My Parents Think I Should Ignore My Husbands Affair As I Allowed It To Continue r/Relationships

[@kaykay8855]

Story 2: So op who works 40 hours a week, does most of the housework and does the most of the childcare, doesn’t know what it’s like to support a family?

[@doodlethealien8889]

Right? I was sobbing hearing that like girl RUN

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Projection much?

[@Iflie]

Yeah, that guy is going to get a rude awakening when he finds out he'll not get a woman better than this and it's not just her issue. He doesn't even bother to look after his health, he will be dead soon. The guys like that who stop having a wife to make them be healthier just get worse and he already needs a c-pap.

[@jackspring7709]

Yep.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

@@Ifliehe isn’t going to be dead soon

[@hi_stranger9156]

Story 1: *"He says that I ruined his experience of becoming a father because I was difficult and neurotic. My painful pregnancy and medical complications were unnecessary drama to him."* He is a piece of work, and OP will be so much better off without him. Unbelievable.

[@juliearmfield2634]

I know how self absorbed do you need to be to be this guy. 🙄

[@ZombieSazza]

Calling medical complications which are easily life threatening because giving birth is so dangerous “unnecessary drama” genuinely has me disgusted and makes me want to slap him on behalf of OP. God I hope she leads a happy life away from this sorry excuse of a man, far away from him.

[@tallyp.7643]

Kinda neat to see the other side of things, though, I admit. Far too often we read (often with exasperation) the rose-colored glasses stories of women who want a baby so badly and their life plan of how motherhood will look. Like the first minutes of a major battle, once the kid's born, all those plans get screwed up. So it's interesting to get the hubby's delusional "everything will just fall into place and it'll be like a 1950s family sitcom with no real problems" thinking. Sheesh.

[@angietyndall7337]

Classic Narcisst. See DSM V.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Well if OP's scumbag ex didn't want that "unnecessary drama", then he shouldn't have gotten her pregnant. 😒 I swear, men like this really irritate me. 😡

[@saldiven2009]

2nd Story: Just judging from the husband's reply, he had long since stopped being interested in being a husband and active father. But, he just didn't want to be the "bad guy" by divorcing. You can see by his reaction that he really doesn't care. If he honestly thinks he loves OP, he really doesn't understand what it means to love someone.

[@squirrel670]

He loves her like a good tool probably, not the love where you consider someone else's feelings and happiness

[@shannonbullock2202]

💯 most people have forgotten that love is something u do not just something u feel. If u stop doing actions of love, your partner will stop feeling your love and love for u. BUT we also divorce so quickly. Conversation doesn’t really work. It’s exhausting!! Most women forgot their superpower!! Wr used to know that we can make a man treat us how we want by changing our actions and behaviors. When u stop doing what you’ve always done, start placing your attention elsewhere and act like u could care less…that’s when a man goes above and beyond without u ever telling them. They continue even harder when u don’t acknowledge their efforts more than a quick “thanks.” Women have always controlled the world bc we controlled men no matter what people say about a “patriarchy.” It’s about time we start teaching our daughters how to use these long forgotten superpowers!!

[@neila128]

he sounds like he wants out, but doesn't want to be the one that does it, and is actually waiting for OP to be the one to initiate the divorce so he doesn't seem like the 'bad guy'. I'm a heavy gamer myself but man that story infuriated me.

[@squirrel670]

@@neila128 and then blaming her for it

[@MdMzzz]

@@neila128 I wonder who the genius was who thought that co-sleeping with the child was a good idea. I don't think it was him. I wonder why it took the wife so long to try and do something. And I also noticed that she had no problem with a sexless marriage until now. The husband is involved with the child (she's a daddy's daughter), but has checked out of the marriage long ago. He sounds like he adapted to the new "normal" and OP now wants to change the status quo. I wonder what triggered her to want a change, when she was content with the situation before.

[@Russman67]

Story 1: This husband burned his relationship to the ground with a long term affair. OP is done with him. If the family wants the husband in their lives, they can marry him.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I bet they'll be singing a different tune as soon as he goes back to his old ways and it starts affecting them. 🙄

[@dream6562]

Studies show that kids without fathers start with more challenges, I'm not saying to put up and live with him but to establish boundaries with him if can't keep expectations of a father find someone who can fill that role

[@Original_Tenshi_Chan]

​@@dream6562 Studies show that kids in average single parent homes thrive better than children of chaotic and dysfunctional two parent households. It's better to have no "role model" than to have a toxic and abusive one.

[@dream6562]

@@Original_Tenshi_Chan and kids in average households with both parents still do better than those in single parent households, you can't get past the fact that having both a mother and father figure is the best outcome for kids

[@dream6562]

@@Original_Tenshi_Chan And if you want to talk averages the order goes from chances of being least to greatest for the child goes single parent, homosexual parents, adoptive parents, and birth parents

[@CareyBilley]

S2 OP's husband's response shows that he's disassociated from his marriage a long time ago, he's essentially running on cruise control with no emotional investment.

[@linpittsburgh2375]

All I could think was “this man is not participating in his own life.” It’s sad really, but you can’t make someone be present if they don’t want to.

