Narcissist Cheating behaviour You don't know about

[@montanagirl4530]

Until I found out about narcissism, I could not understand my boyfriend’s behavior. I couldn’t understand why, if we were in a committed relationship, he’d do this. Wouldn’t it be easier to just play the field without staying with me? The overt flirting with old girlfriends (harem), baristas, wives of friends even, in front of me.He would accuse me of being jealous which would in turn make me feel crappy about my behavior. . .ugh! I thought I was losing my mind. . .I now understand he needs me as supply. These are sick, sick, people.

[@B-Nia]

👍👍👍

[@JosephineArmstrong-l1u]

I agree with you! I felt the same way. 😢❤

[@IntegraDIY]

How do you know he’s a narcissist and not a serial cheater? Is he actually diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder? It requires a medical diagnosis, not based off of information from KZbin videos. I’m sorry that happened to you, and I really hope you distance yourself from him, but not everyone who lies, cheats, steals etc is narcissist, even though they have behavior of a narcissist.

[@surbhi3685]

​@@IntegraDIYmine is narc I m sure by his behavior of crying like kid and telling me to suicide several times. He used to praise his friends wife all the time and used to take side of his female friends.

[@aishascott2394]

Sick wicked people

[@mrwally]

I treated my ex like a queen. I gave her everything she wanted, and more, but it wasn’t enough. Finding out that she was cheating on me was utterly devastating. The hardest part to accept is that she was in her 50’s, and sleeping with guys in their 30’s. Not because they were younger guys, but because I figured a 50 year old woman wasn’t capable of this. 6 years down the drain, but a valuable lesson learned. Metaspyclub is very calming and your insight is invaluable.

[@estes138]

CRYPTO SCAM VICTIM ? As a Retired combat Marine I want to tell you that as what you are doing is just as important as any warrior on the battlefield. You are waging warfare against these criminals and terrorists on the digital battlefield. You are defending and protecting the most vulnerable of our society against these predators. Keep up the good work Dale valskov 🙂

[@PennellBlye]

thank you

[@lamissedu05]

Bravo, Dale Valskov I'm so glad you're out there fighting these scumbags. We must do everything in our power to protect the elderly and the general public from these despicable scammers. You're a true hero, my brother.

[@PennellBlye]

thank you

[@norcal1009]

I think you are absolutely right. The cheater takes no responsibility for their SEDUCTION, but rather plays the victim in the end, over and over.

[@PricklePrice]

Yes, seduction… it’s different than attraction, care, love or concern-

[@marilynbrowman5520]

Oh yes!!!!

[@Robert-mm3jo]

😢unfortunately, I am very very familiar with this....I am a narcissistic vampire victim, it's very close to being in hell with your own personal demon...even when you finally get away from them you are never the same person again, and will always carry the trauma they caused

[@IsabellaPiesch]

💯

[@dennisrobinson8008]

Get a new love that makes you forget. If its outside the country then so be it. Fvck them!!!

[@electromagneticbliss]

THIS!!! It is the number one most painful aspect of being in a relationship with a narcissist. The hiding, the incessant need for attention and no remorse for having multiple emotional affairs on a variety of texting apps, to actual affairs. From sleeping in a separate bedroom to watch porn or watch 1000's of Instagram accounts with near explicit content and interactions. It goes on and on.. They just need to be alone forever, single forever and not ruin their partner's lives with all that deceptive energy. I hope anyone who has experienced this behavior by a narcissist, can get out and stay out. The narcissist's selfishness will never stop.

[@HipHop-vg7cd]

I've lived exactly that for 30 years, spot on!!! All about their absence, incapable of intimacy, growth or truly bonding. If they do throw you that breadcrumb, it's only bc they want something. Then they are right back to being dead inside and ignoring you! They live in fairy tail delusional fantasy worlds with their porn and their apps, sickening. Their phone is like a 3rd arm attached to their body! Always hiding sh!t too. Now I know he picked me because of my traumatic childhood, because I'm a hard worker, I was funny and had friends unlike him, I WAS a people pleaser for decades so easy to manipulate until I grew wiser and finally caught on. Everything is based on a lie bc they are incapable of true love, intimacy and bonding. They suck everything good out of you if you stay long enough so please get out if you can! Never give up your career or jobs either bc that's where they get you trapped!

[@ac-hk4fs]

Agree 100%. Put up with 30+ years of exactly this. Most painful thing ever. The only good that came out of it are my 2 amazing, beautiful children.

[@Freethnkr]

Some even think it's their right to cheat, especially if they are the main financial bread winner of the family and you gotta watch out for their narc mothers and fathers, they will encourage the bad behavior, telling them since they aren't happy they are entitled to being happy even if it's not with you....the whole family is a toxic cult

[@Bea-Nuh-Luh]

I’d been Living this scenario you’re explaining. Emotional is worse to me than physical because sex is sex animals do it …connecting on intimate level is soul obliterating I’d also realized long ago that they can be emotionally checked out but still go for sex.once that stops, it’s over . A sexual relationship is still a relationship the very last thread of one .

[@jeanninerossouw5921]

​@@Bea-Nuh-Luhno, they can stop sex and keep you dangling for years on the narrative that there is something wrong with you. And I think they enjoy this more, withholding attention.

[@InvisibleWarrior279]

Lordy. This is soooo accurate. Beware of anything that seems like an “innocent flirtation”. Odds are, it isn’t.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

Modern day "innocent flirtation" is due to the other partner not being a high role in the narcissist life OR the narc knows it will damage you somewhat to have that flirting occur or both! So they will be playing a lot of "games" to annoy and harrass you...

[@Angela-ph1ik]

Yep flirting is from Satan to get you lured into. Relationships. That seems innocent then it evoles and it happens

[@laura-2]

Being with my ex narc for the past 6 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.

