How Long Does Parent Child Estrangement Usually Last? (What Reconcilers Did)

Are you wondering how long parent child estrangement usually lasts? In this video, I am going to share 4 factors that influence the length of estrangement.
Parents of estranged adult children experience grief over the loss of the relationship. Many worry tirelessly about when their kid will see them again. Parents look for reasons and answers so the pain will stop. The average length of estrangement is four and one-half years.
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Embracing Renewal After Estrangement.. morinholistictherapy.mykajabi...
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SHOW NOTES / RESOURCES:
○ Feeling Heartbroken and Alone? How to Pick up the Pieces When You are Estranged:
I'm giving away a copy of my eBook on the topic here → morinholistictherapy.com/find...
○ How Long Does Parent-Child Estrangement Usually Last? (article) → morinholistictherapy.com/pare...
RECOMMENDED READING:
○ Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict by Joshua Coleman → amzn.to/3uRh4OH
○ Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them by Karl A. Pillmer → amzn.to/3AVWttQ
○ Family Estrangement: A matter of perspective by Kylies Agllias → amzn.to/3gkBwz0
WATCH NEXT:
○ How to Cope with Family Estrangement (video series) → • How to Cope with Famil...
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#estrangement #morinholistictherapy
LINK TO VIDEO: • What Makes Parents Cut...
DISCLAIMERS:
ESTRANGEMENT AND ABUSE: When considering the possibility of reconciling with an emotionally and or physically abusive great care is required. Reconciling may only be possible if the abuser is willing to work with a family therapist. When there is abuse, individuals estrange out of necessity and self-preservation. Consider if it is safe to resume a relationship with an abusive family member without evidence that the abuser has changed or takes responsibility for their harmful actions.
RESOURCES BY STATE ON VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN:
www.womenshealth.gov/relation...
ncadv.org/resources
National Domestic Violence Hotline - www.thehotline.org/
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Morin Holistic Therapy is also a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. *Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc., or its affiliates.
More info about the Amazon Associates Program can be found here: amzn.to/37WfHjR

[@Taylor23890]

I’ve reached out on a few occasions. It’ll be 8 years this summer . I still cry most days for my son

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Hi Mia: I'm so sorry this is going on. I hope that you are getting support for your grief. Sometimes we just need someone to come along side us and help us through. We don't stop missing them but the sting of the loss of the relationship status gets less painful as we move into acceptance. Please let me know how you're doing. Warmly, Marie

[@unaraggionavera]

This is the cruelest most awful thing any child could do to their parents. There’s absolutely no reason for it unless parents are abusive. You should not punish your parents for imposing boundaries, that’s called parenting. My 18 year old daughter went no contact on us. We have sacrificed so much for her. This is absolutely devastating and unjustified. Both me and her father don’t stop crying. It feels like bereavement. How can you be so heartless and ungrateful to the very people that love you the most.

[@martna1]

@@unaraggionavera Exactly! I'm 71 and my 31 year old girl stopped talking to me for 2 years now, over a lie someone told her about me. She won't tell me who it is. I NEVER thought she would do me like this now that I am old and need her help. I struggle just to cut my grass. I am all alone now. I raised my girl to be a Christian and it hurts so much. Some days I'm just ready to see Jesus. I feel I will die before I hear from her.

[@rosedecaro]

Very sorry Mia for your pain, and I can say I know how it feels, as for us too it was 6 years for us this past April and it feels like such a death sentence going to bed and waking up with the same pit in our stomachs day in and day out, so I can relate to your pain and I’m sorry. We love our son’s very much and now time is just passing us by - but we please need to try and be strong Mia, for our family that loves us dearly. Here is my Mantra that I made when my son 1st left. I hope it can give you some sort of hope too as it does for me. “Where Hope grows Miracles Blossom” 💙🙏🏼 Please don’t loose hope Mia, even though every passing day is so sad and heart wrenching for us we cannot loose hope. Sending you hugs and Prayers for the return of our son’s. 🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼✨

[@margiemudge6607]

@@martna1 I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Some things in life are so hard to understand. My advice is to quit spending so much time grieving and get busy living. Volunteer, babysit, and help out others. It will keep your mind off of the hurt for a while. There are so many others out there that would love your attention, hugs, and laughter. Don't waste the rest of your life wishing things were different. This may be your new normal. Try to get involved in your neighborhood and your community. You are very much needed. XX

[@anamagdalenaharpertinajero3876]

Thank you. I have 3 adult girls. Estranged with 1 for 3.5 yrs now and 6 mos. With youngest one. This young one said things wouldn't be ok until her father died... 🙄 so.... we live 300 miles away ... we all live far away from each other. I'm working on my new life: a time of mourning for now. I am sure we shall never see each other again. Having had a family is part of my past. I'm working on peace for my last years. I'm 69, and hoping God gives me a long life to be able to enjoy my last days around here. Thank you again.

[@anamagdalenaharpertinajero3876]

Mistake. Im in Mexico 600 kms south of Texan borger. Ale is 41 and is is San Antonio with my 3 grandkids. Luisa is in Main.... i meant to put 3,000 kms but missed a zero. SORRY. She too has given me 3 grandkids. Luisa is pushing 36. They are beyond adulthood..... and they are old enough to see and hang around with whom they will. If its the dark evil people they want, its their chooice. I choose people who love TRUTH AND PEACE. Still in mourning, but Christ sustains me. After all that I have been forgiven, i am compelled to forgive all the narcs & evil that has surrounded them. I DO wish I'd been aware years ago. Now it's God's job to heal everyone, to those who are willing

[@SacredMagic13679]

​@@anamagdalenaharpertinajero3876Are you using your children's real names on the internet?

[@kimricci1435]

So when they disrespect you repeatedly ,yr after yr, no empathy , so apologies ..ect. We as parents are suppose to accept it and allow it ? NO. Boundaries go both ways. I disagree with lots of these videos.

[@theodorerooding3536]

Oof, I understand why they cut you off. Do everyone a favor and hold on to those boundaries.

[@cathyfulford593]

The pain is real. I know my son has a new family with his partner and i will never be good enough. My heart hurts, tears come often. I respect they have their life to live but i just wish i could be included a bit. As a single parent i did everything i could for them . On my strong days i think if you want nothing to do with me in life dont grieve my death or go to my funeral. I wish them a happy life.

[@lunahenckel1439]

As someone who's currently no contact with my mom, i think this video is full of excellent advice. Estranged parents need to accept that children dont go no contact for no reason. While in some cases it might not be solely their responsibility, in many cases it is. Even setting aside a scenario where the parent bears the plurality of blame, concluding that you did nothing wrong and can therefore do nothing puts you in a powerless position as a parent. You should instead believe that this is an opportunity for you to learn and grow as a person. I dont think anything my mom did to me will ever be ok, but i might actually answer when she calls if she took accountability and demonstrated remorse.

[@Squiddogg]

Children DO cut off their parents for no reason. That's the horror of it. My sister cut off my parents and they did not deserve it in any way, shape or form.

[@lukes5631]

@@Squiddogg Trying to speak on your sister's behalf is not helpful and downright disrespectful.

[@Pickled73]

I just realized that my estrangement from my father estranging me has been lifetime. I did not realize that until the last year of his life, he asked me to come to a restaurant for coffee. I was thrilled we met at the restaurant. We sat down and had a little busy talk, and then he said why he called me to have coffee, he asked me if I knew what the biggest mistake of his life was. I have course was so interested because I tried to have a relationship with him, my whole life, but he’s always pushed me away. He looked at me, and very firmly said the biggest mistake of my life was having children. And on his deathbed, he still pushed me away. After all this time (15 years) I finally realized that’s called estrangement. As you can tell by my descriptors, I am referring to him is still around. I worked my whole life to please him and earn his respect, and it never came and of course, now I realize why. He simply resented me being in his life. Your videos on estrangement have been powerful to help me realize I’ve lived under that stress and blame myself for it when truth be told, the man never wanted me in his life. I now realize the blessing that I can have is a guilt, free freedom from a man who despised me instead of a life long attempt to please him even his memories. Thank you so much for your work. Keep up the great work you’re a true value.

