My Husband is Addicted to Video Games! What Should I Do?

[@amandawalker1196]

A lot of y’all are missing the point. It’s not that he plays video games, it’s that he obsessed over them and places video games before family and responsibilities.

[@IZZYICE93]

👍🏼

[@Mousicaddict]

That's when you know it's ADDICTION.

[@adamwalker2377]

Yes, this addiction is an issue, but this method of dealing with it has ruined their relationship. I think she has potentially permanently destroyed his trust.

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

Yep. Good luck breaking it. I manage to get him away for a while but he always goes back!

[@MariaK222]

Yep that’s when you know it’s an addiction. Just like you can get addicted to drugs and alcohol

[@jamilarichardson6393]

This was a problem that my EX HUSBAND had. It’s sad really. The man I’m with now has never once chosen to play a game over spending time with me and it feels great

[@morbidcorpse5954]

Always two sides to a story. What were you doing that made him choose videogames over spending time with you?

[@MariaK222]

@@morbidcorpse5954 sometimes it’s not even the other persons fault on why he’s choosing gaming over their relationship. Games are designed to be more addictive than ever nowadays and some people with addictive personalities can EASILY get sucked into the virtual world

[@yorgivon-schmourgeussborgi]

​@@morbidcorpse5954lmao, he chose to be served divorce papers, and I love to see it. Emotionally incompetent men deserve to be lonely

[@richardtherien5162]

I ask my wife to play at the end of the day for an hr or hr and a half and she says im addicted.

[@jesus85ize]

@jamilarichardson6393 I agree wholeheartedly that a man needs to grow up. It’s OK to dabble, but they need to treat game time as if it was a poker night or cigar night with the boys, not a routine action that they do every day. On another note, you keep saying “me” and “I”? Let me ask you this, what do you bring to the table to a man? What value do you have?

[@maddiejoy7896]

The fact that so many gamers will defend games so vehemently, acting like it’s never a problem while their loved ones suffer due to it shows just how much of a problem it is.

[@cmmcfielful]

How about grabbing a controller and join them in something he likes.

[@sunshinegold8451]

@@cmmcfielful because my money is down the drain now. Why would I want to?

[@cmmcfielful]

@@sunshinegold8451 how would your money be down the drain sitting next to a SO that already has a system and just playing the game with them.

[@sunshinegold8451]

@@cmmcfielful because even though said game is already owned on an already owned console, for some reason, they still spent $400 in games. Addiction to gaming is fucking real.

[@diggernash1]

@@sunshinegold8451 400 dollars is pennies

[@christianmacdonald8930]

Runescape ruining life's relationships since the 90s.

[@gofficcat]

Clearly he didn't spend his time maxing out his relationship stat

[@Gooman130]

Since 2001, but close enough

[@Summersky198]

Dude for real I was going to say that this sounded like RuneScape 😂 played since he was a kid, mindlessly clicking and can play it on his phone!

[@chrisbream9588]

Here I am at 24 playing RuneScape and this video comes on. Let me sign off for a bit…

[@sarahshook5698]

We call it RuinYourLifeScape

[@tiendoan6417]

I used to play 6-8 hours a day before i got married. Then i play 3-4 hours a day non stop, 6-12 hours on weekends. then I started realizing that game got really boring and there are not a whole lot of achievements you really gain there .my job feel boring and I couldn’t help feeling suck all the time. So I started going out with my wife more and do outdoor activities. The key is to exhaust my self around the family to the point I won’t even think about game and it work. Now i play at most 1 hour a day and 2 on weekends. My wife never have to ask me twice if I want to cuddle or go somewhere compare to before. Its tough in the beginning to quit gaming , but its worth it.

[@medzatta9770]

U made two lives so much better! Good for you

[@candykeongotiuiu]

I'm glad you changed for the better and you put your family first. what a lucky gal, i hope my husband would do the same.

[@tiendoan6417]

@@candykeongotiuiu its the mindset, at some points a boy will become men, but we progress at different speed depending how many friends we have to hold us down to continue addicting to video game. He need to cut some tie

[@melTiceTiger]

Ack, I'm in this boat with her. I get about 30 to 60 seconds when my husband gets home from work before he's at his computer and no longer reachable. The noise cancelling headphones go on, and here's this person in the house that I can't talk to. I think he really thinks he's spending time with me when he's sitting next to me, but he's in his own world with his online friends. "I'm not a microwave, you can't just push a button and I'm ready to go" >>> I felt that.

[@houngrysdigest1525]

Dont have kids, if you havent already.

[@melissachardon9351]

And maybe online girlfriend at that. Sure it starts out innocently...but it happens. I can tell you all about it

[@melTiceTiger]

@@houngrysdigest1525 Thankfully I haven't, and I don't ever plan on having them. It would be unfair of me to bring a kid into the world. Don't get me wrong, I love video games too, but he is straight up addicted to them. He thinks of little else. He showers twice a week, and only helps around the house when I've broken down and he knows I'm mad at him. He never does yard work, doesn't look after our pet, does absolutely no house maintenance. If I didn't cook the meals, our dinners would be peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches or pizza every night. Sigh.

[@danharazin3605]

That sounds brutal, I’m sorry. I will pray for the both of you.

[@melTiceTiger]

@Nobody gee, I never thought of that! Hrrrr

[@veronicalamkin9929]

From experience of you choose gaming over your partner and her needs aren’t being met the relationship fails. Either she will cheat on you and find someone better who gives her the attention or she will stay unhappy and loose feelings that can’t come back.

[@ronnie5329]

I had an ex claim i was gaming too much, doing 60 minutes each weekday coming home from work to cool off. And nothing in the weekend. At what point does it become a woman just wanting to control a man. Because im sure some will say its an addiction on here, as long as im not being useful 24/7 to the family.

[@mowerds33]

The most dangerous and powerful thing video games do is give a sense of meaning and accomplishment. Video games are fine in moderation, but you shouldn't use them to give yourself a sense of meaning, make sure you have other offline hobbies, and none internet friends.

[@angelikalaser7778]

Maybe the husband is depressed is well

[@loref4200]

Sadly, true. Best gauge for that is to ask yourself if it will matter in 10 yrs time. The truth is, it won't, and no excuse or explanation can speak to that. However, investing time in relationships, experiences, and learning are all lasting and force growth and provide meaning. You are so right. Statistically, most friendships are temporary anyway, especially the long-distance or virtual ones. I hope this man can figure it out fast before he alienates everyone in his life who loves him most. Great comment/advice @mowerds33.

[@brennan_mclachlan]

A few of my best friends I met on video games. One of my best friends has came to visit me from another state multiple times and we’ve been friends with him and his family for years now.

[@brennan_mclachlan]

skeet shooter Who ever said I don’t have real life friends? I just said a few of my best I met online. Are you illiterate or just ignorant?

[@brennan_mclachlan]

skeet shooter I also never even said how long I play or anything about that. Everything you said is 100% based on some weird, twisted stereotype you have in your head. I am in a healthy relationship, I go to school in person and have plenty of friends there, I lift with some of them here and there but regardless I lift 6 days a week. But, I also play video games. It’s a hobby. Just like I hunt, make music, and plenty of other things that your brain can’t comprehend, I hate to break it to ya “skeet shooter” lol.

[@mr.mockingbrd]

I get on my games after work; however, I make sure everything around the house is done and I take care of my children first.

