my life is changing

Hi, I've been gone for a while. Way longer than I intended. Good things are happening, but it's been a hard year for reasons that I don't completely understand.
I got a PO box:
PO Box 335
Mechanicsburg, IL
62545
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Patreon: / mariahpattie
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My second channel for worldbuilding: / @mariahpattieworldbuil...
Linktree for everything else: linktr.ee/mari...

[@rachelunderwood4868]

People talk about postnatal depression, but antenatal depression is also a thing. You probably don't want to hear this, but it will pass, and you are not trash. Give yourself the grace to accept that this is hard, but also that you will not stay in this mental state forever.

[@maggierobertson2962]

I absolutely had antenatal depression that I didn't realize until I was postpartum and it got even worse. My single biggest regret of my pregnancy was not being more open with my providers about how badly I was doing.

[@rachelunderwood4868]

@maggierobertson2962 I didn’t know much about it until my daughter suffered through her pregnancy with it. More information really needs to be given to expectant mums about it, along with the knowledge that for every gloriously happy Instagram mum, there are thousands who cannot identify with them. I hope you are in a better mental space now xxx

[@feed8647]

It is a thing, of course it is. But for as long as society puts so much pressure on women, for as long as we are expected to be happy when we fulfill our "destined role", these things will stay a taboo. There are still many taboos about women openly speaking about their postpartum depression, (it being degraded to a baby blues speaks for itself) and women are openly hated for speaking up about the problems they face with their new role as a mother, or how society is not willing to acutally help mothers and children. It s okay to not love your child, to feel the immense pressure that comes with bearing one, to doubt yourself and to feel overwhelmed. But again, if society doesn´t change it´s views about mothers and motherhoods, I doubt this will become more accepted. So thank you for making this visible to more people!

[@TabbyWaddell]

This. And antenatal anxiety. Please please please talk to your provider. I think I can speak for the majority of us that watch you when I say that we watch because we like YOU. The things you make are wonderful, but it's you that brings us back. Your adorable personality and love for your animals and outlook on things. Your way of describing things and bodies in a neutral way. Just as your life is evolving, so is the audience. Here for the doll clothes. And the knitting. I love to knit. I lost most of my baby chicks this year too.

[@Amanda.aka.Megan.Shines]

Came here to say this. My friend dealt with this in both of her pregnancies, and I didn't even know it was a thing before she had it.

[@eauderainette]

Mariah, YOU are the heart of this channel. Not your projects(as much as we love them), nor your productivity. It's YOU we care most about. We want you to be okay much more than we want sewing/creative content. So please be kind to yourself, don't try to do so much ! Honestly anything you manage to get done while CREATING a freaking baby is a miracle, so don't be so hard on yourself ! Take your time, we're going nowhere.👍🏻

[@Silrielmavi]

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[@BonitaRichmond-lg9lq]

Amen to this poster!!

[@kathrynpearce7662]

Absolutely!

[@beckymay22]

Hang in there! The Hollywood idea of pregnancy is NOT accurate. I think our society does women a great disservice by not talking more about what pregnancy truly is like. Everyone is different and their body responds differently. I also had insurance issues with my first. Fortunately he was 9 days late! If he had arrived on the due date insurance would not have covered it. (25 years ago pregnancy insurance coverage was retroactive.) I also was afraid I would not be a good parent. I read EVERYTHING I could about parenting. Back then there were several popular magazines on parenting as well as books. Now my kids are 26 and 24 and living productive, independent lives. They have significant other’s who my husband and I also love. It wasn’t easy, it was hard! And the teenage years were almost unbearable. But I feel like we are on the other side now and things turned out ok.

[@AutumnNotAmber]

You could put a note about being on maternity leave on your patreon when you're restructuring your tiers. I followed a web comic artist who did that when she had her first and second child and it worked great for us because she sent little goofy gifs of her baby boy as a special reward. I'm not saying you need to put your family on the internet if you don't want to, but I believe your patrons will be very excited for you. I know personally, I will be excited to just see you as you progress in your next chapter of life. I came for the sewing content, but I stayed for the human behind it. ❤

[@christinemose7308]

Very thoughtful advice, and the last bit brought tears to my eyes.

[@jocelynsmyth6604]

That's such a smart suggestion and a really beautiful comment :)

[@jennasilver94]

Pregnancy is super hard, and you're allowed to feel like shit during it! Not only are there all the physical and hormonal changes, but especially with this being your first pregnancy, starting to mentally adapt to a huge change in your life really takes a lot of energy. You feeling wiped out by it does not mean you won't be able to tackle motherhood or even future pregnancies. Every pregnancy is different, and your next ones may be a whole different experience to this one. Remember to be kind to yourself, as you're going through something big and life changing. Even if it is something you wanted, you are allowed to struggle with it. We're all here rooting for you ❤

[@desireebarnes1887]

Doctors don’t talk about this for some reason, but prenatal blues (depression) is absolutely a thing. I had it with four of my six children. It didn’t let me bond with my babies until they were born, when suddenly the light turned on in my brain. Give yourself plenty of grace, and let people take care of you when they offer! Pregnancy and motherhood is absolutely sanctifying, grueling, lonely, incredible, and empowering. In the trenches, when i felt like I was letting everyone around me, and myself, down, I clung to the promise another mom shared with me: “HE GENTLY LEADS THOSE WITH YOUNG.” God knows your struggles, and he will carry you through to the other side ❤️

[@eileensavoy1516]

That is so beautiful, thank you for sharing. ❤

[@AuntNutmeg]

Absolutely! Be encouraged by God providing the embroidery machine while you were garage saling: no, things won't be the same, and some things will need to be let go of, even if only for a season. But there will be beauty and joy in your motherhood journey. Unexpected delights. Like a tiny face lighting up because they saw you, MOM, enter the room. You will be a fantastic mother. Hang in there. It's not all roses and daisies, but it's not all depression and exhaustion either. And no, none of us really understood what motherhood would be like beforehand. So it's ok to be happy and disappointed at the same time. Love and hugs.

[@erin2535]

I love that verse so much too

[@mel_issa__]

I really appreciate your honesty about this subject. So many videos show this euphoria pregnancy announcement which, good for them, but I love seeing a more realistic realization of what this huge change feels like and might be like.

[@Silrielmavi]

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[@jocelynsmyth6604]

I think it's absolutely okay for women to be honest about things, life isn't always a Pinterest board. I work for an OB / urogyne, and I always tell our ladies they can feel however they need to, complain if they need to, and it's okay and normal to be overwhelmed. My partner and I have been struggling with infertility for a few years now, that's also a whole can of worms of how medical professionals treat you too

[@WootenWooten]

I’ve been pregnant 7 times and have 5 wonderful children. Pregnancy is hard , and each person and each pregnancy is different, including all of mine. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed and to ask for help and grace, but as someone who has been watching you since 2020, please believe me, we all want you to have a real life, too. Take time for your relationship and baby, that should be a priority over us. Also, as someone who is creative and loves doing so many things, know that there are seasons to your life and you will get back to doing those things again. Praying for you and baby❤

[@Silrielmavi]

100% yes!

