My Husband Wants to Be With His Ex-Girlfriend

[@larissaalcorn3406]

My uncle overheard my cousins and I lamenting about the behaviors of our boyfriends. His words stuck with me: "You girls need to stop bringing home three legged dogs. Rescue is for puppies, not men. If they don't respect you now, they're not going to suddenly start respecting you after signing a marriage license."

[@em77775]

🎯🎯🎯

[@maryphillips3686]

💯💯 Facts

[@LarennPBel]

This was a very good remark he said

[@marcirobins5144]

Word to Uncle! 👏🏼👏🏼

[@em77775]

My neighbor had a three-legged dog and it was hilarious seeing her run around, so I have a great mental image of this 🤣

[@jt27jt27]

Talking to your ex while being married is another level of disrespect.

[@Bobbie-c7j]

I agree and to add to that it's also cheating

[@conniet9288]

Talking to ex is not always disrespectful. Being secretive and telling someone else you want to be with them regardless of who they are is disrespectful

[@Shortkonner]

The middle path is the way. Saying words like always, never... absolute words arent the way. The middle.

[@georgianaaron4986]

One month post-partum and 4 kids total. Crazy.

[@iamyourgod530]

@@conniet9288Lolol talking to your ex while in another relationship or married is cheating. What is wrong with this generation?

[@Love-like-Lucy]

Let him go. If he wants to be with his ex-girlfriend, let him go. don’t even fight it. He’s not worth your time.

[@martinjackson909]

It’s not that simple for a stay at home mom with 4 kids

[@Love-like-Lucy]

@@martinjackson909 oh it’s that simple. All she has to do is let him go. He still has to support his kids, but she doesn’t have to allow him to live rent free in her head or heart. Detach from all emotions and work on herself. She does not have to allow his blatant disrespect any longer.

[@desba3846]

What do you know? It's women like you who jump at divorce for every small thing. She has four kids and she can't just leave like that. Clue in a bit

[@pinkpugginz]

Doubt the woman even wants him. It's prob narcissistic supply for the husband to flirt with his ex. Bet he's already cheating.

[@texasgina]

@@martinjackson909I did it and 30 years later I’m fine

[@jaynewallace-bohannon6317]

I was her. I’m separated now and living in a camper with my adult disabled daughter. I’m 63 and walked away from our successful business. It’s hard people. Be kind.

[@jaynewallace-bohannon6317]

He would not vacate my home. I left

[@nilmasantos6871]

Iam happy you are now living the life you are in command no matter the rest ..❤️❤️🎉🎉

[@Kay-ln3kx]

@@jaynewallace-bohannon6317 best wishes to you and your daughter. You sound like a strong woman. Prayers sent to you!

[@Eriamskitka-qg6gh]

Thank you for saying that, people never having to be in this situation and blaming her for all of it is so sad. God bless you.

[@jaynewallace-bohannon6317]

@@Eriamskitka-qg6gh thank you for your kindness.

[@CF-mi7xd]

I have known a couple of people who found their ex boyfriend/girlfriend from high school and left their spouse. Every time it never worked out. I really do feel like people over romanticize the past and it seems like they are more nostalgic about their youth than even the person.

[@RileyTA846]

It is NEVER about how amazing this person from high school was. It is always them trying to get that feeling that they had with them back. But it will never happen. That feeling can’t be replicated. That’s the best thing about relationships, you always worry after your first one “what if I never feel like this again?” And you don’t, but you feel something equally or sometimes even more amazing in a completely different way with a different person. These people usually have issues in their life that they never moved on from, don’t know how to cope with responsibility, maybe they struggle to find purpose in their day to day lives, etc. either way, they all have to go to a therapists office before running back to someone they went to junior prom with.

[@lindalund9621]

Correct

[@kidfrid5498]

My high school ex tried to use me to cheat on his (then) fiancé. He had texted me a few times, with requests for either hooking up or sending lewd photos. I continuously refused. She found the texts. She stayed with him for another year before she ultimately left him for another man (who she is now married to). I blocked high school ex. So IDK or care what his life is like.

[@lilangel1773]

Yup

[@buckethyacinth9598]

@@kidfrid5498 She shouldn't have wasted that additional year.

[@tracyotrhuiskamp1012]

He has an idealized version of his ex.. his feelings r based in nostalgia not reality

[@wendiparker9831]

You could be onto something there..Living in the past...

[@lela888]

Or he never got over her. Still loves her.

[@Tagatiway]

I think the ex is not interested but now that he is promising her stuff, she will consider him as a back up guy to be with if she reaches 45 and still single.

[@Sleepypenguin44]

He also doesn't want to grow up and deal with the reality in front of him and own the life he created. He thinks that being with the ex and the idea of ex will be just as sweet and amazing and responsibility free at 35 as it was at 16 lol

[@Dontrolling]

@@lela888yea but it’s been 10 years more than likely his ex has changed, I don’t know anyone that stays exactly the same over the span of a decade or more. So he is in love with what he thinks is still her. It’s such a common occurrence when people go back to their ex and then they break up shortly after because they realize everything is different and they can’t get that nostalgia back.

[@toriw3954]

one of my worst fears is raising a daughter with as low self esteem as this caller. men will absolutely take advantage of your lack of self worth :(

[@Some_kind_of_wonderfü]

Same 🥺… and waste your life

[@murdahmammiez]

So make sure u prop her up all the time. Let her know her value n worth n that her possibilités are limitless

[@imveryhungry112]

He told her he didn't want to be with her before they had kids. They're both at fault. This isn't a woman's rights issue 😂

[@VV-er3zg]

@@imveryhungry112it’s not that it’s about women’s rights, but that women who bear children will be physically more involved into the relationship. She’s had 4 kids, despite going after her own values, it’ll be more difficult for her to walk away-hence the importance of having a good self esteem to begin with

[@imveryhungry112]

@VV-er3zg I'm just saying , the husband had low self esteem too. He never really was into this woman but stayed because he was afraid he couldn't find anyone else.

