My Family Is Accusing Me Of Selling Out On Grandma's Secret Cake Recipe r/Relationships

[@kristinewatson3702]

MIL knew her DIL is coming to Thanksgiving she should have a seat at the table available for OP. That's just beyond rude. Husband should have sorted out the seating for his wife before she arrived. It is NOT on OP to resolve this issue with his mother. OP has ahusband problem.

[@JW-vd4il]

This whole family sucks. I've been at plenty of big gatherings where suddenly another seat is needed (or a FEW, one is easy!)... At least FIVE people will jump up, some offering their chair, someone going to get another chair or ask the host which extra chair they should use, et cetera. And everyone else is ready to "scootch." 😁 OP unfortunately married into Bumps On A Log family! 😂 eta: I meant to also say I agree the husband stinks. But when his WHOLE FAMILY just sits there, well we know where he got his bad manners from, eh? Still doesn't make it right, he should have at least offered her HIS chair.

[@ruddiko]

I loved the conclusion on story 1. They both talked like adults and expressed their feelings and OP went on their way to be super kind and extend an offer, that was so sweet and grandma would be so proud.

[@6Qubed]

plus now they're both doing well by playing to their strengths and supporting each other, that's always a plus

[@stirlingarcher7972]

Story 2: OP uno-reversed the MiL’s power move 😂😂😂. The husband really needs to stand up to his mother’s bs

[@ynmonroe]

Yep. She needs to blatantly let him know that it's not her responsibility to make his mom like her when she has done nothing wrong. In fact, she should ask him to explain how exactly they are both at fault. To tell her what she has done to MIL. I bet he doesn't have an answer other than trying to get her to kowtow or go along to get along. Plus, if the ex was all about family and friendship, why did she get upset when OP sat in her own husband's lap. What's wrong with that? Wasn't she previously nodding, confirming she was part of the family? Yeah, there is clearly a conspiracy afoot, lol.

[@groofromtheup5719]

Yup. Hubby let's mommy walk all over him.

[@lisakaz35]

Story 2 was a setup by a MIL who wanted his son to marry Julissa. OP effd it up. I woulda tried to find a spare chair and put it next to his but if that wasn't possible, this was. Might be a DH problem that he can't see what his mother is doing. NTA.

[@tifadreamers]

when OP said MIL and Julissa stared at each other and then left the table together before Julissa finally left, it's obvious that they planned the whole thing. Julissa left cause the plan failed and OP took her claim. DH is blind if he can't see what his mom is doing

[@fantasystaplesuwu1554]

S1: Grandma offered her SECRET cake recipe to ALL of them. OP is the only one who took that offer. Therefore, it is now OP's SECRET cake recipe, passed down to her by her grandmother. OP is 100% in her right to keep it that way: a secret. It could have been her sister's too, but her sister completely passed up that chance and is now demanding it from OP. OP didn't offer to pass down the cake recipe.... Grandma did. She should have asked grandma when alive. Edit: cousin, not sister? Lol i forget.

[@GalaGrinsArt]

When grandma was going into the old folks home, she wasn't capable of cooking anymore. I asked her if I could have her recipe book. Her book is FILLED to the brim of recipes she collected, tried, and tested. Including recipes she's collected around the world during her travels. It was the only thing I really really wanted from her. I'm so lucky to have gotten it. Edit: Grandma is still alive at 90 years old, I'm her Junk food smuggler. Gonna go see her today!

[@peach_cobbler]

And who’s to say that Jane won’t give out the recipe to others

[@zerofate9669]

Pretty much op cake recipe now since she's the only one who made an effort to come by to learn and take it while others made bs excuses. Op is now in the rights to use it however she please and the cousin just jealous like I thought. If she is this bad with baking, she needs to learn that baking and cooking are 2 completely different categories. When cooking using a shove to fry, simmer, stir fry, anything that involves using the top of the stove you can mix and taste. But when it comes to baking, yes you can add and make changes but those changes make a big difference and impact and always ALWAYS requires measurements. Too much of 1 little thing can fk it up, and I know this cause I have an in law who loves to cook, mostly bake and has her own business and her very 1st big hit was catering at a wedding last year. Jane has to learn you can't except a cake to come out by playing with baking ingredients and still taste good cuz the stuff you used made something else that wasn't involved in baking tasted good.

[@jordanhamilton9316]

@@GalaGrinsArt I love that so much. I would also be the junk food smuggler

[@Dragonemperess]

@@GalaGrinsArt Heck yeah treat smuggling! May I suggest Hi-Chews if she likes chewy things? The flavors are delicious!

[@pickle_pup8187]

The MIL attempted to pair up her son and his ex. OP’s DH should have spoken up and if there was no room at the table, then the two of you should have sat together in the living room. OP and DH need to speak with MIL and tell her that this type of behavior will not be tolerated or accepted going forward. If it happens again, they will leave.

[@candypettynettie487]

Story 2- why was Julissa uncomfortable? I wonder. 🙄

[@theseawriter]

I LOVE OP’s solution on Story 2. I don’t know how they thought it’s inappropriate, I’ll sit on my sister’s lap when there’s not enough room.

[@leaflet1686]

"Baking by taste" only works for the amount of sugar and other "extra ingredients" like choclatte or something. I did that with my favourite cake and now it's much better than before and for christmas I want to make it in a different flavour than it actually is!

[@lalvarez5151]

Story 2- NTA. So MIl invites the Ex...has no place for Op to sit...so Op sits on husband's lap and the EX and MIL FEEL uncomfortable? Why would they feel uncomfortable? Why does the ex care? MIL is probably trying to break them up but Op played the reverse uno card lol

[@lisadgingersnaps9843]

😂😂 That second story. Great on OP. That JNMIL is trying to keep an ex for her son to get back together with. Was there a better way? Eh, maybe. But hubs sure as heck wasn't stepping up. Last story. The bride sucks.

