My Favorite Christmas Story: Santa Land Diaries

[@marymeade5916]

I was an elf at Macy's Santa Land. Someone at some point claimed he exaggerated his account of his experience. I am here to tell you everything he said is accurate because I lived it! Elf class of 1987!

[@ancel1961]

Could you guess where the retarded people ended and the regular people began?.. 😂🎅🤶

[@rosequartz4102]

@@ancel1961 I live in Philly. His phrase "Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it" takes on new meaning when you have to drive from one side of the city through the other and back again, multiple times a week, particularly when you go by the transportation centers.

[@ancel1961]

@@rosequartz4102 ... I've seen videos of the Zombie Zone in Philly. How anyone can see those scenes and still support the legalization of opium based drugs is beyond me.

[@rosequartz4102]

@@ancel1961 I know. I mean, I've walked in on about three dead bodies in public bathrooms, two train stations and a library. I know what videos you're talking about. It's just gotten too bad and there aren't enough resources for these areas to be turned into non open air drug markets. On the plus side, It's like an ecosystem that's killing itself, either people clean up and move away, or they take fentanyl spiked drugs and die. It will take some time but if you think of it in terms like this it's not sustainable, which is good but then you have to multiply that by every other crappy area in the country.

[@lindasimons691]

@@ancel1961 I heard most of the authentic ones were in D.C. on the 6th.

[@keithpurtell1213]

This is one of the best things David Sedaris has written.

[@mernaschneider6651]

I listen to this every year, going on 29 years and laugh about something different in it every year. After this I’ve read everything David has published and become a big fan of Amy as well. Sometimes Christmas has been sad for my family and this story has been a big help in getting through it

[@LeesaAlbert]

Listening to Santa Land Diaries is my Christmas tradition!

[@xtainsrevil1812]

First time I heard this I was driving home from work on a very dark county road through the woods of Arkansas. I was listening to PBS. I had to pull over. I couldn’t see for the tears. Years later I’ve read all of his books and saw him do a reading just before Covid hit. What a damned funny family. Amy is a hoot as well. My fav story is when the mom locked them outside after too many snow days. They had the youngest sister lay in the icy road to get moms attention. Dave about the sister. “bless her heart she just wanted to be loved”

[@davidgiles5912]

Mirrors the first time I heard this on "This American Life with Ira Glass", also driving on a North Carolina state road and also needing to pull to the side of road to catch my breath. One of the longest segment to be broadcast on Morning Edition. Have seen the play version several times in Atlanta area. Worked in Raleigh for several years and have visited many of the places he mentions. Have read most of his work.

[@loridancer9378]

Love the beat jazz atmosphering in the background!

[@ancel1961]

I know right Sets the perfect mood for this story.

[@tperk]

It is a bit reminiscent of the jazz score accompanying A Charlie Brown Christmas. The spare, deliberately paced monologue even matches the actors' delivery in that 1960s holiday classic

[@MrPetrie]

@@ancel1961 ; it's Booker T. and The MGs Christmas album that you are hearing. I recommend listening to the entire album.

[@ancel1961]

@@MrPetrie Going to listen to it... Thanks

[@MrPetrie]

@@ancel1961 ; I recommend listening to all of their albums, but starting with Green Onions. Booker T. Jones is a genius at composing and improvisation and blends blues, jazz, country, rock, and has a great knowledge of classical composers as well. If you enjoy reading, you might appreciate his "Time is Tight" autobiography.

[@silvanamoscato2029]

In 1989, I was the elf in charge of the Santa Puppet Theater and loved it!… not to mention Macy Employee discount😊

[@ancel1961]

@@silvanamoscato2029 I can only imagine what and who you had to deal with. 😂

[@mindm5351]

David Sedaris you are the best😊😊😊

[@ghoststarstalk]

The first time I heard this, I was cleaning my habitat but ended up sitting by the speaker to hear the funny. David Sedaris is great at reminiscence.

[@ancel1961]

This story is hilarious.🤣

[@ghoststarstalk]

@@ancel1961 Sedaris himself writing with his droll sarcastic wit brought it to life.

[@karenrhodes823]

I lose it everytime he begins singing like Billie Holiday. Wish Santa Santa would have let him finish the song.💕

[@loridancer9378]

Gave me goosebumps! Billie thru an extra-Noir filter, in "Speakeasy Santa"!

[@ancel1961]

@@karenrhodes823 ... I was cracking up when he sang and again when Serious Santa shut him down.. 😂

[@bpalpha]

Maybe the finest rendition of Away in a Manger.