[@CareyBilley]

Very true, you're right though very sad.@@linpittsburgh2375

[@deborahyoung1873]

Story 1, lose the dead weight. Story 2, well she won't be losing anything by getting rid of a short, fat, balding "man".

[@AZUREPHOENIX777]

Story 2: to be fair, the gaming systems aren't the issue here. The husband is the issue, he seems to be going out of his way to avoid being intimate with his wife, and is judging her for using porn to satisfy her needs. He's a major asshole and OP would be better off without him.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Yeah. He won't fulfill her intimate needs, but he probably expects her to fulfill his. Pretty selfish for a lover. 😒

[@Tammohawk1]

Not all men are like that. My husband wasn't. And the more of these stories that I hear, the more I realize how good I had it. He was a very present parent, helped out around the house, worked always, etc... He wasn't an angel, but he was a good man.

[@Zeracheil]

Their daughter slept in the same bed as them for the last 7 years, not exactly easy to be intimate with your wife when your 7 year old is less then a foot away and has been for years. That is the fastest way to kill any life in the bedroom.

[@Ma5jay5dontxdoxthat]

​@Zeracheil Not really. If the parents want it to happen they make it happen. It decreases the amount for a bit, but when it completely dies usually means one party didn't want it as much as the other in the first place, and moved it off the list of priorities for them.

[@aphelion4616]

@@Zeracheil I may have agreed but OP's said her husband was the one insisting on their daughter staying. I honestly think he checked out once she got pregnant and had the child.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: "He still wants the marriage to work out" because he knows he's a lazy ass who can't do shit himself regarding housework, so he wants to keep you around to do it for him. Notice how Op's list of issues during the counseling were legitimate issues of him cheating and being toxic/selfish as hell, and his list is just... him confirming that he's toxic/selfish as hell. Story 2: So he became his dad and either doesn't realize or doesn't care.

[@bautistalover]

Her husband definitely is selfish, but the one thing I don’t think he was wrong about is her paying for child care while she works. He pays for all the other bills why shouldn’t she cover the child care costs? She has no other financial responsibilities outside of her car.

[@Russman67]

Story 2: Video games is a symptom of the issue, not the issue itself. This guy has checked out of the relationship. Pure and simple.

[@jeanproctor3663]

Story 2: To be honest, it sounds like OP's husband is a man that was in love with the idea of being married and having a family, but when it came to the reality, it wasn't actually what he wanted. The coldness in his words in the message he sent OP after what she sent him shows that. Any energy that he had is going into working and playing video games. It sounds like the only way forward is divorce. Bloody cheeky of him to expect her to pay off what HE owes on HIS car! What a vile man!

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

He didn't answer her questions either. He claims he still loves her, but he couldn't be bothered to spell out even one reason why. This man is emotionally lazy.

[@sandeesandwich2180]

S2: "All you want is sex!" said by the guy who grudgingly has sex no more than once a year. SMH. I am stunned that OP got grief on Reddit for wanting sex so badly -- can't imagine those folks being happy with the annual sex schedule -- especially when it has to be begged for to even be that frequent.

[@owl7072]

On top of that, they have sex once a year, and then he turns around and looks up certain women online to get off to while constantly giving Op excuses to not want to do it with her, then accuses Op of being a hypocrite for watching porn as if it's not literally his fault that she resorts to that because _he literally refuses to do anything._ He doesn't _have_ to if he doesn't want to, but it's the utter audacity to pull the stunts he's pulling then acting like Op is the bad guy 💀

[@wmdkitty]

Because he's getting it somewhere else.

[@toothless3835]

@@wmdkitty From his hand from the sounds of it.

[@ndawn90]

Yeah, I don't understand that. Maybe it's just me (I'm decidedly not asexual and physical intimacy is definitely my primary love language), but if my partner and I went more than like, 1-2 weeks without sex and he was clearly masturbating alone instead, I would be gone. I have no issues saying that sex/intimacy is important to me in my relationship, and I told my partner that pretty early on. Fortunately, he's literally the exact same way. Our only real rule is that I don't care what starts the engine running as long as you park it in my garage and my garage only, and he can choke the chicken as much as he likes so long as it doesn't interfere with actually having sex. We're nearly a decade into this relationship with zero issues on that front. People are allowed to want intimacy from their partner. Like OP said, she wants to know that he's still physically attracted to her and aroused by her. That's not an unreasonable ask.

[@akl2k7]

@@toothless3835 Only because he can't get an AP.

[@ineedhoez]

Story 2: He's a great dad! Then proceeds to explain how awful of a father and husband he is.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 I hope OP can get a divorce. I couldn't live with a man who only thought sex once a year was acceptable. This could easily be treated with meds. He has no interest in OP or her needs. And then he's looking at adult videos and choking the chicken instead of having a mutually satisfying experience with his wife. I hope she gets a divorce. Doesnt seem like this guy even likes her

[@Musiyca]

She was 19 when he met her. And it all looks like he developed porn addiction a long long time ago, probably during OP's pregnancy. Just a guy wanting a "woman" taking care of his house. Such a great guy and a fun father, ugh

[@icecreamnoodles3742]

These are some bold assumptions from the other commenter. We have no way of knowing if the guy is a porn addict and little to go off on to assume something that krass. Honestly getting pretry harsh man-hater vibes here when we have little evidence to be this angry. Also no, these types of things can not be "easily treated with medication". That's really reducing a giant issue to a tiny thing that could be magically fixed with a pill. Others have put it far better but this is clearly a bigger, mental issue. With potentially more behind it as above commentor suggested. Since they already tried communication and counseling, I'd definitely look at taking a legitimate break from the relationship, aka a divorce, if I were OP as well. You can not change someone to get better who doesn't see the issue nor wants to change for the better. If that doesn't wake him up, nothing will. Not anytime soon anyway...

