most spoilt people ever?? 🥸

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[@morganmightbeok...]

I think the difference between being privileged leading you to be spoiled versus not being spoiled is down to your awareness of that privilege and how that awareness influences your actions

[@emilymoran9152]

Very much agree! Certainly growing up, I remember noticing that, among people of a given income bracket/social class/racial privilege category, some appreciated what they had and understood that other people might not have those same advantages and that that wasn't really fair (either because their parents talked to them about that, or they independently read stuff or watched the news) and others...who sounded like these posts. And sometimes just age and level of understanding plays into the kind of stuff one will say. For instance, I still cringe when I remember a conversation with a classmate (we were maybe 10 years old) who said she wanted to lose weight/improve her health, but the cafeteria food was not great for that. So I was like: "Well, what about bringing a sandwich instead? That's what I usually do, because yeah - the food here sucks!" And she said: "We don't have food at home." For context, I did understand that famines occur, that some people were homeless and would beg for money for food, etc. But this was at a Catholic school, and I knew my parents paid tuition to send me there. So I was very visibly and audibly confused about how "attending this school" and "empty refrigerator" could coexist, and the poor girl was too embarrassed to explain. I figured it out later, though, and felt SO bad: It was because her dad was the janitor. She was probably the only full scholarship kid. And janitors ARE often paid badly enough that fitting bread and ham for sandwiches into the food budget when the school will give your kid a free lunch might not be a priority! An adult, or even older teenager, should definitely NOT be confused about something like that, though!

[@Brevislux112]

I hate the fact that working and being a janitor still can't provide you with enough to properly feed your family​@@emilymoran9152

[@lingodelfo5415]

​@@emilymoran9152what about this: If being spoilt means that you're used to a certain standard of being and living, and you're also ready to work hard to maintain that level, and also bring everyone else up to the same level than you? E.g. bringing an extra sandwich from your home etc. I know some people are against being part of "charity" in this way, and this type of behaviour could potentially be used in a manipulative way later on, but let's say it won't and let's say everyone is okay for being treated, would that be being spoilt in a good way?

[@sleepyhollowo]

i feel like ‘spoiled’ has the connotation of the spoiled person EXPECTING to be doted on. Like Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka. that’s how i use it anyway🤷‍♀️

[@Mike-di1og]

That’s why it’s called “spoiled.” Because the person’s attitude about others and their world outlook have become rotten and toxic.

[@undefinederror40404]

Exactly! I hope your message becomes a top message. The point with someone being spoiled is that it's by default a bad thing. It's okay to feel that you deserve nice things, or treat yourself. Spoiled people feel entitled to that, throw a fit when they don't get it and are indifferent when they do get nice things. Not spoiled people might be sad but will be okay with not getting the nice things, and will be grateful/happe when they do.

[@savethebees7281]

okay i think there are a few situations where it’s okay to be spoiled - like if you have been really busy and have a weekend to yourself and you decide to splurge on a spa day to spoil yourself

[@SLYKM]

That's not spoiling yourself, that's rewarding and treating yourself to a deserved relaxing time. Spoiled is if you get nice things and then you don't appreciate it. And the barrier for "not appreciating a good thing" is very high, bc some things can be better than others, and some stuff is still subpar even if it's better than the min. But buying something for yourself isn't spoiled.

[@EagerOnlooker]

It's okay to "spoil someone" or to have "someone spoiled me the other day". But "they're a spoiled person" still sounds bad.

[@theoboekid0726]

my uncle says all the time "its okay to be spoiled, as long as you dont ACT spoiled"

[@samijodavis9204]

I think there can be good 'spoilt' when I was little I had an uncle that absolutely doted on me, constantly stopped by with presents and basically just love the crap put of me (he had wanted a girl, but never got one after 6 boys, which is why he spoilt me-I was the closest to a little girl he'd get) but I never had any expectations for him to do things, and was always really grateful for whatever he did.

[@gracelovely3838]

I think the difference is the last sentence: you were very grateful. I think someone choosing to spoil you out of love is totally fine. If you become entitled and feel you deserve it, that's when you become spoiled, which is not good.

[@faenene]

I agree, it think one of the only types of “good spoiling” is the lighthearted kind. When it isn’t expected, but still fully appreciated. Like my darling grandma who’s love language is gift-giving. :)

[@undefinederror40404]

​@@gracelovely3838just want to side note that feeling like you deserve nice things/presents isn't always bad and can be seperate from being entitled. I think OP's story could be an example, but another is: during christmas time I always felt that I deserved presents, when those presents came I was not surprised. I was absolutely grateful for presents! And when there were no presents I was understanding and accepting, because sometimes circumstance makes it that presents are not in the budget. All this to essentially say you deserve nice things, and it's okay to feel that you deserve them! I think you were spot on with the entitled part, just sometimes they're intertwined and sometimes they're not.

[@lasphynge8001]

To be clear, I used to be clueless about it when I was younger too, so I mean this with kindness, but the irony of wondering "who the hell thinks about yearly income and the cost of living in high school and not about social pecking order and their personal dreams and aspirations?" in a video about privileged things to say... ^^' Sadly, a lot of teenagers have to think about helping their family make ends meet, seeking autonomy for themselves or saving ahead for their studies literally as soon as they are legally able to work.

[@fiadabirb1634]

This!!

[@applethesoybunny]

I see what you mean, but I think it's also important to note that worrying about money doesn't always corelate to your actual financial situation, ironically. I used to worry constantly about money from a young age thinking things like "do I REALLY need this ice cream" even tho my family is actually pretty well off. On the other hand I've seen ppl in bad financial situations keep spending money on hobbies when they have nothing left over for rent and meds.

[@lasphynge8001]

@@applethesoybunny True, I've seen it too, and in the case of the kid who worries about earning less than 200k... yeah, I wouldn't worry too much for them ^^' but more broadly, I'd add that the way people spend their money, as frivolous or irresponsible as it may seem, doesn't always mean they don't worry either... not everyone handles money stress the same way. It's weird, but I've seen cases where it seems like the serious stuff is too overwhelming for one young person who shouldn't be made responsible for all of it, there's a lot of shame around your poverty showing socially too, and they end up... "snapping"? Just blocking it all out of their mind and impulsively trying to enjoy life like they wish they could. A bit like an intense diet where too much restriction may eventually lead to out-of control excess.