[@ProfessorNorris1]

That’s so sad, Stan. About him saying that to you. I’m glad you’re working through it and living guilt free.

[@eri3304]

Simular with my hather I recieve 2 video by newest sister He didn't recognize me 30+no contact I told him my name and he asked for my brother immediately Both times

[@llr1961]

That’s really sad.

[@winwinmyfriend4727]

This is exactly how I feel with my mother. I try and try and she always brings something negative out into the conversation that happened 20 yrs ago and she recently did it again at my nieces wedding in Nov. I very rarelly talk to her now and I just don't care anymore. She wants to come to my son's graduation and I really don't want her to . She has to fly on a plain from Texas to Colorado w/my sister and I just really don't want her here because I'll always be on gourd the whole time she's here. I hate it for both of us but I can't take her stuff anymore and she's 73 and I'm 51. This has been happening since she adopted me back when I was 7.

[@janeraymond1799]

I have gone 100% zero contact after reaching out several times. The last time was at my mother's funeral. I just told my daughter it would be nice if she called. That was 3 years ago. I actually feel better not being around her and her disrespectful husband. He told me to shut up in my own house. Things went downhill really fast from there. My daughter has gone from being a fireball to a complete mushball since she has been married. We never had a perfect relationship, but never this bad. I take care of me now.

[@lisac8509]

Yay good for you. Not

[@janeraymond1799]

@@lisac8509 Well that is not very nice!

[@Trixiesongzxoxo]

@@lisac8509haha right thank you this woman is so full of crap 😂😂😂

[@jdhutchinson506]

For someone who hasn't spoken to her for a year, you sure got a lot of shit to talk. 😂 She's better without you too.

[@oldladybird8528]

Good for you! That's what I'm doing now because no one deserves the abuse. And I pray for my daughter an grandchildren.I also went to therapy an was told I deserve peace.

[@marthamaxim5924]

I know a few people who cut off parents because of manipulative influences from other people, but one of the parents or other significant loved ones died. When the child came around, he or she was devastated. Its tragic for everyone really.

[@lovepeace8965]

Yes narcissistic parents turn the children against the loving empathetic part using manipulation, lies and false narratives- basically brainwashing.

[@glowjana2898]

Life is too short for alienation. If all parties are practicing believers and loving, praying to God for reconciliation can happen. With God all things are possible.

[@lisabaeskens4941]

This is my biggest fear 😢

[@marthamaxim5924]

I know people like that too. It is tragic. A lot of the kids are victims of manipulation and of course, faulty thinking. When they come around it can be extremely traumatic that a loved one died.

[@EricTemple]

My daughter has been estranged from us for over a year while she "works some things out." Meanwhile, my wife has cancer and dementia. I worry about what my daughter will feel if she never sees her mother again.

[@timorthelame1]

Two days ago, I confronted my father about his toxic treatment of me. He responded with projection and told me that I have anger management issues. I told him that he has narcissistic issues and that he takes them out on me. He then told me that he was blocking me and suggested that I change my name. I always knew there would some sort of fallout if I ever dared to tell him about being narcissistic but wow! I'm hurt by it but strange as it may sound, I feel a real sense of relief.

[@lukes5631]

That's absolutely brutal. And the worst part is that we can't know if our parents are doing it because they are genuinely narcissistic and are okay and content with reacting in these ways, or.. if it is some deep projection that won't allow them to take ownership. Either way is hurtful.. I think we as the child wish it to be that they deep down understand or feel something and it is just them 'acting out', and we hope it is not them simply being truthful and genuinely rejecting us. I feel for you. That's a terrible experience to have and is by no means a reflection of you. Truly, I am sorry for this experience you had with your father.

[@JGordonAuthor]

My father is a monster. I understand, in my own way. You did the right thing. Your mental and emotional health is more important than. Bless you.

[@dianenociolo5198]

My daughters 17 and 20 have been estranged since Xmas eve 2022. I am so happy to have found your videos. This is exactly what I needed. Everyday is a struggle and wondering when if they will return. Thanks

[@sonyareyes1000]

This seems a great way to connect with other parents going through the same. It's just so unfair how they punish us and don't understand. We gotta stay positive, though, and keep the faith that they'll come back.

[@singstreetcar5881]

What did u do to them. U parents never say what u do

[@theodorerooding3536]

Wow, those kids must have endured serious abuse. I hope they find a better life. They're already starting strong. Cutting out delusional toxic people is tremendously beneficial. I wish them all the best, and hope they never deal with that abuse again.

[@LilylilyLily-vf3nw]

As a parent Ai say Let them go! Do for yourself whatever that maybe. Let them go and live your life. You have done enough for them. Will they retaliate. Maybe they might keep a grandchild or grandchildren from you. That’s on them. Don’t think that those grandchildren won’t wonder why and as they get older will make their own choices.

[@maggiei.6378]

I'm so in agreement with you. We have done our best and im sorry it's not enough. My eldest son cut ties with me 5 years ago on the advice of his wife. I have moved on and have a great relationship with the other 2 children and their spouses. I have developed cancer and don't know where it will take me. I have written him and his family out of my will and I still feel it is the right thing to do. I paid $75 000 to my eldest son to sustain their standard of living while he finished his engineering degree. When he graduated got a job dil couldn't figure out how to life within her means and asked for more. I put my foot down and told them no more. Thats when the call came and I was eliminated. 😊

[@maggiei.6378]

down. Their children don't know me and I have learned to unlove them. I don't cry anymore don't grieve anymore. He heard I was sick and called his sister. He refers to me on my first name....probably worries about an inheritance. Yes, his wife wants my jewelry...the audacity.

[@sterlinghawk_g20]

@@maggiei.6378Then you leave all of that to someone else. It is what I am in the process of doing.

[@AnonymousSquirrel123]

*You're goddamned right I kept the kids away from them! Why would I EVER expose my kids to the toxic scum I worked so hard to escape from. I'm a grandfather now myself, and I am the only one in the family who knows that they didn't die when I was six. No parents because they're dead. No questions when there's no mention of the parents. If I found out that someone had gone behind my back too introduce one of my children or grandchildren to one of my parents - even under the "cover" of an anonymous family friend, I would put them in the hospital to drink through a straw for the 18 weeks they were itching in their body cast.*

[@the_mattescat8497]

@@AnonymousSquirrel123 I can feel your anger from your comment… it’s a type of rage that can only come from having abusive family members.. I feel your pain and you are not alone

[@rebeccahallstrom4360]

helped me certainly ! Rebecca (swedish living in France) 3 years since I had a word from my daughter. I have got used to the situation which means I dont cry floods any more but my life is not a whole life. I'm surviving while waiting for my daugther to get in touch with me.....

[@mariankeller5852]

Rebeccs..I'm so sorry for you and know what your going through..I have two sons who no longer speak to me and have blocked me so I can't contact them.. its been four years and no reason was given....I tell myself they are adults and no longer need me....but the pain is still there..this phonemon is happening world-wide and no one can explain why....

[@michellelong8397]

Moving on with your own life and love and care for yourself

[@marilynhoward4561]

​@@mariankeller5852 I believe it's satanic.

