Modesty & Body Politics: Policing the Female Body

[@zanellemutoko4372]

A friend is treating me to lunch for introducing her to this podcast and supposedly changing her life

[@tomysisters]

Haha! We love to see it - hope you enjoy the lunch 🥗

[@ednaadomako1708]

this conversation was soo needed because as a 19 year old & curvy, i feel soo insecure in myself because of the over sexualising of the male gender. I could be wearing normal joggers but because i have bum, i be feeling like i’m doing too much.

[@toyinsina]

This topic of modesty is so needed. As a curvy woman I have a dress code I live by. If I can't stand in front of God's alter with what I have on then I should not be wearing it. As you rightly said modestly start from within👏👏👏

[@ellona3645]

This is why I don't like going to family gatherings. Don't see them that often but their greetings are always about looks. Two of my uncles literally told me that I am fat infront of everyone & was 60 kg back then 😑 Or during my internship I heard the boss talking about my weight. (She was very tall & thin) If they only knew I struggle with binge-eating which I'm currently working on. Words truly hurts. But now I'm getting healthier for myself not for them.

[@benediction7517]

The policing of women's bodies is literally part of my dissertation title! I thoroughly enjoyed listening to this episode. Wish me luck and your prayers are very welcome. Aww I just reached the end, you guys really made me smile today xx thank you

[@tomysisters]

Big up you for writing a dissertation on it! You're in our prayers - good luck! And you're so welcome ❤️

[@tomastsega]

You guys should do time stamps on your videos. Great podcast!

[@tomysisters]

Great suggestion! Thank you ❤️

[@jad3ruby_]

1:03:50 “it’s my body and I love her” Beautifully said🤍

[@ImsoinlovewithGod]

First time I randomly found your channel I knew I had to subscribe. Intelligence, knowledge, beauty and education I can only hope to learn from you Queens 👸🏽 👑.

[@tomysisters]

Thank you so much! We're too honoured to have you sis! ♥️

[@100Stratusfiedx]

24:04 I always make it a point to call men harlots when they show skin. I do it as a joke as well, but it usually just goes over their heads. I hate that people really think that women are buying certain outfits just to tempt men. Plain and simple men see women as objects.

[@angieinthecity]

For real. I want to look cute tf 😂😂😂 I like looking at me . Why do they think we're out here dressing for them. There has to be some discussion that goes on during development where they say we're dressing for them. What is also beyond me is when it's the same dude on the block you've ignored for 3+ years still saying hi. Do you think you'll wear me down? Find me on a vulnerable day and I'll talk? No! So please stop. You should've gotten the hint the first 27 times I ignored you without headphones.

[@childofelohim7]

@Sally Ann how does religion make it worse when modesty in the Bible is all about humility.

[@Sandra.-.]

Looking at the African culture, many of our cultures were not really modest in their original traditional clothing. Look at South African culture even in West Africa etc. Westernization of our culture together with religion has changed our perception on virtual. For example, in my African culture, its ok for a woman to breastfeed her baby in public. It's only recently that I learnt that in the western culture, breastfeeding in public is not "modest". How do you sexualize a woman feeding her hungry baby?

[@HeyItsGofa]

I'm from Botswana in Southern African and broooooo! Where is the lie?! It's a "white people" thing. The women in one of the tribes( the ones who are still not modernised) here can literally jusy cover their lower body and that's about it! But the white man taught us to cover it up because mammaries meant for feeding offspring are now sexual "organs" like wtf? And the men on that pride can walk around with their butts out and its perfectly normal...it's in white culture that these weird things come from. Breast feeding one confuses me😒 like using breasts for what they are actually created for is frowned apon...how? Why? But posing with nipples out on a magazine cover is art and acceptable😒

[@Sandra.-.]

@@HeyItsGofa tell me about it!

