MY COMING OUT STORY (BEING ASEXUAL) / Cass and Alex

[@Kovukingsrod]

Thank you so much for this. I struggle to accept that I’m most likely asexual, so hearing you say that it’s okay and that you do and will accept & love yourself really helped me.

[@PercabethLovernot]

same

[@hannah_rose6580]

@@jackwilliams5474 No one asked you

[@hannah_rose6580]

@@jackwilliams5474 bitch no one cares about your opinion if you're going to be an asshole lol

[@cassandalex1527]

I am so glad! And so happy for you

[@cassandalex1527]

@@hannah_rose6580 don't worry, I removed him :)

[@SamanthaAimee]

I think I'm asexual too. I've spent the last two days scouring the internet for information on asexuality and I've been nodding along to everything I find. It's nice to know it isn't just me 🖤

[@wren3341]

Samantha Aimee same! I'm watching videos and reading websites to figure things out. It's really hard.

[@i_love_rescue_animals]

Have you seen Ash Hardell's YT videos on asexuality and the spectrum(s)? She makes EXCELLENT videos. Here's a link to the first installment: kzbin.info/www/bejne/qoK5p4mempt4hsU ...and no, it's not just you - Ace here. 💞

[@maco.2379]

I feel the same way, but since I'm young people in the community are saying that it's most likely going to change eventually, so I'm not going to come out to my family and friends for a few more years....

[@hi24626]

@@maco.2379 "You're too young to know about your sexuality!" Said no one ever to a heterosexual of any age. You don't have to come out to them but if labeling yourself asexual is what makes you feel comfortable and what you want to do now, go ahead and do it online. It's really okay.

[@mach.in.a]

@@hi24626 my parent actually said to me "you don't need to know about that yet!" But I know I'm ace

[@remington8617]

I told someone in school that I was asexual and she was like "No your not! Do you even know what asexual is?" And I was like "um... yeah. It means I don't like girls or boys." like why would I say I'm ace if I didn't know what it means? And she was like "No sweetie asexual means your attracted to yourself! Some guy told me!" I sooo wanted to slap her

[@cassandalex1527]

Hahaha that's wild! You should have handed her a dictionary. Proud of you though! Do you have any updates on your coming out experience? I would love to hear them :)

[@rabrojonel]

The confusing part about the term "asexual" is that in biology it's used to mean an organism that can reproduce on its own, as opposed to sexual reproduction where two organisms copulate. So if she (or the guy she heard it from) was only familiar with the term from biology class, I can see how she might think that. When I first heard the term it made no sense because biologically humans reproduce sexually, we are not asexual. I had to learn that in the context of sexual orientation, asexual has a completely different meaning.

[@Phoenix_flame]

As an Ace, I understand how complex the identity can be, cause being gay or lesbian or bi or stright is pretty stright forward (no pun intended XD) but think about it this way: Being "Ace" is just a lable, and all that matters is that you're never forced to do something you don't wanna do, or be something you don't wanna be. :)

[@hannah_rose6580]

@@jackwilliams5474 how about you get lost with all of your bullshit LMAO!

[@mirushiiik4539]

You don't know how much you helped me now... I accept my asexual orientation. After 3 years I'm finally fine and I can understand me. Thanks.

[@leahgachaproductions]

@@Kevinproducciones2 what are you talking about?

[@cassandalex1527]

Wow. Thank you for this comment. I am SO happy that I could help. Sending so much love your way!!

[@cassandalex1527]

@@leahgachaproductions I removed his comment; we don't need that kind of energy here :)

[@leahgachaproductions]

@@cassandalex1527 yeah you're right :)

[@user-tv6un3yh8j]

I'M ACE. came out to my internet friends two days ago. they are so supportive of me and i was so overwhelmed. and i don't feel the need to come out to my family really... if people know, people know. :)

[@Ace-vn7ld]

The first time I came out to someone (a close friend at the time) as ace they laughed at me and I was so hurt it took me years to find the courage to even start thinking about the topic again.

[@elorajicheol570]

Are these people really your friends ?

[@Ace-vn7ld]

Elora Jicheol not anymore

[@cassandalex1527]

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm proud of you for recognizing these people weren't really your friends. And though it took you some time to acknowledge it again after that, you did! You should be very proud of yourself. How are you feeling about your sexuality now? :)

[@alyssatheawkwardskat]

I'm Ace and Panromantic still need to tell my family but I don't feal the need to come out. However they still think I only like guys so yeah I'm also getting tired of the teasing.

