What are your funniest D&D Stories (Dungeon Masters only)?

[@KaiseroftheBlade]

I have been so much more happy now that I have an actually good D&D Reddit channel what isn’t just tts

[@Tom_S420]

Yeah, if only the person reading this didn't add "humorous" quips and noises, that are just annoying and not at all funny, I'd be over the moon 🙃 But it's a next best thing anyway 😉

[@bobosserdet1459]

Well this channel used to be that. Goes to show that support and a channel that cares can change and become better

[@adriannelson4214]

Honestly, I miss the OG text-to-speech

[@Dscha]

@@Tom_S420 this.

[@LadyCrest]

@@Tom_S420 i personally like that, bcz i have a lot of other variations so this ones good to pretend like we r reading it together XD. maybe "all things dnd" would suit u better? if u hadnt watched it yet.

[@LordDukane]

Oh I've been waiting for this one. Our group took out an adolescent White Dragon, and were trying to find a way to prove to the village at the base of the mountain that the dragon was dead. They could have easily delivered a tooth, or a fang, but they just HAD to listen to the first idea blurted out by none other than the barbarian. "Let's take him down like a sled!" So I ask the party how they're going to get this dragon going, and they more or less form a bobsled team and get a running start and hop on the dead dragon's back. I start rolling for terrain on the way down, and it ended up surprisingly smooth for a long way. After the party was just reaching terminal velocity, a sudden protrusion formed a ramp. The group was not going to be able to avoid it, so again shouts the barbarian, "QUICK! GRAB THE WINGS!" So my party of weaponized poor decisions turn this corpse into a hang glider as the guards in the city unload their entire stock of arrows, and reloads their pants with whatever they had for lunch, thinking the dragon decided to attack the city! After a horrible crash landing, everyone rolls to stay on the dragon's back. Of all people, our local ACROBAT nat 1s the roll and goes sailing face first THROUGH the door of the tavern, splintering it into a rain of wooden slivers. He managed to roll a nat 20 perform check to play it off by rolling on the floor, popping up and shouting, "OLÉ!" before doubling over and vomiting blood upon realizing that he arrived with 1 hit point left! I love my group, but the moral of the story hear is painfully true... The barbarian is NOT the idea man.

[@ADMICKEY]

That's amazing

[@AndyKennett]

"You didn't have to bring the WHOLE dragon to us!!!"

[@LordDukane]

​@@AndyKennettThey wanted to bring it down to supply the town with scales. Lol 😅 My group is odd. 😂

[@Slipte]

Tell us how the town reacted i really wanna know it

[@LordDukane]

@@Slipte Well first out the gate the guards sounded the alarm into absolute panic and abject terror. They blew their entire supply of arrows pincusioning this flying corpse. As it came down people were scrambling into their homes and panicking... pretty much as you'd expect during a live dragon attack. As this thing smashed to the ground, the place was silent for a good 5 minutes before anyone dared to come outside. Though... supplying the scales, claws, horns, bones, and meat of a fully grown dragon to the city without any degradation from age? The town absolutely loved that, and became significantly wealthier because of it. The bar on the other hand was full of drunken laughter, as the guy made the most bizarre entrance I've ever had to describe as a DM (and I once described The Mask as an antagonist... but that's a story for another time 🤣)

[@kyleward3914]

A player of mine used to call out various skill checks he was making as a joke. If they were walking, he'd call out "Walk check" for example. One time, while camping next to a pit trap they'd discovered, he called out "Eat check!" I had him roll for it. On his natural one, not only did he fail to eat anything, he became violently sick to his stomach into the pit. As an added bonus, another low roll had him nearly fall into that same pit on the way back through the area after fighting an animated set of encyclopedias.

[@Jessie_Helms]

In Icewind Dale the party was going into the castle at Caer Dineval. I asked everyone to roll investigation or insight as they entered the courtyard, and most of them got a mix of 10-18 getting descriptions of the stables, the stable boy, subtle signs of a struggle. And then there was Grunt. Grunt, the half-orc fighter, had a 5 intelligence. How? We rolled stats and he rolled a fucking three. THREE. I pity upped it to 5 and made it a house rule that you can’t have a stat under 5 when you roll. Well, he rolled like a 3, so I had him roll history or religion- -2 total. “You see a small building made of rough hewn wood, with a wooden door, a crescent moon carved into it. Clearly, this is a small shrine to the moon goddess.” Every time after that when they ran into an outhouse- it was an outhouse lol- he’d say a quick prayer to the moon goddess. And once he and the wizard got into a heated argument where the wizard pointed out “there’s literal SHIT inside of there” and he got mad, saying that was no way to talk about a god’s shrine, only to be mortified when he saw shit inside it, and screamed about “Who could do such a thing?!”

[@denmark5354]

Headcanon that after the mintaur ''phased'' through the wall, there was a big minotaur shaped hole in said wall.

[@ncamon]

A player of mine with a Harengon Bard was scouting. Eventually he finds a patrol, and I have him roll a stealth check; Nat 1. I tell him he has a few seconds before he is spotted. His reaction was to have his character strip naked, crouch down, and say "Rabbit, Rabbit" over and over. I had him throw deception after we all could find a breath from laughing; total 25. The patrol retreated by not wanting to deal with the giant wildlife in the area.

[@minimishapsgames894]

Occam Was Not Present - The Rogue sneakily entered the room with the mystic tree. Atop the tree was a large gem that would visibly take two hands to remove. The climb check went well, the perception critically failed and the rogue found themselves atop the tree up to his waist in immovable sap. The player laughed and proclaimed that he was an Astral Elf, so could simply teleport away. The DM (me) ruled that the gem was held and not equipped, so he would be teleporting without it. The 8 players and 3 guests proceed to meta game for 30 minutes trying to help the Rogue figure out what class and heritage abilities and their spells could help him get out of the tree with the gem (I allowed this knowing the next part). After they gave up, an insight check was made (nat 20). I deadpan simply said, "Toss down the gem and teleport to it."

[@AndyKennett]

Cue everyone facepalming lol

[@Zych.Grzegorz]

My favorite moment from a recent campaign was one of the following exchange: PC: "Wait a minute. DM, did this small Drow just tear a hobgoblin into two with his bare hands?" Me: "Yes". PC: " well shit..."

[@notlaw910]

Im running Phandelver and Below right now, currently on chapter 3. The group was going through Neverwinter Wood and came across a wild Owlbear. We had just rolled for initiative, when one of the members spoke up and asked "Is an Owlbear an animal?". I responded no, it was a monster. We took a vote. We deemed it was an animal. Player proceeded to roll for animal handling. I watched in horror as the die hit 20. The party now has a pet Owlbear.

[@WadeWilsonDP]

My sister pulled some similar BS so her Druid can turn into one.

[@lapislazarus]

Last Monday (October 23rd), I ran a Halloween one shot that did end up becoming a two shot. It was a haunted mansion sort of one shot that had the players solving puzzles and crapping their pants from spooky audio cues. The players’ experience ranged from “played a few years ago” to never having played before. As they were solving puzzles, they found a room with an automatically playing piano that powered Tesla coils that powered the whole mansion. There were 5 suits of armor in this room that would animate and attack the party if they inspected the armor, which the bard did. A long combat ensues as this level 5 party cannot roll above a 16 for the life of them until the tide of the fight swings in their favor, and someone destroyed an animated armor with a crit Chill Touch and described how he killed it with “the old dick twist”

[@activekiwi1221]

In my second OneShot I had a boss-fight against a sorcerer in a magical crystal-cave. Those crystals increased his chance to get a wild magic surge. The fight went on, and it was a hard fight for the party. He also got good surges, like invisibility. At the end, when they killed the sorcerer, they had a collective HP-pool of like 7 or something, but then: The sorcerer knew he was defeated, but as he died, he let his wild magic go… wild a Last time. The players were on edge. I rolled the percentile… 40. I rolled the d10… 2…. As the sorcerer died, he used his last magic, to turn into a fucking potted-plant😂. We were laughing for about 10 minutes. It was crazy

[@jonathanmarks3112]

Hahahaha!!!

