my experience with depression | Samantha Ravndahl

[@dinahconsumption3614]

Me: "it's okay not to be okay, we shouldn't have such high expectations of ourselves during a global pandemic" My brain: "not u though" Me: "not me though"

[@Ginmabes]

excellent way to put it.

[@khanyangabase691]

This is exactly what my own brain does

[@shearsparkle]

Same.

[@Katealana]

That part!

[@11MLA]

@@Ginmabes n!nñ. !n . Lol

[@shibnibs]

People without depression just don’t get the struggle. Like nobody understands how hard it is to take a shower, do laundry, take out the trash, cook dinner, all of these things with depression. You hit the nail on the head with the therapy thing too. Like you want to go because you want to get better but therapy is a commitment and people who are depressed tend not to be good with commitment. Thank you so much for making this video. Hearing your story validates the symptoms that so many people experience.

[@ranizzle10]

Yes! Their response to it is to go to the gym or get out of the house. It's just NOT that easy!

[@bernitajenkins3180]

Yep...my indicator (or one of), how depressed I am, is how much washing-up I have all over the kitchen. I suffer more badly in Winter, when it's easier to sloth in bed. I have monthly therapy, but am anti anti-deppressants.

[@maemaree33]

@@bernitajenkins3180 OMG me too!! Dishes pile up and I end up just using Uber Eats cause I have no clean dishes or clear space to cook anything! Feels good to know I'm not alone.

[@tymadds8575]

Thank you for saying this, it really makes me feel less alone and more understood when I hear stories of other people who also deal with depression, because no matter how we try to explain it or put it into words, some people are just unable to completely understand the extent of depression and how incredibly crippling it can be. It doesn’t mean people won’t try and empathise, but it’s very difficult to fully grasp how horrible it can be if you haven’t experienced depression yourself. Sorry for rambling, I’m not the best at expressing my thoughts lol. But thank you, and I really hope everyone that is struggling right now knows that they aren’t alone ❤️

[@Inkabazot]

The academic term for the lack of ability to do...anything really is "executive dysfunction". It blows.

[@samantharavndahl]

this thumbnail is an abomination and for that i apologize

[@MrsFooCough]

Never I do not accept your apology

[@samantharavndahl]

also i only watched back like half of this after editing so if there are editing mistakes it just is what it is ok

[@ceciliatapioca]

That thumbnail is PERFECTION!!! How dare you say otherwise.

[@ymahopkins]

THUMBs up THUMBnail

[@christinar.9116]

LMAO I had to pull down the video to look at it and.. 🤤👍

[@cooltoned5789]

*casually talks about hardships while seamlessly putting on a lash* our QUEEN

[@claireleath3448]

Oh

[@victoriahughes7669]

So you’re telling me that lack of interest isn’t just my personality?

[@NatJediMASTER]

Right?!.....shit.

[@chelsyeheffel8211]

My thoughts exactly!!

[@stephaniejohansen9283]

If you used to be interested in certain things for a while and then loose interest in most all things, especially things you once enjoyed is a sign of depression. I stopped doing things I had done since I was 7 years old and was very passionate about such as dance when I was in high school....I also developed social anxiety and was very outgoing and social and had a close group of friends and got to the point where we'd have plans to do stuff that I'd usually do with them and WANT to do with them but felt anxious and paralyzed and would end up making an excuse at the last minute as to why I couldn't go. Id then feel confused and depressed as to why I didn't go. I had a wonderful life and yet felt stuck in lack of interest and sadness and very much alone.

[@leigh-annejohnsonphotograp3215]

@@NatJediMASTER I mean I thought it was mine too. Now I’m all like 🤔

[@AnakinNightWalker465]

Are you better?

[@glykeriapietri6495]

When someone talks about it and you feel seen: 50%. When someone who gets it talks about it and you feel validated, and real, and understood: 10,000%. Thanks, Sam.

[@beautifulblacksoul8611]

I had to debate whether I wanted to watch this and risk triggering myself. I do love me some Samantha, so we're trying it. Depression for at least 15 years. But diagnosed for the past three years because I finally recognized my mind wasn't exactly normal. Stay beautiful Sam! 💗💗

[@PiranesiParsnip]

I felt the exact same way. With you 💕

[@74keana]

this comment was my exact thoughts as I scrolled passed it! Hahaha

[@nataliyachepurnova29]

Proud of you.

[@brunamartins8522]

I always feel so understood watching Sam talk about depression. It’s like my heart is released from the weight of guilt for how I feel and function living with depression. Thank you ♥️

[@chickflickangel]

Me too! I'm so glad she talks about it here + on the Approachable podcast

[@leticiadelbianco9916]

I JUST send a message to a therapist. I'm not kidding. I was so "I'M FINE, DON'T NEED", but oh boy, I do need. Thank you. ❤

[@camilaramirez5033]

I declined free therapy my university provides because "I'm fine now". It's hard to get the help that you need when you are in the high moments or scare.

[@crystalg4943]

Good luck! If things don't work out with your first therapist don't be afraid to try again!

[@QuestionableQueefs]

An I ask how you found a therapist? I want to go to therapy but idk where to start

[@MSalliePJ]

@@QuestionableQueefs for me I found the easiest thing to do was literally google “therapist in wherever you’re from” and then just found one close to me that I could afford. It’s really easy to over think and over stress the idea of finding a therapist but I literally just judge off who’s photos seem friendliest and what their little blurb about them says and if it sounds like what I’m after. Good luck 💖

[@LC-dh3mx]

@@QuestionableQueefs my doctor gave me the number of a private therapist while I was on the wait list for free therapy. I liked her so much that when the opportunity for free therapy came up I decided to stick with my counsellor.

[@Anonn1717]

Does anyone have a hard time trying to figure out if it's anxiety or depression that is the predominant issue? Like, does my anxiety cause me to hold back and that makes me depressed, or does depression make me hold back and that causes anxiety.

