my husband lied about the call 📞 r/AITA 1 800 Drama Podcast

Welcome to the seventh episode of 1800 Drama! In this episode, Shaaba and Jamie explore being abandoned by parents, secret phone calls to work friends, when relationships get too clingy, generational values, and throwing popcorn at people 👀 grab a cuppa, let's go fishing!
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[@shaaba]

the real star of this episode: Jamie's Dune/June joke that my silly adhd brain didn't register in the moment. I SEE YOU DAD-JOKE-JAMIE, I SEE YOU ✨

[@AdahliaBiPunk]

Literally had me cackling XD

[@SpyderQueen1988]

Came to the comments to see if you noticed in editing 😂

[@skandar3]

I’m loved that joke. XD

[@skandar3]

Also wanted you to know that I agree with you about the popcorn incident. It’s never ok to nonconsensually throw anything at anyone for a negative reason, so even though a single piece of popcorn stopped the issue and was in the end harmless, it still shouldn’t have been done.

[@nowitchisanisland]

@@skandar3 agreed, throwing popcorn is still physical assault even if everyone sucked.

[@DangerNoodleBoop]

"If this, then where do you stop" is the slippery slope fallacy. The really simple answer is: I stop at throwing popcorn. There's nothing saying that you'd do anything more just because you threw popcorn.

[@alex_blue5802]

Or you could say "it's appropriate to get their attention, but not to hurt them". I think tapping the person on the shoulder would also be fine.

[@eline6731]

This!! I caught on to that as well, it's never a good argument because comparing it to something worse is not relevant. We're not talking about physical violence, we're talking about popcorn throwing and whether that's okay.

[@unapologeticallylizzy]

Exactly. Even pouring a drink would have been enough to change my judgement to ESH. But popcorn was warranted.

[@ameliab324]

THIS!

[@mujiescomedy279]

I don’t know if that’s exactly what she meant personally. My guess is she meant more that if you wouldn’t break someone’s personal boundaries in a more extreme way, you shouldn’t break it in even a small way.

[@adriannavanoyen]

I think with the popcorn one, you have to bear in mind that you are actually judging THIS SPECIFIC CASE, like not some vague hypothetical involving a soda or a piece of popcorn to the eye, but what *actually* happened, and that is why I agree with Jamie that absolutely, this was a "not the drama" badge instead of "everybody sucks here".

[@ninaexmachina]

I feel like it's not totally irrelevant to bring up a piece of popcorn to the eye specifically, because that is a possible outcome of this situation, albeit a pretty unlikely one, so the decision to throw the popcorn is the same level of assholeyness regardless of the outcome. If someone does something that puts people at a high risk of being harmed, but then it happens to turn out fine, the person is still the asshole, they just got lucky. In this situation I think the risks are small enough that physical damage can't be the basis of the badge verdict, but the principle is still relevant imo. Otherwise I completely agree.

[@blaireshoe8738]

@@ninaexmachina You said it yourself, if someone does something that puts people at a HIGH risk of being harmed-- but the situation was *not at all high-risk*, a singular popcorn kernel is already low-risk even if the lady was looking right at the thrower, but she was looking directly away, focused intensely on her phone, so the risk was even lower than low. No luck about it, the risk was calculated to be miniscule because it WAS miniscule. OP wouldn't have thrown it if she wasn't glued to her phone- there wouldn't have even been a problem if that were the case.

[@ktm9292]

I would agree, NTD. Though maybe a little bit the drama for all the ageism about the "kids these days". I think it's worth using the reasonable consequences perspective you often see in the law, and considering that people are responsible for their own actions not how other people react to them. Popcorn causing harm requires venturing in to a level of remote possibility that is fairly absurd. The risk of someone becoming violent in response to popcorn is a massive escalation and to blame the popcorn thrower feels victim blaming. Also, on the crossing the physical barrier thing, I think it's important to consider that mental/emotional barriers are also valid. I would rather have someone lob a piece or two of popcorn at me than be on the phone in a movie. Based on what they talked about, it seems like Shaaba may be hyper vigilant to physical intrusion because she grew up in a context where escalation was standard.

[@KiboSanti]

I've kicked seats to remind people to get off their phones. Not hard- just a little tap, enough to be noticed. I have ADHD and any kind of light immediately rips my attention away from the screen. It's disorienting. If I can go 2 hours without my phone, I'm sure you can do the same. If you can't, wait a few weeks and watch it at home.

[@skandar3]

@@blaireshoe8738 I think even low risk of outcome of harm is still assholeyish. There’s always ways to do things that have NO risk of harm, such as the comment right before me nudging the seat, or if you don’t want to confront them yourself, then getting a worker to come handle it for you. Not to mention one of the alternate ways is more respectful. I know that being on your phone isn’t being respectful, but just because someone else is an asshole, doesn’t mean you should stoop to their level. “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” An asshole for an asshole makes the whole world absolutely fucking suck.

[@LightHalcyon]

First story: no child should ever feel unwanted ever full stop. And it's not the kid's responsibility to mend the relationship. Maybe OP didn't pick the right time, but reading between the lines, did the mom ever provide the right time?

[@charoraimondogarcia]

100%! I don't undertand their logic in this one, they are talking about the kid like he is and was an adult

[@TheKindziols]

yeah, still only 17

[@shelleykoone2987]

17 is old enough to know right from wrong. In his own narrative, he says he went to the party uninvited to confront her knowing it would ruin her day. Not saying she was in the right either, but he knew he went there with the intention of causing trouble. My problem with passing judgement on any of these stories is you only get one person's perspective. However, I am inclined to agree with Jamie and Shabaa based on the information presented by OP.

[@nathryl03]

If I remember correctly from the update, the dad was sabotaging the mom's attempts to fix the relationship with OP.

[@TheDarwinProject1]

The mom, who seems like the only thing close to a responsible parent, needed to MODEL & INITIATE healthy communication, herself, if she expects it in her kid. Its pretty clear with how much trouble the kid was having at school that he was already not equipped with the tools to communicate anger & frustration in a healthy way. An 11 year old already in that situation needs enough stucture to be able to rely on their parent, but there was obviously an need for emotional support, as well.

[@winterkind1772]

Oh I wished they had read the updates on the first story. The new Husband is such a chad and helped OP and his mother communicate.

[@arthur622]

did they go to therapy?

[@danitini14]

@@arthur622 That is in the works yes

[@cofeejoe2882]

Oh that's so good!!

[@barclaycork-ys5wz]

An 11yr old who is abandoned (or feels) to a place where they feel unwanted and adults who dont seem to be very emotionally developed is not going to be a mature 17yr old.

[@nowitchisanisland]

THIS. He's self aware, but unable to process.

[@moonlighthowling666]

Growing up i had a very similar experience. At 13 my mom and i got in a fight told me "if you want to live at your dad's so bad, then go" and had me wait outside for him. We didnt sleak for 5 years after that and it kind of broke both of us. I'm 30 now and it still seems like she's mad at me about it and i still have a lpt of abandonment issues. That might also have to do with my dad abandoning me when i was 17 but thats not relevant

[@barclaycork-ys5wz]

@moonlighthowling666 Its relevant enough. I know it doesn't always feel like it but there are people out there who care, the hardest thing is relearning not to push them away

[@vcutler4735]

"If you wouldnt do it in front of a child you shouldnt do it" nah we wouldnt throw a piece of popcorn to communicate to a fellow theatre goer to put their phone away in front of a kid not because it was wrong but because children have problems with nuance so they might think throwing food in general for whatever reason is okay and we cant explain in the middle of a movie in a theater that nuance lol

[@thecolorjune]

This! I’d throw the popcorn lol. (Only after words didn’t work, and only one kernel). But a kid needs more nuance and I wouldn’t want them to copy me before I can explain the full nuance to them haha.

[@arualblues_zero]

Agreed. Also, this particular case played out in an adult-only movie theatre.

[@skandar3]

Except that I personally wouldn’t throw popcorn just because it’s a dick move. Just because someone else is being rude doesn’t mean you should stoop to their level. I would never teach my child that it’s ok to throw popcorn based on nuance, I’d teach them to always be a kind human being.

[@Diamond123682]

