my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad semester.

[@NicoleRafiee]

oh my god the love and support in the comments is out of this world. thank you so much to each and every one of you. 2020 will be your bitch 🥰

[@alex_uhh]

:)

[@1028dash]

You rock Nicole !

[@baked_patata]

u are cool (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

[@darkblue6814]

Thanks for uploading this, seriously. Hits close to home as someone going through a similar experience, great to hear you're doing better!

[@mm-zm8ys]

You are awesome and i wanna be like you and it's okay to feel bad things too, you don't have to feel bad for not being happy when you feel like you should. You are not alone. Hugs.

[@katedoherty8675]

talking about how you didn’t want to admit you were depressed. that hit different

[@georgiam.3957]

I felt that

[@shqipegremi6834]

i feel the same way

[@emilyleka1249]

this whole video hit different tbh

[@peytonmyers4215]

You're not alone! This semester was the worst semester I've ever been through as a college student. I've never felt so relieved that a semester was over.

[@kinseybarnett1124]

Peyton Holbrook Same here for some reason

[@ellamaecabillon7726]

I was at a worst place when I discovered her in yt . She helped me get through it. Considered her my # 11 Virgo sister since that day 🫀✨

[@housefire221]

There’s a phenomenon called “Regression towards the mean” that describes how things always go back to average. It means that if things are going extremely well itl go back to normal and same with extremely poor things happening will eventually go back to normal. I found that this understanding has helped a lot so I can realize that things are going to be ok and go back to normal when I’m having Rough time. It has also lead me to have a better appreciation to normalcy and good days. Hope it helps, Andrew.

[@brulee5741]

I relate to the muscle twitches for anxiety... I didn’t realize I had anxiety till I was experiencing full body tremors because of stress. This year has been... interesting.

[@mschell350]

I felt that during finals

[@peacesignlover02]

I feel the muscle twitches too!

[@RoLaarr]

yeah i know when im not managing my stress and anxiety well when my muscles are all twitching all over the damn place

[@lui4129]

Depression is not a competition, its important to acknowledge and recognize your depression when you can. Try, and I mean try because I know it can be difficult, for it not to control you. Life is an experience of ups and downs. I like the energy you bring, especially that sarcastic sass. I'm sorry for your personal challenges and people being rude to you. People that tear others down simply suck. You are awesome! I'm glad you are able to talk about it and get it off your chest. Viewers (like me) can respect the reality of a KZbinr's life especially when you can open up about personal matters. You are brave to do so, and this may inspire others to be able to open up to their loved ones about their own challenges to let the wounds start to heal. Keep your chin up! Things are likely to get better slowly, wouldn't you agree?

[@MathiasOmes]

but belonging in 21 pilots is a look tho😌

[@allyson--]

it's one of the most heart touching moments when a stranger reaches out to check if you're ok & offers to listen. thanks for sharing your story.

[@allyson--]

12:55

[@ash-vj5vn]

I'm not religious but when someone tells me they're praying for me...I feel seen 🥺🥺

[@oodlesofnoodles9320]

I spent so long not labeling my mental illness because I “wasn’t sick enough”. It got to a really bad point where my therapist had to ask me when it would finally be bad enough for me to accept it. The truth is: there is no “sick enough” we all need to take care of ourselves and allow ourselves to know that we deserve help

[@soleilgolden5974]

I don't know what it is but this semester has been the worst of my entire school "career". I'm always tired, on the brink of sickness, or just outright sad and I can't pinpoint why. I just feel stuck in a rut and I'm not really sure how to get out

[@zosiaszczepkowska540]

Im so sorry you feel that way and that your going through that. I wish i could have some cure all advice to help you and others. Just know your not alone :)

[@Dandelion_Eye23]

I can relate to this. I feel like I’m on autopilot. But tbh that’s what I love most about myself- That I keep going even when I’m convinced I can’t. I know you might feel like you’re moving through molasses right now, but I - a complete stranger - am very proud of you for everything you’re doing to keep going. Just remember to listen to your mind and body. You’ve got thissss. You’re deserving of a happier and healthier life. You’re deserving of getting there by yourself and FOR yourself. Remember that.

