Anyone else sick of how we talk about co|orism? | Ti Talks

[@Bunparade]

We definitely need to focus more on how colorism impacts everything outside of just romance.

[@riseraider5338]

😅 that's exactly what I be saying why do women actually care if a guy doesn't like a certain color of women? It's not wrong that I have preference for dark skin women.

[@iateyursandwiches]

​@riseraider5338 tbf, the issues isn't the "preference " it's the hatred and vitriol constantly thrown at dark skinned black women. You can like something less or even not at all(though that isn't the true definition of preference) without bashing like most of these men do

[@LadyOO]

This is not realistic. Most people want to get married, and they want to get married to somebody of their own race that is of their own ethnicity.

[@gabbysch2625]

​@@LadyOOMost BM want light skinned BW women to date, marry and have their children though. Prove that I am wrong.

[@LadyOO]

@@gabbysch2625 sorry if I did not clarify. when I said, “most people”, I meant “most women”. And when I say “most women”, I mean “black women”. And when I say “black women”, I mean “black American women”.

[@StellarAvenger]

These podcasts were the worst thing that could've happened to these men. A problem that had persisted for years only got worse once dudes let their hatred for black women be known to the masses.

[@nappyheadedjojoba]

And don't forget the critical detail of them now being able to *monetize* their misogyny/misogynoir.

[@PurposelyObtuse]

@@manospherecreed9464this is a lie. Show one chip of BW on any talk show dragging BM…🤷🏽‍♀️

[@manospherecreed9464]

@@PurposelyObtuse Sally, oprah, Donahue, Jenny Jones ect it's all on KZbin

[@PurposelyObtuse]

@@manospherecreed9464 Again post the link!

[@TrangPakbaby]

@@manospherecreed9464and blk men were dragging blk women on those very same shows and all through rap music. Willie D’s “bald head h***” where he advocated for the unaliving of blk women. Please stop. Y’all been dragging blk women since the beginning of time. Go listen to the 1930’s song “jet blk woman”

[@TheZchristina97]

This is by far the best take I've seen on colorism in a LONG time. I get so tired of women being told to "jut be more confident" or "ignore the haters" when colorism comes up. There are real, economic, social consequences of colorism that go waaay beyond the dating market.

[@nappyheadedjojoba]

I agree completely. The economic and social consequences are far more urgent than not getting "likes" on some dating app.

[@Yawn54]

Right. Black people would never tell another black person to be confident and racism won’t occur. Black people hate discussing colorism, because many of us practice it.

[@pr1.8ijmk]

NO THERE ARE NOT. No one not getting a job because they are darker. That's the lie some tell because people are TIRED of hearing about girls mad because a man doesn't prefer them.

[@mstaylor1073]

I was just having this discussion with my parents my father is dark skinned my mother is light skinned, both colorist. We are Jamaican and a lot of Jamaicans are delusional about colorism on the island they swear class has nothing to do with race there. But literally most people of higher class in Jamaica are light skinned and they aren't jumping at the idea of mixing with dark skin black people. The island is majority black with dark skin but you wouldn't tell that by who is "chosen" to represent Jamaican people.

[@sacha7440]

As a Jamaican, I support your observations. It’s a fact.

[@judieannozine]

Haitian here. Yup. The most accurate and effect to control places where the ration was sometimes as high as 100:1 black to white

[@PopLife-hb3ks]

My mom is Jamaican. This is so true. There are people in Jamaica who aren’t allowed to get certain more prestigious jobs because they have dark skin. It’s terrible.

[@nappyheadedjojoba]

This is very true in so many countries where the majority is Black and/or "brown" -- and this issue is worldwide. My dad in Trinidadian and there are absolutely colorist relatives in our family, as well as in Trini politics and society.

[@KunitaMirage-pk3qj]

It is bad in barbados too. I have a Jamaican work colleague and all her family are light skinned looking actually mixed race and they stick together. She had an uncle who hated blk people. Make it make sense.

[@ColorMeIn]

I actually screamed at the title because YES! YES I AM! As a dsbw I am so tired (and bored tbh) of the online discourse around colorism. It always boils down to men and their preferences when there are literally so many other damaging ways colorism affects black people (financially, legally, etc.)

[@nappyheadedjojoba]

🎯🎯🎯

[@khenderson6689]

That's part of the problem. The community acts like it's just men who are guilty of this when it's not. The colorist PicMisha's are still spreading their words freely

[@ed209d2]

"It always boils down to men and their preferences...🎯 🎯 🎯!.. Men are shamed for our preferences Women are Not!!! Back in the day..(70's 80's) I saw blk girls get into brawls over who got to be the light skined/mixed boys girlfriend...😮... those same blk girls didn't want us blk boys talking to the light skined/mixed boys sisters??? 🤔

[@TewasaSonko]

Families, classmates, etc!!!!

[@TewasaSonko]

@@khenderson6689EXACTLY

[@crazycatlady312]

I'm tired of the conversation period. As a chocolate black girl I choose to ignore/withdraw support from people who are colorist or support colorism. I choose to spend my time supporting and investing into people who look like me, genuinely want to support me, and who honor myself and those who look like me. I'm not stressing myself over others ignorance.

[@HeartBreakHigh]

Right on! 🙌🏾 Me too!

[@allbutperfect]

The conversation needs to continue to happen because it's much more than 'support', it can be dangerous to people's lives when anti-Black and anti-dark skin sentiments continue to be propagated unchallenged. It's more than about one person, it's a social issue that affects a lot of people, this video actually covers it broadly.

[@HeartBreakHigh]

@@allbutperfect Yup. I agree with this too 👍🏾.

[@D13vest]

How can you tell if someone is a colorist?

[@HeartBreakHigh]

@@D13vest Is this a serious question? You could hazard a guess 😋

[@KimandKamJam]

My husband grew up in a very colorist house hold, as a result he has HORRIBLE body dismorphia. I truly believe no one should have tongo through that

[@nappyheadedjojoba]

*No one* should. It's never to late to begin to heal, and I hope that he does. 🖤

[@Igboman87]

@@nappyheadedjojoba Same here, peace and blessings to him!

