My Testimony and How I Grew Closer to God

[@arianamerchent8474]

Speaking on identity, my pastor said this last week and it hit me so hard. “If the enemy can steal your identity he can hijack your destiny”

[@HappyandHealthyPodcast]

Just want to clarify, I am super grateful for my parents & they did the best they can! ❤ I am so thankful for them and the cultures they raised me in!! Thanks for listening!!

[@avamocanu]

We know you mean well! Thank you for sharing so much of your life with us! I look up to you in so many ways and I pray God blesses you with the desires of your heart!

[@annie73388]

Thank you for sharing your story ❤

[@ashleyglover8219]

I look forward to your podcast every single week.

[@paulmartin5424]

The holy spirit can change lives amen ✝️✝️🙏 😃

[@jjj626]

This is so powerful made me tear up!! Ur amazing Jeanine thank u for sharing ❤

[@jaydacarlson4832]

this is the most powerful message i’ve heard in so long. from a 16 year old high schooler, thank you for this 💗 gives me hope for the future

[@ClipsCrazy__]

You got this. Random advice but I feel the need to share with everyone your age, especially the young women. I am 27 I got the iPhone 3 in 8th grade so I had a very distinct life before and after smart phones. I KNOW, for a fact, without a doubt we will look at iPhones, smartphones overall, and really ANY vehicle for modern media WILL be looked at worse than cigarettes. Please, I KNOW it won’t be easy, but for your own growth find a way to restrict your addiction to it.

[@anthonyfernandez5016]

I needed to hear this. As someone who accepted Jesus about a year go and have been feeling like I'm kinda falling away lately this encourages me to get back and give my everything to God . I thought I was giving my everything but I guess I wasn't .

[@meatzilla6129]

Right when you said that there were so many things trying to hold back your testimony today, my phone literally shut off and restarted itself out of nowhere!!! So sooo real

[@abeebee7]

So crazy!! I was born with my umbilical cord around my neck as well. God always has plans for our lives that the enemy always tries to destroy from the beginning. May the Lord bless you and continue to use you for His glory.

[@snertkriebels]

I needed to hear this. I have a super similar story to you, i was raised a christian but walked away from the lord several times and now this year i finally feel like i'm starting to get into that consistency with the lord that you mentioned too. However, lately i have not been able to contain my unbelief and doubts anymore and that's why i wanted to ask for prayer from anyone who can bear me in faith. I feel so incredibly weak because i know that God is all that i need and there is nothing in this world that can compare to Him but at the same time i'm so doubtful that Jesus even exists and what that means for me. It's so weird because i have been raised in the faith and i know all the gospels and i've read them countless times and i know what jesus has done, but it's like i'm disassociating from what i'm hearing and reading if that makes sense. And now that i kind of stopped pushing that doubt away, my heart is also starting to feel super confused. So if anyone has had the patience to read this thing, please pray for me if you have the faith to do so. I need Him to reveal Himself to me, i need Him to touch me and give me new faith that won't shake.

[@leilanicyn]

Hi Anna, I am moved by what you shared. I have also had doubts but recently God has shown up in my love in so many miraculous ways and i’m forever grateful. I pray that you find strength and confidence in the Lord. I pray that he reveals himself to you and that you feel his love. Mark 9:21-24 is a great verse on overcoming disbelief❤️

[@snertkriebels]

@@leilanicyn thank you so much. I appreciate it❤️

[@raachely]

Thanks for sharing Anna, sending a praying for you!

[@tomdahl8907]

It helps to ask the Lord to show you what to read. Because there's a difference between reading in the Spirit and reading in the letter. When you read what the Lord shows you to read you'll be filled with faith. What i do is I look through the Bible index and pray and then whatever book of the Bible stands out to me, that's the Lord.

[@snertkriebels]

Thanks everyone for praying for me, I truly appreciate it🙏❤️. This sunday i had an encounter with Jesus in church during worship and it was what my heart needed. I still haven't got it all figured out, but it was the little bit of water that my soul was thirsting for so I can keep on going.

[@julieschwartz245]

Thank you so much Jeanine for being so vulnerable and brave for sharing your story. I went through a lot of similar experiences and I feel like this is why you're my favorite youtub-er, you're so relatable and genuine!!! I know I'll be re-watching this multiple times. Thank you for sharing your story!! This is why I love your solo episodes the most!! Sending you love!

