My Sister Keeps Seducing My Husband And It's Freaking Me Out r/Relationships

[@platinum_noelle]

First story, OP should straight up ask her sister, "when did you stop loving me as your sister and start seeing me as just some girl to compete with? Mom told me you loved me, but your actions are convincing me otherwise."

[@KE-hr4sb]

Love that!

[@sailorathena17]

👆🏻 this! Well said!

[@emilybarclay8831]

She probably wouldn’t care. She clearly doesn’t like her sister. I’d ask her how many men have rejected her that she feels her last option is to chase after married men and why she’s so insecure that she feels the need to fight a losing battle

[@Rose-yt5hi]

@@emilybarclay8831 Not just married men, but her sister’s husband!

[@pippo17173]

Im pretty sure her mom had something to do with the behavior she has. Like she ignored all her problems that Op didn't catch on till later.

[@CurrentlySlump]

I kinda laughed when i realized the husband wanted her out too and told her to put more clothes on. Glad OP has a good partner.

[@kerryberquist3697]

Decades ago my mom allowed her friend that was a flight attendant to stay at our home during short layovers. She never even thought about being jealous. My dad called her at work one day and told her to take off work at lunch. When she got home she asked him what was up at he pointed to the sliding glass door. My mom walked over and saw her “friend” nude sunbathing in our backyard! Her friends excuse was “I don’t like tan lines”. Instead of understanding her breach of boundaries, she just accused my mom of being pathetic and jealous because my mom was also pregnant with my little brother at the time. My mom and dad laughed about all of it after. ❤️

[@OuchingTigerLimpingDragon]

WOW. Your dad is an awesome partner to your mom!

[@theducklinghomesteadandgar6639]

Oh man, that's when I would have said, "seriously?" "Bitch, you picked the wrong Mama Bear to pull your shit on GTFO!!!" Then I would have been tempted to throw her clothes out the front door and her right behind them!! Why do some women think a pregnant body and a maybe a little bit of added fluff after birth is not just as beautiful or more beautiful than a woman who obsesses about working out, keeping a trim body and never having kids because they don't dare be bigger than their teenage trim body. Don't get me wrong... exercise and a healthy possibly trim body are great things but being trim isn't the end all be all of life, and women who do put on a little after pregnancy are very much if not more attractive to their husband. Being worried about one's figure and/or appearance is so wrong/so messed up because everyone goes through changes, and for sure ages and there is absolutely nothing wrong or ugly about growing older, or putting on a little extra weight. I say all of that, but I'm not in the situation, but I also grew up in a time where some people ONLY learned if they thought you would or if you did kick their ass. My go to instinct back in the day, and nowadays since I have anger issues now would have been the second she said that to either punch her in the nose or gift her with a big ole haymaker. I most likely would have gone with the nose because that would have really messed with her self image for a good minute!!!

[@lesleykruijt8580]

second story, I always feel that "my body, my choice" also means "my life, my choice" you can't force me to have a child, I can't force you to have a child. I can end a pregnancy, but I can't make someone be a parent as well

[@femboy__bunny]

Thank you for having common sense! This is how I feel 💯

[@amelianekomimi1936]

That last part is so important. Children are not dumb and society needs to quit acting like they are. If one parent resents the child and obviously doesn't want to be a parent - the child will pick up on it and it will impact quality of life negatively. you can't force someone to be a parent and it'll ruin the childs life if you try.

[@pitviper2]

Agreed

[@lesleykruijt8580]

@@amelianekomimi1936 this!! Imagine growing up knowing your dad doesn't want you... if you force something, it rarely goes well

[@Kris-wo4pj]

Long as the person doesn't come in and out of the kid's life randomly causing more hurt this is like the best way to go. Just pay your support or get your rights terminated to the kid.

[@lesliew4740]

That’s would be an absolute beat down on sis!! Lil sis or not!! She’s obviously jealous of what OP has, or is envious. She needs to tell her sister to kick rocks!! No excuses!!

[@geester]

The lil sis is a lil tramp!!!, I would of gone NC for her disgusting behaviour. How insecure do you have to be inorder to try to steal your sisters husband!!!.

[@ComaLies225]

Op in story one is far too patient. Had that sister called me pathetic I would have told her to haul ass and tell her to find another place to live. I’ll be pathetic but you’re not gonna treat me like the bad guy in my house

[@SnowyWolborg]

I think it's because she has trouble separating the way her sister is now from the way she was when she was younger. Like it or not, the sister has turned into a little thot with no respect for her sister's marriage.

[@larockerita360]

I'll be pathethic but at least im not homeless😗✌

[@cloiebuggeater]

Somebody really needs to explain to OP's sister what a truly confident woman does. They don't need to make others feel uncomfortable to build themselves up. They don't tear down others to feel better about themselves. They don't want a partner who would leave their spouse for another. They are fine on their own until they find someone worth having a relationship with. Little sis reeks of the insecurities she accuses others of having and nobody called her on it.

