Our Final Fusion Journey (no more DID...!)

[@thectadclinic]

Truly inspirational, great information and creativity in how you showed what DID can be like. Good luck in your excellent future!

[@MultiplicityAndMe]

There aren’t any words to surmise how grateful I am for every moment the CTAD clinic gave me to help me recover in ways I could never imagine, and now I’m living a life I never thought would be possible! It’s all thanks to you and I only wish this level and expertise of help was available worldwide for all who’d need it ♥️😭 I’m so incredibly lucky to have met and worked with you and I hope somehow, someday, I can help others in similar circumstances using all the knowledge and experiences gained & pay it forward in a way 🥰 From the bottom of my heart, thank you for giving me a new trauma free life x

[@Feverm00n]

Love your videos!! They are a lovely bridge for those of us in therapy but who can’t afford a specialist. Thank you thank you thank you for the work you do. I’ve said multiple (lol) times that if I won the lottery I’d attend The CTAD Clinic!!

[@Freejanelle]

@@MultiplicityAndMe I just found you on KZbin about a month ago and binge watched all your videos. Let me tell you I don’t cry easily, I watch human beings die all the time in my profession without shedding a tear and yet this video had me in tears, happy tears for sure. I got so emotional watching this. I am SO happy for you and for your family. Also I have to say though you do look happy in a lot of your videos this is the first time I have seen JOY on your beautiful face. Congrats Jessica and love from Texas!!!

[@Sam-ji2lr]

@@Feverm00n As a counselor who specializes in DID and PTSD communities, I will say many clinicians keep pro bono or sliding fee schedule options available. Please search within your community for opportunities like that. Contact clinicians, ask around. You may be surprised and could get on a waiting list. It is encouraged in a counselor's code of ethics to do work like this and I find it very fulfilling. Best wishes finding a clinician to join you in your journey toward healing.

[@ChezVegas]

Ngl, we'll certainly miss seeing you all but we're SO happy you've finally got the life you deserve. No amnesia and a beautiful family u can enjoy ALL the time! Its fantastic. We'd like to thank u so much for sharing your journey. You've helped us through some very dark times. Take care n all the best. Sending love n hugs.😁😘💖

[@saraadams3811]

Jake's laugh. Jamie's cadence. Ed's hair flipping. Ollie's growing up. The boys definitely aren't gone. They're just making up one big Jess-shaped puzzle now

[@Captainbabytaco]

As someone who has been here since her early channel days, before she deleted her original, I can most certainly agree! It’s amazing how I can hear, and see a little bit of everyone now!

[@micahroberts8383]

Yes! I saw this, too!! Also, how wonderful was that paint color metaphor? It really made everything make so much sense!

[@koalaskrypin]

100% agree!

[@91007183]

I can definitely hear jake and jamie in her voice. It is so incredible and im so happy for jess

[@klundyates1]

This is the one that got me, happy tears, so happy that they're all thriving together as a wonderful wonderful woman who deserves so much to be happy

[@IAmBuddythedecibwave]

Saw some comments mentioning how others might find you 'boring' now. I'm laughing because them not being interested anymore is actually good for you. You aren't a circus act, or a TV character. You're a real, adult woman, and you deserve to be seen as such, not as a tool for others' entertainment. I'm so happy for your balanced life and newfound freedom! Keep being 'boring'!! ✌️

[@MultiplicityAndMe]

I’ve never been so relieved to be so boring 😂🙈♥️🥂 here’s to an absolutely normal uninteresting life 🥰🔥

[@callmeobsequious]

If someone healing means that they're "boring", then just let that someone be "boring" at this point! Being "boring" is better than only being interested in someone for their DID anyway. 😶

[@Juwlz]

@@MultiplicityAndMe girl, you are a mom to two little kiddos, your life is anything but boring 😂 but I know what you mean, and I'm so extremely happy for you.

[@becd2239]

Well said LaDessa. :) We appreciate you Jess for who you are. Multiple or not.

[@eloujtimereaver4504]

The idea of fusion being boring is so silly, every aspect that was interesting is still there, just as one coherent whole.

[@marissablaszko]

"No ptsd symptoms for a year" has me sobbing. You have no idea how badly I needed to hear that it IS possible to get to the other side. Every week for months Ive wanted to quit therapy because it seems impossible, and I can't put into words how this video makes me feel. You deserve to thrive 💕

[@AmbiCahira]

My ptsd symptoms has been gone since Thanksgiving 2019, please know it is possible. 💜💜

[@forgetmenotfaery]

me too i want functional multiplicity but I'm totally ok if final fusion happens

[@saramorris6104]

I had a pretty bad flashback the other day... but that was the first one in 2 years, and it all ended up okay. 🖤 getting better is totally doable. You got this.

[@Roadent1241]

So do you! You can do it~!

[@zayinm31]