[@UTOT222]

She’s not safe. She’s financially trapped with 4 kids. She needs to get out.

[@MD-ip3mp]

Let the kids live with him and see them every weekend.

[@Luckoftheirish1]

​@@MD-ip3mp, most men who are the provider while the wife cares for the children and home won't want the kids 5-days a week. Plus it would be too hard for the kids to adjust from being with mom every day, to only seeing her on weekends. And no way could the newborn only see mom on weekends (good chance he's breastfed).

[@geometerfpv2804]

​@@MD-ip3mp You think she can go from being a SAHM and their entire world that?

[@linapesz313]

​@MD-ip3mp my thoughts exactly

[@freenclearkc2012]

Please say how someone with kids gets out? Be homeless & get raped or trafficked on the streets? No way

[@stephm5877]

She's in the cycle of abuse. He is isolating and threatening her. She should leave in secret, go to her family, and file a restraining order immediately.

[@emmalou5955]

I hate to think of the worse case scenario, but I honestly feel like this could move in a sinister direction from abuse to possible murder.

[@Fingerscrossedout]

Especially how he recently became super cheery and nice to her... Personally this is the only time I feel John didn't make the right call... ​@@emmalou5955

[@eteauxx7704]

@@emmalou5955I was thinking that too! Especially when she said he promised his ex they will be together one day and he doesn’t want her to leave out of state with the kids…

[@rebeccashields9626]

This is kidnapping though. You can’t just take kids away from a custodial parent.

[@PrincessLolly1]

@@rebeccashields9626 yes, uninformed people make blanket statements - he’s already threatened her if she takes the kids out of state where her pare live

[@vial3206]

I’m heartbroken for this woman. Isolated, in the middle of no where, just had 4 kids with a total negligent pos telling her he’ll “let her stay”, meanwhile she has zero independence outside of him. Absolutely horrific and I hope she gets all the love, support, and care she needs.

[@supernotnatural]

That's what they do, marriage, kids thinking they can change him

[@GameChanger597]

​@@supernotnaturalI don't think this is about her thinking she could change him. I think this is about her having no self worth and accepting poor treatment from beginning to end bc she has no self respect. She even said he hasn't respected her on any level since the beginning. She obviously has very low self-esteem to put up with this and think she deserves the abuse on some subconscious level

[@TLaCh871]

I would be had she not seen the signs for ten years, had four kids, and THEN married him!

[@Justagirlnamedshawn]

This.​@@GameChanger597

[@melissabrzescinski494]

She keeps getting pregnant!! Why would someone keep getting pregnant with this loser? He keeps leaving her too. Ugh.

[@nicolematthes2835]

He's a narcissist, especially with doing the silent treatment as a form of punishment. Therapy will not help him, he will not change.

[@JMarie-qt3nz]

How is he a narcissist because she allows him to treat her poorly? We need to stop labeling people with bonafide psychological terms because there are other people who allow themselves to be mistreated. An unhealthy, broken, and/or insecure person is not necessarily a narcissist. We really need to be careful about hatefully labeling someone because we could not make them be what we wanted, but was too wounded ourselves to let them go. Blessings!

[@justasmalltimebean]

​@@JMarie-qt3nzwe need to quit victim blaming. Part of the healing journey can be figuring out what parts of yourself led to being victimised in this way, but hos behaviour is causing her immense distress. Yes it comes from trauma but it harms other people. Thats why you can label it and these types of people (used to be called assholes or cads) won't change

[@carmenmagalhaes4918]

​@@JMarie-qt3nzhe has a principal victim, he gaslights her ( he knows that she knows about his ex, silent treatment, love bombing, fooling his ex too, making her believe that she will be the next spouse, all the red flags are there...and yes, she is co-dependent, why have kids with this kind of man?

[@gabrielar9611]

@@JMarie-qt3nzyour called a flying monkey or enabler. I have no problem labeling a man who doesn’t love a woman but will impregnate her with 4 kids a NARC.

[@bettylackey5072]

She will get stronger and see the truth,once she goes to counseling.She does not have to stay. He will have to provide child support. She can get a job and babysitter. Little by little,she will become strong stronger

[@gabehoyer5410]

This dude repeatedly and deliberately spat in his wife’s face time and time again. All while she was having his children. The absolute lowest of lows. One of the worst people imaginable.

[@consumerdebtchitchat]

They weren't married. Kids were mostly out of wedlock. She was having save the relationship babies.

[@Luckoftheirish1]

​@@consumerdebtchitchat, she wasn't having those babies alone. Husband could have pulled out, or used a condom if he wanted to prevent pregnancy.

[@annewellmann8867]

​@@consumerdebtchitchatso? What about his responsibility as a father?

[@GameChanger597]

​@@consumerdebtchitchatHow do you know this? She literally said she wanted to get married before having kids. You are assuming. Not every child is planned. Some babies come into this world as big surprises- maybe not a surprise to God, but a surprise to us no less.

[@GameChanger597]

​@@annewellmann8867Agreed. So often it's blamed on the woman alone but it always takes two.

[@mrich9654]

stop having babies with him!

[@aydinsha]

Seriously. 3min into this and I'm over it. Ma'am, you've caught him like 4 times and each time you rewarded him with another baby. Lol what?

[@Thebigdogg123]

Yeah I guarantee you she ain't changing anything she was just hoping to get sympathy from Dr John

[@piak78]

And I don't understand why the f*ck she didn't break his nose when she caught his first messages to her

[@piak78]

​@@aydinsha😆.

[@diane4488]

She's mentally and emotionally exhausted and confused, from the constant game playing, and alternated abuse. He probably turns into Mr Charming for a while, to get her pregnant, each time, to keep her tired, and tied to him. Saying he's changed, how much he wants to make it work etc. Whilst the rest of the time he acts as if he doesn't care, and doesn't actually want a relationship with her. In fact he's very needy. She's his emotional punch bag that he depends apon, to manipulate and punish, to boost his own ego, and sense of power. It's a well known strategy, and it seems she is oblivious that it exists.