[@OuchingTigerLimpingDragon]

I was thinking the same. She's not "confident", she's seeking validation and approval from inappropriate sources.

[@SH-qs7ee]

@@OuchingTigerLimpingDragon This was my take too; she's insecure about who she is, so if she can get her sister's husband interested in her, she is as good, or better, than big sis.

[@theducklinghomesteadandgar6639]

I agree, she was projecting her own fears as being sis's issues not hers!!!

[@KashyaCharsi]

"No, I only have a problem with desperate women like you." Or: "then you would be confident enough to be locked out naked on the balcony until you realize I am not interested."

[@WhiteWolf-lm7gj]

I'm ten years younger than my older brother, and about the same age as the younger sister in the story. I couldn't imagine being interested in my brothers partner in the first place, let alone trying to seduce them in my brother's house. The sister has got to grow up soon.

[@Avrysatos]

I hadn't heard the update to story 2 before. I'm so happy it all worked out and I hope Jane ends up alone and bitter or fixes her attitude.

[@B_Mama_Reads]

I feel bad for the husband, imagine how uncomfortable he was this entire time and being afraid to talk to his wife about it because he didn’t want her to think poorly of him when it came to her sister. Glad things worked out.

[@veezopolis]

Loved that comment at the end of story 2 that unsubtely tried to say OPs husband was a bad person still. Completely missed the point, the words that were said, and the relationship all of the adults have about an unwanted pregnancy. I got over my dad not really wanting me when I was like 14, I understood he was a dumb kid, and he's an excellent father to his other kids, and a great role model for me now.

[@Sammvoy]

I’ve never met a truly confident women who feels the need to steal others men and put them down 🤧

[@SnowyWolborg]

I honestly hope the sister tries this with someone else and ends up on the ground for a period because I know a lot of women who don't play those kinds of games.

[@poohbear4515]

I think it could be the mother allowing the asshole sister’s treatment to continue. She brushed OP’s worries off sounding like she didn’t seem to care. Not sure the backstory behind the relationship with the daughter and mother, but it sounds to me that mommy dearest had sometimes, or always allowed sister to treat others terribly and be entitled to things that are, or are not hers and it stuck in her tiny brain to treat her older sister that way.

[@pippo17173]

I'm guessing she was the golden child without op realizing she was raise as one because op didn't sound like she suffer any kind of parental absence. Mom has to know something when ignoring this.

[@teslagirl1]

Yeah...this little sis is the golden child.

[@theducklinghomesteadandgar6639]

I think Mom has ignored or never said sister's attraction to BIL was wrong and thus enabled LSis, and little sis is an enabled brat to put it kindly. I think the other B word is much more appropriate in this case!!! As far as golden child, their age gap and OP's love for Lsis would have made it unnoticeable to OP, not to mention the age fap would have meant the each had different needs while OP was still at home, so as long as the minimum of OP's needs were met she likely wouldn't have noticed or realized if there was extra spent on sis and/or more attention...especially because it could have been all gaslit away by mom under the guise "she just needs more at this age same as you did when you were her age", except OP would have gotten bare minimum and just believed mom that she had the same at those ages and/or that "she needs more attention because she's a baby." kind of gaslighting!!!

[@teslagirl1]

@@theducklinghomesteadandgar6639 you make some good points.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: Sister's actions are not appropriate. Being comfortable with your own body, in *your own space,* is one thing. Walking around in a towel around a shared living space is a whole nother story. The shower in her room is "too small"? Then she can get her own place with a bigger shower. It's just an excuse so she can have a reason to be in a towel around your husband and make you look crazy, insecure, and jealous if you complain. Both your mom and your sister telling you you're insecure? Sounds like your mother has a golden child, and it's not you. Now that said, your husband should have put a stop to this the first time she came out in a towel. Your sister or not, he needed to make it clear that was not appropriate and he was not interested. Oh yeah. If my sis was talking me down like that in front of my husband and flirting with him, he'd hand her her ass. These men (seen way too many stories like this) need to find their spines. I was living with my SIL during my first pregnancy for a while; there was a tiny shower in my bathroom, and I never complained. And I was pregnant! It was a tight squeeze, but I was grateful for a shower and a place to stay.

[@magnarcreed3801]

I mean I don’t think it’s wrong to walk around in a towel in a shared living space or anywhere really. I’ve always had this ability to…. Look the fuck away. Now getting close and flirting while doing so is rude.

[@madarawijerathne276]

Op's sister harassing husband. I totally get being uncomfortable but both of should've talked.

[@KE-hr4sb]

@@magnarcreed3801 Sure, but I would never do that around someone I wasn't positive was comfortable around it, especially after they had asked me to stop. Common courtesy.

[@magnarcreed3801]

@@KE-hr4sb Na. Idc. I’d just not talk to them while I’m just towel or naked. Ain’t nothing wrong with going around naked. Just bs social shit.