[@lazerboi6607]

About 2ish years ago my group was going to a magic academy to try to find help to defeat the random undead that were appearing, they didn't know what was causing it yet. On their way they meet a traveling merchant which sells goodies. Ofc the new player is becoming crazy and asks, "can I attack with my 2 hand axes". At this rate I wanted to see what would happen. I said sure and he rolled for attack, he rolled very high and attacked. He only needed one move, he says " AND I RAISE MY AXES" . HE CHOPPED THE POOR MERCHANTS HEAD OFF. We still quote it from time to time

[@Hoyobot2]

One time I was dming a group of people that collectively agreed that they were going to be super evil. They found a random child in the woods that was lost, the only reason they didn’t kill her was because they wanted to go back to the town and kill her in front of her mom. They fell into a cultist trap on the way back to town and had to solve puzzles and get clues to get out. They ended up forgetting about the kid. At the end of the temple there was a statue to bhaal killing a lonesome kid with one magically locked door. They killed the kid (which thought they would do) and escaped later the mom appeared, the group ended up TAKING HER TO THE TEMPLE AND SACRIFICING HER!

[@eros5420]

I have one player that always makes me laugh. First time he encountered a mimic, he had gone ahead of the group and being generous and because he did roll perception fairly well, I told him the lock on the chest blinks like an eye. He then meant to stage whisper to his party but being a wild magic sorcerer had rolled to yell everything. So the dungeon shakes with the voice of his minotaur yelling "EYE CHEST!" Lol. He also immediately guessed the hag in a certain module. I describe an old lady pushing a cart selling meat pies. He says "Nope! No way man. That's gotta be a witch. I bet those pies are like cursed or something. Made from people or kids or something." I was laughing quietly to myself trying not to give away he exactly got it right. Well when the hag offered him a meat pie he felt obligated to eat it as it was polite lol. They were curse kid meat pie. Once again, same player had asked me to make a "foot trap" when his party was held up in a building. I asked if he meant like a "Snare Trap." He says no... a foot trap. I ask what he means. He describes a Snare Trap. The other players mock him. Lol.

[@kwiekadrian4]

We were running Warhammer fantasy 2nd edition with some homebrew changes. A few sessions back I gave one player a self reloading magical pistol, as he was making a gunslinger character. He never used it and it was the first time. First shot. He shot the dwarf friend in the back... With critical failure of max possible level. Dwarf despite wearing heavy armor would be dead on spot, but he used Destiny Point (critical situation points allowing to save character from certain death, there are only few for the whole character) so the dwarf ended up knocked down with armor ripped to shreds and bleeding out from the back. Gunslinger reloads the gun and shoots again. Critical failure. Max level. Their cleric from the other side of the room is one shot KO. He uses his daily ability that allows him to endure the shot leaving him with 1 HP. Then the gunslinger shoots again. Critical failure again. Max level again. Cleric gets one between the eyes again. It was so ridiculous and he was the only support of the party struggling with their shit, so I told him to roll for his god divine intervention to save him and he succeeded. The gunslinger was more effective in killing his party than the Nurgle spawns that were surrounding them.

[@piecewisefunctioneer]

I accidentally made bunny rabbits terrifying. I don't know how, but all I did was just throw a bunny rabbit in the scene I was describing. My players were ridiculously cautious of it. They decided to take a 3 day diversion along the peak of the valley than walk through the grassland middle where the rabbit was. From then I started throwing bunny rabbits randomly into my descriptions. Everytime they saw a rabbit they acted like they've just seen 3 pixies. It was very funny. In the battle with the BBEG I threw a rabbit into the combat. Just to see what my players would do. The rabbit just ran around while my barbarian and paladin decided to chase it around (missing) trying to kill it. The BBEG took out the bard and the rogue. The party died all because my players thought the rabbit was the BBEG all along. I really enjoyed GM-ing that campaign.

[@Moose_Cavalry]

I am currently the DM of my very own and first homebrew campaign took me time to set up write and figure it all out but here I am with a party of about 6 players that are constantly present and 2 players that show up when they can. Most encounters can get wildly out of hand with all 8 at the table but this one moment was pretty notable as they had just brought an NPC known as Darren (the sorceress' apprentice) back to the city of RavensGlen from the Sorceress' keep which was over run by a lich's curse and a hell of a lot of undead. Long story short the party had knocked Darren unconscious during a fight with him because he contracted Lycanthropy so he was not awake upon arrival. The sorceress concerned for apprentice asked the party if he was still alive, that's when the parties dwarven barbarian said "of course he's alive, see!" then proceeded to roll to slap Darren without specifying if it was none lethal or not I tried to prevent the unintentional kill by telling the player the hit was successful and no damage roll was necessary, but the played insisted on rolling for damage as "he deserves some punishment for nearly killing us." Low and behold Darren in human form had 4hp total and was at 0hp at the current time. The Dwarf rolled a whopping 7 damage killing Darren instantly Infront of his master. OBVIOUSLY the Sorceress was furious and used Banishment to send the Dwarf to the Fey realm. while the Dwarf was banished the rest of the party agreed to pay for a resurrection for the Sorceress who had hired them last session to save Darren. In the end the Dwarf player was brought back in one piece, Darren was revived and reunited with his Master and the rest of the party continues to poke fun at the Dwarf for being stronger than he is smart. Still has to be my best and favorite party of delinquents that I've ever run a game for. We also have a man who thinks he's a minotaur and seems to like eating random magical trinkets for no reason. Lemmy the Minotaur guitarist who eats magical items is a story for another time however.

[@shydog7276]

I'm not even here for the stories anymore; I'm here for MrRipper just trying to make it through them 😂

[@100dfrost]

We had never played anything but Gen 1 & 2 when we got a hold of a 3.5 Monster Manual, and they gave instructions on playing several of the different monsters so we decided to try them out. We had a 3.5 Firbolg, much more powerful than a 5E one, a half golem and an outsider (race not given here for brevity) that looked basicly human, but with bright pink skin. I took this crew into The Assassins' Knot. In a town formerly named Lakeside, now Garroten ( literally Strangleville) investigating the murder of a local ruler the party went to the town's only inn. Garroten is "rumored" to have an assassins guild. In this inn there is a character who is the gang's contact man for potential customers for assassinations named Capt Basmar who has a very low charisma, and dresses entirely in black. The outsider player took one look at the Capt and said loudly "oh subtle, hey do you know where we can find any assassins?" In a loud voice across the inn's common room. The Capt came across the room to start trouble, but the "Drow", in reality a polymorphed Firbolg, stood up to try to calm him down, Basmar pulled a knife (dagger of venom) the "Drow" punched him with a crit, he was not out of the fight, so he punched him again, a second crit and Basmar was dead. The innkeeper, a Gen 1 Psionic, used Psionic Blast on the party and succeeded in driving the half golem into a rage that tore up most of the inn, and killed several members of the town guard, this sent the investigation under ground. It was a hilarious beginning to a unique campaign. A good time was had by all .. well except for the assassins, but that's another story.

[@DangerousAvocado]

So, my party has a companion that has been with us the entire game, just hanging around, his name is William and he is a lion with a human face (not a manticore) that flies without wings. We have a cleric in our party that is an earth genasi that's 500 years old and has no idea why he has lived this long (earth genasi lifespan is similar to human) he has slowly gone insane and now worships William as a god, the god of chaos in our campaign loves this.

[@ArmorPiercingDiscardingBozo]

I'm just imagining on the last story if the DM made him roll constitution, rolls low enough, and the DM saying "While you rip a fat one in an attempt to gas the enemies, you effectively shit yourself because you let it rip too hard" 🤣

[@GuukanKitsune]

My party's Monk broke his own leg fighting a snowman. Not an animated snowman. Or an ice elemental. An ordinary-ass shaped pile of snow. The same party had our Fighter fall into the same pointy pit trap FIVE TIMES in as many rounds. It wasn't even concealed the first time, because the Druid had already fallen into it. He was climbing into it to try and get the Druid out. And he fell in, onto the spikes. He then proceeded to fail at literally EVERY method of getting out he could think of. Causing both himself... AND THE POOR DRUID... to repeatedly fall onto the spikes. Twice he fell... ONTO THE DRUID, onto the spikes. He was reduced to single-digit HP over the course of this and the poor Druid was totally unconscious by the time they actually got out (she had barely been spiked the first time and was just stuck.) They got out because the rest pf the party got shovels and just _dug them a ramp._

[@Tripter]

So one of my party members ended up having to go afk, so he let me control his character until he got back. The party was in the middle of a fight with a giant shark and the character I was controlling was a wizard and on shore, so after seeing that the paladin in my party wanted to punch the shark for whatever reason, I used chill touch and slapped the shark right in front of him. Shortly after on his turn he got a critical hit with unarmed strike and killed it. Funniest moment that I've ever DM'd for.

