My Honest Advice to Someone Scared of Dating Again

[@atty.veronicainoturanosg3487]

It's so exhausting developing our personality, taking care of our looks, working on our traumas & problems, then putting ourselves out there, doing our best to be a good partner, only to be fooled, taken advantage of or heartbroken. WASH, RINSE, WRING, REPEAT.

[@LulaMo38]

1000% - this right here!

[@emeraldbarker-l5x]

For REAL

[@froufou100]

exactly. Plus I count the many times, I have showed my boundaries in a healthy way but the quality of men I come acrosss is still low that it doesn't matter that I work on myself etc. since the surrounding is so bad. I am gettng old now at 52 and I still look good, young etc. but I can see that men of my age are not interested, they want younger....so I feel at this stage, I will be aone for the rest of my life and I have to learn to be ok with it.

[@MinnieOnCam]

Yes the older you get the more exhausting it becomes.

[@Rut-vi7iz]

Perfectly said.

[@LuanaAraujo-mg3lz]

Girls, Im so proud of myself: i went for a date with a man atractive and we had a nice conversation and he made me many compliments and then he said: I was already married twice and blah blah, I am.just looking for "love" not for "labels".. so after watch many videos of this channel I said:" oh, thanks for save my time and my energy, I really appreciate that.I wish you good luck in your searching" and then I left ... I feel so proud of my self, I never felt like this..

[@TokyoBlue587]

Good for you! He sounds like he just wants someone to use.

[@council.of.fluffies]

Good for you, girl! Honestly you would have gotten into such chaos being with someone like that. What a mess. I'm glad you peaced out, and with such class too 👌

[@ericbrown1132]

Sounds like you just want a man you can gain leverage over and use. MARRIAGE is DEAD and women killed it. Hell I agree with him 100%, I was married for 19 years, 17 of which I was walking on broken glass constantly being threatened of divorce and taking the kids, everything we owned, and child support for kids she straight up said I would never get to see. She cheated, became addicted to drugs, spent bill money on drugs to the point several times water or power was disconnected, car repossessed once and impounded once for DUI, she would throw things at me, hit me while I just took it, she even called the cops on me after busting me in the head with a toaster where I got the DV charge…and what was that for? I got the last coke. Everything women said they faced in the past that they were trapped in bad marriages has reversed and now it’s the men trapped in abusive situations they can’t even defend themselves legally or physically without dire consequences. My only escape was when she got arrested and put in jail for drugs which gave me custody and a divorce. Marriage has become nothing more than a weapon to attack men. All the securities women were afforded in the past was a deterrent to keep men faithful and being a good husband. On the other hand public shame was what kept women in check. A woman who cheated with at fault divorce lost all of her securities, custody, and was socially outcasted and shamed. Modern women can now cheat, take the kids, take the house, car, 1/2 of everything, child support, and be praised for doing it. Women made marriage a plague to men to be avoided at all costs. Even if you think you are a good woman your failure to hold up the shame for bad wives makes you equally as guilty. Marriage will continue to die out until women give up all the leverage they have in courts. To give you an idea by the time of 30 years old there is only 5% chance for marriage. The threat and risk for men is way too great to expose themselves, and even the 2/3s of the 20 year old guys are avoiding relationships completely. This is the culture women created, if you don’t like it then it’s up to women to fix it for the future generations. You are most likely screwed as the men today are no longer interested, and probably to traumatized for a healthy relationship to ever exist.

[@ulyanamomotova04]

I'm proud of you too!❤

[@superkaterina]

The more I work on myself the harder to find someone I like. Not dating.

[@mc8295]

Agree wt this

[@NyNy-ly9js]

✅

[@Stopit77]

So so true

[@Rut-vi7iz]

Yes because as we grow, we are less willing to accept poor treatment. I don't think men my age of 59 "work" on themselves.

[@Stopit77]

@@superkaterina 100%! The stronger I get the less there is out there!

[@FlynnFromTaiga]

It was much easier to find someone when I was insecure , clingy,feared of being by myself. Now I always ask "do I want to put effort into this, or is it a waste?" . So much less bullshit I tolerate this days.

[@Bella.45.2.47]

Above comment is spot on. Story of my life. Can’t unsee what you see anymore.

[@leedlbagginshield8492]

It means you’ve grown and became more aware

[@lpsglitterpaws8536]

😮

[@lilsangarden]

Yes!

[@FilmsByDan]

Suggest looking for a balance because if it feels like bunches of effort, then perhaps you're overvaluing a situation. Key is to only invest as much as the other person. Make a deposit, then see if they make one too. Let it take time to build trust.

[@teachinbamba]

I don't want collateral damage. I don't want to play this game anymore only to be heart broken again. I am tired of it. I love my job, friends, plants, dog, turtles, family, travels etc. I have enough tales of failed relationships. So I am not putting myself out there. If someone enters my life naturally I'm open to that. I am going to keep living my life, enjoying my life. If someone shows up yay, if not, I'm still happily living and doing things I love. ❤

[@atty.veronicainoturanosg3487]

SAMEDT.

[@FTYC2022]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@thematthewhussey]

Well regardless of what you feel is right for you right now, I'm still glad you are here watching these videos of mine :)

[@KiAy-un8vs]

@@teachinbamba 👏🏼👏🏼well said

[@stellaltumi]

I'm in the same spot right now

[@do8559]

I understand what you’re saying but you may not be in touch with how many people are just TIRED. Everyone is looking for love, but few are finding it. You really have to be lucky to find love IN THIS SOCIETY.

[@NKWTI]

Yeah, as a guy I’m kind of exhausted in the cat and mouse emotional rollercoaster game. Both from nervousness and the work it takes at the beginning honestly. I’m willing to do the work if I want something bad enough, but I’m honestly not sure I want it so bad anymore nor am I fond of having to interpret someone’s true intentions, etc. I did all of it and gained some experiences, but I think that alone may have satisfied what I thought I wanted to take part in so badly as a permanent fixture.

