My Experience as a Single Parent in the USAF | Reserves Experience | How to Cope & more...

[@DeshasCorner]

Before typing your question please be sure to watch the video in its entirety first. I cover as much as I can that relates to the topic. If you find that I haven’t answered your question after you watch the video, then feel free to ask. Thank you!

[@loveall3233]

I tend to do that lol Absolutely something I’m working. Thought it was funny you said that.

[@kourtneymcadams3249]

I’m a single mom of 3 heading to Meps in a few days. I have a few college credits under my belt. I’m mostly just nervous about being away from my babes. My mindset is I’m doing this for US, to better our lives ❤

[@DeshasCorner]

Your support system will be your rock throughout the process. It will go by fast too, although it won’t feel like that while you’re going through it but it will. You’ve got this💪🏼

[@distinctiveinnovative7476]

If you don’t mind me asking how did the process go did they make you get a waiver and how long did it take to get im a single mom of three myself and was looking to join the air force as well?

[@Whoisderon]

Did you sign paperwork to give up custody of your children?

[@user-zw2rp4qp3j]

@@kourtneymcadams3249 how is it going?

[@jennah5390]

This video was so helpful and even brought me to tears. I’m in the process of joining (super early stages) and every single day I’m battling the idea of leaving my 4 year old daughter. I’m married. Her father would step up. But there’s a part of me that already senses some resentment will be there from him. I didn’t join when i was younger bcuz a man (my father) forbid it. Now I’m sensing the same energy from my spouse even tho he says he’s fine about it. I really need and want to do this but now the only thing I’m worried about is missing my little one. We are very very tightly wrapped together. But joining the military is so crucial to my future goals cuz i will most likely end up divorced. I need to do this now to set my self up. Thank you for your video!

[@DeshasCorner]

Sorry to read all of this. I really hope things work out in your favor. All of the benefits you’d get by being in the military would help you tremendously. Let me know if you end up joining.

[@user-zw2rp4qp3j]

Thank you! As a single mom of 3 I’ve been considering joining the military. I have a very limited support so I have my doubts 😢. I wanted to join before I had my first child and thought it was too late… I’ll be reaching out to my friend who’s an recruiter…I just want to do what’s best for me and my children at this point.

[@DeshasCorner]

I hope the process of joining goes smoothly for you. You’ve got this! 😊

[@TheThrowBackProject]

The big part is to have someone readily available to take care of your children

[@TheThrowBackProject]

In your absence

[@sierushest1991]

Just wanted to say I am so proud of you. Former enlisted Navy here, also single mom. I got out in 2015 after serving 5 years. I currently have a son who is 5yrs old. My fear is leaving him. I have sole custody. I’m completing my masters degree in occupational therapy and I’m in a financial crisis with school being so expensive even after exhausting all of my gi-bill and fasfa benefits. I’m in huge amounts of debt. I want a better life for my son. I just don’t want to leave him. I’m too scared. My goal is to work at the VA as a contractor or to reenlist as an officer in the reserves. You inspire me so much and you showed me that single moms can achieve the impossible. Thank you! ❤

[@DeshasCorner]

Thank you so much ☺️ The toughest part of the job is leaving your kids behind. I will say I’m a traditional reservist but my job is critically listed (I didn’t know that when I signed my contract) so I do more than one weekend a month & two weeks out of the year. I feel slightly better about my situation b/c my child is a teenager & I have 1-2 people who will check in on her. Most jobs in the Air Force (from a reservist pov) don’t require more than the standard one weekend a month & two weeks out of the year. I know some folks who’ve done 6yrs & haven’t even deployed. If you get decent leadership, they will let you bring your kid to drill weekend with you, make accommodations with leadership before hand. You’re 100% required to do the job you sign on for but they are usually willing to work with you if your situation is tough & you’re a decent Airman.

[@imaninicole5646]

I leave next Monday as an E3 Airforce aerospace medic active duty. I have a 2 year old ! Thank you for this video

[@DeshasCorner]

The time apart will be hard but worth it, especially depending on where you’ll be stationed & the money you’ll have, so save what you can & push through. 💪🏼 you’ve got this!

[@christanichol1]

How did things go? Did you need a waiver?

[@DeshasCorner]

I didn’t need a wavier. I’m not sure if this is something new that recruiters are telling people but being a single parent did not hold up my process to join the military.

[@Whoisderon]

@@DeshasCorneryou weren’t married and you did not have to sign paperwork to give up custody of your child?

