Most MEN ARE ROMANTICS: understanding the core belief of romanticism

[@psychacks]

Though it may sound ludicrous at first blush, most men in the western world are romantics. To understand why this is the case, we need to clarify the core belief of romanticism that dwells in the heart of hearts of most men, namely: "I can be loved for who I am." For better or worse, this is not the basis of an adult relationship with women. Men need to provide value to secure mating and dating opportunities. This is the red pill in one sentence. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jaO7c62HZ613e7M Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzbin.info/door/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sponsor an episode: oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #dating #relationship

[@WoziduranJahemter]

There is a larger dynamic to be observered, there are abusers that abuse women in order to make them act recklessly when they find a good man, if they have unhealed traumas they ruin a good relationship potential with a decent guy. Hurt people hurt people.

[@DeepInsideZettaiRyouiki]

You people are lost and drown deeper and deeper. P.s. What about badboys that provide NADA, nothing and parasite upon a woman, yet got choosen and being toxic woman still refuse tonleave or even return after breakup. Nope... HUMANITY IS TRAUMATIZED AND SICK, you mix LUST and TRAUMA RELIVING challange to overcome with love. You don't know what love is and poser as psychiatrist and an adult.

[@tancreddehauteville764]

@@wileyann9449 You just chose the wrong guy. Stop going for asshole Alpha males and go for a quiet geek instead.

[@briant5135]

Then why did my single mom tell me to be prince charming, kind and sweet wtf?

[@anotherpilgrim8313]

Then why do some women date losers? If his instrumental value is emotional, then isn't that her liking him for who he is?

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

"Men value love while Women love value" and "Men are in love. Women are in business" are phrases often used in the manosphere. In reality, these phrases may actually relate to the biological fact that men are just trying to access mating opportunities with women, and women are just trying to ensure their own and their kids survival.

[@marcusmcgraw3519]

Which is why men are pussies for begging for chances with women. Plain and simple

[@riceball1232]

funny how looking for mating opportunies in a very self-interested way is branded as innocent love in the manosphere, while reality is both men and women are driven by evolutionary instincts

[@titsbitchmcgee7502]

If that was actually the case then no man would bother sticking around to support a wife & children. The whole idea behind romanticism is about reducing the number of mating opportunities that a man's evolutionary instinct inclines him to take.

[@frcomet5009]

This is actually the truth women accomplish more then men. So while men are still trying nd working hard to obtain sex the woman has already had lots of sex since middle or high school nd know she can fuck almost anyone she wants so she starts looking for more. While the man is still trying to get past level 1 the woman is already on level 3.

[@patriceesela5000]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@_6-6_]

My first girlfriend didn’t fall in love with me until she saw me DJing a party. She saw me in a leadership position, smiling and having a good time. She always commented on my passion. She wasn’t in love with me- she was in love with my lifestyle. This was true when later on (I began to cater to her every need and slowed down on my hobbies) she broke up with me without further discussion. It wasn’t a “can we talk” or “I want to be with you but…” it was just “we need to break up.” Doesn’t matter that she was saying I love you the night before and that we were laughing and kissing before. She no longer saw me as a potential partner. Even though I loved her through her own faults and weaknesses as soon as I had my own phase it was just “see ya”.

[@mitragyninethespeciosa6891]

I'm sorry, I wish the world wasn't so cruel.

[@sammyb1651]

Yup. Willing to bet most men have at least one of those stories!

[@johngalt6838]

******* And that "love" only lasts a while.

[@macrowolf7]

Preach, brother. I fully get you what you're saying.

[@hypergraphic]

I can so relate. I met my wife when I was a minister, and she saw me preaching in front of the congregation. Even though I was broke, because I had status in that community, she was interested in me. And when I left the ministry, things started to go downhill after that.

[@sayuri3917]

I think this channel is a gem. We women are led to believe that "men don't want romance." The other day I was on KZbin and rewatched a scene from "The Last Samurai" (Tom Cruise) in which Taka dresses Nathan for war. I was surprised by the number of comments from men saying how beautiful they thought that scene was and that they thought it was even more sublime because there was no sex. That they would die for a woman who looked at him like that. Yeah, we women really don't understand men. I'm glad I found this channel. I will certainly have a more empathetic view next time I meet someone. I think we are all dealing with relationships in very defensive positions and missing out on good opportunities. Thank you, doctor! 🙏

[@rose92ful]

100%%

[@BaronHalcyon]

Very happy to hear from a woman who gets it.

[@nelsonzambrano5788]

Watching the last samurai and picked up on that? Impressive!

[@rodriguesaplacino6612]

If you have not attracted every man you ever wanted before, now you certainly will 😌 But you will probably hurt him right after and he will end up here anyway 😆

[@paulcolin9071]

Agree

[@fre1786]

I am a young heartbroken man. Your videos have been healing me. I understand the nature of women to a much deeper extent and my pain is vanishing. God speed. Riccardo

[@maxcavalera9797]

Feel ya. Beingn young man is tough in the sexual marketplace. Those women your age, are being sought after by male aged 18-50 years old. 😅😅

[@superboy3633]

I understand you bros. Stay strong and wise💪🧐

[@dwightbrown]

You nailed it again. This sobering truth is not told to men, they must experience it for themselves through cold hard reality.

[@DanTheManGruen]

I used to be a hopeless romantic and now I’m just hopeless.

[@neoreign]

You're supposed to use this knowledge to be absolutely ruthless not 'hopeless' lol

[@DanTheManGruen]

@@neoreign oh I guess I missed the memo. But seriously fukkkk being ruthless.

[@SpookyGhost11]

@@neoreign ...To what end?

[@yechris2001]

​@@neoreignyup, ruthlessness is the name of the game

[@Dinoslay]

@@SpookyGhost11 Survival.

[@vipondiu]

If only I could turn back time and show these 8 minutes to my younger self...... To fully learn this took me years in my youth. It feels like truly wasted time when the lesson could be destilled to something that simple. But it is what it is, cheers

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

it is such a shame I have learnt all this stuff after my divorce (where I lost my money, house and kid). the problem is, I would have never believed this video before my divorce, because I thought women were special, and amazing, and heaven-sent.

[@FergusHodgson]

Agreed. I learned the hard way and wasted so much time and money seeking something that just was not there. Learning this hurt me, but that is just reality.

[@psychacks]

Better late than never. You still have the rest of your life.

[@scottverge938]

​@marriagecausesdivorce7540 I felt the same way about my ex wife. She was amazingly loyal. Right up until she wasn't and it broke my world.

[@thomaskatt4450]

Ancient saying, "when is the best time to plant an oak tree ? 100 years ago. When is the second best time to plant an oak tree ? TODAY.

[@doctornazgul547]

This reminds me of the famous manosphere quote: "Women are human beings, men are human doings."

[@jack_galt]

Also, "Women are born, men are made."

[@rome8726]

Human doings ?

[@blackfishgaming7145]

I’m 48, done a lot of work on myself, went back to school, got a degree at 40. I’m now working at a great job making 6 figures. I did all of that due to the reality that women’s love is transactional. I lived the fantasy this guy is talking about. Now that I’ve found a level of “success” as defined by most women, I’ve come to a place where I no longer want to bother dating. The return of investment is simply not enough. What they give in return is pennies on the dollar (if I were to quantify it)

[@marcoluiz9694]

Wich degree did you get? Thinking about going back to school but I feel a bit old for it

[@deepaklachman9340]

@@marcoluiz9694 you will get older nevertheless. It's better to get older with a degree than to get older without one. If you think it will enhance your life and open a passage to experience a bigger slice of life than don't let anything stop you brother.