[@sushmayen]

Time can't heal you if you still think you have a chance or connection with them.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

Still trying to get around their tricks

[@user-db2fb1db1m]

They regroup too & They love - The Law They will watch and wait till you break a law and several other narcissistic people will join and rally behind the dominant position

[@rivkaruthgolan]

Absolutely

[@ekdaufin1485]

Yes

[@user-db2fb1db1m]

@@ekdaufin1485 might makes right Absolute power corrupts absolutely You can lead a horse to water , however cannot force the equine to ingest fluids Three can keep a secret if 2 are dead The closet distances between two points is a straight line 6 is 1/2 dozen another

[@Soppala00]

Having someone like you who’s not only a great innovator but also pulls his best to get the work done so beautifully needs nothing but appreciation. Dale Valskov Thanks for the well off work you consistently bring your all and I truly appreciate that. Thank you for making corporate life so smooth. Proud to have you on our team. Great work as always

[@PennellBlye]

thank you

[@Soppala00]

@@PennellBlye 👍👍👍

[@judyyates2763]

I went through the covert cheating. It truly is so painful because you are hurt by the unfaithfulness, but you also question yourself. It's maddening. I feel for any of you going through this. The cruel part is that he actually enjoyed seeing me struggle to find out. I'm ok now, but I do now question what in the world did he stand to gain by being cruel? I just see no value in that. I guess I can't think like they do. In the end, I feel sorry for him. If he feels the need to hurt others deeply and trick them, then he truly needs prayer.

[@ΜΑΡΙΑΠΑΠΑΔΟΠΟΥΛΟΥ-π7ω]

Same here ! You are not alone. I left a few days ago, I had to. That was one of the reasons. Such an evil man, a textbook grandiose narc. I wish you the best in life❤

[@ac-hk4fs]

You have morals, empathy and a conscience. Narcs do not. All the best to you.

[@Freethnkr]

Mine the same, he cheated 3 different times, all 3 exes he once dated before me...lied profusely, kept saying they were just "friends of the family"....protected them when I found out and got mad and lashes out at me because was messing up his situation when I spoke with them and told them them the truth....they get a thrill outta hiding, sneaking around, lying, and watching you grabbling for their love and questioning yourself and trying to do everything so they don't do it again. But they still do because it's a source of supply for them, it's usually ot even about the sex, it's the attention power and control of the situation and your emotions...they really are evil & sick ppl

[@judyyates2763]

@@Freethnkr You are absolutely correct. The more I think back, the more I realize the control he had over me. It truly is sick. It's definitely not love. Power consumes these people.

[@Freethnkr]

@judyyates2763 Yes, they do need God. They don't understand you will reap what you sow

[@Hvhjkvv]

Love this concept. This behavior is not understood by many. Makes the victim look paranoid to outsiders.

[@joannastanden5816]

This happened to me with his x of 26yrs ago...keep track of her and messages. He still won't tell all the truth.very cruel of emotional tram for me .left him was ago after 21yrs.

[@user-db2fb1db1m]

It’s true

[@happy_me12]

I agree the narcs also make us feel we’ve paranoia when we tell them we know wat they doing..They tell we r assuming things nothing as such is happening nd we r of doubting nature..!!They try to show others also we r narrow minded nd always of doubting tendencies..!!

[@arlenegraham2302]

You are exactly correct!! My narcsst began telling this woman that I was emotionally unbalanced and he stayed with me out of obligation and fear for my safety. This couldn't have been further from the truth at the time. But he set out to confuse, confound and manipulate me, who didn't yet know narcsst existed, into doing things that "LOOKED" like I was indeed crazy. Like asking me to pick him up from work at 3:15 from his bosses house, but made sure to be gone before I got there. I waIted for 45 minutes, thinking he was maybe doing something for his boss at his house... before I got pissy at being made to wait and rang his bosses doorbell, I was overtly annoyed by this time....Got back in the truck and honked thinking they were maybe in a part of the house where the bell doesnt sound off or running a power tool which overpowered the doorbell sound...which collected together, taken out of context and given his prepping his boss with fabricated stories that he told...all looked like enough evidence that he was speaking truth and I WAS MENTALLY UNBALANCED...exhibiting obsessive behavior. He gets to then go to this new woman and tell her his tale of woe! He starts bringing her around the boss. The boss thinks that he and I are not together anymore. She thinks she is his new girlfriend, meeting the boss!! Now his boss doesn't want me on any of their job sites ever!!! Then he says, I don't get it but my boss didn't like you ringing his doorbell and honking the horn and he doesn't want you around anymore. I think the boss is an absolute asshole for being such an over sensitive, unrealistic idiot and am happy to steer clear of his job sites. The new girl gets to come by...and hear how I've been banned...(evidence that the narcsst spoke the truth about me! She was a bit unsure til she heard the boss lamenting having to avoid his own front door cuz i was angrily pacing afyer having waited for 45 minutes and then no one was showing up to explain the hold up. Lets call my narsst Casey and his "supply in training" Cindy. Now If I were to show up, on the job to bring something he'd forgot at home, or to get money or a specific credit card from him, It would be grounds for being arrested. I didnt yet know it was at that stage. I thought that I THOUGHT HE WAS A DICK! NOT THAT HE THOUGHT I really was crazy! I mean who comes to that conclusion based on someone ringing their doorbell, trying to figure out why they have been made to wait for ,in total, an hour, when we had, I THOUGHT, somewhere we needed to be by 4PM!But I was yet unaware of all the prepwork hed done prior to setting me up that day. He knows me well enough to know that I would not just leave him with no ride and make him miss his appointment without doing what I could, which was ring the doorbell and honk. Oh and there was roadwork on his bosses road so while I was taking the long way to come supposedly pick him up he high tailed it the short way to towards his appointment. But said he didn't make it and it was my fault! He could walked it in the 75 minutes he had but didn't, most likely so he would have something that he could be mad about because he KNEW I'd be steamed by the time I caught up with him for screwing up everything by leaving where he told me to get him from. That's just one of 100,000 stories of shit he has done!

