I'm Autistic and I Like Myself

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DISCLAIMER: Taylor Heaton is not a licensed psychologist or specialist healthcare professional. Her services do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. Please note that Taylor can’t take any responsibility for the results of your actions, nor any harm or damage you suffer as a result of the use, or non-use of the information available through her website, KZbin Channel, or social media accounts. Please use judgment and conduct due diligence before taking any action or implementing any plan or practice suggested or recommended by Taylor Heaton or Mom on the Spectrum. Please note that Taylor doesn't make any guarantees about the results of the information you may apply from her website, KZbin channel, and/or social media accounts. Taylor shares educational and informational resources that are intended to help you succeed in navigating life as an autistic adult. You nevertheless need to know that your outcome will be the result of your own efforts, your particular situation, and innumerable other circumstances beyond Taylor's knowledge and control. Taylor is an Amazon affiliate and may receive commissions on qualifying purchases from affiliate links. Taylor is a Flare affiliate and may receive commissions on qualifying purchases from Flare links.
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You are a beautiful person worthy of love!
#actuallyautistic #momonthespectrum #autisticadult

[@whitneymason406]

I hated myself growing up and as a teenager but slowly I've become kinder to myself, especially since getting my autism diagnosis I've become more self compassionate.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

It is a process for sure. 💓

[@Ann963]

❤ SAME! 😊

[@aleisterlilywhite1109]

I was chronically suicidal for YEARS before I got my diagnosis. My diagnosis helped me understand why I am the way I am and I was able to let of of all the self hatred and shame I was experiencing daily. It’s taken some time but I now do like myself. Every day gets a little bit easier and I’d say I’m a generally happy person now. 😸

[@MomontheSpectrum]

🥰 love this so much. Thanks for sharing.

[@jimwilliams3816]

Wow. You are so inspiring to me. I really admire you for getting to where you are, not least because I know all about the first part. Thank you so much. Cat emoji too! 😺

[@sueannevangalen5186]

😊😊😊 I like myself, too. My weirdness is very endearing.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

AGREED!! 🕺

[@paulaOyeah]

I had SUCH a bad relationship with myself until it was suggested by a psychologist that I should get tested for Autism. It was a slow, evolving process to accept and love myself. I never dreamed self-love would be the product of my diagnosis! Now I'm fighting for all of the rest of us to see just how amazing we are!

[@aleisterlilywhite1109]

Omg same!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

This comment makes me so happy. I’m so glad you shared and glad you’re here!

[@cory99998]

Me too. I just felt like it was me vs the world and that no one could possibly see value within me. Not an ounce, like there was just nothing there to like. I internalized that from so many years of being the last to get picked, not connecting with peers, very infrequently experiencing bonding, and just this fundamental divide I had between myself and the 'normal people' as I literally referred to them. I dont feel this way anymore, I like myself more every day and am trying to unmask.

[@elysebuehrer5981]

Not sure if I’m on the spectrum or not, but if nothing else, I strongly align with descriptions of an “HSP” (Highly Sensitive Person). I relate to so many of the experiences you discuss! I definitely have to live differently than many people I know, to protect myself from burnout, and sometimes I get paranoid, feeling that onlookers must be judging me for that. Maybe they think I’m weak, or selfish. Maybe I just need to try harder, push myself more, “get out of my comfort zone,” all that stuff… lately though I’ve been rewriting that inner monologue. No, it is not selfish to know how I best thrive and to intentionally live that way. In fact, it means there’s more for me to give! I do love myself, and I believe the world needs people like me (and you all!) who live differently!

[@gardenwonder7977]

I fluctuate between hypo and hyper but I’m more hypo sensitive a lot of times. For instance, sometimes I like the sun directly in my eyes because it feels good. Hypo sensitive to light is also a trait of autism that’s let’s discussed because I wondered myself.

[@meganmahoney1749]

Thank you for this, I like myself, I don’t fit it but that’s fine by me.