I'm so grateful for this lady having the boldness to share her fusion story, too! I've been fully fused but because some people and systems are choosing not to pursue fusion it gets confusing and I'm always scared it will sound like I don't respect or understand that if I share my story. But the truth is the pain of dealing with the symptoms and doing things I couldn't explain to the people in my life or may never understand myself was much more than the fear of people being lost in fusion... I also thought it would take my entire life and be a big mess of loss and sacrifice but as issues were worked through it began to feel natural and safe to integrate, to forgive and thank and welcome and see what I would become as a single individual. The final piece came flooding in and for almost a year I couldn't believe it and kept waking up every morning thinking my symptoms would reappear, that some horror would happen to me that I wouldn't know how or simply wouldn't want to cope with without further dissociation. And things have come and have been very hard but after 7 years I have to believe that what has happened to me is real, especially if I keep choosing to cope with life without unhealthy or excessive dissociation, and that for me and my life it has been a wonderful release from worry, except that sometimes I worry for others who maybe have not been told this could happen to them if their systems consented and wanted that life. I truly have hid my message because it is pretty contradictory to what I've listened to other systems say they experience. I think if people begin to majorly dissociate at an even younger age or just to a greater extent or different way than I did, there could have never been "an original". I believe that completely. And I feel like if my experience taught me anything it is that you cannot tell another person what they are experiencing. You can try but it makes you look arrogant and ignorant. But we do need to share our stories, to know that we are not alone and above all you never need to accept a label like "monster" or "abomination" even if it is never explicitly said to you. Dissociation will always be a strange reality, but it also will always be a commonplace reality to lesser extents than in DID. I just don't want anyone else out there to have to suffer through fear, doubt, and confusion all alone.

[@BubblesBulldog]

It’s almost like instead of each alter stepping forward to front as their individual self, they all took each other’s hand and stepped forward as a unit and have now connected emotionally and logistically.

[@TheSapphireLeo]

Same and agree and all spirits, minds and souls merged as one! Makes us so happy!

[@GuyG.KTalesOfAnimals]

This is a really beautiful picture to me, a really beautiful way to describe it.

[@Faesharlyn]

That's an excellent way to picture it

[@hauntedtoast9610]

I'm sobbing 😭

[@tgrsparrow]

Kintsugi. A piece of porcelain repaired with gold, becoming far more valued and beautiful than before. You are a beautiful example of such things. And I'm proud of you.

[@braileinrose333]

Exactly.

[@gigibeal]

this is so beautiful to say oh my gosh, it made me tear up!!

[@danielaaguilar6330]

My gf calls me that

[@allieluvzyuhh]

This made me cry 😭😭😭

[@xXAlexOrWhateverXx]

It’s like braiding strings then. All the stings are still there, but they’re now one large string that’s a lot stronger. This is great news! Congrats Jess!

[@pisceandreamer3]

Love this way of looking at it

[@kishinumaayumi]

GORGEOUS ANALOGY!

[@yoyoyoyo-lq4jb]

This is the best imagery I've heard to describe this!!!

[@chepan83]

That's a great way of thinking of it!

[@fbxn]

Thank you for saying that, it makes so much sense. I am reinterpreting myself as a multiple those last weeks, I am 40 years old and diagnosed and cruelly "treated" in the past as bipolar1. Maybe ten years ago or so, I had a salvia(hallucinogenic plant) induced experience of unvolontarily aligning my head with an oval basket in the room(laughing but still being unable to un-align), than closing my eyes and connecting deeply, existentially, with the weaving pattern of the basket. I afterwards thought that this must be the healing path, and have always kept this in my heart. This summer, a very dear friend talked about a knitting pattern, and that this could be the umbrella of a project that we are exploring to venture into together. I was so happy and startled and said "you said that!! It was not me!" and told her about my connection to this path. Braiding, knitting, weaving, and also mending, it s love and self love that does that💚💚💚

[@LeftNamesNO]

You just said "no PTSD symptoms for over a year" and I just started crying from relief. I'm so glad things are turning out alright for you and im gratefull for you giving us a frequent glimmer of hope and now having turned that into a beacon. Thank you so much for all your vulnerability over the years! Dont worry too much about us, go and enjoy your life! you deserve it

[@learntobake2023]

Amazing!!!!

[@jennyblom6638]

❤❤❤

[@justme8841]

Its so crazy cause i cant not imagine that for myself yet

[@LeftNamesNO]

@@justme8841 same for me but i feel hopeful

[@catharinamariatheresia1626]

I want this tooooooo! This gives hope. My god no PTSD symptoms for over a year!

[@codexwinchester]

I am very happy for you. I hope this isn't disrespectful or insensitive, but Jess 2.0 seems so much happier. I also can see, small mannerisms, gestures and speech patterns that very much show you have all come together. A hand flick that reminds me of Ed. The excitement about talking about something that fascinates you, like Ollie. An overall happy disposition that I associate with Jake. The intense love of explaining something and learning, like Jamie. And of Course the lovely Jess, bubbly, caring and kind. You are all one, but all still exist. Its beautiful to see. I wish you all of the best. If more videos come? Wonderful! But if they dont? Dont worry. Now is the time to live your life, free of trauma, and full of joy. ❤️❤️🥰

[@alystairmabloch401]

I picked up on the same little traits and mannerisms coming through :) it lovely to see how happy she seems.

[@Shadow-pn3sp]

ABSOLUTELY....well said

[@abbyram8901]

I felt the same. but you expressed it so eloquently :) it's beautiful to see each of them with their unique traits all fronting together in one unified whole and see them all together for who they/she really are

[@katerinasinha1559]

Wonderful response. And I rarely say this, but I couldn't have said it better myself!

[@FlowerChyld43]

Perfectly, Beautifully said!

[@fridad2914]

I hope we can get a “a couple of years later” video some time where you tell us what’s up, and how it feels to be whole (still) and everything and just bring hope. You’ve always brought hope though. One incredible thing about this video is noticing that you switch from “we” to “I” in the first 30 seconds. I’m so happy for you and hope you and your family always feel good and safe and secure, no matter what happens. We’re all rooting for you, Jess! All of your subscribers, we all wish you the best! ❤

[@chevgage6210]

I feel like people think they disappear entirely but as someone who dissociates without amnesia walls, they don't. The pieces of them create all of you and you carry the best traits just together. I would love if you made content still. I don't see a lot of content thriving after healing from trauma to the degree they aren't being controlled by trauma anymore. It would be really hopeful to me to see what that looks like.