[@linkinlady06]

My heart breaks for OP in Story 2 because I went through the exact same with my ex-husband. It was never about video games cause I'm a gamer too, but I was tired of having to beg him to make me and our son a priority but all I kept getting was excuse after excuse. Until it got to the point it started affecting our son that's when I had to go.

[@vegaskullkid4503]

Story 1: What in the deuce did I just hear?! Thank the good Lord above she is divorcing him because he’s not a good guy and is more than likely gonna lose interest in his son the second the kid shows interest in anything that he doesn’t like or share an interest in. It baffles me at how their are husbands/wives who truly believe that if they don’t have the perfect marriage or child that they IMAGINED they’d have then it gives them the right to be a self jerk and do things like have an affair, neglect the child, abuse (in any form) the child and/or spouse. Ay yi yi, I am angry for OP and hope she is rid of this man and I at least hope he’s a better father than he is person and husband, though I do doubt he will be sadly

[@mandalorianhunter1]

Honestly nobody is bringing up how horrible her parents are. They ended up making her fall in love with people like him.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I know right? People need to learn how to have realistic expectations. I've yet to become a mother and even I know that parenthood is not for the faint of heart. You'd have to be dedicated to be a parent from start to finish and it's a lifelong responsibility. I have veteran parents and they'd tell you raising me and my siblings wasn't easy.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

​@@mandalorianhunter1 I agree with you. OP's parents absolutely failed her and they should be absolutely ashamed of themselves. 😒

[@krafka]

Final story: The husband's response confirms that he doesn't want to be married to OP, but didn't want to be the bad guy and initiate the divorce. He wants to look like the caring and loving husband and be able to point at OP and say it's her. He also wants to look like the good guy by sounding generous, even though it's likely that she'd get everything he's saying in a divorce in any case. When it's all done, he'll be able to say that it was all on her.

[@cattyanamontes5724]

What’s up with these husbands becoming useless once the baby is born? Hearing all these stories makes me glad I stay single. I’d rather be a single mom alone than a single mom with a useless man. lol

[@DerekScottBland]

First you have to learn that the vast majority of these stories are fake. It gets easier after that.

[@Tyler171819]

For real and same. It’s f*cking terrifying to think how someone you trusted enough to have a kid with can just FLIP on you when you’re at your most vulnerable, physically, financially and mentally. Plus you have a brand new human that’s dependent on you on top of that. It doesn’t seem worth the risk these days….😢

[@jackchop1576]

❤❤ All women are heroes! ❤❤

[@yonghominale8884]

Men can have Baby Blue and Post Partum. Having a baby is a shock to any one no matter how well they prepare.

[@cattyanamontes5724]

My ex bf became useless/ distant during the pregnancy so I was prepared for him to be how he is. Haven’t seen him in yearsssss and we’re better off.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 1 update. “My wife isn’t like those from the 50s, it’s my thought of what she should have been but the modern day reality is nothing like the 50s… it’s my wife’s fault for tricking me!” Boohoo misogynist. That’s on you for living in your “man is master, woman is servant for man’s pleasure” reality. No wonder why the AP dumped him. Too bad OP saw his true colors way too late in their relationship.

[@anotherone1532]

Story 1. I would have told him, “it’s obvious what kind of person you are if my parents are backing you, and they are pos people”

[@marysemerad6427]

Story 2: this Story resonates with me, because I was in this situation 2 years ago. The big difference was that my husband was willing to acknowledge that things weren't OK. To make a emotional complexity story short, he was slowly dying! He was ignoring it for (what he thought) was for our families comfort. Of course I went NOPE and made him a priority. Things are still not perfect, but he is slowly recovering at his pace, kid(s) had some milestone delays, but our family is intact. I just wanted people to know that this situation doesn't always ends in tragedy.❤

[@Lily_of_the_Forest]

Story 1 Yikes! That husband is a spoiled brat manbaby! So sorry for OP and their son. I hope he never behaves like his A-hole father.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Hormones after delivery are so hard. The hormones and also the fact that she was a SAHM with no money. Staying also meant she had her son 100% of the time. For her pride, leaving is the obvious answer, but there are a ton drawbacks to leaving. It's not as easy as just leave. When you're not going to leave, you have to ignore the affair. Otherwise you tell the wayward party you cosign on the cheating. Of course he thought HE would get something out of the SAHM life 😒 What a right wanker

[@bautistalover]

The problem is sometimes staying silent is no different then verbally co-signing the affair. I always think it’s better to be upfront about what you know. Make the other party jump through hoops while you are planning your exit.