[@AMYP6]

“Count your blessings and let them be someone else’s problem.”

[@lauren6509]

Colorism is more than just dating preferences I wish we could evolve from that conversation. It seems like when it comes to color visit we only talk about desirability. As a DSBW with kinky 4type hair I do not care if violent, broke and whiny males do not like me. I actually love seeing them with Becky. Rejection is protection ladies remember that. 💖

[@gabbysch2625]

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

[@SkyeID]

I'd rather those violent, broke and whiny males be with NOBODY...not even Becky!

[@adnaloy9025]

Completely agree with you. And I have a hard time explaining things to the lighter members of my family, even. MOST of the men in my family are married to non-BW! They don't see any issue, even though some of their daughters are now dark-skinned. The self-hatred is real. And yeah, who cares of some dusty BW-haters/self-haters don't want us? The majority of those dude have some serious psychological issues. Let's leave them to their preferences. Many are leaving trails of single mothers in their wakes, just like they do BW. They are broken and broke.

[@nappyheadedjojoba]

BINGO! 🎯

[@ChocolateBabe_]

Agreed. It always baffles me how when these men lay up with these non black women but have daughters that looks more black then biracial but yet still some how says they hate black women? That’s why biracial ppl are confused and Ive learned a lot of ppl don’t love themselves

[@assianeu197]

Your comment got too real! And just for the historical moment, the Aave origins of "broke", was when black enslaved people would call a nigga's whose spirit was broken by massa, and started to coon. The word evolved from blk ppl submitting to white ideology, to blk people who fail to make it in a white system. So when you said Broken and Broke, to me that resonated with this

[@dnycebushton5008]

This

[@pr1.8ijmk]

Men who prefer black women are not an issue. Whether they are fat, tall, light, dark. People who think that is usually the ones with issues. Men who date non BW? No that's sounds racist to me.

[@tazariarobinson5666]

This reminds me of the proud family episode that came out recently about colorism. Basically this black kid wanted to date the only white girl in the group, and all the black girl were mad until they found out he had a history of only dating white girls. They told the white girl she shouldn’t date the kid because he was a colorist and I couldn’t help but feel that was such a wasted opportunity to teach children about how colorism actually effects darker skinned black people. Like it was as if the writers didn’t even fully understand what colorism is themselves, it is so much more then “this black guy doesn’t want to date me 😢”

[@PHlophe]

@@melc4308 its a cartoon drawn version of colorism.

[@beast9125]

I’m sure that boy was mixed race

[@me61840]

dang this is rwally how pervasive patriachy gotta be ontop of all this bs

[@kellharris2491]

He has a 'history' (rumor) of only dating white girls so the black girls go to the white girl and tell her she can't date him? Kinda toxic. Like who knows if that is even true. And maybe that's his preference or just who he has found? Like would they be mad if a sister only wants to date black men? Isn't that colorist as well. Or just if they go out of bonds and date out of their race?

[@doll.ov.poetrii4682]

​@@meme-fs1jnResearch it for yourself. It's 2023.

[@AMYP6]

I agree Ti. We need to stop arguing for men we don’t want, nor are interested in when it comes to calling out colorism. It’s a waste and shows the low standard and self-esteem of black women. It drives low-esteem and social incompetence. It needs to stop.

[@nappyheadedjojoba]

Exactly!

[@Truelyblue333]

Facts. Most also need to stop attaching themselves to everything that sounds negative. I don’t answer to what does not belong to me. I refuse to claim things that people say as “Oh, they talking about me” 😂 If I answer to it then that means I’m bothered cause it’s something I would do or say.

[@pr1.8ijmk]

I belive i know what you were trying to say but what it says i don't agree with. The reason those women are complaining about colorism is because they want those men.

[@KabbalahSherry]

Plz dont EVER stop talking about colorism on here, because its such an important topic, and I'm so glad that we have such an intelligent mind as yourself, willing to tackle the subject head on. We NEED more of that. 😏 Be blessed.

[@nappyheadedjojoba]

🙏🏾🖤🙌🏾

[@DebraJohnson]

It's all connected. Access to men is related to access to resources and the way we as black women are treated in the greater society.

[@Bella_Noire]

But bm don’t have any resources. We can get whatever we need ourselves. Also, other races that date out will date dsbw. They don’t mind bw looking black.

[@D13vest]

Colorism is abuse. Simple

[@FeefailsGetDecapitated]

And we'll be the first ones targeted when they dry up or SHTF so be ready 🔪🔨🪓

[@unbotheredmovement]

How do we fight the whyte man's racism, when we're still fighting racism (colorism) within our own race? Make it make sense.

[@flawlesshoney]

I’ve been saying this for YEARS!!

[@Hephzibah_n_beulah]

Colorism is a direct extension of the “whyte man’s racism,” you can’t have one without the other, they’re symbiotic. It was manifested and invented to separate and enslave us. It obviously worked, because many, many, many years later it’s the hot topic of discussion.

[@Pink_pr1ncess]

Racism within the black community is worse imo

[@Goddess_Infinity]

@@flawlesshoneySameee

[@beast9125]

CORRECTION: - Wyt people It baffles me how black folk refuse to acknowledge yt womens role on yt supremacy. If colorism affects women more than men.. you don’t think yt women here helped place and maintain her image over you? Cmon now🙄

[@lalittl]

I think if the only colorists in the dating pool were the manosphere incels, then id be totally fine with no longer talking about desirability and colorism. Unfortunately, that’s that the case at all. Thats as accurate as a white person saying “why do black people keep talking about racism? Only stupid backwoods white people are racist”. Except that’s not true at all. White people that we know and love and are known and loved by many have racist tendencies because racism and colorism is so ingrained in our society that it’s second nature. It’s not just the manosphere incels that are colorist, it’s our successful kind uncles, dads and brothers, sisters friends and everyone. I dont feel like im in a place to tell dark skinned women who are struggling in the dating pool to “stop talking about desirability and colorism because we have bigger fish to fry”. Thats a problematic stance when we could just do both things. Idk why we have to have binary thinking, we can just expand the conversation. It’s especially problematic because it’s actually not at all only manosphere incels who are colorist. Ive seen some of yalls favorite breadtube guys drool over light and white women and ignore brown and dark skinned women unintentionally. It’s something many of us are participating in constantly and however dark skinned women want to talk about it is how they should talk about it. If you want to highlight other forms or examples of colorism i think you can do that without requesting they stop talking about their plight in the dating pool.