[@shawnsee1464]

Thank you, this is so helpful!

[@Youhavenofknclue]

Thank you so much for clarifying this!!! I was a little nervous that people thought assimilation meant they go away completely but this isn’t true. No longer being in survival mode for people with DID is absolutely a beautiful game changer!

[@susanbartlett3421]

I have not been diagnosed with DID, and am almost certain that I don't have it. I do dissociate in highly stressful situations, and I do have gaps in my memory related to traumatic circumstances, but with cues, I am able to "remember" an overview. I am unable to remember some of the details, and what I do remember has no emotional attachment. It feels like I am watching a movie. This was great until I lost my Mom about a year and a half ago. Very Traumatically. I remember her, I know who she is when I see her in pictures, I know all about her, but I no longer have any emotional attachment to any of her memories. It sucks and is very depressing to "lose" someone you love not once, but twice, and then be reminded of that loss every time someone or something cues a memory that that I have no emotional attachment to. It was great when it separated me from trauma, but now I am afraid that I am going to lose everyone who is important to me when they pass on, not only from my life, but also from my "emotional memory." I'm responding to your comment bc you stated that you dissociate without amnesia.

[@GuyG.KTalesOfAnimals]

Yes yes yes

[@qwandary]

@@susanbartlett3421 That emotional detatchement sounds like trauma induced alexithymia, although it's only effecting your specific memories and not daily life it seems. I still think it might help to look into as acquired alexithymia can calm down and maybe yours will too with support and time. :) It'd be nice if you could regain your attachment when your brain feels safe to.

[@Strawberymari]

When you said ‘I get to see every minute of my daughters growing up’ I teared up. you deserve the world. You’re all together and I’m so glad the ptsd is gone and you are truly thriving. This was what you wanted and it’s your life! So proud and happy for you, Jess💕

[@camisthejester]

Most of us live as “brown” or watch “browns” on KZbin - it doesn’t make you boring to watch that you’re healing

[@oldaccount7370]

I wanted to say that I genuinely don't think you're boring without the DID or trauma AT ALL. You're a funny, intelligent, enchanting, interesting woman regardless. Share your hobbies with us, do makeup tutorials, do book reviews. Whatever you like. The world is your oyster and the right fans will still enjoy the content and you'll gain new ones who'll be here for whatever you make next 💖 so happy for you

[@mortonmckoy1787]

Troubling we live in a world where people think it makes you less interesting to be normal and functional. Behind every face there's a colourful story to look into

[@heartful.healing]

I'm a trauma therapist and I just want to express my gratitude to you for being so open and sharing your journey with us 🙏 I've learned so much from you and also really appreciate you introducing me to the CTAC Clinic as I have a learned a ton from Dr. Mike Lloyd as well. I'm so grateful you exist 🤗

[@graveyardbaby6204]

You shouldn't use non-professional youtube videos as a source of information. There are lots of videos like these and one cannot know for sure whether they're faked.

[@portobeIIa]

@@graveyardbaby6204 you love saying that as if theyre saying theyre a trauma therapist EXCUSIVELY by watching real peoples experiences. god forbid you ever see a workday of a field journalist. none of the people they interview are professionals on living their life!

[@witchywoman2008]

I remember when I saw your Instagram post saying you’d reached final fusion, my first thought was “Ollie will be so happy he gets to drive the Transformer”. It’s amazing to see you so happy and without those awful trauma memories terrorising you. Wishing you the very best for the future, Jess 2.0 ❤

[@MultiplicityAndMe]

Oh this is beautiful 🥹 thank you

[@PieOfEpicness]

Am I going to miss the gang? Absolutely. But am I also infinitely happier that you're trauma free? Yeah. That's more important, I really am very happy for you and your family ☺️

[@senpais]

congratulations on your new baby and your final fusion! i'm so glad that you're doing better and that you're no longer experiencing symptoms of PTSD. i've learned so much about DID and mental health in general from this channel, and i'm so happy to see how much you've grown over the years. your videos were a part of why i decided to minor in psychology alongside my music major, so thank you once again for educating people like me on the intricacies and nuances of DID. much love to you and your family!

[@themusicalgamer2701]

Despite fusion being terrifying to many of our alters, there was one night where we managed it (can't really say how). Knowing what it's like, to feel every one all at once, to be filled with that inexplainable joy.... We're incredibly happy for you. We're so excited you'll get to enjoy life to it's fullest

[@sad_doggo2504]

I actually didn't believe this was real. When I heard about someone's daughter being 'cured,' I thought, no, there must be some trick to it... I can't really imagine what final fusion would be like because we've structured our lives around dissociation and flipping it to our advantage. If I had to hear about the positive benefits of it from anyone I'm glad it's you - your channel has always been so grounded, helpful and insightful. My philosophy is if it happens, it happens, and it sounds like it happened very organically for you and you are enjoying a new sense of freedom. :)

[@disgustof-riley]

"I'm still learning what the new 'I' feels like." "The days are so much longer than they were before; there's no more holes in my memory." I'm so, so happy for you (singular and plural). You can do it!

[@the_ferris_system8333]

We are a DID system that has experienced fusions before but is working towards functional multiplicity. Seeing you so happy after final fusion makes us happy. We're glad you achieved your goal of healing! Thank you so much for sharing your journey with DID. You inspire us. ❤

[@samimackay7052]

Oh wow!! That shot of eevee was like a jump scare SHES SO BIG I didn’t realise how long it’s been since she was born, congratulations on your new baby and being so happy you look incredible

[@mosaic2476]

she started school this year!!! it was such a huge shock to see her in her uniform

[@bajablast7175]

I have to say, I can tell your daughter has so much support from her parents. The way she said I know after you told her she did a good job shows such an incredible level of confidence in herself.

