My Wife Gave Me an Ultimatum

On today’s episode, we hear about:
• A husband wondering how to respond to his wife’s ultimatum
• A daughter about to confront her father about his past
• A woman struggling to cope after witnessing a public shooting
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[@kitkat3155]

As a woman I think it’s disgusting to give your husband an ultimatum by saying that if he doesn’t give you a baby you’ll find someone else who will. It’s emotionally abusive. Why would you treat someone you love this way? 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@favouritename]

She doesn't love him. It is sad.

[@incisivecommenter5974]

@kitkat3155 well he did neg on the agreement.

[@veebliss1266]

@@favouritenameI think she loves him she’s just panicking that she doesn’t feel “completely” done with motherhood yet and he’s not budging so she’s using FEAR to get him to compromise . Is it loving ? No absolutely not but she’s in FEAR of not having the chance to be a mom one last time. They should have compromised long ago after the first one .

[@Gotoworkkk]

@@veebliss1266 she’s selfish. If he’s not agreeing with her? She’s becoming a big baby about it! It’s about compromise… For God sake they already have two kids!! if he feels not ready for that or financially unstable he’s got every right to uses fire extinguisher on the situation!

[@ashleycrew6841]

I absolutely agree with you. And can you imagine if it was flipped the other way?

[@Some_kind_of_wonderfü]

I absolutely love how articulate the 1st caller is! So clear in his wants…just needs to voice it now. AND I promise you that no woman loves a pushover.

[@taylor15589]

I mean he said it himself, no one respects him because they can walk all over him. How can a woman respect their man if they walk all over them? I think the main problem is she has no respect for her man, respect is super important in relationships! Yeah I completely agree. I could never. That’s so unattractive.

[@larissabrewington9065]

He seems like such a cheerleader! The person you go to expect to be lifted up. Someone who will help you feel better even when they don't. And to think he is with someone who is coming off as very ... garbage like... Sucks!

[@thisisces]

I thought the same. He sounds so confident and very sure of himself. I'm not married but I can't imagine why his wife would push him around. Especially since it sounds like she's well taken care of. Wish him the best!

[@Some_kind_of_wonderfü]

@@thisisces agreed. It makes you think how powerful childhood conditioning is, and every time the confidant person wants to come out, he is suppressed. I guess that’s why Dr D always says we marry our unfinished business.

[@taylor15589]

@@thisisces I mean it’s quite easy to become used to push a person around. Like at work, if you ask a friend to help on this one thing, you might ask them again on another and on another. Or if you have a subordinate that gets their stuff done really fast and efficiently than your other subordinates so you give more of the work load to the faster one. You may not even realize how you are pushing them around. It’s almost a subconscious kinda thing. Thats why when a man lets him be walked on it’s unattractive. If he never says no to you? I see it from his view, he wants to make her happy. But if he never says his view, the woman will essentially be the leader.

[@carolejackson8357]

The first caller seems like an amazing man. I hope his wife realizes that she struck gold in him.

[@Monica-zo7dd]

Sad, then you have some men who are abusive and a woman would give anything for a husband that is so considerate and thoughtful.

[@elainebmack]

He is not "amazing". He is weak and trapped.

[@andreanease4215]

You need some more insight on what it’s like being married to an avoidant people pleasing man. They usually do not love you but are only with you because you love them and make them feel good like the “hero”. He even admitted to part of that about him liking to feel needed or however he worded it. This man probably has never truly loved her emotionally and spiritually. Learn about avoidant attachment. This is who they are, and they base everything off fear and shame.

[@joyparker3116]

He’s trapped - not weak! 2 children!!

[@andreanease4215]

@@joyparker3116 no one is trapped. You’re making a choice. Being “trapped” is acting as if you have no choice and no free will. Own your decision to stay. Or go. Anything else is weakness because you’re allowing fear or whatever else to control you and not take accountability for your action or inaction.

[@stevendavidson8733]

Devin needs to 100% never have a 3rd child with his wife. You do NOT want to bring a child into this world when both parents aren't 100% onboard with wanting the child. The child will eventually understand that they were an unwanted child and that's devastating. Being an unwanted child takes an incredible toll on mental health.

[@juniev1]

100% agree. My mother was an unwanted pregnancy, and she has led a miserable life....she has been blessed with a wonderful family but could never let go of that trauma.

[@Trackpad12]

It does not… half of us are accidents

[@ruthirwin8222]

​@@Trackpad12 i dated a guy in his 50s whose mother told him he was an accident, it ruined his life and his relationships

[@Trackpad12]

@@ruthirwin8222 you dated a loser.

