How to Cheat the Description Question (Mr Salles) Part 2

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

Don't just copy my descriptions, write and adapt your own for the exam.

[@samjoshi1812]

This sounds so wrong yet so genius

[@adeela7903]

Just wanted to thank you so much. My son had his CIE English Paper 2 today and had memorised both your sunny and stormy 'cheat paragraphs'. The descriptive writing question was something on the lines of 'describe a change of scene upon awakening'. Needless to say, he went to bed with the sun shining outside the window and awoke to stormy weather! Could not have been a more appropriate question. Thank you for all your videos. They have helped him immensely.

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

Fantastic - I hope he gets great grade

[@tasnymhaque7611]

what did he get?

[@lilwolf4142]

You are so creative and amazing, thank you so much.

[@farhanaahmed3553]

Thank you soo much this is very useful and we would all appreciate it if you could do it for the whole description question e.g the description of a positive and negative character.

[@Matt-xh7wq]

Just keep listening to these, you'll memories them that way: 9:28 - 9:49, 10:33 - 10:55

[@SaraAli-hz7bk]

Lol I was just about to do that. Thank you! x

[@Teeps1921]

@@SaraAli-hz7bk u do realise u can’t use them

[@Manipulation11]

@@Teeps1921 he literally said you can, examiner marks your paper, you are not responsible of others writing. so youd get the mark anyways

[@Sam-xl7he]

Mr Salles > Mr Bruff

[@hlomphoprincess3573]

fact

[@idrk1507]

Saunders If Mr Bruff saw this he’d get really disheartened. After all, his KZbin channel is for us- how would he feel if he saw us bashing him?

[@mathsmadefun6484]

Come on now you can’t say that they both are good in their own ways of explaining | Mr salles=mr bruff

[@puddleduck1405]

no need to compare they are both great!

[@AJ-hh2ht]

How much would you recommend writing for a grade 8/9 answer? Still 450 words?

[@riperses]

Hello salles. I just want to thank you for all the help and tips you provide. your content has helped me understand Eng Lan more than any of my teachers this year. I moved to the Uk from norway this year doing my gcse’s straight away, and no one gave me the necessary info like you. I have done a question 5, paper 1, on the aquarium picture, using your techniques. Please, if possible mark it for me: The sun dripped the warmth like hot wax, both soothing and smarting, as the interiors started to heat up. The water glowed with light, the heat so strong it dazzled. The horizon rippled, like a bronze shield beaten by a sword, as though the romans had been reborn to hurl glorious light on earth again The sky showed off it’s beauty: cobalt blue depths, azure outlines to the fluffy clouds, a saphire halo around the sun. beneath, a watcher might shut their eyes and see the sea, stretched out in lazy ripples in a reflection of the rich sky. Beneath the sky sat the tranquariul; what zolof would call it. This was where he would sit, and enjoy the beatiful sharks with the trechious teeth, whilst the free birds sweeped the clouds above. Tranquillity. The only place a man could relax. He could taste the freedom. He was tired of all the drilling and whining; the sounds of the screams. Slowly it flew away, left with a soothing vibration from the water. The armour was off; the white coat, and the sword; the equipment was gone. He was done with saving the hurt people from the wars, and their teeth. Now he can enjoy his wine, alone in the company of silence. He had almost forgotten how he lost his queen, as he takes the sip. He looks at his bed, ready now. Nothing matters: the job, the cars, the house. None of it. No more dates. No more dancing. Just a roman king, without a queen. Running through the warzone with nothing to legt, but himself. He looks at the gorgeous emptyness of the sea. The hot wax is now slowly turning cold again. So does his heart, remembering the same excact lump in his stomach. Every day is a reminder of how quick the sun’s warmth and energy can go, just like that. He looks at the coffin, ready to jump in, smiling. Ready for doomsday. (Please grade this aswell mr Salles, and can you do a video on question 4, paper 1, as well as all the questions on the second paper when the time comes!) Thank you for reading

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

It's very good. Don't change between past and present tenses. I have several question 4 videos!