[@DreamingGryffindor]

And I'm crying. While I'll miss seeing the boys' individually, Jess, you are BEAMING!! I've never seen you so bright and animated. I'm SSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy for you. Hence the tears. Lots of love to you and your family. I'll be here watching whatever happens next.

[@raquelgutierrez1030]

Im about to cry, never did that over a KZbinr and im not sentimental but im so happy for Jess!

[@evielee254]

You're beautiful! :) & I agree, I'm very happy for Jess. Maybe I'd have my alters integrate if they want to. I'd have Matthias' kindness, Astoria's unflappable intelligence, Everett confidence, Eri's sense of humor, and Evie's bubbly and compassionate and resilient personality, and Grace's innocent nature. Maybe one day. Not sure if I really want it bc maybe it would change me for the worse? Idk 😗

[@rital8993]

Boring?? The exciting part is just starting! What could be more exciting than living a happy life as a whole, free from trauma!? Congratulations, Jess!

[@lauraaston7708]

Hell yes Jess! Hell yes. I am ecstatic for you. It’s wonderful to see you so well and happy and like you said, recovered. It’s beautiful. And honestly, sometimes “boring” to others is sheer bliss for yourself. So keep being “boring”. I hope you stay well and happy, and that you, Gaz and your children really live every moment. You deserve it xxx

[@MultiplicityAndMe]

Thank you so much ♥️♥️♥️ honestly I’m so happy to finally be unremarkable and I’m 100% enjoying my little boring life 😂 truly! I only wish I had this normality years ago xx thank you for your kind wishes xx

[@Zamiiz]

If being “boring” is personally bringing you happiness and peace than love on. Never ever give that up for anyone 🤎

[@RoosReckons]

Hey Jess! Would love to see an update video on how you are doing now. If you already are used to I rather then we for example.

[@christenh359]

“Entropy system” did a video recently, and it made me wonder how you were. I’m so glad to hear this!

[@deathlymist_]

The crazy thing being i can really see all of you in one. I can see Ed's facial expresions, Jamie's thinking face, Jess's usual self, Ollie's playfullness and Jake's hand movements. It's honestly mind blowing.

[@astraiarune3026]

Same!

[@thewarden1398]

I know, she's really good at this. Shes definitely got an acting career ahead of her.

[@MultiplicityAndMe]

I don’t want one 😂 I just want bloody peace and to live an uneventful life A good actress with DID, a good actress without them - why I don’t have an Oscar by now I’ll never know

[@AvaNightingale]

@@thewarden1398 cry about it lol

[@glassofmilk101]

You were the first person who made me feel ok for not WANTING final fusion. But i'm so so happy for you. Recovery looks different from person to person, but just the promise that one day i will no longer have to fight the symptoms every day is like a candle in a big, dark room. Thank you so much :]

[@msb5775]

My key takeaway was when you said that you felt yourselves becoming closer together and it felt wrong to try and stop that. Not every system will get that “urge” to fuse like you did and that just means they’ll go the route of functional multiplicity.

[@nevermindimtired477]

As someone who's watched you for the last 6 years, I am SOBBING tears of joy for you. Thank you for sharing your journey with us all these years and of course, congratulations on this new chapter of your life 💕

[@xXLyra405Xx]

No PTSD symptoms for a full year? That's an incredible feat after living with it for so long

[@beesbrownies]

I'm so, so happy that you're feeling happy in your life. 1. Please feel free to take time with your pronouns and identity; no one is going to judge you for changing/exploring. 2. Welcome to being one :) /g 3. You're very, very brave for going through this whole journey-- my heart hurt when I was listening to Ollie being afraid, but I'm happy that you were all happy for it. Sorry if these thoughts don't make sense 😅 EDIT: I trust you that you feel like this is stable and here to stay-- just know that if you ever split, you won't have failed anyone

[@MultiplicityAndMe]

This is such a beautiful affirmation and so incredibly kind and supportive 😭🥹 thank you x

[@beesbrownies]

@@MultiplicityAndMe I'm so glad it came across in the right way! 😂 wishing you health and happiness

[@cassierobertson5778]

This response is so beautiful. Thank you.

[@tylerkim68]

I actually cried hearing Ollie 1) bc I got to watch him grow up 2) hearing him scared hurt my heart and 3) knowing that he’s still there and making up 1 whole Jess and being so happy for her

[@beesbrownies]

@@cassierobertson5778

[@captain-insano]

A YEAR without PTSD symptoms! Oh my gosh that’s so amazing, I’m so happy for you 🥹🫶

[@ihjtmq]

As someone who's decided to live with healthy multiplicity, I could not be happier for you. I've watched your videos for years and it's been so informative and such a journey. Thank you so much for what you've done for those of us trying to figure ourselves out and for those who want to learn. Jeez, this is so emotional!! Wishing all of you the best of luck for your future!

[@mariannetfinches]

So happy for you Jess. I knew almost nothing about DID before stumbling across your channel. You & the boys have had such great ways of explaining your condition. It's been eye opening & you've created so many allies. Thank you & good luck for the future 🎉

[@violetrose5008]

even from the intro when you said “I’m finally not in survival mode” I began crying because I can’t even imagine how freeing that must be. I know this is something you’ve been working towards for so long and we’re all so happy for you. I also love this because sometimes when this is all you know integration and especially final fusion can seem very scary, but you seem so joyful and full and have shown that it isn’t scary like it seems. it has been incredible to have you as an example of what recovery can look like ❤

[@Very-Uncorrect]

That sentence got to me too. As someone without PTSD or any other similar conditions, the idea of being in survival mode all the time sounds absolutely exhausting, and I'm so happy that she has healed.