[@kaytiej8311]

Absolutely agree! Amen!

[@_maia_m]

Oh, this just made me want to give you a hug. How you're feeling right now is so normal, both physically and emotionally. It's just not something people talk a lot about. And you are going to be a great mom ❤

[@anjmancini02]

This is exactly what I was going to say ❤ give yourself some time.. there is a season for everything

[@SimplySaraJo]

Everyone talks about postpartum depression but it very much can happen durning pregnancy as well. Especially if you seem to have more low days than high days I’d really suggest seeking out mental health support. I went through very similar struggles mentally and financially during pregnancy, please know you are not alone. It is ok to be excited AND frustrated and angry. All our emotions are valid. I’ll be here watching every video I can, much love and positive vibes!

[@haleyspence]

My first kid I had terrerrrible pregnant depression, literally bawling my eyes out on a daily basis and it literally evaporated when I wasn't pregnant anymore, completely opposite my second where I was physically sick the whole time and didn't get the depression until after

[@anneofpinehill]

You're growing a whole other life and soul within your fragile human body. Whoever thinks this is an easy thing is out of touch with reality. I watch your videos not only because of the DIY content (i don't sew, my lifestyle is altogether very different), but because I enjoy your personality and the way you approach life. It makes me root for you. And life is like a quilt, there are both beautiful patches and not so pretty ones ones. Hitting a rough patch does not make you a defective person, mother, wife, creator, etc and is just an inevitability we all must face at one time or another. I don't expect my words to negate the very real effects of hormonal imbalance that make you feel the way you do, but I still want to leave you with some words of encouragement. You'll get through this, Mariah!

[@lforsey1899]

Please don't feel like acknowledging how hard it is is the same as being ungrateful for a blessing. Struggling now does not mean you won't be a wonderful mother, even if it's not exactly how you dreamed, and even for the same person, not every pregnancy is the same! Your community will be here to support you even in the rough patches. If your channel pivots or slows down while you take a maternity leave, I'll still keep watching. Take the time it takes.

[@michelleeisele3329]

Yes! I came to the comments to say something similar. Your hormones are probably the wackiest they've ever been. Nothing can prepare you for that. It's okay to feel how you're feeling. Just because you're having a hard time now doesn't mean you aren't grateful or that you won't be an incredible mother. I've watched this channel for years and I can't fathom you not being an incredible mother. How blessed your children will be to have a mother who can be real and honest and confront and name their feelings. They will grow up confident because of that. You are having hard time now, but life isn't always hard times. There will be good times in the future. And don't be afraid to talk about any of this with your doctor/midwife and/or to go to therapy. You aren't alone.

[@May_Flowers696]

The costuming and historical costuming communities have a big void when it comes to doll outfits. There's an audience for that kind of creative content. Please be gentle with yourself. Remember you are loved and appreciated. Thank you for sharing with us.

[@strawberryelle85]

My pregnancy kicked my butt. I was so exhausted! I slept all the time. The fact that you are thinking about all this shows that you are going to be a great mom! We wanted more kids but post partum during COVID really messed me up; having only one is okay too! Take care of yourself as you will be a better mom for it.

[@blossompetal784]

Oh sweetheart, Please talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. Pregnancy can be tough and hormones are nasty. Hang in there Love and hugs from Australia ( 60 yr old mum of 4) 3 of my kids are ivf born after I was 35 including a set of twins.

[@jennysinton]

I completely agree and will start this with, I am a midwife myself, and prenatal depression is not discussed enough. Please please speak to your doctor/midwife. You have very clear signs of depression. It is NORMAL to feel overwhelmed and the feelings you have are so valid. I would encourage you to talk to your doctor and see if you can get some talk therapy covered. Being in America can’t be easy with the cost of healthcare. You may need to just speak to someone to help you navigate your feelings or you may need medication and talk therapy. Neither is a commentary on you as a person, and both are safe in pregnancy. Mental health difficulties is not within our control. You can have “everything”, but still not happy. I wish you the best and hope you are able to get the support you need and deserve .

[@Silrielmavi]

Yes!

[@blossompetal784]

​@jennysinton thank you for adding your expertise

[@vickidiodato9834]

@@jennysinton What she said!!! Def. signs of depression. Please get help!

[@Judoka26]

Oh my dear Mariah please don't stress your self so much 😢 we love you and whatever you post on this channel will be good enough and we will enjoy it! ❤ I'm grateful how raw this video is, that's reality and it is good to see. Maybe this will help some of us who had the same hopes and dreams about pregnancy like you did to know that this can be reality too. Big hugs ❤

[@Silrielmavi]

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[@leilasmila]

Yes, this resonates with me so so much. I'm a stage behind Mariah, and while there is no baby yet I am already anticipating the same dichotomy that she is feeling. The "should be happy" is so so hard to face ❤❤❤

[@Mums_a_knitter]

Hi, I don't want to be that person who posts advice on someone's video but... Please check your iron levels, supplementing iron made a massive difference to my fatigue during pregnancy. Also, as another commenter has said, you could well be dealing with peri-natal depression, I hope you can access some care. In the meantime please know, as a long time viewer, you seem to me like the ideal mother. You have so many wonderful qualities and skills that will nourish your children. You are resourceful, independent, sensible, fun and kind. Most of all, you have an insatiable love of learning which is so valuable as you learn to parent! Keep on knitting, it's the perfect hobby for pregnancy. And I'm sure you would make fabulous knitting videos ❤

[@ozok17]

... and you don't need to know everything in advance, for us to want to watch your content, just like you don't have to know everything about how before making something really cool. and! good enough is plenty.

[@kendall7041]

I want to let you know that I absolutely hated being pregnant in every way, had complications even but I have LOVED being a mother. I was so relieved to not be pregnant anymore that my postpartum period was significantly easier. My daughter turns one in a few days and of course it's been hard but it has also been the best. Keep heart, good days are ahead.

[@roseykitten798]

Don't worry about youtube, focus on you and your family. With knitting or crochet (crochet can be faster products IMO but knitting is a faster stitch) you'll be able to pick up and put down a project a bit easier than sewing as long as you use rubber bands on the edge of the needles to hold yarn in place. But even just making some toys or blanket squares when you have time might help the anxiety since it can be a simple and repetitive task. Definitely talk to a doctor. Often times people chalk up depression of any sort to hormones and it can be--but it's still soemthing that needs to be treated whether with therapy alone or also with medicine. Focus on you and your baby. Hopefully your husband is being understanding and supportive. Change is hard. Everything you're doing is difficult and you're still doing a good job. It may not be perfect, it may not be happy all the time, but you're doing the best you can. Some days that might mean you need to rest, and staying in bed a couple hours longer than you initially wanted to isn't being lazy when it's actually resting. Breathing. Taking time to process. You'll be okay, and if you need to time take time. Just speak to a doctor too because a lot of things with women gets dismissed due to hormones. Hormones need to be treated just as real as a broken bone. It's very important. You got this. Stay safe.

