My Husband Is Emotionally Abusive (What Can I Do?)

[@karencristobal4999]

I was married for 15 years like this. It really hit home: as long as I behaved he loved me. And by behaved I mean: didn’t see friends; didn’t pursue my interests like being in plays; didn’t go to the coast and visit my sister. As long as I behaved. It almost killed me (but it didn’t and now I’m divorced and a mom and am living my dreams. )

[@alienmapping3536]

Nice ending

[@gregzgurl2004]

Me too!!

[@ajura8926]

He made me withdraw the divorce papers.

[@okaycola2]

@@ajura8926how

[@texuztweety]

Same story here, now 54 and finally free❤❤❤❤

[@mwhe3111]

NOTE TO CALLER: If you won't leave for yourself, do it for your daughter. She's learning this is how men are supposed to treat her when she grows up.

[@stephenkarla7113]

Absolutely! Dang I feel for her and the child.

[@miketheyunggod2534]

That's how they should be treated. He's the man.

[@jenster29]

​@@miketheyunggod2534 don't have kids

[@suzannemcvicker617]

​@@miketheyunggod2534he's an abuser, not a man.

[@AleG3637]

​@@miketheyunggod2534your name says it all. Don't have children if you can't be a real man.

[@emilyslade3999]

You've described a classic abuse cycle: a good month, an explosion over something (and nothing), then silent treatment...presumably until you apologise, just to get the peace back. Please know that this is abuse.

[@WarmongerYT]

This 1000%

[@mightymouse1005]

Narcissist playbook

[@lmb4876]

Married a guy who became a heart surgeon…this is exactly how i was treated. I was always sad, not knowing when his temper would explode.. divorced 20 yrs now ..I’m at peace.

[@babydollkincaid4584]

I totally agree! with what you're saying!

[@djjohnston8759]

Similar situation, escalated into physical violence, etc. Abuse of any kind is dangerous.

[@shannonrose4916]

Your sweet girl is being trained to be okay in an abusive relationship.

[@AnnaNicoleVinopal]

This.

[@kdawson8981]

I am that little girl all grown up who was raised with a Dad just like this. My mom stayed til he died. Men, to me, equal fear and trauma.

[@amiblack8294]

I hope she sees and reads this. She needs to leave if not for herself, then for her daughter.

[@bethbennett317]

Same here. I’ve always had men interested in me and I couldn’t run fast enough. 😢

[@chrissyellem7397]

I hope you are getting some emotional help for yourself too.

[@John3_16_]

Sorry for the bad experiences. I love my wife more than life itself. We’re not all bad. We fight like everyone but we try to not let it get out of hand and to make up soon after. Don’t let your past hurt keep you from meeting the right man. Having a family is the best thing me or my wife have ever done and she grew up with an ACE score of 10 and most of it was through her mom and other adult men in the house. 12 years and 5 kiddos later and we’re still growing/learning how to love each other to the best of our abilities.

[@themoonbleu627]

So sorry

[@sydniruth]

I posted on another video my story. My husband would yell at me, belittle me, demean me, break things in our home around me, throw things, hit himself. I thought it would change. He's a pillar of our community, Soon to be Doctor, our pastor adores him, and so does everyone in the community. No one knows this side of him. He also ran a bible study men's group. The first time he yelled and belittled me in front of our child, our son was 1 month old. I finally told my therapist the next week and we made a plan to get me out, safely. I abruptly left with my child when he was 8 months and I haven't been back. December 30th marks one year since I've left. And I'm so damn proud of myself. Someone I was with for 11 years and share a child with treated me this way for years and it took my son to be born to realize it's not okay and we are teaching our child that it is. NO MORE. You and your daughter deserve better. "Behavior is a language"

[@iamwinningrightnow]

Good 4 you!

[@salonsavy6476]

Narcissist!!!

[@kcourtney6826]

❤❤❤

[@ashleypiper2558]

You are so strong and an amazing woman and mother. 👏🏻

[@sydniruth]

@@salonsavy6476our marriage counselor asked to meet with me one on one after our third sessions together and she said he had narcissistic traits but could not diagnose him because he wasn't her patient. This was only her hearing 1/3 of what I endured. She didn't even know about his violent outbursts at this point. She then met with us both and told him the same thing. She encouraged me to leave, without telling me to. But I was so in love and didn't listen. That was four years ago and 3 years into our marriage. I wish I'd listened. But also blessed that I didn't. I've grown so much. My beautiful son is here. My son saved my life. I'd never tell him that or put that weight on him but he did. I hate that narcissist is such a buzz word these days so I rarely use it. But yes, he was one. Confirmed by our therapist!

[@jemimajanvier4706]

When I was 17, I broke up with a boy because he cursed at me during an argument. Some people might role their eyes at that. I know that for many people that’s very benign and even acceptable, but it just made me so uncomfortable. I don’t go into cursing tirades when I’m angry, and I would like that to be reciprocated. This is a standard that I maintain, and I wish more women (and men) would too.

[@ogolden8315]

Glad you broke up with him. That was a red flag. More women need to listen to their instincts.

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

Yes. Amen... They only get worse...

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

It's like 10 red flags! And who cares about someone rolling their eyes... Mark my words, they are NOT there FOR YOU.

[@1stgenhustle461]

Being respected by your partner is the bare minimum and getting cussed at doesn’t meet that minimum standard. It is no benign thing to be cussed at. Good on you for honoring your standards and moving forward appropriately.

[@RobertVeasquez]

This is just a simple truth….know that you did the right thing…no ifs or buts..it’s that simple.

[@sandramrivera6508]

My husband cursed me out on a 3 week cruise in front of everyone. When I got back on my flight, I took my car and left. It's been 6 months since I last saw him. We will be divorced in 16 days. Will never be disrespected like this again.

[@bcc7777]

It feels so good. Takes a while, but you're going to feel 100% in a year! ❤🙏

[@gingerelkins1268]

What a blessing ❤ stay 💪- you got this!!!

[@angelasepi657]

Congratulations

[@sandramrivera6508]

@@angelasepi657 thank you. Unfortunately, he cursed and fired his attorney and has 8 days left to get an attorney. I worked in criminal law, not family law in another state. It's been difficult.

[@raccuia1]

That is exactly the way you handle a diseased narcissist. They are not real people. They are evil little cowards. They will not change, even with the best therapy. They are a sick lost cause.

[@kcourtney6826]

The fact that he’s treating his wife like this at home and is viewed as a “good guy” to everyone else, this man is dangerous, he is aware of what’s appropriate and he will become physically abusive before risk being exposed. Dr. Deloney is right kids might not be able to articulate but they pay attention to behaviors .

[@TheRealdal]

Exactly, he knows his behavior is inappropriate and wrong and there for hides it till they are alone. He doesn’t want the shame or consequences that would come from acting like this in public or in mixed company. I would leave.

[@okaycola2]

@@TheRealdalyep

[@FreeSpirit47]

The Dr Jekyll & Mr. Hyde syndrome is, sadly, very real. The male I was married to would be all smiles, fun loving, charismatic, in public or around other people. Sometimes when we would go home, it would continue. Sometimes he morphed into the horrible side of his personality. I never knew which one he would be when we got home. It seems to me that many organized religions punish women & excuse the abusive behavior of husbands.

[@marilynbartlett1850]

@@FreeSpirit47 this was my stepdad. My mother married him after my father died. She even called him Jekyll and Hyde; he was very volatile and you never knew when he would go off and how violent his reaction would be.