[@dionysus_adores]

Yep it's very common for a wife to sit next to her husband just saying

[@paulinadeboer3604]

if my mother did this with my bf i would get up and left.

[@DemonAngel]

Last Story- I guess I have read too many reddit stories because all I could honestly think was "she just happened to have a white cocktail dress?"

[@nationalsocialism3504]

Basically

[@kisavalkyrie]

That's what I though- like your back up outfit is white? I would go with an ESH for that story

[@DemonAngel]

@@kisavalkyrie true that

[@user-pt1cz4ot1e]

@@kisavalkyrie 💯

[@tifadreamers]

same. I'm thinking about this too. she has a problem using her hands properly and making a mess on her clothes, and her backup dress is...white? which would stain so easily? that's not adding up

[@imajinallthepurple]

My grandma is 97. A few years ago she enlisted my cousin to put together a book of all the family favorites and gifted it to all of her grandchildren. It's my most prized cookbook and I encourage all grandparents to do the same. ❤️

[@Chantal_P-v4x]

Story 2 - NTA. But unfortunately, my answer would have been the same no matter what OP had decided to do in that situation (short of maybe busting dishes, or hurling insults of something, lol) because that situation to me sounds actually unwinnable! Leave the dinner due to lack of a chair? Taken as making a scene. Grab another chair from the other room? better... but still problematic due to the lack of anywhere to put it. Eat at the counter perhaps... but that would also draw attention, and may even cause a tripping or bumping hazard. Sit at the 'kid's table? No mention of one. But this would only be likely seen as immature and attention seeking too! No workable solution, to me = NTA votes!

[@tallyp.7643]

R'amen! No matter what she did, she was going to come out bad or be embarrassed. But then MIL ended up the one embarrassed. I'm sure the rest of the table was aware of this weird power-play going on. And considering OP was the wife of her son, she should've had a spot at the table, not the ex-girlfriend right next to him. Hubs needs to grow a pair and should've been like "this is my wife's seat, thank you very much." He knew what was going on and saw there were no seats left; he never should've let it get that far when he realized ex was gonna be right next to him.

[@DindellaTheDefender]

Story 1: I understand OP’s reaction by simplifying the situation. OP wanted the recipe and to sell the recipe out of love. OP’s cousin wanted the recipe and to sell it out of greed. NTA.

[@DindellaTheDefender]

Doing a separate comment for the algorithm. 😭 Story 1’s update is so wholesome!! I’m so happy for both of them! That’s real love right there!!!

[@DindellaTheDefender]

Story 2: Sounds like a power play from MIL to me. If there was another chair, as host, MIL should have gotten it, but she made it clear there were no seats available. Sounds like MIL wanted Julissa and her son to get back together, and everyone knew what she was doing. Dinner was awkward because MIL made it awkward. I would have laughed! Good on you, OP.

[@DindellaTheDefender]

Story 3: OP, you really expect your MIL to walk around in a food stained dress? The situation itself calls for some empathy. YTA!!

[@stirlingarcher7972]

@@DindellaTheDefenderyeah, how could OP not expect bad blood between her and her mother in law after that. It would be different if she were one of those ‘steal attention from the bride’ MIL’s but there were extenuating circumstances, she had casts on both arms and was covered in food stains.

[@FluffballKitties]

@@DindellaTheDefender What a bridezilla.

[@davidsantiagotate7380]

I’m always happy when the conflict in these stories gets resolved, but the outcome in story 1 is better than I hoped! I love that Jane and OP resolved the issue and then proceeded to help each other out! Also if OP happens to see this: congrats on your bakery!!! That’s so awesome and I’m sure your grandma is so proud of you

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

If you gave the cake recipe to a friend, I think that’s fine. If she sold *the recipe* to a company, no. But she didn’t do either. She just sold the baked goods, not the recipe. And it’s not like the grandma said that she wanted the recipe kept in the family or anything. Although I think she shouldn’t hide the recipe from the rest of the family if someone asks for it. Although I don’t know if that logic still works since she had made a business from it.

[@b.c.9358]

In the update, OP said Grandma said the recipe was theirs now, since nobody else took her up on the offer to learn Grandma's cake recipe. Still, I'm glad the cousin is doing something fulfilling and is happier now.

[@Mewse1203]

I disagree only with the "sold the recipe" and "shouldn't hide it" parts. None of the family cared enough about the recipe to even ask for it. Now she has issues with how OP is using it? Nah. It would be one thing if other family members asked for and got it and OP sold the recipe. But that recipe is now hers. No one else cared so they don't get to dictate anything with its use. I'm not a baker and I would have asked just to have it.

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

I was wondering if her cousin was super petty like if her business failed would she just give the recipe away? Some people (especially the ladies) can surprise you with their pettiness.

[@jamestown8398]

I disagree with the last point. The relatives had over a year to ask grandma herself for the recipe, and Jane only asked after she thought she could make money from it.

[@Mimikinn]

That conclusion to the first story was the best outcome and I’m so glad it happened. I’m sure Grandma is proud of her grandkids for putting their strengths together to make their dreams come true.

[@hilaryc3203]

#2 OP's husband needs to step up and put his mother in her place. He's married and either MIL acts properly or she deals with consequences. Blaming OP who has to deal with MIL's shit is ridiculous. The ex seems complicit in the MIL's antics and still wants to claim property rights to the husband. I would have given them all a reality check in no uncertain terms, but that's just me.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 3 kind've weird that the only dress she had was a white one, but this was after the wedding and she had 2 broken wrists. Making her leave the reception was an overreaction and the effects of that will be felt for a long time.

[@GraveyardMaiden]

Same and like she could of worn a sweater /black jacket over the white dress

[@hellkitelord8319]

Or brought a color other than white what she only have 2 dresses.

