is sensitive to his own needs. And they spend so much time wrapped up in their own superficial bullsquick that they can't be bothered with a man's problems. What every man needs to know is that a woman's inability to be sensitive to a man's problems is never ever the man's fault. This is a societal problem where girls are taught that a man's role is to be the strong one. Girls are taught to seek out a mate who will constantly be supportive of her thoughts and feelings, but they aren't being taught that this should be a two way road. And that isn't her current boyfriend's fault...

[@baddoomguy1986]

Yeah, no. Male hardship is mocked and laughed at until he rises above it; then others want the fruits of his labor. Build a support group of [exclusively] brothers who are open to discuss these things, and elevate each other further in good times.

[@laius6047]

I have dont hate women, im not mgtow etc. I have a partner and daughter..but she would never be able to be in my position. The streses i deal with. The support i give to her. If the roles would be reversed she would snap in a week/month. And im able to move on because im pretty cold bastard, am able to distance myself from emotions. Not having a father figure(hes still an alcoholic and has ben my while life) made me this way. At least im smart enough to figure that i needed goals and keep moving forward. And the older i get the more i see how lonely this is. I hipe my daughter will appreciate my hard work. Connors story about him working deadbeat job ans being angry at world is extremely familiar, and i know plenty of guys like that. They all laugh at work and you cant tell from outside, but its always the same.

[@gregvanpaassen]

Housing affordability. I'm disappointed that Eberstadt didn't raise this in your interview with him, since he is a demographer, so he should be aware of the effect of delayed household formation on people's lives. The parents of the Baby Boomers were doing fine. A house suitable for a two adult, three child family cost them about 3 times a median 22-year-old's annual wage. (They had other things going for them as well, such as no credentialism, no HR gatekeeping, and much lower education costs for their kids, but those are downstream.). Since the sixties, houses have steadily become less affordable. Now they take two incomes and a delay till the thirties. Men are rational, by and large. If a man knows he can't form a household as a young adult, he won't try to pair up. The incentives for social interaction in a man's twenties are greatly reduced. Housing unaffordability would explain a lot of behavioural trends. The effects of low housing affordability on the lives and behaviour of young adults need further exploration, analysis, and explanation.

[@that1chickinFL]

I'm insanely grateful that I am lucky enough to have a husband who grew up before this current generation of men screwed up by gynocentric society. I worry for my 13yo daughter who will have to navigate these waters.

[@skepticalbystander]

Oofff* @4:00 my first thought was, oh crap the flipside of that would be women are cursed with the inability to muster up the courage and strength to push through life's hardest things and are blessed with the privilege of men being willing to do it for them...Evo Psych is brutal...

[@Keelan1106]

Im 16, My dad was in operation iraqi freedom, his dad was in the Vietnam war and with each generation there’s been a war. With that comes trauma and i can definitely see it in my dad at times. He’s made it his lifes purpose to stop this inheritance of trauma and i respect him for that.

[@AtheismF7W]

Don't join the Army and don't go to foreign wars.

[@scionofdorn9101]

I’m from at least four generations (including myself) of fighting men, four different wars. It does leave scars, but it doesn’t define us entirely. It’s just part of the lessons learned by the worst the world can offer. It’s not an excuse to just curl up and die. It’s an experience to be learned from. You bear your scars, and you keep going. No man should die without a few scars to prove their worth. If you can bear war and service, you can bear anything. That which does not kill you truly makes you stronger, but you have to WANT it to. You have to work for it. Surrendering entirely to suffering is death. Recognizing and bearing your suffering is experience. Doing something about it is purpose and achievement. You can always level up. What you level up into is up to you, but you can always push for it, even if slowly and in small ways.

[@Keelan1106]

@@scionofdorn9101 yeah and thats what he’s raised me and my brothers on, to be strong and not to let our circumstances define us as people.

[@matthewriegner5180]

Young man, it sounds like he's doing a good job. As a son and a father, the only thing I ever hope for is that my son knows enough of my life and decisions to be able to respect me also.

[@____ak____]

hey i'm just wondering if you're able to objectively acknowledge that the USA wasn't fighting for "freedom" in the Middle East. Unfortunately people like your dad and grandfather were brainwashed into thinking it's about "freedom", when in reality they were used as pawns in order to make more money for the elite at the top of Western society. The amount of damage and murder and lives lost in Middle Eastern countries due to the USA's continuous war crimes and infiltration is without a doubt of larger magnitude than anything Americans have ever had to face. I'm not saying any of this to try to be insulting, just to hopefully get you to understand that an American life isn't somehow better or more valuable than a non-American life (replace American with Western or white if it helps the overall message)

[@U4ia28]

Women love our pain and our ability to endure it so long as it’s silent. But women hate it once that same pain gains a voice and speaks a language that she considers inconvenient.