[@bananarama480]

​@@Trackpad12This is so wrong on so many levels.

[@vickyoli]

He seems like a truly sweet and mature guy. She is abusive :(

[@tallspicy]

He chose her. They are in it together as codependent.

[@deusexmachina9776]

@@tallspicy yep no way he is mature

[@andreanease4215]

He’s not mature. He is emotionally immature. He can’t say “no”, and he doesn’t love himself so he gets walked on. You can’t truly love others if you don’t love yourself. Being “nice” isn’t love.

[@californiadreamer2580]

My dog is really "sweet" also, but I wouldn't want to marry it. This man has the emotional maturity of his 10 y/o self, which is why he picked an adult child as a spouse to begin with.

[@Lesobre]

He needs to call her bluff, what a horrible marriage he is in

[@erikadlloyd5586]

🎯

[@Sam11747]

If he calls her bluff, there's a good chance she'll get a decent amount in the divorce settlement and child support. There's also a good chance she'll find someone else quickly. I wouldn't be shocked if she has a few men she has as backup plans. There's little recourse in the legal sense, and a little he can do if he has her entire family and friends on her side.

[@neisci]

​@@erikadlloyd5586 no amount of money is worth sticking with such toxic person for the rest of your life.

[@rachelgooden9981]

And then she’s gonna hate him and punish him

[@bloomingale7868]

Call her bluff by saying nope. Shop’s closed and see what she does. She’ll learn how good she had it eventually. She sounds like a brat.

[@iDKonic128]

Dr. John is the People Whisperer for sure! Seconds into conversations with callers and he can already read between the lines and hone in on what they're not saying!

[@iDKonic128]

@22Steamboat when I say he reads between the lines I don't mean the 'some info' that they've already provided. He peels the onion right thru to the 'core' if u get my drift!

[@brynne77]

I noticed that, too. It's very interesting! He must have a talent for this.

[@marci.0222]

I had the exact family dynamic. 4 kids in 5 years and my parents never figured out how to reign in and teach the oldest not to be a bully to others. Your whole existence becomes managing the dominant ‘personality’ and being careful of everyone’s feelings with it!

[@kitajames6029]

Girl, I'm sitting here on my toilet😂 reading what you're saying, and you have described my family dynamic down to a tee. At 33 years old I'm doing now trying to do some to change how I've allowed people to treat me, because I was taught directly and indirectly from my parents to hold my peace even when I'm being taking advantage of and to essentially be a doormat in my adult relationships.

[@elisegothlix1183]

​@@kitajames6029sadly, same here! But I'm doing the work to get my worth back and you deserve that too! I wish you all the best.

[@whiskeytangofoxtrot1986]

@@kitajames6029 I’m 37 and I started at 33 as a mom of 4 boys, trying my best to change the dynamic that my oldest was the boss. It’s been hard and we still have issues at times but he’s not no where near as bad as it used to be. 😅😅 it’s so hard and idk how it even happened.

[@KellieT73]

Similar for me, but thankfully I only have one older brother who's 4 years older and who was a bully. Our Dad is also immature and raged which also was never managed.

[@marci.0222]

@@kitajames6029 yes, my exact experience in adult relationships. Keep the peace at all cost, and when the relationship falls apart, you are left trying to pick up the messy pieces. ♥️ be good to you and be well.

[@linhaton4957]

He will never please her. Do not have any more children!

[@TheVeggiekat]

This is it. It’s not a child she wants. She just wants and nothing will ever be enough

[@CourageUnderFire87]

More like do have any more marriage with her!

[@williamyoste2812]

His wife basically told him she will cheat on him if she has to?? Wtf this guy has to go straight at her.

[@Sam11747]

If she gets pregnant, I hope he gets a DNA test.

[@SetApart7Generation]

Thats wrong

[@IFBBProYeo]

She really needs to sit down with a therapist and figure out why this is so important to her. Clearly her chemistry is way way off

[@veebliss1266]

She’s using fear tactic doubt she means it. She is in FEAR of thinking she can’t be a mother one last time .

[@spreadlove7761]

@@veebliss1266that’s horrific to even say. It’s the fact she said that. And he should be filing for divorce because that’s not love. She’s not in love with him.

[@nolabae]

Devin, run and don't look back. Be a great father for the 2 you already share with the monster but don't create more to please her.

