"Parts of the message were deleted." That is all you need to know right there. Why would it need to be deleted if it wasn't inappropriate?
@fungi53505 ай бұрын
Yeah if the stuff he left was questionable, imagine what was bad enough to make him feel like he had to erase it.
@anissaholmes44955 ай бұрын
You can still bring up deleted messages. Just type in a word in the search bar and it will pull all messages even deleted ones. You won’t be able to read it all because it’s deleted, but it would be enough, I’m sure.
@letmebeyourocd Жыл бұрын
Cheating isn’t always about secrecy. Some people are THAT disrespectful and will cheat on you in front of you and gaslight you about it because they’re that messed up.
@errybodygottachurce38593 жыл бұрын
Girl, a good man does not cross those lines. He’s doing more than that, trust me. You already know the answer - take your life back and leave
@dodgeplow3 жыл бұрын
He might not be yet, be it can certainly become the case
@annaelisavettavonnedozza9607 Жыл бұрын
This this this
@debbielockhart776211 ай бұрын
And if he hasn't yet - he's on the way to doing it.
@AngelaMay663 жыл бұрын
Its cheating because he is acting single. He will always do this, until he looses everything. He wants the benefits of being married without the commitment.
@rayneh40923 жыл бұрын
1. He is a cheater. 2. John should not have came down on her, asking her if she made him feel desired etc. It is absolutely not her fault that her husband betrayed their marriage, her and her trust. 3. There's no need to continue putting in anymore effort into the relationship. She needs to get her things in order to divorce him.
@crazeekids97443 жыл бұрын
People can do a one sided relationship for a season, depending on circumstances. But, it should not be a life sentence
@dayanacba3 жыл бұрын
There is certain responsability in each member of the couple, even if you were the person that suffered the infidelity. I been there and I had to go to that awful road to understand what I did to contribute to my partner's cheating. Let me téll you, I saw a lot of things that weren't ok, and I have to accept I wasn't as good partner as I belived. As Esther Perel says: understanding isn't the same as justification. I understand many things, of course them don't justify the lies and the pain I got from the experience.
@jones22773 жыл бұрын
I think he gave that advice so that she can exercise all options before moving on.
@lindyloowho72 жыл бұрын
It takes two to make a marriage! It is most important to get premarital counseling! I think they both need to do couples therapy! If therapy doesn't work, then split! If your both not invested in saving the relationship, it's over.
@crystalnewell1662 жыл бұрын
Exactly. Cheating is about that person’s character, not the other spouse’s lack of effort. Sure, it takes two people to have a relationship, but only one to step out.
@ophira21132 жыл бұрын
A faithful man doesn’t do that ever!
@crazeekids97443 жыл бұрын
If she found some messages, I guarantee there’s a lot more she hasn’t seen.
@Censoredbyfscists3 жыл бұрын
If she checks his messages he should be shopping around.
@cloudedcolour53292 жыл бұрын
@@Censoredbyfscists if hes not doing anything wrong and its a joint device, theres no issues
@terintiaflavius33492 жыл бұрын
@@Censoredbyfscists Depends really on what happened first. If your partner is being shady then it is okay to check but if thi go are good and you are just being controlling then that is wrong
@brandim14412 жыл бұрын
👆 This!
@StLouis-yg8jp2 жыл бұрын
That's not helpful. We don't know the extent to this. It could just be the messages.
@jessa45963 жыл бұрын
If you wouldn't do it in front of your wife, its cheating.Unless he agrees to couples counseling and giving you full access to his phone and starts earning your trust back, it will never work
@raiden0313 жыл бұрын
That is a little absurd to say.
@jessa45963 жыл бұрын
@@raiden031 how?
@itrebor3 жыл бұрын
Jess In the call she said herself she was not showing affection, I am sure the husband just wanted to be desired again and that led him to his cheating. Earning trust is not enough, both parties need to really be dedicated to saving the relationship, even if that means making personal changes to habit or behavior.
@raiden0313 жыл бұрын
@@jessa4596 cheating should have a clear definition otherwise the word is diluted to be meaningless.
@jessa45963 жыл бұрын
@@raiden031 i guess you also missed where she mentioned this wasnt his first time speaking to other women
@jobach61183 жыл бұрын
Hey just so everyone knows, there are people who go their whole relationships for life and never cheat! It can happen don't lose hope or faith!
@oliviastar38122 жыл бұрын
Amen.
@refiloendlovu65182 жыл бұрын
Right!! People act like it’s just a given..
@mariak75152 жыл бұрын
so true. it is so rare nowadays but we are out there
@brightpage1020 Жыл бұрын
Don't lose your naivete either 😉 Of course there are folks who don't cheat - they also get the value of the saying "the appearance of impropriety might as well be impropriety" and will do all they can to avoid even the appearance of misbehavior or nip it in the bud when it rears up. Those occasions will be rare. Does this behavior continue? Is there more than 1 text / comment/ message? If you're seeing the appearance repeatedly of improproety, he could have just gotten lazy about hiding it because he feels he doesn'f have to - feels you're *that* gullible. Or perhaps it's innocent. But in that case his concern should be your feelings and helping you through the hurt and harm he caused your relationship with that mistake - his focus will not be on trying to convince you you don't have a right to your feelings or that you're overreacting. He'll prioritize protecting you over his relationship with her.
@coffeeblack1797 Жыл бұрын
Where is these mens who speak of?? I haven’t met one yet
@Michelle.053 жыл бұрын
He's being sneaky and that's very telling.
@matthewpowers3746 Жыл бұрын
He's cheating, and much of the advice given here was basically garage.
