My Estranged Adult Child Won't Talk To Me Anymore (Coping With Grief)

Is your adult child not talking to you anymore? In this video, we discuss some things that may be going on with your adult child and how to cope with the grief.
Estrangement is the widespread and stigmatized condition describing cutting off one family member from one or more family members. Estrangement can be total cutting ties with no contact or little contact with emotional distancing. When an adult child cuts ties with one or both parents, they choose to disconnect from a relationship they believe is unmanageable.
Historically, toxic and abusive relationships between parents and adult child behaviors inflict unsustainable harm. Over time the adult child struggles with maintaining contact, especially when conflict is persistent. Often a monumental event precedes the cut-off; however, the adult child’s decision to cut off did not occur suddenly or without angst. Emotional and physical distancing comes out of a need to self-preserve.
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SHOW NOTES / RESOURCES:
○ Feeling Heartbroken and Alone? How to Pick up the Pieces When You are Estranged:
I'm giving away a copy of my eBook on the topic here → morinholistictherapy.com/find...
○ What You Should Know When Your Estranged Adult Child Won’t Talk To You Anymore (article) → morinholistictherapy.com/estr...
RECOMMENDED READING:
○ Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict by Joshua Coleman → amzn.to/3EpK44k
○ Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them by Karl A. Pillmer → amzn.to/3xLtatc
○ Family Estrangement: A matter of perspective by Kylies Agllias → amzn.to/3ZeGxhd
WATCH NEXT:
○ How to Cope with Family Estrangement (video series) → • How to Cope with Famil...
○ Gratitude Journal Benefits + 5 Tips to Help you Start → • GRATITUDE JOURNAL Bene...
MORE WAYS TO CONNECT:
○ facebook → / morinholistictherapy
○ Subscribe on KZbin → / @youtubemariemorinestr...
○ Need someone to talk to? → morinholistictherapy.com/stra...
#estrangement #morinholistictherapy
LINK TO VIDEO: • What To Do When Your A...
DISCLAIMERS:
ESTRANGEMENT AND ABUSE: When considering the possibility of reconciling with an emotionally and or physically abusive great care is required. Reconciling may only be possible if the abuser is willing to work with a family therapist. When there is abuse, individuals estrange out of necessity and self-preservation. Consider if it is safe to resume a relationship with an abusive family member without evidence that the abuser has changed or takes responsibility for their harmful actions.
RESOURCES BY STATE ON VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN:
www.womenshealth.gov/relation...
ncadv.org/resources
National Domestic Violence Hotline - www.thehotline.org/
AFFILIATE: You should assume that I have an affiliate relationship and/or another material connection to any suppliers of goods and services that may be discussed here, and may be compensated for showing ads or recommending products or services, or linking to the supplier's website.
Morin Holistic Therapy is also a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. *Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc., or its affiliates.
More info about the Amazon Associates Program can be found here: amzn.to/37WfHjR

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Need someone to talk to? → morinholistictherapy.com/strategy

[@elliemathews6884]

This was informative. However, what I didn't hear you address was an adult child who cuts off their parents because their are narcissistic and abusive to the parents. They do not agonize over what they have done they are actually enjoying the control they have.

[@teresamacey4012]

Yes, I agree. Experts sat most parents are not toxic nor abusive. My children cut me off without even telling me why. My psychiatrist told me once I started setting boundaries, holding others accountable for bad behavior, and began to expect reciprocal relationship; that I would likely loose my family. She seems to have been correct. Throw in a narcissistic spouse who ran a smear campaign and the very likely addictions of my children and perhaps the same personality disorder my husband had and it should have come as no surprise but it did. It is the most hurtful, shameful, devastating thing a parent can experience when they worked hard to be the best parent possible.

[@karlaparker7988]

​@@Sally-ih6ls Well said. Sadly my own adult child has Mental Health issues they decided to go to a private therapy £60 a hour weekly. Since going I have been estranged before the therapy we had a good relationship. They are filling their heads with victimhood and crap.

[@Sally-ih6ls]

@@karlaparker7988 yes I agree, plus the spouse is supporting that mindset. We just have to try to heal….i had a great relationship also, we just have to heal and carry on, however, it’s bloody HARD. After 15 months, I still can’t move on very well, too many triggers out there. I’m sorry Karla that you r dealing with this too it’s a horrible thing to go through

[@karlaparker7988]

@@Sally-ih6ls Thank-you Sally yes its very hard especially if you are own your own and triggers like Christmas etc. I still have days where I am very sad, however to cope I am slowly accepting that its very much the new generation of victimhood and indeed selfishness they forget we are people, they wouldn't treat other people like it. Thanks to the psycho babble they are being brain washed constantly. Somehow we have to know our personal worth and not let them treat us like crap. Sending you a massive hug xx

[@Sally-ih6ls]

@@karlaparker7988 thanks for hugs….yes…it’s brainwashing…I believe it’s the spouses control and jealousy of us, his parents, relationship to the grandchildren control also. Therapists aren’t helping, validating every little screw up we did as parents. The knowledge we had back then was not available to us, the times were different, not sure what our adult children expected us to do. I had great parents, perfect, no, but I was there every step till the end, I don’t know why we have received this treatment. We just have to look after our lives, but it’s not easy. Big hugs to you also🤗