[@joiadevita]

For me, they feed on each other, but it’s the depression that comes first. Depression causes me to leave obligations unfulfilled, which then causes me to feel anxious, which then makes it harder and is even more paralyzing, and I spiral from there. I was also diagnosed with depression when I was like 12, and didn’t deal with anxiety until it hit me like a truck around 19-20. But it’s different for everyone. My husband for example deals with anxiety constantly, but where my anxiety is paralytic, his is a constant fire under his ass telling him that there’s always more to do and he always has to be perfect.

[@martynkal.1248]

This is going to be a weird reply but if I were to answer this question for myself, I would first ask myself why I'm trying to determine this for myself. Overall, it is my understanding that these conditions overlap and interplay with each other - and from what I've seen personally, almost every person I know or "know" via social media with depression will also have anxiety (except for Alyssa and Sam, lol). So therefore - if I'm trying to determine what my main problem is because I'm going to see a medical professional and I want to reach out for help - a good professional will understand and have experience of dealing with patients that are affected by both of these issues - and it's important to let them know of both. If you want to address your issues in therapy - again it would be good to mention both to your therapist, and also how specifically both of these conditions affect you, as both depression and anxiety have many faces, and you'll want to tackle how your life is impacted specifically. If it's about self-awareness/self-help, trying to build an understanding of yourself for yourself - I think the thing that's helped me the most is 1) educating myself as much as I can and keeping on with that education Here's an example - I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD. I have suspected I have it for years and assigned the part of me that struggles with concentrating and doing work that requires mental effort, to that being my "ADHD part". I've been shocked to discover the scope of how ADHD can affect a person, however - emotional dysregulation, time blindness, executive dysfunction, delayed frontal lobe development which results in social difficulties growing up etc. I find that the more I find out about my conditions, the better I understand myself and also my childhood 2) understanding that diagnoses are an empowering starting point, but I am (and every person is) not a collection of labels Every person with a condition or multiple conditions is different, in both a medical sense (your presentation will be different) but also because things like how you were brought up, your gender etc can influence how a condition will present in you specifically. So for me, it's really important to start with learning as much as possible about the conditions I have - and then moving forward with the understanding of, here is how this (or these issues) affects me specifically. What do /I/ need help with? What do /I/ struggle with? Not sure if this makes any sense but thank you for reading if you got this far 💗

[@martynkal.1248]

To answer your question way more succinctly - for me, the biggest thing that has helped me in my struggles is not to try and dissect myself and put parts of myself into boxes and decide how to tackle the conditions that I have - but rather, ascertain what is it that I am struggling with right now, or at the moment, or has been a big issue for me lately; how do I feel in the moment - and then try and find ways to tackle that. A deep awareness of the conditions I have helps. As does the understanding that what I'm experiencing right now maybe related to things that happened before, maybe a long time ago - and sometimes tackling means processing and addressing them first.

[@KL-qp6yo]

My old doctor and I had that situation, so she put me on a medication that apparently treats both and I was like "treat...both?", like I was genuinely confused. I can has treatment for more than one misery?!

[@Anonn1717]

@@martynkal.1248 Thank you so much. That totally makes sense. Your reply meant a lot. I will surely take all of this with me :)

[@lesliecastro1311]

I’m here for this QUALITY CONTENT

[@amandacustodio3279]

Same

[@emilyrink3443]

As someone who just applied to become a licensed therapist, I find that listening to perspectives from those who have been on the receiving side of therapy is super helpful to me. Hearing your side makes me want to be a better therapist and allows me to better understand what people with mental illness truly experience when it comes to getting into therapy.

[@BRATTERSTEIN]

This makes me want to cry. It’s like listening to my own head. I wish I had access to therapy.

[@goawayandlearnsomedamnmann1391]

Where do you live if you don't mind me asking? I'm in overland Park Kansas and we don't have free mental health care here either. A lot of people would benefit from it. I quit having to go because I'm a widowed mom with two young boys and medicaid dropped me because they view social security as income 😣

[@jessekeiser100]

@@goawayandlearnsomedamnmann1391 My heart aches for you-our systems here in the US keep us down.

[@heyheyhey7988]

Me too. I'm sorry.

[@hannerikruger7216]

Out of curiosity, is online therapy an option for you??? Such as better help or such???

[@bernitajenkins3180]

I feel for you. I'm so lucky to live in Australia, where I am able to be covered by our government. I hope to God, the tangerine buffoon gets the boot and Joe extends the ACA so you can get the support you need. Good luck.

[@4SOSO4]

I love that you spoke about the price of therapy. I remember being 15 and finding my mom's budget and shed be cutting groceries and money for herself so that I could go to therapy. Man, i was crying my heart out when I found thatm

[@itsyagirlvicku]

I recognise so much about your story and I cried a little while eating my depression snack of the night (nutella toast FIY). I've been home sick from work for a year now (European healthcare privilege) because of how completely unmotivated I am to do anything besides eating and sleeping. Like, a while back I had a session with a therapist through Zoom and I caught glances of myself, smiling while I was telling these traumatic stories??? I'm literally the dog with the hat sitting down with a coffee in a room that is on fire saying "this is fine".

[@macebug]

I can relate to this on so many levels.

[@erinstettner1]

Nutella toast is mental health. Now add a little peanut butter, and you will never be the same.

[@RAINDROPSNMUFFINTOPS]

*cries in American*

[@hannaherickson2586]

meme reference on point 😂 ugh

[@HowImetAnne]

Also rocking Europe and can relate to every fucking thing. Sending live from Berlin

[@alexflores1572]

As someone who’s at the darkest bottomless point in my life, I can definitely agree and attest to everything you said in this video. Thank you Sam!

[@samantharavndahl]

Hope things get better for you soon, Alex!!

[@CatladyKiefFingers_deLarios]

Oooooooo samesies 🖤😬😭 all the way down deep in that crevasse. Honestly tho, it is weirdly comforting (kind of?) knowing ur not the only one deep down at the bottom in the dark🤷🏼‍♀️🖤

[@cherylashworth1124]

Hoping the light shines soon for you Alex.