[@trishflorida4250]

Covert Narcissist

[@ilonaAnoli90]

I got a plane ticket. Leaving in two days. This helped me move on. 🥺 thank you

[@lizzieschnizzie3569]

I just saw your comment was posted 9 hours ago and wanted to reply and let you know I'm sending you prayers and love and strength...you are already so strong and brave to buy that ticket, but it's going to be hard at times in the next few days, weeks, even months. Not meaning to be negative, just trying to be real bc I've been there. Big change like that can become confusing and oftentimes it's so easy to look to the past and see the happy times we shared with a special person. I'm 5 years out and still see with rose colored glasses sometimes. But then I scroll through my phone and read old texts or listen to arguments I had recorded to remind myself that I did the very best thing I could have done for myself by leaving such a toxic situation. So many people question the fact that I keep those snippets of negativity on my phone, and I understand the concern and also sometimes want to erase it all, but I need that reminder here and there bc I really loved my ex with everything I had. Luckily I started to love myself more. And you are on the path to loving yourself even more now as well by buying that ticket. Be sure to allow yourself space to grieve and feel all those icky feelings, but ultimately keep looking forward, have no fear, stay strong, and know that this stranger on the Internet (and I'm sure others here as well) is wishing you all the best!! You can do it!!❤❤❤

[@laurenw2446]

You got this girl!

[@m.asammy3049]

Niiice!!❤

[@karenstasik2979]

❤🙏

[@cshelle9486]

Praying for you

[@spcvonhamm8857]

SAVE YOUR 4 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER EVEN IF YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT YOURSELF YET. She will suffer a lifetime for this.

[@cicicorleo]

Exactly, let go or be dragged.

[@tammylewis9324]

My ex used to tell my daughter “Your mom’s stupid isn’t she”. Then he would make her say it. By the time she was 4 she would say “don’t make my momma cry instead of hey when he would come home”.

[@stroNg2thaBoNe2thaMax]

​@tammylewis9324 That broke my heart. I'm sorry your daughter had to be in the middle of that for 4 years.

[@melw1005]

For the caller: I am a 43yo woman who lived in a home with a father like your husband. Over time, I started to resent my mother for being too weak to get us out. His verbal abuse escalated to physical. All my sisters and I would think was how are we going to get rid of this man? Over time, we all left the house. My older sister is estranged from us all. I don't see my parents much (they're still together and now he's getting dementia) and they live 15 minutes away. My younger sister has a relationship with my mother but there's a lot of toxicity towards one another and the baby sister is out of state and left her kids to live for herself. I did a lot of work on myself and suffered through awful relationships. I'm now in a great marriage with a patient husband who loves me and we work through thibgs together. Our son has never had to call 911 because of a fight or keep shoes by the bed in case he needs to run. But still, at 43, I still deal with the aftermath of a childhood in that home. And while I love my mother and father, (yes I love him) I know they didn't do the internal work to make changes. And I don't hate my mother anymore but I definitely still hold feelings that she never fled that home with us. And sadly, I still see her as weak. This is so long and I'm so sorry, but there are a ton of men out there who can have a hot body and also treat you right. You're not loving yourself or your daughter by staying. 💔

[@Kathy-qu8zj]

Sad story, and familiar. Probably wasn’t as easy for your mom’s generation to get out as it is for you. She’s probably so beaten down and depressed it’s hard to find strength in the fear and oppression she felt and with several children it’s even harder. Don’t judge her too harshly..

[@sexygabby30]

@@Kathy-qu8zjyes this exactly I always say if you don’t know the history of times then you can have understanding and if you don’t take those measures then you want to deliberately stay that way towards another all because just can’t wrap the minds around information of why certain eras in time why people did what they did.

[@Kathy-qu8zj]

ABSOLUTELY

[@susanlee8023]

Me too

[@dragonclaws9367]

I used to keep a packed bag under my bed at 8 years old to run away. People think it is a cute story, it causes me so much pain at 45 to remember the fear that nothing is safe.

[@jet4415]

The husband has typical Narcissistic Personality Disorder traits. ISOLATION: He moves her far away from her family and support groups to make her more dependent on him. Changing personality: he’s nice and then horrible, the horrible times will increase, leaving you to wait for the brief good times. SILENT TREATMENT: A classic NPD trait. GASLIGHTING: making you think that you are the bad one and he is wonderful. Lady get out! This guy will only worsen with time and you will become a shell of a human being.

[@msakeeba]

Definitely narcissistic. He’s a bully. He’s mean and he’s an abuser. She MUST LEAVE. Please leave.

[@chrissyellem7397]

Exactly. Experienced this type of person 3x. I never learned until my son was 7 and that was it.

[@jet4415]

@@msakeeba He might be a malignant narcissist which is deadly. I hope for her to leave, also. PSTD is an understatement when you leave them after years of abuse. And I’m sure if she does leave him, he will manipulate through the child as all narcissists do. It would be best if she learns everything about NPD and Borderline Personality Disorder. She should learn to go hybrid no contact, and other techniques to minimize the manipulation. Goodness, I feel for her.

[@jet4415]

@@chrissyellem7397 When younger, I dated many disordered men. I gave it time to let it show. After a while I gave up. Not sure, I might have a target for these types (and there are so many disorder variations)! It seems they have no compunction to admit what they are doing to other humans is heinous.

[@luthiify]

Diagnosing someone when you are unqualified to do so is not helpful. Abusive does not always equal narcissist. All you described is common manipulation tactics.

[@msakeeba]

Please make a plan, do not let him know. Save your money secretly. He will not change. It will only get worse. This is traumatic. He’s damaging you and your child. He’s an abuser, he’s a bully and he’s not safe. He will break you down spiritually, emotionally, mentally & eventually, physically. HE’S NOT SAFE. Please run asap. Run.

[@audfosutv2500]

💯💔

[@tbacon2784]

Absolutely, I am there, I am broken. I am disabled, he intimidated me into handing over all of my inheritance, made me believe that I wasn't committed to our relationship if I didn't put everything into a joint account and then he started slowly, but surely taking it over, until I have nothing left. No friends were allowed to come around after a while, either. When my disability caused me to go on pain pills, he quit his job to be able to drive me to work so that 'I' could keep working. He would worka little here andthere,butitwas myfault he couldnt work much since he had to drive me back andforth to work so I wouldn't lose my job??? I have recently taken back both my pension and my SSDI. It was hard as I was afraid, but after 27 years, I couldn't take it anymore. I have no way out, but I do have a small amount of control back,and perhaps I will find a way out someday... Disabled, no one able to helped move, and not msking enough money to live off of. I hope she gets away from him before she becomes me...

[@bettinakatsaros8719]

I was married for three and a half years but it felt like a lifetime. I can count on one hand the amount of peaceful days in the course of our marriage. He would keep me up yelling at me late at night I had to wake up very early in the morning he started screaming at me immediately while he was still in bed and I scrambled around the house to get things done. I worked an office for the business out of the home and he would go out to job sites. He would start calling me the second he left the house and screaming and yelling. If I even dared to take a shower after he left the house he would call me 40 times or more and threatening me and screaming at me when I answered the phone right out of what would be a 5-minute shower. I wasn't permitted to even take a morning run or go to the gym. I had to take my phone into the bathroom with me when I went to the toilet. When he was home I was not permitted to close the door on the bathroom. I was called every filthy name in the book and threatened constantly. This caller says she doesn't believe he would get violent or be unfaithful but I'm here to tell you he will do both if you give him any more luxury of time. My marriage lasted 3 years 7 months and 5 days and then I escaped in the middle of the night with a hidden spare phone and spare set of keys under my car mat one basket of my daughter's clean clothes and one basket of my dirty clothes and I never looked back. I own my own business and my daughter is nearly 16 years old now. .. we are good

[@dianaverano7878]

You are a saint for putting up with that guy. That is a no for me. Yell to me frequently and I will fight back. And leave. And you wont see me again. It's great you left.