[@AlCapwnd-tb5ow]

@@marilynhoward4561it’s satanic to abuse your children and act like a victim when they leave 🤡🤡🤡

[@mabdewn]

Funny enough... When I poured my heart out to my mother, I was met with the silent treatment. There was no enquiry of why or how things had gotten this bad. I was the one who had to "call in for a family meeting". If they didn't have the courage or feel a moral obligation to deal with the issue, I don't know. In the end, I ended up being gaslighted and belittled. Morin seems to describe a stronger and more interested parent. I wish I had that

[@rosedecaro]

My son at 15 told me family meeting’s are dumb and stupid. He has now left for 6 years does not talk to us parents at all - started talking to his bro this year but for how long will this be for this time Til he shafts him again ? His problem was he needed more privacy while living at home / ok so what’s the problem? We did all we could to provide for yu so yur 30 now what yu doing for yourself - we put yu threw college yu got a good degree and now yur 35 and yu got a great job and condo and yu don’t need us anymore now so maybe… just maybe, try calling us sometime since we both just about died in 2019 and 2021 which I texted yu but we are probably blocked 👍🏼 This is the life we are in right now. I’m 65 hubby 62 time is passing us bye…just come by and say hi son…!! The kids today just are not like our generation at all and this all sucks for a mom & dad 🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@Trixiesongzxoxo]

@@thanksagainforthetea💯

[@calculatedrandom756]

@@rosedecaro ...this may sound harsh but your entitlement is probably what drove him away ...be someone that people want to be around, but be yourself ...and when you do something for someone, if you have expectations of them after, make sure to tell them before :D ...sorry if this is upsetting, work on being the best you, ..life is what we make it, to a degree ....we dont all get a happy ending and fair or not that is just how it is.... I have made many mistakes and am far from perfect ...im a work in progress, and so are you. good luck, I wish you well

[@arty5818]

I was sad and felt a lot pain when I wanted to get respected or decent behavior from adult children. Now I am happy to make me happy and let go of my desires from other people who I can't control. I finally accept them as they are. Their silent treatment doesn't bother me any more. My life is too short. I became a my own parent and a daughter who give full support and unconditional love. My happiness is Not other person's hand. I am free from pain.

[@lukes5631]

I don't believe you.

[@foxyroxy7189]

@@lukes5631you made cuz your parents don’t care either?

[@theodorerooding3536]

Maybe they reflected back to you the respect you display. Your discontent is in the expectations of others. They have no obligation to you. You're not entitled to a relationship.

[@mackelly4581]

I am heartbroken with the estrangement from my oldest daughter. I made bad life choices that affected her. The more I try to make it all better, the worse I make it. It’s like I am missing a limb. So depressed.

[@lisabaeskens4941]

I relate so much to your comment. The past year since my daughter went no contact I too am so depressed. I’ve prayed trying to give it to God STILL I am not moving forward. From gaining 50 pounds to crying most of the day. Wondering the why n what ifs, if only? I know I was not the perfect parent, I failed with many choices in my past. I wasn’t there in the way my daughter needed me in the most vulnerable times in her teen years. The guilt now is overwhelming and now my heart is completely shattered. Everyone says I am shackled to the memories of what once was and yes I am because I never intentionally meant to hurt my daughter. She was n still is my EVERYTHING ❤ I am so sorry for your heart right now n will remember you in my prayers 😢

[@yeshalloween]

How do you try to make it better? I’m an oldest daughter who cut my mom off. What she can do to make it “better” (she can’t ever really completely fix it because the things she did caused so much damage that can’t be undone) would be to take accountability for hurting me, to hear my heart, and acknowledge that she played a significant role in that, and to feel remorse and sadness for causing me such pain. I want her to feel what I felt as I grappled with all of the loneliness and trauma that she inflicted upon me. She’s not accountable though, and she never will be. She thinks only of herself.

[@curtistinemiller4646]

When boundaries have been disrespected ,you must disengage from a toxic parent,My toxic parent is controlling ,invasive and non communciative,.Time helps to heal your spirt and gives you a chance to put things in perspective. 🙏 🙏 ❤️ ❤️....

[@fparkes5781]

Respectfully, I am confused how your parent can be both invasive and non-communicative at the same time?

[@Trixiesongzxoxo]

@@fparkes5781stop gaslighting!

[@fparkes5781]

@Trixiesongzxoxo Don't be ridiculous! I asked a respectful question. How on earth is that gaslighting? Because I questioned the narrative? The world has gone mad.

[@christie140]

​@@Trixiesongzxoxoclarification is needed. Chill.

[@nope.2523]

@@TrixiesongzxoxoSerious question NOT meant to be an insult: Do you have Autism? I ask because I know it well AND I see many of the adult children who are alienating their parents have Autism. I am not implying that u alienated your parents. I suspect u have Autism given your “stop gaslighting” response. Do you?

[@guitarchick469]

I had to go no contact bc my parents are narcissistic. They don’t take accountability, played victim, gaslit, triangulated me, etc. It drove me to absolutely madness and they kept me sick. I’m so much healthier now. But it hurts.

[@timorthelame1]

Two days ago, I confronted my father about his toxic treatment of me. He responded with projection and told me that I have anger management issues. I told him that he has narcissistic issues and that he takes them out on me. He then told me that he was blocking me and suggested that I change my name. I always knew there would some sort of fallout if I ever dared to tell him about being narcissistic but wow! I'm hurt by it but strange as it may sound, I feel a real sense of relief.

[@lisabaeskens4941]

My daughter left n moved out with people we hardly know a year ago. We haven’t seen or spoken to her at all she went no contact. She too at one point said we were Narcissistic. But as her Mother I had no idea that I was and I only wish I had the opportunity to tell her how sorry I was n that if there was a way to change I would to have the opportunity to support and be the parent she thought I wasn’t or should have been. I cry day n night n grieve her being gone. Now I see it was the best choice she could of made n see my wrongs. If only…😢

[@SH-iy7ju]

@@lisabaeskens4941. Heal and love yourself! You sound like you were a good parents because a bad parent wouldn’t care. When you free yourself from shame and doubt know that humans have free will and even your daughter can make her free will but free yourself from being shackled to her

[@lindaannventura7884]

My stepdaughter has recently screamed at me in front of her grandmother (92 yrs) and her step daughter (11 yrs) and son 4…She demands that her Dad leave me and let him know that she never wants to be with us with me there…This truly came out of no where…bottled up? My husband’s heart is broken. He is very depressed. We do not know what to do…

[@FreeSpirit47]

I love my adult children enough to let them go if they want to go. Still love them very much, just, at a distance. I spent so many years trying to get the love & acceptance from my parents. I won't go through that with my children, trying for them to love me if they don't. I did my job well. All 4 are educated, happy, kindhearted adults. Only one of them stays in touch so I lavish my love & care on her. Being happy for who I do have instead of crying about what I don't have. Life is but a short season, better to be happy.

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Thank you for sharing your story. I appreciate your love and acceptance for your children and their decisions. I agree, life is a short season!!

[@MikeyPaper]

Thank you for the wonderful advice! My mother is a master manipulator. Loves to guilt trip and shame me when she cant have her way or respect boundaries. Gaslight gaslight gaslight.

[@lisac8509]

That does sound like good advice but go for it if it feels right.

[@nicolawyatt2837]

If that's how you truly feel about your mother then just leave her alone. I'm sure she would appreciate it.

[@corinnefugal6967]

I wish someone would talk about how the adult child can cope with parents who couldn’t have cared less about the estrangement. It’s extremely hard to listen to people talk about “how much the parents are hurting.” Mine aren’t. Not at all. Not about losing me. Not about losing two grandchildren. When I brought up my concerns, and my CPTSD diagnosis, their reply was, “ We parent the way we parent, and we grandparent the way we grandparent. It’s too bad you can’t be grateful. I guess it’s just more time and resources for us to give to our harmonious grandchildren.” There’s just no coming back from that.

[@supertuscans9512]

As a parent it can be quite tricky to explain to adult children that you just don’t like them very much and can’t stand being in their company.

[@yeshalloween]

We should be friends. I’m dealing with the same.

[@user-vp7kn3js4x]

​@@supertuscans9512lol, I'm sure the feeling's mutual. Pathetic, monstrous breeders.

[@kathleenfurlotte8679]

I am estranged from my mother and father. Both of my parents are abusive and im glad i dont have them in my life

[@karlaparker7988]

Out of interest what do you class as abuse??

[@marthamaxim5924]

How do you define abuse. If they aren't truly abusive, then that makes you the abusive one

[@nicolawyatt2837]

I'm sure God is just protecting them from a hateful and spiteful person such as yourself. So go on down the road of life without them. They are better without you

[@jdhutchinson506]

Me too! Best thing I did for myself ❤

[@jdhutchinson506]

​@marthamaxim5924 my Mom was a sadistic narcissist who "treated" minor injuries with scalding hot rags which made my skin blister then pulled the skin off with tweezers. She also sexualized me to my brother and my dad who both sexually abused me. Once she got blitzed and tried to teach me how to give head on my dad! My Dad criticized every achievement, told me I was fat so often I never realized I was seriously anorexic. But if you ask them I promise they have No Idea why I left.