[@diane6707]

I am feeling pretty meh with my broken ankle! I usually like myself as I just like my weird self! ❤

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I hope your ankle heals quickly, Diane!

[@diane6707]

@@MomontheSpectrum Thank you!

[@PraveenSriram]

Praying for your quick recovery ❤️‍🩹 Diane.

[@muppetjedisparklefeet7237]

I love the days when I like myself and feel warm and fuzzy about being autistic and particularly autisticy things. They are not very frequent but I’m so grateful for them when they pop up.

[@em-cl8wr]

Thank you for posting this. Ever since identifying as being autistic, I am so much kinder to myself and I like myself for the first time in my life. A lot of the things that I used to find annoying about myself are now my favorite things about myself. And I think the people close to me in my life can see it and enjoy spending time with me more because of it!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Yes!!! This makes me so happy!

[@originalvonster]

All I can think about after you said about waking up on the wrong side of the bed was when I was younger and I tried getting out of bed on different sides to try to figure out which one was the wrong side of the bed that made me grumpy. 😅

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Haha love this. Very literal minded 😂

[@FernJuice]

Good timing. I’m really working on self compassion atm and liking myself is the next step

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Yes!!

[@crowkraehenfrau2604]

Self diagnosed 64 year old...and I like myself too...:-) My mom who was autistic too without knowing ( if I am/ we are very similar) was really cool.😊

[@rlee7077]

Both. When I'm connected to myself I do like myself, but the awkwardness in public makes me sad & disconnected which leads to tearing down of self.

[@tallulah2]

I needed to hear this today. 😊

[@mikicionekk3554]

Me too. I like being myself but I've just been diagnosed and I have names for things but I'm also more exhausted and vurnerable and expirienced today a real public meltdown. A mini one but I was not used to show them as a weakness. I would rather push an aegument then ask other person for help saying just 'please do the talking, i am having a meltdown". This was so strange. And this person helped me but I'm so nor used to it

[@jimwilliams3816]

Work in progress. I definitely fall into self hate at times, and in a lot of ways I think that feeling is part of my emotional dysregulation and meltdowns. And when my behavior toward others, especially my wife, is angry or frustrated, I know that blaming myself doesn't make things better, but it's hard, because I don't want to be that person, and it feels terrible to me. Many of the traits that I consider autistic, however, I am increasingly at home with. Some of them because I feel like they have genuinely positive aspects, even if they are misunderstood. But I'm also starting to recognize who I feel comfortable being. I have your AQ video to thank for that, in part: your "mood" was so familiar, and I forgot that I used to live in that mood a lot of the time. It was not a destructive thing, it just confused others, but being in that space made me feel centered. I'm trying to find my way back to it. And I appreciate the fact that you are someone I can watch being positive, and I respond well to it. That's SO rare: generally when someone displays this kind of positivity I just feel shamed and inadequate for not being that sort of person. I have to think it's because you are being positive in an autistic way. You just look happy. It doesn't feel like your happiness is intended to "get" something out of me, that I have to respond to it in a certain way. Happiness that does not trigger my PDA.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

This makes me happy to hear. I really appreciate your feedback and am glad you are working towards more self love and acceptance. It is a lifelong journey. 💓

[@LoveCrumb]

I've definitely grown into a beautiful & loving relationship with myself. It's very difficult for me to maintain friendships, but it's made so much easier by the fact that I'm my own best friend. I enjoy spending time with myself, and I make myself laugh often. I still experience shame in certain moments because of how different my life looks to the average person (this is also because of my chronic health conditions) but when you are kind to yourself, it makes a world of difference in how you react to that shame.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Absolutely. Thanks so much for sharing liz.

[@bmiller949]

Once I became aware of why I do what I do. I really liked the autism diagnosis. It explains so much of my past.

