My Wife Is Committing Financial Infidelity!!

[@hern9897]

Hey guys, I'm going to be debt free this Friday. I only have $950.00 to pay off, total was $21,590. Feels good man! Edit: it's done!!

[@ladybanks9766]

Yayyy!!!!! 👍👍👍

[@diyswithangie7377]

Awesome 🙏

[@nev2943]

Congratulations

[@alegriasonrie9078]

Excellent! 👏

[@johannajaramillo9445]

Congratulations! I'm 2 months away to being debt free. Happy for you!

[@rosamariameza801]

I was advised by a Christian lady many years ago to save little from my grocery bill due to my husband (ex) spending all the money we earned; due to him believing we are not promise tomorrow so he would spend it to upgrade his car. After 2 years, I saved $800 and when he served me divorce papers; I had enough to use for a retainer for my attorney. I am grateful to this wise Christian woman that allowed me and my Children to have hope.

[@vonnieburt1163]

My husband is a money disaster and I am very responsible. I have saved $300.00 in 20 years. If we were young instead of old it would be substantial. He and his first wife spent $ like it was water. I don’t feel guilty....wish it was 10,000.00.

[@rvarnum]

That's like the black maid in It's a Wonderful Life who saved up for a divorce in case she ever got married.

[@didilom564]

I agree

[@jeremiahsmith450]

I got news for you, that wasn’t a Christian lady that gave you that advice 😆

[@HawkingRegime13]

Sidenote: What an excellent caller in terms of listening and saying only what was essential in order for Dave to give his response. I've never seen Dave hit the mute button with basically only 10 seconds left in a video clip. Props to him for letting Dave do his thing, because it seemed as if he appreciated it.

[@andreworourke7588]

HawkingRegime no way Hawking you listen to David Ramsey too?😂😂

[@HawkingRegime13]

Andrew O’Rourke Yesirr hahaha

[@mmc9828]

I know. I hate it when people call in asking for help and then won't stop talking so they can listen to Dave's advice.

[@HawkingRegime13]

@@mmc9828 Yep, it makes no sense.

[@Joe-jc5ol]

I hope one day Dave brings Sharon on the radio, I am really curious about her perspective LOL

[@billgateskilledmyuncle23]

She'll probably yell, take out credit cards with variable interest rates and cash out your 401k now!

[@EducatorKaren]

If you’ve done FPU, she says at the end that she will never be on the show or talk about stuff. She just doesn’t want to be involved for personal reasons. Or she just doesn’t want to lol.

[@Zichqec]

@@EducatorKaren If it were me I wouldn't want to either. Public speaking is not my thing, so you go do that honey but I'll have no part in it

[@angelikalaser7778]

She sometimes participates in Rachel's show. She is just a stay-at-home wife type/ private person. But she looks way better than Dave on camera 😅

[@Joe-jc5ol]

@@EducatorKaren I never had debts to need FPU, I didn't know she gives classes? That's awesome!

[@TheNaturallycool]

He’s either not responsible with money or she’s not sure about him.

[@KineticMind89]

After marriage, it's a little too late for her to not be sure about him.

[@marvinabigby5509]

I agree.with her not feeling safe.

[@Jean-qn4fy]

Or she is a sneak.

[@wako2015]

🤔

[@RRVVWW73]

Or she has a counterfeit operation, or she’s embezzling, or she’s selling arms in the Middle East, or she takes the coins from water fountains, or she goes into peoples houses and looks behind the couch cushions...,lollll

[@soinlove8306]

As a woman I have been told by every woman and many men to keep my own account for at least the first few years because sometimes things change. I am thankful I took that advice because I would not have been able to get out of a bad situation otherwise.

[@soinlove8306]

@Anne Day Your question makes sense. I felt like it was out of the blue and I've had 18yrs to think about it, I even went to therapy and still dont understand. Some young women will miss red flags so that really seems like more of a reason to have that extra set aside.

[@PattiLynnQ]

I have a friend who is in a bad situation right now, being emotionally and financially abused and she has NO idea. The guy has her completely cut off from everything and she has no money of her own. We’ve tried to tell her but she insists that while it looks bad from the outside, their relationship is actually super healthy and just wonderful. They aren’t married, living far from all of her family/friends, all of their money goes into HIS account and she only receives a VERY small stipend from him every month to spend on her and their babies needs. I’m desperately trying to convince her to hide away a few bucks every month in a safe place but she trusts him.

[@dpeagles]

So if the husband was hiding money how would you feel?

[@hominem3731]

As a feminist parasite. There I fixed it.

[@z040880]

I tell my male friends to have their own money also.

[@vivianp5962]

She hid it probably because he'd SPEND It ALL. I dealt with that. My ex husband still can't manage a $1.

[@terryfreedom9742]

Yup. This is the truth. And he's probably a sociopathic liar who cant own up to his own actions and blames her for everything. Now he's blaming her for saving money.

[@AlfieTank]

Funny how women assume the man is a Monster to justify deception from his wife 😒😒😒 Birds of a feather flock together i guess 🤷🏿‍♂️🤷🏿‍♂️

[@pep590]

Vivian Potter He told her that they don't have the money. You're a nutcase, because of your ex-husband.

[@justinecorrington4106]

It sounds like the $12k predates their 1 year marriage. She didn’t fully combine either because she was told to have an emergency escape money or as he said, they don’t agree about money. I wish I knew more about what the money disagreements were about

[@ARKenMan]

Honestly I wish my wife told me she'd saved up $12,000 I didn't know about. 3 times I've found out she had opened up credit card accounts I didn't know about and now we had about $6,000 extra in debt. And no, she wasn't cheating on me, just has a spending problem. So to find out she had actually saved money for something for the house I'd probably hug her and be like, yeah, let's do it! She didn't save money to jet to an Island somewhere or go gambling with it. It's for the house.