[@Imjustkendall]

One time I was over at a rich friends house for dinner and after we were done eating her mom THREW THE LEFTOVERS AWAY. Rich people are a whole other breed sometimes. Years later I still can’t wrap my head around it

[@shadowcat4529]

8:06 As you say Shaaba I think times really have changed with what teen are thinking and talking about. In the UK at least, there's been studies recently showing that the recent cost of living crisis has made kids and teens more aware and worried about their family's finances. For me and my friends in sixth form now (school from age 16-18), we've definitely all had to think "I don't think my parents can afford holidays/school trips this year" and stress about exactly how much the cost of loving crisis has put a strain on our parents' finances.

[@hannahk1306]

I'm about the same age as Shaaba and I remember some people at school worrying about the cost of school trips and things. However, I think you're right about that situation worsening and it's probably more families and the types of families that perhaps wouldn't have struggled 10-20 years ago.

[@RowanWalkup]

With the kid asking about living off $200,000, I think it could also be influenced by a lot of these alpha male, incel, and dudebro accounts on social media. I think I've heard that number a lot from those accounts before. It's scary that they can influence young kids

[@TheNitpickChick]

3:47 I think of it sort of like the oxygen masks on airplanes. You’re always instructed to place the mask over your own face, before attempting to assist others. If you don’t take care of yourself, first, you eventually won’t be in any proper state to help others, even if you really want to. Selfishness can be self-preservation, which is incredibly important. Sure, it’s not a good look to take it too far, and literally never help anyone, or whatever, but it’s okay to be selfish sometimes. ☺️

[@alexnoelle5423]

I’ve always hated the word selfish exactly because of your point. If you need to take breaks and do things for yourself in order to FUNCTION and survive, it’s NOT selfish. And if taking care of yourself makes you a better person, you literally end up positively affecting the lives of others more than if you are always burnt out. The definition of selfish is “lacking consideration for others” so I believe that actually being selfish is always wrong, but I also believe that calling self-care and self-preservation “selfish” is equally wrong. I hope that made sense, lol

[@YourQueerGreatAuntie]

I am very familiar with that impulse to respond to a compliment about e.g. an item of clothing with "a fiver in Penney's". (Primark in Ireland is Penney's). In fact, I heard a great story from a teacher of English as a Foreign Language to migrants in Ireland. Apparently, the language-learners thought that "Penneys" was a colloquialism for "Thank you", because they would compliment someone's clothing, and they just responded "Penney's!" I love that story.

[@fantasticesther]

The scholarship one is more how she said it. She said “well my parents can pay for it so whatever” not “I don’t think I should take that opportunity away from someone else when I don’t need it”

[@wokeuptooearly]

My take on the good “spoiled” is yes, if you _are_ entitled to things you want and you know it. Like, I live in Russia, an authoritarian country that calls itself a democracy; it used to be more democratic when I was a child but was much less democratic when it was USSR and when my parents were growing up . So I take some freedoms and rights for granted, the fact that those freedoms are taken from us upsets me, and my parents call me spoiled - after all, they didn’t have those rights for most of their life. I am spoiled with LGBTQ+ rights, with rights to criticise the government, with no militaristic propaganda at school and I’m totally happy with it. I know what normal should look like and I’m not ready to give it away, so yep, proudly reclaiming the word “spoiled”

[@carseramos6513]

The second story reminds me of a conversation I had once with a colleague who insisted that you couldn't really get around Lagos without your own private helicopter. Our friend from Lagos, who was standing nearby, nearly choked on her coffee.

[@morganmightbeok...]

With the first one, with the girl and the fancy bag, I imagine she’s probably having a rough time in some other kinda way and it’s being expressed through her frustration that her mom won’t get her the new bag

[@tanyastacy-haws993]

I think the girl who didn’t apply for a scholarship was trying to (and did) the right thing. She recognized her privilege and refused to take the opportunity from someone less fortunate. It’s like choosing not to go the food bank when there’s high quality food that day knowing that you can afford food on your own.

[@amanday3103]

When you’re looking at wages, you should probably be looking at the median rather than the average because that’s not gonna be skewed by outliers. For example the median income in the US was $40k in 2023, which paints a much different picture than almost $60k and is probably a lot closer to what the average person is making.

[@emilymoran9152]

In terms of positive usage, I usually see "spoil" in the context of "spoiling" SOMEONE ELSE - which usually means doing something nice for them that you know they will like but might not be willing or able to indulge in for themselves*. It doesn't actually mean that they ARE "spoiled" - that entirely depends on whether they get entitled about it eventually - but more that it feels like a "forbidden" luxury in some way. *Eg making your spouse breakfast in bed, buying toys for the grandkids/nibblings that you know they will love but maybe their parents couldn't afford, gifting your mom a spa day, etc.

[@salty_pearl]

For the story @14:23, if they can afford a sports car/Xbox/etc. they can afford an abortion for that poor girl and save her a lifetime of suffering.

[@marial870]

Or to pay child support if she wants to keep it. Honestly, the worst thing in that story was that "do the RIGHT thing" comment. No, marrying someone because of pregnancy is NOT the right thing to do, why are people still behaving like 50 years ago?

[@lingodelfo5415]

​@@marial870 exactly! Paying for abortin and offering full support, also e.g. paying for a cleaner and food for the recovery period etc., that's the right thing. Help her get her life back in as close way as possible. With a bit of extra money as a thank you for not suing the guy for not using protection, as that might be viewed as r-word.

[@TehTeh911]

I hate the term spoiled. Once I connected it to the idea of spoiled milk or food I couldn't get over my disgust at its use. Less so with adults, but the idea of how frequently and with such vitriol that we call kids spoiled is horrifying. Its basically saying that a kid/a human person is the same as a rotten piece of food that has no use, would make you sick, and should be thrown out.

[@M_M_ODonnell]

A more helpful perspective than average salaries might be percentiles; $200k/year in the US is higher than 96% of workers and 88% of households.

[@naonao9528]

Also I think shaaba was looking at the household income which is for 2 people.