[@hanarose9338]

i thought i was the only one who acknowledged me being in school as a “school career”

[@ElDivandeCaos]

feeling guilty about being depressed without having a reason to feel sad or because other people have it worse made me feel absolutely miserable, when I told my doctor he just told me that I didn't need a reason to justify why I was depressed, I just was depressed and my depression was equally valid and real even though I didn't have external reasons to feel like that. It helped me to hear that. I hope I can help someone else by leaving this here.

[@itsnotme7908]

Thank you💕

[@emilypickul]

This video really helps me feel less crazy. The last few months have been the happiest but saddest times of my life (so far) I recently told my mom that I was interested in therapy and she listened but I don’t think she took me seriously. I still haven’t found a therapist but we are looking. thank you for this video

[@NicoleRafiee]

Wishing you the best ❤️

[@enigmanonymous3702]

Hey I hope ur doing good! If you want a good place to start looking for therapists, psychology today’s website has a lot of resources to help find one near you that fits with your needs. Just something that helped me when I was super duper lost in my anxiety last year. Sending love :)

[@amandaaaaa2998]

I have a very similar story like urs too. I don’t know why I’m just scared to actually go into the therapist office and talk to one. Sometimes I feel that what I’m going through isn’t enough? Or I just feel better so I think I don’t need it ? Any advice?

[@enigmanonymous3702]

amandaa aaa idk if this helps but I was the same as you last year but for anxiety. Often you don’t realize what exactly your issues are or how “bad” it is until you go to a professional. You also don’t realize how fixable they are, and that you don’t have to feel the way you feel or deal with things the way you are now. Also, and I truly believe this, everyone needs therapy! It doesn’t matter if you happen to fit into a dsm diagnosis or not, we all have shit that trained people can help us with. You’re never going to be “bad” enough in your own eyes so just go. I promise you’ll be glad you did.

[@amandaaaaa2998]

enigma nonymous thank you really. your advice helped tremendously

[@MockingJay61899]

"If it's a big deal to you, then it's a big deal." wow I really needed that

[@Nihel19]

bro im so happy reading all those comments. it's been the worst semester for me too. my gpa dropped big time and my mental health went downhill. but we can only go up from here and that's a beautiful thing! i wish you all the best and take care xx

[@thatimmortalidiot5528]

I really appreciate this video, I think that kind of "depression guilt" really can be debilitating (especially in an environment that reenforces that toxic mindset) and sometimes just hearing "If it's a big deal to you then its a big deal" really helps! Hope your situation is/gets better

[@abrianateodoro5029]

we all need a cassandra in our lives, no SCREW THAT we ALL need to be a cassandra to others

[@LanieBrice]

"going to concerts is my happy thing" omg yes. and from the year 2021, probably explains why I'm watching a video about depression

[@alanturing5004]

Everyone..... Get u a Kassandra.

[@Dandelion_Eye23]

Alan Turing everyone honestly DESERVES a kassandra. Even kassandra deserves a kassandra

[@cassandrapadron5517]

@@Dandelion_Eye23 damn i want a Kassandra

[@elysianblu]

y e s

[@maniespi4245]

I think I’m going to go back and watch this video whenever I feel like I’m going to lose my shit. It feels nice to hear someone talk and be open about their struggles with mental health and to let you know you’re not alone. Thanks seriously.

[@Blue-tf5yb]

I feel you, this semester was the worst :( But you're not alone and I hope u can be fully happy again.

[@sofiebrathen]

this semester sucked A LOT, proud of all of us for making it through

[@jadegeddes5302]

you briefly mentioned dealing with grief in the video. when my grandpa passed away I barely grieved but two years later it really hit me hard. that was this year. i still grieve him and miss him a lot and I always will and I think that I’ll always have crying fits over it and I think about him every day BUT you’ll hit a point where u can think about the good memories without crying and when you think of them not think of their death but their life and that is the beauty in time. I love you, I know what you’re going through, I’ve been there and I know that it’s shit but please please please remember that you are loved and you have people who care about you and if someone doesn’t treat you with love and support, cut them out of your life. Remember that you don’t owe them anything, not even an explanation. I’m happy to see you getting better❤️❤️