@annstewart8506 Жыл бұрын
Its called emotional cheating which then leads to physical infidelity. My ex of 23 years gave a lot of attention to a woman on Facebook and cheated with her. I saw this coming and told him not to engage. He played it off as harmless. Warning signs were there be aware.
@XenaGem6 ай бұрын
Sorry for you. Very sad that you saw it coming but your husband didn’t take any notice to your warnings.
@JDAfrica4 ай бұрын
A lot of Women actively target men who are having relationship problems. Sadly, if the wife isn’t filling his needs, there’s a line of women who will.
@kristin893 жыл бұрын
I don’t like the narrative about how people need excitement or whatever and that causes them to cheat... Dave always says, “children do what feels good, adult devise a plan and follow it.”
@gert-jank89923 жыл бұрын
Still adults are feeling temptation to do what feels good... We are just more experienced children, and the smart adults knows they have a choice to do what they feel or do what the need.
@lorettagreen67943 жыл бұрын
@Nurse A not everyone who is emotionally immature is a narcissist... that term is very overused. I even bought into thinking my partner was a narcissist because the shoe seemed to fit from my perspective but he was just partying too much and had emotional regulation problems. Labelling him that way prevented me from seeing how I was contributing to our toxic dynamic. We took a one year break and that was the time we both needed to grow up, take responsibility for ourselves and get emotional stability. It’s ten years since we first got together and the first 7 years seem like a bad dream to both of us but we both now understand that the quality of our relationship depends on us and we worked together to develop a healthy, mature and stable dynamic together.
@lorettagreen67943 жыл бұрын
Yep, the culture of me me me certainly doesn’t do us any favours when it comes to developing the maturity and skills to have a rewarding and stable partnership.
@lorettagreen67943 жыл бұрын
Except I also think novelty helps maintain chemistry... but that should be a joint effort ... ie trying new things together, surprising eachother, lingerie, vacations etc.
@kamarwashington3 жыл бұрын
@@lorettagreen6794 I loved the differentiation you used between a narcissist and someone who is emotionally immature. I’ve seen the word being thrown around often and a lot of times the title doesn’t fit. It’s refreshing to see people dive a little deeper than surface level name calling.
@BriannaEmily3 жыл бұрын
There’s no coming back from cheating for me. Because I wouldn’t trust that person ever again.
@BeGlamourlicious2 жыл бұрын
I’m single not looking for a relationship and I get really depressed how man guys (married or in a relationship) hit on me because they think I don’t mind sleeping with a guy that’s taken. That is sooooooo gross. It makes me wan na be single even more. I care more about their girlfriends and wife’s than they do. DISGUSTING. I would tell the wife’s immediately if I knew them.
@cdcnd4spd132 жыл бұрын
They're men. We're men. When we aren't happy we look elsewhere.
@arcane72982 жыл бұрын
Thank you for being an honorable person and respecting fellow women, even if these gross men do not. I wish more people respected other people's marriages.
@snoozyq95762 жыл бұрын
@@cdcnd4spd13 that's not a man that's a boy.
@annaspeaksout2964 Жыл бұрын
I had to do that once
@Vanessa___kelman Жыл бұрын
I’m the same way …it makes me so sad for the wives /girlfriends.
@lriver57663 жыл бұрын
If I become a widow, my husband leaves me or my marriage fails for any other reason. I’m not getting in a relationship ever again!!!
@aalberto49612 жыл бұрын
I would do same 👍👍
@AliPi72 жыл бұрын
Absolutely 💯
@momfromnj9114 ай бұрын
Totally agree
@Katrn302 жыл бұрын
A friend of mine conducts many emotional affairs online, as well as being very promiscuous with one night stands. She is in a 20 year relationship with a good man, she even says that. When I confronted her about what she was doing I asked her how she would feel if he was doing what she was doing, she got upset with me and said I should support her because I was her friend. I am no longer her friend, because at the end of the day, she is not a quality person and is undeserving of my friendship. It is black and white for me.
@snoozyq95762 жыл бұрын
Good on you. They say that we end up becoming the people around us if we stay too long. Good company is very important.
@ChurlzVA9 ай бұрын
She needs professional help, and that's not your responsibility. Good on you for leaving.
@stampandscrap74947 ай бұрын
Shes a cow
@merricat30256 ай бұрын
My guess is that she was an SA victim, and she is promiscuous. It's not an excuse for her hurting people.
@2immutablethings3 жыл бұрын
🚩If he’s been guarded about his phone. He is definitely cheating.
@annc.39084 ай бұрын
Or porn.
@mikenelson83773 жыл бұрын
Ya, he’s cheating 🤦🏼♂️
@olganova30583 жыл бұрын
100%
@youngtimer9643 жыл бұрын
Or wants to
@Ryan_DeWitt3 жыл бұрын
Well, I can say being a guy. I can't remember a single time I messaged any woman that wasn't part of my family that I at least wasn't attempting or looking for an avenue of "pursuit." That is just the way a huge majority of men are.
@ecampbell58373 жыл бұрын
Not a doubt in my mind..
@lisalee28853 жыл бұрын
So I have seen a lot of men agreeing to the cheating/text message theme here...Honestly what is a person suppose to do going into a relationship on that subject??? I don't want to be THAT controlling woman yet I want to know and Not get played 😞😞😞 Open cell policy???
@ms.newcomerteacher65543 жыл бұрын
Do you think that he’s cheating? Then he’s cheating. Trust your gut.
@gert-jank89923 жыл бұрын
For sure he crossed here line, and they should have a good clear conversation about that....
@doompod3 жыл бұрын
Not true. My ex wife thought I was “cheating” because I was being there for a friend during an extremely hard time. She felt that because she felt “emotionally neglected” that I was cheating because she thought I was giving more time/attention to a friend.
@raiden0313 жыл бұрын
Don't trust your gut because our gut is not infallible.
