My NIGHTMARE Ayahuasca Trip [Shocking True Story]

My NIGHTMARE Ayahuasca Psychosis Trip
Ayahuasca: Return to the Dark Abyss: • My Ayahuasca Trip into...
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This is the cautionary tale of the scariest experience of my life. In January, 2017, Yesenia I went went to an ayahuasca retreat in Peru to undergo a psychedelic odyssey of healing and self-discovery. On night 2, everything went wrong and I had a full blown psychotic trip made of hellish nightmares.
#ayahuasca #badtrip #dmt
Chapters:
0:00 - Intro
0:45 - Dark Past & Trauma
5:05 - My first Life changing Ayahuasca Trip
8:35 - First ayahuasca ceremony: Into the Avatar fractal labyrinth
11:40 - The infamous "Night 2" Incident
14:04 - Descending into pure madness
17:45 - Psychosis Level 2
21:10 - Yesenia couldn't save me this time
26:20 - Deep repressed trauma
31:36 - The Aftermath
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[@yourmatetom]

Full UNCUT video with Yesenia on Patreon: www.patreon.com/posts/45444968 Ayahuasca: Return to the Dark Abyss: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jYG3k3Wrmt6Umac&ab_channel=YourMateTom My Music: soundcloud.com/your-mate-tom/ Instagram: instagram.com/yourmatetom3/ Discord: discord.gg/87aBXWf5ej

[@tylerpowell8317]

Hello Your Mate Tom 👋 I have heard of these experiences of being surrounded by evil entities and such: it seems to be a theme in perinatal experience of being trapped in the womb... if you haven’t already you should check out the work of “stanislav grof MD PhD”

[@rmoreno3865]

Tom, I had a similar experience on bufo I was stuck in a realm and I wanted to get out but couldn't I begged for someone to kill me. I'm scheduled for jan 23 2021 to do ayahuasca for first time and to be honest I'm terrified do you have any advice please 🙏

[@TheMXriders]

@Your Mate Tom That is so intens for me to hear. I would say I had the same mindset on LSD (multiple times) but without the berserkermode. You are just talking right from my soul. Biggest fear of loosing my mind and just thinking thats it, now I fucked up my head. Im sober now, for 5 month. Maybe thats the best way to go.

[@BeanDar]

Tom, should I try psychedelics if I have schizophrenia?

[@gurudra]

Life begins where fear ends

[@yourmatetom]

Can't argue that :)

[@Tdtsnowflake]

Everything works with law,no need to fear. Easier said than done though:)

[@ricky2012100]

Facts

[@justaguyinasuitxx]

I agree but idea of “no fear” is stupid like of course life is full of fear. It’s the overcoming of fear that makes life interesting. I think life begins when u no longer fear or dread the anticipation of fear coming your way

[@brah04X]

I feel like there's truth to both statements. Maybe it's neccessary to look at what activates the fear? Like, feeling fear when you are hunted by a bear or when a fire is raging is probably good to a degree as it helps you to survive. On the other hand, fearing the unknown, things that aren't dangerous or fearing fear itself seems to be a huge waste of time and energy. I saw Wim Hof talk about fear the other day and I liked his approach. He said that he goes to the fear, challenges it, so the fear never chase him. In other words, he knows the feeling but he faces it and sees it for what it is.

[@yourmatetom]

In case anyone was wondering: 1. No I have not experienced anxiety or depression for years, and I do not hold any trauma from this night. 2. I have continued to have profound beautiful psychedelic trips (after a couple year break of course) 3. And no, I have not experienced anything remotely close to this situation again. This was a once off wake up call. It’s genuinely all good in the hood. This was a lesson I needed to learn. At least now I can genuinely help people overcome heavy experiences. It is 100% possible to heal, integrate and grow from even the worst trips. Much love ❤️

[@d0ubletap586]

Thank you for the years of cotent

[@PsychedelicActualization]

Wonderful ❤️

[@yakuza26]

@Your Mate Tom - Great to hear that at least you feel like you were able to grow from this frightening experience.

[@vinderesual]

Thanks for sharing

[@uriallon]

I like the part she says it’s not a fixer, it’s an opener. Good observation

[@Trent_Moorman]

Wow this is moving advice!

[@Goaterd]

Yeah! It is a profound observation and something people need to hear. I love what she says afterward, that it empowers you to fix yourself. That is the true power!

[@karenrosenvinge443]

Yeah guys..and if the opener is too much right now, maybe get a good psychotherapist and go often for some time and then try the opener again. Aya cannot stand alone, in my opinion, if you havn't already received a lot of therapy or are going to right after...and I repeat: with a good PSYCHOTHERAPIST...

[@SomeJustice19k]

I did some acid and thought I was losing my mind. I was convinced that due to my combat related PTSD I became schizophrenic and was never coming back. After letting my ego die everything was OK. In hindsight, I forgot to follow rule number 1: go with the flow.

[@oliverhardman3513]

The ego can put up a hell of a fight. I remember one particular trip where I convinced myself in was in a coma, with my friends trying to contact me. It was only once I accepted the "coma", did It surpass.

[@tebow954]

People should really watch Robert Sapolsky's lecture on schizophrenia. When you actually know what it is in a medically articulated way suddenly you find its harder to throw the word around.

[@Ogkellyk]

Same thing happened to me but on mushrooms it was pretty scary

[@codybonnet]

Thank God you weren't alone, or it's very possible you wouldn't be here today. Value of good trip sitters is underestimated I think. Great video! Thanks so much for sharing that.

[@yourmatetom]

I agree. This was a wake up call big time.