[@ShadowDude6488]

During a homebrewed one-shot I was running, the party comes across a town where a friendly NPC is from. It was formed by previously evil monsters that survived purification by paladins and wanted to start a new life as good citizens. They get to the NPCs house, whoose name is Jennifer (Grell with a pink bow on her head), and they're greeted by a Griffin named Janice, claiming to be her mother. Inside they see a quaint kitchen and living room, and on the opposite side of the table is a giant open newspaper and trail of smoke from a pipe. It asks if they're his daughter's new friends, stating they shouldn't have any ulterior motives, and mentioning her beauty at every chance he got. Then someone said it... "Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder." The look the rest of the party gave the member as the newspaper lowered, revealing to be a beholder with a pipe as he asks, "Your point?" "I guess you would know best." They then agreed to not let him be wrong, and that the beholder's name is Daryl.

[@jonathanmarks3112]

That is a great example of talking your way out of a nasty situation.

[@SomeRandomKydd]

My players were inside an abandoned tavern with a back room they needed to get something out of before leaving. So the door out was locked. One rogue wanted to pick the lock. I said “ok but it’s gonna be contested.” Multiple of them freaked out thinking the door was actually a mimic! Well the rogue rolled a nat 20 while the door rolled a nat 1 so they got it open but there was only pitch blackness outside even to those with dark vision. I eventually guided them to the back room where they fought some rats and acquired the time they needed for the campaign but their faces when they got contested by a door was hilarious! 😂

[@israfel070]

I LOVE the idea of a fantasy insurance corporation in Faerun which is then incentivized to protect its assets

[@Pina-Azwel]

I was a new DM to a group of new players, so we were running Lost Mines as a learning experience for us all. One of us couldn't make it to the session, so over the course if a couple weeks, I sat down and did a short solo session (with mixed results on difficulty, as you can imagine) with them separately to explain in a story sense how they are gaining their new powers as they reach level 3. The Halfling Ranger is subclassing into Gloomstalker, with Goblins as his prefered prey. He gets kidnapped by a Cult of Fanatic Goblins who are going to sacrifice him to their god. Well he escapes and steals one of their cloaks as a disguise. I've planned this session around stealth, since thats what the Ranger really likes. Its not meant to be combat heavy since if he's caught, he'd be quickly overpowered by the goblins. Well, he's sneaking through the caves, assassinating goblins rather successfully one by one. He reaches a room with a couple goblins and a pit in the center holding Wargs. He wants to get past them, but doesn't want to let them live, either. So he goes back to the previous room and grabs the body of a previously killed goblin and brings it to the warg pits with it slung over his shoulder. And then, through a series of successful deception checks, straight up Weekend at Bernies this goblins corpse right up to them explaining how drunk he is. The goblins tell him to get him out of here, and with one more roll on athletics, manages to throw the corpse at both goblins, knocking all of them into the warg pits. And the scent of blood from the corpse sends the wargs into a feeding frenzy. Needless to say, he was very proud of himself, and I really didn't see it coming. XD Tl:dr Halfling Rogue uses Weekend at Bernies tactics to escape and kill goblin kidnappers.

[@SolemnHeretic]

I'm DMing for a campaign of Dark Heresy 2nd Edition, which is set in the Warhammer 40k universe. This is also the first time I've ever played a ttrpg. So far it's going well. We just wrapped up the first chapter of the campaign, and we're taking a break for the holiday season before coming back to it in January. Now that I've established all that, on to the story. In the second session, the party (all of them Inquisitorial agents) had set up an observation post in a couple of hotel rooms in a resort being run by a street gang that had graduated to organized crime. Their goal was to gather intel on the gang, find a person of interest nicknamed Mouse, and find out about something I had hinted at in the first session, that was called Rapture. After discreetly asking around at the hotel for clues as to what this 'Rapture' could be, of the dealers at the card tables informs the smuggler that he wants some Rapture, he can either go to the backrooms of the resort to get it, or have one 'the girls' bring it up to their room. Five minutes later a hooker shows up to the party's hotel rooms. In the room are the medic and the psyker, and the sniper is in the adjoining room, keeping an eye on the crowds below. Before they even open the door, the medic hands a tranquilizer dart to the psyker and says, "You'll know what to do when the time is right." The psyker is very confused by this but doesn't say anything. After letting her in, the medic tries to make small talk with the hooker, but is doing really bad at it. His plan was to distract the woman long enough that the psyker could administer a small dose of it, leaving her in a conscious but agreeable state so they could ask her questions about what was really going on at this hotel. This is not what happened. The medic proceeds to say more and more awkward things trying to keep the woman distracted, and it's clearly obvious he actually knows nothing about Rapture. So the woman pulls out a small baggie from her purse full of pink and purple dust. The psyker immediately senses that whatever this drug is, it has an aura of very faint Warp corruption. For those of you unfamiliar with 40k, suffice to say that this is BAD. So the psyker panics and jabs the woman with the tranq dart while she is distracted, according to plan, but also injects her with the ENTIRE DOSE. And that was how, at the end of my second-ever session as a DM, my party ended up with a tranquilized prostitute in their hotel room.

[@destructor3152]

Our wizard bragged about his tax evasion so When the party seized a dragon hoard the department of Treasury seized his share for 50 years of unpaid taxes.

[@sharonblack6228]

DM here! My group were tasked with exploring a ship that had run aground and had to find certain artefacts. One was on the lowest deck searching around in the dark doing their darndest to avoid a ghoul that was wandering around. Meanwhile on the 2nd deck the other friend decided to open a locked chest, with a large axe, VERY LOUDLY, alerting the ghoul to HER position. The friend on the lowest deck decided to jump onto the back of the ghoul to save the oblivious friend on the second deck, while yelling "HELLLP, I CAN'T HOLD ON! GET YO BUTT DOWNHERE NOW!" They did somehow manage to kill the ghoul. Plus with various failed attacking attempts and athletics checks throughout the adventure there were several face planting moments and unconscious body dragging. It was hilarious.

[@Maqar06]

Back in HS I was running a dungeon delving campaign and my younger brother asked if a friend of his who had been playing AD&D for years could play and, not seeing an issue, I said yes. That was where the headaches all started. This guy seemed to want to play all the stereotypes at once, lone wolf, Mary Sue, glory hound, and treasure whore, the whole shebang. To try to get his way he was an Uber rules lawyer. To top it all off his character was a Dollar General Raistlin from Dragonlance. Now I have always been more a follower of the Rule of Cool. I like a good story and I want to keep it rolling as much as possible to help with the immersion but this guy was making that dang near impossible. After defeating a decently powerful foe for their level only to have the wizard bully and verbally abuse the party to get to keep the magic thing-a-MA-Bob (Hey, this was over 30 years ago) it was clear that everyone, myself included, had had enough of this guy. Instead of kicking him out though I revamped a trap just a few rooms over. So they enter and there is an altar with cryptic, spider writing on it. The wizard loudly declared that this was a puzzle for the learned and proceeded to try to read the script. I had him roll to see if he could read it and he failed. He then launched into some crazy story about how, since it wasn't a critical failure that because of some special rule he once read about in a book we didn't have on hand that he had actually had passed. I had anticipated this and told him, "Okay, your character is confident that the inscription says something about something called the Wish of Eggoflan" and gives instructions on how to activate the altar. The wizard smugly walks up to the altar and puts his hands on it and loudly invokes the Wish of Eggoflan. At this point Several of the other players start gathering their things to leave but I ask them to wait just a moment. In my deepest DM voice I announced that the torches lining the walls grow dim and suddenly go out before flaring back to life. Where the wizard once stood is now a large Belgian waffle...with a face. The wizard's player starts to complain but I silence him and tell everyone else that all they hear from the waffle is a series of loud and long belches. That's right, he wasn't turned into a Belgian waffle, he was turned into a Belching waffle! Needless to say the wizard was pissed and the other players were practically wetting themselves laughing. Once they calmed down I then asked for perception checks. They all passed and I said that they noticed 2 things. First, there had appeared on the altar a large plate and a very large bottle of maple syrup. The second thing was they heard a voicecoming from behind them in the distance saying, "Eggoflan, hungry. Want waffles!" Shortly after that a large minotaur resplendent in his loin cloth and napkin under his chin combo sporting a large knife and fork entered the room and yelled, "Leggo my eggo!" At this point The players, who had already picked up the wizard, started running for the door. What ensued was a crazy maze race where the rest of the party discovered how to restore the wizard and ultimately humility was learned and that problem player actually was able to relax and integrate into the group and many more adventures were had with all of us enjoying the game. :)

[@georgeromo3506]

Love the video, definitely needed the laugh.