[@maidmarion2976]

@@joannastanden5816same here. They will not admit it

[@Lifeofbeenoo]

And the only thing he can't stop saying it "I'm the most loyal person on earth" 🙄

[@narcabusecoach]

In his dreams

[@lonewolf.K]

"I've been cheated on before. I know how much it hurts. I would never and have never cheated". Now that I know he is a Narc. I realize he made these remarks a thousand times over and oddly enough the majority of the time was before I even suspected him of cheating. Having this knowledge is extremely empowering THANK YOU for all you do Danish Bashir!

[@aprils6935]

My ex husband said he couldn't believe our marriage was over because he's such a loyal person... I thought this was such a strange thing to say at the time.. Later I found out he had been having hookups with men.

[@Lifeofbeenoo]

​@@lonewolf.Klol 😂 his favourite dialogue from his catalogue. I'm such loyal to you, I hate liars, I can't stand lie. 🤣🤣

[@Lifeofbeenoo]

​@@aprils6935yeah and turn out he's the one who breaks all the bonding and blocks you from everywhere leaving you wondering like was it even real?

[@cryptoroseaz]

Bottom line. If you are with a CN or any narcissist, get out asap by any means possible.

[@BuckleyThompson]

Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

[@dennisrobinson8008]

Yes it suxks

[@shehlatanveer2731]

Thank you! The story of my life! It helps to know there's someone else who understands this. Years of being put down, gaslit, invalidated, and treated like I wasn't even visible. I blamed it on myself for more than twenty-five years! All sorts of psychosomatic illnesses and a year and a half of therapy later, I know it wasn't me. Trying to stand on my own two feet now ... I'm still stumbling, but at least I'm self-aware! Thank you for sharing your struggle here.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

They sit in bliss like a "troll" as they deny you of things an "sex" is one of the big hitters that puts you more submissive in the situation. It's done for control and dominance, it's not nice.

[@Noonaa887]

Thank you so much for your help and sharing the details of private investigator!! Your story is same as mine

[@KatherineMae-n4r]

I have been a relationship with my husband for 25years and maybe 5 years of those we had sex And I say sex because it was always a wham bam never did we ever make love My best sexual years have gone from 26to52. Physical abuse for a straight years did a number on my body so I can't really get to enjoy it like I want to. He doesn't cheat on me physically but emotionally and On top of that my first cheated on me constantly(physical). Talking about hard on one's ego and confidence in myself

[@williamthecaterpillar5091]

Totally get this. He Flirted once with a waitress so much, she actually winked at him on the way out. So many times he kept people in conversation, body language flirtatious, leaning towards them charming smile flirty stuff, he’s just such a #%£^*&, I’m so pleased I asked him to leave. You are so correct. This is cheating this is coercive emotional cheating. I don’t care how it’s looked at, this is actually what it is you are so correct. God bless you. 🙏

[@theliberatedplanet]

Yes, they play a part in it. Every real estate agent that was female, every co-worker, people in the stores, everywhere. And the female sibling had to own everything, control everything, flirt with everybody, interfere if anyone was interested in me or I did something she could blast me for without it being really any of her business. Just stupid nonsense that rips people's lives apart, especially the victim because we can't get these other people to see it. If you're trying, give it up it, just makes you look crazy. here's what I would hear all the time, is she older? Oh that's just how big sisters are. Hell no. No human being unless they're a psychopath is like that, cruel and destructive. And the ex-husband was the one with the money who wined and dined and gave gifts, even though I often did the dining and giving on his behalf. In fact that's all I did, his bidding until there was nothing left of me and I was always exhausted. I sat in the bathroom Keening like somebody had died, without understanding what I was feeling. When I told my first consultant / therapist about this she said "someone was dying and it was you." Please pay attention, save as much of yourself as you can. Something just happened in my life that this evil sister must be dancing in the street like a gift for her to worm her way back into my life. Sorry sister , take a hike and take the gift with you . Thanks, Danish.

[@theliberatedplanet]

It's empowering when you are so certain within yourself that you don't need to cave when these freaking people float around you. Does not mean you won't be triggered but that's nobody's business but your own. They don't care. They love seeing you spin around.

[@elysiakonicki2416]

I completely understand. I have been in relationships where these things have happened to me. It's extremely difficult to point out, and they make you feel like you're crazy when your intuition tells you something isn't right. It's sad...because all you want is to love them and have a real relationship. That's not their goal.

[@vaska1999]

Very well described. The special cruelty of that type of cheating is its gaslighting effect on the other partner, who's made to feel both humiliated and paranoid, which erodes one's self-confidence further and adds to the feeling of humiliation.

[@lalani888ARTblue]

🎯

[@harryhasselhoff9692]

You did such a good job of describing the gray zones of morality that narcissists deal in so that when you catch them they try to claim they haven't actually done anything wrong. They will never fully claim you as their partner unless they benefit somehow. When they are around their family or their married friends and they don't want to look like the lonely cat lady that they actually are they'll try to act like your relationship is so strong and the next minute when someone hits them up in their DMs all of a sudden you're a nobody and as you said they do their utmost to let it be known they have space for the new person.

[@JanetNewnes]

Exactly my situation

[@marihunt4314]

I can relate to this!