[@riperses]

Thank you so much! do you have any tips on how to remember the first part(weather)? and should i start with Q5 first?

[@riperses]

and what grade would you give it sir?

[@didakoko3723]

@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish Should he indicate on his exam papers that he has only just moved from Norway so his examiner is aware of it and is maybe more lenient in their marking? I'm asking as my daughter also has English as a second language... Thank you.

[@synths0unds288]

can you do a grade 8 and 9 video?

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

I have loads

[@bub971]

@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish yh but for this

[@Joy-kd2mk]

At 3:15 a long for a grade 9 description comes up :)

[@jedburnie9755]

what if we get a photo with a persons face like last year?

[@musaghafari2236]

🥶

[@ibby3849]

describe what he's looking at

[@derangedk1652]

I'm sure your would be able to speculate what he could be looking at or just use the weathering description to describe his expressions and possible emotions

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

Look out for tomorrow's video!

[@saferehman8234]

a lot of the adapted is quite similar, so we can still use it if it fits the picture?

[@stressedbitch2539]

So should we memorise a description for a positive and negative weather. Could i also contrast both a positive and negative weather?

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

stressed bitch I think that will work. Try it out first.

[@kingofblox2976]

@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish No need to swear

[@eatinsomtin9984]

@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish Wow, calm down sir. I will be reporting this type of language to your local council.

[@klaize5985]

What happen if you take the desxription from a book of a tree and write in your writting

[@subby7045]

if I was to learn 1 which 1 should I do?

[@claudiaoosterveld2761]

Hi Mr Salles, i was wondering if this could work as a description and a narrative, your thoughts would be greatly appreciated! She was a child who had forgotten to grow up. Eternally careless. Passionately alive. Her mind was filled with stories rather than facts. Her life was her school. Earth was her teacher. She learnt trust from the ocean and forgiveness from the rain. She knew all she needed was already within her. And with this knowledge, she left. She felt liberated. Free to explore the depths of humanities achievements. Soon she found herself in the city. Passing from one city to the next, her presence was as ephemeral as breath momentarily forming wisps of smoke before vanishing into thin air. Forever searching for the place she would call home. One morning the liquid gold sunlight crept into her room, blinding her to the shades of grey buildings outside. She felt the warmth she didn’t know she was longing for, compelling her to return to her birthplace. And when she arrived, she was flooded with emotion. The sky cradled her wildest dreams in its fingertips. She saw god in the ocean waves, she heard mother nature’s lullaby rising through the lungs of birds unfolding their wings in the early morning light. The sound of stillness drowned out her thoughts into a subtle peace. She found herself immersed in the azure ocean at dawn. Saltwater womb, a liquid blanket of love wrapped around her. Her clothing was kissed by the colours of earth, the dirt buried beneath her fingertips. Mountains. Oceans. Forest. The untamed beauty of these creatures wrestled her thoughts into a tangle of roots and rivers. Pulling her inward. Turning fear to fragile love. She was healed. She scattered pieces of her soul like wildflowers across the path she walked. She watched as the waves softly kissed backyard coastlines and coconut trees unfolded their limbs to cradle the sun. Guided by her thirst for curiosity, she ran back to where she had spent her childhood years. She could still taste the tendrils of smoke drifting through smouldering ashes at dawn, filling her lungs with lingering echoes spoken over flickering firelight from long before. If only she hadn’t wasted so many years searching for what her inner child had already found.

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

Who are you!? You are already a writer. This is awesome. Yes, technically it is more of a story than a description, but it is fully descriptive - it would be marked as a description. English marking is subjective, so it might not get 100% from some examiners, but would still get in the top mark range. I'm just about to publish a short guide to descriptive writing - how do you fancy being published - you could choose to be anonymous, or, my preferred option, have your name in print.