[@jacquelinefulford7236]

I agree with your comments. If a parent has caused continued pain in their child's life (intentionally or unintentionally), then it is reasonable to assume the adult child removes themselves from a toxic environment until healing can take place. However, your video seems to be one-sided. There are definitely situations where adult children are disrespectful, entitled, rude and disruptive then cut you off! This causes much undue pain and distress for a parent(s) and the rest of the family. A lot of parents are vulnerable and want the best for their children. A parent can be supportive, kind, inclusive, generous and respectful - and still be abused by their adult child. Often leaving the parent bemused and devastated. It's good to look at both sides of a situation.

[@noOnionswithoutTears]

That's exactly why we estrange. It's 100% about protecting our mental health and sanity. We want peace. We will find peace any way we see fit.

[@mgkos]

“Validating the other person’s experience” is mutual in any good Family Therapy. It can’t only be in one direction.

[@pitalitta8814]

Wow what a blow to mothers who are opposite to this.

[@Justme-ep3rc]

“You did the best you could” and you still caused immense pain. Recognize and acknowledge it. Parents unwilling to do that will absolutely shut the door on a (healthy) relationship with your adult child.

[@denisec9784]

My 32 yr old separated without no explanation.. none of the reasons you’ve mentioned ever occurred. Kids can be narcissistic too! 😂

[@americafirst6628]

Exactly

[@stella72226]

This video does more harm than good to those of us suffering through years of estrangement and alienation by our child for no reason other than due to the other parent having caused the alienation.

[@MajorIllustration]

@@stella72226yes!

[@agne9180]

Same!

[@eileenodonnell8376]

My ex played the victim, my daughter felt sorry for him, that I was the cause of all evil. I didn't go into what killed the marriage- that would have been abusive, but he obviously didn't hold back with his version. She cut me off when she turned 18 so he wouldn't have to pay the few pennies of child support.

[@nataliemeenakshithegreat7780]

Concretely when this happens you just want to disappear you have this feeling of leaving packing a suitcase and disappearing this is inexcusable unacceptable what our kid is doing is wrong wrong shame on them I hate her right now for making me feel like this I mean you raise your kid the best you can for 22 years you sacrifice many things to keep a stable home for your child and this is how they thank you this is disgusting iam angry 😡 sad heartbroken

[@noOnionswithoutTears]

Dude, please get therapy. The level of martyism here is palpable. Holy shit. (I say this as an adult child estranged from my mother.) You had one job as a mother and that is to show unconditional love to your child. Adult children don't leave families that are safe, loving and supportive. You're the parent. You had all the control for 18 years. If they left at age 22....work on yourself. You have time. Don't be like my Mom and carry out the dysfunction for decades. I'm in my 50's now with zero hope my relationship will ever change with my Mother....because SHE refused to changed.

[@thevenusian1314]

Your Adult Child doesn't owe you anything FYI

[@sheann283]

Adult children walk away when their selfish needs aren't being met. They are selfish and immature. If there was abuse they would turn the parent in, not just walk out. It's a power trip, the adult child has finally realized this is one way to punish the parent.

[@HappyDog-rj6yk]

@@thevenusian1314and your wife/husband, boy/girl friend, friends, boss, neighbors, family …. Or even your dog don’t “owe” you anything either. When any of the above cuts you out of their life and won’t explain why ….. I want you to find a mirror and repeat those words.

[@joyful1688]

The realty is when you get old, you become more vulnerable. My country has law to hold children responsible in basic care for parents. By having proper laws in place, children can’t just be a taker in your life. Modern days make children have no responsibility to take care aging parents. Therefore, when family situations face challenges, children given a ticket to just walk sway and abandon their parents.

[@MajorIllustration]

The Bible teaches that we are responsible to care for our kin in need and also widows and orphans in the community. So who do we get our directions from?

[@victoriator8863]

Exactly!

[@marlanaferro1558]

Too bad!

[@TazCa62]

I found the grieving portion of this video to be helpful but need to say that if feels as if you are only blaming the parents for estrangement. I would like to see a balance of parent blaming vs an adult child who may be mentally or financially abusive to the parent. There are many reasons for family estrangement which are often not acknowledged. In my case my child has gone zero contact including blocking pictures of my baby granddaughter when I could no longer support financially support her. It took this estrangement for me to realize the her abusive treatment of those around her

[@Haironu]

You seem to presume that adult children will always act in healthy ways. Your video comes across with very little understanding for the parent. It’s very two dimensional. I have an adult child that seems to enjoy the power she has over me to see me almost begging for connection. Some parents are used as doormats, scape goats and punch bags for the child’s other frustrations in life. My child won’t say what the problem is but she sees her dad who does worse transgressions of boundaries than I did but he will react worse when he doesn’t get what he wants and use guilt tripping and she still sees him regularly. These situations are more complex than what you present.