[@Lisette121]

Exactly

[@AleySoundz]

But why do you want to date colorist? Go where you are loved. The problem is that y'all tie yourselves down to black men for some odd reason. Expand your options.

[@umm3766]

at the end of the day people will date who they find attractive for themselves cope with that

[@ria0991]

@@umm3766 i do . I only date who is attracted to me and eventually married. I did not settle

[@lalittl]

@@AleySoundz so first off I myself personally am married to a great man. Secondly, the point of my post is that colorism is incredibly ingrained. Even people that are anti-colorism and anti-racism have colorist dating preferences. We have seen time after time that some of our bread tube liberal men exclusively date non-black or very light women. And you know who im talking about. Thats not an accident either. Even some of our greatest civil rights leaders including MLK and cornell west have colorist preferences. I dont think we should stop talking about it when we could just expand the conversation. There is some real craziness happening when the people fighting for our civil rights dont find beauty and partnership with brown and dark skinned black women. Are we really making progress if internally we find our self image to be ugly? I don’t think so. So it’s still an important issue

[@rainyfeathers9148]

There's too many unambiguously black and dark skinned kids going unheard because all people want to talk about is what loser males want in women. What about the time a little 'Taizon' or 'Tamara' was afraid to speak up because a little 'Nevaeh' with the "pretty eyes" did something to them? All they can do is hope nobody cared because it's better than dealing with angry adults who low key openly favour the 'Neveahs'.We have got to get our heads on straight🤦🏾‍♀

[@meme-fs1jn]

What?? Dark skinned kids are intimidated by light skinned people

[@rainyfeathers9148]

@@meme-fs1jn Yeah, they can be. When that light skinned child is openly favored(and the child knows it) you're going to develop some kind of complex. Look how much affirmations do light skin/mixed kids get compared to dark skinned kids. It is intimidating

[@meme-fs1jn]

@@rainyfeathers9148 so do dark skinned children have low self esteem, because they’re not praised?

[@D13vest]

Dark skin children go unheard because bw hate black children

[@ChrisBrooks34]

I have noticed, though, that if you make colorism about more systemic and systematic issues that affect you outside of desirability, people always still come back to desirability. They'll be like, that's why no man wants you anyway. And you're like, but that's not what I'm talking about. There are things much deeper than men who want to sleep with black women.

[@Moi_81]

This! I had this conversation yesterday. Corrected him with the I don't want you and stay on topic.

[@newnana9070]

Getting jobs for one thing.

[@D13vest]

Thats with every conversation as intelligence isnt celebrated by the black community

[@angellover02171]

I wish that most younger folk would know that many of the social justice stuff they are just now learning about has been talked about longer than their parents or even grandparents have been alive. Puts into perspective how much of these conversations haven't changed one bit in all the time these issues have first been discussed. Talking with one loud guy on the internet or at the cookout isn't gonna move the conversation forward. Block the colorist wherever you can online and move on with your day. Do whatever you need to do to protect your peace.

[@yababyfava00]

While you have a point, I think it's unrelated to the video and the conversation

[@angellover02171]

@tsunderealchemist2147 I disagree. When you look further back and see how things haven't changed, you can try something else to move forward or you can choose to opt out if the conversation all together.

[@nappyheadedjojoba]

Absolutely. It's always a bleak reminder of how little progress has been made when old clips of James Baldwin, Malcolm X, etc. recirculate on social media, and everything they're saying in them is as true today as it was when they said it (and, indeed, was true *well before* they said it).

[@HeartBreakHigh]

Circles all day long, all generations long!

[@FeefailsGetDecapitated]

​​@@HeartBreakHigh STILL the plan tation so long as 👩🏼👹 in charge! And held UNACCOUNTABLE 😤

[@nonnieJ94]

I’m tired of a lot of these conversations addressing issues within the community because they only ever address the trivial or unimportant parts of the topics. Issues will continue to only be talked about in the spheres that will never lead to real change. People are not interested in changing the status quo forreal

[@victorybeginsinthegarden]

Decenter the male gaze decenter whiteness decenter the internet

[@krystalccameron7689]

The conversation keeps revolving around desirability because a lot of black women do want these men who make it clear that they are the last resort. That’s the problem.

[@mzprince4139]

I agree. It's unfortunate. Life is so much more than appealing to the opposite sex I really wish more sistahs would open their minds to all possibilities of love. On another note I too agree that there are real issues with colorism such as economic opportunities, the criminal justice system, AI, Healthcare etc.

[@AleySoundz]

Truth.

[@HeartBreakHigh]

Yes, that is true to a degree, but thankfully it’s changing. BW “want” these men because BW are blk positive and always choose BM. They therefore will choose from the pool of BM that is available. The pool is mostly a cesspit and that is why BW still end up with these truly unworthy and degenerate men. It’s not a fault of BW. The BM are the fault.

[@pr1.8ijmk]

and that is the truth. and then they attack the LS women those men want. because they do want those men. they need to stop!

[@kayade5305]

@@biochemica2 With both groups presenting with a large dose of self hatred...apparent in the way a high number of those women end up with racist white males, and how black males telegraph their disdain for Black women out into the world, even though they still treat their preferences like 💩.

[@deveryday1]

Casually dropping a Handsome Boy Modeling School shout-out in the intro is why I fucks with your content

[@TessieDobey]

I am tired of hearing about it in relationships, but I am not tired of hearing about it when it comes down to other aspects of our community!

[@HeartBreakHigh]

Same!

