My Daughter's Dad Wants Back In To Her Life After He Gave Up Parental Rights r/Relationships

[@brparis5964]

"I realized my daughter will always be my daughter, and nothing will change that" YOU DID YOU CHANGED THAT GO AWAY

[@yamairad1]

I am irrationally upset that Steve wants to come back when he would never be expected to support her. He essentially wants to be a father now that he doesn't have and would never have any obligations. That is not a coincidence. I can't stand him.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

Dude needed time to process. That's a MAJOR betrayal.

[@soniatello4556]

@@ruthsaunders9507yea, same with the kid. he betrayed and abandoned her.

[@Yukikun22]

That was my thought too, NOW that there's no custody or child support to worry about, NOW he's ready to "be a dad". SURE...

[@SvarogAristaeusAllen]

@@ruthsaunders9507 Because getting abandoned by your father isn't a major betrayal, right? Why is his pain more valid than hers? Why is she expected to be understanding?

[@janedoe885]

@@SvarogAristaeusAllen She was put into foster care because he abandoned her and her mother abused her. She's insanely lucky that her bio father was willing to take her in and a decent person. She already suffered a lot because of him and he put her at risk for some absolutely heinous shit and has no idea what did or didn't happen to her because of his abandonment. It's not even just that he doesn't have unconditional love for her--he is willing to endanger her in a way no child ever should be, let alone one you raised.

[@brandi5126]

S2: This is a mess. The wife needs to take responsibility for things, too. She is an adult who also agreed and planned this out, so her response is frustrating.

[@nyxspiritsong5557]

Yeah. She's making it seem like it's all ops fault but from the sound of it she was all in and ended up having regret afterwards. They let the cows after the barn... all they can do is move forward

[@fefero8599]

Very frustrating! She was all in until is was over and then starts treating him horribly.

[@damien678]

And of course she feels bad afterwards. She likely sees the woman her husband banged on a near daily basis. Why TF was Abby chosen? She was obviously a very bad pick from the start.

[@sammieh9695]

I literally audibly said as they were going thru the comments "yall act like the wife ain't f**ked her too" smh

[@lina9535]

I also don't really like the "shaming" vibes I got when they talked about Abby's looks. Could just be a me thing though. But seriously, if the wife had problems with it (obviously with the whole "so OP can't compare us" and insecurities thing), she should just have said so. This might sound cold, but the wife saying she felt "used" just threw me.

[@cindykq8086]

Did Abby just say that OP is the father, did he see a report? He needs to pay for the test and be the one to get the results directly. Abby may be planning to get pregnant as fast as possible if she isn't actually pregnant.

[@alyzu4755]

Since Jane is now 19, she should be the one to decide whether she wants to see Steve or not. She has the right to know. Even if it hurts, it may give her some closure. And let her know that, whatever she decides, you'll back her up 100%.

[@astronautviolet153]

Story 2 This a dumpster fire.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

I brought some goodies for the fire! 🍢🍢🍢🍢🍢🍢🍢🍢🍢🍢🍢🍢🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭 🔥 🔥

[@juliearmfield2634]

Who could ever imagine opening up a marriage would ruin it

[@MimosaRose]

😱 *shocked pikachu face*

[@akselandor8975]

For a small minority of people it actually what saves it.

[@alorarhodes1568]

Like not even just opening up the marriage. Opening up a marriage in a way that is unhealthy. Opening up a marriage actually takes tons of work. Reading, research, soul searching, individual counseling, couples counseling, sex therapy, and more. And that's just before you start. All of this continues as you go. People are just opening up their marriages randomly and then are surprised when consequences are knocking at the door. Fifty shades ruined everything and all of these posts are proof of it.

[@mbyerly9680]

Everyone who has read a Reddit story on the subject?

[@kateemma22]

THIS NEVER HAPPENS!

[@fefero8599]

In story 2, the wife is rocking my nerve and some of the comments. She agreed to it and she’s acting like this man cheated on her and Abby is suspect. It’s like she’s trying to get with him now.

[@nahkiehollis1890]

Thank you! I thought I was going in-fucking-sane!

[@fefero8599]

@@nahkiehollis1890Same! The whole time I’m like why is no one acknowledging that she agreed and planned this out with him now she’s acting and being treated like some victim! Absolutely bonkers!

[@nahkiehollis1890]

@@fefero8599 IT WAS BASICALLY HER IDEA! She could have said no minute one, and I bet OP wouldn’t have pushed! I don't see what he did wrong unless Abby was gaslighting the wife at work to steal him or some shit!

[@skylarfulton1314]

@@nahkiehollis1890I was so confused watching this! Thank you for making me feel like I’m not crazy. She literally asked him for something he’d never do but wanted to try, planned it with him, then got upset that the BOTH of them followed through with a plan they made?! It made no sense. I understand being upset about the baby, but punishing him like hes a cheater when she asked him and planned it out with him is messed up.