[@Belluser-we1uc5cb2l]

Did you file for divorce or just leave and he doesn't know where you are?

[@bcc7777]

Yep, I was only with the man for 1.5 years, but it felt like 20. So broke at the end that I locked myself and kids in the house for three months before I even went to friend's houses again. He took pictures of me at places I went to, even after a restraining order, sent photos of me with a gun to his head, harassed my friends online, asked girls he knew to befriend me to try to get me back... Fucking creep!

[@raelenekauffman1401]

I love that Dr Delony gets loud with his response but then stops himself and says "I'm sorry. I promise I'm not yelling at you." That tiny little moment was so kind and thoughtful.

[@missk2559]

This!! You can also tell his anger was 100% him just wanting to punch this guy out for her 😩🙏🏽

[@kristinaherrejon7181]

God bless this woman for exposing herself to judgement of the internet and helping a lot of people look at the reality of their relationships.

[@fauxbro1983]

Like to know how this woman os also pushing his buttons to illicit an elevated reaction. Women are masters of doing this. The woman also the bread winner so she could be straight up testing this dude

[@peterlee584]

​@@fauxbro1983Ridiculous comment. There's no excuse for the husband's abusive and immature behaviour.

[@peterlee584]

​@@ekl2947That's just what I was thinking.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@fauxbro1983 She pushes his buttons because by saying SHE has to work and go make money! 🙄

[@pylchott9864]

I'm certain she knew that this would get her sympathy, not judgment.

[@lifeofkali9999]

Husband sounds like a narcissistic perfectionist. Charming on the outside but deceptive and out of control.

[@dianaverano7878]

They are always like that. Controlling. Perfectionist. But always angry by default. Narcs are empty inside. They are not happy people. The moment they truly become happy and peaceful and stop fighting and shouting, they change that personality. Narcs always have anger and hate inside theirs hearts. They need to cure that and work it out.

[@sherryaudette7734]

Was too married to a jeckle n hyde. Walked on egg shells too many years. Got beat too many times inside n out. Was called names id never heard in my life. Got my children n I out alive after too many years and he didn't plan us to get out alive n stay out. Get out while you still can gal. No matter the cost get out alive!

[@ljohnson4619]

Run ma'am. He hates you.

[@bonstermonster78nonstop19]

Facts, he dose hate you

[@bernadinetinker3028]

And himself as well.

[@LeahMarshals22]

Actually he hates himself and he is taking it out on her. I know because I’ve seen this side of men.

[@soullessnight6539]

@@LeahMarshals22true but still doesn’t deserve any empathy. He is an adult!

[@lindadevoy4321]

He actually hates himself.

[@1stgenhustle461]

She literally described the cycle that people in abusive relationships go through. Physical abuse doesn’t usually start physically-if she’s being verbally or emotionally abused, it’s a sign that things are going downhill and she needs to leave before they get worse (physical). Don’t wait thinking it’s not going to get worse-leave at the first sign of any form of abuse.

[@Notme811_you]

he is threatening her already by saying he could do way worse. He is not going to change.

[@arthuritis4503]

Leave him he's never going to change. I left with 4 kids, very little money but hey...we survived and never looked back. My children are now grown up and all 4 have great jobs and are lovely people ❤❤

[@WWE2KProGamer]

You’ll be surprised how many highly abusive and toxic relationships there are out there. Little boys making babies with mommy then verbally abusing her when they don’t get what they want. You make the money in the relationship take your daughter and run!

[@krystalgardiner5591]

Bingo! Little boys making babies with mommy.

[@heileens]

She is lucky to be the bread winner and have the power to leave

[@lala5061]

Facts u better tell the truth 👏🏽

[@oraclepanda]

Dr. John said the next step is hitting you when this behavior begins. He's right

[@Nanneke9]

In many cases, the problem actually is they NEVER hit you. With a black and blue eye, the authorities and judges know what to do. Proof. With emotional abuse, it can continue unseen for years and years and be a silent killer.

[@aliciaohara8794]

This guy is the scariest type. I worry about the callers safety when trying to leave him. 😢

[@asdf4678z]

I had a boyfriend who would blown up and yell and curse. The first time i was stunned. The second time I talked to him and told him he couldn't talk to me like that. If he was upset we should be able to talk about things calmly. I started to notice he talked to other people like this. Customer service. Random strangers he perceived slighted him. Ridiculous road rage. Paranoid people were following him or out to get him. The third time he had a temper tantrum I left. I hope she accepts that he will never change and finds it in herself to leave.

[@crystalduque7559]

Were we dating the same person lol 😂 glad you got away

[@bcc7777]

Yep. My ex yelled at and belittled a waitress one day and I was so mortified. I can't believe it took me another year after to leave him. But these people are so manipulative and convince you it's just a "bad day" or they've been through trauma, or need "help". Their just narcissistic assholes. They'll never change.

[@1414nickymatt]

Had the same boyfriend. Don't stand for it and leave. It's not worth it. He won't change.

[@donnasearch1]

I was married to that guy-and it took me 15 years to understand what was going on: It’s not about solving a problem or coming to a fair agreement. For him-it’s about the DANCE. The closer you get to solving the problem the quicker he changes the dance. It’s about control because he feels insecure and powerless. Men like this look for capable women, who become a weird sort of mother to them-but at the same time they resent and criticize them. It’s a no-win dance and it took me sometime to recognize the signals and remove myself from the conversation. It NOT about you. it is about him and how through the dance, positions you in a place where he cannot be pleased no matter what you do. He can’t be logical and he doesn’t respect boundaries.

[@gabbyyyyy5452]

Man, there’s nothing quite like being being yelled at and cussed out by a guy who you are essentially taking care of. Been there done that.

[@annpaprocki678]

Does this loser guy even work outside the home?

[@hollandwatkins1371]

Currently doing that now 😢 idk why I’m still here

[@hey_kudisco_podcast]

It's wild. This man hates her.

[@madelineasmr926]

Same! Never again ✌🏻

[@thomashind4835]

@@hollandwatkins1371 please leave him. You deserve better. Find a man who wants to take care of you- they are out there. You’re better off alone than with a punk like that

[@kristencobb230]

I put up with this, and more, for years.. and years. It hurt my children, and my relationship with my children. It escalated to parental alienation. Get out NOW before they are teenagers and the harm is much harder to overcome. 🙏🏻

[@mining4goldmeister420]

Her husband is what I call a "scared little boy in a man's body." They can't regulate their strong emotions - their emotions control them. Incapable of taking responsibilty for his own actions, bluffing his way thru life by acting out his super exaggerated macsulinity, childish responses to adult situations because deep down inside he is scared to death. He will do ANYTHING to stop people from see how afraid he is. Scared of life, scared of appearing "less than", equating humbleness and kindness towards his wife as appearing weak and a wimp. Afraid that if he opens up, people would perceive him as weak and unmanly. All behaviors and actions a child would exhibit. Can't see others needs, can't actually "see" them at all. Everyone is there to take care of him and his needs - like any child would expect. Nothing worse than an emotionally immature spouse - male or female. It takes a miracle from heaven for that type of behavior to change.