[@melissadavis7491]

You grieving later on is valid af. Thank you for sharing, I don't know a lot of other people who have been hit by things later on

[@sylviagiselle_]

i had the worst week of my life last week my grandpa was in the hospital then i got the flu all on finals week . I had to skip two days because my flu was getting really bad but my teachers still got mad that i didn’t turn in my essays on time even after i confided in them . Some boys at school would make fun of any little thing they could make fun about me which made me feel even more insecure .I felt so bad but then i saw a notification that you posted and idk it feels nice knowing i’m not the only whose been going though a lot.

[@jadeblackman5447]

Omg this happened to me at school too! Sitting in the library stressed af about a 10 page paper I had due and this stranger asked me the same thing and we sat talking until the library closed I cried to her about my whole life

[@FailureBotZero]

Your struggles are valid. Even if someone has it harder than you, that does not invalidate your struggles. If you need anything myself and any of your other 84.2 THOUSAND subscribers are here for YOU. 🧸❤ also, you look powerful in a red beanie

[@aale6256]

watching it know is a little sad because she seemed so excited for 2020. I was too unfortunately and this was the worst semester for me so far. But I guess good times will come 💓

[@KaysieDaniels]

that title fits after getting my final grades back

[@lui4129]

Also you do deserve happiness. Try not to put limiting barriers on your self-esteem. I'm personally guilty of finding something to hate about myself almost every day. Sorry. I don't know if I can say anything to really help, but you do deserve happiness, and I don't think you have done anything wrong to deserve to be alone or unhappy. I hope you are able to enjoy the holidays and find at least some small forms of happiness ^_^

[@javieramoraga1905]

A while ago I was studying for a really hard test that had me stressed out of my mind in a Starbucks. I’ve must have looked crazy, bc this SWEET ANGEL OF A LADY came up to me and asked if I was ok. I ended up having a heart o heart about how much I hated law school and she literally saved my day, week, year, career.

[@leoneabbacchio5463]

when she was excited for 2020, I was just like "uhh yikes" 😂 Let's see what 2021 could give

[@0beany0]

im at that part now lmao GODDD it hurts to watch D:

[@ReeseRegan]

wow I cannot believe we had pretty much the same experience at school (except that I wasn’t an RN) dealing with mean people and having the school not give a fuck. I had horrible roommates and felt so lonely trying to deal with everything. So sad to hear someone went through something similar as me because I wouldn’t wish it on anyone in the world. Happy you’re feeling better because I didn’t think I would ever feel better either :-)

[@timotheechablegoo2985]

Hey I’m late but are you okay?

[@ArbesaM]

i have been going through a rough time lately too and it has been such a shitty semester overall, kinda glad i’m not alone 🥺

[@carakeith2373]

i also had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad semester. ur not alone either!!!!!!! 2020 will be better for us both and i can’t wait

[@klausk9225]

We all knew nicole is 10000% always vlogging in the night with like warm lights AND I'M 10000% LIVING FOR IT.

[@mirandachen8189]

I’m a very recent subscriber but this video really stuck with me. I’m a freshman in highschool but this semester has been really tough. My self worth has been at its lowest and highest points- sometimes I felt in a high of being able to do anything and other times I’ve been so low that I couldn’t stop crying. I’ve been the most stressed in my entire life, and honestly I’m so glad that it’s all over. Ty for sharing your story and let’s hope for a better 2020 with a clean slate :)

[@valene1001]

When I was a freshman I was the most stressed I had ever been. It’s a really big change for some people and if you are struggling... talk to someone!! It seriously helps more than you think it does. I wish I had done it earlier than I did.

[@mirandachen8189]

Anabelle Cruz hi! ty for this kind comment. i can’t believe you found my comment from 8 months ago haha. i’m in my sophomore year now. i did end up talking to someone and my life and mental health have improved so much since last year. it rlly does get better!

