MTG Top 10: WORST Life Gain Cards EVER | Magic: the Gathering | Episode 481

[@Graatand]

And Juju Bubble was even part of the Legacy Weapon in the lore. Like, no no, this extremely intricate weapon of godlike power which is the only thing that could kill Yawgmoth …it just couldn’t possibly be complete without Juju Bubble!

[@TheGloriousLobsterEmperor]

The Legacy is made up of some absolutely awful cards. Juju Bubble might be the worst cards on there, but that is a massive achievement given what else is in the supposedly ultimate weapon that can destroy the biggest threat to the multiverse at the time.

[@dtelad11]

FARMSTEAD! When I was 9yo and got my first Magic starter pack, it had a Taiga in it. A "friend" convinced me to trade it for a Farmstead. It's especially funny given that my starter only had two plains in it. The "friend" threw in a third plains to sweeten the deal. I've been hating Farmstead ever since I figured out I've been scammed 😾

[@corey2232]

I hate your "friend."

[@tonitaipalus8722]

I felt physical pain while reading this

[@nickhughes8179]

Hunt that bastard down and pull some mean pranks and ribs on them. Pro wrestling has your back for a selection of revenge ribs. The poop deodorizer aka the Mr Perfect Curt Hennig special = poop in a cup, put a lid on it, and hide it somewhere in their house where it's hard to find, eventually, their house smells like rancid deuce and they waste money on fumigation. The dead fish = Works best in the summer. You slip a dead fish under the fan belt in their car. When they turn on the air conditioning, they get a nasty stench and likely take the car to a mechanic wasting big bucks, extra points if the fish is Surestromming. The rodent problem = round up a bunch of mice, go to their house, jimmy open a basement window, and unleash rodent hell. Field mice will likely bring fleas with them for a doubly nasty surprise The Billowing Billington = gain their trust, then use sharp scissors to cut slits in the armpits of their shirts and crotch of their pants, sharpness is key to cut thin slits that aren't as noticeable. The Steiner Brothers Special = padlock their bags to 12 different lockers with about 75 conjoined padlocks all making daisy chains. A pain in the ass to remove them all with bolt cutters and a way to prank someone into carrying around an extra 10-20 lbs worth of locks. The Boss's call aka The Owen Hart = you may need an accomplice, if you can get their boss in on the prank, this can work numerous times. Have your accomplice call them from their place of employment on their day off and claim that their boss needs to see them urgently or if you get their boss in on this, their boss can make the call. When they come out in their work clothes, pop up and spray their crotch with a super soaker. Yeah, pro wrestling pranks are really mean.

[@OrbGoblin]

The sad thing is that the flavor for a lot of these is really cool. I particularly like the idea that merchant ship is sort of "trading for life" when it attacks. Fasting is another one where the flavor is really cool but man... just unplayable.

[@tomaszurbanowicz1559]

Fasting ALMOST has a cool flavor but I feel it should be the other way round...? Fasting is an act of skipping meals in order to reach a spiritual enlightment. Skipping card draw to gain life seems like an exact opposite of that

[@OrangeKing529]

Iron Star has appeared in a Worlds Top 8 deck! Sure, it was in the sideboard for mono-red mirrors in 1995, but...that's something?

[@vivecanada1]

Based on his opening statement, that would technically make it not be on the list.

[@Polyphemus89]

@@vivecanada1 I mean, one sideboard top 8 doesn’t necessarily qualify as “successful in competitive Magic”

[@bstachutheuneatable1727]

@@vivecanada1 yeah, but he was referring to the entire cycle, not just red star specifically. And even then he said this is a stand in for all cycles of artifacts w/ similar effects. Normally I try to find fringe cases where Niz's "worst of" cards aren't that bad (mainly bc the easiest way into my heart is legacy jank), but in this case I'll allow it.

[@vivecanada1]

@@Polyphemus89 Nizzahon usually states that if it has a single top 8 it doesn't belong on a worst list. Also since that spot was for all cycles of lifegain artifacts, I will point to Dragon's Claw being in multiple sideboards in modern gp top 8s in 2019 to say the caveat of 'except the red ones' should have been made.

