Girlfriend Said She Only Went On A Date With Me Initially As A Pity Date r/Relationships

[@CarinaCoffee]

Story 2: holy moly what a failure of a parent that mum was!

[@redonyx5428]

she chose a man over her children

[@tamsel814]

I'm actually suprised that the stepsiblings are managing a reasonable relationship as adults. With those crazy house rules I would have expected things to have devolved to a no contact situation.

[@BruinPhD2009]

Failure is a nice way of putting it. Complete horse’s ass is closer to the point. OP is running a close second to his mother if he doesn’t see that she’s a passive-aggressive, nasty piece of work.

[@bhutehole]

she didnt learn her lesson after the last bad boy

[@FluffballKitties]

Shes awful. She added into the stepsisters fund for the house. I thought each parent was responsible for their own kids. She's really something.

[@Russman67]

Story 2 How in the Hell was mom okay with stepdad excluding her kids? "We're going on vacation. I don't have money to bring you two. Sorry. Have fun in your shared room alone! BYE!" And then for dad to insist on a loan for his daughter because "FAMILY!" Dad deserves that verbal smack and mom is just, wow. 🤦‍♂️

[@paulagoeringer9466]

They would never see a penny of that money back. If he needs a loan he can get one from the bank or something. What a donkey's behind he is to have the nerve to even ask. Ask him what was the deal with his mom? that they each only pay for their own kids? Yeah, stick to that. I'm absolutely certain he DOESN'T feel sorry at all about how he treated them. He's a failure of a man for how he treated them. He wasn't a stepfather, he was a lenient warden.

[@TheGreatPresenter]

Flowers in the Attic!

[@RuminatingRaptor]

@@paulagoeringer9466 Exactly what I was thinking to. He didn’t care about them as children, I highly doubt they will receive any inheritance from him.

[@flowerjpotter1629]

Several vacations a year. So if they only went on one then the stepfather could have easily afforded taking the whole family but he obviously didn't want to. The mother has is not what I would call a mother.

[@flowerjpotter1629]

@@TheGreatPresenter I remember that book.

[@justozzy5559]

Last story: you mean to tell my both of the sons' wives got rejected? Huh. Funny that. Must be a hell of a coincidence.

[@helenlewis2510]

To be fair he mentioned his youngest sister got rejected to, so maybe mommy only likes her boys

[@thethirdtime9168]

@@helenlewis2510 Might be the mom started her favoritism early and the youngest was her first scapegoat. That's at least my theory if this is truly a powerplay, and since the exclusion of wife is consistent it kinda feels like it.

[@erikrungemadsen2081]

I love how the wives are just going "nope" this year, they should have grown those shiny new spines years earlier, but this is progress. Unfortunatly the husbands are blessed with more bricks than brains.

[@UnicornOfDepression]

#1: He lost half of Reddit when he mentioned he still scored a date, let alone a girlfriend. Bro, she loves you. Don't piss that away. You blew her away so much she wants to marry you.

[@carlrood4457]

He didn't seem like he was willing to blow the thing up. It just bugged him and he realized he wasn't 100% rational. He did the right thing and talked to her and she clarified her mindset both then and now.

[@haitaelpastor976]

Doomed to disaster sooner or later.

[@noahr.7144]

She went in there positive you werent for her and within at most 3 dates you completely changed her mind. Thats something to be proud of

[@MONKEYDZETS]

No it’s not because you went out of the date on pity she should’ve kept it to herself that’s not something anybody wants to hear you dated me out of pity

[@SunBeeSmoked]

@@MONKEYDZETS she’s not the one who told him, her drunk friend did. And she barely knew him, there’s not a lot of feelings she could’ve had for him, she didn’t have a crush on him for years, it’s only disappointing because he hyped it up in his head before she even really knew him.

[@rai4119]

@@MONKEYDZETS I'm so sick of you people not actually reading anything. "she should have kept it to herself" She didn't fucking say it. and unless you guys are still living in a fantasy world concocted by Disney, this is fairly common. It is very very common to date someone even if you don't immediately click with them. It's also common for friends to encourage their friend to try dating someone new. This literally turned into a long-term relationship and even engagement. There's *nothing* to feel bad about.

[@tideio]

@@rai4119 I’m convinced people are either a) dyslexic and/or b) lack any listening skills

[@robertx8020]

@@rai4119 Some ppl just think that the 'other' always feel like they do Well, this might be a spoiler, but thining like that will hurt you sooner or later (and yes, there are exeptions)

[@CarinaCoffee]

Story 3:"If mother wants to attend she can send some samples", I bellowed out a big laugh at that! I think everyone should band together and bring their own food/desserts and then everyone can choose what they like. Maybe tell mum this will be happening though, you don't have to be an arsehole like her

[@paulagoeringer9466]

I'd be tempted to send her a sealed jar that looks like it has cookies in it, but is just a jar of farts.🤣 I may have a twisted sense of humor though.😸🤪

[@Mari-mi7qd]

o dear same love the petty side of Mark haha

[@Davtwan]

it’s okay guise it’s voluntary and only for the deserts 🤪

[@gibbybot]

I think the OP in this story is the biggest ahole. Obviously he has a controlling mother. But he just DOESN’T get it that he is supposed to man up and have his wife’s back. He should boycott the stupid party too. He’s going to lose his wife and he has no one to blame but himself.