[@deepaklachman9340]

Very inspiring to hear that you got the job done and eventually got your degree. Kuddos to you sir.

[@edwardyoutube]

True. You end up getting way more attached and interested to your own money and success than on women. The reward and satisfaction given by your own success is way superior in quality to what you can get from women. Sorry to say this ugly truth, but once you are a successful guy you look at them almost like they're opportunistic parasites.

[@DionLYA]

Computer science degree?

[@Zero_Zero_Zero_Zero]

And there it is. What you want, doesn't exist. Enjoy the ride gentlemen. This opens up so many options. If women are free to never love you for who you are, you are free from spending your life trying to give them what they want. In a world where the former basis of relationships (sex) is exchanged on the front end, this is actually a great benefit to you.

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

for most men, it will be too hard to unlearn all the hollywood brainwashing. so many will continue to get married without pre-nups.

[@toddjohnson271]

@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 pre nups get thrown out.

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

@@Khan-rz8qi RIP beta male provider husbands. Your wife really wants Chad and Tyrone but could never lock them down despite her "best efforts" (swallow, etc).

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

@@user-us4qc5zt3n Chad and Tyrone are on the right path. Get the physical intimacy upfront, and then a few months later get out of the relationship. There's no need staying in the relationship and letting her continually extracting value from you. Marriage is a complete disaster for men from a value extraction point of view.

[@大きな魚-g8b]

It is incredibly liberating because many men think that in order to be fulfilled complete human being they need to find a soulmate. Once you realize the painful harsh reality that women love opportunistically, you no longer have to orient your entire life around slaving away for one again.

[@Krash845]

I’m surprised men still pursue relationships after hearing this truth. It’s like Christmas just isn’t the same for a child after finding out Santa Claus doesn’t exist.

[@TheOutlierToday]

Yeah. I always knew this but it was hard to hear

[@nocapnobs7845]

I stopped in February 2018 :) I realized women are always "what have you done for me LATELY" NOT even what you've done in the past but you're always on a trial basis. Meanwhile women can get fat and men won't throw them out of the house lol

[@Ed-xv4sy]

@@TheOutlierToday so you've always known this and yet continued to ignore reality?

[@TheOutlierToday]

@@Ed-xv4sy where did I say that I ignore reality? I'm just saying it's still hard for me to hear.

[@marktapley7571]

First you believe in Santa, next you don’t believe in Santa and finally you are Santa.

[@leviathon2]

I've seen the evidence first hand. My brother was in a long term commited relationship. He became ill land as he worked for himself his life collapsed. I remember dealing with his partner and over a period of a few weeks at the beginning and witnessing the realisation come over her that her life was going to change radically as the income stopped. It only took aboout 6 weeks before she was out like a scalded cat on the back of some lame excuse. Never heard from her since. That experience really changed my outlook on a woman's motivation in 'love'.

[@forgottenfuryan]

Muney ❤

[@DaveCollins123]

Women are just there for what they can get - nothing else.

[@adsmith1226]

But statistics show that when a woman gets ill the man is more likely to leave.

[@MegaMarVerde]

men do the same. Are they?

[@juandrevandermerwe388]

I am in my mid 30's, I have always had my own businesses and always worked for myself or in a contractor supplier capacity. I only now realize the truth in this, having a rough childhood with emotionally unavailable parent compounds this fantasy. I was washing dishes now and Orion said grieve and I felt my heart sink into my shoes. It's hard to accept.

[@sandlerfrancois666]

Give this man a Noble Peace Prize. He might have just changed the lives of everyone that has the courage to listen and apply…… 1million dollars worth of game.

[@JaySmith-pv2mw]

Oh, how I wish I had learned this a long time ago. It would have saved me so much heartache and squandered resources. It took me 57 years to have the epiphany. Never again!

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

💯% facts. i had to lose my money, house and kid in divorce, before I took the red pill and began accessing this stuff. i would have never believed it before my divorce. as the saying goes, a man will sacrifice his life for a woman. a woman will sacrifice her man for her life.

[@bernibeckmann9753]

I was 56. So I guess I win this round.

[@Rockownz5150]

And you would have done what instead? Not talked to women? Just convinced them to bang you (somehow) and the hit the bricks every single time?

[@_tesla666]

I'm saying goodbye to my longtime girlfriend this weekend. Along with the idea that I can be loved for who I am. I'm done with the pain.

[@pocketdweller3771]

Good luck my friend.

[@_tesla666]

@@pocketdweller3771 Thank you🤝

[@DNA350ppm]

Did you truly love her for who she is? - Then stay, talk, share your love, dreams, and pain, both sides. Be honest and work this out!

[@forgottenfuryan]

​@@DNA350ppm Never trust someone wearing a mask

[@Insight-music]

How did that go

[@gustavocve1779]

Most women I dated hated romance. They liked the effort and display of resources, cause it showed how commited I was to the relation, but they themselves never showed much romance in return. I know most women I dated left because of my status. When I lived in a big house and had a nice car, I had no problem keeping relationships for years. By the time I got unemployed and had to move to a simpler place, no girl would date me for "who I am", even though I had reserves and never let them pay for anything. Then I moved to a better life again, but it was never enough, specially dating "up". If the girl has a better job or earn more than you, she just leaves to find a better option. No love, romance, sex, or connection can change that. Women are on it for the business, meanwhile men never care for those things... If we love someone, we truly love someone as long as there is sexual attraction and some connection.

[@Leafonthewind92]

Yeah you men truly love them..till they get fat. Or get cancer. Or you have a chance with a prettier girl. It’s not love motivating men either. It’s sexual attraction you told yourself is love.

[@jochem1986]

My first girlfriend wrote me 200 reasons why she loved me. It didn't matter that I left my job, it didn't matter that I was living far away, it didn't matter what I did. On the contrary, my colleague who I've been in love with for a year and a half appreciates that my side hustle is growing rapidly, that I'm an award winning designer, that my social life is becoming very healthy, and that all of our design students look up to me. But she doesn't love me back. I'm just not her type. So in my eyes, this video is quite a gross generalization. I've had women love me when I was a nobody, and I've had women not love me when I was rather successful.

[@mrreliable2220]