[@GraveyardMaiden]

@@hellkitelord8319 yeh, I'm gonna be honest kinda sus the only spare dress she had was white, and that also is still clean after a night of dining on the town with her bf

[@MrJpaynebb]

@@GraveyardMaiden she had the white cocktail dress to go out with her husband the day after the wedding for a night out with him. There's no rule against that.

[@GraveyardMaiden]

@@MrJpaynebb didn't the post say it was for the night before?

[@paden1865able]

I have my dad's Swiss steak recipe, he gave it to all of his kids. Although, he forgot to write down a few things that make it truly special. I lived with him for quite a while and watched every time he made it and jotted down everything he used. I wrote out recipe cards for my siblings after he passed so they can make it exactly like he did and remember the Sunday dinners we had when we were kids.

[@jenniferfoote5442]

I LOVE Swiss steak!

[@starbird3939]

Story 2 - NTA The MiL is trying to force husband back together with his ex, and husband is too stupid to see it. Why couldn’t he have been a good husband and saved Op a seat next to him? That’s what I would have done.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Very glad to hear that update with OP and Jane working together. OP didn't do anything wrong in the beginning. There was plenty of time for Jane to get the recipe. Why should OP have to give her the recipe?

[@clownrat5759]

Why shouldn’t OP give her the recipe. Theres literally no reason beyond OP wanting to punish her for.. what? Not asking for a recipe??? I dont ask my grandmother for her recipes because I enjoy how SHE makes them, and because I know shes always able to make them again. Im under the impression that she never assumed she wouldn’t get the chance to know it, and ALSO was under the impression her own family would, as one commenter said, hoard it like a dragon. Extremely unpleasant behavior on BOTH of them. Grandma would be ashamed of their bickering in the original post.

[@sonialinsey8083]

She’s a nice person to actually talk to her cousin about this and give her a chance to use her strengths to build a career. Being an actual career chef isn’t for the mild-mannered dude to the pressure, hours, labor etc. I love cooking and baking but I know I couldn’t do it. Blessings to the family business! 🙏🙏🙏

[@jamestown8398]

I’m glad the update didn’t include OP giving Jane the recipe.

[@jessig.6791]

@@clownrat5759 Well seeing as the grandmother was sad and disappointed when she wanted to share the recipe and only one person in the family even asked about it so decided the recipe was Op's now. I wonder if the grandmother now intended that only op knows the recipe since they were the only one in the family with other bakers to learn about the recipe

[@clownrat5759]

@@jessig.6791 Would you seriously think Grandma would condone that pettiness? “You didnt want my cake recipe when I was alive, so you dont get it when im dead!” Thats weird. You sound weird for holding onto a recipe so tightly, I’m sorry. I can’t fathom hiding away a FAMILY RECIPE over something like spite that she didnt “want it” originally. Is nobody capable of changing their mind? Once somebody chooses something, nope, they can never EVER EVER EVER change their mind on it ever again. Thats how the world works, right?

[@rf159a]

It's a shame they didn't name the place because if it was near me I sure as hell would of tried the food!!

[@danedee6563]

Fr! I’m not a big cake person but if this cake is that good that it started family drama I want to try it lol

[@owl7072]

Story 1: "You kept it all to yourself" ...You had the option to ask her for it before she died and you didn't 🤨 Also, Op's right. She's a _massive_ hypocrite for getting pissed at Op for "selling out" on their grandma's recipe while in the same breath demanding Op give _her_ the recipe so _she_ can sell it. I get a feeling that if Op gave her the recipe anyway like the ESH comments are suggesting, she'd fuck it up, still fail to do well and _still_ demand Op stop using it because this is an actual mindset of "If _I_ can't succeed then neither can _you."_ she's showing right now. Story 3: ...Her wrists were _broken_ and she didn't think to bring a backup dress that _wasn't_ white just in case she got anything on the one she wore to the wedding? It doesn't matter if it was "just the reception", you don't wear white to those events unless you're the bride or the bride gives the okay beforehand.

[@xplayfan21]

This

[@GraveyardMaiden]

Honestly for someone who would die from embarrassment from a food stain how can she be totally fine with wearing all white to a wedding when it's commonly seen as the crazy MIL who wants to be her child's wide move?

[@sandraringener4968]

On story one if her cousin can't bake well, I would be concerned that if I gave her the recipe and it didn't taste right, she would accuse me of altering the recipe out of spite. Glad to see they worked it out.

[@jbgra2566]

Last story: Idk. It seems kind of sus to me that the only spare dress MIL had with her was white. It probably wasn't done on purpose but reddit has made me a bit more cynical, so who knows

[@danishaussie63]

S1: My first thought was maybe they could open a shop together so it was nice to see they did that kinda if in the end so that was great...and she wasnt an a-hole for not sharing the recipe when everybody had a chance to get the recipe in the first place... I also want some yummy cake right now lol.

[@elalogar7340]

For the last story, I can't really decide, but there is the thing that bothers me: she can't eat with broken wrists but she's carrying a white dress with her. 🤔

[@VesnaVK]

I'm sure MIL staged the whole thing. I wonder if her wrists were even broken.

[@cynicalrabbit915]

Story 1 - Grandma's cake recipe. OP was right NTA. Cousin finally admitted she wasn't a baker. From my own childhood, my mother wasn't due to her health problems a great cook. She excelled at cookies, cakes and Holiday Candy especially. Creative and prolific. Ever since I married and moved away, decades ago, I missed her Christmas Candy and Cookies. That is something I'll never experience again.

[@MorganVsTheInternet]

1- NTA she could've learned it from grandma but didn't care to spend time with her. OP was the only taker and the only person entitled to the recipe.