[@DeshasCorner]

@@Whoisderon the title says “my experience as a SINGLE parent” & no I did not give up custody of my child, that’s not a requirement to join.

[@haydeemarmorales]

I enlist like 2 weeks ago and I have a 2 year old baby boy. I am a little bit scared about the separation thing, Im not a Single Mom, I’m married but my husband enlisted to the Army National Guard and leaves yesterday and it’s been hard. I enlisted to Air National Guard as a E-3 so, basically I’m trying to go through this process and prepare myself for that moment. But I also think about how’s going to be that day, when I go, and it melts my heart even knowing it’s just part of the process and it will be the best for the future of my family. Thank you for this video 🙏 trying to go through the process.

[@DeshasCorner]

You've got this & your support system seems solid!

[@uubsmith9181]

Hey im single father about to be divorced and just want the best for my son financial and a better life. Im trying to cope on leaving my son in the states with my ex wife but I know he would have to the best future. Definitely visit him when I come down and doing it for 4 years.

[@DeshasCorner]

Being a single parent is tough. I hope everything works out for you.

[@TheThrowBackProject]

Now the age limit is 42 years of age for reserves and active duty

[@DeshasCorner]

A lot of the requirements to get in & stay in have changed.

[@AB-xm1tj]

Sorry if this question is too personal, I’m also a single mom (we coparent), but did your recruiter want a statement from the child’s father or do you know anyone who went through a similar situation as me? My sons father doesn’t agree with me going to the AF, so i had my mom sign the family care plan statement. But they are still asking for a statement from the dad even though he is refusing to sign any statement for me to go to the AF.

[@DeshasCorner]

I have sole custody of my daughter. I only needed a family care plan in place & I was good to go. Sorry that you’re experiencing that though.

[@donnarosemia9724]

I was told since we are married I did have to have his permission to leave the kids with him. They said if he was just their dad I could get a care plan and not need his permission.

[@beautiful10381]

that’s terrible!

[@Worldllamanation.n]

Any updates ? Also going through the same 🫤

[@mrmrsgomeznavylife5534]

@@Worldllamanation.n I’m going through this too, I really need an update

[@caseydupuis4061]

Girl I am 28 had my daughter at 16. And thinking abo it joining active rn.. I’m scared to leave her for a deployment

[@DeshasCorner]

If you join, it’s highly likely that you will deploy. I’m a reservist & I just got back from deployment last week. It’s hard but that’s the job.

[@imaninicole5646]

Trying to mentally prepare for BMT , but I am curious about work life balance for school / motherhood after tech school

[@DeshasCorner]

You’ve got this

[@Jo-co2zb]

I’m a single mom, when I reached out to my local recruiter it’s like they didn’t even want to be bothered by me said it’ll be “too much paperwork”

[@DeshasCorner]

That recruiter was lazy. Try a different one. It’s not that much paperwork (like 2-3 additional pages) so long as you have full/sole custody. The only time they give you push back is if you have 2+ kids & no one you can enact in your family care plan to take care of them while you’re at BMT & Tech School. It’s 100% possible to join as a single parent.

[@janethcotarobles3536]

Hey.. I’m going threw this and I need to give parent rights to his dad.. have you gone threw the process?? The courts basically couldn’t tell me any advice! It’s frustrating

[@Jo-co2zb]

I have 4 kids but she said they that’s not a issue. I’m trying to also give parental rights to my oldest dad so that I can go 😩 it’s hard

[@janethcotarobles3536]

@@Jo-co2zb girl why is it hard?? I’m trying too and it’s annoying cuz they can’t give me any illegal advice! Unless I have an attorney.. idk what paper work to bring

[@briabree7683]

Does your baby come with you after BMT and Tech school? (Like wherever youre stationed?)

[@DeshasCorner]

I’m a reservist so my teenager stayed home to be at school and close to friends and other family. But for most active duty folks who don’t have additional training beyond tech school like I did, yes, your dependents would essentially follow you to your duty station.

[@donnarosemia9724]

I am a mom of 3 I have a 1 year old, 6 year old, and 8 year old. I am currently married so he will have them when I leave however, we are not doing good and most likely getting a divorce once I come back. So, I'll be a single mom and it scares me. I just want what's best for us.

[@donnarosemia9724]

Also I'll be active duty. I just have to go to meps

[@DeshasCorner]

I hope things get better for you soon. That’s a lot to deal with right before BMT.