[@flowerjpotter1629]

@@gibbybot Yes, I think so too. He seemed rather comfortable with his mother's methods. Mummy's boy alright.

[@CarinaCoffee]

Story 1: "and now, 3 years later I think I have a bigger crush on you than you ever had on me" awwwww!!! Considering he was crushing on her hard all throughout school that's a really big thing to say.

[@RobDaCajun]

It’s nice, but it was damage control. She knew she had to say something to make him feel special or it would be over. But hey maybe I’m a cynic.

[@erikrungemadsen2081]

In the immortal words of Sean Connery "Losers always whine about their best, winners go home and **** the prom queen." OP is a winner, who cares howr. Just take the win and go snuggle his prom queen happily ever after.

[@BruinPhD2009]

First story made me smile from ear to ear. I think the one comment about how we don’t always click with other people right away (romantic or platonic) is spot on. One of my closest friends and I did NOT get along when we first met; fact is we were too much alike and in the ridiculous high school way, we competed against each other. I mentioned to a mutual friend that I didn’t think M. liked me very much and he said “funny, he says the same thing about you.” For whatever reason, it occurred to me how dumb it was to compete with someone else and that was the beginning of a friendship that has lasted 40, yes FOUR ZERO years. Wish OP and soon to be fiancée/wife all the best moving forward.

[@capucnechaussonpassion14]

Such a cute story

[@Mewse1203]

Right? I don't get the issue at all. She didnt think they'd be compatible. They met later, got convinced to give him a shot and realized she was wrong. That sounds awesome to me.

[@Deaznkid280]

My best friend and his wife did NOT like each other when they first met in high school. She found him annoying haha. They’re happily married for a good 5 years now.

[@drl5002]

Probably the whole idea of being a plan b or being settled for. I don't believe it to be the case here, but I can see where people would go that route with their reasoning. It seems more like her BFF has a good head on her shoulders and knew they would be good together and convinced her to give it a chance. That's another thing you want your so to have good people for friends who will move them to succeed and even call them out when they're being stupid.

[@owl7072]

Story 2: Dude only said "If we could go back in time" because he knows he screwed up massively and is only just now realizing the consequences. There is no "if we could go back in time", you should've been treating them properly _regardless_ because _you_ married _their_ mother. They were _your_ responsibility the moment you said "I do" but you failed and you failed _miserably._ Story 3: "She's doing this in the best interest of the guests" "Everyone has different tastes" so if everyone has different tastes then why is one (1) person the deciding factor in what is and isn't on the list? Just have her bring the cookies and label what they are and if there's any allergens and then let people pick based on _their_ tastes, it's not that hard.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

The only thing he was sorry about was not being able to convince them to fork over the cash. NOTHING else.

[@katta309]

The mom in the 3 story is such a massive asshole to make a dessert into a competition. I mean in my family we talk about what to bring with us and what everyone likes so that we know if it’s something that one one person likes then we might not bring that thing

[@joaolima7131]

Exactly, saying he wished things were different doesn't change the past, also, I doubt it he was being sincere, if he was he would have accepted the no right away and not insisting, he probably wanted to smooth OP up to comply.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

@@joaolima7131 I doubt he was even going to pay them back. He excluded them as children, but is going to leave them an inheritance? Bullshit. If he was bold enough and heartless enough to hurt them as kids, what’s he going to care once he’s dead? Horrible parents.

[@Misspellednumbers]

Story 2: I'm starting to wonder, did mum ever apologize? She's talking about how step-dad feels guilty, but does she feel no remorse for how she treated OP and Luke? If she didn't have money for her own kids, then she never had money for herself either, so mum shouldn't have taken stepdad's offer for any vacation that involved Amy and Ada. She got to live the life of luxury, while her kids were off in a corner. Wtf I'm honestly surprised Luke and OP are even in contact with any of them, especially with mom. She's failed them before, and even now, she's not seeing it from their side. ANOTHER THING. Why isn't Ada putting any money into Amy's house?

[@justinchristoph3725]

Story 2: The stepfather isn't sorry for what he did. He's sorry about the consequences not getting him what he wanted. If the OP was the one who was asking for the loan, the stepfather would shoot that down fast. The mother is also the AH because she put up with that because the stepfather had money and she wasn't about to derail that. Her kids should have cut contact with both of them a long time ago.

[@dave7865]

Story 1 - People often do the right things for all the wrong reasons

[@TriXJester]

Story 3: I cannot wait for that update. I'd start looking for it around January. My prediction; "Wife and SIL ste leaving my brother and I because we refuse to cut the umbilical cord and let our mommy harrass and belittle our spouses" These mama's boys are the most pathetic people around.

[@pippo17173]

Always always look into how their relationship with family are when marrying these kind of people. These people are the most pathetic people to ever be raise in.

[@recycledapathy7411]

"Update: My wife, SIL, and little sister went to the Caribbean for Christmas, I got stuck going to my mom's and my wife is all happy and came back with souvenirs, while I got food poisoning from an underdone potato. It's not fair."