[@elisabethhansen3590]

Brown is such a warm and inviting and cozy color. it's the color of so much life, of rich chocolate happiness. there's no 'just' brown, and I'm so happy for you and seeing your journey progress this way

[@mebeCJW]

I like to think brown is the colour of earth, and that's what we need to grow healthy plants!

[@phantasmagorics]

Hey! This might be weird to hear but I have OCD and PTSD, and for a very long time I have compulsively associated colors with traumatic memories or paranoid and intrusive thoughts. Brown has always been one with a negative connotation attached to it, so hearing it described like this has brought me so much joy and calmness! Thank you so much ♡

[@Amsayy]

I love brown. It's one of my favourite colours. Brown is brilliant.

[@nirvanawayne9503]

It's been a long time since I've seen the individual alters but I do think I can hear all the accents sort of shimmering through. A beautiful blend. A beautiful brown :) I'm incredibly happy for you and wish you all the best in what life has to offer for you! You genuinely seem so happy 😊

[@mariannebbrito]

We needed someone to talk about what it's like to live without DID - and guide the search for help, for recovery, within what is possible in each one's life. We'll be here for you, new Jess, and those who don't like it anymore or don't find it interesting can look elsewhere - but have you ever stopped to think that no one, to this day, has talked about what DID recovery looks like? It's great to know it's doing so well for you! Enjoy your life and make videos of these new discoveries when you have the time and desire! You can choose what you want to do and when you want to do it. Isn't that wonderful?

[@missytyrrell1]

The boys were there when you needed them. I'm guessing they'd be so bloody proud of your journey and happy to see you as you are. X

[@midevalexponents2sqr]

There's nothing boring about succeeding in your healing journey! Another color that's made from all colors is white, and at least for me, you've been a white beacon of hope in my own trauma journey. Congratulations and thank you!

[@daanroelofs119]

A friend of mine has DID,when two of the most fronting people integrated it was a weird mix of happy and sad. From one day to another it felt like I lost a two very dear friends. But I was insanely happy they healed even a slight part. While 2 friends were "gone" I gained another one who was indeed both person A and B and now we're having fun exploring the new likes and dislikes. And Jess, I feel the same here. Yeah I feel a weird sense of grief, I know all 5 of your are there, I can't wait to get see updates on how your "boring life" has changed for the good or bad. I'm sincerely happy for you

[@SableFane]

Learning that integration is a spectrum rather than a binary "either you are or you aren't" has been very helpful for us. When suffering from all of the painful symptoms that come with DID I just wanted final fusion before having had hardly any integration of dissociative barriers. I tried to push myself to that goal for a long time. My first fusion of alters was after I was no longer actively seeking it but instead had two co-hosts who were very close and learning to work together and eventually realized-- I feel no need to be apart from you, being separate feels like denying a part of myself, I'm ready to get rid of that separation. Since then, I've integrated many alters, and split off new ones with new challenges. For now I'm content to be part of a system that no longer has the same level of amnesia that I once did. I'm happy for your recovery and wish you well! Nice to meet the new Jess- and to see you all together.

[@clarkem.5269]

“New Jess” seems a lot more confident and happy. I can see everyone is alive and well in you. So happy for you. 💕

[@LourStirling]

Ngl it kinda brought tears to my eyes when you said you wanted to be more offline to experience this new life because it was nothing like you ever lived I'm so happy for you, I hope life brings you nothing but happiness

[@jacquestrahan982]

I feel that a better analogy, instead of paint, is light. When different colors of paint mix, it is brown. When different colors of light mix, its white. You have combined into a beautiful, bright, white light. Shine on❤

[@lightworthy]

i’m a singlet, but as someone with PTSD, partially from the same thing you mention being a catalyst to your DID, im SO incredibly happy to see you having no symptoms for a year! i’ve been watching this channel for such a long time, and it’s amazing to see YOU as you are now, the bits of each part of you showing through still but now as one, and seemingly a much happier and lighter one. whoever this “boring” new you is, i’m so excited to see it! boring is good in a life filled with so much trauma and chaos and differences. i also can’t believe how big the little one has gotten!! and to be a big sister now!! i’m so happy for all of you, and wether this is permanent or not, take this time to just be YOU. i’m so happy for you, i hope you’re living the life you always wanted to one day experience

[@lightworthy]

@@adk7165 yes i am, because in the space when talking about DID that’s a common term used for people without these types of dissociative disorders where there’s multiple identities in one body. it’s one word in a sentence that easily got the point that i don’t have DID, but DO have PTSD. if you’re that mad about a shorthand word used in a more niche community, maybe you should go touch grass and get off the internet, where that kind of speech is everywhere. even you saying to go touch grass is a community shorthand.

[@AvaNightingale]

@@adk7165 you're an "I", a singular person, what better term is there exactly? So defensive and pressed lol

[@LongSoulSystem]

We're so happy for you! 💕 You've been our inspiration for hope and work on ourselves and as activist. We're were afraid of final fusion, until last year that our last alter was a partial fusion between our persecutor and our host, which we thought impossible, and from then we understood it's possible and it wasn't as scary. So our female adults are now fusing because we lost fear from it. We thank YOU for all you've done for the community (and indirectly for us). You deserve a thriving and wonderful life 💕

[@creatinecara]

4:13 We can tell! You don't sound like Jess did before. I very clearly can hear bits of Jake in your accent and Jamie in your intonation. I'm so happy for you! You deserve to be thriving!