[@munaghebredingle9393]

Orthodox Christian here. Learning to walk with the Lord again but scared that I'll be hurt again while doing so. Thank you for your testimony because I hear the Lord's words and the promise of his love and mercy through your experiences. Thank you and God bless you ~ A Christian Sister

[@ClipsCrazy__]

ANYTHING WORTH DOING WILL HURT YOU. You have to beat fear to do ANYTHING worth while. Not saying this is worthwhile. I’m not even religious. Just connected with your fear, follow your heart fellow human.

[@antoniasantos820]

Jeanine!!!! I’ve been following you since I was 16 years old. I’m not 27 and I feel like I’m meeting you for the first time. Thank you for sharing your story. I have a similar story in the trying to consistently walk with God but making a mess trying to figure it out but God is so good. I remember almost all the points you touched on in your story but I would never would have thought you were going through all these things. So blessed by you for years and grateful to know you more and follow along with you still. Sending you so much love ❤

[@dazzlynnsings]

your testimony is so healing to me, thank you for this! Glory to God!

[@marissamadera3300]

Wow I don’t even know where to begin but first just start off by saying how incredible Jesus is and how he’s truly so good and faithful to us 💛 thank you for this testimony Jeanine! I honestly feel so much more connected to you and just so happy in all the way that Jesus has transformed you 😭 thank you for always reminding me that nothing in this world satisfies but him 🙏🏽 there’s so much I can say but thank you thank you thank you I really loved this podcast!! I know it’ll help a lot of people including myself 💛 May God bless you in all you do!

[@CynthiaJDionne]

Amazing thank you so much for sharing. Ive been following your channel for a few years now and really can relate to so much of your testimony. I also found God in LA and am now living in Dallas. Praise God nothing is impossible for him! He’s amazing!! Praying we can meet one day girl keep shining for Jesus! You are a huge encouragement

[@marcovforte]

Thank you for sharing. I loved this. This was so great to hear. I too feel like I am in a season of refinement where God is really refining and growing me and preparing me for something greater. Amen

[@byMarriGrace]

why am i already teary-eyed just from listening to the baby Jeanine story. maybe coz i relate to being the youngest of 6 siblings and our family was supposed to make a very big move and it didnt happen kinda because of me. i was supposed to be "unalived" as well but the Lord didn't alllow it. from the very beginning, the Lord knew you - knew us all. so how can we keep on denying Him? Oh Lord Jesus :D

[@lena_jcn]

I’m 18 and I’ve followed you for years now. This story is so powerful and spoke to me so deeply. Thank you !

[@254glow]

Relistened to this episode and I felt so affirmed in Jesus. Confessing our sins to one another has truly healed me. All love from Kenya Jeanine. To God be the Glory🙌

[@skehau808]

Wow!! So this is why I have looked up to you since I found your podcast last year. I have struggled with the same sins. Pornography and Masturbation. I did not know at all you have struggled it too! I was exposed with Pornography at the age of 4 or 5 years old. And was taught to do masturbation in high school - the days I was with my high school sweet heart for 7 years. Ive fought both sins couple years ago with the grace and mighty power of God. And I can testify too, the temptation is real. I am still single and taking it day by day to understand more of God and His love for me. I am shook with the fact that you've fought the same fight like I did and you're one year younger than me. How insane. Thank you for always being bold and showing how to be a might woman of God.

[@AlkalineAjay]

God bless everyone in the comments 🙏🏼!!!

[@lizroh6574]

wow thank you so much Jeanine for being so raw and courageous to share how God has been so faithful in your life! i used to be so hardened when it came to other peoples testimonies because of this mindset that “oh i’m a christian- therefore, i don’t need to hear another testimony.” but your testimony reminded me of how they are necessary for Christians to listen to as well, as it is a source of encouragement and reminder of His goodness. and it also helps me to be keep an open heart and mind in knowing that God really designed our stories in such intricate ways! i hope and pray that God will continue to use you in ways you will never expect and will continuously give you joy and strength to carry out His will for you. much love for you sista! sending love from ny 🤍

[@NatiDLeon]

Hi Jeanine! I really enjoyed hearing your testimony!Thanks so much for being so transparent and sharing with us the process in how you overcame many hard moments in your life. But God can truly turn our story for His glory and for His good. I actually can relate to the university experience. Because I'm actually a univ student, and I've had so much insecurity here. I don't talk to people, I'm always on my own and close myself In my dorm. In the midst of this loneliness, I've grown my relationship with God more, and He's been my best friend. I know that He is with me even when no one is around me. Jeanine Your so special and have a purpose! 💕

[@janderson4705]

Thank you Jesus for what you've done and what you are doing right now. Thank you Jesus for waiting for me.