[@wuahwuahwhore]

Wowww the timing of this is scary. My mom did the same thing, she opened a bank account without my dad knowing. She constantly hides money in my closet from my dad and tells me it’s because he loves spending money (which he does) and it’s a small savings in case we need it. I feel really bad about hiding things from my dad but if he got a hold of those 10 grand he would probably spend them on random things and they’ll be gone in 1 month .... so I see why she does it

[@mrfred1000]

It's not her place to hide things or do course correction. Her job is to talk to her husband about his issues.

[@MrMcminecraft]

Mr Fred another poor person perspective

[@hominem3731]

I'm sorry about your parent's divorce.

[@drdianneLc]

I feel very bad for you being put in a situation where you have to hide things & take sides. No child, no matter the age, should ever be put into that position.

[@hollyb6885]

It would be funny if the next call was his wife saying, “My husband is bad with money so I have my own savings..’

[@ObeyDaqSwaqq]

Whenever you’re married there’s no such thing as your own, that is literally what marriage means! Debts & monies belong to BOTH parties!You should’ve figured out if the person was good with money before you said I do🙄It’s nobody’s fault except for your own if you made a poor decision in picking a candidate to be your lifelong partner before even knowing their finances, especially considering the fact that infidelity & finances are 2 of the top 3 reasons people divorce in this country🤷🏾‍♀️

[@reneeworkman9987]

My husband was a spender & I was the one who wanted to save money. I managed to save around $1000 for emergencies & we had plenty of them. I didn't always tell him how much I had until it was time to dip into it for car repairs. He was ok with it after he saw how useful it was.

[@Joe-jc5ol]

His story is a bit different, since he wanted to save, she said no and she was saving on her own... So she is clearly not saving for emergencies for their household (otherwise she would have gone with his plan)

[@alegriasonrie9078]

Trust the_process She should have walked away long ago. He’s bad with money, he’s the one that needs FPU she probably had more then 12k before she met him. Daniel sounds broke and lazy he doesn’t help around the house.

[@duanejackson6718]

Alegría Sonríe I agree.

[@taboocookingchannel5726]

He just need to be happy you're saving money instead of spending every dime you get.

[@taboocookingchannel5726]

@@arleneaugustahair8393 lol he mad cause he can't blow the money away.

[@HEATHERFREE2486]

Definitely an “escape pod”. I find it’s odd that she told him about the $ at all, I don’t think he’s being totally honest about how he came upon this information.

[@benjismith593]

Finally. A woman who gets it.

[@stevenroshni1228]

I hope she never gets arrested on anything, reviling secrets just buy a material thing...

[@alexisjankowski3281]

Heather Pauline Good point. Because if I were in her place, I would keep my mouth shut and either do without or buy it on my own without letting him know how I bought it. Whatever it was, it must have been something special to give away the hide money.

[@chriswalker7895]

I agree, no woman would ever be honest and upfront about knowingly doing wrong. If she did tell him that she's got zero respect and absolutely zero fear of him.

[@pryingopenmy3rdeye439]

If a woman has had to go through abuse and uses services to get her through that, they will council the victims to have exactly that... you never know what someone has been through

[@arleneaugustahair8393]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I hide money because my husband would try to get me to spend it. He refused to save like I told him to do before he retired. When his money didn’t come in right away, guess who had to pay ALL of the bills with the money she saved? ME! He still doesn’t save. He still doesn’t put money into his Roth IRA but guess whose name is the beneficiary on my accounts? HIM! I want to hear her side of the story!

[@LG123ABC]

It sounds like you married a toddler. Why?

[@LG123ABC]

@Wild Bird Yeah, but don't forget about all the women that are attracted to "bad boys" because they think they can "fix" them. Maybe you should give the stable, "boring" guys another look while you're dating?

[@cathyrowe594]

@Wild Bird my ex did exactly the same thing to me.

[@rosew7962]

He doesn't have to be your beneficiary

[@teesellz7692]

If your wife lying to you about anything that's never good SMH

[@rebeccashields9626]

I know way too many women who have been stuck in terrible abusive relationships because they had kids and didn’t have any money of their own. 12k doesn’t seem like that much. It definitely sounds like they need counseling but I feel like it’s overblown.

[@H1GHD3FF]

So you are ok with your husband hiding something from you? Regardless of how or when and where it's not right

[@rebeccashields9626]

H1GHD3FF I’ve been married eight years and together for 11. At this point yes I would probably be upset. But a year in? Much less so. Especially since it sounds like they both have spending problems. It just doesn’t seem like that huge of a deal. Again definitely some counseling and getting on the same page but without knowing all the details it doesn’t sound that unreasonable. It’s security.

[@lissac67]

I sense she may be feeling insecure and feel she needs something to fall back on in case things go south. Dave is right though, the money issues are really just a symptom. Hearing that she says he doesn't do enough around the house, leads me to believe maybe she is unhappy and feels the ground is very unsteady under her feet, so she may need that security. he may be controlling, or just not in tune with her. Hopefully they can get some help, otherwise at least move on and both be happier.

[@RichestYouTomSweeney]

A person you’re in a relationship with should be open to discussing $. Money is the first and main reason for divorce.

[@duanejackson6718]

sounds like his wife is better at managing money than he is. since he is broke and she has 12 grand it's not tough figure out who's done better.

[@michaelmarquez6133]

OMG I swear I was thinking the same same thing like for real and this guy is like trying to say that she don't listen to him about money or something right but yeah she has all that money and he's broke it's so funny

[@jamieostrowski4447]

@@michaelmarquez6133 What? But he says she is the one who wants to keep spending money?