[@Iflie]

Julissa and mom were the ones not eating and scheming because they want him to get back with her and they sat her next to him on purpose. Op ruined it. I think that's just funny , not inappropriate as it wasn't sexual. But Op wasn't the one who had to fight about this with his mother, husband is, it's his family that is disrespecting OP by not having a seat ready and making no effort to get her one, what was she meant to do, sit in the kitchen? I do not believe mother didn't know she didn't have enough seats, normally if this happens and she was arriving everyone would scoot over and bring another chair but they all say there, even the husband.

[@marygilbert6105]

With the second story, I have to ask: what kind of husband just sits there next to his ex, while his wife goes without a seat?? Why did he not get up, offer his wife his seat, and then fetch a chair from the kitchen for himself? I do not mourn the death of chivalry as a whole, but that would have just been good manners.

[@mracula1667]

Story 1: NTA. If OP’s grandma had a plot of land that she offered everyone a claim on and OP is the only one to take the offer. If OP then used that land to open a successful business, she does not owe anyone in the family part of that land to open the same business. I’m glad it had a good resolution.

[@lisakaz35]

Awesome ending to story 1. Both got what they wanted and the business both contributed to has flourished owing to this. That's gotta make grandma happy. Sounds like lots of happy diners, too.

[@Russman67]

Julissa is playing the long game to get Sean back. And it seems like Mom's trying to help. OP had to shut the shit down. Sean let this happen? Seriously?

[@rylashadow18]

S2) You have a hubby problem. I'd sit him down and explain that was a boundary that shouldn't of been crossed. MIL needs to recognize that he's capable of choosing who he wanted to be with and he chose you. That by allowing this nonsense he's saying he doesn't care for the vows you all made before families, friends and whatever religious or lack there of belief's you have. That you've dealt with her trying to force him to cheat on you cause that's what she's doing by parading this ex around him as if to say "She's better and right here." That by choosing to enable this behavior its making you second guess if this is the kind of relationship you want to have going into the future. That when you promised to love and cherish him forever you meant it but he is showing you he can't keep those vows by allowing his mom to disgrace them. That you're putting everything on hold for the future until counseling and severe boundaries for the MIL that includes being cut out if she doesn't toe herself back into her lane and mind her dang business. Then tell FIL if she's so keen on having you cheat with an ex what does that say about what she does behind his own back. I applaud you for showing those harpies where your place was. With your husband. Now is he capable of telling her that she either gets her crap together or there's no future for her in your lives together nor with any children you may have? Cause that's what needs to happen.

[@LisaApril]

Story one: take some flowers to grandma and tell her all about your success with her cake. I believe somewhere and somehow she will get the message. The lady who has the recipe should patent it. It is certainly possible to obtain a patent on a recipe or food item if there is a unique aspect, perhaps if there is something counter-intuitive or a problem (such as shelf life or freshness) is being addressed. The trick will be identifying a uniqueness that is not something one would typically think to try.

[@VesnaVK]

Story 3 I think MIL did this on purpose, knowing she could play the "my wrists are broken!" card. Otherwise, a normal person would be trying to find a way to make something else work. Like, " who has a big brooch they can lend me to cover this stain?"

[@dustyrose192]

Honestly, thats what i was thinking. Who wears a white cocktail dress? I don't think those are easy to find. Also white stains far worse than any other colour

[@MargaritaOnTheRox]

A normal person isn't so insecure about someone wearing white during a reception. The whole, don't wear white, started only so monarchs could show off they were rich enough to wear a dress they could stain and throw away, has gotten out of hand. So much wailing and gnashing of teeth over a color. If the person isn't trying to outshine the bride, it's not a big deal.

[@GraveyardMaiden]

@@MargaritaOnTheRox it's the 20th century and people can afford white, also these days wearing white to most weddings is seen as a diss to the bride, and when a MIL wears white it gives the impression that she's creepily obsessed with her kid and wants to be their bride. That said MIL could of told OP what was up, asked and maybe cover up the white dress with her BF coat, the fact that she didn't sends the message that she doesn't respect her son's relationship with OP. Honestly for someone who would be so bothered by a food stain being tacky she should feel even worse wearing all white at a wedding.

[@GraveyardMaiden]

Yeah this honestly feels like MIL was testing OP to see if she could stomp boundaries, like there are ways to accessorize a white cocktail dress so you're not all dressed in white and she could have talked to OP before changing, but the fact she didn't sends the message she doesn't respect her son and OP's relationship

[@VesnaVK]

@@MargaritaOnTheRox the historical origin of a custom is irrelevant to what it currently means to break this custom. Reddit is loaded with tales of women who make herculean efforts to wear white at someone else's wedding. One wore another dress over her white dress on the car ride to the wedding. One said the bride was blind, so it was OK for her to wear white.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Mark, my mom made a 2 layer pound cake with cream cheese icing. It's beyond delicious. I wish I could send you a piece.

[@jillimi]

I wish you could send me a piece 😁.

[@carolroberts4614]

Me too! I love cake! We're on a diet at the moment though, so I'm not making any!

[@sonialinsey8083]

I know I want to send mark some of my zucchini muffins. They’re better than they sound. I grow the zukes myself.

[@Lenape_Lady]

Cream cheese icing is the absolute best icing in the world! Not super sweet and cloying and it’s substantial and has a nice balanced flavor for a sweet cake. It takes the edge off the sweetness.

[@Dragonemperess]

You are trying to whip him up into a cake frenzy. XD

[@Mewse1203]

Story 2: NTA but this goes WAY beyond MIL. If I was Shaun, I wouldn't have tolerated such disrespect for MY WIFE. OP also should have just bounced. This is literally an "everyone but OP is an asshole". This was a MIL powerplay that Shaun let happen. OP needs to have a serious talk with her husband. And yes it was MIL'S fault about the chair. It's her house and was EXPECTING OP.. And Shaun is an idiot. "Your both wrong" smh

[@caseyjude5472]

Cooking is an art, baking is a science. I thought everyone knew this.