[@EyeSea]

“You’re going to carry that weight”. Loved the video, the honesty and just the overall rawness of it. Hope you two are doing well! Much love for ya

[@IsaacMerkouris]

cheers for this video tom, as a fellow aussie and watching your other alcohol addiction videos and psychedelic videos you’ve definitely helped me along my spiritual and life journey. listening to your stories and tips has given me heaps of confidence and hope that all my past traumas from psychs and other previous experiences have all left and past me. take it easy brotha 🤝👁

[@Handleshandler]

I can not thank you two enough for inspiring me to grow, and evolve.

[@PsychedelicActualization]

Really appreciate your authentic honesty and humility in this video ❤️❤️❤️

[@uchihamadara2179]

7:01 that dude scared the hell out of me

[@bacolando]

You two are so beautiful together. I don't even know you guys but I feel a lot of love towards you both. I truly wish both of you a happy fulfilling life together, through sticks and stones ✊

[@johndeaux8815]

I already know this video will be great. Always happy to see you upload, Tom!

[@brah04X]

Dude, you remind me so much of myself sometimes. My name is Tom (not shortened), I'm built a lot like you with brown hair, moustache and beard in about the same fashion. Started carrying baggage with me from a young age, my mother says you could see this in my school photographs from time to time since I was five. When I was about thirteen I started drinking and writing graffiti, started smoking weed around 15 and then for many many years on. I was always interested in tripping and did it to a degree but I have gotten some smaller scares (that probably would have been nothing for some people) that made me chill out for the most parts. This was to a big degree because my biggest fear for a long time have been to lose my mind (when you said this, I felt like, alright, now I wanna say something haha). Through the last years where I have gone through troubles with pills and the following depression I have come to realize that I simply built a reality that I couldn't uphold any longer, so it all crashed eventually. After my recovery started, I started to look for enlightenment and a different reality, and I was actually supposed to have been drinking ayahuasca this week but I couldn't make it happen. Though, I now feel that what I'm supposed to do isn't to dig for grandiose knowledge, my goal is to explore and love myself and others as much as possible. I can't help but to wonder if I would've faced a similar purge if I had drank ayahuasca, I always feel like that one is waiting for me. Doing a lot of shadow work right now (and you are one of the people who inspired me to do that) and are about to do a past life regression therapy, really curious about the results. This is what I had now but I could say more, to say the least. Maybe I just told you my life story in summary for no reason at all, but please respond if you see the similarities that I do, would be cool to talk more in that case ;) Peace n love

[@bronsondiamond2025]

Lol same 🤣

[@brah04X]

@@bronsondiamond2025 Haha amazing, what parts can you relate to? Or is it most parts? :D

[@alyssaandlayahmartinez1737]

319 2nd St NE, Oelwein, Iowa 50662

[@willowway42]

Beautifully horrendous. Thank you for being so Candid. I usually don't listen to "trip" reports because my journeys have been so profound, it can be hard to relate. This was exceptional. Glad I listened. Bless ♡

[@justaguyfromglasgow2251]

I had a scary experience on 5 tabs of acid where I found what I was looking for. I found and experienced that oneness feeling where everything was connected BUT I freaked out as I didn't like the idea of me being everything (not me as in personality) but the ultimate I. I found it incredibly terrifying knowing that I have always existed and always will, even if I were to kill myself. What I realised after this was that it wasn't an enlightened experience as my ego was still holding on telling me things like "you are everything" "everything is one/lonely". I learned after that day that it's important and beautiful that we all have egos and separate personalities because we can learn off people and have fun. It's great having an ego and destroying it or living without it (which is impossible) isn't my aim now. It's about recognising when it's flipped on to its bad or judgemental side and learning not to fall for it and become identified with it as it is only thoughts. It's great having an ego because we have the choice then to sit in periods of time without it. Like the while Yin and Yang. Use the mind to achieve the no-mind state. I want to make it one of my next videos explaining this and other psychedelic content. Keep up the great work and I kinda know what that feels like with the whole "broke my brain" as if you've entered into this weird place and it's just stuck in limbo. Words can't do it justice. I've since had many beautiful experiences with substances like letting go to actually experience temporary ego death and so on. Meditation goes well with talking stuff as well as present moment awareness for anyone struggling :)

[@peterpeter287]

very beautifully written, couldnt agree more on your point of embracing the beauty of the ego instead of aiming to “destroy” it

[@Lullabybabyzzz]

I’ve had this without shrooms and I identify with the lonely and terrifying fact that I was all. It was excruciating and made me happy to have my ego back. And be me. Maybe one day I could face that. I know that’s the ultimate truth tho because so many ppl experience it.

[@johnmellberg5880]

Super inciteful man...thank you for sharing. ✌💜🕉

[@Lullabybabyzzz]

@@mink33 I do sometimes to a certain extent. I actually had anxiety and increased derealization when introduced to the theory of solipsism. And I fought with it. Tried to totally reject it. But I realize at the core of everyone of us is the ultimate God (whatever you want to call it) and with our human brains I tried to conceptualize how lonely and terrible that felt. Being the sole source and it is fucking terrifying. This was my ego death and me trying to take on the totality of God. That was hell. I gave up appreciated and loved my Ego even more and realized I don’t want get rid of it I just need to tune it. But I believe God loves you break itself down and fractionalize it’s existence. Much like parents love having children. God wants us to experience all of Life and love it and feel free. Because in many ways parents live thru their Children. I think God is doing the same. On a level that is more divine than traditional parenthood. But still as loving. Hope this helps.

[@Lullabybabyzzz]

@@mink33 and I have to also remember to say that. That’s MY truth. Yours may be different it’s whatever proves true to you.