[@chocolate-eq6jn]

Have you considered that your child may be a victim of parental alienation? The alienators are usually personality disordered, and this describes your ex-husband's behavior.. This can happen even with adult children, especially younger adult children who have still need help in making their way in the world. I understand your comment about the video having little understanding for the parent. Some adult children are indeed "takers" (it had to start somewhere, right? All takers aren't over 50!) This is not acknowledged enough . Your adult child may try to take advantage of you, but it is your responsibility to learn to set boundaries with your adult child and take care of yourself. I wish you the best. It's a hard road, but you need to do everything you can to get through this. You can do this!

[@chocolate-eq6jn]

One more thought. I whole heartedly agree with what Marie is saying about the importance of listening to your adult child, and validating their experience. However, if your adult child was a "taker", you certainly have the right to express to them what you have experienced in the relationship, as well, and hold them accountable to the possibility that they may be contributing to the problems in the relationship. It's a two way street. You are not helping them grow to up, you are merely enabling them to be stuck in their "victimhood", if you don't speak your truth. If this does not help you to reconcile, maybe resolution is all that you can hope for. If your adult child is a narcissist, then you will need to practice "radical acceptance" and use the "grey rock method" in the future. It is extremely challenging to raise a child with a personality disorder (such as ODD), and your likelihood of making parenting mistakes certainly increases in these situations.

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Haironu, Thank you for your comment. I am deeply sorry about your experience with your adult child. This video includes a few things that may be going on, it does not include every single possibility. You're right, it is complex, and I will continue to shed more and more light through each continuing video I post. Stay tuned. Warmly, Marie

[@mmorin881]

@Tim B Hi Tim, I hear you and recognize that maltreatment from a parent can severely scar a child. I see being empathetic as a means to come out from one's internal pain, not to condone but to find a way to see the other as a flawed person. Empathy doesn't excuse; it helps the person extend empathy to grow beyond what has hurt them. It is definitely hard to get to. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

[@mariannazut2622]

Thank you for the videos that are opening my eyes a little more. I connected with a few of the ideas especially the waves of grief, sadness and hopelessness that have progressed to a depression. My extreme sadness is that I have a mean child who is nothing like me and blames for for everything I think. Not sure of anything because she refuses to talk nor has she ever discussed anything going on in her life. I have been frozen out in my own home, where she comes and goes as she pleases, no respect, payment or thanks for the things she takes for granted. I have no hope for change and just want her out of my home and life right now. I am going to seek mental help to help me get through the rest of my life.

[@christyeichhorn5333]

My daughter cut me off but not her dad. It's unbelievable to me. 2 years no contact. I'm ok then suddenly extremely sad. I admit I pushed her to continue school, take care of her mental health. She got a psychiatrist at my pushing her due to her depression and has now cut me off. I only want the best for her and truly believe if no contact is helping her then I'm good. It doesn't help me though. I'm desperately sad. Ugh. I just need to tell her I'm sorry. That's it. I won't get that chance though.

[@noOnionswithoutTears]

Let her heal....and get yourself your own therapist. That's what she means when she said "get support". Therapy therapy therapy with a licensed medical professional therapist.

[@user-wj2zv1vd8y]

Just found this channel. Of all the estrangement books, videos and expert advice, your videos really seem to go to the heart of the matter, unlike the others.

[@BernadetteMcGovern57]

My adult haven’t talked to me this twelve years I’ve tried everthing

[@noOnionswithoutTears]

Stop trying and work on yourself. Twelve years estranged means it's working for them. Give them a reason to believe it's different now. Get a therapist and work it out with them, not your kid who has already cut ties.

[@Haironu]

@@noOnionswithoutTears I hear your presumptions about other people , how about you work on your own self, self love and self forgiveness. Step 9 comes to mind.

[@mfulmerfranke]

Thank you, I think the way you have orchestrated your videos is great. None of this is easy, but your videos and availability are making it easier and less frightening.

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

You're very welcome!

[@nataliemeenakshithegreat7780]

Morin you are absolutely right I remember my daughter hugging me crying saying mummy I need to see the change in you I want you to be an exemple I heard her and iam changing I heard her cry out it broke my heart and understood

[@natashakirilyuk6014]

Thank you so much!!! Your video helped me a lot!!!❤

[@nataliemeenakshithegreat7780]

Yes this is so true I can’t thank you enough you are really among the best therapist

[@whizbang7130]

My adult son and I were very close for 33 years. He got married and had a child. He was loved, supported and respected. I was so proud of him. My own experience has been all of the emotions you mention. I am no longer proud of him and his wife cutting us off from our Grandson. You are correct about the perception of his and ours. He has become an angry, disrespectful and hateful person. I haven't slept in years. All attempts to reconcile are met with silence. Your videos are very comforting ❤

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Thank you so much for your kind comments. Maybe this helps, while we can only do things to change ourselves. We work on our self reflection, get stronger, learn communication skills. Our adult children have time to process and soften. We do our part and believe that there is hope. Learn boundaries this is essential.