[@sandrasimplytoday7772]

Please be kind…She has no strength to leave him and she has children with him. Not even sure if she is working and can afford to leave him. I’m praying for her. My heart aches for her and those kids.

[@wombatnumbat989]

Plus she has a one month old baby! She can't be working... even if she had a job before, that baby is too young to even go to day care, so there's no way she can afford to leave without help.

[@NickanM]

She'll have her fifth "gotta-keep-my-partner-baby" next year....

[@Karen-g6g6w]

But he has already left her!

[@sarabennett6295]

I'm sad for her. Does she not have family she can run to?

[@Karen-g6g6w]

@sarabennett6295 sometimes family doesn't want to be involved. Doesn't want to interfere in the marriage, I'm can't really agree with that.

[@shannalee80]

UGH, this caller just needs to understand that her husband has told her in MANY ways that he doesn’t really want her. I just feel for these children. 😔

[@RoxyChaos]

Exactly. He is abusive, but her lack of self-worth is horrible, too. She is allowing herself to be treated this way by staying. Those children don't matter to either of them as long as they are together.

[@taytayqueen7024]

Ladies, this is why you have your own money/have savings. Him saying I’ll ’let you’ stay because she has no money and is a stay at home mom is financial abuse.

[@thejakelegion]

Nah. This call is a laundry list of mistakes NOT to make. If you're not a screw up, you don't need a secret get away fund. Insane.

[@mp80085]

I think the major take away should be to tell women to stop thinking they can change men, & don't have children with someone who clearly doesn't like you...

[@thebeegood1731]

@@thejakelegionExactly. This guy was no good from day one and she decided to spent the next decade playing house with him and having babies for him…no need for a “mad day fund” if you exercise some common sense.

[@tylersamuel5021]

Lmao “financial abuse” tell her get a job, always funny how women think they’re entitled to a man’s money when they’re perfectly able to work themselves…. Him withholding his own money is abuse? Is she disabled and can’t work?

[@alluringbliss4165]

@@thejakelegionthe man is despicable. Always have back up a plan

[@Mombal5]

We have got to raise our daughters to be self sufficient. No one should ever feel stuck in a situation.

[@PollyPatriot]

Mama, your children are absorbing all of this garbage. Get yourself a backbone and an attorney, then leave his stupid a$$.

[@Tamarah-nw7js]

Righttt

[@loradelrey9134]

i’m forever grateful to my mom for leaving my dad when he cheated. She taught me to never let a man tell you twice he doesn’t want you. Have self respect and move on.

[@sarahgomez6740]

Thank you!!! Someone needs to be thinking about these children who are seeing & experiencing all this crap. They will grow up thinking this is the way relationships work. Passing on their BS. This man doesn't love or want you. Honestly you did this to yourself.

[@hanzdoingthings847]

Mama, it's hard to find a good attorney to represent you when you have NO money.

[@Uapqv336xzuqk]

Say it LOUD for the people in the back!

[@dowdingh]

So much love to this woman. It's shocking how many commenters don't understand what trauma bonding sounds like/does to your brain. This woman's decision to have kids with this man was surely driven by his manipulations. She deserves grace.

[@squizzerl1478]

Most of the people responding negatively and with judgement are from men who could NEVER understand what its like to be a woman in our society. They judge from a place of male privilege. It's vile.

[@lifelvr9509]

I agree with you, but grace isn't going to get her out of this mess.

[@dianawortman4994]

​@lifelvr9509 You may be correct. However, some encouragement can sure help. This jerk believes he's got her between a rock and a hard place (and it seems he does). That being said, his child support, the many programs, and resources available she can actually have a happy, full and financially successful life after she kicks his arse to the curb! I love my children too, but STOP having children! Offering her ideas on how to reclaim her life has the potential to help right her situation!

[@RoxyChaos]

All the trauma and trauma bonding in the world doesn't mean she should continue to allow this treatment. I've cut off both my parents because of crap like this. They wasted my childhood. Mom was too weak/shopaholic/neglectful/cheater and he was an abusive workaholic prick who drove her away. I feel all the sympathy for their stupidity as an adult. But as a kid I hated them and wished more than anything to be saved from them. There is no excuse. Children are innocent and defenseless. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do right by them.

[@rebeccashields9626]

Whelp and there is the financial issue. She isn’t wrong about not being able to take the kids out of state. And then having to afford an apartment and get a full time job while trying to figure out daycare for four kids. It’s a lot. Not saying she should’t leave, she clearly should…….but it’s not that easy. It will take a lot of planning and sacrifice and work.

[@esthermoon627]

I want to hug this woman so much.

[@sharonb519]

LET HER HAVE HIM!!!

[@binzypoo]

Yup absolutely. They will probably have a passionate couple of months and then implode! Never take his pathetic ass back.

[@BraveOne7]

This! Help him pack his bags, goodbye! Save all their messages and bring it to court with you too! He’s an abusive cheater who doesn’t deserve to take anything else away from her.

[@sweetbean9218]

Just file for paternity. With 4 kids, you'll have his paycheck until your youngest gets through college. Girlfriend gets him, but no money. See how fast she drops him.

[@coreenaburke5378]

She deserves his stupid arse.

[@bunaynayslay]

@@BraveOne7exactly, if she plays her cards patiently and right, she can have a good chunk of change (assumingely they have the funds since they have 4 kids)

[@CJG1419]

Quit having kids with him to start with

[@futuremelina]

Guarantee a fifth kid is on the way, she sounds really ditzy

[@vidaacheampong2563]

She thinks that will keep him...

[@sassysister8552]

My 1st thought it's so incredibly selfish knowing he's a horrible example for them - He's already cheated or she wouldn't be hanging around.

[@miketheyunggod2534]

Talk to God.

[@Rayne1bow]

They never listen

[@BrendaColin-v7g]

Let him go live his fantasy. Move on girl have some self respect and dignity

[@herbalcollars3851]

Easier said then done in reality

[@shiks800]

This is why our dad told us we were not allowed to get married until we have a degree and our own money. Thanks pops!