[@brittany7573]

So does my husband. 😪 But no time for me tho

[@Mich2Paris7]

I wish my husband did this first but he will leave everything trash around him and play as much as he wants

[@brittany7573]

@@Mich2Paris7 I'm sorry to hear that. That is definitely harder. I am lucky that my husband helps so much around the house.

[@Frissdas1207]

Same, I asked my wife if I played too much and she said it's never bothered her. There's a balance to life, do your part, be an active contributor. It's not that hard. Out of BILLIONS of people, someone decided to commit to YOU! Be freaking grateful.

[@christopherlewis10]

I hope you mean like once or twice a week. NO GROWN MAN SHOULD BE PLAYING A GAME EVERYDAY!!

[@loref4200]

My husband is addicted to video games. He used to play every waking moment, while he wasn't at work or out of the house (6-8 hrs per day or more). The way you know someone is addicted to something is try to suggest deleting it or getting rid of it, and see how angry they get. If they are ragey, the addiction is horrible. He still plays them every once in a while, but not to the extent he used to (1-2 hrs at a time every now and then). We sat down and had a frank conversation to hash out his addiction and the ways it was affecting our marriage and our baby boy. We discussed how he was avoiding connection, responsibility to be present, and how neglected I felt. I helped him set boundaries with me, and now he plays when we are asleep or doing other things. Now, if I ask him to get off, he gets off within minutes, and is more aware of his surroundings. One of the things I did to show him what it felt like, is I downloaded a game on my phone, put in headphones, and treated him the way he had been treating me and our son. He hated it, and realized just how hurtful it was. I hope this woman can be up front with her husband, draw a line in the sand and set boundaries, and fight for her marriage. Video games aren't evil, but overindulgence in them to the neglect of others, definitely is evil. Hopefully, y'all can get the help you need.

[@skunkycatog]

Boooo!! Bad npc

[@loref4200]

@@skunkycatog An npc wouldn't have input of their own. So, boo back.

[@iceblue112]

Well said! I am glad for the reconciliation you were able to make with your husband! :)

[@Mich2Paris7]

Glad you got through to him, I’m still working on this with my husband

[@loref4200]

@@Mich2Paris7 Be patient Michelle, and take it a day at a time. I hope it works out for y'all.

[@okeowoaderemi]

I used to be a video gamer , but always real life stuff over video games. I would play 4 hours a day but now it's just 2 hrs I prefer to be working, more rewarding. Too much gaming can leave you weird. Zombie like

[@BrunoCCoutinho]

2 hrs a day is alot if you work. I usually play while my better half watches TV. 1-2 hours 3 times a week at most. A little bit more at the weekends.

[@ajenkins5618]

This isn’t just playing video games this is addiction. Plays more hours in a week than he works. I hope he can get some help.

[@Maurerfam]

My husband right now . I have mental health problems. I was having anxiety attack he ask me what do you wanna play I asked him to just talk to me for he’s voice helps me . He said well I’m busy playing right now . I’m feel really alone . I feel alone in our marriage. I ask for he’s time but he said my bros are on the game . I’m so mad

[@AdaRauth]

dealing with this with my boyfriend right now…

[@mhmtakeyatime9000]

Im sorry to hear that. Have you tried marriage counseling?

[@nikkobird590]

Break his game or break up with him

[@LILY-ic8pe]

Leave him, he's not gonna change

[@intentionallyinpired]

My husband is so angry when he is asked to stop playing his games ..he gets on the verge of violent … same he’s been gaming his whole life.. it’s too late to worry about what mom and dad did wrong when the man is full blown grown addict. It’s like dealing with someone addicted to crack Cocaine ( husband is 3 or 4 hours a day and will even play while driving ) to the detriment of everyone else in his life. He has no friends and could care less about his obligations ..I’m thankful he goes to work at least

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

I feel you! Mine works too but he can’t understand why I am so sick of screens!!! If its not video games, its shows and youtube videos!!! I want to experience life, help out at church, be with friends, make something of value or reach people, play with our kids… He would be happy if we all left him alone and he could play video games all day!!!

[@Joel-pg4yi]

Wow. How these guys get all these girls. I have my share of problems too. Like trauma isolation loneliness lack of social skills so i like used to use like gaming but if I met an amazing girl that would love me and care for me my attention would all to her. If she accepted me who I am with all my pain and sadness and still loved me and stayed and made me so happy I'd appreciate her and love her the way she want me to or try my best at least if I don't have the tools and experience. And I know i would be like that because I was with a girl madly in love before. Damn these dudes who are addicted to games are so lucky having such amazing wonderful woman they better wake up before it's too late

[@Obiwan19766]

What game he play

[@rainey2042]

@@Jaxmusicgal23 I'm sorry you have to go through this hopefully everything will get better soon and happy new year

[@jessidawkins5245]

I am glad he goes to work k wish he could work mote hours coz he be at work thinking if the game

[@theresamuro1897]

I would of left 5 years ago, but I have 2 kids and I can’t support them alone. So I’m going back to school and working to get a good career to provide for my children. Once I get there, it’s time for me to go. I can’t do it anymore.

[@pauldirc..]

But what the problem if he plays games , he is working and providing money to his family

[@mariebeauregard8683]

@@pauldirc..Omg providing money and playing video games arent enough to keep a mariage and a family life going, come on!

[@ronnie5329]

​@@mariebeauregard8683Nope, but there are healthy ways to play video games. I was with an ex gf that is an ex because she didnt understand it was my way of coping after a long stressfull day of work. I play an hour and thats it. For some reason her friends kept telling her that it was a problem that I disconnected for an hour when I came home. I work in a high stress field and this is my coping mechanism. Many men need some space to deal with stress, I would still be availabe to talk with her after an hour, I always put the alarm and she kept nagging me about it. When she tried coming back to me she told me it was her friend telling her to stop me from playing video games🤨

[@jfloresdrums]

He better be streaming on Twitch if he's seriously playing that much. I'm 34 and play video games as a good escape from stressful work. I must admit that video games now are so immersive and well design with graphics and gameplay that its not hard to get addicted but to play to the point where you don't play with your own kids is terrible.

[@Anonylll-c4o]

Exactly * great comment!

[@pokemonitishere202]

Twitch or even better KZbin. One can get better pay than twitch & at least can learn some editing skills to make a video & earn well too

[@thinkblue8089]

Johns first reaction was laughing at this womens husband playing video games. It's a serious issue. It's an addiction. Not really funny. I was addicted for years to one game. I made game time a priority. But now I realize it's hurting me. Taking away from other important things. It's not that the guy is a bad dude, it's just really addicting. I'm not married though, so I suppose I would of gave it up earlier if I was.

[@GardenerEarthGuy]

What game?

[@nmc1859]

@@GardenerEarthGuy no offense, but it shouldn't matter. He said he was addicted and maybe it's not a good idea to ask what the addictive game was. They are all set up to be addictive anyways unfortunately

[@whitneyw.7919]

yah, he's not a bad dude(depending on what you're idea of a bad dude is). He's just a terrible husband.

[@ZaoZaoification]

hope you weren't play warlock at least

[@jfloresdrums]

Fifa?