@@jochem1986 I agree. These generalizations are very bad because it places to much importance on one factor when people including women are extremely different. For the sake of helping a random man that reads this.. In my biased opinion there are 3 things you can offer a women and if you provide 1 of the 3 women will date you if you provide 2 of the 3 women will love you and if you provide 3 of 3 women will be obsessed with you and all three hold the same value non above the other contrary to what most believe. 1. Resources (doesn't have to be rich) as long as you have money to sustain courting, delicious dinner, dates, travelling, activities in other words your spending money to give her an experience these things will beat cars and houses 10/10 times because it is something she can have while a car and house is yours (unless you got married and she is plotting to have your house, joke). 2. Physical attractiveness , ignore what women say about this... Women do want a strong naturally muscular physic and a handsome face to come with it. If you ask attractive athletic man with an average job if he has issues getting women you will soon learn it is not the case, you will also find that lots of accident babies come from these kinds of men simple because they offer women strong genetics. Women don't want ugly kids, and willing to have kids with men who offer strong genes. Believe it or not only the few athletic and handsome men can attest to this. I can use myself as an example, i have dated multiple rich women with houses and all and i would always stay at their place, non of these women would make me use a condom or care much or at all if they got pregnant they also always wanted a long term relationship with me and would put effort ( tips for dating a women with more money than you... Don't care about what she has, it will never be yours...and spend your money on her like you normally would.. go to places you can afford and do fun things within your lane don't bother competing with what her rich family or friends do for her and offer a unique chill experience). Lastly for Physical attractiveness, learn to get good in bed. If you can't consistently give a girl an orgasm or don't think it is important your hopeless and women won't love you the way they do me, take the initiative get a vibrator and show dominance to the women by giving her multiple types of orgasms, Vibrators, finger, tongue, penetration all, educate yourself in the art of sexually pleasing a women and you will see just how much more women want sex than men. 3. Emotional Stability I won't write much more, but for this it is simple enough. Have a consistent personality and stable emotions. You can laugh and make jokes but only when it makes sense like your both playing a board game, be serious and decisive when making decisions. This does not mean you don't ask a women's opinion or ideas as many of you lack good leadership skills, a good example is "Hey, I'm thinking about dinner are you in the mood for something?" She may give you a direct answer of which you answer " Lets do it" or more than likely an indirect answer such as " Do you have any suggestions?" and you just give a 3 direct suggestions for example " Sushi, home cooked steak, Lasagne" she picks one and you again just do it.. You can get a women's input and make a quick decisive decision using her input to make her feel like she is united with you while still feeling like she can follow your lead if she wants to (big on if she wants to). I could go on and on. Be nice and gentleman but do it in a don't care way that makes it seem like you are not looking for validation, example you open the door for a women she says "thank you" and you can either say nothing or in a monotone voice say "your welcome" if she says nothing you can also just say nothing as if the act is normal. There is a lot to this but I'll just add you want to the place she can relax and find comfort in the world of chaos and drama, avoid giving women your problems it generally doesn't workout but you can communicate to them that your dealing with an issue and need time. Anyway I'm wasting time on this for no reason. In conclusion every man needs to be able to offer 2 of the 3 things i listed above. The easiest of the 3 is to provide emotional stability, easily done by critically analysing your own behaviour objectively and working on it, one of the worst things you could have is a bad uncontrolled temper. You could be attractive and have resources and many women will hold on to you but there is no reason to miss out on building on yourself having strong emotional stability that will make women admire you. Work on your mind and if your naturally handsome /athletic have a respectable job that can pay for experiences. If your abundant in resources and have emotional stability but unattractive invest in smelling good, good hygiene, style and coming across as clean and possible working on your physic. Of course you still need to learn to communicate with women be it in person or texting but the above is large factor towards why women will stay and hold on to you vs leaving.

[@ogolden8315]

⁠@@jochem1986Liked reading your balanced comment. When it comes to romantic rlsps, there isn’t always a cookie cutter formula.

[@ogolden8315]

@@mrreliable2220Great comment. I think it’s a good foundation for men to build on. However, I think it will trigger many of those who read it, lol.

[@thomasparg1981]

100% truth spoken here and a very important video for us single dudes. This is the reality we got to deal with.

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

listen up single dudes. women love value (not the high value man). do not be the next divorce court victim.

[@gregrosenberg1541]

If anyone truly cared about the state of men and their mental wellbeing this would be such common knowledge you wouldn’t need niche podcasts to sneak this out. This is truly a cure for a lot over grieving and confusion after breakups

[@dreiraven3rvn457]

This is the best, most succinct explanation of the Red Pill, at its core, that I have heard since I first took the Red Pill almost a decade ago. Thank you!

[@Rockownz5150]

What happened since you took it? You're no longer delusional, that part we get, but what else?

[@tawanium]

Makes me miss my student days when women take an interest in you because they enjoyed interacting and being with you without considering much about your career. Being also from similar social backgrounds also makes it quite negligible back during the school days.

[@weirdcoincollection]

Same here man. I'm glad I got my swings in during my early 20s. I was a broke college kid who worked at the movies, but dated girls who lived in mansions, took trips to Europe etc. I can't imagine trying to pull off the same thing in my 30s where women are all either already taken, married, or looking for both with a sense of financial security.

[@karansharma2352]

@@weirdcoincollection Good for you man! By the way, how is sex with a woman life? Be honest, eh?

[@ankaorama]

I think that love is mutual exchange of everything. You said in your other video that if you want the cat to come hang out, you have to put the good milk.Women want to be loved for who they are also.

[@大きな魚-g8b]

Those girls still loved you opportunistically. They just did so based on your potential but most of all looks and what those looks implied about you as a man capable of eventually providing and securing her.

[@tawanium]

@@大きな魚-g8b To be fair I feel attracted to a woman initially based on her looks too. Fair to say that my attraction for someone is also conditional too. Since nature made us this way (men and women value certain things in the other sex), what do you propose that we do then?

[@mathias1dk]

I am in a high status, high salary profession, however, I dress rather low key most of the time when I am not working. I can see when women are looking at me, giving the scan, and then rather quickly looking away. When I drive in my small Volkswagen, women look away instantly. In many ways, I embody many of the things that make me an average invisible guy. When I am at the hairdresser, dentist or anywhere else where the talk is naturally going towards occupation, I can always predict what the reaction is going to be. A surprised look, a second of confusion and then a 180 degree shift in body language and tone of voice, going from mundane and neutral to interested and submissive. Then a lot of questions, because they want to know more. I absolutely hate it. And because of it, I will never show my best cards to a potential partner, if they haven't shown any interest in my "normal" self first. I will not sell myself that cheap.

[@mr.goldenproductions_0143]

What do you do though? Looking for inspiration as a young man....

[@Jai2ez]

You're right. Good luck getting a woman to agree with you on this point.

[@mbg9650]

Orion did not reveal female dual mating strategy yet.

[@zhhrah]

@@firestick4991 Are you sure you’re a woman and not a bot? This is the sixth time you use the exact same response to a different comment

[@joymrsjoy]

I’m a woman and I agree, but only because my poor husband had to go through hell to show me who I really am. I agree that the vast majority of women simply will not see themselves truthfully. It is beyond a shame, it is destroying our civilization. Really hard times. Thank you to good men like Orion who hold the line of truth.

[@toxicmale2264]

@@joymrsjoy I appreciate your honesty.

[@joymrsjoy]

@toxicmale2264 Honesty is great and important and severely lacking. For me, it's really too little too late. I fear the same for our society, "to be honest"...thank you for replying, and I hope you're well in your life.

[@Oneandonly-xn5ey]

Sounds about right. I make almost half a mil a year. I hide it from women i meet hoping they will tell me they like me the way i am. I guess i am truely romantic. 😅. Your video has been solving a lot of my self understanding issues. 🎉

[@neoreign]

dum dum lol

[@Khan-rz8qi]

I’m a very attractive guy and even though I’ve always been red-pilled my whole life because of my father, I truly woke up when I started sleeping with a series of women who were married to wealthy men. They would only be with those guys because they can afford to give them a good life, but deep down I’m the type of guy they truly crave because I look good and got good charm. Based in my experiences, you will never truly understand pure and raw attraction from women if you aren’t a naturally attractive men. That’s just the way life goes.💯

[@Oneandonly-xn5ey]

@@Khan-rz8qi Well i used to be poor so i know how these girls think. They have to appreciate you first to appreciate the things u give them. Agreed with the raw attraction thing. It needs to be tested before they know u have money.

[@mbg9650]

It is right. Lead with your wallet & you'll have an abundance of gold diggers after your resources.

[@jackdeniston59]

Yeah, you think you hide it but it will show in how you behave. The 'ease of walking the world' is how one woman described it. Look for women who come from wealth.

