Morpheus Lost The Pills - Bill Schaefer

Written and performed by Bill Schaefer

[@CharactersWelcome]

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[@waynehopkins6272]

The exasperated, "FUCK!" and him hyping himself back up is the hardest I've ever laughed at anything on this channel

[@BadGirlTayTayNow]

the hyping himself up was so funny!! this channel is classic

[@SuperLabelPerson]

I love the fact that the performer frantically patted himself down, knowing full well that he had two raw eggs in his pocket. Be careful not to pat that pocket too hard.

[@TheCrazyKT]

I've never felt so seen as when he said "one for cereal, one for coffee" completely sincerely

[@lordheadass9365]

which is which for you

[@25maxman]

Which for which?

[@InfinityMax365]

@@25maxman cc cc

[@Z.C.Pencils]

Soy milk for cereal

[@mohnomoosik]

Whole fat milk in hot beverages suck cock

[@ChuckyMarks]

I don’t know why, but him throwing the second egg on the ground killed me

[@secretforreddit]

It implies he must have a third, hard-boiled egg in another pocket, but maybe he actually also has more raw eggs, hence why it wasn't worth the effort of finding the hard boiled one. Genius.

[@breadcrumbhoarder]

That was way funnier than it had any right being. Like Morpheus forgetting the pills doesn’t sound that funny but the execution absolutely kills me.

[@thomasotten4876]

When he goes "I can talk about milk ALL night" and settles back into the chair it kills me

[@Hair8Metal8Karen]

*JRR Tolkien has entered the chat*

[@thomasotten4876]

@@Hair8Metal8Karen I absolutely love that reference

[@haleyc2962]

y’all got the audience mixed too high on this one unfortunately, try turning their mic down

[@anoekterpstra2308]

Please let this comment be seen, the quality of the sketches is too high to be tarnished by bad audio.

[@haleyc2962]

i would suggest treating the room as well to lend itself better to small space performance AND live recording

[@woodfur00]

Sal LeBlanc "Treating the room," that's not a phrase I've heard before. Mind enlightening me?

[@haleyc2962]

woodfur00 it relates to audio engineering and using fabrics and other soft material with a lot of surface area to trap echoes for recording setups

[@YourSaddestDeer]

@@woodfur00 have you ever seen those fluffy panels people put in audio recording rooms? put that all around p much

[@plexureiscool]

you guys should also give the artists a mic or something, love the channel but sometimes it's hard to hear them with the audience

[@mars6038]

Just what I was about to say

[@apolloniakageaki1711]

Wearing headphones makes it easier but I agree, it'd be awesome if the performers were louder

[@dragon-id5uj]

legit why i came to the comments

[@lorettabes4553]

Subtitles help a lot :)

[@buffpathfinder3607]

I think it’s because the space is so small that the actors don’t need mics so it’d probably too loud if they added them. It’s a shame but captions are helpful.

[@MrPlaiedes]

Crazy that it's a solo show but it feels like Trinity and Neo are both there. So good.

[@kevinnashiscool1]

One milk shows you the outside world, the story ends. The other, you wake up running to the bathroom all day.

[@jayfredrickson8632]

Either one, I'm running to the bathroom all day. ****ing lactose....

[@aleksandrkobrynich7174]

The glasses are what got me... those damn glasses

[@Deliaexplainsitall6745]

"but get this, they're squids!"

[@amyoakAnimation]

There is a genuine backstory to that and i love it, the robots were made as humanoid but when they rebelled agaibst the humans they took it a step further by refusing to even look human

[@strikeforgore6626]

its from japan 😏

[@dopey_duck_944]

**Squid Game**

[@viva540]

Are we just ignoring the fact that the entire purpose of this skit is for a pun

[@apolloniakageaki1711]

The egg on the face at the end? I don't really get it, mind explaining? :)

[@hq4290]

@@apolloniakageaki1711 same :(

[@alanz4819]

@@apolloniakageaki1711 Apparently it means to be embarrassed. But I've never heard it used before.

[@apolloniakageaki1711]

@@alanz4819 I see, thanks :)

[@viva540]

Apollonia Kageaki the phrase “egg on my face” is used when someone has done something stupid and they look stupid because of it

[@memebro8703]

All of that setup for the pun.