[@JaneFerguson-zl9yd]

I can relate a bit to this sad situation. My husband of 40 years up and left me, our kids, our life and our friends to be with his 1st girlfriend from 50 years ago. She lives on the other side of the World. They had been in touch and he then announced out of the blue to see her and then they continued to be in touch. Then he announced that he was moving overseas to be with her. It was such a shock for everyone

[@futuremelina]

My ex was obsessed with his ex too, at 38 he still can't move on lol. Leave these clowns when they're stuck on the past

[@aladdout9454]

he can't move on from who?

[@striving1]

🤡🤡🤡🤡

[@shad_fz]

Why did you marry him then? Honest question

[@angrybirdie999]

@@shad_fz Where did she say that she married him?

[@FreeSpirit47]

@@shad_fz Apparently she either didn't marry him or has since divorced him. A year after I married one of these clowns, he started moaning about "Susan". I found her, invited her over for dinner one day. Then, he started lamenting over "Renee" so I found her, too, she and I had lunch together a few times. She told me that it had been one sided. He crushed on her, she saw him as a little brother. Then, he started whining about a girl who was nothing more than a prom date. As far as I know, he still moans over her. He moans & cries to someone else, now. So happy I don't have to listen to that anymore. Good riddance.

[@steadystackin7250]

I gotta give a shout out to John for holding this woman accountable. You cant be with someone for 10+ years and get mad about them being the same person they always have been. Absolutely insane

[@FancyAnneX]

She needed to grow and realize that this is a horrible situation. There’s no reason for her to stay another 12+ years.

[@Shortkonner]

He's been himself the whole time

[@kunle9]

It was beautiful to watch

[@floggednflankednfl.3277]

​@@kunle9You're a sick individual.

[@sarahgomez6740]

@FancyAnneX that's cool if she "needed to grow" what about bringing these children into this "horrible situation"???

[@JamilaFord]

With all sincerity and compassion I hope this woman starts to love and respect herself. This is sad.

[@ember13dp]

This is the result of giving her a “shut up ring” 😔

[@shaybuttersbm]

The levels of red flags are astronomical, not even shocked that he isolated her to trap her.

[@coolaunt516]

Men get married thinking nothing will change. Women get married thinking things will change. Same old story.

[@BarnLes]

As we have children and we mature things naturally change...for both men and women.

[@JaneSmith.9941]

This isn't a gendered thing. Male or female - Some people change. For better or worse. Some people don't change. For better or worse. Some people expect or want things to change. Even if they shouldn't. Some people expect or want things to never change. Even if they should. And then there are people who don't so much change as they eventually show you who they were all along.

[@FTG2Eli]

She is NOT safe from HERSELF. This is what we teach our daughters not to be.

[@audz8219]

Have some compassion. This type of stuff can be pretty hard to deal with.

[@SA-ey6nt]

She couldn't choose what she was taught

[@Easypeasy74]

Yes true …..

[@sarahgomez6740]

@@FTG2Eli maybe this is what she was taught by example growing up...

[@annewellmann8867]

I think, we should teach our sons not to be like that even more.

[@ithinkigottalent4047]

Bless your heart. You shouldn't have to call Dr. John to figure this out. Stevie Wonder can see this relationship has been doomed for years.

[@Jess-ht2or]

The Stevie Wonder reference 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@msdixieblues]

Also a Golden Girls joke 😂

[@dsstudio76]

😂😂😂😂

[@Notplayingnow]

There's nothing to fight for. You need loyalty in a marriage.

[@PamelaLyness]

It’s time to stop letting this man disrespect you, Ashley. Praying for you ❤

[@Gabster1990]

I worked for a dentist who came in crying one day and told me her husband said he still has feelings for a high-school crush. They were in their 40's married for over 10 years. >_>

[@janetsteppe2331]

Felt this 100%

[@sharonbowers9929]

Send him packing.

[@lela888]

Social media is ruining relationships

[@cleaninggirl-2000]

That’s insane !!!!!

[@kateruterbories2692]

​@@lela888People are ruining their relationships, social media is just assisting.

[@mart2023]

I went through this exact scenario. Made life a living hell. Leave! it's going to be hard, but you will figure it out. Leaving literally saved me.

[@Shortkonner]

Glad your here!!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@BSCTrainerRob]

FOUR children and he still doesn't understand. There's nothing you can do honey you have to leave him. First step is to secretly talk to a good lawyer

[@bunaynayslay]

kids NEVER!!! FIX YOUR RELATIONSHIP

[@christophercarrigg3775]

At this point she's the one not understanding

[@Juststudiothings]

Sounds like they're both bad at being honest and making good decisions for themselves.

[@Kay-ln3kx]

You're absolutely right. It's a fantasy. He loves the idea that two women love him. And believe me, she doesn't really know who he is now! It's not reality. Let her have him. Move on. You deserve better!

[@FaithShorthouse]

The fact that he dated you for 10 years means that he was using her as a placeholder until the ex magically realized that she loved him still. Give him what he wants and take him to court for alienation of affection and child support. See how much she loves him when he has to pay child support for 4 children. Truthfully, Id call her myself and ask her if she's proud of herself for contributing to destroy your family and ruin your children's lives. Selfish people dont deserve to sit and gloat when their choices hurt others. Send the texts to yourself to have for court. He has never had respect or even love for her. Divorce, get therapy, and live your best life to spite him because he will end up as miserable as he doesn't care that he makes you .

[@anngarci2310]

Girl run. I’ve been in this situation and ends up in a broken heart

[@anyagee9467]

she's had a broken heart for over 10 years now

[@Juststudiothings]

Broken HEART? Try a broken life. She has 4 kids and spent a decade trying to build a life with someone who doesn't want her

[@denisesalles7248]

This is such a strange call. It's impossible for me to understand how you have four children with someone who doesn't really want to be there. I honestly don't hear anything in her voice that suggests she's going anywhere. Very sad.

[@melinda67]

Because she can’t care less about him. She just wants him to be physically present and stable and pay bills so she can continue her motherhood delulu dream. She’s using him as much as he’s using her. Him loving his Ex doesn’t threaten her on an emotional level but it threatens her existence/lifestyle.