[@claudiaoosterveld2761]

@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish Thank you so much for your feedback! And yes that would be awesome to be 'published.' You can use my name! Also do you think it was effective to use an unnamed character in this piece?

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

Yes, it was very effective.

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

Do you want to give it a title?

[@claudiaoosterveld2761]

@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish I would name it 'Roots'

[@givebread8279]

What happens if is a picture like last year? It was literally a picture of an old man with nothing else. If it is the same this year then I will be so sad :(

[@matthews1366]

you don't have to literally use the picture. you could've wrote about an old man on the beach and that would've been fine

[@givebread8279]

@@matthews1366 ah ok thanks for the response

[@Simkhush]

So the fist 2 paragraph of weather is a positive one and 2nd one the storm one is negative right?? Also we can memories these descriptions so then we can use them in exam at the Strat??

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

Yes

[@hannahkok9432]

Can you do a contrast description for the standard weather describtion, please?

[@vasishtsukesh]

@Mr Salles Teaches English Can you please tell me how to adapt the weather descriptions to the june 2018 old man?

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

The old man looked up at the sky...

[@vasishtsukesh]

@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish Just another question if you don't mind answering: how many words does students normally write to get a grade 9?

[@geetikaallam8378]

do we remember both the sunny weather and the dark stormy one?

[@1minutevideos331]

Can I write about the sun even if it doesn't seem like the sun is there

[@raqeeba1606]

could you still talk about weather if the picture is set inside of a room

[@matthews1366]

probably not, but maybe you could focus on a painting, or if there is a window you can adapt it for that.

[@darenkaulsay8076]

you could, talk about your vision through the glazed windows and how the weather outside corresponds to your thoughts

[@mia7561]

I wrote my own version of your description for the beach picture. I don't think three paragraphs alone would be enough in the real thing, but could you please suggest the sort of mark the quality of writing could get? Thank you is advance Sir! Golden sands radiated warmth like a boiling kettle, both embracing and broiling the holiday-goers. Rugged cliffs mirrored the golden sands, the heat fierce they shimmered in the distance. An occasional breeze licked the blistering bodies strewn lazily along the level sands, soothing the grateful crowds like a dip in the pool. The sea showed off its artist trickery: a coalesce of blues mirroring the sky like a looking-glass, warm waters rolling towards the beach, the crackling surf tanning the sands. In a plane above one might glance down and witness a rainbow of umbrellas, unwavering beyond the crystal sea which melts into the rippling horizon ahead.

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

Yes, the quality is very good

[@NabzHSN]

Hello may I use yours please? Also can I only use this if the picture is sunny

[@KRIS-uv9uh]

could you please attach a google doc with the descriptions for convenience. It is quite tedious to pause the video three times to copy the descriptions on paper. Thanks in advance Mr. Salles!

[@usmaanchowdhury386]

You could screenshot and copy paste

[@alij1272]

How could I improve spelling\grammar\punctuation? Thank You

[@nstar3489]

Mr Salles I have a suggestion. Maybe seeing as this academic year is ending. Perhaps in the next academic year you could start making videos on different texts especially A Christmas Carol as there aren't good resources on youtube and Mr Bruff's analysis isn't the best in my opinion and many schools are doing A Christmas Carol now. Thank You for helping me throughout the end of Year 9 and now Year 10 and I can't wait to smash it in Year 11 when I do my GCSES and I'm only this confident because I have access to look at videos from the best English Teacher in the world : Mr Salles Teaches English. Thank You! c: (btw idk if u remember a user called ChicStarGamer but that is me)

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

Yes, I do remember you! I will do A Christmas Carol next year too.