[@CarolineCarnivorous]

I already spent enough time hating myself back when I didn't know what was "wrong" with me, but after finding out why I struggled, most of those thoughts went away. I will still feel a bit of guilt or shame sometimes, but that's probably normal. I mostly love and am proud of myself, and am happy with my life. Several of my autistic traits I consider as strengths!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Yes!!! Thanks for sharing. ❤

[@jpjulep]

I wish I could feel that way, but I don’t. It’s taken a long time and lots of reflection to acknowledge that I will possibly always feel bad about and dislike myself. However, I can respect and value my efforts of continuing to move forward, to learn and grow.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Absolutely. Thank you for sharing this. It is a lifelong journey for sure.

[@tracirex]

we can go back and forth - liking and disliking ourselves in general. what helped me was making a list of things about me that were neutral, or that I felt were understandable traits based on my history. this can open the door to more self compassion.

[@jimwilliams3816]

One thing I am learning about myself is how much my darned amygdala colors all my thinking when it gets its foot in the saddle, which is most of the time. When it's really on a roll, there seems to be no defense. When it's moderately active, my PFC can know it's shading everything, but I still can't feel positive about anything, including myself. If it does shut up for awhile, I don't feel like I am awesome, but I also don't think of myself as a royal f* up then. So part of self acceptance for me is in line with what you are saying...not being a truly happy person is how I am wired. We all do our best with what we've been given.

[@chloebunde4455]

I’m autistic and I love myself too!! And my life ❤ I feel like that love has grown a lot stronger since my diagnosis! I feel so seen by myself now 😊and with this knowledge, I am more able to create a life I love. Great encouragement for autistic people :) thank you!

[@jocietykillz]

thank you for this video 🥹 i really needed this today

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You're welcome! Thanks for your comment.

[@skillit32]

Thank you for this video today! I think this is a super important message and it really helps me right now to hear this. I often do not feel this way. I appreciate your channel and what you have to say, and bring to this wonderful community of people I have recently discovered.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You're welcome Matt! Thanks for the comment. It was nice meeting you in the community group!

[@amywilliams4097]

I just really want to thank you for making videos that have humor and positivity about autism. I love how you help people relate by sharing your struggles but you also always share your joy and interests. You make people feel seen and that is such an amazing gift. Love your videos! ❤

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you for such a kind comment!

[@melodystamps4307]

I was diagnosed with autism when I was 22 or 23. Ever since then one of my parents has been hard on me and won’t let me be myself. I always feel like I have to hide my autism around them. How would you deal with a parent that won’t let you show your autistic personality? They always tell me to “grow up, act my age” and “stop acting like a child”. They don’t realize that these phrases really hurts my self esteem.

[@frolickinglions]

Have you tried joining some Facebook groups for autistics? They can help with advice and a feeling of connection.

[@abigailfielder6457]

I've just recieved my diagnosis 4 days ago, hopefully a step towards being less hard on myself and loving my quirks.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

That’s a big step! Sending you lots of good vibes during this important season of new self awareness and understanding.

[@katyschirard]

😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏 thank you so much!!! You are amazing!!! I don't know where I'd be without folks like you!!! 😻😻😻

[@sarahpenny3852]

Hi Taylor! xx

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Hi Sarah!!

[@ConstanceAmarraLove]

I'm an adult female with autism. I'm 24, I got my diagnosis at 19, and I started talking to a therapist a few days ago. I grew up in an abusive environment, and I was the kid who got bullied in elementary school. I didn't have a real friend until 2019, but I live with my best friend now. I'm still struggling with low self-esteem, and I'm still struggling with accepting my autism as a part of me cause it was a major reason for my childhood trauma. I'm hoping to better educate myself and heal from my traumas.