[@KE-hr4sb]

@@magnarcreed3801 If you do something that makes someone uncomfortable in their own house, that makes you an AH, sorry. He asked her to stop, she refused. That's borderline harassment.

[@toxicdotaep2890]

second story: might be #controversial but I believe dudes have the right to leave if they're not yet ready for a kid, just as much as gals have a right to termination when they're not yet ready for a kid. those other girls are being vindictive for 0 reason especially considering he worked shit out with the bio mom. of course hes now a good dad-he's actually ready for it now. he wasnt then. so he walked. better an absent dad who still pays his support than a shitty dad. he's not a deadbeat, those ladies need to chill.

[@miaposamarie226]

Or maybe snip and wear a condom. In this story there are TWO pregnant women from him. Maybe he should have worn a condom and actually been a decent guy

[@RosesTeaAndASD]

Story 2: Callie wanted to keep her daughter and OPs husband said he would willingly provide financial support to her. He respected her decision and they worked out a plan that they were both happy with - as Callie indicated in the update. He even provided a college fund for the daughter. My child's father literally packed a bag and left overnight when he found out I was pregnant so I've been raising my child without even getting child support and no idea where he even is. I would definately call my child's father a deadbeat dad without hesitation. I personally would have wished for an adult discussion between myself and my childs father like this instead of him simply leaving me in the lurch. I can only state from my perspective of a woman who wanted to keep my baby too like Callie, but wished there had been financial support from the father like OPs husband provided. I'll never regret my child though because my life became brighter the moment he entered it. Sorry for drifting off there and making it all about me. I hope Jane gets the support she needs and that she and her husband may be able to reconcile.

[@robertx8020]

Story 2 : NAH except for Jane ofc and her friend! Ow and those redditers that attack OP's husband? Your AHs too :P

[@teslagirl1]

You know...I think they want the husband to be with their friend...they are more friends with the ex than OP. They have history with her and might like her better...even without Jane's issues.

[@robertx8020]

@@teslagirl1 that could be ...how will they even know this 'friend' ?

[@teslagirl1]

@@robertx8020 well...as OP indicates, and unless I misheard, the group goes back to college together, before OP's husband met OP. Some of those college friend groups can be as problematic as family when it comes to deciding who should be with who and they might simply prefer his ex, feeling she meshes better in the group than OP. It might not matter all that much to them how the husband feels. We've all heard people going against the express wishes of a friend or family member, saying essentially, "oh, he'll come around later." when the victim of their arrangements doesn't like it...I tend to think, whatever sympathy they might have for the unwanted child, that the child isn't their real motive in their behavior with OP. But, then, I tend to be a little cynical regarding my estimate of the potential for human selfishness and the drive to gratify it. Even if they do care about the child more than I think they do, they are entirely wrong-headed in their approach. While I agree that the child needs a father, you can't frog march an unwilling man into being the active father of a child he did not agree to have...that does more far damage than his absence. His resentment and dislike would make for such unhappiness and cause deep wounds to the child's self esteem and emotional development. As it is, the child does have the financial support of OP's husband, which is a heck of a lot more than many children in that situation have.

[@robertx8020]

@@teslagirl1 And as far as I understand from the story, the child also has a great father (aka the partner of OP's husband's ex ) who seems to be a great guy and a father to the child! I feel like by attacking OP's partner they actually are downplaying the role of that person too!

[@Sydney_With_A_Why]

Enjoy that five hour commute, goofy. You shot your shot and fouled out.

[@danniellefenton-johnston8123]

yes more stories with updates please

[@mgaus]

Story 2 is amazing. OP is a female asking AITA. Her problem is with two other females. But the Reddit comments all judge the husband. Insane.

[@robertx8020]

Some Reddit groups are made up of haters! They don't read but just pull the YTA card!

[@amelianekomimi1936]

the misandry. if gender roles were reversed, would they be calling the husband[now wife in this hypothetical] a deadbeat for not wanting a child? The double standards of reddit are at it again.

[@robertx8020]

@@amelianekomimi1936 You sound surprised? Are you new here? ;)

[@SnowyWolborg]

Right??? r/AITA will jump through hoops, run marathons, and climb mountains in order to come up with the most backwards excuse in order to justify their bias.

[@ronalddregan9431]

Natural instinct playing out

[@secret3957]

Thanks for the stories Markee 🌟🌟🌟

[@longrat2472]

I can’t believe the people who are calling op and her husband in story 2 sociopaths and monsters. What in the hell is wrong with people.

[@jimbobjones9330]

Sociopath, no. But I still contend that OP is an AH simply because she isn't "reading the room". First time she made a comment, and they were bothered, fine... nobody's fault. But to intentionally keep making comments that she knows bother this friend group (who have a right to be bothered. They likely watched the single mom struggle the first couple years of the kid's life) makes her a bit of an AH. Not as much as Jane, mind you. But it doesn't excuse OP.