[@lylaweavers4730]

I wouldn’t say if you are privileged you are automatically spoilt, if you use your privilege in the correct way and don’t put others down because of it that is. There also needs to be an aspect of gratitude when it comes to allowances because at the end of the day someone has given you that money to spend on your own terms hence some level of responsibility when it comes to money especially if you are still in school as this can have a positive or negative impact on a young person (speaking from money having a negative impact in some areas of my life) I would also like to point out privilege can have a varied impact on other aspects of life but from an outsiders perspective you could present yourself as spoilt which is something that should be worked on. Thank you to anybody that reads my perspective on this topic, share your thoughts about my comment I’d love to hear your side to this debate 😊

[@flotenstimme4608]

I think there is nothing to add. As you say, one should be aware of privilege and then act accordingly grateful and with empathy. Best way would be, to see where the privilege comes from and if one could contribute to a world more just. Where people are less defined by privilege.

[@hannahk1306]

It's the parents' responsibility in wealthy families to show their kids how lucky they are and how diverse the world is; not in a "let's pity the poor people way", but in exposing them to other experiences. Also, just because you can afford something, that doesn't justify buying it. For example, "You don't need another school bag, your current one is fine." or "We don't need to pay three times the price for the one with the designer label on - we could put the difference in price towards a family day out.". My mum said that some of her friends bought brand new designer *baby* clothes and then by the time their kids were teenagers, the demands were ridiculous and not financially viable for the family (they weren't well-off, they just wanted to portray an image). Regarding the last one, I'm pretty sure if you did that in the UK you'd have to retake your test again (I think there's something about the first 6 months after you pass). Even if they didn't lose their licence, I think the parents should have made them take extra lessons (they can obviously afford them) and earn back the privilege of having their own car - for the child's safety, if nothing else. It's about those parenting messages, I think that's what differentiates privileged from spoilt. A privileged, but unspoilt person might have the really expensive laptop, but they respect it and look after it and don't show off to their friends about the cost. Whereas the spoilt person might demand a new laptop just because there's a new version out, even though theirs is only a year old and in really good condition.

[@hayleigh7354]

I think the thing with being spoiled is that it’s usually a result of upbringing - so not somebody’s fault. If they get into adulthood and refuse to acknowledge/work on it, that is a problem. But if it’s a child/teen, honestly I find it difficult to criticise the kid. How are they supposed to know that not everybody shares their privilege if they’ve been raised in a way where they believe it’s normal? (not saying they still shouldn’t work on it if it’s brought to their attention, but I think it would be better to bring it up nicely to them and help them to unlearn spoiled mindsets rather than just take the piss out of them)

[@hi8Dxr]

The one problem I have with the concept of being "spoiled" is that people don't choose to be spoiled. Other people spoil them. It is then the spoiled person's responsibility to check their privilege, but they had no say in the spoiling itself. When people talk about being "spoiled," they talk about it as a personal failing, which just shames people and doesn't give them room to grow. The label "spoiled" doesn't allow room to address the causes and consequences of privileged behavior. (For context, I grew up relatively spoiled, especially by my grandparents. They were lower middle class, so there were no Lambos involved, but I was given things and favored over my siblings. I had to recognize that privilege and learn how to make sure that my siblings got equal treatment. But even before I had the emotional intelligence to recognize that, I wasn't the one who spoiled myself. People were right when they called me spoiled, but saying it just made me defensive and insecure. I needed distance from the spoiling and from the label "spoiled" to recognize that privilege and grow.)

[@twinning1944]

The story about the spoilt so-and-so throwing away change made me so angry! Also reminded me to round down our day to day accounts and pop some small change in the savings to help build up our savings. I’m hoping to build this to a consistent weekly habit to fund our Christmas breaks - we are v low key but I love to be able to treat my kids a little over that school/work break by visiting family and getting extra ice creams or maybe saying yes to a cafe trip.

[@DangerNoodleBoop]

A girl in my senior high school class was complaining one day because her parents had gotten her a used car instead of a new one. This was after she had totaled 3 previous cars they had bought her that were brand new. As a point of reference, she was 17, and in our state you can't start driving until 15 and 6 months.

[@lostinmymind8147]

I agree that being selfish can be good sometimes

[@alexnoelle5423]

Two definitions of selfish: “concerned EXCESSIVELY or EXCLUSIVELY with oneself” and “lacking consideration for others” so I believe that being selfish is always wrong, but I also believe that calling self-care and self-preservation “selfish” is equally wrong. It’s okay to do things for yourself, it’s not okay to BE selfish. It isn’t being selfish to take care of yourself and do what you want/need at times. It can literally make you a better person to be around. But I think throwing around selfish to mean “self-care” causes us to lose the meaning of the word. It is a bad thing, while being attentive to your own needs is not. My personal opinion is that we shouldn’t get the two confused by calling selfish behavior “good” or healthy behavior “selfish”.

[@TheDarwinProject1]

Been there with the car garage issue of getting stuck! I had a migraine + my current pcp refused to fill my ADHD meds. Luckily, it was only a few blocks away from where I was currently living with my brother & SIL. I ended up having a panic attack, so I called my SIL who was at home, who came down to drive my car out of the spot (garage had no parking fees & the level I was on was empty, gratefully)! My car has a superficial scrape from my attempt, still, as a reminder not to drive with a migraine or ADHD meds now that I have them again!

[@cathleenc6943]

On the Swiss Franc one, if middle school is the same age there as it is here, that's a 12-14year old kid getting that much per month. It's not even to buy gas or anything because they're not old enough to drive.

[@rainways7586]

I’ve grown up privileged in terms of wealth. Middle class which my parents worked their way up to from nothing. I’m very grateful for all they have done for me and my brother so we can live more comfortably. We’re by no means rich but they’ve never had to WORRY about medical bills. I’m also incredibly grateful my parents brought me up to appreciate what we have and learn to work for things. It baffles me how parents can give their kids everything they want without a thought and encouraging their kids to be spoilt

[@kristyjoyschoyen1421]

I absolutely love where you’re going with your “selfish” talk… I often make the distinction with my clients between being “selfish” and “self-cantered”. When you’re selfish, you think you’re the main character of EVERYONES story; it’s all about you all the time, often to the detriment of others’ wellbeing. Being self-centred means that you are able to acknowledge your needs and set appropriate boundaries in order to meet your needs while considering and empathizing with the needs of others. Like you said, sometimes giving up your comfort for the comfort of others is appropriate but other times you need to insist on your own wellbeing first, and that’s what it takes to be self-centred.