[@aaronlang2764]

Ive shown this video to two women so far this morning.. i enjoy how upset they get as it quickly tells me how spot on everything that is being said is truth.

[@H0lolo]

What did they say about it

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

women have been rumbled. bravo, dr taraban.

[@NilsMacQ]

lol, pt.II please, what happened

[@sandlerfrancois666]

@@firestick4991no matter how much you try to copy and paste this post on every comment (that I’ve seen), it ain’t working. If you mean it, God Bless. If you’re trolling….you failed. God bless anyway….😊

[@zhhrah]

@@firestick4991 Are you sure you’re a woman and not a bot? This is the fourth time you use the exact same response to a different comment

[@Denmosocial]

This man makes great content

[@ibizawavey8630]

Bro, why'd you stop making content?

[@sujaymishra7303]

Yoooo @Denmosocial ya'll should collab

[@Fred-zt5ky]

yeah so pls don’t copy it the same way you copy hamza, wheat waffles, 1stman etc

[@ibizawavey8630]

@neptune4375 oh i'm sorry i'm not online every day consuming content lol fk pssy, go outside ffs.

[@peripheralparadox4218]

I’d say that truly becoming at peace with this reality means you’re a giant step closer to ‘enlightenment’ and true self mastery.

[@Isaax]

"I can be loved for who I am" Like most men, I made the mistake of assuming this, and it became my folly. I threw away fantastic relationships because I never once felt like the things that were "loved" about me were the things I actually liked about myself, the things that made me who I am, and I was right. For years I struggled to find out why I stopped loving women who loved me, it was because I just couldn't deal with the fact that I wasn't loved for ME. I was loved for what I provided. Not in a superficial sense either - I never once provided significant practical or financial support, I was young and penniless, what I instead provided were the words and feelings that the women that loved me wanted. When I was loved for those things, it mislead me further into the idea - I thought "Since I am not providing the usual things women are said to want, she must really love me for who I am if she's still interested regardless." Best advice you can give a young man is to get it in his head as soon as possible that this romantic idea sounds good but is never and will never be true.

[@alpinewolf7751]

I've watched this after the grieving process. Spot on. It did hurt to give up on this fantasy but it is better to look at reality straight on.

[@RicksPhatPharm-vw2lb]

"I can be loved for who I am" you dishing out red pills today. This is the sole reason why I chose to remain single... Women cant love the man, she can only love what he does for her! Most men today are way past doing anything for the cyborgs prancing around today

[@DNA350ppm]

Can a man keep loving a woman if she gives him nothing back? Not a smile, not a word, not a kiss? She keeps providing for herself, has her family, her friends, her mission in life, but just lets him love her from afar, like if he was a trubadour from a 12th C French Court? He demands nothing, just a second long glimpse, a few times a year, to behold her beauty and virtue from a distance. She demands nothing, he needs do nothing for her - he keeps loving for nothing....he then feels he is loved for who he is, just like that, a pure feeling, because he can love regardless if she does something for him! (And he needs do nothing for her, as she is not demanding.)

[@Rockownz5150]

But I thought you're not supposed to "do things for women" (other than your wife, let's say), that's simping.

[@DNA350ppm]

@@Rockownz5150 Whom do you listen to!? Hope you have female friends whom you can ask. There are language-use barriers so be patient. Men shouldn't initially do anything for women in the hope to get something in return. Just do acts of random kindness, out of a general generosity. Not to show off, not to make a fuzz about the gender difference. If you help with holding a heavy door open for an elderly lady, you can also do it for a girl your age walking behind you. If she doesn't like it, just say nonchalantly: "Sorry lady, no offense intended". Add a very small non-ironious inward smile, hardly visible. Show with your behavior that you intended no long contact. Always compare your actions with what you would do for an elderly lady, whom you of course don't need to impress. (For cute young women it is annoying how men out of the blue are hitting on them in obvious ways perhaps even with phrases they have repeated at home or picked up from "tougher" guys. Don't be one of them, it might be new for you, but boring for them, 10 times a day, so you set yourself up for disappointment.)

[@dificulttocure]

This idea is actually shown pretty well in the Barbie movie, when the Kens are happy playing guitar and singing songs to their Barbies by the campfire, and then the Barbies use that to manipulate them.

[@notsojharedtroll23]

Off topic but at this point, every role that Ryan Gosling has been given makes him look like a complete moron. But he gets payed a hefty chunk.

[@Tom-vq2hw]

Oh gosh, what a coincidence that Ryan gosling would look like a complete moron

[@rdptll]

Once I finally learned this lesson I walked away from dating altogether. I don't want that kind of relationship. I'd rather just have friends.

[@edwarda.tokash8166]

“It's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you.” - Rachel Dawes, Batman Begins

[@edwardyoutube]

Learned this long time ago by direct observation and experience but struggled to believe it for a long time. Once you truly embrace this truth you'll never see women the same way again, ever. You'll actually see them as employees that you may or may not hire, based on their skills and attributes. And I give you a hint: considered what's available in today's marketplace, you won't hire many of them at all.

[@Rockownz5150]

As if many men have the option to be picky when it comes to "employees". They'd settle for crumbs but can't even get that.

[@edwardyoutube]

@@Rockownz5150Who said that many have that option? Obviously only who has gone through a long period of self improvement financially, physically and psychologically can have his pick. I have been in long and short relationships and I've learned about women through direct experience, not just KZbin, and it's enough to say I would only go for a woman with specific attributes, and until then, nothing is preferable.

[@Tom-vq2hw]

What skills do they bring? I legit don't know. No desire for sex. So honestly, what else can a girlfriend do for me? Inane conversation I have to carry?

[@timtarbet4594]

This isn't just a red pill, it's a black pill. Why would I want to enter into a romantic relationship, open myself up, invest my heart and my soul into someone who just views me as a means to an end? Someone who's just going to leave me the moment a better opportunity shows up?

[@vault-tecrep8565]

because everything in life is transactional, even down to the physics of the universe. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. You don't go to work because you want to make your boss happy, you go to work for money so you can eat.

[@Insight-music]

The problem is materialism. Value of exchange is not always resorted to physical tangible things. However society at large can’t see past the physical. What women truly at the most subconscious level NEED in a man is one who has unwavering INTEGRITY. INTEGRITY is the most valuable character trait a man can posses, because it requires years of discipline, commitment, devotion and wisdom to posses. All of these are masculine protector qualities that speak for themselves. However since it’s so rare these days, and culture constantly pushes superficial romance through novels, movies, TV shows, music… 24/7, women circumvent that need for materialistic desires provided by a man that she “thinks” has the value she needs… but because she likely has never seen an example of a real integral man, she doesn’t know how to spot it or even how to look for it.

[@timtarbet4594]

@@Insight-music That's bullshit. All women want is a wallet. Don't believe me? Tell your girl you lost your job. See how long she sticks around.

[@Insight-music]

@@timtarbet4594 I see my point went over your head

[@GoatHolyfield]

That just the thing my dear friend you shouldn't there is literally no benefit in getting into a serious relationship with women literally nothing the only thing women Bring into a man life is pain Stress and drama let not forget how expensive they are outside of sex women generally don't bring much and lucky for us we live in a time period where women are more sexual free then ever women are literally out here fucking for free the real question is why would you want to commit

[@ready2]

Yes this is the black (not red) pill I swallowed a few years ago and since then I just stopped dating. It's not really worth it to always have to put up a facade and "provide value" for a woman. 99% of them are really not worth it.

[@themightyafrodite5029]

This belief of yours is false and limited. You don’t have any evidence for it either. Try a different belief.