Updates from the first OP: “UPDATE: There's a lot going here and I haven't had the time to look through everything so I still haven't decided on what to do, but to answer some questions: 1. ⁠"Helicopter parenting" - I mentioned some of the things my mum did but it didn’t give the entire picture. Some people say it was just usual parenting but it felt so constricting and it was very different from when I was at my dad's. I also wasn't the smartest kid out and sometimes it felt like I was being punished for that. 2. ⁠"did we have arguments before?" - my mum and I were prone to screaming matches if I didn't immediately do what she said. No, I never hit her, it was mostly shouting. 3. ⁠"did I apologize?" No, i didn't. I know that would would be my single biggest regret. I don't know if that warrants the rest of what happened or if it would've changed anything. 4. ⁠"what was the trouble at school?" - it mostly had to do with phasing out or losing my patience. I got into a couple of fights with other kids who teased me on my home situation but it was nothing serious. As mentioned, I'm not an academic, so there was always trouble with that. 5. ⁠"therapy?" - i spoke to someone when i was younger and my parents had me see the school counselor two years ago but i find it hard to talk to other people. I'm also on meds, which were supposed to help with my moods. 6. ⁠"dad/mum's situation?" - my parents seperated when I was a baby. my dad is 40 and used to work in construction until he got injured and could no longer pay child support. When my mum transfered custody, she began to pay support. I'm with my dad full time and my mum on weekends when I feel like going. Winter break my mum takes me out of state to gran's where we stay with the rest of the family. I can do the math, I know how old my mum was when she had me and that I basically ruined her life, so there's no need to point that out. There is an overwhelming amount of attention on this post that is giving me mixed messages. I regret posting this because of how confused it has gotten me about my parents and childhood, but I do appreciate the support and advice, especially from other people who had similar issues. I will try and do another update when I figure out what to do.” “UPDATE 2: final update So, a lot has happened. I never expected this post to get this much attention with so many mixed reactions, and honestly it confused me to say the least. While this forum was blowing up, I had to go to school like normal. Its been a few weeks since the engagement party and a kid who there had been relentless mocking me for what happened. I thought he would eventually let it go, but yesterday when he brought it again, I lost was cool and got into a physical fight with him. He was given detention but I was suspended. The school called my mum and got Paul instead. Since she was in a meeting, he came and got me. Things were awkward in the car ride, and we didn't say a word to each other until he asked me if I was going to apologize to my mum. I told him I didn't even want to go to his "stupid wedding". Paul was confused when I said this, and told me that my mum had gotten mad at him for saying I couldn't attend and that she knew I wouldn't apologize if they told me to because I was stubborn. He said she had called my dad weeks ago and said I could go because she really wanted me to be there and my dad said he would talk to me. I don't know why, but when I heard this, I burst out in tears, embarrassingly enough. I don't know if it was the suspension, or reading all the comments, but I really couldn't hold it in anymore. It took me way too long to stop and Paul was really freaked out so he parked somewhere and tried to calm me down. I ended up telling him everything, about when happened when I was a kid, and how I felt about my mum. I also confessed that I wished she would yell at me or scold me for my outburst because it felt like she didn't care anymore and just hated me for what I said. (Its f*cked up I know) I thought if I ever repeated what I wrote on this post to another person, they would think I was human garbage. But he just listened to me and let me get everything off my chest (I guess thats what being a girl dad is, ha). Surprisingly, he didn't blame me. Infact it was the opposite. He said he understood me. He works with her so he knew that my mum was a tough woman, and he had never seen her cry before until that day and was unsure about how to approach her after, so he didn't blame me for not knowing how to talk to her after what happened when I was child. He didn't give me details but he assured me that my mum didnt hate me, and the situation is more complicated than what I know. Paul said I shouldn't bear all the blame, and if I was comfortable, maybe myself (and my mum) could go speak to the therapist he saw after his wife had past. He was mad at my dad tho, apparently this was not the first time my dad had said he would talk to me about something and just didn't. Paul suspected my dad wanted to get me to have another outburst at the wedding because he was still somewhat resentful towards my mother. I don't know how to take this because, while my dad didn't really like my mum, I don't think he would actually do something like that. Either way, I think I owe to myself and my mum to at least try and reconciliate, and deal with my trauma so I could let go of my anger towards her. I at least apologized to Paul's girls (my dad wasn't home so I spent the rest of the day at my mums). The 9 yo forgave me almost instantly, like she didn't actually cared and asked me about dinosaurs for the rest of the evening. The 13 yo is still pretty mad, but mostly because Paul had her give up her new room and share with her sister. I tried to say I was okay if she took back the room (I wasn't but it only seemed right to give it to her after what I did) but Paul said they'll make a plan when they remodelled. I knew I needed to apologize to my mum as well, but that seemed just so much harder. I know you guys recommended writing a letter but I didn't really have enough time nor did I know what I was gonna say yet. There is these flower bushes in our garden tho, and I have a vivid memory of when I was a kid, my mum getting mad when I destroyed one only to forgive when I had given her the flowers from them. Its a bit pathetic for her grown child to give her weeds because he couldn't get a word out, but I think the gesture meant the same for her like it did for me. She finally asked me if I was better living at my dad's, and honestly, I don’t know. I know you guys don't think the best of him, and things did seem to be worse when I stayed with him, but he was a decent dad. And I didn't want to just lose him like I did my mum. She said she would speaking to him after our meeting with the school on Monday for the family therapy and if i was opened to the idea of staying with her some nights during the week too. As of now, Paul had spoken to her and she already made the appointment for us to see the therapist next week. She also spoke to me about anger management classes too, and said she would go with me if that what's I wanted. I honestly don't know if what's going to happened with school, if the therapy would work for us and if I would ever be able to truly let go of my built up resentment. But I feel like everything's gonna be okay. Thanks for all the comments, even the horrible ones, got me thinking just a bit. I will never be posting on reddit again but I do appreciate having the space to find the words to say what I needed to. And everyone who shared their deep (and some dark) stories that made them relate to my relationship, I hope things turn out okay for you too”

[@Diamond123682]

TL;DR- Dad is trash and OP gives him too much of the benefit of the doubt (I mean, so did I towards my dad). The family is seeking therapy and OP may be going to anger management.

[@TheCagedCorvid]

Thanks for posting this, it's really given some clarity on the situation, a few people picked up on the dad in the comments, but I think this confirms that what was missing here was the dads manipulation of the situation and everyone in it! I hope Shaaba and Jamie see this, it explains a lot.

[@Diamond123682]

@@ConejitoPequenito I’m not? I just said the dad was trash. I didn’t say he was evil. My worry comes from the idea that he may be brainwashing OP, who seems to already have some anger issues.

[@erinjohnson7329]

Omg, I need a video of Jamie & Shaaba reading this aloud and breaking down sobbing & hugging it out

[@KarolYuuki]

Thanks for the update. I hope the situation with op goes well. And Paul is awesome!

[@chriskagamine358]

I realized that every time they disagreed, I 100% sided with Jamie(edit: I typically agree with Shaaba, and started with this sentence because I was confused as to how that was not the case. As I wanted to open a dialogue, I apologize for starting with a sentence that immediately ends dialogue and hurt Shaaba in the process.). I feel like Shaaba fell under a mixture of the slippery slope fallacy and the strawman fallacy with the popcorn one. She was arguing why something that is way worse (dumping a drink) is bad, when literally no one was arguing the opposite. I am autistic and hate random touch from stranger's, but I also hate distracting noise and sight. It's weird to me, to argue the a piece of popcorn is more invasive than making the entire movie about your phone and voice. One thing I've done with friends is ask which fallacy they think they fall under the most. mine is "sunk cost fallacy", followed by "gambler's fallacy". I think the question let's people know that it's ok to acknowledge that nobody's perfect in every situation (and like the beginning of all these vids say, we can expand our mindset.

[@Disney8272]

I was also thinking of slippery slope fallacy (strawman hadn't even occurred to me, but I agree). The whole point of these types of conversations is to determine the boundaries that slippery slope fallacy tends to bundle together and through out with the bathwater.

[@chriskagamine358]

@@Disney8272 yeah, I guess the conversation is never as nuanced as expected

[@ambriasaunders1869]

I'm autistic, and I completely agree.

[@CharlesWawa]

I'm not autistic but I do have sensory issues and I completely agree.

[@thecolorjune]

Another autistic agreement. Idk if being autistic is why I agree with you, but I definitely find Shaaba’s logical pathways a bit uncomfy. For example, it may not be a good idea to do something small like throw a piece of popcorn if you’re in a dangerous area and might get attacked, but it’s not your fault. That’s like saying it’s your fault your skirt is too short in a dangerous area. Perhaps take precautions, but it’s not your fault. Was throwing popcorn the most mature response? Perhaps not, but he had already tried using his words. And it’s just a single itty bitty popcorn kernel.

[@proceduralgunk]

Shaaba I've worked in cinemas for 4 years and it annoys me what you said about us as workers not doing our job. It is not our job to sit in the back of a theatre and make sure people are not on their phones. At my cinema we have 16 theatres there is always a film starting or ending that we have to attend to, we are checking tickets and at the candy bar dealing with rushes, events, cleaning and restocking. Jamie is totally right if someone is on their phone or being annoying come get a staff member and we will come deal with them or give you a refund or swap you into another cinema, that is not a Karen thing to do we're totally fine with dealing with it like that. I get it it sucks so much when people are being rude in cinemas and you have to miss part of your film to get a staff member, but you can't expect workers to babysit your cinema at all times to make sure people are adhering to basic social expectations. Additionally after all the late screenings have started around 9pm we close the candy bar and all the staff go home except for 2 - the manager and one staff member to stay in the foyer. You can't expect us to check every cinema at all times.

[@bboops23]

I worked at a 25 screen theater for 4 years. We regularly had movies starting at 3 am and I would be the only employee there with two managers. During Star Wars the Force Awakens we were open 24/7. I've never even seen a theater smaller than 10 screens 😅

[@bboops23]

Mind you security was there too and usually all the employees would be gone for the night by 30-45 minutes past the last movie and I'd be at the guest services desk because I liked late shifts and I was one of only 10 trained employees in that department. The managers would be counting money. I think the latest I ever left was 6 am.

[@stabbun]

In my experience, the theater I usually go to has someone come in at the very beginning of the movie to walk up the aisles then leave. I never see them in the theater at any other time. Idk if it's different in the UK, but it was a little baffling to hear Shaaba say that!

[@dothedo3667]

Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen an actual "usher" at a cinema, whose job it would be to do stuff like that. Employees do other things. Yeah, I'd expect someone to be available somewhere if needed, but I've never seen an employee stay for more than a few minutes while the movie plays. I guess maybe it might be more expected to have someone do that for a VIP experience or that there's potentially more people providing services during the movie that could help out? And I guess this is because I've never encountered a significant problem, but I can't really even imagine how an usher would tell someone to cut it out, without making more of a kerfuffle (though of course that may be worth it depending on the offense). Like they'd either have to raise their voice or shuffle along the row and get in other people's way to get to the person, then the person might have an argument or whatever. Idk.