[@talisha5863]

I’m glad that you stated the obvious that black women don’t want or need incels or self-hating black men any damn way, so we need to stop wasting our energy talking about them & giving them attention👏🏽

[@pr1.8ijmk]

Because a black man likes to date light skin black women he's self hating! No! A person who is angry at a person for not liking them is the one many feel are self hating. They don't like themselves and get angry when the next person doesn't like then, ..and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BLACK MEN PREFERRING LIGHT SKIN BLACK WOMEN. Looks like there is something wrong with people who think that.

[@D13vest]

The black community or the so called BC is full of ish

[@newnana9070]

Growing up my grandmother moved into an area that had mostly Black (professional upper class families). I heard parents tell their daughters I couldn’t come to their house. I was too dark skin. The sons couldn’t date me in public, they fathered the didn’t at all. I grew up surrounded by colorist, and colorism. I’m dark skinned and was told to my face I was too dark to date. “ you’re pretty cute for a dark girl,” what??🤷🏾‍♀️ My father in Law hated that I was dark skinned and his attitude “helped” beak up my marriage. I have a brother that’s a very dark skin good looking guy but he only dates very light skinned Black women, Puerto Rican women. He has never liked that he’s dark skin. We have all shades of Black skin in our family. He’s the only one with that attitude.

[@sheairbutters107]

The first thing the black community needs to do is stop calling it colorism and start calling it what its is, RACISM. Second, this community needs to seriously start talking about Black male supremacy and its impact on all of us. African men sold their own women and children unto slavery. I know many do not want to hear that, but it is true. Their abuse of both is centuries old and started long before the slave trade. Once black women accept these men for who they have always been, they can move on.

[@NamasteInYourLane]

You came to preach today! 🎯🎯🎯

[@prettyprincess8187]

Exactly. A man is a man is a man and we need to stop centering them until they show proof that they are able and willing to be our counterparts.

[@HeartBreakHigh]

Yup, yup, yup! It’s such a massive subject, with many tentacles that are all based in self-hate. Self-hate leads to colourism, featurism, texturise, etc. I think calling it racism confuses people, because the hate is coming from the same race, but it is racism. I would also add treason to this too. It’s very disappointing to learn the historical truth about BM, but people (especially BW) need to know and accept it. “….and the truth you set you free!” The negative BM are the majority and expose their true mentality, all day every day, using the tool that is the internet. A tool they thought they could use to further hurt and damage BW, has actually turned out to be tool that has exposed them to the world and that will bury them.

[@sarahackah-yensu6838]

I love this. We always seem to focus on the transatlantic slave trade whiles slavery especially on the African Continent developed way before that. Interestingly, most African ethnic groups were and still are more geared to the matrilineal rather than patrilineal. Thus this narrative on patrilineal for most Africans is more a western thing than an African black thing that has unfortunately permeated our societies and refuse to let go. History will teach you the Western world saw women as lesser beings and continued same until only the early to mid 20th Century and even in the 21st Century. Thus we need to stop focusing on what black men do, want, etc especially when a lot has been influenced to view others as beautiful. 😊

[@HeartBreakHigh]

@@sarahackah-yensu6838 Indeed. 👍🏾 Yes, slavery has been going on for eons, in Africa, in the biblical times as well. The reason why we (we’d have to clarify ‘we’) is because the transatlantic slave trade was different to other forms of slavery. It was transatlantic, involved millions, if not billions of people. It was hard bondage and the same group of people it was inflicted on have generational trauma from it, plus are still living out the legacy, plus still being treated inhumanly by the perpetrators of it. It is the most catastrophic event, because of what it entailed and it went in for centuries, plus the fallout from it all. There will always be a focus on the transatlantic slave trade. Especially as people are still ignoring it, minimising it and trying to rewrite what genuinely occurred.

[@Earthlyforms]

Whenever I think you can't be even more cool and savvy, you dropped a handsome boy modeling school reference

[@tayriobravo6204]

I’m am a lsbw in a dark skinned family… to add to that we also have half siblings that are biracial. I could literally write a book on how white supremacy ideals have affected the black family in the area of colorism. From a woman arguing with my mother when I wandered off and this woman found me about me not being the right shade to be her child to my younger brother needing to leave America to get a decent job. This is so much bigger than preferences.

[@PHlophe]

when you have a deeper hued child and take the chile to a birthday and some of the parents fawn over the one child with curly blonde hair and lite eyes. they purrr they gasp in amazement.

[@pr1.8ijmk]

no big deal. that's life. nothing to write home about.

[@Lisette121]

I think they still need to be called out. Rcst' non bp will always be rcst, but that doesn't stop bp from calling them out. What's the difference. Also, a lot of what you're comparing is full blown rcsm, not colrsm'. Also not calling them out is damaging to dsbw/girls. Because it normlzes bullyn...

[@1swerdna]

AMEN!!! Colorism damages people in the workplace, in social groups, and in basic respect from strangers. It's been a painful drag on my whole life. Currently reading The Lost Art of Reading Nature's Signs. Because im a city girl who wishes she could be a nature girl.

[@Brownsagey]

You hit this topic right on the nail!! I feel as though a lot of these don’t even look at the bigger scale because they are too immature or unintelligent to even want to do research … it feels like a lot of high school things carry on into peoples adulthood

[@lesliewit]

I think we talked about colorism in reference to self-hating men because it's low-hanging fruit. They kind of just put themselves out there with their problematic ideas and it's a lot easier to react. Whereas reading a study by sociologist that actually breaks down how colorism harms Us in the workplace and in health care, and in criminal justice is definitely more challenging and also more demoralizing. If you can't find a life partner because you have dark skin at least you can fool yourself into thinking that if you work hard you can have the career that you want, you can have Quality Health care if you have the money to pay for it, and if you follow all the rules you can avoid getting caught up in the criminal justice system. But acknowledging that colorism affects all of those Arenas of life in a negative way reminds black people that we really are not as liberated as we like to think we are. And especially for black folks who have means and are moderately privileged, that is a hard pill to swallow.

[@HeartBreakHigh]

Yup!