[@theducklinghomesteadandgar6639]

Story 1 OP definitely NTA!!! Someone finally commented there at the end what she needed to be telling sis was not only how inappropriate she was being and listing every type of inappropriate she had done as well as that it was triple inappropriate because, you don't dress/or go like that in public and/or communal spaces, you don't try to entice married people and you DON'T try to steal your sibling or friends' bf/gf or spouse. That it isn't only inappropriate but also morally wrong. I would have told her the hall shower was off limits. IF she tried to ignore that rule, I would have "broke" that shower by shutting off the shower's water supply. Since she didn't want to observe clothing norms, I would have put a poster of all the rules with a sub-section on inappropriate dress on the fridge and one on her wall. IF she tore the one off her wall, I would have painted it on the wall, and she would have gotten one more chance after the paint went up and then she would have been gone. But the part everyone including OP forgot, that was finally mentioned, was to vocalize to the sister as she straightened her posture looked sis dead in the eye with a deadpan and I will rip you to shreds if you try this again look and then told her she was absolutely confident in herself, her body, her love for her husband and the sis, and his love for OP and his sisterly love of her as his little sis and she used to be confident in her sister's love for OP, but now could see she was completely wrong in being confident in that love!!! Then I would have stated I was so disappointed in little sis. Also, her and hubby should have told sis all of this together, so there was little to no doubt they were a solid united front in the matter!!! Little Sis is projecting her own worries and insecurities onto OP. She ABSOLUTELY NEEDS professional therapy/counselling!!!

[@jeltec28]

3 years waiting for a house?? Thats the dream, ive been waiting for 5 and im still not in the top 50%

[@semideadnat]

OP's mom in the first story sucks very much. Like she is just as worst as her own daughter, there needs to be boundaries and OP needs to talk to her husband about this.

[@justine8387]

Yeah I hate the peace keepers that just allow one person to walk all over others

[@SnowyWolborg]

She sounds like one of those parents who is completely blind to the behavior of their children.

[@semideadnat]

@@SnowyWolborg I agree, she also reminds me a lot like the entitled parents from r/entitledparents with how she talked with OP.

[@emilybarclay8831]

If you get pregnant by a man who doesn’t want a child, your options are being a single mother or abortion/adoption, because no one gets to force anyone into parenthood, simple as. Women get to abort when they don’t feel like being mothers. Men get to socially and legally abort when they don’t want to be fathers. No father is better than an absent, resentful, angry father. Consent to sex is not consent to 18+ years of financial and emotional responsibility

[@shammydammy2610]

Time to tell her to get the eff out of your house.

[@franceskloss3252]

Had same problem with my sister once. I was made to feel it was me until one day she just came out with it. She would be a better wife. I bounced her out so fast…

[@untiedshoelaces2588]

Story 1: With family like this, who needs enemies? The question in which the sister gaslights with the question of him being around a "confident woman", cinched it. She sounds like a 304 in the making. I feel sorry for her future husbands.

[@t.abellard6280]

Story 1: fuck the comments I just skipped ahead to the update 😄

[@GIChiyo]

Story 1: Why would you not think to talk to your husband about all this until internet comments told you too? You're 30 years old lmfao

[@curlykoala696]

Something I thought too but since 2 people in her life told her she was just being insecure because she's pregnant, why would she think he'd tell her any different? Gaslighting is a hell of a thing

[@teslagirl1]

Yeah...looking after her sister's man rather than her PREGNANT sister...that alone, even without the towel wearing in front of hubs, "my own shower is too small" business, and skimpy or sexy clothes in front of him...even without those...her catering to him and him alone, feeding him and not her PREGNANT SISTER who always cared for HER and in THESE circumstances where older sis has donevso much for her and even given her a place to live is SUS AS HELL. How can she do this to someone she loves? Maybe she has changed and isn't as nice an adult as she was a kid... or maybe she was always a self centered little sneak and OP was too kind and loving to see it as such...but my strongest feeling is that OP's mom has always used OP as a solution to her own needs with baby sis. Mom didn't want little sis in her own makeup or borrowing her belongings? "Use your sister's" Mom didn't want to help with homework? "Get your sister to help" Drive to extracurricular? Always "Your older sis will do it". There might have been a housing shortage, but even if there had NOT been, mom would have had other reasons for OP being the solution...how better to make sure the golden baby is looked after? Mom's reaction and downplaying of baby sister's actions in this matter with OP's husband is also SUS AS HELL...she wouldn't have tolerated it in her own house with her own husband from her own sister...but it's DIFFERENT for her golden baby. She might have felt bad for OP...but she KNOWS her daughters. Knows how each operates. She knows golden baby's behavior is wrong...but she either wants safe housing for golden baby no matter how it affects OP or/and she wants golden baby to have anything golden baby wants...even if it's her pregnant sister's husband. I won't go so far as to say that mom has known for some time exactly what little sister's end game is and willing to help by lulling OP with "she loves you and wouldn't do that"...but I wouldn't exclude the possibility. OP shouldn't be listening to her mom where baby sister is concerned.