[@vivecanada1]

@@bstachutheuneatable1727 if you read my other reply to the other person making the same type of argument, I am not saying the whole cycle was good. I am saying that if you say the wild dog cycle is bad, you should also say except wild mongrel for example. Same here, exempt the red ones from your condemnation and I agree.

[@EbonAvatar]

Elixir of Vitality does at least have one of the all-time funniest flavor texts though so....that's something....right?

[@hallorette5059]

It does have great Flavor Text. Nizzahon should do a top ten on his favorite flavor text. My favorite is probably Hatred. It’s so gleefully, hilariously over the top. It reminds of Princess Bride or Arnold Shwartenagger movies or something.

[@sagesmukler9383]

Farmstead is the reason I play Magic. I was watching some older kids play back in 98 and one of them gave me a Farmstead to stop asking questions. I've been playing ever since.

[@CommanderGinyu]

Fasting could win games in dark limited. since the format was so slow and stalling sometimes a player could win by playing this and skipping their draw steps to make the opponent deck first

[@thrillhouse4151]

I loooove the worst lists, there’s a unique humor in bad cards, I love how it intertwines with the old art, and the flavor text and stuff.

[@chuckstevens4985]

I always mention juju bubble when the conversation for worst magic cards ever comes up

[@vanblod9338]

It is hilariously bad. Fasting is probably worse because its basically play it and it does either nothing or sets you back horrendously but, we're talking 2% worse than Juju Bubble. My soul hurts reading that cards text.

[@HughManatea]

I think I have been watching since 2016. What a time to be alive. 10/10 will watch again.

[@HughManatea]

You Rock Nizza. Thank you.

[@LadyBernkastel92]

Farmstead is the one that hurts me the most. I love the art and have many decks where I think it would look good thematically in edh but... yeah. And this is someone who runs Irini Sengir and Zodiac Rabbit in decks because I like the flavor. But like you alluded to at number 10, at least those guys can block.

[@zerospaceca3376]

Caught a typo in the script. At number 8, Sanctuary, you say it's in 13 decks on EDHRec, but the sidebar says 42.

[@corey2232]

Before watching, my guess was Archangel's Light... but then you showed it in your example cards, so now I'm thinking "there are *WORSE* life gain cards than that?!" This list is already worrying me...

[@raynmanshorts9275]

Compare all of the "gain one life on your upkeep" cards here with Fountain of Renewal. FoR costs 1 mana of any color, gains you one life every upkeep (no conditions), and can be sacrificed to draw a card.

[@ncuco]

Wizards was really scared of lifegain in the beginning

[@stevenglowacki8576]

Yes, one Living Artifact is bad, but what if you have 2? Then if you stabilize after taking damage, you'll be gaining more life than damage you took! Yes, I built a deck with 4 of these things back in the day to try to abuse this. If it was good at all, it's because everyone's decks sucked.

[@CounterFleche]

I did the same. It was slightly better than now because we had mana burn back then, so if you took no damage, you could mana burn yourself at the end of your opponent's turn to gain life (provided you had 2+ Living Artifacts out.

[@LaslowF1997]

ROFL man, this takes me back. They really thought life gain was worth something in those early days, huh? I was surprised by one omission, however. The card I immediately thought of when I saw "bad life gain:" Rebirth. SIX mana and a card to be healed to 20 life (so maybe 18 or 19 life) plus you double your ante, plus your opponents gets the same option. Oof-dah. No change in board state at all (other than the six man you just blew) so whatever caused you to be in such a desperate position is probably still there waiting to do it to you again, and you risk losing a killer card too. Maybe you refuse to consider ante cards since they've been taboo for so long, but Rebirth was in 4th edition. You couldn't not pull some of these if you bought more than a handful of packs in 1995. I did play the occasional ante game back then, so I don't categorically write cards off just because they can o ly be used in ante games.