@greenluxi3 жыл бұрын
@@raiden031 trust your gut, just don't rely solely on it. Let it guide you to the next step. Telling people to not trust their instincts can be dangerous
@primabellas68563 жыл бұрын
@@doompod - You were cheating. Emotional infidelity is cheating. If you really loved your wife then you should have limited your interactions with the other woman. You broke her trust.
@britneyog95373 жыл бұрын
Marriage is hard. We ALL feel neglected at some point, multiple points. When they say communication is key, it's not just a filler word. Marriage is work, and you get what you put in (🙄). And, if two people love one another, they can get through ANY dark periods in their marriage. ♥️
@pearlm16182 жыл бұрын
I would also add that true love is a service to one another. Bless you, all🙏❤
@leneeanderson48483 жыл бұрын
Im going through almost the exact same thing. He shows all the signs this caller talks about. Gaurded about his phone, locks phone, withdrawn, disinterested. She messaged me on facebook and said they were sleeping together. Of course he denied it. I checked his phone one time and yep, topless pics of her. He just couldnt stay away from her started talking to her on the phone openly in front of me. Confronted him again. He denied it. She sent me an email saying they were sleeping together. He denied it. Then he got super sneaky and i caught him talking to her in the middle of the night. I left right there at 330 am. Very sad but i feel betrayed and he's untrustworthy and clearly thinks im stupid.
@gelyc54073 жыл бұрын
I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. I’m praying for you to have much better days! Karma tends to handle people that do things like that.
@leneeanderson48483 жыл бұрын
@@gelyc5407 thank you for your understanding and support. I think dr d is right, that he still loves me but he just cant bring himself to admit regret or apologize. I agree karma gets people who lack integrity.
@skunkycatog3 жыл бұрын
You’re better than that. Know your worth. You’re too good for that loser, invest in a nice hitachi and move on girl.
@leneeanderson48483 жыл бұрын
@@skunkycatog thanks for the support. Dave Ramsey is right when he says there is a manhood crisis in this country.
@Ryan_DeWitt3 жыл бұрын
If your guy or your girl guard their phone like it has a million dollars in it from you, 99% chance there is something going on.
@sandrabrislin45264 ай бұрын
There is no possible relationship nor is there any man on earth that would make me go through this again. I am NOT going to beg any man to love me and not cheat on me. I will never ever monitor a man’s actions to see if he is cheating or using porn again. The amount of pain this immoral behavior causes is brutal. I don’t care if cheating makes men “feel alive “ or whatever. Even if a guy is not cheating, I will always wonder if they will or won’t. Im out!
@sagrammyfour7 ай бұрын
I don't hear you asking HER if her husband wants to make her feel alive...
@Atalanta5713 жыл бұрын
This is exactly why I refuse to get involved with a man again. I'm done. Even men in their 60s think they have to have a woman their daughter's age!
@EadsB70023 жыл бұрын
lol! It's funny but lord knows it is true!!!
@USA-GreedyMenOfNoIntegrity3 жыл бұрын
These men and their sleezy women make me sick.
@shinea10133 жыл бұрын
@@USA-GreedyMenOfNoIntegrity. You meant sleezy people in general...
@johnreed90503 жыл бұрын
One less female to have around. You won't be miss
@Atalanta5713 жыл бұрын
@@johnreed9050 If men would treat us like they want to be treated, we wouldn't have this issue. Stop being disrespectful. 3/4 of the time it's the man who cheats. How are women supposed to trust you?
@Angela-ne9cy3 жыл бұрын
I'm so glad to be single.
@TartarianTopG3 жыл бұрын
I’m not exactly 🥺😭
@Johntube1873 жыл бұрын
Why are you so glad to be single Angela?
@yvonnemclaughlin43243 жыл бұрын
Angela all relationships take work but it’s so rewarding to have someone you know is there for you. I’ve been married 41 years and my husband has health issues. It’s a honor and a blessing to be there for him .🙏🏻
@NT-bz5nh3 жыл бұрын
She’s glad to be single so she doesn’t get cheated on. I mean, what else would she mean?
@Johntube1873 жыл бұрын
N T oh I see, can’t drown if you don’t go swimming.
@chloeflores80433 жыл бұрын
The fact that she is asking "is he cheating?" really concerns me. Why is she ignoring the obvious signs? Of course he does! Lusting after other women and romancing with them while being in a relationship is called emotional cheating which is also cheating since it always leads to physical cheating. He is already cheating on you in his heart so this should be clear enough. Just wait till he gets the opportunity to do it physically. Just leave him this relationship is already doomed. You don't want to spend the rest of your life playing detective for such a weak man and live on your toes cause you suspect he is going to cheat again. It's not worth it. He is gonna run to other women every time things get rough.
@Somegirl36023 жыл бұрын
You are so spot on. I've been playing detective since I've been cheated(when I was pregnant) on and I'm so miserable and tired. I haven't been able to leave my relationship because I'm currently dependant on him financially. I'm struggling to get my business up and running cause of resources..
@blueseptember2174 Жыл бұрын
@@Somegirl3602 are things better for you now?
@Somegirl3602 Жыл бұрын
@@blueseptember2174 As far as infidelity goes... That has stopped completely. I gave him an ultimatum to either continue with his womanizing ways after we seperate or he stops and we work on raising our son. I still am lacking in resources to stand on my own two feet so...