[@DTreatz]

They're Machiavellian creatures to the core, the way he explained _how_ females want you vulnerable, meant they only want it in a way that _benefits_ them, same as it ever was.

[@Sentinel82]

Yep. Just look at how society responds if any man dares say they have it rough.....

[@CONEHEADDK]

Nah - they want us to be their mountains.. Like their strong dad, when they were pre puberty.. ANY weakness is like the tiny scratch on a glass table - an indication of risk of breaking under pressure.. Stiff upper lip, as they say in England.

[@charlesstanford1310]

BOOM!

[@scionofdorn9101]

Yup, they love their slaves stoic and most importantly, quiet. After all, if YOU’RE talking, you’re not listening to THEM talk, and that they simply will not bear.

[@steveunderwood3683]

Most men learn as small children that any show of weakness will result in a savage response from the girls around them. Other boys might tease them, and make life harder, but its the girls who are really savage. Sadly it takes most boys much longer to figure out that the only reason people other than their parents, and possibly their siblings, care about them if for they can get out of them. Comedians, like Chris Rock, have honest monologues about these issues. Most of society seems too afraid of the harsh reality of human nature to be really honest about it.

[@esh3325]

The danger is also that standing up against or becoming emotional out of hurt from bad treatment and abuses is also labeled as weak, victim mentality, and unmasculine. Human nature is very harsh and quite destructive.

[@charlesstanford1310]

@@kc6810 It kind of depends on what kind of boy you are. I was a sensitive wimp, so I got savage mockery from both sexes.

[@robroy6072]

"Girls mature early" yes they do. Into the horrible modern humans they are told to become.

[@WinglessRain]

@@kc6810 A boy will beat you. This hurts physically right then and there, and maybe you'll get a bruise, or a scar. Later in life, you can tell your friends about the fight you got into. A girl will gossip about your weakness. She will lose respect for you, and gain respect for the boy who hit you. He can dominate you, but you can't dominate him. Bullied boys only ever recover when they transition to a new school, where their reputation and respect haven't yet been established. This is how it works throughout your whole life, and the sooner you learn, the better. If you get beaten, beat the guy back, and more severely than he beat you. If you don't, you're gonna have a really, really hard time, and never find your footing.

[@josephpunley9941]

​@esh3325 because a emotionally unstable man is dangerous. Also useless. It is the reality we have to work with.

[@philodonoghue3062]

Great point about men coming back from war. My dad came back from ww2 only wanting to settle down and have a family and home It was only much later in life my mum told me about the nightmares Only once - when he got drunk at my brother’s wedding did he out of the blue say, “They just don’t know what it was like.”

[@adriannelson4214]

I think I had an epiphany about halfway through this video; All my goals and the things I aspire to, become learned, become skilled, become wise, be better in the ways I can, it's all in a chase to become the positive male role model I never had growing up. I've been thoroughly shown what _not_ to do, now it's up to me to figure out what to do right instead.

[@rickycamilo4488]

holy Shit same dude

[@MrX01011000]

Same here bro. I was depressed as hell for a long ass time in life not really doing anything with myself and feeling like a loser because I couldn't get girls. At some point, I decided to make a change. I devoted myself to finishing school and improving myself in every aspect because I realized that my life was my responsibility and no one else's. At some point along the way, I realized I was becoming the kind of man I wish I'd had as a father. Literally one semester away now from achieving my Bachelor's in Mechanical Engineering while working as an intern in the engineering department of an Aircraft Supply company. It was not easy to get this far, but no matter what I kept pushing myself forward because I never want to return to the sad, pathetic boy I used to be.

[@asdfdc1946]

"Does The World Actually Want Vulnerable Men?" --- no... but as a man, I wish women would be more honest about that, as opposed to lying & saying they want vulnerable men & then after he cries, she dry texts him for months, slowly starts taking longer to answer back his calls & texts before eventually ghosting him & then leaving him for a guy who is cold, stoic, never cries & never shows emotion.

[@villaespesa1]

Women speak emotions, and men speak empiricism. Just use that information to your advantage . When speaking to them, lead them to an emotional journey. Leave empiricism on the side until talking and interacting with male friends.