[@susanschaffner4422]

Perfect ending, funny and poignant. Loved it.

[@rejectedjeepers7317]

I'll just say working in a mall in the 80s was a nightmare..... I can laugh now but it does tell you how people really are.....

[@williamthurmond4940]

“Snowball just leads Elves on…”

[@ancel1961]

That was hilarious. Snowball is playing a dangerous game.

[@frankromero5581]

Thank you """""" i needed that . i give you lots and lots and lots of credit . life is but a stage !

[@riandraegon556]

If you like this check out David’s other Christmas story, Six to Eight Black Men.

[@RobertasExpressions]

interesting that the swear words are bleeped out but the word "retarded" is still there in reference to the cognitively impaired folks....I'm not offended as it was a time when OLTL was on everyday. I love this story and this time in NYC. I so appreciate the commentary and all that David Sedaris brings to the world. Merry Day what every you may send!

[@chloekey8043]

Since this story is over 30 years old, that was the nomenclature back then

[@ancel1961]

@@chloekey8043 David Sedaris will become a victim of future Cancel Cultures. He will be forced to apologize for referring to people as retarded. His statues will be torn down and his elf costume burned. 🎅🔥

[@yuriination]

@@ancel1961 nah. Yanno why? Because he would willingly apologize and not make excuses or whine like a baby about political correctness. You know... like an adult.

[@colnagosuper]

During this time the local landscape had a foundation for the retarded. A live in facility with very successful fund raising. Auctions including hours on a jet and other wants and needs for all wallets. The demand for the jet was enthusiastic with numbers that told me no bargains today. I was there for their annual bike ride that was supported by local regional laws enforcement including secret service, fbi, sheriffs hwy patrol and various police. Out on the side of the road with donuts and beverages. 9/11 ended that. Some years later the name would change.

[@ancel1961]

WTF?...🤔😐 I see why David couldn't tell where the line changed.

[@SoItGoesCAL34]

That ended on a very depressing note. Seems like there should have been more. Anyway... thanks for sharing. David Sedaris is great.Happy holidays

[@ancel1961]

The depression and sarcasm is what makes this Christmas story so hilarious. We see tons of happy Christmas stories, but none of the domestic violence stories brought on by the financial pressures of living up to commercial hype. 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♀️

[@SoItGoesCAL34]

@@ancel1961 I loved it and thanks again for sharing. I was surprised at the abrupt ending but we enjoy David Sedaris very much. I love his readings. Have a wonderful holiday season.

[@ancel1961]

I hope you had a great Christmas too. Thanks.

[@davita4436]

There actually IS more. He has completed his tour of duty and is heading out as he hears one of his...co-elves politely threaten a demanding customer at a cash register, I believe. Its a much funnier ending. I tuned in mainly to hear him sing Billie Holiday-style. He does a decent Billie Holiday 🙂

[@ancel1961]

If possible, can you upload the complete version? Thanks.

[@susanduarte6888]

Rachel and I might have had the same mother except that I am older than you and grew up on the other coast. I guess these mothers can turn up anywhere, anytime.

[@N_Loco_Parenthesis]

[24:40] Who was that, Mia Farrow?

[@veecee3669]

God, this was sad, pathetic, and funny, all at the same time.

[@Tinyflypie]

Just like Christmas

[@ronneyrendon5045]

@@Tinyflypie LOL......WELL SAID.

[@Tinyflypie]

@@ronneyrendon5045 =D happy new year

[@veecee3669]

@central station. Pretty much...😊

[@JamieBell-e6j]

14:12

[@bellautopia818]

Smile if you "_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _e" 🎭🤔🤯🧠💨

[@puertoriconnect4611]

This is actually really cynical. Like he can’t comprehend that anyone would actually take joy in making children smile and believe in magic. I could see myself having fun and being genuinely enthusiastic doing this job for like 2 days. After that I’d hate it, but it’s not impossible to believe that some people actually enjoy this job. And even if they don’t, it’s respectable work. These people are trying to do a good job and actually put effort into their work. He’s disgusted with that.

[@TerlinguaTalkeetna]

So apparently you don't care for David's satirical ironic darkish pointed humor. It's not for everyone. I think you shouldn't bother to read any more Sedaris, it will not please you in the least. Some of us find it refreshing, honest. and very funny.

[@rejectedjeepers7317]

​@TerlinguaTalkeetna I'm thinking xmas story elves. 😆 working in 80s in a mall, people today have no idea what a real nightmare people are and rude as can be.....