[@Moi_81]

You are spot on. I had to leave the US to get good Healthcare and peace. I worked my way to leadership roles earning high six figures. Still struggling because of the effects of racism, colorism, and overall featurism.

[@HeartBreakHigh]

@@MT-yx5cu Firstly. Are you blk?

[@HeartBreakHigh]

@@MT-yx5cu sorry, this is a different thread 😄. I’ll let the main commenter answer your question 😊

[@MT-yx5cu]

@@Moi_81 Just curious, how would you know if you are being discriminated against due to your features if you are being discriminated against due to the other things you mentioned as well? I'm just starting to see featurism being spoken about and would like to know how it's recognized.

[@Chimiri88]

I see colorism as somewhat as a protector. It sucks but it shielded me from people who were just terrible people inside and out until I met my own people who saw the beauty and love in me. In the grand scheme of things, finding your community is all that matters. Time and time again, these people who find value in superficial & nonsensical preferences really end up imploding on themselves and dragging everyone around them through it like this man. So thankful, these people are not around me and if they are, they tend to stay away from me.

[@HeartBreakHigh]

Right on! 🙌🏾

[@D13vest]

Its not a protector because colorism is simply ABUSE towards darker skin people. So if you go to work and get xesually harrassed by a non bm, colorism will work against you.

[@saoirsevicteoiria2759]

You always bring such excellent content. Even with a subject as well-tred as colorism in the dating pool, you bring evidence, you bring analysis. It's been a while since I've been able to really sit and watch one of you videos, but I do have your channel as one of the few set to notify all. I am always impressed and sometimes intimidated by your content -- it's like a postgrad seminar, every time. As someone who US cops would identify as white* I have little to add, beyond that I have always found people, who idolize a particular race as their romantic ideal, to be waving a very large red flag. White woman who only dates black men? Yes, we know why, and it's gross to reduce a person to that deeply racist stereotype, but thanks for outing yourself. It's never happen to me (cuffed young) but if I was on tinder and came across the profile of a black man and he only wanted to date white women, I would swipe whichever way means no, because we have nothing in common. It's such an incredible red flag. You can have a preference. You can have kinks! But fetishisation is for objects, not people. An Asian woman is a whole person, not a shy, submissive doll for dressing up and showing off. I suppose in sum, the colorism coversation matters far beyond the dating pool, but the dating pool issue is a lighthouse shining on the deeply weird but persistant stereotypes that shape our world. (*I have an aversion to that classification due to its roots in rascism, my roots in an oppressed culture, and the weird liminality of my "whiteness": to American cops, I am a middle aged white lady. To British passport control, I am a terrorist. Yes, that has happened.)

[@nappyheadedjojoba]

Great points, thank you so much!

[@assianeu197]

🍪

[@saoirsevicteoiria2759]

@@nappyheadedjojoba I don't know why I didn't see this sooner (more shadow ban mischief?), but many thanks for your reply. I would never intentionally have ignored it. And you are most welcome to my points, for whatever they might add. I get so much to think about from your channel.

[@rae5530]

My family is not colorist, thankfully. However, my little brother (15 years old) is on instagram and tells me that he wishes that he has looser curls. I hate that for him and don’t know what I can do to help except tell him he’s handsome just the way he is. I think he might need male validation instead.

[@nappyheadedjojoba]

Ugh, I really feel for the kids growing up in the age of social media. It's a whole new level of insecurity and superficiality. I'm glad he has you to affirm him, and hopefully he'll develop a better sense of self as he matures.

[@HeartBreakHigh]

He needs to get off Insta! 😝 If you are able to find a blk positive affirming BM, first off well done! Secondly, it’s weird he’s feeling that because there hasn’t really been any pressure for blk men to have less afro type hair….except maybe in the 80’s with the Jerry curl 😜. It’s a weird aspect for him to want to change 🤔 You should investigate why he feels like this.

[@samukelelubisi]

Amen. Sometimes it feels like the male gaze is truly inescapable. Even when the physical, mental, economic well-being of dsbw is at stake.

[@MT-yx5cu]

You have hit the target. That IS the root of it all.

[@HeartBreakHigh]

I’ve just had another thought whilst reading through the wonderful comments. I always love to read comments from smart sisters 😉 Some people commented that we can’t stop talking about colourism in terms of desirability. Lots of people comment we need to put that stuff in the bin and focus on the other aspects of colourism. I go harder for the latter, but thinking about it, the latter is probably caused by the former 🤔. Which would mean we may still have to deal with the desirability situation after all. I think the desirability issue rubs off (in people’s minds/thoughts) on all the other issues like housing, health, education and definitely employment. Hmmm…🤔 It’s like the desirability issue is the route and the other elements are the branches from it. Wow, too many dragons to slay! 🤪

[@Takashii85]

Bruddas really out here racing to see who can create the most dysfunctional, generational broken homes in the community

[@BigBrotherGnE]

Its always great to see you constantly upload new content. You continue to be amazing!

[@nappyheadedjojoba]

Thank you so much!

[@AleySoundz]

I don't believe bw should be sjw-ing for the main demographic that is abusing them either. So no, they shouldn't be focusing on other aspects of colorism that truly mainly affect darkskin black males. The only reason dsbw face colorism today is because of ds black males. Dark skin males have completely trashed dsbw's image. So why would dsbw sjw for dark skin black males and start advocating for them for allegedly being locked up more or stereotyped? That has nothing to do with them. Dark skin black women should focus on who loves them and stop supporting the black males that don't.

[@ria0991]

right they still want ds men. Why would you still want SOMEONE THAT DOES NOT WANT YOU???Like date who truly sees you as amazing

[@natalielawyerchick]

I could listen to you read the phone book. You really know how to express your thoughts so clearly

[@kaleidojess]

We look at it in this way because some of us don't actually want to find a real solution. I'm glad people are having a conversation even if maybe some don't know how to address it.

[@HeartBreakHigh]

It’s been happening for so long it’s endemic in blk culture. BM come as colourist as standard. If they’re not a colourist, they’re an anomaly!