[@liadanryan-gerhardt7189]

This is a low point in your life, life is partly made up of high highs and low lows, but it is not the end of your life story. This is not permanent. This is just one chapter. You're gonna look back at this time in your life as a distant memory. I promise you. Keep fighting. You can do it!!! :) One step at a time.

[@skynguyen5028]

It's the glossy - not matte - nails! Jokes aside, I really do appreciate this video, Sam. ❤️

[@britnywilson5402]

When you said you CANT get out of bed or CANT shower, I felt that deep in my soul. I don’t feed myself, drink water, so many other aspects. I feel you. I empathize with you ♥️. My dad committed suicide due to untreated depression, it’s rooted deep in my family. This helped me a lot and makes me feel like I’m not alone.

[@ChrissySTL]

When you were talking about how having an appointment in the afternoon ruins the rest of your day, I felt that! I always schedule things in the morning because if I don't, I just think about that thing that I have to do later and can't accomplish anything else. Thank you so much for making this video. I really helps to hear from someone else that struggles with the same things you do.

[@charlesalwyn3486]

I feel like finding a therapist is like dating...it’s so hard to find a genuine connection. So frustrating.

[@hannerikruger7216]

But once you find that one perfect one it's all so worth it

[@deshaank9161]

Omg yes!!! And the worst part is when you need it most trying to find the right one is just overwhelming and for me has made it so much worse.

[@hbhtcr5707]

@@deshaank9161 yep, and I put it off for so long after dealing with bad therapists and now I don’t have insurance anymore 😬

[@nataliyachepurnova29]

@@hbhtcr5707 I’m so sorry. I hope you can get insurance that cover therapy soon. Also check out free resources, and there are some therapists that work with low income people. It’s worth trying. Proud of you.

[@kmgx291]

Commenting before I watch because I'm currently in bed at 3pm having a shit day because I'm in the middle of switching antidepressants and it has me feeling like a pile of crap. Looking forward to 58 minutes of being reminded I'm not alone. ❤

[@taliamurchie1580]

Switching meds is such a pain in the ass. You will get through it, just take it day by day

[@Andee809]

Hang in there.

[@Ayesha_11122]

You're not. You're helping yourself, that's the most important step. You're there. Stay put. Lots of love. ❤️

[@kmgx291]

All of this support is so heartwarming, thank you guys ❤

[@SNColonna]

You’re not alone, and everything you’re going through is real. Sending lots of positive vibes your way. My best friend and I always say “baby steps”. Take it moment by moment if you have to. You’re stronger than you know ❤️

[@cozycocoonASMR]

seasonal depression + regular depression + trauma + pandemic depression = i'm not making it out of 2020

[@AngelaHansraj]

Summer Ray YES YOU WILL MAKE IT OUT OF 2020 AND BEYOND! x

[@heyheyhey7988]

I understand

[@josefine635]

yes you are. we got you!

[@bernitajenkins3180]

I'd love to say something profound and inspirational, but I get it. Life can surely be a bitch, Summer. I hope you reach out and talk to family or friends or a counsellor, if you can. Please don't give up. 💖

[@bengit4728]

+ getting covid 4 me

[@magdabojarska7796]

putting on eyelashes while talking about going through hell is a whole new vibe, i cant put eyelashes on after yoga meditation and 8 hrs of sleep 💁🏻‍♀️

[@leo0986]

Hahaha ❤️

[@SavanaPerez]

I have high functioning depression, and it’s always up and down. Depression sucks, and it sucks when the closest people around you don’t understand.

[@speedykid3485]

are we the same person.....

[@lisaluft520]

My daughter has suffered multiple concussions and struggles with depression. Thank you for talking about this. It helped me understand things she is going through a little more. She doesn't really like to discuss it.

[@hannerikruger7216]

Good luck with this! I had a similar experience with my mom when I was younger because mental illness often makes you feel like either no one will understand or everyone will judge you for it. It took me veryvery long to open up to my mom but once we found a way to communicate it changed my life and we have a beautiful relationship now. I really hope for the best for you

[@lisaluft520]

@@hannerikruger7216 thank you so much! Bc of several things going on with her, she did start therapy when she was around 15 but it has been sporadic. We have a pretty good relationship and she will talk to me about some of it, but at other times is completely shut down. She is still a teenager so part of that is just the nature of the beast. But with her across the country at a new college, its hard not to worry sometimes. She is a collegiate athlete so she has a team psychologist/therapist but doesn't have that strong bond that Sam was talking ng about. I hope she can find that some day.

[@Willcaro333]

I’m watching this in 2023, struggling harder than ever before. But this video comforts me and I remembered watching it when you posted it and felt for you, but from a place where I couldn’t relate. It’s wild how things can change. Hoping to feel relief soon ❤

[@Willcaro333]

@@wifeunderthesea wow, thank you for responding. I forgot I left this comment, I am so so so proud and happy to say that I am doing better. Almost unrecognizable from the person who left this almost a year ago. I hope you are doing well, too 💜💜

[@Carmen_Tatis]

I’ve also struggled with depression, but I feel like I’m slipping back into deep, yet functional, depression. I don’t enjoy seeing people; I also feel like I’m going through the motions. Thank you for telling us your story!

[@MissTwisted319]

I am in this same place! It’s so hard!

[@biogirl1381]

we’re on the same page.

[@catrice1296]

I dont deal with depression but i have social anxiety and my heart drops everytime someone (esp strangers) come up to talk to me. Mental health issues rlly sucks.

[@Carmen_Tatis]

@@MissTwisted319 I think it’s the sum total of everything that is going on in the US. I worry for everyone, and reading the news and staying current (though emotionally draining) is so important. Because of that, I just feel kind of numb all the time. Idk. Hard to envision my future and find the strength to work on myself when things seem so hopeless.