[@robertx8020]

@@recycledapathy7411 🤣🤣😂😂

[@kardellious]

​@@recycledapathy7411this sounds too real

[@myeternalteardrop]

I read one of his replies on the OG post. Jello would make a more sturdy spine than whatever his is currently made out of.

[@jessicawolfe5861]

He would pay her back from his inheritance? That would be shocking if he included them in his inheritance when he excluded them their entire childhood.

[@judev3197]

How is that even paying them back if he leaves them something? And if he’s saying it’s from mum’s inheritance then the kids should get that anyway. Of course he’s going to make sure they don’t get anything. Besides, how much of a mooch is step sister since she has not saved 1 cent of that down payment she’s got.

[@jessicawolfe5861]

@@judev3197 yeah it’s a weird thing to say

[@paden1865able]

Second story, she married a complete piece of crap human. Don't put yourself out for them at all. I don't audition my cooking for anyone; I'm a damn good cook/baker and I know it. Both of my grandmothers, as well as my father, taught me what I knew and I went on to get better. My husband told his mom to her face that he preferred what I made to hers and his grandmother raved about my lasagna and spaghetti. Lol!

[@Snowshowslow]

I think you mean the third story :)

[@dianeessex300]

Story 1: I went on a "pity date" once. The guy I just thought wasn't my type gave me 17 of the happiest years of my life.

[@recycledapathy7411]

I went out on a date with a co-worker, not so much a pity date as a "meh, I've got nothing better to do this weekend" date. We've been married for 26 years.

[@birgittabirgersdatter8082]

My “pity date” has given me 31 wonderful years of marriage, 5 children and 2 grandchildren. Sometimes taking a chance is really worth it.

[@This-is-dumb-af]

Do y’all think that’s something to so proudly state? You werent interested in your partner at all an pitied them as if you were above them? Word to my dead, if I heard my future wife ever state she went on a “pity date” with me she would no longer be my wife. The disrespect is unreal.

[@davidlionheart2438]

@@This-is-dumb-af With your immature attitude she'd be lucky to be rid of you.

[@RobDaCajun]

@@This-is-dumb-af I agree with you. Unless she follows it up with” I was an insufferable deluded witch and didn’t realize what I was missing. Thank God he came into my life. “ Ladies what you are saying is like y’all’s past. No man you’re currently with wants to know. It’s right up there with “ I did threesomes for my ex and a lot of other things I refuse to do for you. But your the man I chose to marry.” It never goes over well.

[@stan8479]

Before my girlfriend and I fell in love, she thought I was annoying. The world works in mysterious ways, but I'm glad OP and his fianceé are happy.

[@Mewse1203]

Exactly. I don't even understand the issue. Sometimes you don't know you'll be compatible until you try.

[@fufufuaru]

gonna need more update on that last story, feckin hell that op's mother is a control freak

[@libbert5757]

Last Story: "That's the way the cookie crumbles".

[@goawayleavemealone2880]

Groan...

[@mkaverage1791]

"Cookie samples"? Here's an idea...everyone just bring whatever the fck they want. And his mom's excuse is "people have different preferences". Yes, they do. Let them decide.

[@tamsel814]

I don't recall exactly who, but I recall being told that for the first few dates there will always be a person that the more interested then the other.

[@BruinPhD2009]

I agree. I think the concepts of “Love at first sight” and “soulmates” gives people an unreal expectation in a partner. Who knows how many people have missed out on having a rewarding relationship with another person because there wasn’t the mutual display of fireworks right off the bat?

[@tamsel814]

@@BruinPhD2009 yeah, I actually got told the statement after I called it off with a guy after two dates. The reason I did not feel any fireworks and the guy was clearly into me. So I felt guilty as I indeed believed you should feel an instant close connection. I was young and believed into the Hollywood ideal of love

[@Amna613]

Story 1:Alls well that ends well Story 2: Mum is the Biggest AH! She left her kids behind multiple times a year. Story 3: Wives should have their own christmas party.

[@poetryqn]

Simple and to the point. Ah, if only all of the world's problems could be solved so easily! Well, I can but wish it so....

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 I don't understand what type of POS parent let's their children live in a home and be treated grossly different. The mom is trash. Separate finances whatever. This disparity is not okay. The nerve of SD to try to demand 50k for Amy. That's just ridiculous. He feels so guilty, but in response just asks OP for money. NTA, but SD and mom definitely are.

[@OneToxicPixel]

Story 3: If mother wants to attend the girl's christmas party, they should just go "No thanks, we didn't like the sample of your behavior, better luck next year!"

[@Firstsurugi]

"I brought cookies!" "But you didn't send any samples!" "You can 'sample' it now!"

[@jerriewyatt905]

Story 1… OP’s insecurity from the past is causing him to question if this is how his GF feels about him still.. many great relationships start out on the wrong foot.. OP’s girl wouldn’t have stuck for 3 plus years if she didn’t love him.. Story 2..OP’s definitely NTA! He doesn’t need to give them anything! Kids should have been treated equally, the fact stepdad did what he did has consequences..OP’s mom and Stepdad are AH’s Story 3.. Wife is right.. I wouldn’t go either if it were me.. in fact I’d refuse to complete or taking anything period.. the fact the winners aren’t in laws are telling..