[@BelleMayy]

Stacey Reay does some good analysis of A Christmas Carol on youtube

[@G1200-i8r]

Thanks for this i adapted and used both in the gcse today Definately wouldnt have a clue if i didnt memorise this

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

Awesome

[@G1200-i8r]

Ann Mary Shaiju yes I have to say it definitely did. The description/story question is the last question on the paper (although you can do them in any order) and I was starting to panic because I spent 5 minutes over the time period I should for the other questions. By memorising this and adapting it to suit the picture it definitely gave me the confidence to calm down a bit and I finished the paper. In my English exam I scored two grade 7s which I am very happy with because I was consistently struggling at the grade 6/7 border through GCSEs. Hope this helped

[@NabzHSN]

@@G1200-i8r hey bro

[@NabzHSN]

@@G1200-i8r how did you manage to adapt the sunny and dark and stormy paragraphs together for Question 5 Paper 1

[@zubairrv2744]

Can u not use this when writing a story for the. Second opinion of section B

[@HD-hc2ho]

Great technique Great video

[@Incogkitty]

Can you do one for narrative?

[@koushikkayyappan3188]

Dear Mr Salles, could you please mark this Qu 5 (on Paper 2), as I am unsure if my tone and my literary devices were formal enough to be in a letter e.g. extended metaphor, rhetorical questions, etc - or if I should stick to less varied language to keep to the tone, but wouldn't that affect my mark drastically? Thanks for all your videos and getting me through these GCSEs. 'Cars are noisy, dirty, smelly and downright dangerous. They should be banned from all town and city centres, allowing people to walk and cycle in peace'. Write a letter to the Minister for Transport arguing your point of view on this statement. (I wrote the address here but it was hard to format) 25th May 2019 Dear Minister for Transport, It is evident that cars are the source of all inconveniences in our lives - the pollution they chug out is abhorrent and the cluttering noise produced by their engines shatter the tranquility of our mornings. Would we rather wake up to the harmony of birdsong in our gardens, or to the cacophony of traffic outside our homes? Not only this, but they are machines of destruction reined by the careless citizens of our society. Frankly, it's atrocious. First of all, cars produce an average of 2 tonnes of CO2 per week. This toxic greenhouse gas infests the UK and in the long term, weakens our lungs, putting further stress on the already omnishambles of the National Health Service. Furthermore, the NHS is particularly struggling with the rocket of cardiovascular disease cases and the rising wave of obesity. The link to cars? It is quite simple. Increased time spent in cars leads to fewer calories burnt (as one is merely sitting down), unlike walking or cycling, eventually leading to a gain in weight in the long term. On the other hand, exercise also boosts the physical and social health of our society; this combats the increasing tide of depression and anxiety (especially during exam season) within youth, and increases the happiness of our future as it is these young people that will carry the UK later on in life. Do you want the UK to rise these riding tides of mental issues and obesity like a bronze surfer of Poseidon, or to crash and burn, submitting to these waves of anguish, misery and suffering. Only you can decide. Moreover, I believe that personally, cars posses the greatest threat to cyclists - potentially causing alarming accidents. Being a cyclist enthusiast myself, I am aware of the high frequency of these events. Last week, I was confronted by a titan of a Range Rover quite near the city centre, chasing me down like a greyhound. Without warning, the oblivious driver accelerated at speed, whizzing narrowly past my bike gambling on the assumption that I would not wobble or swerve. It must have been sheer luck that I escaped unscathed. If drivers could be so reckless on our roads, even if it be a few, it can definitely cause serious harm to others as frankly, we are human. We make mistakes. But that is no excuse for this rash behaviour of drivers. Cars must go - they threaten the very safety of our lives. I anticipate your thinking, What about the economic advantages of cars in the town centre? What about the commuters and their daily trip to work? Public transport exists for this sole reason. It is becoming faster and more efficient all the time, covering even the largest of distances, such as the HS2 railway - spanning from London to Manchester and only lasting an hour! Would you prioritise the economy and convenience for the citizens, or the very lives of our people. The answer is blindingly obvious. Only you can decide. Yours faithfully, Koushikk Ayyappan

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

It's very good. This bit is overdone "Do you want the UK to rise these riding tides of mental issues and obesity like a bronze surfer of Poseidon, or to crash and burn, submitting to these waves of anguish, misery and suffering." The penultimate paragraph is a weaker argument - it should be shorter and placed earlier in the sequence.