[@nataliemeenakshithegreat7780]

Yes so true my daughter my beloved daughter cried in my arms she said she wants me to change and be an exemple to her so I heard her and iam taking steps to change because I love her I always did

[@noOnionswithoutTears]

If you really want to do that, start by getting a therapist. Try to get one who deals specifically with parental alienation. Then do the suggestions that therapist gives you. If my mother had done this when I was in my 20's, it would have made a world of difference. I am now in my 50's....and nothing, I mean nothing has changed in her behavior. I have given up hope on her, I have my own family now. I have the love support and unconditional care of someone who listens to me and validates my feelings. I won't ever get that from my mother. When you stretch out this fight for decades, you will probably lose us in the end. Fix shit now, she begging you. Listen to her. GET THERAPY.

[@StarSurvivor1585]

Would like to hear about Parent Alienation by a Spouse and his Parents having full blown NPD and post divorce alienation

[@louisefitzgerald4400]

What should you do if a child is holding things against 1 parent ?

[@MajorIllustration]

I guess you don’t have experience with borderline personality disorder and how it can lead to estrangement from either or both families. Borderlines isolate their victims.

[@po72644]

Very harmful mindset to paint everyone with the same brush. I have BPD, but I cut off my dad because he was physically abusive at times when I was a child. He has the worst temper out of anyone I've ever met, and doesn't have any healthy conflict resolution skills whatsoever Someone having BPD does not equal the behaviour you describe

[@MajorIllustration]

@@po72644 “can”. Can is not painting everyone. 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@MajorIllustration]

@@po72644 This video is blaming parents for the estrangement. Always. She paints it with a very broad brush. Yes, there’s probably pain for the adult child, but it is often totally coming from their borderline’s issues. It would not happen with an emotionally healthy person.

[@noOnionswithoutTears]

Almost every person is the therapy world knows ADULT CHILDREN estrange because we are not safe in the relationship with the parent we cut off. Go watch any video by an actual licensed therapist, you will see that estrangement comes from unacceptable parental behavior. There is an entire 12 Step Program called ACOA that deals with dysfunctional families, most of which we have cut off family members for our own mental health. Get your own house in order. If addiction, abuse, or personality disorders/mood disorders exist...you know stuff people go on SERIOUS meds for...then having your own therapist will be the best place to start. Get THERAPY for the love of God. @@MajorIllustration

[@sharondavisson4149]

I had two girls in one year at age 16/17, I raised them the best i could with God and all my love they grew to be very amazing women. My oldest gave me anxiety at times and i had to distance myself from her for awhile. Now they are in their 40's and one minute im their best friend, the next im being told im toxic, and all kinds of hateful things. Meanwhile i have no clue what i did wrong. I can't live like this

[@user-vd8hs1kw2h]

Morin such wise advice. We are going through the estrangement of our granddaughter since she doesn't want to see her mother ( her mother lives with us ) Your video made us feel more hopeful.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

My adult mother isnt speaking to me (because i tried to have a conversation with her. There's nothing to discuss from her pov. There is one perspective, hers. The End.

[@user-ws6qp1cv4c]

Moren I love your video, so many good in sites, it’s been 8 years since my son said he did not want any communication with us his parents. I have tried so many times to communicate but no answers.

[@M.yme74]

It has been more than 8 years since we heard from our daughter - still do not understand why. If only we could be given the opportunity to talk over what is wrong, we just do not know.

[@noOnionswithoutTears]

Change your behavior if you want your relationship back. I guarantee you they have a list of things they deemed no longer acceptable, and that's why they left. I really recommend getting a therapist who specializes in family estrangement to work on you. If you are waiting for them to magically return, don't. They have been out of your life for this amount of time, which means it's likely working for them. We estranged adult children will stick with whatever works for us and our sanity.

[@adrianasacca2112]

They also cut us off from grandchildren using them as pawns, which is so horrible.

[@thevenusian1314]

If you're toxic to the Adult Child, you'll likewise be toxic to their offspring.

[@gail2803]

Im dealing with toxic daughters. Both are using their kids as bargaining chips. Their Father who was abusive, they have no problem with. Constantly disrespecting me but also trying to get financial assistance only from me. Im the one wondering if I should just pull out of their toxic web. I miss my Grandchildren. They never hit their Father up for money because they know he has none. Im trying to be the best parent & grandparent I can be, but they seem upset anytime I have any good fortune or luck. Im tired of the manipulation. I never treated my parents the way they treat me. I cant believe that they have grown into such disrespectful people. They were not raised that way. It's just sad. I lost my Mother when I was 16, I would not wish that on anyone. Im not going to let them treat me as if I was their doormat.

[@mreyes194]

Hi Marie, love your videos and feel the need for therapy to nurture myself from experiencing adult-child estrangement. My children need to grow up - get over themselves and become responsible human beings in their treatment of their mothers who continue to love their adult-children unconditionally - only diference is being a mother, i am also a woman who loves herself unconditionally first - life doesnt end having children - however, having a mother who cares, loves and wants the best for her children is a positive not a negative experience which should be reciprocated in an ideal world. Hugs to mums first - children go hug yourself

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Hi, thanks for writing. I'm so glad you like my videos!! What I love about your comment is that you love yourself unconditionally first. I think this is key. We can't make anyone want to love us or be with us. Yet, we still have a life and purpose. Hugs to you!!