[@Silrielmavi]

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[@dizzylizzy2542]

Hi Mariah, my name's Lizzy. I've been watching your videos for a few years and I've always really enjoyed your analytical process and your aesthetic. I wanted to share a bit about my experience with guilt over being a "bad" Patreon creator. I used to be a freelance digital artist and ended up going back to school this year for something completely different, for stability reasons. I also used to have a Patreon, and there was a long stretch where I didn't know what to do with it; my motivation had completely fallen off, I was depressed, I was contemplating a career change, and I was behind on "rewards." So I know how crappy that feels. I didn't have anywhere near the size of platform you've created, which is part of why that career path was unsustainable for me to begin with, but I still felt horribly guilty. I ended up dealing with it similarly to the way you've proposed, just changing the tiers and letting everyone know. I feel I should warn you that I did lose patrons when I did that, though not all of them (and again, I wasn't the type of content creator you are). In the end, nobody seemed to get mad, nobody asked for a refund, and frankly (as a friend pointed out), they wouldn't have supported me if they didn't have disposable income to begin with. What I really want to say is, Patreon is a way for people to directly support human beings who create things - If your patrons wanted to only give money to a person or shop who is actively making things for them, they would go shopping on Etsy or something. Life changes happen. Don't feel guilty over this- you've allowed people access to your life and projects in a really special, generous way, and now you're not able to do that anymore. You're not in violation of any contract, and people who think your work is cool don't want to be a source of anxiety for you. I hope this made sense. I think this might be my first KZbin comment ever. TL;DR, Patreon support is voluntary and everyone supports you knowing you're a human being and life happens.

[@marisolreyes6502]

Very nice input. I hope Mariah reads it & perhaps she will feel better. Afterall, she’s a wonderful creator. I watch her videos over and over again just because I love her format. I kits wish I could support her as a patron, but times are really hard right now. Just trying to survive. I thank God every single day for just giving me each day.

[@erin2535]

@@dizzylizzy2542 beautifully said Lizzy ♥️♥️♥️ ... Mariah if and when you get back to the comments here, we're all cheering for you guys and excited. You're going to be a wonderful mum and things will become more predictable again. Xoxoxox

[@genevieveatkinson4217]

Congratulations! Every single pregnancy is different. DO NOT beat yourself up. Maybe make one video a month. Maybe do some live videos doing the knitting and just talk with us. Plan when they will be, so more people can get on. Yes all of these feelings are valid. But also don’t beat yourself up for it not being how you thought it should be. Take care of you and the baby. With my last one I did throw up from February to August. I laid on a couch or in bed unable to move or I would puke. I felt better when I had fruit and veggie smoothies but other wise I didn’t move. I had three kids to take care of already. They took care of me. Just know whatever you do with your channel we are here. I’m sorry you are struggling. If there is anything you need please reach out.

[@bexbergh4295]

It’s good to see you back on camera. 💛 I wanted to just validate your current experience of pregnancy… Something I learned recently is that for folk who are “more distractible” or more specifically ADHD-pregnancy really messes up your hormones. Like, I mean worse than neurotypical folk. My friend with ADHD had a rough & horrible year last year while pregnant. After giving birth, she felt like the person she was while pregnant was not who she is. You do not need to be any type of way-happy or peppy. Thank you for all that you have shared today & all that you have shared over the last 5 years. Take your time and be gentle to yourself. 🙏🏻 We will be here.

[@Silrielmavi]

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[@apcolleen]

They recently finally did MRIs on women who are menstruating and pregnant and your brain does actually shrink during menstruation pregnancy and as I'm experiencing now menopause. I don't feel like the same person I was before menopause and because i have ADHD and autism It has made those symptoms worse and made my medication less helpful.

[@ilikepeanuts5]

Firstly congratulations! It's a massive life change and understandable about your feelings, especially the financial stress. Everyone knows about postpartum depression, but antenatal depression also exists Take care xx

[@Silrielmavi]

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[@tiryaclearsong421]

Mariah, my mother was like you and I'm a couple years older than you about to start my own TTC journey with possible infertility. I just want to say, my mom had her first child unexpectedly, during a tragic time in her family, and then had severe PPD and was terrified to seek any treatment because her aunt died in an institution. Finances were terrible until I was in the double digits. My mother still regrets that she couldn't give us everything she dreamed, but my perspective is that my childhood was wonderful. I was loved and happy. I had fun in public school and my mom volunteered there all the time when we were little and went on every field trip she could. Our house was never perfectly clean, our meals were often rather quick meals, and our clothes were from relatives or Walmart. But we were so loved. She always did the important things like making some time for each of us every day even if it was only a few minutes. It was idyllic. I can't make her see that she was a wonderful mother, but I promise you. Even if you can't do everything you dream, do what you can and chances are your children will look back on their childhood fondly and with love. Also, as a lifelong knitter and baby watcher, I would consider diaper blow outs with knitting projects for baby. A lot of baby clothes are traditionally white so that they can be boiled and bleached following messy incidents. There are better wool cleaning detergents now, so those may also be an option. Babies are just a bit messy for a long time and they can make a real mess of the clothes you make for them.

[@ozok17]

Second, on the "consider blow-outs". Specifically, may I suggest chaps, possibly tie-on? possibly even to go under diapers (especially if just tied right under the belly).

[@d.greenawalt2628]

I am 32, married for 8 years, and we just had our 4th child. We have gone through a lot of changes over the years. In my hardest times my husband has been there for me and we have rolled with the changes. Make sure you keep talking to your husband. It can be tempting to put on a happy face, but it is best to let him help. Carry the burdens together and everything should work out. Congratulations on the baby. I wish you the best.

[@magikallydelicious]

Listen - you got this. Media is always portraying having babies and spouses is the best thing ever. Reality is a different thing and life keeps on lifeing. I talk to older women sometimes and they express to me that if they understood they may not have had kids or get married (not that they don't love them but....). Mariah is going to feel what Mariah feels and it's okay. I looked at your registry and you already said that he's big. You may want to rethink that 0-3 month thing or add some 6-9 month options.

[@Sewingistherapy]

Congratulations! I totally understand! 4 pregnancies with 5 children and all 4 of my pregnancies were brutal. Give yourself grace and I hope all your viewers will. Yes, children change everything. My oldest is 15 and the twins are 6 with the others in between. It’s a fun, crazy journey! Making things for your kids is so fun and I’ve done it a lot! I’m here to watch whatever oh and my daughter has probably about 70 outfits for her dolls because I made a lot while pregnant. Oh I wish I could give you a hug! Your emotions are valid and please allow yourself to feel them. They don’t mean you will be a bad mom. I also wanted my first child and he also came much sooner than I wanted and I had to deal with that as well. God things are real. I’m so glad you had that moment.

[@Silrielmavi]

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[@ima.ekenes]

Wish I could give you a big hug!❤ Grieving can be such a big part of becoming a new mom, and it has nothing to do with how grateful you are or how much you love your baby. I hope you have someone you can talk to (in addition to your husband), and that you give yourself space and grace to figure things out. Fatigue can be brutal, and there really is no way to force your way out of it. Sending you lots of love!❤

[@Silrielmavi]

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[@jwawbeck9840]

You’re allowed to feel like crap. You’re allowed to feel overwhelmed. Unless one has actually lived through it, other folks can’t appreciate how the surprise of pregnancy can really punch a wallop. So many adjustments… physical, financial, logistical, never mind the biggest: mental! You got this, Mariah! Forgive yourself. Sleep. Live for each moment. Breathe.