[@tarey05]

A brilliantly clear explanation of covert spousal cheating that is understood by the victim but inexplicable to others. This video must be viewed by divorce attorneys everywhere who represent the partner who rightfully suspects cheating but may have little evidence in his or her defense! Thank you, Danish! 😊

[@user-db2fb1db1m]

Manipulation of the war on biology It’s already a losing battle Add narcissistic objectives = a special kinda hell

[@KateG-s8c]

I recognize this - trouble is you can't prove it.... I've watched this - I've always thought of it as emotional betrayal ...

[@Anne-pk8gs]

Exactly. They get supply by flirting with & “helping” other people they are attracted to & receiving friendly attention in return. They also get supply by telling you all about these innocent, friendly interactions with other people & trying to induce jealousy. Even if they can’t actually get them to engage in an affair, they love believing that they could. It’s very weird.

[@sidneymikalgrey]

This explains so much that was going on in my second husband. He would try to make me jealous of other people by subtle attention to them and out of character stuff. I didn’t find him cheating ever he was always with me.

[@AmericanDreamer]

hi, Sidney, did you divorce him? And did he ever have female friends? Or any friends, for that matter?

[@RANDassociatesinc]

Very helpful. You rarely see them committing their bad behaviour BUT you can ALWAYS smell it. At least i could smell it. Denial denial denial….then every single thing I “smelled” was revealed to be true…and then some.

[@Snowmanatee]

This is probably the BEST video I’ve seen regarding this issue. Because it EXACTLY explains what my narcissist did to me back in 2009…and it changed EVERYTHING in our relationship. And I mean EVERYTHING!!! I cannot escape being with him…even after WANTING to get away from him for more than a decade already now. But I am just HOPING, PRAYING, and WAITING for that chance! It will be a GLORIOUS DAY when I can! 🙏🏻

[@SashaVonHans]

Have a plan of action only in your head. Consider all possibiliplease but don't let them scare You from Leaving. Whatever punishment you fear, ask yourself. What did it have been prefer than what you've gone through so far, If the answer is yes, I bite the bullet rather than double double the time you spent there now feeling worse. I know it's easier said than done. I'm new to this know you almost feel like you're in quicksand. It's like fuckin witchcraft. I wish you all the best. Take care.

[@debra8883]

They are players. They are just toying with your affections and not ever being truly serious or mature.

[@debra8883]

They do not care for their main persons/spouse/partners feelings.

[@foreveryoung6464]

Coz they haven't empathy they can't feel how the real love is

[@gandalfdegrey]

I couldn't understand why would my ex tell her male colleague lies about me, and paint me as a crazy controlling person who's holding her hostile. She was hinting at him that she was open for cheating, she needs saving and he's got the chance to be the hero, it's glorified, nothing shameful to it. She became insane when I found out about it, she was so scared I was gonna tell the new supply about the truth, but I know the new supply was totally sold, nothing I can tell him would change his mind, it was too late, he was already in the fantasy she created for him. This is so accurate. Everything was so subtle, it was very hard to find concrete evidence and when you confront them they gaslight you hard.

[@basque727]

Yes. My ex narc had five different women during the pandemic and after I caught on, he said nope he hadn't cheated. I became a detective and little by little found out everything including their names and addresses and where the were meeting. They are evil sadistic monsters.

[@ΜΑΡΙΑΠΑΠΑΔΟΠΟΥΛΟΥ-π7ω]

Evil sadistic monsters. Exactly! I use the same words !

[@electromagneticbliss]

I'm sorry this happened to you.

[@basque727]

@@electromagneticbliss thank you. 😊

[@StarCoded]

One expert said these predators are not 'bottom feeders'. They target highly capable and compassionate suppliers. That's my observation, too. Once these deserving people hone their inner radar and learn all the 'red flags', they can also test any suspect by telling them "No" and observing the reaction with new powers of observation and self-love.

[@elizaveta2407]

Yes, I have experienced it unfortunately as my covert narcissistic ex was friends with all of his ex-girlfriends, had other female friends and also befriended some of my female friends. When I was voicing my concerns he always replied that he had never cheated on me. But now I know why it was so painful - it was in fact covert cheating. This is sickening.

[@tynettabraswell3606]

Yes I'm just getting out of it it's so stressful.when you exposed them who they are they get disrespectful and rage at you

[@StarCoded]

Part of the targeted process of DEVALUING - convincing you that your value is lower than other females. An obvious lie. But causes the abused one to become emotionally dependent on the abuser - invisible prison of their own mind.

[@susansimon4255]

When you came out with a blanket statement that ALL narcissists cheat either covertly or openly I was shocked at the boldness of the statement, but in my case your statement is fully validated.

[@richardlew5316]

Most of them do not all. My parents were narcs my dad is con artist but never saw cheating.

[@timjarred5192]

This analysis is very underrated. I can’t express enough as to how insightful this video is.

[@snezetinkerbella]

Your understanding of the covert cheating behavior of the covert narcissist is so correct. I painfully learned my husband is a covert narcissist that cheated in both of his married relationship including ours. When he married me he had cheated physically on his first wife but blamed his cheating on her for being a bad sexual partner, bad house keeper, over weight etc etc. and I believed him and believed he deserved better and I was determined to give him a life partner and the wife and life I thought this wonderful man deserved. Well he wasn’t a wonderful man and of course he cheated on me too. A decade and a half secret emotional affair with a woman he worked with in the 90’s and another secret emotional affair with his old college girlfriend which he had cheated on his first wife with. I discovered Numerous women he wooed at his work and got very close too. And of course pornography and chat room visits with strangers. When I finally figured it all out I was shocked to understand it was a long never ending cycle of needing attention plus strangely letting them know he had a better looking more successful wife than they were at home. I don’t care how old they get they never stop searching for and wanting attention. They are destroying machines of those that loved them. They destroy you physically, emotionally and mentally

[@dannmurray1199]

I agree with most of what you say....although i have witnessed this behavior in front of people or if they think no one is noticing and they do it SHAMELESSLY.