[@lala5061]

Oooh weeee u better tell the truth 👏🏽

[@madelineasmr926]

THIS.

[@barb7124]

My husband acts just like this

[@bcc7777]

Yeah, like an appendage chopped off. 🤨

[@Lexifer54]

Nicky, if you see this please leave him. I have been you and I’ve been your daughter. I got straight A’s my whole life trying to earn my dad’s love, it never worked.

[@gwendolineswanepoel4318]

Wow... "you never exhale" ....I heard that....💐 Its like screaming within... but nothing / no sound comes out your mouth...

[@staceystrukel1917]

And fully inhale. Your breath becomes short. The inhale becomes difficult because you’re anxious and on a psychological level it’s about getting the proper nutirents/elements to be healthy. Oxygen etc…is vital for health. When our oxygen is low we don’t feel good. When we are in an abusive situation we don’t feel that we deserve to be healthy and nurtured. Our breath then becomes short. All of this is unconscious. Yoga can be so beneficial when getting your strength back and healing from an abusive relationship. You will learn to breathe again.

[@jennyxelinor]

This hit so close to home. I just left a boyfriend who would get in my face, yell at me, called me a b*tch, c*nt, I’m f*cking stupid. Any derogatory name under the sun, he’s called me it. And it was always my fault that he acted that way. I’m the one that made him so angry, I know how to push his buttons. All the excuses. I was also the bread winner of the home. It gives you the upper hand to walk away from a relationship when you know you don’t rely on him financially. Girl I so hope you find the strength to get out of that marriage! No one deserves that!

[@madelineasmr926]

Sad how so many of us share a similar story. And looking back I ask myself why I ever tolerated that in the first place.

[@Harsha-D311]

Had a bf like that I cheated on him

[@madamoisele1]

Once respect has left the building, what else is there to build on? If he respected you, he wouldn't speak to you as if you have no value.

[@kcourtney6826]

💯

[@autonope23]

In all fairness we only heard her side. Maybe she is useless. If that's his opinion of her then he should leave instead of abusing her. I just don't like the narrative that just because someone is being abused they are an angel. She also had choices and behaviors. Before I judge him I'd like to hear his side.

[@GolfandGrammarGrandma]

@@autonope23you can’t be serious. No matter what her faults are, she does not deserve his wrath.

[@ogolden8315]

@@autonope23There is a reason why abusers behaviors and pattern are quite predictable. He can leave, no one is stopping him. He won’t though until he finds another potential victim.

[@lala5061]

​@@autonope23but y abuse then just leave it's not that hard there are no excuses... men can be bullies because they are stronger physically than women...so it don't matter about a side if she is not harming him.. alot of times u can just not agree about something amd there's a problem because u are weaker physically u will be made to follow...i just don't understand what y'all don't get about that...if she is that bad then he should remove himself not abuse her knowing he going to win that battle everytime!

[@yoitsalycia]

As a daughter of an abusive father who was also fawning, it’s only a matter of time before the father turns on the daughter. She’s not safe either and she never was.

[@ninamc6116]

Correct, my dad abused my mom, but I thought he and I had a decent relationship. Nope, he beat the hell out of me when I was 18. I needed to be in the hospital it was so bad.

[@Cafeallday222]

In my family, my parents would have blow out constantly… and I was the one who got hit 😒 he never hit her

[@asikao]

An abusive husband is an abusive father. If you can't allow your wife to be a mother in peace, you are indirectly abusing the children in the family.

[@elainebmack]

Stories like this remind me why I cannot bear the thought of marriage - putting myself in someone's hands. Not after what I saw growing up. It's not worth the risk. That's why I get tired of people blabbering on and on about marriage and "relationships" like they are the only ways to be fulfilled and have a happy life.

[@themoonbleu627]

True

[@madelineasmr926]

They are our purpose in life. But it does leave its mark.

[@RayF6126]

Universal marriage means bad partners get to marry male or female. It's supposed to be wonderful, and purposeful so everyone needs to do it to be an adult. I'm lucky and have a good partner.

[@fpm3121]

The ones that decide not to fall for such ridiculous "goals" in life, live better lives. Nothing is better than being free.

[@fremontpathfinder8463]

Yes to be honest I am glad I never got married or had kids. JD Vance would hate me but I am happy just working and running my pet rescue

[@cellostrings2522]

Unfortunately, sometimes the WORST people on earth are in ministry!! Not that I expect these people to be perfect, but this is an abusive situation. This lady needs to get out. It’s not easy. But this man is not going to change.

[@cellostrings2522]

My ex is a minister. So I know how difficult it can be. But do not stay in an abusive relationship. Find someone who can help. Make strategic plans and get out. 💕

[@mandychadwick8762]

So sorry for this lady bless her. My brother was a preacher and treated his loving wife this way. She wouldn’t leave him but developed breast cancer. That sad diagnosis made her snap. She left him and is living a healthy happy life.

[@chrissyellem7397]

I was married to someone just like this. Emotionally abusive behind closed doors. Everyone thought he was the GREATEST GUY. But my son and I are the only people in this WHOLE WORLD who know the truth. We were his "punching bag" for 20 years. IT NEVER ENDS! It will only get worse lady. Get out now!

[@jenbrez70]

Yes! Everyone thinks I just left him after 27 years for "no reason"🙄 he's such a great guy. His adult kids barely speak to him. Poor him. Are people really that dumb? They all laughed at his temper. He's a great guy just dont piss him off, they would say. But they can't figure out why we all walked away from him. I don't care if they think I'm the biggest witch in the world, I finally have peace.

[@chrissyellem7397]

I'm glad you got out and have a better life now.@@jenbrez70

[@hillarybillary21]

You kept your baby in a physically abusive environment? Shame on you

[@jenbrez70]

@hillaryhayman1 what a special person you are. What do you do for fun? Go to the local battered Womens shelter and stand outside, pointing your finger at them and chanting shame shame.

[@mirosDV]

I am so glad you put your and your children's safety first by leaving. It's not an easy step. I am quite sure you had to rebuild some of your self-love just to leave that abusive situation. May your children become the kind of parents that treat their spouse well.

[@henxinggan]

My daughter's response was fawn. I felt so bad because I needed to take her away from her dad. In the couple days before we left my daughter was promising to sit next to her dad at a restaurant, hold his hand, etc. A few minutes later she was talking to my mom also at the restaurant with us who said to her privately "wow you really like your dad" and she said "no, I just don't like mad". She was 3. All of my kids thrived after we left. I left with a newborn who was afraid of men for a year. Let me tell you, the peace that was in our house was immense. You think it is going to be hard to leave but it just gets so much easier, especially as the years go on. In 5 years, do you want to be living in what you are or worse (causing further childhood trauma to your kid keep in mind) or do you want a peaceful home full of happiness? The difference is literally that great. It has been 6 years for me and I just got married to someone that fits in with me and my 4 kids really well and our lives are unlike anything I could have hoped for 10 years ago. I am still dealing with trauma in my 2 oldest kids who were 3 and 4 when I left but it is so much less than the trauma in the 2 stepkids I had to leave behind who are now adults. Just make sure you study the signs of abusive relationships along with what a healthy relationship looks like before dating again so that you don't repeat the cycle.

[@MD-tr1yv]

Dude if my wife was the bread winner… my mindset would be:.. how do I make you loved, seen heard comfortable, when you get home?