[@LadyCeag840]

Story 1 (with Update): NTA. I’m glad everything worked out for both parties in the end. OP was right; Jane was a good cook, but not the best baker. The two of them working together in the family business was the best possible outcome!

[@lulusinner]

Story 2: mil should of immediately forced everyone to shove up even elbow and elbow to fixed the extra chair in. There was extra chairs (op didnt mentioned they were offered but even so I might of said 'oh don't worry I'm fine here' cos of how rude it was not to make space for me immediately)

[@jacquiethebibliophil]

My sister, who was 12 years older than me and helped raise me, was a wonderful baker but could not cook. Her cookies, pies, and cakes were amazing. She created her own cake recipe--I only know it was made with brown sugar and pureed fruit cocktail. It made a moist brown cake, she iced with a German Chocolate-esque frosting, but it was much thinner and she poured it over the cake. She would never give the recipe out. NEVER, in fact when I was old enough to pay attention to how she made it I was ordered out of the kitchen. Well, my sister did not get to live to a ripe old age with time to decide if she would give the recipe out and to whom. She was murdered when she was 40. Along with hopes and dreams her signature recipe died with her. Every now and then, now that I am a scratch baker and cook, I think about trying to make it. But it seems overwhelming. Depressing, even. Pass things like that on, like this grandmother did, when you are still alive to give a tutorial, tips, and evaluations of the product. Then be happy that your recipe will live on after you. Your little bit of immortality.

[@carolroberts4614]

I'm so sorry about your sister. I hope you can get to the stage where you can smile at your memories of her, including the cake making. I know it's hard, we lost my younger sister 7 years ago, and I still never know if a memory of her will make me smile or cry. All the best to you.

[@jacquiethebibliophil]

@@carolroberts4614 Thank you for your kind words and I am sorry for your loss. May she be of blessed memory for you always. My experience of grief is that it is like the ocean--just when you think the tide has gone out another wave hits you and may knock you down. Things often make no sense. Some songs remind me and I smile. Some songs make me cry--especially Christmas music. But we pull though it because we have no choice. Again, thank you and happy holidays.

[@laurenevers8644]

Whew, Jane scared me there for a moment. I was so sure she was gonna get caught trying to steal the recipe after coming to OP with a sob story to get close and hit her where it hurts but no, she actually meant her good intent! I still would have taken the precaution of letting her work in a way so that she couldn't get anywhere near the recipe until she could earn earn my trust though, or get paperwork for intellectual property involved or even both, but I guess OP knows her cousin well enough that she probably knew she didn't have to. Regardless, I'd get cameras if I were OP. Both because the recipe means so much and to protect her business/staff if shit hits the fan.

[@chetarisin3035]

Story 1: fun fact, you legally can't copyright a recipe. Anyone can recreate it and sell it. I say this as there was a post of a man recreating his mil's recipe as close as he can, as he loved it, and he was getting shit for it. He wasn't even selling

[@bhutehole]

story 1. if your grandma could see this in person. she would be so freaking proud of the 2 of you

[@annaholt5673]

Cake story. Grandma offered it to everyone. What if OP hadn't got the recipe? Nobody would have had it. If your Granny offers a secret recipe, accept it. If nobody else took time to visit and get the recipe, too bad too sad.

[@bioshockbrat9171]

Story 2, I had the urge to drag Julissa away from the table after getting my own chair and if she made a fuss I'd have started scraping. I'm the jealous type

[@maxinemyers9215]

The grandma and granddaughter were a blessing to each other 💙🙏

[@sonialinsey8083]

I’d bet real money that cake has cardamom. I ran out of vanilla one time and needed extra flavor in muffins. Cinnamon plus cardamom is amazing. Kind of an underused spice in the west. Either way you should try it.

[@wmdkitty]

S3: NTA. You do _not_ wear white to a wedding. Period. MIL needs to loosen up.

[@puli_dreadhead]

If she doesn’t follow baking instructions properly then she’s not entitled to the recipe. If she’s going to alter the recipe she should just create her own.

[@phoenixwaddell6093]

Right imagine telling someone they have to/should give a "magic" recipe to someone knowing they will ruin it and make a mockery out of it because "grandma would want her to have it as well" even though she refused to ask for it when grandma was alive

[@GBunnyG]

Story 1: I want to go to this bakery. Immediately.

[@LadySingingWolf]

Just because its a family recipe doesn't mean family members are entitled to it. My grandmother had a family fudge recipe, but only my one aunt got that recipe, and wouldn't give it out to anyone, even me when I asked politely for it.

[@Chilliwack56]

For the first story I hope that at least some of those that said OP was at fault would have changed their mind had OP put in the additional information in her update but then, knowing some Redditors, probably not. Basically though the recipe was given to OP by her grandma and she was told it was hers to do with as she pleased. Also although she did sell the cake it is only a part of what she is currently doing, it is not just her grandma's cake. The update basically proves OP's points in the initial post and it was nice to find out that they came to an agreement that appears to have benefited both of them, OP and her cousin, and I wish them continued success.

[@wordforger]

Story 1: Glad it worked out. I knew that if she came up with a way to get coz in on HER business it might help their relationship, and doing soups is just perfect. Good on them.

[@suzieseabee]

I'd like to see a wedding where people wear wedding dresses. Like all women in dresses and men in tuxes. It would give some old dresses a way to air out and be seen again.

[@Snowshowslow]

That sounds fun! But also supremely expensive for every guest who hasn't (yet) gotten married. I wouldn't be very happy having to buy a wedding dress for someone else's wedding 😅

[@lisakaz35]

I gotta ask why that last story MIL had a white back up dress. Can't entirely call that planned but if y'all think getting food on the first dress was predictable, then why wouldn't wearing the second dress be foreseeable, too. That was really her only backup? I thought food stains could be retouched in a photo, no? I'm leaning toward ESH. Just seems like there'd be a better solution.