[@andieluke1366]

When you first used "I/we," when you showed that sense of wonder saying how the final color was made of those beautiful rainbow colors, and you saying how you haven't been online because you have been living your offline life.... Jess, you had me bawling out of joy for you and your journey of recovery. Thank you for sharing it.

[@chloerainne8818]

Jess. I’ve been following you for maybe 10 years now. (Is it possible it’s been that long??) you were the first person who ever taught me what DID was and helped me to dispel stigmas about it in my daily life when others misstated the disorder. It is so wonderful to see you recovered and integrated. I feel like you are truly a friend of mine, and I’ve been rooting for you for so long. I’m thrilled for you. Be well.

[@ThePisceanDragon]

The JOY I can hear in your voice when you know you won’t have to miss another moment with your babies made my heart so full! Shine on, fellow Mama. I am so happy you get to create family memories all together. 💜

[@joelineleach6530]

Congratulations, such fantastic news. I love the way you explained your blend through a rainbow of colour coming together with your daughter - a beautiful clear depiction of who you are now and the rainbow collective you were. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. X

[@SamEATS]

I had the same experience with memory, im like how did I function like that?? I understand why I could barely hold a job before bc even after being trained time and time again I didn’t retain anything and people would get frustrated with me, it’s so much easier to work now. I will not be bored watching your new videos!! I will still love them just as much 💛 hoping to still see content every once in a while but also so glad you’re able to live your life IRL. Lots of love

[@WateaMagic]

I feel that I'm in the process of fusion right now so this gives me a lot to look forward to. I can feel it happening and it's been 10+ years of work. Your journey has been truly transformational for me so thank you so much for sharing your life with us. Go and fully enjoy this new chapter of yours! It's beautiful to see this.

[@lidianerodrigues5152]

way more than a KZbin channel, you gave thousands of people with and without DID a beautifully, intelligent, well mannered and well exposed insight of what it is like to live with DID and you have such an enormous positive influence in reversing the stigma. I admire you SO MUCH, I am SO HERE for your recovery! I couldn't stop talking to my partner about how immensely happy I am for you and your beautiful, beautiful, beautiful family. I'm all teary eyed watching this and these are solely happy tears, so different from the ones I cried all the times you shared your trauma and the hardships it gave you. I admire you as a person, I admire you as a parent, I admire you as a mental health professional and mostly I admire you as someone who had the courage to face your trauma and recover and show others that, despite not being easy, it sure is possible. you're amazing and you deserve the world ❤️

[@SsjDeBusk]

preach same 100%

[@kirstymelrose9690]

“I hope you’ll stay” - I’ll stay ❤️ I loved all of you and now I get to see all of you all at once for the first time! Can’t even begin to explain how happy I am for you Jess. I’ve been watching you for years and the joy and celebration you’re feeling I’m sure is felt by us all ❤️ so proud of the hard work that you’ve put into your healing. You’re amazing

[@benbaker2965]

Absolutely amazing! I am so happy for you! How can this not be a good thing? No trauma. No PTSD. No dissociating. No communication gaps. No memory gaps. Not worrying about when you might switch. Not worrying what happened when you aren't fronting. I have never met an integrated system. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

[@erinokay9991]

Who knew this end was in sight?! Congrats on feeling well. FYI it’s ok to stick around even if you are singular now! We are still keen to hear from you.

[@TheFlomyVoid]

I'm just glad that you are happy. "Boring brown" is such a bad term for "okay and happier than ever." And it makes me so happy. I hope my friend will also reach that point at some point^^ Everyone deserves that

[@madbutrad6788]

i know this video is rather old now, but i watched your videos as a teen and always wondered about DID…the symptoms, the lifestyle, and the experience. now, as an adult, knowing that i’ve HAD DID this whole time, i thought of you and your system (as i often do and have, especially since this ground-breaking, earth-shattering discovery) and happened to check on your channel. i am so unbelievably proud of you for all of the hard work you’ve done and every single baby step that it took to run those miles uphill to not only integrate but fuse, even. thank you for sharing your experience with us, and thank you for always being amazingly kind and patient with your fan base and the dissociative community. our whole system (even the more scroogey persecutors…bah humbug) loves you dearly and we are so grateful for the guidance and warmth you’ve provided to not only us who are commenting, but the whole of our little internal community. congrats on the new life and the new baby, mama!!! 🎉💖

[@Quizzicalsystem]

Thank you Jess. I learned I was a system through you. It was about 7 years ago, and while my journey is dramatically different, you helped me realize why I was "missing time", and why I would make very poor decisions at work, only to reflect back and realize a little had come out and was forced to make a choice (and chose wrong). I lost my chance at managing a college pub because a little was around before I knew we were even multiple. You helped us find answers. And from you sharing the Ctad stuff, I was able to look for something similar in Canada. You gave me the jumping off points. Thank you

[@jamosss]

This is the first time I've heard of this completion with someone having DID. It's like finishing a maze or beating a full-scale RPG game and I'm here for it😆🔥🔥 W journey💯💯💯

[@alicia4899]

FINALLY! This is the type of documentation, awareness, journey sharing with this disorder that people need. Especially the DID community. Congratulations on your healing and continue to love life being a mama and wife. ♥️ so happy for you 🥹

[@toastburntbread]

With paint, all the colours together are brown, but in light, all the colours together are white. When you put the light through a prism, its a rainbow. You have a rainbow inside of you.

[@TheoSwinford]

If you're comfortable talking about it, we would absolutely love to hear more about what final fusion has been like for you! What happened to your inner world? Did your gender/sexuality change after fusion? Have your likes and dislikes changed after fusion? Sending you lots of love!