[@asdfdc1946]

@@villaespesa1 "Women speak emotions, and men speak empiricism." --- in other words, never listen to what women say, because almost all of what they say will be how they feel & none of what they'll say will be based in truth facts or empirical data. "When speaking to them, lead them to an emotional journey." --- i'm not leading them on shit lol. i only deal in terms of reality. if women don't care about how men feel, idc about how women feel either. "Leave empiricism on the side until talking and interacting with male friends." --- i'm not going to allow a woman to decide how i think, talk & move through life. i'm going to continue to think empirically & if she doesn't see the value in the gendered differences between me & her & how we think & act, then she can kick rocks.

[@bobcharles7933]

@@villaespesa1: Overly simplistic. All people have emotions. Humans are not rational. We can organize our thoughts and actions rationally but even when doing so we are still experiencing emotions. The physicist who is doing vector calculus to determine when a theoretical wormhole will collapse is still emotionally invested in doing the work and even in the result of the work. The difference is in how we emote and process emotion, not that we operate on empiricism.

[@villaespesa1]

@asdfdc1946 I hear you, bud. It can be exhausting, I've been there and lost my patience many times LOL but we're different. There are some exceptional women who are reasonable, who have common sense and logic, but keep in mind that even those are women at the end of the day.

[@asdfdc1946]

@maxwell flitton: "They say one thing but want the exact opposite." --- facts. which is why when women talk, men have to listen through what she's saying... not listen to the actual words, but read between the lines & decipher the bullshit to get to the actual subtext. because what she says is almost never what she actually means. "Another thing I've noticed is that men who are in long term relationships get more silent as the years go by. It's because what they say gets used against them later on." --- facts. with women, men start at 100 & the more he says, she docks off points & looks for reasons to discard him. women do this because they have so many options. this is why women often cut off good men for making a single awkward joke that doesn't land on a date etc.... they're looking for reasons to get rid of you. & even after a woman has chosen a man for a long term relationship, he's still subject to the woman's internal mate selecting process. even in a marriage, her hypergamy is still causing her to hold his words against him so she can rule him out & replace him for a better partner. it never ends. "Over time it's just not worth talking most of the time. If the man expresses an emotion that the woman doesn't like, then that's also an issue for an argument." --- exactly. women's hypergamy is constantly looking to rule men out for ANY reason. make a crude joke? you're out. show too much emotion? you're not stoic, so therefore not a good protector, not masculine enough, you're out. women do this subconsciously & don't even realize they're doing it. this is why red pill dudes always say silence & absence is the best strategy to deal with women. because they're always looking for ways to rule you out.

[@stealcian74]

We definitely prefer to hear how we overcome struggle not how we fail at it.

[@LordRykard9376]

Conservatism. That's how you do it. Really simple answer.

[@SlippinJimmy4Life]

I respect the guest, but Not my favorite episode.

[@LadislausMarguspa]

@@brianmeen2158 we dont have any organized institutions to look out for our interests. theres all kinds of womens rights orgs and womens shelters and special assistance for women in poverty or single mothers, but we don't have any equivalent institutions that look out for men. we have to develop a sense of collective support for each other as men. we have to understand each other, put aside some of our ideas about competitiveness and replace them with solidarity. a bro code, if you will.

[@conscious-man]

Regarding the vulnerability, I believe there are two kinds of it: vulnerable strong and vulnerable weak. Women want the first one. Vulnerable strong is a feeling: Im lost, I feel like shit, but I will handle this. Vulnerable weak is: Im lost, I feel like shit, I dunno what to do (desperate). It correlates with what they have been saying

[@montyturner6511]

I don't blame young men for checking out of the dating and marriage scene. I honestly blame the outside world for leaving young men behind and men in general. You can't expect a person to figure out where they're going when you don't help them out. And when your hostile towards young men including pushing them to individuals like Andrew Tate,it's no wonder why some go black pill out of dejection from trying to do something about their situation. I feel for any young men who still are trying out there,cause the outside world ain't gonna make it easy on them.

[@Macheako]

Yep….. We REALLY need to stop blaming the children 😂❤

[@ng38477]

Stop the cope. You're not "checking out". They not wanted and mentally fellating Andrew Tate is no a logical response to any problem. Enough with this nonsense of "hostility to young men". They refuse to improve or grow up and blame everyone else for their problems and do nothing to solve any problems.