[@damien678]

Didn't she also literally pick Abby as their third? I cannot get over how obviously bad it is to pick someone you'd see regularly. Near daily depending on how much both the wife and Abby work. It's just so blindingly stupid, of course the wife feels bad. She's gotta go to work and see the woman she (seemingly enthusiastically) okayed her husband to bang that ended up likely baby trapping him. I'd feel like the world's greatest fool.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S2: I understand his wife can't help how she feels, but she needs to take some accountability. She wanted to change things up in the bedroom. She asked OP to do things he wasn't sure of. She agreed to his request. And now she is punishing him retroactively. That said, Abby is crossing boundaries. He's married, and she's not their partner. The most she should expect is child support.

[@damien678]

I also wonder if choosing Abby was primarily the wife's idea. Because, honestly, she could be (very badly) coping with how astronomically stupid Abby was as a pick.

[@lina9535]

I got "shaming" vibes from how OP described Abby, but that could just be a me-problem (bullied for how I looked at a kid). Also the wife picked her partially due to that "OP couldn't compare them based on looks" and that it being Abby, would help any insecurities from the wife. Yeah, she most likely looks down on Abby in some way. The wife is an AH.

[@jessicathompson236]

First story; Nope. She was a CHILD when he abandoned her through no fault of her own. Telling her, showing her the message, and telling her that you are on her side and that you love her no matter what she chooses is really the only ethical thing that you can do.

[@greendiamondglow]

I'm so glad that Jane found OP and his family. Both her parents failed her miserably. Hopefully she won't ever hear from Steve again, but in the likely event that he DOES try to reach out to her, I hope it's after she's managed to do some more healing and can trust her own judgement

[@ladyv5655]

If Jane is 19, then it should be her choice if she wants to reconnect with Steve. It doesn't sound like she wants to see him.

[@thesewinggeekmiri9029]

*man* I hope we hear more from story 2, b/c I'm still suspicious of Abby. I dunno, I *still* think it's weird that somehow, SOMEHOW she's pregnant, and it's OPs, despite all the precautions OP took.

[@gaaraxnaru]

Condoms fail all the time. A LOT of people also don't know how to wear them properly. But you're right, Abby is definitely using this baby to get closer to OP.

[@kittikats]

Did they keep track of what happened to the used condoms? I smell a baby trap. Like how hard is it to say "I need the bathroom" or "I forgot something" and that something is a used condom or two

[@aidenshort849]

I feel so terrible for op in story 2! I can't believe all the people who say he's in the wrong for asking at all. That's ridiculous! You should be allowed to ask your partner if the context is appropriate. And judging on the backstory, it was. If she didn't want to do it, she needed to stand up for herself. BEFORE going through with it. It seems like she had plenty of time, they had repeated conversations about it before it happened. She was active in planning it. I really hope she can get over herself and make it work with op. That just makes me so sad. And don’t even get me started on the other woman! She’s scary and selfish to insist on keeping that baby and insisting op stays in their life. That poor child. And poor op. I could never imagine being forced to have a child when I did everything in my power to prevent it from happening. Especially having one with someone I didn’t want to be with. This is such a tragic situation, and I hope op can turn it around for the best

[@damien678]

I honestly believe the wife in story 2 can't accept how utterly stupid it was to choose her work friend as a third party in a threesome. And, note that OP said SHE planned this event.

[@aidenshort849]

@@damien678 I agree. She definitely made a mistake there. It is almost never a good idea to include work friends in these things. Now she has to see that woman all the time or find a new job. That's majorly uncomfortable

[@emo7636]

Yeah I was thinking the same thing. But I find it very suspicious and extremely odd that Abbey got knocked up so incredibly easy with so many 'precautions' taken. How does that even happen when he allegedly 'finished outside' with a condom? The chances of conception in that manner are just astronomically beyond low. Like the closest thing to 'impossible' as you could get. That's why I think it's suspicious. Also, Abbey should be grateful if she just gets chuld support and should butt out of their marriage. She's behaving as if she and the husband are going to be together now after this and she sounds insistent on him coparenting with her.

[@vggeek13]

​@emo7636 i take issue with the fact that they didn't even ask or make sure she was on birth control or that she take a plan be afterwards, as in make that necessary to go forward not force her. Also i feel like the wife is suspicious 🤔 because i would absolutely stop having sex with someone i keep telling im possibly going to divorce. Is it just a betrayal because another woman is pregnant with his baby or does she have infertility issues and is upset there's going to be a baby at all? Or is the wife upset a plan backfired, as in this was a way to get abby pregnant, like wife doesn't wanna ruin her body with a baby (or can't have one) and is upset abby is now in steal youran mode.

[@poohbear4515]

S1: I would feel sympathy for Steve cause he was lied to about Jane, but he he literally said in her face that she was a lie and will never be his daughter. Also going NC with her. It was NEVER her fault. It was her mother’s fault for cheating on him. He had no right to attack Jane that way. Honestly, OP should tell Jane. It would open some wounds, but she is now in a loving, caring family that would be there for her if something happens. She’s old enough to make a decisions whether she wants anything to do with Steve, or not.

