"My Wife Is Always Too Tired For Intimacy" | Paul Friedman

There's a reason why, and it's a very simple reason, and it's not because women don't want to have sex. And it's not because women want to have sex but you're not pleasing them. And if you go to a therapist, you'll get all kinds of bizarre answers but I'm going to give you the real skinny. I'm going to give you what's really going on because embedded in this what's really going on are the solutions. So let's go back to when she was very sexually active with you because you use the word intimacy but we know you're talking about sex and that's where the problem is. So there are a couple of components to the act of sex that I want to focus in on. One component is the biological component. Let's get that out of the way. The biological component exists in all creatures and let's take it from mammals up and it basically operates the same way. It is a drive that is tied to the drive to survive because it ensures that the community of the particular species carries on and it is the drive to procreate biological. There ain't no feeling involved. So I was once watching this thing, I don't remember whether it was KZbin or not. But bears are very interesting, they meet once a year, male and female. They romp and play for a day, two days, three days, couple, and then separate. And if the male shows up, the pregnant female wants to kill him. Sounds familiar? Cats are fascinating. They scream at each other then the female drags the male off couple up. In other words, there's all these incredibly bizarre rituals but they're not really rituals. They're biologically induced so there's nothing behind it other than procreation. It is also driving you. It is also driving your wife.
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[@TheMarriageFoundation]

Sincere and determined people need truthful information and a good plan to escape the cycle and hole you are in. Incredible marriages ARE possible. They are achieved by: 1. Learning about the mind and mastering it so your changes are permanent and you are always growing. 2. Learning how to behave, and not behave in marriage friendly ways 3. Making unconditional love and ever-expanding happiness your primary and constant missions. Go to themarriagefoundation.org and get the course if you need it. Now is not the time to experiment. It is the time for positive action.

[@willowrose2291]

My dear friend who is like another mother to me always say intimacy is “into me see”. She also says lovemaking begins in the morning with how you treat each other all day.

[@buddahblack5581]

It’s not always about the for sex it’s about connecting in any positive form especially if your married .

[@TheMarriageFoundation]

One cannot just get up and dance without proper preparation and training. It is unreasonable to expect intimacy when you lack the marriage training, relationship training, understanding etc. Start with that,

[@slipline4threcon688]

Damn this was interesting- wisdom here id say

[@SpaceStation108]

First off thanks for the wisdom. I feel ashamed when I ask for sex. I resort to pleasing myself and pornography when I know we're not going to have sex which leads to me being more ashamed. Do you have any advice on transforming this shame into something positive. As well as a way to accept the lack of physical intimacy? I have accepted the fact that the frequency of sex in our marriage very well might not change for the foreseeable future.

[@TheMarriageFoundation]

Be more positive and invest in the course for men so you can start on the path of marital fulfilment and end the agonizing guilt and shame.

[@alansantiago2248]

I’m in the same freaking boat😡☹️☹️☹️

[@franklinwatson523]

We are not bears, there is more to sex than just lust, two become one, I am loosing my love for my wife

[@TheMarriageFoundation]

IIt is up to you to cultivate your love for her, not just watch it.

[@kirylspence1190]

​@@mamajo5867 let's hear that unconditional love if he decided to not work anymore lol

[@mamajo5867]

@@kirylspence1190 you know what, you’re right. There’s no such thing as unconditional love. And it’s a good thing.

[@kirylspence1190]

@@mamajo5867 i agree. It's important to have empathy but people need to stop pretending love is unconditional.

[@mamajo5867]

@@kirylspence1190 yes definitely. I think the failure to face facts comes in when people love lying to themselves and are so egotistical, they can’t accept the harsh reality that they have things that are wrong with them that people won’t enjoy or appreciate. They can’t take correction and accept that they are unreasonable. It would be too much to bare. Might break their brains.

[@GODRELYAT]

And that is good grounds for divorce!!!

[@TheMarriageFoundation]

Not a all!