MY THERAPIST DUMPED ME | STORYTIME WHILE I DO MAKEUP

[@RoyaltyAC]

Hi Temi, As a former clinician, I have to say, it’s a big step even putting yourself out there and opening up to trust someone. I can understand how it must feel traumatizing to have that experience. I would like to share with you what I like to tell people who are interested in therapy. First, it’s okay to shop around for a therapist. If you don’t feel like you jive or connect with a therapist it’s okay to find someone you feel more comfortable with. You don’t even have to have a “good” reason. Therapists are people too and so we can immediately connect or have reservations when we meet them. Secondly, sometimes it is more comfortable going to someone with a similar background as you (race, gender, religion, culture). It’s a not a rule but for issues that may be tied to culture or gender related it may be easier for some people to talk to someone who understands and may even relate. Similar to the first piece of advice if you don’t feel like they’re helping you then it’s okay to find someone who will. Sometimes you may even like someone, but you don’t feel like you’re being helped. It’s okay to find someone who will be more attuned to your needs. Finally if you are looking into a therapist they may often post on their website/bio the type of therapy they practice and the experience they have. (ie DV, family, ptsd, depression etc). You may not know exactly what you need but you might have an idea on who would might be experienced enough to guide you. I hope this is helpful to you and anyone else who reads it for whenever you feel comfortable in reaching out again for help.

[@pelagegris]

Finding a good therapist is like finding a boyfriend. There needs to be a great fit and chemistry between the both of you. He actually did you a favor by letting you go cos he wouldn’t have been able to help you. It’s not about you, don’t take it personally at all. Finding a good therapist takes time and you have to shop around a bit. And each therapist uses different methods. So it’s going to be trial and error until you find the right practician. So I would encourage you to not give up on therapy. Keep shopping around until you find the right one. I’ve been in therapy for almost 8 years now and it took me a while to find a good match. I hope everything works out for you! Sending you hugs!

[@SuperButterfly217]

This is true.

[@jadadent8171]

I found my therapist through a site called therapy for black girls. She is so amazing and has made such a great impact on my life.

[@temiadesina]

thanks so much for your suggestion. ill look into it

[@Brwniee95]

Me too found my therapist on there as well 💕

[@jaycyntha4]

That site is such a great resource!

[@AfroTae]

no one accepts my insurance on there :(

[@jariaumutesi8783]

I’ve been dumped by a therapist but found a really good one so grateful the first one let me go 😊

[@Nwakaego_]

Proud of you Temi for giving therapy a shot though. I hope you find a much better therapist and hopefully a black woman therapist. I had a black lady therapist in 2020 from Betterhelp and had a pleasant experience. I'm looking for a private practice black woman-owned therapist now though lol. It's my personal bias, but I want a therapist who looks like me and would understand where I am coming from.

[@temiadesina]

thnks so much, i had a black man i wanna try a black woman as well

[@mstcherie13]

Im glad you found thdm helpful. I had a black woman therapist and she wasn't my best therapist I think it just depends on the person

[@gozosa1980]

Therapy was super helpful for me but it did take a few to find the right fit. The first was not good at all for me. She was trying to “fix” aspects of my life I was happy with and ignore the reasons I came in. The second was better help and she was not qualified to help with what I needed. (They said that nobody in their network deals with what I needed.) then I got one that was super expensive who did an assessment and gave me a diagnosis but did not do talk therapy so she recommended me to someone else who I LOVED! I was so happy with her and she was perfect for what I needed. The fit has to be right and the type of therapist/therapy needs to be right. It’s not personal at all or uncommon for them to say “I’m not the right one for this”

[@KPsparks]

Hey Temi, Super happy you gave therapy a try! Honestly therapy is similar to dating ... it takes sometime to find a good match. You probably dodged a bullet with that last therapist to be honest. I started therapy in 2019 when I lost my grandmother and it's been life-changing. I honestly feel like through the help of God and my life coach I trust myself 100% more and have experienced a level of confidence that I loveeee. Hopefully, you find a good match soon, but I know Therapy For Black Girls is a great resource & they also have a podcast.