[@lifewithlee6298]

I’m guessing most of Steve’s anger was at the ex wife,

[@orchidoxs126]

​@@lifewithlee6298 Most definitely. Jane was just extra damage.

[@greendiamondglow]

@@lifewithlee6298 Of course it was. He still took it out on a child, tho.

[@untitled-gv3qp]

​@@greendiamondglow Yeah, it doesn't matter if he had a valid reason to be mad when his actions were so far from valid.

[@joeyjojojrshabadoo7462]

Definitely the Ex wife takes brunt of responsibility here. OP is very lucky his own wife didn't immediately kick him and both their children out, let alone take in another woman's child.

[@JMac7395]

STORY 1: Steve is not a good person. His behavior & actions towards Jane when she was 12 yrs old speaks volumes to who he really is. Yes, he's entitled to be angry at the mother but he's not entitled to verbally abuse, humiliate & shame a12 yr old child, who had no control over a situation between two adults. Steve is a crappy & inconsiderate person. Who is still behaving in his own interest. In his message to OP he doesn't mention wanting to apologize to Jane. He focused on excusing his behavior. I find it odd that he chooses to contact Jane after 8 yrs later. I think he wants something but it isn't to reconcile or reconnect

[@untitled-gv3qp]

Yeah, it feels like he needs money or someone to take care of him. Or maybe it's a reputation thing and he wants to make himself look better by pretending he's some angelic man that took in his ex's affair kid out of the goodness of his heart.

[@league-of-shadows]

Story 2: OP needs to draw up custody plans and everything with his wife fully in the know. Only communicate with this chick via a parenting app and that’s all.

[@kp2223]

It's not even parenting app right now. Op needs to get a lawyer, but he seems to think he can Dilly dally.

[@elizahamilton5599]

Damn poor Jane. Getting kicked out for her mothers sin is tragic. Props to op for taking responsibility for his child!

[@rachaeldumas7432]

Whaaa! Two Markee vids on a Saturday?! Thank you!! Best Saturday ever!

[@averycheesypotato]

Story 2- I really don’t think it’s weird that Abby would ask OP to be active in the child’s life. Even with protection, there’s a slim chance of pregnancy. Not everyone wants to go the abortion route, or adoption. OP agreed to the risk of having a child by her when he chose to sleep with her, so expecting him to take responsibility in some way is reasonable. Abby isn’t threatening or manipulating him into this, she just asked him to be a part of the child’s life. She probably has feelings for him that he should shut down, but it is his kid

[@KeitieKalopsia]

Story 2: When receiving the results that the baby is OP’s, did OP receive these test results firsthand or through Abby? If it’s through Abby, I’m worried she fabricated results.

[@geckokid8265]

Considering she offered another test I doubt she lied, I'd still be careful around her though

[@anyjen]

For people thinking it's impossible the girl in story two got pregnant when using condoms properly... Condoms have a 2% failure rate with perfect use. That's not real life usage, mind you, that's perfect, obsessive, careful usage; basically lab conditions. Real life usage is actually around 13% failure rate. That's why it's better to use two birth control methods if you really, absolutely don't want a pregnancy: a barrier method, and a hormonal method. Even that is not absolutely guaranteed, but you'd have to be extremely unlucky for a pregnancy to occur.

[@kp2223]

True but I I'm just gonna assume that she was not on any hormonal form on the birth control and might have actively sought to get pregnant since she's so keen on having the baby now.

[@taylorwashington7682]

OP 2 is getting way more hate then he should. This only happened because the wife wanted to be adventurous. She shares as much blame(if not more) than he does.

[@bigcaper862]

Legit she agreed to it and looked for it.. probs rage bait anyways. God forbid people explore there sexuality

[@sovereigncrux]

The wife found their third partner at her own work, suggested them to her husband and then they approached Abbey. The wife put it all in motion.

[@Princetonian4eva]

🥴

[@Princetonian4eva]

He chose the threesome, not the wife He bears the majority of the responsibility for that alone While the wife agreed to it and owns part of the outcomes, she is in no way responsible for what HE chose

[@taylorwashington7682]

@Princetonian4eva She chose the person to be involved, so she's as responsible. If you want a threesome don't choose someone you know or work with. That's just asking for trouble.

[@dmb25108]

S1: I feel for Steve, he said things out of anger, hurt, and betrayal. This is also why you should always watch what you say. Thankfully in this situation a child (now adult) found a family that absolutely unconditionally loves her. This story is exactly why at birth dna tests should be done at birth, it will prevent situations like this.

[@DominosAndHearts]

Did anyone else pick up on abbey saying if op cant save theur marriage she'd be happr to have fun with him again 😅 umm hes not divorced or officially separeatwd, makes me wonder if abbey planned this, id be interested to see who broght the condoms and if they were tampered with 😅

[@PrincessLioness]

Yeah how would she know op and his wife are having problems?