[@sandramartin9784]

I agree with above but Devin, you need to get counseling for partnering with a controlling person or you will do it again. Even talking to John, you said over and over again, "yes, you're right, yes, I know, yes, yes..." You need to address this or face a life as a doormat unless you happen to partner with another sweet doormat which is unlikely because bullies will be attracted to you like flies on...

[@aaronyoung2556]

The first caller relates to me, five kids and divorced. Found out she was dishonest about a lot of things in life and her infidelity and I cannot take it anymore. But I'm the bad guy. Make boundaries, know what you want and stick to it!

[@CdnEnjoyLife]

Dr. John is amazing! Free therapy online through the experiences of all of these callers. Thank you!

[@TheVeggiekat]

This poor guy. As soon as she’s threatening to step out to get a child with someone else that marriage is already over. How could he ever trust her that she hasn’t already been cheating.

[@daviddixon9213]

😢

[@ec-kj4yp]

That first caller just breaks my heart. His wife is horrible, I hope he is able to have a relationship where he is truly valued.

[@elainebmack]

He probably will not.

[@OGA103]

This unfortunate man. I wanted a third child. My husband didn't. So I looked at my 2 amazing healthy kids, thanked God for them, and made my peace. I truly hope he can figure it out.

[@franiscoflores9511]

This girl on Instagram I follow..she wanted a 3rd so her husband had his vasectomy reversed..they had a 3rd and then he had a vasectomy again..what if she changes her mind again?

[@deniseowens1163]

​@@franiscoflores9511so

[@CellBotics]

As a women I support this man, we have to stop thinking men are made of metal, kids are ALOT to handle! Ugh!

[@lorelei619]

Poor Macy, I’ve been through several traumatic events and know her pain. No matter where you stand politically, no one should ever feel unsafe or alone. I hope we someday can get past this divide and come back together as people

[@larissabrewington9065]

I haven't finished watching yet... but this guy is ON THE EDGE dealing with this insane person he married... He needs to do something before he ends up on the news.

[@michelmurphy7152]

Great comment! I agree that resentment and anger must be down inside somewhere. Everyone has a breaking point.

[@yallcrazy302]

Devin, always remember your values and principles. Don’t let anger or frustration with a difficult situation or person change who you are. Stick up for yourself and walk away when it goes too far or is unmanageable.

[@TheJgraham12345]

Devin you need to plan an escape brother. Being single can be extremely lonely and depressing, but there is no worse feeling than having to walk on eggshells around your partner constantly in fear of “getting in trouble” with them. I feel so bad for you man. You deserve more respect brother.

[@wonder12374]

People pleasing comes from being made to feel as if you are not enough by someone in your formative years. His mom may be a sweetheart and dad a quiet man but one of those two people made him feel inadequate in their behavior towards him even if it was in a quiet, sweet way.

[@wonder12374]

@sunnydays6237 people pleasing comes from low self worth. A person feels like they need to be everything to everyone because they alone will not keep people around....

[@theundone777]

​@@wonder12374 It comes from low self-worth, but it can also come from self-preservation. When you grow up in a very unsafe environment, you learn to manipulate it by being agreeable.

[@georgianaaron4986]

Quiet man = emotionally unavailable and repressed.

[@rebekahjimenez2808]

​@georgianaaron4986 no, it doesn't. My father is a very sweet quiet man. So was his father. They were always emotionally available and demonstrative. One doesn't equal the other.

[@Am-kinda5501]

I am a wife and mother and cannot even fathom treating my husband this way. His wants and needs are important to me and this whole ultimatum is just asinine. I can’t imagine bullying someone into having a child they don’t want to have… it’s just gross.

[@hayley179g]

Your husband didn't promise you three children though, and didn't tell you he was rich.

[@tinarollings8719]

John❤ I'm 62 yrs young. I hear your intro music and can't wait to hear your excitement when you greet us!!!!! Thank you😊

[@JenniferAguiartampa]

Devon, you need to stand your ground. Call her bluff!

[@melinated2497]

Another child does not need to be brought into this mess. His wife is out of order.

[@karmaclanton5544]

As ex law enforcement officer, when we went through a shooting, we were advice not to watch or listen to any news or social media on the event.

[@nanmn9050]

Did you ever have to watch it for purposes of training? Also, if it ever went to court, it must've been difficult to watch it over and over again.

[@karmaclanton5544]

@nanmn9050 Yes, we watched many violent videos as training. Scary, lots of dangerous and deadly scenarios. Court, not so much, thankfully. We did live training drills yearly. That trained active shooter and other deadly encounters where we were judged on how we handled the situation.