[@BFku36]

...and if she wasn't the bread winner? 🤨🤔

[@Cafeallday222]

@@BFku36I think the point is, it’s ok for a women to be that role. Not that women being more traditional/making less is bad.

[@user-yup-you-are-human2]

Im jealous- i always came home from my travel work to a mess. No real time off but in the hotel because my weekends “off” im doing a weeks worth of chores + in 1 day then preparing for the next week & getting called selfish all the while. Super exhausting

[@NickeyVamp]

This☝🏻

[@miltoncat]

She doesn’t sound ready to leave. Laughing (I realize nervously) and “well I don’t know where to go, when he’s happy it’s great…”😔 I hope she finds the strength to leave.

[@hillarybillary21]

Nope. Cus it’s so “hard”.

[@eloisemarie5219]

The cycle of abuse can keep one tethered to an irrational hope that things will be better. Hope she gets ahold of some literature that explains the hamster wheel she is on.

[@Mica-e4p]

Her concerns about her profession/bread winning are legitimate concerns. She is a smart, hard working lady and I have every confidence that she will figure it out.

[@miltoncat]

@@Mica-e4pYes they are legit concerns. But the biggest concern is their daughter witnessing her dad abuse her mom.

[@grmpEqweer]

So she's walking on eggshells all the time, trying not to cause an explosion.

[@mommyham3]

John you are SO RIGHT! Trust me Nicki, your daughter “loves her Daddy so much” because she knows she isn’t safe. As the mom of a 23 year old daughter who was in the same situation. I didn’t leave until she was 17, anxious, and suicidal. I had no idea that he was the reason. I wish SO MUCH I could go back in time and protect her. Please get out NOW. Also, if you stay, it WILL escalate. Stay safe. You are so worthy of being loved and valued. ❤

[@gregzgurl2004]

Thank you for your passionate response! Been there…left first husband who did this. Happily married for 20 years to kind, unselfish loving man who has never raised his voice to me! ❤️

[@naca1553]

So glad for you; I have no idea what a kind husband would be like.

[@madelinem3216]

This message is for the caller if you happen to read this. Plan your escape now. I am 65 and 30 years ago I was you. My husband started by verbal abuse and then physical abuse. I also had a daughter. I stayed for 15 years because I was afraid to go, afraid about where I'm going, afraid of the unknown even though I was in hell. He would not accept a separation and I was afraid of what he would do to me If he found me after I left. I finally sought counseling and with the counselors guidance and hand holding I planned an escape. It was the best thing I did. I look back now and can not believe I allowed someone to treat me this way and that I CHOSE TO STAY FOR 15 YEARS. By the way, my daughter suffers from anxiety and talks about the awful childhood she had. I live with the guilt that I did not put HER FIRST.

[@angelafair6492]

I experienced this, it broke my spirit. 💔 Still picking up the pieces, but so glad i walked away. I definitely see you. This is not normal, no one deserves that type of treatment.

[@FreeSpirit47]

BIG HUGS! Keep putting yourself back together, You got this! I did it, you can do it, too.

[@angelafair6492]

@@FreeSpirit47 thank you. 🤍

[@angelafair6492]

@@FreeSpirit47 🤍

[@barbiesergio7663]

Let's call it what it is... she is married to a narcissist and suffering from narcissistic abuse. I too went through this w two kids and got out. She needs to run far and fast. She can make a difference for her daughter. Her husband is a hollow shell. He is a 7 year old boy with a 30 year old man on his back.

[@nicolebjn]

Leave him, leave him, leave him. He will never change. Leave now.

[@supahdupah207]

I've never felt the need or want to insult my partner. It baffles me people are able to say the most heinous and deplorable insults to the person they claim they love. Or yelling/screaming at them, never had that thought occur during a fight/argument with my partner.

[@FreeSpirit47]

Guys complain constantly about the high divorce rate, using it as an excuse to never do something as mature as get married. What the guys don't realize, mostly won't admit to is that there is a much higher rate of husbands abusing their wives, often, for decades. The wife is often trapped financially, emotionally, psychologically. Like it or not, the social stigma of a divorced woman is still in place. Then, there's the drop in financial stability, the stereotype of a divorced woman relegated to living a lonely existence in a dark empty house with 20 cats. When a woman becomes a divorced woman, her married female friends often start seeing her as a threat, many of them will abandon her. Many men will see her as more of a sexual being than she actually is, after all, there is no "lion at the gate" to keep them away. This isn't 100%, it is, however, very common. When the wife initiates a legal separation which may lead to divorce proceedings, her children will often blame her for breaking up their home. The children will often deny that their father was abusive to their mother, even if they witnessed it. This leads to future alienation of her children as they become adults. The husband most often won't change, seeing his wife as the one with all the problems. She will often put up with the husbands abuse as women have done for centuries. The fear of falling from grace keeps them stuck. Yep, I have lived through it. I gave the male I was married to, too many chances until he had succeeded in killing the last shred of love & respect, I had for him. Yes, it was very difficult at first. Out of all the people I thought were my friends, only one stuck by me. Our second eldest daughter even said to me, "You took it for so long, why didn't you keep taking it. Now, I'm from a broken home because of you."

[@vickimerritt2832]

YES. Society still panders to the sickening legacy of patriarchy.

[@pylchott9864]

There's nothing wrong with using the high divorce rates as an excuse to not marry-it's the smart thing to do. Women are incentivized to break apart their families and they're actually rewarded for it, and women don't love men but simply love what men can do for them because men can always do more. Females verbally and physically abuse their men all the time. If a woman slaps a man, it's always assumed that he deserved it. On TV, it's funny or even romantic. You'll always hear about kids being abused, but females do most of that, at least the emotional and physical types. Lesbian relationships or marriages aren't just the most physically violent, but they have the highest divorce rates too. Marriage was made to save women from themselves because left to their own devices, they always make terrible decisions such as leeching and walking the streets instead of school and/or family. Every culture knows this, but it's too offensive to say out loud nowadays Even though it's never been clearer. Now with the advent of social media, perpetual victimhood is hard currency and you all want in. You are all just passive beings to whom things happen and you have no agency whatsoever. Give me a break.

[@audfosutv2500]

❤There's so much truth in your words❤

[@newaveride3396]

😢

[@tbacon2784]

😢 I am so sorry your daughter does not understand, but I am right there with you.