[@lindakitten2481]

I listened, learned, took the chances over the course of 7 years after I got divorced. It was worth the risk…there are a million nos out there , but I found my one. It took a friend of mine 14 years. I married last year. I’m 67 and he lived 200 miles away. We put in the work to travel and see if it was right.

[@thematthewhussey]

Congratulations Linda! ❤

[@Docset30]

Beautiful !!

[@margaritaramos7643]

Yay! Congratulations!

[@MandyCameron-ri4kt]

14 years!!!!… I’ll be 74.. no thank you

[@SurvivorC]

Thank you for posting this. I keep thinking the predominant audience here is under 40. I’m in my late 50’s. My divorce a few years ago rocked my world. I’m doing better & thankfully out of an unsafe & unhealthy marriage, but the idea of dating still has me ….not dating. I’m afraid of making the same mistakes & repeating the scenario. Maybe….ill try again.

[@cherrylane79]

Trying to date gave me PTSD. These men don't go to therapy. I'm not scared. I'm terrified.

[@colleen6050]

I was duped by a sociopath for 27 years. He destroyed my family and my marriage with repeated infidelities including with his friend's wife. I lost everything. My home, job, finances, some friends and I had to share my children. This predator tried to destroy my spirit and my psychological well-being. After years of therapy, I have rebuilt my life, but inviting someone else into my life again seems like a mountain too high to climb. The good news is, I can spot a malignant narcissist within seconds.

[@aguitawata]

within seconds? I've survived pathological narcissist abuse (6 years in my case) and I very nearly did not survive to the recovery stage, which took me many long years... I have still had interactions with people suffering on the narcissistic spectrum, and although I can spot it faster now than before... I could not claim "within seconds". What makes you so sure so fast? Also: I am deeply saddened to hear your story, and I know it is nothing short of a miracle you survived.

[@donminecuador6044]

May I gently suggest that if you think you can spot a narcissist within seconds, you may have forgotten how a narcissist operates. I worry you may very well dismiss a genuinely good, caring man when he comes along. Some people really are what they seem to be. Hopefully, you can find a man who will go slowly at your pace and at your comfort level. A narcissist's needs will prevent them from being patient. That is your safeguard. Don't be hard on yourself! You deserve to be happy in a healthy relationship!!

[@BärbelK]

After a 41-year relationship (married for 29 years), my husband cheated on me for months and then left our family. I don't believe in coincidences and am grateful for you, Matthew and your team. Many of the posts are exactly what I need and need to hear now. Greetings from Germany

[@KiAy-un8vs]

@@BärbelK sorry to hear this~ may God be with you and help you and your family 🙏🏼

[@bethanrees6027]

Yep not dating at all... I would rather listen and re-listen to self help podcasts like yours before bed to fill the void of loneliness than end up reaching out to a man who has only shown me hurt and disrespect. Also you do have a soothing voice and a charming presence, although we haven't met you I'm not alone in thinking you are very likeable!

[@NyNy-ly9js]

I don't want anyone Disrupting my Peace. Do I get lonely for male companionship of course! At this point dating feels like a liability and I won't to be responsible for grown folks unhealed emotions and trauma. The gaslighting the on & off again communication. I like my serene space of tranquility.

[@atty.veronicainoturanosg3487]

IKR 💯 LEGIT

[@suziebee4240]

When i point fingers at others, I cant help but see the faults within myself. Im unable to deal with those traumas because i have my own traumas that trigger me. I feel peace in isolation, when theres nothing to poke at my wounds. But once I get out into the world, i see a million different perspectives, and I cant help but get triggered eventually. I feel like i dont belong anywhere except places curated just for me and accepting of me through the special effort of those catering to me. And being safe in these places doesnt feel enough. I want to thrive where its chaotic. Im not strong enough to do that yet.

[@FilmsByDan]

Weird that you're here then, ain't it 🙃

[@michelledambra]

Physical relations is not worth everything else that comes with it. Many of us women are tired of rebuilding ourselves after each relationship that destroys us. The healthier one becomes the less options. I'm 56, the odds of finding someone in my age range, that doesn't drink, eats healthy and has done inner work is extremely low. I don't have cable or like loud TV, my house is clean and nobody snoring next to me. We are just being realistic and enjoying our peace. Men benefit more from relationships than women do.

[@lynneeskil595]

They are just looking for a nurse or a purse at this age.

[@Lj_4586]

This. My broken marriage didn't mess me up as much as these strangers.

[@TonganJedi]

No, we don't. We're staying single too. Last thing I want to do is lose half my shit for mediocre sex and mental health damage.

[@laberbla6466]

Interesting: As a man I think the same about women. Especially about the benefits. I rarely had any benefit - just someone who permanently expected me to be/do/act in a certain way. Why is that, that both genders seem to feel this? Did nature design us to be too different?

[@michelledambra]

@@laberbla6466 IMO, there is too much polarity but it swung the opposite way. Feminism in many ways helped empower women to take care of themselves so they were not stuck in marriages with men who were abusing and suppressing them. It's gone extreme for different reasons like trauma and having to survive financially. Because of this women have been operating more in their masculine which makes them more combative in relationships. Men have been told to suck it up and not feel but this is difficult for women because it's important to talk about things. There are also guys out there that want to be rescued and too passive or nice guy syndrome. Again, this is my opinion but I think men collectively need to learn how to express themselves and deal with things. We don't want a caveman who is too aggressive or has unhealthy outlets like drinking too much, gambling, video games, drugs, etc. What happens is a woman feels unsafe and doesn't trust him to lead when she see's him not handling life stresses in a healthy way. As a woman who is very strong and independent because I had to be I know that if I can trust a man is not going to lead me down a path of destruction or low self-esteem I would happily submit because I would feel safe. Unfortunately though many of us woman thought we found this man but he was just putting on the charm to get us then after a while their true colors show. No matter how much work one does on themselves only being in a relationship will reveal parts of ourselves that need healing. You can think you are all healed and doing great but nobody is at home triggering you to show the shadow self that is the unhealed child within. I think finding a partner who is also doing the work and committed to helping each other is probably the best situation but it still won't be without challenges because we are human and sometimes suck. lol

[@lisapardini3594]

Thank you Matthew. I felt like you were speaking directly to me. I went on a date yesterday that rocked me off my center. After the date I felt depressed, deflated, and in anguish that I may never find my person. I told myself that was it! No more! I'm done! I don’t want to feel this horrible pain anymore. It's not worth it. But after watching your video I realized that I can always come back to my center, my ground, my home, no matter what happens in my dating life. My equilibrium and peace are truly never at risk.