[@heatherheaney4060]

@@melinda67 you nailed it

[@labellegene7971]

Or maybe she’s just beyond broken

[@Alayne985]

@@melinda67it is really alarming that there are people out there that think like you and came away with that from this call.

[@heatherchandler1184]

She does care about him, that’s why she’s calling. She is delulu about the perfect family existing and so on and delulu about thinking the more kids they have, the more likely he will come around. Four bandaid kids is a record

[@Sw33tCh33ks2]

My husband used to talk to other girls and have them send him pictures all the time. When I would confront him about it, he would blame it on the disease he has. 11 years later, I'm realizing how manipulative and how similar all of his family is. None of them take accountability for their actions and how they treat people. I am currently finding my way out now.

[@TheThinker-ce5kq]

Good for you. Keep strong.

[@Sw33tCh33ks2]

@@TheThinker-ce5kq thank you❤️

[@MalesAreDemons]

I hope you kicked that trash bag to the curb stay strong beautiful ❤❤❤❤

[@Thebigdogg123]

But you have to take accountability to like why would you accept that behavior that is so incredibly ridiculous

[@xsuzannex]

My ex family was poisonous and toxic and accepted his behaviour

[@KrystieRichardson]

I’m so sorry Ashley. I’m sending you the hug you need ❤️

[@BD-jy1pn]

Talk to family and get an attorney girl. If my daughter were going thru this, I’d go to her state and help her get the heck out of that house. This sounds like a nightmare 😢

[@ericson0504]

Oh honey…. Mom and dad or sis or someone needs to come scoop her and those babies up and come get her and bring her home. She may be “safe” but she’s not safe.

[@toriw3954]

yep. doesnt seem like she’ll take the step herself, so someone strong willed will likely need to step in and make that choice for her to save her :(

[@margaretlovecchio8316]

Hoping she doesn’t come from a family of snakes, which is often how one learns to put up with this kind of treatment

[@ellehub2136]

I think she said her support is out of state. Courts DENY a parent from taking kids out of state.

[@amberbrittany7546]

@@margaretlovecchio8316yup exactly ! Can relate. Sad state of affairs

[@pennyyeck-qi5yz]

He's cheating on you. My husband did that to me. We are now divorced.

[@AmnaNz39]

Good decision.

[@coriemmett1363]

Glad you got out of the marriage

[@yvonnezaragoza-garcia1398]

Why is she even asking about trying to save her marriage. He used you and never loved you. Find someone who will love and cherish you.

[@Rebecca-ci3zc]

Most men do not want women with children, especially 4 of them. She needs a plan B without a man.

[@joesillamanrs7189]

Because being a single mom of 4 is a sentence of loneliness

[@itsshevyb]

​@joesillamanrs7189 no it isnt. She has 3 small children. She should never feel lonely if she puts all her thoughts and efforts into raising healthy children. Romantic relationship will come

[@Rebecca-ci3zc]

@@itsshevyb Did you even listen? She said she had her 4th baby a month ago. The vast majority of men do not want to take on 4 kids that aren’t their own. Finding that guy is nearly impossible. You shouldn’t give her false hope.

[@svitlana1500]

She used him. This woman is unemployed with no money, her personality is wrapped around having kids and being a housewife . She used him to get this status and it didn’t matter to her that the man has been telling her that he didn’t want to be with her for years

[@SquirrellyMom]

Do not let your kids growing up thinking that this is acceptable.

[@lizvingert6442]

Don’t knock her unless you’ve been in her shoes. I’ve been in her shoes, getting out of this toxic marriage now. Being a stay at home mom while married to an adult toddler is HARD! You don’t feel like you have any security, emotional, psychological, financial, and physical safety. Telling someone like this to just get out, it’s almost impossible, there is so much planning that goes into this because you have no job, and 4 kids to take care of, and you can’t rely on him to provide. Plus being married to a narcissist just takes it to another level.

[@victoriastone2975]

I understand and will empathise, but surely stop after 1 child. No way should they get to 4.

[@theconciousentreprenure]

She doesnt want to go. All her soultions are i can stay or i can stay. They both don't have the courage to do the needful. She just wants to vent.

[@kimmie1377]

Yep

[@coreypickens7625]

Bottom line, she saw the red flags before baby 4. She just feels she has limited options. I don't feel sorry for people like this because she is partly responsible

[@calebburghardt3391]

Whyyyyy do people keep having unprotected sex with people that don’t like them 😭

[@cleaninggirl-2000]

Because for women it makes them feel special

[@AmnaNz39]

So sad how delusional women can be! So glad I am not!

[@lynnebucher6537]

He controls the money, so likely he's blocking her access to birth control but is demanding sex. And she's so used to being controlled that she's going along with it.

[@Alicia-qf4gz]

They lie & manipulate.... that's whyyyyy

[@Rosy43hh]

Hes eroded her self esteem completely shes depressed and stressed and isolated. She needs someone to come and get her, sadly he will be all nice to her again and shell stay. She needs to rescue herself and take kids to parents and block him. She needs to not see him for 6mths only through a lawyer. She is addicted to his cycle of abuse and crumbs of love. Its an addiction.

[@dnmr08]

I love how straightforward Dr John is with this caller. No BS. She put herself in this situation. Putting up with the constant BS from the husband, keep pumping his kids despite the mistreatments is wild. Delusional, violating her own boundaries, just accepting the BS.

[@squizzerl1478]

You clearly have zero understanding of basic human and female psychology. Stop judging. You don't have any clue what you're even talking about.

[@murraybeachtel8585]

People don’t understand this is the result of years of manipulation and control. It would take something huge to get her out of this and even then maybe not. He deserves to face reality and the realization that his actions have permanent consequences.

[@CourageUnderFire87]

She needs to leave him. Men like that are dangerous . He will feel like the wife and kids are in the way .

[@youtubeKathy]

I guarantee if she leaves, the abuse will turn violent. If she tries to enforce any boundary, he will turn mean.