[@lauracottom7425]

Story with the sister. I would get cameras don’t tell sister. Put them in your room, kitchen, living room, etc. Not in her room or the bathroom, just for proof.

[@anymous8407]

One day the sister is gonna meet a woman who won’t take her bs

[@mweathers79]

S2: I mean, the friends aren’t wrong. He abandoned his daughter. I would imagine if he’s any kind of dad, he would feel awful about this decision now. Yes, it was all agreed upon but it doesn’t change the fact that he ultimately got to skirt his responsibilities and left to create a new family years later. I still say NTA

[@jaccat4336]

That was my thought. It’d be one thing if he were child free and never wanted kids. But he did want children just not that child. Feels kinda off picking which child to stay with based on convenience. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@axepagode33626]

Not your Baby Sister anymore Story: Brother in law, I'm Stuck! I expect this to be in the update.

[@carolroberts4614]

I have 3 sisters, and I can't imagine anything like this from any of them. I feel so bad for op, because she can hardly believe that her baby sister has gone for ever. I don't believe they could ever come back from this.

[@Dohyden2]

"I'm glad she was raised by someone other that your partner who abandoned them immediately" Uh guys, he's still a good person and a good father. Just because he didn't want a child earlier in life doesn't change who he is. This is a hot topic for men's rights as getting his partner pregnant was clearly an accident and he wanted nothing to do with it. That's his right as a person surely. Just as it is a woman's right to abort it's a man's right to walk away. Obviously there is nuance to this, for example, walking away when the child is 3 years old is different to walking away when your partner misses her first period. But I think it's pretty sad that people think he should have settled down with the mother at the time when he never wanted a kid. Now that he is ready for a kid, he's clearly a wonderful father, there's no guarantee he would have been as good of a father if he had been forced into it. The fact he paid child support shows he was remorseful about the mistake and situation, and it's fortunate he was in a well enough position to pay support and carry on with his life. There are so many options for a mother when she doesn't want a child, but when a father doesn't want one he's considered a 'deadbeat'

[@owl7072]

Story 2: My main question is would these same people be calling the mother a deadbeat for making the exact same decision and leaving the daughter with the dad or would they be praising her to the high heavens for being a strong independent woman whose allowed to decide whether she wants a baby or not and nobody else has a say in the matter because it's her life and her decision? 🤔 Hypocrites, all of them 🙄

[@jimbobjones9330]

Maybe I'm misreading the comments, but I didn't see any complaining about the husband deciding not to be a father to the first kid. Seems most people say "if that's their agreement, that's their agreement" I think OP is slightly TA because she keeps bringing up how great of a father he is around friends who feel otherwise (because of what he did to another friend) If you make comments that make people angry (where they have some right to feel angry about them.. for all we know, they watched the mom struggle the first couple of years with being a single mom -- and, yes, it would be the same if that person were a single dad), and then CONTINUE to make those comments despite knowing it bothers people, then you're an AH. OP needs to learn to read the room. You introducing a straw man argument doesn't address the actual post.

[@owl7072]

@@jimbobjones9330 oh I should have been a bit more clear 😅 I was talking about Jane and the friend, not the comments on the post. I do feel like Op is a bit of TA for that same reason though, we don't really know how exactly she's saying a lot of the comments she's made so for all we know she could be bragging or something and/or intentionally misreading the room.

[@jimbobjones9330]

​ @Owl Ah, makes sense. And, yeah. I'd be more forgiving on OP if not for the part of the original post where she said "In now three occasions in conversations where I said my husband was a wonderful father..." So that means at least FOUR TIMES (with the last one where the Jane woman straight-up told her) she's been made aware that this bothers people. And she ignores it and does it again. Jane being a jerk doesn't stop OP from being one, too.

[@beansquee2383]

I’m sorry the brat in story 1 is lucky she gets til the end of the month. She’s absolutely embarrassing herself.

[@matthewuzulis5016]

S2: I feel so bad for OP and husband, I have no issue with people who have beliefs so long as it does not harm another. In this case Jane was using her belief to harm others intentionally. I am all for a woman's choice and support that (I however do think people whom abuse abortion as the go to are ass holes.) But I do think reform needs to be made to the system that does not trap fathers into something they do not want, the problem is I don't know how to do so without letting ass hole guys abuse said system (Players). For those who disagree, should a woman be forced to carry a child for 9 months if the father wants it despite her wishes? If not why should a man be saddled with fatherhood or financial payment for 216+ months for a child they did not wish for. One of the biggest problems are people not taking proper caution to prevent the need for these regulations, people need to look at sex closer to a gun than a water balloon fight. If simple steps are followed everyone can enjoy themselves, but if not it only takes one shot and things are f-ed up.

[@WardenSpectreCommander]

TBH if the roles were reversed and he wanted to keep the kid and she wanted to terminate, he would have been SOL. A lot of guys don't know about it , the fathers can also terminate their rights completely. As far as paternal termination being overused, it's a very obscure option that few are aware of.