[@adamblackman6660]

I had a dear friend who died in the jungle during a dieta . She died alone outside the tent, from blunt force trauma and a broken neck. her body laid there in the heat for 3 days while some folks continued with their experience. It was far from her first time... the people she paid for medicine and care left her unattended and she died. be wary of so called shamans. Miguel Chiriap was found guilty of culpable homicide in 2017. -RIP Leslie

[@adamblackman6660]

@Cristina Diaz Cano thank you... it’s been almost exactly 4 years. She was an amazing human being.

[@Lowshyne]

Jeez that’s horrible. That’s why if I ever do a ceremony I want to do it with a trusted shaman

[@soprotivleniye7620]

So did she hang herself or what?

[@adamblackman6660]

@@soprotivleniye7620 No… She had violent spasms. The force of her own body hitting itself against the earth, is most likely what caused the fatal traumas.

[@soprotivleniye7620]

@@adamblackman6660 This is very sad.

[@DeadlyEditss]

You and Yasenia making videos in the nature has such a great vibe keep up the vids!

[@ismokebud3027]

U put so much effort into you’re videos, please don’t ever stop making them❤️❤️❤️

[@nataliaalaska1132]

I love that you and yesenia have each other. Thank you for these videos!!

[@alyssaandlayahmartinez1737]

319 2nd St NE, Oelwein, Iowa 50662

[@esmelaster7167]

Great Content as always Tom and Yesenia!

[@matteovenanzi9780]

Thank you for your teachings Tom!! Hello from Italy :)

[@elijahnazareth9443]

love you guys so much, such a great dynamic yall have - thanks for this informative video.

[@Beefwelliington]

Great video Tom, keep up the good work

[@alexanderlucabaron]

You both seem very genuine and humble. Thank you for sharing this experience. I once witnessed a friend loosing his mind on shrooms and I have also came to a point on LSD were I thought I was going to die. It seems as if we are always able to "come back" but holy shit, it is so terrifying when you think you can't.

[@earthairandselfcare]

That’s great I’m glad you have made the shift for greater good.

[@Danki81]

Wow. I've never heard a description of a terrifying trip that is so similar in details like the most terrifying trip that I once had. Btw: I love you and your channel. I'm just not commenting because I write way too much when it comes to psychedelic experiences.

[@Froostyyy420]

Your relationship with Yesenia is pretty beautiful man. Reminds me of me and my girlfriend. I can relate to always using my girlfriend as an anchor to bring me back to reality. Sometimes tho you need to goto those places and no one but YOU can save yourself. Awesome video brother.

[@johnd1047]

love your guys' energy!!! can almost always relate🤙🤙

[@stonesimpson6602]

Hey you guys, this is Shawn. I could do a third party sort of recollection/interview of this night. I have a perspective. It was my very first night and I was directly beside you. Within minutes you said "I'm freaking out"! I (my first night) said "no you're not!"

[@leoniek1877]

Was that something you just knew?

[@mtbcory7142]

Wow that was insane! I can say it definitely turned you into a better version of yourself. Love ya Tom

[@daves.3278]

You stay ripped year round! Made respect to your dedication tom!

[@jazh7874]

Thank you two for sharing!

[@AC-xo6ir]

I had my first ayahuasca experience not even a month ago. The second night, I too, lost my mind. It wasn't as intense as your experience, I didn't want to kill myself and I was pretty quite for the most part but it was the most frightening thing I've ever experienced. The night before I experienced what I can only describe as a calibration or tuning of my intuition and spiritual senses and it was quite blissful, so I had a really hard time understanding it at the time. What I've come to realize is perhaps I was made to experience mental illness for the purpose of understanding it. I take care of my ailing mother who suffers with a horrible condition and suffers greatly. She's experienced a lot of trauma in life and has never really been mentally well and her condition has only made it worse. I've also been close to two different people who suffered with schizophrenia. One thing I can definitely say is that I absolutely have more empathy for those who suffer this way. Thanks for sharing your experience. Much love to you and Yesenia. Edit: I was not traumatized either by this experience, I felt it gave me insight and I am grateful for it.

[@SniperViper]

Wow that sounds like a extremely traumatic experience. Im glad you learned something from it and you are good now!

[@jasonfunkmclovin6842]

I really need this Tom

[@triple_gem_shining]

Amazing video!!!!

[@SiriusSRX]

I also had a terrifying experience with Ayahuasca 3 years ago, its influence I feel until now, but now it is a positive and strengthening influence.

[@Kiero2011]

Much love, brother

[@bronsondiamond2025]

Man I feel you. I really do. I been there so many times, and I keep forgetting that I get myself there, psychosis. This happens to me on shrooms. In fact just this Sunday I took and eighth of shrooms, and I had a "broke my head" experience, along with the dread, and I even said "fuck I'm an idiot, I knew this would be the one, and then I remember that I did this to myself before, but this time I'm not waking up normal tomorrow" and then those thoughts take me to hell usually, but I repented to Jesus saying "I must wake up normal, someone needs me", and I put on Christian music in bed, and felt normal in 1 hour...the crazy thing is, I do this alone; no shaman or ceremony. I say to the devil "it's wartime bud" and then I open my bible and I praise Jesus for saving my broken head and for making me wise, for, leaning on my own understanding always brings me to psychosis. This is the story I been searching for years, this testimony, along with my recent trip, has impressed into me, to no longer dance with the devil. Phew. Thank God you came back 🙏

[@babyfeeg]

Focusing on Jesus always makes the trip turn into bliss . Same if you are having a nightmare once you become aware of the dream and call on Jesus it instantly ends . Try it out

[@missmistyeyedd]

God will never “go anywhere” he is everywhere. He is in everything. So you don’t ever have to worry if he’s not around or if he is, because the answer is… he is always there.