[@zannabatsy1656]

Totally agree, my partner also worked in a cinema for 4 years, similar stories.

[@restlessellis]

That sort of extrappolaion on what happened with 'yeah but what if they did this instead' is like, in my opinion, a kinda silly argument. What if it wasn't popcorn? Then it would be a different situation and require a different handling. It literally was popcorn. edit to add: personally I wouldn't throw the popcorn, and I don't disagree with the idea that considering potential escalation is something worth doing, it wasn't a necessary step to take, but it didn't exactly harm anyone and it ultimately DIDNT escalate. We're judging this situation, not what this situation could've been. But I guess that's a difference in approach to these things xD

[@thecolorjune]

Yeah! It’s the slippery slope fallacy. “What if he threw a knife instead? He could have murdered her!” Ok well yeah but he didn’t did he. Judge the situation at hand, not a situation in the imagination

[@juliweizen1759]

The Dune-July throwaway statement was unreasonably funny and I'm mad that Shaaba seemingly didn't hear it at all😂😂

[@koalaskrypin]

Right!? I was giggling and then thought "oh we're ignoring this one? ok...." 😂

[@angrydorito4]

When it comes to popcorn guy I'm with Jamie. Popcorn guy chose a course of action that would only be a slight annoyance. I don't think its at all the same in principle as spilling a drink on someone. Spilling a drink would risk damage to the persons clothes and would be an escalation. But throwing a couple kernels feels like my sister gently poking me to put my phone away at the dinner table. Annoying but not an asshole Where does the line stop? Somewhere. It always stops somewhere. It doesn't just keep going. Context is extremely important and not every principle translates to every situation

[@angie3823]

NTD for the popcorn situation. Throwing a single piece of popcorn isn't comparable to tugging on hair or spilling a drink.

[@Kim-dl2uk]

I work in a movie theater and I've noticed a serious change in the last few years. People came out of lockdown completely unaware on how to behave. It's not just a grumpy old man take lol

[@maranathaschraag5757]

I can't see giving up on an 11yo without any kind of therapy or professional intervention. and then getting married and bringing in "replacement"/additional children without any kind of conversation with the oldest child. I see what Shaaba is saying - kids can be really crappy because they don't know how to manage their feelings. which is why therapy is super important. and the mom should repeatedly come back and make sure to check in so OP knows she's there for him. if the kid gets to college and really expresses they don't want the relationship, that's an adult boundary.

[@arualblues_zero]

Movie theatre: so much slippery slope and straw-man argumentation! What if he threw soda on her? He didn't. What would a child learn from that? It was an adult only theatre. What if someone chooses to slap them? Nobody did. "I grew up in an area where..." Yeah, but this is a rich people movie theatre and this was a spoiled girl. We are judging the case as it was presented, not the million ways in which the case might have been different if OP had acted differently, because... he didn't.

[@spatulaoblangata]

Pretty much every child with divorced parents has said something along the lines of "I hate you /I want to live with dad/mom" at some point in a moment of frustration. For a parent to take that seriously and personally enough to just dump them in response is incredibly toxic and childish. He was 11 and his mom sucks. Making a scene at a party you weren't invited to is absolutely an AH move, but I'm not sure I blame him. Mom had it coming but making the girls cry was wrong.

[@kristalpower292]

There is obviously a lot going on. I don’t think the girls crying is his fault or wrong. Their reaction is probably valid because they have probably been shielded form most of the things. They might not have know they got OPs room or treated better.

[@olivialesbian1578]

idk why nobody is talking about the kids! OP called them brats in front of a whole party, I would cry too!

[@HeySlothKid]

I definitely brought out the "dad card" when I argued with my mom as a teen and she mostly just rolled her eyes, told me it was hurtful and ignored me till I was ready to act like a human again. Parents have to put up with a lot of shit but it's part of the job, just dropping the kid off and giving up custody sent the message "you're not worth the effort".

[@PersonTP]

@@olivialesbian1578I don’t think calling someone a brat is that big of a deal… if you cry over that, get a grip, but I doubt that’s all he said for them to cry. He has every right to be angry and a 17 yo is a child, he knows deep down it’s not the girls fault but he resents them for “taking” or “stealing”, what he wished he had growing up. Obviously it was wrong to target them but like you do and say dumb things when you’re a kid and it’s normal to say stuff like that as a teen…

[@rubychan2288]

Story 1: Look at it this way. On a scale of 1-100, the "appropriate" way for mom to treat OP was a 50. In the begining she was a 100, after the argument she flipped to a 1. Both are 'wrong'.

[@skippy_28]

Not Shaba catastrophizing someone throwing a piece of popcorn! 😂😂💕💕

[@meumixer]

I don't mean this in a rude way, but as a very shades-of-grey person it's kind of fascinating to me how Shaaba tends to think in absolutes. Where do we draw the line on getting physical because of movie theater annoyances? We draw it directly above this situation. OP asked her to stop, she didn't, he threw a single piece of popcorn at the back of her head, and then threw another single piece when she did it again. This was the mildest possible means of getting her to put her phone away, assuming this man didn't know how to/couldn't airdrop a picture or note that says "Please put your phone away, you're disturbing the rest of us". Yes, throwing popcorn at someone is rude, but so is having your phone out at full brightness in a movie theater. _I_ wouldn't ever throw popcorn at someone in that situation, just because I'm not confrontational in that way, but I'd quietly appreciate someone else who did it and successfully got the annoying person to put their phone away. And I'd be absolutely mortified if someone I was with went out of the theater to grab an attendant and then asked for a partial refund just because one person was on their phone.

[@KaylaChan90]

OP was struggling because the mom was going from ONE extreme to the other. Helicopter level of instruction to none. Yes 17 at time of post, but that would ahve been happening before the sort-step siblings came along whne OP would have been around 14 or so

[@Malcorpse]

I want more examples about what the op says is helicopter parent behavior bc the only examples he gives is her being upset about his behavior at school and his grades being low which is normal parent stuff since it sounds like he had a behavior problem and had bad grades. I also find it very hard to believe a true helicopter parent would ever leave their kid like the mom did.

[@KaylaChan90]

@@Malcorpse See you have a key word there. I don't think she was a 'true' helicopter parents, I think she was someone who had a kid when she wasn't ready to have one and over compensated by being helicopters, hence why she probably had such a strong reaction when an 11 year old got upset

[@emilypaxton5601]

I think him calling it abandonment is a huuuuge stretch. He said he wanted to live with his dad. Granted she took the words of an eleven year old too seriously, but she let him live with his dad. It's clear she didn't abandon him, because she continued to spend time with him after that and he continued to be unsatisfied with her and never take accountability for his actions. I really think he is just immature and it's a him problem. He seems like one of those types that thinks everything he does is someone else's fault.

[@KaylaChan90]

@@emilypaxton5601 She got offended by an 11 year old... then took him to live with a parent less financially off...

[@Gafafsg]

I don’t see why we should be blaming a not-adult at all for not being able to manage or healthily express his emotions when the adults in his life don’t seem like the types to have modeled managing or healthily expressing their emotions. Being emotionally abandoned by a parent at a young age after a divorce, dealing with that for all of his preteen/teen years while treated like a stranger on one end and a burden on the other, and seemingly never having resolution or even a trusted adult to be vulnerable about the situation to…obviously he took it several steps too far but you can see where that came from. The adults here failed and all the kids suffered for it.

[@melh7909]

The first story breaks my heart, it is just a child that wants his mom.

[@EliaAliceRaven]

The theater one... I think things don't work the same way in all countries, because what do you MEAN there's a staff person *in the room* (or anywhere nearby, really, even if you were to get out and look for one) whose job it is to handle misbehaving people ? Here (I'm from France) they only really do that if they EXPECT trouble due to the movie itself and the people they've seen coming in, but otherwise YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN. You want to get outside and look for a staff member ? You have to leave completely (in some theaters, that means going down several flights of stairs, and then maybe arriving OUTSIDE OF THE BUILDING ITSELF), go to reception (if you're lucky and there's not a giant queue to get tickets for different movies already), try to argue your case, and overall probably miss a good half an hour of the movie (a refund for that ? or for the ruined experience, for that matter ? nice joke) while there's a very strong possibility you won't even be allowed back in afterwards because, well, too bad, dude, you chose to leave ! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Would I have thrown popcorn myself ? Doubtful. Should anyone be doing this, objectively speaking ? Not really. But do I blame OP in this scenario for defaulting to the only thing he could find that seemed to work after trying to go the polite route already ? Hell to the fucking no. The phone girl had that popcorn coming.

[@abbydurkee6979]

I used to work at a theater in the US and we were too busy to monitor every movie. We’d have 30 different screens playing through the day with sometimes less than 10 people working. If we knew there’d be issues we’d pop in but unless you flag someone down in the hallway and the staff sees it when they check you have to deal with it.

[@restlessellis]

That's how it is in every cinema i've been to in the UK too. The staff only come in after to clean up before next show. They are not paid close to enough to intervene xD

[@bboops23]

I worked in a movie theater in the US and we had 4-5 floors of theatres and 25 screens, technically one was a half floor and didn't connect with the other floors. It was strange, but not the point. Employees usually covered 2 floors during cleaning and it's possible there wouldn't be anyone nearby. We had a dedicated customer service desk, but even with that you could easily miss a halfway hour of your movie if you got lost

[@lucaz02]

In the Netherlands, they show a 4 digit number you can text if anyone is being disruptive, right before the movie starts. Staff members are definitely not in the room lmao, but I think this is a pretty good solution.