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

Is she talking about my hubby?! 16 years of marriage and I have been dealing with this…. I do the same fit but it ends up with a 3 hr screamfest and it hurts our 4 kids. Its always a new game to play!! When we were in college and dating he was not that into video games either and was different… marriage and responsibilities of growing up stressed him out and BAM video games started up. He played a little growing up and his younger bro was the gamer. Now its what he seems to live for, not me and our homeschooling 4 kids he claims he adores but never spends time with, not our relationship, not involvement in church… its all video games! Mine works a full time job but comes home and only does stuff around the house if “mommy” ahem, me his wife shows him what to do and will “get around to it”. Stays up late and then complains how tired he is in the morning. Ignores our relationship unless I do something unless he wants sex…. Expects me to want to be with him. Losing weight didnt work, now someone at church has a mutual attraction with me and I am being a good girl and not engaging in it but man it is hard when you are getting appreciated by someone else who is attracted to you while your hubby ignores you and expects you to put a ton of effort while he gets the high life! It is hard to be good when your male friend pays more attention to you and your kids than your hubby does! Man, my hubby knows I had an attraction to him but not that its reciprocated…. Still isnt a motivation!!! Hubby has NO idea how lucky he is I have integrity and morals!!! Regret is a hard pill to swallow!!

[@Actavella]

That’s sad, life is so precious I pray there is some kind of joy I your life apart from your marriage.

[@ldrnative8619]

leave that man. and enjoy a single life.

[@animalsaroundus2]

You need to break off ties with that man. Not your husband. Don’t destroy your marriage over an emotional affair. Your husband likely made you feel that way at some point too, it may seem like it’s nice but something like that will destroy your life and your family. Confront your husband, get counseling, do not cheat!

[@lilacskies9493]

I left my ex boyfriend of 2 years because he used video games as a distraction from his real life problems. It was Not fair to me, I felt neglected and I now see video games as a negative thing because that’s all my ex had on his mind. Not to mention, he got into role playing on GTA servers which has a Lot of women as well as his male friends (which were rude imo) from discord servers. Gaming with his friends became his priority, and he gaslighted me to make me feel like I was overreacting which wasn’t the case. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was also cheating on me with the gamer girls that he played GTA with. Smh. I now know not to date a gamer or a guy with parent issues… that was My Mistake.

[@thevegantitian]

Im in the same situation now.

[@alexiswilliams9978]

I thought I was the only one going thru this… I have never experience this before this is my first relationship with a gamer and definitely my last it’s so unattractive when a man spend more time with some virtual strangers then girlfriend is just weird… I couldn’t have a child in this situation because if I’m lonely then I’ll be lonely with a child and that’s not far for either

[@Obiwan19766]

IDK the situation but there's absolutely nothing wrong with gamers that like saying you won't date people that love to read. It should only be a problem when it's toxic and I'm not coming at you but what makes you think he was cheating was he speaking different than he should with this females or were they closer than you wanted.

[@yamiwarner]

i mean...my boyfriend is addicted to videogames, we talk, i give him numbers. When he saw that big amount of hours on the console, he understood. The problem is no over, is an addiction anyway, but man, if you love your partner, help them. For us what works is a month or 2 of complete detox (if i wasn't a gamer too, it would be easier to eliminate the stimulus completely, but i am responsible and I'm not going to stop playing) and the first weeks are horrendous for him, and i understand, and i help, i try him to reconnect. Usually the problem arises because there's some issue he doesn't want to even think. When he stabilizes, we work on the problem and he improves drastically. for some months no games, but when he is on track he can play a bit. At first, we had to start this again most times, but with effort, now he can play responsibly for months. of course, i have an eye on him regularly, and most of the time just saying something like "hey, I've seen that you are playing a bit more than usual, you know?" and he realizes and cuts the problem for himself. Sometimes i have to take all the gaming devices again, but that's in moments of high stress, he needs a new coping mechanism, but is difficult because games are so effective to evade from reality. you love your husband? nice, look for a good psychologist and keep the effort. I find my boyfriend lovely in the other aspects of life, and what kind of relationship it would be if i don't help as much as i can to the person i want to be forever? And i hope that, if i have a problem like that, he does the same with me. Sometimes we just need help, and we can't see it.

[@ragingryhino5817]

I play video games. I am 32 and have a good living. The statement about its a fantasy land with fake people is false. I play with friends that have moved away, have also met some great people on them as well. Some people have differnet ways to socialize and meet people. A social life doesn't always mean going out for dinner or drinks.

[@whitneyw.7919]

Are you married? do you have children?

[@ragingryhino5817]

@@whitneyw.7919 married yes. Children no.

[@iceblue112]

Agreed, why is one social stigma ok and not the next? Just because some believe that gaming is dumb because it is a newer societal hobby, compared to sports or traditional hobbies? I personally think golf is awful, I hate watching baseball, and would rather get a root canal than to do any type of gardening.. but I could play video games for 8 or 10 or 12 hours of a day.. why? because it interests me.. it doesn't mean video games are bad, it means I have a passion for an extracurricular activity. Again like my original post stated, if you can't balance life with fun then you need to make changes. This guy needs to make changes, no doubt! But the actual hobby isn't the issue its his heart for his family. And yes Whitney I am married with a son. My wife would tell you I play too much, and I say she sits and watches drama TV shows too much. So we all have our quirks but we as a couple put our family first with attention and fun.

[@gigi8528]

@@ragingryhino5817 Is your wife a gamer too? My bf is 31 and he hates how I’m not a passionate gamer like he is. I’ve tried playing with him but according to him it’s never enough.

[@infamous1427]

People always try to make fun of video games. If you work and handle your responsibility as an adult you are fine.

[@zeal4god402]

I have played video games for years and find it therapeutic, able to build creativity and socially engaging when MODERATELY played. The issue in the past was the VAST amount of time I spent as an adolescent on it. I used to spend 8-10 hours to the point of getting minor headaches with all the lights flashing in my face and excessive eye strain focused on one screen without adequate breaks. Too much can SEVERELY damage the brain and our effectiveness in face-to-face relationships. Now when I play I put my timer on. Sometimes 45 minutes or an hour, usually 90 minutes or 2 hours the most

[@skunkycatog]

Plot twist, her husband is doctor disrespect 😂😂😂😂

[@davidverduzco9954]

DEAD 💀💀

[@nataliestark8243]

First of all, "they're not real" is not correct. MMOs have real people playing. Some groups even have IRL meetups. Often times people who are introverts open up more to people on the internet. Technology addiction is real. She wouldn't notice it as much if they both played video games together as a team. And there are many adults who play games. They are not all "middle school kids." But it could be related to mental health. Our whole family plays video games... and sometimes together. They can be a way of connecting to each other, or they can drive you apart. It's a hobby, much like anything else.

[@nataliestark8243]

@NurturingTalents Neither is watching television or other forms of entertainment.

[@brennan_mclachlan]

NurturingTalents Relaxation should not be regarded as “unproductive”. This entire mindset is so toxic. Everyone has something they spend time on like that. Personally I play video games, I make music, and I lift 6 days a week.

[@brennan_mclachlan]

NurturingTalents >for too many hours< yes of course. Also, if you can’t separate reality that is completely and entirely personal. I have never once struggled with that and know a lot of people who also don’t.

[@gofficcat]

All of this! Agree with the mental health thing too. The time I spend with video games spikes when my depression is bad. I think a lot of people think video games cause depression, when in reality it is a way to cope. Like all coping tools, it can reach unhealthy levels though. If she is concerned about how many hours he is gaming she should be pushing for him to see someone.

[@AlexisHoltzer]

A lot of excuses for adults acting like children

[@ryandoe9278]

Amazing how people pick on video games. It’s all about moderation. My wife hates that I’m in my garage working on my cars for hours. Your partner will be upset if you’re spending hours upon hours if you’re playing video games, working on your cars, fishing, hanging out with your friends, watching football, drinking alcohol too much, etc. Its all about self control and moderation.