[@MHiL7]

Don’t assume they’re cheating with the opposite sex either, they may be trying to throw you off & cheating with the same sex.

[@B-Nia]

👍👍👍

[@Merbella]

Yup! Narc's revel in attention even from the same sex!

[@emmarae4322]

I actually thought that about my ex. He flirted with men.

[@AA-ss6bt]

My ex male slept with his male boss since 2018. I have seen some shocking disgusting love messages between them. They used to video call each other when he was in the bath and you know the rest. His boss return from his vacation in Spain one week before his wife & kids return and of he goes my ex spent the whole week down there serving his boss. Sad pathetic ppl

[@richardlew5316]

There attracted to authority figures there no boundaries they will con people even if their straight if they can go for gay they real chameleons @@AA-ss6bt

[@shenybrotarlo271]

The absence is enough evidence of cheating. A relationship with a narc is having a constant heartbreak.😢

[@TadiwanasheMushonga-c8l]

T's actually a scarm

[@watermelon1189]

You provide so much to the understanding and recovery space. Thank you! It's another form of gaslighting when they pretend they didn't do anything to have this 3rd party "so obsessed with them" 🤨

[@chrisransom5984]

I'm so brain washed. Thank you so much for letting me finally put a reason for my misery. My boyfriend even manipulated a lie text. He pretty much told me so. Need help getting away but still love him my family thinks I'm nuts and love him too but every video I watch of yours fits him perfectly. Even My health issues fit. Thank you for your help understanding

[@wendyhannan2454]

Run for your life, it doesn’t get better, it gets worse.

[@AmericanDreamer]

so true @@wendyhannan2454

[@marinelalarsen3736]

Soooooo true. It`s not direct cheating or flirting but it`s like the possibility of it "in the air" and they are open to it. So their partner can feel that something is going on but can not say directly what. They are, in fact, preparing everything for future gaslighting ( when their partner says that they noticed that something is going on, they will say that it`s not true) Thank you so much for your videos, KZbin coaches saved my life, and I learned a lot. I have a covert narcissist near me and I can not get out of that relationship easily but I am highly educated now and, until I can end that relationship, I know how to protect myself. Thanks to you, Lisa E Romano, Kim Saeed, and other beautiful people who educate us about narcissistic abuse. Thank you from the bottom of my heart❤

[@RyanJohnson-x1x]

Your spot in my man! I’ve been married to a covert narcissist for 22 years. Her narcissistic behavior prior to children was manageable. After children, not so much. I’m now the VILLAIN who can do no GOOD

[@mararomero9729]

I was the other person with whom the narcissist tried to cheat. From the beggining I felt like there was somehing going on, but the guy was married so I ignored it. After two weeks I knew I had to comfront him and set boundaries because even if I couldn't pin point what was wrong, I felt he was flirting and letting me clearly but not clearly know that he was open. When I told him that maybe we should mantain a more professional relationship instead of a friendship because it could be misunderstood by his wife, he made it seem like he was just try to be friends and like nothing was happening. He backed off for a few days and then went back to the same behaviour, but every few days he backed off just a bit. I was confused as hell but I knew he wanted something. At this point I was ignoring every weird comment or approach. He even told me I was ignoring him, clearly in that way, but without saying it, because of course I was ignoring him, but was still treating him good as a coworker. Anyways, this guy was the best lier and manipulator I have ever meet. Sometimes I caught him in lies, but kept it to myself, and sometimes I noticed he had lied after a few weeks. I noticed how manipulative this guy was and really my head was so tired and alert all the time for this guy, because iI even got to think he was talking badly about me with the other coworkers, they were family members of him. Besides he was being kind of impulsive with some comments. Eventualy I decided to leave, but at the end he told me I still had time if I wanted to be with him, asked me if I would not regret leaving him, but he never ever actually did something I could not mistake with a "playful weird friendship".

[@jacquelinejohnson2956]

I had to narcissists in my life. And through listening to your many videos, they both are no longer in control of me. I left their sides forever. Thank you so much for opening my eyes:)

[@MrTwinkieeater]

They don't have to cheat with another person. They cheat on you with their trauma. They're married to it. They'll never admit it. If they did, they wouldn't be narcissistic.

[@ΜΑΡΙΑΠΑΠΑΔΟΠΟΥΛΟΥ-π7ω]

Danish, whenever I watch a video of yours and I have seen almost all of them, you totally describe my story. He is a textbook narcissist, according to your videos. After 7 hooverings, I finally left him. I m in pain,of course. Thank you❤

[@fsx1123]

This man really hit the ground running and hasn't stopped yet. He gives us more understanding of him without interviews and negative antics he just shows us who he is through the Recovery. True living legend. We salute you. Dale valskov. The execution, creativity, and goodness that came from it were inspiring on a number of levels. Cheers Dale & looking forward to seeing what you do next!

[@l.t.2356]

You have exactly described my husband. We attend a church for over 20 years. My husband was very friendly with the ladies and would talk sweetly to them and touch them gently on the shoulder. Many of the women thought he was really interested in them and would them give him signals in response. He would then humiliate them and say, " I'm a married man!" He has encouraged neighbor ladies, also. I always felt so nervous. If I mentioned that he was behaving a little too friendly, I would receive his wrath.

[@maidmarion2976]

Danish, this has been exactly my life. It is SO liberating to know that you understand. My husband had been engaging in this behaviour for years. Women continually came to him for help for professional reasons and he would conduct himself in this way. It was so hurtful to detect it happening time and time again and the boundaries between business and personal being stepped over. When I heard you talking I knew that you had experienced it first hand, I don’t believe you can learn it from a book. Thank you so much, I have felt humiliated and devalued my whole life. It was hard because I was considered the attractive one in the relationship so people do not understand the dynamics.