[@patternpup]

Thank you for your honesty in this video. I don't think we talk about transitions enough in our lives - how they change us, how they never follow the careful plans we made for ourselves. Sometimes it feels like the only thing we can do is endure and try to pick up the pieces once your new life has emerged. It can be surprising what new possibilities come about when you are forced to let go of old expectations. You are strong and resourceful, you've got this! New beginnings are so hard and scary. I'm excited to see what comes next for you, whatever form it takes. Be gentle with yourself, your viewers are not disappointed in you at all. We don't follow you because you are a content machine, we follow you because you are a creative person in the world and are just grateful to get a peek into that ❤

[@KenZchameleon]

First: I also had a baby in late November and the best things I got were light-weight blankets to go over the car seat and stroller bonnet. If you want to make one, I highly recommend a bulky yarn that can be easily washed and dried; and it doesn't have to be big! My favorite blanket was roughly 2' square. Second: The fatigue is real. That baby growing inside you is a beautiful, wonderful, amazing energy leech. I can't promise it will get better because every body is different. Stay hydrated and sleep when your body is tired. Sunshine and fresh air are your friends (as if you never go outside lol). Third: Our emotional expectations of pregnancy are wacky. Your emotions are 100% valid and you are NOT a bad person and you will NOT be a bad mom. Your heart is so big and Caleb and Baby are blessed to have you. Fourth: Make projects that give you joy, no matter the craft. Share them if you want to (I will totally nerd out on whatever you make) but don't feel compelled to. And lastly: Give yourself the same grace and compassion you would give a friend or loved one if they were in your position. ~sending you good vibes and best wishes 🥰

[@britnyryu2067]

I wanted to say that I had fertility issues (took us 7 years to get pregnant) and i had the worst pregnancy ever and i super suffered from the guilt of not feeling like i was "happy enough". I had a terrible birth (a huge baby and was 5 weeks ahead for the 2nd and 3rd trimester) and an even worse post partum (almost died and had blood transfusions) and then because of everything was super depressed. I upped my depression medicine and thankfully had help from my husband's mother, but even with that it still took me aobut a year and a half to be better. I didn't say that to make you feel like oh it never ends, but when it did i came alive again and have an amazing 2 year old now and i'm planning on homeschooling her and i even want more kids now (was super traumatized during pregnancy and was like never again) So i just wanted to be another person to say that it will get better, I hope your financial problems will be fixed and that you have a village to support you, and that you aren't alone.

[@ozok17]

also, because it bears repeating: someone else's pain doesn't make yours any less real

[@teruldacz]

Sorry to hear you're struggling. Just a quick tip about the fox situation... I know that some people come to local zoo and ask for lions or tigers poop. It apparently scares of predators. It might be worth looking into

[@susancheveralllong7694]

Male urine sometimes work but needs to be replaced after rain.

[@ulhi7564]

Dog fur can also work on smaller critters, just ask a friend with a double-coated dog

[@rosieweaves99]

Knitting podcasts (aka sit down chatty videos about current or finished projects) are a HUGE thing in the youtube/knitting intersection, so if that's a format that could work with your life right now then I'd reccomend it! Also some people vlog individual projects, so it has been done if you need examples (Retro Claude is a good example of that, as well as her month long vlogs of her stash busting projects).

[@bethanyhutchinson6714]

Going through pregnancy and mothering is definitely a huge life change, but don’t despair! You will have time for yourself! The young years are a tough season, but you will find time for your hobbies/passions. I have 3 children and they are currently 14, 11, and 10. I have homeschooled from the beginning when my oldest was 4 and I had a newborn and 21 mo old. I taught myself to sew about 5 years ago. It’s amazing what moms can do. I found I was MORE productive with 2 and 3 kids than when I had 1! Hang in there!! I think vlog style videos would be great and hopefully a little easier on you.

[@gsarnett77]

Oh, Mama, all these emotions and fears are normal. I wish I could give you a great big hug right now.

[@morganbrawley5984]

I was similar to you. I wanted 8 kids, after my first I didnt think I could handle anymore. I wanted to homeschool and bake all the things and be the susie homemaker mother. I tried to homeschool during covid and it was HORRIBLE. I was horrible. I had to come to terms with that i could not do that and still be a good mom. I also suffered from postpartum depression, but i didnt know it or talk to the doctor about it. I just figured I was tired and a bad mom for not feeling happy all the time. Motherhood is HARD. It is NOT intuitive, it is scary and you feel completely lost 90% of the time. Other people are constantly trying to tell you what to do or telling you that your doing it wrong. I love my kids dearly and i am grateful for them beyond words. You will not be a bad mother. The fact that you care, means your a great mom. You will make mistakes, we all made mistakes. But the kids survived and that was the metric that I started to live by. Did my kid survive the day? Yes. Ok we won today! I know it doesnt feel like it but youve got thia. And its OKAY to change your mind about how many kids you want. Please talk to your doctor about postpartum depression. It can start happening while your still pregnant. We love and adore you and i wish i could make this easier for you. We support whatever way you want this channel to go.

[@ulhi7564]

I hope you got the support you needed and congrats for being able to reconsider your choices, too many can get lost in roles that don't end up suiting them

[@cenedra20]

I slept so much all through the whole pregnancy! Almost didn't sew bc i had no energy whatsoever. it felt like everything changes and nothing will be the same again. but then after giving birth, my body felt better, I could lift things and walk and breath easily. My hubby made sure to give me free time for my projects, and so i found motivation again and sewed and crafted to my heart's desire... it took time, and a lot of learning, but eventually you figure out out. How to raise a child and work and have free time as well. It's possible, and although you feel like crap right now, know that it will get better!❤

[@SandraKilgore-n6v]

I’m a grandmother now but I remember how tiring pregnancy was. Used to remind myself and others that I was also “sleeping for 2.” Parenthood IS a big change and I don’t think anyone is really ready when it happens, but that’s okay and normal. You and your husband will figure it out together, your son will be cherished and your home will overflow with love.

[@taylorr.s8082]

Please open up KZbin channel memberships. I would love to support you on here. With my oldest I was super exhausted the entire pregnancy and puked daily for 2 months. With my youngest, there was nothing and every pregnancy is different. You got this!

[@alexam8919]

Congratulations!! The baby knits are adorable and I would absolutely watch your videos about making baby items or setting up a nursery or anything else you would care to share. I am on my 3rd pregnancy (also a boy due at the end of November!) and still love to make little things for my kids. Have you considered quilting? Baby quilts especially can come together quickly, plus you could still focus on natural materials and historical methods by using up fabric scraps, making historical quilt blocks, and/or hand quilting the finished product. It could be an interesting alternative to clothing, what with all the body changes that happen during pregnancy and the postpartum period. As for the pregnancy, I think my first one was the hardest, because everything is new and you don't really know what to expect from your own body. It's ok to be overwhelmed or fatigued or emotional - everything is new, and you have to just take it one day at a time and listen to your body.