[@xi_ria]

You guys have really helped me articulate a struggle that I have battled with when it comes to my body. As a member of the early developed and big titty committee (hey Courtney!😂🙋🏽‍♀️) I've been constantly reminded to cover up to stop male attention and be more modest. A sis is TIYADDD. But lately I just wear what I believe is true to me and honours God and that's all I care about...anyone else's opinion is just a scream in the wind Love every single one of these episodes ladies 💗💗

[@laverderslemonade]

I’m at the gym trying not to cry 😭 “why are you never your goals” hit me in my chest

[@mcsaism]

The end part about getting off the phone and being naked and loving my body made me cry 😭😭😭 I needed this podcast so much, i love hearing black women with similar povs or povs that I look up to and y’all genuinely feel like my big sisters and I’m not even a parasocial relationship type of girl 🥺🥺

[@mcsaism]

Im literally sobbing omgggggggg thank you guys so much

[@vavou951]

In today's society, Modesty = women and it is very annoying ! I remember a "bro" in church used to comment about how a sister is not wearing a modest cloth and that he was unconfortable. Whilst he wore the thighest pants on earth. When I said that to him he said "oh yh it's true I've never notcied". WhY aRe YoU fOcUsInG oN wOmEn ThEn !

[@rejoicingomeje868]

Been feeling pretty rubbish but the ending genuinely made me smile and feel better about myself, thank you ladies ❤️

[@tomysisters]

We love to hear it! ❤️

[@Thesilentvoice...]

The issue comes from why body parts are seen as sexual. This is for men and women, but it applies more to women due to how society is run. Body parts shouldn’t be seen as sexual, unless the person in question of that body part is intending for it to be so. There’s not really a line there. A girl /women wearing shorts and a tank top on a hot day can be sexualised, when she’s just wearing that because she wants to, or if it’s too hot. That shouldn’t be seen as sexy. The same way a guy can walk around with a tank top and shorts, he shouldn’t be sexualised by women unless he’s portraying himself in that manner for in want others to see him that way.

[@sharpaycutie2]

No it's not. Most people see men shirtless as sexual too. Just cuz magazine don't doenst mena socially society doesn't either. Men's bkdys are just as sexual as women's. No one thinks a guy shirtless for no reason is classy 😂

[@ritamarcelino6641]

This episode should be COMPULSORY to everyone 🙏🏽🙌🏽 was so good ❤️❤️

[@tomysisters]

Haha we love to hear it! Thank you! ❤️

[@mariametheexplorer]

This video is so triggering! Like my mom used to get angry at me for wearing shorts, she used to make me wear leggings underneath the shorts 😂. But I’m learning to wear what I want no matter how these people stare at me

[@glenglen9958]

I think we stick to what we are comfortable with so in terms of dating we might stick to the type that has always been attractive too us. I think we are so scared to go outside of our comfort zone or one bad experience shapes the future of the partners we choose later on.

[@jessicavarona8099]

New to your channel, love the content ladies! As a fellow busty girl, I can relate to Courtney's experience. I developed early and the harassment began. It made me feel very uncomfortable about my breasts to the point where I actually considered getting a reduction at one point. With time I learned to love and embrace my boobs and dress in a way that made me feel safe, but also feminine and sensual. But I recognize it impacted me deeply, till this day there are certain items of clothing I refuse to wear because I just DON'T want to deal with the attention and over-sexualization.

[@diaryofshae]

Thanks for sharing your credit card story Courtney . This was the confirmation I needed about getting a credit card strictly to build my credit ! This was my plan and hearing it worked for you was Divine intervention lol 🥂✨

[@tomysisters]

Glad to hear it! Wishing you all the best sis ❤️

[@glenglen9958]

Another thing that is wild is the rating of women on a scale of 1 to 10 when men do not necessarily have a bar or scale that there looks and beauty is measured on. This then leads people to think that they are uglier then they actually are in reality because there always trying to meet standards that mean absolutely nothing, or people who thing there so pretty there’s no one out there that will match or give them ‘couple goals.’

[@tomysisters]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's so very interesting - the yardstick for the measurement of men is different, probably centred around power, status and wealth as opposed to their physical attributes. It's definitely unfortunate that people contend with insecurities as a result of arbitrary ratings.