[@megansummers3775]

At the end of the day we agree. This world is a cruel and grueling place no matter your sex. I do not envy men, I never have. I can only imagine the struggle to embody the ideal of masculinity in a world that stamps out the inherent traits that boys exhibit naturally, instead favoring and encouraging docility and agreeablility. The sad fact is, there are so few positive father figures out there who will model and exhibit traits worthy of emulation to their offspring because our entire society is so skewed that men can't just be men anymore. This is a lose lose scenario. As women, we are biologically inclined to choose men who exhibit protective and powerful qualities but it seems more and more that these traits are not being adopted by boys these days. Also more and more women havent got a clue about how to be a good wife, but also that comes down to the fact that we are forced more than ever to pull exactly the same weight as our male counterparts on top of the responsiblities that come with running a household and motherhood

[@Macheako]

@@megansummers3775 I totally agree. Same way us guys is “biologically inclined” to want silence & sleep after sex 😂❤️

[@cube252002]

@@megansummers3775nice comment about “but what about women! Won’t someone think of the women!”….

[@tempsoda]

I really appreciate being able to listen to these discussions. I almost feel guilty, as though I'm eavesdropping into a private conversation at points. However I think it genuinely helps us as women to get an insight into the male psyche and experience, so we can be better versed to help the men in our lives...Thank you. 💙

[@awsambdaman]

As a young man I appreciate you saying this. Such a big part of this issue for us is we don’t feel like women really care about our issues so just you trying to understand is a big deal. Thank you

[@bestdjaf7499]

What they say is not true. Look at INCELs. INCELs are crying. What do we tell them? Everyone tells INCELs to stop crying & exercise .... Start a project; go take online courses; go to University; start a business..... What is the point of crying!? Again, everyone would tell you to stop crying/complaining & do stuff.

[@PAX---777]

​@@awsambdamanb/c[most] modern females DO NOT CARE about men. Periodttt

[@thebatman8956]

This is one of the few manosphere-type KZbinrs that nails it with his focus on science, references, guests and so on. It’s balanced and doesn’t blame women for all of men’s issues which is fantastic.

[@tempsoda]

@@TheJoker-dj4yq I'm not sure what's gone on in your personal life to give you such a low opinion of women, and I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm not a character in your story. I'm very fortunate to be surrounded by great men, I certainly have no desire to hurt any of them.

[@Pode91]

Great conversation. It indeed seems to me, despite what modern women supposedly crave for - ie vulnerable, sensitive, "deconstructed" men -, that women can't handle men's insecurities and vulnerability. And by handle, I mean just listen really. As for being supportive...

[@LordRykard9376]

Men need to go back to watching women, not listening to them. I'm in my early 40s now and the women I know are prone to emotion and wild decision making because of it. You can't base logic and reason off of that.

[@DTreatz]

They simply _don't care_ 💊

[@Jim-us2gj]

Spot on, Pode.

[@Andrea-zm1nl]

Yeah, the problem with women saying that they want sensitive men is that they are being deceitful with the wording of that statement. What they actually want is a strong man who is always sensitive to her wants and feelings and needs without needing her to reciprocate that emotional devotion, not because she doesn't want to be supportive of a man's problems but because she expects that he will be full filled and completely happy and satisfied by making sure that she is happy and satisfied.

[@Andrea-zm1nl]

@@beowulf_of_wall_st yes, I'd say that's true for some of the women I'm talking about. Most women aren't willing to admit these truths about female behavior, but I'm gay and happily married and I have nothing to lose at all by offering a bit of honesty to the men in this world.

[@ScottAshmead]

The missing piece IMO is that in the past families were close to other families.... the women would talk and then relay the struggles of the other man to their man.... the good men would reach out to the struggling man to help..... that is missing in today's individualistic society.

[@scionofdorn9101]

Selfishness is the rule of the day now, and it WILL destroy us if we let it.

[@tmwii8795]

I read a quote (maybe it was Churchill lol). A woman would rather you die on your horse, than fall off. Played it over & over in my head for weeks before I understood the meaning.

[@NickMart1985]

"I like what you had to say…but my wife and daughters? They’d rather see me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall off. You say you want us to be vulnerable and real, but c’mon. You can’t stand it. It makes you sick to see us like that." From a man speaking to Brené Brown a "Shame" researcher. You will likely be able to find her Ted Talk where she shares the experience of this conversation.

[@MrVvulf]

You could take the same sentiment farther back and remember the Spartan mantra - "With your shield, or on it." Quite apropos to this podcast, in the movie "300" that line is delivered by a woman.

[@hitandruncommentor]

​@@MrVvulfno man, that's an actual spartan quote. The movie simply made it popular.

[@MrVvulf]

@@hitandruncommentor I'm aware. Of course the best Spartan qutoe was their reply to Philip of Macedon's threat - "If".