[@Dtyler171]

Or they have both spent the joint funds, while she has just been hiding her earnings...which is just as possible

[@phipsdeus2]

The $12k is her escape pod. Let her keep it and move on.

[@xgnofearzthe10thgenlegend82]

Phips Deus with you there my guy. See ya.....

[@stevenroshni1228]

Yeah women never know if a guy will become abusive or something. $12k though she might feel her job or support systems aren't the most secure. I think you're right, especially since it's a new marriage

[@marvinabigby5509]

I agree she doesn't trust him for some reason.But she did tell him about the savings.

[@johngolden1352]

@@marvinabigby5509 my guess is it's a trust issue, but not with the caller. I bet she has been abused and left destitute. I have had many friends that ended up in bad situations. She may not be honest about why it gives her security because she feels ashamed of the reason. I can understand the frustration when you are working on cleaning up debt, but I would let it go or show her funds she could put it in to make it grow bigger while still having access to it.

[@dpeagles]

@@stevenroshni1228 How come if a man hides money he is a scumbag, if his wife hides money he is a scumbag?

[@annettepowell484]

Geeze I’m shocked she opened her trap and exposed her get out of jail card money🤦‍♀️

[@pep590]

And would then be broke.

[@pw5146]

Maybe I don't understand marriage (hence why I'm not)..but this lady seems like she made a smart decision by stashing money away. There's many instances where a couple gets divorced and the woman is left with kids and no money saved because she depended on her husband for so long. everyone should have their own separate savings.

[@Snowshowslow]

Well, sure, we have separate savings too. But we do tell each other about them... I don't think he's annoyed she's got money, he's floored by the fact she hid this from him. And if they've only been married a year it's not a matter of saving a little out of your personal blow budget over time, either, so either she lied about what she had when they got married or she diverted common funds for her personal bank account. Neither of those options sounds great to me...

[@xenn4985]

Correct, you dont understand marriage.

[@joycewright5386]

Years ago when I was engaged to my first husband I took a bus trip. While talking with my seat mate who was much older, she told me make sure you always have some secret money set aside in case he beats you too much. I laughed thinking that would never happen. But I did follow her advice and after he cheated on me I had a few thousand to start over. So happy I did.

[@joycewright5386]

Remember years and years ago they called it “mad money”? This is along the same lines and it just makes a woman feel secure.

[@2014kaydee]

Discuss finances before you get married and if adjustments need to be made as time goes on overall open communication is key

[@jimroscovius]

Why do these people call Dave with marital problems? He's a financial counselor!!

[@denniscantrell5486]

Probably because issues with money is the #1 cause of divorce in America. 🤷‍♂️ It's not exactly out of left field.

[@bradmitchell4936]

Because they don’t discuss all this before getting married

[@gluzba42]

I think that's part of what makes him such a good Financial adviser....he's able to zoom in on the sources of the financial problem

[@rachelhubbard6199]

Because they're not mutually exclusive. They go hand in hand. And he still gives good life advice

[@peekabooicancu]

He has wisdom

[@NoDebtButLove]

Daniel I've been through the same thing. With time, my wife now trusts me to inform and ask before making financial decisions. (I ask her for permission as well before doing things with money.) Things will get better, keep working on the love.💪🏼

[@abimbola004]

*Laugh in Nigerian women* At the heart of it, marriage IS a social contract, with financial and legal consequences. Sure, love covers all things but it does not absolve people of consequences.

[@alicel3992]

Well said.😀

[@chubbytummymafia]

I love my husband but I also have an account that I haven't told him about. Everyone should have a personal account. Just my thoughts.

[@jeremyscottconcept]

I defenitly respect that. Just curious why would you not tell him.

[@roycebeatz3401]

Yes I'm also curious why you haven't told him? You could keep it separate and him know about it.

[@mariahw7451]

Period

[@brownhippiex496]

RoyceBeatz she probably hasn’t told him so that he doesn’t wonder if she plans on leaving. Or can afford to do so.

[@MyMaxigirl]

If she told him then it wouldn’t be a secret.

[@ladybanks9766]

I'm never getting married! Stay single and financially independent people! Marriage is flippin' exhausting, not worth aging or stressing over!

[@dianewilson2330]

Marriage can be a wonderful thing if it's between two adults committed to making it work. There is much more security together than when we were apart. Often people get married though without actually agreeing on the big topics. That creates a lot of tension. Marry smart.

[@nev2943]

Lol! True. Anything in life is a risk though. That's like saying you're never going to buy a car because it may break down. Or you'll never eat because you could get food poisoning. Don't let the fears of life hinder you from living.

[@mohammadwasilliterate8037]

Yes, especially if you are a male earning most money and divorce means facing a biased legal system.

[@dianewilson2330]

@@mohammadwasilliterate8037 I'm a stay at home mom caring for that man's house and his baby. Doing his laundry, cooking his meals, also growing a 2nd little human while I'm at it. That has value. Not saying the court isn't biased towards women. I think often it is, especially in custody situations. But let's not pretend SAHMs do nothing all day and then clean up in a divorce.

[@silvereyedstacker1842]

I once said I was never getting married after a bad relationship. But, 6 years after that event, I met the most wonderful man and am so, so much happier and less stressed than I ever was when I was single. The thing I realized is that you have to become a person that deserves to be married and happy. We are both great communicators and talk daily, and that is a big help. We also knew that we wanted the same things out of life before getting married. We also don’t believe in divorce (I was put through a horrible divorce as a kid and he knows what it did to me). So, it’s something we don’t have to worry about. Didn’t even do a prenup because we are in it until death do us part.

[@talyahr3302]

My mom always told me to make sure I have secret savings my husband doesn't know about. Because you never know when someone is going to go crazy so you have to protect yourself as an individual too. I wouldn't worry about it.