[@ready2]

@@themightyafrodite5029 I don't care about beliefs. Experience is what matters which taught me that most women aren't worth it.

[@faby1105]

⁠@@themightyafrodite5029I’ve never seen a more weaker attempt at convincing someone to change their minds. 🤦🏻‍♂️

[@themightyafrodite5029]

@@faby1105more weaker is poor grammar. That wasn’t an attempt to convert someone’s beliefs. I don’t care if y’all stay single for life. That’s your choice.

[@faby1105]

@@themightyafrodite5029 That’s very toxic of you. Telling someone to change their beliefs, how? Then saying that it wasn’t an attempt to get them to change and that you actually don’t care, then why say it?! His experiences make him bitter, and then you go ahead and say his mindset is wrong and provide no other perspective or solution. Like bruh, you’re just kicking him while he’s already down. It’s so unnecessary.

[@vaaaaaas]

After fully accepting this, the only reason you have for not going your own way is the masochistic desire to be used as a success object.

[@alienkishorekumar]

Probably goes back to childhood trauma where you seek approval from your mother or father or both. But they are not given to you. Now you seek them in others mainly in romantic relationship.

[@ME-xh5zq]

I never understood women, the only people who kind of explained some of their confusing behaviour to me was the red pill, this revelation from the video is a breakthrough for me, i need to reflect on it.

[@sammyb1651]

It's getting fairly well covered now online. This message isn't original, it's merely re-packaged.

[@toddjohnson271]

Because you are programmed from birth opposite of your firmware. You are controlled.

[@eladbari]

@@toddjohnson271 what's the original atual programming for men, then?

[@toddjohnson271]

@@eladbari propagation

[@maam-yj8ph]

​@@toddjohnson271 more like consumption and destruction.

[@aalvarez305]

Brutal. I don’t think I’m past the denial stage yet.

[@jamess6656]

It will take time. You have been conditioned with lies your whole life.

[@adamsaben3299]

I've watched your channel now for about 6 months and, after each vlog, I say that you are the smartest, frankest, most honest, truest vlogger on these issues in the world. That comment applies to this vlog, perhaps, more than ANY one that you have posted. Cold. Hard. Factual. Truth! Thank you!

[@nwanyanwuchibuzor8143]

This is like a classic masterclass all men who desire to be best in dealing with women should attend.. "Abiding in a fantasy causes more pain than accepting reality ever could cause you ". Definitely sharing this video to many men as possible.... thanks Platinum content❤

[@kelschc]

Well said Dr. Taraban. Yes, Tony Montana was right. Money, power then women. It is what it is.

[@TheEllsworth8]

And in just a few minutes, I've finally discovered why none of my previous relationships have worked. Not only that, but why they were ended BY the woman, which is key. Let the grieving begin. On the other side is a new life.

[@num3willie]

Once you have secured resources and shared it with your mate, the perceived lack of romance will then become the priority to her and she will find someone (who is not necessarily resource-rich) to fulfill that need. It's not a given but I've seen this play out many times.

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

💯% facts. once you have given her the diamond ring, house and kids, you are screwed. because she has all the leverage and value now.

[@mbg9650]

Eat Pray Love phase.

[@jellyjams7217]

Very interesting…it’s like the last chapter they look for, but you have to give them the basics first

[@grantwithers]

@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 simple societal fix for that bs is to simply have all that shit belong to men by default.

[@Me-eb3wv]

💯💯 In all dating apps you will find divorced 40y old women who are looking to find a young man to fulfill her emotionally, and if she doesn’t get that quick enough she will become desperate and that’s how sugarmommies are made.

[@StarboyXL9]

As a "romantic man" I wold rather die single than fall in love with a woman who doesn't feel romantic love towards me. If its "pragmatic" I don't want it.

[@LizPlantLady]

I think that is a healthy thought.

[@steve3131]

Marry a bot. They're more romantic than women, especially North American women.

[@clauaome25]

you have made the right choice

[@nygeriunprence]

At least a baseline sexual attraction is required.

[@awsambdaman]

I think good can come from understanding. The way we were taught about women and love growing up was nice to believe, but robbed us of the ability to have a genuine relationship with them. We never really loved women because they weren’t what we thought they were. The creatures we loved and thought were innocent and perfect were not real. You won’t even go back to being delusional, and thank your lucky stars for that. Now, if you so choose, you can have a real relationship with a real person. Also, isn’t it a relief to find out that women aren’t perfect? If they’re just as flawed as us, now we’re kinda back down on the same level. Women are JUST people. There’s nothing really super special about them. Redpill kinda forces you to see that. They’re just people like us, responding to biological desires and incentives, living in a weird kinda fucked up at times world, trying to make ends meet and figure things out. Yes, there is a fundamentally different male experience that no women will truly 100% understand, but we probably will never truly understand how it feels to be the weaker sex. The one that’s vulnerable to 50%+ of the population. The one that can be killed by every other person walking around. Reality can be a relief sometimes. You never loved women because the people you thought were women were your ideals expressed onto her. Just like women see a hot guy idealize him, making up stories about what he must be like and how their lives would be together, men did this too. But in both instances, you’re not actually fantasizing about a real person

[@mattsss]

I’m so glad this illusion is just that: an illusion. Life becomes much better when you realise that only you can improve your situation, your lifestyle, your relationships, and even your inner game and confidence. Once you no longer wait for a woman (or any externalities) to do the work for you, you can finally make your life better. And that’s when women will start to respond: when you put yourself first, because that’s when you have more to give to the world.

[@toddjohnson271]

Somewhat......

[@forgottenfuryan]

Not worth the effort

[@mattsss]

@@forgottenfuryan not worth the effort to do it for women, agreed. But you can do it for yourself.

[@colerainswaggify6387]

​@@mattsssThat's cap. Nobody improves themselves for themselves, because there has to be a reward involved.

[@mattsss]

@@colerainswaggify6387 creating a better reality and becoming a better individual IS the reward.

[@alitava6844]

Your message to us hurts but it will make us stronger. I have decided to just take care of myself more than before. Because from experience, no one (especially women) would care about you and your needs. They always want a fool that gives them a lot while don't want much in return.

[@simonbeckford]

Essentially, it boils down to this. My 20 year old daughter recently started to date a 21 year old guy who was ‘between jobs’ and said she wasn’t going to continue with him if he didn’t get a semi decent job soon. I can’t imagine too many men demanding this of a woman as most wouldn’t be too bothered by it, and if they did demand it, they would probably come off as callous and heartless.

[@chrishnah]

You can't see why your 20 year old daughter, in her prime, would want the man she is dating to have a job?

[@javier.alvarez764]

Women are always heartless. They also hoe around. Example if guy A can't provide her needs, she will have a guy B that can while still having guy A. Women want a guy for attention, a guy for money, and a guy that will fulfill her needs.

[@simonbeckford]

@@chrishnah I can see exactly why… but it’s to merely point out, as Dr Taraban points out, men and women operate differently in the aggregate.

[@sammyb1651]

@@chrishnah What a profoundly silly question. Was there a single syllable within his post that came across as unintelligent?

[@Ashtonishing1812]

@@simonbeckford interesting you get to see such truths in action now being a father...

[@hypergraphic]

This is so true, and it's quite timely for me to hear it. I'm going through a divorce and today would have been our 16th anniversary. It was heartbreaking for me to realize that I did stuff for her that she never would do for me. And I totally believed that if because I loved her so much, that would engender some loyalty or understanding. But nope. She wanted what she wanted regardless of anything I did or felt. I'm not going to make the same mistake next time, that's for sure! Thanks for the glass of cold water in the face :)

[@jamess6656]

Sorry to hear what you are going through. I have been there myself. Learning about this stuff helped me get peace by accepting responsibility for my contribution to the failure. I didn’t know any better.