[@irou95]

I've said this before but fasting should literally say "after 5 upkeeps you win the game" Even if you play it on turn1 your opponent has 5 turns to kill you while you draw literally nothing. Most standard decks can do that, and the ones that can't, are able to destroy it on the 4th turn

[@user-jd5zt4of8q]

The only issue with that is a graveyard deck or a time walk deck abusing this

[@truemanmassat5919]

I didn’t notice when the numbers showed up on the episodes, but I did just now realize I’ve seen probably near to 480 of these videos

[@SerathDarklands]

Would you include Urza's Chalice with the 'lucky charms' cards? It's basically the same card, just for artifacts instead of colored spells.

[@hi-i-am-atan]

a funny thing about merchant ship is that it'd possibly be interesting as a weird 1 mana kinda-2/2 if not for the major island restrictions. like, sure, it would probably still be _bad,_ but it's still a 2-toughness creature for 1 mana that causes a swing of 2 life when it hits face. with the kinds of creatures it was competing with, that honestly sounds like something worth toying with, even if said toying still ended up discovering that it was still unplayable, what with its inability to trade ( heh ) actually, i wonder if it would've seen play if it had islandwalk instead of islanddependence. i kinda doubt that blue vs. blue matchups were really calling for a 0/2 that could effectively tap for 2 life, but it'd still be a p. efficient creature for the time even if it went about it in a _very_ weird way also makes me wonder about another version that is _actually_ overstatted with an actual power, but is stuck with "Whenever this creature would deal combat damage, you gain that much life instead." so that hitting creatures still gets you life and buffing it increases said lifegain. maybe could be kinda interesting, if _really_ gimmicky, if printed with something that could let it repeatedly hit for its power outside of combat so that you could access those stats for actual damage

[@tomscud]

I figured Icatian Moneychanger (fallen empires, 1 white mana 0/2 creature - it hits you in the face for 3 mana on ETB and gets 3 counters, each upkeep put 1 counter on it, and you can sacrifice it during your upkeep to gain life equal to the number of counters) would be on the list - I figure it's worse than merchant ship because at least merchant ship doesn't hit you in the face.

[@nathanl8622]

Moneychanger you can at least throw in a Felisa deck--probably still not great, but 3+ tokens for 1 mana isn't the worst deal in the world

[@rareroe305]

I'd love to see someone play the Merchant Ship on turn one with a blue source that isn't an Island.

[@hallorette5059]

I used to love Fasting. As a kid, I fasted during the month of Ramadan for religious reasons. I loved how the card Fasting in Magic: the Gathering represented the religious practice in real life, making me feel “seen” in a very Westernized, increasingly secular world. But looking back the card in ridiculously, almost insultingly bad. Hopefully, the designers of the card didn’t mean it as “look here, fasting is useless”. It’s hard not to feel like that reading the card these days, though. It’s probably a coincidence. Like you mentioned in your video, Convalescence sucks too, and it’s unlikely that the early designers of MtG hated hospitals.

[@alaraplatt8104]

the magic designers back in the day definitely did value life way too highly... i mean, just look at necropotence

[@user-et3xn2jm1u]

Wow, I didn't know there were cards with Islandhome before Islandhome was a keyword. They really printed some cards with the mechanic and thought, "Hey, we should make more of these!"

[@Dreikoo]

The way these cards were going I was expecting something along the lines of "discard a card, sacrifice a creature, pay 10 life: You gain 11 life".

[@movezig5]

To be fair, Staff of the Death Magus did see a _bit_ of use in Standard at one point, which is more than can be said for the other lucky charms.

[@Interesting_Failure]

I really think Farmstead should have been further up; it just costs so much more mana for your one life per turn than almost everything above it.

[@TheMajesticYak0]

Now I'm trying to guess the good lifegain cards before the new video comes out. I'm sure there are a lot of cards with incidental lifegain tacked on that will make the list that I am not thinking of, but Zuran Orb, Batterskull, and Shadowspear come to mind. There are probably a number of creatures with lifelink that will make the list, too.

[@Blackvolttage]

Siege rhino?

[@jameshill2450]

Juju Bubble did some work in my Glissa, the Traitor deck. I wouldn't say it's *good* but there's a place for it.