[@aliviamunson773]

Me: Bored as HECK *new video from you pops up* Me: Immediately clicks on it

[@dazrin6991]

hi if youre reading this and youre having a bad day , i want you to know that not all bad days last forever and you can do this . I believe that you can do it and go through these hard times . Bad days happen to everyone , not only you and if we can go through it , im sure you can eventually

[@cjones2756]

Coming back to this video because I am currently having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad semester. Thank you for being so open it helps a lot.

[@ShaniceRodd]

I was an RA at my college and it took such a toll on me. It taught me a lot about myself, but ultimately made me hate everything so...

[@jessicam0345]

By far the most relatable and realist video to date. So many of us are going through it, dying of it (suicide), or being in denial. I get told, “Oh it’s Okay that’s life others have it worst” 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@admiringmbb7700]

I watch you for like 3 months now and u literally saved my quarantine and made me so confident?? like i own u all my confidence tbh...

[@charischarlotte]

i really needed this right now . thank you so much for sharing ; it's just so refreshing to see someone online being so transparent , and sharing things that a lot of us can relate to . i am so glad you're doing better , and if anyone else is reading this , i hope that things get better for you too :)

[@bxrderlineghxst2567]

I’m very late oops but I’ve struggled with eating due to that same anxious feeling from my generalized anxiety disorder and ptsd for so long. People who don’t have problems eating just don’t get it a lot of the time. It can be so frustrating when people are like “just eat”. You are really strong, admirable, and inspirational for creating this video, and I’m proud of you for taking the scary step to seek therapy. I hope things are going better in your life now. I love your videos 💖 take care

[@mitchiem6275]

this video rly hit different... i’m doing well on paper - head of different clubs, working a job i love - yet my grades and social life are falling apart. i’ve been using substances to cope this semester because i don’t have the means to get therapy. all of this is way too relatable to me, especially the not eating part. sending all my love to everyone in similar situations. hopefully 2020 will treat us to much better days

[@Hotcandie101]

I almost dropped out of school last year because my depression/anxiety was the worst it has ever been. Therapy saved me and helped me grow more than I thought I was capable of. So now I get to say I will be a nurse next year. Mad respect for you girl for putting this out there. Watching this during ~quarantine~ reminds me that there has gotta be lows to get the highs

[@hanarose9338]

This really made me realize that so many people are going through so much that no one else would ever know about, and that one person doing a simple nice thing can really help a person’s life

[@siwihshdf8586]

i literally cried from this video and let me tell you. you are so fricking beautiful. like literally every single fricking thing ab u is beautiful.

[@EdTheGirlo]

Im so late but watching this makes me feel so much better. The whole eating thing has ALWAYS been my struggle and I do the same thing. I stop eating and I have no appetite

[@DanceLaughXO]

Nicole this video helped me so much. I had the worst semester of college so far too and honestly it made me feel better to know that someone else went through a shitty situation- I obviously don’t want you to be in pain but I felt relieved to know that someone else went through a bad time and got through it, like you. You gave me hope that I will get through it too.

[@enquantoeu]

So sorry to see this, now, in 2022 :( it was almost 2020 :/

[@peachypopspit]

I relate heavy, this semester and summer before it have been the absolute worst months of my life, I’ve completely lost myself and who I thought I was (especially academically)while watching my friends have the time of their lives. It sucked and I have no clue how to restart but I’m determined as hell to start working again in 2020

[@QUEENIEsenpai]

It's like my soul is speaking up on behalf of me... *Whenever I'm happy something bad follows so I'm scared to be happy*

[@yoongietrash9675]

I can relate to 8:15 so much. I didn't even realize that depression was causing me not eating, getting up to go shower, lay in bed for days etc but ig watching this video kinda helped me find the causes of this.

[@musiclovermads]

It’s insane because as I watched this it was as if you were talking about all my issues currently, not eating, barely sleeping or sleeping too much when I can, mourning, and working a shit job. It’s awful to be in such a place where every part of you feels stuck but it’s so great to be able to see someone else flourish out of it, thank you for being so transparent!!! Gives me hope(-:

[@degracesam]

Went though a phase very similar to yours where nothing seemed to ever be going well for an entire year. It took effort and patience to get out of it, but now I can look at that time as the greatest growing experience in my life. Glad you’re taking the steps to getting better, it’s in your hands now!