[@crowkraehenfrau2604]

You are so young...decades ahead of learning to love yourself and finding happiness... :-)

[@keiranwilliams2078]

I would like to see a list of our ‘Strengths’ like for me; •Great at routines, organisation and time management •Intense focus on things that interest me •Educated and enjoy learning, I am a quick learner once shown a process •Follow rules •Hate injustice, the ability to research and act on behalf of those that can’t •Work well autonomously This is mostly work related strengths but I’d love to hear what other autistic positive vibes from others. I’m tired of hearing all the things I ‘struggle’ with! 😜

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I do have a video like this! I think it’s called something like 10 autistic strengths. Glad we are on the same page!! 😎

[@Garbageman28]

This really resonated with me. Spent a lot of time hating myself growing up, completely crippled by shame. Think its not unfair to say aa good chunk of my teens and twenties was lost to these irrational feelings of self-loathing. It wasn't until recently, going through some stuff and learning to un-think patterns of behaviour that I was able to look at myself and see things worth liking. If you are struggling with these feelings please listen to me, as someone who continues to feel them when things get bleak, that there is a lot to like about yourself.

[@wickjezek5093]

My diagnosis allowed me to fully embrace and love the person I am. The lifelong invalidation, gaslighting, and mixed messages created so much self doubt. I am not a failed or broken allistic, I'm a pretty average autistic. I love that for me

[@PraveenSriram]

You definitely described everything very well Taylor. Thank you so much for your positivity and kindness! 😊

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Of course!!

[@waynepalumbo8917]

We like you too, you are pretty awesome. Thank you for all the videos, they help alot, and I'm glad I found them when I did.

[@kellybarrett1895]

Simply, thank you. Much needed to hear.

[@rachelmitchell2144]

So needed this. 💚

[@Iamlynie1]

Lovely positive video 💕

[@annienamaste8283]

Love this! Love us 💖

[@bryanmerton5153]

Hi Taylor! You are cool and thanks for this. I too love who I am. It took a while but being unique, in my mind, is cool. I have been asked by friends if there was a “cure” would I take it. My response is always no. I do not have tons of friends, but the ones I have are awesome and life long. I too love my life! I so enjoy your channel and your perspectives! Thanks as always for being here.

[@josephmartin1540]

Thank you for this and for pointing me to the full version from the short!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You’re welcome!

[@Bethany.Loveday]

Thank you ❤

[@marickles3420]

I was 40 yo before I granted myself grace. I love your channel and you are very inspirational ❤

[@loveinthematrix]

Thank you ❤❤

[@autistuck3688]

Thank you so much❤ Perfect timing as usual!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

So glad!

[@cowsonzambonis6]

I had a very bad self esteem growing up, BECAUSE I didn’t know why I felt so different. Since digging into autism (and self-identifying), I wouldn’t have it any other way! I like who I am and what I have to give to the world. I think I can be kinder to myself now, and recognize that my “world” can be much smaller at times and still be of value.

[@tmusa2002]

My daughter is autistic and she’s much more cool and interesting than a “typical” daughter would be by far. ❤❤ Love, love, love her! ❤❤

[@ForeverNihil]

Im 30 and I just found out that Im autistic. Your video so good and I feel so much related to you. Im so new in this journey. I always grow up of the concept that autism is something stronger and just much more intense and then I see you and I feel so related. We ASD are not necessarily how mass media portrait us (Sheldon for example). I just got my diagnosis and yeah its totally new thing. I always struggled with relationships (omg when I have to kiss her? When I have to text her?) and being ASD always got me troubles and anxiety. I still cant believe Im autistic..

[@deesparklebazinga9374]

Thank you for sharing as needed to hear that and I hope one day I can like myself! Xx

[@MomontheSpectrum]

💞

[@koupefnbr]

I was told caring for myself in any capacity was selfish, so its triggering as I allow myself to unmask and be honest about myself to even admit 'hey, i'm pretty cool'. But I am trying because I am my favourite person to hang out with, always have been. I dont want to run away from me, just all the crappy opinions of me and others like me. I hope to grow stronger as I write my memoir about autism and my experience as a child. Its scary but the shelves in my brain are too full and I need to get some of the truth out in the hopes to help others like me who had awful childhoods due to neglect and trauma. We arent alone despite it feeling lonely sometimes when others dont understand. I do need to learn to validate myself though, thats a damn hard one. I'd love to do a one on one session but I just cant afford to spend any money right now, but I hope I can in the future. I have so many questions that I'm trying to get answered with all my deep diving into autism. Honestly, I think autism is my favourite part of myself. :)