[@holeymcsockpuppet]

No on story 1...she realized he was not too great, but not horrible. She really needed to settle for someone soon because 30 was coming. There's 20 other guys that she would prefer but who do not want her. So, he'll have to do. He's what is called a "Plan B". She doesn't love him. She settled for him.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

Last story, I can see a great gifting of divorce papers with a note thanking the mil for showing the true nature of her little momma's boys. It would make a touching Christmas movie don't you think?

[@Phrancieee]

For Story 1: I understand the hurt, but also, for OP consider She is here in her relationship with you for no other reason than you because you WON HER OVER. Being hurt by how it started is understandable and okay, but I would try to process this and move on from it with the knowledge that she tried and failed to not fall in love with you 😂 And that says something strong

[@whitneybennett4857]

I agree with you. Yes, it can make you feel pretty crappy to find out that the first shot your partner gave you was done out of pity and I don't really blame OP for being kind of hurt, but as long as your partner STAYED with you because they actually fell for you, that's what really matters.

[@Harvest133]

If you have to WIN someone, then it usually ain't gonna work out long term. Operative word being USUALLY. Yes, there are exceptions, but they are just that: Exceptions. If you aren't someone's first choice, you should have a plan for that inevitable breakup/divorce that will come one day.

[@nataliazakula3400]

Happy Thanksgiving to Mark-the cheeky, lovely narrator from across the pond 😊

[@MarkNarrations]

Happy thanks giving to you 😀

[@elizabethescalante7866]

@@MarkNarrations Happy Thanksgiving to you Mark!! Or as I've heard that they say in England, Happy Harvest Home Day! (If I didn't say it right, I'm really sorry for offending you)

[@owl7072]

I've been spending the past two hours helping my mom with making food for Thanksgiving (still not done yet 😶) so this is definitely great timing cause I needed something new to listen to

[@MarkNarrations]

Enjoy the cooking, bet it smells great!!

[@owl7072]

@@MarkNarrations it does lol, we made pies from scratch and I had to smack my mom's hand away from the apples many times cause she kept eating them while I was trying to fill the pan

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@owl7072 ooo apple pie is the best

[@elizabethmartin6707]

@@owl7072 apple pie is nice, my mom always makes custard pie

[@MarkNarrations]

Do you have custard with apple pie?

[@terenceteh1043]

Story 1: A bit similar to my story, my boss conned me that my female colleague has a thing for me while she was fed the same thing by her colleagues. Went on a date & few years together got married. Had 2 wonderful pair of children. We are still very much in love with each other more than a decade later. Happy for OP that he has friends that care a lot for his happiness. May he be blessed with wonderful family like mine ❤

[@digit5465]

Story 3: get Gordon Ramsay to join and get him to criticise OP’s family’s food

[@GMAMEC]

Last Story - I’m yelling at my phone. That mother has a lot of nerve to request samples. The husband is a huge jerk too.

[@CathySW]

Story 3 sounds like they want Stepford Wives

[@KyrieChii]

Yeah, that or MIL is treating all the women in the family like _professional caterers_ which is just insane. That is _not_ how family meals are supposed to be treated. It's just some sort of weird power trip, she had to find _some_ way to express her disapproval/superiority.

[@tamsel814]

Story 2: that a very messed up way to bring up a mixed family. The stepdad is a major ah, the mom also for supporting this crazy idea. Also, I don't like taking care of kids with spare money. To me that just sounds like an optional expense. It ain't.

[@SheenaReine]

how the hell could the mom enjoy multiple vacations without her kids? wtf is wrong with that woman?

[@andredunbar3773]

Probably blinded by the financial stability/comfort that he provided her. Not an excuse for either of them, they're fully grown adults who treated two kids badly due to an idiotic agreement between the adults.

[@TrumpetsGalore4]

Story 3: OP basically said "great, my wife ruined everything" in his update. The fact that he won't back down from how stupid that "samples" tradition shows that the wife deserves better.

[@davidnash8208]

His wife should not have entered if she didn't like the outcome.

[@sl33pw17h4ng3l5]

@@davidnash8208 Yeah totally, she'll just hop into her convenient time machine (stashed in the cupboard like every good housewife) and skip back in time prevent her past self from sending a 'sample' in. That's the way to do it!

[@davidnash8208]

@@sl33pw17h4ng3l5 What on earth are you talking about. Other people also had their samples rejected and apparently accepted it. They all knew up front what the rules were.

[@sl33pw17h4ng3l5]

@@davidnash8208 Well my writing clearly didn't hit the mark as you seem confused. I was trying to highlight the absurdity of not entering if one doesn't like the result, when the only way of knowing an outcome is to make an attempt.

[@davidnash8208]

@@sl33pw17h4ng3l5 Not at all confused. Let me simplify it for you: if you don't like the possibility of your offering being rejected, don't enter.

[@SilversEC]

Story 1: Honestly he should feel even better, knowing that even with the odds against him, he was able to convince the girl of his dreams to marry him.

[@Harvest133]

If you have to CONVINCE someone, then it usually ain't gonna work out long term. Operative word being USUALLY. Yes, there are exceptions, but they are just that: Exceptions. If you aren't someone's first choice, you should have a plan for that inevitable breakup/divorce that will come one day. Men and women usually know within the first 30 minutes whether or not they want to marry someone. They have done studies on this.