[@okaycola2]

Being callous in front of the kids is unforgivable

[@veggiesarefruits]

One thing I've noticed as a Christian woman is this new phenomenon of husbands focusing entirely on the wife's duties and vows, twisting them to suit their every desire, and never talking about their OWN responsibilities beyond the things that make THEM feel good. So they'll talk about defending and protecting, leading the household (which has now turned into: you do exactly what I say, when I say it), etc. rather than the biblical commands that their grandfathers focused on: loving your wife as Christ loved the church, being a gentleman, sacrificing your needs and putting her needs first, doing what you DON'T WANT TO DO. This neo-conservatism is really harmful to marriages. A true Christian man talks to his wife gently, recognizes that women are more sensitive and he adjusts his speech accordingly, treats his wife like his WIFE and not a servant, gets off his butt and does things around the home before she even asks, takes accountability with humility and grace, cherishes her as a woman and as a mother, sincerely listens to her input before making big decisions, etc. I've never seen a generation of Christian men who treat their wives so badly. Ever. This is NOT the way Christian men are supposed to treat their wives, according to God's commands. They are NOT loving their wives as they love themselves. They are NOT making true sacrifices. They are NOT considering their wives' feelings. When I saw Steven Crowder, a professed Christian, screaming at his 8-month pregnant wife TWINS, to go walk the dogs and clean up their poop, calling it the "wifely duties", I was FURIOUS. My spirit was fired up. "Wifely duties" are NOT "everything you don't feel like doing". What about your duties as a husband?! Where's the love and care in that?! She's heavily pregnant, she's exhausted carrying your TWO CHILDREN-- it is YOUR job to do the physically demanding work! My dad has the most amazing men's group that he leads. He's in his 70s, so he's a true Christian man. The entire focus in his group is on personal accountability. Are you actually following Christ's lead or not? Are your interactions Christ-like or not? What can YOU do, as a man, to please God and your family? There's been such an influx of misogyny in the church, it's genuinely scary. Women are the ones who do basically all the service work now! Men used to be ACTIVE in outreach and service in the Church body. Now, they only do the "fun" stuff. Do you think women are just having a blast, standing in the cold for hours asking for donations for the poor? No. Christian men need to step it up and stop blaming everything on women.

[@zacay5717]

I agree. A man who **strives** to love his wife as Christ did the church is much easier to submit to. I think some of what you are discussing came about as a reaction to feminism but as Christians we should never be reactionary. Also, I wouldn’t look too much in to crowder, most of the big shot conservatives become a Christian whenever it suits their political agenda.

[@veggiesarefruits]

@@zacay5717 I'm so glad you brought up the feminist aspect because that's what I've been saying as well! Feminism has done a lot of damage to humanity and to the Church, but we cannot let ourselves swing so far to the opposite that we begin treating women like dogs, almost as "payback" for the things we don't like that came out of feminism. It's also interesting to me that we seem to have forgotten that not all women are feminists! So many videos and comments about "feminists" seem to lump all women into that group. It's like the word, "feminists" has become a synonym for "women" in some circles, so they can say all of these really nasty things about women while still claiming not to hate women. I'm not a feminist! Don't blame ME for the stuff that feminism brought our culture. I'm even seeing them drop the "feminist" label altogether and make entire video series', hating on women. I've seen an influx of video compilations of men hitting women, where the guys in the comments sections are laughing and cheering! Just 10 years ago, everyone knew that you didn't lay your hands on a woman in anger. The cognitive dissonance is crazy to me, because on the one hand, they know and openly talk about the fact that men are WAY stronger than women, that we're built differently, but on the other hand they're laughing and applauding men punching women in the face because she challenged him, called him a name, or even slapped him. Of COURSE it's not right for her to hit him, but as the saying goes, "with great power comes great responsibility" and you just can't use your MASSIVE physical advantage to harm someone weaker than you. Unless she is coming at you with a deadly weapon (in which case, do whatever you have to do to defend yourself), you are to restrain her or walk away. That was ALWAYS the standard for everyone, Christian/conservative or not. I just look back and think, "my dad would NEVER say/do that to a woman", and neither would any man that I know above a certain age. What you said is absolutely true: as Christians, we cannot allow ourselves to be reactionary. I just wish more pastors and even fellow male friends would call each other out like they used to do. I'm telling you, if a man laid his hands on his wife or talked to her in a demeaning/abusive way, his friends would all have a serious talk with him and draw a line. While feminism might be the reason for the resentment, you and only you, are responsible for your reaction and your behavior. I fear that the pendulum swing is going to be so severe, that women are going to lose a lot of God-given human rights, there will be no help for women in abusive relationships, and it'll become nearly impossible to get someone to believe them if a crime occurs. I'm already seeing if because we went from the ridiculous, "believe all women" to the equally ridiculous (and far more dangerous) "believe NO women". Women are scared enough to come forward because it's a scary situation; now they're even more afraid because of the seething hatred that she would dare come forward and accuse someone of commiting a crime-- a crime that is extremely common all over the world.

[@zacay5717]

@@veggiesarefruits that’s the downside of swinging back and forth and reacting against what the culture is doing. Not sure where these men in Church are getting their instructions from because it ain’t the word of God. To think how Christ suffered and gave his life for his bride and to see these “men” abuse their wives is beyond comprehension to me. You can’t expect to turn around and ask your wife to submit to you, that is abuse. I equally resent the other side of believe of all women and girl power and all of that nonsense. Both sides are unbiblical thus dishonor Christ and create dysfunctional relationships. The only solution is to align ourselves with the Word of God, there is a cliff on either side. It’s a narrow road after all. You are a wise woman.

[@veggiesarefruits]

@@zacay5717 EXACTLY! The whole "believe ALL women" (as if mankind aren't capable of LYING), "girl power", "I don't need no man" are unbiblical, dishonoring and abominable to the Lord! It's also deeply disrespectful and dismissive of men and their value, worth, unique skills and gifts, and necessity. It ruins families! But as you so correctly stated, we simply CANNOT react or follow the culture-- we need to follow God. Culture changes; God is unchanging. His Truth is true regardless of what is happening in society. As the cultural current shifts hard and fast in the opposite direction, I'm keeping my eyes on Him! Amen!

[@mightymouse1005]

It's spiritual abuse, there's many kinds of abuse

[@gen6895]

I felt like i was listening to the person i was 13 years ago. I took a job after graduating school and never looked back. (That was Gods way of showing me a way out). I have come a long way. I have come to the point of i will not tolerate abusive behavior from either a man or woman. Girl...all i have to say is you deserve better! Your alot stronger than you can ever imagine! Run as fast as you can and dont look back!

[@suebanbo2698]

Nikki, I am so sorry that you are in this position. “Walking on eggshells” and “never exhaling” is exactly what it is like. It won’t get better and you will end up looking back and wishing you had left.

[@KellyK1000]

Husband is a narcissist - I lived this and it is SO debilitating and steals your self-worth over time. Trust me! GET OUT!!

[@michellesimmons3150]

in time it affects your physical health as well.

[@makelifematter1896]

Me also 30 yrs of headache but in front of his friends always looked like he was loving but hated and ran off my friends behind closed doors an ASS

[@lilistaylit]

Sometimes the best reason to let go of a toxic or abusive relationship is because your child is watching. Chris Sain Jr.

[@jengoodwyn2715]

I knew a woman who had the same situation- and it turned out her husband really resented her making more money than him. Once she was laid off, it was like he was a completely husband emerged. 🙄

[@libbydriver8762]

One of the hardest lessons in life I've come to know is when u give someone the manual on how u want to b loved, how u deserve to b loved and they ignore every point. They disregard ur cry for help, never take accountability, don't have the mental capacity to give u wat is basic human needs, and are emotionally immature when u set boundaries. Makes no sense to treat the people that love u like garbage bc u refuse to heal from ur trauma. Men seem to want a righteous woman but fail to b righteous men. When a woman is fulfilled emotionally and spirituality she will b the best woman you'll ever know to love. If we all stopped arguing wat a good partner is and instead chose to b the partner we all need, love would rule the world

[@G.G.8GG]