[@justinecorrington4106]

Story 1: op moved out of their bedroom and in their son’s bedroom; how was that ignoring the affair? Um no, the husband just feels like an idiot because he made um some dumb reason of why you were living in your son’s room and now feels like an idiot and his pride is hurt, because you didn’t care he was cheating and still don’t give a crap. But he got dumped and wanted comfort from his faithful loving wife, only to realize she dumped him mentally three years ago

[@mamm7223]

Story #2: My heart is breaking for OP. I have been in her shoes, and I stayed (for far too long) thinking that things would get better if I just did a little more or did it a little better. It never improved, it just got worse. Being treated as if there is something wrong with you, that you are somehow "less than" destroys your self esteem and self confidence, and it just becomes that much harder to consider leaving. YOU are not the problem; the problems are all on your effed up husband. OP, don't wait like I did....get out NOW!!! Leave him with his video games and hand lotion.

[@melilondon]

Story 1: My mother repeatedly told me growing up that if my husband would cheat on me, it would be my fault and because I didn't do enough to keep him interested. When my ex cheated during my first serious relationship, he tried to say it was my fault he did what he did... I told him he was the one who made the decision to go sleep with someone else instead of breaking up if he was that unhappy. He clearly wasn't expecting that response and tried to insist he didn't do anything wrong. I continued to say it was his choice and he'd have to deal with the consequences. He didn't like it

[@irisnroses1889]

God damn story two is depressing I've been married 14 years. My husband and I go out at three times a week at least. This woman deserves so much better and I hope that she finds it

[@pearl_lisha896]

Story 2 is like a word for word story I experienced with my ex accept he was also cheating on me for few years and he could never keep a job. I wanted to help him get better because thought when your loved one is struggling you help them but I gave too much and almost lost myself.

[@KadeStringer2.0]

Wrong story

[@damien678]

"I don't want to have to keep proving I love you" welp, don't get into another relationship, because that's what love requires! Love is an action! It isn't something you just get and can put to the wayside!

[@spookysugar]

jfc I wouldn't trust any of those men with a pet rock, let alone a partner and child

[@tully6648]

Story 1: Man's mask popped completely off as soon as the baby was home alive. It's awful to be in a position where any option you choose is a struggle, so you have to ask "But which struggle will help me the most later?"

[@nejet2188]

I was dating a guy. We went to my home to visit. My mom and sister pointed out similarities. My dad hated him. Talk about ironic. I instantly no longer found him attractive. I'm not my mom. I don't want her life. He also told me all the OLD laws that are still active that of we got married he could use to fuck me over with. The combination ended our future

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

"He also told me all the OLD laws that are still active that of we got married he could use to fuck me over with." Not only that, but if he's financially loaded and you're not, he can afford to engage in lawfare just to spite you. He'll can afford better lawyers to extract what he wants from you, and he can afford to drag you to court over and over and over again over petty BS, which costs _you_ money you don't have.

[@chaosshiva4165]

Story 1 Husband needs a wake up call. Hopefully she’ll eventually move out and he’ll see what he’s missing. Husband 2 also needs a bit of a wake up call.

[@Marie-vv1vs]

Hate how that one comment after the update started blaming “OP’s choice” like some men don’t change after certain circumstances (pregnancy, post Partum, PPD). And then saying she picked him cuz he reflects her parents ??? Just useless babble

[@tallyp.7643]

Not to mention, some life events make the masks fall off and reveal a partner that their SO never knew existed (or maybe they just saw it in small doses). Having a kid has to be the mother of all life-changing events, and a LOT is revealed by the parents that they probably never bothered to communicate before (like the ex's dumb-ass assumptions that life was gonna be perfect and he'd bring home the bacon with a happy pretty wife waiting for him at the door, rather than having psych issues and body issues and trying to care for a baby without his help... ugh).

[@floraposteschild4184]

I don't know about that. When it came right down to it, he picked his MIL's attitude over both OP's and her doctor's! He fits in with her abusive family.

[@kiwifreund]

Story 2: I had 3 live-in boyfriends who were intelligent men who "liked" games and computers. I did everything around the house including yard work, worked two jobs, went to school, cooked did all of the grocery shopping, even went to the laundromat when it was necessary. These guys get addicted to computers and everything that comes with computers (games on computers, the fantasy of girls on computers), then pretend they are "so busy." They aren't so busy. They're boring. They're dumb. They're pointless. Get out and get away from these guys. Be single. Life is so much easier. One less child to pick up after.

[@emo7636]

Story 1, how in the world do her parents or anyone else call her a 'golddigger' when she specifically does not want to just stay home with his money, and she has a job. I've been through something very similar, I refused to confront an affair that I knew about. It devoured me from the inside out knowing about it. Several months later I received a handwritten letter in the mail, it was from her. Her name was Sarah, she was a fellow airline employee and she was super salty because he had broken it off with her. She had threatened to tell me about them if he ever 'left' her, so that's what she did. Until I received that letter I didn't know any details whatsoever. It broke my heart and made me feel worthless and disgusting because we had a 9 month old baby at the time and my self-esteem was on the floor. At least it didn't work out for Sarah the way she wanted or thought it would.