[@Carmen_Tatis]

@@MissTwisted319 *hugs* I’m sorry you’re hurting

[@melaniedeacon1493]

Your depression sounds like my depression. I started having depression at 15. By the time I was in college, I was 19, and I slept an entire year of my life away. I would stay up at night, sleep all day, and showering was like you said...a struggle. I just didn't have the energy to do anything. I'm 40 now, and I still struggle with depression. I have never been to a therapist or taken medication for my anxiety and depression. Thank you for posting this. I don't know about medication, but I think I want to at least see a therapist. I think it would help. Love you soo so much! I 💓

[@toniariana3017]

Today I've really been struggling with my depression. I woke up early, worked out, made it through my to do list, and then took a walk through a nature trail. As I walked I just couldn't help but to cry, the entire time. I know something is wrong in the wiring and structure of my brain, because I'm logical and I can, usually, sensibly get through my irrational feelings. Most of the time it feels manageable, but sometimes it feels crippling. I appreciate your personality and these types of videos. Thank you .

[@lovexlightsx3]

sending you a virtual hug!

[@imskippingbeats]

Thank you for saying this, this is exactly what happened and how I felt then and I feel now. 💜

[@AmandaBabyyyyy]

Although I don’t know you personally, I know exactly how you feel. Reading your comment felt like it came from my own brain, the similarities are wild. You can be perfectly logical and rational and still be inexplicably sad...through no fault of your own. I hope you’re doing well, love 🖤

[@jeanmacarthur5222]

I didn’t realize until I watched this how bad my depression has actually gotten. I had convinced myself I was fine but I’ve been experiencing literally every symptom that you did. So thank you for making this video and inspiring me to try medication again ❤️

[@cornellfoodie]

I related to every word of this - particularly the thought process that goes into everyday ”ordinary” things like taking a shower or keeping an appointment. Thank you for sharing your experiences! You are certainly not alone and I can confirm that counseling can teach you the coping mechanisms needed to manage depression on your own. Wishing you continued success in your journey, Sam and all those who read this. 💞

[@caitlansmith3683]

❤️

[@laurac86]

Yes I completely related to the “easy and ordinary” things. In my darkest days I didn’t shower for weeks, couldn’t get out of bed and just saw no end in sight. Thankfully I’m doing much better now and even though it’s still tough sometimes, I have to tools to get through it 😊

[@rolindanagel2975]

When you spoke about not being able to get out of bed or shower, I started to tear up... I can’t imagine what that’s like. Love you, you’re so strong and accomplished and I wish the world for you

[@LOHANWASTED]

This is probably the first video of yours where I’ve cried my eyes out... from someone who battles with depression I always try to dismiss my episodes as “I’m just being over dramatic, I need to stop victimizing myself” .... and you opening up really helped me understand that maybe I’m not crazy or dramatic... thank you so much 🥺🖤

[@samanthanapoli997]

I thought I was the only one who struggles with having to do normal everyday things and how they mount up. i feel this all the time. like i have to get up and go for a walk but if i go for a walk i have to get up and brush my teeth and do my hair and walk and then come back and shower and if i have to do something else after all that!? forget about it!!! I also can’t get through most days without napping and then my sleeping schedule is all off. Bless you, Sam!!! Thank you for turning your pain into something positive and helping others. This is so admirable (although there should be no stigma, there is. ). This is amazing and for what it’s worth, i’m proud of you!!!!

[@lozlizard]

Crazy how much I relate to this. The lack of motivation, everything feeling like the biggest task, not doing anything in general to help myself. It's as if I am living life on Autopilot. I also started experiencing depression in my teens, at 24 years old I finally reached out to my doctor and was put on Wellbutrin as well. I've been on it less than a month but I really really am hoping I see an improvement in my mental health. I've been around since your batalash days, I'm so happy to see that you are in a better place now

[@SNColonna]

Autopilot is so relatable! I have MDD undiagnosed until 29. Looking back at my childhood, I had major “episodes” and my parents just didn’t know what to do with me. Autopilot is a coping mechanism for me. A way to fake it through the day/month/year. So relatable.

[@daniellemercado1644]

It’s so interesting how hard it can be for me to separate my depression and anxiety from my “introverted” personality. And it’s hard to stop and ask questions about it like why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling.

[@sickandpretty]

The thought paralysis is so bad. I needed to hear I’m not alone. I do the same thing with the sequence of events that lead to healthy behavior. Like showering. Plus the memory, the inability to focus, not being able to do anything. I’m sorry you have went through this and continue to deal with it. I recently started new therapy and I hope so much that I have the breakthrough I need. Sending love. 💜

[@ashleywaldrup7689]

No matter how many times it is said or talked about, it’s always helpful to know you are not alone and that there are other people who understand this illness 🖤

[@tabatha82]

Is the FBI agent that tracks my phone trying to tell me something? Because I was just diagnosed with depression and all of a sudden this is all I see on my feed. Thank you for the video Sam, you don’t know how much it comforts me to know ppl I admire have dealt with depression and live fulfilling lives anyway (especially when I’m struggling to cope).

[@kraft.singles]

i wish my FBI agent cared about me wtf I just get the same 5 minidocumentaries that i refuse to watch

[@catnip4587]

It’s not the FBI. It’s google tracking your choices on line

[@Khvost_]

I understand that you were joking, but Google does actually track your data and you feed, ads, recommendations, etc. are all based on the information that was gathered previously. I hope this will not be a surprise for you

[@catnip4587]

@@Khvost_ when you google a subject then you are going to get ads and feeds about that subject because Google has determined depression is one of your interests. Don’t think the FBI cares unless you are a threat to national security

[@Khvost_]

@@catnip4587 I know

[@Purrs_and_plants]

Its actually ‘nice’ to hear that someone else has felt those exact feelings, the inability to get going everyday, the monumental feeling of uselessness and sheer laziness. I have several bouts of depression since I was in my late teens and I think its something you have with you after that and you learn to recognise the beginning of an episode. This year will have been a catalyst for so many people, not just those who have experienced mental health already and so I hope that the stigma won’t be so apparent and will allow people to say theyre not ok!! Great video Sam, I couldn’t relate more and I’m pleased you’re on a good path right now xxx

[@inky006]

I cried once because i missed my bus stop. I've had depresion for about 15 years and i knew i had depression, but i wasnt aware of how bad it was. I honestly just thought that it was me being lazy and emotional or my personality. I almost cried through this video, this was very eye opening to me.