[@sarahjeanwinkler2540]

What pun

[@yegor2]

@@sarahjeanwinkler2540 egg on his face

[@ownthevoid]

It’s not a pun, just a joke.

[@MrDodgeGriff]

I broke when he said "That wasn't hard boiled *at all*."

[@bleepbloop269]

Everyone else: ahahahahhah That one guy: AHAHAHAHAHAHAH

[@yeastofthoughtsmind9623]

Honestly, it ruined what would have been a pretty funny sketch. All I could pay attention to throughout the whole video was that one fucking guy going "HAW HAW HAW HAW." How do you even go through life with such a terrible laugh?

[@IsiahTomas]

That's not too bad. I worked with a guy that sounded like Eeyore without the personality, laughed half as interestingly, and thought he was the most captivating person in the room. ALL his stories sucked. I think the moment he said, "I live for watching the drama of other people" sold it for me. So at least, you only have one experience with this laugh.

[@hariseldon02]

There's always that one guy.

[@defectivepikachu4582]

@@IsiahTomas thats jimmy carr

[@liriodendronlasianthus]

@@yeastofthoughtsmind9623 I love that guy 😅

[@PotooBurd]

2% or whole milk 🥛 The only answer for those with lactose intolerance is: Extra heavy whipping cream- if I shall die I will take all of you with me

[@Apostate_ofmind]

Potoo Burd and over my dead body im gonna take my pizza without cheese. OVER MY GASSY DEAD BODY

[@adulthumanfemale420]

soymilk😫

[@PotooBurd]

@uwu yes soy milk is delicious- but some people just want to see the world burn, I am one of those people

[@twig8523]

There is no milk.

[@wickedamoeba8719]

This comment is too real! 😂

[@elisabethschmerzler963]

If anyone’s having trouble hearing it, turn on the closed captions! They’re linked up and definitely make the experience better!

[@ej1867]

This is even better if your from the UK. 2 percent usually have red caps and Whole Milk has blue ones over here.

[@berrim26]

Here in the US its reversed from that

[@Fopenplop]

perverse. sickening.

[@user-wt2dz5bx5m]

@@berrim26 where? i usually see blue labels for 2% and red labels for whole here in socal

[@berrim26]

@@user-wt2dz5bx5m yes that is what I said

[@user-wt2dz5bx5m]

@@berrim26 you know what, i'm blind and i can't read

[@ohnotagain851]

This guy's acting is better than I expected. The jokes were good but the delivery man, the delivery is golden.

[@schoo9256]

I didn't want to become one of those people who just says "please mic up your actors" without actually talking about what was in the sketch. But this has pushed me to it. The half of the sketch that I heard was brilliant. I'm really pissed I couldnt hear the other half of it. Please. PLEASE mic up your performers. Especially since they may want to use these clips in a showreel or something. Even set up an online gofundme, I am broke but I would donate a couple of dollars so you could get one mic pack to share between all of your actors. One mic pack. Literally all you need. I just want to hear what they are saying so that I can laugh even harder!

[@lorettabes4553]

Subtitles help. I know they are busy with getting a better mic

[@Joe-qm9cp]

I could hear everything fine

[@TigerPrawn_]

@@Joe-qm9cp Other people couldn't

[@DoctorNemmo]

I always watch KZbin with captions on.

[@stevecarter8810]

Yeah, I agree about the audio but if your goal is to get the content of the script the captions work fine

[@Tine_of_Nice_Dreams]

Literally the funniest concept and execution I've seen on this channel, and one of the funniest matrix parodies. It works cynically as a critique of the movie, but also as a kind of love letter to the character. Cant help but root for him.

[@sarataylor6164]

This is not an impression, he sneaks a prize class wiggle of Morpheus losing his cool. It's an homage.

[@affluenzashot]

Fun fact: an easy way to tell if an egg is hard boiled or not is by spinning it on a flat surface. Raw eggs don't really spin on account that its yolk is not a solid body and is unable to hold momentum. (edit: re-wrote sentence 2 for better clarity)

[@MistressKatari]

Unable to hold momentum, you mean

[@rastko.2026]

i tried this and it just fell off my counter and made a mess 😐

[@affluenzashot]

@@rastko.2026 woah, slow your roll there, pete burns. can never be _too_ sure though I guess? lmao 😂

[@TonkarzOfSolSystem]

Actually a raw egg will spin, it just doesn't spin as much.