[@amandaford864]

@@youtubeKathythat’s when you immediately call the police and get a protective order.

[@kathrynjavandel4357]

Written like someone who never had a smooth-talking dude persuade the police that his wife is lying (unless there is concrete evidence like a video) or exaggerating (even if there is concrete evidence.) Sociopaths can be very charming and manipulative, like Lori Vallow was.

[@CourageUnderFire87]

What? You are clearly not comprehending what I wrote. I didn’t say anything about enforcing boundaries I said she needs to RUN! That man will hurt her and her children because for him they are in the way! She already saw the exchange between him and the other woman and he specifically said that he had every intention on being with the other woman! I wouldn’t wait for him to leave me high and dry or hurt me physically . She needs to take heed to the information and use it to HER advantage. Never let a man tell you twice that he doesn’t want you anymore. Wouldn’t let him know that I am leaving, I would leave and not say a word.

[@youtubeKathy]

@@CourageUnderFire87 I get what you are saying that he could just "get rid" of the wife and kids. I think what is more likely in this situation is that it is when she DECIDES to leave, on her own, that is when he'll sense the loss of control and that is when abusive men are most likely to harm thier wife. yes, I know you were not directing at me. just offering my perspective on this. Its not as easy as "run!". Its more like, carefully plan your escape. Honestly I dont' think this man cares if the wife and kids are in the way, he will do what he wants….I sort of perceive that the HS ex left him over controlling behavior…she probably doesn't really want him back.

[@CG-MP]

I'm all for SAHMs, but this lady needs a job. She needs autonomy and options. And a self-esteem. You don't get to be a stay at home mom if you aren't married to a good **trustworthy** man.

[@MsMak03]

What??

[@annakramarczyk7265]

I see what he did he took her away from her family now she has no one. He is telling her that she can't leave with the kids to another state where her parents are. She can't get a job because who will watch the kids? He has her in a choke hold and he is loving this. He is an abusive a$$. He is probably lying to the ex as well. She has to stop having children with him. Absolutely, thats #1. She can go to another state. They aren't divorced there are no restrictions on her travels. Go now and don't look back.

[@TheMilkmaidFarm]

Truth.

[@leekeishakeishaleesmith3801]

Facts. I agree

[@floggednflankednfl.3277]

​@@MsMak03what didn't you understand?

[@ShizukaRose]

OMG this woman is a DOORMAT

[@JerseyDevilJerseyGirl]

It’s really sad

[@loriwise3177]

Good comment and so true!

[@kitkat7612]

It doesn’t sound like she’s had the support/perspective she’s needed to break away from it. He isolated her and now she has no one. It’s really hard 💔

[@michvie876]

She won't leave him. You can tell by her responses. She'll just allow herself to be walked all over by him.

[@HighlyCaffeinated-g8o]

She’ll probably have baby #5 with him too 😩 unfortunately, their marriage will probably end with him divorcing his wife to be with his ex.

[@melissam7067]

Mama...call your parents NOW. figure out a way to leave this gaslighter.

[@QueenSurge]

I have never felt this bad for someone on this show before. My heart really goes out to this woman. Very emotionally abusive man, and she built her entire life around him. I hope things work out well for her

[@naturallynadine5897]

That’s emotional abuse. And when he stops talking to her for a week, best believe he’s talking to other women, including that ex-gf. That’s soul sucking, she really needs to leave him for her own good.

[@youtubeKathy]

yes. my ex did this. its control. and its a cycle, it's cyclic emotional abuse. I can guarantee it's right when she is about to leave, or thinking of it that he comes around and makes her believe everything will be fine. when she gets too comfortable, he pulls the withdrawal again.

[@brittanyt2665]

Yes my narcissistic ex did this. Unfortunately for this woman, dr John did not tell her it’s abuse which is what she needs to hear. She didn’t see who he was til now because he acted covertly until they got married which is when he became more overt about his abuse. It is confusing. I have a medical degree and I didn’t even recognize it until one therapist finally told me what he is doing is not ok. Sadly the narcissistic abuse was not recognized here

[@catH727]

Stop having babies. Let him go. Move to your support system

[@porscheh7120]

She needs to get a job, save up some money and LEAVE! If he’s not entertaining his ex, he’ll entertain another woman! Never let a person tell you more than once they don’t want you! He’s basically a single married man. Smh

[@Thebigdogg123]

And she already stated she can move State and go back to her family but she wants to stay with that man who don't care about her

[@Wendz_N]

This is the type of guy who will call in soon and say he ruined his life for a fantasy of what he thought his life could be. In the same breath, this woman is so hurt and sounds so chill. He is emotionally abusing his wife.

[@MadeOfQuestions]

Legally, she can move back with her parents. No state can force you to stay with someone because the only option is out of state... a judge might (probably not) force her to come back, but no, he can't stop her from leaving. They're married. What's his is hers and vise versa... she can just take a car, and money and the kids and leave. This is the cycle of abuse. 1. He does something abusive 2. They are angry with each other 3. He loves bombs her 4. They start their "normal" over again IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE PHYSICAL TO BE ABUSIVE

[@thejakelegion]

"You had 4 babies with him and you weren't even married. You did this to yourself." THANK YOU for speaking the truth! So tired of people pretending that bad action don't lead to bad consequences. You trained him to not respect you and so he does not. He's trash, but you invited it.

[@pmartin6086]

You're an a-hole

[@anitaleach2745]

If he loved you he'd have made you his wife not someone with benifits

[@kathleenbueter1272]

Just hold on one minute, why are you being so nasty to this poor collar who lacks self-esteem to begin with and you are just hitting her over the head with more crap. Please encourage her show her you care for her and point her in the right direction, but condemning her.

[@thejakelegion]

@@kathleenbueter1272 I'm not on the phone with her. And it's important that the people listening know that their horrific choices led to this.