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

I thought this kinda traps stopped at early 2000's! never quit your job to be a SAHM until few years with secret savings.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

I've both heard and personally witnessed so many SAHM horror stories in my 40 years of life that nothing could _EVER_ convince me to willingly become financially dependent on another individual. So many women's lives get wrecked that way.

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

@@AngryReptileKeeper very sad.

[@bautistalover]

How about just not be one at all unless you have a massive amount of savings.

[@Cazlouisa123]

After divorcing my abusive husband, i can honestly say between that and hearing stories like these i will never get married. Crazy

[@MGP2210]

18:42 He likes to clean and tidy the house. But OP said she takes care of the whole home on her own?

[@tracicolvis7382]

Story 2: "If i don't make you happy..." Even in his cold response he blames her for the split.

[@JettSettingBengal]

Story 2: OP’s husband is using her for child care, cook, cleaning ext. he’s doing the bare minimum and neglecting his wife. Leave him.

[@amyalpin6251]

Story 2 - This guy has checked out of the relationship long ago. Maybe having ED was such a blow to his ego that he couldn't handle it? Maybe exploring the root causes of it was too stressful for him to even approach, so he would rather let his marriage collape and blame it on stress and overwork than suffer the indignity of admitting that he can't physically satisfy his wife? My thoughts about the lotion and locking himslef in his gaming room was that maybe he was trying (unseccessfully) to cure his impotence - thus his denial? Maybe he can't disconnect affection and physical intimacy, so he abandoned both? Whatever the case, they are better off apart. It's really sad.

[@jackchop1576]

if he's masturbating to porn, his ED is based on the brain rush that he only gets from watching it not for health reasons. The OP in that story seems like thebtype that turns everything into drama though in his defense. If she's as obsessive as she seems to be in this post, he probably isn't even interested. Some couples fight all the time to have great make up sex and I got that energy a little from OP.

[@Ashbrash1998]

​@jackchop1576 Baed on what? Her husband is neglecting her and only focused on his needs and work, that's not being overdramatic. And if you read the post having arguments to have sex doesn't really work out due to his ED and the fact they only do it once a year. Maybe try reading the story instead of making up your own version

[@LoveK1]

@@jackchop1576what are you talking about? You’re just making stuff up.

[@lalvarez5151]

​@jackchop1576 how is it dramatic if he only sleeps with her once a year.?

[@sugarshamrock]

Refreshing that OP's parents think a cheater is good enough for their daughter....parents of the year in hell.

[@317Shannon]

Staying for a child is the absolute worst MISTAKE a parent can make, it gives false hope to the kid's in the house. I grew up in a household where my mom stayed for us girls which was hell everyday because I knew they hated each other ( I am the oldest) but my sister wasn't at the age to pay attention to what is happening unless she did notice and did not say anything. Everyday it was arguments, petty behavior and my sister's dad GF coming over just to cause drama, try to take our mom's place when it came to us girls and the GF would tell my mom that we are her girls so my mom needs to stay in her place. My mom is a woman who takes nothing from anyone ( except my sister's dad could do anything and my mom would stay quiet) so the GF did not last so that caused more drama.

[@BitterSimplicity]

“I won’t touch or talk to you. So if you really think I don’t love you, that’s your problem.” Jfc that last dude sucks.

[@dougmartin2007]

Story 1: are the parents ignoring an affair in thier own relationship? Because i can't figure how else they came to that thinking.

[@juliearmfield2634]

Oh i would put money on it.

[@diamcole]

It’s more common than people realize. Parents expecting their children to accept things they felt pressured to lol like, I’m so sorry - but absolutely the fuck not. 🤣🤣

[@MatildeVallespinCasas]

It's stated that OP's parents are abusive. Also, I have the suspicion that they don't want to deal with the baby and OP if she divorces her husband

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

Story 2. Sleep apnea could definitely be the issue here with sex. My husband and I have been together 30 years, married 28. We always had a very healthy sex life, but around the 15th to 20th year mark we started having intercourse less and less to the point where we went from 3 to 4 times a week, to maybe once a month. My husband finally brought up with his doctor that he seemed to have lost his drive. After a few tests his doctor referred him for a sleep study. Turned out he did indeed have sleep apnea. Within weeks of him using a c-pap or sex life started to improve. While we are not back to 3 to 4 times a weeks (we are in our 50s now, lol), it has improved from maybe once a month to at a minimum once or twice a week now. However, I do have to say that while my husband didn't have much of a drive, he was not selfish like OPs husband seems to be. My husband knew there were other ways to satisfy me. We also still had intimacy, we hugged, kissed, cuddled, and spent time together after our 3 kids went to bed. Sleep apnea really affects one lidibo and drive, but a cpap will not help the rest of OPs marriage issues. That needs a therapist.

[@epicXtrollface]

The thing is, the husband have a drive. He uses his "game time" to masturbate to porn, which is why he is so apathetic towards his wife in regards to sex.