[@liran7422]

it sucks you had a really bad semester, it is okay to feel what you feel and you deserve happiness even if you don't allow yourself

[@urnotgona]

I can relate to a lot of what you said bc i've been dealing with anxiety for a while and i'm eating so bad that i get ligh-headed a bunch of times a day. I've been trying to go to therapy but it's really hard to put every single thought in someone extrange, it is really hard for me to admit that i need therapy. Until i go, your videos are one of the things that keeps me up, so thank you ^.^

[@morgandiaz9097]

I’m glad that you are looking after your own well being! As a freshman in college, I felt that stress big time. As a result, I had issues eating food near the beginning of the semester- I was living in a dorm so the new environment was a bit of a shock to me. Additionally, I worked at a job for less than a year that felt like an eternity because I disliked the place so much. Luckily, I got myself out of that place and my health has improved!

[@kiandragarcia7782]

I'm in the office of my dorm hall, preparing decorations for spring semester before residents arrive again & I'm almost in tears. i love you so much & you'll always have my support. today i found out I'm on academic probation bc i didnt meet the requirement as an RA & it's hard. i love my job but when your mental health is dragging you down, it feels like you would never make it out, especially now when people think its cool to have bad mental health or that it's not a big deal, so you don't say anything bc you dont want people to think that you're trying to be trendy or whatever. idk i guess I'm trying to say thank you.. listening to you helps me realize I'm not alone in this. congrats on reaching 100k & again, thank you(': much love

[@kimberlygonzalez8816]

I didn’t know I could relate to complete strangers about dealing/ handling stress, personal stuff, anxiety, depression, lack of sleep and eating. Questioning whether or not your emotions are valid when other ppl have it worse, and yet rationalizing that your own feelings matter just as much. Wow this semester was rough.

[@Alice-tr5fq]

I'm genuinely praying you see this because OMG THIS VIDEO HAS MADE ME FEEL SO DAMN ACKNOWLEDGED! Around 3 years ago I became obsessively picking my skin, like 1 hour in the morning and an hour at night. It was all I thought of and I was so embarrassed. I stopped going swimming, began waking up at 7 every day to cover my face in concealer before my parents could see me and told everyone in my life it was just acne. When you started talking about acne picking I felt such a huge weight lift from my shoulders. Everyone talks about eating issues and c*tting issues but completely massacring your face is never mentioned. I am a totally different person today (I was only 14!) and although I still have rough days and occasionally get stressed and pick the change in my mentality is massive. I went out without makeup yesterday for the first time since... I can't even remember. Thank you so much for talking about something that resonates so strongly with me, I've literally never heard anyone else mention it

[@elsagodet1963]

My semester and my summer were the worst of my life, it feels good to see I wasn't the only one going through this and I relate a lot to what you say about anxiety and stuff. So yeah, 2020, let's get fucking better!

[@mairiahm9529]

I capped off this semester off by breaking my ankle... during finals week. But i survived, and so did my grades! I’m glad that you are feeling better now, and i hope for a better semester for both of us in the new year 😇

[@hurtingheart100]

I would have never thought you were going through this. I was struggling for the first time this semester with depression and I was constantly crying, sad, and stressed to where my eye was twitching and I had back pains almost everyday. I had loss of appetite for consecutive days as well. I reached out to my friends and boyfriend but their responses fell short and left me feeling even more alone. Now that the semester is over I have genuinely taken the time to myself and I am slowly getting better. I still have my sad days but its not as often as it use to be. Thank you for sharing how you felt and the decisions on your. I have been saying this for the longest now WE ALL SUPPORT YOU 1000% OF THE WAY :)

[@georgeleipold5450]

Thank you for sharing your experience. I had to leave my university after last semester and had been dealing with a bad roommate situation and lacking of understanding or resources from the university. I’ve dealt with serious digestive tract related issues since high school and may have also developed a stomach ulcer from stress. KZbin needs more people being so candid about how difficult college can be for more than just academics. ❤️

[@autumn13889]

I’m a high school student and honestly I feel so worn down but mainly because I feel like I’m wasting my time doing absolutely nothing and I try to be positive but it often doesn’t work. You’re videos have helped me so much, and I hope you know we will always be behind you we love you ❤️❤️.