[@FirstNameLastName-wt5to]

I’m so happy you’ve gotten where you want to be.

[@gothikgurl0719]

I’ve followed your journey for a long time because you’ve made my husband’s DID so much easier to understand. I can still see all the parts in you. Ed’s style, Jamie’s confidence, Ollie’s playfulness, and Jake’s ease in front of the camera, all combined with Jess’s kindness and passion makes you shine even brighter as Jess. Congrats, luv! 💛

[@vamvam7690]

So incredibly happy for you all and your new fully combined life. Welcome Jess 2.0 you deserve everything you’ve achieved. Much love 😘

[@aeriamiri]

The part about not knowing you could be more whole than you already are really hit me. When I fused for the first time with one of my altars, I had no idea it was possible to feel more whole / more concrete. I've fused a few times since then and it's insane how much "smaller" that first me feels compared to who I am now after the fusions.

[@phantombassist]

I know I’m super late seeing this but I just want to say I am so incredibly happy for you. I’ve been following your journey for years, and it has always been amazing seeing your progress! I am crying happy tears for you and I hope life is nothing but kind to you from here on out ❤ I can hear all of them in your voice and it is so beautiful. ❤ enjoy your life to the fullest Jess!

[@oldsoldier4209]

I am very happy for you. Like many others, I was concerned by your extended absence from YT. But, I understood that there are parts of your journey your viewers simply cannot share. And likely some parts we could not bear. Thank you, for sharing your experiences, and for helping us to see things society has hidden for far too long. Your baby is beautiful, as are you. May you both find happiness and continued health, as you move forward from here. 🤠👍

[@yeahiwascrazybackthenhahua2954]

This is the best video you could have ever given to us. Thank you so much for sharing such wonderful news, I hope you can keep enjoying your life to the fullest, lots of love and happy wishes 🙌💕

[@ingredi8409]

I watch your channel since 2017, it was my first contact with that DID is, and it's so beautiful so get to see you have such an amazing healing journey!!! I wish you all the love in your new life a singlet

[@muckpuppy]

as a long time viewer of your channel, it is such an incredible honor to witness a snippet of your joy as a fully fused person....you are such a bright light, you always have been, and to see you like this is so amazing. seeing someone who has dealt with things similar to myself not only make it out on the other side but also do so so wonderfully is a massive beacon of hope. lots of love to all of you, your family, and everyone who watches. ❤

[@mandykins8678]

I’m so happy for you. Crying happy tears and celebrating your healing and freedom from trauma. You deserve so much happiness. ❤ thank you for sharing your experiences

[@ellaelliott4415]

I've got tears in my eyes. I'm so happy you achieved final fusion. You're getting to experiencing life in a way that some people take for granted-living a life without trauma. I realised a while ago that boring is beautiful, as weird as that sounds. I woke up a few days ago, and everything was so...quiet. The silence must be odd after so many years.

[@tintvau]

I think you, the boys and your life should not be viewed as some kind of entertainment show where we get to see different "characters" and I don't think anyone should feel upset for not being able to see the boys in future videos. You and your system have been incredibly generous to share your life, your stories and educate so many people about DID. You deserve everything that you have achieved so far and everything good and beautiful that surly is too come in the future. I am just a stranger on the internet but I am so happy to see you so full of joy ❤. I wish you and your family lifetime of health, happiness and love. will be sticking around for whatever content you decide to make 😊

[@LuckyPineapple]

Congratulations Jessica!!! I've been wondering where you've been for a while, and this is the best news I could have imagined to hear from you! You've done so much hard work and I am so proud that you've made it through all of that and into a positive new place in your life!!! I have physical dissociation problems, and it would be wonderful to be able to work through my issues to not have that happen anymore. Hope you and Gaz and those two beautiful kiddos have an awesome life as you are!!!

[@catpaccino]

Your channel is where I started learning about what DID is actually like, years ago! I'm so happy that you're in such an amazing place now. I can't even begin to imagine how different that must feel. Wishing you continued peace, and strength for the hard times, and joy for all times!

[@madimpala]

just the intro alone has me in tears. i started watching you in high school and this channel was my first introduction into what DID was. i loved learning about your life and your alters and it really made me want to study psychology to help people with your disorder. i am so so happy and surprised to hear that you are finally able to function normally and be mentally healthy and happy. i’m so glad i thought of you randomly and decided to check your channel out after a little while. i know it’s been a year since this video came out, but i hope someday you’ll want to come back on here. have an amazing rest of your life, carefree and whole 🫶🏼

[@KateEst84]

I am so happy for you!! You can see the light in your eyes. You have done so much for awareness and education. You brought D.I.D to peoples minds and helped understanding. To see this, honestly brought a tear to my eye. I wish you, gaz and the girls all the happiness in the world. Xxxx

[@HiddenLunarWings]

I'm so happy for you! I do wonder, do you now remember all of your alters' memories? Not just childhood, but afterwards, when you were in university or working or filming KZbin videos or even cooking? All of those memories of your alters fronting, what they were thinking, seeing, etc.?