[@breannajoseph2018]

“Dress for your size? Shape”??? Do they want bigger women to wear trash bags?? I’ve seen instances where bigger women wear baggier clothes then get criticized for not being feminine enough. Women cannot win. #freemysisters

[@zinzile_7]

“All your exes look the same”😂😂😂😂😂

[@yolahashingola]

Such a powerful episode 🥺✨ Thank you sisters 😊🦋

[@tomysisters]

You're so welcome ❤️

[@LifeWithTemms_]

Why am I crying, I love you guys! You are beautiful! 😩😭🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

[@CarlanaCharles]

So happy I stumbled across your channel. You ladies are phenomenal. Another excellent and thought-provoking episode!

[@faithroselyn]

Wow this episode was so good 🙏🏾🙏🏾❤️

[@lindsaysvida]

I like the advice that was given about investing!

[@qnd_20]

:🥺🥺🥺🥺 this episode, no man❤️. Thank you big sisters

[@tomysisters]

Always a pleasure lil sis! ❤️

[@comforte2048]

Another great episode ladies!! I'm so thankful for this work!

[@Laura-sg6ss]

I'm legit recording a podcast episode on this THIS Sunday and yes yes you two are literally saying all I'm gonna say 🥳 you know when your heart feels warm! This is hittin different ❤🙆🏽‍♀️🖤 22:15 and i- THANK YOU!!👏🏽🔥

[@angieinthecity]

These conversations are so valuable. I started developing at around 10 years old and instinctively knew I'd be a target for the male gaze. I wore hoodies all year round. I'm not 28 and I'm done with covering up my body because men will try and disrupt my peace regardless. Fek them I'm dressing for me. Spent too much damn time in my life covering up for these disrespectful creatures (not all men lol) so I'm taking ownership of my body and how I want to dress uninhibited. They can look but if you try to touch you getting a nice spritz of some chilli mist or a nice lil zap zap 🥰

[@TerikaChantal]

Love this!!!!

[@kimberlybrooks3298]

Such a good episode! I watched this one with my mom, she loved it

[@tomysisters]

Big love to your mom! Glad you both enjoyed ❤️

[@ayarac]

Thank you for this episode sisters!

[@tomysisters]

You're so very welcome! ❤️

[@naomieniola2658]

Thank you so much for this!

[@aizenosaimafidon1119]

The knowledge in this episode!!

[@Pthulo]

i love the dilemmas 😍😍😍

[@mayaliii]

Can’t wait to show my sisters!!!

[@janelleguild3866]

Your stories are really disturbing. I didn’t get sexualized until I was a teenager. Yes! I noticed my students sexualizing me and other adults. It really disgusted me, but I didn’t think their parents would believe me. I didn’t know how to approach the situation.

[@toniojo4621]

Thank you so much for this episode ❤️

[@amahlemakhaye3315]

I love you ladies so much 😂❤️

[@Graciousgr8ness]

Unpopular opinion: The Son is in Prison because he's also a subject of the intense programming that auntie Renée or Renee(sorry I'm not sure how it is spelt) mentioned earlier in the episode. I pray for sistas and brothas alike to be free from all negative influences (extreme, profane, predatory and otherwise).

[@pieinside2345]

On the topic of body positivity I'm always reminded of that time that one guy (who's name I forget) essentially fat-shamed James Corden and his response to the comments went viral. Unfortunately, that particular incident pales in comparison to some people that actively seek out people who are overweight, obese, or are just generally larger looking, to tear them down to nothing for the sake of "promoting a healthy lifestyle". These people thought it was their duty to tactlessly tell people how wrongly they are living their lives, with absolutely no suggestion as to how they could improve themselves or any indication that they actually cared about that person past the ratio of fat on their body (not that it would actually make a difference, calling someone disgusting will generally not lead to them wanting to buy a workout plan from someone so insulting). They see it as some sort of twisted tough love. Like I guess they think embarrassing someone so intently will surely spur this offensively large person into action. These one track kind of people really concern me. So sure that they are doing something right but are often times just making the problem worse.