[@TheLalab4]

Finally somebody said it because I could careless if someone doesn’t want to date me because I’m darkskin and unambiguous.. I have always been more concerned about the economic and political implications of colorism

[@SimplyHealthyWomb]

This is the content we need! I am disappointed in YT and their using dsbw for fodder. That said I started my channel for this very reason, there is a major, life threatening problem for the reproductive well being of dsbw and women in general. My mom asked me why I am not doing face videos, I told her that for now I am just learning the algorithm and testing. I also told her the truth. People aren’t always ok in their psyche 😂😂. Then I explained colourism to my light skin african mum. She was sad. I understand you soo well. I don’t care about dating nonsense. I am my preference next. I do know what it’s like to be amazing at what you do and people see your skin. And sadly the worst experiences for me was from other dark women with mental health problems Love kwame toure (you know bring African). Passport bros be posted in east Africa and I hate it! That’s my world 😂😂😂

[@AlysonHolder]

no lies told , you just highlighted some of the issues that have much more serious ramifications than a social media coverup. Sdly I don't know if we're ready to do that work though , there are still alot of us that think ' it's not that deep'

[@ChocolateBabe_]

Dam. I’m a new sub. I’m so glad some on finally said it. I don’t even get mad when I hear them I’ve always felt like some black men think they are ugly and they think that we feel the same way? But I love being dark skinned. I get asked by non black women with biracial kids how am I a confident black women being that their kids are dark skinned ? Of course some of them are single moms but I tell them I don’t seek validation from broken people especially broken men. A lot of the ppl in this world hate themselves. It’s time that black women loved themselves enough to walk away and find peace. Where ever that is ❤

[@Donique_23]

I agree I seriously want to dis associate myself from it all, including just the conversation brings me down. We could throw away this dating issue that black men and women have with each other. If we can't come together for the greater good of love for each other then we are just a bunch of shots and need to accept that fact and move on from it. It is complete distruction, I am so tired of us destroying each other with our words and manifesting the disaster by speaking life into it. CA we just separate and be great? Enough already

[@retro1533]

That’s exactly how I feel. Atp it’s like we’re talking in circles. If we’re going to constantly talk “bad” about one another just let each other go and simply walk away and deal with the people you want and create the life that you want.

[@ilovesunflowersunny2098]

Sometimes, I genuinely believe that featurism is worse than colorism🤷🏽‍♀️

[@LawrynScott]

It all goes hand and hand at the end of the day, but explain?

[@MT-yx5cu]

​@@LawrynScottright I would like to know how as well

[@LatriceKelly]

“The endless diaspora gender war that may or may not exist!”… sooooo much this. The discourse has gotten so loud and intense on these online spaces. We give too much attention to the dusties and their s3x trafficking. Let the passports bros do what they do and focus on real systemic harm that colorism causes. Thank you for sharing resources and studies to help unpack this topic some more 💜

[@HeartBreakHigh]

Yeah, I liked that line to. It’s happening, but probably not in the way we think it is 😏

[@fae3821]

I said some of this under another comment: I think Ti & a lot of ppl here are right. But, I also see colorists overly focus only on dating/desirability as a quick way to gaslight. "You only talk about colorism cuz you can't get a man", "You're making things up when you just need to be more confident" It's an easy way for them to embarrass/bully someone out of talking about something harmful that they don't wanna address. And then the conversation becomes mostly about dating because colorists always go back to "You're ugly" "you must be jealous" and that ends up being what most people see or respond to so the focus is on what colorists are saying & the ppl trying to prove them wrong😵‍💫 But I know it doesn't stop there because whoever society deems ✨️desirable✨️ is considered more worthy of protection, love, & care. That affects workplace, health care, wages, school etc. So when addressing desirability you could be addressing everything else but colorists just go "So you think you're ugly, cope", "Just figure out how to attract men" because they're dense yet they're the main ones taking over the colorism convo, making it about dating preferences. Also also😅 We've seen Black TV shows poorly address colorism while having a mostly light skin cast😬 It's like they pretend to care. Then we wonder why focus goes back to what is deemed desirable. Who gets what jobs? Zoe Saldana played Nina Simone in a biopic wearing darkened skin, a fake nose, a wig, & fake teeth when there are actresses who actually look like Nina. It's easy to start off the convo with desirability because we can see who is offered what. I think yea some women may secretly want colorist men (they want to be the exception, the pretty one) but most don't. I don't think many ppl want incel men, but a lot of colorists frame it that way with their accusations though. I hope that makes sense because it's messy & there's so much to this topic.

[@LifeOfKells]

This was a good bite sized video of such a massive topic, I lovvveee your long videos (any of your videos tbh lol), but I absolutely admire how you were able to make such an informatively concise video of such a topic! Mind blown🔥

[@jenniferknaff10]

Don’t save them, they don’t want to be saved…….😂 FACTS

[@Foxxytaye]

I LOVE YOU, And You Are VERY MUCH Needed By Us, To Counteract The Nonsensical Misinformation & Propaganda, That Is PROGRAMMING Lost Individuals!❤😍

[@kierra2022]

Your absolutely right! Theres too much of the conversation being focused on desirability and men, I wasn't even aware of the error margin with face detecting ai

[@kendra516178]

I think ppl talk about colorism only on the dating preference part and down play the rest. I’m a Dsbw never hated how I look but I definitely had strangers or ppl I knew go out there way to try and put me down

[@Moi_81]

Yep. Dont know what they gain. Just let them know they need to work on their self-esteem. Because their comments dont affect you, but they do make them beneath you.