[@TheCagedCorvid]

​@@lucaz02I love this idea! They should do this everywhere, and it wouldn't even be hard to set up

[@irismeeow]

i really don't think you can blame a child for saying "i want to live with my other parent" and certainly not to the extent of completely abandoning them. and yes, having them round on weekends and then just leaving them be is once again abandonment. it seems like shaaba has a habit of projecting and is too hard on some of these people

[@charoraimondogarcia]

Yeeess! Also, he was a child and stil is!!!! Like, it wasn't his place at 11 to ask for forgiveness from his mother when she was being a bad parent. And his room in his mom house was his, they should have asked or had a conversation before takeing it away!! Like, I trully do not understand their logicnin this one

[@Taewills]

Abandonment is leaving and never coming back. And that’s not what the mother did. Also if a child behaves badly and is essentially out of control & the other parent thinks they do a better job then what’s wrong with changing the living arrangements? Also the mom had him at 18. If she had to go back to school to get a better job & presumably work at the same time, then she made the right choice. It’s better to have him with his father than have him be a latchkey kid for the majority of the week.

[@charoraimondogarcia]

@@Taewills I agree, mom deserves a life of her oun and maybe the kid was better with dad. But comunicating with the kid and giving him space in your new life is key

[@alexnoelle5423]

My question is what if she just believed him? What if she thought “I’ve been controlling, he’s struggling in school, he doesn’t want to be here, maybe he really would be better off with his father.” I don’t understand why she’s the villain for giving him what he asked for. I know he ended up wanting to take it back, but if he didn’t say so, how would she know that? She might’ve genuinely thought it was the best decision available. What was she supposed to say? “No, you’re staying with me no matter what even though you don’t like it here and I don’t treat you well.”? If OP said that’s what his mom told him, I think the comments would STILL call her the AH for not letting him choose to live with his father. Which I why I understand Shaaba when she said, “so what IS the mom supposed to do?” Through the son’s eyes (and undoubtedly Reddit’s) she’s damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t.

[@charoraimondogarcia]

@@alexnoelle5423 I think she wasn't wrong by leting him live with his dad, but is not a thing you hear you 11 year old kid said once and just do it. I asked my mom the same at 11 and we had multiple conversations previous to make any decitions. She didn't hear me sait once and change the custody arrangement the next day, that's bonkers. 11 yo kids think its a grate idea to eat only sweets and run full speed in to trafic. You need to hear their needs, but you also need to help them process their emotions. If the kid stil wanted to live with the dad a month or two after multiple conversations, then go for it. AND keep in constant touch, because he is a kid and is going to miss his mom.

[@ahelpfulpeach]

Popcorn story: NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Also imo if it's objectively funny it's okay lmao

[@lostinmymind8147]

I had a great day! Someone called me “young man” at work, I didn’t mess up at work which I was very anxious about and I’m wearing a top that makes me feel really good and masc!

[@sundalosketch4769]

That's awesome man, I wish you the bestest time for future days too! - fellow trans masc

[@adrienstarfaer]

Hey, that's awesome, man! Love when that stuff happens!

[@LunarWind99]

King

[@alex_blue5802]

You sound like a nice young man 😊

[@lingodelfo5415]

Oooh, I love me some top hat out in public!

[@costanzarosamongioi5989]

Popcorn story: I'm 100% with Jamie. If you already asked once politely, and the person disturbing the movie experience is not stopping, then you can either go out and ask a staff member to intervene, but you'll lose half the movie, or be more confrontational. I've never thrown something but I definitely shouted at people who wouldn't shut up / put their phone away. Pro tip for shy moviegoers: go out with someone more confrontational than you, and possibly scary-looking, it'll be more effective if THEY shout at the noisy people. I generally go with my brother and it works every time!

[@jennthya6982]

Just my 2 cents on the first story: I do understand that 17 year old OP shouldn't have used the engagement party as a platform to call out his mom. However, feeling abandoned by said mom at 11 could cause a trauma response that makes it very hard for OP to gauge what is appropriate. He feels abandoned and now replaced. It doesn't sound like either his mother or father have talked to him about their split, nor his mother "dumping" OP on his father (and dad's gf) at the age of 11. He appears to have been left alone to try and deal with these feelings... which is difficult for an adult, let alone a teenager. He is, understandably, angry and hurt. However, if he has never been taught good communication skills, it's seems a bit ridiculous for anyone to expect him to handle all this upheaval and change in a positive manner. Therapy for OP should be the very least thing at this point. Honestly, OP's entire family should be in single and group therapy, including the incoming stepfamily.

[@angiep2229]

A 17 year old is still a kid. It's up to the mom to be the adult in the situation. I have to feel that the 17 year old's feelings matter more than the mom's. It was not okay for 17 year old to lash out at the other girls, but again, 17 is a kid, and I don't expect him to be the mature and rational one here. The mom screwed up really bad, and I'm horrified by how harsh the fiance was over it. (In his position I feel like I'd be saying, "It is unacceptable to talk about my kids that way. You and your mom need to have a talk. When you've cooled off, it would be nice if you could apologize to the kids.) This is me as a middle-aged parent of two teens, and I'm in the process of a divorce. Could I be projecting on parts of this? Maybe! Although I also can't imagine abandoning my kids to the other parent. I can totally see, "Why don't you spend a few days with other parent, since you don't want to be with me right now. We'll give each other some space and I'll see you in a couple of days." Something like that. And I say this from some experience of having angry neurodivergent clinically depressed kids. Not just as some hypothetical rando who just assumes I'd do better in situations I can't relate to. 17 year old needs some compassion and understanding. He should apologize to his future step-siblings, but not necessarily to his mom, IMO.

[@UltimatBlitz]

"But what if it wasn't popcorn?" Yeah, what if it was a nuke? While I understand your stance on the personal space, I also agree with Jamie that you went too far with your extrapolations. Popcorn really shouldn't hurt someone, so it's on par with the phone being out for annoyance.

[@kesamboette]

Haha love how Jamies little dig/joke about the pronunciation of Dune (June, haven't seen July either) went right over Shaabas head and then he just moved on. I see you. Good joke. Pronunciation. Grammar. Love it 😅

[@thecolorjune]

I caught that too 😂

[@josefins3675]

For story one: "Sometimes it is not abandonment" - well, if the child feels abandoned (which he clearly did), then it is abandonment. Unbelievable that the mother did not check in and communicate to the child that he was loved and missed by her. Story two: I think the Shaaba extrapolation went a bit too far. I am firmly with Jamie's judgement.

[@princesskatarina351]

This is a one-sided story, told from the perspective of an unreliable narrator. Stop assuming that an 11 year old understands what is happening in the world of adults. And then, to top it off, you are then trusting a 17 year old, with emotional problems, to give a complete picture of what happened 6 years prior.

[@Columbo453]

Thank you. I can’t understand why everyone is so eager to demonize mom when teens aren’t known for their level-headedness or emotional clarity

[@SpiderRiderKya]

First story: What OP wanted was, like, balance. 'Helicopter parent' and 'fun time only parent' are not the only ways one can be a parent. Like, HUH? I'm absolutely baffled by Shabba thinking that OP's only options were those. It's called finding a middle ground. You can be a parent w/o being overbearing and smothering and strict (what it sounds like OP mom was in the beginning) or by being only there for fun times only, being more like a friend than a mother(what mom turned into after ditching OP w/ his father). He wanted her to be a mother, to give him SOME freedom and back off a bit, not back off to the point of throwing them away.

[@Columbo453]

You can’t really expect any random person to be great at finding that middle ground, though. Especially a first time mom dealing with crap in her own life, plus crap from her deadbeat ex, plus a belligerent child Like have some mercy on mom jeez

[@Kimshu6]

​@@Columbo453 It is so easy to just ask "What did I do to upset you?" It is not an acceptable reaction to just drop the kid off and abandon them when they clearly said something they didn't mean. You're supposed to help your kid get better at emotional regulation, not make them MORE volatile.

[@Columbo453]

Dumb. Here you are assuming mom didn’t ask that. It’s so ridiculous to call it abandonment. She saw him every week. She continued to be involved in his schooling. Per OP, she was TRYING to talk to him. Not to mention, she was supporting him financially. As someone who grew up around LITERAL abandonment and abuse, I’m sick and tired of you snowflakes calling this abandonment. Maybe she didn’t do everything right, but she was clearly trying, she was clearly involved in his life, and OP even acknowledges that. That’s not abandonment. Get off your high horse.

[@soullesscadmium30]

​@@Columbo453 if your parent left you at the other parent's house permanently because you got mad at them and said some things, it's going to feel like abandonment no matter how many times a week you see the parent. Because it is clear that op didn't really mean it. Imagine your mum gave up custody of you without consulting or informing you at all because you got into a fight with her and said some things you didn't mean. You're always going to feel like she threw you away.

[@Columbo453]

And my point is: feeling like it’s abandonment will never be the same as it being abandonment. And you are making a HUGE assumption that mom knew that OP didn’t mean it. I know plenty of kids who said that and meant it. I also know there are plenty of abusive kids who hurt their parents. And if OP was not communicating with mom despite her attempts, there’s no reason to bring it was “obvious” to her. She was doing the best she could.