[@hawihawi9260]

A wife usually hides money if a man is irresponsible or abusive. I agree it's an indication of a deeper problem.

[@MemineAussi]

When a wife hides a savings account, it's generally because the husband is either abusive, or unwise with money.

[@xenn4985]

No it isnt

[@ObeyDaqSwaqq]

Funny, how no matter what a woman does on this show there’s always a justification, but I never ever see anybody justify when a man has the audacity to cheat or to leave his wife. Nobody ever says maybe she wasn’t meeting his needs or emotionally @busing him🤷🏾‍♀️🙄

[@xenn4985]

@@ObeyDaqSwaqq "i havent seen it, so it doesnt exist" there are a few where dave hauls off on the wife

[@ForeverTJTigress]

The lady is smart. I think all women, actually, ALL PEOPLE, should have a savings account separate from their partner. It keeps her safe. I plan to do that when I’m married.

[@thecatnextdoor12]

Put money at an online bank in another country, so it stays safe no matter what.

[@NoRecourse1785]

If you feel like you can't go all in on a marriage, then you probably shouldn't chose to get married.

[@thecatnextdoor12]

C Engler For women, historically, marriage is for security, not for trust and being best friends.

[@inthevault9603]

Husbands that spend too much

[@prettydisabled9060]

♥️

[@matthewvandeventer3632]

Why would she have to share that with him? I don’t think infidelity is the right word to describe what she did. Breach of trust would be something else.

[@stevenroshni1228]

"My father taught us to have a backup account because you never really know what can happen, it's a matter of national security so I can't tell you which bank or how much it is"

[@poet82n]

Aboubacar Okeke - Diagne I agree. I'd have a separate stash for security reasons. You never know with marriage these days.

[@JohnDoe-gc1kt]

@@poet82n if you are so afraid that a man will leave you high and dry you shouldn't marry him. Splitting up vs somebody leaving you with nothing arent the same thing.

[@poet82n]

@@JohnDoe-gc1kt I never stated "splittling up vs leaving" in my original comment. Not sure where you got that from or how you put those words in my mouth. I stand on what I said. I will always have emergency cash/account because you never know. AND I NEVER mentioned being "so afraid". It's funny how people put words and feelings in your mouth.

[@JohnDoe-gc1kt]

@@poet82n "you never know with marriage" I'm not sure what interpretation you were expecting. My point is just because a couple is facing a divorce doesnt mean the guy has to leave the woman in ruins and vice versa. If you cant trust that even if you split he would want you to be stable then you shouldn't marry him. By the way I'm not projecting anything. When a woman saves money and doesnt tell her husband she is the one projecting no I but nice try.

[@poet82n]

@@JohnDoe-gc1kt There you go again. Read my original comment. I never said I wouldn't tell my husband, I said I'd have a separate stash. Anywho... Maybe you should be responding to the person who started this thread because I wasn't the one who initially said it. Reread their post and comment on what they said. And I still stand on having savings put away.

[@johngolden1352]

Sometimes ladies go through so much in past events and realationships, that it bleeds into the current one. The insecurity could come from that. If it makes her feel comfortable having that account for security let her. Don't make a big deal about it. I put things in place to provide security to my wife because of the way she was treated in past relationships. 12k is a small price for piece of mind. As you understand where the insecurity comes from you take steps to make her feel comfortable it will build trust with her in a way she doesn't expect.

[@dpeagles]

Men go through stuff too, but when men hide money they are labeled as bad husbands and abusive.

[@johngolden1352]

@@dpeagles if a guy needs a security blanket as well and he is open and honest about there is no financial infidelity. For the record most woman who need this are called golddiggers by society despite their reasons.

[@alicel3992]

John G. Thank you for your understanding. Your wife is a lucky lady. Having been raised in a military family, I saw first hand what can happen to a woman and her children if she doesn't have a secret nest egg. Military life can be difficult on marriages.

[@drdianneLc]

Alice L You are absolutely correct. I was a Navy wife. We had 3 sons. After him being deployed, he came home & announced that he had been having an affair, was “tired” of the responsibilities of marriage and a family, & wanted a divorce. Funny how he was the one tired since I was always the one responsible for everything & everyone, but I digress. Because of our constant moving, it was difficult to establish myself in a career, so I became experienced in a lot of different professions. As you can see by my online name, I put myself in the position to not ever have to be concerned with such things ever again.

[@alicel3992]

@@drdianneLc I'm sorry for what you've been through. But it sounds like you got your life together. Continuous good luck for yourself and your kids😊

[@rextangler4141]

Dave: Hey, it's our 38th anniversary! Sharon: Here's to 25 good years!

[@jeremywheeler8417]

A lot of people here seem to support the wife having an account that she can abandon ship with. How would they feel about the husband doing the same thing?

[@jenniferannfox2316]

infidelity comes in many forms and just as a woman is encouraged to stay and work on her marriage, I would think this situation would warrant it too. I'm sure it doesn't feel good to a man or a woman when they find out their marriage partner has secrets. Of any kind.

[@taboocookingchannel5726]

I would feel great about my husband hiding money, instead of being a spender.

[@taboocookingchannel5726]

@Thelondonbadger I would not like that idea. Spend it with me, not without me.

[@taboocookingchannel5726]

@Thelondonbadger I said I would like it if he was a saver. Not saving to escape.