[@cassandalex1527]

I feel that! I have always had a lot of guy friends, and before coming out, my mom would ask if so-and-so was my boyfriend almost every day. You left your comment awhile ago now, though. Have you come out to them since posting this? I would love to hear any updates! :)

[@annymus4502]

Same, I could use some help

[@brettschmidt5706]

Your self awareness and openness is beautiful :)

[@andygage9582]

It’s a part of who you are, a bit of self discovery, I’m glad you’re able to come out and tell all, I hope now that you can be happy in life and hopefully if you want to, you can find someone who loves you and accepts you for who you are rather than your sexuality, good luck, lots of love to you

[@runah9780]

This video helped me so much. I faced many problems similar to yours and you helped me to accept my own asexuality. One question tho: How do you come out to people? Do you use the term "asexual"? Do you say you just don't like sex? Because where I live barely anyone knows about asexuality and therefore nobody believes me. And woosh - there goes my confidence. It's just so hard when nobody think asexuality is real. :(

[@cassandalex1527]

I personally identify as queer because while I'm asexual, I'm not aromantic. But, if anyone asks what I mean when I say queer, I will explain that I'm asexual and what that means for me. I'm pretty lucky because most people I know are at least familiar with the term. But I think sharing that you're asexual will definitely help with the visibility of the term/identity. I know it can be kind of crummy when people don't understand your identity, but don't let that discourage you! Own who you are! Eventually people will come to understand asexuality and accept it, and if they don't, that's a reflection on them, not on you! -Cass

[@Phoenix_flame]

I feel you! Just tell them that it is scientificly proven and that should work. XD If not, then just say something like "well I don't believe that people who like sex are real" or basicly something in their language... And if they don't believe you, it's not that big of a deal (unless they're trying to rape you, then call the police or something...)

[@i_love_rescue_animals]

I live near a large metro area - and am quite a bit older than you (I would guess - I'm 58) - and I had a therapist say there was no such thing as asexuality. I stopped seeing her (and all therapists). When I "came out" to a gay friend as asexual, she said, "well, you can't really 'come out' as asexual." - and she is VERY metropolitan and VERY smart - but smart people can be wrong. I've been thought to be gay most of my life, because I never dated anyone. I didn't really identify as asexual until all of the spectrums of sexuality started being talked about more (only on YT - that I've seen). I am definitely romantic however - and straight - though I wouldn't care if I weren't straight. I think asexuality will always be considered "not real" to most because only about 1% of the population is asexual.

[@animalobsessed1]

Most people nowadays accept that being gay is a thing. So if it's possible for women to not be attracted to other women, but it's also possible for women to not be attracted to men, there's no reason why it shouldn't be possible for someone to not be attracted to women AND not be attracted to men at the same time.

[@gracielarodriguez6871]

Just tell them it's the way you feel. Nobody can argue that. You're not interested in sex and if one day you 'change your mind', that's fine too. If they consider you didn't find the right person or something, that doesn't change the fact that you don't want to have sex right now. Don't force yourself to do things you don't want to do. Love yourself.

[@tgirlpower]

you are really brave and honest you deserve be happy for who you are

[@cassandalex1527]

Everebody Equal thank you so much for saying that!

[@isabellawalters522]

you put into words a lot of how i feel about being ace but have never been good at explaining, so thank you! i feel the same way about the feminist movement, sex scenes on tv, etc. and also struggled to accept my sexuality for awhile

[@elenag809]

Thank you for sharing your story, it always helps to hear someone explaining their asexuality. + nothing to do with the content but you are soooooo beautiful

[@cassandalex1527]

Thank you! I'm glad my video was helpful for you :)

[@sweaters_and_harmony9525]

You are so adorable, great video! Female Queer Ace here as well. Thank you so much for sharing your story!

[@cassandalex1527]

Thank you for your sweet comment :)

[@artisanrox]

As an older (aro) ace, I definitely went through this rolodex of allo orientations and none of them *quite* fit. It changed my life when I learned about being ace.