[@zhav3d]

Sorry to hear! Any more advice you can give a youth in his mid 20's?

[@hypergraphic]

@@zhav3d Work on yourself and learn how to be content on your own. Relationships can be amazing, but you gotta have yourself squared away first.

[@Ricardo-rz2ei]

Orion is really outstanding. The grieving process associated to this devastating truth can take years (decades?) to assimilate. Any man who thinks he has understood what is said in this video without having long suffered like hell is just deluding himself

[@prosper4206]

Being 25 and having being told this truth is mind boggling. But im going to work on myself for myself not to obtain a woman.

[@ArizonaVideo99]

Don't run from woman. Be a leader, don't let them have control of your resourced by marriage. Kids and family are great. Set the rules, all of them. If you want 1 kid fine, What if you want 10? You will need to plan on more than one wife in your life time. Make the rules and do the work. The biggest problem is what the state can do to you.

[@stalechipz450]

@@ArizonaVideo99 The Family Court will destroy your control of resources/rules once she's unhappy and wants a divorce.

[@alimo3011]

@@ArizonaVideo99 💯

[@jojo5107]

Then you'll never experience the magical love and affection that'd enrich your life.

[@superboy3633]

Thanks for your valuable words. As a young romantic guy I felt sad hearing these. But these words will be always in my mind in a relationship 🙏

[@markallen2984]

Very well presented explanation of a concept I have long intuitively felt was true. It speaks to the same idea that the recent Chris Rock routine does when he says "only women, children and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved for what he can provide" I wonder if men believe hope/believe they can be "loved for who they are" is due to our elevation of women's nature as being superior and more pure than our own? ( Obviously, another romantic thought). It is popular wisdom that "men are little boys and need parenting from their women" but I have observed something different: Most women don't want partners. They don't want to be in a relationship of equals. They want a daddy. A daddy who pays the bills. A Daddy who has the answers. A Daddy who can protect them. A daddy who can provide status. A daddy who is interested in providing emotional support and encouragement but makes few (or no) emotional demands of his own. Often, she's not very interested in knowing him well at all. Because she has not fallen in love with the man, she has chosen him to perform a role in her life.

[@WayneJohnson-s5c]

I agreed with just about every single thing you say in all your videos. Great messages for men and woman, who are willing to understand your content.

[@phillipcotton833]

Not sure of the origins of romanticism in Western culture, but the pursuit of it has done most of us men a disservice. Respect is more honorable.

[@tucobenedicto1780]

Women often consider having a huge wedding, expensive dress, giant ring, tons of guests, photographers, etc all focused on them as romantic.

[@eugenerider0701]

It's about attention. The more attention she gets, the more "romance" she believes she's in.

[@csmith9699]

Yuk. Never wanted that. Superficially never did it for me. Meet great guys all the time

[@Incognito38709]

I confirm this. Im a woman. I hope as many man and woman as possible will hear this truth. Thank you, dr Taraban!

[@theironson1043]

"I have often said, and oftener think, that this world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel - a solution of why Democritus laughed and Heraclitus wept." -Walpole

[@davida.taylor8444]

That is deep. Thanks for sharing this.

[@tallywave25]

And a “happy ever after” for real Christians

[@Tom-vq2hw]

I've always said that comedy is tragic and drama is a joke

[@sahilp9470]

genius dp

[@letsworkoutabit1959]

As an older guy, this is what I understood about relationships: • Looks • Money • Status If you don't have at least 2 of these things, postpone dating and continue building yourself first. That's just it. You don't need game or have good moral character, you just need to have at least 2 of those things.

[@findinglela]

Yes

[@Embearr]

What about women? Just looks I presume?

[@lycan2494]

@@Embearr nope

[@Cyberpunker1088]

Good points. The good part is that once we accept that ladies want certain things as a precursor to a relationship (not just loving you for you), then we can finally filter out the ladies we would actually want to be with. All this talk about what ladies want, I totally get. Now the question is if the ladies can give the men what the men want. It's really a 2 way street.

[@nissarahamed]

Damn. That's the cold harsh truth every man needs to hear and accept. Another good episode.

[@psychosiszz]

Romance written by men - Romea and Juilet. Romance written by women - fifty shades of grey. One about love and sacrifice, the other about some rich very good looking guy having sex with an average women. Men have always been the romantics.

[@filipkominos3111]

Holy shit. You're right. That explains a lot

[@AetherXIV]

Been married for 11 years. I think my woman loves me for me, but if my "value" drops my respect drops. I think I agree with you. The "love me for me" love is I think something we were supposed to get from our Moms and can't expect from our wives.

[@d3r4g45]

You can be loved for who you are. If you are tall, handsome, rich or high status.

[@sleeper9638]

Saying men have to provide value/resources is still blupill thinking. Plenty of guys get laid purely for their looks and provide nothing at all. To women, desire is entirely about physical attraction and relationships are just for resource acquisition. Relationships are not beneficial to a man and an attractive man doesn't need to engage with them

[@d3r4g45]

@@sleeper9638 infact i wrote above tall, handsome..

[@sleeper9638]

@@d3r4g45 height is a part of a man's looks

[@d3r4g45]

​@@sleeper9638yep

[@mickadatwist1620]

every men, especially young loverboys, must hear this content.

[@unlimitedlynch]

Before I met my husband, I decided I just wanted someone with a good heart who would love me for who I am. I think that is a core human need if people choose to get honest with themselves. I got that 100% with him and have been blessed in life ever since. I wouldn't trade him for anybody even if he lost everything. He makes me feel safe and he really SEES me, and I look forward to even deeper connection over time. I did my research on him beforehand but only to avoid deception/predators/lunatics and to find out his interests so that I could avoid awkward silences. I think women are socialized to be sociopaths today, but not all of us are like that. I hope viewers on your channel find real love without the BS, I really do.

[@richrich2862]

I am disappointed these types of rhetorics are reiterated and scaring men further away - not that modern women today is making it any easier for men but not all women are like that

[@大きな魚-g8b]

Everything you described about your husband is framed in that you love him for what he does for you and makes you feel. Once again proving the point. Men will loyally take care of their wives for 60 years, working themselves into a deathbed until they stuff him into a coffin, happy as a clam, because he took care of his family. Not once in the history of mankind have women done that. Your husband is paralyzed from head to toe and you had to live in a car with him, you would maybe stay for a small amount of time, but every minute that passes will be another minute you gradually love him less and less until you abandon him. The opposite is true for men. When their woman is needy or unsafe or vulnerable then that increases their love. That's the difference. Men love idealistically and women love opportunistically.

[@unlimitedlynch]

@user-hx5hu4wx4k I described idealistic love, and you still managed to reframe it to fit your beliefs. I don't think anything I say will convince you. I wish you the best.

[@monkeyboyalcoholic]

You are blessed to have found true love. As a practical matter it isn't wise for men to gamble on unicorns like you. In reality every woman says she is different, and that this relationship is different; but when the hard times come, her "feelings" change and she rinses him for everything he's worth. Every prisoner in Shawshank is innocent, that's the bit.

[@jamesshapiro6767]

@@大きな魚-g8b To be fair, you don't know this person's situation.