[@vbgirl3023]

The husband usually makes at least twice as much income, so he would have more money coming in after they split. But she would have to survive without his income so this provides her a safety net until she can stabilize her own situation

[@cathyrowe594]

Lots of girls are taught by their mothers or grandmothers to always keep a little "Mad Money" on hand for just in case....... Mine has saved me from walking home from bad dates, helped friends during medical emergencies & car break downs while on vacation. This may be what she had before marriage & since it's been rocky so far, she didn't disclose it until now. Think about this, if they would've had a furnace go out or the car die instead of her wanting "something for the house", how upset would he be that she had money to cover the expense of the repairs? BTW, my guy is real happy right now that I keep Mad Money- our roof is leaking, the well pump just died, the car needs a valve cover gasket & the truck's transmission is out, time to fill the propane tank & the next 6 months of car insurance got paid today. Yeah, when it rains it pours, thank goodness for the emergency fund AND mad money!

[@TheRelicImage]

Cathy Rowe I hope you’re not saying it’s okay to hide things from your husband. I also hope you’re not saying that because a woman is a woman, she’s allowed to hide money from their man.

[@superduperjoi6800]

Very controlling but I have heard of this before. There is a book on this.

[@mattpkp]

@@superduperjoi6800 Yeah, interesting the insane justifications used for this. Grandma taught me its ok to lie and hide things from my husband just "in case". The emergency fund is the just in case fund, a "mad money" fund is your personal power trip.

[@angel0island0ninja]

I must have skipped that class, I was always taught to help....

[@rockintherae]

How do you save mad money?

[@DraiAKA]

There've only been married for 1yr. Obviously, the 12k was her personal savings from before the marriage. Its not that big of a deal.

[@mindysmith8078]

DraiAKA hey they’ve only been married for a year she probably had that boyfriend before too 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@larrybud]

you're nuts. Hide one thing means you're probably hiding a bunch of other things.

[@classicrocklover5615]

There's no proof she had 12k before being married. Plenty of people can save up 12k within a year

[@EEEEEEE354]

this.

[@fredericksharon6908]

What if the guy is not good with money and the wife is saving away.. she did come forward to buying something .. idk but I feel it's okay to have ur own money at times

[@j_boogie_483]

having your own money and hiding your own money, see how they are different?

[@ozymandias7392]

In a partnership you can either have “your and my money” or “Our Money”. Separate or together, no excuses and no exceptions. Either get your wants and desires together or don’t get together period.

[@ozarked2363]

You can have your own money. We budget it into every month. It's designated as discretionary. We each have a monthly amount that can be spent on whatever we want within the budget. We do not have separate accounts or hidden balances.

[@jennym007]

This doesn’t make his wife a bad person. I know lots of women who have money tucked away ‘just in case’. Especially if their husband is controlling about the finances. It doesn’t mean she wants to leave him, it just means she doesn’t want to be financially destitute if he leaves her. It’s usually an indication that there are problems. If they both work full-time and he doesn’t help out equally at home , that would cause a lot of resentment and possibly an eventual divorce. I’m in a long and happy marriage. We both work, we both looked after our children, we both cook and clean, we both garden, and were both involved with the finances. We both agree that looking after children is the hardest job (even though we love it). And doing housework/cooking is the second hardest because of it’s monotony. Going to paid work is the most rewarding because you can usually see what you’ve achieved immediately and you get a monetary reward. This is why women tire of men that don’t help enough at home...these guys like doing the fun stuff but want to leave all the boring monotonous stuff for wifey...not cool.😎

[@z040880]

I hope your husband is hiding money behind your back

[@rabidrabbitshuggers]

All kidding aside: I don't even care if she was also hiding an affair. Hiding thousands in savings is better than hiding thousands in debt. And it is really deception if she voluntarily offered that information regarding the funds?

[@sweetlulubean1118]

Yeah , I agree . Question if they fight about money but she has the savings 💰...Then what's their money issue exactly ?

[@rabidrabbitshuggers]

@Siyovaxsh En-sipad-zid-ana Better to be two-timed in the black rather than in the red.

[@crazeekids9744]

“Out of 38 years of marriage, Sharon says we’ve had 25 good ones. “Yeah that’s a pretty realistic view of marriage. Not the garbage you see on TV and in the movies

[@porosyatko]

His money is their money and her money is hers. If he doesn’t understand this concept, he’s not mature enough to marry and take care of the family. Now if it were debt, it would be a completely different story. No person should suddenly be faced with a spousal debt. This is a financial betrayal IMHO

[@classicrocklover5615]

Well, if she's got 12k hidden and they divorce, does he get 6k of it?

[@takedashingjen4402]

Only if you know about that money...

[@minastirith997]

I have to disagree with Dave this time. My husband would spend every penny if he knew I had savings. He has no addiction no anything. Its just his brain is wired this way. He spends and I save. Sometimes one of the spouses have to be an udult one while the other one is living through midlife crisis. weve been married for 10 years. We only fight about his childish spending on his stupid friggin lacoste which in my opinion is absolute worthless piece of trash. One wash and its like a rag. Sorry but I still stand by my opinion,although this couple def need counseling considering theyve been married for a year and live like cat and dog.

[@nicholasalonzo3499]

Yeah I mean I'm kinda in the same position being the saver in our marriage but I am also the one making all of the money in the first place. If your the saver but your not the primary breadwinner than it's probably gonna cause more problems.

[@sweetlulubean1118]

Question? Does it make your overspending 💸 partner less attractive ? Do you feel resentful that you have to take your own security into your own hands ?

[@nicholasalonzo3499]

@@sweetlulubean1118 yeah course it does make them less attractive but I'm not resentful. Life is not a game where you divorce your partner in Hopes that you can get a better one. Life is about serving others including my spouse who happens to be irresponsible with money.

[@rasheedwhite4647]

@@savannahbyrd7884 definitely agree

[@nicholasalonzo3499]

@@savannahbyrd7884 I don't hide the money nor did I insist that I did so thanks for your assumption 🙄🙄. No, I just control what we do with our money and how we spend it. My wife can look at how much money is in the bank all she wants I just don't allow her to make major financial decisions or buy expensive items without my consent.