[@maurer3d]

Story 1: It isn't your choice...Jane is 19, tell her that he called wanting to get in touch and give her the info for her to decide and that if she wants to talk about it you can.

[@jonswa]

OP in story one is a Saint and so is his wife. Way too many stories on reddit where people just go, nope, not doing it because we legally don't have to. No matter how much it traumatizes kids.

[@arkhamxsiren]

S2: of all people to do that with why would you choose a coworker 😭 also the wife acting like he cheated is driving me insane!!

[@kp2223]

As a long time wife I think I might actually be able to swallow cheating more than I can being in a threesome. It's one thing to imagine your husband to have sex with someone else.It's a whole other thing to actively witness Your husband enjoying having sex with someone else

[@darkmask5933]

S1: While its easy to judge Steve on abandoning his "daughter", the true villain here is the wife who cheated amd then tried to pass off the child as someone else's. It takes a lot of strength to be the kind of man who can raise a child youve been tricked into taking care of after you've learned you've been deceived, and not every man is strong enough to do that. Yes, the child was innocent, but so was Steve, technically. That being said, I can judge how he went about it. Also, once you make that decision, you can't just decide later "oopsies". Sure, sometimes a child might be willing to build some sort of bond, but now he knows Jane wants nothing to do with him, so he should leave her alone.

[@greendiamondglow]

I don't think anyone is arguing that the ex-wife is the main villain. He still treated a 12 year-old, who hadn't done anything except be born, horribly. He did things he can't take back. He traumatized her. He knew enough about Jane's situation to know that she was living with OP. I'm sure he knew why for the most part, even if he didn't have all the details. His name was still on her birth certificate, so the chances are high that CPS reached out to him to let him know what happened to Jane, and he did nothing. Steve was a victim. Steve is also a terrible human and needs to stay far away from Jane. Hopefully he takes this rejection for what it is and lets her move on in peace.

[@babytone54]

Story 2. WIFE WAS A WILLING PARTICIPANT! two yesses are necessary and babies are a possible outcome! She gotta take some responsibility too!

[@user-fg4tn8ot6b]

Story two: So, this is post-nut clarity personified. In the worst way possible. 😬 Though I'm questioning how did that third party get pregnant. He used condoms (99.99% effective, with the extra chance that there would be a faulty one). There were three people in that room. And OP's description of what happened (no sexual interactions between Abbie and Letty; more focus on OP; they could see the trash bin; no condoms were re-used). Did OP use any spermicide? Was one or a few condoms faulty or kept somewhere that made them not so safe? Was there a window of time in which Abbie took the stuff and put it in her? *I want another update.*

[@kp2223]

This is what I was thinking him describing everyone lying in the bed and then having coffee in the kitchen, You're telling me not one of those women went to the bathroom after intercourse? They just put their sloppy wet vaginas into clothes , no cleaning or anything?

[@CaptBrightside89]

S2: That wife is on my last nerve. She agreed to it. OP did nothing wrong.

[@demonheart13]

The women are coworkers, i hope OP asks his wife if Abby is talking to her, and that's what brought up her bad feelings about the experience.

[@Poisonwc]

Story #1: OK, first of all, don't be opening messages from random people you don't know. Viruses, yo! Second, I agree you should let her read the message and let it be her choice. Story #2: never get your honey where you get your money.

[@JasperCatProductions]

Story 2 really ….. lord help us. It’s like you two thought let’s just burn this marriage to the ground. Your wife agreed to this and now she is all mad, you are stuck with a nut bar and a baby. Good grief.

[@lkayh]

First story is suspicious. 1) How did they get a DNA test identifying OP as the father? Did he also do a 23 and Me, and would that service specifically name him as the biodad? 2) if CPS took a teen from her mom, would they EVER approach the biodad from a ONS, whose name wasn’t on the birth certificate, who’d had absolutely no contact with this girl at any point in her life, let alone show up on his doorstep with the kid in tow and no prior contact? 3) if Steve washed his hands of Jane and her mom, how would he even know to find OP years later? I doubt CPS would tell him anything whether or not he was still on the birth certificate, and I’m pretty sure they’d never have told her mom, either, so he couldn’t have found out through her. Maybe thru social media (people put wayyyyy too much info on SM!). And if he did track her down that way, wouldn’t he have reached out to her first? If she had already blocked him, why does OP need to get involved at all? 4) Why would the police recommend therapy? Why would they even be involved? Has there been a crime? Was OP saying that police showed up on his doorstep with this girl at the start of the story? Why would they do that? That’s not their bailiwick. 5)The edit isn’t any more helpful, since 23 and Me wouldn’t have given Jane OP’s location, EVEN if it did identify OP as the biodad (which, again, it would not have any way of doing unless he’d also submitted DNA to the service, and I’m not sure it would have named him as her father-seems like they might have some policies about naming parents when the submission is made by a minor). There are just way too many questionable details here. I don’t see much reason to have an opinion on this specific story, but for the record, if you have an adult kid in a situation anywhere near like this, give her the message and step back.