@brightpage1020 Жыл бұрын
@@Somegirl3602 1st, I feel you, Sister. Love that you're also a businesswoman. Be patient and keep working at it. Like parenting, you"ll learn what works for you. Some amazing biz mentors on the KZbin these days, too. 2nd, also some great resources on here to recover from this either way. YT search Affair Recovery or Marriage Helper... Or Happily Committed. They all have video libraries that might be helpful for coping until your biz takes off and might be able to help you best figure out your next step or have service options you can afford. Watch them with a journal you can jot your feelings down with. So you don't leave crazy obnoxious comments like I do. 😆 Stay strong and as much as possible, keep focused on your goals for happiness and/or success & freedom - regardless of how he responds. If you focus on making you happy, respecting yourself, conducting yourself with class and dignity come what may, then however the chips fall, you'll win. The prize will be a stronger relationship with your, self reliance, and trust for your instincts. Improving yourself for your own benefit, physically, emotionally, spiritually and health or mental health wise. Taking great care of yourself will help strengthen you no matter how it shakes out. Get help for you. Some sort of counseling that can support you through this when he fails to do so. You're worth supporting even if not through your connection to him. I hope for the best for you. If you're exhausted by the detection game, it means you're more focused on catching or controlling him than on stabilizing you for either way. Been there done that. It's a rabbit hole that robs you of time, energy, sanity, and trust from him. If you have evidence, his words won't matter. The evidence will speak louder than his words ever could. That's enough. Some men continue to lie even when confronted with a mystery bra from your wash or a text log showing patterns like he communicates with one number each day when he first wakes up and before bed or constantly every hour except on certain days that he also happened to "work late" or Instagram comments between them that clearly and publicly show at least his pursuit of her or whatever. If you take your focus off what he might be doing, you'll have more energy, time, and resilience to put toward the biz that will help you garner the resources you need to leave. Seeing you succeed might re-light his respect and desire for you... But by then you won't want him because you'll have created a better life for you. See friends and have fun to take the edge off. It will get better with time, but spending your time and exhausting resources on detective work will only serve to distract or deter your goals. Plus, it could be crushing depending on what you find out. Like crushing. At least mentally or emotionally, let his behavior be. You can't change or control it and he doesn't want to. That's clear enough, right? But you can start distancing yourself in other ways towards your dreams, goals, or visions of the life you want. Plenty of folks recover from infidelity with or without their partners or spouses and without feeling the crazy-making defective work does to your mental state. Get yourself some help or at least some inspiration to focus on that's positive instead of destructive. Detecting is exhausting you and if you know already, that's enough. I once accidentally spent a whole work day I could have been onboarding clients or completing assignments analyzing talk and text logs that showed an obvious pattern when I suspected him of cheating. He promised to minimize contact with that coworker and not long after the mystery bra appeared in our bedroom... He still denies it to the day, and has hidden some online evidence from me by deleting the accounts I saw he was communicating with her through. The guy thinks he's taking it to the grave even though it's obvious that he can keep lying, but it will only be to himself. I want to believe him and believe in us. We have 4 kids still mostly young or very young and literally can't afford to divorce now. But I helped him get a new job and move us to a safer neighborhood in a state across the country that he likes better than he liked his connection with her so at least we're out of those woods for now (although previously he'd had outstanding friendships with particular coworkers that follow a pattern: younger, single, childless, pretty, friendly females. He always has a work bestie and they always fit that mold - or if he works with all guys or no one there he's got for those jobs don't last he quits those. 😆 The girls keep him motivated and employed at least. One I naively joked was his "work wife" until he visited her at 1:00 a.m. to help "fix her toilet". Right. The old "gotta clean her pipes" excuse... 😆 So high school. I don't even care anymore. I'm too focused creating a life for my kkds and I that we love and bolstering us against the economic disaster our country has come to. Keeping my eyes on the prize realizing our future depends on me - with or without him onboard. I'm the only paddle I can power our kids up this proverbial creek with. Why waste time checking on him? He's not worth it. It's not worth the insanity it causes me or the pain that only continues to harm our family resources and destroy whatever might be left of our marriage someday. The less power you give his cheating and the less you respond to it, the more you can put your mind to constructive outcomes for you that will help you dig out. You can get through this. It hurts and you shouldn't have to but the less time you waste chasing his cheating arse the better you'll do for your family. Focus on you and what you can change and who you need to show up as today to get your economic engine purring instead of roaring then choking out, metaphorically. You can do this. Bootstrap it, Babe. By your boots - not his 😉 Detecting can destabilize you and drive you down when what you want is reasons or ability to look up, to reach for that direction. Here's your permission: You're worth it! You and your kid are worth it! Does he ever question his worth or value? Then why are you testing yours by detection? Go, girl. Chase Your dreams instead of your drama.
@franziskani8 ай бұрын
he is "guarding" his phone = he has something to hide, this is going on for longer.
@roxaneadams67233 жыл бұрын
If he's cheating (which he most probably is)... Is that the best advice for her?smh. If you wanna cheat, don't get married 🤷🏾♀️
@baileycornell21893 жыл бұрын
It really should be that simple. If you're going to want something new and shiny every few years, just choose to not commit.. that's a totally acceptable way to live... As long as you haven't committed to a singular relationship
@isay207 Жыл бұрын
Yes and be honest about it
@stevendavis50956 ай бұрын
Bahahahahahaha bitter much. Getting married is a poor mans game. You not good looking enough for the rich and you too good for the poor. Yea enjoy them cats 🐈 lmao
@simon5795 Жыл бұрын
I'm single, and I've never messeged a random girl telling her how beautiful she was, if I did that then I would definitely be interested in more.
@merricat30256 ай бұрын
If you did random girl, I would think you are a weirdo
@rachelwyatt60302 жыл бұрын
I’ve been dealing with a cheating spouse for over a decade . The same ole song and dance. What I can say is cheaters cheat. They may change for a period of time but they will cheat again. I’ve wasted so many years of my life on the “hope” of what our marriage could be.