[@AmberTaylor-cb1ft]

I literally experienced EVERY SINGLE PART OF THIS AND HE ALMOST MADE ME CRACK. I ALMOST QUESTIONED MY SANITY AT ONE POINT. but, I knew I had a gut feeling for a reason I trusted my instincts and I didn't give up on waiting and watching for the right opportunity to catch him up.

[@UnknownUnknown-yl1lt]

Same here. Smh. I'm convinced that narcs are possessed with demons!

[@life-rethought]

excellent. I read this in my short term marriage. my X husband would always turn the script to be him as the innocent victim. but I could read he was always open and inviting.... for anything to happen. it was one of the biggest red flags I read. "it was the woman he was dancing with that led him astray" I will also admit now as an older woman... in my damaged past I also lied to myself and pushed boundaries when I was married before. yes I was very damaged goods and desperate from a life time of narc abuse. and I wanted PROTECTION so badly I was willing to cheat. it's sad to admit how low I went in my desperation.

[@PhantomVortex]

This was exactly what my ex did. She baited me with being paranoid and taunted me with giving me access to her phone. One day i took it, but checked other apps. The look on her face when I asked to see the other apps was fear. She said it was them coming on to her and she would just joke with them. I told her my expectations since it was hard to argue the grey area. But then one popped up again and she was deleting messages. I had to call it a wrap.

[@bird2428]

Danish thank you to put it so clear. The narc are like animals who attract to mate. That body language gives the signal to others. The narcs will hit and look at others in a inappropriate way.

[@teresascott310]

I completely understand!! That was my narc ex husband. It was so hard to describe but you point on!! Thank you for explaining this because he wanted me to think I was crazy because he said it was always BUSINESS! But every business card he owned was of a beautiful female. 😂 He is such a joke!!

[@WWZenaDo]

Thank you! This was greatly enlightening. My narcissist husband deceived me in a highly significant matter before we even got married, and I didn't discover his deceit until after he passed away. Had I known about that, I never would have married him. I'm positive that his deceit extended to having multiple affairs behind my back, throughout our marriage, too.

[@lucyt-c8092]

eek ! I am so sorry. And so glad your marriage is over .

[@WWZenaDo]

@@lucyt-c8092 Thank you.

[@robinchilds7492]

He reassured me too many times that he wasn't cheating.

[@richardlew5316]

All lies

[@aishwaryagawali575]

Been through all of it, finally left after lots of suffering, still trying! Such awareness very important ❤

[@Ryno814]

Wow. Been at this a long time. Ill admit, too long. Watchin vids last year or so and although all hit home, this one is probably the best. This is it. This my very first "incident" with a narcissist. Like you said, its hard to explain even generally let alone specifics but I always felt it. Even 20 yrs later, sadly the situation still isnt "closed", but this is exactly why. This is the key they will never admit. This is why even after all the discussions, something doesnt sit well. They can somehow even admit the whole situation but leave this key point out. But my gut still knew and knows. Simply put, they recognize and love the attention. So they feed it and hide it, and make it look like evryone else. Its is complicated and complex but the gut never fails. I even remember tellin her sometimes "ya know this is like cheatin" hell flat out physically cheatin wouldve been easier to deal with than the "cheating we dont know about"

[@starryeyednomad3519]

Danish, again, you see SO MUCH of the narcissism world. You explain it so well, so easy to follow, thank you. I see these things that you describe, but when I try to warn people about it, they don't understand the subtleties of narcissism. They tell me I'm "seeing things" or my perception is wrong. Sometimes, they don't believe me. I get frustrated because it would take them months and years to learn the traits of different narcissists. If they didn't grow up with narc parents or partners, then they can never see narc behavior. I'll just direct them to your videos! lol

[@allieaudio9965]

Near the end I didn't care if or when he cheats and I told him that. I just wanted him gone.

[@gerahuey3706]

Exactly

[@slobodanpovolni367]

You are right on the spot. You beautifully described this complicated topic. I know it from first hand.

[@Tend2Rose]

When I first started seeing my ex, I saw he had a roving eye and overly polite and nice to female staff in restaurants or out in the supermarket. Always seducing people with charm. He was eyeing up the female bar tender in our first date. I don’t know why I didn’t walk away that day!…would’ve saved myself 6 years of hell. Never mind. I have the knowledge now. He’s aging and delusional about his looks 😂

[@dennisrobinson8008]

Imagine a female like that. Roving eye always flirting.

[@marihunt4314]

I know what you mean. My ex fiancé was charming a woman that was sitting next to him on a plane. We were heading to Arizona. He was totally fixated on her. So much so that he didn’t realize that I was sitting in the isle across from him. When I spoke up and he realized that I was sitting across from him, his face turned beet red and he was fumbling over his words. He kept saying “I thought you were sitting in the back of the plane.” I had to tell him 3 or 4 different times that I moved to a different seat. Of course, I was upset and gave him a few “dirty” looks. When we got off the plane, he told me that he didn’t do anything wrong. He was just talking with her. But I heard some of the things he was saying to her. He was telling her a bunch of things about himself like he was trying to impress her. I believe a higher power moved me to that seat. That just so happened to be right across from him for a reason. To see firsthand what a dirt bag that he really is. 😡😡😡

[@dennisrobinson8008]

They kind of slip into a "routine" to maintain his social "charisma" he was probably like that with almost everybody.@@marihunt4314

[@ahdel-nosh5901]

My husband was overly nice, subtly flirtatious with a female staff at a restaurant in our honeymoon. I caught him staring at her a few times after getting back to our table, and when I made a comment he brushed it off with "yes she is gorgeous and got very unique looks but no you are paranoid". As we left he pretended that he forgot his glasses there so he can go back to talk to her some more...I have seen this behaviour a few times since which makes you wonder if he is this audacious around me, what is he like when I am not there. He left our room more than a year ago and haven't given me as much as a hug ever since....this guy is cheating for sure lol

[@dennisrobinson8008]

Certainly most probably would "tone it down" around you, but some WONT. They are oblivous to their behaviors. In their mindset they are overly "charming", but they do it to EVERYONE.@@ahdel-nosh5901

[@jooojooo987]

This is exactly what happened in my case. She didn't cheat, but that's how she behaved with the men in her office. That's what her woman colleague told me. Exactly as you described. At home, however, she told me how disgusted she is by married men, who seduce her. But she told me in such a way that it hurt me. She was a covert narcissist after all.