[@jbb2009]

Abby sounds sketchy and the fact she doesn't seem to genuinely care about leading to a marriage ending is messed up. "Like welp if you divorce we can have fun again!" Girl is messy Also WHY would you involve someone you know and work with in a threesome???

[@kp2223]

💯 It also doesn't sound like Abbey was on any form of birth control and they were just counting on the condoms.I kind of believe she might have stolen the condoms

[@pinkgoblin5815]

1st Story: Don’t tell the daughter. Just move on with your happy life. Funny he messaged OP about it instead of getting in contact with his now 19 year old step daughter directly. He only wants a connection now that he wouldn’t have to actually provide for her as a parent. So yeah, unless he gets in contact with daughter directly just leave it be. She’s not a kid anymore. She was the one that was displaced in his anger. I understand maybe he reacted out of anger but again? To reach out when she’s legally considered an adult? Big fat NO.

[@Floratic]

Story 2: I normally don't say this, but Abby definitely baby-trapped OP. As we already know condoms are not 100%. That's why both parties should use some form of birth control. So this was just extremely bad luck, or Abby had an ulterior motive. I find it hard to believe someone who participates in a threesome doesn't take Plan B afterward if they aren't already on some form of birth control. This is just plain crazy.

[@kp2223]

💯

[@concrete-d5v]

You know how to avoid all that mess it's real easy - Don't Cheat

[@mdlizzy]

S2: I have to wonder if she just faked the paternity test results. OP should take the child to a DNA testing lab himself after it is born.

[@averycheesypotato]

She was quick to agree to the first DNA test and even offered to do a second after the birth. I doubt she’s lying

[@kp2223]

​@@averycheesypotatoI doubt she's lying about the paternity but I have doubts about how she got pregnant

[@averycheesypotato]

@@kp2223 it’s still very possible the condom actually just failed, or was used improperly by OP in some way. Pulling off some elaborate plan to get pregnant on a one night stand with someone she doesn’t know well? How likely is that?

[@squigglytentacles409]

Enjoy your life with your new baby mama ❤️

[@avaphynx]

S2: You gotta watch out for the Crystal good only vibes type of people. Lol

[@mikef2811]

S2: I have a great wife and a great life...Let me see how I can ruin it...I know. Let's add another person.....LMAO.

[@TopazFire15]

Just a quick reminder that condoms are 95% effective if used perfectly, and not everyone does it. So there’s still a 5% chance of pregnancy even with flawless condom usage. This is why they recommend 2 forms of contraception minimum, bc none of them are completely effective (barring surgical removal of organs, of course)

[@kp2223]

If the surgical removal of reproductive items, then the birth control is null and void, so it's not the birth control Being a hundred percent, it's the hysterectomy being a hundred percent.

[@SiFireHasSpeed]

The wife agreed to it, planned it, and was ok for several days. Her post-nut-clarity is not Ops problem and I’m sick of the comments saying so

[@kp2223]

The wife's issues with the husband are one thing but the baby Is 500%, not the wife's problem, at least legally.

[@SiFireHasSpeed]

@@kp2223 What’s her name had alternative intentions for sure but OP and the wife had plenty of time to back out here.

[@kp2223]

@@SiFireHasSpeed And it seems they both have regret about it.

[@melinagranger8505]

Story 2 - people are so damn stupid.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

If I was op I wouldn’t have told her anything

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

S2 feels like NAH, but I’ve also always been the third in these situations

[@MochiTheAxolotl69]

Wow I’m early. Uploaded only 6 minutes ago, I’m normally fashionably late!

[@kdhebskh]

Story 2 : another 3 some end up in disaster

[@emo7636]

Story 2- I don't get how she got pregnant if 1. He used a condom each time 2. He 'finished outside', we all know what that means 3. He checked them afterwards? I know there's a .001 percent of a chance still, but not really if we're being honest. Something does not add up here with that. But also, the wife was completely on-board with this at the time, they made sure that was what they wanted to do. I don't see why she's acting like a bit of a baby now afterwards.

[@darth3911]

Simple because it’s a proven fact that extra marital affairs of any kind in most cases will hurt the relationship more than help it. This has to do with emotions which can’t be predicted and change at whims. Point is it is better not to touch something which can harm the relationship even if agreed by both parties.

[@alsatful]

Jealousy is an ugly emotion and 3somes while exciting are risky , it usually never ends up well in the end

[@nightdweller6446]

S1. This will bite OP in the arse if he sits on this email. He needs to share this email with Jane. Its best to be upfront about this. She needs to get to make this decision herself.

[@NotYouNotMe-fw1fh]

So if Steve thought this girl was his, doesn't that mean that Jane's mother cheated on him with OP?

[@ruthsaunders9507]

Yes but OP didn't know she was married.