[@stacynowak3141]

Congrats! As one who has multiples: please use this as an opportunity for inspiration! Split side skirts look amazing, with size adjustability for most of pregnancy and nursing after. Also, there is a huge dearth of wonderful nursing tops! They all look like layered t-shirts... The tired is normal, especially for the first trimester. There is a schedule adjustment, but after the newborn stage you can get back to activity. Have a doctor double check your thyroid levels! You could be running a little low, which would contribute to your sleepiness.

[@ozok17]

"tired" is a common symptom of... many things. but yeah, definitely check the usual suspects eg thyroid, vitamins (D, B12, iron...), and do what you can (counterintuitive as it sometimes seems) to sleep, move your body, drink water, and tell people.

[@dc2london]

Every pregnancy can be different. You might "sail" through the next. Regardless, you sound really down. Make sure you take care of you.

[@merlumina]

First off - I was literally knitting baby socks when I saw this video pop up on my feed and got so excited. I am due Nov 4 so we are currently going through things almost at the same time! I also was mentally preparing myself for potential fertility issues and surprised to see things happen so quickly. I really, really appreciate how candid you are about how you have been feeling. It feels like so many people who make parenthood-related content are just all-in on making that part of their identity and it can feel very alienating when you don't feel the same. You feel like something is wrong with you when things don't work out the way everyone tells you they will. My pregnancy has also been tough on me - I feel like I maybe anticipated a bit more of the symptoms than you say you did, but there are still a lot that I did not. The worst thing for me has been constant post-nasal drip since about week 9 that extended my morning sickness by a fair amount and still makes me hack up and feel like I'm choking. No one warned me about that!! And 1000% with you on the "...really?" reaction to "2nd trimester is so much better!" Around weeks 14-18 I was just in so much despair and frustration how bad it made me feel when other people were telling me to expect things to get better and they just...weren't. Now I'm dealing with SPD and walking is so painful. I'm also overweight and out of shape, so with all of that together, not being able to get up off the couch makes me feel like even more of a piece of crap - like maybe if I wasn't so "lazy" I'd be in better shape and would feel better (and down the line would be a better mom....oof the thought spirals). I'm sorry you are going through things right now. It broke my heart to see you cry like that, but I also started tearing up because I identify with those feelings so much. Some of the same words have come out of my mouth when I was talking to my therapist. It's so hard to have to worry about so many things at one time. I hope things start getting better for you soon! I am finally starting to focus on "nesting" - getting excited about the projects I'm making for my baby has improved my mood a lot, and it seems like that is maybe happening for you too. Good luck with everything and hoping for a healthy last trimester and birth for your family

[@Heather-m3o]

Hey Mariah! Pregnancy is hard and a huge change that your bodys going through. Dont put so much pressure on yourself. You wont feel this way forever so worrying about the future based on how you feel right now is only going to lead to more stress. Pregnancy brain is definately a thing, its not that your lacking in anyway or falling short as a human being or wife. Your growing a little person, its going to take all the resources your body has and leave you with very little. I hope you start to feel better and remember the saying that God laughs when your busy making plans. Take it day by day and get help if you need it!

[@Silrielmavi]

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[@silver5515]

For kids I have found that ribknitt will make warm and size inclusive pants. They can be folded on the bottom when they are long. I have had most success with a double strong sock yarn, using a pattern from drops design.

[@JaneyBug]

Just yesterday I was wondering about you and what/how you are doing. I too, like so many others, started watching your channel for the projects you were posting. But, I have stayed for you! YOU are the project, YOUR personal journey is the content. Please don't ever forget that. Although I've never been able to have kids, I'm so happy to see so many of your viewers validating the challenges you're facing while being pregnant. Sometimes just knowing that you're not alone can be the support you need. And, to that end, please don't think that your content has to be complete projects or all "sunshine and roses" for your viewers/followers to watch. Regular updates on how you are doing, what you're attempting in the nursery, in-progress updates on whatever project you're currently tackling would be very welcomed by us. And, I honestly think it would be so very good for you. Just looking at all of the love and support pouring in might just be the support you need, even if it is just "virtual"!! Take care of yourself and the little "project" you're building within you!!

[@catherinetaylor3449]

I love sewing room vlogs! And I love baby clothes! And I love your channel, content, projects, and attitude! I am excited for what is to come. Yet, also, NO PRESSURE if even the sewing vlogs feels like too much stress. Lots of sympathy for you right now. Congratulations of your pregnancy. Running to go join your Patreon.

[@alicialeonard5369]

My baby is now 3 and it just now feels like life is getting to a normal state in any direction. The pregnancy and the first year were the absolute hardest though I loved my baby and was grateful for her throughout. Just keep one foot in front of the other, you'll get through it. Also, I do believe your audience has much lower expectations of you than you yourself do. Appreciate every single video but would never dream of demanding them

[@ushere5791]

dear one, my precious mom was depressed when she was pregnant with me--i was a surprise, too, even though they wanted us--and she was depressed for many years after she had me. so please try not to be down on yourself. you are doing just fine in spite of how it feels. please try to focus only on everything you're thankful for. you will get through this. you're so fortunate to have caleb and your family. that's a lot more than a lot of people have.

[@veronicahuffines7707]

It is perfectly fine to have your channel shift, in what it is showing, and how often videos are posted. Pregnancy is hard (hug) and for me at least completely knocks me on my feet with exhaustion. Parenting toddlers is way easier for me than being pregnant. My oldest is 15 and almost everything has been easier than being pregnant. I appreciate you being honest with how hard things are, even when you are getting what you had hoped for. And just FYI you have been in my prayers the past few months. And I will keep praying for you as you are in this transition. You can do this! You can be an amazing mom and still be an exhausted zombie when you are pregnant.

[@linmol17]

More relaxed and not a whole project per video may be a greate alternative to starting to get an income through content. For me a short in the moment with a consius project is lovely! it dosn't have to be a whole project over month before you can post it. Have missed your content and I hope you find the energy and motivation to make it work.

[@michelerucker3755]

There are seasons of life, I have missed seeing your videos and thought maybe you might be expecting ❤️❤️❤️. It would be wonderful to just follow your life, kids home remodeling etc. God bless you! You may need to have your iron checked ❤️❤️❤️

[@trishblakely3476]

Mariah, I would like to offer you a giant hug. It’s all so hard! You are growing a human being inside your body, which is A Job on its own. I’m so sorry you’ve had all these extra pressures this year. Ante-natum depression is a real thing and it sounds like you’re experiencing it now. This internet stranger is telling you that it’s ok to be grateful to be pregnant, and to be sad and scared at the same time. Do not feel guilty because you’re not blissfully happy. Please try not to worry about any expectations you’ve set for yourself, about what kind of mom you’ll be, what your channel will look like, what your new life will look like. Try to focus on this baby, here and now, and taking care of yourself as best you can. You are stronger than you think. And you’re not alone. ❤️❤️‍🩹

[@JaLynnTardisGeek]

People have already said a lot about antenatal depression but i want to add that your content on building a wardrobe has really informed my own sewing projects postpartum. I felt really lost in my personal style and sewing as my waist has changed a lot in the last three years and two babies, felt like it wasnt worth it to make stuff for myself, but your video on those 8 steps helped me to us in on what i needed from clothes i made - that is, adjustable clothes like wrap skirts and tops and clothes that are nursing friendly (more wrap tops!). I really got lost in my sense of self after my first baby (lost in a way that i didnt really realize until after my second and looking back it was such a different experience) and making my own clothes has really helped me feel good on the rough days. That said i have not made a lot! Just a few things. Congratulations on your baby boy!!! I have two boys, and they are such sweethearts. The baby is wriggling, figuring out how to crawl, and the toddler is loving to explore the world and help his brother. Im sorry pregnancy is rough on you, and i hope the life change of a new baby goes well for you :)

[@candynkeith]

Oh yeah congratulations. Believe it will be okay. As long as you love each other and hold on tight it will be okay. Live each day one at a time. I love the knitted baby clothes.