[@isabellawalters522]

also, i’m going to be a college freshman this fall and i’d like to get involved with lgbt+ community groups on campus as well! i’m not out to a lot of people and i’m a bit nervous to publicly embrace this part of me, but hearing that you took that step and signed up for a group makes me feel better about doing it myself

[@shelley2he844]

I am a sex repulsed asexual and I personally dont feel the need to 'come out' to anyone, it's no one's business and my family have accepted that I never want to have children or get married. For years I had horrible relationships and hated sex and had no idea why. Then I became celibate and it was too easy lol I realised that I was actually sex repulsed and did it for years to please others and not myself. Wish I'd understood when I was younger, I wouldn't have wasted so much energy and self respect.

[@commentbot9510]

I hate that I’m asexual. I feel like I will never be able to feel love and have a happy relationship. I really hope I’m not aromantic as well.

[@westonwheeler2311]

I'm sorry you hate your sexuality. It's who you are. And you will be able to find love. It may take a bit before you find someone who understands you and accepts you for you. But you will

[@kellymcdonald9766]

I struggle with this as well... I’m still trying to accept who I think I am, but I am hoping to find love, just like you someday. You will meet someone who will love you for you, no matter what that entails! I wish you the best of luck, and hope you learn to accept and love yourself no matter what!

[@Kat-sd2km]

I'm sorry you feel that way, it's never fun to struggle like that with a part of yourself. But speaking as an aromantic asexual, it isn't the end of the world to not be attracted to people. And it doesn't mean you're incapable of love! I love my friends and I love my family and I love myself and my life, and that's been more than enough for me. Your worth does not hinge on having a certain kind of love in your life. I wish you all the luck in the world as you figure out who you are and how you feel, and remember that you are the expert on yourself. You are what you say you are.

[@zongi700]

@@Kat-sd2km that's really well said. thank you so much!

[@cassandalex1527]

I'm sorry to hear that. But hey, just because you are asexual doesn't mean you can't feel love or be in a happy relationship. I have had several romantic relationships that were extremely fulfilling. And even if you are ace/aro, you could always have a platonic partner. I have several ace/aro friends who had pursued platonic partners and are very happy with the dynamic. I hope these comments have brought you some change of mind about your sexuality. You should embrace and love who you are!

[@softfirecrow]

I think I struggle in the same way with my asexuality. I still feel ashamed for it in front of other people, I still think that I just didn't try hard enough yet to be allosexual. Then I remind myself that I should not be trying to be anything. It's okay just as it is. I am okay, I am valid. Thanks for sharing your story!

[@carolinevel94]

this helped me so much !! thank you !! I am just like you in the sense that I am a ''lesbian'' as I have major crushes on girl and I definitely have strong romantic attraction towards girl but I just never really had sexual attraction for anybody ....My one question is how do you handle that in your relationships ? I mean any time I meet a girl and I know there is something more I am so scared that it won't work bc I can't really see myself having sex and I just really dont know when to bring the subject ...

[@i_love_rescue_animals]

Man, I hear you. I'm old and I avoided relationships all my life because of the "sex thing". I wish I would have known about all this and sexuality spectrums about 30 years ago! I've seen on other YT videos that some ace people are in relationships - sometimes with other aces and sometimes with people that like sex. The folks that like having sex can handle the ace relationship because some aces will do some sexual or at least sensual things with them - or their partner is even "OK" with not having any sex - at all. There is a spectrum of asexuality from sex repulsed to aces that will do some sexual activities (including sex) to please their partner. Even those that are sex repulsed can have a romantic relationship with someone else - without the sex. (I wish I would have known this YEARS ago!) You just have to find a willing partner, who understands your comfort level - and can live with that. Look for more YT videos on asexuality - there is more info out there. There also might be an ace community or group in your area. Look on the interwebs and see if you can find a group in your area. 💞

[@yousaid4026]

carolinevel94 Sweet Caroline :)

[@cassandalex1527]

I think the key to ANY relationship is being open and honest. You should find someone who accepts your sexuality. And you should take pride in your sexuality! If someone can't handle it, that's on them. But definitely don't let the fact that you're ace prevent you from having relationships with others!