[@ScragsP22]

Threesome story: Ummmm…..why is this 100% on OP (the man/husband) in every single way? Why don’t either of the women in this situation take any responsibility for their own actions at all? Firstly, just because the “friend” got pregnant means nothing. The most she can demand or should be asking and expecting to get is child support. She went into the situation knowingly and decided on her own to keep the baby. She has zero right to ask the married guy to “take charge” in the father department and then to offer more as far as a relationship. She’s an idiot in so many ways and needs to leave the married couple alone as long as she’s getting her checks. She’s trying to manipulate the situation and it’s gross. Secondly, why is the wife now pulling the hurt and betrayed card? She also went into this situation knowingly after much thought and conversation between them. Why does he need to be the one getting called every name in the book and apologizing for life? Just no!! Would she still be acting like this had any of their other wild adventures taken a bad turn? Well my guess is yes but she’d have zero right to do so. She’s an adult who knew what she was doing and is blaming OP for the whole thing like he went out and deliberately hurt her. WTF?!!! She regrets doing it so now he’s the devil? Yeah…that’s not how life works lady. The worst thing OP was in this situation is naive. On top of all of that she’s also behaving as though he violated her somehow. She needs to get a grip and take responsibility for her own actions and decisions. OP would be better off in the long run to wipe his hands of both of these nut jobs and go live a better life without either one of them.

[@LololoriShow]

Steve from the first story stole the used condemns and impregnated Abby in the second one....

[@SingingMermaid4]

Story 2: All three of those people destroyed their marriage. Abby baby trapped, the wife decided to agree to the 3some and chose a coworker, and the husband decided to fulfill this fantasy. They are all to blame, not just the OP. He's just getting most of the hate because he posted

[@dramaticona]

I always find hilarious how people act like condoms where 100% sure.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Aww, it's so nice of Connor to let you out of the dungeon! 😍😍 🍤🦐

[@DragonflyandTheWolf]

Story 2: OP sure is beating himself up a lot over the threesome, and yeah that's understandable. It literally changed his life in the worst way, but how is his wife not taking any responsibility for this? If OP is to be believed, they took their time PLANNING this. Unless OP nagged and nagged and nagged, then he is nta for her saying yes. She literally asked him to suggest ANYTHING he wanted. He brought up something he didn't think she would agree to, but she did. Taking him for his word that he said it once and she agreed, then she shares a bulk of the responsibility for this relationship going down in flames. This reminds me of the story where the woman had a boundary for threesomes that she ONLY explained to her husband and not the woman they chose to have the threesome with, and when he broke the boundary with the woman, the OP blamed them BOTH even though the other woman had no clue about OP's boundary because it was never explained to her.

[@kp2223]

She can take responsibility for the relationship Burning down in flames .but she's not legally responsible for that baby at all and she can bounce and if I were her I would.

[@DragonflyandTheWolf]

@@kp2223 I never said she was responsible for the baby. I never mentioned the baby at all. OP's girlfriend started abandoning the relationship before they knew the other girl was pregnant. She's acting like OP broke her trust and cheated on her, disregarding her part in actively PLANNING the threesome.

[@kp2223]

@DragonflyandTheWolf And I said she can take responsibility for burning the relationship down in flames.

[@bluemacaw1473]

Jane is an adult and can decide for herself.

[@potatoempress5731]

Story 2 : Hot take, wife could have not seen or predicted what she would be feeling after trying out the 3-some. She could have said NO when OP said he wanted it, but she's getting a lot of undeserved flak here in the comments. Why are people blasting her for unforseen feelings that she can't help feeling? Might be a reach but she could be feeling she'd be unfair if she rejected OP's request when she gets to do all of her choices, idk.

[@Princetonian4eva]

Precisely HE chose having a threesome with another woman to fulfill HIS fantasy and the real life consequences of that decision stem from that choice People are allowed to feel how they feel and it’s incredible to think people actually think she’s the one at fault when it wasn’t even her idea to begin with

[@missmax2492]

Yes but like... That's a her issue, not an OP issue. She's treating him poorly for something she consented to. You can revoke consent before or during an act but not after

[@geekemedia]

Your wife is trying to get pregnant because she thinks thats the only way to fix it.

[@kp2223]

S2 is a dumpster fire. Both o p and let you need to do what's best for them. And to be Frank, I believe that Lettie should just go her own way and divorce o.P and start a new life.She's never gonna get over this and it's just gonna be the thing that holds them back forever.OP on the other hand is gonna struggle now Because now he's a single father good luck to him.

[@mrbas5150]

Found him

[@alexshone3869]

Story 2: Why is everyone blaming op, he did everything that one should do. Ask his wife several times if she is really comfortable with it and she said yes everytime but op is stupid too he used so many condoms and one missing will not be noticeable. Also they left Abby ALONE in the bedroom for a while. She must have taken it with her. Plus she must be the one feeding bs to his wife like how he is so good at it and such making her uncomfortable. Every single thing in this has a loophole.