[@mrtuber3491]

Its also the line “what have you done for me lately” that encapsulates the females. A man can have provided many riches and experiences to a woman and on the moment he loses his wealth or health and capacity to continue providing she’s out the door. When your with a woman never drop your standard of living otherwise it’s exit time for her.

[@SomeGuy-xf9bc]

The unfortunate black pill corollary to this is that if anything throws a man off his game, either his fault or not, he is likely to be left by the woman in his life just when he needs her the most.

[@yomismo1888]

Sad but true 😞

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

a man will sacrifice his life for his family. a woman will sacrifice her family for her life.

[@marcusmcgraw3519]

@@marriagecausesdivorce7540which is why men shouldn’t have families

[@neoreign]

@@marcusmcgraw3519 BINGO!! Look at the recent news of women trying to delete men, and not only that but women trying to delete their children. This is not something no one should accept. I have NO TROUBLE providing and protecting a woman but what about my end of the bargain?

[@Mr._Anderpson]

Ain't that the truth? Happened to me. "Happily" married for 20 years. Hit a snag & had an issue which required spinal surgery. Like I tell people, about the time my back went out, so did the wife. Never again will I look at a woman as anything other than a recreational activity.

[@vdl3984]

Reality never fails to disappoint. In a way this makes me not want to provide for them at all.

[@josealexi5141]

Men: "Love me for who I am" Women: "Nope" Woman: "Accept my massive bodycount" Men: "Nope"

[@xxChacaronXX]

That's because those men that laid with her accepted her as an easy whore. When men want to get serious with a girl then they consider their character and sense of accountability.

[@Incognito38709]

😂😂😂😂 true

[@cevanille1104]

Women are not sleeping around, most people on dating apps are men. Only men think it's all about sex, you're projecting because you'll spend your life with your left hand.

[@stefanisilva2493]

No one is loved by who they are, 99% of time. This same men are the ones that gonna divorce in case of a hard female illness, like cancer (solid stats about this phenomena).

[@jonathan2847]

The difference is even if a man is rich she won't love him for who he is. But if a woman is pure he will love her for who she is.

[@hnoedgargarcia]

Thanks Doc. This series is really helping me understand women. I have had lashback from many people for not accepting a girl that I am courting because of her sexual past. To be honest, I am disgusted by the idea of her giving herself away to other men. The first video of this series and this one is truely making me see that she is not that special .

[@Rclrs5]

great video. I experience this myself and I’m stuck with overcoming the fact that me as who is am is not good enough and it is only through value that I can be accepted. I agree 100% and that is my experience dating as a 6’3, 35yo man but not sure how to get past it. Have a 200k salary in software sales, have hobbies in various sports and so forth, but I still can not find a girl who will like me for me. The only interest I seem to find are from women who demand expensive dates, rings, and houses. I can’t afford those things to the extent they are desires by women, so here I am single unless I can 10x my income to 2M+.

[@Krash845]

I know all women are hypergamous, but you seem to draw in the gold diggers especially

[@melawieeinapfel8594]

love, I hear you are hurting. still, try to change your point of view: the fact she is looking for expensive things will - in the best case - be not a act of selfishness but to secure the future of her and your offspring. those gifts are there to secure her and your children if anything happens to you. anybody can make promises through words but only gold, purses and rings can be transformed into cash, it needed. Look for example at the Sri Lankan commuinities, where the girls and women are wearing their golden bangels as a sign of wealth.

[@MoYessir]

Maybe try to hide much money u make??? And if they ask tell them u make 60k-80k(if she makes 90k say 110k & so on) . Also, they research your zip code, company/job title, and etc. So watch out. After they had their fun a lot of women start to become “intentional” aka predatory/manipulative and will happily prey on a naive well off nice guys. Even if she likes him. So start planning seeds in their head early on like “I’m not a materialistic, I like simple things”

[@forgottenfuryan]

Marriage, sex and childbirth rates are at all time lows.

[@javier.alvarez764]

@@MoYessir Women always know for some reason when men are high income.

[@designnclimb]

I feel its true for women too. All human beings wish to be loved as who they are...

[@ThomasBarrios]

Yeah …. It’s good to hear a pragmatic approach to human relationships… personally I think I have romanticized a bit (a lot) … but looking thru a more broad view… all humans experience and need love, so this desire to be loved is innate. Sure that it’s not all or nothing in terms of love, and bering loved. Have been learning to be more flexible, less romantic, but more grateful… it’s kind of fun this love thing 😄.

[@Moribus_Artibus]

"Though the tongue swears the heart remains unsworn" - Euripides

[@zamingold]

This is the chat I've been needing, such a bitter pill, how misled we have been. Thanks though, great work OT!

[@AbdulRashidYakubu]

Spot on. I think an intricacy that this video doesn't point out is that a woman can love a man for how he makes her feel. If the feeling is strong enough it can create pairings that may seem illogical to casual observers. I think this is most important. Of course this is also conditional

[@leviathon2]

Unfortunately, feelings change. And when they do, you can be sure, she'll be off.

[@AbdulRashidYakubu]

​@@leviathon2true

[@AS-ok6mq]

Rollo and Orion are my main logical guidelines in modern sexual marketplace. All true, all practical, no emotions.

[@MLHunt]

I married a woman I met in college over 30 years ago before either of us had anything more than potential. This year was the first year since we were both out of school that she didn't outearn me, so it certainly wasn't my ability to improve her access to economic resources that kept her with me. I guess we're an anomaly?

[@chepeocampo3909]

Im feeling the grief. This sucks 😞

[@zishiwu7757]

I just read chapter 1 of “No More Mr. Nice Guy” by Dr. Robert Glover which said that men with “Nice Guy syndrome” (avoid conflict, don’t know how to set boundaries, seek people’s approval) have internalized a belief from childhood that they are not enough, so they must hide their mistakes and try to change themselves to please others. I think that your argument - that men falsely believe their personality and love are enough for women - is more likely to benefit men who overvalue themselves and don’t wish to change at all. In contrast, men with “Nice Guy syndrome” might not benefit from that advice as much. For such men, the book advises they should learn to accept both their strengths and flaws, and be comfortable with who they are and not feel compelled to change themselves to please others. The caveat is most of the stories of men with “Nice Guy syndrome” in that book have already achieved financial success and/or are in a relationship. They figured out how to acquire the financial resources but their internal confidence has not been updated yet to match their external confidence. I think men should avoid over-correcting their behavior to either extreme of changing everything about themselves to please others or to not change themselves at all.

[@davegebbings7632]

Another great video-straight to the point. I have to say that your videos are getting better lately in terms of getting straight to the heart of the matter. My personal opinion is that, in the past, your presentation style was that you used the go round the houses to get were you are going and use 3 words instead of one. Now things are more more succinct. Thanks Doc your content helps a lot.

[@darioz5894]

A man's love is unconditional. A woman's love is conditional, with a (what have you done for me lately) vibe. I used to be romantic, but opportunistic modern-day women killed that side of me a long time ago. At 42 thankfully I've never been married and no kids. I'm much happier this way and live a decent, comfortable life. Watch yourselves Kings, don't get bitten 🐍💰

[@Ed-xv4sy]

i'm 41, here's what i am asking myself lately. Shouldn't we be using this new found wisdom to our advantage? I'm not saying to get married, fk no

[@capmidnite]

I wonder how unconditional your love would be to a woman if she gained 200 lbs.

[@sammyb1651]

Same. Knowing what I now know the best I can offer these days is a very conditional affection, which is strictly performance based. It's a highly unusual state, (ie it doesn't come naturally), however it's the only thing I feel is reconcilable to the maintenance of self respect, long term. When you examine it, a settlement where the man must provide value, but the woman gets to insist you "love her as she is" is an unconscionable deal.