[@drewkavi6327]

In my opinion it is a bit cringey, some of the language comes off like it is descriptive writing " This toxic greenhouse gas infests the UK and in the long term, weakens our lungs, putting further stress on the already omnishambles of the National Health Service." this is just one of many sentences that feel that they could be really powerful but are overblown. Your writing seems too verbose as if it is trying too hard instead of coming across with the brevity which one would usually find in journalism.

[@koushikkayyappan3188]

@@drewkavi6327 Thank you for your constructive feedback. I understand your point of view completely - but if you put this essay in the context of an exam, there is a slight problem. Examiners mark writing against the mark scheme and although 'convincing' is part of it, the majority of the marks are allocated to vocabulary, figurative language etc, and it is very difficult to have this same brevity as 'real' journalism. Although this would indeed seem very cringey in life, it's unavoidable as if I did not, marks would be dropped and at the end of the day, that's the most important aspect of this exam - unless you have a way to incorporate this aspect of the mark scheme better without losing the tone. I'm up for advice! However, I also agree with you that some parts of my essay were definitely too overblown and my figurative language choices could have been more subtle - although it would also be harder to spot for the examiner as well. However something bolder e.g. triplets, structural features, etc would not only be easier to award, but also will give my essay a bolder and stronger voice (which most of my essays have), despite not conforming fully to the stereotypical epitome of the tone of voice that a formal letter should have.

[@coldlofibeatsandsounds8729]

Hello sir I have my exam on Wednesday, would I be able to use these descriptions as a basis for my own and substitute in different words and add in my own phrases or is that too risky?

[@king-kb2ox]

Same

[@bexbayman7638]

Yes, I've done this in a mock before, and it worked really well. I ended up getting 36/40 :)

[@twilightfantasy9838]

Do you think if I were to use these descriptions of yours and adapt them to my own, what are the chances an examiner would recognize I have done this and would they be bored of this and give a lower mark as this video is 2 years old and I imagine has been used lots by other students?

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

You really need to write in your own words

[@tahmideram5126]

Isn't memorizing the weather plagiarism

[@yaziz8687]

I was thinking of the same thing

[@m.m7732]

Tahmid Eram yh

[@mighsheuey8270]

No because u r not copying in the exam u memorised so it’s fine

[@Cyrusn]

Are you saying you should memorise sentences to use for your own description?

[@emmanuel1062]

How many marks could I get just for using the first one because I already memorized it in my head lol

[@judepatrick7634]

how would you do this if the image was at night?

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

She loathed the night, and began to paint the scene in daylight, so that her mind's eye was filled with vibrant colour...

[@BelleMayy]

So if the image is inside a building ( like a cafe for example), could you still use the weather description?

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

Yes, right outside the window!

[@potatopat5796]

Sir can you please make a video on how to analyse structure on language paper 1

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

Already done

[@---ul9eq]

Can this be adapted for a story?

[@Journal_Haris]

Probably yes but shorten it down

[@---ul9eq]

@@Journal_Haris Ok, thanks.

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

of course

[@---ul9eq]

@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish Thanks

[@Noor-uf3gc]

Are these videos only for AQA or can we use this for edexcel?

[@jedburnie9755]

English is english, if edexcel also get a photo for description of course!

[@ohheho3895]

can you do the same thing for writing pleasee?

[@ellathompson1953]

would you suggest doing the descriptive question or storyline question?

[@3maverickhd909]

descriptive as you can talk about things much in detail and have fun

[@adriancraiescu5790]

What is the chance we won't get description at all but 2 stories?

[@saferehman8234]

i think its always either story or descriptipn

[@subhaan1415]

Theres a 33.3% chance

[@nstar3489]

Does grade 8 and 9 mean writing more paragraphs?