[@matthewuzulis5016]

@@WardenSpectreCommander Parental rights termination only goes so far as to let the guy say he does not want to physically be around the kid or make any choices as to how they are raised. However it does NOT stop child support of the child so they are saddled with that for 18 years.

[@WardenSpectreCommander]

@@matthewuzulis5016 look deeper in the laws it's obscure, but it is there.

[@matthewuzulis5016]

@@WardenSpectreCommander No. A man can try to get his financial obligation removed, but it is in the hands of a judge and the judge looks at what is best for the child. So the chances of it happening are close to nothing. The only other means a man will not pay is if the mother chooses not to. In all options it is at the will of another to decide.

[@jaccat4336]

Thank you finally!!!! Feels like no one ever talks about prevention just fighting over what happens after. With how far science has come accidental pregnancy should not be as common as it is. Can’t tell you how many times I heard someone say they didn’t think they’d need a condom or didn’t realize plan B was a thing, etc… 🤦🏼‍♀️ There needs to more discussion around prevention and getting more people access to it.

[@crystalmorgan8039]

There are tons of single men out there, why is she going after someone taken? Especially one taken by her sister?

[@Restrictedeightteen]

Im actually disgusted in story 2. As someone with a child whose bio bailed, yeah thats gonna cause issues later. As in why did my bio not want me but oh the new kids loved.

[@akagamenokyla1042]

All right then, if no man gets to opt out of parenthood than neither do women

[@miaposamarie226]

@@akagamenokyla1042 maybe instwad of being tit for tat you use a brain cell next time

[@nicknitro86]

Not everything is due to trauma. Sometimes some people are just bad people. ---- "I'll always correct you" should be replied with something like 'and I'll always tell you to shut the fukk up'.

[@SnowyWolborg]

I wanted to say this exact same thing. Why does all the armchair psychologists on his subreddit think that someone always has trauma? Sometimes it's just as simple as them being assholes.

[@bridgetking4553]

What’s up Markee

[@justine8387]

NEVER make a taken man a sandwich!!!!

[@tigernotwoods914]

Story 1: NTA. Sister is TA and highly inappropriate. Story 2: NTA. He pays child support. Literally not a deadbeat. Everybody making those comments are TA

[@apostrophe.t]

I'm sorry, but... Why would anybody try to seduce their sibling's partner?? I think of anyone my sister has dated as "basically a bonus sibling" and can't fathom ever looking at them sexually or romantically. 🤮

[@stephanieoppon-kuntu1080]

Was she the parent it might be her teenage year coming in late

[@tinamelton6491]

I don't see why you don't call the lady personally and ask her what the agreement is and why she would get these other friends of hers to talk down when she gets the check every f****** month. He didn't want to be a father he doesn't have to she got pregnant on purpose.

[@patrickandrews8714]

According to title, " freaking her out." That should be her point too! Divorcing the shit sack and moving on! Not speaking to sister until she is no longer with shit sack! Like in someone else's post, that ought not to happen because she had a loyal husband and her sister only tried!

[@michaelmorris8302]

I'm sorry why did OP put the husband in the middle of her family issues because that is going to cause issues with the whole family

[@CaitlynHert]

About the "good father" story: technically you're nta for calling him a good father, but by God op, read the room! It is a bit insensitive since they were the other mom's friends first. You may as well just watch your words around them

[@Kris-wo4pj]

Maybe they shouldn't have followed her around then. It was a party why were they on her ass? Then it turns out those friends aren't even friends with the mother anymore and is just projecting her shitty feelings onto others instead of getting help.

[@brandonshelp4682]

I love that women are allowed to abdicate from being a parent, but men are not.

[@jimbobjones9330]

Second story (at least pre-update): ESH. Strangely, except for the husband. So, he had an agreement with the bio-Mom about not wanting to be in the kid's life, and even paid child support. That's fine. His choice. His agreement. Works for everyone but the kid. That's between them, though. But OP IS one of the AH's in the story thanks to the line about "bringing up how great of a dad he is several times to these friends and always getting shut down" If I saw one of my friends struggling with a kid (money or no), and then kept being subjected to his new wife continually talking about how great a dad he is, I'd tell that Karen to shut the hell up. OP is an entitled witch that keeps making comments just to make comments. One time? Fine, she wouldn't be TA. But by her own post, it sounds like she goes out of her way to mention it. I have an 18-year-old and a 15-year-old. I'm a great dad. My wife knows it and appreciates it. (And I appreciate her) I can count on one hand how many times in those 18 years she's mentioned to ANYONE how great a dad I am, nevermind how many times she mentioned it to a select small group of friends that would have reason to think otherwise. OP is rubbing it in, or trying to convince them. Either way, it's shitty behavior. So OP is TA. The friends are TA. ESH.