[@shadeloso]

When you said researcher I choked!!

[@kaillee6279]

I can't wear bodycon dresses because "it wasn't made for my body type" I have not butt lol.

[@bridgetafiax1579]

How I can I go to meet someone and his first comment is "you have gained weight"!! This attack is different, but the way I love my body these comments don't bother me no more

[@tomysisters]

Crazy isn't it! Happy to hear you've overcome ❤️

[@xMissTix]

I choose violence when people say that sis ! I reply with ‘THANK U! God is good. I have been blessed or I am trying to be like you.’ Sometimes I ask tell them they have gained weight too and we should go to the gym together because we are getting too big 🤣.... I proceed to take pictures together and say it’s our ‘before’ pictures.... I’m petty petty 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@angieinthecity]

@@xMissTix I'm crying!!!!!!!! I'm here for it though 😂😂 let them know you not with the disrespect and how rude it feels

[@xMissTix]

@@angieinthecity Not finna play with me during a whole PANORAMA!!! Not I 😇

[@laverderslemonade]

Thanks KZbin for the recommendation

[@wesley5074]

New subscriber 🙂

[@Sandra.-.]

Ladies, you're doing a good job with your podcast. What are your thoughts on Kevin samuels' rhetoric on women? He irks me to be honest 😫

[@mischelle162]

❤❤

[@aizenosaimafidon1119]

Can you do an episode where you invite fans to join you😁😁

[@kevarop7626]

For the woman in the pink blouse, it was very hard to hear her. Please adjust the microphone or speak louder.

[@kurleykath.]

✨🤩

[@diabloakland]

Born n raised Muslim here. Not so sure anymore where my faith is but that’s why i hate hijab. It is oppressive and regressive. It was not even a thing before umar (r) my ancestor forced it on women. I am a slim thick type. My breasts butt and hips are big and i was always told I’m too sexual even covered up

[@laverderslemonade]

Trigger warning appreciated

[@Amberrechelle]

Please don’t refer to things as the ghetto that’s culturally insensitive .Also, it’s feeding into a stereotype of African American people and also black person around the globe who are grim the ghetto ... we have to stop sayin that. But amen to everything else yawl said

[@SummerTyme2023]

I agree!

[@lalibellapayne8384]

You had me until you said you are a human being not a porn star (porn stars are human beings) and the porn hate lost me. You make the claim that most porn plots show assault against women, claims like that need stats. Better if u said some porn plots center around assault and speak about the implication of that.

[@lovely09ization]

What would you say is the difference between showing and centring assault, because if it centres assault would that not then mean they would be showing assault as well?

[@tomysisters]

And you're right - a case has to be made for the prolific violence in most pornographic content. It may sound like a generalisation, but there are quite a few studies that corroborate this. One only has to look at the extensive body of research available on the internet. We’ve linked our picks below. Pornography, in many instances, can be dehumanising and have adverse impacts on relationships and mental health - especially when addicted. We’ve spoken about this at length in our previous episodes about our own experiences of sexual trauma and abuse, so we’d also recommend listening to those for a more contextualised lens into our thoughts.

[@tomysisters]

Sexual aggression in porn: www.semanticscholar.org/paper/Aggression-and-Sexual-Behavior-in-Best-Selling-A-Bridges-Wosnitzer/708357786691f239bce1fa0ebb28a73a69452023?p2df Pornography becoming increasingly violent: www.mcgill.ca/sociology/files/sociology/2018_-_journal_of_sex_research.pdf

[@tomysisters]

Porn and sexual violence: journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1057/fr.1990.43?journalCode=fera We never expect our community to agree with us, and we never profess to be authorities or experts on subjects we speak about. We simply share our thoughts and opinions, based on our experience, and our research and knowledge at a singular moment in time. Thank you for your comment.

[@lalibellapayne8384]

@@lovely09ization i was distinguishing between most and some, not show and centre. We can discuss how some porn does this but saying most does not sound accurate- I could be wrong.