[@SomeGuy-sy5sj]

I would be like... That's great, thanks for telling me... We'll be sharing that in the divorce settlement.

[@ruthmaharaj2070]

Problem is when you grow up in an abusive household and there is financial control you learn to hide money to protect yourself. It's something that is taught to us to protect yourself.

[@casper8662]

That's betrayal. Plain and simple it's lying.

[@RickY-gp8gf]

He should be happy she saved the money

[@skibum6422]

I guess this is better than her hiding a ton of debt like my ex did but just barely. Her deception ruined our marriage.

[@ExtendedStudent4Real]

Everyone needs seperate hobbies, friends and money. Outlets are vital.

[@mattpkp]

"Hobbies" no one knows about are the best kind.

[@SquidRider]

Having a personal savings hid, means she doesn't trust the marriage 100% and wants a backup plan for when things don't work out :/

[@angelawallace6317]

Always 2 sides to a story they have only been married a year

[@MovieGirlinPasadena]

Angela Wallace as they say two sides and then the truth. Ramsey should have quit with off the rails scenario.

[@pep590]

@@MovieGirlinPasadena Not always. Often one is a total sneak and crook and the other is a good person. Get a clue.

[@pep590]

Angela Wallace.. BD! Not always. Of not two sides. The guy that beats his wife or kids. The other side, is she mouthed off to him on occasion. That's the two sides.

[@jenniferannfox2316]

I doubt she saved all 12000 from just a year of marriage and if so, she had it in savings before marriage. In fact she probably has alot more than 12,000 if he looks hard enough. If their marriage has been rocky the whole year, she is probably keeping it as her personal assets as it was before marriage in case she has to leave. I don't think we know the whole story here. Bottom line is she doesn't feel safe with this man in the financial dept maybe even other areas as well. He may or may not realize the extent of it.

[@LG123ABC]

I don't know if she feels safe or not but she's definitely not trustworthy.

[@melvinbutters2865]

She doesnt feel safe so rob him blind. Great strategy and what an excuse for a crime under the guise of marriage. How isnt this theft?

[@cathyrowe594]

@@melvinbutters2865 if it was money she had before marriage, (probably so since they've only been married a year) then how is she "robbing him blind" with her own money? Most girls are taught by their mothers or grandmothers to always keep a little "Mad Money" set aside just in case. I've done this for about 50 years now & can tell you it's saved me several times from bad dates, helping a friend's medical crisis, to broke down cars on out of town trips.

[@luminous6969]

But when you get married, you combine all your money into a pile. Women sure don't mind taking half a man's money after a divorce because oh NOW it's both of their money. They want it both ways.

[@jenniferannfox2316]

@@cathyrowe594 exactly. Like I said we only know one side here. It may have absolutely nothing to do with him at all. She very well may have been abused in the past and is making sure she has a plan B in this relationship. Heck he could be treating her pretty bad. We don't know. She doesn't want a divorce but if she gets trapped in a relationship again with someone who does she has the financial means to go on her own. I'm not saying this is all very right. I think Dave hit it on the nail this is just a symptom of a problem. The problem is she doesn't feel secure or safe in relationships. She could have also grown up in an abusive family and pretty much learned to make sure she is not trapped. If she got a divorce today, she had personal assets before the marriage she would be able to retain those by law. Marriage and personal counseling would benefit them.

[@jessicaqu]

"Is she planning an escape?" LOL

[@Essentialoils4ujess-weagle]

As someone who's been married to an alcoholic with a gambling problem, you better believe I'm always going to have a secret stash of money! That type of wound is going to take a SUPER LONG time to heal. In the mean time my "secret" account is my security blanket.

[@oceaser6977]

I don’t believe in pooling all your money together. I think both should work and 60-70% of your income goes towards a shared account for household expenses. The rest is yours to do as you please. You lifestyle is governed by how much they 70% can afford

[@brownhippiex496]

Cease Miller I can totally relate to that.

[@refahussain]

This means nothing. I save money on the side and it doesn’t mean I’m planning to leave my husband. I been with my husband since 14 n now I’m 32. Also she offered to give the money so obviously she doesn’t have ill intentions and being married a year she more than likely saved some of this before ya get married.

[@dreddy_g]

For all of you smart ones out there who still believe in marriage, please remind us of at least 5 legal benefits that marriage have for men. Men, if you are still thinking of getting married, this is one of the possibilities that you face. Could be good, or could be bad. Think about it real long and hard before doing it. That's what she said.

[@kjsampson5811]

The Bible says your wife is your property.

[@silvereyedstacker1842]

A man will be healthier and live longer in a good marriage. Finances will also be better in a good marriage if both spouses are financially savvy and are hustlers with high incomes like my husband and me. My husband is also very family oriented and loves kids and our marriage is a big stress reliever for him. Men that make poor choices, don’t know how to discern a good spouse from a bad one before getting married, and don’t know the benefits of a good marriage shouldn’t get married. You have to know exactly who you are, be compromising and selfless at times, and have your ducks somewhat in a row before getting married. I am quite convinced that those at the forefront of evolution have great marriages because of the reproductive benefits and the fact that their children end up being more intelligent and successful.

[@andreanicole3914]

It works both ways!

[@Joe-jc5ol]

Here is what I figured, if I want to stay a child and buy all the toys I want without having to share sure staying single forever works. But if you want to raise children and leave behind some sort of legacy, there is no way around marriage...

[@TheNightquaker]

@@Joe-jc5ol "No way around marriage", as if the only legacy one can leave is children. Come on.

[@dorian2112]

and yet another reason to not get married. why do people choose to make things so difficult? easily avoided.