[@raulbarasa5855]

After many ayahuasca ceremonies, meditation, and new age spiritual practices, I have found ultimate LOVE and LIFE in Jesus Christ. I didn’t want to believe it. I tried to debunk it but at the end.... I found my self bowing at the feet of our God sobbing in complete joy and reconciliation. I’m a free! I pray the same for you. May God bless you brother. He is the way, the truth and the life❤️

[@jeremycasper5181]

Did you have those terror trips like time loops Jesus came and pulled me out of that realm hell or time loop insanity what ever that realm is I was begging for Jesus to come save me and man he awnsered amd when he show his self I knew exactly who he was immediate forgiveness and love unimaginable love and forgiveness and for the first time in my life I truly understand what Jesus did for us to give his own life for ours so that we don’t have to go there and be tourtureed for all entirety from our past and sins this is what I believe the psychedelics experience is. It’s hell amd that’s why some don’t have the time loop/hell cause they haven’t done wrong in there life or it’s a person that really doesn’t care what happens to them and there proud to be a bad person so they are rewarded with there amazing experience now that could just be me projecting but I have tripped a lot and have had heavy dose mushie trips and from what I gather in my own experience is that’s what it is

[@carmancortez8897]

Amen bro I have trouble with unforgiveness And i pray that Jesus will deliver me from this spirit

[@thelairdknows2389]

I was hoping that you would tell us more about this particular experience someday. Video of it would have been fascinating!

[@Enbix]

Love the dimension intro!

[@jonci9712]

I appreciate the rawness of this video

[@terencebigballs8531]

Love this channel

[@eimantasgadeikis]

Love you guys. Best wishes from Lithuania

[@martaolivia5213]

Love you guys 💙

[@Nigrevillian1998]

Your relationship seems so strong

[@tomerpianist]

It's beautiful

[@Nigrevillian1998]

@@FirstnameLastname-pl8je lmao its not that serious. Theres no addiction except maybe weed. Which hes acknowledged in the past. You can't make assumptions and judgments that harsh. Because in reality you know Jack shit about them

[@venageshen2402]

@@FirstnameLastname-pl8je I’m pretty sure I saw a video where they both said they stopped smoking weed and they found each other. Pretty sweet :) they’re very inspiring to me, I wouldn’t say he’s dragging her along with him. It seems they’re on the journey with each other

[@garraty_9340]

I like your stories keep up the good work

[@mattd3706]

I got that dark energy pain in me right now and need to do the same thing, thanks for sharing

[@TheABEXX]

All the best to you both! Just realized that ive watched all your vids since 2016 and feel the obligation to become a patreon. Greetings from germany and see ya on Patreon ;-)

[@crev1018]

Incredible story. Im ready

[@tomzjamz]

Damn, beautiful video mate.

[@circa_76er]

I've listened to quite a few of your podcasts. They are trully mind blowing. This is one of the first YT videos I've watched. For such a young lad, in terms of your spiritual and emotional life experiance it seems like you are years ahead of where I was at your age. Your efforts are much appreciated. By the way I could swear your girlfriend looks like Moana , she is beautiful just like your soul. Best of luck to both of you. Cheers from Winnipeg Canada. 😊

[@SvetiPetre]

Every one in this life is on their OWN journey. All the best bro.

[@andyz4321]

Ah man I felt this. Started crying hearing parts of the experience.

[@ethanabner5514]

I had a similar experience where I just had a full psychotic episode where I lost everything about myself. It was like realizing I was eternal and every second was excruciating and just pure suffering. This infinite fractal that returned to a similar state. It’s so hard to describe but it’s like experiencing a loop forever. I was Puching walls and screaming but I didn’t even know I had a body anymore I just got really afraid and scared and angry and the anger set me off like a snowball rolling down a hill that kept getting bigger and bigger. Appearently to my friends I was screeching and eventually knocked myself out by bashing my head on the corner of a bed frame. Life changing experience that kind of gave me ptsd .

[@Lullabybabyzzz]

What did you take from that experience?

[@mikysweety1]

I have experienced something almost identical as you did. Just wow...

[@Ace_etereo]

This is your brain on drugs!

[@volfied992]

@@Ace_etereo No, this is people with issues on drugs, hahaha

[@lucian5389]

I get the exact same existential fear. It's funny how psychedelics can completely destroy your fear of death but now you have an even bigger fear of what life is you have to deal with

[@sallykaptan]

Into the Dark Abyss was the first video I watched on your channel, thanks to Adam from PsychedSubstance, and after that I just sticked to my Mate Tom. Much love from Warsaw

[@MrSocalreoking]

The purges are incredible. I threw up what I thought were demons. The demons were all the trauma I had. That is my biggest fear that I always go in with loosing my mind. I know that's not good as your throwing that out there to the universe. I remember seeing a demon with his face all cut up. I was seeing this with my eyes open. Other people were getting assistance and I saw I would be alone. I said to myself why am I seeing this? I was told this is your world. You think negatively, you are a pessimistic, this is what your negatively looks like. I said alright ill stop that. I see what it looks like within me and what is doing . I'll stop. The vision went away. I then remember crying, screaming crying because I couldn't believe I was so negative and had such sadness. I was held for a long time. You are right that definitely as a man there are emotions you hold on to that are released during the experience. Things come up that you go wow I suppressed that or wow I remember that. Now you deal with how it really affected you as a child. But I look back at that little boy and say you grew up well. I'm proud of you. I as an adult was there with you. You were never alone. Just want to add that the music played plays a big role 9n your journey. Certain songs you go, oh shit. The beats and tone you know are going to take you places. Walk in Shaman was a good favorite. kzbin.info/www/bejne/ipOVf5WLgd1_qqM Mother I Feel You kzbin.info/www/bejne/g3rUh5pueLJkfck The following day did bufo 8x . It took that much to let go of my negatively. The shaman said he never say someone do it that much. Each time I ke]t saying I can't rid my self of negatively its still within me. I want it gone. I pounded my fist on the ground. They gave me pillows to throw. I then ran around hitting the air. They said who are you fighting. I said me. I'm pissed with myself that I don't get it. Finally I stopped. Looked around and saw love all around me. I smiled and laughed. The shaman said he gets it now. I said wow. All thjs love is within me. How could I not see it. What a great experience. You are very insightful Tom. Please keep up the videos I appreciate your understanding and analysis. We did our experience in Cancun. Our shaman said gets his aya from Peru.