[@setawien]

Thanks for your numerous videos on Estrangement, it is amazing to see how many parents are out there who are on the same boat. I Agree with your approach to 99%, but is there one video out there that supports a parent's position who has given her best, and is now at an age where radical change is not possible. For me, it is a great challenge to (not defend myself) when my adult daughter is coming at me aggressively and finding pleasure in insulting me, guilt tripping me, blaming me for her state, there is a silver lining between 'owning-taking responsibility for ones actions and - or taking the blame , i.,e plead guilty'. As if it is a power game!!!!

[@user-lm9tz8eg1r]

Well functioning, successful adults seldom blame on their parents. The opposite ones have their own issues and blame on their parents. So, it is not just our side to blame. It is something to do with their disposition too.

[@Langkowski]

For me? I haven't spoken with my father for over 20 years, and if I never see him again, that would be great.

[@Corazanaoro]

My father died 22 years ago, wish I could sit for donut n coffee with him

[@Langkowski]

@@Corazanaoro I wish my father a long and happy life, I just don't want to be a part of it. I have zero interest in meeting him for a coffee or something. It is so much better with him being out of my life.

[@Corazanaoro]

@@Langkowski It is your truth, u wished him the best. Thx for sharing

[@jdhutchinson506]

I have only been 1 year free of them. I can't wait till it's 20 years. I have healed so much. 😌

[@leonslionessnz4867]

Best thing you can do as parents is move on with your life. Why grieve over a selfish adult child who cannot talk out their grievances. Estrangement is a cowards way out. Move on and live your life to the fullest.

[@sandravargas9082]

So in agreement. At this point; I have come to realize they aren’t even a person I would want to be involved with if there was a “reconciliation.” Any person, regardless of blood relation, is what they do, not just say. So over the bullshit and have happily moved on and not looking back, nor do I want to.

[@PenelopePitstop888]

Ty for your validating comment. It took me 5 years to process & begin this change of attitude.

[@Drumbeat52]

Been 5 years with my only son and we had no relationship problems until he started dating a multi- millionaires daughter. I never met her or knew their financial status until he got married and excluded me, his excuses were some made-up childhood BS about me never caring and making him a priority. I would not entertain his mental exercises and disconnected from the last communication with him, but I did end by telling him I loved him. I will never beg someone to be part of their life, PERIOD!

[@michekids]

Indeed

[@vee3581]

You are soooo right. We have lived them, dine everything for them, only to treat us like rubbish. It hurts but as parents, some of us do our best....

[@morrisdennis]

Mine will be for a eternity, i despise my mother...

[@sterlinghawk_g20]

Would you be willing to share why? No blame or judgement. Thank you

[@vivdoolan6846]

Really good point made : if your child asks for no contact, show them you are listening to them and acknowledging their very clear boundaries. My parents continued their abuse by ignoring me and my very clearly expressed boundaries....its definitely cemented the estrangement because even when things were that bad, they still refused to hear me and so still refused to understand how important respectful communication and validation was to the relationship even in estrangement. If only parents would listen to and acknowledge their children in the first place there would be far fewer estrangements. I do think parents sometimes continue the line of the relationship as it was when the child was little and couldn't escape or fully understand abuse, then when the child grows up, can escape and can see the abuse through adults eyes the parents wonder what happened because they just treated the child the same all the way through. Emotional literacy, or lack thereof, plays a huge part in estrangement. Thank you for saying estrangement is an act of self preservation. It really was to keep myself safe. When parents comment that kids estrange to 'punish 'them, we really get insight into how emotionally illiterate these parents are because they negate the childs experience entirely and how difficult it is to have to make that decision and just turn themselves into the victim. Narcissism also appears to play a huge part in estrangements.

[@lisac8509]

Something very strange is happening.😢 and it's not good.

[@fparkes5781]

And sometimes the child turns themselves into the victim. These situations are rarely black and white.

[@chetyoubetya8565]

Yes, I am sure you will be thinking that when you are looking at them in a casket.

[@debrabunger9302]

I agree about the narcissism. My daughters’ father was a narcissist and both of my children seem to be as well.

[@MichelleAllen206]

I'm coming up on 10 years. I still can't believe this is my reality. My soul has been crushed.

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

[@theodorerooding3536]

Denialism is a key reason for a lot of estrangement. Maybe work through that and accept reality.

[@beckywheeler9372]

When are the counselors going to require “children” to mature into functional adults!!! This narrative of always trying to figure out what the “adult” child needs is crippling society. Perception is the same as a lie…when dealing in relationships. I want to hear from the counselor that requires an adult child to learn to cope with difficulties, in all relationships. Todays kind of counseling is emotional hostage taking. Even if the child or parent are truly challenged in communication s or emotionally ill equipped. The reality is to “cope” ! Requiring others to change is none of our business…ever! When you teach an adult child to remain childish, the solution also remains childish!

[@lorinelson7523]

I agree 1000% with you!

[@krobbins5302]

No person should have to deal with a toxic parent. No contact is the way to go.

[@lorinelson7523]

@@krobbins5302 Most of the time, the adult child realizes how short and precious life is and that they wasted many years on revenge and retribution instead of forgiveness and resolution.

[@GreenTurtle181]

Fabulously well said!! There is a huge growing trend on social media backed up by the endless counsellors that if you feel insecure it must be your mother. The new family is the one on social media and we all had bad families.

[@foxyroxy7189]

⁠​⁠@@krobbins5302and equally, no parent should have to deal with toxic, narcissistic, controlling children…😉

[@MrsRobinson398]

You know that inheritance you were going to leave them? Enjoy that money with beautiful experiences with people that actually like and respect you

[@krobbins5302]

Or spend it on paid caregivers in your final decade because your adult children aren't going to help you.

[@kayereese1809]

Leaving my assets to my grandchildren who had no part of this estrangement.

[@deannasauceda7556]

Thank you for your video. We have been estranged for more than a year. I have the top two risk factors in play; divorce/separation and son/daughter in law influence. I have watched a bunch of videos and read a lot! I have read "Fault Lines" and researched as well. I appreciate that you break out the reasons, bring in the challenges and pain for the estranged adult child, and communication strategies for those of us who are the estranged parent.

[@angelagc2807]

Thanks Marie for all your posts and helping me heal. X

[@janicebegley4192]

6 years since my beautiful 35 yr old daughter has engaged fully with me. I am heartbroken and missing ho w close we were prior to her twenties. Thank you for speaking truth to power

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Hi Janice: I’m so sorry this happened to you. You will get through this. Be around those who love and value you!! Let me know how you are doing.

[@ProfessorNorris1]

I like all your videos so far, but this one gave me a lot of hope talking about what the behavior and mindset were of reconciling parents and adult children.

[@mariankeller5852]

After reading the texts and answers.. the only conclusion to arrive at is an indifferent parent.. spouse or child is the worst relationship you can have ....an emotional bond is unbreakable and the pain it causes is far reaching or forever....even if you walk away or forgive...how sad 😥 😭😫

[@keyjones1638]

I like my peaceful life now. I'm okay with things staying like they are.

[@maggiei.6378]

So am I.

[@j.w.matney8390]

Okay, so I respect their wishes that they don't want me to contact them. But, we're being tested to see if I've changed when we do eventually meet. How do I know what I am supposed to change?

[@biznachos1]

Are you still married to the biological father?

[@JenTays]

If you truly don’t know, it’s likely that it is they that need to change, not you🙏

[@Dreamingofivoryart]

If you have conditions that they are willing to meet . For example : with my sister I told her I have no interest in trying to reconcile unless it’s in the midst of a mediator or professional therapist setting .

[@nanettewilson1267]

It’s been 6 years since I’ve seen my daughter and grandsons

[@kellykelly-fp1jg]

I’m an adult 57 y/o daughter of an 80 y/o woman. To answer the question of how long? - Its difficult to pinpoint the moment of estrangement, as it slowly progressed. Our many reconciliations failed, as my mother didn’t want to discuss any of the painful and reoccurring issues/hurts that continually resurfaced. But after my mother asked why can’t I pretend for a just day that things are good, I felt I needed to chose self preservation. For me, it feels equally as terrible. Not knowing where to begin, I’m finding this channel a great start in helping me sort through my thoughts,feelings and emotions. It has brought me new insights and perspectives. I think it’s a great resource in addition to therapy/counseling. Thank you for your help Marie!