[@DaronSpence]

$10 says it’s RuneScape. The story lines up with the mobile launch and the fact he’s been playing it so long.

[@aquaticasmr184]

100%

[@erato1]

Could be Adventure Quest but you're right that is is probably RuneScape.

[@Kyleadin]

Def RS or OSRS.

[@Trackpad12]

Nobody plays runescape 8 hours a day xD

[@aquaticasmr184]

@@Trackpad12 this guy is for real is 100% old school runescape

[@crystalgilliam3006]

This is what happened to my husband when our oldest was 4-asked if daddy loved her as much as he loved the games.

[@happyd1479]

💔😭

[@eugenewang4650]

My guess is that he's OSRS he's playing. It's not just a game, it's a substitution for the dopamine hit of goal setting and achievement. I used to be addicted to these games but it taught me I was extremely goal oriented so I rechanneled that addiction into financial goals and now I'm addicted to saving and investing and tracking my net worth I used to skip meals to play games now I skip meals to save money to invest

[@mcshakycheese7396]

Definitely agree it sounds like OSRS when she mentioned it was the same game he played as a kid, "mindlessly clicking," and the mobile aspect lol.

[@fatemad4012]

How do you invest?

[@srrdeer4603]

disregard women; acquire yew/magic logs

[@janettetimms8650]

🤣 behave 🤣🤣

[@RUdigitized]

My girl got fed up and told me I needed to choose between her and games. I miss her sometimes...

[@benjo004]

🤣🤣🤣

[@KentuckyGameGuy]

I've actually done this. Helped me clear Baby step 2 cause all my money went courting her LOL

[@coffeetalk888]

I bet she doesn't miss you & living her life happily with a real man who knows how to balance his life, not an emo me-against-the-world little boy 😜😜😜 Goodluck catching up with the rest of us outside a four-cornered room loser! 😘

[@jennifer.martin.48]

Enjoy a relationship with your right hand for the rest of your life then

[@Sleepylevi]

​@@jennifer.martin.48 Or just get a gamer gf. Solution

[@GoldenClimb]

I completely agree with the fact that the guy is addicted and that is a problem. But, it wasn’t his mom or dads fault that he is addicted as an adult and it isn’t parents job to make sure that there kids don’t play video games. The guy just needs to create balance in his life. I play video games too but not when I could be spending time with my wife, family, or friends. It’s all about balance.

[@LS-nj6oj]

nah, my partners parents never disciplined him growing up. they have another adult son living at home still playing games allll the time. parents have a major influence in raising well rounded, structured children. I am cleaning up the mess his parents left. he and his parents are accountable. him mostly, but I do not forgive his parents for relinquishing all responsibility for how their sons turned out.

[@GoldenClimb]

@@LS-nj6oj I understand where you are coming from and I agree that parents are a huge influence on their children’s behavior. My mom disciplined hardcore when it came to electronics , but unfortunately it never worked on me. I always found ways to get around the rules. In my marriage I had to learn to create a balance with video games. Everybody is different and some just need to learn on their own.

[@valsptsd814]

My rule, as mom, was “If I call your name three time, and you do not respond. The games are off for rest of the day.” Not sure if anyone needs that, but there it is.

[@mikemcbeth3216]

Stop calling him

[@Sarahbo00713]

I'd say the games are off for the rest of the week or the month!

[@TheDavidcora]

😂😂😂good one!

[@foreverneox109]

others don't realize that Excessive video gaming in adults can usually stem from a issue currently either at home or at work, also as a tool for dealing with stress and so many other things so keep that in mind when in a relationship with someone who is like this

[@jessidawkins5245]

Everyone have stress at times so wbat am not suppose to get any attention

[@ttrev007]

There is nothing wrong with video games. Just like some other addictions the problem comes when there is problem behaviors. If it interferes with your relationships and responsibilities then it is a problem.

[@gabrielamartiniuc6322]

There’s nothing wrong with a man that’s playing video games instead of being at the gym or going for a run or playing tennis or basketball? Really? It’s a huge turnoff !!! Get your off your a*** and be a man !! Is my take on it.

[@Sarahbo00713]

@@gabrielamartiniuc6322 I heard from a biology professor once that playing video games decreases a man's testosterone, and going to the gy increases it. Just cutting down or cutting out video games will instantly make a man more attractive.

[@pokemonitishere202]

​@@gabrielamartiniuc6322 I can say the same for watching movies, webseries or sports or any kind of entertainment. Do you agree with that? Go to gym instead of watching movies

[@mauricedavis1740]

@@pokemonitishere202 it’s usually the “gamers” with mediocre lives who try to defend gaming by saying this. How is a grown man playing video games productive..? Unless your actually making GOOD money from streaming it’s just wasting time pretty much. You bringing up other forms of entertainment is a defense mechanism and it doesn’t change the facts..

[@pokemonitishere202]

@@mauricedavis1740 It's usually the boomers & TV fanatics of the 70s & 80s that defend wasting time infront of tv. How's grown people watching movies, web series, sports more productive than gaming if gaming was unproductive(according to your logic)? You people are racists who discriminate one form of entertainment just because you think you feel so. Entertainment & story telling come in different forms. In the past it was by telling stories orally then it evolved into other forms. Some people like to stare at stories(watching TV), some listen to them(radio), some like to read & imagine stories(books) Some likes to role play them (cosplay & movie making) Some like to go to the world & involve in it(video games) Without entertainment, humans can't survive much & wouldn't have made it upto now. Numbers from this entertainment never lie. Don't discriminate against entertainment & rub your Subjective opinions on others

[@elizabethbittala2779]

I'm realizing I'm watching this video for the second time now. I hope she's found answers. It kills me because I am this woman, except add 2 more kids, husband working/gaming from home since the pandemic. Mix in adult ADD, ODD, childhood trauma and poor eating habits. It's the perfect storm.

[@sarcodonblue2876]

So many men and boys with ADD/ADHD are into gaming and it makes their dopamine regulation even worse . Many will also smoke pot to help regulate this also.

[@bbdass4598]

What is ODD. Did you mean OCD?

[@trylikeafool]

@@bbdass4598 Oppositional defiance disorder.

[@itimelesscreations3201]

Same here. I feel like he should have stayed single because he wouldn't spend time with his wife. So painful having to feel like I am living alone and feeling ignored.

[@Jaisha26]

Going through this too. It's a series situation and painful for the family members.

[@dylangrose9712]

If your husband is choosing to play video games over being with his family, there is a much deeper problem going on. Nobody in a healthy marriage would choose to spend the majority of their time playing Runescape. Video games are a symptom of a larger problem, not the cause.

[@HDGaminTutorials]

Ehhh theres only so much you can say and do with someone after years of being together I see nothing wrong with two people who are married doing separates things in the house together especially if you both work

[@rocamboua]

I cried to this so hard.. God, my heart is out there to anyone who is dealing with addiction, I grow up in a family like that and is a chronic disease for every member.. hope they find the help they need 🙏

[@veronicav575]

So glad I never married my video game addicted ex boyfriend. This would be my life. My husband isn’t a gamer and I’m so happy. I’d never again date someone who gamed. They all get addicted.

[@shirk1988]

I used to play video games 6-12 hours a day when I was a kid. Then I realized moderation is pretty important. I focused on my career while still gaming and now I own my home and car and I am debt-free. I still game today and have a happy relationship. All moderation. :)

[@ciararobb8049]

Exactly. My husband games... But it's like 4-5 hours a week just for fun while I'm studying late at night.