[@Olivia-bl8ez]

Im only 30 but I was terrified to start dating after my divorce. I have found dating very healing. My marriage was the classic story of an older successful man met a pretty, naive girl in her early 20s then cheated the whole marriage. My ex started constantly tearing me down. I used to be so confident and a pretty great flirt. Now I’m a lot more awkward and timid after my marriage. Recently I’ve been dating a man that’s smoking hot AND calls me out on the ways I’m awkward now in a very helpful, caring way. You learn something new with everyone you date. I think this man is more Mr. Right Now but I will forever be thankful he helped my old confident self come back out again.

[@MsDameQ]

I am at the point of knowing I gave love a shot way too many times. Went out hopelessly hopeful, telling myself I'll be doing all I can so at least I'd know by the end, I gave it my all. I am (presumably) half-way now till the end of my life and now I know this isn't sustainable. I don't have a naive atom in my body left to believe that this strategy will leave me satisfied, knowing 'I gave everything' and didn't waste a chance. Now I'm protecting myself from all the sh*, deceit and heartbreak that is out there. There is no comfort in knowing I gave my whole life my all, my best, sweetest self, and got a ton of shit in return each time. There is comfort however, in living in the realm of imagination, where people treat me like another human being. Not finding out how shitty someone would treat me, but staying happily engaged to my illusions of what could be, is giving me comfort. I don't need another heartbreak to prove to myself 'I gave it my all'. I already did. Way too often.

[@shubhandthewitches]

No love goes for waste ❤

[@MsDameQ]

@@shubhandthewitches Thank you. A well-meaning comment but when the other person is not honest, it really is wasted. In the end, it was never received, just used for manipulation.

[@shubhandthewitches]

@@MsDameQ I can understand. It's sad that sometimes our love and dedication is misused for abuse and to create drama. I hope life proves us all wrong and shows the bright side of love that is beyond the reach of imagination right now.

[@love2laffwithu356]

I feel like I could have written your first two sentences. Sometimes I wish I had more energy to keep trying but I’d rather enjoy spending my evenings watching a good movie on the couch now. Been there, done with trying. My love goes only to my kids now and we spend some really quality time together. I’m happy. I know I’ll be an empty nester one day but it’s not today.

[@MsDameQ]

@@love2laffwithu356 I would do the same, if I had kids. You are so lucky! I know that there are people like me, who have never had a positive interaction/ outcome. Who have just been used and betrayed over and over. So it's not like I took a few risks and punches. And it's not like I picked to bad ones and closed myself off to some good ones. Now I get instantly uncomfortable about anyone who shows interest in me because I know something bad is about to happen or they chose me because they think they can use me, and only out of disrespect.

[@Parker.Alex1]

Good video, bro. I agree with you in many ways. I also have a video on this topic.

[@PspTomisi]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her

[@laurawheeler-px6oz]

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back

[@PspTomisi]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?

[@laurawheeler-px6oz]

Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@PspTomisi]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@Octobris]

Scam. Stop commenting this.

[@ChristopherClyde12]

The notion of a flawless marriage or relationship is a myth. There's no set formula for success; what works for one couple may not work for another. Yet, I've discovered that there's always a way forward, even in the most challenging times. Five years ago, my wife and I encountered significant hurdles in our marriage that nearly led to divorce. Despite the adversity, we managed to weather the storm and emerge from it with our bond renewed and revitalised.

[@RoyJ.Tillison-tq5ed]

There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things

[@ChristopherClyde12]

Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white

[@RoyJ.Tillison-tq5ed]

This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.

[@ChristopherClyde12]

You wont regret it.

[@Catia-p9m]

Scam set up with other spam responses

[@snigdharohilla3660]

Hi Mathew! I really wanna thank you for all your dating advices here on this channel. I recently started seeing someone who seemed extremely into me in a matter of just a few days and weeks. Watching and reading so many of your videos and newsletters I realised it was a classic case of love bombing and manipulation. Before he could dump me, I understood his patterns and realised he is pulling away. I got out of the situation asap. I didnt take his shit for more than 5 days. I felt so proud and high valued of myself!

[@sunsetstormx]

That's absolutely wonderful to hear. I'm so happy for you that you caught on to it!!!!!!

[@ainatler]

Happiness is inside of us ❤ not in a men scare of commitment. This is the first video I listened to in years of following Matt. I feel like I no longer need dating advice.

[@mishkameow]

Loving how Matthew turned into the Mr. Rogers of dating for this video. Sign me up for more story time with this delightful human anytime.

[@Airinmo]

I also loved when he pulled out those books!

[@Mariella-k6j]

So true!!!! 😂

[@BernhardJohanRiemann]

Here's the revised version with your addition: Dating takes time, and it's natural to feel that time spent on failed relationships can seem wasted. Unfortunately, no one can return the time you've invested in connections that didn't work out. However, you can find some comfort in viewing these experiences as part of your life's journey and personal growth. It's important to approach relationships and dating with realistic expectations, ensuring that you never lose more than you're willing to give-including the amount of time you're willing to spend finding someone. Make up your mind quickly if things aren't working, so you can move forward without unnecessary delays.