[@SunnyMorningPancakes]

1 - Congratulations. 2 - thank you for the video before this one - I have just spent a week making a version of that skirt for myself before I will actually need it in winter. 3 - J Draper uploaded A fun/historical video on dolls clothing last week - they were making an English "American Girl" style doll and giving her a story. It might be a nice watch. 4 - Take care of yourself first, this is a season and won't last forever.

[@rljturbo]

Some babies are just very big….. no matter what all their charts say. .. also please don’t stress your self out over content for the chanel…… we will be here when ever you have the energy for it…. No matter the type of content. Also if you have spend a Long time being scared that you would not be able to have kids, it is perfectly normal to be scared about actually being pregnant and the outcome. And it does take some mental acrobatics to convince your self that you are aloved to be happy and enjoy it, trust me I have been there. I would say to turn down the amount of things you would want to make yourself and try not to focus on all of it at once. No matter what you and Caleb will end up the best parent team ever.

[@woodenkat8971]

Please be kind to yourself. I pay for patreon because i genuinely enjoy you, and i wanted to try your patterns. They are fun! Please do not feel guilty that your body growing a whole person and not enjoying it, insurance is complicated and just generally life is hitting you with a bat. Your videos helped me get through a very similar period and i am currently able to support you through yours. Hugs and love.

[@ozok17]

patterns are cool. i might look at the patreon for access...

[@marjoriegarcia5255]

I promise the first is the hardest! After that, it gets easier. I cried when I got pregnant the second time, thinking I would never have time to myself again. But they will start to play together and you will get more time. Stay strong. I now have 6 kids 14-1 years old. And now homeschooling 4 of them. You can do it. Good luck.

[@Lucyclover8]

Congratulations on the pregnancy! I'm so sorry that this year has been hard, and that pregnancy has been difficult, but I hope that everything resolves in a positive and comfortable way. I hope that you don't put too much pressure on yourself with the channel, it's great just to see you occasionally and hear how everything is going, and I think everyone would understand if you needed a break!

[@RhiannonSteele-c4y]

I’m expecting #2, due September so a little ahead of you. In the first tri I was sooooo tired I couldn’t even lift my knitting needles. I’ve not touched sewing or spinning since either! But this is last baby for me so I’m already excited about sewing my clothes after. Lean into wanting to make baby clothes, cute small projects! The energy and mojo will come back over time, you’ll find your routine and it’ll be ok.

[@SonniXD]

I had a ruff pregnancy too and I had real bad depression and the advice I have for you is get help ask for help and most importantly accept the help others offer to you! I made it through all the downs and chaos in my life because of all the help I got. My baby is 5 years old already. There will be times when you think how the hell will I manage this and times when you think all the stress was sooooo worth it. It's ok to feel like you're not doing it right... others feel like that too. You will find a way and you will look back and say with all the resources I had I did the best I could have done. You can do it. It will all be alright. I believe in you.

[@jnetbeams]

Mariah - I had a very similar experience to yours. Pregnancy hits everyone differently, and for people who like to be in control and well planned, it has a tendency to ruin that. It’s okay to be ambivalent about all of it. The changes, the weariness, the fact that you’re not happy, and the blessings that you feel are coming. You owe no one anything at all. You are not failing by falling “behind” - indeed, you are showing that you are very much human. And that’s what the journey is, a very human experience. Reach out to those who love you. Know that your fans only want the best for you. I’m now in my 50s, and I can tell you, you have the strength to do this, give yourself the grace to do it in whatever way your heart leads you. Many blessings to you.

[@ΟυρανίαΦρατζέσκου]

I'm glad you are doing ok. Congratulations on your pregnancy, take care of your health first. We will be here for you

[@knitsmith90]

One of the things I've learned over the past few years is that there are very few major life changes that are purely good or purely bad. Almost every major change, even a good and hoped-for change, will bring with it the loss of other things, and it is normal and healthy to grieve those losses, even while you're celebrating the change overall. You've had a busy few years, with a lot of change. It is normal that you would have a lot of mixed feelings about that. I would second all of the comments talking about making sure you've got a support system for your mental health, including telling your doctor (or therapist if you have one) about these feelings. Depression during and after pregnancy is common and treatable. I'm wishing you all the best in this new chapter!

[@morganbrawley5984]

Kids consignment stores were a life saver as the kids grew. Tou bring in the stuff they outgrew and get credit for the new cloths. It made clothing growing kiddos so much easier and more affordable. Garage sales are probably cheaper, but I had a hard time going that many places (very introverted) and talking to that many strangers. Also maybe start a gofund me for medical expenses?

[@raraavis7782]

Ahhh...man. Pregnancy is really doing a number on you. I ultimately ended up not having children, but I'm very familiar with comatose tiredness and feeling just completely worn out and hopeless from hormonal issues. It's pretty crazy, how much these little buggers control us. Please just know, that any kind of content you make is welcome. It doesn't need to be a fancy costuming project or a completely homemade wardrobe (although I absolutely loved your videos regarding that last year). You're just a very likeable person and I would enjoy 'hanging out' here again for whatever you feel like filming. Be it baby clothes or garden stuff. Maybe cooking? Or just random rambling about life and it's difficulties. Or maybe you would enjoy talking about a tv series or books you like. Your poor chickens, btw. I'm so sorry. I know, you are pretty attached to them 🫤 Btw, are you familiar with Charlie from the channel TheStitchery? She made a whole series about size adjustable skirts and pants. And dresses. Maybe that would be something to look into, if you do feel like making something for yourself, after all. So you you don't have to worry, you won't get much wear out of the pieces due to a changing figure.

[@michaila.w]

I was also thinking about Charlie from TheStitchery - not just her adjustable clothes, but that videos more along her style may be something worth trying. She does a lot of those project vlogs and things don't always work out but that's okay. Give yourself permission to be imperfect.