[@nanmn9050]

I'm sorry you had to watch all of that, and hope you've been able to heal from it. I'm grateful that you had the heart, commitment, and drive to serve your community. Hope you're doing something fun now!

[@karmaclanton5544]

@nanmn9050 Thank you, doing very well!!!

[@rubiesmilo7128]

I wanted another baby at 32. We went out and talked about it and my husband was honest and said he just felt under too much pressure if we had another one. He was right. I was just feeling my time for babies was running out. We bought a German Shepard and she gave us all much love for 11 years and we raised our children. As women we need to acknowledge the everyday stresses of a family mans life that they wear. We wonder why so many men, farmers especially, are lost to us through suicide. They just keep going then when a perfect storm happens they break down because they believe to their core that their whole purpose is to provide. If that is taken away you better watch out. This is why its important for men to have male friends.

[@theresaroybal9599]

I used to be just like this woman until my husband had enough and I left and for the first time he didn’t chase me. It forced me to look at myself and choose to change my behavior and I made the right decision and I’ve been happily married for 23 years.

[@mst-pierrem5729]

This is why you talk kids before being in a committed relationship AND HOW MANY YOU WANT AS WELL.

[@JenniferAguiartampa]

Yes, you talk about it but things change. My husband and I wanted 3-4 kids. We had a twin pregnancy from hell. Then I had post partum issues. We have 2 beautiful daughters. He would have been good to have more but I was so scared to go through that again. How would I care for two kids if I had another awful pregnancy & post partum issue. We agreed to not close that door until they were at least 5 years old. Around their 6th birthday, we agreed our family was complete. They are now 22 yo and neither of us regret that choice. He very likely could have agreed to 3 kids but not knowing how life was going to be with her and two kids. I commend him for speaking his needs. If she really wants a 3rd, she would find ways to make his life better & easier so he has the bandwidth.

[@Mimi-Mimi668]

I can't imagine being so close to a deadly event like the last woman and getting separated from her family, especially since that is going to be talked about forever in history

[@pattyharp725]

Our family was in Boston for the marathon when the bombing happened. Right where it happened. We spent 5 more days there. Immediately after the bomb. We ended up walking back to our hotel. There was military presence everywhere. Such a H U G E event in my life. 😢

[@JordanFisher-uy3cl]

I learn great stuff every time I listen to this show

[@DeviousFink]

Careful. I had a "friend" who couldn't convince her husband to have a 3rd, so she went off her birth control and told him #3 was an accident.

[@h.neubert8770]

I’ve heard this before and its really scary. I’m a woman and I could neverrrrr ever.

[@denisesalles7248]

For the first caller, call her bluff - whatever you do, don't give in to her desire for another child - having another child is not a solution.

[@xhaltsalute]

and get a vasectomy or insist on condoms. But leaving is the best option for you.

[@jwhite5396]

I wonder what his wife will say when she sees this. I hope she’ll want to work with him to be a co-creator of their future. If not, he has to chart a new course for his life. Why stay one more day tethered to someone who disrespects, is bullying and using you? She’s teaching your kids it’s normal for wives to bully their husbands.

[@belindavandyke8363]

If she hears this he will probably be put in Time out……

[@texasdazzlers]

“People pleaser” in a marriage means he’s a doormat, and she’s used to getting her way on everything. I hope they don’t have this baby. She’s a horrible wife, and chances are she will leave him when she finally gets what she wants. The kid probably won’t have a good life. Every child deserves to be wanted by both parents.

[@cko8643]

Absolutely! BOTH people must want having a baby 100%. Otherwise its a no go. Not fair to the child.

[@Sam11747]

He stated he wanted a third child if he wasn't so burnt out. I think it's more than being a doormat. I think he purposefully picked quite a few abusive people, including his wife. Doing that takes a lot of work of finding and committing to such people. If his wife was supportive, instead of making threats to leave or cheat on him, she would have asked why and what she could do to help. I'm sure he experienced tons of similar comments and red flags before marrying her, but decided to ignore them.

[@Tinycadancer]

We know nothing about their relationship… He can afford a big, fancy house for her then what? How much does he work? “What’s next a beach house?” He sounds emotional but also makes some pretty crazy statements about her demands when she hasn’t done that… I watched couples where the husband was emotionally neglectful and the woman found fulfillment in a lot of kids which they could afford and she WAS a good mom, “well if I can’t have more kids then what am I doing here with you?” probably did come up tbh. If being a mom is what makes her happy and he is not present and was clear about wanting all the kids prior to them getting married? I don’t even feel bad. My dad also wanted no kids but let my mom have 5! I also dated someone who grew up with one narcissist parent and the other autistic… He would constantly assume I was doing things they were! Put their motives on me day after day once we got more comfortable and he opened up about what he was genuinely feeling about what I did or said. This got to the point where I started questioning myself as well as whether or not he was trying to manipulate me… He wasn’t but he had very deep issues due to his upbringing. Wish we could hear them both on the phone interacting.