[@temiadesina]

thank you, once i get over what happened im definitely going to look into therapy for black girls as ive been recommended it a few times

[@KPsparks]

@@temiadesina I feel you! Sorry that happened

[@delicate1]

The same thing happened to me but, after the first session. I thought everything was fine and when it was time for the next session the following week, she did not call so I called her, and she didn't answer. So, I gave up and I am still dealing with my issues on my own. It is traumatizing and adds to my depression.

[@Theepiphanyroom]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. That's unacceptable.

[@victorious9146]

Temi, thanks for sharing. I have been watching you for a while. I can see that you a blossoming, and growing in your spirit inside and out.🙏🏽👏🏾

[@thisiselodie]

Yeah finding a therapist is hard, which is why I'm taking a break atm. Your friend is right there are different types of therapy. I'm not of fan of CBT which is one of the most popular forms. Hope you find the support you need whether it's in therapy or not.

[@lavish169]

And I agree he probably wasn’t equipped to help you. Which doesn’t necessarily mean anything about you.

[@temiadesina]

i agree, at first of course i thought something was wrong with me but looking at it a year later it wasnt me at all

[@WilliamsPinch]

So idk if anyone else has been watching “Therapist” review content on KZbin, but it really illuminates how biased, unskilled and flawed people in mental health profession can be. I’d be just as critical with evaluating a counselor as I’d be if I was still dating. I’m surprised he was professional enough to tell you he was limited in his ability to help you.

[@temiadesina]

o i never heard of that but will check that out. thank you

[@BluDrop5]

I'm glad when professionals tell me their limitations. Let's not waste each other time.

[@blankslate89]

I agree...Betterhelp wasn't helpful at all... the therapist I had on there was not only late multiple times but he would also act like he was too busy sometimes, but he kept trying to push me to take up his services because he was opening up his own private practice. I'm going to find another one but in person and I hope it works out this round.

[@temiadesina]

girl it was a mess

[@marielouis3347]

You’re beautiful

[@temiadesina]

Wow, thank you

[@msprissy630]

I highly recommend getting a black therapist and a black woman if possible! Ain’t no way a white person can really understand being black and the struggles we encounter

[@temiadesina]

he was a black man but ill try a woman out

[@GoldenDIY]

Thank you for sharing your story :) I would say it's true that some therapists do not have training or experience in certain areas, and it's actually better that they tell you that. Then they can tell you to seek another therapist or give you a referral. It's more ethical that they do that, rather than just give you ineffective treatment. So I wouldn't say that he dumped you, I would say he knew he couldn't help you, and told you that, so you could find someone who could help you. You didn't do anything wrong at all so please don't blame yourself.

[@Agapelovealwayz]

This happened to me . She started to change my weekly schedule to match her own. I was going with the flow and then she finally mentioned that another therapist can take on my case. Smh!!!! However, I took what I learned from her and let it be. I believe every therapist needs a therapist tho!!! Connect with clients based on experience, not based on what they learned from clinical. If they aren’t equipped to handle certain clients, don’t agree to take it on, for billing purposes.

[@MsWillita8]

This happened to me with a Therapist from Talk Space, I got dumped and don’t know why. They gave me a second one and she ghosted me too😢. I was literally at the lowest in my life. Prayer and journaling pulled me out of that rut. I was too down to think about a refund…I still see value in therapy even if I didn’t benefit from it…..just discovered your channel btw, I love your hair ❤

[@temiadesina]

thank you so much and girl lmbo i was at my lowest too but i didnt play about my money haha. im glad you were able to get pulled out of it and hoping that you find an amazing therapist when you decide to start looking again

[@MsWillita8]

@@temiadesina Thanks , you too!!! Weirdly enough I think my brother needs to see a therapist, so I have been researching some, and Google was all in my business and recommended your video. I’m glad I found you, you seem cool.

[@azeecrystal28]

I can definitely relate. I was ghosted by my therapist on betterhelp during a time when I could really use their help. It scarred me from using that platform too.