[@jamiemcinerney3287]

I agree with you on this.

[@lacygorman9154]

You didn't offer any suggestions for a Mom who has kids who hate her. My kids haven't spoken to me for years. I have TRIED to reconnect with them.

[@sherylhall2221]

I have only listened to a few of your videos and already find them very helpful. I’ll listen more tomorrow. Do you do online counseling?

[@nitzans.3251]

Experiencing same thing,I tryed reconciliation with no avail,this is a millennials generation thing to put labels on any behaviour, blame the parent for any problem and struggle in their life just because I started setting boundaries and demanded household tasks participation.gave up for now

[@sonja897]

Adult children can be narcissist too. When I started setting boundaries and standing up for myself that is when she cut me off. I did stand at the door waiting for her for almost 2 years but I have now walked away. I found that my life is more peaceful without her in it.

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Hi Sonja: Thank you for writing. Yes, sometimes it is the adult child that has trouble accepting boundaries. So very difficult to deal with. I am glad you are moving forward.

[@Jojojoey330]

This therapist is so wrong. Sounds like she blaming the parents.

[@redvelvet8983]

They moved back in and won’t leave oh and disregard my needs for boundaries...loud sex..no curfew for their boyfriends...not paying..not cleaning..hitting me and laughing..saying they wish they could kill me...silence in my 900 sqft house...so they expect me to do what? I validate, apologize...they can’t try to see the bright side of their childhoods....they hate me and they work hard at making the feeling mutual sorry to have to say. This society reinforces their blame however justified which I don’t see is helping them move the needle forward. They feel justified in disregarding everything worthwhile thanks to these types of one-way, psuefoempathetic blame loops. What are they supposed to do with that?

[@crunchberrychaos1545]

They just wanted to talk about my sisters and my niece and I did't care about that. I even say, "I don't know. I don't care, and I hope they die" when they ask if I talked to my siblings. And all they did was just sputter, shut down, and lower their heads. If they wanted a relationship with me, then talk to and about me. I highly doubt they talk about me to my sisters so why should I want them to tell me about what they are up to and doing. I had to establish no contact unless they swore to never talk about my sisters and niece in front of me.

[@MajorIllustration]

You sound like a narcissist.

[@noOnionswithoutTears]

Wanting someone to die is not a healthy response to anything. Therapy therapy therapy.

[@maxinecook8696]

Hi I am currently suffering estrangement from my parents their doing not mine. Question... When parents estrange from their adult child do they feel grief an

[@nataliemeenakshithegreat7780]

Oh and I just want to add my daughter is coming home in ten days from Israel B'h. She has one more year to do to finish her two year business management master and she has decided to move move to Israel where she has a job and her new sweetheart she is a beautiful and a very brave hard working young woman looking at her accomplishments makes me a proud mother I will enjoy my daughter for one full year while working on my own self development and figuring out what I can do to better my future and hers too knowing that I do not want to move to Israel love from Paris

[@stella72226]

I'm shocked that this video pops up when an estranged parent, due to alienation by the other parent towards their child, goes in search of comfort and advice. This therapist hasn't heard of that affliction and is entirely wrong in her assessment of why children will often cut a loving, nurturing, attentive parent out of their lives. It is always due to outside influences, narcissistic family members, spouses and/or extended relatives "brainwashing" a child into believing their parent isn't safe, loving nor kind towards them. This video does the exact opposite of what it appears to be about.

[@MajorIllustration]

Same with borderline spouses who need to isolate their wives or husbands from family and friends. 😢

[@noOnionswithoutTears]

Yikes, someone isn't ready to hear the truth. If your kid is abusive, has addiction or mental health disorders....get help for yourself as support. Find a therapist who deals with family addiction, family mental health issues. But if you want a pat on the head excusing unacceptable behavior, you won't get it from professional therapists. Work on yourself. Accept some reality. Stop blaming everyone else and look at your own behavior. We don't estrange from families that are loving, safe and supportive. We don't estrange unless it is literally the last straw. And please talk to a professional, because this attitude will keep you estranged from your child. I am an estranged daughter. I've been doing this shit since 1989 with my Mother. I had to move onto my college campus at 17 to end the fighting in my house. I'm 51 now. A lifetime of this crap will end the relationship, believe me. Get hope now, professional help. Find a therapist who specifically deals with family estrangement and listen to them. Do the work.

[@Haironu]

@@noOnionswithoutTears How on earth do you know that these people have not tried to get help already? Stop attacking other people because you are hurting over your mom. The family system is falling apart replaced by a social media family that better love you whatever shit or trivia you come out with or they will block you. It is a f*ing trend. The depression and anxiety are in an all time high, addictions is through the roof. And it’s spilling over to your own family. Personally, the healthier I have become the less some of my adult children wants to know . How ironic is that? You are an addict so you should understand, it’s like when you get sober your old drinking buddies don’t want to know you anymore, they feel uncomfortable around you. It’s the same in some families when parents or children change. It’s happening everywhere.