[@jayfredrickson8632]

The yolk if a raw egg moves around inside and throws it off balance. While a HB egg is more like a solid body.

[@claire-c]

I added subtitles to this video! Hope it's helpful! (And that they get approved soon.)

[@Semudara]

They were extremely helpful! Thank you. =)

[@MONARCH_FLIES]

You’re awesome!!

[@brycerichardson3687]

I can't tell what the actors is saying but I can definitely hear the audience laughing

[@sweatysocks8214]

I'm guessing what the actor is saying must be really funny. To bad I can barely hear him.

[@EllieC130]

It took me a full minute to realise that thing on his head was a bald cap.

[@sokkvabekkr5973]

HIS RAINCOAT

[@BagofBonesJAW]

This is so good that I actually can’t tell if the egg bit was planned or not lol

[@Stark21293]

U can’t tell if the final punchline of the skit was planned or not? 🤣

[@moonflowr]

never having seen the matrix, i assumed this would be a skit about morpheus, god of sleep, losing his dairy pills

[@wafflemaker6590]

Bro they had some loud laughers in that crowd

[@pandooooo13]

The milk subgenre on CharactersWelcome continues to bear fruit

[@kidyomu89]

Morpheus: *says standard dialogue* Audience: *HAH HAH. HAH HAH.*

[@halogeek6]

It's called a laugh track. If you listen carefully all the different laughs are just slightly pitched versions of the loud one.

[@carysbebard3690]

no it isn't. they're laughing at the start because they recognise they're about to see a Matrix parody and they think it's an exciting and funny idea which is expressed in comedy shows through laughter.

[@kidyomu89]

@@carysbebard3690 that's true, didn't think about that two years ago

[@iqandreas]

If you're having trouble hearing this one (especially the parts when Morpheus is talking to the door), someone did the amazing work of transcribing subtitles for the video (so you're not stuck with KZbin's auto-generated English subtitles when you hit the button).

[@mustachewalrus]

0:16 THE laughing guy detected

[@oneupnerd]

Legit thought at the end he was going to say “Sometimes you gotta break a few eggs before you can make an omelette.” 😂😂😂 this was a great skit!

[@astrobella4620]

If y’all have a hard time hearing him the subtitles help fantastically.

[@9t9redballoons]

This was so good and I was confused why it had so few likes and views, but then I saw it was just released today. Nice job, really!

[@Chevyman3030]

Man this deleted scene is hilarious shame it didn't make the final cut tho

[@Electricz0]

He had whole milk with a red cap, but he didn’t have fat free milk with a blue cap? So unprepared!

[@xXxGamerToesxXx]

This made me want to rewatch matrix, fantastic performance my dude

[@once861]

ive never even seen matrix but this was funny af

[@billschaefer7057]

tiffany young's bitch you have to!!!!

[@jean14256]

I don’t what it is, but that “FUCK!” had so much Laurence Fishburne energy.

[@myboithomas]

I really wish I could go to one of these shows. All the videos I've seen have been hilarious.

[@AbsoluteSkycaptain]

"Is it this one?"

[@strangeavocado9279]

“No, no, no, no, no...”

[@ThatMusicFan13]

my mom, yelling from the next room: WHO'S WASTING BREAKFAST

[@MistaZiggy]

I broke up laughing seeing the thumbnail and then the title

[@bcheeseey]

Omg this is brilliant

[@gothamsmostwantedclownbitc7107]

The "FUCK!" As he paced around is when I lost it. I almost hit the floor.🤣😂😂😂

[@Hellacious-Blue-Liquid]

They need to move their mic closer!!!

[@leahkern5597]

I'm very hard of hearing and these always show up on my recommended but I can never hear what your actors are saying. I would love to enjoy these skits but I can't :(

[@anavila5741]

If they turned on community subtitles I'd gladly help but 🤷‍♀️

[@leahkern5597]

@@anavila5741 i appreciate that, thank you

[@anavila5741]

@@leahkern5597 no problem!! Specially now that we're on quarantine and I literally have nothing to do 😂🤷‍♀️

[@GlobalConvoy]

This is probably the most I laughed at a KZbin video in a while! Keep it coming guys! 😁 -Max

[@CephalopodsRock]

His Morpheus impersonation is spot on

[@Therealroadsidemeerkat]

This is, low key, The Best Rendition 👌 of the Matrix ever!