[@raraavis7782]

@@michaila.w True. I like how confident and relaxed she is about just experimenting with new ideas. I think it really bears pointing out, that many of us don't care about 'perfection', because we mostly watch these videos for company and entertainment, anyways. I mean, the thing with the size adjustability I will actually implement into at least my more casual clothes - it's genius and not hard to do, after all. But mostly I don't watch fellow sewists or crafters expecting a professional grade tutorial. It's more about seeing what other people are up to, getting some inspiration and maybe having a nice chat in the comments. Half the channels I'm subscribed to are about historical fashion anyways and I don't actually make or wear anything like that. I simply don't have the time, budget or storage space to get into that. But I do enjoy watching others doing it.

[@theplussizecostumer]

I just wanted to reach through my computer screen and give you a hug. I understand the stress of unsure finances because my family and I are having financial issues, too. Thank goodness for your Patrons. They're really a blessing for you. I know things look bleak right now and it seems impossible that things will get better. But they will. Whatever videos you want to do is fine by me.

[@fearlessknits1]

Mariah, I'm so glad to see you back here. I'd been worrying about where you were. So sorry to hear that pregnancy (yay) has been messing with your brain chemistry so much. It's horrid when your brain betrays you like this. Solidarity to you ❤

[@Silrielmavi]

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[@tiinakarmala633]

Congratulations! So much of what you said brought back lots of my own memories of being pregnant about 18 years ago. I had some big dreams and high hopes too. But life doesn't go according to our plans. We had to wait 4 years for our baby and the rest of the many I wanted never came. It's very hard to just let life lead you but now, looking back, maybe all this was for my own good. Every obstacle gives us a chance to think and grow better. I'm sure you'll be a fine mother and have so many wonderful times ahead that what you're going through now will be so worth it! ❤

[@elizabethsaltmarsh8306]

Sending you so much sympathy and care. I am wishing you all the best in finding a new equilibrium. Change is really tricky, and it sounds like you've had more than your fair share of change this year. As a fellow knitter, I'm looking forward to seeing what you make. I'm glad that's an activity you've been motivated to do - I'm hoping it's bringing some energy back into your life. As a Patreon, I'm glad the support has been helpful to you, and I don't see it as micro transactional so I haven't felt shortchanged by the recent gap in content. I'm contributing because I've gotten so much enjoyment out of your content in the past (especially during covid when distraction and parasocial connection was a huge gift), and because I'm always excited to click a new video when you put one out. I hope you can extend yourself some grace and compassion as you're figuring out how to navigate all these changes and find a new work life balance, and hoping your audience will continue to support you through that. Big virtual hugs (or whatever form of affirmation you prefer from online strangers).

[@mariannetaylor4549]

My pregnancies were a lot like yours. You are warned about morning sickness, but no one warns you about the fatigue! I'm sorry it's been so rough. I'll be praying for you, Caleb, and your precious little boy! Being on the other side I can promise you that, while hard, all of it is worth it. God bless you!

[@momosaku16]

As everybody`s saying, your feelings are completely valid! I was also super fatigued during pregnancy, basically slept on the couch the whole time cause sleeping flat on the bed gave me acid reflux. Just take it one day at a time and try not to make too many plans, so you don`t feel bad when you don`t do something. Hormones are a b**ch, I wish you all the best and definitely try getting some help if it gets to be too much.

[@deerhart5009]

My sister had a baby a year ago and she's a great mom. She completely fell apart during pregnancy, had two weeks okay and then worse postpartum. Sometimes being a good mom means calling in the people who love and support you to take care of you and your kid, and if that's all you've got in you, that's perfect. You will have decades to be a put-together mom, it's okay to be falling apart right now.

[@lizzaturnbull]

I think it’s already been said but Ante-natal depression is a very real thing and people just don’t talk about it nearly enough! Even when your baby is desperately wanted and joyfully anticipated, that depression can be awful. If you haven’t already, please speak to someone. All the best and I’m looking forward to whatever output you manage 🥰

[@maripuppquin6483]

you dont have to be perfect, but just try your best. we enjoy seeing how you're doing! and this will be a big life change, so we will be along for the ride 👍

[@eleabolar]

Mariah, I’m so glad you’re back. I think many missed you and were worried about you! Of course, with this new chapter of your life, no one expects you to be so active. Despite the fact that viewers don’t expect your constant presence, you rightfully mentioned that your work is a financial necessity. I really watch this channel for *you* and your thoughtful approach to all things, not just sewing and fiber craft. I hope you get that exception from insurance. I hope things work out better than you expect. I’m not a parent, but I can assure you that you give the impression of a woman who can and will figure it out and make do! You are fundamentally changing your life-you are allowed to change your own expectations for what that looks like. You are so brave and so strong! If you do manage vlogs, I will be happy to watch them, as will others. Best to you ❤

[@CM-xn6xc]

I will love anything you post, that you have made, because you are a very good and creative maker. I think everything will get easier regarding your pregnancy. It is good to see you again, and congradulations!

[@cherisseepp5332]

I’d like to give you some encouragement. Every amazing mother I’ve had the privilege to meet has gone through the mental gymnastics you’re going through. You’re normal. It still sucks, we want to live up to expectations we seem to pull out of goodness knows where. But “mom guilt” is real, it’s normal, and it starts earlier than you think. Once you can realize that, it makes it easier to recognize and work through. It’s ok to not be as excited as you think you should be. It’s ok to be sad, you’re going through a major life change. It’s scary, it’s exhausting, it’s exciting, it’s all the things. Right now, do the imperative things. Make a safe space for the baby. Grow the baby. Those are imperative. The space can become pretty later. I hope that this is the only pregnancy that is a struggle for you. Each one is as different as each child is. Take care of yourself. If you don’t take care of your physical and mental health, you won’t have the capacity to also care for Caleb and your child (and future children). I wish that was one thing that more women could come to terms with. In the past, we lived in tighter communities where children were collectively cared for, women had more breathing room. Now, western society is increasingly individualized and we think we need to do it yourselves. I still remember growing up with the “church babies.” The kids that the entire church enjoyed holding and playing with so that mom could get a hot second to connect to other women and have grown up conversations.

[@KatherineSewing]

Thanks for being so vulnerable. This was surprisingly validating for me, actually. I think a lot of motherhood is learning to have grace with ourselves and let go of things we previously thought were important. You are doing just fine!

[@alynnidalar]

I know all too well that feeling of "well everything is objectively good, but I don't seem happy enough about it, I must be a bad person"--but it's your brain lying to you. You are doing a hard thing! Having mixed feelings (and, some days, entirely negative feelings) is SO common and understandable, and you aren't a bad person for having them. I think in reality, pregnancy for MOST people is something that's much better in the rear view mirror than in the moment. So try not to beat yourself up about it. I also know very well the feeling of "I can't tell people around me the way I feel, I don't want to burden them/they'll realize what a mess I am"... two things, first of all, God already knows how you feel and He loves you anyway. It is not possible for you to lose that. He loves you, He loves your son, and He will not put you through something you can't handle with His help. Even if sometimes we wish He had a lower opinion of our capabilities and let us skip the hard stuff 😂😂😂 And secondly... the people around you who love you, your friends and your family and folks at church... they are still going to love you even if they know the terrible secret that you're struggling. They will not see you as a burden. I promise you this.

