My Ex Is Playing Games with Me!

[@ClayAndrews]

Thanks for checking out this video. If you are not already, you can join our newsletter over at relationshipinnergame.com for more tips and strategies.

[@TheBloodyBlackJackal]

I’m in a situation, where I know my ex is genuinely confused, genuinely conflicted, and genuinely trying to figure out what she wants... I also know she’s definitely playing mind-games but not out of malicious intent or anything like that. There are two reasons I believe she’s doing it. One, she has always been the type to struggle with spitting out what she wants to say and has always resorted to various games as a substitute. Now she has that issue, on top of mood swings, and being genuinely confused as to what she’s feeling. Two, I think she’s trying to replicate our old dynamic. There was a time where we both sort of played mind games with each other, but it wasn’t in a toxic way, it was actually fun and something that brought us closer together. The difference between then and now, is that back then we had a strong enough connection that we were able to navigate the games and figure out what the other wanted. Right now, we obviously don’t have that level of connection and she’s trying to force it to be so.

[@ClayAndrews]

Even though you say that the mind games were enjoyable in the past, they don't sound like they are creating a positive dynamic between the two of you right now.

[@TheBloodyBlackJackal]

Clay Andrews I’m aware. We did have a partial heart to heart, but it got interrupted due to her meds making her tired. I told her goodnight, and she said she likes when I do that. We were supposed to continue where we left off the next day, but she said she needed more time. It hasn’t been brought up since, and I’m worried if I don’t say anything, it won’t happen. At the same time I feel like if I do say something, she’ll feel like I’m pressuring her.

[@_tvbeauty]

I don’t know if he’s confused or if he is just keeping me as a backup. I honestly just want to quit trying…

[@denisejaydub]

Just want to drop in and say you’re so good!

[@ClayAndrews]

Thanks, Denise. We truly appreciate your positive feedback. :-)

[@MB-xv7er]

They are playing games. Guys, trust me. An ex knows what they want and If they are being hot and cold it’s because they’re keeping you around until the new person comes in. Hot and cold behavior is not done on accident

[@hazi1716]

I believe my ex plays mind games with me he literally plays with my feelings and broke my heart a lot but i love himmm sm i left him so i can heal he was in a rebound and then left her for me and now he is chasing me the weirde thing is when i get close to him he pulls back and act cold and when i pull back he chase me again I’m literally sick of this i just want him back please help idk what to do anymore

[@hazi1716]

And when we text he ignores me for days and act cold with me with no reason and everytime I leave him and broke up with him he start to chase me and act sad and needy in social media to get my attention I don’t understand him

[@THAMESLINK31994]

thanks for the advice and tip Clay Andrews i know i asked you before in another video but my ex is similar doing the same thing like getting her friend to add me on facebook or being tracked which is crazy so maybe its sign she wants me back after the break up last year we had no contact since september last year approx so maybe shes woke up to realization and we were together 1 year and 7 months so deffo something still there

[@cocoluv0835]

I'm in a situation where he is confused. We have been connecting in a positive way. Even had discussions about starting a business. I may have made things worse by saying before I invest time and money into his business I need to be with them. I also said "I love you" meaning if I spend all that time and energy. I will fall back emotionally. I told him it doesn't help he is using pet name and calling me "bae" is confusing. I think I messed up because now he is cold again.

[@lilianamarques8242]

My ex (separated husband) likes to tell me to go out more, visit new things, and do things for me. But when i do... he always gives me crap about it until i reassure him that i want with another man! It's happened twice so far. We're only separated officially for a month. He seems like he cares but then does this stuff. He'll always tell me he doesn't care what i do but he obviously does.

[@ClayAndrews]

It sounds to me like your husband may be at the Riding the Dragon phase. How do you feel about focusing on building connection with him instead?

[@lilianamarques8242]

@@ClayAndrews I'd love to rebuild a connection with him! I feel like he's either always upset or indifferent. I just want my husband to love me as much as I love him.

[@piyushpandey3412]

hey coach Clay am piyush from india my ex pulled me away 6-7 months ago i loosed my self esteem , begged and pleaded ....i by mistake gave a blank call to ex. on 28th nov.......after 1 hr she called me thrice...but i rejected her call.......now on 6th dec she called me once....and texted me about why i called her on that day.........what should i do....if i want her back in my life .. help me pls with your suggestion what should i do now please ... and one more thing coming up on 25th dec i have my special day [ birthday] ... guide mev pls ....

[@tarapahlevani2057]

Was in NC for 2 months, then I went out for my bday weekend and saw him. Didn’t say anything to each other in the club but when he left he messaged, I ended up going home with him that night... then 2 days later (yesterday) he wished me happy birthday on my birthday and today I messaged him and I was super raw and said I missed him and he responded “well that’s normal, is that all you wanna say” he’s playing gamesss What should I do?