[@jekalambert9412]

At a certain point, the "failures" i.e. "life lessons" are redundant reminders that every time we venture into a relationship we end up bruised and we simply have had enough. That's when choosing to be happily single becomes the obvious choice.

[@thegoddesswithin8859]

This was me too and then I happened to run into the person I am dating now because he facilitated a workshop at my yoga studio. We dated for a while, he decided he wasn't ready. I went back to my peace. Then 6 months later I happened to run into him at the movies, so here we are again. We are going slowly, only see each other a couple of times a week,he has his space and I have mine. However, he is loyal, consistent, loving and kind and everything I could ask for in a partner at this stage of my life. My point is this. If someone elses actions, or lack there of ruin your peace, then you probably have more to examine about yourself. A healthy dating life should be the overflow of a personal bucket that is already full. Good luck everyone. Jusy keep doing you. 🙏

[@beansprout_apg886]

I am 35 now. It’s been 10 years since I had a relationship, and it took me a while to move on, but during that time I did a lot of things that improved myself, especially in the spiritual part of my life. I want to feel love again, sometimes it’s exhausting to be strong and independent. But this is my prayer: Please do not let me be in a relationship if I will prioritize that person over my God. Maybe I have my own priorities.

[@xjoemallardx]

I've been praying that same prayer.

[@beansprout_apg886]

@@xjoemallardx I do hope you find someone that both of you will grow in the relationship with God. My cell leader and her husband is a great example of having Christ as a center of their love.😇

[@sunsetstormx]

Amen!!!!!!

[@Daria-dy1cj]

I was doing therapy for three years, trying to figire out what I had done wrong in my previous relationships. I did figure everything out but got ghosted three times in the last six months by the men I thought were decent and reliable. I am not going back to that horror called "dating." I've got so much bad experience that I'd rather stay single

[@OliviaJordanFan]

I totally understand your frustration. I'm genuinely curious why you then watch videos like this one??? Perhaps, you still have a tiny little hope subconsciously?

[@cookWithYuyu2024]

@@OliviaJordanFan Probably for healing and understanding herself better. Matthew's videos can be applied to friendships and family relationships too. Some married people watch these videos too. It's like therapy, helpful for life ❤

[@tonyp.bahama9368]

As a man, my apologies for those boys in grown bodies that are doing a thing called "ghosting", i dont even wanna know thats a thing tbh.

[@SagittariusBabe87]

​@@cookWithYuyu2024shout-out to you, girl!💯💝 Matthew made a video about your comment! I remember that comment too, and liked it!💯

[@cookWithYuyu2024]

@@SagittariusBabe87 lol my face was like: 😮😮😮 oh he’s mentioning me lol

[@itsshierlz]

I’ve already found my forever person and I still love listening to Matt all the time 🙂. You’ve been a great help to me over the years.

[@thematthewhussey]

Thank you so much! I hope you'll be part of this with me for many years to come.

[@Teamtikado]

Not dating. I’m 48, single parent to two teenagers. Gym goer, non alcoholic and go to bed at 9! Where do I find an age appropriate, single and available man? I socialise, go out to the community. Online have encountered only creeps!

[@sofie9416]

I’m relatively relating to your situation.

[@Squintillions]

Relatable, though 10:30pm.

[@devijahn]

🙌🏻🙌🏻 sisters 💓

[@katherinealba6768]

Gym

[@Duperman2494]

They're only creeps because you're not attracted to them, if a tall dark and handsome man was doing and saying the same things, you would find him cheeky and flirty.

[@judithargitay9860]

No offense, Matthew, but if I'm not mistaken, you are in your early thirties, happily married for a short time, and your enthusiasm is totally understandable. With that said, being a 51 yo woman, after a failed marriage when I was left from one day to another with a debt of millions and a total heartbreak, then a relationship with a narcissist, then a guy in the middle of a messy divorce with two small kids and tons of unresolved trauma, then a narcissist again, even the thought of dating again gives me creeps. I'm physically sick of even thinking about it. Maybe it changes overtime, but if I do not take some deep breaths and build back my peace and self-confidence, I will end up in hospital. No guy in this world is worth it, sorry.

[@sunsetstormx]

😢❤

[@Catford24]

Hmmm every guy seems to be a problem. Sometimes we need to look at ourselves. Am I picking the wrong type of guys? Do I take accountability for my wrong faults in relationships?

[@ukaszosypiuk3540]

No, I'm not leaving my comfort zone, not falling for that one again. I had enough character development for a lifetime, I've learned my lesson.

[@novairene6880]

I was one of the replies to the referenced comment confirming the lack of dating. I am glad to see you address this population specifically. I am open to whatever, except using dating apps. Of course, I have not had any dates since making this decision. I have better odds winning the lottery than a date being initiated away from apps. I think the apps and how they are set up are a major catalyst for the toxicity I watched grow over the years. The path of least resistance and making connections disposable for the sake of profits and algorithms has ruined the dating process. I am happy enough.

[@TheCrystalDawning]

I’d simply enjoy being respected.. without double standards and abuse.. But, past relations caused trust issues… so trusting myself more, that I can walk away.. Gotta find someone that’s willing to grow

[@Stopit77]

It’s EXHAUSTING to date and sift through the BS! Easier to just be alone.

[@NKWTI]

Can’t say you’re wrong.

[@HQ-S-11]

I've taken so many risks in life and paid a price few times but also reaped greater rewards as a result! Your video came at a time when I started feeling too comfortable due to my circle being way too comfortable and that is stagnating me.... because it's not me! Thank you so much! You are bang on about confidence and peace as a result of knowing that I've given it all my best!

[@majamuster2470]

The problem is though that I don’t think that I actually will be okay if I continue this road of frustration, rejection and emotional pain. Being alone is the second best solution, not the best but the most sustainable to not lose it completely. It feels like having to jump into an empty pool, except that the spot from which I’m jumping off is higher and higher and at some point the bones will break, so better not jump at all

[@Rut-vi7iz]

I totally agree. At some point the burnout is too great and it is mentally healthier to quit than to keep "hoping." Best to move onto endeavors with at least some chance of being rewarding and worth your effort.