[@truthhurtsohwell05]

I just subscribed because I love how elegant you converse on this topic . ❤

[@HeartBreakHigh]

The most excellent commentary of the subject of colourism I’ve ever heard! 🙌🏾 You’ve hit the nail on the head all the way through! 👊🏾💥 I’m reading The Bible and it’s dope! Totes love your hair and dungarees are my most fave clothing! 👍🏾 I’ve subbed and look forward to catching up with past videos and watching future ones. You have a blessed day. Thank you for the great vid! 🤗

[@pennyholman]

Sick and mother grabbin' tired! I just learned this phrase yesterday, "Performative acceptance" Which sounds like how I feel we are right now with colorism, texturism, all the -ism's and It's just exhausting for real. I'd Love for you to delve into what that means (Performative acceptance) though to me the subjects you've addressed encompass this to my understanding, I love the way you really break things down. I agree as far as those guys go, I've not heard a podcast, but can imagine and don't want to give my energy to that kind of self hate, because that's the root of it as we know.

[@missbea5100]

I totally agree with you. Thanks for given us what should be the priority ❤

[@accountforjsvid1109]

I hate hearing that part at the end every time about the athletes but it's a good reminder of what's out there :(

[@IllusiveBunny]

I almost didn't click this because of the thumbnail (that viral mess disgusts me), but I love what you had to say and agree. If you could talk about this more/again, I would appreciate it. Thanks for this! With that being said, I feel like everyday I see a new ad featuring a black man with a white woman and I don't know if I am sensitive or paranoid.

[@MT-yx5cu]

Don't worry, there are more and more ads being pushed with BW and WM/other races as well. It will balance out soon. It doesn't bother me at all because I know what these WW are getting😂. Compared to BW+WM, BM+WW rarely last.

[@BluQuill18]

Speaking of autobiographies, I really liked Elaine Brown's autobio A Taste of Power. Beautifully written

[@nappyheadedjojoba]

Oooh -- that's been on my list for a minute! Glad to hear it was great!

[@jemportal4166]

This why I was never able to jump on the "femininity" bandwagon, for one, I'm low-key weary of any woman who's afraid to align herself with the word feminism, but my biggest gripe with them is that the only problem they have with our current system is their position in it. They're completely fine with injustice, patriarchy, unequal distribution of goods, and even colorism/featurism, so long as they're in a comfortable station in life. And yes, their lives absolutely revolve around the male gaze, which is just gross.

[@TheEagleslover]

Don’t like ‘em and don’t want’em! Girl you said a word.

[@coilyheadedbby]

I 100% agree with everything you stated in this video. You stated it so beautifully.

[@ahub87]

Yeah I’m more concerned about how colorism affects my health and my wealth…IDC about the “preferences” of others…

[@chiy3l]

Agree with most everything though I hope at least young colorists can be reformed! I’m still going to shame (call-out, side-eye, smirk, etc. ) at the ain’t shit I men I see doing this IRL…when I feel like it that is because it can be very draining.

[@MikeDynamoGo]

Yeah I totally get it. Not the colorism part, but the idea of not really dealing with those guys. Not to shrink or distort anything, but it kind of reminds me of me listening to the worst and most offensive news programs. The more I do that the more I ruin my whole life. It's not that I don't need to know something, but finding out what Trump got away is kind of me asking for it. So I'm all for women not really bothering with passport bros and everyone else online. Forget those guys and get hit up by people you'll hopefully like a whole lot more.

[@Jojo-tf2zp]

Yes to all of this! I haven't heard about racial memory before and if anyone needed any more reaons to give up on respectability politics thats it right there, damn. Also just finished Heavy by Kiese Laymon. Easily one of the best books I've ever read.

[@nappyheadedjojoba]

I *LOVED* Heavy! Laymon is so dang talented. You've just reminded me that I need to buy me a copy of Heavy. I borrowed it from the library when I read it, but it's definitely one that I want around to reread and reread. 🙌🏾🤓

[@cmg25]

The aha moments are hidden in the stories where race and class and gender are mashed together by children. As a child, the people who looked like me were the ones spewing venom. As a teen, I grappled with the complexion-based nick name given by a close friend. As a young adult, there was a clear and present divide between the “regular” admits and the “EOP” students in college. And as someone who grew up in a certain zip code, I am not surprised that my dating pool was what it was, or wasn’t what it wasn’t. This conversation is exhausting because the decent into the psyche usually is. The call is coming from inside the house inside the matrix. How does one escape a nesting doll of lies?

[@Oceanlinx]

You're so thorough with your analysis and so smart. I love listening to you and yes you're absolutely right about this tired cycle of colorism and romance.

[@jasminebrown492]

Currently reading On Repentance and Repair by Danya Ruttenberg. Such a great read so far!

[@caityblackcherry2673]

I just finished Frederick Douglass’s memoir. I loved it.

[@alwaysm.i.a10]

They say, "it's my preference" I hear, "I'm insecure about my own features."

[@umm3766]

either way if they don't wanna date black girl or whatever they shouldn't have too

[@ria0991]

honey date who appreciates YOU when you are bitter you attract bitter, do not try to get someone who isnt really into you to settle

[@vixinjane378]

Or they just don’t like those features on women lol

[@judieannozine]

Yes!! Loud and clear. And no. No more space for misogynoires. The regret is that you weren’t around 30 years ago when fully 1/2 of my creative energy went into performing femaleness.

[@AjaArrow]

Just from the title...yes some of us are sick of it and I am us.

[@RoLee705]

Please do a series teaching us/breaking down how to talk all smart-like like you, please.

[@__-nd5qi]

I definitely love this video. It took me a while to get to it because I also have been tired of a lot of the way colorism is discussed. I really appreciate your take and for me, I also wish more discussions of colorism focused on how yt supremacy plays into colorism. This proximity (or distance) to ytness based on tone aiding not only in how difficult it is to systemically rise, but also be supported or believed as non yt ppl. Regardless, I'm certainly tired of colorism (as in the repetition) and honestly feel like it's gotten worse. There's been pushback for "brown skin" but I feel like colorism has ultimately ended up boiling down to just "light Vs dark skin" and a lot of ppl categorised as light ...ain't that light? Idk I guess plastic bag supremacy got people forgetting what color a paper bag is 😒

[@ThatFlamingFroggo]

I'm reading, "Before We Were Trans", by Kit Heyam. While the author isn't Black, they do include different aspects of world history on the concept of Gender, and the first chapter, "The Majesty of Him My Daughter", goes over some historical folks from Egypt, The Kingdom of Ndongo, the Ekwe, Igalaland, etc. Speaking to the way Gender was viewed before colonization, and during early colonization. So far, I've found it very interesting, and hope to learn more as I slowly chip away at it. If anyone is interested in Trans history, or want to learn more about the concept of Gender, I think it's a good book. Especially if you take time to read the introduction, which really helps put into perspective how a lot of current events, aren't all that new in the grand scheme of things.