[@lukes5631]

"why can’t I pretend for a just day that things are good" That right there is nothing more than "self" preservation. I'm sorry that you have had that experience. When a parent continually puts their own needs ahead of their own child's, that is a relationship that is fundamentally broken.

[@AnonymousSquirrel123]

*Four and a half years? I haven't talked to, asked about, or given so much as a single crap about my "parents" since 1973, and this was THE healthiest thing I ever did. In fact, it was such an amazing improvement in my life that I went so far as to get a professional "Sheepdipping" (full identity change, like in Witness Protection). I have made it almost 100% impossible for any accidental contact by moving more than 2000 miles away when I cut ties. I have a new name that has no connection (via unsealed court orders or SSN, etc.) to the name I had to haul around from my "parents" [I was an adopted child]. I kept no "backchannels" open whatsoever - I didn't even know that my "mother" had died in the middle 2000s until a few months ago. I have no idea if my "father" is alive or dead, and I could not care less.*

[@janparish8055]

I feel sorry for you.

[@jacquil6718]

Sounds like you did your parents a favor. Well done, you.

[@theodorerooding3536]

That's fantastic! Congratulations to you. I'm sorry it took such lengths to feel safe. I can't imagine how horrible things were for you to take that route. You deserve a great life. Enjoy!

[@AnonymousSquirrel123]

@@janparish8055 You can feel whatever you want, but the fact remains it was THE healthiest thing I have ever done.

[@krobbins5302]

I've been no contact for 10 years and limited contact before that. My dad says he has no idea why I went no contact. He also fully admits that he would 'knock some sense' into me as a teenager, and that was okay because I turned out fine. Sorry Dad, you're a child abuse- not the victim. How many of these parents whining their kids went no contact were just as abusive as my dad.

[@arecoveringwarrior]

Every single one. It’s so interesting to see none of them take accountability. I’ve never seen or heard an estranged parent acknowledge that there’s a legitimate reason their child wants nothing to do with them. I mean, even if your child turned out to be the worst human ever, guess who played a part (by being present or NOT) in them turning out that way? You, their parent. But no. After the children choose estrangement parents are just confused victims. Boo hoo!

[@theodorerooding3536]

Precisely. It's like the dive bar where all the loser drunks whine about how unfair everyone is to them.

[@marthathinks]

Thank you so much for this. After bitter divorce my youngest son (2 brothers at college) went to his father’s one weekend and never came back. He was 16, now 21. Wants nothing to do with me. He won’t answer texts or pick up if I call so I just leave him alone. It’s a terrible grieving.

[@Taylor23890]

I’m finding the grieving very painful . My son cut me off when he was 17 . I watched out the window him walking to school as he was finishing that day . Never did I ever imagine my son would just vanish into thin air . He went missing for 6 months , he just turned up at my parents after 6 months . However it’s almost 8 years and he still don’t want to know me .

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

I'm so sorry Martha. It's just so sad. Please get support for your grief. Warmly, Marie

[@sheilasmallwood5461]

My 15 year old daughter did the same..leaving me and we were so close for years. She followed her sister who split from me when she was only 12 following a divorce. She was really pulled emotionally by her father. They are now about to turn 22 and 19. 9 years apart now for my older daughter and four for my youngest. It’s been the greatest heartbreak in my life but I’ve been doing what’s suggested and have focused on healing, self care/self love and becoming the best version of myself. I’ve grieved a lifetime of grief and have a lot of support and I’m finding peace at long last.🙏🏻

[@Taylor23890]

@@sheilasmallwood5461 I still can’t find peace . Almost 8 years I can’t get over it

[@GenaMcLean-pj3iw]

​@@Taylor23890i have been in the deepest depression for 4 years.....my youngest 20 years....blocked on everything....she met the wrong guy at 18 and a father and step mother.... I can't do anything...

[@crystilmurch5659]

Thank you for this. It has helped.

[@FlowerxLady]

I disagree- it is becoming Very socially acceptable to estrange from the parents! Most of the time it is the Therapist telling the adult child to do so instead of encouraging family therapy. In my case, there was ABSOLUTELY NO WARNING! Living within 5 miles of my daughter and 2 grandsons (1 of whom us grandparents helped raise for over 10 years) I was there in an instant, whenever asked, no matter what- gave my life happily for everyone and all my grandchildren- Suddenly w/o any questions, or ask for a sit down, no communication- one moment just cut ties. This is not ok. I never questioned her parenting, always asked her thoughts, built her up, helped in any way always! Just lack of communication skills and builds unhealthy relationships. Their Giving ultimatums, judging, and not getting along is what is toxic here. Society has accepted Resentments and Bitterness, ! That is what is causing this epidemic of CRUEL CUT OFF WITH PARENTS. So sad. The pain is almost too much, but I give it to my Lord who suffered for me. 😢✝️🙏

[@sterlinghawk_g20]

I was just thinking the same thing. It appears to be the norm now. Did we give them too much? Not enough?

[@janet4735]

thank you for all that information

[@christineblumke8493]

Thank you for the video. ❤ You have helped me.

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

I'm so glad!

[@os6867]

i cope without my kids it's killing me i'll never have happiness ever again

[@theodorerooding3536]

Poor pitiful you. How's the martyr role working for you?

[@user-ep3bj8bb3u]

It doesn't matter if you were a great parent sometimes when they marry someone who only wants her side of family around and they go along with it ! Not much you can do about just hope they are happy and get on with it !

[@jeanneromaine3146]

Ok stop. You're out of the loop. I never did these actions. I let my kid have his space. It's been 24 years. I never wrote letters or anything like that. Some adult kids are just no good. Period. Oh well. That's life.

[@theodorerooding3536]

Lol.

[@cherylstigers4881]

It’s 18 years since I talked to my son. He was a wonderful son, til he married, then I wasn’t good enough. She a narcissist, everything was my fault, she made me feel unwanted, lied about me, I will never allow anyone to make me feel like shit, my son disowned his sister,grandparents, aunts uncles, even our dentist. I cried a million tears, and I will never let them disrespect me again, I never want a relationship with them. Everyone loved him, and how he treated them. Grandkids I don’t know, we live a mile apart.

[@lukes5631]

What made him such a wonderful son?

[@theodorerooding3536]

Ouch. Poor guy had to cut the umbilical cord as an adult. As soon as he individuated himself and had some autonomy, he wasn't her good little boy anymore. How disrespectful to grow up and have his own opinions. Don't tolerate that lady! He either obeys and worships you or nothing. I'm sure that will serve you well. 🤡

[@1957es]

I wish to reiterate what some researchers in estrangement say, which is most of the time the child has not been abused. There are other factors at play and many have to be explained in behavioral/psychological terms. One of the most common of adult children to estrange is the shy, good girl/woman, close to the mother and distant from the father. Because of the closeness of the mother and daughter the daughter will try to separate, can’t and will then reject, have contempt and anger then feel guilty, come back to the mother with the cycle starting up again. Many times she will try to replace the mother with the father and finding the relationship lacking. So how under circumstances like this can a child say they want to set up boundaries as a punitive move? I have a very successful nephew who has a father who didn’t understand him, was scared o& his success and intelligence and would make curdled jokes about him in front of him. The nephew will do anything to get his support and love. I have a niece whose mother had her husband tell the daughter that she was a disappointment because she wasn’t a cheerleader and popular like the mother was yet this was forgotten and the niece bought a house blocks from her mother when she could have lived on the other side of their city. She wanted her mother’s approval. I think many children who are coddled and unconditionally loved can’t separate because there was no “abrasion” between the parents and child. It’s not simply abut abuse or trauma or toxic parents. If the kid wants to separate by all means, let them go. The lesson is allow the kids to not be a part of the parent. I don’t think the problem is trauma. It’s too much love and involvement. Let the kid individuate. There was the silly feeling that we were trying to give our child a better life than our distant parents did for us. I think it’s rarely the toxic parent. Btw, I had a therapist who had a cocaine addicted/alcoholic mother who spent his adult years it seems trying to rescue her, even bringing her to live in his city , thousands of miles away from where lived, where she had younger adult children. He lived through abuse and neglect but did anything to get her straight and turn his mother into a mother. It’s the spoiled, coddled children of helicopter parents who turn.