[@reaganhoulbrooke2641]

wow i went through such a similar experience my second year of college. I still deal with it everyday but it is so comforting and empowering listening to how you talk about mental health. You seems so strong, I hope you're doing well love.

[@notmn8210]

I'm only about 6 minutes in to the video and oh my god. This semester was my first in college and holy shit, it was a nightmare. Everything in my life spiraled, I had to admit I was depressed and go to therapy too, and I still feel bad that I can't appreciate the good things and better myself. 6 minutes in and everything you've said has struck a cord. We're definitely not alone. I just wanna thank you in advance for uploading this and reminding me that it's not just me because everyone on my campus kind of puts up the facade that life is perfect and everything's okay when it's not. Thank you so much for sharing. This is big cheesy, but I'm glad your channel exists.

[@daisyblake72]

I'm not necessarily glad that I can relate a bit to how you feel, but it is really nice to know I'm not alone in going through a hard semester

[@abbydabbs5519]

My panic attacks always include full body muscle spasms, and my anxiety always gives me awful abdominal pain. Glad to hear someone else knows what it’s like

[@LaurynAmini]

thank you for sharing something so personal with us; it's not easy asking people for help. Especially when the people you thought were there for you are not willing to help you. Also, the fact that other people tell you that you are not allowed to feel depressed and experience anxiety baffles me to no end. You do you boo, and continue to put yourself first.

[@donavanrocks]

I am so proud of YOU!! I see so many people refusing to go to therapy bc of the stigma that is there with it, I am v proud of you!

[@michellesalinas223]

I just lost my mom this year and have lost a lot of people and things after that. Although I’ve accomplished a lot this year, it’s difficult to bask in it. I appreciate this video so much. Ty❤️

[@hannahatlas]

holy shit this video was like looking in a mirror. I started going to therapy in July and from then till Nov. were probably the worst months of my life, but I got through it. Thank you so much for this video, being vulnerable isn't easy, especially for everyone on the internet to see.

[@MultiRomyl]

I could relate so much to this video. I have been depressed for 10 months now. At the beginning it was bad, but then it would have its ups and downs. Some days would be better than the others but that lingering sinking sensation would always persist. I thought I could treat this on my own, but clearly I cannot. So anyone who is dealing with depression should ask help ASAP. Also because of the fact that getting an appointment with a psychiatrist can take months here in the US. So, the sooner you book the appointment, the better. You can always cancel it if you want for some reason. Sharing and venting out emotions really help. Also know that things will get better, and when it does get better you will feel happy. Live for those moments!

[@purpleapril13]

when you talked about how you didn’t feel like you deserved to call yourself depressed because of how other people have it worse really resonated with me. this semester was really challenging for me, some of it was to my own doing, and it just seemed like i couldn’t come out of it. i never really let myself feel bad and tried to suppress it because the problem seemed so insignificant. but after talking to my boyfriend, and having a huge mental breakdown i realized that i should take my problems seriously. it’s taking a while but i’m healing. having you reassure that it will actually get better after hearing your story actually made me feel calmer and more hopeful. ew, how cheesy. but anyways let’s all have a wonderful 2020

[@celeaseh]

Thank you for being honest about all of this. I started college and this semester beat my ass. My antidepressants slowly stopped working and I was 3.5 hours from my psychiatrist, so that was super hard to deal with. Thank you for sharing all of this with us, we truly appreciate it. I hope next semester goes well for everyone, love you!!!

[@carolyncrews2578]

This is later, but this is really hitting close to home in quarantine. I've dealt with the same symptoms from anxiety and depression before that you have, and some of them are coming back during these times. I know that it do be like that sometimes, but I need to help myself before it gets too bad. Your video has made me plan to schedule therapy appointments again, and I want to feel good because I deserve to feel good. This comment isn't going to be read by anybody and I'm kind of writing this more for myself, but I'm going to try to do some things that can make me happier.