[@Dcnstudio.Daniela]

Shining Dove I believe an average of 550-650 words.

[@Dcnstudio.Daniela]

Which is about 5-6 paragraph. Take in consideration that you can have 1-2 words short paragraphs too so it’s mainly about the amount of words with would end up being about 2.5-3 pages

[@nanaanthony2419]

The less u write the lore they think you’ve been thinking more about ur work and reports say they prefer less cuz u waffle less

[@br4t736]

it’s quality over quantity: examiners actually get bored after 2 pages of writing as they pretty much make up their mind in your first paragraph

[@drewkavi6327]

Write 2 quality pages, rich with imagery and language and you'll get a higher grade than if you stretched the same quality of many more pages.

[@MathswithWill1]

Very useful video. Just wondering if it should be "the sky put on its black cape"

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

without looking at the video, yes

[@eatinsomtin9984]

Sir, can you give me an idea of how i could use both of these in an assessment? Like for a story idea or situation. Thankyou.

[@erose243]

Isn't it plagiarism copying and adapting the paragraph Mr Salles? I have my English language paper 1 GCSE retake tomorrow, wish me luck!

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

Only plagiarism if you copy the actual words

[@shafie.1up]

@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish wait so i can not copy exact word I have to adapt your paragraph for my exam?

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

@@shafie.1up Exactly

[@kaisen6556]

my brodieeee!!!!!!!!!!!

[@samuelcampion6120]

So is description better than story opening?

[@3maverickhd909]

depend what you are good at but i think descriptive is better

[@ahmadanasri9508]

Do we write this on our second paragraph

[@nstar3489]

Mr Salles, if I used the weather description and changed some of the words would it be plagerism?

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

The more you make it your own, the easier it will be. I don't think you would be plagiarising - it is unlikely that you would reproduce it word for word.

[@nstar3489]

Ok

[@nstar3489]

Yas part 2 thank you so much!

[@NabzHSN]

Hey mr Salles ik this video is old but can you apply the Sunny Paragraph and Stormy and dark together so we can have 4 paragraphs

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

Yes, but examiners will spot plagiarism so adapt them

[@NabzHSN]

@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish how can I do that

[@NabzHSN]

@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish please reply Mr Salles 🤣😂 cmon I said your the GOAT English teacher l

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

@@NabzHSN change the verbs and nouns to synonyms or totally different words. The synonyms are easier

[@NabzHSN]

@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish oh ok thanks Mr Salles I appreciate your help

[@kchow1108]

thank you so much! hopefully i will get a 5 or even maybe a 6!

[@samjoshi1812]

haha haha good luck with that

[@manugarg2687]

i m extremely thankful to u

[@off6079]

How can you memorise this quickly

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

By trying to write it from memory, then correcting it, then writing it again. Do the same every 2-3 hours if in a hurry, or every 2-5 days if you have time.

[@exposedsagi9691]

How many marks would this give you?

[@finratcliffe2726]