[@cccallum1]

@@MrVvulfthat one is good but I prefer “Come and take them”

[@tedlogan4867]

Part of being emotionally intelligent as a man is understanding who is capable, and who is not, of understanding and bearing male emotions. Hint: it's not women.

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

36:38 "So you hate your life because your wife took the kids and half of your net worth". I live in the UK and my wife took 70% of my net worth despite us only having 1 kid and her earning more than me. Its good to finally hear someone talking about this particular manosphere topic on Chris' podcast. And its not just taking the kids, its all the years of child support and heating co-parenting that follows too.

[@kilduce4423]

Sorry to hear that man!

[@automaticshelter130]

I agree. I wish Chris would tackle this topic.

[@stevec3526]

Might examples like these be why so many men don’t want to marry? These laws are downright abusive to men, and the men are on strike.

[@Michael-yd7nt]

@@stevec3526 Yes. Men don't expect outside help so they make the rational decision to avoid risk.

[@jorgetinoco3574]

This is why I don't believe in legal marriage, we can marry before God if you want, marry in the law sounds like a terrible insurance policy

[@DrBrianKeating]

Connor is a mensch. He gave me my first big break on his podcast. Glad to see he’s thriving and connected to Chris now in this great interview.

[@fightingprawn8918]

Crying about your problems isn't bad because it's weak, it's bad because it doesn't do anything to solve them. I have cried in front of many people over the years, and it never made anything better. The only thing that helped was me figuring out what to learn from a given experience. I don't understand the assumed dichotomy of talking about your problems and not crying about them.

[@hungrymusicwolf]

It's because there is a strong men vs women dichotomy, and the people pushing the idea that talking is the answer strongly pick one side. For me the answer was learning and applying all kinds of old philosophies until I began to understand what and how it worked.

[@AceRothstein-dr7hn]

Everyone needs a good cry, it physiologically calms you down, I like to think of it as burning off excess emotion, for times when hard exercise and other coping tools aren't enough. The bad is when you dwell in the "woe is me". Cry, grieve whatever needs to be grieved, take action.

[@tigre9271]

I agree. Crying or opening up is cathartic for the sufferer. A human being needs to express certain emotions before they can move on. It's not the solution, but its a vital step necessary before moving towards the solution. But you have to take action. Because crying without action, will just cause a spiral into either depression or aggression. It's like the steps needed to not repeat the same mistakes. You 1st have to ADMIT you made a mistake before you can prevent repeating it.

[@Narcissistic_Penguin]

It might not have made any'thing' better but it probably made 'someone' feel better, you. Maybe not consciously but on some level your psychology needed you to cry and just get it out there; like the comment above me said, burning off emotion. Buddhism encourages people to sit with emotions and observe them while meditating; sometimes I cry when I do this but I'm always grateful. It didn't fix the problem, it can't bring anyone back from the dead, but you are looking after YOU.

[@history6988]

How is beating the hell out of each other suppressing your emotions?

[@RealziesCuts]

Open up about your problems if you want your family to betray you 💫

[@whocarescrapsa]

In my experience - when women say "I want you to be vulnerable with me" - they are actually saying "Tell me how wonderful I am or how important I am to you!". That is the only thing they are capable of digesting.

[@robroy6072]

They are saying "give me chinks in your armor I can pierce"

[@LoLchilled09]

Who hurt you, lol?

[@stevensenator4804]

Women don't really want "vulnerability" from men. They want men to cater to their needs. So maybe they want men to be vulnerable to them, but invulnerable to the rest of the world (similar to the Samson and Deliliah story).

[@arfarfarf256]

​@@LoLchilled09 reality, i assume. Good luck with your life, buddy.

[@wateriswet02]

Women attribute their own meanings to words (womanese), since Women lean on their emotions to make decisions, they give their own meaning to words depending on how that word makes then feel. Unlike men, who use language to describe, that's why language is descriptive because men created it.

[@MrMark595]

Those 1960s formica glasses perched on Chris's ears look pretty fuckin vulnerable to me.

[@sN0WsT4R]

I’m a 31 year old male who is plenty aware of my emotions. If being emotional is too feminine for some women then they weren’t the right one anyways. I’ll never apologize for being myself. I’m not going to pretend to be something I am not, take me or leave me.

[@jonkybeats]

Too many women hold the narrative to call a man insecure when he voices his feelings. One thing I’ve learned is that if a person you are dating is bringing out your insecurities and is unwilling to see that you become insecure when their actions are the cause, they are not for you. Keep looking for healthy if you are healthy and/or healing. You have to become the partner you want to be with and attraction will take care of the rest.