[@scaydsods2844]

This is beautifull, this gives me hope that everyones has a chance to reconcile with themselfs

[@baldkrillin5114]

I luv u

[@bridgeidiot262]

Fellow human, you are so so beyond loved. ☮️

[@RobertoRodriguez-nq3kq]

So how did it go... after you "got it" did you "keep it"

[@MrSocalreoking]

@@bridgeidiot262 Happy New Year. Thank you. Much love to all

[@serenestateofbeing1062]

I had a traumatizing experience like this also but on mushrooms. After the most spiritual magical experience I've ever had, I plummeted. I couldn't see my room, all i could remember about the actual trip is that It was like I broke the universe and everyone in the universe was looking at me. it was like a weird corrupted world where everything hurt and it was the most uncomfortable feeling I've ever experienced. It was like we were all being bent and folded and stretched out like the world was broken and it was just decimating us and I felt like I did this to everyone for eternity. It also did feel like i was there forever. Time lost meaning and so it just seemed to go on and on and on. When I regained conciousness I found my self on my bedroom floor catlitter all stuck to my face, in my mouth, in my teeth. I had a bloody fat lip and I could tell I had smacked my head a few times thrashing around. I also realized I completely shit my pants, well... underwear. It was everywhere. I lived in an apartment at the time, but our neighbor asked my roommate if she was screaming. Im a freaking dude but whatever I went through made me so scared I literally screamed like a girl at the top of my lungs. I only screamed once but when i did it hurt my throat and took me 3 days for it to not feel scratchy. No idea what it was about. I havent gone through anything traumatic really

[@dianemorris9561]

This is why you need a trip sitter!!

[@TheGreatest727]

Its as though the psychedelics have brought you out of a state of almost sleep.

[@baldkrillin5114]

Wake up when we die

[@wonkyj7149]

that made me laugh too hard lmao

[@grantjones1138]

Bruh that damn ad

[@consciouscontemplation2418]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 up there with the best comments on KZbin

[@consciouscontemplation2418]

I'm in hysterics hahaha

[@scottm2553]

Holy fuck. Thanks for opening up about this and sharing. I had a really bad ayahuasca experience where I was bordering suicidal and loosing my mind and left me with some PTSD for a while, thankfully it wasn't as bad as this.

[@jordanmarshall109]

That intro Is so good

[@PinxPer17]

Love you man

[@SammyJayJay]

Hey Tom.. I've been in that hell too mate. In fact my hardest Ayahuasca sounds very similar to yours. except I didn't have the killing myself thing, that's your weird bent. Benzos crossed my mind tho.. But you know what got me through it? Compasssion... true heart felt compassion for a being suffering worse than I was... as soon as I did that the light came down and washed all the evil away. Somehow that thought crossed my mind, and I knew it would work so I just went hard out grit me teeth searching my soul for some actual true real compassion and i found it. You need to find something good inside of you and focus on it so hard that it starts growing... and when you do that a good energy starts, which is just impossible for evil to be around and so as it grows the evil disperses. It was probably the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. But it fucken worked mate!

[@TheGreyShaman]

Man hearing this while understanding what consciousness is is just a trip Love yourself your ego holds extreme importance. Lately I’ve been telling people instead of ego death try ego consolidation. As consciousness you can talk to the ego and as ego you can listen to the consciousness. What these tools do as you know is bring out the consciousness but instead of asking the other entities for this dance ask your consciousness just what exactly it is. It’s crazy when I did this all the consciousnesses of everything in existence was calling out to me to tune into them, but something bug came out of a door up on a staircase and it told them all to silence and asked me if I was truly ready to understand what the consciousness was. I said I was ready for the truth no matter the cost, and let me tell you, without ego consolidation the truth would have held a huge cost. But then I had to learn what ego was, the monkey that worships, the subconscious, it is what acts as conduit for the telepathy sensation. You can learn so much about everything, just trust the experience cuz it’s your consciousness.

[@jeremycasper5181]

I had the same thing happen to me on a 7 gram penis envy trip absolutely terrorizing man and I have had bad experience before but this was on a whole different level man haven’t been the same since any thoughts on how I should intergrate this

[@TheGreyShaman]

@@jeremycasper5181 for me I had to keep exploring because you can’t really integrate, you can only move forward and go deeper and it all naturally integrates itself because the new stuff you learn makes the crazy stuff you already learned seem mundane in comparison. Let the plants be your teachers not any other person, that includes me, don’t listen to me if you don’t feel called to, it just worked for me.