[@quintecence]

I once had a full on meltdown because I had to clean up cat poop.. not depression, I just was under a lot of stress and had an argument with my sister earlier that day and the cat poop drove me over the edge. Being human is fucking weird man and all we can do it look back and try and laugh at our brains just being weird 😂

[@jennGTR12]

I totally understand about the part of feeling ungrateful. I have moments where I feel like I shouldn’t exist because I didn’t feel happy with my current situation. I know there are people who would kill to be in my position, privileges and skills. Yet I feel no motivation to live on. And I feel extreme guilt of even feeling this ungrateful.

[@louisemckelvey]

Realised I listen to you for your 'big sister' type experiences and advice, yet I'm almost 10yrs older than you. You're a wise head on younger shoulders Sam! I wish I'd tackled my anxiety and depression many many years ago, I've been on meds for just over a year now and feel so much better.

[@simoneclarke5104]

Thank you for sharing🥰. Our adult son has suffered from depression for so many years and finally this year he accepted help - counselling & medication after a complete breakdown. It has been 5 months now and he says has is feeling the best he has felt in 10 years. We are so relieved he now has the tools to help himself. There is always hope for anyone who suffers from depression and anxiety. Do not give up. Seek help as hard as it is. Know you are loved💖

[@Jayceeangelloslawson]

“I feel usually good” 😂 the most real thing about getting to a point with your depression where you truly feel like you’ve got it managed.

[@Mochi.Niko.and.Me1]

I started watching this because I love just about anything you post. Then you started talking and it paralyzed me. I listened in amazement and horror because you were describing so much of my life, but in words I never could put together or explain. Being successful but feeling like a failure. Being paralyzed by the mere thought of doing just about anything. I can go on and on. In a nutshell, you’ve convinced me to give counseling another shot. To find a different person I might click with and if not, to keep trying until I find that person. From my end . . . You seem like the coolest, funniest most real Influencer I watch. You seem so put together with a great personality. On top of that you’re gorgeous. Then to listen to this today and learn that someone as accomplished as you could feel and experience what I’ve lived with forever . . . all I can say is thank you. Thank you for being so real and honest and helping people like me with your very honest post.

[@rossdesiree82]

Your openness and willingness to be honest is doing a lot for those that feel similar or don't feel like anyone understands what they are going through. I can relate as I deal with anxiety and depression, plus a ton of health issues. Thanks for the hope, encouragement and knowledge you share through the experiences you have had. Stay healthy and safe girl 💜

[@earthlover1]

8 years with my therapist. I wouldn't be here without here. Thank you for sharing your story.

[@DeeDee-ze8sx]

I've never found a therapist I was comfortable with, they've always made me deeply uncomfortable. I'm really shy and have crippling social anxiety on top of it all. It's near impossible for me to open up to strangers about my life too. I've just been trying my best to just work it out, completely by myself. No friends, no family, nothing. It's been SO HARD, but somehow I've gone from having suicidal ideation to being able to function on a basic level, so there's that. OOF. What I'm saying is, I relate to so much of what you've said. You seem to be doing better, I'm happy to see it. I hope it lasts for you forever.

[@babypaesh]

I hope you find someone to talk as it’s SO incredibly important! I have found that talking to a third party like a therapist is easier than someone I know. A therapist has nothing to compare you to except what you tell them, while your friends and family know way more. You shouldn’t go through this alone and don’t have to, I wish you happiness and unconditional love❤️

[@DeeDee-ze8sx]

@@babypaesh I don't have any friends and family. But I am learning to love myself even when I don't feel it, even when I have to absolutely fake it. I am learning to have my own back and read up on ways to help myself and so far I've gone from the lowest low to basic functioning, so.. baby steps, it seems to be working. I haven't had any suicidal thoughts in over a year now. I really appreciate this message though, very much and I wish happiness and love to you too.

[@gmoney1915]

I just want to say thank you... after this video I picked up the phone and made the call that I’ve been needing to make for months on end. You made me look at my own well-being from a different light and realize what steps I need to take. Just thank you. You’re a gift

[@jessicaeversole8805]

I feel like the ONLY time I get to be at peace is when I’m asleep. So I sleep all I possibly can. I literally open my eyes up into a hell everyday and I don’t know how to change it.

[@jackandlill]

I love you Jessica Eversole simply because you are a worthy human being & I understand exactly what you have described here & I know the desperation of the feeling! I tend to open my eyes from much sleep to varying degrees of hell. Lately, though I have been doing my best TRYING not to judge myself every minute of every day for having a mental illness and all that it entails! Just allowing myself to accept that this is part of who I am. I open my eyes - feel the pain & I say to it....."yeah...and?" Trying to shut down those old tapes playing in my head... trying to allow myself to be ok with this part of me. Even though I wish I was not like this! I'm not talking about giving up - just making a choice not to use the little energy I have to CONSTANTLY resist my reality & continuously beat myself up....as we all know fighting against it ..... It's fucking exhausting!! I don't have an answer or a magic pill - wish I did! But it is ok to allow yourself to sleep when you need if that's what gives you peace & not to feel shitty about it!! No one else is walking in your shoes so they don't know what it feels like to be you! Allow yourself to know that you have a right to be here in whatever capacity the universe has decided!! ....We have a right not to feel like we are less than or be morally judged because we have a disease that doesn't fit traditional criteria of disease like cancer or Parkinson's etc. A disease that steals our motivation & then makes us feel guilty for doing what we can to cope with it. I'm tired of being ruled by the judgement in my head & the feeling others are judging me - so tired of feeling ashamed!! It becomes such a nasty vicious cycle of thought!! Not such a great neighborhood up there in our heads! So I am trying some acceptance as a way to mitigate shame & guilt & see if that can help me feel better about myself.... We may not be able to change the hell we face everyday but it's a step we can work on to help ourselves change the way we perceive our situation & not measuring our worth by comparing ourselves to societal norms ya know? I don't know about you but I find some kind of magic occurs when you know that you are not alone. Being on here & reading all of the comments that tell my story helps me to feel validated in a way people who don't suffer just don't get, try as they might! So, just wanted to share ( btw, I am on meds - years of therapists & meds etc - not to say they don't work - but this thing is cyclical - at least in my experience & I find myself back here again & again so...) and reiterate that you are so NOT alone! Be Well my friend! ♥♥