[@mgkos]

@@noOnionswithoutTears someone doesn’t know that parents can hve done a lifetime of therapy & work, more it seems than you as a victim blamer. Elder abuse Social Contagion Coercive Control are facts of behaviour. If grown adults lack the ability to take responsibility for those three, you can’t blame your parents.

[@mgkos]

@@amariajade255 many patents hve done a ton of therapy on their own parents-families. Nothing new about dysfunctional families & adverse childhood experiences, it’s multigenerational & often situational. Am well aware as a Prof in the field of what ACE scores involve. (Look that up if you’re not informed) It still remains the responsibility of each & every adult to work on & deal with the effects of those adverse childhood experiences. Therapy helps & the outcome isn’t up for assessment by anyone other than the person who seeks out the therapy. Adverse experiences in childhood Do Not give anyone the “right” to commit elder abuse-period. Many people overcome unbelievably difficult childhoods & go on to create incredible lives. Read great literature & biographies. Many also spend their lives blaming their forebears rather than doing the hard work of integration, grief & acceptance. No one is so terminally unique that they don’t need to do this. Parents also hve the right to bequest in their estate planning of their life’s work as they see fit. When there are good reasons-Disentitling Conduct to use the legal term, it’s becoming a more common occurrence. Hint-comments threads aren’t therapy.

[@nooope]

I'd like to know what you think about the parent's therapist working to facillitate a joint virtual meeting between the parent and adult child (and their therapist if there is one, which in my case there is but my son does not talk to him about this), so that the adult child knows that the parent is working on improving the relationship.

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Sounds like a great idea. I think if your son agrees it’s important to be cautious. Use your skills!!

[@shaye8998]

If my mother listened to this, it would help her identify the need for acknowledgement of her actions, which would then lead to repair the relationship

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Hi Shaye, Thank you for your response to this video. Im so sorry you're going through this. Getting support during this challenging time might help you come up with ways to initiate repair if thats what you desire. Warmly, Marie

[@noOnionswithoutTears]

I sent this video to my Mom. Maybe she will heed the message. But evidence points at "no". Today I have to live in the reality evidence gives me.

[@CGPearson-og7zh]

To those who are looking for validation and want to hear that there is something wrong with their sons and daughters. Get over it! There is something wrong with you. Ok. You are lacking something. Figure it out.

[@kellyknouzi2723]

We had conversations I apologized validated what they told me and said i would be more mindful.. Still stays estranged. From whole family. Does this to sibling and itger parent. Mental health issue the adukt child? Ask them to go to counseling so they don't have to hurt ?They rather hold onto the pain.

[@noOnionswithoutTears]

Get a therapist for yourself. Work on you. Don't do this alone....get support. Then do the work.

[@KittyCuties33]

Trust takes time to rebuild, and adult children often need to see true fruit of changed harmful or unhealthy behaviors consistently in order to feel safe enough to begin to trust again if they want to. Please understand that even though a sincere validation and apology is important, it is real pain and damage they have experienced that takes time to heal from, just as yours does for you. True change and healing inside parents too also takes time and hard work sorting out triggers and healing from past trauma and pain that affected how we parented, which is a long process. You and your adult child are worth the effort to face ourselves and our past and strive to overcome and become new people. I hope you both continue on your path of healing.

[@charvankerck9617]

most people who grow through this will be productive and successful individuals. they get ahold of their responses and stop blaming .

[@nataliemeenakshithegreat7780]

She blocked me shall I block her back I feel rejected it hurts

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

I had this situation, I blocked her until I was strong enough to handle her not contacting me.

[@lindavonstuck812]

How do you handle estrangement caused by religious & political views?

[@noOnionswithoutTears]

Therapy.

[@Sally-ih6ls]

The problem is the spouse

[@EffervescentSunflower]

What about the adult child that cuts off the parent because they they don't believe the parent attempted suicide and says they can no longer navigate the parent's mental health despite the parent being in a severe crisis due to severe very recent traumas? Talk about being kicked while you're down. My daughter is my everything and poof, said this isn't breaking ties, but that is exactly what she did, 48 hours after I failed at suicide. I can't help but think she'd be happier if I had succeeded.

[@misufriendersts9467]