[@SolaceHuntsman]

I added “bagpipes of invisibility” to my game. I got the idea from a previous Mr Ripper vid. I thought it’d be a throwaway item for my players just as a bit. What did they do? One of them used a shell from a dead Tortle, and a scythe to “rowboat” themselves across the grounds of a Rune Knight school, while another played the bagpipes with no proficiency. So I narrated these horrified Rune Knight students looking on and observing someone using a dead body and a farm implement to scrape across the cobblestone as music was produced from seemingly nowhere.

[@postapocalypticnewsradio]

PANR has tuned in.

[@agame4free]

Just had my first d&d session and we were tasked with slaying a goblin camp for the king 4 pc a human fighter(me) A human rogue A dragon born archer And a half ork cleric And we absolutely bullied one of the goblins Rogue checks out one F the tents and finds out that one of the goblins is going thru a divorce while this is happening I nat 20 a suplex a goblin causing his head to fly straight at the goblin later finds out he now holding his best man’s head the archer lands a shot and cleaves of his pinky cousins him to fall over in pain now hears the fun part the archer whose 70ft away tried doing a brackflip 17 on acrobatics 3 on the hit he doesn’t even pull his bow sting back the goblin sees this very confused the the rogue comes up with a scythe ready to end him fumbles the roll and a bird comes and poops on home causing him to miss I go into a tent the goblin is to stunned to move then the rogue goes on again and again the bird is there The archers tries another flip shot nat 1 he flips and the bird comes and rips of his leg he then lands on the arrow he had in the bow and is now at 1 hp and unconscious the rogue also tries a flip and steps on his own foot the goblin is to confused to move I go up to the archer with the cleric the cleric grabs the leg and heals it back on I pull out my bagpipes wich I’m proficient in and attemp to play 16 I play so well that he gains 5 hp I’m so exited I flip DM tells me to roll disadvantage due to holding the bag pipes a 17 after disadvantage the goblin is having a nervous break down the rogue fails again to hit him I then trough a hand full of gold coins I found in the tent at the archer roll s 17 on performance and hit him from 10ft away not enough to do damage though the cleric starts to yell at me, I roll deception and try to tell him it’s his fault 16 the cleric fumbles the insight roll and beloved me the goblin seeing me play the bagpipes flip and then throw gold coins at my basically dead friend has a heart attack and dies.

[@slayallrebels5996]

I was DMing a homebrew game, the party was investigating the graveyard of a creepy little town they recently arrived in. Fast forward a bit, and the party is chasing a banderhobb through the graveyard that was unleashed to kidnap someone in said creepy town. During the fight, some Deathlocks join the Banderhobb's side and cast Hunger of Hadar on the cleric and the artificer. The cleric, being a Light Domain cleric, used Radiance of the Dawn in response. Here's where things get chaotic. Radiance of the Dawn specifically says that it dispells all magical darkness in a 30 ft. area, but nothing about it fully dispelling a spell with additional effects like Hunger of Hadar. In the moment, I tried googling what to do in this situation but every solution I came across basically said "idk, just homebrew it lol". So I described to the cleric that Radiance of the Dawn successfully dispelled the darkness, but in doing so unveiled eldritch horrors that were not meant to be seen by the mortal eye, and ruled that everyone near the spell now needed to make a saving throw with all failures requiring a roll on the madness table. Best part about all this? The Banderhobb ended up failing its save, and the madness it ended up with left it incapacitated; meaning the party members not suffering from short term madness were now free to beat the Banderhobb to a bloody pulp. It is now a running gag in our group that Hunger of Hadar is secretly the strongest spell in D&D.

[@jonathanmarks3112]

Can I use this idea? It’s a cool interaction between spells.

[@slayallrebels5996]

@@jonathanmarks3112 Sure, go right ahead.

[@blackhole5353.]

Yesterday we had our second session. In my opinion the first session was a bit rocky do to me being a first time DM. But we had a super funny moments in the second session. Our warlock( female playing a male) had sex with Wanye the spider eating pimp. The party was screaming at me to roll for the pimps penis size. So I rolled a D12 and got a 12. I had the warlock roll for stealth to see how quiet he would be and a constitution save to see how well he could handle it. Both roles were fairly low. And then I got lost in the funniness and instead of rolling a D6 for minutes I instead decided to roll a D4 for hours. Of course I rolled a 4. So an entire ship heard our warlock get railed for four hours. The warlock said during the pillow talk phase they were going to try to pry information out of him, but said that they were laughing too hard they couldn’t think of any questions, so they essentially got railed for four hours for no reason. 😂

[@EXC334]

Ah yes, I had a custom monster, by day it was a man, by night it turned into a lesser vampire, sorta like a bipedal bat like monster, the party had been asked to investigate the disappearances of towns people. The party had begun to investigate and somehow chose the exact direction the vampire was hiding out, northwest. I was not prepared for them to encounter him this early. The party found this dilapidated shack which the paladin threw a rock at. They hear some rustling inside and an older man opens the door and begins a conversation. "Guests, I was not expected guests, especially not rude guests." The party was incredibly confused on why this old man was way the hell out here in the middle of some dangerous woods. A small conversation was had and they apologized for throwing a rock at his house. The vampire on the shape of a man invites them in for tea. While they wait, giving them a chance to investigate they didn't take, the old man goes down into his cellar to get tea and cheese. When he came back the rougue asked the party to distract the old man while she checked out the basement/cellar. She comes over to the cellar and finds it locked. She picks the lock, nat 1. I had her lockpick break. In her infinite wisdom she decides to break the lock with her crowbar. Nat2 everyone looks mortified as a loud clang resounds out. The vampire still in the form of an old man looks out his window and starts monolougueing about how the rougue is evil, how she is a cheese thief, and how they should never party up with her again. Had the whole table laughing as they hear this insane old man with a cheese obsession lecture them on morality.

[@conman9720]

Oh boy, this one's a long rollercoaster, so hang on tight. First the setting. I was running a homebrew Stars Without Number campaign where instead of landing on planets, the players were traveling to different dimensions and scouting them out for danger and resources. One dimension was inspired by the SCP Foundation which I called "The Cottage". The entire dimension was an astral memory/dreamscape created by two psionic twins who were locked in cryostasis, appearing as an oversized reconstruction of their grandma's cottage from when they were younger. The organization the party worked for were trying to uncover that secret, but were running into complications from anomalies in the form of storybook creatures coming to life. (What the twins conjured in their minds from the stories grandma use to tell them) Their "grandma" was a kaiju-sized projection of a older lady meandering around the cottage cooking, cleaning, and reading. I mentioned to the party that the research base that had been established was living off of whatever "Grannie" cooked on her giant stove, just to fill in the setting. At this particular time they were using a helicopter with a large bucket hanging underneath to collect soup from a giant pot on "Grannies" stove. One of the players asked what kind of soup. Without really thinking I said "broccoli cheese". This comes up later. Toward the end of the session the party is fighting the main boss of this dimension, a parasitic psychic creature that's looking to prey on the twins' minds. The storybook creatures from earlier were like antibodies conjured from the twins in order to kill this intruder, but it was too much for them. The creature is basically an invisible hydra. The party are forced to take turns with a pair of infrared goggles to be able to see and attack the creature. They eventually chase it in a helicopter, using the mounted guns to fire at it. Eventually it stops where the "psyche" of the twins is contained in this dimension, and starts trying to break through the "vault" door protecting them. The hydra turns to deal with the players, and is firing energy blasts at them in the helicopter. The players are having a tough time dealing with the thing when one of the players asks: "Which helicopter did we take?" I facepalm. I said there was only one helicopter at the base. The one with the soup bucket. So naturally the party decides to pour hot broccoli cheese soup on this invisible hydra in order to see it. Once they do, chaos ensues. One of the players decides to use his psychic powers to create a slip field under the hydra, causing it to flop around in place like it was on slick ice. Later that same player uses his powers to set the creature on fire. Another player is throwing frag grenades at it. Yet another player rolls a nat 1 and drops his gun from the helicopter. His next turn he decides to jump out of the helicopter and grab his gun. Nat 20. We retcon it so he purposefully dropped his gun, put on some sunglasses, jumped out of the helicopter, caught his falling gun and 360 no-scoped one of the hydra's heads off. They obliterate it, and we couldn't stop laughing from the all the chaos. Later we agreed it was one of the most fun sessions we'd ever had.