[@jessicaeversole8805]

@@jackandlill

[@jessicaeversole8805]

@@jackandlill My God. First of all I love you too! Secondly, I don’t think I’ve ever read anything more relatable, painful and beautiful. I appreciate the time you took to make my night feel a little better. I’m not going to lie I feel like a felt a spark in my soul reading this. It’s truly such a comfort to know that someone knows this hideous yet a times amazing life. To live in my mind and to walk in my shoes. I can not put into words how important your comment is to me. On days I feel low I will come back to this and read it again. I hope you are having a good and peaceful night. I appreciate your story and I appreciate you. Thank you so much, you have no idea how much better I feel.

[@jackandlill]

@@jessicaeversole8805 Tears streaming down my face reading your reply.....knowing it had any affect on you really lifts me up! It's like we belong to some kind of club we didn't choose to join! I hope any one who comes upon this video & reads all that has been shared here, in the replies, is able to feel a spark or something good about themselves - able to feel a lightening of the judgement if just for a little bit! You try to have a good day my friend & I will try to do the same ~ ♥

[@katigrace25]

I’ve never related to crying over soup so much because I’ve had the same experience. My depression would make me cry at the slightest provocation before I started taking antidepressants. I hope to find a Annie one day, I’m still on that search.

[@jas445]

I love how transparent you are. I’ve been dealing with a combination of depression and anxiety; everything you’ve mentioned is so on point with the cycle of depression. I hope one day I can share my story. We shall see. Much love Sam!! ❤️

[@bamjohnsonbam14]

I didn’t cry till you said “you’re not crazy” cus man, do I feel it some days. Thank you, sam 💙

[@ojpats4pats184]

I struggled with depression when I was pregnant with my son and then after he was born and then when my mom died. Depression is dark, like dark. I did a lot of counseling and medication, but eventually took myself off of my medication and I haven't gone back. Knock on wood. I do watch what a I eat, for the most part. I do not eat breakfast cereal. During my depression, I would binge eat breakfast cereal. I completely understand how difficult it is to get up in the morning. It was tough. Now that I'm not in counseling or take medication, I know I must get up out of bed every morning regardless of how I feel and shower and get dressed. That's one of my strategies and coping with my depression because I don't consider myself cured.

[@rachel993]

Goodness when you said “will I be in therapy and on medication for the rest of my life? I was trying to will myself to be better” I FELT THAT. I started going to therapy when I got diagnosed with cancer- and honestly, therapy is so so so helpful. I would never just will myself to be better in regards to my cancer and I will not ask myself to do the same for my mental health, even though it is so hard!

[@camilaramirez5033]

The second therapist I went to told me "if you're life is so perfect why are you sad". Never went to therapy ever again and I'm scare now.

[@victoriaheed2943]

Jesus, that definitely reportable! Shocking, sending you well wishes and healing vibes 💕

[@heyheyhey7988]

I went through a few therapists. One, the very first visit, asked me, "do you think you're a spoiled brat?" During a very bad bout if depression. Needless to say, that was my only visit with her.

[@curlsofa2017]

Maybe they were trying to get you to look for underlying causes of your depression, to work through? But I agree that was very poorly worded.. not all therapists are the same though, it’s worth it to keep looking for someone who’s a good fit for you!

[@demoyiavolanski2810]

I have bipolar depression and I can’t tell you how listening to you helps me feel not so alone . 10/10 relatable content ♥️♥️

[@pmartin6086]

I can totally relate. I've been dealing with depression on and off since I was a teenager but didn't realize it until I basically had a nervous breakdown at 25, couldn't get out of bed before 1pm, my sleep schedule was really out of whack. The idea of walking to the end if my driveway to get the mail or take a shower was insurmountable. It was so bad I could barely hold conversations. I was off work for 6 months. I got the help I needed but it came back a couple of years later again. Its been on and off ever since. I'm ok but I'll be on medication for....ever. I've accepted that. If I had a heart condition and took medication it would make sense. So does taking it for my mental health. The more bouts you have the more at risk you are for another one. I've decided just to not put myself through that long dark hallway again. Counseling helped some but I don't feel like they can really help. Maybe this is really arrogant but every time I've gone, I feel smarter than the therapist and dont feel like I can connect with them. Anyway...maybe I'm a jerk lol

[@UneEtincelleNocturne]

It does sound kinda like that, but also not, because I can sort of relate. So many of my therapists used to try to assign a reason as to why I'm depressed. Like one tried to convince me that it was because of childhood bullying that I had repressed, when I wasn't even that bullied. One I saw tried to tell me it was some kind of trauma my family gave me. And when I tried to tell him I had a normal childhood, he said, "Oh, I bet it was something in your childhood - when you look back far enough that's normally what it is :) " In almost those exact words. I was like, damn, you must be such a fucking genius you got me all figured out within 5 minutes of meeting me. 🥴 Never went back.

[@pmartin6086]

@@UneEtincelleNocturne I shouldn't say none helped. The one that did said I was going through, at 25 what a lot go through at 40 lol

[@Msleonoraful]

Yeah i think you need to find a therapist that you connect with and part of that is having similar intelligence

[@pmartin6086]

@@carlad7246 Thanks. Same here...and, I have added a lot of plants to my living and working spaces. Makes a big difference.