[@CraigUntlNytTym]

When my mum got cancer, she didn't stop thinking about everyone else, she kept making sure me and my dad were okay... I eventually had to sit her down and tell her off, tell her that she needs to be selfish here, that me and dad will be fine if she thought about herself for once.

[@adrienstarfaer]

2:30 I'd say so, I've heard of people spoiling themselves with nice self care experiences, like going to a hot tub, or a spa, getting a manicure, or whatever. I've also seen people talking about spoiled their pets are and just delighting in the cute.

[@trinitybernhardt9944]

I don't really use selfish when talking about what you talked about. I would phrase it "taking care of yourself" or "putting yourself first" while the other person weaponizes the world selfish. My best friend loses to reclaim "spoil". Anytime she wants to do something nice she wants to "spoil me" and it might range from a sticker to helping me buy experiences at a convention (we both are on disability and have other financial challenges so it varies what she can do). I have heard grandparents and as an aunt there are jokes about spoiling the kids. So I feel there is more room there. The first two stories, based on context of these single interactions, I would call extremely out of touch or ignorant. They might be spooled, especially the first girl, but they just really understand that that is a lot of money. Hard to condemn on one saying, but definitely warning flags and signs parents better change course. 3rd story: This feels full blown spoiled. I saw one teen girl freak out over a Tesla for her 16th because she wanted a pink BMW. She also got like $16,000 dollars and was mad it wasn't more. I couldn't believe it. The anger I felt. Both at her mom, who did not just take the care and money back, but at that girl... I still get angry thinking about it. Truly spoiled to me goes back to what spoiled means in fruit; rotten and inedible. These people are so far gone... I did get lucky getting help with my cars. I got a 1985 Toyota Cressida for $250 when I was 18 because driving me to school everyday was a challenge with my parent's work schedules. I was born in 1985. Then when that car became too dangerous I got a $500 car. Then sadly my disability advanced to where school and work were too much and so was driving. True spoiling means you probably couldn't survive if real life caught up to you, if you lost your money or git sick. Like Shaaba was talking about with what the show showed them. It can happen in broke families too if a parent hides how hard life is. I worry about my youngest nieces, while I worry my older nieces and nephew have experienced too much reality. 4th story: That is just wasteful and stupid. Sometimes it is frustrating that some people have money when you or people struggle. At least dump it all in a tip jar if it means nothing to you. Even though I would love money to survive that would be a red flag to me. Along with disrespectful to wait staff. You might get a warning to change, in case it is ignorance, but then no. The disrespect is too much. 5th story: That is such terrible parenting! I am very against marriage solely because of pregnancy. If going that wat already, then keep on that path. My parents barely knew each other and then she was pregnant with me. They were highly pressured, but barely spoke during most of the pregnancy. I actually was born with her 1st husband's name and didn't know until I was a teen and had to have it changed to get my passport. They started speaking shortly after I was born and I was 7 months old when they married. As soon as I knew basic math I realized I had been born first, so I found that out. It wasn't the worst situation. No ab/se or angry outbursts. They just... existed... slowly growing more depressed and losing themselves. It did end badly, though they mostly are friendly now bc my disability basically keeps them co-parentinting for life. I want to see shaming for pregnancy ended, especially in the church, because that is my faith and environment. I believe Jesus encouraged us to live ways that protected us, but I don't believe he was ever about shaming (also just to be clear that includes who we love or are. He loves who we are and gave us love to share 🏳️‍🌈). I don't agree with rewarding him for getting someone pregnant and just sticking around. It is such a terrible lesson and not why he should be there. Teach him to step up to responsibility. Help him realize that this baby will be his, (and while I am pro-choice and would support her decision) babies are a reward enough. Help them learn to co-parent, and if it stays romantic or goes back to that it's awesome. If not remind them to value each other as friends and a different kind of partner for their baby. 6th story; yes this could be lots of reasons. 7th story: 🤦‍♀️ whether she realizes it or not this girl has the all the traits I hate from spoiled people. She seemed to make sure that classmates, who were significantly less privileged, and cried in front of them for one week. She is absolutely a spoiled rotten, Karen, bigot in the making if not there. Not sure who she will be bigoted against, but she shows all signs of the type to get in your face and gladly tell you why she is better than you and what she deserves better than you. I grew up in a fairly wealthy church. I saw this type, and I saw those who did grow up kind. I have very uncharitable thoughts toward what i would wish to do as her classmate. Probably do her a lot of good. 8th story: That could go either way, but it can be harmful as cost goes up. My friends are quick to share bargains too. At a certain point it does become a turn-off though. 9th story: That depends on her attitude. It is written to indicate that she looked down on the idea of scholarships and those who needed them. So yes, that would be spoiled and out of touch for me. If that was just perception and she just indicated it wasn't needed then she was fine. So hard to tell, like the cost one and the 1st two, it could go either way. 10th story: terrible, terrible parents. They are trying so hard to destroy their kids. I think whether someone is spoiled rotten is an attitude thing, so thet probably are, but I won't judge them until I read about their reactions. They are definitely in the environment to create terribly spoiled types. I do know of some people who despite having terrible parents they grew up nice and generous, so parents don't always succeed in ruining their kids. Just most of the time it works.

[@3chovine]

Gotta remember when you think of how some people grow up, the "spoiled brat" mentality makes sense. To them, it is a big deal, just like how to small children, small things are a big deal. They just don't have the experience of something worse to ground them. Especially because some people, especially kids, are more bratty just through natural personality variation. However, this is not an excuse for their behavior, and should be seen as a sign they need a person or situation to give them a wider view of what most people experience. Sadly that is quite hard, especially because humans are good at denial when faced with proof their worldview is wrong or unhealthy.

[@pepsimax8078]

I was selfish today. I have several stuff going on, including chronic pain from endometriosis. Daily pain. So when the weekend rolls around I just want to roll up as a burrito, and stay like that for the entire weekend, just me, my cat, all alone, recharging. I am very introverted, and I need my alone time. Today people at work is going out, many are going, and I did entertain the idea of going. But then I learned of the plans, which entails just too much stress. Its already been a long weeks, and yeah, I knew I was not up for it. When I was asked, I said; I have plans, sorry. Thankfully nobody was noisy and asked me «what plans». Cause I feel saying I have «purrito plans all weekend» is not acceptable 😅

[@mitochondria558]

I think the only way I've heard spoilt be used in a positive context is someone pampering their partner or a friend in a way that they deserve but was denied to them when they were younger. It's almost used in a sarcastic way, someone doesn't do nice things for themselves because they're always giving to others and someone has to be like "I'M SPOILING YOU TODAY SIT DOWN DON'T LIFT A FINGER" I think it just totally depends on the context, but if a lot of people aren't used to being treated a certain way, they will call it being spoiled because it feels new, and feels like they don't deserve it. Even though the original meaning was people acting rotten, because they felt entitled to things.