[@allbutperfect]

You're so nuanced...How did I not find you sooner?

[@BillF0033]

It goes without saying that we have to do the research. Do it critically and carefully. The decentering that you propose is a point that I've worked through with myself. We seem painfully desperate and ill informed now, especially when we limit the many degrees of interaction that can happen between man and woman. Our society has evolved and we should embrace this sophistication. Opportunities abound. Sadly, our complete estimation rests in physical attraction - or at least the beheld eye's rendering of it. [Thank you for sharing the scholarship napnap]

[@dominique2o06]

I enjoy dark skin BW corrective promotion highlighted and anything that helps darker lil girls feel more confident. So yes many women who arent concerned with dating these men have made similar points to this. But let's keep it 100 most everyday women feel colorism hits them from a dating perspective so if you made a video about that just now you would have more views and more comments on the video so until we can change our mindset on colorism not just being about dating we can't really address the other points fully because people already done that it just seemed to be shrugged off. But id love to see just videos on colorism in the workplace or colorism when trying to buy a house or car without putting it against dating colorism and see how that goes. 💕

[@HeartBreakHigh]

Obviously m the romantic relationship situation is always going to be of great interest to lots of people, but I feel must arise above this. The relationship side of colourism is like quicksand. I don’t give a rat’s about colourist BM, but they are everywhere. Actually m I’ve just had a thought. I’ll make another individual comment 😉.

[@Sweetpea3051]

I appreciate this video. The algorithm is so tiring! I am trying to down vote and ignore these videos so it will stop hitting my timeline. it’s depressing and not productive.

[@PrincessLoX0]

Great video, Ti! ♥️

[@DiMagnolia]

This is such an important conversation.

[@nicolesmith9145]

I've finally decided on the title of my ideology debut book to be Leftist Anti-feminism: Socialist As A Praxis, which emphasizes two groups of people, my global community and other Women in the Global South, and describes our mutual relationship to Western feminism and the continuous struggle for the autonomy to determine what race politics are for ourselves. I'm super excited. Wait for it, it's gonna be a huge deal.

[@tangoblast7614]

I don't even mind that people are approaching the topic through the lens of desirability. Desirability politics affect many things in life, who you choose to befriend, are inclined to trust, consider healthy. Many things are implicaimplicated and influenced by the snap judgments we make based on desirability. My issue is people won't pay attention to how this affects life beyond sexual and romantic prospects, and I think that's because these things are made out to be highly aspirational. Like the meaning of life and the epitome of high social standing, so much so that people will sacrifice their friendships, integrity, and even health just to get that idealized relationship.

[@UltraObscene84]

The Handsome Boy Modeling School reference...I knew you were my fave for a reason. ❤

[@df3575]

Right?!? 👌🏿

[@Elled.lifestyle]

Yup great content 🎉🎉🎉 I noticed that they are more quiet but slip up/unmask themselves, sooner or later.

[@mtnd8614]

Everything is said. Amen ❤

[@deidral.thomas1081]

I don't know how I stumbled across this video, but I'm glad I did...thank you queen

[@Asiatic1]

I didn’t know you were still doing videos. KZbin has not given me a notification for your videos for Atleast 3 years despite me being subscribed with the ringing bell. They love doing this to Black creators. I just manually searched you and found this video.

[@tiashadae1143]

Much needed conversation, thank you!!

[@iateyursandwiches]

Thanks for saying this. It is not only limiting the scope of the issue, but honestly, extremely regressive and antifeminist. Yest feminism doesnt mean woman shouldn't pursue romance bur focusing on mens opinion of black particularly dark skin women's attractiveness should be far from the main focus. This why divestor content annoys me, that andthe also blatant antiblackness that comes out. Even if its mainly towards the men.

[@lewa3910]

Great video, more people need to learn about the impact of colourism in more than just dating

[@sherlynbrown5270]

My complexion is similar to yours so I am probably considered to have a light complexion but since I grew up exclusively around whites, I think of myself as dark. My white classmates always told me how they wished they could get as dark as me so I never had to deal with colorism. Great discussion Sister ❤❤

[@yasmeen7875]

This is my exact experience. I was also raised around whites and they always praised my skin color...nothing else, just the skin color 😂.

[@sherlynbrown5270]

@@yasmeen7875 yes sister!!! and like you, white men (latin and Asian too) always asked me out so I never had issues. I think darker complexions are beautiful so you also probably never thought about color!!

[@DebraJohnson]

I always feel like those comments are patronizing and insincere.

[@yasmeen7875]

@@DebraJohnson I agree, some very well could have been. But as a young girl/woman that wasn't familiar with those concepts, I took what they said at face value. It ultimately did give me confidence and an appreciation for my skin tone. Plus being LS in a black family, I also got validation from black people.

[@yasmeen7875]

@@sherlynbrown5270 Exactly, I think when you are raised around other races it lifts the veil of mystery and men are simply men no matter the race.

[@reannarichardson3978]

This is kinda off topic but your arms look amazing 😍

[@cvzdez]

I think colorism and featurism is one of the number 1. Reasons why so many black males fail at relationships. And taking care of their children, you can't let someone else if you can't if you don't love yourself.

[@user-dv3kq3rm4h]

Exactly. The majority of bm care more about skin tone, hair texture ect. than the actual character and nurturing skills of the woman who is to be their companion and the mother of their children. When you actually think about it, it's really deep and extremely childish arrested development type behaviour.

[@tiffanymiller585]

Thank you. I thought I would never hear a practical, logical, or concrete discussion on colorism. I was starting to lose hope.