[@elizabethtimothy4776]

Not getting married will not solve your financial problem. 100%TRUST is the most important element to any relationship not money There is much to life than money. We only heard one side of the story and my guess is that he is a bad spender after all the lady told him herself; if she has ulterior motives he wouldn't have, still wrong though. Transparency is the key.

[@dorian2112]

@@elizabethtimothy4776 then maybe a divorce? see what i am getting at? just keep things simple.

[@summerrose4286]

maybe he tries to spend everything

[@OHIOPOLICE]

I would be proud of my wife for saving 12k.

[@alexisjankowski3281]

Lloyd Johnson I kinda thought the same thing. Like being excited that there was that much as a buffer. But she may not be intending on sharing...

[@JohnDoe-gc1kt]

Bro you and me both lol

[@GaryLamb2020]

Sadly, this is a problem. When a woman does this it because she is banking on a break. That usually brings issues due to the one foot in rule. As long as she has a safety net she is not going to give it her all.

[@austinselleck9484]

I’d be impressed if mine could save $60

[@vbgirl3023]

@@GaryLamb2020 but he has a safety net... his income. Most husbands make significantly more money than their wives

[@willieboy3011]

Hiding money or debt is betrayal at a deep level. $12,000 hidden within a year is alot. Planning an escape? Boyfriend on the side? Sounds bad.

[@peanutbutterisfu]

Dave is right about not hiding money or debts from your wife/husband. My girlfriend of 5+ years is a fantastic girl. She is a 1 in a million. We are having a baby girl due on January 26th 2020. We will probably get married in a few years. We don’t share bank accounts now and probably never will but we know how much money one another has. She has her own money and I have mine. When she needs money all she needs to do is ask. It’s working just fine this way and we never argue about money. I know a lot of my friends have partners that can not be trusted with money. I also know a lot of people that were married with joint accounts then the spouse drains the bank accounts out and asks for a divorce. It’s a scary thing that is a real problem for many people.

[@carole4736]

Dave Ramsey financial/marriage counselor.

[@peekinghills2450]

Do you guys hate the fact that she has a "secret" savings account more than the fact that she has a savings account? I don't see the big deal in the wife and husband having their own savings account

[@stephenhoppe5163]

peekinghills the fact it’s a secret from her spouse is the issue, not that she has it.

[@LG123ABC]

It indicates that the husband and wife haven't gone "all in" on the marriage. They're holding back, and that's not how marriage is supposed to be. When you commit to marrying someone you are going from "me" to "we". If you're not ready for that level of commitment, that's fine -- just don't get married.

[@retiredmanager510]

Having a savings account with her own money is great!! Building one with my money would be grounds for divorce. 1 year in this dude needs to cut his losses.

[@mariejones7136]

What?? ..i had separate accounts when I was,married..i had my own savings and checking account and credit cards ..why can't women be independent ..

[@jimroscovius]

Marriage means that you are now joined as one. If you don't like that, don't get married. Doesn't mean that the man or the woman is the boss. It means that you are equals.

[@mariejones7136]

@@jimroscovius I have my beliefs and you have yours..thats fine..

[@jimroscovius]

@@mariejones7136 It's not just my belief, it's also the law.

[@mariejones7136]

@@jimroscovius ..i don't practice any organized religion and I don't know of any laws that say we,can't have separate accounts or money...have a good day

[@jimroscovius]

@@mariejones7136 You are right, but it's not a good way to run a marriage. You are not married - you are a joint venture. Do what you want - but why listen to Dave?

[@jamesmannix872]

I used to work in banking. ""Happily" married women always had "emergency accounts" whose funds were diverted from bank accounts that were joint between both spouses. Once funds are transferred from the joint to the sole account, there is no way to get that money bank.

[@jenniferannfox2316]

in GA if a divorce occurs any transfers from joint to personal doesn't matter its marital property and will be split. If you had savings prior to marriage that is personal property and no you won't have to give that back because it wasn't anyone elses to start with. But yes, earned income during marriage doesn't matter what kind of account, it's marital property.

[@angel0island0ninja]

So it's useless in an actual emergency

[@jenniferannfox2316]

@@angel0island0ninja no its actually great in an emergency either with being left or with the marriage. Spends the same.

[@EEEEEEE354]

honestly i dont see the big deal. 12k isn't enough to be an escape pod. she can just financially eviscerate you in divorce. Its probably a rainy day thing. I see no issue with retaining some financial independence during a marriage.

[@michaelwoods4495]

She should have said, "I hoped to surprise you with this as a gift, but now we need it."

[@SnookOnTheFly]

After 13 years of marriage and two financial peace graduations under our belt I’ve just now been able to start saving money. I wound up doing a 2000 emergency fund and am now paying down our debt. The money is from little side jobs and tips from my customers. The key was not telling my wife about it. I’m not trying to be deceitful. I’m trying to get us ahead. If my wife knew about the money she’d be even more careless with her spending knowing there’s a cushion there.

[@bigbawsz2054]

Run bro. She gots an escape plan best believe.

[@oroville12345]

Dave always throws men under the bus.... It's never her fault....

[@susieblanco2722]

😂😂😂

[@GarageSupra]

@Zulu Immortal with that mentality women will walk all over you for the rest of your life

[@jtla370]

Dave's suggestions always fall into 2 categories. 1. Wife calls in, and Dave blames Husband. 2. Husband calls in, Dave blames Husband

[@kellycolegio6241]

When comes to money my spouse will never talk about it ever and gets so angry

[@mosesyang4222]

Why is everyone throwing her under the bus? We don't know her story either, who knows why she is hiding money tho...maybe she's worried something bad will happen? maybe he has bad spending habits, maybe he really is controlling, we need a three way call on these calls sometime

[@floridaboy305boy3]

Yep...... its always more to the story bro

[@angelad7759]

Amen Moses Yang! As Dr. Phil says, " No matter how flat a pancake is, it still has two sides!" Watch out for folks that are always playing the victim!