[@lelekv4042]

I love this especially "thank you Jesus for waiting for me." ❤️

[@ilovekene9697]

Proud of you, Jeanine

[@Jocyyguzman]

Jeanine!!! Thank you for your vulnerability and light. I’m so grateful to have come across your testimony and realness.

[@missbreezyd]

Beautiful testimony sis, I definitely got to know you at a deeper level ❤️‍🔥 I too, was exposed to p*rn around middle school to a “friend” at a sleepover and it completely shattered my innocence but the Lord redeemed me and set me free! There is hope!!

[@bayliesbookshelf]

It’s amazing to be a subscriber that’s been with you from the absolute beginning of your KZbin journey and seeing God work and transform you has been such a blessing. Gives me hope and has spurred me on in my faith journey. Thank you for being vulnerable and open! I’m 26 and finally going to church consistently m, reading my Bible truly for the first time, and just started going to a women’s Bible study. It’s been life changing. Thank you so much Jeanine for being so open. It makes such a difference ❤

[@amelgratambunan3356]

Hey, I'm so grateful for this. I need to hear this! Feel not being lovely and stuck is suck. Sometimes I also lose my faith and try to fit in. Please pray for me too. And thank you for your platform and faith. Stay happy and healthy ❤️

[@kimchaffa]

Ooof girl! THIS was VERY powerful! Thank you for sharing your story 🙌🏻

[@HappyandHealthyPodcast]

thank you for listening!

[@rambothomas2209]

@@HappyandHealthyPodcastplease continue to making the proud ✝️🙏🏿

[@tomisino7927]

This is extremely powerful and on time. Thank you for your courage and obedience in posting this. The more comfortable you are with your story, the less likely you are to live in shame. ❤️

[@ruthliew]

Thank you Jesus for you!🥰 Your bravery, transparency, and your full surrender to help others is just such a blessing. God is so good! God bless you abundantly! 💓Keep walking with Him🤍

[@Marienml]

Such a powerful story, thank you for sharing hope and the love of God through this platform. God bless you! 💖🌻

[@lindabueckert9559]

What a blessing your testimony is:) Praise God that he loves us so much even we aren't faithful he is!

[@eliserobinson3122]

This was so powerful and I can relate in so many ways to your story. This gives me hope. Thank you xx

[@oliviannichole]

Praise Jesus!!!! This is incredible.

[@ktwo08]

Thank you so much for sharing your story! I've had a similar experience not too long ago so this is all new to me. Your podcast/KZbin channel has been helpful on this new journey to walk with Christ 🤍

[@KennaBurke]

This was amazing Jeanine thank you

[@Smile-kun]

For everyone who read this and feel lonely/rejected/insecure, Jeanine is right this can be a big open gate for evil to attack us, we are never alone, God is always with us , christian community too online or not, I want to share a verse to encourage you "Psalm 139:10 even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me." God bless you friends

[@vibinwidkay]

Beyond grateful for you ! Thank you for sharing your inspiring testimony ❤️

[@NaomiLCarroll]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being open, vulnerable and honest. Thank you for sharing this, it lets me know I’m not alone.