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Dear ES: Thank you for writing. There are studies that report on the experience of adult children that presents data of that states the majority of those who were estranged were either abused, betrayed, or had poor parenting. Would you please share the study you are referring to? Marie

[@Steph-pw2ng]

I agree

[@1957es]

@@youtubemariemorinestrangement So much time has passed I don’t know where I saw it. I’m not saying that many adult children who estrange were not abused or traumatized but to portray the parents as being the reason ac’s move away from them is simply so different than what I’ve read. If I find the specific book or report I found this in I will but the point is many children make mistakes in life - drugs, failed relationships, lose a job, etc - and want to say it’s the parent’s fault and not take responsibility as an adult for decisions they made. My goodness, to say it’s all abused or traumatized children that walk away is way too simplistic. I will try to find the report on the good, shy girl who can’t separate and so rejects. It is a much more psychologically complex issue than there are bad parents and good children and the parents deserve it. I think a lot has to with individuation. Again, I read a lot about this issue some time ago. I will try to find the data or what therapist said this where. Again, I was simply reporting to alternatives to what is usually offered as reasons. I do also remember the therapist who said the estranged son could only bring up in therapy that he didn’t like the way his mother chewed gum in a restaurant. Yes, there was probably something more behind this but all he could express was a general disapproval.

[@1957es]

I do now remember one example. Would this fall under bad parenting.? The therapist who wrote the book The Rules of Reconciliation had his own experience with his adult daughter. She was a child of divorce and felt the second family had it better than she did even though he was an involved parent to her. So as soon as she could after she wasn’t dependent on him for financial support or whatever she stopped talking to him for a number of years bc the divorce made her feel as though the father’s better years - more money, more fame - were done with the second family and she was left out. And he had twin boys in the second marriage that he adored. Again, is that bad parenting? Because it certainly doesn’t fall under your other categories of abuse and trauma. Also Lisa Birnbaum , I believe (author of bestselling book, Have You Thought About Seeing Someone?) had a podcast where she showed extreme sympathy for some parents, especially one on the podcast who was falling on her sword, apologizing, asking what she did wrong and the daughter would not budge. She was in the driver’s seat. Instead of the child needing the parent the parent needed the child and many seem to be saying no. I don’t recall any abuse being involved.

[@nicolawyatt2837]

You just hit the nail right on the head!!! Exactly!

[@TheRealLarissa]

Who are these parents who miss thier adult children? Mine would be happy if I died.

[@timorthelame1]

Two days ago, I confronted my father about his toxic treatment of me. He responded with projection and told me that I have anger management issues. I told him that he has narcissistic issues and that he takes them out on me. He then told me that he was blocking me and suggested that I change my name. I always knew there would some sort of fallout if I ever dared to tell him about being narcissistic but wow! I'm hurt by it but strange as it may sound, I feel a real sense of relief.

[@TheRealLarissa]

@@timorthelame1 typical shit...the only thing my parents care about is how they look to others. That's all your father cares about either. They have told so many lies and will never admit they were wrong or apologize. I can't get my youth back and I accept that. An apology would go a long way. But I don't hold my breath and neither should you.

[@rebeccamouse9294]

My mother laughed at me when I invited her to my college and graduate school graduations. All of my friends had someone there for them. I had no one. Year after year that memory has gotten more and more painful. Every graduation season I have to see more and more photos of graduates posing with their parents. She wouldn’t tell me what I did to deserve this. I was the child who didn’t constantly ask for financial support. I was the child who did not lean on her. I was the child who never asked her for my inheritance. I was the child who did not presume her house and her l savings would one day be mine. I just wanted time with her. When I was in college and I came home to visit… driving 17 hours nonstop- back before cellphones. I would daydream Of all the things we would talk about. And when I arrived, no hug. Just “Shhh…. John Macenroe is playing. Don’t talk until the commercial.” Year after year I planned Mother’s Day outings, which 90% of the time she canceled when I arrived to pick her up. sometimes kids become estranged because they do not feel loved.

[@theodorerooding3536]

FWIW, I'm proud of you. Follow your heart, be true to yourself. You are free. Make life what you want. If you choose, you have the chance to discover love, having came from such a harsh place. By cultivating love, and knowing what it feels like on the other side of a loveless relationship, you have the ability to truly make others feel seen. I believe in you. 🙏

[@hanmeitang9872]

Intersting 4.5 years in average, wondering when the study started? I cut off my parents 9 years ago and no plan to go back.

[@maryjanepollock3567]

I do think that some people are manipulated into cutting off family. I have witnessed this happening in my family. The young adult in a romantic relationship, who has cut off all family and friends. A controlling partner. Very sad and worrisome. But good to learn pointers on how to go forward in this type of situation. Remember self care- excellent advice.

[@jamiemcinerney3287]

You reach to the heart of the matter.

[@Hannelore712]

I have not seen my son in 13 years. His father make sure of that. Told him lies about me, now I have lost my daughter because off him.

[@biznachos1]

You chose to make kids with him... There were plenty of nice single guys around 😂 So you can only blame yourself. I love it how women blame the men. Back when I was nice, no girls wanted me. So I LEARNED to become a jerk and suddenly, my plate was full!

[@lovepeace8965]

Yes we do everything right but the narcissist alienates children through brainwashing tactics

[@GenaMcLean-pj3iw]

I lost my 2 daughters

[@JGordonAuthor]

I’m estranged from both my parents because of the rampant abuse and neglect on both sides. My mother gets low contact. My father gets none. It’s not likely to change. A lot of videos on estrangement seem to only focus on the parent is the victim. I need to find videos that don’t vilify the AC. It does help that i’m not alone.

[@pastorjohnculbertson661]

After 5 years of estrangement and the hell I suffered every holiday season and not seeing my estranged grandchildren grow up, the loss of faith and my beliefs destroyed. I don't ever want them back at this point.

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Hi Pastor John: I'm so sorry you are going through this. My hope is that you find peace and comfort again. Warmly, Marie

[@margiemudge6607]

I understand. I am dealing with the same feelings. I am not sure I could live through another heartbreak like this or all the drama again.

[@lukes5631]

If you don't want them back, then why bother writing this message? You can lie to them, but you cannot lie to yourself.

[@theodorerooding3536]

Reality and beliefs don't mix. Pick 1

[@anthikyriacou6885]

I cry

[@janet4735]

this is very helpful

[@hiddencreekgardensbethmcmi3720]

And if my son's perception is inaccurate? Have u personally experienced estrangement?? Your advice is based on the adult child being correct in all w.ays.

[@flacan2020]

its probably because u dont take any responsibility

[@ingeborgpadgett7079]

Thank you / very difficult topic

[@bridgette001]

Been estranged from my adult son for 4 months. He called us wanting to resolve issues that my husband and I have no Idea what the issues are but I told him I will listen to him. I am going slow with my son because I have been traumatized by this. I was a loving stay at home mom He is my only child and I love him so much. However, I wont have my boundaries crossed this time. I feel I will always be wonder when it could happen again

[@lisaculver1829]

God Bless Us All!

[@ingenuity168]

10 to 20 years.

[@mimic98]

Like Joshua Coleman and most others, you seem to put all they blame on the parents. It would be nice if someone would explore the other side of things, like estrangement that is due to the adult child's spouse or in-laws or other extended family members that have caused many problems over many years. It's not always the parents fault.

[@Val-13]

Your absolutely correct! Our son estranged from us , told us that his in- law family was different in a good way. Then after 7 years of marriage and 2 children he had an affair !!! Had to leave his wife and daughters, AND now hates his in-laws!!! He needs to get it together and truthfully, don’t come back until you look in a mirror! He’s not a child, he’s actually a lawyer!!!