[@sylvia7867]

So getting a married woman pregnant and letting Steve pay for, be lied to and financially and emotionally abused makes OP an angel 🤦‍♀️ - tell me men’s pain doesn’t matter without actually saying it. OP is the AH for not recognising Steve’s pain at the time he found out his whole life was a lie. The child was hurt but it’s all on the cheating wife and OP for not using protection when he was messing around

[@missmax2492]

Bro, he didn't know she was married at the time and yeah, he recognizes the pain. Doesn't excuse how he treated the child. And I ALSO don't mean he should have stayed for the girl but the way he treated her when he found out can't be erased. Reason, not excuse.

[@Zaddy-Lu]

"3-somes in relationships always lead to breaking up," I beg to differ. I had 11 3-somes with my spouse during our 5 years together. The breakup had nothing to do with them. We broke up because they did something unforgivable to our infant child. I had 4 3-somes and a 4-some with an ex of mine during our 4 year relationship. Our breakup was due to us growing apart because we developed different life goals. It just depends on the people and their relationship style. Many of my friends have had multiple 3-somes with their long-term partner & are still going strong.

[@cassandra6227]

S2. Maybe this is unfair, but I hate Abby for blowing up everyone's life.

[@cassandra6227]

@@GreenKnight1982 Yes, you certainly do have a good point. Everyone sucks here! (But, especially Abby, lol.)

[@taylorwashington7682]

All of this was the wife's idea. Don't do threesomes with people you know! That's the number one cardinal rule.

[@damien678]

​@@GreenKnight1982 It sounds like the wife planned it, too. Choosing someone you work with is already such a bad decision... But then to realise your pick was crazy, too?

[@silverink1824]

Threesome guy makes me nervous. He doesn't seem like an inaccurate narrator Crystal lady makes me nervous. I do wonder what the results of that paternity test are though. I want to see if the kids actually his or if she's just trying to find a guy to pin it on that also happens

[@LaiLaiVibes]

Damn never have been this early

[@ebagentj]

Story 2: I get it's a shitshow and that OP seems to have fucked up somewhere along the way (then again, condoms are only 99% effective so maybe he was in the unlucky 1%), but his wife needs to own up to her part in this. When he said "threesome", it sounds like she didn't try to argue or convince him it was a bad idea. It doesn't sound like, at least based on OP's posts, she had any objections at all and it sounds like she was the on who found their third. I can understand her not expecting to feel so badly afterwards, but she has to accept her part in making it happen. It takes two (or I guess, in this case, three) to tango, after all. I agree with the commenter that said if OP is serious about making things work, he and his wife need to move away and his involvement with the child be only financial. Abby can want him to be an active father all she wants, but she can't force him to, just make sure he take responsibility financially.

[@damien678]

And she chose her work friend, too. That ended up potentially baby trapping her husband. Like, no shit she feels bad. Why they didn't find a random stranger, or just pay a sex worker, is beyond me.

[@terryjackson-chubick2506]

S2 - I think that a TON of people are unnecessarily roasting OP. Wife and I had plenty of experience together in this situation and our relationship is still strong.

[@tishellefrancois7840]

36 seconds cool

[@lexi6916]

Story 2 is aggrivating the wife agreed but suddenly its his fault. Abby is also the wifes friend so i bet she was her idea

[@decorumgun]

s2: guy nuts in 3rd multiple times and knocks her up. he was SURE she would agree. uh huh. recipe for disaster. did the 3rd and the wife get down like omg. wtf. i swear he's lying about the condoms. somebody could have tempered with one or more. it's not outside the realm of possibility. omg he says KISS. THE WIFE WAS NOT 100 PERCENT DOWN.

[@kp2223]

Yes to all of this. Even how he describes no one having the potential to tamper with the condoms is ridiculous. He insists that they all lied in the bed After and then they all went to the kitchen for coffee after they were dressed. You're telling me neither one of those women who you had sex with went to the bathroom and cleaned up after ,before getting dressed? Nobody had to go pee or wipe their dripping wet vagina up.They just put on their jeans and went about their day? Given that Abbey admits to not being on any hormonal birth control and has offered herself to op as a subtle dig to his marriage tells me all I need to know about who this kind of person is

[@ceri9719]

volumne is low. like super low. have to turn everything up to catch it :(

[@michealwatts7469]

The Wife in S2 is.. an odd ball. She needs to sort out her shit. Both her and Abby are redflags.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

Story 2: the wife sucks

[@SillyTeaSeal]

Hello!

[@illusion2719]

They all planned the threesome and Abby got pregnant. They are all responsible for the baby, but Abby seems to be the only one getting the blame. They sort her out for sex. She didn't approach them. She didn't damage the marriage they did that to themselves. The baby is his so no matter what he thinks of the mother which through the post with how he describes her is not much. He describes her as being less than his wife, so he has a bias view of her and the only things she has expressed to him is that she wants him involved with the baby's life, which he should be. He is the father and he has a responsibility to be there for his child. She also said if he doesn't get back together with his wife they can have sex again. She didn't try and seduce him and her whole relationship with them is that they sort her out for sex so she just sees him a sex buddy. She didn't ask him to move in or start a relationship. If anything she has set the clearest boundaries and they are currently on what is best for the child which is making sure the baby has both parents.