[@CC2GO]

Id love to know how first caller’s relationship turns out after he sets boundaries with that spoiled brat.

[@amberdeterman5815]

They divorce and he finds a woman who loves and appreciates him but the ex turns their kids against him and his heart is broken

[@GreenVoyagerr]

Their marriage sounds just like my parents'! I once told my dad that he doesn't have any backbone and lets my mom walk all over him. He looks miserable! You’re 38, RUNNNNN

[@shellyb5014]

Re: the first caller.. this is why I hate when women “brag” about how their husbands don’t tell them no or they always get their way. It’s so manipulative.

[@immaculatemisconception24]

Someone told me once, the wife is the neck and the husband is the head. She controls the way or direction the husband should turn, which sounds wild to me

[@beehungry6190]

As a Veteran of pointless conflicts that ended in unnecessary deaths and destruction and then coming back to a country that invited it here, you will never get over it, you just learn to live with it. I am sorry you had to experience that as a free citizen.

[@e.d972]

Thank you for your service. Hugs

[@OfficialYouTubeModerator]

Leave her immediately. And never take on a life long obligation you don't really want. ESPECIALLY a child.

[@michelmurphy7152]

I think he needs to have the necessary conversation first. Breaking up the family is serious. Standing up for himself first would likely be enlightening for her while helping him with his fear of making his needs known. He will respect himself, finally.

[@ColonelKlink100]

This woman sounds potentially dangerous. He needs to get out of this marriage.

[@christinabowling9212]

Yes. She's a classic narcissist. She will NOT change...sad.

[@hithere8140]

Have wished we could get updates on some of the guests; I would love one on this first caller.

[@kindrakinyon8559]

It COULD be she’s already pregnant by another guy and is looking to cover that up. First thing that occurred to me.

[@teresavict1831]

Saying yes to something you don't want is a betrayal on yourself.

[@lorriesardinia5302]

Hi. I'm new here. What a great show. I've been in therapy many times. I wish I had a therapist like you!!! I'm your new fan. xoxo

[@bettysmith4527]

Wow, he sounds like the doormat of the relationship!

[@sharondoan1447]

People pleasers get tired of the role that they undertook to play and then what? It happens to women and it less frequently happens to men. Women are taught to be people pleasers early in life. In the Christian religion the wife is expected to allow their husband to lead and to be the submissive one in the marriage. It is an expectation. This man was preconditioned by his own unique childhood experiences. It proves , to me, that when one spouse bends over backwards to submit to the will of the other spouse the submissive one looses.

[@franziskani]

She used silence to punish him whenever she did not immediately get what she wanted, or he stood up to her. He mentions days and even weeks. THAT is a bad sign in itself. I predict, if they would get divorced that she will also create drama around the children. He should rather secretly record any confrontations. Threatening that she will get a child from another man is wild, it almost sounds like mental illness. I hope the other 2 children are not too little, so she cannot turn them on him in case of a separation.

[@juliedickson1721]

Look her straight in the face with no emotion and say "OK, let's get divorced. When are you moving out? I want to get started finding a girlfriend that isn't a controlling emotionally manipulative monster."

[@lavienestpasunlongfleuvetr2559]

Marrying this woman was very foolish.

[@joanlovelace7338]

Really💥⁉️ What draws us to people⁉️ Our experiences growing up,especially when young in our families. Obviously you weren't listening.

[@pattyharp725]

That is called hindsight. It would be nice to know……sometimes we do and sometimes we try not to. 😢

[@rdm98607]

He needs to leave for a few weeks. Let her think and worry about you. Then have the conversation and hold your ground. Wifey needs a wake up call

[@Mamapelha]

Marriage is over after that ultimatum. She is done if she is telling her husband that she will go to another man for a third baby. It’s over.

[@LindsPatz10]

Holding creation of lives over your partner’s head after already having multiple is psychotic behaviors. Run, Devin.

[@veebliss1266]

I think she is just in fear , she’s panicking because she wants to be a mother one last time. I wouldn’t break my marriage or family over that.