[@sophiahamade3876]

I also have three kids, single mom and thinking about joining. Nervous on how it will work with three kids on my own.. how did it go for you?

[@Dandelionchild7]

Do the financial and medical benefits out way the difficulty of being a single parent in the Air Force? I have been thinking about active duty as a single mother of 3.

[@DeshasCorner]

Not if you don’t have a solid family care plan. When you get deployed or get long term orders to go somewhere you can’t bring your kids, it’s so much more stressful. I had to change my family care plan in the middle of my current deployment & I wanted to pull all of my hair out. My family & my child’s father aren’t reliable & I couldn’t physically be there to make sure my child was okay. Nothing is worth that stress.

[@Dandelionchild7]

@@DeshasCorner so if I did have support and had a stable place for my children to be for four years would it help in the long run? I want to get a job in the electrical field or something like that so I can use it after I get out.

[@DeshasCorner]

@me827 you’d have to talk to a recruiter when it comes to active duty jobs & who they will help throughout the joining process. As a reservist, I was able to pick my job & be locked into it, no open general or anything like that. That’s not always the case with active duty. Also, single parents with more than one child have commented that they aren’t able to join. The Air Force is really picky and each individual’s experience is going to be different. Having a great recruiter or at least a half way decent one is going to be the determining factor for you.

[@sharonwilliams4032]

How did you and your poa arrange finances for your child did you send home money for your child or did your poa provide finances and food and clothing and shelter for your child or did your poa come to your house and take care of your child

[@DeshasCorner]

My first POA fell through so it was a nightmare to get the paperwork re-worked. But essentially the money I was getting for BAS & family separation pay, I put in an account my daughter could access to pay for food, clothes, school fees. My child has a debit card and an emergency credit card we discussed at length how to use and pay back. Leaving for my military job for long stretches is a bit easier b/c I only have one child, who’s a teenager that’s pretty capable. Long story short, my second POA only provided shelter for my child, I took care of everything else.

[@shantrelledecuir6669]

Awesome 👏🏻

[@DeshasCorner]

Thanks

[@ashleylee8945]

I’m going to flight school soon and would love to know when your day starts and when it ende, did it ever start before 7am? And did u have weekends off ?

[@DeshasCorner]

I have a video about flight school posted to my channel, please check it out.

[@gabim3093]

I am 7 classes away from getting my BS, I’m thinking of going this route. How long will it take after joining to go back to school? Can you attend school as you serve?

[@DeshasCorner]

It depends on your job in the military, time it takes to complete training & your own time management skills. You can always visit the education office at your home base & ask them about CLEP & DANTES as a way to expedite your degree obtainment.

[@jehiahscott5342]

How often do you get deployed

[@DeshasCorner]

It depends on two things, the deployment cycle & if you’re mission ready at the time of the deployment cycle opening. You can also volunteer to be a back up/alternate but if you’re not current on trainings, CBTs, & PT, it won’t happen.

[@Littyjane]

Would I have to give up custody of my baby to join ?

[@DeshasCorner]

I had a special power of attorney in place to act as my child’s guardian & make decisions on my behalf while I was at training & when I couldn’t be reached. If you’re trying to go reserve or guard you can reach out to the base’s legal team & ask more questions about this since you know where your home base will be.

[@princesshanayah661]

Are you reserve ? Or active ?

[@DeshasCorner]

No joke, the answer to your question is in the title of the video.

[@princesshanayah661]

@@DeshasCorner I know lol I just realized that my slow asss💀

[@DeshasCorner]

@@princesshanayah661 I like to put as much as I can in the title and descriptions to be helpful to anyone who wants to read the info.

[@princesshanayah661]

@@DeshasCorner I’m scared to go ! cos I got my daughter who’s 11 months ! Is boot camp really 7.5 weeks , was tat gas chamber scary ?

[@DeshasCorner]

It will be hard to leave a child behind but it’s better to go while they’re young & you don’t have to worry about changing schools and everything that comes with that. I did not have a normal BMT experience thanks to to COVID-19 & my time in medical holdover. So I can’t tell you anything about the gas chamber. Pre-COVID BMT was 8weeks long, they dropped it to 7weeks once COVID hit, not sure how long it is now.

[@imaninicole5646]

Trying to mentally prepare for BMT , but I am curious about work life balance for school / motherhood after tech school

[@DeshasCorner]

It’s not easy but if you have a good support system back home, you’ll get through it.