[@joshuahetzer6658]

John making it sound like only middle schoolers play video games is insane, he’s insanely uneducated on this topic lol

[@cmmcfielful]

agreed

[@Othman1992on]

He's old, what do you expect?

[@RightWingRadioShow]

Boomers gonna boom

[@SpongeBlaster]

He seems extremely uneducated in general.

[@Mr.Adolvera]

Only middle schoolers should play video games

[@indyd9322]

Never marry a serious gamer. Even though it's your spouse who plays, the games will steal from YOUR life.

[@Joel-pg4yi]

Imagine how bad it must be getting cheated with a video game😂

[@CarletonM]

I played games online with a couple of guys for years and i met them in real life for the first time at my wedding!

[@PurplePufferfish]

My husband does 6-8 hours easy on games and another 4 hours with TV. He doesn't work and we are struggling. I can't find work to try and earn something. He is the reason why I won't try for kids. I'm 38 and lost and alone. I myself have fallen into laziness and i am hiding from him and his family that lives here. He does not want to do anything to change.

[@brennan_mclachlan]

Why no video games whatsoever? It seriously should not be such a problem. I definitely agree that hours and hours is too much, but video games can be every bit as relaxing as other hobbies. I play video games, I lift 6 days a week(my favorite), I make music, I hunt, I go on walks, I do lots. Why are we shaming people who play video games?

[@brennan_mclachlan]

@@MicheleNichols2 Did you just not read my comment or are you braindead? Use your noodle.

[@nicolab2075]

@@brennan_mclachlan I thought the same as Michele. Why did you react like that?? The games aren't the problem, the level of addiction is the problem.

[@bethanybrowne3803]

Video games are legitimately addictive. There is a chemical reaction in the brain that happens during these games. I see nothing wrong with an adult playing online games in moderation but that should always come third to your children and marriage. His number one priority when he gets home from work should be to connect and engage with his child.

[@mary_syl]

Videogame addiction is a thing. It shares pathology with other addictive behaviours. Fortunately it's taken more seriously in the psychological field these days than it used to be. All excessive behaviours can become detrimental to the person's life and their environment. If you use videogames daily to escape/numb/self-soothe and stop prioritising important things and people in your life, that's when you definitely have a problem and it's no longer just a hobby.

[@l3hxy]

Fun fact: the study that found how dopamine hits work at an algorithmic level found it by looking at video games. It's the same study that social media companies base their algorithms on to make their platforms as addictive as possible

[@richthepup]

It's annoying when non-gamers talk about gaming...

[@itchyisvegeta]

Agreed!

[@bokchoiman]

If you're playing 3-4 hours a night after work, there goes your whole evening.

[@danzellsayles2555]

I don’t think people understand the severity of certain games. Unless you were someone or know someone who was addicted to like world of Warcraft or League of legends or those types of games. They literally drive people to stray away from society. It can get as bad as a drug addict breaking from a 5+ year addiction. I’m not condoning this behavior, I’m just wanna give people a perspective that haven’t played videos games to how bad this is.

[@weekendnomad5038]

Most women have this issue . My husband gets pissy when he’s playing too

[@solitatorres3682]

My husband plays video games anytime he has available, before work , after work, days off the entire weekend, falls asleep & wakes up with it. Our marriage sucks, parenting is all my responsibility & I try to keep it from my kids but he put them all on to it , when I try to put balance, I am hated for it. I can’t stand the obsession with video games, people like this should just stay single.

[@enniepoon]

PlayStation 5 and Xbox coming out this year

[@zeal4god402]

I pre-ordered that ps5, but we must know the difference between reality and fantasy and be wary how much time we invest in each

[@infamous1427]

Got both of them. 😆

[@coyjin]

I came from a family that didn't allow any games in the house. I still ended up addicted to games. it has more to do with the way that he was raised and the way that he copes with the world. for me I wasn't allowed games but my parents had no time for me so I was always that the neighbors house playing games with my friends.

[@breakingbolts7621]

OSRS For sure

[@therealPinta77]

It has to be

[@ExMorteEx]

What’s XP waste?

[@misskristinyoo]

This is one of those things where I'm like how do people not live with their sig others before marrying them. I understand the religion aspect of it all... but like I'm sure she didn't realize how bad his video game addiction was until they were living together. There are so many red flags that dont pop up until you share a roof. I couldn't imagine figuring it out after marriage. Idk, maybe that's not even the case here lol still. Just my opinion of course pls don't attack me haha

[@maddiejoy7896]

It can also depend on when they got together. Once upon a time, limitless video games weren’t accessible in our hands. Even the GameBoy and PSPs had limitations in terms of needing to buy physical games to play them, not fitting easily into pockets, etc. If they got together during that era, it would be easy not to realize how intense the mental addiction was until technology caught up to it.

[@Dalcar.avotreestudio]

Trust me, it gets worse with time. In the beginning, you think it's just a hobby but when there's a baby in the house or any hiccup in life, they hide in the gaming and then it's "game over" for everyone else. You no longer count except to do what he should be doing cause...he's gaming. I've stopped talking to him and he couldn't be happier.

[@kiana.vharvey]

In my case I knew my husband had a terrible addiction to games before we got married, it was so bad he would lie and manipulate me so I wouldn't find out he was playing. But he got to a point where he acknowledged it was a problem and said he wanted to abandon the games. By the time we got married it seemed like he had finally stopped playing. I trusted him. But he relapsed and got back into it. He's completely addicted again.

[@ryanwilliams7664]

I have to say Dr D is way off on video games. The caller's husband is out of control. But there's nothing wrong or evil about video games. Just like there's nothing wrong or evil about watching sports. There are limits to everything. But to claim that gamers are trying to live in a fantasy as an escape from reality is pretty hypocritical. Does Dr D watch ficitional or dramatic movies? Does Dr D read fiction? Does he read books with his kids and cultivate imagination? Does he appreciate art? I mean all of these things are entertainment and their purpose is creativity, imagination, joy, etc. There is nothing wrong with an adult who plays a video game from time to time. Same as there is nothing wrong with an adult who enjoys watching a movie that isnt strictly for educational purposes. Now an adult (or child) who plays 5 hours of video games a day on the regular is out of control. Same as someone who watches 5 hours of sports every day, or someone who watches 5 hours of movies every day, or someone who reads books for 5 hours every day. Any of these things done in excess is ridiculous. But it's sad to see an enlightened, educated, man of medicine completely unable to recognize that there is essentially no difference between a video game and a movie or a book. Except that the video game is actually more interactive and just as full of imagination and such. Maybe I'm misunderstanding him, but he seemed very condescending overall to any type of gamer. Boomers have been making this ridiculous stance for decades. Also when he mentioned smashing your kids controllers... oof. Bad parenting recommendation. Never destroy your children's things. Doesn't matter if you bought it or they are abusing it by spending too much time on it. You can remove it from the situation temporarily and make them earn it back and if it remains an issue maybe even sell it or just remove it for a longer period of time. But don't destroy something your child cherishes (unless it's drugs, alcohol, or something else that kids obviously shouldn't have)lol. That's emotional abuse, not parenting. You don't need to hurt your kids to reshape or redirect them to better behavior and a more balanced lifestyle.