[@mattblom3990]

I'd like to see a Top 10 Darksteel. I was just getting into Magic with Mirrodin and when the Darksteel cards arrived they seemed so beautifully powerful as I was collecting my first cards with my friends just getting into it at the same time.

[@stevebuhrt3504]

6'3" 260? Didn't know you were such an Adonis of a man ;) Great video as always

[@NizzahonMagic]

You have an interesting definition of Adonis! Haha

[@stevebuhrt3504]

@@NizzahonMagic Lol just giving my guy props

[@andrewamann2821]

Fasting is actually more useful than it looks. The life gain is awful, yes, but it can keep a Teferi's Puzzle Box from screwing up your line of play if faced with a Narset lock, without a follow-up wheel, immediately afterwards. Pair it with cards that allow you to move cards from your library, to your hand, and then you have something that, although not good, serves an interesting purpose, at least.

[@turtleinvader2982]

Can you do a top ten graveyard to battlefield

[@Mississippi_Jack]

Now I sorta want to make a deck that makes infinite mana, then gains infinite life with juju bauble, then taking turns off of drawing cards with fasting to win via making the opponent deck out.

[@gamerjames5108]

I think the Icatian Moneychanger is the worst Life game card ever when it first enters the battlefield it deals three damage to you and starts out with three change counters during your upkeep you add another change counter then you sacrifice it and gain life equal to the change counters so if he's killed on the first turn he enters the battlefield you actually lose life which continue to happen to me over and over again

[@VulcanGray]

Eliminating Roe v Wade. Definitely #1 worst Life Gain

[@paulcolour3030]

S tier topical pun

[@stevebuhrt3504]

No matter what your stance, absolute gold XD

[@Infernoblade1010]

...wow

[@thebfunk5228]

Hey, nizzahon, long time follower and not the best commenter. Love your content big time, have a good one!

[@matpoliquin]

Fasting would be more flavorful if it was 2 life gain + return a card from your graveyard or exile, since the art shows a monk

[@AndrusPr8]

As an avid user of Gnaw to the Bone, this list really hurts my eyes. I've payed 3 mana to gain over 20 HP. And the elixir of life makes you pay 12 mana to gain 8 life. 12 mana makes my phyrexian-mana deck switch instantly my 1-2 HP with my opponent in an 18-19 life total swing

[@monkeygaming2859]

For number 5 I believe iron star wouldn’t be included because iirc it was used in a top 8 deck against a mirror of red decks

[@scottmorrison3929]

I like how half of this list cost several hundred dollars.

[@sonofloki-wn3vj]

Maybe an idea for members or everyone even, when you announce a new Top 10, maybe a poll what viewers think will be on top?

[@elliottbeckerpeeler9697]

Living artifact has combo potential with Luxior if the artifact is a creature, doesn't it? I know it's really narrow but at least it's useful for *something*

[@youtubesucksbutts]

lol yes! Fasting! Should've mentioned that Words of Worship is an infinitely upgraded version of Fasting and it's still pretty worthless.

[@mbarker_lng]

Just tuned in. Starting the countdown to Healing Salve... PS: There it is! Wait? Not one of the worst? Now I AM intrigued.

[@mtgamateurnight]

What is the best life gain card of all time? My pick would be Fountain of Renewal.

[@NizzahonMagic]

That's a strange pick. At worst, it costs four mana to cycle, which makes it far better than everything else on this list! Even without that, it rather efficiently gives you repeated life gain triggers. It definitely isn't good, but it looks like Black Lotus next to Juju Bubble.

[@mtgamateurnight]

​@@NizzahonMagic In competitive play I'm not sure as I don't have the numbers. Perhaps you do? would love to see the points for it if so! That being said there was a time not to long ago a card called Reckless Rage was considered by most to be a junky bulk card and now it's true potential has been realized. I would argue Fountain of Renewal is a diamond in the rough in the same regard, just enough people have not caught on to it yet. We here at Amateur Night have been competing in a multi-year budget tribal tournament on our channel. In that time all three competitors have brewed endlessly with it and stated multiple times it is one of the best staples and life gaining cards of all time. It is a solid turn one play every time. The cycling is not as bad since it is usually broken up. If it is ever bumped down to common it will be a staple in pauper forever.