[@spidermaxx02]

That’s what I was thinking too? Like she had to wear a white dress there wasn’t ANY other color?? Or kept the same dress on? I hate that people told OP she was the AH. ESH fs.

[@Kris-wo4pj]

no one wants to be at a fancy party looking sloppy and covered in food. and MIL literally said she only had that dress cuz she had a date tomorrow with her bf. it was explained. also who gives a fuck about white dresses. if your biggest issue during the wedding and esp the reception that someone is wearing white then your marriage is doomed from the start and ya should have never married cuz ya werent happy with that person to beginning with.

[@lisakaz35]

@@Kris-wo4pj It was "explained" only if you buy it. Why a white dress? Do you own a white dress? I don't. I have never owned a white dress. I owned some clothes that had white (a floral and white skirt, a T shirt with white background) or a garment white that wasn't a dress. While almost every woman has had a black dress, white isn't common for many women. So,t his lady has only one dress that just happened to be white despite the fact she was in two casts and possessed the propensity to soil clothes. Why does one want a white dress in that situation at all? It smells fishy to me.

[@justcause9334]

@@lisakaz35 When confronted she rolled her eyes and brought up her broken wrists. What does that have to do with the color of dress you are wearing? I'm guessing if we dug deeper this isn't the first time MIL disrespected DIL. They also didn't kick her out, they gave her a choice and she chose to leave. I think MIL was trying to show DIL she was the boss and it backfired.

[@lisakaz35]

@@justcause9334 Very possibly so. It sounded like a set up. Leaving probably was better than a MOH hitting her with red wine. I can understand thinking the first dress being stained was foreseeable, but then so was a back up white dress. I''m wondering if MIL figured she couldn't lose if it happened or not.

[@a0roar0in0the0dark]

As a family with several secret recipes, the whole family should be allowed to have it if they want it. Hindsight is 20-20. Just give ‘your’ recipe to the family.

[@YoYo-gt5iq]

S2: I bet there will always be enough chairs in the future.

[@angelaa7388]

Listen, if the ex truly is family and a daughter/sister relationship, then why would she care if a married couple sit together? Also, I find it highly irregular to suggest a guest go fetch their own chair. The host's duty is to have the table set. It was a pissing contest, plain and simple, and OP won. (Does that mean she peed the most? or it was the smelliest pee?)

[@Negasilver]

The husband in the second story is kind of an ass. I don't know how he could tolerate his family treating his wife that way and bringing an ex around to gatherings. If it was me I would've left with my wife immediately if they did that.

[@ariannewingard1660]

Ya, as mention Story one could've been one of those passive agressive family stories,but I'm glad that they were adults

[@kellywaters643]

petty is my favorite color. I would've gone in the kitchen and loudly have a convo talking about something nsfw or passively aggressively about the situation. I would've streamed something loudly or listened to music loudly. I would've invited someone to join me or maybe even left.

[@britnicox3929]

1: I am so glad that this ended with the family coming together in a way that worked for both of them! The grandma would be proud 2: firstly, OP is not responsible for the mom not being able to plan a dinner table correctly; she should learn to be a better host. Second, why the hell is the ex there? Why is the husband okay with her being there? Why is she comfortable enough to make judgmental looks at OP and going to gossip with the MIL? Lastly, why didn’t the husband not have demanded a chair for OP?? Bad situation all around 3: ffs her wrists were broken, she had only one other dress, and it at the reception! Oof she may have shot her entire relationship with them in the foot

[@Michael.CrazedAlaska]

Yea no, Story 3; the MIL did this to herself, idc if you have two casts on the arms, if you didn’t practice feeding yourself, and expect to spill, you don’t feed youself and just humble ask your so to help feed you, and why the hell is the back-up dress white? What if the spill happened BEFORE the ceremony, all the YTA would change their tune instantly…

[@xplayfan21]

This for all the wedding etiquette we have seen broken on reddit The redditors turn to The bridezilla card for this bride for no reason at all

[@simonO712]

It wasn't a backup, it was meant for the night after. Also, how do you know she hadn't practiced feeding herself? How do you know she expected to spill?

[@Michael.CrazedAlaska]

@@simonO712 i mean, how do we know anything that isn’t mentioned…

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

Last story - I swear I was one very laxed bride when it came to my wedding, (too laxed in cases, but that's another story for another time). If anyone had broken wrists all I'd care for is them still having a good time. While white is out of etiquette in many cases for a wedding, (well the ones that demand white), it wasn't here. OP sounds stuck up and unsympathetic.

[@dustyrose192]

Nah, MIL is sus, why a white dress? She knew she was heading to a wedding , the following night does not require a white dress

[@simonO712]

@@dustyrose192 Maybe she just, I don't know, wanted to use the dress the following night because she liked it or something? What is so sus about intending to use a white dress in a non-wedding situation?

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

@@dustyrose192 I can see your point actually. Didn't think of it that way. (Too wrapped up on the broken wrists part).

[@livewellwitheds6885]

it's weird the relative in story 1 is mad OP is "selling out" when she is literally going to do the same thing

[@13thMaiden]

Story2) I can't be the only one thinking MiL is trying extra hard to get her son to dump his wife for the ex right? And the Ex is totally in on it. Meanwhile OP's husband is so _dumb_ he doesn't even notice his mom disrespecting his wife, and when confronted wishy-washies his way out by blaming them both. If he's that blind, I'd say you should have a party with your closest male friend and have him sit right beside you and there be no seats for your husband. Maybe THEN he'll get the picture. (Or not, he sounds incredibly oblivious.)