[@marieplobnrg4513]

I have struggled with anxiety for years and it is horrible. I'm happy you were able to get help and to go to therapy, it is one of the most helpful things you can do, just talk about how you feel. Being in high school with anxiety and depression was hell to me like I couldn't concentrate in class because I felt my whole body trembling and I had to leave to cry and it was horrible to experience that everyday. I hope you get better with therapy. For me, what helped me the most was to take antidepressants but it depends on your doctor. Take care and remember that there is a LOT of people who care for you. All my love ❤

[@houdaranianegadi1590]

What you said about depression is exactly what i felt and how I discovered I had mental health problems and I used to think that I am the only one who felt that way

[@Natalie_Wonders]

You're not alone! This semester was so hard!! I've been battling with my anxiety and depression which left me unmotivated but stressed because I wasn't constantly doing something and I had no idea what I was doing all semester. But we're going to make 2020 and this next semester our bitch

[@MySunnyLife]

Thank you so much for opening up and being so brave to say these things out loud I’m super proud of you

[@elenagibbons4719]

I think I really, really needed this video. I didn’t want to admit how bad I’ve been feeling because I so badly wanted to be happy for christmas, and I convinced myself that the only reason I’m struggling was school. Well, it’s break now and I still have zero motivation and am considering not getting out of bed until Friday afternoon, so I don’t think it’s going away. Last January was my worst month in I don’t know how long. I know, because I only have like 3 actual memories and then it feels like the rest of the month didn’t happen. It’s not like looking through fog at something, there’s just nothing there. And I can’t do that again. I don’t want to. I haven’t read a book for pleasure in months. I haven’t done anything art related that wasn’t a gift for someone that I kind of had to do in months. Reading used to be my literal personality trait. I was obsessed with Harry Potter for years. I was also obsessed with my plants. Now? I could care less. And I *hate* that. I’m literally killing plants, and wasting people’s money on books I’m not going to read. And that really sucks. And now that I’m in high school, I have midterms in January. I need to make it through those without failing all my classes. So, I really needed this video because I just wanted to ignore that. Everything. The next time I go to therapy, I think it’s in 2 weeks or so, I’m going to be like hey I’m not doing well this sucks. Edit: also sorry for kind of unloading here, I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s Christmas (even my own) so I figured people didn’t have to read it here.

[@skylerdjy]

i've been suffering from loneliness, anxiety, depression, autistic and speech disorders ever since i was a kid (Now 19). No one has ever taken me seriously and they always tell me that i'm just making excuses, i always feel alone... anyways don't want to cry now... I just wanna say thank you for sharing and all the videos that you do. Seeing someone as beautiful and awkward as you are in your videos, idk i guess it makes you feel less lonely when you see someone awkward embracing their awkwardness in their videos and is surrounded by people who love them for their awkwardness and who they are. Thank you :)

[@annastephens8189]

I want you to realise that this video will help so many people as well as yourself. Thank you for using this platform to say all this stuff. I had my final year of highschool this year and it was genuinely the norm for me to just start crying at lunch or running out of class. I'm so glad you talked about the picking of skin part.. my friend is always telling me to stop picking my hair and skin but I am so fidgety that I can't stop picking at things or shifting! For someone who has had small and (kind-of) extreme cases of anxiety, depression and panic disorder, will say that you will kick its ass better and harder than it will kick yours

[@alessandro5426]

I think that having someone who loves you really help in these situations, you can borrow some of their strength to get through the hard times. When you feel anxious try to think of the people that love you no matter what. I hope tomorrow could be better ❤️ .

[@admirbarucija2018]

I understand how you feel, having gone through a very rough time last fall! Things will get better (cliche I know) I promise! ❤️ here’s to a great 2020

[@slym0th]

I’ve developed severe depression and anxiety over the last two years and felt like I’ve been completely alone. I just started crying when I heard what you were saying was what I was going through. My body has been hurting, I’ve been sleeping too much or not at all, I’ve barely eaten (partly because of my eating disorder), I haven’t been as affectionate as I normally am and I feel so guilty because I don’t want to put my friends and family and my girlfriend through this. It’s been so hard for me and I feel like this isn’t going to end but I hope it does. I hope it gets better for you because no one deserves this pain.