[@danyelPitmon]

I used to really hate myself when I looked where I acted where I talked everything growing up but right now now that I’ve discovered that I may be autistic I may have autism I am learning to like myself my mental health is kind of crash for a while to where I ended up in the hospital numerous times because of breakdowns and unfortunately being in the hospital did not help it kind of made things worse when I was in there where I stayed most of the time in my own room or when I was group and it was quiet then I would be in there otherwise I couldn’t take it keeping conversations going with people and being around people unless it’s very small like one or two people that I would talk to as long as there wasn’t any large amount of background noise attempting suicide and self harm or my opinion the worst things you can do to yourself and I think I know why now I did that because I wanted to avoid feelings that I have or had and I wanted to basically just be who I am but when I would drop the mask where it would start to go down I will get very harmful to myself right now and then learning to drop my mask a little more I’m starting to get better and my mental health has gone way up to a good place to work and get rid of possibly getting rid of at least two maybe three of my mental health diagnosis one of them might be the borderline go to one bipolar too and what I used to do is I used to scratch my own skin very deeply in quite a bit attempting to reach him an artery but I’m glad I never did and I’m glad I did have help with a psychiatrist and a therapist down just trying to get someone to diagnose me with and see if I may or may not have autism it’s a challenge getting on my nerves because I even used to hit my head against the wall I even used to hit myself and I rock and I do quite a bit of stealing I still do a lot of steaming but at least I’m starting to get comfortable with myself I just voice it made it easier for people to get diagnosed with her not having or not having autism I know I have it I just wanna get some professionally diagnosed and get to diagnosis in writing to get other people to realize that I do have it and for my own peace of mind one correction it was supposed to say the word steaming some reason it comes out wrong reason is coming out wrong it’s because I use the VoiceOver on my iPhone and I also use the microphone to write stuff so one way or another it’s always coming out wrong and I can’t read or write and I have dyslexia as well as significant learning disabilities which never was fully defined thank you for reading this rant I greatly appreciated everybody

[@vincentwalker6029]

Was only diagnosed this year (at 44), but been around a decade since I learned to like myself, happened at the same time as preferring my own company to really needing others to keep me in a good head space, not that I don't like a good chin wag, lol.

[@PijamaGuitar]

Such a positive message! I also really like myself :-) #proudtobeneurodivergent

[@MomontheSpectrum]

🎉❤

[@SadieHartMusic]

#suspectrum 😅 itme!

[@AgnesBalla9602]

I think I might have beem autistic my whole life.. I am 26 now..your videos just opened my eyes. I have been diagnosed with OCD, anxiety, depression.. but what you say just makes a lot more sense to me. I can relate. I don’t know if it is a good idea the pursue a diagnosis 🤭

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Glad you’re here! Pursuing a diagnosis is a personal decision that for me happened when the time was right. I’ve got a community group that’s meeting next Tuesday to talk about this very thing! Here’s the link if you’re interested. calendly.com/momonthespectrum/autistic-community-groups?month=2022-11&date=2022-11-22

[@Fer-De-Lance]

It has taken me a while to love myself.

[@Hotmessmomsreadings]

Thank you

[@IllyDragonfly]

I just received my diagnosis at 33 from an expert, I'm in fact on the autistic spectrum, on the high functioning level. I don't know what should I feel like, to me is like when I turned 18 and I was like 'I don't feel different at all, everything changed yet nothing seems different to me. I'm still myself.'

[@gingermclark]

I wish I could like myself, but my self-hatred is so ingrained into me that I am having trouble being kind to myself. My husband and counselor are constantly telling me that I need to be kinder to myself. I grew up probably in the worst situation for an autistic girl to grow up in. My whole family has narcissistic tendencies that they refuse to acknowledge or work on. I have never been "good enough" in their eyes. If I take time for myself or do any other self-care they gaslight me. They've done it to me so much that I gaslight myself now.