[@louisaisthankful6455]

She's not hiding it anymore.

[@steve41557]

Money problems are always the symptom.

[@AllynHin]

She told him about the $12k on purpose. It wasn't an accident. Translated, she said, "I have money. You're not my boss, and I can leave this marriage anytime I want to"

[@sunset6010]

My sister is commiting FINANCIAL SUICIDE. Her husband is afraid of her and will not address her behavior

[@sunset6010]

@@trustthe_process4371 she was out of control before they got married. They lived together for 10 years before marrying. He married her anyway

[@LG123ABC]

@@sunset6010 Well then, he was dumb.

[@audreymaep]

Dave , i agree with you on a lot off things but with money it is not always cut and dry as you think. Some people are spenders and some are savers.

[@deathbysonar]

You can spend that $12,000 on marriage counseling, haha. Save yourself and get out while it's early in the marriage. Relationships are built on trust and she's already proven she's not to be trusted.

[@rachelhubbard6199]

Or, she doesnt trust him. Her hiding cash is not the same as her hiding debt. Gotta look at why she maybe didnt tell him, or anyone for that matter. But, your point still stands. Trust is critical. Both directions

[@deathbysonar]

I recommend never combining finances. If I was ever to get remarried, which is a very slim chance, I can see maintaining a joint account together that a portion of your household expenses go into just to be partially transparent but, I would never fully combine with the western rate of divorce being filed by woman at 73%. No thank you.

[@jacobmoore7381]

Dump her now bro. That’s what the cash is for LEARN FROM ME ITS HAPPENED TO ME. Dump ASAP!

[@johnnymartinez2917]

Im sorry for what happened to you bro keep your head up king.!

[@carolyndavis6657]

Reading some of these comments. Smh we've heard one side of what's going on however I didn't hear their age so they may be pretty young and just learning how to live as one . It isn't always easy to see your spouse as part of you at first. My first year being married was tough on us both . If they're older there may be past demons that clouds their judgment. Anyway she may not have done this in anyway to harm but still living as a separate person.

[@Melissa-jp8ps]

The fact that she came to him and said "I can afford it, I have the money saved up", suggests to me that the problem might not be just her ETA she didn't save up $12,000 in just a year. She is wrong for not telling him about available resources, but I agree with Dave that the money is a symptom, not the problem

[@victorialafrange5112]

If you need to hide something from your spouse. You're not with the right one. Then again I understand the need for anyone to keep a personal savings account. Even in marriage. Working the household money is enough of a burden. Why not allow people to still have some freedom. Free money they can do whatever they want with. And the other spouse should not be upset about that. For those worried about fidelity or escape funds... Well look into the mirror. If someone is wanting to leave you... You might be part of the problem

[@Mexicobeanpole]

No one, including Dave, caught the caller’s slip of the tongue. He said to his wife, “I don’t have the money”- “we don’t have the money”. I feel like he thinks he the money boss in the house, and she’s resisting. That hidden savings account gives her a sense of control of her own destiny, if he’s not including her in Their money equation. I’d love to hear her side of this.

[@drfattie]

I refuse to not hide money from a man. I have has too many bad experiences where trust was broken by my partner(s) and I strongly feel that ever woman has to look out for herself. You just never know what someone will do. It’s just true

[@Holabella]

What?!?!? No way I totally disagree here, it is great for each person to have money saved aside for themselves. I mean 12k is not a lot of money its just $250 a month over a course of 4 years. If you really account for every dollar your wife/ husband saves and spends, then, that sounds excessively controlling to me.

[@Forever.Remain.Nameless]

They've only been married for a year so where'd she get it from?

[@jadiecakes3241]

she was probably building it before they married...

[@cristinazuniga2583]

My dad historically has had an overspending problem, which caused our family to go into massive debt. My mother, then picked up a job to help pay down the debt that took about 5 years to payoff. Dad meanwhile kept getting into debt (not as much as before), so mom had to start a secret savings account to have a back-up plan. About 6 years ago, dad got into a financial bind again, but thanks to mom's secret savings account, they were able to avoid bankruptcy. I don't know what this man's situation is, but there's always a reason behind people's actions, good or bad.

[@bobbiebushman5817]

This is one area where I do not agree with Dave. Everyone needs and has the right to their own money. I've been married almost 20 years, we've paid off $30,000 in debt, but we have ALWAYS had our own money.

[@brianafranklin8164]

The only issue I can find is the fact that she told him about the money.

[@kahea2018]

Awe. Poor guy. You can tell he's hurt and wants to fix it. Hope it works out for them. *Hug

[@tyleraustin33]

Don't get married....

[@vladamirkb1]

Now that he knows about it, he can have half of it when they get divorced.

[@billgateskilledmyuncle23]

And pay it back in child support.

[@jenniferannfox2316]

if she can show she had this before marriage in GA she won't,, it's considered personal property.

[@cashboy7406]

I'm the man of the house. My wife has 0 bank accounts. I control all the money and she loves it that way.

[@angelad7759]

Wrong! If you have a bank account, then so does she.. it's called community property.

[@pep590]

So strange how she saves all of this money, then flat out just tells him like it's nothing and can't believe she would want to part with her secret stash. It's all crazy.

[@JACK-ez5me]

Never argue and tell a woman that she is wrong! 😵 You can only go to her and tell her that YOUR having problems with money and what you will do to make some more money for her to spend. 😂

[@almi2232]

What’s wrong with a private savings account? Couples should have a shared account, and private accounts and they should also have prenups to protect themselves in case of anything.