I practised writing a short story earlier today (I’m more of a long story writer so I’m not 100% on it.) idk if I should finish it where it is or what else I should do to it, could u give any advice as I feel it’s too short for the exam? Tiny frosted fairies floated down from the winter clouds as Julia traced them with her finger, until they settled on the white blanket below. Fogging up as her warming breathe hit the pane, she continuously wiped the condensation away with her jumper sleeve so she could continue to dream, looking at the glowing crystal in the sky. The first snowfall of the year always caught her attention. She was amazed at how much had covered the back street in the last twenty four hours. Yesterday the road was clear, with the only sight of snow being from the powder grey sky which had hung over the city for around three days. In the reflection of the glass a light brought her from her day dream. Her alarm was going off, 6pm. For the best part of the past year, from when she moved into this apartment, she had always waited for him. In spring, in summer, in autumn and now winter, at six o’clock she always went to meet him. She never let him down, he knew she wouldn’t. Once or twice she was late. Sometimes so was he, but they knew the other would always come. She was the only thing he had, and she couldn’t bring herself to ignore that. In the late summer evenings they’d share a cool drink as the sun set, sometimes even going up and sitting on her balcony to eat. He had nothing. No home. No family. No money; except the eight pounds she gave him each evening to ensure he’d eat until they met for dinner the next day. She waited and waited. Looking down on the back street from her warm apartment window, she watched, ready to run down the fire escape stairs, just like every night, to meet him. But tonight was different. She could see the reflection of the clock in the window by her face, 5 minutes, 20 minutes, 40 minutes had gone and still time was ticking with no show of her friend. Something wasn’t right. “I need to find him,” she thought aloud with urgency as she jumped up quickly from her window seat to fetch her coat, scarf and boots. Ensuring to collect and extra scarf and blanket for him as well. She watched out the window as she got ready to leave, but still there was no sign of him. Julia thought of places to look for him, he could be anywhere. The tennis courts. It wasn’t too far away, two rights at the end of the back street. She remembered him mentioning he spent his time there, late last summer. “It’s somewhere to start.” She climbed out her window like a teen sneaking off to a party, but she wasn’t a teen and the only party she was taking part in was a search party. With the extra blanket and scarf in hand, she made her way across her balcony and down the fire escape stairs to the street below. She was rushing, but tried not to walk too quick as though not to fall on the icy metal steps. She looked up and down the untouched path one last time. No one. Then everything stopped. She wished she was still daydreaming out of her window. Her heart became heavy and dragged her down as she fell to the floor running towards him. In the snow he laid within a door way under her window. “No no no,” she panicked and called out for help although she knew no one could hear her. Her hand grabbed his wrist to find a pulse, a barely existent throb was felt under her finger tips. She called 999, wrapping him in the blanket and lifting his limp body off the snow and into her embrace. Escaping from her eye tears fell on his blue lips then rolled down his cheek. “Please don’t leave me.”

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

It is nicely crafted till the end. But teenagers always kill things! Examiners try not to. Try a different ending, with a bit of a surprise.

[@finratcliffe2726]

Thank you for your input, is this a good add on and end? “Please don’t leave me.” She held him tight while the ambulance came laying across his body trying her best to keep him warm. Blue lights reflected off the ground floor windows at the end of the street as she screamed to get their attention. Everything went so fast. They took his lifeless body. Closed the doors of the ambulance and drove away, leaving her on the side of the street. A neighbour, woken by her cries tried to console her, “I’ve never let him down... I’m all he has. I need my car,” she spoke in a flustered tone and tried to get away, “You can’t drive in that state, I’ll take you,” her neighbour said reaching for her arm and guiding her to the parking lot. The white walls of the hospital continued on forever, her trance like state making it hard for her to really acknowledge what was going on. Outside his room she waited and waited. Until a women in shrubs walked out, “I’m sorry there’s nothing we can do, if you’d like to say your goodbyes.” Inside he laid still on the bed, his face blurred from the tears in her eyes. Sat next to him she held his cold hand and placed it to her cheek. “You can’t leave me here, you can’t go, I need you... I need you to stay with me. I wish I could’ve done more to help you, you needed me more than I need you... but I can’t let you go.” There’s was silence in the room. “I need you too... I’m not going anywhere

[@mustafamalik2008]

can we use your paragraph?

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

yes

[@major_ity]

Sun, Sky : 1:47 , 2:14 Wind, Sky : 9:28 ,10:33

[@arad712712]

This is great !

[@shelbybridge6572]

My English teacher says to watch these. She also says overload on adverbs. See my confusion?

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

Shelbea Davison Yes I do. Go to a bookshelf - your house, or school library, and open up 10 books at random and count the adverbs on one page. It is quick, as you are scanning for words ending in ly. Then see what you find out! And tell your teacher. And, if I am wrong, tell me too!