[@HaleyJo1992]

You don't have to be abused to end up with an abuser. The biggest mistake anyone can make is thinking they're too smart to be fooled

[@JiRune138]

Just in case you didn't know, GERD is pronounced like herd but with the hard G like in good. It stands for GastroEsophageal Reflux disease which is basically heartburn.

[@ankebosing1968]

Interesting. In Germany, it is a male first name.

[@tazhienunurbusinezz1703]

In case YOU didn't know, things are pronounced differently in different regions & countries, even other English speaking ones. He's not wrong. That is also considered correct pronunciation where he lives.

[@carolroberts4614]

I've got that, but it's GORD in the UK,because of our different spelling!

[@bekblackwell2492]

Listen, I’m an adult with GERD and that guy shouldn’t get 50-50 custody for knowingly giving that baby painful indigestion.

[@bioshockbrat9171]

Story 2: me and my husband play games together. He loves to impress me with how good he is.

[@hospitalqueen4047]

Op in story 1 i completely understand how hard and difficult a high risk pregnancy is. Im very high risk and will have a very complex pregnancy. Its tough but im happy to go through it for my baby.

[@user-blob]

You are not ‘going through it’ for the baby. You’re insisting on breeding for yourself and yourself alone.

[@micahmussman-watts1478]

Op 2 husband went straight to division of assets. He hasn't loved or cared about her in a looooong time. He was holding out til she left. Truth is he's been gone awhile.

[@MsTemptation]

S1: NTA. I saw that someone already asked why you didn't see your husband for the trash that he is. The answered actually annoyed me because of this. My own dad sucked as a father and a general human being. So I made damn certain to not date anyone like him with those exact same qualities. Your other clue is if your mom liked your husband then that was a major red flag right there. Your mom is just as bad if not worst thus if she liked your husband it's because she saw her own reflection in him. My dad hated my husband because he was everything that my own father wasn't and could never be. The devil is always in the details even when it comes to relationships.

[@hothotheat3000]

Story 2: he’s gone, OP. He doesn’t take you seriously, he doesn’t fear you leaving, he doesn’t care that he’s about to lose you. Pull the trigger and divorce this guy. He straight up said he’s fine with a divorce. He doesn’t care. He’s ready for you to go. He doesn’t understand that a marriage requires continuous work. Notice that he didn’t answer OP’s questions about what he likes about her and why he loves her. Heartbreakingly cold.

[@its_just_kagiso7546]

For some obscure reason, my TL has suddenly been inundated with Reddit stories and r/AITA channels and it's a little annoying BUT this is by far my favourite and the most well put together! You have the spiciest stories out here and I love the fact that you find stories with multiple updates. Add to that that your commentary is pretty solid. Keep up the awesome work, fam!

[@persephoneszeliga]

This sounds bad, but what the husband said in story 2 is the absolute best for OP. She’s getting his apathetic ass out but will still be able to live financially secure. She needs to get some therapy and in a year start dating again and find a good man who will give her what she’s looking for.

[@Shenn3165]

OP’s husband has been waiting for the ultimatum he knew exactly what to say.

[@peterwilliams6361]

Great video, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship, I learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago I and my wife divorced because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together ,it was a really bad phase but we got through it

[@peterwilliams6361]

its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is SHELLY RENEE WHITE.

[@peterwilliams6361]

If you look up Shelly Renee White online, you will find all the information you need. Thank you.

[@chrisidornigie]

Story 2: NTA, the response says it all… He’s gaslighting his ass off, a marriage requires constant work! OP should take him to the cleaners, after 14y of bs she deserves it

[@Zeracheil]

story 2: is everyone ignoring the fact their daughter has slept not only in their room but in their bed for 7 YEARS!? OP states she just started sleeping in her own room 6 months prior to the post. That alone tells me there is a lot more going on behind closed doors then what she is saying here, why would you keep a child sleeping with you for 7 years? No wonder the bedroom died, you can't get freaky with your 7 year old sleeping next to you. and not eveyone wants to go off to another room to do the deed. Reading the update, yeah.. OP is leaving SOOOO much out. This man has checked out and i'm starting to see why, he works 60 hours a week it sounds like to support a life style well above their means. It doesn't sound like they live in a high cost of living if he is saying to buy a house in the 250K range (that's still nearly 2K a month) they own a tesla which averages out about 50K if not more. OP still expects him to do all of this stuff around the house after 60 hours or work, which she works from home? if he works 5 days a week that's 12 hour days. He's probably burned out especially if he's been doing this for 7 years and it sounds like op works from home at her "small business" *cough*mlm*cough* I wanna hear dad's side. And before anyone comes at me, I am the mother to 3 special needs, I work 4/10's at a highly physical job, i handle all my kids appointments, extra activities, shopping, school meetings. The only thing I don't do is cleaning or cooking them dinner as i'm not home until after. I reached burn out stage long ago I couldn't imagine working 60 hour weeks on top of all this.