[@tychoMX]

My bet is a lifelink creature.

[@hallorette5059]

Probably Siege Rhino or Lightning Helix. “Pure” life gain is probably Life Goes on. There just isn’t a better rate on a life gain card that doesn’t do anything else.

[@NizzahonMagic]

@@mtgamateurnight To be fair, I some how thought you were saying the Fountain was the WORST life gain card. Haha. My response makes more sense with that in mind.

[@ronaldmccomb8301]

I used to run fasting back in the day. If I only knew…

[@christopheraaron1255]

what's wrong with healing salve?

[@Hmongboi228]

I'm naturally a gambler by heart but does anybody else think that somewhere down the road, Wizards may make a game mechanic where life gain equals a win condition? If so, then useless cards like JuJu bubble may all of a sudden be in demand similar to "Lion's Eye Diamond" and it's discarding effect? 💡🤔🤨 Makes ya think right?

[@NizzahonMagic]

I mean, there are already two cards that win you the game if your life is high enough.

[@MmKayUltra1]

This is probably the most competitive top10 in months

[@Finngrinder]

So for those of us who don't give anything about Commander, the list goes 1. Fasting 2. Juju Bubble 3. Bargain, since it actively harms any deck in a competitive format that is not an invention to turn 50 cent cards into 50 dollar ones

[@TheDoitpow]

marchant ship + security bypass is usable in pauper cube

[@NizzahonMagic]

The creature won't connive because it doesn't do damage. So...yeah.

[@TheDoitpow]

@@NizzahonMagic *reads card* Hot damn I've been playing this wrong.

[@connormohs6046]

I’m curious about a top 10 where it’s your opinion on “worst cards to have made a top 10”

[@nycstreetpoet]

I thought I would see Icatian Moneychanger on this list.

[@ElfHostage]

LIST IDEA: Worst and best 1/1 creatures that cost 2+ mana.

[@dyne313]

I will say this for Merchant Ship (and lots of other early game cards). It's very flavorful. If you don't have access to the ocean (by having Islands in play), where is your merchant ship supposed to go? So you have to sacrifice it. Unfortunately, it's already a bad card without that flavorful downside.

[@FrankFrankly711]

I play Farmstead in my Horse deck!!

[@Matsumae_Taiyo555]

That was amusing. nothing like a really really bad magic card to lift up your spirits lol. I cant believe people played these in actual decks.... I really liked the old frames for cards though, before Mirrodin. Fasting haha wtf.. never knew the card. thats so bad

[@sethgrgrgr5668]

I proudly own a binder page filled with copies of fasting

[@TheGloriousLobsterEmperor]

I think we can all agree that bad life gain might be the complete bottom of the barrel when it comes to awful cards. The worst cards are, in my opinion, bad life gain. But unlike bad life gain, there's *nothing* wrong with "Top 10 Vintage Cards (Minus Power 9)!"

[@theunwelcome]

I remember being new to the game and thinking Stream of Life was pretty good heh I had so many of these cards, and never won a single game with any of 'em

[@JLH111176]

did they think that all those cards would be to good so they had to put a downside on them ?

[@stevebuhrt3504]

Idk, but "impressively bad" is way cooler than "underwhelming"

[@MoogleEmpMog]

It seems absurd to us now, but essentially, yes. In the early days of competitive Magic, deckbuilding ideas that we take for granted today were in their infancy. Concepts like card advantage and tempo may have been grasped intuitively by some of the best players, but no one yet had terms for them or a framework to explore them. No one even had even an intuitive grasp of mana curve yet. Combo decks barely existed yet; midrange didn't exist, and aggro decks had mana curves we'd expect of midrange. This is no knock on the early players; these are concepts that, for the most part, had never existed in a game prior to Magic. (Look at traditional card games that use other-directed card draw as an ATTACK, like Uno.) They had to invent this stuff whole-cloth! But it meant that in early competitive events, repeatable lifegain was a part of proto-combos that could badly stall out games. Not only were these decks pretty strong by the standards of the time, they were really, really boring to play and watch, which made the burgeoning competitive scene less appealing. Wizards grew *very* leery of recurring lifegain for several years after that.