[@elsemiekeanna]

The cookie story, I would've just send store bought cookies as a sample 🤣

[@marygilbert6105]

Or, a specially made cookie from a professional bakery, disguised as my own. Hate on *that*, and I'll know it's not the cookie that's being judged.

[@tashajl8592]

Story 1- Super sweet and I'm glad it had a good ending Story 2- OP should not have to help any part of the family as it almost seemed like her and her brother were just there and more of an after thought but are now only seen when they are progressing so well in their careers and making good money to help a step-sibling who didn't help and added on to the teasing/ torment of both of them, and the mum is an AH for even trying to flip this onto OP for making her point, and good for the step-father for only realising recently, I can only assume, that all the children should have been treated as equals. I will never understand how the mum's who remarry think their children being treated poorly should be grateful. Story 3- Ah yes it is all the wife's fault that neither her, nor the SIL and potentially the younger sister may not want to be celebrating Christmas with some stuck up family who will pick out the cousins and other sister for their desserts, OP needs to really think about how over the years it is constantly his wife who never gets picked and how this might have been her last straw. So what if she said something to OPs SIL its her decision on whether to go or not and shame on the brother of OP to be mad at the wife and not his Mother for probably constantly pushing both females out from being part of the celebration, in terms of food. Both OP, Brother and Mother suck!

[@RobDaCajun]

2nd story. Mom was drowning as a single parent with two kids. She sacrificed her children’s feelings. To put them into what she told herself was a better situation. I’m not excusing it. What bites me is she gave 25k to the stepdaughter that bullied her child. The only reason Stepdad is nice now because he needs something, and thought they’d be dumb enough to buy it. End of story.

[@tashajl8592]

@@RobDaCajun while I can agree with you it's just the overall aspect of the situation where it's her kids treated less than over stepkids that aren't hers and while she deludes herself into thinking that, it's not what her kids are seeing or feeling. And I do agree that the stepdad is only being nice because he wants the money for his precious child and is seeing how well his "stepkids" are doing.

[@Firstsurugi]

Well, for story 1, if she'd thrown that whole "pity date" thing in my face during an argument, we'd be done, no questions asked.

[@lisakaz35]

That menu sample thing is ridiculous. It never occurs to OP that there could be a legit reason his wife and SIL want to opt out. Yeah, wife shoulda told her MIL to stick it from the getgo but I have a feeling that OP encouraged her to participate, as if the results would change. Taste is subjective, so why is this woman the arbiter of everyone's dessert tastes? Just another reason why I'm glad I play no role in such ridiculousness.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

She's just a massive control freak narcissist. Everyone HAS to fight to win her highnesses royal approval. 🙄🤮 Yeah, I don't play those silly ass games.

[@astronautviolet153]

Happy thanksgiving everyone Story:2 NTA Op and Luke have the right to go no content with them and the mom is just as bad.

[@icantchange.youtubesaysine7338]

NEVER FEAR! WHY? MARK IS HERE! (Idk why but I always imagine this when I see a video pop up and I always have it in All Mights voice)

[@MarkNarrations]

Haha I love it

[@gngrblls2thwall]

S1: OP attempting to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory

[@tifadreamers]

Story 3. would love to know if there are more updates on this one. OP's wife needs to gang up with SIL and younger sister and have OP and his brother try to make cookies and desserts, have the sweet ladies taste the samples and experience themselves just how "good" it feels to have worked so hard for hours and get rejected. Heard a different story about a husband who didn't take his wife's side when his sister ruined her home-cooked meal and he only understood how wrong he was after he spent hours and hours of making them, so that would be something that I'd love to see here too. I support Mark's comment on the end. they should hold their own Christmas dinner with their cookies and desserts. have mom make samples if she wants to join in

[@aaroneisenman6873]

yeah that was the "raviolli incident" story... I cringed at that one, cause freaking handmade from scratch raviolli's. I swear, I would have been hard pressed not to kill someone over that.

[@tifadreamers]

@@aaroneisenman6873 yep that's the one! I admire anyone who can make these complicated pasta dishes from scratch cause that's some HARD WORK. when OP's husband told her to just make it again, I shook my head and said "boy, if only you knew." Well, now he knows 💁🏻‍♀️

[@davidnash8208]

Wife entered her dessert, she didn't have to.

[@artemishallihan8973]

Please keep us updated for story 3. Even if its supposedly a fun little dessert competition tradition, wife is feeling unappreciated and OP is not reading the room.... I really want to know how this plays out for Christmas

[@LillyianPuppy]

Woman: does her best to deal with BS for years. Woman: stops dealing with the BS. Man: "I don't understand how all of this happened so suddenly."

[@tgbedini]

I caught that bit of cluelessness too. I'm going along, thinking"that mother is a control freak and a monster." I would have nothing to do with her nasty games. "Oh, her reputation is so important, she MUST audition all the offerings from the peasants." Yup, OP's wife, as they say, doesn't have a MIL problem, she has a spineless, idiotic husband problem. Although, the MIL clearly trained OP to believe that she was the ruler of the world.

[@diannamacdonald3716]

Your comment about the DILs doing their own Christmas dinner and requiring samples from MIL was perfect!