[@random-nz7dy]

Well said. It also irritates me how people can go around in their social and work lives bragging about what they've binge watched. People can binge-watch an entire season of a show in one day and they talk about it like it's a point of pride. But because the institution of watching TV is more Universal and has been around longer nobody calls it out. I've known people who make fun of anybody who plays video games but they'll spend 7 to 8 hours on a Saturday doing nothing but watching reality TV. Tell me how that's any different

[@zeal4god402]

Wow, very well formulated! I have played video games for years. It is interactive, engaging, fun, and therapeutic. The only issue is the excessive time spent and I used to spend 8-12 hours a day on a massive multiplayer. Now I set a timer whenever I play video games because I can sometimes get carried away with all these games nowadays being more immersive and detailed. There is a very wise pastor I listen to named Dharius Daniels that plays the Nintendo switch, but balances it well with ministry, family, and other side hustles.

[@iceblue112]

Completely agree, well said. The way we get around the smashing controller, and or take it away thing is... Our son knows that the video games(systems, etc) are property of Dad's, not my sons. So if I take them away it is more along the lines of, I am not letting him play with my things. I dont know if this is really any better but it works for us. This also rolls into teaching him of he needs to respect my stuff and then he earns my respect to use them.

[@iceblue112]

@NurturingTalents The thing is, you teach them now when they are young and the lessons they learn will help shape their behavior when they grow older so you won't have to get to that extreme case. If it does, well then my wife and I will have to have a discussion on what to do. Or maybe I'll be calling into the show! Lol

[@m_rod9562]

I'm glad someone else caught that "smashing controller" part. Definitely a million better ways of going about that.

[@LeskoBrandon2x]

Here’s my issue. Gaming to me is a way to decompress. My wife decompresses by sleeping. And then complains that I’m “absent” when I’m on the game. When she naps, I’m with the kids. When I game, she’s with the kids. On days that I work, I play maybe an hour or 2 a day, while she’s at home with the kids (aside from feeding them and changing diapers, she watches her favorite shows). Now, on some of my days off, when she’s not napping, I could spend 5,6 maybe 7 hours a day playing. I don’t see my friends AT ALL in person (I just don’t have that type of relationship with my friends) so me “hanging out” with my friends is spending several hours with them (on my days off) gaming. While she actually hangs out with her friends in person while I work or even when I’m home. I just want different opinions on why I’m wrong or right… and why she’s wrong or right. I’m open to all opinions and won’t judge. Edit: we spend time together. As a family. My post made it sound like we never spend time together. We don’t go out much as a family because financially it’s hard to. My wife and I LOVE watching shows together which usually happens after the kids are asleep. Which is about 2 hours a night (every single night) on work nights.

[@6000backspace]

7 hrs on a game & 2hrs with your wife is crazy to me

[@LeskoBrandon2x]

@@6000backspace tell me you didn’t read the whole thing without telling me. She spends the same amount of time with her friends (sometimes) while I’m home. Same with me. Sometimes I spend 6-7 hours gaming. What’s the difference or the issue with that?

[@kazgaming5088]

I think it is a matter of finding balance. Video games in it of itself are not bad. Addiction to them is. My wife and I play games regularly. I play games with my kids regularly. But, we also balance it by doing cookouts, bonfires, playing soccer, cards, whatever. I respect John Delony and have learned a great deal from him. But I think he's off base on this one. The games themselves are not a poison that needs to be avoided entirely. But like anything, choosing to partake in moderation is the key.

[@Jane5720]

I think if he doesn't change that she should seriously think of leaving him

[@newagesoup]

i dont agree with some of what john says (i.e russian middle schoolers) but this guy is playing entirely too much. id call myself a gamer but once my first son was born that all went out the window from day 1. i think it’s reasonable to get an hour here, an hour there, and still be a present and responsible father. But those 8 hour marathons are gone, and any young fathers to be out there should go ahead and come to terms with that now. On the bright side, it’s entirely worth it. No virtual achievement can ever relate to the pride and meaning you get from truly raising a kid.

[@shauniwarwick6091]

Might want to check in and see if he has ADHD. My fiancé has this tends to hyper focus on video games. We are learning how to deal through different coping methods regarding behavior change and so on.

[@Jaisha26]

Please, please tell me how you're doing and share tips. My hubby has ADHD and he hyperfocuses on video games, most definitely. He put it down this week for me, but he's a miserable person.

[@ericmoore9444]

Just trying to get away from women

[@kenny995]

I'm on the verge of divorcing my husband because of this. I am not exaggerating when I say he will spend minimum of 10+ hours on his pc. I've had a million talks with him and he just doesn't care. I don't mind gaming, and some of his games are pretty cool, but he would rather sit in the dark playing with strangers than acknowledge me, I've never felt so lonely.

[@littleripper312]

Video games are so addictive. It often takes someone trying to quit a few times before it sticks. I used to game a lot in highschool. 2-4 hours after school and on weekends. The best way for me to quit was to have my schedule packed so when I got to working age I started working evenings and weekends and the other days hungout with friends. Haven't played since.

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

Mine has “quit” several times but always goes back. He wont make new friends at church and I feel like he is “hiding”

[@pokemonitishere202]

​@@Jaxmusicgal23 Better playing video games rather than attending religious ceremonies.

[@GlassJack]

Nothing wrong with playing some video games, but, literally EVERYTHING else in life is more important.

[@heidi6544]

How many hours do we all spend on our phones? That would be interesting!

[@ladypink3473]

I was once walking those same exact shoes, exploding every 6 months and all. Until I decided to put myself and my son first. I couldn’t take it anymore and I left. Best choice I ever made!! I deserve better and so does my son. It was so bad the amount of neglect I put up, not just that but this dude didn’t like working, was financially irresponsible, we were homeless with a newborn, bc we were married I kept trying until I decided for myself and my sons future that we deserve better, we deserve attention. I got help from my family worked on the DR baby steps, went to counseling and I’m on baby step 3. I found my worth, if Me and my son can’t be valued then you don’t deserve a spot in our life.

[@lifeseries7944]

Dr. Delony, you are a good man! My husband thinks he provides and protects (?) so he is done with his duty. He is a backseat parent. He acts like an uncle in the house. He doesn't teach, parent and discipline our 3 sons. The only thing he does with the kids is shopping. I feel like the only parent in the household. I don't buy video game console (I rather spend that money on a programming class!). I don't give our 3 sons a phone. I go camping and volunteer with them. However, my oldest teen hates me in the gut! What do I do wrong?

[@shelbysycamore637]

Could you be forcing your teen to do what you want in his free time? Does he want to spend his time out of school camping and volunteering? Have you taken the time to ask him what his interests are and if you two could devote a day to doing what he wants?

[@lifeseries7944]

@@shelbysycamore637 My teen is passive just like his dad. The teen likes to go camping but the troop only has it once a month. My husband let the boy to run the family. He has very low expectation of the boy and trusts him 100% so the boy gets away with anything. My husband treats him like a friend. My husband is very passive, inactive, unmotivated, non-driven, anti-social, anti-crowd, doesn't like noise, selfish, inflexible (stick to route), non-communicative, messy, clueless, has eating disorder (picky eater), slacker, lazy, hoarder, anti-growth trait, has no executive functioning, mindless, has cannot-do attitude. I believe he has asperger. He acts like an uncle in the house more.

[@okenuth]

@@lifeseries7944 sounds like autism. Why are you trashing someone for having a disability?