[@jaynewallace-bohannon6317]

Shaming this lady is uncalled for

[@kimcwhite6509]

I wouldn't keep him at all! He's keeping you isolated & not supporting you while you raise HIS children. In other words he doesn't value you & treats you like a slave sweet Momma. You are so very worthy of more than this! I wish you the best❤️🥰😘

[@kristensauter2840]

She's been completely twisted up by gaslighting narcissist. May pray for her kids sake she gets free.

[@EmilyLucille523]

02:53 Lol, that look like, “What the heck were you thinking?!” She definitely dug this hole deeper herself.

[@northshorelight35]

This is why I’ve never believed that playing house for decades will result in a happy marriage. They’ve been mistreating you for years so why would they change?

[@michellesimmons3150]

She sounds like she has zero self respect and is afraid of leaving with 4 kids. Saying she guesses she could stay and tolerate it...tolerate disrespect and being unloved. She has tolerated this all her life, not just from this man and is conditioned to settle. Now, through her actions, she is teaching her children that is how marriage is and being treated with disrespect, contempt and neglect is how those relationships work.....cycles of abuse.

[@VV-er3zg]

And she keeps banging him !!! 🥴

[@MD-ip3mp]

She sounds incredibly depressed

[@HappyHomeRecipes]

I can relate so much to this woman. She doesn’t want to lose her kids, has no money to even get out. So she tries to convince herself she will tolerate the abuse because she thinks she has no choice . I feel so sorry for her. She sounds so broken and destroyed

[@Jujune8644]

Listening to this makes me think of Chris watt’s case.

[@kerrikolby6124]

Yes the delusion and grandeur he’s made up about this other woman. Wild.

[@mrhoffame]

For men or women....when another human being TELLS YOU through their actions that they don't respect you...BELIEVE THEM!!

[@RaychelBowles-m1v]

No one in these comments seems to know how ridiculously common her situation is. Y’all are just adding to her isolation by acting shocked. Read a book

[@ivywildwss]

The way some people romanticize their high school sweethearts is wild, like there's some cosmic connection in the romance universe. It seems so unhealthy.

[@staceystrukel1917]

He will probably do the same thing to her if they get back together. This has nothing to do with his ex. This guy is manipulative and abusive.if he was a good guy who was just confused he would treat his wife with respect and feel bad about hurting her and breaking up a family. This guy has issues and will have issues with whoever he is with.

[@mrenae6798]

Men mostly do this because it was a time when they had the LEAST amount of responsibility.

[@cloroxbleach8661]

THIS IS WHAT IVE BEEN FUCKING SAYING LIKE LOWKEY HELLO??😭😭😭. I know i have issues and that’s why i don’t date 😭. I want to fix all this before i make out my OWN trauma bond family 😭. ugh. yikes

[@christinebrument6851]

He's done this for so many years yet she still has children continually????? Get at least one brain cell. It's the children who suffer and you are responsible for that.

[@brianaustin8893]

And she kept having kids with him. 🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️

[@margaretzippilli1085]

You will be happier without him, he’s nuts. 13:46

[@gooseylou2]

He’s triangulating that girl with her. It’s emotional abuse. It’s how he gets his way.

[@bethwaseity9165]

He sounds like he’s super super doooper emotionally immature ! These types of people don’t change if they can’t admit they have a problem ❤

[@amaragrace94]

Smh. Anyone I have dated (even briefly) or "been with" I am not in contact with, PERIOD. I have received those "hey how are you doing" out of nowhere texts and calls. I either don't respond at all, or I responded saying I'm in a relationship, thus it would be disrespectful to my man and to myself to be chatting with you, even on a supposed friendly level. Goes against my own values, plus I'm able to imagine myself in his shoes. I know I would be hurt if he did anything like that. Stick to your boundaries.

[@upendokihunrwa3427]

I'm like that too the last day of our relationship that's the last day we chatting or calling each other maybe if it's a work related or something but definitely we aren't friends or anything.

[@yesseniaduran921]

Dr. John Delony’s physical reactions to all this was so relatable 😅 OOF MAN 😶

[@annalisacandaso-robertson9179]

That withholding love and threatening abandonment is emotional torture. He wants to do whatever he wants to do. She needs to get rid of him. He doesnt want it to work. He wants to bullshyt her to get what he wants right now and he'll continue tormenting her as long as she allows it. You teach your daughters what treatment to tolerate from a man and you teach your sons how to treat women by what you show them everyday with your marriage. She needs to leave him. Him telling her she can't leave with the children is just him controlling her. She should get an attorney, file for divorce and a judge can help determine the parenting plan through divorce. Sometimes you cannot take children aceoss state lines, but if her whole support system is somewhere else, they can figutit out. Of course he wants her to be isolated from her support system. I was a SAHM/WAHM mom and was left with nothing in the divorce because of it. Im still trying to get on my feet a decade after the divorce. Women need to smarten up about this dynamic. Omg, hearing her story makes me so mad! She JUST had a baby and when that baby was ONE WEEK OLD he was yanking her around by her emotions! She is so fragile at that post partum stage! He sounds like a narcissist! My guess is, that his highschool sweetheart told him to go raise his kids and so at THAT moment in time, he thought he had no choice but to make it work with his wife, so he's like "I want to make it work". She should just let him go chase that homewrecker and let them ruin each other, because they will. He is still who he is. A cheater and she is a homewrecker. They're perfect for each other. 🤬

[@autumnsky1990]

There's a saying that when somebody shows you who they are, believe them. I'm sorry that you're going through this, and I pray that you find your self-worth one day so that it may give you the strength to resolve your situation.

[@StefanFro]

This lady sounds overly medicated. Her tone and lack of feelings towards her the severity of the situation sounds like something is just numbing her.

[@taytayqueen7024]

I think sometimes the pain is so much it can be numbing. I can be like this sometimes, where I become completely monotone & flat emotionally.

[@Some_kind_of_wonderfü]

I thought the same… or intoxicated

[@danimocha6598]

This to me sound like a deep depression it can retard speech and thought patterns when severe enough. I would even assess her for post partum and self harm. As a therapist I don't think she sound safe either. If not external risks from self harm.

[@vitalishus]

It’s called trauma bonding.