[@Snowshowslow]

Yeah? Do you think he's really that dumb? I wonder whether he doesn't like the attention or just has the habit of siding with his mother on everything. It's hard to believe someone could be that dense...

[@oakenshadow6763]

Making a bakery to honor Grandma's dream, keeping her recipe, and her, alive. Good for you. It isn't a family recipe. It was Grandma's recipe, and no one else wanted it. That must have hurt her feelings. It's your recipe now.

[@onurkneezb]

story 2: NTA, but the husband is for letting this ish drag out as long as it has. Its his mom, his job to put an end to it.

[@juliebiggerbear7300]

As a person who does a great job with both soups and cakes, they are way different animals. Sort of like fish and birds. Most soups and stews can be to taste, but baking is way more finicky. Everything you add and/or subtract to a baking recipe will affect its final turn out. Baking can go from 100 to nuclear really quick! I am so glad that OP and her cousin were able to come together with the solution that they did, it sounds like the perfect marriage food wise.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#2 - MIL and hubby's ex obviously had a master plan - even tho OP is married to him. Her butting right in - and MIL being glaringly aware that OP had nowhere to sit - just burst that bubble right the fuck up. Good on OP. But really, she does have a husband problem because 1- he did not save her a seat, and 2- he didn't get up and either give her his seat or 3- he didn't make them each a plate and move to the kitchen with OP to have dinner. That would have really cooked his mom's goose!

[@angelathum5311]

Now I want to try that cake! What a lovely update for story #1.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#1 - Good ending and at least everyone is happy. Glad OP has a thriving business. I always laugh when I see chefs on cooking shows complain they cannot bake worth crap only to see them then add something to a recipe 'about a tablespoon of X' and it looks more like a quarter cup of X. Baking is precise and exacting. If you do not have the patience to measure out each ingredient and do things in the right order, your effort will always be bad. Cooking and baking to two very different talents. And yes, Mark, I want cake now too - and all we have here is leftover pumpkin pie!

[@dillongage]

Story 1: oh I love how this turned out. I love that OP recognized the difference between cooking and baking. Cooking is more an art, baking is more of a science. Plating food, and decorating baked goods, are both incredibly artistic however. As a longtime cook (recently turned sous chef, YAY) thats just starting to take my first baby steps into baking, I empathize with Jane a lot. It is sooooo much harder than it looks. I have mastered cheesecake though. The owners of my restraunt started having me bake the cheesecake for both their locations 😁 the secret ingredient is sour cream. Its counter intuitive I know, but it adds a creamy, fluffy texture that heavy cream simply cant match. It also balances out some of the sweetness. Besides that, we make our own vanilla bean extract, AND use vanilla bean paste. The vanilla bean is $190/lb, and the paste is $112 for a 12oz bottle! CRAZY!! Thank god the owners pay, not me. When I took over on cheesecakes we were selling one a week at best, now I have to make atleast 2 a day! (One of them goes to the café, one stays at the restraunt, sometimes we need 2 at the café). On my days off the customers get upset that theres no cheesecake 😂😂 they had to post a sign saying cheesecake is limited sunday/monday. If you can't tell, I am extremely proud of my cheesecakes. 😁 back in the kitchen baking is probably the happiest I am. I buzz like a drunk hummingbird and giggle like a schoolgirl the entire time.

[@beccaf262]

That last person saying “it’s not your recipe” but it is. Grandma gave it to the OP it’s theirs now. They’re just bitter they’re not making money off it.

[@savageinkstudios2969]

"I don't usually mind going to their family holidays"... uh, she hasn't been with him long enough to 'usually' anything XD with how short the time has been even if she immediately went to family holidays as soon as they got together, she literally couldn't have been too more than two of the same holiday by now. One of the many many reasons you don't get married when you havent even been togetherfor two years

[@ApocalypticEmu]

When I saw that title for story 1, I totally thought OP was literally selling the recipe. Not, you know, making a cake from a beloved recipe and selling the cake.

[@joeschmo622]

Wellp, The Opie could've always just grabbed a plate of food and "accidentally" dropped it on the living room carpet whilst eating. Then grab another plate and "accidentally" drop it on the way back to the living room. Rinse, repeat. Oh, and don't forget to "accidentally" step right in it and moosh it into the carpet quite thoroughly, in both (or more) spots.

[@ryanhburnette]

The last story… My exhusbands family seriously disliked me because we lived several states away (husband was in the military and he was stationed there) and there was preexisting drama in the family that I had nothing to do with. My boyfriend of 6 years now…his mother tragically died just months after we started dating and I never got to meet her. Not only is her death something that haunts him, but us not meeting is one of his biggest regrets. This bride is lucky to have a mother in law who seems to be a pretty great person. She just broke both her wrists and still showed up to the wedding to support them. A lot of people would just stay home. Then when she got kicked out, decided to show up to Thanksgiving even though her feelings were still hurt. This woman needs to think about the people she has in her life and what they mean to her. Sincerely apologize and if her husband is as wonderful as she says he is, she needs to remember who made him that way.

[@nilianstroy]

Also story 1... OP showed the family that she will cave under pressure.

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

I find it weird how many esh judgements when OP was clearly NTA. If those family members cared enough about Grandma they'd have visited her before she died. Reminds me of all those family members who come out of the woodwork for the reading of the will when they couldn't bother to visit the person while alive. OP needs to patent that recipe to make sure no major food manufacturing company can reverse engineer and market her recipe as their own. BTW, her cousin should contemplate making recipes for her soups just in case she herself becomes unable to work but she can hire a cook to follow the recipe for her.