[@ThePegasus2012]

You guys seem both very nice persons! Greets from Holland

[@alheno5423]

Just watched ur interview w Stephen Bancar about Christianity-I found that as I was beginning to accept Jesus and becoming Christian (which started w psychedelics) I tried to continue tripping, but I realized that there were actual entities I was dealing with and they didn’t like that I was taking Jesus w me into my trips and started beating the crap outta me and leaving me emptier in a bad way and I realized I was dancing with demons and endangering my relationship w “Salvation” and when I tested the Spirits by asking them to proclaim Jesus is Lord, they would freak out... and that freaked me out-what/who was I dealing with?! What are their intentions?! Am I being a fool?! And then I started seeing fake Jesus’s who would tell me that psychedelics were an ultra-powerful to have direct access to God, but then something would “slip”& I would see them for what they were... it was all very strange and I just started feeling mistrustful off what I was exposing myself to and the fact that it never really went anywhere beyond just glimpses into insights and “secrets”and cool visuals, but it just wasn’t satisfying... I would always have to recover physically, emotionally, psychologically, and I started to dread it... and now I just have moved on and no longer identify w all those shadows and darkness and demonic false cures... purging and emptying and suffering, or even ecstasy and Nirvana feelings all felt like I was producing energy that was being sucked up and taken... But w Jesus and the Bible, it is slow and although still painful at times, it feels purposeful meaningful and moving in a direction-actually healing my life in a slow way that psychedelics always left me hanging... but it’s not boring... it’s so supernatural and fulfilling... and there is no need for a recovery day or a liver cleanse etc... No need to “submit” to forces I didn’t really trust or understand... there are still visions, transcendental moments all of are present in worship and prayer but even more, there is a personal relationship that develops that is so rich and healing and full of realizations and insights that actually change your heart. Anyway, just my experience but wanted to share in case another person is also dealing w this... 🙏😌🙏 Also demons are parasites and feed off our experiences... what u experienced makes complete sense through that lens, like a demon took control of your senses and was feeding off your discomfort and doubt and fear and you let them in... think about it. Who are u “surrendering” to?!

[@yourmatetom]

That’s very interesting. For me it was the opposite. I’ve been bringing Jesus with me on all my trips the last year (only 2-3 trips), and I had no problems at all. In fact, I’ve never had smoother trips before, and I didn’t contact any entities at all.

[@alheno5423]

@@yourmatetom I’m glad to hear that, and had that for a long time as well, actually, then it changed... but I’m not here to tell people what their reality is, it’s just praying to Jesus doesn’t make me throw up, lol. But I am old so maybe it’s just not healthy for me anymore or something... but I am getting everything I need without psychedelics now and that works better for me... have had 100’s of trips and they were all good, I just get what I need better without it now, which is weird bc I have been a pied piper for tripping, but now It feels off and I’m happy to move on...

[@hasithashan]

Great video as always mate! I had a dream recently and “berserker” was the main concept inside of it. Guess it’s just a little bit more of that old synchronicity.

[@bluebottlebunnyfarm]

You've had hard aya experiences before. Maybe aya is not the plant medicine for you. Neither is Iboga. When are you going to take the hint. Its not fun. Its not making you better. When you get the message, hang up the phone. I always thought that was a stupid saying but in your case I think it applies. Psychedelics is not a competition. You don't loose anything by abstaining. It doesn't make you a whimp to say this is not for me. Knowing your weaknesses makes you stronger. Tom, aya is notfor me either. I had to learn the hard way too. Psychedelics don't make you a better person. Making right choices is the thing that makes you a better person. You already know that

[@michaelized]

Curious why you feel this way?

[@gianni99999]

@@michaelized to me nightmare psychotic experiences don't really sound like a good reaction to psychdelic compounds. And it's not like it was his first one either he's had multiple of these experiences at this point

[@michaelized]

@@gianni99999 maybe he’s unwilling to accept or change what the medicine is showing him that he needs to change to walk a better more pure oath in life. If you ignore it you won’t grow and you will go back to that place.

[@gianni99999]

@@michaelized yes, agreed. I just think that if you have these kinds of reactions maybe you need to seek insight or wisdom through other means instead of just taking more psychedelics. I feel there is a risk that many choose to ignore due to past experiences that were positive, which now leads them to believe that if they continue taking psychedelics they will experience the same positivity again even after multiple horrible experiences.

[@matthewbellis8620]

Some people are not mentally disposed to handle such things, either way psychedelics are useful in so far as they can show you your ignorance but I don’t think they should be a path in and of themselves, meditation, contemplation, silence and surrender should be the way for most people, it’s not a race but a steady growth. 🙏🏻

[@florishogendoorn4722]

Killing a mosquito is just self defence😂

[@Saturnarium]

Queen of bad ayahuasca trips here! This is my typical Ayahuasca experience.... except i never scream, i sit in the corner watching everything as if i was watching a horror movie that will eventually end. The illusion of eternity doesn't fool me anymore.... or alternatively, the illusion of linear time still keeps me sane. Whatever version works.....

[@Jadedgems]

Why do you do it then? I’m thinking of attending an ayahuasca ceremony and experiencing a stronger ego death than I have in the past but I’m worried about being traumatized

[@Daniel-ef7nk]

@@Jadedgems the only answer is surrender and accept the experience, you may be sure you will die, then you just have to accept your death and not resist it. I have tried to resist death and paid very very deadly for it, went to the worst hell, only got out when I stopped resisting and accepted my death

[@Saturnarium]

@@Jadedgems Even the bad trips are fascinating for me. I feel I have conquered my deepest fears with ayahuasca... if you find traumatizing events in a ceremony, it only means the trauma was already inside of you... it is better to face it anyway. Good luck!

[@statego]

I sadly can relate 100% with losing my mind being my biggest fear and also with the berserker switch I have it too my whole life. I had one LSD super bad trip where I felt I was in hell and every second was an eternity. I feel like a have a ton of stuff hurried down there and I want to heal . I am some years now interested in ayowaska especially after hearing your story because can I relate so much. But I am super afraid of losing my mind to it because of that lsd trip Not sure where I am going with this just sharing since it’s crazy how much I relate to what y are talking about

[@MediQate]

They’re so different though.. LSD vs DMT.. You know what’s crazy? I literally had a dream last night that I’m just remembering now while typing this, but it was a dream of me doing some stuff that I can’t remember but I vividly remember grabbing a big thick toad, flipping it and gently squeezing its sides so gel like stuff came out it’s back pores on to a glass sheet.... Super strange but yeah.. Anyways I feel like DMT or Ayahuasca would teach you a lesson for “abusing” or playing with your mental state. Two or three weeks ago, I took a couple of grams of shrooms and I thought I was experienced enough to do them near people and after drinking some alcohol..... I was wrong and the small amount of shrooms I ate fucked me up and I had to watch some 434 videos to ground me and keep me from sinking into some terrible trip.