[@HighLordBaron]

The thing in the fist post is that the mom never talked to OP. Like, OP says he though his mom would pick him up the next day. It sounds to me that OP very much wanted to go home again. Like, if I was a parent in this situation I might drop my child of with the other parent as well for a night so we can both cool off, but like, the next day I'd sit the down and ask them if they really want to stay with the other parent. And if they say yes, I'd make it clear that they'd alway be welcomed back in my home too if they decide they rather stay with me later on. OPs mom thought sounds like she dropped him off and then just....checked out completely, being more like a fun aunt then a mother.....

[@alex_blue5802]

I agree, it sounds like it wasn't planned. I don't know what's going on with her, but if she went back to school to get her degree (which she missed out on because she was raising OP) I think saying she was just the "fun mom" is too harsh.

[@emilym.wispen6385]

The OP of the first story has updates and some comments on his profile that add more context and give a somewhat happy ending. With more details, I feel like the dad (bio-dad not step-dad) may have been using the son's pain to cause drama by being a major part of the break in communication. Ending details for people who don't want to read the whole thing: Next time OP got in trouble, Step-dad was there to help. He really listened, he cleared up a few things OP didn't know, then got the family started on better communication. OP gets his room back and is getting more time at his mom's house. The family is going to go to family therapy.

[@lauraevans2104]

First story. I was 11 when I told my mom, I wanted to live with my dad. I will never forget the look on her face and the way the shock hit her. She didn’t talk to me for a few months. But she reached out and said that she knew that right now I needed to do this and that it hurt to hear that I didn’t want you to live there anymore, but that she loved me and that I would always be welcome there. I think mom should have tried harder, 11 yr old brains are dumb, I think son should have said all this sooner, and 17 yr old OP was out of line. It was the wrong time and place and the step dad and sisters shouldn’t have been recipients of his frustration. Theatre - I agree the better way would have been to go to the staff, but I’m with Jaime, not the drama.

[@Taewills]

I think the mom dropping him off at his dad is a combination of things & since he’s a child he’s not grasping the full scope of the issue. It’s not about what he said but about his behavior leading up to that. IMO she didn’t overreact at all. He was out of her control and she saw that it was better for both of them to gain space if he lived with his dad. She had OP at 18, so she took the opportunity to get better educated, which includes better employment situation, structure etc. She still saw him regularly. That’s not abandonment. I don’t think she did anything wrong here…. Also I think dad is feeding OP’s resentment.

[@greenwren5072]

I also feel like that OP's dad fed his resentment because the dad also resents the mom for some reason. The dad may have used OP as proxy for getting back at the mom, this is just my opinion, but I think OP was manipulated. This is an awful situation and neither parent handled this well.

[@hailyjohnson407]

I think my mom's attempts to stay connected is the only reason we have a relationship now. Our relationship was really bad from me being 12 to 18, and especially in the 12-14 range, I said some awful stuff. A lot of it was 100% truth and she made some terrible choices in that time frame that negatively impacted my life, but no matter what I said to her, she took it and said she still loved me. And now at 23, my mom and I are super close, and I apologized about 3 years ago for how nasty I was to her and that she didn't deserve to be battered emotionally by me. She forgave me, and also said that some of it was deserved, and that her therapist helped her not only understand where I was coming from, but to see where it was just teen venom to brush off and where it was actual mistakes she could fix. But if she would have dropped me off at my dads and said "this is what you wanted, bye" then there's no way we'd talk almost daily like we do now as an adult

[@meumixer]

The first OP isn't being unreasonable at any point in his story. He had an outburst at 11 that ended up with him living with Dad, and from the sound of it didn't have any warning that this would be happening (he says he expected her to come back the next day). When Dad's household proves less stable and less welcoming (from the GF), OP tries to go back to Mom, but she's dove feet-first into a life without him, now focused on school and work to the point that he doesn't feel like he can intrude on her life (whether or not this is an accurate assessment of Mom's behavior is irrelevant, he's a child who feels abandoned and whatever Mom's doing or saying hasn't disproved him). On the weekends he spends with her, she's acting much differently from what he's used to and not providing the structure that he has realized that he wants. Remember, he's 11-14 at this time. Then at 14 she starts dating someone else, starts acting like a mom to these two new kids when she's (from his POV) not acting like a mom with him. Sometime after that, _while he still has visitation weekends with her_ she's moving her BF's kids into his room _without consulting him_ and he lashed out as most 15-to-17 y/o kids would do in that situation. She "seems confused" about this most recent outburst but, from what info we have, doesn't actually try to talk to OP about it. And now, for whatever reason, she hasn't invited him to her engagement party. Was it wrong of OP to make a scene at the party? Yes. But you do also need to remember that his public outburst was immediately preceded by other guests making comments that were pouring salt into an already aching wound. I probably wouldn't have been able to handle that any better in his shoes. OP is a 17 year old kid who is feeling deeply hurt and abandoned by a mother who, in his mind, has been taking steps to rid herself of his presence since he was 11, and now she's got two shiny new daughters and is treating them the way she stopped treating him six years ago. Sure, OP should probably apologize for the party (at the very least for saying all of that in front of the girls), but Mom needs to apologize for six years of not providing her son with the support that he needs. Even if Shaaba's more optimistic theory that Mom realized she wasn't doing right by her son and has spent these six years bettering herself _in order to be a better parent_ going forward is correct, that's something that she should have communicated with her son! It wouldn't be OP's fault for taking things the wrong way in this case when the "right" way was never explained to him! Either way, the onus is not on him, but on Mom and even Dad for letting all of this build up for years.

[@starparodier91]

Here in the US there’s one chain of movie theaters that’s extremely strict about talking and phone use. You also can order food and you get a notepad and there’s tiny lights under the table (1 for every two seats) so they can read your order/you can see the menu and if someone is using their phone or talking you can write it down on the paper, put the pencil up (the signal that you want more food/need something) and they’ll remove them immediately. They also don’t have annoying movie ads and instead play random videos related to whatever movie you’re watching. The theater is also smaller and idk it’s the only place I can see movies since I have trauma from an incident years ago that happened in a theater.

[@jynxlinks]

The first story: The mom has, and had, more responsibility to mend the relationship. The OP was an asshole for brining it up at the wrong time, the mom seemed to, like, wash her hands of her kid? Which is awful and inexcusable. :(

[@Columbo453]

We don’t know mom did that, just that OP feels like she did

[@jynxlinks]

@@Columbo453 True, but I believe that a parent is more responsible for a child's misunderstanding, since they're the parent, if it is a misconception. I can't imagine allowing my child to think that I gave up on them, especially when they're still underage /a young child. :( I feel bad for OP.

[@Columbo453]

I feel that, but I also know there are parents who bend over backwards to show that, and they have a kid who just doesn’t want to see it. It’s pretty heartbreaking

[@nikyk7600]

I have to side with Jamie on the popcorn story, I personaly would even go further, I think popcorn throwing is valid reaction

[@jennifers5560]

I’m on team Shaaba. I have seen someone get up and punch a popcorn thrower in the face. You never know who will over react to things.

[@Kim-dl2uk]

Yeah it's not a smart move but does that make the popcorn thrower an AH?

[@jennifers5560]

@@Kim-dl2uk I think a little bit, yes. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

[@finnsnow2495]

​@@jennifers5560I think the difference is one wrong causes a problem while the other wrong solves the problem. I dont think it's a grey line. Popcorn isn't physically hurting anyone or causing psychological trauma and it solves the problem of ass girl, doing anything that would harm someone is where the boundary gets crossed. If you dont wantvpopcorn thrown at you dont be a dick.

[@jennifers5560]

@@finnsnow2495 I agree with the edict of “don’t be a dick”, and I don’t think that throwing popcorn would solve anything. I don’t think any direct retaliation is the way to go. Popcorn thrower just could have gone and complained to a theater employee and let them deal with the person.

[@jadziajan]

Your reaction to the first story is frankly a little bit frustrating - I feel like I can't not say something, haha. When I was 17, still in school, my preteen and teenage years were still extremely recent and my entire reality. OP's actions at the party were clearly wrong - but that's nothing compared to what he describes. Being abandoned at 11 (which, yes, her just trying to be "the fun parent who just hangs out on weekends" is abandonment compared to parenting, especially after such a difficult fight) and from that point on having difficulties in school, not feeling accepted by your step parent (whose words about OP seem extremely inappropriate) is bound to make you bad at communicating your feelings! He's living in a world of hurt, neglect, and he doesn't know anything else. I hope OP heals in adulthood, but as it stands, his bad communication is a result of his parents' bad education and their behaviour as a family unit.

[@Taewills]

At the same time OP’s feelings are a reflection of only his feelings. It doesn’t reflect what actually happened. He contradicts himself a number of times and I also hear a bit of his father /stepmom’s resentment or bitterness in the backstory. As if his mom going back to school & getting a better job while working is awful. He can only tell us from his perspective how things went down but his mom could’ve signed up for school before dropping him off & had already had a convo with the dad about a 60/40 split. The argument probably changed it even further. Bc if a child isn’t well behaved she certainly couldn’t be trusted to be home alone.

[@jadziajan]

@@Taewills But his perspective matters is the thing. We can agree that his mom's actions hurt him without demonising *everything* that she has done. She could even have done the right thing, but if her communication (or lack thereof) wound up hurting her son, then she still failed. His dad and step mother are absolutely contributing to his neglect. How can we expect a 17 years old with such a unhealthy upbringing to have his thoughts in order...? I'm not claiming his telling of the story is entirely accurate - but his feelings are real.