[@greytiger1]

Wow first off, cant believe how much Eevee has grown! And congrats on Baby no 2! And congrats on the fusion!! This Jess is definitely a different Jess that I’ve seen before and I can see mannerisms of all the boys in you. SO happy for you ❤️ Edit: further in the video, sooo happy you have had no trauma for a year! Hearing your episode in one of your previous videos really stuck with me

[@hackidreemurr]

If one day, a series about a person with DID comes out, I imagine the last episode to be like this video 💗 What a beautiful happy end. I don't care if anyone else thinks you're "boring" now, I'm infinitely happy for your joy. Even if we haven't known each other for very long, for me, you and your alters are very sweet and empathetic people and I love watching your videos, speaking from the perspective of a very picky person when it comes down to neurodivergent content on KZbin. You deserve all the peace and happiness there is in this world. People like us didn't deserve to constantly live in war, and peace and victory from many dreadful years of war don't make us "boring". People who are saying that are the ones who have fortunately never been in war, metaphorically speaking Your video gave me the hope and energy that one day, I will be happy, healthy and at peace, too. 💗

[@oe4927]

Shame on those who want this woman to stay fragmented mentally. Not believing she could possibly heal her brain 🥴 Way to go Jess!!! I honestly believe your baby helped your process of healing and staying in your true reality. Of course hubby did too. Amazing journey you had and you have so much further to go. ❤️ The brain is a powerful thing. Do not underestimate it.

[@crystald3655]

Contrary to popular belief functional multiplicity is also valid. Final fusion aka the killing of every individual in the system is not required to be happy and thriving in life.

[@oe4927]

@@crystald3655 nobody said it did 🥴 I just don't understand why so many people don't believe it's possible.

[@abjectmadness1111]

@@crystald3655uhm, can we not shame people who want to do final fusion . Sounds like you don’t have DID and don’t know what it’s like. Alters can’t die

[@justme1892]

Congratulations! It’s so cool that “all of you” became all of YOU!

[@musative]

Jess, I discovered you on Diaries of a Broken Mind way back in the day when I was going through my own mental health struggles and have been watching you ever since. I am so incredibly happy for you! Your happiness and joyfulness really radiate through. I am so glad you've conquered your trauma and it no longer has power over your life - and equally, so sorry to learn of what happened. And wow, how special that you now get to witness every moment of your beautiful babies growing up, what a fantastic gift you have given yourself and your family through your own hard work and grit. When I look at you I see an unbelievably strong person who has been through and overcome things that most people couldn't even imagine. Here's to your new boring, brown, offline, ordinary life! I hope you get the chance to give us a few updates here and there in the future, I'd love to hear about your NHS work and how your own life experiences might inform it. Thank you for being such a fantastic educator on this channel, it's amazing how resilient the human mind is and the strategies it comes up with to make it through. Wishing you all the very best in your future with your beautiful family ❤

[@musicfeedsyoursoul8070]

I’m so happy for you, you seem so happy! Can I ask, does Eevee know you’re all one now? I thought I remembered you said she knew Uncle Jamie, Uncle Ed, etc., so does she know “everyone’s here all the time now, all the colors came together”? I really am so happy for you, and I will always be here to watch your videos! I’m so excited to see more videos from you and get to know Jess 2.0! And please don’t let anyone’s comments dim your happiness. Final fusion was the right path for you (I don’t think the brain would have allowed it to happen if it wasn’t, right?), you worked hard in therapy and you deserve to celebrate!

[@owlivdejong5086]

Evee interacted with the boys, they used to handle a lot of the morning activities, but they all fronted as Jess to not confuse the baby. They often wondered if she'd pick up on the behavior changes and slight accent differences would effect her. I'm sure that worry was one of the motovations for the fusion.

[@HanaYuki12]

Now Jess and the boys become one smoothies! you also gave us all a better understanding towards DID which will probably help me a lot in helping others as a future psychologist! Im so proud of you and wishing you and your family a happy live ahead!

[@pinesmotion-picturespresen7131]

You were my first exposure to D.I.D. I have been fascinated with the psychology of it ever since. Because of the brightness and warmth you brought, I was able to view other systems in a positive light, even if their alters were not. You comforted my thoughts on my own coping mechanisms and brought to light how normal and non threatening mine really is. I will always be grateful to your kindness, your openness, and hope your life is filled with all the joys and successes that this world has waiting for you. Thank you.💛💙💜💚❤💖

[@tracysmith9393]

I'm so totally thrilled for you. Recovery how ever you get their is the best place to be... Good luck with whatever and wherever life takes you and your awesome family. Xx

[@encryptdidangels2324]

That's Amazing! We've been a fan since you uploaded the video of Jess doing a presentation at Uni about what DID is and is not! We saw you all put your channel up, take it down, put it back up again. We have laughed with you and cried with you! You have been an Amazing light and inspiration to more people than you could ever know! You have a Beautiful family and we wish you the best life has to offer you and those you love! Congratulations on your final fusion, as a good friend once said to me, "It's amazing what you can heal from, and it'd be a shame not to." You are living proof of this! Thank you for posting, thank you for Amazing, uplifting, and educational content of and about DID!

[@misfitm1457]

Wow, can't stop smiling for you. Congrats on a year with no PTSD symptoms! This is amazing, so pleased for you and Gaz

[@Speckmantelmade]

The "the day is so much longer now. I have so many hours!" really hit home hard. I'm glad you went on this journey and came out so much happier! Only good wishes for your future!

[@jenk8385]

I started watching you 10 years ago, and I am so very proud and happy for all you have acheived. I can't wait to see the new adventures you and your family have! You have helped so many, and continue to. Know you are loved!

[@PlutosAsleep]

i went through severe and repeated trauma from the ages 7-12, i think about the fact that i could have very well developed DID, but i didn’t. I instead have Borderline Personality Disorder, CPTSD with dissociative features, aswell as 2 anxiety disorders, and ed, and mdd. I respect and appreciate the fact that i’m probably lucky to have grown up to be whole, single, and i respect and applaud everyone who didn’t get to. ❤️

[@magicalwatermelon5147]

You are amazing! You are still here, even with your own brain making life really hard