[@jimbobjones9330]

Just heard the update. It's an interesting twist to the story, and clearly Jane is TA, but I still think that OP is slightly TA, because it still feels like she should learn to read the room. If a comment you make causes understandable anger about what was done to a mutual friend, then you have a choice to either A) not make those comments again or B) step away from the friendship. Choosing hidden option C) "keep making the comments and act aghast when it doesn't go well" is an ahole move. If before we met, my wife cheated on a person in our friend group, and then I said something like "My wife is so loyal", and a friend of that friend said something like "Maybe for now", I'd be angry, but I'd also realize that maybe I shouldn't mention that sore spot around them. Don't get me wrong... it they went out of their way to act aggressive toward me or my wife, it would be a different matter. But if they only say that stuff because of an ill-advised comment I made -- I'd take the "L" on that one and recognize the issue.

[@Someone-kf8xe]

2 story THE WOMAN *CHOSE* TO HAVE HER, HE DIDN'T WANT HER PERIOD. Just like how women can abort a child whether or not the father wants it, a man can walk away from a mistake

[@mechellemoore4642]

It's perfectly fine for my body my choice for a woman but men are not allowed to opt out? The woman made a choice and so did the dad. Don't crap on him about his choice.

[@DWPersianExcursion]

Leave. Wow, dramatic

[@aishu3086]

Honestly in the last story, I get that he is not the worst for everything he is done. However fathering a kid and then not giving emotion support is poor form. I get that the bio mother is ok but what about the daughter, you are making alot of assumptions that the bio daughter is cool with all this. Don't be surprised if she resents your " great father" husband because he made a bad decision and then rejected her emotionally.

[@ladyv5655]

2nd story, the OP's husband certainly had the right to not be involved in his daughter's life but it is really tacky of the OP to boast about what a great father he is. It sounds too smug and arrogant on her part.

[@macylouwho1187]

You can say “no one else’s business” on a deadbeat emotionally negligent father (or mother) all you want-but society has their own set of rules and they aren’t going to give a sh-t what you think. People will judge that for exactly what that is regardless of who doesn’t like it or agree. It’s just how it is. If you do something that makes you a bad person (and yes that does make you a bad person, period) like have a child and abandon it, you WILL be judged by the majority of society. And I know there will be people who say bah blah blah “it’s the right thing to do for the child if you don’t want it”, etc. But I’m sorry-your decisions DO cause other people pain and suffering whether anyone wants to admit that or not. I know two adopted women who suffered the horrors of hell as adoptees who were abused and sexually abused/assaulted all of their childhoods and it messed them up royally. It does happen. I also foster parented and saw the ravages of child abuse and abandonment-so no one needs to tell me how it really goes-because I KNOW how it goes for them. I’ve held them as they cried the pain from the depths of their young souls. I’m sorry, but birth control exists for a reason and it takes two to tango. If you don’t want a kid, take every precaution to make sure that doesn’t happen. Multiple forms of birth control because even two can fail. If you don’t-you are on the hook for that life whether you want to be or not. You created it through pure negligence.

[@kyoxtohru112]

You act like bio-fathers don't rape and abuse their kids either.

[@alexlibby5087]

Story 2: ESH Why be friends with these people? If there was a settled agreement between OPs husband and bio mom, ok. However as someone raised w/o a father I would’ve been destroyed if I found out he wanted and continued wanting no part of me while moving on to a “new family”. Add in the kid who got “good dad” is a little boy vs girl and there’s going to be a lot of feelings - and if these friends are so comfortable saying this than they’ll let it slip to the daughter. Get away from these people, separate and move on - this is an incredibly emotionally tense situation and I believe it’s completely unrealistic to think OP can continue bragging about her husbands parenting skills while the group knows of the “other kid”. And while they’re going about it the wrong way, I can’t blame them having strong emotions about the children involved. I don’t see how this friendship group will be healthy for anyone long term

[@WhitneyDahlin]

Women have the right to opt out of being a parent by getting a termination and men should be allowed to opt out of being a parent too. I don't think men should even be required to pay child support if they opt out as soon as the baby is born. Why is it okay for women to opt out but not okay for men? Why is it okay for women to decide for both her and the baby's father to not make them parents at all but it's not okay for the father to decide for himself he doesn't want to be a parent. do you think it's good for a child to be around someone who resents them? because that's what happens when you force people to be parents when they don't want to be. The s*xism is strong in your post. Just because there is a type of person who would force someone into being a parent when they don't want to and refuse to respect their decision to do what's best for themselves doesn't mean everyone is like that.

[@femboy__bunny]

Why can women opt out of parenthood but men can’t?

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

You’re projecting your own experiences unto the story and ignoring the information provided. The girl in the second post _does_ have a father that’s playing an active role in her life so you’re just needlessly inflating the severity of the situation.

[@barbstrickland1417]

@Whitney Dahlin I agree 100%. I've been saying this forever.

[@barbstrickland1417]

@Ciel Graceworth exactly; people don't want to discuss that.