[@mitochondria558]

I always talk about spoiling my dog, because he's such a good boy and he deserves it. He has his own futon and gets a pup cup from the local coffee truck 5 days a week lol.

[@elizabethpink]

There's helping someone, and then there's enabling them. There is being self-centered (which I think is what people really mean when they toss around the word "selfish"), and then there is taking care of oneself. This was a lesson I had to learn from a very young age. I am now very inflexible when it comes to taking care of my own needs and putting myself first. If I don't take care of me, no-one else will, and I am no-one else's obligation. I'm happy to help someone, even a stranger, if it's within my means to do so (whether that's financial, physical, emotional, or mental). But if I'm just not operating at a capacity to assist, I won't sacrifice myself. I think that's why I love Michelle Elman's books on being selfish so much. Also, spoilt as a positive, I have a great example: my birthday was on Tuesday, and this month I will be spoiling myself here and there in little ways that I will enjoy (a couple new nail polishes, some really nice Ralph Lauren socks, etc.). I shall be spoilt this month, but I will not be entitled or out of touch with reality.

[@silverghostcat1924]

Completely agree 😸

[@anacsadder]

The thing about 200k a year in the US is that there are variations in cost of living from state to state. 200k a year goes a lot farther in a state like Kansas than it does in a state like Hawaii. It would still get you by pretty well in California, but it can also vary from city to city... I don't know, 200k sounds like a ton to me, but I would need more information before I decided that statement was completely outrageous.

[@Migkamilla]

I have been thinking about the kid asking how people can live for under 200'000 a year. Has been un my mind for hours. Honestly. I believe that I would be so proud to be the parent of this kid. And grateful that they know so little about it that they ask about it at school. The reason for being proud. Here's a kid who is aware that they have more than a lot of people. And they actually want to understand the life's of people not as fortunate. I don't believe that many kids would think about this. I believe it shows a lot of empathy. And is a good sign for their future. I hope they keep on thinking about others

[@nebulan]

Girl crying about the bag, i think it's a cry for help. Maybe she has depression and her parents try to make the problem go away by buying her stuff.

[@lylaweavers4730]

That’s a valid point money cannot fix underlining problems of mental health

[@hannahk1306]

Often in these situations there's something else going on under the surface. For example, the parents are in quite a toxic relationship, but won't separate because of their image or reputation. Or perhaps they have their own business and it isn't doing well financially, so although they have high earnings at the moment, it's uncertain what the future holds.

[@flotenstimme4608]

I would not interpret this far from the short insight we got, even so it is possible and plausible. But people can have very different feelings towards things. Like maybe it was her biggest wish and the mother promised it. Would be enough for me to have empathy with these feelings. Like I get really sad when I break a cup even so I know it is not that important and I could buy a new one. But it would not be the same cup. Or I want to buy a Shirt with a nice message on it, but when I reach the store it is sold out. Do I need the shirt, no, am I sad, yes.

[@nebulan]

@flotenstimme4608 i agree. I'm thinking we don't have enough information, but it is also none of our business. And they weren't clear on the age of the girl. I just imagined teen because teen girls go through a lot of emotions. So I'm thinking: could be spoiled, could be more to the story.

[@marial870]

As an only child, I've often heard growing up that every only child is spoiled by default. Even though I had plenty of classmates that acted just as spoiled as I, if not more and had siblings. So I don't think there is any correlation between being spoiled and having no siblings, or only younger or older siblings. But I pretty much accepted that people will assume I'm spoiled just because of something I had no control over, so my relationship with that word is a bit different, I usually only use it in extreme cases like some of the ones here. Like the one where they get a second new car. We never had a car in my family and most of the people I knew only had one per family. Plus the driving age is 18 in my country, so I can't relate to the idea of someone driving a car to school at all.

[@kiryanna]

I think the positive kind of being spoiled is usually much smaller stuff that someone does to show you they care. My coworker says she's spoiled because she never has to take the garbage out to the bin, her husband always does it for her

[@SLYKM]

Okay the example in the beginning where person is asking for help or inviting you on your day off: You dont need to explain it. Say you cant, apologize, wish them luck or a good day. You dont need to tell them you dont have plans or w.e. Or if they do ask "well what are you up to on your day off that's so important you can't do my thing?" You can say "yea just a lot of things I need to get done that I haven't had time for and i won't have time one work starts again." If you want you-time, chore catch up, or w.w else you want to do on your DAY OFF it is something you planned and need to do. You dont need to explain what it is. If they dont understand, thats not your problem anymore. Unless they pay your bills, food and housing, it's not their business why you can't do a thing they asked.

[@levisampson9715]

For the last story, I work in a mechanic shop and they don’t care what you do with the car after they fixed it, it’s already been paid for and unless it’s a very specialized shop that only works on specific vehicles, there’s no attachment to them

[@Kindyno]

Being spoiled and being entitled are two different things. I'm a single parent, my kids birthday is around the time I get my tax refund, so they always get something big, but they don't expect that all the time, and if I'm ever not able to do that, they wouldn't be brats about it.

[@jaydenhenderson6255]

On number 6, I did something kind of similar. When I was about 14 or 15, I was at a carnival, walking passed a log ride. I didnt realize that I was in the splash zone, and when the ride went down the drop I got soaked in water. At the time I had my phone in one hand and my drink in the other. I guess I really didn't want the water in my drink because without thinking I covered it with my phone, which resulted in it getting wet instead. It was a cheap phone but still, not very smart.

[@flotenstimme4608]

Yes sometimes we just react. I dyed one of my white shirts purple cause I protected my head from rain with a rest hat. Well I didn't realize the hat was not waterproof and while my hair stayed dry, everything gotnred dots ...