[@Nat-qp3lg]

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH, THANK YOU FOR YOUR STORY

[@violamandyfinnigan5463]

Asthetic attraction hits you're soooo beautiful

[@cassandalex1527]

Thank you so much :)

[@lowercasebadguy]

IM ASEXUAL

[@cassandalex1527]

I love that for you! :)

[@Jake5537t]

I think I’m Asexual because I don’t even want sex. The only time I do want it is if I have kids/When I have kids Everyone knows that I’m not really interested in sex but no one knows what asexual is so I might just leave it because the only thing people don’t know is the name

[@Kevinproducciones2]

But you can have sex, so why are you saying that you're asexual?

[@kujira_cosplay]

@@Kevinproducciones2 Because asexuality means that you don't feel sexual attraction.

[@Kevinproducciones2]

@@kujira_cosplay Yes, but I think if this guy has erections is because he has testosterone or sexual desires naturally he is able to have sex normally I do not think it is to be asexual, so what is sexual attraction and to be asexual for you?

[@dazaisart2406]

Ikr same here, I’ve been learning about asexuality recently and only understanding myself this year lol almost 18 years passed and I wasnt properly introduced to the topic, even having sex education in school and a bunch of LGBTQ+ friends in school who knew a lot more about this field. People just seems to forget it exists and that sucks

[@citycrusher9308]

@@Kevinproducciones2 Obviously asexual doesn't mean impotent. Otherwise, he just say he was impotent

[@j.schuette2575]

I loved this video and the sentiments you expressed.

[@cassandalex1527]

Thank you!

[@puzzlekuchen]

I felt very similar. And feel very similar now. I just want you to know that we may be few but you are not alone, because I feel like that sometimes.

[@i_love_rescue_animals]

You are not alone. Ace here.

[@spaceace9387]

Im an aromatic asexual. I want to come out to my family all my friends know some don't get it but they know. The problem is my parents think there's only gay and straight. I don't know what to do. Plz help.

[@audreyl.4876]

I’m in the same corner (+nonbinary/agender/something along those lines, still figuring it out).only my dad/family are VERY anti-lgbt (they’re conservative Christians 🙃) and my friends were more or less accepting. So idk I’m probably going to wait until I have moved out and am capable of taking care of myself before I come out a aroace, and may not even do it at all about being nb. Probably just start transitioning to where I want to be so they have no choice but to accept the way I present (probably never the identity) If any of that made sense, all praise to you. Sorry for rambling

[@spaceace9387]

SparkProompf k thanks

[@sparkac480]

Dead Meme No prob, and sorry it was so long, I was ranting.

[@i_love_rescue_animals]

I know your post is old, but check out Ash Hardell's videos on YT about asexuality. She goes into a TON of detail (in a fun and engaging and sometimes funny way!) about sexuality spectrums and did a series on asexuality. If your parents are open-minded at all (and I would be your parents age - or even older - so there are some of us out there!) - maybe you could sit them down and watch the video(s) together. here's a link to the first installment: kzbin.info/www/bejne/qoK5p4mempt4hsU - oh and btw, Ash is NOT asexual, she is a lesbian, zed (sexual) and on the spectrum for her (their) gender. She does EXCELLENT videos IMO.

[@gracielarodriguez6871]

I don't believe you "have to" tell the world what you do or you don't do in bed. It should only concern to your partner, but as you don't want that eather maybe you should only said to your family and friends that you are not interested in having a partner and that's all. If you talk to your family about private and very personal things, you should feel free to about this things; but if not, then I don't think that you should tell them.

[@chrisjohn9079]

Thank you for teaching me something that I was not aware of.

[@emmaelson6770]

Off topic but, what is Allosexual, I've heard that term thrown around a lot these days but I don't really understand what it means, does anyone know how they can describe it?

[@wilma678]

I know that I'm literally two months late, and this probably isn't of any use anymore but allosexual means that someone DOES experience sexual attraction. Another word that is sometimes used is zedsexual.

[@unloyalengene5977]

Am I the only asexual who actually likes being asexual

[@APoliticalConfusionAndMess]

No.

[@alisona6033]

💙No, Unloyalengene, you're not the only asexual who actually likes being asexual. I'm also asexual & I love being asexual. I don't want to have a boyfriend or girlfriend or get married because if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend or you're married, your boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse is #1. Not your siblings. Not your friends. I don't want to have a boyfriend or girlfriend or get married because I hate the idea of engaging in sexual activities with someone. I want to have a male friend, but I want our relationship to be a brother-sister relationship. I don't want biological children because that means I'll have to sleep with a man. I'd rather adopt children.