[@temiadesina]

exactly. my friend did betterhelp and he ghosted her too

[@laineyturner3785]

In the meantime, try journaling (morning pages, etc) as a way to relieve stress, clarify and gain insight into your own thoughts and suppressed emotions. All it takes is pen and paper and about 10 minutes first thing in the morning. You can repeat as a brain dump before bed for better understanding of things you might suppress or ignore during the day. You’ll notice calm and clarity almost immediately. Hope this helps.❤

[@sherwinjohnson2794]

I live in Western NC, where there are not a lot of (if any) black therapists. Since I have to use the therapists that are in the area, for insurance coverage purposes, I opted to go with the place that is considered highly reputable for their services. My current therapist, a white lady, has been very engaging and helpful with teaching me about handling the situations and issues that have been such mental struggles all of my life. I don’t know where she’s been hiding! I’m definitely not saying don’t go with a black counselor, but make sure they work at a place known for their mental wellness. That type of place is making sure their counselors are staying updated with continuing education. Currently most hospital based therapists are aware of mental health disparities in our community and have been educating their staff continuously. I can tell a difference from this white lady compared to a white lady I saw 24 years ago.

[@leiannab8986]

I've had my first session on Betterhelp with my therapist and I'm not sure if she's a good fit for me but I'm going to do a second session. How did you communicate with your therapist, text, phone or live video chat? Did they give you a refund? Thank you for sharing your experience and your personal journey, it's helpful 😊

[@JohannasHair]

A lot of people go through things that they didn't know they should go through and I am one of them.

[@anitaeast9201]

Hello Temi, Keep praying! You may want to journal. Journaling is so therapeutic. Sometimes we can’t express how we are really feeling or we don’t have anyone to express our feels to who really cares or wants to hear about our issues. GOD IS WITH YOU HE WILL GIVE YOU THE JOY AND PEACE YOU ARE SEEKING. Keep humbling yourself and praying to GOD…..when you pray tell GOD ALL ABOUT YOUR ISSUES THE TRAUMA THAT HAS ROBBED YOU OF YOUR PEACE. The hurt you are feeling….the pain! GOD WILL HELP YOU DEAL WITH ALL OF THAT….if you feel more comfortable writing pour your heart out to GOD IN JOURNAL ENTRIES. GOD IS EVERYWHERE AND HE KNOWS EVERYTHING….he will read your journal and help you! Please keep fighting for your healing because your healing and becoming whole is on the way….keep believing that for yourself even on the hard days….it is not going to be easy every day….. but GOD IS WITH YOU! GOD LOVES YOU! You are his beautiful daughter. Hang in there and take care my Sister! I love you! 💗

[@rachaelcurrie9936]

That first therapist sound like a scammer

[@hiwagusu]

Well, being introverted means gaining energy when alone, like you might enjoy seeing people but then you're really tired afterwards. But being introverted to the point of not going to the mailbox ? That's most likely something else. To me it sounds like social anxiety, but I don't know you. Or if you happen to be highly sensitive to light or to sound, or even touch, then it might be that too, because, when you're highly sensitive it gets overwhelming real quick but at least when you know you have it, you can have tools to adapt better. Etc... I say this because I am a very introverted person, like interacting with people drains my energy like crazy, even my closest loved ones. But I also have the same problem, just leaving my apartment is a fight... all of that just to realize that I have social anxiety. Because I also have alexithymia I didn't realize I was feeling anxious (until my doctor realized I was having panic attack, and I didn't know they were panic attack because I'm very oblivious to whatever I feel). And thanks to my psychiatrist, I realized I also had ADHD. I'm not saying you have all of the above but even though you went through traumatic experiences (and I'm sorry you went through what you went through) it can be interesting to look into these different subject, so that when you get better you understand that not all of you being different can be explained by trauma etc.... It's just interesting for self growth overall, and that can help explaining trauma responses as well. I also went through a lot of trauma as a child and a teen, and a young adult, and I thought I was fine because I didn't react like others, but with all the things I've learned after seeing my psychiatrist for almost two years now, I am so much better today, it was a long process but frankly it was worth it. So I wanted to say I highly recommend you to seek a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist until you find a good one. And your hair and makeup are amazing ✨✨

[@soychelys]

I am so sorry that happened to you. Our family therapist dumped us last May just when I thought we were turning the corner towards real healing with our son. He completely shut down after this and my husband and I haven't heard from him since. 😢

[@Agapelovealwayz]

Wow, sorry to hear! That therapist needs a therapist !