[@h.neubert8770]

The threat of cheating is pretty heavy stuff

[@ragnar9037]

Why did we have to bring donkeys into this conversation?! Donkeys are the toughest animal on the farm, highly intelligent and 'they decide what they want to do'. Team Donkey 💯

[@susancassels5887]

Ops! 🫢

[@ragnar9037]

@@susancassels5887 that's wrong

[@BREEZYM6015]

Donkey from Shrek would be insulted.

[@Sam11747]

Yeah it was quite redonkulous.

[@susancassels5887]

Ops! 🤭

[@standground7956]

*His wife told him that she will cheat if she has to.* He should be thankful for her showing him exactly who she is. Men or women should never deal with ultimatums. He should take her up on her offer, divorce her and let another guy get her pregnant if that’s what she wishes. Even is she’s bluffing, he should divorce her for suggesting it. People need to stand up, stop being weak and exit these terrible relationships regardless of circumstances.

[@joymyers5771]

I wish the wife would call in because his perception is so extreme I would love to hear her side

[@h.neubert8770]

Lets say the wording is correct, then its only extreme from her to say that. If you threaten somebody with cheating, thats a whole mess. And would be squarely on the person who said it alone

[@Nzmwwww1238]

Wow as a woman this is insane!!!

[@Softie-oz2we]

Children are not pets that should be forced on someone. They are eternal souls with real earthly needs that need to be met by their parents. I have one child and I refuse to be forced to have another just because my spouse says so. We have to both decide to bring this life in this world together. Raising children is no joke! Do not allow your wife constantly control everything and everyone. If she controls you I can only imagine how much more controlling she must be with her your children. A controlling parent is the worst. How disgusting for her to threaten you with infidelity. What foolishness!

[@RebeccaLarson-v7n]

Marry your best friend - soulmate - these problems WILL NOT come up. Both in it together 🤝

[@donnafoxdavis3215]

He needs to be willing to walk away. His wife disrespects him and not a team partner. I say this as a recovering people pleaser. I finally walked away and am happier than ever.

[@Cyanopteryx]

Wow I'm going to send this to a good friend of mine because this sounds exactly like him. Even down to the abusive brother and the passive parents who enabled it. He's a super confident guy but a chronic people pleaser who has no boundaries with the people in his life. I could see him ending up in a situation like this.

[@girlboomer]

If she wants another child and he doesn’t and they are at a standstill, the marriage ends and she is welcome to go on to have another child with someone else. It’s absolutely her choice. She’s free to go. He can live his life, start over, sharing custody with her of the 2 amazing children they have together.

[@Ders506]

Ultimatum given = no marriage in the first place

[@rslashproject]

Get a vasectomy!!!

[@h.neubert8770]

For real if my husband did that we would be headed for divorce. If something like that came out of my mouth, straight to rehab. Because I would have to be on something to step so low

[@tinahays4464]

Devon what a nightmare! Every women is listening to this and literally like ummmm hey 👋 I'd appreciate you. Isn't life crazy that 2 good people hardly ever get together? It's always 1 good and one not so much. She's not going to do anything. She's throwing a fit. Let her! You continue doing this and never tell her No and mean it. You'll be dealing with the next thing the rest of your marriage.

[@TheVeggiekat]

😞 I feel this and was kinda ashamed that it did pop into my head how good I’d be to him, but DANG!!! You are so right! My last ex summed it up for me. For a man, I’m boring. I look real good but men want a challenge. Really cut me deep and I gave up. I’d rather be alone than mean

[@myoaklee]

Love the analogy of building a new roof while the basement is flooded!

[@licoreen]

Yikes! Behind every demanding woman is a man knocking himself out to meet her demands. 😵‍💫 Glad Dr. John is creative and optimistic enough to imagine a path forward for this man.

[@CHrisPetE056]

I must be a walking train wreck (unbeknownst to me) because I literally can personally relate with almost every caller. I’ve been listening for a while and I am not exaggerating! Does anyone else feel this way? Devin, I am also a people please and after seeing a councilor….yes! Because I want to be liked. Until my early 50’s until it was really brought to light. I feel you! ❤

[@dnhacademic4535]

My husband and I had two kids. He kept badgering me for more and I said - no, I can’t do it. I’m giving all I can give. I was exhausted. Our kids are in their late 20’s now and very successful. He has thanked me since then saying that in hindsight that he’s glad I didn’t agree because almost 30 years later sees how badly that would have played out for us. In other words, we were able to create a good life for ourselves and our kids because we didn’t bite off more than we could choose. He relies upon me for strength. Good thing I have no problem saying no to people. Saying no is key to personal success and interpersonal success.