[@pmartin6086]

@@carlad7246 lol yes, sometimes people need to feel heard so they do that. If its fear it could be Agoraohophia or PTSD if you were traumatized by something. Google them and see if it makes sense. The more you understand what's really going on and where it stems from the more you can help yourself cope. If you need a diagnosis go see a psychiatrist (medical doctor who can manage your meds well and do some psychotherapy if you get a good one) or a clinical psychologist (Ph.D). There are other kinds of mental health providers that can be helpful but if its really debilitating I'd seek advice from a psychiatrist first. It not only saved my life but it improved my health to a point where I feel like I can manage a demanding job as long as I keep things in balance. I was trying to send you a PM but couldn't figure out how Lol

[@rayhaveman4886]

Thank you. I was referred by my doctor to a psychiatrist a few days ago. I've never told anyone about my depression but people close to me see it. This video was basically the slap in the face I needed to get up and call to make that first appointment. Also, I found your channel yesterday and this is only the second video I have seen. Thank you again.

[@risika]

I heard in a podcast that said, “it’s important to live life by design rather than emotion. Basically, sticking to a routine is what allows us to be the healthiest version of ourselves (especially when you're fighting these demons ex. OCD for me). I’ve had to overhaul how I approach taking care of my brain (exercise, journaling, studying etc) by practising mediocre consistency. Now I try to put in consistent 40-60% effort into my journaling habit - to make sure I do it I began recording it and posting it on my yt channel. After a really bad depression phase I started to believe I couldn’t change and I’d feel that horrible forever. Historically I have a habit of going too hard, not being able to sustain the Herculean effort, giving up and hating myself. So now I’m trying to give a small, consistent mediocre effort everyday. And its crazy how it adds up. I’m still figuring out how to be a person again, reintegrate into society but right now I have a solid foundation that I’ve never had before.

[@kaylaf7804]

When my S.O. and I were first moving in together I wanted to make this stir-fry, but I had yet to move dishes from home so we were lacking cutting boards, a wok, etc. Him, being the logical human that he is, mentioned this and calmly stated that we could make it another time and that it was okay. Me, who was incredibly stressed about not only moving, but also moving in with a S.O. for the first time...started crying over stir-fry vegetables in the middle of the grocery store. He has declared that this story will be in his vows. Thank you for being so open with us and using your platform to speak on this very complex disorder ❤️

[@melaniegorniak3803]

This is much needed especially with the current situation world wide, I have serious chronic depression it’s still looked at by some as B.S just a reason to book off work. I’ve lost so many so called friends it’s so hard and I feel so ALONE.

[@annawayne5282]

You are not alone! We are living through such a crazy time and I hope you have someone you can talk to through it all. Sending good thoughts to you

[@lovexlightsx3]

you are not alone! real friends will love and understand you through your hard times, even though it might take time to find them, I know you will. sending you lots of love and light

[@krissydmckenzie]

I’m sorry. I know what this feels like. I hope that today is an okay day for you. ❤️

[@annerankin1191]

I saw 3 or 4 therapists before I met one woman who was able to help me so much. Me saying “I am fine, I can do this” for years was not helpful to myself. Therapy gave me back my life and myself. Therapy is HARD but so worthwhile! This is such an important discussion. Keep up the good work Sam!

[@shoogur3920]

Literally no one: Sam: LoNg StOrY lOnGeR

[@Fel1z84]

I made my calls on Tuesday to finally find some relief. I am in actual tears hearing you talk about what you have experienced because that is very me right now and I feel a little hopeful about my search. Bless you

[@andrea-mr]

I've been feeling really bad these past few weeks so this is making me feel better. Thank you so much for talking about this. Love you!

[@michelleeichten8272]

I’ve never related to anyone’s story as much as I do with yours! I have been struggling with depression/anxiety for years. When you said you couldn’t get out of bed and would think through every little step it would take to do anything for the day. I felt that in my soul. I think that way daily. Example: I need to go grocery shopping but if I do that I have to get out of bed, shower (because it’s been days), get gas in my car, be in public with crowds (terrifying) sooooo I think I will post mates and stay right here. Thank you for making me feel less alone. ❤️

[@haleydawson6167]

I think this is going to be the one thing that finally pushes me to see a therapist. This whole video has been so relatable, in a very eye opening way, and I thank you so much for it. Best wishes always 💕

[@jamybergdoll7014]

Hearing you describe your experience is like you’ve been watching my life. Its so comforting to hear someone shares these experiences. I try to talk to friends about it and they don’t always get it.

[@putonmyriotgear]

Listening to someone else’s story that mirrors mine in so many ways makes me feel understood and way less alone. Thank you for this!!

[@hannw7]

You being on the verge of tears is making me cry. I’m right there. Love you, Sam.

[@cambrimorris9544]

Have you ever had your thyroid checked? Seriously, I struggled with depression for years and was recently diagnosed with both hypothyroidism and an autoimmune disease that causes it and getting on medication for that has helped so much. It's not a cure-all, but getting hormones in check has made a huge difference

[@tp2256]

Even though I’ve dealt with depression for 10 years, it’s still validating and comforting to me every single time someone on the internet speaks up about their depression. Because it cannot be said enough how hard it is to live with. And on a day like today where I felt alone, I really needed to hear it again. Thank you.

[@erikalish501]

These types of videos are my favorite of yours. Thank you for being so honest and open with your depression.

[@kbt8245]

Your openness over the years is what made me self-reflect and now I’m in therapy and taking anxiety meds. I’m a completely different person now! thank you for being so open.

[@YagirlM]

So apparently Sam, I’ve been extremely depressed for 15 years and chalked it up to me having a shitty personality, which I honestly still may have. But literally everything you described has been my life and I have been tearing my hair out to try and figure why I can’t be normal. I almost didn’t watch this video. And then I would’ve just died depressed with no explanation. Thank you.

[@YagirlM]

I mean dying in old age, in the dark about why things have been this way, to be clear. Not dying soon, that I know of.