[@endlesspie49]

I agree and understand that pain, is something that affect one's well being is not always that good. I think that it has to do more with expectations, because i can relate to that a lot. My advice if you are still young, is focus on yourself, build something meaningful, be ambitious and dreamful about life. The irony, is that the more successful and happier you are on your own, the more chances you have to attract people that you like. Although just be mindful, always lookout for you and your needs first, but have in mind the other ones too. Is easier to talk to people when you have something that can benefit both. And always have an abundance mindset, that helps a lot more than you think.

[@sharlah4057]

I've spent many years working on different areas of my life and myself and being clear on what is important to me, what my values are etc. I'm emotionally, financially and practically independent and I have a daughter I love. My only purpose for dating is wanting a real connection. When I date men don't look at me as a person at all - but assess whether or not I can serve as some sort of crutch for them. Will she make my life easier financially, can I brag about being with this person, can I make my ex jealous by being with her etc etc. My value as a complete human is being boiled down to whether or not I can serve some kind of purpose - not if we can find / build any kind of connection. That's not a mentally healthy space for me in spite of how much work I do on myself. Media is constantly telling women our worth = to our sexiness. Being sized up at a superficial level by men who are not even mature enough to look for a connection instead of a crutch - is demeaning and draining.

[@sushilkaur9103]

Mathew I am the mother of a daughter who is working hard to find true love. She shares your inspiring videos with me. I really hope that with your guidance my daughter who is truly an amazing person will find the right man who truly deserves her. It has not been an easy journey for her and it’s easy to give up but she has not. This brilliant and wholesome video will surely be of tremendous help to her . Keeping my faith that she will find her true happiness soon. ❤

[@krishna335]

It's better to try and fail as compared to not trying at all. Yes, there's a risk, but that's the case with all our life choices.

[@KiAy-un8vs]

I follow you on all social media sites, yet I do not date, just watching.😂

[@amawoobey]

😂

[@karenking5910]

Same same 😂

[@sofie9416]

@@karenking5910me too 😂😅

[@TheGrimhilde]

so funny, same here, just not ready and willing though ;)

[@thematthewhussey]

Fair enough! I hope you stick around.

[@Angel-nk4jm]

Actually I just like how your voice sounds. It's like a comfort blanket while working remotely 😅

[@Lj_4586]

His voice is very soothing, I agree.

[@CJ-ft9yo]

He doesn’t even take a breath, like he’s grasping at words, but it’s a word salad, that’s annoyingly patronising

[@lisanathan7336]

Love this Matt. True and funny. Guilty as charged but can I just say….. I was binge watching you back in 2018 and after 6 months of dating online I collided with what I later learned was my twin flame. Please do not roll your eyes. This phenomenon is real. We should have an interview sometime as you were part of my journey and my mentor to get me “back out there” after being single for 10 years! It’s now been 17 years 😨. It’s been a profound rollercoaster and I don’t want my snow globe shook up again. It’s nice and settled over here but I still love listening to you and adore Audrey too. Thank you Matt. Your Upminster homie you’ve not YET met

[@anonymousanonymous7208]

It’s a very good topic….and it’s almost like you’re a mind reader. I wanted to find love for a long time now, then recently felt not so good about it, given the failed dates I’ve had recently. And I wanted to give up, it’s tempting to give up and just live my own life just like you mentioned in the beginning. But it’s also true that I want that companionship and even if I put that desire away for now, it’ll come back stronger to me someday. That’s so true. And this video showed up today!

[@tinachristine4573]

This is giving the Bumble line of 'You know full well, celibacy is not the answer'. Ladies, keep off these men if dealing with them is the same old same shit that drives you down a mental health spiral. Keep to your happy life. The 'desire' for a relationship should not come at the cost of all you have built and value deeply. Men need to change their bad behaviour for women to engage with them safely. Until that safety is being widely discussed, leave the women alone, they are not the problem here.

[@meia002]

This goes to women too. Some women are problematic too

[@zacpdx]

@@meia002thanks!

[@xm7ld]

Yes!

[@tonyp.bahama9368]

​@@meia002most are

[@brennam954]

I don't think anything you said is contradictory with what Matthew said. He's not denying there are a lot of wrong people out there, but he's trying to encourage us to stay curious and develop our romantic and social skillset so that we can attract the right person and not settle for the wrong one...when our mental health is in a place to do so. Closing your heart off will protect you in the short run, but sabotage your efforts at love in the long run. I do empathize with feeling hurt and generally pessimistic about men...but we have to also remember that there are some great men out there, and there are men who are also working on themselves and wanting to be better. Good luck to us all.

[@BMoll87]

1:15 that's me... :) I want to keep my peace and don't wanna disturb that

[@maryellwood3653]

💯 yep who needs it really

[@rorylorelai1594]

I took the risk of entering a relationship when I was finally done battling my depression. I never had such a horrible relationship. He disguised his horrible behaviour as depression. And I was full of empathy for him… and with every lie…manipulation..gaslighting..screaming.. i got into the worst depression I’ve ever had. Finally I’m doing better. I’m in my 30th and I really want to have a partner and a family..I feel like my time is passing.. but I’m not ready to actively search for someone. I just hope that someone comes and finds me.

[@ThePhabulousYvelise]

I am divorced and have worked on my healing from the marriage, divorce and dating afterwards. I do like my peace. But I also know I am best in a relationship. I started dating and took a break. This is exactly what I need right now! Sharing with a girlfriend who will also begin dating again. Thank you!

[@a.d.b535]

My ex 'took space' again (for the last time) so I left. I had been working on building my social life for several months, and met a new man who was also in that social group and now we're dating with built in common friends who know and can vouch for each of us. Once ai Ieft the disrespectful ex, I was able to open the universe to bring me someone much better.