[@Mishmixalot]

I resonate with the 2nd caller. I got raised by a mother who lied and made her kids lie, so lying was never addressed, it took me to have 3 adult kids of my own, and 48 years, to break this horrible lying cycle.

[@michellenash301]

I'm a woman and I'd never give a man an ultimatum and tell him he'd better give me a baby or else. You should never give an ultimatum. He's likely to leave.

[@standground7956]

I agree, never give an ultimatum. I was in a great relationship for almost 2 years. She randomly told me that if I don’t propose to her by our 3rd anniversary then she’ll break up with me that day (not jokingly, but seriously). It was painful to do but I broke up with her the next day even though I had her ring in a safe at my apartment. It was the right thing to do as proposing to her by her deadline would have been not genuine or as planned. You should never coerce someone or make threats, it could backfire.

[@jet4415]

Or else she will go to a Honky Tonk and pick up an impregnator.

[@rachelabate2401]

The second woman with the brother is in the same exact situation as me. I've wondered about this most of my teen years, and 30 years later. It's been hidden, but most of our family know. ❤😊

[@julie2x]

Raising children is a lot of work and often both mom and dad think they are doing sooo much more than the other parent. Usually the mom is doing the bulk of the work but sometimes there are situations where the dad is doing most of the heavy lifting - rare but it happens.

[@matthewpauselius4767]

Devin, I feel like you are describing my life. In its entirety. Fascinating.

[@matthewcrome]

Imagine if the sexes were reversed on the ultimatum - a husband saying to his wife, "I'm going to put a baby in you and you better have it or else I'll find someone else (aka cheat on you)." Either direction, it's very emotionally abusive and on some level sexually coercive. She is coercing him into signing up for something he's clearly expressed he is not on board with. Either he needs to set boundaries with his wife or just leave her (I get he has kids with her already so that might be very difficult). But IMO a family where the parents don't agree on how many children they should have and one is abusing the other is a terrible environment for the kids regardless.

[@hayley179g]

You can't imagine it because it doesn't exist.

[@AKhardcore1]

That first guy and all interested should get the book "The Abusive Wife" by Dr. David Edgington. He describes these situations, and it's unfortunately very prevalent in our society.

[@crystalbelle36]

I relate so much to Devin. Our issues are not related to having a child though. Me and my boundaries are being walked all over. 😢

[@YoginiMami]

I feel so bad for this man...I hope he stands up for himself & explains to his wife WHY not now.

[@brandieschmitt8974]

People pleasing lol. That’s the only problem and the most serious one. Guy needs to learn how to handle conflict

[@DevHazy]

Yep

[@JenniferAguiartampa]

They both do.

[@kelseyadkins9762]

Exactly! Your comment should be pinned to the top.

[@bloomingale7868]

His first mistake is trying to make her happy. It’s not your job to make someone happy. It’s a bottomless pit. It’s ripe for abuse.

[@h.neubert8770]

Its the blackmail for me I am infruriated for this man. Girl! Are you sane or what, threaten him like this.

[@777kelly]

I really hope the second caller calls back in when she knows if he's her brother or not!

[@carolcotton9033]

The way he used the word "rebuke"!

[@thomaswilliams2092]

It’s such a big problem and goes undiscussed yet it seems to be the majority of how wives treat their husbands. That’s actually a lot to unpack

[@goodkarna]

What's her purpose to prove the brother? If it's because she loves and cares for him fine. But if it's just to prove her dad's an asshole then she's right, it would upturn the brother's life unnecessarily. Sticky.

[@HyacinthCleveland]

There is a reason why, some men who is good, end up leaving their wifes, for a better women who will make him happy.

[@heather8417]

I was in this exact situation and stupidly agreed to another baby. Flash forward and I'm a single parent of four still recovering 3 years after suffering all kinds of emotional abuse. People like her aren't capable of love, just manipulation

[@Joenzinator]

If his wife was a good mom, he would probably be willing to have a 3rd kid. But he knows all the responsibility will fall on him.

[@elich00]

How did you conclude that? He's providing for the family and never said that she didn't take care of the kids and household. At 39 she's probably worried this is her last chance for another baby. Obviously, that's not the right way to bring in a baby into this world. People do weird things for selfish reasons.