[@FriedaMMartin]

Good afternoon, tomorrow I go back to work but I did enjoy the holiday

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #2: What universe does MIL live in where that is not rude? Also, Julissa needs to get over her obsession with OP's husband and move on. The real world is not the CW and End-Game Couples are not a real thing. OP may need a husband pretty soon, though, because this one has a spine made of wet noodle. Story #3: Boy, OP sure got a bunch of gullible Redditors in this one. MIL broke her wrists, not her fashion sense. She had no business packing any white dress, period. She was going to a wedding, not a tennis match. I thought it especially telling that OP's husband backed her up and told MIL to change her dress or hit the road. He's the one who grew with MIL and it sounds like he knew she was just being a Drama Llama.

[@user-pt1cz4ot1e]

Those saying ESH on story 1 are morons. Definitely NTA and I’m glad things ended up the way they did. I would guard that recipe with my life, “like a dragon”. 🙄 Absolute idiots that make a lot of terrible life choices based on “family”. Glad I was raised to respect my family and myself, but always stand up for myself above all.

[@StephanieHWLS]

I find it funny that the ESH comments saying OP should share it with the family when Grandma, the creator of the recipe did not share it until she knew her days were numbered. So tradition would dictate that the one family member who was taught the recipe should keep it to herself until her days too are numbered.

[@user-pt1cz4ot1e]

@@StephanieHWLS exactly! Everyone had their chance. Not OP’s fault.

[@ajwinberg]

Second story: NTA-The O.P. should have pulled her husband aside and told him that they should leave since she wasn't welcome there. If you know how many people are going to be at your house for dinner, regardless weather you get along with them or not. If the MIL knew she didn't have enough room, she shouldn't have allowed an extra person to come to dinner. It sounds like there was room for O.P. until someone who wasn't going to be there, actually showed up and assumed they could attend. I agree with the comments who said that O.P. has a husband problem too. I know my husband would have never let me be treated like that. He would have given up his seat for me and went and found another. If I were O.P. I wouldn't attend events at Mt in-laws house again in the future.

[@charlotteemerson5050]

I hope she named it Grandma's Cake for her business.

[@SkyEcho751]

Story 1: NTA seeing as Jane clearly doesn't understand how to bake pastries. If OP were to share the Recipe then Sister could tank the business. As for Jane, I'm glad she realized that the petty jealousy wasn't worth it, and instead focused on doing the foods she's great at, rather then trying to copycat success from someone else. Story 2: Wait, so OP had a seat then they revoked OP's seat and expected her to take it on the chin. Especially if it's supposed to be FAMILY, yet a non-family person came and joined? Nope, It was MIL or FIL duty to fix the situation. NTA Story 3: YTA, HER WRISTS WERE BROKEN YOU BRIDEZILLA. I could have excused this if it was a suspicious 'spill' and she changed into a bridal gown then maybe I could understand. But she broke her wrists and only had one other option, plus this was at the reception, so it was after the wedding by a good little bit.

[@dustyrose192]

Story three: NTA. Why is her spare dress white? Why didnt she wear a fucking napkin!? That would have solved all the problems. White cocktail dresses aren't easy to find and white stains far worse than turquoise does

[@marianhoblyn2552]

Listening to this at 12.30 at night, now have heartburn from deciding to indulge in cake.

[@dominonine]

Story 1: Reddit has this purity complex as if they are always in the right and I'm glad OP didn't listen to the idiots saying ESH as if they know what OP's grandma wanted more than OP did. And of course, when you don't listen to the idiots on Reddit and instead act like and adult instead of a Reddit basment gremlin, you get a good ending like this. Everyone is doing what they are good at and they have a thriving business because of it. I don't know if they are outside the UK but I hope they expand and become the non-UK Greggs or just gain even more success because good people who are good at what they do deserve it.

[@jayreiter268]

You do know if you sell your cakes they have to be made in a licensed commercial kitchen. They can be rented but for health inspection and legal reasons many owners are not willing to rent them.

[@hotjanuary]

This stood out to me too. She would have been shut down so fast in my province.

[@jayreiter268]

@@hotjanuary I am in Los Angeles. One of my wife's friends did this with pies. She started from home. As she went commercial she cooked in a Veterans club kitchen. After they understood their risk she rented a commercial kitchen. That stopped and the last I know she was back at home baking on a small scale.

[@fabbyk31]

Petty me would publish a baking book with grandma's recipe. I would share it with the world and family.

[@ondank]

"She clearly hadn't practice eating with two broken wrists" ... Seriously? Imagine actually writing this phrase and being like, "Yes, this seems like a reasonable point to make"

[@simonO712]

I know right? What baffles me even more is that the sentiment sn't just OP's, but seems to be shared with a lot of people in the comments here.

[@TheRealVenna]

I really don't understand why humans feel the need to sabotage each others success. We aren't crabs, and we aren't in a bucket! If a fellow human being finds success, be happy for them! Your time will come too, as long as you keep sight and keep working on your own goals. You are here to live YOUR life, not someone else's. Live your life, and let other people live their own life. Don't be that guy who wants to burn it all down because they didn't get what they wanted!

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

Glad to see things worked out so well for OP and Jane as well!

[@reshawshid]

Just gonna say that the whole cooking vs. baking thing is real. I've been doing cooking myself for a while now and just decided to try my hand at baking. You really don't have much leeway with ingredients with baking, as the ingredients determine a lot about the consistency of the cake. I made a pumpkin spice cheesecake for Thanksgiving, adding Bacardi Spiced Rum in the cake itself, and whipped cream with cinnamon sprinkled on top of the cake. It went over pretty well, as anyone who knew I made the cake said they really liked it. Baking cheesecake is a pain in the *ss but it's so cool having your own custom cheesecakes. Next I want to work on making something like a cookie dough, cookies and cream, or a mint chocolate cheesecake, but I'm going to have to wait on that because I'll get fat if I keep making a bunch of cheesecakes.

[@o0BlackSand0o]

Soup and cake? My heaven