[@wolfhoundcoder504]

​@@lifeseries7944 It is very painful to hear your neurodivergent husband is not thriving in his own home. As autism is a hereditary phenomenon you may be soon calling out this autistic behavior in your own sons. So it might be best to learn about how to improve the behavior from your husband, because unfortunately you are stuck with it. Some of the behaviors called out in your husband sound like its due to someone who is autistic and doesn't have the support he needs to thrive as a neurodivergent. People with autism can thrive with the right support, accommodation, and understanding. Although there is not much support for adults like your husband with autism, there is plenty of support for your sons. Your husband may be able to learn through them. Autism perspective: He dislikes crowds because they're noisy and may suffer from auditory sensory overload. Autism and Auditory Processing Disorders are part and parcel with autism. He may be inactive and passive because his energy bank is being drained. Masking his autistic traits, auditory senses being overload, and being forced to social situations that make him uncomfortable may drain all his energy. It doesn't help that his closest loved ones have all sorts of names to call him which drain his self esteem and self confidence. This could seep away at his ambition. I can see how this is hurtful to him. I wonder if he gets called these things at work. Unfortunately over time, the sort of treatment some autistics receive for their neurodivergent behaviors lead to depression, anxiety and CPTSD. Unfortunately being called out, being ostracized, being harassed, invalidated for a lifetimes worth for simply being autistic may have left him a feeling little disillusioned. He seems to be missing the one thing he needs most, acceptance for his foibles. He is finds comfort from routine, changing his routine will only make him more tired, if its an unhealthy behavior, I'd suggest changing it one by one. He probably has trouble communicating as an autistic. But there are two parts to this, neurotypicals have difficulty communicating to autistics. It takes two. Unfortunately picky eater is not going to stop, even neurotypicals have food preferences. But should stop being a rude eater, especially if he isn't the one cooking. Its possible his work drains all his energy, as an autistic, his work can drain additional energy from his energy bank. His work should be accommodating of neurodivergence, and leave some energy for his home life. Maybe he is working hard at his job so he can provide for his family, but still his job should rob him of all his energy and leave none for his family. If he is being harassed for autistic traits 24/7, that will be especially draining. It might also contribute to internalized shame and stigma which prevents him from getting diagnosed and help. He is neglecting his responsibilities as a parent in some ways, but he is not neglecting them with material comforts. Would you rather be poor and see him more involved in the home? It seems like he would have more energy if he didn't work. It seems like his environment is very draining to him. He needs to first take responsibility as someone who is autistic and do his part to help manage himself. However if he is constantly drained he will find no time to do that. It sounds the most growth will happen from him and his family understanding autism, and how it impacts the people around him. Perhaps then he can grow better into the father role.

[@jackcampbell1207]

Nobody ever quits Runescape. We only take long breaks. Welcome back man.

[@nikoifehutcherson4038]

I thought i was alone than i looked up stuff like this i need to leave this relationship 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@alexandrajoy8142]

This is exactly what I’m going through. My fiancé is so addicted to the video game. It’s a major turn off… he’s lost In the madden with his friends like it’s real life. We’ll leave the house and he’s in the phone with his friends taking about the game we get home he’s on the video game getting mad at us if he is losing. Then when he’s finally done playing he comes to bed and tries to sleep with me and gets mad that I’m not in the mood. I am completely turned off. I’m ready to leave I could care less I do everything for the house, the kids, the cooking and working. The kids even point it out, I’ll leave for work and he’s not watching them because he’s in the video game. We never got on dates let alone conversations he’s hyper fixated in the game. It’s always worse during football season. I’m so ready for the season to be over. The video games are a huge issue!

[@Lala89856]

I am very sorry. I went through this situation years ago. I did have to leave my ex because I was exhausted of waiting for him to change and to realize I existed. He played all day when he was home. I forgot the last time we sat down to eat something. No dates, no vacations, no surprises. We hardly had sex, no conversations, and I felt lonely. It broke me, and I had no self-esteem. I was working, and I took care of our son by myself that I felt like a single mom, so I moved out with my son. It has been two years and it has been the best decision that I made. I wish you the best, and you deserve better.

[@kikiblessed00]

I have this problem for 15 years with my ex. Lady he won't stop, sorry..🙏

[@macsc6112]

No video games in our house. Tv is tucked away only for purposeful viewing. "How we spend our days, of course, is how we spend our lives." - Annie Dillard

[@cinnamondan4984]

Love retro gaming but hardly touch the stuff because I have a wife and kids. I don’t feel cheated out of game time.

[@Helthurian]

The flippant 'they arent real people' comment is as absurd as this lady's husband playing 8+ hours a day on a consistent basis. Ive met 4 folks I played with, 1 is my best friend and we hang out in person periodically now. That said, 2-3 hours seems like the reasonable max with a non gamer wife and a kid. If she's not exaggerating, which doesn't seem to be the case, he definitely has a problem.

[@lilacsilverwing]

2-3 hrs a night every night? Please clarify. Not a huge gamer myself yet I’m supportive of my bf and kiddo playing an hour each nite after chores… yet 3 hrs/nite still seems a bit much… especially if Sat/Sun they’re playing too. Like mine are (8-16+ hrs weekends)

[@Helthurian]

@@lilacsilverwing On average is what is what I meant, but in most cases, folks who shun video games tend to spend the same or more time watching TV. I think it's important for any couple to at least find a middle ground on interests. Maybe there are more casual games that you could enjoy with your partner? You'd be surprised what's out there and how accessible it is.

[@jwise7777]

I'm a recovering video game addict, father and husband. It's definitely an addiction. It's an escape, and for it got worse when I was stressed out. He needs to find ways to replace it with another type of escape thats not so addictive. Maybe board games, sports, music, etc.

[@miketoth7000]

These "addictions" are getting out hand. Maybe he can go to video game rehab and hopefully he doesn't relapse and have a video game overdose

[@neaumusic]

I think video games give men something to actually be good at or strive for in a world where “industrialization turned men into sheep”. The competition / camaraderie is addicting and I think it’s in men’s nature to tinker and figure things out, where women are people-oriented. That is the most known difference between men and women, things vs people

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

Then they need to get out and create a community and hobbies that actually add value!

[@neaumusic]

@@Jaxmusicgal23 so one thing to consider is that money is actually a portrayal of value to other humans, not to the earth or animals etc, we only really do things for other humans in order to make money, but sometimes we should do things for ourselves too

[@christinaryan5562]

It's truly sad and the disconnect is ever so painful The feeling of being second and third to a video game And it's community 😢 it's almost as hurtful as being cheated on when all you want to do is be part of his world But there's no space for you So you suck it up and swallow your pill and go on with your day because you love that person and they got very little room for change so you learn live with it

[@joshjjjjj25]

You know good and well hes prob tried to be intimate and she said no, so he goes to play video games. Its a two way street here lady. Also John you are acting like real people arent on the other side of the game. Just because you dont see them in person doesnt mean you cant have online friends. I moved away from my friends from college and video games is how we still hangout and talk. But yes you can get addicted to them.

[@melissam7067]

Let's not blame her....she's asking for help. Minimum 3-4 hours a day playing video games after work is problematic. Esp with a small child.

[@KillerRose0]

I say go to therapy. If he doesn’t want to be a big boy and man up, to be a father and a husband, then leave. Separate yourself from him and he’ll see or you’ll see for yourself to know whether if he cares or not. I have video game addiction but ever since I became an adult, I realize how time consuming it is. So I put my goals and priorities first and spend more time with family than I ever could. It’s says a lot when you play a few nights to wind down after a long days of work, but it becomes a problem if it’s your life.