[@cb9825]

Story 3 is so disturbing. People have to compete to bring something to MIL's house? And investing work and money into this baking? Tf is that? I personally would not send any samples, just relax and do nothing. let the others compete for this undeserving MIL's approval.

[@carolroberts4614]

I'd have wrapped up some fancy shop ones( sneaky), or opted out altogether!( not confident)

[@battlecat6766]

That last story man 😂😂😂 that mil is using the desserts to play ‘I’m the most important because I’m the only person who can make this decision’ what a bully It’s not about the cookies- it’s about the power play

[@NoOne-fo1di]

I love when you do the little sighs after a stupid sentence or title lol. "::heavy sigh:: oh dear

[@amznmmdprncss]

At first, I thought that the last one said, "AITA for calling my wife unseasoned..."

[@wierdgamer3067]

The term "pity date" brings such a negative connotation, so I understand. If it was considered a "tryout" date, it probably would have felt a lot better

[@SirFailsalot91]

1: Dude's living the dream of so many people, I'm glad he didn't throw that away and it just made his relationship stronger - alcohol loosens lips and it's no surprise the BFF let such a secret slip, but it all worked out in the end. 2: Absolutely NTA; Stepdad treated OP and her family like second class citizens in their own family, only for him to be begging for money when *his* family needs something - marriage should bring two families together like a melting pot, but this is a broth where everything is separate and nothing is mixed together, so OP is absolutely in the right to say no, and her mother really needs to stop sticking up for such a selfish man after she gave everything for her kids and he gave nothing. 3: YTA; OP's mother clearly has the knives out for his wife if she's done this *three times in a row* now, and if she's not, she's certainly making it look that way by having her standards so stupidly high and demanding samples before they can bring anything - that should be enough for OP to stick by his wife and tell his mother to get over herself, but I guess he and his brother are just momma's boys to not see how unreasonable she's being; let the rejected family members all have Christmas together so they don't have to suffer such pretentious behaviour.

[@kylecabrera142]

Last story. It wouldn't be petty me that came out it'd be anger me that came out. I'd have phoned up mom and said exactly this "we're bringing a plate of cookies and if anything happens to them besides being eaten I WILL crack you in the face, so keep that in mind, this is not a discussion"

[@crem-crem4070]

Story 2: I’ll never understand people who treat their stepkids like this, my mom has never treated my sister as second to me (if we’re being honest I’m pretty sure my sister is her favorite, she never shows it but my sister is my favorite too so I don’t mind). I’ve asked about these kinds situations in the past and she said “being a step parent is hard but anyone that treats a child as secondary because of biology doesn’t deserve to be a parent”

[@meezerluvr]

Story 3: The cry of the AH: "I just don't understaaaaand. But faaaaamily."

[@sapphireraven5015]

9:49 Mark, I just want to say that you're going to make a very lucky woman extremely happy someday. Keep being your amazing, empathetic, and kind-hearted self! Never change!

[@shadowbear123]

Story 3: when I heard the update, my first thought was "they're unionizing" lnao Good for them honestly, a civil way to make a good statement

[@jacquiethebibliophil]

The Sample Story: She needs to send a pie she got the recipe from The Help for.

[@TigersandBearsOhMy]

Story 1: In 4th grade, a girl walked into my brother's classroom and he thought, "Oh no, don't let this weird girl sit next to me." Well, she did. They became best friends, and then started dating in highschool. Almost 20 years later, they're married with two very loved and spoiled children. They both laugh at and tell that story all of the time. It's their "meet cute" or whatever, lol. OP needs to get over himself and stop being a goober. He swept her off her feet. It's a cute story. Embrace it.

[@ronn201]

For story 3, the wife can get back at MIL by baking cookies and giving them with gifts to the rest of the family. If she got the other people who were also rejected in on it, they could stake a coup by (unintentionally!) ruining everyone’s appetites before the meal too lol And if people started to notice that these amazing snacks didn’t make the menu, boy that’s weird, isn’t it? Maybe MIL should’ve let them out on the menu next time? Lol

[@FleshRebellion]

Story 3: What kind of a circus is that family? It's like the women only have that Christmas menu to affirm their worth? How desperate are these desperate housewives?

[@peteranon8455]

Story 2. NTA. You're not obligated to give anyone a down payment on a house, let alone step siblings that teased you for being poor.

[@bokkanb8209]

Story 1: my main concern for this whole thing is that in 3 years, she never told him this. It may seem like a small thing, but a relationship built on lies will never last. I get that she changed her mind later, but she never had the courage to fess up. She was willing to go through three years, and potentially more without ever being honest with him. What happens when she inevitably does something stupid? If he doesn't find out some other way, is she going to keep it a secret until he finds out. Will he then wonder how many things are hidden under the surface that she would try to keep to herself forever? how long until he starts questioning the things he knows about the relationship always leaving him wondering what else there is that he doesn't know.

[@poetryqn]

Last Story : "We can talk to my mother and see how it goes"?????? WHAT????? @MarkNarrations, thank you for the perfect reply! I hope those women have a relaxed and embracing pot luck to celebrate their own holiday FAR away from Madame Gatekeeper. Honestly, Mom is the SUPREME AH for asking for food 'submissions'. Even if she ran a three Michelin star restaurant, she'd be the SUPREME AH.