[@orionspero560]

Spoiled tends to be much more critical of the person's family and critical of the individual much more at the level of a partially reclaimed selfish. So when you refer to someone as spoiled you're much more focused on the group dynamic synchrony around the person then the individualism of selfish. So the positive version of spoiled has to do with a ( partner or parent typically) pampering the individual.

[@LunaFayedragon]

mhy ex used to throw his change away when leaving the store primarily pennies but still this caused SO MANY FIGHTS and he wasn't even from a well off situation til this day i do not get it

[@mrsbondagekitten]

I was feeling spoiled today as I was working at home and my husband was working in the office, last night he went out and got me sushi for me to have for my lunch and it was more than we'd normally spend on on a home lunch for us both. That I think is a good level of being spoiled and feeling grateful. It was really nice of him to do for me and my cats were even nice enough to just sit and stare not try to swipe it.

[@GaleForceKaif]

The last story reminded me of a 16 yo classmate I had. I overheard him complaining to his friends about his parents for buying him an older used car... AFTER he'd totaled the first two brand new cars they'd bought him, and each had only lasted a matter of weeks before being wrecked.

[@dingosalazar32]

I think we need to differentiate clearly between self care and selfishness. Looking after yourself and your interests is generally a healthy thing that will also benefit the people around you, since you'd have the mind and energy to take care of them too. Selfishness however would mean disregarding the needs of other people and focusing ONLY on your own needs, even if you COULD postpone your own care/plans with no detriment to your well-being. Sometimes it's difficult, depending on the perspective of the people involved, since it can be hard to tell when people really need someones support (it could seem trivial to the other person) or if a person really needs time to themselves/with friends/ particular activities.

[@someonewithazeldaprofilephoto]

Yeah with your definition selfishness is still okay.

[@dishevelleddev]

I think that second situation is an example of "innocently spoiled." That kid was at the age where it might be natural that they haven't thought about money yet. That's not his fault. He's a kid who grew up where his parents wouldnt have had to worry. Now, if he then went and made value judgements based on others not making as much, or if he never grew to understand the differences and injustices that happen because of those disparities, that's when it becomes just plain spoiled.

[@liska_dae]

I grew up on a farm. I knew what my parents did, and was in the fields myself by the age of 10. We were 'technically' wealthy, but most of that was tied up in equipment and land. I did not get an allowance. My first car was given to me by my grandmother, because she couldn't drive anymore, and was built when I was 9.

[@isismeow111]

Ive got my car from my mother, a 2013 honda crv. Well maintained from her so im very grateful to have it! Its got 100,000 + miles but im up keeping Hilda(i named her) and its my first car

[@KeylahJooste-gj8rs]

I feel like having privilege in finances specifically, and having luxury, does make you spoiled in technical terms, but that it isn't always a maliciously intended thing to be spoiled. In my eyes, spoiled means that you're so used to luxury that you struggle to see the world from the point of view of those without privilege. Sometimes it leads to bratty behaviour, and otjer times you're still a sweety like my best friend, who goofs up a bit sometimes by being completely shocked that I didn't experience certain luxuries like 8D movie threatres

[@thedragonssparkvideos]

I had to learn that being selfish in a healthy way for myself was ok; it wasn't wrong.

[@MeltedBrains89]

12:38 while I was practicing driving before getting my driver's license, I was parking and started at a bad angle. My mom had to take over for me because I had 2 people watching intently so I feel this. Although my crying break point so far was driving with rain so heavy I was having trouble seeing in front of me. I ended up parking and waiting for the rain to be managable. I felt better about my decision when I noticed that the empty parking lot was getting crowded and emptied again when the rain slowed down

[@katrinadaly1755]

I ‘spoil’ my dog with lots of attention, I give her pats or open the door for her to go outside whenever she asks (she has talking buttons) no matter what I’m doing, I ‘spoil’ her with high quality, expensive fresh food, bones and chews, I tried lots of different collars, harnesses, lead types etc. to find the ones she preferred, I regularly rotate the types of treats and flavours of them so that she doesn’t get bored of the same thing over and over again, I ‘spoil’ her with doing enrichment activities and finding little new things or tricks to teach her to keep her mind active, I let her decide whether she wants to stay at home or come out with me and whenever there’s a small choice about something that affects her (ie. the type of treats I use that day, the flavour to food she eats for breakfast, the toy she wants to play with etc.) by asking her (she knows which hand to touch for each option. She has her own little couch (because someone dumped it outside our house and she loved it so much that I couldn’t get rid of it so now it’s permanently in the house, she has like 5 different beds inside and outside so she always has a comfort spot to lay where she chooses. All of these things would probably be considered ‘spoiling’ her, especially letting her choose options for things, where she wants to go or what she wants to do etc. But I feel this is very different to ‘spoilt rotten’ you can be spoilt - in the time people spend with you, you things you have access to, the things you are given or your position in society but these things will not necessarily mean you are ‘spoilt rotten’ to where you expect and demand those things and your personality and others are impacted negatively because of it. My pup has all those choices, she has buttons so she can ask for things she wants, I buy gear, treats and foods she prefers and can eat (she has allergies as well) BUT she is not, and will not ever be spoilt rotten. She does training and earns every single meal and treat by making good choices and listening to commands. If we need to go to the vets or somewhere else that is a must, she has to go even if she doesn’t want to, if the weather is poor she can’t go outside, if I’m busy doing work she can’t have pats straight away, if she has food that needs to be eaten she has to eat that food even if it’s not a flavour she prefers, if she needs to have her nails trimmed or ears cleaned or coat brushed she can ask for a break but it’s just something we have to do until it’s done. We have rules and boundaries in my house, when we are on the lead or outside that I expect her to follow - just as she expects me to advocate for her and not put her in an environment where she is likely to fail. She’s only allowed to dog in her sand/dirt pit not the rest of the yard for example. If anyone saw how she lives where she has buttons to tell me her wants and gets choices about where we go, what we do and food/care related things they would definitely call her spoilt and I agree. But spoilt rotten is when owners feed their dogs so many treats that they are unhealthy weights, or their dog barks and barks until you give them dinner or let them inside, so owners who coddle their dogs and let them get away with inappropriate behaviour or a dog that won’t eat their food until you give them something they prefer more. So my dog does none of those things and I would never allow her to, so while, yes she is spoilt, she is not spoilt rotten and I think that ‘spoiling’ my dog in the ways I do - which allow her more freedom and control of her environment and that show I care about her wants, opinions and comfort is the best way to show how much she means to me.