[@deannamantsevich7231]

I look up to you so much Jeanine!! Thank you for being bold and following the voice of the Holy Spirit!! Your message about being an influencer and being in the world but not of the world has helped me soo so much

[@jenellemelendez2521]

i was sobbing throughout this whole podcast. Im so serious. Jeanine i remember following your journey since about 2016 i think. I of course don’t know every detail of your life because we just saw the highlight reels and even the lows but I hope you realize that we as an audience saw your testimony and your journey happen throughout the years. Every time you brought up a piece of your testimony in this video, i would just recall and be like “oop yeah i remember that one video” or “ahhh now that makes sense in this video” but its not something to be ashamed of because now I see: In the moment I didn’t know what God was doing in your life but this is almost like the last piece of the beautiful puzzle where you can finally see what God had been doing the whole time. Your vulnerability and honesty is so powerful. So many people will encounter Christ through the power of this testimony. I had a similar testimony in being a lukewarm for 18 years, and grew up in a pentecostal church all my life and knowing that God existed but not knowing Him as MY Lord. your channel impacted me because you were the first person to make being Christian look “cool” (lol i was still thinking carnally as a lukewarm Christian when I found your videos) but now its so great seeing you fully committed to Christ and i just know your channel was one of the many seeds that were planted in me so that i can now live as a fully committed and born-again believer that lives every day by the power of the Holy Spirit. This is so powerful, it just feels like watching an older sister i don’t know why 😂 But your growth has been so powerful and its EVIDENT❤

[@paolafrancesca7082]

I'm so grateful for your episode and sharing your story, I was also in a toxic abusive relationship and literally God picked me out of it and I'm free now... It's hard, but even there He taught me so many things that now is knowledge I thank, even though I would very gladly go back and undo that and so many other things... But He allowed it for a reason and I'm starting to understand that and feel that He really was there with me all the way, and our Mother was the tender hand held out❤ Community that you talk about is so important... Here there's like no young people going to church, it's really hard to live your faith in community, but I am confident in Him that there's a reason for that and that this is just part of the plan 🙏🏻🕊️

[@paolabueno4995]

Wow! Amen sister, thank you for sharing this testimony. ALL GLORY TO OUR GOD. I relate with so many things you said, loneliness, sexual sin, comparison, identity issues....but our God, He's the only way, the Redeemer and loving Father.

[@bernarddenny1161]

God bless you my sister in Christ what an amazing testimony

[@michelleherrera7505]

This video gave me goosebumps and made me emotional 😭 i needed this

[@abigailrose98]

Thank you for being so vulnerable to share your testimony, Jeanine! I really appreciated that you mentioned that you had gone through an identity issue when it came to you being in a bi-racial family. I definitely can relate to this I had that struggle when I was younger and I am glad that I can have someone who can relate and I am grateful that I no longer have that issue!

[@annagurs_]

Thank you so much for sharing this girl ❤️❤️ Testimonies are soo encouraging!!

[@lessleylimas4909]

AMEN, GOD is so good!!!🙌

[@charleslee5707]

All praises and Glory to only Lord Jesus christ praise to the dear Lord Jesus christ Amen Hallelujah ❤🎉😊👑🛐🔥🕊✝💓🙏

[@lindabueckert9559]

I think homeschooling can be an very positive experience. You are able to just be yourself without the constant peer pressure.

[@JeanineAmapola]

I am genuinely so thankful for it: don’t regret it at all ❤

[@gisellspiano731]

I really did need this. I have been struggling a lot with that type of addiction. I really find this helpful and I Believe that God really did use you in a huge way. I am very glad you shared this. I really didn’t even know you until you came up in my for you page in insta. I am so glad I came across your reel. I know that God is going to use you in so many ways because I believe that this podcast is really going to help change me and set me free. 😊❤️❤️

[@namemerose8827]

I’ve been feeling like it’s time to speak about my testimony but I’m really hesitant but this gave me courage to at least start off with one person. Thank you for posting this.

[@Kassandra_Storm]

Amen! Thank YOU for sharing your testimony, it brought such joy to my heart, and even tears to my eyes. I am so grateful to have found your channel along my journey and God is so GOOD!!! I even felt everything you were saying, His presence was here and I am so thankful to see who are today and have been blessed by you💗 God Bless!

[@akosuaagyarkopoku4453]

Thank you so much Jeanine. Honestly your testimony just set me free from my own addictions . Thank you so much. God bless you 🥺🙏

[@marianadepaula5295]

Wow Jeanine! Thank you so much for sharing your testimony! So powerful! ❤️❤️❤️🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

[@judithzoe204]

I had the same experience at 14, except for the youth leaders I told didn’t help me. It sent me into over a decade of addiction. I’m still not delivered from it. No matter how many times I ask God just won’t help me. I’ve given up on it to be honest I just don’t know what else to do at this point.