[@kulgauravisingh6828]

Bang on..so grateful to you for all your insights..otherwise it is like living in a Maze with a narcissist

[@libster10457]

Wow this is so spot on! I had no idea it was even a thing either but this definitely happened in my relationship! I appreciate your videos so much! They have helped me a lot! Xoxo

[@georgina50002]

My ex husband did this exactly as you describe it. He would make subtle advances on his female employees and gaslit me telling me that I was imagining it. Eventually, one of the employees replied to his advanced and they ended up having an affair. I found out after she had a baby. They covered it so well. I had never heard any other narcissism expert talk about this behavior. It’s so humiliating for the people being cheated. I’m so glad you talked about it!

[@OrangeUni-f4w]

Excellent! This describes my narc ex precisely. She usually did not flirt overtly, but would subtly open herself to connection only to a man of her particularly interest, often my friend, colleague, or even employee. It's all so subtle that it's difficult for anyone to put a finger on it. If she gets a positive response, then comes a bit of (fake) intimacy, that she understands him, or he understands her at a special level. Then the open body language, her naval turned directly toward him to the exclusion of all others (even me). It's so subtle that she even does it directly in front of me. When I later discover that she has elicited an invitation from him to meet privately, she can deny everything and claim it's not her fault if he's interested in her, etc. Thank gawd, I got her out of my life!! Too many times! Don't know if she ever consummated any of theses seductions (she claims no, but might have), but never again will I put up with that. Life is too short for such nonsense.

[@zoebroadbent3009]

The absence of him says it all, and I had a gut feeling for a while now, thank you Danish for helping me out x

[@jagrutidurani7395]

This is a very subtle observation and i agree totally .. the Narc thinks he’s sophisticated, flamboyant, very cool and dandy like.. it happened with me right in the beginning of my marriage- a huge red flag 🚩- I just couldn’t tell ! ( But felt it right to the bones ) ..

[@angeliatinnie9440]

They never admit it even if you do find proof and they know how to use their phones very well

[@martinez4703]

Or have a 2nd phone

[@clintonnagy1662]

Delete, delete delete...they always delete messages and phone logs so when you ask to see them it's all GONE. They stand unphased and say " see nothing there, I'm NOT cheating".

[@chipchorps]

Me myself cannot believe that my wife was very good with her phone. It is really frustrating. Evidence is my only chance of escape because we have a 7yo child and I dont want her to get custody

[@chandrakantkakade3221]

This is a great work dude, as an ex military personal it brought back fond memories of my working days with my team mates. I have to say I'm really impressed with how you embraced the true spirit of the helping people uncover truth and cheating spirit. Well done *Metaspyclub* from the USA.

[@IsabellaPiesch]

I think they know exactly what they do. And they think nobody ever catches them. And sure they are not to blame - as always... Those people are unbelievable. Once a cheater always a cheater. I personally if I see and recognize such behaviour run far away and never look back. (I dislike people with bad character). And narcissists are the worst: No remorse, no apology whatoever. The best of all: You are at fault because I cheated (yeah exactly...). Simple forget such people - they are not worth your love and care.

[@emmarae4322]

They are disgusting. They blame you and play the victim. Protect yourself when with them with safe sex.

[@brothergas1260]

Yep I was going to do this. I bought condoms. Then tried to coach myself on how to have the conversation about them and how I didn’t trust her. We went to a party arm in arm. Then she started showing complete strangers more affection than I have ever gotten. Rubbing shoulders and etc. then embarrassing me with a total hands on wrestling match with her best friends husband whom she told me in advance that she hated. But, clearly they needed to get a room. She said she did nothing wrong completely disregarding me. Needless to say we never had the condom conversation. I won’t ever touch her again. Very painful. Singleness for over a year now and going strong. My guard has developed a psychotic narcissism list that must be exhausted before I’ll entertain even a thought of friendship. Good luck to all the people that actually care about others!!!…..

[@vijenderchoudhary908]

Great understanding and description of a situation .What a true words you are using even for your own people. You are a true person .May these videos improve the understanding of society at large. Keep it up 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

[@babybluesan5778]

This content is so relevant. My ex used to allow woman in social environment to touch him inappropriately and say to me he did nothing wrong. And when he traveled for work he never disclosed where he stayed ..

[@AmericanDreamer]

glad he is your ex now.....from one sis to another...hugs and all the best in 2024! we deserve better than this!

[@DarrenHoussein]

This happened and one of the guys she gave her number to, he called her when I was with her and it was clear they were gonna hook up so I left. Its finally over and I am now free.

[@KCN007]

Was her name Allison too?

[@timjarred5192]

This one is really good, great analysis.