[@h.neubert8770]

If she threatens him she is a terrible partner. How can she be a rolemodel and good mother if she abuses her spouse in front of her kids. They know. They feel these things

[@sopranosd]

Boy this man has been bullied his whole life. Dude you deserve better! Speaking as a youngest of four who a) had to go with the flow because everyone is bigger than you and b) your parents are really busy, AND who dealt with a bully personality in the family whose rage and misbehavior was tolerated, and therefore enabled, I am saying to you - Get Out. If you believe that therapy will actually help, and if you can realistically envision a kinder, loving wife whose attitude toward life makes a full 180, then by all means see if your relationship can be mended. It sounds to me as if you have an entrenched fear of your wife. Please Please remember, you have spent your life putting yourself last. You have accommodated others and stifled yourself. When are you going to start putting yourself first? I say do it YESTERDAY. You sound like such a nice guy. Good luck!

[@sarahgordino6695]

I was all inboard until John said “my neighbour across the street is 41 and has a one year old”. I’m sorry but never EVER EVVVVERRRR make comparisons like that especially when you do not know the person their situation medical history or any kind of context. It is enough to know that she is 39 and feels a tremendous amount of pressure time wise. Do I agree with her…. Hell know…. Was Dr John wrong to tell him “you’re fine” cause my neighbour had a kid past 40, yes.

[@ruthreuter9813]

Was in two relationships like the first caller. I was him. There’s no list or team. The other person won’t give you a solid answer.. ever.. she won’t say screw you, she’ll breadcrumb you and drag you along while you wait for answers.

[@elainebmack]

You could tell this man was a people pleaser type the moment he came on to Dr. John with all the back-slapping compliments at the beginning of this call - very careful to set the stage for approval.

[@vindheimar2631]

The first caller is not a doormat but his partner is abusive. I really hope he gets the help he needs to sort things out with out a 3 child

[@kelseyadkins9762]

Abusive? 😂 hasn't he gaslit her their entire relationship??

[@jennaharmony7113]

As if it’s just so easy at 39 with two kids to find a new man to have a third with 😂 this lady needs a reality check and learn to count her blessings!

[@Wordsmatter4u]

she may lose her dad, and it may not be her brother. I wouldn't be so quick to throw away the relationship with my dad.

[@Jasmine-qv9gq]

I have the same situation reversed with my husband. I feel you Devin ❤

[@Hungryhobbitringmaster]

When Mary called about her dad having a son with another person that was raised in a great home with 2 loving parents & other siblings, I think it's Very Bad advice to have a potential sister come and approach him and blow up his world- whether it's a lie or not, why cause pain? An entire family you could need therapy for that. What if his false dad doesn't take the news well when he finds out the kid wasn't his and he raised him? What if he decides to kill his wife for cheating or himself for being taken as a fool? Or they divorce after 40yrs+ and now the grandkids don't have both grandparents in the same home? or he disowns the bastard son who did nothing wrong but be born to a cheating mom? It sounds like a recipe for disaster you want to build a relationship with this guy you think is your brother then invite him out for coffee as a friend. Neither of your lives were really affected by this growing up so why shattered his life? Her heart is in the right place and not wanting to start conflict. Yes the argument could be made that the wife technically did this years ago when she cheated with her boss / co-worker but the ones who are really going to be hurt in this are the kids grown or not they don't need the extra drama. It would be a different story if the kids found each other when they were young and needed a sibling but having lived an entire lifetime apart and now that you guys are married and have your own family's what difference would it make to have a secret brother? For what, so you can borrow a kidney in the future or have an extra table setting at Thanksgiving is if your mother would even allow a bastard child to eat at her table (a slap in the face sign of your ex-husband's infidelity) only pain and drama will come from this just be friends with a guy it's not that hard.

[@MrHCify]

Imagine you’re the first caller , but this is gone on for eight babies. That’s literally me.

[@DevHazy]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@veebliss1266]

😩🤣😂😩😂🤣

[@veebliss1266]

Give us those babies! LOL 😂 🍼🍼🐣🐣

[@amiianectar]

I know everyone is laughing but man you need to seek therapy. If you’re stressed and just depleting yourself for your partner you’ll lose who you are. You deserve to be happy.

[@MrHCify]

@@amiianectar it’s too late. Life is pretty much over.😂

[@harrietbaker4484]

I LOVE THE VOICE CHANGE AT THE BEGINNING HAHAHA

[@tessaoshea5697]

This is a joint problem. She doesn't care, just asks. But he has created a world for her where she thinks he gets meaning and joy from making her life easy. He stopped her maturing. It's not healthy but it's not all her fault.

[@libertykim6438]

Having another child should something that’s discussed, not demanded.