I did what she's describing for twenty years, many decades ago. Pre-internet and small community without many resources. The big thing then was not to let your kids grow up in a broken home. Women's magazines had articles about how it was YOU, the wife, that was going to have to sacrifice because men's careers were tatamount. I prayed, i read every article i could find, i cleaned, i cooked, i sewed, i canned, i looked pretty when he came home, i offered the best in bed, i encouraged his career and still i got told on a daily basis how inadequate, how stupid (his all-time favorite word) how unattractive, how lazy, how you-name-it i was. Then he fell in love with a steno pool girl in his office. He's still married to her and she's still serving him hand and foot. But all of this isn't the point at all. Im a big girl. I have a strong sense of self. It took awhile but I'm over it. The REAL point is your kids. When they observe this and live it day in and day out through their childhood, they are going to be messed up. I guarantee you! It doesn't matter how good the education you got for them, how nicely dressed they are, what beautiful manners you taught them, what a good work ethic, what great grades they get, how lovely your family appears in public. How you try every day to make it up to them - the way their father is devaluing everyone, making them feel worthless. You can't possibly say enough wonderful words to those kids to change the dynamic being drilled into them, no matter HOW HARD you try. They take the "I'm a piece of trash," message right into the rest of life. My son, who was a beautiful boy, had a great career, was handsome, had beautiful children, just before he turned 61, told me that actually he'd always felt like a piece of sh** and couldn't understand why anybody liked him. Two months later he died in his sleep without saying goodbye. He was addicted to alcohol. Please demonstrate to your kids your respect for them and yourself. Let them take THAT into life.

[@ONLYLOVEIZATION]

“Behaviour is a language, and you are asking me with all of your big muscles to leave. And I hear you loud and clear”. Wow!

[@AmidalaEmma]

Walking on eggshells: you feel it in your body, you are running on the stress hormone cortisol and you feel like you are constantly waiting for danger.

[@beccalou597]

NPD? My dad screamed at my mom a few times a week for 71 years. She could never bring herself to leave. Leave for your kids. Always.

[@razmiddle9410]

It is a terrible thing to be, and be with, a man who sees himself as a traditional husband and a traditional man, but can't or won't live up to that goal. In this case expects his wife to be a traditional wife while also being unwilling or unable to financially provide, and that bleeds out into desiring control and expressing resentment in various ways that negatively impact his family.

[@blueskiesatx]

I can say from experience this situation won’t get better.

[@santokitokiya]

I really love the advice you give. One thing I hope you mention to any woman that is trying to leave an abuser is to have a safety plan. Even the most unseemly man can get dangerously violent when he realizes he is losing access to his victim. A woman is at most risk when she is trying to leave her abuser.

[@Thealignmentkeys]

Great job calling in. He's a covert narcissist. Run run run. And educate urself. Thanks for these great videos.

[@KariMotley]

I have to share with the ladies afraid to become a single mom. It was the BEST decision I ever made for my kids! They are the men they are today because I didn’t stay with their abusive father, and praise God for that. I even ended up in another abusive marriage later and because of all they knew and the boundaries they watched me set and choosing to leave him too, they continued to respect me that much more for it!!! Don’t let ANY man abuse you, not now, not ever, no matter how many times you’ve walked into it. As soon as they make it clear they’re ok with mistreating you, you walk.

[@ladonna9938]

He is displaying the cycle of abuse.... buildup, blow up, reconciliation (although this is skipped sometimes), honeymoon or peaceful phase, then back to buildup

[@lisad5209]

Been there done that. It's exhausting.

[@ljohnson4619]

You are so right about why people leave their faith.

[@JustBree716]

When i was 18 my ex was just really emotionally attached to me. He wouldn't get a job, we had a fight and he punched me. My dad went looking for him. I didn't worry too much about it because i knew that that life was not an option for me

[@apiary1]

She needs to get it on video...and a lawyer.

[@angelika5622]

I've recorded my ex, and then deleted it bc I was scared to even listen to this and thought no one will still help me. Living alone I'm still scared sometimes, once you start reminiscing trauma kicks back ❤

[@michellesimmons3150]

narcissistic people manipulate things like that. will say its invasion of privacy and yes press charges...will twist and turn it against you....recording them gives THEM ammunition, against YOU...they're excellent manipulators

[@LaJuera25]

I’m in deep. I’ve got 2 small children and he screams and cusses at me when I’m trying to have a conversation. My son is 3 and he now jumps into defend me. He exploded at me today while we are staying with my folks. I don’t want to destroy our family but I can’t deal with walking on eggshells with him. He’s from an Arab culture and this is common but I can’t live like this! I feel so humiliated that this happened in front of my parents-Please pray for me!

[@tech4uro]

The scary thing is she has to call an on air personality to ask if it is appropriate to leave. Now, I get it my family is strict Christian household. I am the head of my my house and my wife respects that. However, she is the woman of my home, raised and homeschooled 3 children, always maintained the family finances and still does- My job as her husband was and is, is to protect her, to provide for our home and I ensure that her interests are always protected. My point is mom has always been the most important person, outside of God, in our home and is always treated that way. Long story short, my daughter (21 yrs old) came to me and said she broke up with her boy friend because he was negative and thought he could talk to her any way he wanted and raise his voice like that was appropriate. She said she concluded the relationship but she said she told him- "my dad never spoke to my mom or any of us like that and he (her boyfriend) wouldn't either". Starts at home, absolutely unacceptable- As husband we protect our wives, we protect their interests and ensure an environment that allows for the family she created to flourish- sorry, but she is the center piece of the family and as husbands we should never forget that or take it for granted.

[@amberklein1560]

I'm SO sorry. You're not alone.

[@AmandaErrrrr]

Hubby sounds insecure. Do whatever you gotta do but at the end of the day, don't be showing your daughter that a "man" can yell at you, swear at you, call you all sorts of names, eventually this escalates to physical... don't show her that a guy can treat you that way and still love you.

[@MrsChristensen]

My dad was like this, but worse and yelled like this to us kids. It’s safe to say that none of us turned out 100% ok from his behavior.

[@LittleMsLibra8]

Sounds like he resents her for being the breadwinner and making him do something… absolutely gross and disturbing..

[@sarahcouture24]

It is hard when half the time the person is really wonderful and the other half the time they are a pos to you. It would be easy if they we're always mean, this is true. Intermittent reinforcement= trauma bond And... Think about how you would like for your kid to date or marry a man just like your husband. Because that's what's probably going to happen if you stay. And trust me, they will resent you for not escaping the relationship to protect them from abuse when they grow up

[@kaer_pn]

Run as fast as you can! It’s so hard to make the decision, but it’s so amazing to be able to take your life back and be truly happy ❤ you can do it!!!

[@wandaturcotte9119]

The explosions happen almost every day at my house. We're coming up on our 39th anniversary. I left 13 years ago for 7 months. He had a "nervous breakdown" so I came home to put him into the hospital. Didn't want my adult kids to have to do that. Never left after that. He straightened up for awhile, but now we're back to square one, and we're empty nesters now. I basically deal/cope with it by going to visit my mom and brother for a few weeks a couple times a year. He doesnt want to talk about the problems--just stares at me and says "ok" when I tell him how lonely or hurt I feel. Then he vegges out in front of the tv or sleeps half the day. I can't stand who I am around him. We share a house, grown children and grandchildren, but that's about it.

[@janicestefanic3057]

Wow, love your directness. Lots of broken people running ministries, time to step out and get healing. I pray this woman listens to you, and gets some healing herself.

[@SquadJuiced]

I was that immature man. Praise the Lord for waking me up and changing me. I hope this man goes to his knees before he's forced there any way. Better now than later, man. Let God do His marvelous work in you so you can love His daughters the way He does.

[@sterlingsilver6461]

How did you change

[@ashleyb1091]

Was in the same situation and I left. My breaking point was when I was laying in bed and even though we next to each other I felt so alone and every night I wanted to run away and I told myself it can’t get any worse and this is not the person for me.