[@onelife7572]

Recently started dm’ing a campaign and it was just me and my buddy playing at the time cause it wasn’t our normal day to play. After he scouted the town and had a run in with a false hydra and an orphaned owl bear that was missing a leg. He returns to camp with the owl bear, wisely running away from the false hydra. Upon returning to camp we were about to end the session and watch some bleach but I had an idea for a minor enemy character I wanted to use “Grumbo the broken” a gnome barbarian that was tortured by elves and couldn’t speak anymore, only laugh. He was a character equivalent in level maybe higher, but this dude got WASHED. I didn’t land a single attack, as our support character mollywhopped his ass. This support wizard, almost no attacking spells that do high damage, just bullied this barbarian by throwing his portable fortress at the poor bastard. Then, m’s brother chimed in while taking a test, “I’m going to train the owl bear to use a cross bow, and his name is kon from bleach”, he’s adopted him and will kill anything that harms him. Then he has the owl ear roll to hit, dirty 20. This basically toddler owl bear sends an arrow perfectly through the gnomes ear, out the other side. I had the gnome have a sad bit to him too. A locket with a drawing of him and his daughter, a conclusion that no one has picked up on from the first thing that happened in the campaign.

[@JackCochran-r4h]

Once, one of my players was playing a bard and he was spamming Visious mockery and coming up with new and unusual insults for everything they fought.

[@TheRaySkye]

I recently ran my DND group (I play a barbarian/cleric) through a one-shot. They were going through a tournament in another plane of existence. One of the challenges was to get past a door locked with a cryptex lock with a 15 character password. If a player hit the door it boosted their INT by 2 until they moved away from the door. This effect stacked. Since attacking a door is not something that people normally do I gave it a magic mouth that would insult the player that failed to guess the code. The goblin rogue has been the main one trying to pick/guess at the code. Fast forward a several insults and no one has hit the door. So I have the door say something in goblin (no one else speaks goblin) and forced the goblin to make a CHA save, DC 12. He fails and goes into a blind rage. He spends the next few rounds attacking the door in a blind rage. Since I decided to let the buff stack he finally snaps out of it with a 34 INT score. He blinks a couple of times and solves the code in 2 seconds. As they are leaving the arena the buff wears off and he slides back down to 12 INT. Poor little guy saw the top of the mountain only to slide back down to the bottom.

[@JoeThePotato23]

One of my players was playing a goblin bard, and he had a death wish or something because he dropped onto a group of 7 orcs, rodeos one of them and casts thunder wave and then is kinda just in the middle of them all, thought he would die (they all had +6 greataxes or something each doing d12 damage) 7 greataxes attack him, all hit, he takes 10 damage.

[@karlmaust6172]

Let me tell you the tail of Edderkop: this spans two different campaigns but was the result of one PC (Erivan) who was present for both. As the first campaign was my first I didn't fully understand the rules of different things and stumbled upon "feather weight token legs." It was a homebrewed item from 3.5 that Erivan brought to my attention and asked if it could be available at the next magic shop. You see, they just bought a boat and based on Erivan's research these tokens would allow any object (eg a treasure chest) to sprout grunting, sweaty, manly legs. Long story short, Erivan attached them to his boat (8 total as he had plenty of gold.) They called it Spider boat. Spider boat would later go on to be more of a companion than a boat or a mount. I did homebrew some rules though stating that each leg needed a certain number calories from a protein rich source and so, Erivan would kill animals feeding it to his boat. It also had a grunt ability that would emotionally scar all those within range. This would stun them and deal a small amount of psychic damage for flavor.

[@drinnoshika4233]

Reminds me of the time i tried running tomb of annihilation and one player was a tortle druid and would cast good berry and throw into npc's mouths while they're trying to talk as to "give them something to eat since they looked hungry". Some npcs choked to death but most collapsed to the ground gasping for air. Only a few times did anyone actually swallow the goodberry without choking. Also the tortle player ran into the temple of Sune the goddess of beauty and asked them to him beautiful by putting makeup on him. As soon as he saw his reflection in the mirror he shrieked and had a mental break down because he was raised by squirrels and legitimately believed he was a squirrel. He ran out from the temple with the lipstick one of the Clerics had used on him and said the lipstick cursed him to look like a monster and proceeded to show a concerned female npc the results but he ended up just putting lipstick on her and ran around screaming again because he wasn't sure how long it would be until she turned into a scaly monster.

[@chucknorris-xi8vs]

I have never played before and I’m gonna be the dm for a group I’m putting together and man respect to any dm who learns and remembers all this there is a stupid amount of knowledge to absorb to even run a basic campaign

[@mysticz3686]

I have 2 stories 1. the very first session I ever ran, the cleric picked up the paladin and threw him threw a door because it was locked. The cleric rolled a nat 20. And then it happened again a couple sessions later. 2. after a few failed attempts to bribe a dragon, the wizard decided to punch a wall and pretend to die. I asked for a deception check and then had the dragon roll insight against it. The dragon rolled a nat 1, and thought the wizard was dead. The wizard then rolled a nat 20 to slink out of the cave, on the ground the whole time.

[@mrsoggyramen9596]

9:57 Made me curl over in laughter.

[@ThatOneHeather]

So i was running a custom setting for my players based on a universe i created wich will hopefully be a book soon. It is a setting based on a world where fantasy and modernty coexists, to sum up, but it is another world so yeah. Basically: on session one i was still trying to balance better the monsters and stuff, so for their first mission, i made an NPC to hunt along them, the party starts fighting the monsters, one of them almost dies, the other two get out relatively safely, but still low hp. Seeing this and knowing more monsters where coming, i made the npc seal the corridor with plants. One of my players looked at me dead in the eye and said: "I want to take them out as well" and simply burned down the barrier. The monsters got in and almost killed the whole party.

[@bunchflttrsndnumbrs]

This was from my first session, so be ready for rookie mistakes. I was running my players through a run of the mill goblin encounter, and the last goblin was in a bad position, so I had it roll stealth. Because of the +6 modifier, I landed on a 21. Now, I was VERY confident that my level 1 players would not find it, smirking to myself and even taunting a bit. And to be fair, the first 2 didn’t find it. But then the ranger also rolled a 21 with a +3. They were so proud of the roll, because it was the first one above 20 in the campaign, but more importantly, I didn’t know what happened when you tied a roll. I remember my confident smile cracking as I glanced at the rule book, fully knowing that I didn’t know where tf the ruling was. And this was the third time this player had tied a roll that session, and I still hadn’t bothered to look it up. So when I meekly asked “What happens when you tie a roll” we all bust out laughing.

[@_TotallyNotReal]

Edit: Forgot to add an intro. This was the first long campaign I dm for and oh what a game it was: Second session, I had my party help break out a local prince, our warlock (Asher) with a demon patron, after learning he was going to be sacrificed to said patreon if our paladin (Mika, full name Mika Might (god I love this party)) was proven not to be the love of his life and sacrificed instead. There was also Sophine our chaotic funny death cleric who was the head maid and assistent of our warlock. All three of them were in Asher's room and had the plan to escape at night through the window Sophine left open for them. DM(me): You hear footsteps approaching, and a shuffleing of metal plates. Ash: Crap, I forgot my dad sends guards to patrol the hals at night. Mika: Wh- How, you both said this plan was safe, I knew I should have left the second I heard of this. Alright listen here, he should have no problem with me being here but I don't think he will buy that you (points to Soph) were just standing here past your working hours, so, here's the plan. DM: As you say that you hear a knock on the door. Guard: Hello your highness, are you alright in there? Mika: ... Ok, he's closer than I expected, uhh, thoughts? Sophine(ooc): I take off my skirt (she specified that she had shorts under, can't remember how) and open the door. DM: ... Uhh, ok? The guard is about to say something but quickly stops after seeing you, confused. Guard: Oh... Miss Andrews, what are you doing here... With these two? Soph: Hello oficer, well we were just about to finish up, could you give us a moment please. DM: Oh, Roll me a- Soph(ooc): No, no, give me time. DM: ... Ok????? Guard: Uh, I'm afraid I can't leave you here unsupervised. Plus your.... Lack of lower covering does raise concern. Soph(grins irl): Hmm, I mean I guess we could make room for one more... But you will have to be a bottom. DM: ... Roll... For it?... Give me a deception, with disadvantage cause wth. Mika(ooc, irl next to Soph): ... Pffffffffff aw man. *NAT 20 has entered the chat* *NAT 20 has left the chat* ... *NAT 20 HAS ENTERED THE CHAT... AGAIN* ... At this moment the whole table just erupts, Ash leans over takes a photo (now lost :() of the dice trying to stop shaking. A bit later, after a break. DM(cry laughing): I... No, no, I mean... The guard's eyes widen for a moment and he starts turning red, taken off guard by your response. He stutters through an excuse before slamming the door, a bit more ruddely than intended. You hear hurried footsteps heading back to the direction they came from. Ash(ooc): Come on man I really wanted to smash an NPC in one of your games. (Inside joke) Soph: Aw man next time I'm rolling persuasion. Long story short: Cleric scared off guard by proposing a four way. Man, I really miss that campaign.