[@mikel2976]

It's not about being non-emotional, it's about being non-reactive to emotions.

[@symptomofsouls]

@@jonkybeats What I find wierd is the only women that have issues with men showing emotions are the ones who keep saying men need to show their emotions.

[@who_is_dis]

There’s a big difference between understanding your emotions and letting them run you ; e.g. being emotional. One’s stoic, the others ungrounded.

[@ericdraven3654]

I listened to this one on spotify. This show keeps bringing new amazing people I didn't know about. The last six minutes are amazing. Now a big fan of Connor.

[@501Labsmusic]

@5:00 onward really hit deep. I almost didnt finish high-school for the same reasons despite being highy academically gifted/capable. As a result of my lack of direction and discipline at that stage, my life has since been largely driven by other people. Currently in my Mid 20's and ive relegated myself to shoveling dirt and essentially wasting away at a construction site in the humid, muddy swamp, that is Florida. I feel so out of place here. There was a time when I was receiving multiple academic scholarships for the top schools in the entire Carribbean region and I was expected by my peers and family to be highly successful and now ... im just here. I feel resentful towards myself for not being more disciplined earlier on when the bricks for my current life were being placed. Im resentful towards society for allowing this to happen to me. However, im fully aware of the cognitive dissonance that statement lives in and understand it comes from a disappointment in myself. Everyday I wonder if this is all my life will ever be.

[@AceRothstein-dr7hn]

Your last few sentences hit home, thank you for putting into words what I've felt but didn't know how to articulate. Thank you for your honesty, kind Internet stranger

[@pocztmistrzztczewa]

Feel ya bro. Kinda in a similar spot myself. Keep ya head up and keep on keeping on. It has to get better. Btw, you must be a very thoughtful individual and moving within the same niches as me here on KZbin, since you grabbed my attention at least once before. I have your "flow" playlist saved in my library 😀

[@AtheismF7W]

"Yes there are two paths you can go down but in the long run, There is still time to change the road you're on".

[@501Labsmusic]

@pocztmistrzztczewa Thats awesome haha I didn't even realize that was public lol I hope u enjoyed it. I make music as a hobby and its a big part of my social life so it's genuinely gratifying when someone says they like anything associated with the music I listen to.

[@jayeckson]

Gifted burnout is real bro, you're not alone. I was supposed to be my family's shining star. Everyone was sure I was going to end up a brain surgeon or rocket scientist or something. Come back and rescue everyone from poverty. Instead I ended up barely average and I had to claw my way there sometimes against internal factors. Now all I want is a peaceful life.

[@theskorpiqn3789]

First of all, stoicism isn't emotional suppression it's understanding followed by acceptance of what and why you've been emotionally triggered. So it appears as though you're unaffected or suppressing but in reality you just have an excellent grip on understanding a situation and it no longer has the same impact on you. Another thing, if you have 5 high achievers and 1 low achiever in a team the high achievers will usually ostracize the weak on because he can potentially be a danger to them all.

[@emanuelgomez1623]

I'm facing open heart surgery in less than 2 weeks and opening up about my concerns and mixed emotions never felt better despite the popular belief that men shouldn't show vulnerability. Speaking about all that made me feel stronger because of the amount of support and love I am receiving... Men, don't be afraid to speak up!

[@austinhughes3506]

Good luck with the surgery!

[@emanuelgomez1623]

@@austinhughes3506 thank you 😊

[@emanuelgomez1623]

@@j.davila4523 Thank you

[@t.c.4321]

I hope you recover from your medical issues, try to keep your chin up my friend

[@emanuelgomez1623]

@t.c.4321 Thank you sir!

[@MadsUlrikHerlevsen]

Hey Chris love the podcast. Would love to have a podcast dedicated to shadow work (Carl Jung) since I think this helps both men and women on their personal development journey. Also this would be a slighty different focused topic. Like this comment for him to see!!

[@Yarblocosifilitico]

1:22:02 this is key. We get the blame for past priviledges (which, often, are not so much priviledges in the first place, like the 'ability' to work that feminism has 'granted' on women), but we have been raised in single mom households, going to female dominated schools, consuming female driven media... It's just too much. We've done nothing wrong except, if anything, putting women on a pedestal (or rather, believing the women who put themselves on a pedestal).

[@robroy6072]

Group punishment for past wrongs. No end.