[@ameliagodson3127]

What if it is indoors

[@snazzyviking]

then mention a window and what's outside

[@usmaanchowdhury386]

What if the picture is indoors or a face

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

Introduce a character who looks outside, or has a flashback to the past

[@mhmm5379]

The sun dripped warmth down like hot wax. The sweet-tempered wind eroded the sand, picking up the wing of an insect in an almost maternal care. Gliding through the labyrinth of the land, the wind alternates its strength. Then the wind lay the piece down, in resemblance of a memorial. how do you better this paragraph and make it less... bad. Somehow i started with urs and ended up talking about the wind.

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

That's exactly what good writers do, steal and adapt, and make it their own. Keep going.

[@ehrenlovell1026]

Thank You!!! Legend

[@22wavey40]

If I use both then that’s 200+ words I’ve remembered both can’t waitttttt

[@tobu3816]

How did you do??

[@TNT9182-j1e]

Final boss: the photograph was taken in a cave

[@Sonofsalem0]

I love this video

[@22wavey40]

EXAM IN 2 DAYS please make a video 🥺

[@Sonofsalem0]

So useful

[@mackwindasilva9711]

so sir if i remember this and use it on my exam will it be cheating??

[@karinacxo1917]

no its just a clever technique

[@andreastoumazou1718]

How many marks if you just wrote this?

[@spiritofthegods]

What about a story

[@dailyinspiration4143]

what if theres no sun!?- oh my word i cant believe i doubted him, i shouldve watched the whole video before commenting, he does indeed cover the dark too

[@CamHarrisVlogs]

Hello Mr Salles, I have tried to re-create your paragraph in my own style and would be very grateful if you could please have a look at it and let me know if there is anything you think I should change about it? (I am aiming for a grade 7). I based it off of the beach image but in my own interpretation: The sun drips heat like molten wax, boiling and baking the ignorant crowds of people on the beach below. Emanating with an intense, nonchalant heat, a haze dazzles the bronze horizon and blurs it into a rippling, distant thought. The clouds clear to allow beams of harsh light to glare onto the unknowing tumultuous crowds beneath, exposing the cobalt blue depths of the deceiving rich sky and the swelter of the harsh sun hidden within. On the beach, people endure the infernal heat, convinced of the experience of to be a “holiday”. They underestimate the wicked potential of the merciless star towering over them, forcing upon them the broil they perceive as a profit. Thanks

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

You've adapted it well. Some parts are brilliant. Other parts try too hard, with vocabulary you don't need. See which bits are trying too hard, and tone them down.

[@CamHarrisVlogs]

Ok thank you

[@HamzaAhmed_1644]

Hurraaah 7:02 we have exam tommorow

[@INFINITY_meZza]

Is this a grade 9

[@stroob3158]

I love you !

[@oj2591]

7:27 as Theresa May ran through the field of wheat...

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

nice allusion!

[@ammie2590]

Can I just learn 1.

[@aaaabbbb6250]

I would really appreciate any feedback: The sun dripped its heat like molten wax, feeling both soothing and softening to the skin. The land glowed dazzlingly as the sun spilt its golden goodness, as though some God was hurling shards of light to the grateful crowds below. The sky demonstrated its artistic flair: the azure skies boldly outlined the intricate details of the scattered clouds, which were hovering around aimlessly. Beneath a watcher might close their eyes and picture the sea, stretched out across the earth, as a mirrored resemblance of the perfect sapphire sky. The stunning scenery didn't fail to captivate the hearts of the gaping spectators.

[@kingofblox2976]

Pretty much the same as his, so why are u asking for feedback?

[@azhar5895]

Vote: Story or description

[@azhar5895]

STORY

[@leannebrett1600]

Hi

[@nstar3489]

FIRST

[@mhmm5379]

isnt this plagiarism?

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

Only if you take it word for word

[@jinethweragama1218]

isnt this plagerizm?

[@MrSallesTeachesEnglish]

If you don't adapt it, but just copy it, yes. But you can use your own in advance of the exam.