[@charliefox9573]

I daresay most are not scared of dating, they just don't know where to find someone to even go on a bloody date with. Internet dating is absolutely awful, almost impossible to connect with anyone for most men that even leads to a date, and women are often flooded with interest which makes it hard to navigate through the sleazes and the narcissists. MeetUp groups, speed dating etc are mostly full of the less attractive, weird or socially awkward people that life left behind. And meeting someone randomly at a supermarket, cafe etc is something that mostly only happens in the movies. It's an extremely small percentage of men who are willing to interrupt a woman shopping etc to tell her she looks great without coming across as creepy, and start a conversation that leads to a phone number/date. It might be an easier proposition for those who already have a good social circle, but putting yourself out there, going out alone etc when the few friends you have are already partnered up or not interested in going out, can bring on a crippling level of anxiety. Most people are willing to 'have a go' if the situations present themselves for meeting and engaging with others. But unlike previous generations, the natural situations for meeting people of the opposite sex are almost non existent.

[@bindicat9070]

I agree! I talk to people and give compliments to guys if I feel like it. Thing is don’t know if that person is seeing someone. I don’t mind asking are you seeing anyone? But you are right, men don’t speak to women or complete strangers!

[@candacepark3575]

Love monk here! Your content has been key to building my awareness and understanding of unhealthy patterns and entrenched limiting beliefs that have contributed to me attracting toxic partners and tolerating cycles of abuse. I’ve broken those patterns and healed so much thanks to your dedicated presence and sharing of these truths! And now from this healed perspective I can see all the red flags instantly and unapologetically hold my standards with healthy boundaries. I am willing to take the risk to date and understand this will require time and energy investment, but the problem I face now from a healed perspective is that no one seems worth the effort because they have not done similar inner work. I don’t know where to look or how to find men who have done this work on themselves and are truly ready for the kind of relationship I am. Where are they and how do I find them? I suppose you might say well that’s the point of dating, but it feels like looking for a needle in a haystack. So meanwhile I just conserve my energy for the things and people I love until I figure out how to refine the search area, and stay ever open to receiving the love I desire from all possible avenues I haven’t even thought of yet.

[@heatherh5639]

These are my thoughts exactly ❤ coming out of unhealthy long marriage and having done the healing work to recognise my internal narrative I see very clearly the signs of emotional immaturity in just casual settings like hikes and other group events and business interactions. Can't imagine dating apps improve the odds of finding a well intentioned and emotionally available human.

[@bobbysilver272]

After watching the first two minutes, I quite like the idea of some peace and quiet after what I've been through.

[@jaynegrace9755]

Wow, such powerful and inspirational words. Dating isn’t easy, but being true to yourself is…don’t dim your light for anyone!

[@SandraChen-s6r]

Thank you so much for making this video, Matthew! This is exactly what I need. I am truly scared to ruin my current happiness and peaceful life by dating again after I finally healed from a 2 years toxic relationship. But I do miss sharing my life with someone. Thank you for encouraging the people like me to go out to explore love life again and giving us the tools to protect ourselves. Much appreciated!

[@charmainejoyjavier6266]

I've watched this video coz I was exhausted and burn out in the past weeks. Hence, what I am doing right now is to lie low in dating app, not seeing someone right now and focus in other things in my life. I badly need this reset because I can feel I am questioning my self-worth. Right now, I am now planning to go back with my first love (which is art), go seeing my friends, focus on my life. I'm not closing my door in dating again, I know Love will find me :) I'm at peace

[@thaysagomes5977]

Just had the 5th breakup in my life and I'm not feeling so bad about the relationship but my head is creating the wrost scenarios about how it's going to be my future. I felt like I didn't want to be involved again because people are confusing and I hate wasting my time with someone that doesn't know what they want. But listening to you right now, it makes sense to think that every breakup made me more robust. And as I said, it didn't work out and I have to go out there AGAIN, but finishing things wasn't the end of the world. I know I deserve something better and I'm living for myself, continuing to do my basic activities that keeps me going. I'll take a rest and try again because I'm willing to take risks to live the life that I want for myself and I have to know that I'm robust enough to survive anything that comes to me.

[@VAMPYANGY]

Never a video watched spoke to me louder than this... Every word goes deep.. ty MAT

[@jeannettegoneau]

That’s what exactly happened to me after 4.5 years. I went back to dating and I lost my peace and I decided to take a break. I read your book Matthew, which is so amazing. I have been following you for more than a year and I also read religiously your Friday emails and appreciate the story and the sage advice each time. Despite doing so much work I still struggle to defend myself when someone reaches out and then, either ghosts me or writes me to say sorry no longer interested, but has not even had the courage to meet in person. So for now I prefer to step back for now and continue doing personal development. I am not afraid to take risks but I feel that I am on an emotional roller coaster when I’m out there on the apps. I feel like people prefer to stay and chat then meet in person to see if there’s any connection. C’est décourageant 😔

[@marykarle3997]

I’m 67 yrs old…nothing out there I want! I’m getting a dog!

[@cassycarthew7184]

Probably the best idea 😂 The dating game these days is hard work. I’ve got 3 dogs & life is peaceful ☺️

[@karenking5910]

I’m definitely getting a puppy in lieu too ❤

[@aquavoroffshore7951]

My dog was / is a huge part of my healing post Narcissistic relationship. A dog is the best companion...spell it backwards..

[@corinadenhaan5528]

😂 woef!!!!

[@AdelleLandman]

😂

[@joibates114]

In my 20s and 30s I had no problem being robust and vulnerable… But I feel like it’s a disturbance in the force in my 50’s 😂 I just meet so many damaged men who have not healed it’s very hard to continuously self heal and then deal with others baggage again. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I am NOT perfect but I never thought I’d have to ask if somebody has a prison record or not 😂 just saying.