[@patsemchism]

Men sharing vulnerability with their significant other 🤣 the chance of this backfiring is pretty much 100%

[@Yarblocosifilitico]

About the last point of finding mentors: my approach was to get into the trades. Ended up in carpentry, but any will be good. Solid work that can survive a crisis, and plenty of tough men around, without women interfeerence. Four birds with one stone: you get paid, you do physical labor, you learn usefull skills, and you learn 'manship'.

[@erick2800]

I always recommend young adults to join their states Conservation Corps, or to move to California for the CCC. Perfect program for young people to find mentors and adventure both while building skills, making money as well as plenty of opportunity.

[@anderslennartsson1828]

I did the same. It was not until I worked in construction that I became a real man. Until thar point I had always been surrounded by female mentors giving the worst advice to a young man.

[@PetrosArgy]

I work in construction, and there are some of the most toxic men I have ever met working in it. High rates of divorce, horrible marriages, drinking, drugs, etc. Add to that beat up bodies from being "manly" instead of smart, and it's one of the most depressing fields I can think of for young men to get into. I try to spot the smarter kids coming in and intercept them before they get all wrapped up in a heap of lies and dysfunction, but there's only so much you can do.

[@greenanubis]

@@PetrosArgy Oh yeah, thats definetly true(i was 10 years in construction). Lot of game of thrones type of shit. But you can still learn a lot if you read between the lines.

[@aarongold5895]

As a man dating in his 30’s I cannot stress this enough for younger men…never, ever ,under any circumstance be vulnerable too or around a woman. At best it will dry their HooHaa up like the Sahara..at worst they will use it against you.

[@scionofdorn9101]

Aye, be open around your PEERS. Women are NOT your peers, at least not any woman you want to keep around. It’s always a test. They want to see if you’re weak enough to be vulnerable in front of them. The moment you are, they’re looking for their next Iron Man in the back of their minds.

[@taras3702]

Yep, one reason why men turn colder towards women than the event horizon of a black hole.

[@ghourmi]

I do not agree. Open and honest communication creates emotional intimacy and is essential for a good relationship. I would suggest opening slowly and see how your date reacts.

[@jonjuko8859]

Ignore this. Find better women, I have.

[@tonieslychane]

lmao women are people too and everyone talks about them as they were different species, if a person laughs at your vulnerability she/him/xer is a terrible person not a terrible woman/guy/woman or guy

[@andrewclarke9978]

"There is nothing more pathetic than seeing a grown man cry", this is a phrase I heard a number of times growing up and only ever from women. And the reality for a man in revealing their vulnerability to another is that it can never be undone. We do open up or at least many of us do but we have learnt and or innately know to be very selective to who and when and often "test the waters" to gauge the reception first.

[@keylanoslokj1806]

Yes because it spoils this fantasy and silent demand women have that men must be absolute objects of power. And never faulter. Be those imposing rocks where her emotional waves and tantrums and insecurities will crush and remain unphased.

[@jasonolinger7585]

I'm 35 now but my 20's was not easy and i constantly was in a state of FOMO which lead to drinking every single day and going out with friends as much as i could until i reached a point where i hit a wall and had to start building myself up. It seems like things will be the same forever but it does change in time, you have to put your head down and embrace discomfort and struggle every day, get used to doing something hard every day and eventually every day life is a breeze.

[@DTreatz]

58:19 You mean *SINGLE MOTHER HOMES and SINGLE MOTHER BEHAVIOR* Men aren't taking the blame on this one, no more of that nonsense. *IYKYK* 💊

[@kidelliott7122]

I've been really struggling lately to figure what I am, what I'm supposed to do, what I want to do as a man. It's been a challenge to reconcile my own natural organic sense of identity against the culture I was brought up in. This podcast really helped me feel better and hopeful and seen. Thank you.

[@killgriffinnow]

I have a personal story to tell: I actually bought into this whole “men are supposed to be vulnerable” for the majority of my life, even since I was a young teenagers The result: people ESPECIALLY feminists, treat you like absolute GARBAGE. “Nice guy!” “Incel!” etc. In the end, it got so bad and I was emotionally drained that I just gave up and switched to the more stoic, “masculine” way of doing things. Now I can actually talk to people and they give me a basic level of respect. All it took was for me to completely disregard and ignore these vile, sick people and become properly anti-feminist. These people have created the very thing they swore to destroy. Ironic.