[@la8ball]

I think Fasting is better then Juju Bubble. Juju Bubble destroys itself if you play anything, you have to keep tapping more mana and have to still tap 2 mana for +2 LP gain. Fasting you can choose to skip drawing, but can still play cards. Fasting is better when it is late game and you are trying to not deck out or prevent some negative effect due to drawing and doesn't stop you from playing your graveyard. Still a bad card though

[@tombonner2799]

I really thought icatian moneychanger would be here

[@guylortie5238]

Still the best voice on KZbin

[@ricklawrence2515]

Fasting also fails on a flavor level. Shouldn't you lose health for knowledge, not the other way around

[@greenapple9477]

I'm new to magic, but even I can how stupidly crappy these cards are.

[@TheyCallHimPogo]

Any ideas on episode 500??

[@NizzahonMagic]

Maybe =)

[@movezig5]

Friendly reminder that Ajani's Mantra is a common, and people _still_ don't use it.

[@lindsayssbm]

Living Artifact was sooooo annoying in Shandalar

[@waterwarrior1382]

I really wish Bargain was higher up since it truly deserves all the hate it can get. Even the flavor text tells you that you shouldn't play the card!

[@Sulmor85]

Juju Bubble is my pick for the worst card in the entire game

[@endersblade]

Yo, Juju Bubble isn't nearly as bad as you think it is. It's 2 COLORLESS mana, repeatable life gain...which means infinite mana = infinite life. In artifact-heavy decks, you almost have to intentionally NOT go infinite with them. No, I'm not saying this card is good, but if you're looking to do silly things with infinite mana, this is one of them.

[@NizzahonMagic]

I basically said all this in the video, including the infinite life part. But it is still terrible.

[@captiannemo1587]

Sure it’s bad, but Fasting has great art.

[@DreamVikings]

Id pay like W+2 for 10 life on an sorcery and call it worth/fair.

[@SerathDarklands]

For #500, can you do best Kavu? They may not be the best creature type out there, but they certainly are cool!

[@NizzahonMagic]

There aren't enough with points.

[@vivecanada1]

@@NizzahonMagic Does this mean spiders are better than Kavu?

[@NizzahonMagic]

@@vivecanada1 For what I measure? Yep.

[@SerathDarklands]

@@NizzahonMagic You could always do one of your opinion-based lists. Your personal top ten Kavu.

[@vivecanada1]

@@NizzahonMagic That is surprising. Yikes.

[@dudedamnit]

I love your raccoon where did u buy it?

[@NizzahonMagic]

It is from Beadle and Grimm's Platinum Edition for Kamigawa: Neon Dynasty.

[@dudedamnit]

@@NizzahonMagic oh, I see, thank you, have a good day, love your videos

[@latsblaster]

Farmstead could be up above Iron Star & Co. If pure lite gain cards would be efficient, MTG would be boring.

[@alexMendoza-wl5oj]

But is it Friday or is it Monday. I can't trust you anymore! LoL I love best of the worst series

[@PokeBattlerJaze]

Fasting is gonna be here isn't it? Edit: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYUP

[@natenathan2654]

Pre-viewing: whats worse, juju bauble or fasting?

[@Bob-nc5hz]

Yes.

[@marsgreekgod]

Top ten sideboard?

[@apjapki]

Juju Bubble is awful but it's the best card on the list for EDH.

[@arieltkotz4877]

I love your reasonings to make someone buy the worst lists cards...

[@thewitchef]

1 and 2 are some of the absolute worst cards I've ever seen. Shame on whomever came up with them.

[@delathenleso5793]

You should do a "Worst Alchemy Cards ever" list. You'd be spoilt for choice.

[@cspeeds96]

Wooooo

[@crovax1375]

Juju bubble is a pretty bad card, but it's only #2 on this list?!

[@NizzahonMagic]

Yep! At least you can gain infinite life with it in a niche scenario.

[@eljuanpapas]

painfull hehehe