[@haunteddestiny312]

You have such a infectious laugh

[@dashyburd]

I ran a homebrew Halloween oneshot with my friends 2 years ago. I don't remember what we were arguing about but I will never forget me saying "let's not get existential here, there are skeletons trying to kill you."

[@dkurtz111]

My favorite is the Church of Equintology. In a Pathfinder campaign that I was running, my players were a Rogue, a Samurai with a mount, a Psychic and a Barbarian. They managed to convince people that the Samurai's mount was a "god". Granted this was when I was pretty new as a GM and I accidentally gave the Samurai the wrong stat block for the mount which was constantly putting out a good amount of damage during combat and was lucky enough to get most of the kills. They started the church by the Rogue and Barbarian going door to door and talking to people about it, later that night the Psychic would visit the same homes and implant visions of the horse speaking to them through "dreams". It was a homebrew world that I had created and one of the main ways Gods were created is through enough people believing that a person/creature is a God. 100 years later and the Church of Equintology is wide spread religion with the Horse as the diety and the party members having ascended to Sainthood.

[@kelmirosue3251]

A dwarf eating rocks reminds me of deep rock galactics red sugar

[@halfdecentstrange]

RED SUGAR!

[@billcox8870]

Another fun video to listen to😂👍🏻

[@Xecryo]

Ok here's mine. It was my first time DMing and everyone in the group was new to D&D. Admittedly I probably needed some D&D experience because I forgot entirely about group skill checks. I ran Lost Mines of Phandelver and the group was trying to climb up somewhere and I had them all make skill checks which the halfling rogue failed twice. So the warrior of the group decided to take the halfling and throw them up. I had the warrior roll athletics to throw and the rogue acrobatics to grab on/land safely. They made it but damn was it funny to everyone at the table. Now that I know better I never forget group checks.

[@Remoniq]

Stories like these make me wantt to try dnd.

[@amethysttheotter5943]

my funniest story as a dm my first and current and only campain im running so far started off as "hunt of haldraxis" module from questonomicon, that after its completion i expanded upon (it was mostly me testing the waters), the incident happened in the first two sessions, its nothing too special but funny to see my player being clueless the party of 3, one of them being arakocra sorcerrer which the funny thing is about. the party was meant to slay a red dragon, the bird sorcerrer was draconic bloodline sorcerrer, aswel of the red dragon, at the first encounter with the dragon (there were 3 of them) she casted a firbolt.... against red dragon... thats immune against fire damage... whooops, however the funnier thing was, that on the second sesion with second encounter with the dragon, she wanted to do the same thing, again, and she would, if not the other party member that yelled "NO DONT DO THIS HES IMMUNE" with the most worried tone possible, after he realised whats going on it was priceless

[@jesternario]

Let me tell you the story of my little group of bronco busters. I had set up a dungeon with a gorgon, aka the metal bull that stones people in a bad way. The player party was supposed to run from it. And they were about to do that when my cousin came in late, just having gotten in from work. He logs into Roll20, and his character pops in JUST BEHIND WHERE THE GORGON WAS. One sneak roll of 18 and one athletics check later, and he’s on the thing’s back. He aces his rolls to stay on the thing as it try’s to buck him off, and he herds it into a room with a lockable gate. They shut the gate and then hit it from range. Now anytime after that the group saw a rideable critter, bull, giant mastiff, bullete, dragon, didn’t matter. They would beeline straight for it and try to ride the damn thing. They got angry at me once when I made a joke about them riding black unicorns and then not letting them do so.

[@joelrobinson5457]

3 players, investigating a chicken warehouse linked to thefts in the area, naturally, the barb convinces their best worker to quit for a job on the docks, the warlock attempts to mess with the other 2 workers who were not nearly as strong as the half orc that was discussing job opportunities with the barb, failed their acrobatics check to jump onto the crate as they finally manage to lift it, smashing into it and scattering eggs everywhere, meanwhile while the warlock continues antagonising the worker who frustrated and worried about getting fired is now yelling at them, meanwhile the cleric fails to sneak into the warehouse and is caught when the wood platform they were climbing breaks, they fall and play dead. Needless to say they end up dislocating a drow npc named Daryls arms, cleric has advantage on the medicine check, fails both rolls, makes it worse and they then end up chasing his horse Mary into the forest

[@michaelweems2516]

This guy is actually swagger souls but he’s just speaking normally

[@jacobvaillancourt2368]

In my home brew campaign my players ( war-forged rogue ) (half orc fighter) and (human artificer) we’re trying to plant evidence against a mafia leader who falsely imprisoned people the rogue plants the evidence in a folder he named himself called unpaid property taxes while the artificer and fighter were supposed to make a distraction so the fighter was trying to make one but the receptionist at the bottom floor of the building told him to wait in the waiting room so he did (he has 6 int) while the artificer tried to burn the receptionist and when that didn’t work she melted a hole through the wall as the mob boss tried to stop the fire

[@otakubancho6655]

Teacher says to Johnny,I see you have a cold,Johnny wipes his nose and says,can you see it now?,pull my finger!😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😆😆😆

[@disableddragonborn]

I'm gonna need to see a picture of a bipedal giraffe, because I can't picture that in my head. 🤣

[@ImAlastor929]

So there I was, being a DM. My and sister were playing, and zombies came up from the ground. My sister‘s first reaction was “Are they Ash Zombies?!” And I said roll for that. They weren’t Ash Zombies, but my sister tried every single time she attacked the zombies to try and slice across their eyes to blind it. When she finally succeeded, the other Zombies were dead, by the time that happened. It kept succeeding on its constitution save, and my sister kept trying to kill it, with her only having ONE hit point. Eventually, they killed it. After THIRTY MINUTES of us playing. Right after the battle, they immediately said, “Is there any fruit in the trees next to us?” I said yes, there were apples. When they ate it, there were worms. My brother happily ate the apples, no problem.

[@LordDrail]

Running a modified version of Frozen Sick in a homebrew world. The party reached the lab/"ruined fortress" and several things had happened. The melee dragonborn fighter manages to sheathe one of the flying sword after successfully rolling an arcana check, the oath of glory paladin does the same. Also the melee dragonborn kissed the bbeg I homebrewed before she (bbeg) was murdered by the paladin. In a later session when they continue to explore the dungeon, the gunslinger fighter takes a liking to the smothering carpet and decides to capture it. With the help of the paladin, they manage to weaken it enough that they are able to bind it. Now, the smothering carpet does not speak any language, but on a d100 roll (closer to 00 they got, the more likely chance of success) SOMEHOW the gunslinger rolls a 98. So I let him keep the carpet which he turned into a homebrewed whip.

[@Yep-s4q]

Okay shorter one (I have tons tho so ill share more) my players were exploring a castle and trying to not get caught by the guards. Long story short, the guards started to catch on and one screamed "COME OUT" and one of the rangers just yelled back "IM GAY." They got caught and thrown out of the castle, but that line blindsided me.

[@derpy_goat]

since our first session of playing dnd it was a tradition to leave the crippled old man with the big bad. the became best friends with the big bad and and saves them

[@TheAlmightyMailbox844]

So basically my party was in a forest where I wanted them to fight a dinosaur. They tamed it (Nat 20). They moved to the next City, where one of them was arrested (backstory stuff). They put their Dinosaur in a pen, and then went to break the arrested guy out. They made it, but they were seen by the guards und needed to run. They went for an airship, stole it, and escaped towards their next destination. The Place they wanted to go to was already in sight, when one of my players screamed out: "We forgot Hörnchen (name of the dinosaur)!" So they flew all the way back to the City they had barely escaped, got the dinosaur and RAN. They never went back to that place.