[@Catlily5]

I liked personality as a kid and a teenager. But after almost 30 years as an adult I don't feel that way anymore. It feels like 30 years of failure beating me down.

[@jimwilliams3816]

❤️

[@lifewithlarsandsusie8315]

The book “look me in the eye “ end with saying that people with autism are better then others! I’m beginning to think my husband has autism too, he loves his life too!

[@sandilynn8010]

I like myself, what’s the alternative? Be miserable, depressed or worse. I’m 56 years old so I’ve accepted being alone and enjoy my quirks.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

💗

[@cecile-p]

It's not easy to stop hating myself. I'm working on it, but it will probably take time. Thank you !

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Yes, it will most likely be a lifelong practice of grace and self-compassion. We are in it together!

[@sy8607]

Ty

[@GhostIntoTheFog]

Not sure I'm comfortable with the term "suspectrum," only because I've seen a lot of people try to diminish the experiences of those who are sure they are autistic, but have no formal diagnosis. I've even seen people suggest that the self-diagnosed shouldn't identify as explicitly autistic and should instead present themselves as "suspected to be autistic." No one who's sure they're autistic needs to put an asterisk next to their identity. If anyone reading this actually uses the term themself, perhaps you could comment and provide some insight as to what the term means to you and why you prefer it.

[@jnrickards]

We like you too. :)

[@grandmascatsandbooks]

I’m autistic and I like myself. ❤️

[@user-vc5rp7nf8f]

you're gorgeous

[@BachBeethovenBerg]

😊

[@deadandblue]

Being on the spectrum has made me hate myself so much where I enjoy being excluded at all times I still believe that death has always been my way out family friends love has no meaning to me

[@ryleybrooks4321]

I’m currently on a long road to getting my parents to get me with someone who can diagnose me with whatever I may have. I currently feel so misunderstood just with the way that I act and am. after a few of your videos, I’ve started to wonder if maybe im autistic? Im not sure, but if I get diagnosed, maybe then… I can feel a sense of sanity. Im struggling to love myself lately and honestly, this video makes me feel like I can actually say something about it. Is there any advice I can have?

[@dawnhughes9942]

I utterly hate myself. I've never been good enough for this world. I wish my ASD dx at 45 made any difference in improving this but the truth is it has only made things worse. Made the discrimination worse. Given insurance companies a legal reason to deny care and still my family doesn't believe me or care about me at all.. I hope someday I can make a friend like you or find a family that accepts me but I honestly don't see that happening at my age.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Im so sorry to hear this dawn. It sounds like you’ve been through so much 💔

[@passaggioalivello]

I will never trade my level 2 autism with anything. Being an autistic human is awesome, despite the neurotypicals.

[@PraveenSriram]

I agree with you in every way 😊

[@passaggioalivello]

@@PraveenSriram Thank you mate.

[@aleisterlilywhite1109]

What are the levels? I got diagnosed almost 4 years ago and they didn’t mention levels.

[@passaggioalivello]

@@aleisterlilywhite1109 According to the DSM 5, autism is divided into 3 different levels.

[@PraveenSriram]

I am between a level 1 and level 2

[@TTTT-oc4eb]

Sorry to be so negative, but I hate myself, my autistic parents and God himself for this truly awful disease. But then I also have ADHD, Tourettes and BPD in addition.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I'm sorry to hear you feel this way. I'm sure there are others here who feel similarly. I wish I could take your pain away. I think honesty is important, and what you have shared is definitely a valid part of your experience. There are many challenges we face on a daily basis. You are not alone.

[@4everpee]

I just think autism sucks. My life is dumb. My body tells me awful stuff. My job with other autistic people is depressingly borring. I wich die at a young age instead of living that stupid life. Im not amazing at all. No one understand me.