[@haleyd2951]

Story 2 upset me so much. I have 2 kids with my hubby. Yes I had baby weight, yes I had PPD with my second kid, and my first daughter was a preemie, hip displaysia, torticollis, and acid reflux and it was rough and she was very clingy to me. We didnt bedshare, except on the odd nightmare night. My hubby supported me, encouraged me, would take the kids/babies regularly so I can have me time to do whatever, even if to catch up on sleep. After I went back to work, currently I work 40hours and he works around 50 hours. We still parent together, make time for one another, housework is split together, etc. We still have an active sex life. He loved me at 115lbs when we met, 200lbs at my largest, and currently my 135lbs now. The sex drive never slowed, he always wants to jump my bones but respectful if I dont, after 11 years together. OP's husband is not a partner, nor does he want to be. If you love someone, you will want to be around them, spend time with them, be intimate with them. Not act like roommates. Also if people cant have sex when their kid is in their bed, then the human race would of died out eons ago lol what about the days when the whole tribe is under one roof? Lmao you find a place without kids present and bang. 😂

[@cavalr1002]

The last story made me freaking angry. I was stuck in a 5 year relationship without sex and without emotional support. I left my ex about two weeks ago I feel 100 times better, but still, this story made me extremely angry.

[@madambutterfly1997]

Same just dealing with all my issues by myself not telling anyone or confiding in anybody, because I feel like my problems would be a burden to them

[@jfree2737]

Story 2: It seems like a he husband was withdrawing deliberately to indirectly force a divorce. That way he can tell his friends and family that she was the bad guy who wanted a divorced when all he did was work "sooo haard for the faaamily."

[@crem-crem4070]

Story 2: OP’s soon to be ex will come crawling back begging for op when he realizes how much op does for him, his response is so much that of a man who doesn’t realize how much work goes into maintaining his household

[@Feralcottagecore]

He wanted a divorce long ago. Had his script ready. He was just too cowardly (lazy) to initiate it.

[@Zurround]

Story 1: I hate the OP's parents EVEN MORE than her soon to be ex husband.

[@EnDB]

I could not begin to imagine my life without my husband. 2nd OP's husband has it all planned out. He's been thinking about it for a looooong time and was just waiting for her to reach the same conclusion. I wouldn't be surprised if he had already arrived at that point when he insisted that the baby remain in the bed.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

In Story 1, OP also needs to consider what will happen if she gets pregnant again! She's saying he still wants sex with her now that his affair is over. He may force her, and then if she ends up pregnant he'll say she has to stay with him even longer. Best to get out NOW before things get worse.

[@MGP2210]

These 2 stories pair well together.

[@ashakiwest4244]

Story 2... tell me you checked out without telling me. My goodness what a rube of a husband she has. She needs to move on for the sake of not only her but her daughter too.

[@rustytheracoon4903]

i think op in story 2 need to go on vacation or visit another family member and let the "dad" be a parent and juggle all the things op does plus take care of his daughter too and then he'll see that he can't have any free time to play video games

[@pezchef7577]

omg. he basically admitted he wanted a bangmaid. mercy, in sorry OP....

[@Price8903]

Story 1: forget that she ignored an affair. How about never starting an affair

[@Khaisz.]

Oof, that Final Respons "if a divorce is what you want then sure", BUT THST NOT WHAT SHE WANTS, she just wants affection. He has clearly checked out a long time ago and just want out without being the one to leave first.

[@DevilFruitZero]

As a gamer, the guy in story 2 is the problem. I game because I don't have a partner. If I had a partner my game systems would gather dust if she didn't want to play them with me. With kids I'd wait to play with them when they are older.

[@reshawshid]

I know the therapist mostly answered with questions, but I think the therapist failed to pose the most important question when the husband laid out his expectations: "What the f*** is wrong with you?"

[@clairebear-96]

Story 2 wowwww when she explained her whole long heartfelt message to him, and he didn’t respond and was on his playstation for 3 hours….. my jaw literally dropped like I’m speechless

[@MGP2210]

24:17 Ding ding ding! OP's empty threats and ultimatums have also caused harm.

[@SappyDuder]

Story 1: I'm really glad OP is divorcing that POS narcissist, hopefully how he acted in counseling will give OP better odds of full custody of their son. Story 2: fun fact, if you chock the chicken or ring the doorbell too much while watching adult content, it can actually lower you actual sex dive with your partner. Not saying you can't, but saying, like all things, it needs to be done in moderation. He isn't spending time with his family, and I can only guess he is mostly NOT playing video games when he's in that room. For someone whose love language is acts of service, he isn't really committing many acts of service. Only providing financial support to your family doesn't not a good father and husband make

[@dandotvid]

Story 2: OP says her husband's love language is acts of service then goes into detail about how he doesn't do any acts of service for her. Dude, he's not into you anymore. Sorry.

[@MariaPlacido-b7s]

Good Sunday Morning Mark, Poppy and Waffle Gang from around the world. Keep warm, it's cold in Toronto Canada, but no snow which I like 😊🇨🇦

[@catmaxwell6691]

Oi! Chilly in Montréal, too:)

[@dm9078]

Story two. I just want to scream. Scream or shake OP and ask her WTF is wrong with her? For the love of God, other than a paycheck what does this man bring to her life? Nothing! ARRRRRGGH just Aaaaargh. NTA But damn OP GO!