[@darioz5894]

@@capmidnite I would never go for a woman like that, as I take care of myself, I eat well and workout 3 - 4 X a week, so normally I would only go for a women who shares a similar lifestyle and values 🤷🏼‍♂️

[@capmidnite]

@@darioz5894 Well, I said "if." You didn't answer my question.

[@jimosborne2]

I don’t see how we can honestly and intelligently discuss male-female relationships without discussing both perspectives simultaneously. I think analyzing data is only a part of the totality of the circumstances. I think it sheds some light on the issues- but it’s on part of seeing the big picture.

[@KingJoshwer]

If you be yourself, the people who choose you will like you for you, you can relax and be yourself in their presence. If you change the way you act, the people you attract will like you for who you present yourself to be, but it will take effort to keep up the presentation.

[@shanti888]

True. But idealistic. Like myself

[@Insight-music]

Ego constructs

[@seanyshepfit]

So glad you went on Fresh and Fit. One of the best guests ever and I would have never discovered your channel otherwise.

[@justinsugay1149]

My current girlfriend believes that I'm not romantic, and I know growing up in my heart of hearts, what the truth is, and how heartbroken I've become. And it is more painful to abide in fantasy than to accept reality, sad, but true. I hope most of you reading this are much luckier than I've been.

[@DNA350ppm]

Maybe you just are young, and a little self-centered, it's no great sin or fault. Be kind and tolerant, give other people help and support, try to be self-sufficient when it comes to confidence and trust in your path in life. These are learnable and trainable skills, and will give you a base for generosity. Tell yourself, you have enough to spare, so share it, be loving and hopeful, live from an attitude of being brimful with what's good and positive - people will love and trust you, and you'll reap what you sow! You can handle sadness and sorrow, you can manage challenges and obstacles, you can fall onto your kness, get up, brush the dust off your knees, and walk on, believing in your value and values and your mission on this earth: to be a good human being, a contributor to the solutions! And don't count only beautiful young ladies as people - look around, and notice all kinds of human beings, and share some of your strength and inner light with any of them. Random secret acts of kindness will teach you important lessons!

[@alienkishorekumar]

​@@DNA350ppmmodern man has nothing to share 😂

[@DNA350ppm]

@@alienkishorekumar I'm surrounded by all modern men who have a lot to share, and who do it IRL, too! You must be in the wrong company - any chance you can improve that part of your life? Why not start by finding men who would share an interest in life-wisdoms like the interviews made by a "wounded healer" like Lewis Howles - he is on YT!

[@DNA350ppm]

Sorry, Lewis Howes is the correct spelling!

[@briandonovan5687]

If were watching this video than we probably havnt been 😮

[@CT034]

Love this channel. What I’ve found is that, for men internally, belief is enough. Belief in love and the promise that romance will deliver. On the other hand, in some major religions, belief is followed by works. Belief starts the process but only gets you on the path. Your works “substantiate” your claim to belief. In love with a woman, your works get her attention and love follows works. If the works (perceived value) taper off, it has the same effect as if belief tapered off in a religious believer. It removes the underpinnings of that which naturally follows. If a woman sees your works as failing to measure up or are not consistent, love will most likely not follow. A sad truth.

[@Sclunger]

This was very important but horribly difficult to realize for me. It honestly felt like a spiritual experience that completely changed my perception of reality. It's as if I woke up from a fantasy I didn't know I was in. However, if I would have heard this 2 years ago, I'm not sure I would have been able to handle this truth. In the last two years I trained myself to keep bitterness and resentment at bay and now I happened to hear this message, but I cannot fathom the pain some men are going through who weren't ready to hear it.

[@clauaome25]

It's incredible that a man on youtube has to explain something that men have always know for centuries.

[@MissOJAY]

Not all men, some are just learning

[@Rob_TheRiv]

Extremely upsetting, this got to be one of the saddest fact there is. I can't stand the idea of being leeched, I really don't understand why both partners can't be independent value wise.

[@Sypagejy]

Thk you from a 50 years old who just understood…thk you

[@phoenixrisin2269]

Men invented romance during medieval times because the high value men were kings, princes, knights, and nobles and the average man needed something to separate him from those high value men with harems. Romance was not invented by women but by desperate men.

[@SheBelongsToTheStreets...304]

This should be mandatory viewing for all boys 12 and up at the beginning of each school year.

[@FreedomRider-id6yv]

Music reinforces this, think of all the romantic music/songs we all got brainwashed by growing up

[@alienkishorekumar]

It doesn't reinforce anything. It just repeats what everyone believes intrinsically.

[@FreedomRider-id6yv]

@@alienkishorekumar the very definition of “reinforce” - strengthen (an existing feeling, idea, or habit).

[@stevenscott2136]

I've always hated love songs. It's always some guy whining about a girl, and I keep thinking "Go back to the club where you met her and get another one!"

[@ertewqrqwerqrweqqwer]

Well what you’re saying is true the women do also want the love and romance from those high value men and often complain that those men aren’t loving enough or romantic enough and of course they wouldn’t be they don’t have to be they have enough options

[@Heallove24]

This is actually beautiful and sad at the same time. I think everyone ultimately wants to be loved for "themselves". I know I do. Sadly, some people come with issues that are difficult to fully love unconditionally. In a nutshell, I think this is why for some it's hard to love their mate just as they are. 'Love is a many splendid thing', that confuses a lot of us- speaking for myself. Dr. O, you amaze me. Your ability to conceptualize topics that most people cannot even wrap their heads around is a gift from God. Thanks for giving me and your viewers lots of things to think about. Food for thought. I still hold on to the notion that love is the answer in a general sense. The Biblical notion of loving our neighbor as ourselves/God certainly goes far in creating a better world. I do see the merit of such a discussion though. It seems that with age, relationships can become more complicated leaving some people to question the meaning of love again and again. Thank you.

[@alienkishorekumar]

It's ugly.

[@dreambeliever3652]

Dude. This is so true. I wanted to send this to my recently ( separated ) wife. Going on 16 years of marriage. She would tell me …” THATS A LIE. and STOP LISTENING TO THE STUPID INTERNET!!” Sadly, I won’t send it but the fact still remains.

[@DNA350ppm]

Now your are talking at last. This is so true - and do help them to stay romantic, idealistic, sacrificing their idle vanity, and strong enough to be independent, have self-confidence and self-esteem, to stand their ground, reach for the goals they themselves want to achieve (not what they think other men will admire them for). Have inner strength though having a soft spot for women, children, animals, and indeed: flowers and beauty. Such PsycHacks men do need en masse!

[@DNA350ppm]

Women really, really long to be loved for who they are, in their individual souls - not for being Barbie-dolls, Kardashian-look-alikes, or any cute, sexy, easy-to-be-with, ever providing feminine type of comfort and support. Women don't want to be replaceable with any woman with these superficial traits - women want to be appreciated for being like nobody else, yes, that is loved for being who they are, idealistically, romantically, without transaction. So at least provide some of it and you might receive a huge portion of similar love in return, she just can't help loving that kind of loving.

[@Straga_Severa]

@@DNA350ppm> Women don't want to be replaceable with any woman with these superficial traits And yet they would gladly monkey-branch for the man with better superficial traits.

[@zincvalley6974]

4:33 you really put that “if you like what you’re hearing” at the wrong spot there. NO I DON’T LIKE WHAT I’M HEARING 😂. Great content tho