[@attemptedunkindness3632]

For anyone who has seen the Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode about the Tree Court of Law the line "WE DON'T KNOW... WE'RE TREES" became a meme and a gag because party's druid would try to CSI: Woodland every tree or shrub she came across for info. That line alone made the Speak With Plant spell worthless so long as I DM.

[@matthewshiers9038]

What if, for that last story, pulling the finger was the somatic component for Thunderwave, which they cast in a winter town at the foot of a mountain, setting off an avalanche? Story told by witnesses: "He asked some kid to pulled his finger and half the mountain fell down! That kid never went anywhere near that mage again!"

[@creepercommande4171]

While DMing a homebrew setting, which is fantasy space, though very different from spelljammer, other than spelljamming helms and a few small things, first session the players were tasked with retrieving the gem embedded necklace given to the quest giver by their wife. The quest had gone well, and at the end, they reached the cargo hold of the pirates base, inside, I had a single pirate NPC who I described as thin, weak looking, and pale. The parties fighter, after interrogating the pirate, decided to tape them to their chest to use as a human shield, and after locating the locket, they booked it back to their ship. Now that the background is done, we begin the tale of Davis, who is that pirate. The party, having now giving Stockholm syndrome to Davis, now has Davis as their mascot. I didn’t have stats for them, as combat would result in instant death for Davis. So, when the fighter made Davis carry large, heavy bag of metal scraps, I rolled for their strength stat. 3 sixes later, Davis is now the strongest character in the party. Davis has now been effectively sent to the shadow realm as well when the parties fighter took an amulet that I meant for them to keep that is enchanted to be connected to the plan of law and order, and put it on Davis. Most interplanar travel is impossible in the material realm, Davis is trapped.

[@blakeetter280]

Happened just last week. We’re on a boat sailing to a destination that’s three days away. To make random encounters I have the players roll a d100, if it lands on a number that’s a factor of whatever arbitrary number I think of (went 4 this time) they get to roll again for their encounter (ala xanathars tables). They rolled a 94 on the costal encounters lvl5-10. That’s a young blue dragon. Now I don’t just throw them into combat, no they just spotted it flying above the ship. No big deal. Rogue rolls an investigation, gets a 2, it’s a blue cloud! His own decision there. So, noticing that this cloud is blue, he decides to shoot it. Before I can respond he rolls attack, 19. Dragon comes down all mad and makes declarations of ill intent yada yada, opportunity for the party to try and get out peacefully. Oh no they throw the rogue under the bus (ship?). Rogue (who’s an animated skeleton) decides to play dead and masquerade as a pile of random bones on deck. Doesn’t work and the dragon hits him with lightning breath before flying off. Did like 3/4s of his health and blasted a hole in the shop three decks deep almost sinking it. Dude fucked around and immediately found out. The best part is the last time I ran a campaign it took place in this same world and the same player died in the same way, pissing off a young blue dragon and getting zapped by it’s breath attack. Although last time he actually died of a kobold with magic missile making his only attack that combat to take out all three death saves before the paladin could respond, from fifteen feet away.

[@somedudewithaniqof2795]

My first time DMing went so badly that it became a inside joke. I had the players start in a cult base. The cultists where trying to revive a Eldridge dragon and i decided to have them do a prison break but due to me not realising how outmatched 3 lv1 characters where aginst a vampire and a few bad stealth checks and "there goes the multiverse"

[@nocount7517]

A good DM lets the players have fun. A bad DM railroads, and takes control of PCs, at the tamest.

[@kevinthomas4064]

A quote that summarizies it. DM: You feel great anguish at the fact the pet otter has proven itself better at seducing the love of your life than you. You also realize the otter is wearing a nice top hat..... wait a minute...... your SUDDENLY filled with RAGE that overrides your anguish as you realize that is in fact YOUR TOPHAT..... YOU MUST RECLAIM IT!!!!!

[@whirledpeaz5758]

"Glowing rocks"? Makes me want to have an artificer in the party to build them into a power source (Nuclear reactor). Must be my background as a US Navy nuclear power operator (sometimes referred to as glow worms)

[@adriannelson4214]

Wish more ships used nuclear. Only one I've seen so far is the USS Gerald Ford 🤔

[@whirledpeaz5758]

@@adriannelson4214 All 10 Nimitiz class carriers and US submarines are nuclear. The French have a couple of nuclear carriers. I served on USS Dwight D Eisenhower for 4 years as a nuclear mechanic '86-'90

[@Jeonsaryu]

Our first dungeon was an enchanted hedge maze, where the party encountered swarms of crows preying on a swarm of mice. Rather than get between the birds and their banquet, everyone went around the room. Everyone except the monk. He hadn't been paying attention, until he realized they had left him behind. So he rushes to catch up, and dives into the crows. The crows get pissy and peck at him. The monk punches back, and kills some of them before running away. Fun fact: corvids are as bad as dwarves when it comes to grudges. The surviving birds called their mafia brethren, and hundreds of them went to stalk the monk to break his kneecaps. So far, the party has managed to bribe off the Crow Mob. But until the monk makes up for what he did (he still hasn't), I always keep a single crow somewhere on the map. Watching him.

[@jonathanmarks3112]

There is a reason that making someone regret words or actions is called eating crow.

[@TigerKirby215]

I've DMed a few odd encounters but probably the only true full DM story (IE information as a DM made it dumb) was the time my party got stumped by an elevator "puzzle." I was DMing a module for a party of four (think it was a Sorcerer, Rogue, Bard, and Fighter?) and the module describes an elevator. Its a circle with three alcoves holding statues but one of the statues is badly burnt because fire dungeon. The book describes that "once every party member enters the elevator starts to descend." The party, naturally curious about the weird circle of statues near the entrance of the fire dungeon, start to inspect the statues. All except the Fighter who decides to bumb around the entrance of the elevator. The party spent at least 10 minutes trying to figure out the "puzzle", all while i tried to coax the fighter into the magic elevator. After the Fighter checks every goddamn crack in the stonework outside the elevator he finally decides to enter, to which the platform beneath them starts moving. Everyone's confused how they "solved the puzzle", to which I tell them "it's just a goddamn elevator. I'm not supposed to make it move until all of you get on the damn thing."

[@stevencavanagh7990]

I wasn't the DM here, no this happened to me. we had just started playing Lost Mines, it was the very first session and we reached the Bugbear hideout, cue my Cleric deciding to sneak around the Back way and surprise attack. DM calls for an acrobatics roll Nat 20, no issue. I didn't see the Bug Bear Chief standing on the Ledge right next to me. DM rolls his 2 attacks and BOTH crit. I take 30+ hp damage and am instantly killed. We were level 1, and I had 13 hp. I should add that this was the very first combat roll of the campaign.

[@Achaemus]

I run a star wars game for my 9yo son, and he was on Nar Shadda watching a sporting event in a stadium. After the event, people were cheering, fireworks were lit, and to add to the celebration my son's character threw 2 thermal detonators high into the air (as makeshift fireworks). I asked if he was sure, something i do liberally for him as he is only 9, and he said yes. I ruled that they exploded high enough that nobody was injured, but that it caused immediate panic, and several people had seen him throw them. Cue a chase and escape offworld, and being wanted for potential terrorism on the moon. We havent been back, yet.

[@michaeldayman682]

The Hime Lich. cleric. So a mage/cleric prestige class, likely true necromancer with an ice aspect.

[@owlking195]

My cleric used command friend on a pterodactyl in the middle of a boss fight with a king with a ton of dinosaurs

[@framptusdaman]

My party convinced a man that the world was fake. I had them roll persuasion but would only accept if all 4 of them had Nat 20s. They all got it... The man convulsed on the ground and became a recurring encounter messing with the PCs.

[@rogerfleuryjr2308]

Minotaur assassin... i cant

[@DecodinatorEX]

4:03 Oh good grief... My mother says it that way too, although she says it ironically just to be funny...