[@alexnoelle5423]

Feelings being valid and actions being justified are two different things. His upbringing doesn’t give him a free pass for the rest of his life to not ever /learn/ maturity. I remember being 17, I know a good number of 17-year-olds who did not have healthy, emotional maturity modeled for them in the home but who, in spite of their circumstances, learned some self-control and responsibility. I’m especially against excusing him for the “saying mean things about the girls” that he admits to. He was DEFINITELY old enough to know better. 17 is young, his upbringing was rough, but I know many people who could say the same thing about their own lives who could still express their feelings with tact at that age. His whole story is riddled with an inability to take responsibility (including how he phrases stuff about school) and that’s what really rubs me the wrong way. 17 is old enough to know how to apologize and it just doesn’t sound like he has learned how to say “I did something wrong, I’m sorry” in any of the situations he mentioned.

[@Ajial01]

@@jadziajan His opinion is his opinion, its not the objective truth. Ultimately I don't think anyone is judging what an 11 year old did, but the AITA was about ruining the engagement party, which he totally was the asshole. If it had been an 11 year old making a post about saying he hated his mother and saying he wanted to live with his dad, then it would be different. Ultimately I think that incident was the final straw, not the first one. She had kids young, ended up a single parent and the kid wasn't doing very well in school either grades or behavior, she probably felt like she had failed him. His perspective matters but so does hers, you don't become a robot when you have kids. You still have independent thoughts and feelings. What she did was wrong, but we clearly aren't getting the full picture here, either because OP skipped parts or because he doesn't/didn't know.

[@vallentinac9513]

@@Taewills that would make it even worse... she should have COMMUNICATED that to her child instead of making him feel unwanted.

[@bboops23]

Second story, I hate people using their phones during movies. I scolded multiple people. It's the one time I can be fully disconnected from the Internet and I don't want to see phones out.

[@brunahamabata1]

I never comment before finishing watching a video - but how can Shaaba not see the abandonment in story 1?... (I agree that everybody sucks in the end, but wow.) :/ Anyway, love these videos - thank you, guys. 💚 (P.S. Child from a 'broken home' here too, so I get it that she's coming from her own experience - in this case, though, I believe that might have clouded her judgement...)

[@insomniaclover4095]

i feel like a piece of popcorn being thrown cant be compared to a harder object being thrown. OP threw it because they knew it wouldn't hurt the other person unlike a harder object would have

[@nowitchisanisland]

Popcorn story: like Shaaba said... I'd just go get an employee.

[@Picklemick33]

Yea I think lap service is something TOTALLY different shaaba😂❤

[@jennifers5560]

Omg! lol!

[@BrigitteDiessl]

My son is autistic and needs to pace so we always sit on the end by an aisle and he can get up and down. He loves going to the movies but he is not problematic. He's really conscious of making noises. The movies are expensive now. I would throw popcorn.

[@thetheatricallinguist]

First story: I think a lot of kids say they wished somewhere else and experience the grass is greener feeling, regardless of if their parents are together. My parents are together and I definitely threatened to run away on multiple occasions 😂 I think the parents and child could have sat down together and talked over whether it genuinely would be better for everyone if he lived with his dad, but just dropping him off is wrong. That's not a healthy way to deal with it.

[@samijodavis9204]

On the first story, I don't completely agree with your assessment on the 17yrs reaction at the party. No, it wasn't the right time or place, but when you've been dealing with so much pain and anger and just repressing it without getting a resolution, you hit a point where you're going to blow and especially for a 17yr there's not going to be any kind of control, especially when it seems like the dad was condoning it. Also, there are theatres (uh, Cinema) that do have tables. Where I live there is-or was, I think Covid shut them down-a theatre where you could order meals and about half the seats did have actual tables.

[@jeddybear5909]

I understand where you're coming from but disagree (based on the reddit story). He invited himself to the party after he argued with his mum about the bedroom (which I find to be understandable even though he didn't express himself well about it). I assume there was some time passed between both events, so he would have had time to think about it. Ultimately he decided to go to a celebration with the intent of causing a scene. There was time to sit and think "maybe I shouldn't do this, and attempt to express myself a different way". Knee-jerk reactions happen (I'm sure everyone is guilty of them, I certainly have done it) but he stewed on it. He had opportunities to back down and try to communicate a different way (and definitely at a different time/place). The bit that bothers me is the father saying "she had it coming". It makes me think, OP's father may have been whispering other hateful things about mother. If that's true, then his whole view of his mother is definitely being skewed by different points which could explain why he decided to lash out publicly as well.

[@samijodavis9204]

@@jeddybear5909 I understand what you mean, but I wasn't talking about a knee-jerk reaction. When you bottle things up long enough you get to the point where those feelings are in control and you're so hurt and angry that all you want is to lash out, and if he hasn't had anyone helping him reflect on those emotions he very well could have got stuck in a loop of anger and pain and felt the need to act as he did. Emotions, especalliy as a teen are incredibly hard to control and think straight. If he did this in his mid-twenties, but wrestling with all the pain and trauma while being a teen who hasn't had the support he needs, he's not likely going to be reflective of his pain and how he used it against others until it's made clear the damage he did.

[@moonface710]

ok for the movie theatre thing: i understand checking your phone for a second or two, but not literally scrolling on instagram and tiktok that’s crazy

[@autumngreenberg3686]

The first OP and his mom definitely need to sit down with a therapist... In my family, all 5 of us kids were adopted and anytime my youngest brother (who was a baby when adopted) was ticked off about something he would tell everyone that he was going to go find a new family. I lost count of how many times he said that, but I do know that my mom never packed him up and told him to go on and do it. She never gave up on any of us, and we all had some of the typical foster-kid problems. I know that I have apologized for what I put my mom through, but it took me until I was, like, 23 or so to actually sit down and talk about stuff with her. That was when several resentments got put to bed. I hope OP and his mom get things talked out and worked through, 'cause it sucks being at odds due to lack of proper communication...

[@jacquelinelewis2110]

19+ for alcohol is likely Canada because our drinking age is 19 in most places (but 18 in Alberta and Quebec).

[@SpiderRiderKya]

Yeah. I found the post and OP mentions being in Canada.

[@emilyrollins7962]

He is only 17 (still a child). It is called CPTSD and he was abandoned by Mom. The fact that he actually has this much insight into his over reaction is quite remarkable and impressive.

[@PowerlineIsGod]

I unfortunately think OP is viewing the situation from an 11 year old perspective. I don't particularly blame them, because I'm sure it was a difficult situation, but they were 11, so there was probably a lot more to the situation than he probably realized. He ABSOLUTELY needs to apologize to his mom's soon to be daughters though. Calling them brats and being rude to them was not okay, because these kids aren't involved at all. Apologize to the kids and have a very serious sit down conversation with the mom

[@kylarnkfv]

as a former movie theater employee (7 years ago), i would step into a theater for a quick check every about 20-30 min. i have escorted many people from theaters for phone usage or for just generally being loud/distracting. but i've also had people approach me to report people on their phones in a theater i was regularly checking. when the door to the theater opens, a light is visible to everyone in the theater (dim and along the wall by the stairs, so not distracting but noticeable) and phone users often see that and put the phone away. i was always more than happy to issue refunds or give tickets to a later screening to people who made these reports. also much more recently, long after my one summer as an employee, i went to a movie while i was on call (shh don't tell my boss). i silenced my phone so it wouldn't disturb anyone but then checked it every 5-10 min. but i made sure my brightness was all the way down, kept the phone half under my leg so no one would see but me, and only turned the screen on just long enough to see if i had a missed call. i doubt anyone even noticed i was doing it except for my mom sitting next to me (it was her fault anyway for dragging me with her to the movies despite knowing i was on call) but i still felt so guilty every time i checked my phone. i cant imagine how people can just straight up be watching tiktok in a movie theater. also i just have to say that, aside from it being a slippery slope fallacy, i think shaaba's "where would it stop" argument is just unfair. sure there are some people that don't know where to stop, but most people are fully capable of drawing a line between throwing a piece of popcorn and dumping their drink on someone. people used to make the same kind of argument against gay marriage. "if we let gay people marry then what's next? letting people marry their dogs?" i think its unfair of shaaba to assume that if op is fine with throwing popcorn that they'd also be fine with dumping their drink on them, or crossing the line into physically putting their hands on someone by pulling their hair. op didn't do that. so why are we judging them as if they did?

[@shashooitznc5860]

Sidenote: I really like how you unintentionally model healthy and respectful disagreement in relationships during your discussions on the podcast.

[@omiai]

Just as a note on the cinema one, sometimes staff aren't allowed to say anything until someone complains. It's a super weird rule, we have it in the coffee shop I work in where technically we have to let customers do what they want, be as loud as they want etc until another customer complains and then we can go and say something. Though I do regularly finding myself asking people to turn the volume of their phones down because that sound drives me mad.(Obviously if someone was doing something inappropriate or dangerous we'd intervene without a customer complaint, but just thought I'd mention that it's possible the cinema staff have the same rule. Though you think they'd be stricter with people on their phones because, as you say, they could be filming the whole thing) Actually I was at the theatre recently seeing a comedian, and the woman diagonally in front of me used her phone so many times during the performance I had her PIN memorised xD

[@willowwatson4130]

I believe Story 1 had an update where it was revealed that the mom had been trying to reach out through the dad and the dad didn't pass on anything. The dad was also telling the child that mom didn't want them anymore.

[@montanalemaitre4451]

Oh jeez. I was in that exact situation with my parents too. It really messes with your head as a kid. I do feel for OP and really hope they are able to heal.