[@katrinadaly1755]

When someone has been ‘spoilt rotten’ it means that the people/person who did the spoiling was not actually looking out for the person’s wellbeing or care long term - rather they were just spoiling them because ‘they’ themselves were feeling some kind of way (like guilty, overindulgent, people pleasing, favouritism etc.) which is when people become spoilt in a negative way (spoilt rotten) where they expect everyone to cater to and go out of their way for them or for them to get their way because it’s been set up as an expectation instead of a gesture.

[@erikapotgieter2221]

Here's everyone's reminder that prioritizing yourself isn't selfish. Putting your foot down and not compromising on things that are harmful to you is not selfish. You're allowed to put yourself first. You're allowed to not act in someone else's best interest when doing so is harmfull to yourself. And you're allowed to be selfish.

[@fluentlyilliterate9562]

I just want to say regarding your music - the moment I hear your voice singing I feel calmer. Thank you.

[@esf34147]

17:14 the whole monthly/weekly allowance was always a weird concept to me, i didn't have a weekly allowance, and my "monthly allowance" was the equivalent to 2 dollars. it's not even bc my parents couldn't give a bit more, it just never happened, but then i had a friend with a looot of money who got 25 dollars a week, which maybe seems like not a lot but in my country that is a lot for a week, especially bc we were KIDS who didn't need to buy any necessities, the money was all for whatever she wanted.

[@sleepingroses761]

I would say that there is certainly a correlation between privilege and being spoiled, but is doesn't have to be causational. For people who have privilege, context is key to preventing being spoiled, I think. It also depends how you respond to that context.

[@leekestner1554]

I laughed when you said you didn't need cars with the seat heater. At your age I thought the same thing. Since I live in the Southeast US I had always considered them vain luxury. I granted they could be considered basic need in the Northeast and Mid West and North West where the snow gets deep and cold. But now that I am over 60 I will never buy a car without the heated seats because of arthritis.

[@NeverLoveNiila]

I don't think being spoiled is always bad. I grew up as an only child. My parents weren't rich by any means, but I got spoiled by wider family, undivided attention and I did struggle in the past with situations where people did not care about my feelings because that wasn't something I ever experienced growing up. BUT I had an amazing mother and I rather struggled a little learning that the world didn't revolve around me and had a wonderful childhood with lots of attention than the other way round. Today I am pretty well adjusted... just a little flashy ;) Also having privilege and recognizing that privilege is not the same as being spoilt

[@darrensanderson1031]

Nah, while it’s true that you don’t really know what’s going on in someone else’s life and what their resources/costs are etc, Billionaires are exempt from that. If you’re a Billionaire, then you have zero excuses or complaints around resources. If you’ve got so much wealth/worth that you could quit work and still spend millions a year for the rest of their life with zero concerns, then you deserve no sympathy or regard. The rest of us have real problems.

[@Seraphina-Rose]

Surely billionaires can have problems too. Surely they're people who have issues and problems, not "zero concerns". As such, surely they deserve sympathy for their troubles, because they're people. No amount of money can make up for a loved one dying, for example.

[@darrensanderson1031]

I wasn’t aware that the death of a loved one counted as “Resoirces”?

[@celeste_a113]

Most houses, where we live are at least are 400k+, unless it's a project house that would need 2-3 its worth of work done on it. We're not even near any of the big cities, so it does feel like you have to make 200k a year to just afford a home.

[@bglas8562]

The only good way to spoil someone is with love

[@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023]

This! I like getting up early and both my husband and my son are born night owls, so I bring each a cup of coffee to bed to make workday mornings more manageable. It costs me next to nothing and makes their lives so much nicer.

[@eatsleepdie1682]

I remember in highschool I had a classmate who got monthly allowance of 50€ ever since she was a kid and I did npt get allowance up until I was 19 when I moved into a dorm for the last year of highschool due to worsening of our country's train system. I started getting 20€ per week but it covered also my food and the dorm payments (mind it I lived in the capital city so thats 1 carton of milk for 2€ and such).. one day I asked this friend if she could get me a burger as she was going to mcdonalds while I had a lesson and didn't have lunch on that day. I told her that I would pay her back next week when I got money. She said "oh but can't you pay me back now? I mean you already get pocket money, right?" Girl fork you I just paid my monthly dorm and barely have anything to eat. I know damn well you can afford one delayed payment burger and you know I don't break my promises..

[@Maggie.can.hug.every.cat.]

I'm 30 and only just learning to drive now. I'm getting somewhat comfortable with it but still refuse to do car parks. So stressful.

[@EmoNightDragon]

I have a favorite jacket that really fits the style I like, and I do get extra compliments on it (it's got metallic looking embroidery so it's a bit of a statement piece). A few times I answer "thanksss, I got it on sale, I love it" cuz I'm genuinely so happy I found it 🎉 Would never brag about something in the way that girl did tho omfg 0.o

[@lemcy1256]

Concerning the scholarship thingy at 20:45: I did the same for my uni exchange year to Japan, without the bratty "so it's whatever", because my parents could afford to support me and I didn't want to take away the opportunity from someone who really needed a scholarship... Just don't flex about it!

[@Rolbell]

Part of the problem I have with this high schooler’s question is the teacher he/she asked that to almost certainly made 25% or less than the number they mentioned. It may have been good old fashioned cruelty asking that question of that person.

[@ROCKONplaceboforever]

This is crazy that people so spoilt great video hopefully you do more of these 😊

[@SageRue]

Just heard the new song! In love ❤️

[@TiBunCosplay]

I feel like there is a lot of overlap between spoiled and privileged, but the two are not mutually exclusive.

[@EmoNightDragon]

If I were to buy a car, I would be most focused on -"is it safe?", - "is it practical for what I need it for (luggage space etc.) -" is it in good enough condition so I won't have to do huge repairs really soon?" - and" is it easy to drive, so I can focus on the traffic? " Anything extra would be a bonus like dayum...