@annaelisavettavonnedozza9607 Жыл бұрын
Get out! You deserve better
@WaterBug46 Жыл бұрын
I was told that I had hopium addiction about my marriage over cheating and abusive behaviors. Indeed. I wish you the best.
@Emptytopfloor7 ай бұрын
You can match his energy 😉
@briskettacos7 ай бұрын
Don't fall for the sunk-cost fallacy: "I've already put 10 years into this," "I've already invested so much..." He doesn't care if he hurts you or brings you home STDs. He doesn't love you. Why stay for someone who doesn't love you?
@annc.39084 ай бұрын
Please tell us you finally left.
@Myers_toast78 Жыл бұрын
Does it not feel like he blamed her instead of the man? I’ll be damned if me OR my wife are texting the opposite sex messages saying they think they’re attractive. That’s cheating. Period.
@safblackhawk5 ай бұрын
It felt that way to me. More ons than offs? That was totally triggering for me. Seriously? If I am and do enough, I keep him from cheating? There has been way too much of that kind of message to women. Signing off. Can’t do it.
@dblueguy5 ай бұрын
He always talks about cheating like it's something that just happens and can happen to anyone.
@om617yota83 жыл бұрын
If he felt the need to hide anything, it's cheating. That's my line I won't cross, I won't do anything I wouldn't immediately and happily tell my girlfriend about.
@roxanapio98462 жыл бұрын
PORN IS CHEATING! Move on! I've been through this. If you feel betrayed, then you were betrayed, DONE!
@katrinaisalwayscorrect2 жыл бұрын
Agreed, I'm so disgusted that most people don't see this. Giving another person your time and energy that is not your partner is cheating. Always.
@snoozyq95762 жыл бұрын
Not to mention that people are now replacing intimacy with porn. Porn that gets more and more extreme. Happened in my relationship.
@Mori_Shands3 жыл бұрын
What more evidence do you need? He cheating sis. Matthew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Jesus already said it 🙏🏾
@IanRinehart13 жыл бұрын
That's not true at all women stare at other men all the time, and find them attractive. Every person on earth has urges it's just the people that act on them that are considered bad.
@Mori_Shands3 жыл бұрын
@@IanRinehart1 I’m speaking from a biblical perspective not a worldly perspective... So yeah
@kamarwashington3 жыл бұрын
@@IanRinehart1 Admiring someone’s beauty vs lusting are completely different. Jesus is pretty clear on establishing the fact that you can sin in your mind
@rebeccaoprea99173 жыл бұрын
@@IanRinehart1 she means looking at someone with lust , not admiring them .
@johnreed90503 жыл бұрын
Proverbs 31 verse 3. Give not thy strength to women nor they ways to that which ruins kings.
@jessicarose25483 жыл бұрын
Jesus said if you look at a woman and lust after her, you have committed adultery with her in your heart. It is a heart issue.
@EmilyLucille5233 жыл бұрын
My husband did the same thing. I nipped it in the bud. He said it was not cheating. I had told him it was emotional cheating and that hurts even more.
@RJ123473 жыл бұрын
Since emotional cheating hurts even more then I'll cheat physically where it hurts you less.
@EmilyLucille5233 жыл бұрын
@@RJ12347 Spoken like a true immature boy 👦
@blackbutterfly233ify3 жыл бұрын
@@EmilyLucille523 you are obviously incapable of seeing sarcasm
@beebeelicious3 жыл бұрын
Do you trust him now?x
@georgewagner7787 Жыл бұрын
That was sarcasm? Sounded like stupidity
@budgiebirdy3 жыл бұрын
He's not trustworthy. The trust is gone and therefore the relationship is also gone. A man who loves and respects you wouldn't even have the desire to do this. I know it's easier said than done, but I don't think I could stay with him anymore. Have some self respect.
@cherylcoolidge82493 жыл бұрын
I feel you are coming down on her and she needs to do...to keep her guy. If he's cheating then it's his problem.
@images093 жыл бұрын
I feel that too
@tacooflove61753 жыл бұрын
That’s a very naive way to look at it. It is not his/her problem it’s THEIR problem. People don’t cheat just because of them selfs it’s usually a bunch of reasons.
@SummeRain7833 жыл бұрын
@@tacooflove6175 no. People cheat because of themselves. It’s a choice.
@sarahwaters82623 жыл бұрын
So it's *her* fault he's cheating? 🤔
@haleytruslow72003 жыл бұрын
Yeah. 100% his fault. I really don’t like how he advocated for the guy, like he could be texting a 72 year old co worker. The caller needed clarification for the fact that her husband is obviously cheating. She just needed to feel validated in her suspicion. I’m sure the husband is gaslighting her all the way and she’s confused.
@grammystipstricks35472 жыл бұрын
If he is guarding his phone, he is cheating. Trust me
@amypooley17993 жыл бұрын
I never thought I’d see the day when I felt more conservative than a Dave Ramsey personality. I like Esther Perel but I do feel her work is having a bad influence on the counseling field, encouraging people like Dr. John to ask questions like, “is it your singular goal every day to make your husband feel desired?” As if that’s the standard for expecting your spouse not to embarrass you by flirting with other people on the internet!
@jobach61183 жыл бұрын
That's not what he said at all. He even said "not that it gives him a reason to cheat and I know I'm going to be taken out of context but".... He is simply saying yes he may have some explaining to do but we as married people have to look at ourselves too and see ourselves as we are. What have we done or not done to contribute to the mess we call our marriage. It doesn't mean the non cheating spouse is to blame but simply needs to reflect inward as well.
@stillpril89422 жыл бұрын
Especially once you have kids.
@daCubanaqt7 ай бұрын
@@stillpril8942 Having kids or not shouldn’t matter. You should honor your marriage regardless.