[@caylarivera2804]

I agree with you about movie theater etiquette jamie! I feel like an old person for doing this but i shushed a couple of teen girls sitting next to me during a movie recently, they would not stop loudly whisper talking and giggling and moving around distractingly. My social anxiety used to stop me from doing these things, but honestly the older i get and the worse my attention span is the more i dont care if i embarrass someone and myself telling them off for ruining a movie. If you want to talk and be loud and on your full bright phone, save yourself and all of us a hassle and watch the movie when i comes on a steaming platform.

[@JumpVentShout]

Fun fact. There is NOT a person who is always in the theater to make sure people aren't being disruptive or recording. When I worked in the theater, we were expected to keep an eye out when we went in at the end to clean, but you have to go get an usher to deal with stuff, and even then we'll mostly just refund you or offer you free tickets for another viewing.

[@skeletonwriter]

With the movie story, I do think Shaaba took the argument too far. I think her interpretation is in the Slippery Slope Logical Fallacy realm. As Wikipedia states, "In a slippery slope argument, a course of action is rejected because the slippery slope advocate believes it will lead to a chain reaction resulting in an undesirable end or ends. The core of the slippery slope argument is that a specific decision under debate is likely to result in unintended consequences."

[@bramblestar334]

I'm a child of divorce, exactly the same age as the kid in the first story. I know what an abusive parent looks like, my dad has been emotionally abusing me for years and the court thinks he's the better parent to be with. I see my mom once every other week, not enough time for a kid who needs their parent. Even if the kid in that post has a dad that supports him, lacking support from someone who is supposed to support you no matter what hurts and it hurts a lot. That mom completely emotionally and physically neglected her son in favor of her new life and I will forever side with the kid in situations like this. I don't care if they lash out, throw fits, or say that they hate you: you don't dump an eleven year old on someone else's doorstep.

[@Maggie.can.hug.every.cat.]

"And then we watch July" Shaaba how did you not even respond to that brilliant joke. I laughed so hard I missed the following few minutes and had to rewind and laugh at it again. 😂 Shaaba you are 100% the drama for not laughing at that joke!

[@samstorm14]

for the popcorn story, the person on their phone definitely sucks for ruining it for everyone else and op did verbally ask them to stop before throwing anything. my only problem with what op did is that while popcorn shouldn’t hurt somebody, i feel really uncomfortable with anyone throwing food in case of allergies. you might think getting lightly bopped with popcorn is no big deal, but if that person was allergic to the butter (or whatever food was thrown) they could still have a severe reaction from a small amount of contact. so in this situation it worked out but there are probably better/safer ways to go about it.

[@samanthakate2117]

For the cinema one I will say that when I was working at a cinema we definitely didn’t have someone in the screen monitoring. We had to do like 15 min temperature checks and you’d do a quick scan around but that was it so I don’t know that there would be someone there to stop them like Shabaa thinks, it might be different in different locations.

[@lauraelaineallen21]

I go to the movies all the time. Some people do scroll their phones in theaters, but it's still rude as hell and can get you thrown out of the the theater. Also, I wouldn't have thrown the popcorn, but I would have thanked the guy for doing it

[@PJAC1]

Oh dear. I bite ice cream, especially when it's in a cone. Please don't judge me!! I adore you guys!!

[@alex_blue5802]

Not soft serve obviously, but if it's frozen then it's basically a solid. Sometimes it's not anchored to the cond properly and if you lick it it might fall out.

[@Cat2000]

My parents divorced when me and my sister were really too young to remember them being together. One thing that sticks very much in my mind was that, despite my mum having full custody of me and my sister, our dad did everything possible to see the two of us. I remember him travelling for hours on the train to come get us, just for a weekend. I also remember our mum effectively telling our dad that he could have custody of us when we were nine/ten years old. Looking back, it's clear it was because we were cramping her style. She was someone who had to be in a relationship with the man chasing her to be happy...and she'd go to Greece and Egypt very regularly, leaving me and my sister behind with babysitters, or our brother's father. I'm saying this because our parents weren't perfect, but the line you said about divorced parents shouldn't be badmouthing the other really struck a chord with me. Our mum passed away back in 2009, but even now, with my sister and I both being adults, he won't ever badmouth her. In comparison...our mum said a lot of things that weren't nice about both him and our stepmother. Sorry for the semi-rant...it was just that story struck something in me. Also, Jamie, completely agree about other cinema goers! I went to see Five Nights at Freddy's, and I always sit in the very front row (thanks, autism)...and I could hear everything that was being said at the very BACK of the cinema, they were so loud.

[@starparodier91]

I’ve never thought about people biting ice cream and now I feel uncomfortable 😂

[@shaaba]

omg SORRY 😅🍦

[@haventpickedanameyet2527]

I scrape it with my top teeth. I cant full bite it though cause my bottom teeth are sensitive

[@starparodier91]

@@shaabaHaha you’re good 😂

[@Desimere]

i'm always made uncomfortable when i see someone licking ice cream. Because then the food is contaminated with saliva, it's like spitting something out and then eating it again. I feel towards licking as i do towards picking one's nose, it's ok to do in private, but no one wants to see that.

[@kaileychambers6969]

​@@Desimere I can get what you're talking about. I personally prefer to bite my ice cream because people get weirdly sexualizing about licking things and it makes me uncomfortable to lick any foods in public because you never know what creeps might be around.

[@sadiebelcreations]

Firstly, love the podcast 🙌 Minor note, as someone who worked in a cinema, the ushers are nearly always understaffed and underpaid - there's one person to cover 10 screens and it's very difficult to catch someone in the act when people tend to put phones away, etc. as soon as a staff member walks into the screen. Unfortunately there just aren't enough people for there to be one person standing in every screen the whole time.

[@BrigitteDiessl]

Please don't forget she abandoned him at 11 for a stupid comment a lot of 11 year olds make. She shouldn't expect him to apologise even at 17. She was the parent. She should have got him back after a week once she'd proven her point. He's also only 17 which is still only a child. This whole thing istotally her fault.

[@jennifers5560]

Tables in a theater is a thing. We have one by us that has tables and comfy office chairs. Servers take your food and drink order before the movie and they bring it out during the movie. 🍿

[@imbluedubbadee]

Shaaba: darling not doing something in front of a child doesnt mean you shouldnt, it means youre aware that their brains arent foemed enough to see the nuance in the situation 💙 Jams: Look its annoying to be continuously on your phone in the cinema, sure, but I feel it's unfair to get annoyed at people for simply checking it.... I personally have a small child and if I'm at the cinama they're probably not with me (except Incredibles 2 and the Mario Bros movie) so of course I'm gonna check my phone every so often since its *on silent* in the theatre and I wanna make sure nothing's gone wrong with whoever has my bub... Having said that, yeah, I would've thrown the popcorn too 😅

[@IsraBeezy]

I have seen Jamie talk about so many things, including serious stuff, and I've never ever seen him as worked up about something as having his feet stepped on in the theatre 😂 Valid.

[@oliverhalewood3364]

Hahaha I agree 🎉😊 so funny

[@Mariethechaotic]

FYI, 19 is the drinking age in most Canadian preferences so this might have been in Canada

[@LightHalcyon]

2nd story: what if i sic one of the minimum wage theater workers on the phone scroller and they get aggressive with the worker? But also, i wouldn't have thrown the popcorn, much like i don't honk my horn at obnoxious drivers. The popcorn target would just get mad at me and not reflect on why they got kerneled.

[@thecolorjune]

Sure, but if you’re attacked for giving a reasonable honk, that’s not your fault. Maybe it’s a good precaution to avoid, but it sounds a bit victim blame-y if he’s called the asshole for that.

[@nyorumi5221]

In relation to the popcorn story, while I absolutely think the person on the phone was in the wrong, I often feel guilty about doing something similar. I'm mute and can not whisper to whoever I'm with during a film so I keep my phone on, on silent, minimum brightness and occaisonally open it to type to them, either to ask them for something, tell them I need to get up or discuss a point in the movie. I always try to keep my phone down and cover it as much as I can but I often really worry I'm annoying people. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the arsehole too in that situation.

[@littlechickenman]

No. It's an accommodation for you and you are doing your best not to distract other people. So I think the way you use your phone is fine, and is very different to the situation in the 2nd post.

[@TheCagedCorvid]

I don't think you are, if you're doing everything you can to minimise, and especially if it's your means of communication, then I'd say it's perfectly reasonable. I have occasional non verbal episodes in times of stress, and I use the same thing to communicate then, so I sympathise.

[@emilyfallaw5912]

I think the brightness makes a huge difference, one of the most annoying things that the girl did was not turning down her brightness. I don't think what you do is a problem.

[@clarab325]

don’t feel bad abt that at all, it’s ur way to communicate and you’re doing the most not to inconvenience other people :)

[@talithompson5107]

What about ice cream sandwiches!? I totally bite those. Yum!

[@wintersnow998]

Sometimes when people have the 'biting ice cream' debate, I feel like they forget that some types of ice creams are designed to be bitten into.

[@durabelle]

Yep. Also the ones with like a frozen chocolate coating, you basically have to bite through that. Or wait until it melts, but by then you'll have a mess on your hands with all the melted icecream inside the hard shell.

[@n0b0dy--]

1st story has a lot of similarities with my relationship with my parents. I now don't have a relationship with my parents at all and I'm much better off for it.

[@shivangi1307]

19 is the legal age of drinking in Canada. Also, I agree with everything you guys said about that last one except for the fact that defensiveness is always a red flag. I, for one, get extremely frustrated and defensive when I'm absolutely not in the wrong and someone tries to tell me I am. Like, not for opinions and behavior that could be perceived / questioned in various ways. But for factual things. For instance, I once got into an unnecessarily passionate argument with my partner because he insisted that he had turned the shower on when I knew for a fact that I was the one who had. I wasn't mad that he jumped into the shower I had prepped for myself. I was mad that he insisted that he was the one who had turned it on. I have only ever gotten into arguments of this kind twice in my whole life, both times with my partner the two instances were separated by several years and I'm aware that it's a stupid issue to get upset about and am working on it. But my point is, sometimes people get defensive because they feel blindsided by alternate "facts" when they know the actual facts.