[@RainAngel111]

I feel so sorry for that last OP. Stuck in a dead marriage, dead bedroom, and the husband just doesn't care. His response was so cold. "I shouldn't have to prove I love you" yeah you shouldn't, except you've basically been proving that you DON'T love her by your actions every day. He's completely unwilling to address any of the problems they have. Honestly it sounds like he's depressed. I hope they can both find better lives after separation.

[@thebeebz9511]

RULE OF THUMB: dont believe anything a cheater tells you about yourself

[@jrbaxterstockman548]

These stories about crap Dad's always make me feel so surprised about how little effort is required to be considered good. I feel like a terrible Dad constantly. But our story could've been just like this if I didn't at least try. After our daughter was born right after the start of Covid, I went back to work too soon. I would get home at night to my son asleep, my wife with the baby who would then tell me she hated me and wished she never met me or had our daughter. She was having intense PPD and even post partum rage. I told her to seek help everyday but it took her months to stop refusing. But every night when I would get home I got handed the clingiest baby I'd ever met and I'd handle it. Dishes, clean up before bed, all the night time feedings, every single diaper change while home. It was tough but its what my daughter and my wife needed and she was forced to do it all day long home alone (daycares were all closed). Now 4 years later she literally can't remember the details of those 3 months she refused to get help. I remember waking up on the couch holding a sleeping newborn and a half drunken bottle leaking on my lap. That and singing T-Pain at 11 pm doing dishes every night when I could finally get my little barnacle down for a nap

[@tazkol]

geeze that reply in story 2, the guy responded with a divorce settlement basically.

[@CircusoftheMoon]

S1: I get where she’s coming from in the beginning but in doing this and accepting this behavior she’s going to run the risk of having a son that comes out just like his father. Edit to add for S2: There’s more to bring a parent than paying bills. Be serious.

[@novakane701]

The story mentioning their child sleeping with her parents, there is a solution, Help her learn to lay in her own bed by helping her prepare for bed. Help the child settle in bed, read a bedtime story, then lay next to her till she falls asleep, Once the child is asleep, go to your bed. Just like potty training, you have to be consistent.

[@gcarr1089]

Story 1 - parents only want OP to stay with husband so she doesn't move back in with them.

[@lokisprincess13]

I wonder if husband in story 2 might have realized he was ACE a little late and then handled everything else incredibly poorly.

[@TheDarwinProject1]

For the last story, I don't know if anyone brought it up to OP in comments that weren't selected, but just because the husband is "walking it" in the game room does not mean he's "finishing" or even successful with getting/staying up. That could be why he's been hiding it. I would have tried pointing out that just because the husband is physically there, it doesn't mean he's not being an absent father & husband. While I don't think his childhood trauma should be used to manipulate him, its an anchor point to help him understand & empathize with OP & the daughter. I don't think OP should always hide her sadness from her daughter, though. While she probably shouldn't say exactly why she's sad, its good to model that crying isn't something to be ashamed of. If she puts her daughter in therapy, which might be a big help, OP can as the therapist (or her own, but the kid's therapist will know more about how *her* best needs) how to model negative feelings in a healthy way. The husband saying "I shouldn't have to prove to [my love for you] after being together for 14 years." Sure, but you aren't even acting like you *like* OP. Showing love isn't "proving love", it wanting to make your partner happy, which should also make you happy. Just admitting you see emotional & physical affection as " proving love" is a pretty unhealthy, toxic perspective. Love is an action & journey, not a destination. This guy needs serious talk therapy to unwrap his identity &/or unhealthy views on love! At the very least,.OP & the husband may make good co-parents.

[@AlexRising_]

Story 2: Her husband didn’t even answer her questions. He just talked about business.

[@jonstephenson9660]

Story 1: I feel the need to point out.. the parents are y just suggesting OP stay with a cheater. They’re agreeing that since she didn’t nuke everything when she found out, she’s not allowed to be upset now. Idk why exactly, but it feels so much worse to me.. Story 2: personal prediction, husband (1) believes she’s having an affair and has shut down as a result, (2) has a terminal illness he’s hiding it, or (3) has a psychological issue he’s struggling to come to terms with.

[@juliearmfield2634]

Story 1. Nta. Its really easy for people to jump and scream divorce him divorce him and I get it. However it's not always easy for some people financially especially if women have been put in the Homemaker Rule and have been given limited access to money. She loves her kid and wants the best for him however she has to get her ducks in a row build up some money get a job that she can support them both as well as a place to live. Her parents already shown that they will not support her in any way and if you do not have a support system and you're doing it on your own it's not so easy.

[@pyrus0zero]

I said it once, Reddit has said it a million times: a broken family is better than a toxic family.

[@s4rcelle]

Story 2 is really upsetting me because it sounds like my parents' relationship dynamics. Lol sometimes I'm wonder if I'm doomed like them

[@MGP2210]

Story 02: Would be good to hear from the husband.

[@handsanitizer5127]

S2: so what does she see in him??? I don't see anything worth being attracted to.

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

S1: Never base your relationship on the opinions of people outside of the relationship. They aren’t the ones who have to be stuck with this person for the rest of their lives. The parents suck for enabling OP’s horrible husband.

[@KarinWaffle]

Time for another dose of one of Marks videos 🧇🖤