[@todayischange97]

this was so relatable and comforting to listen to. depression can make you feel like you're so alone, as if no one else in the world has ever felt the degree of sadness you feel and yet videos like these make me feel as though i have someone to relate to. so thanks sam for your story. also, your nails are stunning

[@JSapproved]

it’s always inspired me how brave you were about talking about your mental health struggles - I can definitely relate and really appreciate how much you talk about it on your channel ❤️

[@laylab.2048]

I don't think you even realise how important this video is. You're a hero for speaking about this, thank you.

[@RubiesChannel]

I wish 18 years ago plus I could hear you say these things. I’ve gotten help and I am well now, then that person I was really needed to hear you share your story because I felt alone. Thank you so much for sharing and I hope others know you are not alone and there really is help, real tangible help!

[@renr4056]

the way i can’t possibly love a person more than u, miss samantha. you are such a bright light, shining on thousands of us who feel alone in our depression. if u ever feel like u don’t know who u are, u are all of us. and we are you.

[@heycatters]

Just wanted to say in regards to medication, that if depression symptoms are worsening to the point of increasing the likelihood of suicide, you need to go off them ASAP (see your doctor before going cold turkey). Don't wait out the 6 weeks to see if you improve. It can also be very difficult to see in yourself, so please tell someone close to you who you trust, who can monitor any changes in you from a more objective mindset (ideally someone you see every day - GPs/therapists wont see you enough to be able to step in early). Your brain will tell you the only answer is suicide, and you'll believe it. Your brain will tell you that this is proof medication will never work for you and therefore you can't be helped. This is where someone else that you trust needs to step in and help you. The risk of suicide driven by medication change is very real and very scary to witness, I barely gave that side effect a second thought in my experiences of medication, until I saw someone very close to me very quickly taken the brink of suicide by medication. Although he was already very depressed, the medication made him an entirely different person within the space of about 2 weeks. It was a close call, he wanted to stick out the 6-8 weeks because he couldn't see himself that his depression was severely worsening in correlation with medication starting, but he wouldn't still be here if those of us close to him hadn't convinced him he needed to go off them.

[@jasminelambert3753]

I’m also going to add that if you do quit your medication cold turkey, whether it’s working or not, it can make you have suicidal ideations and also lead to heart issues (depending on the medication). Always always talk to your doctor first before stopping any medication!

[@calliefeezell3196]

My doctor just prescribed me Wellbutrin. I have struggled with depression and addiction for 10 years. I’m only 25. I have felt all the things you talked about. It’s nice to hear somebody share their experience because everybody experiences different things in depression. So thank you!

[@sarahelle1070]

Wow. This made me cry. So much how I feel right now

[@sarahhenry3262]

I found your channel while on my phone between mid day “mental health” naps, and I watched your videos on your experiences with depression for hours. It made me finally go on medication for my anxiety. These videos are so important. Love you and this channel, truly would watch whatever content you put out. ❤️

[@WendieMorgan]

For people who need meds, it’s important to know there are different classes of medicine and so many meds within each class. For example, Wellbutrin made me feel rage. Like, RAGE. But other meds have worked better.

[@allisonrose7000]

How badly I needed this video.. I’ve been dealing with postpartum depression for a couple of months and only recently accepted that I had it, and it is so isolating and horrible. I’ve never dealt with depression prior to this. I’m feeling a lot more hopeful about starting therapy and medication now. Thank you. ❤️

[@mintyblue3819]

Im glad you're doing better Sam, depression is a hell of a thing to get through. God bless girl 💙

[@barborajureckova8172]

This is so relatable, as I've started talking about my mental struggles to my friends, I find myself finding that I'm not alone in this and that there are people who understand and that's so comforting.

[@karlitas35way]

Thank you for helping me see things from the perspective of someone who means more than anything to me. I often can’t grasp what is happening so I can help and they are not at a point where they can explain like you did.

[@wintergreenbliss]

This is the best description of having depression that I've ever heard. Thank you for being so vulnerable and doing the very hard work of revisiting dark times in order to shine a light on them in such a real, down to earth way.

[@angelicafimbres8351]

The amount of times I’ve chuckled because I experienced the exact same thing... depression is a bitch. Thank you for your vulnerability 💕💕

[@darbywitek218]

this resonates with me so so much. thank you for always being an advocate; truly one of the must fucked up parts of my journey is looking backwards and seeing that they’re symptoms of my mental illness and not moral or personal failings (which is what i thought they were!)

[@elrisha]

24:23 That whole thought process of having to do all the steps.. That's how my brain exhausts me and makes me not want to get dressed in the morning because what's the point, I'm not going anywhere, my hair is dirty and I don't want to take a shower because it's too much work doing my hair after, and putting on bodylotion and all the face stuff.. I've been wondering if I'm depressed for a while. Guess I'm going to have to do something about this to get better. Thank you for talking so openly about your own experience. I'm thinking maybe I can start to get help and talk to my partner about it. It feels so scary.

[@breannaverburgt5824]

This video was a wake up call for me. I’ve been feeling this way for years and was in denial that I needed help or medication, but this video was like listening to my exact struggles and was the push I needed. Finally contacted a therapist today after 5 years of ignoring my issues

[@tiffanysadlertlc]

I love when people tell me "don't be depressed" oh yeah thanks wish I had thought of that. 🙄🙄🙄

[@lhmcd5538]

Thank you for being open and honest. I have numerous mental health problems like PTSD depression anxiety. I’ve had my problems from ever since I can remember. People can be very judgemental so I admire you for speaking up. Giving you a mental hug and please take care and stay safe.

[@milenamarranca8855]

Thank you for making this I really needed this! Your symptoms are very similar to mine and I appreciate you talking about them and being to put them in words.

[@JadeCoquette]

Whenever my depression , and anxiety, flare up and decide to shoot me into the depths of mental illness hell, I come back to this video. I watch, listen, and genuinely feel like we're having a one sided conversation and it sounds odd, but it helps tremendously. Ty again for posting this video you little minx. 😘