My ex wife estranged her father and they spoke again 20 years later when he way close to die. Now the two daughters I had from that marriage do not talk to me anymore. To keep things simple and in context, the common denominator was not the father, but instead a dysfunctional relationship with the mother. My daughters have a relationship with their mother that is identical to the one that my wife has/had with her mother. Furthermore, they all failed in their lives, multiple marriages, no career, no money, only debts and bankruptcyes; and they all cannot do ONE very important thing, which is accepting constructive criticism. They push away anyone who disagree with them and keep supporring each other no matter the lack of logic and common sense involved. Now my daughters are both gettig theiir asses kicked, like their mother did, and also their grandma. They will possibly find a moron who does not look into it as I did, he will marry them, then they will turn crazy as it is genetically written im their blood line, and they both will get dumped, as their mother and grandma did. If, and only if at that point they will have daughters themselves, the girls will quit talking to their father to fit the pattern. I saw that happening to myself before it did happen, but when brainwashing inherited behavior is there, nothing can be done to fight nonsemse, especially when you work 12 hours a day while mom is home feeding your kids ego. Umfortunately, when I met my wife I was young and made excuses for her but I should have looked much deeper into that dysfunctiomal behavior that many greedy psichologists try to justify. COMMUNICATION ALWAYS WINS and there are no excuses to avoid it. The point I want to get to is that if your girlfriend does not talk to her father, look into it and ask to talk to him and hear his story too to then make an unbiased decision. You will see that the decision will be to run away. Better then than 20 years later after your kids turn fucked up and there is no remedy. I am so happy for the guys who are not with my daughters anymore; nice kids that could have their life ruined as my wife ruined a big chunk of mine. When something is so dysfunctional beyond remedy, as it is not trying to talk to the people who love you and put you in this world, the only solution is to let it go. There is no reasoning or science behind stupidity.

[@teresamacey4012]

I do not listen to this lady any longer. Joshua Coleman and his books are much more helpful. He does not blame parents and gives a balanced view. Also, there are more balanced videos on the subject.

[@karlaparker7988]

I totally agree, its the psycho babble she is using that is feeding the minds of these adult children un turn these so called therapist are feeding this victim narrative these days.

[@aubreyj.tennant1123]

Agree!

[@briand7946]

And you wonder why they cut you out of their lives. Loser

[@zenaidacarroll215]

I agree. It really doesn’t help to just blame parents. This generation of kids is a totally different generation and want to be “heard” without respect and not bothering to work things out with the parents that have always been there for them.

[@teresamacey4012]

@@zenaidacarroll215 The book Culture of Narcissism explains a lot about how and when things went off the rails with children. It started with the self esteem movement of the late 70's. I turned myself inside out and questioned everything I had done or said and explored it with therapist and before the Lord, I was a good parent who loved my children and lived out the principles of the Bible, raised them in church, and did my best. NO not a perfect parent but one who tries to do all things well, including marriage and family. I finally let myself off the hook. They are adults. Even if I was a bad parent, they can still choose to do what is right in the sight of God.

[@katiehav1209]

Her spouse is the problem. When does all this become exposed as control against a parent?

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Hi Katie: This is a good question. You are making a good point. Is it possible that anything else that might have contributed?

[@katiehav1209]

​​@@youtubemariemorinestrangement It depends on what you want to call serious enough for soul sucking punishment, and what the offense came out of as it's seed. And what extreme circumstances occurred for the degree of reaction.

[@katiehav1209]

​@@youtubemariemorinestrangement Unfortunately these kids are under the impression that reaction to extreme circumstances reveals true self. I don't think that's true. Do you?

[@katiehav1209]

​I am guilty and appologized for reacting to this shocking soul sucking trauma. But that's not good enough because my hands and knees arent bleeding enough for them.

[@katiehav1209]

​At this point I hope she releases my granddaughter to have her family relationships that she's had for 12 years. They did this when she was six too. I won them back, but it spun out into a huge ruin of my life. I walked on eggshells. Developed a close relationship with my daughter, and watched him errode that over two years for his covert pains that are the only thing he really loves

[@lnbloom3162]

My daughter just distanced herself emotionally and physically from me and her siblings, stopping any contact, without explanation. This happened in the mist of an unexpected incident involving her brothers kids , she was called on in the emergency of the situation upon which she obliged , followed shortly afterwards was an angry, judgmental, self righteous and totally different daughter, sister and friend…all those relationships fell quickly to the side. Her decision..distant and nonexistent I still answered her infrequent short texts but not anymore I changed my number and kept it moving. I gave her what she wanted what she had done long ago.

[@noOnionswithoutTears]

So you cut *her* off? That's healthy. Your kid doesn't owe you fealty.

[@Haironu]

@@noOnionswithoutTears Who are you to go around here attacking people? Stop playing God and look at your own behaviour. You know nothing about them, yet you presume to know what’s best? Sounds like you are still addicted. But to drama and advice giving. Next step might be Coda or ACA. Or both.

[@rdtservicesconcrete]

Entitlement. It sounds like. No parent should have to deal with it. We owe them nothing. i

[@nicolawyatt2837]

What you are saying is what i just talked about. A therapist telling them this junk, trying to get parents to agree to a lie, that we abused them. Its absolutely lies im not about to agree to hervlies and ask her forgiveness , i was the best mom she could have ever had. I was 39 when she was born so she wasnt raised by young parents. She was so loved and spoiled its unbelievable. If she wants to keep playing this popular game that is flooding this country she can sure do it. But im 70 yrs old today, on Mothers Day!! Im not going to lie about the truth, biw down to this culture of lies, i am one of the strongest women you will ever meet , as was my mom, granmother and great grandmother before me. Ill pray for her and leave her in Gods hands. You cant reason with someone who needs to grow up and stop treating the people who love you like dirt. I wont be in the game. Im smarter than this. Too bad you are brain washing thousands of parents with this evil . Im sure there are thousands of parents who were abusers, druggies, whatever. But i know there are MILLIONS WHO WERE KIND, LOVING WONDERFUL PARENTS WHO DESERVE BETTER. One of the 10 commandments says HONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER. God has not changed.