[@adinaknorr9460]

MEN ARE THE WORST! ANY GOOD ONES LEFT ARE TAKEN...BUT SHE NEEDS TO GET OUT ASAP!

[@texasgina]

Make a plan without telling your abusive husband and start little by little putting things in a storage start making plans at work and then take your child and go to your parents house and start over. Because if you stick around there and you tell him your plans he's probably gonna start filing for custody and stuff like that and it will prevent you from leaving

[@sincitygiggles13]

I was married for 15 years to Mr. Wonderful: charming, charismatic, funny, successfu, good provider Chuck Norris look alike. I didn't know it then but I thought more of him than of myself. His verbal abuse was a slow fade into his control & with my every compliance it only escalated. We had 2 children he was jealous of, our daughter was the scratching board & our son was golden. They both saw me verbally abused & they became his pawns used to control me & abused. I didn't leave until the damage was so deep in our children, it changed the people they were meant to be. Our daughter is now a homeless fentanyl & heroin addict & our son's in prison for non violent drug & robbery convictions. I can only imagine what could have been if I'd have left the first time I wanted to leave. Children from a broken home is better than them living in a broken home.

[@adinaknorr9460]

If I were u I'd go get my daughter & make her either stay In a treatment house to become sober or bring her home & duct tape her to her bed for a few days if u have to. U need to help save her life! It's miracle she is still alive if she uses fentinal & herion⚠️☣️☢️☣️💀☠️ As for ur son All you can do is visit him be a support for him. The poor guy is stuck in prison. It's just heartbreaking!😢 I realize they are adults but I don't care! They will always be your children! Your ex-husband ruined their childhood but u can help them recover from their trauma be Alive & happy 1 day❣️

[@TheRjmsca]

Thank you for you story. My husband left 1.5 years ago. I was afraid my kids would go into deep depression. Attending church regularly, reading the Word, talking, holding each other got us through this hard time. We love him still, and pray for him, but I'm glad he left. I didn't know he was unhealthy for me and was beginning to be unhealthy for my eldest.

[@jennifere4641]

I ended my marriage after 28 years. Silent treatment from 2018, verbal abuse. I heard the deplorable things he said about me to my youngest in August 2020. When I told my eldest when she came to visit, she accused me of eavesdropping...... I realise now how over the years he subtly showed my girls disrespect towards me, their mother. They have discarded me, I honestly didn't see that coming. I pray they see the light, but I couldn't stay in that house, left in early 2021. At peace now 💓✨🌈🌸🙏

[@cosmicshy637]

I know your pain, Nikki. Trust me & believe me when I say LEAVE. That hell is just beginning. Save your daughter.

[@fire12731]

The daughter does not love the dad. She sees exactly what’s happening. He’s abusive to the daughter and teaching her conditional love. My husband’s parents are exactly this. This is how he grew up and his two older siblings

[@cookingwithchristina4844]

So sorry for you 😢 Just go before your emotions and feelings get pushed aside.

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

Yeah if you stay too long it will break you

[@gigibabbs5047]

Dr. John is so on! This is my life, 35 years and its getting worse. Christianity is helping feed my narcissistic husband and keeping me in this prison of hope that it will get better, he will get better. All the while i am dying and feel the world would be better without me. My adult kids dont see his behavior, I live in fear of losing them if I leave their dad.

[@laurenw2446]

I feel for you! Please look up Flying Free by Natalie Hoffman and see all her resources. ❤️

[@franziskani]

She gets the "silent treatment". That is not easy to uphold. I can imageine a man losing self control, when he gets loud etc. but the silent treatment for 1 day or longer is an effort. Big red flag.

[@chrissyellem7397]

I got the silent treatment one time for 3 weeks. The worst way to live.

[@jenster29]

​@@chrissyellem7397I get that regularly. 2-3 weeks at a time. Then I'm the best person ever... then something happens. My tone, a look, my face when I said it... and the silent treatment for weeks In separate rooms now. We live abroad and kids born here... I feel trapped

[@mightymouse1005]

Silent treatment was my favorite thing. That's how I learned about narcissist, I used the Silent time to listen to videos, read and learn. Silence is quiet and I don't mind quiet and being alone

[@mistydew5391]

I've gotten the silent treatment for over a week before. I don't even remember what I did to piss my husband off that time

[@maevemaiden]

Exactly what my narc ex used to say when I used to call him out on how he talked to me and treated me when no one else was around. “You’re such a victim, right?” Oh yea poor little girl. He would mock me , belittle me, and bully me constantly. He had a huge temper tantrum back in august and threw me out of the house in the darkness of night and through all of my stuff outside and broke everything. He threw a crate and hit my arm and I hid in a locked room all night. I was able to escape the next day and had to go stay with my parents. If you can leave get out now. If you need help call a crisis line or anything you can to get out. You always think well it’s not that bad, he doesn’t hit me or anything. But trust me you will continue to see things get worse. This was important thank you for posting these videos 🙏

[@lindorini]

His imideately answer..."get out" is so true ❤

[@BigPrincessSam]

When I describe the severity of my SA as a child and surviving my narc mother, everyone I grew up with is just in shock because I excelled in sports and made straight A’s - education was my coping mechanism, it was my escape, it’s what I had to do to prove my worth and I finally do it to prove my worth to my self!

[@ginnyn9660]

Thanks for your videos and counseling. I'm not a Counselor, but I would immediately advise her to leave her husband because she and her daughter are in danger if his abuse escalates. I think she should be warned to get out of that situation and take her daughter somewhere else.

[@LZed-g4k]

Abuse in any shape or form is cruel.

[@marissarios7218]

caller: look up the cycle of abuse. you just described it perfectly. it will only get worse, and that is the sad truth. everyone always says they wont lay hands, until they do. And by allowing his behavior (by not leaving) he is being shown he can abuse you and youll still be there. leave honey. well, make him leave.

[@kmaley4102]

She just took all the words out of my mouth…this is the exact situation I’m in! Thank you!!! Everyone tells me to leave him he will not change!!!

[@Steezybby]

This sounds like my current boyfriend. Terrified listening to this, but I really needed to hear this.

[@wellrnk8152]

This is exactly my husband- soon to be ex-husband. I would be late coming home from work as a nurse in a hospital and he would stand in the driveway and cuss me out as I came home. My church said I should have been a better wife, to fix what “made him angry”. I was also the sole breadwinner at the time. I didn’t know he was telling them a different narrative behind my back. It took years to get the courage to leave and finally be done. It broke my heart to go through that, leave my church and repair the emotional damage he inflicted. I would never have allowed someone I love to go through that, yet I kept trying to appease him to save the marriage. It would have never been saved because he kept moving the goal, just like this husband. My husband would say, “you’re such a victim”. He would threaten and pitch fits and then when I would defend myself by saying no to this behavior , he would say I was crazy and tell people I was a non compliant wife. My advice is to get far away from this guy and protect yourself and your children. Get help to stay strong and don’t believe his lies.

[@BABYDOLL.60]

How does the saying go We pray for our women We DON'T prey on our women GET THE HELL OUT NOW ,BEFORE YOUR DAUGHTER DOESN'T HAVE A MOM PRAYERS, HUGS AND BLESSINGS ❤❤❤❤

[@Tarasyoutube]

You're going to be amazed how much the relief of the lack of stress will be a boon to your feekings and the loss is SO worth it. Feeling safe is great.