[@charlesstanford1310]

Similar experience here. I'm a naturally hyper-sensitive, soft-hearted man, judging by some personality tests I might even describe my personality as feminine or effeminate. It's been fashionable for people to blab on about authenticity, expanding the range of acceptable ways for men to be, welcoming gender nonconformity etc. but most of that is hollow posturing. Or, if you do find a group that will accept a man "as he is" in his atypical ways, particularly being androgynous or effeminate, that group is no more open-minded or charitable than anyone else. It's just another variation of the group dynamic of giving approval for a certain kind of performance, and probably even more susceptible to cult-like groupthink. One important thing I've realized: gender is *virtue.* Masculine behaviors are flexible and, yes, "social constructs" to a limited degree, but that's because they are *standards* to aspire to. And as I've aspired to masculinity, I've been healthier and more confident. If I might venture to advise: I turned away from feminism, but I don't want to define myself as "anti" feminist: a dedicated opposition is still a form of attachment.

[@killgriffinnow]

@@charlesstanford1310 I suppose another way to describe my opinion would be “feminism averse”, where I try to distance myself from the ideology rather than defining myself against it. But aside from that I agree with everything you said.

[@charlesstanford1310]

@@killgriffinnow Rock on.

[@blammela]

No one calls a nice person an incel…..

[@maewest68]

@@jackwatt8988 Wrong. That is not what feminism is, it's what it says about itself. It's like saying "Nazism is just about improving the living conditions of the right people, right?". It's much more than that.

[@MrLathor]

This is a great conversation that needs to be had. We are many years away from the full scope of this masculinity crisis becoming apparent enough to enact societal change. Unfortunately, most women that are genuinely empathetic of men are those who have seen their brothers and sons struggle tremendously or end their lives. Otherwise, even most feminists look to men to be emotional rocks that they can lean on them. Vulnerability is not acceptable.

[@MrLathor]

@@brianmeen2158 Exactly. I share the same experiences with my mother and sister. They simply had no basis of experience to give good advice to a young man or boy. Notice how so many women’s respond to what they find is attractive in a man is just “confidence”. They have very little conception of what that actually means and how you cultivate in a healthy masculine way.

[@dfinma]

I feel that a lot of what we're dealing with, be it men's issues or just general societal issues, is an inflection point of modernity. Pretty much everything we have to deal is self-inflcted. Humans progress quickly but evolve slowly and we can't keep up.

[@Eulerpi23]

One thing this guy keeps repeating his therapist. Not all men or women need a therapist. This guy grew up in the generation I need a therapist I need a therapist.

[@KenanTCG]

Last Friday I broke up after 7 years relationship with my Girlfriend. I was a "Yes-Man" that wanted to make her happy. Even if I didn't listen to my own wishes/needs. I was a secondary character in my own life. I was sad, got angry and felt so so miserable. I continued a job I hated just for "our" sake. I often had situation, when she wanted me to lead, but only if she liked my idea, otherwhise she ignored my attempts to gain confidence, to gain authority for my self and I hated it so much. I fell now way better then I did the last few years and I aim to stay true to my self in my next relationship.

[@Xairos84]

I ask this from a place of empathy: who was the main driver in starting this relationship? Did she ask you to be her boyfriend? I'm just curious

[@KenanTCG]

@@Xairos84 I asked her out. The whole emasculation, bemothering aspect wasn't present at the beginning. I was a unreliable young man in my early 20's. So she tried to help me with directing and leading our life. The dynamic sadly stayed even when I chanced after a few years. But chancing a couple dynamic after years is hard. And I took too many easy routes during the last years. I embrace now the unknown and the uncomfortable.

[@martinclaudiu2560]

The red pill ( sexual dynamics) covered most of what you guys talked about.

[@devilinthebelfry7292]

I'm convinced that men absolutely NEED to feel like they have a purpose. Every man, blue collar, white collar, ex navy seals, ex snipers, they all get suicidally depressed once they feel like they don't have a purpose.

[@ghost_illmatic]

@00:42:00 straight cap, gynocracy is real especially in the black community. W.E.B dubois and e franklin frazier noted this over 100 years ago.

[@posterestantejames]

I'm thinking women would be interested (amazed?) at this conversation - and it brings to mind the question: is there a female version of Chris Williamson running a podcast that that does the same for women as Chris does for men? I'd like to listen to healthy women turning their own analytical acumen back upon themselves.

[@eugenemurray2940]

Try Sarah Dawn Moore

[@Kfkaesque29]

Louise Perry is great!

[@eugenemurray2940]

Camille Paglia

[@SC-ld1ry]

Tammy Peterson (Jordan Peterson’s wife)

[@WarrenSenkowski]

Suzanne Venker

[@artofwinningtoday]

Society in general does not care for men and their needs. Tools and appliances are not suppose to have feelings. Protect, provide and die!