[@bobcollins4246]

I agree thanks!

[@aubreyj.tennant1123]

So I should accept I did the best I could but feel shame it wasn’t good enough! Sure…give up and accept, validate date them bcs they’re more important. This seems to fly in the face of most experts on the subject. 😮

[@Sally-ih6ls]

Would they give the same advice if it was a neighbor, friend co worker?

[@karlaparker7988]

@Blanco Tequila Utter rubbish you have quoted. What the above person is saying is spot on. These bloody therapist pray on this new generation brainwashing and making a lot of money out of it. I dare say the above person has spent a long time with pain and tears, and 5hankfully now has realised her worth

[@courtneycarrington]

@Blanco Tequila you look like the type

[@sofiacoppola100]

This was very informative BUT you fail to discuss when your 36 year old daughter is displaying narcissistic behaviors. When I’m around her- I feel uncomfortable. Her behavior is toxic. Can you please discuss this? I see other mothers also experiencing a toxic grown child. What is your opinion and advice?

[@CGPearson-og7zh]

Your daughter didn't have you. She was probably born as an accident.. I'm sure you didn't plan to have her. You are responsible for her maturity and her attitude. Ok? Now, say your prayers.

[@AngelesStar1990]

For one thing, all you're doing is criticizing the parent. My son is autistic and in the military and he stopped talking to me without even explaining anything and now he talks to me minimally. So you shouldn't start your whole video out with those kinds of assumptions. He has problems coping anyway and my only guilt trip is helicopter parenting. Paying attention to him too much because my first child died of a heart transplant at age two on Christmas Day. Your video is not helpful.

[@biznachos1]

However, every parent who "did the best they could," never read ONE book on parenting. In my experience.

[@prayfortheusa6092]

Not true. I read many books, parenting materials etc. much more complicated.

[@Sarah-il4fs]

I so miss my 6 grandkids that I’m not allowed to see 😢

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Hi Sarah: I understand. It is very difficult. It is heartbreaking. Is there a way towards repair? It takes patience and a lot of work.

[@Sarah-il4fs]

@@youtubemariemorinestrangement I’m not sure 🤔. This has been going on for years with the younger one (28) on and off. I have reached out several times but only to get ignored time over. The eldest (30) , I had to put boundaries in place and now she’s doing the same thing. 😢

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Hi Sarah: Well, perhaps in time, they will reach out. The research states that adult children soften in time. It is my hope that individuals would opt to repair relationships. I am glad you put boundaries in place for yourself. Please keep me posted and let me know how you are doing.

[@Sarah-il4fs]

@@youtubemariemorinestrangement Hi 👋. Thanks for your reply. My little granddaughter called me yesterday asking if she could stay. Of course I said yes anytime, but I suppose baby steps with my daughter. 🤞Not heard anything since. I do hope that they reach out as i have tried to several times. Take care, thanks again, Sarah.

[@nataliemeenakshithegreat7780]

Hi dear Morin just wanted to give you an update and bring hope to others well my daughter and I are doing great since a month now ' I exo' aînés to her calmly my sentiments and she explained to me hers and so now it's mom how are you I love you and I miss you, I paid attention to Morin I understood what my daughter needed the most to feel safe and proud about her parent and for me to let herbe thé young adult woman that she is she is in touch with me often I let her come to me I am feeling much better fixing our home dealt with my own issues of abandonment yes Morin you are absolutely right I love you and you make sense you are so right I am an example here that our adult child love us it's just us stepping over their boundaries for my kid iam three months sober clean of smoking weed iam putting myself together eating well practicing meditation and trust me you will see the miracles a child adult child mine is 22 your kid needs to feel safe and need her parent to be an exemple of strength I totally stayed connected to my child needs and did not think twice on changing myself and it changed my relationship with my daughter when my daughter left me to work abroad last April I felt depressed abandonned she sometimes blocked me I felt like what do I have I left I felt suicidal too but she was just 'living her best life and I begun to feel happy for her and focus on me and got into self preservation being a better version of myself I went from hell state to calmness serenity I meditated prayed and took responsibilies I want to mention that I was a devoted stayed at home mom for 22 years I chose my daughter over a singing career because she was more precious that this fame thing so when she left I found myself alone facing my own fears at 57 okay so please listen to Dr Morin she is talking the truth love you Dr Morin

[@maxinecook8696]

Hi I am currently suffering estrangement from my parents their doing not mine. Question... When parents estrange from their adult child do they feel grief an

[@maxinecook8696]

Hi I am currently suffering estrangement from my parents their doing not mine. Question... When parents estrange from their adult child do they feel grief an

[@maxinecook8696]

Hi I am currently suffering estrangement from my parents their doing not mine. Question... When parents estrange from their adult child do they feel grief an