[@MohamedMohamed-tr2rz]

So hell does exist...

[@Whatdidhesaaaayyy]

You content is light for people to follow! I was bully to a girl when I was 12 and we physically and mentally bullied her. I feel regret and wish I could find her and just cry at her feet. But in an way I know it made me who I am, the person who wont harm a spider in their house.

[@josue9224]

Dang I wanna see it but im afraid that my mind will remember this on a future trip and freak out x(

[@charleswilker2931]

Brah, I had the exact same experience at Dream Glade....... the energy and medicine with Stacey and Drew is intense. I remember coming to at one point and looking at Stacey and said “Fuck you!” I felt he did it on purpose, but that space of no time is insane. I feel for you, but I know it was supposed to happen and, truly, changed everything from that point forward.

[@Mr.CreamCheese69]

Shit man this puts a weight in my stomach just hearing this. Its like being forced into a jagged edged corner where you can't rest or get comfortable and it just gets worse and worse and more restless and impossible to make sense of. Ive had some pretty fucked dmt trips but nothing like this.

[@StepSoftlyGhost]

I attended a ceremony a few months ago and despite parts of it being frightening, it was the best thing I've ever done. Years of therapy in a few hours. Totally awesome. The way all of us interacted on several different levels is something I'll never be able to wrap my head around, let alone explain in words. Truly intense but breathtakingly beautiful.

[@Twistedserp8]

I just watched a bit life ad and it had to do with "joining" a mafia and I've seen this ad before but never noticed that he said the boss has a hit for him already and that's when I knew his bit life game was about to go south

[@IAmJeka]

18:40 it starts getting real for me. Never ever have I been on any psychedelics. I can barely take weed. But my depersonalization feels like hell so I can only imagine how much worse that bad trip was.

[@jaktonge6632]

Gnarly, good for you for seeing that and getting lighter.

[@salazar9870]

wtf perfect timing . I did 4g of APE 🍄 and i saw beautiful scenery but when i realized i was in earth it went downhill i felt like i was Dying trapped in a Dimension my phone look like a super computer and people's voices echoed i felt like i was gnna be stuck in that state of mind for ever

[@alyssaandlayahmartinez1737]

319 2nd ST NE, Oelwein, Iowa, 50662

[@shinshunsan]

sheesh i know i'm holding a lot back and if it takes this intense of a trip to 'let go' then i'm not sure i could handle that at all :(

[@abdielrainbowhellsangel2256]

Face yourself, with Love and compassion!

[@derekw9724]

Tom, Yesenia; on the 23rd I was drinking with my friends. I brought over a bottle of tequila, which I'd already started on, and we started taking shots. I'm currently on an anti seizure medication that works on the same receptors as alcohol, which I didn't think was a big deal. Turns out they really interact, and the night goes black after about 4 shots Turns out I went berserk, trying to attack an old friend, who I've always had a contentious relationship with.Three of my active, over 6' friends had to pin me to the concrete until family could pick me up. I know if they weren't there to restrain me I would have really fucking hurt someone, and I've never felt a more terrifying, evil feeling. It gives me so much hope to see how you came out of this Tom, hope that I can make amends and get back to living a life on the side of compassion and love. Thank you both, and I hope your holidays have been blissful. Love from Oregon ❤️

[@MediQate]

Alcohol does terrible things to us, lowers your vibration and allows negative entities to affect you and take control.. Look up the Arabic term “Al-Khul”.

[@Jadedgems]

Don’t mess with spirits

[@twelvelookslike]

Was it gabapentin

[@brah04X]

@@twelvelookslike I was about to ask the same, or at least Lyrica (pregabalin). Same type of drugs. I've heard people do way crazier stuff on alcohol+benzos but man can you get fucked up on alcohol+pregabalin. Devils drug though, that shit kills your brain tand makes you a nervous wreck in the long run.

[@SS41688]

I hope you apologize and thanked everyone for dealing with your shadows specially the friend you attacked.. much love and healing.

[@humblealpha67]

My GF was basically “possessed” in a very similar way which is awesome to hear someone else talk about. I could not bring her back, she was speaking in tongues and weird sounds, swinging and thrashing around. Bending backwards like an exorcism. Just like in the movies. While I was feeling it as well. I didn’t think she’d come back and to this day that’s the strangest and most intense psychedelic I’ve ever felt. Ayahuasca is something else.

[@yourpersonaldatadealer2239]

Love you guys. This reminds me of my first trip taking wayyy too many shrooms aged 18 (35 now). I’d love to know how you integrate it and cope because still to this day I feel like when I die I might go back to that place and feel like the universe hates me. From a purely scientific interest perspective it was hands down the greatest experience of my life and I tripped a few times after but damn it was hard

[@jeremycasper5181]

Yeah I feel the same way

[@chickensandw1tch]

23:30 lmao I feel that xD relateable xD synchronicty talking about chicken later lol (cuz my name) 29:15 oh man you poor soul 😂💀 glad you cAme out okay mate!🔥❤️

[@mmaguy]

It's probably better doing the work. Meaning do something difficult. Life. Sometimes you will suffer and face your shadows. It's takes time, will and tears. It's work. More then just putting a substance in your system to take the shortcut.