[@jsy3359]

She sounds drunk to me with all the awkward laughing.

[@vazlet]

Dr John should've told her to RUNNNNN!! There's nothing to fix, let him stay the way he is, if he's willing to lose his family over an ex, LET HIM! she deserves better!

[@nataliah1692]

Chris Watt started like this. Living a fantasy…

[@randomlady6899]

Millions of married men live a fantasy, 0.0000000000000001% of them resort to Chris Watt level of horrific. The risk is low enough to be ignored

[@laLouve22]

This! this kind of things can escalate quickly. He might start to think that only things keeping from his fantasy are the burden that are is wife and kids...Well actually that's kinda what he told her already. chilling

[@klickingkayasmr7585]

@@laLouve22😬😬🫢

[@JoeJohnson-i9d]

Yea but most guys just leave not murder there kids

[@Kaylz29]

This man is emotionally and financially abusive. Awful. So sad to hear someone who doesn’t see their self worth. I hope she gets some help to get away from this cruel man.

[@riogrl324]

Can't tell anyone what to do BUT that sort of betrayal requires an urgent intervention. 12 years in and the abuse continues now its worse 🚨

[@ec-kj4yp]

This woman is DELUSIONAL. She doesn't want to take any responsibility for the situation she is in. She stayed with this guy all that time before they were married knowing what he was like, she had kids both before they were married and after he made it clear that he didn't want to be with her (as if ten years of not being married wasn't clear enough), and she tries to say "yeah, but he takes it all back and makes me think he didn't mean it". Are you kidding me? And all of the excuses about why she is where she is - no money, no family. Woman, this whole situation is on YOU, and your kids are going to suffer because of it. And she's surprised when Dr. J says they need professional help? He is never going to respect her because she has let him treat her like this for all of these years. Divorce that man, get what you need, and leave him alone.

[@arfriedman4577]

She even said she wanted to be married before having kids go figure.

[@BreakingTheGrid_OnYou]

Why did you have 4 kids with this guy??? 😕

[@thegenxgamerr]

This has to be one of the most ridiculous calls they have put out in a long long time. First this guy is a clown, he should have moved on from the first woman years ago. This woman though, he's always been this way and 4 kids later you want him to change now? At least Delony held this woman accountable which is super rare, lol. She has no resources which is sad, a lot of women find themselves in a similar situation this is why you never take the Ramsey networks advice and "combine your money" you agree on a budget and how it is funded and you keep what is left of your portion in your own account. That would have benefitted this woman a great deal. She needs and attorney and to get away from this clown of a husband, without money she is stuck. Good luck.

[@Some_kind_of_wonderfü]

💯

[@TheMilkmaidFarm]

I agree to a certain extent on the shared bank accounts, but that comes from a real place of trust. The other flip side of is that ‘live like nobody else so that you can live like nobody else’ Sometimes it takes being broken and broke to really jump start a new beginning that isn’t tied up in the ‘system’. I’ve been in some really sad places, and had to figure it out. The financial system and the emotional system tend to be closely related to a certain degree. I think this is why John and Dave teamed up.

[@christinamarie5213]

How he treats you in anger is the level of respect and often are unfiltered feelings about you. Don't repaint it just because you don't want to critically look at and accept what he is saying.

[@annawhyte5890]

You're talking to her but i needed to see this

[@stefaniadipi229]

It sounds like this guy gets cold and breaks up with his wife when he has some option b or c and then he switches to "I want to try this out" but he never follows through. Ashley, you deserve a man who is proud of having you as his wife and mother of his children. You and your kids deserve peace and security. ❤

[@socialglitch2663]

Emotional abuse.

[@svitlana1500]

From her

[@jennyserrano4546]

@@svitlana1500stupid comment

[@klickingkayasmr7585]

@@svitlana1500Exactly. 🎯 she’s emotionally abusing herself

[@camellia8625]

So little empathy for this woman in the comments. She has been affected by years of emotional abuse and needs professional support. Her husband is completely out of order.

[@teddimcrae9963]

100% I would be so heartbroken. It's like she's waiting for him to grow up and man up.....but he's not. He's an abuser and a manipulator.

[@robindey4417]

I understand what you're saying, but she's an adult and so bears some responsibility for the choices that she's made.

[@spicybrown75]

Iam trying really hard not to judge and blame her but my god shes an exemplary doormat in a human form!

[@melissam7067]

agreed. wonder where she learned that from?

[@TheMilkmaidFarm]

It gets tricky with kids and the idea you should be subservient in a way. One thing I like about Dave Ramsey is he doesn’t treat his wife like a less than. He has respect for her and her intuitions. This is key.

[@leedlbagginshield8492]

no disrespect to her but she really doesn’t sound like the brightest

[@Loyll193]

I was 21 and a model and broken up with for a 35 year old with 5 children, so children and in your 30's is no impediment.. You get one life! I held onto an awful relationship at 28 with a child and he left and battled for my child I lost decades of my life in court. Leave now if you can. I'm 51 never married. Please start again because the only thing worse than losing 12 years is to lose another 12 or more and you're isolated! You're obviously still young , go home.

[@merricat3025]

Maybe home is totally effed up.

[@anotherdaywithmoneejakajus1696]

Id leave. My ex did that, and was worse. He'd break up only to find out he was in the streets during break up. But one day when I was pregnant with my 2nd I over heard him tell someone; she's in love with me and dumb she will never leave me. I didn't tell him I heard him but I showed him and left. Best thing I ever did..

[@Ipleadthefifth]

💯💯💯

[@mlatif2491]

He is a narcisst 100 %

[@tallspicy]

We need to be less willing to just call people narcissists. It is an actual clinical diagnosis. Selfish is selfish… no need to add anything

[@user-tq8jo7oh2n]

@@tallspicy Narcissistic personality disorder is a clinical diagnosis. However, people can have varying levels of narcissism without being clinically diagnosed as a narcissist. Let's call a spade a spade.

[@Maria-zv9up]

He is a narcissist. Recognising the pattern in his behaviour is just common sense. It does not require a clinical diagnosis.