@jackieyoung3359 Жыл бұрын
“Do you look at a screen more than you look at his eyes.” I think this is the majority of issues today. Between spouses, between child-parent, between friends, between neighbors, between strangers. So sad, but true.
@annaspeaksout2964 Жыл бұрын
Yes, good one!
@christygrubbs86209 ай бұрын
Ots kinda hard to look in his eyes if his eyes are always in the screen looking for fun
@michd55073 жыл бұрын
Same, I'm glad I'm single...I couldn't go through that again...
@intuitive_duck3 жыл бұрын
Yeah, messaging women saucy details about how they look is absolutely cheating material. Dump him. Sorry, not sorry.
@dontworry1568 Жыл бұрын
such a deep powerful thought you had there. thanks for making the world a better place.
@christygrubbs86209 ай бұрын
@@dontworry1568may not be a deep thought but it was true
@temposhop87398 ай бұрын
@@dontworry1568and what are you trying to do, antisocial weirdo?
@Katrn302 жыл бұрын
I have been accused of loving my man too much, complimenting him too much, trying too hard. Seriously, for some people, sometimes no matter what you do, the other person is not worthy, but you refuse to see that.
@motherrussiaful3 жыл бұрын
This podcast/ show is very good. Hard topics are being addressed, helping me navigate thru my own challenges, which are not as large or significant as those of callers, yet the advice definetly helps. I love dr Ds approach to the situations, painting the picture, putting the bricks down, and most of all the resources you go to.
@JoeGarofaloII3 жыл бұрын
Regardless of anything else he's doing, I consider him messaging another woman and telling her she's attractive to be cheating. There's a lot of reasons for that but I'm probably considered weird for having that opinion anyway
@rebekahcrook2263 жыл бұрын
I see this a lot. Why is that strong of a line considered so odd? We are supposed to put guns in a safe, jewels hidden, etc. Why not our hearts in our marriage getting at least equal protection?
@JoeGarofaloII3 жыл бұрын
@@rebekahcrook226 that's a really good point. That's a huge reason I stay far away from any of this type of behavior, so I can guard my heart from adultery, jealousy, comparisons, devisive thoughts etc. Most people do not realize the impact these kinds of things have on their heart and their relationships
@lisalee28853 жыл бұрын
Oh I totally agree with you. I believe in safe boundaries. I'm a person with integrity and wouldn't cross the line 😁🙏💜🙏
@haleytruslow72003 жыл бұрын
I agree. That’s cheating in my book. Hes trying to cheat, anyway
@kendradamm14282 жыл бұрын
No, you’re not weird. You’re right. It is cheating.
@gracekennelly85343 жыл бұрын
I also am SO glad I’m a not dating these days.!
@masterchief88553 жыл бұрын
Love that you give the adult warning before videos. Thank you Dr D
@lela888 Жыл бұрын
Just wanted to say I have never cheated on anyone in my life. Also I would like to add that cheating is abuse. Let’s start labeling it correctly!
@juanitarichards10742 жыл бұрын
He's done this before, she called him out....and now he's doing it again......he doesn't care how she feels. He is actively looking for an affair and probably has actually cheated on her. Secretive with his phone.........I learned the hard way, if you think it's happening it probably is and once a cheater always a cheater. Hard as it is I'd just leave him. i left my cheating ex after 7 years of violence and infidelity and never looked back, and I had 2 small kids to bring up, but we all had a better life without him.
@IvyOrtizfl3 жыл бұрын
Life is too short to be behind a cheater.
@davidtapia75153 жыл бұрын
Dr. D you are what this country needs !
@patriciacole87733 жыл бұрын
I’ve thought that too. I keep watching. I don’t always agree. But I always love the conversation.
@krystalnorris50947 ай бұрын
The sexless marriage sounds like mine. At first he said it was stress and work and that’s why. Then it was just the way he was and I have to deal with it and then it was because he didn’t find me attractive and thought I was fat and lazy. We wanted kids, obviously it’s not happening because we don’t have sex. He refused to see a doctor or to have therapy. We are almost done with the divorce now.
@corfukitty2 ай бұрын
These guys are checked out. They stay so they get food and clean clothes and don't have to pay alimony. Convenient way to avoid commiting to the other women too.
@BagsNBaguettes_3273 жыл бұрын
Dr. John, your work is incredible and I love listening to you. Not going to lie, I was a little skeptical at first but you’ve grown on me!
@lindyloowho72 жыл бұрын
Cody! Move now! Like I was told by a healthcare provider, if you don't go you never will! You are grown! Your parents, have no right to emotionally control you! It's not wrong to have your own life!
@haleytruslow72003 жыл бұрын
That first woman’s husband is an absolute slime ball. 🤮
@Rahbinah2 жыл бұрын
This is why I don't like conversing on social media with my male "friends" who are married. I question their motives. I'm also including men who live with their girlfriends. I always wonder why they feel the need to message me when they have a woman at home. My buddy from college has lived with the same woman for years, but he messages and calls me from time to time. I guess it's his way of checking in on me, but I know he's had a crush on me since college. I would hate it if I were married and my husband was messaging women behind my back.
@georgewagner7787 Жыл бұрын
If my now married friends message me and I want to keep in touch, i use text not fb and message both spouses in conversation.
@images093 жыл бұрын
He seem like a serial cheater to me. He has done this multiple times. He knows it’s wrong that’s why he is possessive over his phone. I don’t really agree with him on the first call.
@mama_b_75255 ай бұрын
From experience, it's not the messages she DID see, but the messages that were DELETED. Secret "friends" never ends well! 💜
@shariwalker29643 жыл бұрын
Dr. John I love the way you approached the issue of infidelity. Your description is spot on.