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Sarah, It seems like your ex is at the test drive phase while you are at the attachment phase. On our end, you can work on increasing your acceptance and when it comes to interacting with your ex, you have to work on deepening the connection. Not just about telling him you miss him and how much you love him, but it's about making him feel good in having an interaction with you. All the best.

[@TheDepiano]

Hey coach, here's my situation : My ex dumped me on the 14th of December. She only reached out on Christmas day, and on New Year's Eve by sending me a picture of some soaps she had made and to wish me a happy new year. I wished her the same but did not carry the conversation as I did not really pick on the "indirect/direct approach". After that, she reached out this sunday and we saw each other that same afternoon. Things were great, we laughed and joked a lot, like nothing bad had ever happened to us and our relationship. We even poked fun at each other in trying to make the other a little jealous about possible people that we dated during our time apart. At the end of the meetup, I felt good and went for the kiss, but she turned her head and said that she was unsure of her feelings. I didn't try to convince her of anything, I just walked away with a smile and she said : "see you soon, maybe"...I'm in no contact right now and I haven't heard from her since. I guess I won't ever but at least I think I handled it pretty well. Go figure.I also learned that a rebound was involved. He had dumped her a few days before her reach out, I'm assuming that's why she did it.What do you think of it ? Is she toying with me ? keeping me as a backup plan ? Will I hear from her again ?

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Luigi, I don't think your ex is toying with you. But it is a good chance that you both are testing the waters. That is what we call the test drive phase. To keep yourselves in check how would you feel towards each other after the period of temporary separation. All the best. :-)

[@ryanchaney94]

How did it end up going luigi ??

[@johngreen9762]

Holy shit. This video was just for me. My ex said she needs time. I kept going on about getting bk together with her but I have stopped now and havnt mentioned it. Even having a bit of banter over texts and she is texting more. What else should i do?

[@ClayAndrews]

Ha ha! Weird how that works out! I think it's best to focus on your day-to-day connections and build up a stronger emotional connection rather than having you or her focused on "the future" -- that will only stress her out too much and make her pull away.

[@SMcGrath01]

How do you separate any of this from narcissism or sociopathic or even psychopathic behaviours?

[@you_know_it8603]

My ex gf playing mind games that have messed me up mentally and emotionally we been broken up for 5 months we were together for 3 years and she said she don’t want me back to move on that she has and it wasn’t hard but she wouldn’t give me closure all I asked her to tell me is that she don’t love me anymore I didn’t want a explanation I just wanted to hear those words but she wouldn’t tell me that after I excepted that the relationship is over so I told her I wasn’t gonna look for her or message her anymore after like 30 minutes she txt me to see how I’m doing? I ignored her two weeks go by she txts again saying “just checking in to see how your doing?” After I respond she goes super cold on me treats me like crap so I block her on everything few weeks go by she send me a email saying I didn’t have to block her that we could’ve been civil about everything and that we need to act like adults for the baby we lost smh I had to delete my email cause she keeps playing games and she’s only hurting me

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi You_know_it , If you feel that your well-being is greatly affected, it is truly okay to step back for a while to regain your balance. It is important to maintain a healthy well-being.

[@laiba4658]

my ex broke up with me one week before my birthday and he said the following before breaking up i hope u have a happy life i am so busy with that i cant have time for you and then he wished me on my birthday i texted him on gmail a month ago and he finally replied hi and i started to lash out he replied wt* excuse me and then i block him, he stopped using the site we both used but after a month he login again and he posted about how relations are fake and then he didnt log in for a month then i posted pics of guy he probably saw it after few days i saw a girl commenting on his post she wrote a comment 'I love it' and he replied 'and i love you' after few days he posted a pic with her as a profile pic and wrote in his bio TAKEN i was on no contact i didnt talk to him after we broke up he is in relation GREAT so i ignored him he was in relation i was like yeah he is HAPPY let's move on and after two months he posted something despo and said it was like i am in dark EVEN THO HE IS IN RELATION plz explain to me i am REALLY REALLY confused

[@chrismcevoy2503]

My ex-girlfriend Tracci Ludwick wants me to pursue her, but I want mutual pursuit.

[@Zed-Head]

Selfish lovers ALWAYS SUCK. They take and never give. Move on.

[@luckyduckydaisyflower2344]

Why would you put her name out like that? Yikes

[@champagneblewupthestars]

My ex decided to stay with his rebound. It’s been 8 months. He calls said he loved me then next day said he loved his gf. He ignores me and seems to reach out on his terms. I don’t think I will reply this time..... why is he doing this? If he chose her can’t he just let me be wtf

[@ClayAndrews]

It seems like he is in a crisis point phase. Just continue focusing on building a positive connection with him. this is where your Advanced Relational Skills will be put into test.

[@lylecheckeye6300]

What does Definitely Could Be mean ???????????????????????