[@abigailavilez1816]

Hey I might be a little late but don’t give up I don’t know if God has free you from it or not but if he hasn’t keep trusting him he will I’m sorry your leaders didn’t help but I think the best way is admitting to someone you trust so they can you help with it and keep trusting God you will be free in the name of Jesus

[@virsaviayab7455]

Thank you so much for your testimony🫶🏼 so thankful for Jesus!

[@marlenedesouza746]

Thank you Jeanine for sharing your testimony 🙏❤ May God continue to use you .

[@joe-lynnbiever1053]

Thank you for sharing your testimony. I found it so helpful.

[@odalyssings]

Wow ❤ thank you so much for sharing! You inspire me to share my testimony! Somewhat similar to you❤ I’m so grateful you talked about all of this. Because i struggled with it for so many years almost being bonded with pornagraphy and feeling like i was living a double life. Imagine me being a Worship singer. And feeling so horrible when i would fall in temptation. Going through trauma at a young age confused me a lot and that door was opened just like you! It’s crazy when you said that. I know God has big plans for me! I know i have to let him mold me and i truly have forgiven things from my past. The enemy comes to tempt me. And that is where i struggle with. I know We have to be strong and call out on jesus when the enemy tries to destroy your peace. Again thank you for sharing!

[@1t1ynnej]

This is such a powerful story/ testimony. Definitely got chills throughout the video. Thank you for sharing, you are making a change and furthering the kingdom just by sharing ♥️

[@LisaHice]

Thank you for sharing your story and testimony. God can do mighty things through our stories to help encourage others. Such a blessing!

[@bernarddenny1161]

Amazing testimony God bless you my dear sister in Christ

[@KintaDienguele]

Amen 🙏what the enemy meant for evil, God has turned it around for GOOD!! Thank you for sharing your story.

[@anikasamuel3945]

Thank you. All glory to God🙏

[@Kiayamarieee]

Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your testimony. God is certainty using your story and life!

[@Sarakbell]

This came on after the video I was watching and I almost changed it just bc it wasn’t really the topic I had been listening to… but I got side tracked and never got to change it and boy am I glad I didn’t! God definitely let this video come on bc He knew I needed to hear your testimony! Thank you for being obedient and sharing it!❤️

[@irelandramos7048]

Thank you for your honesty I believe you just helped set so many women free.

[@carlajoyswan]

Yess girl, love your story!! Amen!!

[@manansala2oh1]

Beauty in truth of your testimony. Great word for the kingdom praise God

[@richardteasdale4144]

Hi Jeanine, You mentioned Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it." in your podcast, this is a verse which resonates with me too, one thing I gleaned from this scripture, is the timeline in question, and the importance of that initial training of a child in the way they should go. Not that you are old, however, the significance of this timeline, insinuates an interim period, where even though you may stray from the truth for a time, the Holy Spirit will never leave you, nor forsake you, and continually draw you back to the truth of that training you received as a child. I have been around the track (in circles) so to speak, many more times than you, yet, God faithfully drew me back to the grounding I received as a child on more than one occasion. You also mentioned Jonah, toward the end of your podcast, and how people question the existence of God and the reality of Jesus, based on seemingly impossible stories like Jonah, and, as you also mentioned, dinosaurs (evolutionary timeline), many Christians, if not most, have become to a large extent, indoctrinated by the world view largely by the education system, and television, we don't have all the answers, to questions, that arise from the evolutionary onslaught, though to me it doesn't matter what the world says, I choose to believe what the word of God says, and don't question the seemingly impossible, historically, no-one refutes that Yeshua actually lived, or that he was resurrected after 3 days, there are multiple historical sources written at the time, which attest to that. Jonah being 3 days in the belly of a fish, would most probably have been impacted by digestive juices, and I can imagine the impact he would have on the people of Ninevah, thrown up on the beach, who knows what he looked like, but the people of Ninevah were impacted by that message. God is a God of the impossible. Just as the resurrection of Yeshua impacted the world. Anyway, enough rambling. I just know, I don't doubt anything the bible says, and I could go on for ages, about various aspects, which counter the evolutionary world view. May I just say, you are an amazing and beautiful young lady! God Bless.