[@sarawawa8984]

I feel that whole “im not bad enough to be actually depressed/have anxiety.” I thought that for a while but the way my therapist put it, if you want to start living better, that’s reason enough to go to therapy. You don’t need to be “actually” depressed (and you know you might be actually depressed), just being unhappy with how you are or not liking how you feel or how you’re living is enough reason to go. (Also girl I can’t eat when Im super stressed either girlllll, and I for real get the nervous shits. I think stress comes out in these physical ways more when we try to suppress/avoid our feelings)

[@nicolecefola3298]

I can say from the bottom of my heart I have never been so happy for a person. As somebody who has struggled as well with anxiety and depression, it is so relieving when you’re able to acknowledge the steps you have taken to get past what you’re going through. I’m so eternally happy for you and I could even see it in your whole demeanor that you seem lighter. I wish nothing but happiness for you. I also want you to understand that having moments where you are feeling down is okay

[@katiegreiner6216]

Thank you for making this video. I've had a really rough semester too. I've been dealing with loss and sadness and extreme stress for months. I plan to do some reflection over break. This video is a good example of how to reflect after a horrible period of life. Thank you.

[@NicoleSams614]

This was an awful semester for me in my life. School was fine but my living situation sucked. My health declined and I felt like I was getting worse but low and behold after neglecting my therapist for a month I finally saw her where she immediately told me I was experiencing complex PTSD and that now we need to find coping. It blew my mind that my PTSD could affect my EDS and Fibromyalgia SOOOO MUCH

[@amihallieishii]

i'm so glad you are feeling better now nicole! i've had my fair share of dealing with depression and it really does feel like you're not gunna make it through. but coming out on the other side, that feeling of accomplishment like you can finally breathe normally and wake up feeling refreshed and happy is so rewarding. i'm so proud of you, you deserve every ounce of success and thank you for making me smile 2 times a week! we're the same age so it feels cool like we're growing and learning together and going into 2020 knowing we bad ass bitches. LOVE U

[@theburiedavatar]

Your story with Cassandra really made me tear up. I had a similar experience my sophomore year, I was barely making ends meet with my job and i was really struggling financially. It was putting a large rift between my family and me. I felt exhausted and like i didn’t even have time to study anymore. (like, what was the point of going to school if i was working all the time?) I found a secluded bench on campus underneath some stairs and just cried. After a while some dude was just walking by and asked if i was ok. He gave me a prayer too and even though Im an atheist, i felt so grateful that a person cared enough to stop and help be feel better. A strangers kindness goes a long way.

[@haileynichole2434]

you are such a refreshing human. not only in the youtube community, but i get such a genuine and authentic energy from u it’s great & it doesn’t happen often

[@carlottasuarez344]

i didn't know that picking your skin can be a stress thing. i've always done that and at the moment I'm going through a lot and i've been picking at my skin a lot more. thank you for talking about your experience and being so open about topic that can be difficult or taken in the wrong way like politics and mental health. you're awesome. by the way a few days ago i cut my hair just like you (without the bangs because I'm not that cool). thank you again sweetie, you deserve so many good things. All the love from Italy!

[@campbellmckinnon2080]

I only found your videos about a month ago, but I’m fairly sure I’ve watched them all now. I just want to say thank you, with your videos I actually have something in life to look forward to, and hearing you speak up about mental health is so affirming to the fact that we aren’t alone. Whilst depression and anxiety is never a universal experience, it’s comforting to know that other people experience similar thoughts and feelings. I’m so happy that you are doing better, because having been in that place where you think nothing will ever get better and that you don’t deserve happiness, it’s something I wouldn’t want anyone to experience. So thanks again for just being an awesome person and keep doing you :)

[@Gracewodag]

Oof the “not being comfortable in your own home” hit hArd. Had a rough roommate a couple years ago and had to sleep on my friends couch for the last month of our lease cuz I didn’t wanna go home

[@tjweaverling1697]

I’m relating way too much to the not deserving the title of “depression”