[@luisgentil]

Story 1: She thought he was creepy and worthy of pity. She knew this impression of him could potentially hurt him, but 3,5 years later didn't tell him about it. A lot of what she says makes a lot of sense, she was being cautious, slightly weirded out by years of teasing from friends and didn't want to get involved with a creepy nice guy type etc. But the fact that she intended to take this secret to her grave would make me cautious, since she could be just telling him everything he wants to hear now that she's been caught. The relationship is amazing, that's great. Doesn't mean he has to rush to buy a ring. I'm sure he hasn't had the time to sort out these feelings yet and is just trying to roll over them by "moving forward".

[@govsecret536]

Nowhere did it say she thought he was creepy. And it's hardly a secret. Most relationships start off with one or both partners unsure if they'll even like the other person. This is a step further than that, but ultimately he completely changed her mind after one date. It's impressive and a testament to his quality as a person.

[@NotAFanOfHandles]

Story 1: Ngl, gf's bff was a real bro to OP. They knew OP well enough to think that gf should take OP up on a date and went to bat to help get OP a chance and clearly they were right. Let's just make sure that when they stand to give toasts at the eventual wedding they aren't too-too drunk because apparently they, one, can't keep a secret and, two, when they let one spill the words don't come out right and will make things sound worse than they were.

[@Russman67]

Story 3: Is Mom trying to be a judge on Chopped? "I reject your dessert". 🤦‍♀️🤦🤦‍♂️🙄 You can't defend mom here. You either understand and go without your wife, or better still, decide to have Christmas on your own. YTA After the update: Digging the wife's shiny spine! Leading a little holiday revolt! OP is still an asshole (You can't fix stupid). Someone get OP's wife to come in and write their story. I have extra Reddit gold to go spend!

[@robinhinson4681]

Story 1: I think I saw this in a Lifetime movie sometime ago, ...the guy is too shy to ask his crush out in school, grows up and gets the courage (because what the worst thing that can happen, she says no ) but she said yes on a pity date and then what happens...he gets the girl because she found out she likes him🎉

[@dianeessex300]

Story 3: Beyond allergies or dietary restrictions, that's just ridiculous. I wouldn't go either.

[@davidnash8208]

Story 3: so OP's wife participates in this silliness and then gets upset when her entry is rejected. If she didn't like the idea she should have refused to enter and not blamed mil and hubby.

[@pir8lifeforme]

Last story OP did comment: "Okay, I'll defend my wife and tell my mother that she's being abit harsh on her and unfair towards her baking skills but that's it. I still can't really force my mother to include my wife's baking in the menu, I just don't get to make this call you know what I'm saying?"

[@Saarman82]

Story 3 - Looks like OP and his bro are a couple of mama's boys and can't comprehend precious mama doing any wrong. The solitary reply on his reddit post is telling. He was looking for validation and then the internet let him have it for not standing up to mommy. Doubt we'll hear anything from him in the future.

[@IvoryDragonfly]

Story 3: Been in that position. (I’m the homemaker of my relationship so I got lumped in with the “women.”) got rejected. Brought it anyway. They ate everything I brought. (Brandysnap cornucopia with lemon mascarpone filling and blackberry coulis dipping sauce). This kind of thing happens when there’s a simmering undercurrent building over years. When it’s divided between the men and womenfolk it’s my observation that the menfolk tend to not pay attention. Much more is going on than was revealed is my bet.

[@Tammohawk1]

1. She has a bigger crush on him than he ever did on her. I loved that part the most I think. Brought a smile to my face that I really needed this morning. 2. Story is only part way through and I'm upset with the mom and stepdad. Mom put her husband over her kids and he was an absolute ass excluding the kids at every chance he had. Not the jerk in this one. If someone can't afford to buy a home on their own, they can't buy that house. Find something within their price range. 3. OP's mom is absolutely nuts! She is clearly playing favorites on her decisions. But the entire bringing samples is something I have never heard of before in my life. Sure, you sample food if you are having an event catered, but a holiday dinner with the family at home? Never. People bring a dessert and everyone enjoys it or they don't.

[@peteranon8455]

Story 3. YTA. It's perfectly okay to just tell people that they don't need to bring food, but it's completely unacceptable to ask for samples... and weird to ask for samples.

[@runawayfromtoads674]

We never had thanksgiving where I'm from but we do celebrate Christmas and family reunions. Unless if a family member was cooking up poison, there was no need to regulate the food any family member will bring. If we had a family member like OP's mom in Story 3, Lord knows they'd be rebuked by all xD

[@carlrood4457]

About the only "regulation" I've ever heard of is assigning various members to bring appetizers, dessert, entree, drinks, etc. so that there isn't too much/too little of any course.

[@mage1439]

I haven't gotten to the point of seeing if there are any updates, but if OP in story 1 blew a great relationship because this person didn't appreciate him until getting to know him that sucks. As for the bff, it sucks she said what she did, but it also sounds like she was the cheerleader for their whole relationship, so I feel like she gets an automatic pass for saying something she wouldn't have sober. Story 2: say what you want about the stepdad and the kids, but OP's mom is the real villain in this story. If the person I married said "well, you can't afford to bring your kids on vacation so you'll have to go without them" said person would be gone from my life as soon as possible. Story 3: OP is a little mama's boy and as for his mom... where's that South Park clip of Jimmy trying to tell Wendy she's a continuing source of inspiration to Stan.