[@dilarakal4333]

Why do I have a feeling the plot of the matrix would make more sense if they showed this scene instead of the red pill/blue pill scene?

[@crazyd4ve875]

He actually looks like Morpheus too

[@SukacitaYeremia]

Thank you for the captions. This is great

[@LRio27]

This is just one of the first cycles of finding the "one" in the Matrix verse

[@cadetkohr5508]

I'm sorry but the way he threw that egg had me on the fucking floor.

[@Jasmixd]

No dude, it had the egg on it.

[@Feasco]

the Oracle told him he would find the one she didn't tell him all this would happen because it was too goddamn funny

[@myboithomas]

Holy shit the "FUCK" was so perfect

[@AlystrZelland]

"The pills are just a metaphor for consent anyway"

[@Karburized]

that's a perfect use of "FUCK!"

[@ShreyasBharadwaj]

I'll never take Morpheus seriously again!

[@IAmAnnaish]

I really enjoyed this 😊😊

[@DaxterL]

"one for cereal one for coffee..." one for all

[@madisonlewe1057]

I’m sure they don’t mean for the glasses to keep falling off, but it fits with the skit XD

[@K3end0]

Thanks for the subtitles! This skit is great

[@adv1207]

I've felt that "fuck!"

[@samcotter6236]

His neo voice is on point

[@PoeticProse7]

This made my day! Awesome sauce, my friend, awesome sauce!

[@thebookworm5048]

Just because someone intelligent says it with confidence doesn't mean it's true. Just because someone unprepared bumbles his way through doesn't mean it's a lie. :)

[@fredmachine6039]

this is fucking GENIUS

[@NoYoutubeName1]

Audience VOLUME: turned up to 1,000,000,000 Guy on stages volume: -10

[@kaseyh4375]

I heard squids then I was like squid game then I was like no this was a year ago

[@antibacilli]

Very funny...great job Bill.

[@scarfguy5337]

This is an absolute banger skit. I love it

[@AdrianCeroni]

I liked the video but thank goodness for the subtitles. The backstage stuff was hard to understand.

[@timmason3988]

I would have died if he said in order to choose one of the milks he had to chug all the milk straight from the gallon

[@nittygritty7034]

This is a good one

[@TheoStimac]

Super late to the party, but does it bother anyone else that he says "gallon" when those are clearly half gallon bottles?

[@TonkarzOfSolSystem]

The pill was actually a tracer program that let them figure out which tube his physical body was stored in.

[@sokkvabekkr5973]

you say that like egg yolk couldn't also do that

[@TonkarzOfSolSystem]

@@sokkvabekkr5973 I mean it could but it'd have to be programmed in advance (like the cake from the second movie).

[@sarahwyatte9554]

I'm not sure how many Australians watched this, but I was imagining Neo saying "I just want milk that tastes like real milk!"

[@igramorymonaroith1588]

Best video ever

[@billschaefer7057]

Igramory Monaroith high praise my friend...thank you!

[@andykerwi]

The laughs are so wholesome

[@oluwafemikingsley2160]

Am I not suppose to be able to hear him?

[@plushdragonteddy]

just commenting to say this was very very good and i laughed a LOT

[@fadillangston9797]

Somebody send this to Lawrence Fishburne!

[@kingturboturtlednoc5722]

As someone whos biggest threat on a day to day basis is extremely conservative republicans having them be the antagonist was uniquely terrifying

[@Ocker3]

This is Brilliant!

[@MrPF]

I really want Laurence Fishburne to act this whole thing

[@CamiloCienfuegosStan]

DAMNIT MORPHEUS HOW AM I GONNA GET MY HRT NOW

[@catsandcaffine3635]

lmao!

[@thomasotten4876]

Y'all can turn on captions btw - they're not auto generated

[@donovian2538]

Man I really wish they had mixed the audio so that the actor was actually vocal and the musket fire laughter of the audience wasn't so jarring.

[@Astonkid08]

Person on stage *mmmnmnnm* Audience: HAHAHAHA

[@aaronk8440]

Kinda wish he was wearing a mic.

[@aliince9372]

Had me at "...fuck".

[@leinardesteves3987]

That man laughs in burst fire mode 0:17