@rageburst Жыл бұрын
Cheating is behavior from low quality people because basically they lack empathy if they're willing to betray your trust.
@rosalindmcmanus27594 ай бұрын
The “ Dear John” show. You’ve the best name for the work you do😂
@Veruska755 ай бұрын
It DISLOYALTY and making the wife look like a fool to others and the fact that he’s hiding it, he knows it’s hurtful and wrong. Major respect to her for not totally blowing up on him. I don’t think I could have shown such restraint.
@theresemeggitt84553 жыл бұрын
You don’t hide things, if you have nothing to hide. He’s hiding something.
@Foxygrandpa21313 жыл бұрын
John does such a great job asking questions before jumping in with his advice
@robinh72673 жыл бұрын
What happens when you have had the conversation, asked for the honesty, and he denies it, even when you saw the evidence right in front of him?
@Somegirl36023 жыл бұрын
Then you leave, cause that relationship will never be the same again. The trust is lost.
@snoozyq95762 жыл бұрын
Happened to me. That's someone you can't have a relationship with.
@isay207 Жыл бұрын
Hes a lier
@amydoran99873 жыл бұрын
I would say if he has the need to communicate with other women all the time that’s not good.If he’s hiding with secrets, then there’s no trust. Guarding his phone is just another bad sign.I would have a serious discussion with him about the relationship.
@otisdriftwood67232 жыл бұрын
What woman on the planet finds a text message from another woman on her husband phone and then sets on it for 3 weeks? My butt would already be in the obituaries
@snoozyq95762 жыл бұрын
A woman that's used to having her concerns dismissed. Been there.
@otisdriftwood67232 жыл бұрын
@@snoozyq9576 but that's not a concern that's grounds for murder LOL
@JudyKAllen5 ай бұрын
Exactly! Lol
@nataliazakula34003 жыл бұрын
Some people get high off the new, the forbidden. In those many cases you can be totally present as a spouse and they’ll still cheat. It’s the adrenaline fix they crave, and it’s like any other addiction out there.
@anafernandez72373 жыл бұрын
Run, Beth
@iNeighbour3 жыл бұрын
@@anafernandez7237 7th gzt st yc
@iNeighbour3 жыл бұрын
@@anafernandez7237 i
@iNeighbour3 жыл бұрын
@@anafernandez7237 fdfd
@everydaytherapist73153 жыл бұрын
Very well said and absolutely true.
@lynnharr39113 жыл бұрын
At best, it sounds like a fishing expedition. Tossing out a line to see what comes back.
@haleytruslow72003 жыл бұрын
Exactly. If he hasn’t cheated yet, he’s trying to
@Somegirl36023 жыл бұрын
He's definitely going to cheat if he hasn't started already... This ruins marriages forever...
@who8186 ай бұрын
So finding out somebody was cheating on you. Is the exact same as somebody cheating on you. Good to know. I feel so bad for this woman and I hope that she finds the real help that in this world
@colorfulcodes3 жыл бұрын
Even the Bible says the only justified divorce is cheating or abuse.
@haleytruslow72003 жыл бұрын
Which verse says that abuse is cause for divorce?
@MN-br5nb8 ай бұрын
To the 17-year old: you may need to work and save for a few months before you get to be independent. Get a second job and it’s OK to help a little either way basic bills but you can do this. Older people can get a simple job at Walmart or Hime Depot. It’s not easy to rent an apt you sometimes need a co signer. But focus on your education. Take Pell grants and no loans. Find your path and be on your own feet but just know there will be challenges. It’s irresponsible to tell this kid just go do it. There’s planning required and risks. We don’t want him on the streets.
@cosettel6983 Жыл бұрын
Yeah… not sure about his advice on the cheater. From someone who was married to a narcissistic cheater (narcissism was validated by multiple therapists) I can tell you that there’s a good chance her spouse is doing and has done a lot more than she knows. The signs are all there. She can confront him like I confronted mine but he will most likely not take it well. And this will happen again and again along with a lot lot of gaslighting and crazy making. So no. I don’t agree with John’s advice. If this man is anything like the one I married, it only gets worse. Nothing you can do or say will make it better because you will never be enough for someone like that.
@justinpenn10813 жыл бұрын
I've learned never to go through the other person's phone. You will find what you are looking for. No matter what the truth is, anything you find will make you mad.
@bekahbaker16323 жыл бұрын
Respectfully, I don't think so. Phones are a relatively new invention in the grand scheme -- no one in history had a device like that that could be totally private. My husband doesn't hide his phone at all and I've looked through it out of boredom -- he doesn't have apps like Instagram and all his text messages are with male friends or his family.
@justinpenn10813 жыл бұрын
@@bekahbaker1632 that's good, but most people have jealousy issues and start doing it looking for trouble, and they either find it or manufacture it. I'm good on the unnecessary drama, I won't look unless she needs me to.
@Someone-gj3go3 жыл бұрын
@@justinpenn1081 if your hesitant to go through it, it’s probably for a good reason bro,
@justinpenn10813 жыл бұрын
@@Someone-gj3go no hesitation whatsoever. I won't do it.
@technomage67363 жыл бұрын
The idea of "finding drama if you look for it" is a personal mentality issue
@peggydeweerdt4536 Жыл бұрын
Porn is a big deal believe me. It destroys relationships and marriages.
@sarahtaavetti Жыл бұрын
Although I find it important to always ask yourself “what am I doing to show my love and affection in this partnership?”, it’s not up to her to make him feel loved enough to not cheat. If he is unhappy with anything, be it with himself, where his life is at or with the relationship, it is up to HIM to step up and voice HIS needs. This is why weekly or at least monthly check ins are so important. Not only with yourself, but with your partner.