[@aurorafraire2528]

For the first story, it definitely sounds to me like OP was emotionally stunted in their maturity, because they were abandoned by their mom, and they probably couldn't act like a typical 11 year old with their dad and dad's girlfriend, and didn't really have support from either parent, emotionally speaking. I also think that the mom overcorrected when allowing them to do whatever they wanted when they went to visit her. I think a better way for the mom to go about it would have been to ask, "hey, we're always arguing about this and that and you don't feel supported, what can I do to make things easier for you, so that we're not constantly butting heads and you can feel like you can talk to me about x, y, and z." Also, completely off topic, I bite ice cream when it's on a cone, because I don't want it to melt.

[@kendramaculagh9295]

OK, so honest question regarding movie theater etiquette. I have a naturally loud, distinctive laugh. Recently, I was told off in a movie theater for it. The person said (by standing up and loudly announcing it during the film) my cackling was distracting and ruined the movie for him and then he stormed out. I've always thought part of the charm of the theater is the shared emotional experience and have never considered trying to stifle my natural reactions to keep from distracting others. Not on my phone or chucking popcorn but I still may be outside of the norm for theater going?

[@mirjamk2882]

not in a theater but i was also recently told that my laughter is very loud and it made me feel kind of shitty. it’s not like we can do anything about it, right? so recently, everytime I’ve laughed I think about that comment 😢

[@mirjamk2882]

btw that guy was an asshole and probably annoyed by something else that day, that made him overreact to your detriment. keep laughing loudly :)

[@kendramaculagh9295]

@@mirjamk2882 I've been told people like having me in the audience for live events because a unique laugh is infectious and makes everyone else more willing to participate. So just think instead about how much comedians probably love you at their shows :-)

[@clarab325]

i think they were probably just an asshole or already mad abt sth else cuz storming out is waaay too much. i love going to movie theaters for the same reason, i love laughing together with other people and seeing their reactions. ofc if someone keeps laughing loudly at random moments/ during a movie/scene that’s not supposed to be funny that could get annoying but other than that nah ur fine. i love hearing ppl laugh very loudly at movies tbh cuz sometimes i get self conscious and try to stifle my laugh but if someone else is openly laughing then I just let it out hjshsh

[@tris5602]

You are allowed to take up space. Don't let someone steal your joy.

[@danielsykes7558]

Listening on Spotify & I'm coming here just gonna note: The slippery slope fallacy?? Edit: 🍿 🎥

[@danielsykes7558]

🍿

[@insomniaclover4095]

for the first story i also took it as abandonment. op said in their post that they wanted to apologize almost immediately after so to me that shows that they were self aware and regretful about something as small as an i hate you from a child. that doesn't really go along with being a child so difficult that they get abandoned like that

[@redheadfaerie]

Honestly I'd have gone to staff to have the girl at the theater talked to or removed. It may or may not have made me look like a Karen but I don't care. As the op said that is a lot of money to have people loudly talking and constantly on a fully bright screen. But I definitely go to different theaters than shaaba because ain't no one got payroll to have people chilling in every theater making sure people aren't assholes.

[@shyliek11]

Story one: I think it was out of line at the engagement party; however, 17 is old enough to know some things and young enough to still be bullheaded and hormonal. I think that no matter what was said, the mom not sitting down to have a conversation back when the kid was 11 was her fault. When I was 16 I attempted to self end and told my mom I hated her. When we calmed down I said I wanted to stay with my grandma because she was overwhelming me by helicopter parenting me (because she was really scared). After staying with my grandma for a few months but staying in contact with my mom, she told me she had been scared because of what happened and realised she was suffocating me with her reaction. I apologised for what I said and she said she knew i didn’t mean it, because when you’re young and upset you say stupid things. She was 18 when she had me, she waited until later in life to pursue her degree. My brother was an extremely difficult child and she never left him at my dad’s doorstep forever, maybe for a weekend and she would come back and talk to him about the fight they’d had. He said horrible things to her, but she was the parent and knew she had to teach him to communicate better AND learn from him how he needed to be parented. I think you guys were right with ESH, because while the kid shouldn’t have blown up the engagement party, assuming the mom had good intentions without evidence furthers the child’s trauma and doesn’t teach the mother anything. If she had good intentions, I think more could’ve been said and done 6 years ago. Obviously the son shouldn’t have done what he did, and he should communicate, but if his parents didn’t teach him communication he’s just around the age where he could start learning better communication himself. Probably around teenage years he could try and realise this, get therapy or counselling through school, and change. But he didn’t get his communication problems for Santa, I think it’s safe to say both parents have bad communication. Second story: I think Shaaba is going down a slippery slope of a straw man fallacy bc to her it feels wrong to do what OP did. I’ve done this before, between trauma and personal morals, you think of a worse scenario to justify why you think someone was so wrong. I think OP was kind of ridiculous for throwing the popcorn, but i also think the only further alternative was to go to the worker as he tried to communicate with the person on their phone. It really wasn’t harmful and I understand why Shaaba is saying what she’s saying, that in another scenario that it could’ve gone wrong, but that’s a teaching lesson not a YTA moment. Yes it might be fair to say NTA but next time get an employee, don’t resort to throwing popcorn; but not ESH because you could’ve gotten into more trouble IMO Great video! I love your guys dynamic in these

[@twistysunshine]

The dad's girlfriend treats the 17 yr old like a burden and then the dad encourages the kid to yell at the mom? Theres no evidence of him telling his gf to stfu. Seems like parental alienation to me

[@applemanmanman]

for the popcorn story: the reason why Jamie said he wouldn't do it in front of a child is Not because it is the wrong thing to do. that isn't the "gotcha" moment Shaaba and many of us thought it was. you wouldn't do it in front of a child because the child doesn't understand the nuances and you cannot explain it to them at a movie theatre. Children need to learn that they shouldn't do something before they learn when they can. that's just brain development. thank you

[@hatchetfieldharpie3276]

The last story: what is the husband is planning a surprise for his wife and getting help/ advice from his friend? I’ve definitely planned several surprise parties and I can’t lie for shit so I might’ve been equally clumsy trying to avoid spoiling stuff

[@LunarWind99]

That's fair but the fact that he spoke to this person on loud speaker and can assume she might've overheard is just what makes me think hmm, maybe there was something more to that shrug lol

[@piperryan6394]

I used to work at a movie theater. We called the role of monitoring theaters being an usher. It was my favorite role because I could stand at the side of the theater and watch the movie (it was near impossible to get a free movie 😢). At the time I was 15/16, and had pretty bad social anxiety, but I would step in when people were using their phones… it was hard though lol!

[@kylaevelyn1800]

Pocorn story definitely takes place in Canada, in case you were curious. 19 is the drinking age in most provinces and VIP theatre refers to Cineplex, a major cinema corporation that offers "VIP" theatre experience at select locations

[@MA69Supra]

For the theatre one I think not the drama/justified drama. Like Jamie said OP asked, TWICE, it’s a good lesson for them to learn: you share this earth with other people

[@trinitybernhardt9944]

1st story: i feel terrible for OP based on his perspective. I am very curious if there is more behind the scenes that might explain her behavior, because dropping her son off with no communication is terrible. Yes he went to far at tge party, but i think the answer is more in family counseling than focusing on correcting the behavior for one incident. Help everyone uncover the cause of that cry for help. 2nd story: this is a specific incident. It isn't setting a precedent for all future judgements. OP threw popcorn and no escalation happened. So bringing in drinks, true violence, or weapons isn't helpful. In this one situation was he the drama? No, i don't believe he was. Does that mean i would advise that action? No. 3rd: NTA Suspicions are justified, though they could possibly be cleared up with a direct discussion

[@cutegixie]

Popcorn one should be JAH. They weren't right to do so, but given the circumstances and the level of drama that they were, it was totally worth it.

[@cylus8596]

For the popcorn story, I respect Shaaba's opinion, even though its wrong. Old man's tangent aside, wrong time and wrong place for a bright af phone.

[@hyperplaguerat]

The updates make it clear that the dad was feeding into these hurt feelings and resentment including by lying to OP and withholding information. I think this is the source of some of those negative thoughts about being abandoned even if the mom never said she felt that way.

[@TheCagedCorvid]

Yeah, everyone is flipping between mum or child being the bad guy, while forgetting about the dads influence... that may well be key here.

[@piaonomata9220]

About the first one...I am a parent, and this whole thing was just screaming that the son was reacting to having decisions--BIG decisions, that implicated him--made without him being consulted in any way, or without any discussion. That is, imo, decidedly not great parenting. It also sounds like the mom may not have been entirely ready to be a parent and was feeling constrained or held back in discovering herself, which is entirely valid...but once the kid is in the picture, the kid's feelings and well-being need to be taken into account. And not just what *you* decide is right for the kid...let them communicate what *they* need, and you work it out together.

[@gender_anarchist]

Shaaba is a top down thinker. Start at the big picture and work your way to fine details. Great video!

[@gabbyberry8438]

I love you two and your content so much! Thank you for entertaining and educating us ❤❤❤

[@shaaba]

it's honestly our pleasure, thank YOU for helping us grow and have a sense of community! 🍑✨