[@jonathanhill1126]

A few weeks back I went to a ceremony where two people lost it. One guy went full hulk mode. Started running around. Backflipping. Shadow boxing. Full on lost it. Then a girl started screaming and she didn't stop screaming for 4 hours straight. Sounded like she was being raped. It completely step of everyone else. Was a terrible night. Turns out the guy had been deployed to Afghanistan and was dealing with some very bad stuff. But he couldn't remember a thing in the morning. The girl, she said she was experiencing the meat industry killing animals. She was an animal being killed and bought back to life constantly. So she was screaming 'help me. Help me. Help me!' non stop. What a night.

[@coolrocknroll]

psychedelics can be harsh. Hope the girl became vegan after that hellish night. Perhaps she broke the rules of the pre-ceremony diet and ate meat.

[@jonathanhill1126]

@@coolrocknroll possibly. We also drank outside and a MASSIVE storm hit right as the trip started. Turned everyone inside out. Was one of the most difficult experiences of my life. But we all got through in the end.

[@jaktonge6632]

Such a tight relationship you guys have, like ruto and link in jabu jabus belly although you were ruto and you misses had to place you about to save you ass. Very inspiring dudes

[@colebucket8780]

I had a really tough acid trip 25 years ago. I have been frightened off since then, but, I know that it would be very advantageous to me. Since that time, so much has happened. A friend of mine and I traded jobs at a steel mill melt shop for a day, years ago and he was burnt to death. I was there to witness it and help him. It was incredibly frightening and devastating. I fear that the moment and the weight of it all would hit me.

[@volfied992]

Horrible tradegy stay strong. About tripping, maybe should give it a try. Maybe not acid, since it's hard to dose, but something like magic mushrooms that you could calculate small doses. In 25 years, I'm almost certain that psychedelics are going to be much different now than they were to you 25 years ago. But I'm not you either, you should know if you would be capable of it or not.

[@ExtraCarrot]

Something similar happened to me, way less intense and I did not show any kind of violence towards myself or others, just "knew" I was dying and felt terrified. Someone called the ambulance and it went south from there. Felt trapped, not free to express anything, docs were injecting stuff in me and all.. Anyways this was 5 years ago, I healed but my family associate me to it to this day. To a point I cut them off. Like my opinion doesnt matter anymore or anything I say is neglected, just with them. All this from these couple hours, they associate me with all kinds of etiquettes since. That's the toughest about these kinds of trips. At least you are surrounded by aware people, for me the fam just cant understand what a bad trip is.. perceptions man.. after such an experience you can see through things people cant, called truth. Luckily I was presented to more openminded people since, out of the "normal" loops.. felt like sharing this with you guys.. Enjoy the ride from here, it's full of revelations :)

[@jamesphelps9573]

I had the same experience with shrooms thought I was dieing that I was in hell and ran away got picked up by paramedics and cops lucky they didn’t try and charge me or find where I got them. It was a eye opening experience

[@marcinthemix4917]

Man you guys sound like you took these alone

[@jamesphelps9573]

@@marcinthemix4917 no took it with my wife and a friend at the time. It didn’t help he was pacing and put me in a bad spot. I grew them and he kept saying he’s never got that messed up so fast and I thought I poisoned us (stupid because that’s what it is doing to your mind) lol. It was a bad situation all around.

[@ExtraCarrot]

@@marcinthemix4917 would have been better alone. Firend was balls deep in conspiracies which triggered paranoia towards medics etc

[@tsmall424]

@@ExtraCarrot lol

[@eXolusiatious]

When you say that mushrooms showed you glimpses of this abyss/infinite suffering was it the 7.5g dose you did?

[@yourmatetom]

Yes

[@salazar9870]

dude i saw heaven but then i was shown that abyss infinite dimension

[@user-rg8xn6yw9r]

Nice couple!

[@John-dw6jb]

I wonder if this realm is what the ancient civilisations believed to be "hell". It's interesting because I've been listening to many near-death experience accounts and they all say that they are filled with unconditional love and that everything is perfect. Yet with DMT, it can take you into these hellish realms/experiences.

[@tturbolife1]

You 2 are beautiful people.

[@nationwide6125]

I will stick to mushrooms, had a a mazing trip night with my girlfriend 🌌👽🔝🤷🏾‍♂️ So joy and blissful 🌌🙏

[@jordanangelov3795]

Your most touching video man was when u talked about you alcohol addiction.. and how you got over it, can u tell me some advice on how to decrease on that shit (here in Bulgaria, where I live its a bit harder to get psychidelics.. not that its impossible but still..)

[@DCRivs]

Brave souls!

[@jazmyne4340]

So I think these were painful emotions that you have felt through life and you were made to revisit it but out of fear of loosing your mind you lost focus of the intention and mission at hand I believe you soul visited a darker place or dimension that you negative and dark emotions can come from and then puking was obviously you purging this negativity out. The difficulty is realizing everything you did was what you would have done in those types of moments with those types of emotions in the past just now it was brought forward while you try to make peace with it but I just don’t think you were prepared to visit something so dark and painful a lot of people don’t speak on the bad times with these substances so they can keep using them. I appreciate your honesty. Personally every time I take acid I don’t really see any visuals I get racing thoughts and eventually morbid thoughts of killing myself I don’t mess with anything anymore but Shrooms and weed. I’m so proud of my growth I used to take any drug given to me now I’m from the earth I believe I can heal my bipolar so I’m working on it and I was greatly considering a trip like yours with my boyfriend but knowing acid has made me suicidal 2 times I worry this will do the same they could barely handle you idk what I would do maybe this instilled some fear again but it’s careful consideration that’s important much love jaz