@melissa58443 жыл бұрын
some women just rather think I don't see nothing or hear nothing it doesn't hurt me.
@JV-bc8um3 жыл бұрын
Man if you can't have each others devices and accounts, then where's the trust.
@emilyraynor24242 жыл бұрын
I understand what John is saying about having your own boundaries and keeping secrets and all that stuff surrounding cheating, but I have to disagree with his definition. Jesus said if you even look at another with lust in your heart you have committed adultery. As a Christian, that is the definition. Just because someone doesn't mind porn in their marriage or flirting with others or even open relationships, that doesn't make those things okay. Of course everyone is allowed to do whatever they want inside their own marriage, but it doesn't then mean that God's definition of cheating changes.
@stillpril89422 жыл бұрын
Yes! I was thinking the same thing
@BuddhaBeanie Жыл бұрын
This show reminds me of Dr. Joy Browne out of NY years ago. Unfortunately she passed away some years ago, but Dr. John’s approach is so similar to hers. ❤️ this.
@dhangsommers2 жыл бұрын
I can relate. My husband messaging other woman. He really miss her. Instead of winning us back. We are facing divorce.
@fungi53505 ай бұрын
Man I feel so bad for the kid that called in. Sounds like he’s a good guy, it’s disgusting his parents are the ones trying to take his legs out from under him. I’m glad he’s trying to get out, I hope he builds himself a good life without those leeches.
@snowbird13817 ай бұрын
Look something people don’t think about is having these conversations from the get-go. Talk about your boundaries talk about what counts and what doesn’t count to you. Talk about your preferences and what you’re not OK with. Talk about all your worries and concerns early so that you guys know and it’s not a secret. My parents have a mixed group of men and women in their lives but none of that is secret. we’ve had a lot of friends come and go, but There is always this understanding that your spouse comes first regardless of who your so-called “friends” are. Your husband/wife is still your number one friend and everyone else is pretty much on the back burner.
@LegendaryWoke2 жыл бұрын
Flirting is cheating. If God says we cheat on him even with our hearts we know wrong focus is sin
@katrinaisalwayscorrect2 жыл бұрын
I am really happy to see a man comment this. Not because men are bad or anything like that, but today's society has accepted no morals as normal and acceptable. I like dr.john because he speaks on morality in marriage/relationships and it is wonderful to hear.
@adrianajimenez43423 жыл бұрын
You are so right on about everything John, thank you for your wisdom!!
@nwad33223 жыл бұрын
Great very mature advice. You are advocating for the relationship not either party!
@jillwilkerson20323 жыл бұрын
Disability only takes six months to come through. Not five years!
@cabayern94162 жыл бұрын
72 year old coworker? Wow. Naive. Protecting the cheater.
@NatureFreak1127 Жыл бұрын
You're protecting the cheater. If she brings this up he might end up gaslighting her. I understand, that cheating can come from being mistreated or unfulfilled. However, if there are indeed problems in the marriage, they both need to address them. He should've brought it up, so they can solve it. Instead, he opted for being disloyal. And now this poor woman might end up trying and trying to improve herself and being on her best behaviour to please the disloyal person. And she'll be always on her toes never ceasing to be afraid that he will cheat on her and she might not be a good enough spouse. That's no way to live.
@alittlepieceofearth3 жыл бұрын
Cody could room with his brother, then they both get out. The parents will figure out how to support themselves pretty quick when the gravy train no longer stops at their station.
@JaredLaswell3 жыл бұрын
If your man keeps cheating on you no matter who you're with you need to go to therapy and find out whatever truama happened to you and heal before seeking another relationship.
@snoozyq95762 жыл бұрын
Amen! Learnt this the hard way. Finally embracing singledom for a while.
@carriebell35664 ай бұрын
Yes, in his case, he is cheating because he’s hiding it.
@user-od3ie7bi6u16 күн бұрын
I was her 25yrs ago. She is just skimming the surface on the air. The gas lighting, sneaking, lying, making her feel like she is the problem, makes our minds SPIN!!! Run. Please just run !!!!
@daCubanaqt7 ай бұрын
This message is for Cody (not sure of the spelling). You sound like a good kid with a good head on your shoulders. Make a plan to achieve your goals and when I say plan, I mean write out what you want to do and give things a timeline. Check in on your goals at specific intervals. You are on the path to changing your life and you need a plan. I wish you the best and nothing but excellent things in your future.
@merricat30256 ай бұрын
Good advice
@isjackdull4349Ай бұрын
The driving rules ARE the walking rules. Thanks, John, for telling everyone what they should've already known!
@Naturetherapyminute3 жыл бұрын
she sounds passive... she already knows what is going on, just hard to accept,
@TheKiltedAdventurer3 жыл бұрын
Dr. John always does a great job. Fantastic addition to Ramsey Solutions!
@hillarylayne80283 жыл бұрын
I felt like Beth could've left this conversation feeling like she contributed to her husband's cheating. She needs to follow Dr. Ramani. Beth was looking for someone to just validate her reality and I don't think she got it from Dr. Delony today. I hope his advice helped. But, after 12 years together, I wonder if she had already tried everything possible to make her husband feel loved for a long time and finally gave up.
@haleytruslow72003 жыл бұрын
That’s my concern too. She just needed someone to say, “you’re not crazy, this is wrong and this is cheating.” I hope she’s doing okay.
@princesslove4997 Жыл бұрын
Exactly! Not the answer she needed😢😊
@islandgirl91663 жыл бұрын
You can do all that and they will still cheat.
@snoozyq95762 жыл бұрын
But you still have to actually try. There's no guarantees in life. All we do is our best.
@madisonandthefarm Жыл бұрын
My heart breaks for the woman in Fort Lauderdale, I am praying for her🙏🏼