[@QueenOfTheDamned]

I'm sorry you experienced that but I hear it takes a while for you to find a therapist that clicks with you. I like that you got your money back tho! I am loving the direction of your channel. Was the word your previous therapist referring to "agoraphobic" or "social anxiety"

[@nessawithsmiles]

Once you said Better Help, it immediately made sense. I’ve never even used it and have seen enough reviews.

[@lavish169]

What made you choose a male therapist ?

[@temiadesina]

they matched me with a male. i didnt have a preference because i thought a therapist was a therapist irrespective of gender.

[@WilliamsPinch]

Yeah, I steer clear of men in the medical profession altogether. Even my dental hygienist is a woman lol. Men are great for a lot of things, care is usually not one of them.

[@Fehintola]

I’m sorry to hear about your experience with better help. I recently started therapy with Amiraforher and it’s going well. I explore the platform and saw that they had affordable options but what helped me match with my therapist was being able to have free consultations with different therapists. They each had a bio which helped me narrow down who I saw as potential option.

[@temiadesina]

this sounds so much better than them just matching me. I should be ab.e to choose . thanks for letting me know

[@valeriesignaturesalon]

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

[@christinavielot1111]

Im happy that you take care of you ✨ Keep tending to yourself, do not give up!! I am from Montreal, Canada. I’m a French speaker. I want to tell you more, but I am a bit limited 🥲. I just want you to know to continue your healing 💖 you got this !! I’ve just began therapy last year, myself too. I personally think it was a blessing in disguise that your therapist didn’t follow up with you. Therapists have different approaches and also are specialized in different kind of trauma. I don’t know how it works on better help : are they showing those therapist are licensed and what are they specialization and approach? But, I am just glad that your therapist was transparent to you because now it makes the space for another one to truly helps you.

[@temiadesina]

yes, its actually a blessing that he didnt waste my time as much as he could of and was transparant. Im not sure the qualifications you need to be on betterhelp but i think mines had a liscense.

[@macarmenadoree]

I've never done betterhelp, but I've done a lot of traditional therapy. I've had about 6 therapists altogether, only one of which is a horror story. Two of them were really good -- one I went to specifically for social anxiety and we did mindfulness based cognitive therapy. The 2nd one I saw for several years and he was like my therapist soulmate. He practiced CBT and he helped me win a life long battle with depression. It helped me so much that I recommend therapy to everyone, but with the caveat that it's not an instant thing. It took me YEARS to find him, and it took time to figure out what I really needed from a therapist and a treatment plan. I'm horrified at your story because that is just such an inappropriate way to handle that. It is true that different therapists specialize in different things, but if you were matched with him then they should have matched you with someone qualified for your needs. Which makes me look at better help sideways. Secondly, if he felt he wasn't qualified (sounds like he might've thought you should see a trauma specialist) he should have told you what he did offer and spent your last session coaching you through what your next steps would be, which specializations to look for in your next therapist, and processing how you felt about the rematch. That was irresponsible on his part, but don't take that as a reflection on any thing about you or your past (easier said than done I know). He honestly probably just had a different specialization and wasn't experienced enough (or maybe better help has different rules) to handle that with more tact. I'm sorry that happened to you :(

[@shondale71]

🙏🏽❤️

[@tamarahenderson5241]

Love

[@temiadesina]

thanks

[@bellasee1]

I had one that told me all her problems and then dissed me!