[@Smile-kun]

thank you for your courage and for your beautiful testimony, God bless you

[@3mlc4161]

Loved your testimony! 🫶🏼 God bless you girl!

[@wanonymousd]

Hi Jeanine, I am so happy to see you it's been a few years. I didn't know you personally but I am a follower on social media. I'm glad you're doing well. 😊

[@AshleyStevenson-mm7yo]

Wow!!!!!!.. Your testimony is beyond powerful!!!.. I have been on a very similar journey just like you..... I live about 20 minutes from Auburn Al.. I found your podcast through Madi Prewitt- Trout!!.. I'm a born again believer and I'm too looking for the very same things you was looking for ie, True Christian Ladies to have as friends, small bible study groups, A Church where I wanted to call home and be a part of etc.... I feel like I haven't stumbled across your podcast let alone your awesome Testimony!!!!!.. I'm asking for prayer that Jesus will show me the way and I also will find my Christian group where I can grow and be like you Jeanine ❤️.. There are soooo many people that need to hear others Testimonies so that they know they are not alone and should seek help if they need to.. Jesus said to come to him like a Child 🙏.. Humble yourself.. I could say sooo much but I'm truly Thankful I found your podcast that has given me such inspiration and Godly wisdom . Keep Shining Jeanine 💯✝️🙏❤️🙌🙌🙌🤍🕊️👏👏👏😇😭🥰

[@hazel8824]

Thank you for sharing! I needed to hear this. God bless you my sister in Christ.

[@yulissaruiz7595]

Wow Jeanine! Thank you for this! So beautiful what God has done and continues to do in our lives. I’ve definitely been able to see your spiritual growth over the years. You’ve encouraged me to open up more and continue to follow Jesus!

[@damonbaker7810]

This is a powerful testimony. Thank you jeanie for sharing your story, this was something that I needed to hear. God is good all the time, stay blessed 🙌🏽 🙏🏽

[@dollya3835]

Thank you so much for sharing your testimony. Redemption ❤ An inspiration for us all to continue our journey with God in faith.

[@karlacorrea7285]

Thank you for your testimony! ❤

[@_HiKai]

Janine, you’re amazing and thank you so much for your vulnerability and transparency ❤love you girl

[@maleasmith586]

my story and testimony is super similar!! thank you for being so vulnerable. God bless you❤️i feel less alone now.

[@D22237]

Amen!! Glory to God 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@Ruthmaniapoto]

Beautiful testimony

[@nathalie-kalombo]

Thank you so much for sharing your testimony! I needed to hear this!!!!!!!!!!♥♥♥

[@lovegeli11]

I absolutely LOVED this episode. Your testimony was powerful. Thank you for being so vulnerable! I’m in the journey of finding my faith, strengthening my relationship with the Lord. It really opened my eyes to a lot of things and I’m truly grateful. Thank you so much!🤍 Praying for more blessings over you.

[@morishaq1084]

Thank you so much for sharing your testimony, super empowering. May God Bless you and use you mightily.❤

[@sandratolojanahary3283]

Thank you for sharing your testimony

[@paolawood2407]

I was blessed by your testimony. Thanks for sharing. ❤️

[@gabriellesackmann7565]

Thank you for sharing your testimony! God bless you!

[@mariahcooke5157]

What a fantastic testimony, thank you so much for sharing ❤ God is faithful x

[@HappyandHealthyPodcast]

thank you so much for listening!

[@hannahyoder3114]

Thank you for sharing your story!

[@MrsYPena311]

Thank you for sharing! Definitely needed this.

[@NatiDLeon]

I really enjoy your podcasts Jeanine!

[@deborah946]

I needed this, thank you so much for being vulnerable ❤

[@joankasolo9842]

Thank you for sharing this! Glory be to God he is so faithful and so good, this has truly encouraged me :) God bless you sister!

[@lucycoons]

Sooo powerful! Cool to see more of your life. This blessed me. Thank you Jeanine, for sharing. Praise Jesus!

[@Sybil28520]

This is amazing, thank you for sharing your testimony. Can definitely relate in a lot of areas and the journey you went through the college days and toxic relationships. Praise God He always brings us back :)

[@micaelaharris1068]

Wow! Your story is my story. Thank you for sharing

[@Pinkbubbles7389]

Thank you for sharing this even though it may have been hard. ❤