[@JayceTheDefender]

I love video games but my wife and my kids come first. I'll play a couple hours at night or where I can and that's good enough for me

[@jujubee4025]

My children have asked for a video game system for 5 years. I've kindly told them (each time they ask) I will not bring one in the house. My kids already have tablets and chrome books that I ask them to put down, WHY would I bring another problem into my house? Parents start saying no to your kids will give the kids interesting stories when they are older.

[@gofficcat]

Video games can be healthy and good for the brain when used in moderation. The main thing is setting boundaries, which is a good thing for them to establish while young anyways.

[@robe8607]

I love when people that know nothing about how video games work today comment on how "fake" those communities are. Not to say ignoring your family is OK but he's retreating there for a reason. John says take your kids fishing or to do yard work. Why can't he take them to play his game? I love the outdoors and haven't gamed much since I was a kid. But guess what I play with my teenager for a bit and also take him mountain biking with me. We both know it's a bit of a compromise but it's about bonding. I even host/DM for him and his friends every week playing Dungeons & Dragons. Never played as a kid and to be honest I was a nerd and even that was too nerdy for me. I was so wrong though and doing it with him made me understand what it's really about. People that don't see the value in video games are missing it just as much as people who don't see value in going on a hike for 8 hours. John is usually on point with his advice but here I feel like he missed some big stuff. Love the show.

[@AlexanderSiassi]

This was the best comment I've read today. Love your outlook

[@patrickmartin8479]

Well said.

[@reginasmith6188]

My husband has never been able to compromise video game hours , he will promise then forgets a day later . 3 kids and 13 years later im finally exhausted all my patients.

[@gunassi7432]

I think Dr D has a lot of good insight...but not on this. Her husband probably is not “playing with middle schoolers in Russia.” People build communities through gaming. With that, the husband should put his child and wife first. There needs a happy medium here.

[@noemiareis1121]

If a mam chose games before his wife he just dont love you that mutch its just there cuz he wants" the normal life"but in reallity he will never grow up he can do whatever he wants in "his world"

[@wrenchguy2937]

I'll defend the husband here. Videogames is a great outlet for depression / every day pains. Yes I get it. It's weird but it's a quick way to talk to the friends who you really don't see all the time. Yes you get a sense of accomplishment and sense of belonging with a community. The problem with the husband in my opinion is he couldn't balance that with a wife, which should be ALL priority before videogames. I don't like that people frown upon videogames. It's a great way to relive stress. The husband just probably doesn't know how to balance and that's the conversation to be had.

[@whitneyw.7919]

In a marriage, you lean on each other during times of stress, not a virtual reality world

[@wrenchguy2937]

Whitney W. Emotional and send of belonging bonds can be virtual. Hate to burst ur bubble lol esp in times of technology growing.

[@whitneyw.7919]

They're not actually. Unless you have problems relating socially to others. Those kinds of people often have many virtual friends

[@loref4200]

There is nothing wrong with it, until as you said, it becomes an obsession or addiction and is the priority over being present in life and the relationships around you. Most things are fine in moderation, and especially if they aren't in sacrifice to close relationships or responsibilities. Virtual friendships can be real, and you can meet some amazing people from all over the world, but they shouldn't be priority to everyone closest to you just because they are at a distance and are frankly easier.

[@whitneyw.7919]

@@loref4200 Most men who play video games as adults do it at the expense of their wives and families. So you're talking about a hypothetical situation

[@hodgymowagy7521]

Dr. John definitely does not get video games. My friends and I play video games not to escape reality. We do it to; 1) socialize 2) It's fun 3) we are all competitive people, and now that we are older and not playing sports every nights, video games gives us something to compete in against people all over the world at the tips of our fingers

[@MindfulObservers]

That's fine but if you have a wife and kids they need some of your time too. When ALL of your free time goes to gaming and not your family, your house will fall

[@Taikaru]

I can agree that mindless MMOs or repetitive games can be a waste of time, and absolutely anything needs to balanced with providing and spending time with family... but that said, the hostility towards gaming is over the top. They can also be the ultimate form of art, an inspiration, and a blessing. For my part, I'm working hard to make sure finances line up so there will be time for both, and will look for a woman who can appreciate or share those. Probably the best idea to find that out beforehand...

[@RaineyPowerTraining]

Thanks for this video John. A few months ago I deleted all my video games for the same problem. Family is always more important

[@loref4200]

Really insightful comment. I am so happy for you Daniel.

[@christinao8877]

If he is the only one working then the stress is overwhelming. Men need space after working all day.

[@loref4200]

Space is different than complete neglect or disregard of others around you. Numbing out every now and then, fine. However, if it leads to neglect of the family, it needs to change.

[@christinao8877]

Lore F I agree, but I let my husband numb out for awhile after work. He naps, watches the game, and enjoys dinner.

[@loref4200]

That's great, as long as there is a balance, and he gives you equal time to unwind at the end of a day, and he also connects with you and your children (if you have them).

[@Lady.Luck.]

What happens with both people work all day? That won't change his stress level at his job? He will still come home and want to do the same

[@anthonylozano8035]

I love video games just as much as any other guy. Yes, it's a destresser, but this amount of addiction actually creates more stress than it's intended to get rid of. Ditch the video games. Focus on your goals.

[@PR-Jae]

That’s extreme. I understand the point from the KZbin video. But not even having games, not even watching professional sports? That’s extreme. What about taking the kid to sports games? If you don’t know how to balance your world to do what you want plus spend time with family, you have a problem.

[@893263007]

Dr. John is pretty outdated on the social aspects of videogames. Playing a round of video game online with buddies is practically equivalent to going golfing with them. It's just more convenient and often more affordable. Not everyone is an athlete. Video games are better for your brain/reflexes that watching TV would be. I went through law school playing video games regularly. It kept me sane.

[@noemiareis1121]

Yes its rejection period if we dont leave they will never change

[@angelikalaser7778]

Dr D is on point but he did not say it out loud. This guy hates his life. He is depressed and prefers living in an imaginary word. I could play for days when I was a teenager but now as an adult I am done. So no, it is not his mothers fault, it is his life now. Some men don't want kids, they don't want to be the one working and not having any intimate life just because they did not do the dishes.

[@abark]

He's out earning a living for his family, and as soon as he gets home, she's ordering him around. "I need you to take care of the baby". Uhm, that's your job lady! Meanwhile, everyone acts like being a stay at home mom is a full time job.

[@Michelle.05]

Wow, what an eye opener for you, John!

[@Renrimfo4]

he’s playing world of warcraft 100% that game will ruin your life it’s too addictive

[@HolyChalice]

I play in my free time but only for an hour or two nowadays due to other responsibilities and I get bored very easily when it comes to games now. However, when I was a lot younger I would game up until the next day sometimes lol. This sounds like an extreme case of addiction and I hope he gets the help he needs before he tears his family apart in the dumbest way possible.

[@matthewshannon9]

How are more people not talking about how watching sports is no better than video games and in many cases worse?

[@dark_winter8238]

I would say video games can often be worse because you are fully invested while playing and it does not have as natural of stopping points. Easier to do for extreamly long periods. You can easily play games in moderation though.

[@IcedSky24]

I typically play 3-4 hours a week to keep my household life in balance. Now that I’m working 2 jobs I gave it up entirely. Gaming is like drinking, it’s fine in moderation.

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

I agree. Only, with mine, its not in moderation! I wish he would see how much life he is missing out on!