[@leedlbagginshield8492]

I’m 26 and already at this point 😂

[@joibates114]

@@leedlbagginshield8492 ikr?! Sending hugs 🤗 it’s hard.

[@SagittariusBabe87]

💯 I have found & experienced first-hand some of these men(but boys imo) have drug & alcohol addictions, porn addictions, smoking cigs, criminal charges, dui's, mental problems, NPD disorder & other disorders, 1 or more kids, a lot of trauma, the list goes on. They aren't healed as well or doing ANYTHING to work on themselves and make their situation better. So much baggage, it's unbelievable.😐 The worst of the worst. Must set standards higher and stay away from said people. It's crazzy.

[@cyndijohnson5473]

Do you have any videos about people who legitimately need to take a break from dating? Reasons why and what they should focus on during this time? I’m tired of dating because of this stupid fear I’ll be alone. I want to be happy being alone.

[@jekalambert9412]

If you don't date and focus instead on building a life you love, you'll find a peace you never knew existed while you were desperately searching for a partner. At that point, you'll happily give up the search for a partner and you'll be happy because you love your life. Being desperate to be partnered leaves you vulnerable to getting into dynamics with people who aren't suitable partners.

[@kristytouchet8362]

That’s me all the way,every time I think I found someone that might be dating material I just brush them all the way off until they find someone else!!!!

[@rheajanework6287]

this guy is a genuine love guru unlike others who speaks only to get views.. u help a lot.. hope u get more subscribers

[@meme-qo6jz]

I ended an 11 month relationship in August... been following you all before that. I am really burnt out by it. I had my standards and my loves throughout. But I cared for him and the more I did the more it got worse...burnt me out. Thank you for the reminder.. this is a great video! Thank you so much Matthew... I want to follow you more now. xo

[@LoveFluffybums1]

Actually, my peace ✌️ is more important than anything else!!

[@mymiserablesister5378]

My problem is i dont care about rejection but I have a tendency to attract anxious attachement partners who break my peace. It’s continuous need and pushing of boundaries that is exhausting and it’s giving me horrible anxiety. If I could date someone more secure and have a compatible amount of independence, i’ll take them rejecting me than clinging to me with their life

[@00Seven1000]

It's all very well listening to this but if you go down the route of staying away from dating apps (which is a given for me) it''s finding and managing to interact with attractive women that are available and not already in a relationship. I would absolutely love to find someone to go out with on a date a few times and for them to say 'I'm really sorry it's not working out for me'....at least it would be proactive progress!

[@nattyelena4227]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 yes, I tried …keep on trying while learning and not allowing third party to disturb your peace and love 💕 keep calm and carry on dating ❤

[@amawoobey]

I will definitely go again ❤,no more fears cus I know I will meet the one

[@heartdominance]

Haha, am I the only one here as a guy listening to Matthew so that you can learn how to have and carry a deep empathic conversation for long periods? Solid stuff Matthew, you’re a great bloke 👑👌🏻. Thank you, sincerely.

[@ilovedesserts1792]

the way this timing of the video is suggested to me after a breakup yesterday. funny way the universe works, always looking after us

[@SWGTBruno]

im still picking my pieces from the floor.. but i will get there.. i do everything i can towards the goals i archieve and the goals i aim.. i fall i get up, fall.. get up.. until the day i cannot get up anymore.. but by that time, i know, i did everything i could..

[@jekalambert9412]

I'm one of those who occasionally watch your videos because I find the questions posed reinforce my choice to remain happily single every time I start thinking there might be a possibility of having a fulfilling relationship. Even if it's a good relationship, I'm at a point in my life where I simply do not have the energy to navigate through inevitable challenges all relationships face. If it's not a good relationship, I'm no longer willing to deal with the potential emotional and financial entanglements. You perfectly summarized the mindset of those of us who are no longer willing to venture into the dating scene again.

[@marianaoctubre]

Gracias a thousand times. I needed to hear this to apply not only to my love life, but my professional career. Thanks again for all you do Matt. You truly add value to the world with your work.

[@allisonwruck5696]

Dating sucks yes, but scarier is finding someone you DO connect with because no matter what you WILL lose them again (death, they leave) and that’s the grief I want to avoid. I can”t survive another heartbreak. So it’s less about being afraid to try again than it is the fear of the inevitable pain that comes with being in connection deeply w someone who will leave.

[@samia6888]

Yes this is how I feel I am so scared of the actual loss.

[@allisonwruck5696]

@@samia6888 yep! And I get that we will in theory have built a world of our own around ourselves to fall back on when they do go - but I’m in the “is it worth it?” phase. Is a great love really worth that pain? My heart wants it but my heart is also a poorly glued together broken plate that can’t withstand another blow.

[@samia6888]

@@allisonwruck5696 same exact thing, my heart can not take another heartbreak. I feel like I want this so badly but not sure if the agony of grief is worth it especially since this is an optional thing, like you can’t control who your family is so you have to go through losing them but for friends and lovers it is a choice you make.

[@bauhinialee]

Thank you for this video Matthew. Very relatable and practical advice. I find being able to see how we are a part of humanity and interconnected with all our energies and being open-minded and curious about our (and others’) peculiarities and whatever stage each person we meet is at… that helps self-compassion and marvel at life and our universe ✨ The part I enjoyed the most was the passage on ‘robustness’ from David Whyte. I have that book ‘Consolations’ too and dip into it all the time. His poems are fantastically nurturing for the soul too, ‘A Seeming Stillness’ in particular 💖

[@R56986]

@themathewhussey It is so cool to see how much you've grown! Your advice has improved tenfold, and your whole vibe translates as wiser, more grounded, more mature. As someone who has followed you for many years, it's just really cool to see your growth! You're giving solid advice! Also, your new book is great!

[@annastone5624]

.. this is fine IF you’re not totally traumatised. Bit if you are traumatised, please don’t go out there.. Do Isolate, get healing & wait until you are genuinely ready. Then go for it.