[@BurroughsProductions]

Yea no yta no one gets to be a good parent if ur not a good parent to all ur kids

[@soullessbehavior]

Oh I'm early this time

[@caitlinfandom2458]

I personally think the OP in the second story is kind of the asshole, he’s only a father to her child not the other child he brought into this world. If you don’t wanna be a parent you should get a vasectomy since they are reversible. But I am a little biased because IM that child in the situation my bio dad gave up his rights but didn’t pay child support to my mother and got to live his life normally like he didn’t have a child out in the world and gets to play happy family with another woman and just walk away from the first child he made. So he may be a good father to his current child but to the other kid he has he’s not a good person but I do like the update

[@sunflowerglo5492]

Both OP and her husband in story two sound like self centered sociopaths.

[@johnnagustafson9996]

Story 2.... I don't know about other women out there, but I would not be able to be with any man who abandoned his child....hard pass. If you're not willing to be a father don't have sex ... Sex is how babies are made!

[@femboy__bunny]

So how come women can opt out of parent hood but a man can’t? He was paying child support and was up front about not wanting to be a parent at a YOUNG AGE. He has a college and trust fund for her, even after she’s being adopted by another person. Would you feel the same way if the woman got an abortion? No you wouldn’t. He even asked her to get an abortion and she didn’t, she insisted on having the baby even though he said he wasn’t ready to be a dad. SHE made the choice to keep it, NOT HIM. He took responsibility and financially supported them.

[@femboy__bunny]

Also accidents happen. Condoms break, birth control fails. That’s why abortion exists. It’s a safety net.

[@johnnagustafson9996]

@@femboy__bunny a women who has an abortion when the man doesn't is awful. It takes two to make a baby. Again if you are not old enough to be responsible for a child than you are not old enough to be having sex.

[@johnnagustafson9996]

@@femboy__bunny yes, birth control fails and fails often. So you need to be prepared if it does fails. Saying you would have an abortion is easy actually going through with it is much more difficult emotionally. Some women never get over terminating a pregnancy.

[@femboy__bunny]

@@johnnagustafson9996 Has it ever occurred to you that not everyone wants children? If I have an accident, I’m getting rid of the fetus. If someone else doesn’t want a baby they shouldn’t be forced to parent it or take care of it. That’s why adoption exists if you decide to carry the baby to term even if you don’t want it. You gonna rail at people who adopt their children out as “abandoners” too? Abortion is responsible. And the man in the situation took financial responsibility when he shouldn’t even had to. You’re very close minded.

[@debc6260]

Yeah the justification in the 2nd story update makes me queasy. Op and her husband deserve each other.

[@eph2vv89only1way]

Story 2: op’s husband is a TERRIBLE father. Sure, he’s good with op’s child, but he abandoned another child, adding to the burden of the mother and likely scarring the child for life. Yeah, many of these kids grow up ok, but they do have scars and their lives are not as good as they could be Edit: I disagree that entering the child’s life now would be terrible, as long as he stays. Yeah, entering and leaving would be worse than never entering it, but if he enters and stays it would benefit the child unless the child says otherwise

[@femboy__bunny]

He didn’t truly abandon the kid, he paid child support and even had a college and trust fund for the kid when they’re older. Also, did you not listen to the updated story? The daughter already has a father in her mothers husband and has been in her life since she was two. He’s also adopting her fully, and the OP’s husband is keeping the trust fund and college fund for the kid He did not decide to be a father to the little girl because he was too young and didn’t want to be involved. She decided to keep the baby despite him saying he didn’t want to be involved. She made the choice, not him. Why should he be punished for her making her own choices when she KNEW the outcome? Why are you pinning this all on the dad?

[@eph2vv89only1way]

@@femboy__bunny He didn’t abandon her financially but he did emotionally. I raised a child who was abandoned by her birth father but raised by a father figure starting at age 4 and he did legally adopt her. The damage was still done. Having a father in the home helped, but she still always asked what was wrong with her to make her birth father not want her. A child isn’t a punishment, they are a RESPONSIBILITY in more areas than just money

[@femboy__bunny]

@@eph2vv89only1way her body her choice, his LIFE his choice. You’re quick to blame him but even the mother doesn’t want him involved and didn’t after the birth. Neither wanted him involved because the baby would know he didn’t want her. Kids pick up on that. Would you rather subject a child to someone who clearly didn’t want her or have her adopted by a man who clearly loves her? My mother didn’t want me and was forced to be in my life and that damaged me more than her not being there. I’d rather have no mother than the abuse I went through.

[@femboy__bunny]

Also it’s seriously clear that Ellie has no idea she has a dad outside the one she was raised with. So this is different. She won’t suffer the same issues that your daughter did.

[@gardeniamatchalatte]

Did you miss the part where Ellie has known the mothers husband as her father since she was young? From what I’m getting from the comments on the post, because I did read it, Ellie was never told about her bio father. She might learn when she’s older, but she hasn’t known about him at all. So no, she’s not suffering, and projecting another older child’s experience - a child that knew her father - isn’t the same as this situation. You’re being biased and allowing that bias to color your views on the situation. You should back up.