[@alexis_evans1]

I think spoiled and privileged can go together, but it doesn't necessarily have to. I may be biased of course in my thinking in that I feel my family was privileged in ways yet I don't really remember being spoiled if you know what I mean?? I grew up in a middle class home with my parents and brother, we had everything we needed, always had food, had two vehicles, drove to Florida for a couple family vacations, but we also were on the lower income side I guess. We couldn't afford school lunch everyday so my mom made home lunches and we picked one day a week for hot lunch. I bought a lot of my own toys and books (not that my parents didn't buy me any I just loved toys and books), and I saved up my babysitting money and bought my own iPod Touch after 6th grade. I was grateful when we got gifts especially our Wii for Christmas one year. However when I was 11-12, our house was foreclosed on and it was honestly devastating. Not to mention my parents then got divorced and my mom moved into low income housing and my dad into his parent's house. We still had everything we needed, and of course some things we didn't, but never really anything extravagant nor did I expect more than I deserved. So I do think there is a definite line but they can also overlap 🤷‍♀️

[@alexhika]

Such an interesting topic! I consider myself very privileged (white middle-class family with supportive parents), but not particularly spoiled? My parents did everything to make sure I never struggled with money (e.g. I didn't have to work when I was at uni) and they never let me pay for stuff if we do something together (I think I managed to pay for their food twice or three times since I've been an employed adult, they get seriously offended 😂), but they also don't throw money at me. It's great to know I could always turn to them if I need help, that's suuuuper privileged, but I'm not sure it's equivalent to being spoiled 🤔 I know people from a significant lower background who acted more spoiled when I was a teen, for example they would pressure their parents into getting certain expensive gifts (there's was a whole thing in my high school about taking small loans to buy Vuitton bags, like parents would start paying monthly so that the bag would be fully paid by Christmas). I always found that so weird 🤔

[@tylerrslays]

the minimum $200,000 thing reminds me of a girl in my class that said you can get a ‘decently good’ house for 5 MILLION AUD. I was gobsmacked. For reference, the average price for a house in my city is around 1 Million, and 5 million AUD is 3.3 Million USD.

[@blackmoonroze9336]

Well, we still say go ahead and spoil yourself every once in a while. So it can still be healthy... but I still hate spoiled behavior more than selfish tbh.

[@TransDragon]

I love Shaaba's music! 💚

[@UltimatBlitz]

This has nothing to do with being selfish or spoilt, but "overheard" reminded me of a young woman I heard in the college health center. I'm just waiting for my appointment and I hear one of the two women in the row of seats in front of me go "I just LOVE Japan. Mulan is my favorite Disney movie." :

[@poisonivvsthecrohnmonster8288]

The car one is funny to me because my husband’s parents were the opposite when we were expecting his Dad offered him a car not to marry me. 25 years and still happy

[@Him_He_Me]

My parents were like.."None of your damn business" if I asked about their wages, how much the house or car cost, who they voted for. So I learned about nothing in life.

[@unapologeticallylizzy]

I just treated myself to a new jacket with some of my birthday money. The jacket was on sale. It cost me €35. I love this jacket, though. It's red, fake leather and fluffy inside, perfect to wear as a coat this time of year in the country I'm in and makes me feel like Emma Swan.

[@flotenstimme4608]

I do not know if spoiled can be confused with demanding or having self esteem. Like I know a lot of people that would not complain (you get in a restaurant the wrong drink and say it is ok, even if it isnt just not to be spoiled, or you d like something vegan, but instead of asking if they can serve the pizza without cheese you just order a salad and say that is enough and pretend not to be hungry). So people do not ask what would be ok to ask from fear of being "too" spoiled. And then this "low level" spoiled would be ok...

[@TKVonMerrik]

Cars for me are 'Does it run well? Is it affordable to fix? Does it have heat and A/C?'

[@C-SD]

With the "my parents can pay for it" girl. I think it was a matter of tone. She could've been rubbing it in, if that makes any sense.

[@kieran89uk]

The only time "being spoilt" is a good thing is when an older relative like a grandparent sees their grandchildren and gives them treats they wouldn't normally get. Lol

[@wizard-lizard]

For being selfish or spoiled, I feel like they are words meant to describe the worst version of a normal feeling/behavior. When someone is spoiled or entitled it's a lack of graciousness or thoughtfulness for the things in your life, and when someone is selfish, it's the extreme version of putting yourself above others. I don't feel a need to reclaim those specific words because the words are used to describe the most extreme version of those traits, and are useful to describe real bad behavior in the world. Although the traits themselves are not terrible in small doses I would just use a different word to describe them if I didn't mean it negatively.

[@annablue2799]

I once met a girl on summer camp that littarally frow money out the window. Like she frow 2 cents out the window, like multiple times. (And I went outside and picked it up)

[@kellyl13]

I think I think of the term "selfish" differently from you; I tend to define "selfish" as doing what you want at the expense of everyone else whereas I define "self-centered" as mainly focusing on your own stuff going on in your life, which can be either good or bad depending on context. I think it's human to be self-centered sometimes, especially in Western cultures that emphasize individualism. Because of this, when I hear someone is "selfish" vs "spoiled", "selfish" has a more negative connotation to me because for a "spoiled" person, the fault lies with their upbringing, not the person themself.

[@BlizzardSiya16]

I don't think there is a good "spoiled"; if you are spoiled, you are given things and feel entitled to them rather than grateful for them, and you are rotted out by those things. People often misuse spoiled when they mean doted on. Partly because I think that there's an idea that if you give others things for little reasons, then they are bound to become entitled to them, when that isn't true. Like, a dog is "spoiled" when given so many treats for nothing that it refuses to eat proper food to try and make you give it more treats instead. When they are given treats for activity, that's reward; a little extra is doting. But they still know that they have earned that treat by doing something, rather than by existing near enough to you to puppy-dog guilt trip you into giving them one.

[@Jamie-hy5ey]

When someone says their significant other spoils them, that can be meant affectionately, as in to show appreciation imo. These people sound closer to entitlement.

[@skandar3]

4:03 Omg honestly tysm.

[@cutegixie]

So I initially thought spoiled might have to do with how we call food that went bad spoiled, but I looked it up and it's older meaning was much closer to 'pillage' (according to a quick Google search) and also like tanning a hide. Which is interesting because I would've assumed the negative association was related to the rot of old food, but gains through violence also makes sense. Anyway I think the only time I use it positively is in my relationship/towards other people (ex: I want to spoil you). Otherwise it feels p bad