[@JillB-g5q]

Agreed. Wise advice @annastone.

[@lifewithlulu1183]

@@annastone5624 Yes yes yes

[@hikintrailsndrinkinales]

🎯 definitely guilty of this. Been single since 2011 and I like the IDEA of having a romantic relationship, but have always been burned before so I’ve just given up completely.

[@LadyMarigoldWithers]

If I’m attracted to someone I’ve noticed I immediately distance myself, almost without thinking. I think I only see the potential for pain now. But maybe instead of running next time I might just stay in the discomfort for a while and see how that feels, even if I don’t engage. That’s a small step forward. I will look at the Bold Standards thank you 🙏 but feel dating apps are too high risk. I would like to meet someone naturally or someone whose character can be vouched for first.

[@lynylcullen8370]

ABSOLUTELY commented on that post! I agreed! Thank you for your follow up video!! Great observations Matthew!!

[@ananyasarkar8773]

This is brilliant...just what I needed to hear to keep going. I keep telling myself the same - I'd rather die with the peace of having tried multiple times than having given up❤❤

[@rupindersandhu7336]

Loving the audiobook! Listen to segments of it daily while at the gym ❤

[@thematthewhussey]

Thank you! So glad you are enjoying it.

[@Amy_LKW]

Thank you so much for speaking to this topic. I've always wondered how not to interrupt my peace although I tragically do it by going back to someone I shouldn't (sad comfort)...multiple times. I find the process of starting over quite exhausting and the minute it doesn't work out a gigantic waste of effort even knowing dating is a numbers game. I'm hoping by continuing to listen I can prepare myself for when it does work. I've already learned to accept rejection better than before and to move on when there is no to little potential. Definitely have to let go of the dead end situationship once and for all...hopefully, really hoping I can

[@iolanisjourney4828]

Be brave & courageous and know that we can take the punches cuz we are much stronger than the excuses we tell ourselves. Thanks for the reminder, Matthew!

[@DocSFaith]

I'm single for a long time..My 3 siblings were all happily married & my dad and mom are getting old. I hope i could find my love of my life for real.🙏 I want to introduce whoever he is to my parents while still there.🙂

[@sallyr.6891]

Thank you for responding to the comment and your inspiration. Will have to listen to this again ... for now, much thanks.

[@Demure_Rose94]

Oh Man! He called us out! Hahahhahaha Matthewwwww-thanks for the fire 🔥

[@sewnetvids]

This was such an important message. THANK YOU for your encouragement AND practical advice. Also, David Whyte’s book is chock full of profound wisdom and insights. (While I was reading it, I constantly shared passages with family and friends!) You quoted from it in a previous video; I was glad to hear you read from it again. The essay on “robust” was SO apt. 😊

[@SarahBaghri]

Thank you. This video was made for me. I am standing in the middle and dont know if I go forward or move backwards. Thanks.

[@BrighterDayPrayerAway]

I'm not Afraid of anything, I'm not putting myself out there for a reason. Praise god.

[@sophiebecks1938]

The love of my life left me on Christmas day. I think ill be lonesome for eternity. Nobody compares to them. They are a lighthouse standing tall illuminating the dark sea.

[@Vera_wondergirl]

This is so wise and beautiful. And while I soo want to meet my manz these words also apply to work. I was so traumatised after a long period of unemployment and rejections that I actually started to be afraid of working with other ppl It pushed me to the bottom of course and I'm in a therapy for a long time to get over it and this video somehow speaks to that part of me that is healing from deep trauma

[@katm599]

Hey Matthew…just wanted to compliment you on the awesome book! So many passages are highlighted as they’re just so darn good! It’s a manual I’m going to have handy as at age 58 I continue to live my best life while putting myself out there in the dating world. Great advice to keep me confident & optimistic while also taking care of my needs & loving myself first!

[@dianesalisbury2]

I turned 60 this year...I'm exhausted by all of it. Divorced for 9 years due to his infidelity. I've run into way too many emotionally unavailable, people who just want casual, red pill guys or friends with benefits. I just ended a 4 year on and off, hot and cold, i want you but will leave over nothing because Im a broken guy...Does it actually exists? A normal happy wanted relationship and commitment. Not so sure anymore..my heart just feels warned out and so disappointed. I think I'm actually ok, if he's the last. I want someone but not now. If it comes to me, fine. I'll take a look... but really of it never happens. I'm ok with it.... really..

[@nunuaye8040]

Very dangerous in online dating many are fake profile,, cheat ,,lied need to careful all that..

[@wanderwoman9528]

It's been 1 minute of the video and on every statement, I can't help but say YES YES YES.

[@shubhandthewitches]

I am realising that it's about the overall growth in all areas of life we make after getting out of a heartbreak, how far we can push ourselves and the boundaries of transformation, that determines how soon we 1) find the better that we've been scared of 2) be comfortable with what is and move on creating a new life.

[@emeralddaughters]

That's so me.

[@thematthewhussey]

Thank you for being here

[@jackietaylor3188]

We do like the way you say things, Matthew and the sound of your voice lol❤

[@artfuladjunct8224]

MH: (after four decades of dating trauma) Finally, madame, a wafer thin hope for happiness. ME: Bah! MH: Now, ma'am, it is only a tiny little thin one. ME: F off, I'm full! MH: Now, ma'am...It's only wafer thin. ME: I cannot stomach any more hope - or dates; I am absolutely stuffed. Bugger off. MH: It's... it's just, just one more try ME: Go on...just one MH: Just the one... (feeds me the date) Bon Appetit! (runs) ME: (takes the date)... Next thing you know there is chaos, terror, people are running and screaming, and I blow up. Carnage everywhere. I am covered in vomit and my beating heart is exposed for all to see. I enjoy your videos MH. I might be a bit out of the target audience because of my age/life stage, but you and your wife are the cutest love Maitre d's on the tube.

[@texaslioness9617]

Love monk. I feel called out (in a comfy way).