[@djpanic7294]

S2. This will probably sound mean but OPs wife needs to grow up. She asked what he wanted, AGREED to it and then went out of HER way to find the 3rd. Now she's treating op like he cheated on her. No, this was a joint decision and she needs to accept responsibility for her part too. They need couple's counseling for sure and maybe individual. But she CANNOT put the entire blame on OP.

[@thefilmcritic3409]

Story 1: Kissing on the neck is weird no??

[@TheRockinDonkey]

Connor implies that you actually are locked up. Which one of you is lying?

[@bbjjbb61]

It's really not that crazy that someone got pregnant even using condoms. People on Reddit are being so extra.

[@de9722]

S2: everybody sucks here except Abby 😂 she's the only one doing exactly what she needs to do, other than saying she's willing to go another round. But then with the way the wife is acting, I'm wondering what kinda magic this guy is working for both them to specifically be open to that part of their relationship with him 😂

[@mewmedic]

No way this man just publically admited that he picked a woman for a threesom because she was super uggo. Ooooh my godddd. He really thought that would prevent jealousy.

[@missmax2492]

Lady got post nut clarity and made it everyone's issue. You can't predict your feelings but this is not your husband's fault, it's a you issue. Either leave the poor man be or do counseling because if rhe roles were reversed, we would call him unreasonable and jealous and an asshole especially for being hot and cold in regards to their sex life

[@Bucketus.Lord.of.Buckets]

Threesome story: RIP bozo.

[@Queen_Of_Discord]

"When I found out my wife cheated, my whole world shattered," said the guy who shattered an innocent child's entire world by kicking her to the curb. I think OP should tell his daughter about the message and let her make a decision, but I think everyone knows what her decision will be, and it will definitely be the correct one. I could be wrong however. Let's see where this update goes.

[@alorarhodes1568]

Story 2. All these comments about "only pay child support don't be involved with the child" are ridiculous. That's going to backfire. What's a huge red flag to most women? A man who is willing to abandon a child. She has emotional issues with him now? What is his wife going to think when he willingly abandons a child? This is only going to make things worse. Op if you are seeing this do not make this mistake. What are you going to do when you have kids with your wife and your first born starts chatting up those kids when they're teens or adults? Do not make this stupid mistake.

[@kp2223]

If he's trying to stay married what does he care about the Red flag for new women?

[@alorarhodes1568]

@@kp2223 I'm not talking about new women. I'm talking about his wife.

[@dorianleakey]

The commenter at the end who says in regard to 3somes "the amount of cases I've seen daily like yours is insane" Most of them are fake. Most 3somes are just a bit of fun and that's it.

[@aidenshort849]

I know people who are married who have healthy open relationships that include 3somes. I know people who have had terrible 3some encounters and trouble with non monogamy. It all depends on the people involved and how they go about it. It's funny how the bad monogamous relationships don't paint all monogamous relationships in a bad light, yet the bad examples of non monogamous relationships are allowed to be how we look at all non monogamous relationships. To the point, we have to specify that we do 'ethical' non monogamy, when shouldn’t it always be done that way? Like maybe that's a nitpick, but it just seems like we have to work so hard for our image...

[@dorianleakey]

@@aidenshort849 My issue is with reading stories on reddit and thinking they are real. They can cause problems, but in reddit stories, its more for clicks.

[@aidenshort849]

@@dorianleakey you're so right, I agree

[@amyjames7760]

20-Year-Old child needs care. Is AI broken or is the poster just too brain impaired to follow the narrative of the story they're reading?

[@koko_mai]

Seriously??? Throwing shade when you obviously skimmed through it... The 19 (not 20 btw) year old was brought there in 2019 which was FIVE years ago!!! Meaning she was 14 at the time and as far as I know 14 yr olds still need parental care... SMH...

[@gimmeabreak6844]

Since Jane is 19, why are "officers" involved at all? Either in "taking her away from her mother" or in delivering her to her 23andMe presumed bio dad's home? It's like the storyteller didn't even try to make this plausible.

[@missmax2492]

I think she was 10 at the time???

[@abubarrie88]

The story took place in 2019 currently Jane is 19, so when she showed up at his door she was probably 14 or 15 years old.

[@gimmeabreak6844]

@@missmax2492 and ​ @abubarrie88. Thanks for the clarification. Much obliged.

[@alexshone3869]

Story 2: Why is everyone blaming op, he did everything that one should do. Ask his wife several times if she is really comfortable with it and she said yes everytime but op is stupid too he used so many condoms and one missing will not be noticeable. Also they left Abby ALONE in the bedroom for a while. She must have taken it with her. Plus she must be the one feeding bs to his wife like how he is so good at it and such making her uncomfortable. Every single thing in this has a loophole.