[@WhimsyMango]

The party wizard named Raniel Dadcliffe magic missiled the Druid while he was downed from the top of a tree wearing a self cleaning maid outfit and petting his rat

[@WhimsyMango]

This was session 2 of the first campaign I dmd

[@ericnijholt9073]

We were playing the Claus for Concern campaign. I can highly recommend it. Spoiler alerts though. The campaign is about rescuing Santa Claus. You would think it would be a relatively harmless campaign. But no, leave it to my friends to leave a trail of blood and gore throughout the Toy Factory. When we reached the BBEG, she was controlling Mr and Mrs Claus and made them attack the party. Eventually BBEG went down and the spell controlling the Clauses was lifted. Party decided to kill Santa anyway. Then the Fighter nominated the necromancer Death Cleric as the new Santa. I asked him to roll... Rolled an 18... Santa Claus is dead! Long live Santa Claus! I gave them jingle bell items they could use to celebrate. Meanwhile, Mrs Claus is heartbroken and locked up in a dungeon and a friendly NPC died on their watch, leaving a husband and 3 kringle elven children. Also, during the campaign they asked if they saw a dog they could adopt. I said sure and gave them a mastiff. Fun fact: a mastiff has 13 STR. 'Fluffy' now has chain mail and disadvantage at stealth checks.

[@SeanClaudeVanQuam]

In a 3.5 game I had a player use reflective disguise to go to a tavern that they knew was a front for an assassins guild. The spell makes you look like a generic person of the same species and gender as the people looking at you. He figured if he looked just like them, he could get some information out of them related to their current task. What the party didn't know is that the guild was a DOPPELGANGER assassins guild. All these doppelgangers in their assumed disguises watch what appears to them to be a doppelganger in natural form saunter in off the street and start chatting to them... as if that's an absolutely normal thing for a doppelganger to do, just walk around the city in its natural form. For those not paying attention: IT IS NOT! The party is actually above level 10 so actually well known in town, so it wasn't hard for the guild to send representatives to the party's base of operations... and they basically beat him there because he thought he'd be tricksy and take a winding route to lose any tails. They didn't tail him. They just walked to his house and waited for him to get back. Then they had a long talk with the party about what they expected going forward unless the party wanted an assassins guild gunning for them. When the party later discovered the fact that the assassins guild were a bunch of doppelgangers I had to pause and remind them, "Oh, so now that you've discovered this... I'd just like to ask if anyone remembers the time that (character's name) walked into their business using reflective disguise? What do you think he looked like to them?" That incident was brought up for the rest of the campaign whenever that character came up with ideas for plans. "Remember how well your plan for investigating the doppelgangers went?"

[@samzilla1281]

My funniest was running a game at a local convention. It was Mutants & Masterminds. The setup was that the characters are low level heroes who have just seen the Justice League devastated. Superman is bleeding out and taken to a hospital by Wonder Woman. Batman has had his legs crushed and the rest are either dead or dying. One character checks on Batman and he says Wayne Manor. The characters then decided that Bruce Wayne has tried to kill the Justice League so they're going to Wayne Manor to kill Bruce Wayne. It took me 10 minutes to stop laughing.

[@Mr007no2]

I ran a campaign with my family, my brother was a dwarf Barbarian and my sister and mother were wood elves. The dwarf who gave himself “the romantic” as a nickname thought it would be a good idea to hit on my mom’s character, nat one. Plus the fact that my mom’s character was immune to charm. After a long stare of disapproval my mom’s elf character swiftly kicked the dwarf in the balls and after falling over the elf’s dog went over and pissed on him as he was laying in pain

[@yungo1rst]

a story related to a post i dont know how to find. the party has barged into a silk weaving facility in the capital of the game. it is run by one of the noble families who have been protecting a road to the northern nations. this act is a crime in itself which would be addressed by a court later. the party is following a Oni-blooded tiefling as she knew who took a book they were looking for. because of how much silk is in the facility, it is very muffled walls so guards arent hearing another get slaughtered and looted. as it was nearing the end of the session defeating a miniboss lawful evil monk mercenary. they find a hidden entrance that he was standing near. inside is not a full boss encounter, but a old lady accountant who is in a cramped 10x10 room off the side of the hallway in the secret room. her desk just barely allows her to sit and write by the wick of a burning lamp. behind her is the accumulation of all the noble families dealings on the road and in town. the party interrogate her being very suspicious of a hag, witch, another monk, or a illusion. she is just a very stressed out person who becomes very agitated as she directs the party downstairs thinking they are just another mercenary group the noble house hired. She doesnt stop the party and is trying to get a book wedged into a stack in the middle while they leave to the second half of the facility.

[@SBaby]

If this was more than just D&D, I would tell some stories, but we're kind of limited with it just being one game, so I can't tell the story of how a Dynamaxed Alcremie sat on one of the player characters in a Pokemon Tabletop adventure I ran.

[@Sandstorm-TheTraveller]

Hehehehehhehe They were fighting a group, and since luck actually hates me, the group either doesn’t attack, or miss. One of the players noted, “They need to get better aim.” Hehehehe I proceeded to get multiple nat 20s and absolutely demolished them.

[@Chicagospy]

Ayo i first now realized we are both Rippers in name xd

[@casualcrusader]

i just started my very first campaign and already have a great story. im a goblin barbarian in my party, the rest are an earth genasi monk, goliath cleric, human ranger, human/snake person rogue? and elf bard. it's session 2 right now and our cleric player is not present, so we say she is super high. our goal is to get to a city that is sponsoring us as champions, but we had to pass through the rival city that is basically communist cuba. we've been here a day already and have met the leader of the city, he was sweet talking the whole party as he treated us to a lavish meal and sent us off the next day with an objective. after finishing that we come back to his palace and he reveals he knows we are the champions of the other city, and says he would like us to be his champions instead. we accept and he orders us to burn his old champions alive, which we do. but after that we realize that we have to swear a magical vow (think unbreakable vow from harry potter) that means we must follow his orders. now we have second thoughts and say no to his offer, but we already killed his original champions. so bad guy says that he will let us go alive if the monk cuts off his arm. there were way too many gaurds there and we were level one, so we took that deal and he kicked us out, after keeping the earth genasi arm. let me reiterate, that was THE SECOND SESSION that somebody lost an arm. we start marching into the haunted forest we need to get through to arrive at our sponsor city, but its a 2 week walk. after a small event of a merchant just attacked by goblins we get ready to sleep for the night. we set up shifts so that we dont get killed in our sleep, but after my goblin goes to sleep, i get a nat 1 on a wisdom save and get horrible nightmares of my entire family ripping me limb from limb and killing me repeatedly. i wake up to see a monster that can only really be described as a spider centaur, top half hag with gaping mouth and bottom half spider. it was dementor sucking me or whatever and left when i woke up. we ended that session with a traumatized goblin and a monk with a missing arm. 3rd session starts and this time the rogue and bard players arent there, but the cleric is. so we have to drag 2 bodies through the forest while being haunted by that monster. we get ambushed by goblins and are saved by giant wooden spikes flying out of the trees to impale them. what greets us afterwards happens to be your friendly neighborhood MANTICORE who tells us to give him a reason not to kill us for coming into his forest. at this point, the party isnt even scared, we're more just tired and done with the situation, so we calmly ask if there is something we can do for it to let us go. we managed to escape the manticore with the deal that we have to kill the monster that traumatized the goblin, and bring back some treasure from it that is more valuable than us. so we start marching through the forest again and now it starts raining. we find shelter in a cave to escape the flooding and lightning, but there are dead bodies scattered around in the cave. among the dead bodies is one that has no head, but no visible wounds. after we get a short rest a bear decides to waltz into the cave, with some muffled screaming coming from its stomach. we kill the bear and out comes the immortal hobgoblin Cosmo('s head). we reattach the head to the body and he says he'll help us get out of the forest. cosmo has been alive for 600 years against his will so he encourages us to kill ourselves whenever we feel like its too hard, because "nothing really matters" afterall. next day we follow a glowing blue spirit looking fox because why tf not at this point, and arrive at a chapel, a graveyard, and a mirror. after sending cosmo in to check it out it seems like its ok so we all approach. party ranger looks through the mirror, sees a life a luxury and starts getting pulled in. monk tries to pull him out but cant, so goblin barbarian shatters the mirror while ranger is almost fully in. after that a bunch of shadowy hands start reaching out and crawl out of the mirror. DM asks us to roll initiative and session 3 ends there.

[@takahiko9583]

It may not be that funny but here’s mine So I do a homebrew campaign where my party hunts down an assassin, I planned for them to have their second encounter with him at the end of a dungeon where they thought to meet the leader of a guild that would help them. Instead they needed their entire session to choose their horses because they rolled so bad on their animal handling. After that they forgot about the dungeon and somehow their whole goal and are now halfway through to build their own dwarve tavern

[@jonmandelbaum5395]

Hoping for the playable owlbears one day

[@Soulessnight4]

8:34 funny my oc is a mutant with rabbit features. She’d definitely do that