[@lorileon2816]

Who cares who the blame is put on? You the parent want the relationship more than they do so swallow your pride and do what is demanded to make amends

[@mimic98]

@@lorileon2816 It makes a difference because of where changes need to be made. If I truly did something wrong I need to change my behavior, apologize, etc. But if they threw me away because I refused to allow them to manipulate, abuse, and control me, then that is a whole different thing. It is not wrong to set boundaries to protect yourself from other people’s negative behavior. So it makes a huge difference to me what was going on and who was responsible for the problems. I won’t trade my health, safety, and sanity for their presence if it means being abused.

[@lorileon2816]

@@mimic98 continue living in fantasy land. You want the relationship more. Always remember that

[@mimic98]

@@lorileon2816 No, I don’t anymore. There will be some boundaries that they will have to agree to before I will ever trust them enough to even be alone in the same room with my husband or myself again. You need to look at yourself and stop making assumptions that everyone is as gullible as you seem to be. I will protect both of us from ever being victimized by them or anyone else ever again. The only reason they got away with what they were doing was that we were under huge stress and never dreamed they would betray us. Forgiveness is free, but trust has to be earned, especially after betrayal. I have forgiven, but I’m not stupid enough to trust them again until they earn it. If that doesn’t work for them, then I will continue to be sad at the loss, but they won’t just waltz back in like they did nothing wrong. I’m good with taking responsibility for my actions, and they will have to take responsibility for theirs. I miss them terribly, especially the grandchildren. But I will not be a victim of abuse again, not even for the grandchildren. It’s not worth the hell we have gone through and the fight to get healthy again.

[@cheriewen6384]

2yrs. Can’t be around people! I will Always love her ❤️ Miss you every day

[@liyang8537]

Many adult children treat them self as young children, take fully advantage of their parents, they feel deserve everything from their parents, but shows no respect to their parents. They refuse to face the problem and just walk away, and estrangement from parents is not the way for their well-being and their own children.

[@1957es]

Psychotherapists don’t believe in respect for parents because they feel they have no leverage. The idea that an adult child can disrespect a parent but a parent can’t ask for a child’s respect is crazy. Abuse these days is a word written in Silly Putty. One therapist said an adult child left his mother because she chewed gum in a restaurant in an odd way that bugged him. If an ac drops a parent because of their own problems and that’s okay with a therapist there’s something wrong with therapy. Most of these ac’s are not abused. I would never have imagined not being there for my parents’ welfare. It’s about compassion and forgiveness. Btw, Joshua Coleman left a child of his divorce in a worse condition financially and obviously emotionally (feelings of abandonment?) than his new children. So he had to beg for reconciliation. Some parents are innocent. Don’t put them in the abuse/abandonment bag. I still remember the facilitators who aided autistic children to type about their sexual abuse by family members. The facilitators actually thought they were helping but were guiding the fingers of the autistic typists. (From 60 Minutes from the late 90s or so?) There is great potential for damage with bad psychotherapy, something even Coleman says.

[@beckywheeler9372]

It is psychology that has introduced all the deviant and identity confusion of the day, that is upon us now!!! Now they are trying to get rid of the title…”pedophile” in the description of child molester! The advice on this video is BS

[@user-bq3xl5qs2h]

I have been estranged from my adult son for over two years now and not a day goes by when I'm not devastated. Initially i emailed and wrote letters and apologised about every single thing i could think of until I realised that belittingly myself to this degree wasn't helping my mental health and i couldn't see how it would help him either. The middle of three children, my son had some learning difficulties growing up (which he overcame but I fear are contrubutory factors) consequently I probably spent a lot of time with him and we were always very close, to the point where the other two always teased that he was the favourite so this estrangment has really hit me hard and was totally unexpected. Unfortunately his father and i split up when he was only 3 years old and whilst he did have a relationship with the boys he also spend 10 years not speaking to his own father so i know that he will not be advising my son to try and reconcile. During the two years apart he has got married and had a baby girl and i'm so upset that I'm missing this time with my first Granddaughter. It's been over a year since i contacted him. I can't bear to think that this might never be resolved.

[@Thepathof77]

This is my worst nightmare come true. I finally got a judge to grant me reconciliation therapy for my children 2 months ago and my daughter turned 18 yesterday. It wasn’t enough time. While I still have a 14 year old son to work with, I’m grieving the loss of my beautiful daughter all over again. Now I am forced to let her go and move on in life without her. Wish they knew how much I love and adore them

[@os6867]

my kids hate me too 14 and 20 i can't cope

[@Thepathof77]

@@os6867 I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this as well. You’re in my prayers today

[@pebbles848]

She knows, she does

[@marlonbromfield2558]

Hi thanks for your work in these complicated matters. I was wondering what the dynamics are when only one parent is estranged by thier adult child and grandchildren. When partner has full contact, can this affect the parents relationship as one goes out to see adult child and grandchildren while the other is left out. How can the parents relationship stay strong. Thank you.

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Hi Marlon, thank you for your question. Without knowing the details, hopefully the couple is seeing a marriage counselor or a specialist in estrangement that can help them stay the course. The parent who is left out is likely dealing with a lot and will benefit by getting support. I hope this helps. Warmly, Marie

[@MsHomesteader]

Our estrangement with our son, has been 6 yrs., there was one occasion when they (he, DIL and our granddaughters) came at the 3.5 yr. point to get their bikes we'd been storing for them. It was hard to know what or whatnot to say because our situation is due to lies and manipulation on our DIL's part. It was like talking to strangers and I was trying to hide my anger, hurt and contempt. Our daughter has two brain tumors, one is inoperable and my husband, our son's dad had a heart attack due to a blood clot three years ago and he diagnosed with a rare Leukemia, and still this estrangement goes on (extended family let him know of the health issues of both), time is limited for both his father and his sister, yet he continues to stay away and shows no empathy. I will say that if one or both pass, he will not be notified, because he has shown he doesn't care.

[@princesssela6204]

In my case, until my mother died. My daughter learned from me so will be the same with us. So sad but the world has made it ok for an unprofessional to label someone a narcissist without an actual case study by a professional.

[@theodorerooding3536]

Just the label of narcissist is what you have a problem with? How many labels have you put on your daughter without professional help?

[@hiddencreekgardensbethmcmi3720]

I can not validate his feelings if it is based on something that did not happen

[@Blue-Mondays]

Question: How often is the estranged adult child influenced to maintain estrangement by their partner? On the occasions I have had in person contact with my child she is affectionate and kind but her partner is very stand-off-ish. I have had MS for decades and she has depression and anxiety challenges so I believe her estrangement has to do with her feelings and fear of my dependence on her - which I admit to and is emotional rather than physical. I am correcting my behavior. However, I fear her partner is influencing her on some level as she has systematically estranged herself from all family both maternal and paternal.

[@pebbles848]

Estranged from youngest since day she graduated in 2021, have not a clue why. I'm slowly dying inside. I am going to therapy. Still, 😢

[@TaharkahX]

You're doing the right thing. Hopefully therapy will give you some clues and new skills for when she calls you up out of the blue one day.

[@yeshalloween]

You say you have zero clue, but I guarantee your child tried to tell you in 100 different ways 100 different times, what you were doing to hurt them, and it went in one ear and out the other so they finally gave up and ditched you. You weren’t listening. You didn’t really seek to understand. And now you get to act all perplexed like oh, what can I have possibly done! Children don’t sever of that emotional, biological bond without good reason and you had it coming

[@pebbles848]

@yeshalloween excuse me, first of all it's all of a dynamic from my middle daughter, running off with a millionaire, and playing off everyone's emotions, and each other. I do not have a clue with my youngest daughter! That's why I'm going nuts. She's never tried to say nothing, in a hundred ways. I bought her a car, she had her pick out of three, and she had 1 year before her permit, to learn how to drive it, a 5 speed, wash it, etc. I kept telling her ok, 8 months , ok 5 months etc etc etc. So, I told her I'm selling it. She did not a appreciate fk all, a sports car sitting and waiting. So she has been pissed since then but I, and her dad, my ex, matched her for a crappy altima. She was still staying between here and his house, threw covid her senior year was a nightmare. She then started staying more at his house cause he'd let her lay in the bed all day with her lap top, with a c average. I had her get ip and keep a routine, but I guess I'm wrong for that. Idk. That child has stuck yo me like glue since day of birth. Held my hand all the way to school every day, couldn't do anything without me, her mom.. So no ma'am she never said a word. She goes to work goes strait to her room at her dad's. Showers leaves for work, they never see her. When they do it's, grumpy, short and entitled.