[@Nanalise]

I would encourage you to get a proper assessment with a psychiatrist or psychotherapist. They’ll direct you to what type of therapy you should get. I went not therapy and it changed my mindset so much. Gave me the tools to learn how to deal with certain habits I had that were really keeping me trapped

[@mianaomipost9885]

What you’re asking for as you indirectly stated, only Jesus can give, so you’re going to have to fight for it since the enemy is fighting you. We don’t learn how warfare truly looks in church buildings all the time. But Jesus said “the peace I give, the world didn’t give, so the world can’t take it away.” Now, it seems like that’s just a handout gimme kinda peace, but why would He say, the world, meaning the enemy and all we go through, can’t TAKE it away? Right there, He’s letting us know we have a gift that we’ll have to fight something for but He reassured us that we win the fight. So press in and ask Him what’s stealing your joy, holding it hostage or deceiving you from the Truth that you actually already have it in Him. I had to and still have to take thoughts captive, bind and rebuke the enemy, profess God’s Word, seek after my Father, dig for Truth as a hidden treasure and fight this good fight! Our God is present but He also wants us to come to Him for what we’re lacking and if one of His promises like the fruit of the Spirit is lacking, then you have a fight on your hands. Ask Him to teach your hands to war and your fingers to fight (Psalm 144) for the Joy everlasting! It’s real and it’s fulfilling like none other! Love you! Btw, you’re so beautiful, hun! I’m always here just to look at your tresses even in a makeup vid! Lol 😆

[@temiadesina]

o wow thanks so much for this message, really means alot that you took time out to send this. This is a blessing

[@mianaomipost9885]

@@temiadesina 📖💛To God be the glory! You’re welcome! Thank you for the years of content showing us girls how to love our locs! 😉

[@Bv3276]

I love God. Wholeheartedly, but there is nothing wrong with therapy from situations we’ve either gotten ourselves into or have happened to us. God does absolutely give peace. Sometimes it’s just good to talk to another human. We are not an island.

[@mianaomipost9885]

@@Bv3276 I never said there was, hun. Many blessings!

[@reginaeiland9358]

That my dear is what we call a "quack"

[@naturalhairchickonabudgett849]

Great video I follow you on IG as well and I definitely feel you on you on your addressing your health! Rather it’s mental or physical 👍🏾 hey New year New you / Us 🎉

[@temiadesina]

thnk you so much. Happy New Year babe

[@Naomijuwah]

He should have referred you immediately 😭 not just dumping you

[@giovannawani1918]

My brother is a therapist and his Blavk. He cares a lot and tries to see you for who you really are, he makes you his client the therapist for him. So maybe you can listen to and give advices right? I’ll drop his email though

[@EboniHarrisMA]

I hate hearing stories like this. I'm so excited that more people are prioritizing their mental health but it sucks when their introduction is negative. I even have a therapist horror story and I'm a therapist. Smh. (Hmm 🤔... maybe I'll do a storytime). There are so many good therapist but I completely get why that would make you hesitant. Finding the right therapist for you is kinda like dating and we all know how much fun that is. Lol

[@victoriaezekwemba5802]

Yeah your therapist sounds horrible 😭From my experience, I know some places do a free first session to ask you about your issues to see if you two vibe.

[@chinweaniche-hall3895]

It's sad you had such a horrible experience with your therapist. I get therapy through cvs Caremark and it's all virtual. my job pays for it so I don't expect surprise bills. I usually have about 3 options to choose from but so far I have been very impressed with the service I have gotten. They helped me a lot with coping with grief since I lost my husband and son's father earlier last year. You can try them if you would like.

[@BluDrop5]

I've had excellent therapists on Betterhelp. I'm sorry that you had a bad experience. Sometimes you have to determine what TYPE of therapist that you would like: clinician-led or client-led. It sounds like you two were not a good match to begin with. Also, it appears that you wanted him to tell you how to handle situations; he wanted you to develop your awareness of your situation so you can determine your own solutions.

[@amakamii]

I just started therapy this year because I heard everyone say it helps to process trauma Dan mental health issues. I’m still getting to know my therapist as I’ve had just 1 intake session. I realize even my childhood wasn’t normal. I’ll be the first in my family to ever go into therapy and I’m proud to be taking this journey. I hope you find a therapist that works best with you. You could try “healingcircpetherapy”.