[@wedoba]

Thanks Clay your really helping me . I do want to know your view on my situation. I've been using tacktics from love advice tv. I love both of you, your the only ones that I listen to. I am at this weird point where I haven't talked to her in a month and this would be the second no contact. But not on purpose this time, my phone is just off. So the last time I spoke with her she changed her mind to she hates me and she can't see me for a long while. She has a bf she's been with since last year April, she wants to work on him, she's wishes that be in more pain and get dragged through the mud. Clearly I still love her ( we had and 8 year relationship.), and Ive been changing myself and I've succeeded in pin pointing my issue ( neglecting). How ever she I'm about to write her a letter but I'm sure she's still bitter. How do you think I should pretend forward?

[@ClayAndrews]

Hey Wedoba, Going through a breakup is never easy and we hope that you are holding on well. I am not quite sure what you mean by your question "How do you think I should pretend forward?". If our mindset is focused on "pretending" from being someone whom we are not, then it may fall into playing mind games. In every interaction, we have to show our authentic selves and personality. All the best.

[@wedoba]

@@ClayAndrews oh I'm sorry spelling error. Not pretent, I ment how do you prefer I move forward?

[@dang9269]

Probably got another dude

[@ShonShon-ed5dd]

My Husband is definitely riding the Dragon

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Shon30, Going through the Riding the Dragon phase will take a lot of patience, understanding and empathy. Hope you would continue pursuing your journey. All the best. :-)

[@Jmitez]

I tried getting my ex on a phone call and she said no because she felt like I had ulterior motives... and then weeks later she’s asking to go out on a date!!!! How confusing!!?! I called her out on it and she ignored me. Now she’s posting on social media like life is normal. Any advice on this????

[@ClayAndrews]

Hey there, do you have a specific question to ask so we can point you to the right direction?

[@Jmitez]

@@ClayAndrews sure... how can I stop her from playing games with me! And how can we move forward from all the past trauma

[@amiramisilmani6899]

Well the probleme is thatvi can not know if he is playing mind games or not Cuz even when we were toghether he usually pull back and goes cold on me Lioe one time that i tried to kiss him and he just refused and told me that he just can t he want but cant When i confronted him and told him do u love me or not He said i dnt know so i told him do u have someone else in ur life he said yes But even after incident he become nicer and more intrested in me Buttomline is that i realised that i could not understand him from the bigining cuz he was allways on that riding the dragon phase And to make thing more clear we have a bit of a history we know each other for 7 years we dated for 1 year and brocke up and stayed for 3 years with no contact and when we saw each other he told me he loves me and he want me back

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Amira, Since you and your ex are not yet in a relationship, he may be setting some healthy boundaries not to lead you on. Now confronting him about what he feels while being at the Riding the Dragon Phase may push him back to the Wall of Reactance. All the best.

[@lifewithteya]

I told my ex that we need to work on getting the emotional connection better and he says he is hesitant and don’t know that it will work, am I able to turn that around?

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Whitley, there is nothing wrong letting your ex know when it comes to building a better emotional connection. But we have to understand that he would always go through the different 5 phases. There's a possibility that he could be at the test drive phase while you are at the attachment phase. So currently, both of your needs are not aligned with each other. All the best.

[@anthonyschliecher5266]

Ex moved to hawaii 2 weeks ago. We broke up 1 1/2 years ago but maintained a romantic and sexual fling the entire time. Even flirted and sexted some after she moved but a couple days ago she said we have to stop doing this, the whole reason I came to Hawaii was cause it's something I always wanted to do and there needs to be some sort of space if our healing is ever going to complete and I'm going to ever let go fully of the last bit of resentments I have towards you. I more or less said i understand and i hope to hear from here when she comes to visit in October (we have date plans that involve a hotel afterwards ;)). She told me i definitely will... does she speak the truth? If I continue to do good and maintain my growth, will she really be able to let go of the resentment? How plausible is this? We were together 8 years and unconsciously I didnt trust her enough with my deepest secret (because of family baggage much before her and I met) until it was too late

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Anthony, Though we really cannot speak of the future outcome but it is best that you trust your ex and focus on building a positive connection. there are still a lot of things that may change from now until October so the best thing that you can do is to practice present moment awareness and focus on the "now". All the best.

[@sahibakhan5711]

I accidentally called my ex on whatsapp after one month of no contact n feel really bad n he didn't reply about anything ....its hurts like hell i never exit in his life he completely gone 😭 never missed me💔 did i break nc? I have to again strt frm the beginning?🙄💔💔💔💔

[@ClayAndrews]

You only need to do NC if interacting with him is causing the two of you to grow further apart. Is there are reason you are currently doing NC? Is there a reason you would need to start again?

[@sahibakhan5711]

@@ClayAndrews i dont need him now i jst want him to regret wht he has lost the way he left me ..

[@ClayAndrews]

Hey Sahiba, I hope you can work on healing. We understand that going through a breakup can be painful. Instead of wishing someone to feel ill, we can work on our own selves and change the circumstances. Breakups do happen for a reason. All the best.