[@pebbles848]

@yeshalloween I didn't have jackshit coming.

[@autobotdiva9268]

Your kid couldnt wait to get away from you wow. Heck i tried

[@nataliemeenakshithegreat7780]

So true

[@PenelopePitstop888]

5 years at this point.😢

[@kaybartalotta1592]

So far, 13 years I haven't seen my daughter. I tried to connect for 10 years, and then gave up. She never gave me a reason why.

[@christabellholdsworth3220]

I am also in your position but it's been over 12 years now and we use to b Soo close

[@autobotdiva9268]

Yes you do 😂😂

[@theodorerooding3536]

You know why.

[@donaldcouture8216]

I am at a loss on how to deal with this without ruining it for me.

[@flacan2020]

I reached out to my mom for support I am 50 years old and have never been able to have a stable romantic relationship and I fear its because of emotional neglect. My mom just tries to tell me what to do without understanding or taking responsibility. Gen X we've always been on our own. I told her I renounce her and my birthright. Don't care anymore, she can die alone.

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Hi, Oh my, this must be so hard on you. Yes, Gen X was the flock of kids that raised themselves. I suppose you are getting support to deal with this. I hope so.

[@flacan2020]

@@youtubemariemorinestrangement working on it all my friends have pretty much abandoned me or are too busy to help ive got an appointment with therapist next week

[@unaraggionavera]

This is the cruelest most awful thing any child could do to their parents. There’s absolutely no reason for it unless parents are abusive. You should not punish your parents for imposing boundaries, that’s called parenting. My 18 year old daughter went no contact on us. We have sacrificed so much for her. This is absolutely devastating and unjustified. Both me and her father don’t stop crying. It feels like bereavement. How can you be so heartless and ungrateful to the very people that love you the most.

[@bobcollins4246]

We feel the same. God bless you

[@shellygreenan2407]

Sometimes boundaries need to be set by adult children.

[@shellygreenan2407]

@@melissajkrebbs This road runs BOTH ways..as an adult daughter, mother and grandmother I know first hand what happens when boundaries are set in place. Separation is oftentimes necessary for mental health. It is not always only " the kids" who need accountability .

[@lukes5631]

You sure do make a lot of assumptions. Could be a part of the reason why she left.

[@theodorerooding3536]

That sounds like something my psycho mom would say. I hope to never see that nutjob again.

[@kimbere4632]

14 years

[@janet4735]

I just keep praying it's been 3 years from My Grandson after Poppa passed.&I had to sell things He thought wad His inheritance

[@cathyhuffman7611]

It has been 5 yrs from my daughter in July and 2 grandchildren

[@DiamondBlueIndiana]

What about birthdays and holidays? Do you send gifts or not?

[@nanabanana50]

4. Years of hearrbreak

[@cintileonhardt]

As an adult child (60 years old) I made the choice of no contact, again. After 7 years away I tried to see if anything had changed. I almost made it to a year trying to make amends. I realized there was nothing else I could do. My father loves the saying "Do as I say, and not as I do!" He should be treated as a king because he is the father. He even enjoys throwing the 5th commandment at me. His idea of honor is beyond what the bible intended. I love the idea of family. My siblings have become enablers for my father. My friends treat me better than my family. I don't think enough will change to rekindle strong family values. So over the bs.

[@rosemaryvandyke2755]

Hello. I really like listening to you but don't on a Regular basis as it Reminds me if the Estrangement I'm going through...... My firstborn grandchild has banned me from seeing her Or her 3 children. It's been 6 months and it breaks my heart because I was always Closest to Her AND her 2 oldest children.😭😭 (I KNOW this is Especially hard on the 2 oldest children as we were Always Close - in fact, the oldest one is named after me Leia Rose..... AND she banned her mother, my daughter, over 3 1/2 years ago......😫 When I Asked what I did wrong she said " you don't need to know". She Also told me " go see your other grandchildren and ruin their lives!" The pain is so hard - I'm Always in Distraction mode and yes, I Am seeing a Counselor...... Does anyone EVER die of a broken heart from estrangement?

[@diannanatale1263]

It's been 5 months that my son and daughter aren't talking to me. How do I cope? I'm in therapy but I'm still going crazy. I miss them so much!

[@theodorerooding3536]

Listen to the therapist and work on you. Respect other people's choices, your feelings are yours to manage.

[@jillmcavoy333]

Tomorrow isn’t promised. Communication is key. It hurts too much for all this nonsense. Communicate and love unconditionally. Hear each other. Everything is NOT ONE SIDED. 2 sides…… otherwise, this video, topic and comment section wouldn’t exist. The end.

[@MsSPrough]

I have decided that I needed to grieve the loss of my daughter and grand daughter as if they died. Morbid, I know but I felt it’s necessary to move past this no matter how long it lasts.

[@youtubemariemorinestrangement]

Hi, I don't think it is morbid. I get it. Has your daughter gone no contact?

[@MsSPrough]

Yes

[@hiddencreekgardensbethmcmi3720]

I will be checking to see if he's changed

[@theodorerooding3536]

He is changing. Everyday. Into someone he chooses without regard to you.

[@hiddencreekgardensbethmcmi3720]

@@theodorerooding3536 wow. That was mean. That remark says alot about you.

[@theodorerooding3536]

Oh no. 😲 Anyway

[@emtagget3486]

Adult Child.... That's a contradiction in itself. Yes, they are adults according to their age and they are still children because this cutting off, with no explanation, is an immature attitude. The burden is to be on the parent! When has it not been!?! They are either children or adults, you can't be both!!

[@theodorerooding3536]

I'm confused. Can you demonstrate mature adult behavior?

[@rebeccahallstrom4360]

Of course as an adult Im the responsable. I'm not helped. and I feel I stay with the history instead of going forward

[@anthikyriacou6885]

Ive tried

[@vdeniceeckert3494]

Its been 5 years. My daughter is so cold......i dont expect it...ever. her brother died , her sister told her to call me, she didbut was cold and had been drinking on her daughter's birthday.....giggled, was telling me about her house remodel, nothing about my son.....she could of pretended she loved him.....

[@theodorerooding3536]

You sound like an emotional vampire. No wonder she Grey rocks you.

[@janiceking448]

4.5 years! Try 14 since my daughter maried the ultimate narc!

[@jdelorenzod2725]

I have a question. My mother is not a bad person or bad mother per se. We’ve had our fair share of arguments, fights and differences. About 3 years ago I decided to cut her out of my life. Only because I don’t see the point in talking to her, we’re just too different. I don’t hate her and I don’t love her. I just don’t care about her. I know that sounds terrible but that’s how I feel. Am I in the wrong here?

[@35neets]

Yes. Life is about having different opinions from people and still being you. You don’t need to have a parent who agrees with everything. Respect their opinion but agree to differ. You don’t give the silent treatment to a co-worker. You just talk about the things you have in common and avoid the subjects you clash on. You don’t have to be best friends with your mother but you should respect her. Send her a letter or meet on neutral ground a couple of times a year. Anything is better than continuing the silent treatment.

[@thevenusian1314]

No, you're not wrong. Forcing a relationship is emotionally draining, and in the long run negatively effects your health.

[@terrifeener3031]

I think you are cruel & selfish to do that to your parent. I hope that never happens to you.

[@zhugeliang3905]

I hope your children will do the same to you one day.

[@jacquil6718]

Did you tell her why you cut her out? If not, you’re a monster. Just tell her how you feel so she doesn’t go crazy. Just tell her that even though she’s really done nothing abusive, you just don’t love her. Then maybe, she can come to terms with the fact that you’re an ungrateful person and treat you as if you were dead. At least, she’ll get closure.

[@MK-cc5ve]

I am confused… How long estrangement lasts? Like the parent is on a time out? No, no, no, the parent is fired. The same way you are fired from a job. You’re not entitled to get your job back. The parent has messed up so bad, and usually oblivious to what they’ve done, that it’s unsafe to be near that parent. Get real.