[@angela2645]

Oh I wish I could reach out and give you a hug. Pregnancy IS hard. That fatigue that you're describing is what I went through with my pregnancies and it is no joke. You do not have to be perfect to be a great mom, You don't have to be perfect to be a great youtuber, you do not have to be perfect to be a sustainable sewist or homesteader. You are allowed to feel sad and overwhelmed and that doesn't mean you're not doing a good job. You're amazing and I love not just your sewing vids but your blogs and chicken updates. You are so tough and determined, even if you don't feel it all the time. Be kind to yourself and hang in there!

[@lesasmith427]

Advice from a 56 yr old childless female with 7 grandchildren. (4 bonus kids when I married 22 yrs ago) It’s a learning process! Do want u want! What makes u happy! As far as parenting…do what works for U! If it doesn’t “work” feel right…. learn to do something different! U will figure it out! I PROMISE. TRUST ME. Being a Nonna is not what I expected….and I learn everyday but I LOVE IT. Im learning how to be a Mom and Grandmother at 56! Number 1 rule: be honest….be your self! U never know when someone needs to see what ur going through. We all feel alone sometimes…we need to see we ARE NOT!!! It is easier with 2-3 they keep each other “busy”!

[@wyntersynergyundignified]

Appreciate the realness! It was great to see that little smile when you mentioned knitting. I think it’s perfectly fine to pivot your channel, even if it’s long-term temporary ❤ You do what you’re able! May God bless the rest of your pregnancy and your return to adding work back into your routine!

[@fireangelx5]

Congratulations! I want to say that it’s ok for things to change. Give yourself some grace, pregnancy is not easy with rainbows and butterflies for everyone. You will find your joy again and take things as they come and will find your way on this path. Be patient with yourself. You got this.

[@emstrow24]

You are doing great. There are so mnay expectations surrounding pregnancy (from society and ourselves) that its ok if things don't match the picture in your head. Dont beat yourself up about it. You're going through a massive life change and I think its totally normal to be unsure and scared. But youre doing great. I want to echo what several others have said about talking to your doctor about prenatal depression. And through all of this, be kibd to yourself. If you think sharing projects and making videos will help you feel better - cool! I think we all would be happy to watch a video of you sitting on the couch and holding up more cute baby joggers. Or if that makes you feel worse, take the time off. You're growing an entire human- give yourself some grace! You and baby doing well is what's most important.

[@terrywall-e7111]

Thank you for being so honest! You for sure aren't the only one who always wanted kids and then facetime fears around that. And please don't put too much pressure on yourself being a super Mom. It really sounds like a lot how you planned your parenting. Where I live (Europe) homeschooling isn't really an option so I'm always amazed that people are able to do that as parents. So please be kind to yourself if you can't uphold all of your plans! It completely is allowed to change them when you see that you can't or don't want to fulfill them anymore... Lots of love ❤️

[@Azkadelya]

Those knits are so cute! Engineering Knits does historical knitting patterns maybe you could get video inspiration from her? I've never been pregnant so i cannot fathom how the changes can affect you and your life and your emotions, but even outside of pregnancy you have got to give yourself room for failure and grief and anger. You are suceeding in making it through day by day and that's incredible.

[@sifilore9462]

Congratulation Mariah. I think you'll make great mom. If u make more of ur worldbuilding videos, when ur child is older, he or she will love watching them. Like ur own og fairy tales, instead of hundred years old classics. My mom made my Halloween comstume in the mid 90's once. U could do that too.

[@marjorieflorange4684]

Hi Mariah, I usually are a silent suscriber but your video really touches me. From a mum of three who literally hated being pregnant, I can telle you that the way you feel right now will not last forever. Hormones have a different effect on each body (and on each pregnancy even). Just try to accept the way you feel but know that it will get better at some point. And please try not to put pressure on yourself about work : exhaustion is really hard to take, especially for a long period of time. Things will look a lot brighter when you finally feel rested I promise! And also, don't beat yourself up about not feeling happy during pregnancy : I felt like crap all three times and it didn't keep me from loving my kids more than anything in the world! I send you lots of courage and hope your tough time will end soon.

[@yukonroar6659]

I’ve been following your videos for the better part of four years and you’ve done a great job! Like you said you achieved your goal on creating you own wardrobe and it’s time to move on now, I enjoyed the videos about the chickens and gardens! I think it’s time to evolve the video formats and content into homesteader style content in terms of poultry care, gardens, self care and learning childcare as a first time parent. As a single father to an eight your old since their first birthday I know the struggle of focusing on things and getting everything done right, but I can be done. Go easier on yourself and relearn your limits . I don’t want to see you guys stop your content creation however you’ll do what you need to do ✌🏼you’ll do just fine, keep that head up.

[@bethmartinbooks]

Awww, Mariah, give yourself some grace! Being a parent is wonderful and hard in ways we can't imagine before we embark on this journey. It's okay for pregnancy and motherhood to hit different than you expected, and sometimes we don't enjoy things we thought we would. Don't be afraid to reach out to your community and loved ones if you need help.

[@ricardaklever]

Even before you started crying you seemed very depressed to me. 😢Be kind to yourself and try not to worry what people might expect you to do. (I know this is much easier said than done and financial stress ist not fun.) We love you, whatever you do, even if it is just sleeping! ❤And it is absolutely okay to reconsider what you really want or have the strength to do and who you are. I think that's part of many people's lifes at some point. Thank you very much for this honest video. I hope you will feel better as soon as possible. Wishing you all the best ❣

[@tessah6287]

Congratulations on your baby ❤️ I have had one incredibly hard pregnancy and one medium-hard pregnancy. Both times it felt like my brain shut off while pregnant and then I came back to life post partum. In my opinion, having a newborn (even a difficult newborn) is way easier than pregnancy. Hang in there!

[@arialcofer4069]

Congratulations to both of you! I’m so sorry you’ve had such a rough year. I don’t have any children yet, but I do have a chronic illness that causes fatigue and makes me feel the same kind of guilt and self doubt you’re describing. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing that. I know that you are already a Christian, but I just want to say that brining those feelings to God has really helped me to process everything and let go of some of it. You, Caleb, and your baby will be in my prayers. Also, as a Patreon supporter, please don’t feel bad. I saw someone else say you are the heart of this channel, not the projects, and that’s exactly right. We want to support you! Be kind to yourself. Trust God. Everything will be okay ❤️

[@UsakiaMC]

This video is hitting me at a weird time in my life. I'm in my early 30's as well and me and my husband are just now contemplating the thought of having a child. So seeing a raw look into your life just now is a dose of reality that is refreshing and real. Selfishly I would love more videos about your mothering journey, as you seem like someone who's contemplated it a lot and I'm feeling really behind. You've been a great inspiration to me in my sewing journey, the way you broke down how you think about making clothes that complement your body was a huge step for me. So for then and now, thank you for being you and you have a subscriber in me for as long as you're around, however often that is.

[@AbiFrieden]

Having babies in the modern world comes with so many challenges. I think your feelings are entirely understandable! I am so happy to hear the news and I look forward to the pivot in your content. ❤😊❤

[@liesha7495]

I am sorry about your chickens. Whatever you create, I will watch and support in any way I can.