[@emcustard]

Story 1: It'll be a fun story to tell the grandkids/grandniblings

[@LeannStephens]

When I (27f) was 21, I had what I thought was gonna be a 1 night stand with a coworker's friend. We met at a rave my coworker took me to for my birthday and he brought 2 friends of his as well.I didn't bother to remember the randos name or anything because I didnt plan anything after the consenual fun. But he had different plans. Now 6ish years later, we are coming up on our 5yrs marriage anniversary. First meetings(dates) can be because of many different reasons.

[@whiskeyontherocks]

Story 3, if my MIL did something like that I would definitely refuse to come. I would never participate in that type of nonsense.

[@bettreon]

Story 1. Honestly why would you care. It's been three years and you two are happy and moving forward.

[@satmtca]

The last story reminds me of a story you did a while back about OP bringing dessert that is the exact same as her husband sister that everyone fawns over only she brought it in the last minute so this way nobody could tell and they ate all of her dessert in contrast to her sister-in-law‘s but then, when they found out that all of the sweeter the reading, we’re actually hers they are pretended like it wasn’t all that good

[@tifadreamers]

Story 2. the stepdad deserves to be called out on his treatment to his stepkids. it doesn't matter if he's feeling guilty now. his guilt can't change the past nor the fact that he treated his stepkids poorly. they are not entitled to anything that OP and her brother own now. mom is in the wrong too for allowing her husband to treat her kids that way. what a failure of a mom for not protecting her kids.

[@hibiscusrose6074]

Oh boy that mother is lucky her daughter still visits her story 2

[@GoldenLeafsMovies]

Story 1: I think OP isn't wrong for feeling the way he did, most people would feel the same, it just takes time to process things. It's normal to be in shock when a revelation like that happens. The important thing is communication which in the update did happen and they resolved everything.

[@kbf9644]

#2 - Damn straight, OP! Call that shiz right the hell out. Drop that deuce right in the middle of his audacity.

[@cynicalminion]

there is NOTHING that says that the first "pity date" didn't go really well... the only issue here is that you crushed on her long enough that "fine" is an ego-crushing response. the flip side is that if it WAS just a "pity date", it would've happened ONCE... i will NEVER understand people who get all worked up into a tizzy about "none of it was real" because of "pity dates" or "dares" or whatever. like... the relationship never would have STARTED if they didn't find themselves attracted to you... maybe the FIRST date was a "joke", but that doesn't mean that the years you've spent together are...

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Ops Mom thinks she’s Gordon Effen Ramsey ? She’s jealous of Ops wife and favors her bio familu. I hope Op goes onto selling her cookies to the public making a name for herself. Meanwhile op will be at mommy’s saying “no mommy your cookies are the best”

[@dirkstrider657]

The 3rd story: 1. Weird how it's only the women of the family doing the cooking/baking. 2. The "sample" test just seems like a way for MIL to pick favorites and exclude/shame others. 3. "My wife must have put those thoughts into my SIL's head!" The wife and SIL are grown women. They can make their own decisions with their own judgment. Op and his mother are TAs.

[@blandoatmeal1273]

Story 2 This story is the reason for the saying "actions speak a thousand words." Stepfather is regretful about how he treated OP and their brother to the point of mentioning it several times but not to the point of doing anything to make up for his actions

[@jhanch248]

OP in that last post really did just do a 'what is with these pesky women revolting against being demeaned'. The nerve! (Please, someone, get these husbands some smelling salts for their fainting couches.)

[@Josku2411]

Wooh early and bought myself a lil blue piggy plushie as a treat for my birthday also thanks for all the birthday wishes in previous comments

[@MarkNarrations]

Sorry I missed it Josku! Have a happy birthday anyway my friend ❤️

[@Josku2411]

@@MarkNarrations Tis fine you were still on time mate and thanks:D

[@carolroberts4614]

Happy Birthday 🎂🎂again! Have you given piggy a name?

[@paulagoeringer9466]

Happy birthday 🎂🎉

[@TWhiteTiger]

Pity date = free food. That is humiliating for him, and if he knew I doubt he would agree to it. That is what he is annoyed about and people don't get it. It makes him think that his relation was build in sand.

[@theScytheofGod]

Story 1: "Does it really matter how you got the girl?" Yeah, it kinda does.

[@sethjr9815]

1st story sounds like a Japanese high school dare game but with a good ending

[@stevetallent4637]

Story 3: OP’s wife and SIL who are threatening not to go to family event should absolutely go. But they should never again take part in this silly competition to try to win the witch’s approval. And they should refuse to make any food at all and just reply, “Oh, I couldn’t possibly make that tasty enough for such a an auspicious event.” Show up to every event. Always refuse to bring food. Always refer to how you aren’t a good enough cook. “Make potato salad? Oh, I couldn’t possibly. You know how bad of a cook I am.”

[@KE-hr4sb]

S2: NTA, and tell mom to pound sand along with her husband. She should have been protecting you against his unfair treatment and teasing, not *telling you to be grateful!* She seriously failed in her mom duties.