[@BlueMoonFoxi]

I like being asexual. I hate being cupioromantic

[@НаталиИзмаилова-ф2х]

Very good video👍 i can relate👍❤

[@jetepardonne2480]

thankyou

[@messicomps344]

Imagine being ace and trans and knowing your parents don't want anything to do with wither 😊

[@cassandalex1527]

I'm sorry to hear that. If you ever need anyone to talk to, please email me! [e-mail]

[@APoliticalConfusionAndMess]

Ouch.

[@ClemCuttie]

:( sorry

[@ClemCuttie]

👏👏 thank you, you are a star!

[@cerise2206]

I am biromantic ace…finally figured it out….

[@Phoenix_flame]

You just got a knew sub for being amazing! :3

[@moonjui]

please tell me what the show you were watching was called 😂

[@cassandalex1527]

It was a british soap opera called Emmerdale! With Jenna Coleman :)

[@APoliticalConfusionAndMess]

@@cassandalex1527 Jenna Coleman is the best.

[@blaxgoth812]

Im asexual i don't like kissing girls & i don't like touching me girls or i don't like touching girls & i don't want have sex

[@alisona6033]

💙I can understand you, blaxgoth. I too want no one kissing me, seeing me nude, or touching my breasts & private body parts. I don't want biological children because that means I'll have to sleep with a man. I'd rather adopt children.

[@N3k0Y0m1]

Yes! What a great video, be yourself, and love yourself! I'm not ace, but I think about it's interesting, and it's just a different type of love! :0>

[@cassandalex1527]

Thank you! Love is love :)

[@billson6598]

Need an ace in Africa

[@dorcask7244]

Mugambi.. Kenyan??? I am an ace

[@dormishaeli]

Thank you so much for this video!!!

[@poojcollects]

How come all asexuals are so pretty

[@cassandalex1527]

You're too sweet

[@poojcollects]

@@cassandalex1527 🥰

[@animatorkiwiblackfootedfer6328]

Oh, that's great! :0>

[@aldorthegreat5267]

Whats gsa?

[@XxxMuseluverxxX]

Gay-Straight Alliance :)

[@hannahmckenzie6865]

Gender Sexuality Alliance

[@wuzup3562]

Cass, you are sooo damn cute, inside and out.

[@chelseasmith2603]

What is GSA?

[@kirstenhowell07]

Chelsea Smith it stands for gay straight alliance

[@charliefrazier5746]

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND YOU ARE NOT A QUEER! Your video is very entertaining and informative and stuff. I don't know if I'm asexual, but I am, however a married father of 3 and I have not had sex since 1996 and I don't miss it at all. The wife couldn't accept it at first, but she finally realized that I wasn't getting it on the outside either, so she left me alone. Anyway, I'm researching this subject because I'm in the process of writing a screenplay about asexuals and I want to (try) to present the topic in a feature length film with respect to those who are. I want to know what the biggest challenge and/or struggle is for asexual people. I would greatly appreciate any and all feedback.

[@kujira_cosplay]

To find a partner who accepts your sexuality

[@cassandalex1527]

Hi Charlie! Thank you for the comment. I know it has been awhile since I've been active on here, but I will be posting new videos soon, and will be sure to make a video discussing what it's like being asexual. I would also love to read your screenplay when it's finished :)

[@CazOSX]

💜

[@YOEPIC1]

Great video

[@cassandalex1527]

thank you so much!

[@iwasbored2011]

❤❤

[@freckles1185]

✨

[@littlegreen2762]

tfw no asexual gf

[@myvalentine62]

It is comical the “ coming out” story.

[@jamisonbondero7391]

Asexuality actually means you're in neutral gear , in the sexual desire department Until maybe some guy can shift you into the drive gear

[@hannah_rose6580]

Nope asexuality is not feeling sexual attraction towards anyone and what do you mean "maybe some guy can shift you into the drive gear"

[@siradmin6791]

What do you mean "until a guy can shift you into another gear"? That's basically implying corrective rape and that's something a lot of ace people are scared of (myself included)

[@jetepardonne2480]

IM ASEXUAL

[@cassandalex1527]

Heck yeah!!!