[@shaunduke8444]

Hey, thank you,thank you!! I came across your narc behaviour video about the narc accusing their partner of cheating. To which I have 20 ++ years experience, I genuinely thought it was cute for first 10 years or so! Tolerated for next 5-6 years then started to see things that were "off"! Just behavior that was not ,,,,??? So started noticing things and God forbid questioning some of these odd behaviors! The beginning of the end. Made a formal demand to stop two behaviors in particular and wham divorce calls to police lying about abuse she actually had perpetrated on me to get me removed! Luckily been in this town a long time so did not work! Literally racking my brain trying to figure out what the he'll has happened to this woman to make her so completely flip on her "core values"? I thought drugs. Chemical imbalance? A friend suggested" narcissist! Never heard of it! You tube here I come, saw your description watched it, and You hit that nail right on the head!!! Her behavior exactly, you described it exactly! Again Thank you!! I'm an older guy and was completely perplexed by this behavior. After several more of you're videos , holy buckets can I see the shit now!!! The no contact is tough even though the kids are adults. Because of your vids I realized in her eyes I have never been,,,, correct on anything, what a waste of time and energy! But one heck of a good lesson! One questions how do us old guys distinguish between narc and no narc!! Still just bewildered!!! And again thank you so much for sharing this information in a way that's understandable and engaging!!! Duke.

[@noellewilliams5511]

You have answered some questions I have had for a long time. Thank you so much for sharing!

[@chilo597]

EVERYTHING you say happend. My gut feeling was also very strong!

[@BernadetteAliceaWarner]

Yes, I experienced exactly this… there was always a woman at every job he was at that I wasn’t allowed to meet or know… even though I was allowed to meet and have the numbers of everyone else.. not these certain ones… and intuitively I knew it was because he liked them and wanted attention from them… and I am sure (actually know for a fact from sources after I left the marriage) that behind my back this was exactly what was going on. Having burner phones making “work trips” all the while this and eventually physical cheating was always going on. It broke my heart when I found out that essentially my whole marriage and all of it was a lie. I was simply grade A supply that brought him where he wanted to be, I never knew him, and it was essentially all a lie 😢

[@ResilientAF1]

Would you like to see the data and messages that have been removed from your partner's phone?

[@MissChelsea]

Danish, please know that you are helping SO many people! The time and effort you put into your work is extremely valuable and appreciated, and I wish you so much joy and success ❤ Thank you my friend!

[@divinemotherpower108]

THANK YOU SO MUCH !!! You finally explained and answered to everything I was sensing, supposing, intuitively knowing but couldn’t explain to myself nor find any concrete evidence… this video lifts a huge weight from my heart & mind and will definitely help me to move on 💪❤🙏

[@DonBoos-c8l]

Great Work, *Metaspyclub* . Thankfully, I have all six of your tips mastered. It's all about self-care. You made me laugh out loud when you put that shaver up to her chats. Keep up the great work.

[@shamanmermaidblackdragon]

Your spot on and what’s been happening to me for years

[@ango468]

STRAIGHT TO THE POINT - excellent explained💯

[@raquelsosa401]

Everything you said, I actually had Had it very clear on all the times that I knew something didn’t sound right when I had that feeling that you are very on point, so I’m very thankful that you are sharing all of this

[@marilynbrowman5520]

My husband cheated in his late wife consistently. Then he blamed it on her. I did not see red flags. I believed him. I dont know if he cheats on me but flirts alot and overtly looks at women, in my presence, and makes remarks. It hurt alot. Now im so indifferent to him that I dont care any more.

[@Jackie-ed6wz]

He would literally disappear for 6 weeks at a time 😮

[@dennisrobinson8008]

Probably mini relationships

[@AmericanDreamer]

better pack your bags or change the locks, depending who lives at who's place! Turn his disappearings into blessing - it is a high chance to peace out and block him and move on!

[@natashka1982]

Wtf

[@theangusschmaloer]

Good concept. Had the worst relationship with my ex, whom im suspecting to be a lil narcistic. She was always taking attention from guys. Acting different when i was around vs when alone with them. Brushed mildy inappropriate thing of toooo easily. I expressed it as "emotional cheating" at the time.

[@ayakitchen877]

I am almost 70 yes old. I got divorced 2 years ago from a marriage of 40years. I am actually finding these information interesting. Because I have lived this kind of life for 40 yrs. I am slowly healing from long term emotional and mental abuse. Worst of it is my husband was cheating on me with pre-teens. I mean 12yrs to 18yrs old children and impregnating them, including my own biological daughter at 13yrs old until she ran away at 18yrs old. Keep up the good work. It's working for me. God bless you. It's my first time putting a name to this behaviour. The description is exactly him. All I worked for was taken from me to cover up his promiscuity. I am left with nothing and barely making it in life as I am writing this note.

[@rushainec2477]

I’m so sorry this happened. Omg

[@dr.mallikagoyal7293]

So very accurate.. inappropriate closeness with many at work causing embarrassment to the spouse but the spouse cannot point to any one thing while the narc smirks and flirts.. what a horrible life for the victim who never asked for any of this!

[@coach_amy]

Yes, that was my experience. I was gaslit about it, of course. "It's WORK!" "It's my BOSS!" "I told so-and-so that you don't want me to talk to people at work."

[@aprils6935]

My ex husband said he couldn't believe the marriage was over because he's such a loyal person... Later I discovered he had been hooking up with men, any attention is like a drug to them.

[@rushainec2477]

Omg 😮

[@JeanReeder-c2r]

Narcissists can turn their feelings off which can be hurtful and make you feel ridiculous even when they are obviously flirting with one of your friends and or coworker

[@devonnordt8674]

My ex had multiple women he cheated on me with on social media and his ex girlfriends. Accused me of being insecure. I’m so glad I got out.

[@ekdaufin1485]

Thank you for bringing this to light and being so careful and clear to put it in the right CONTEXT.

[@JoaoAugustoCerqueiraPRR1]

Very accurate. This cheating also happens not only on a sexual basis but in general, by cheating your confidence, making themselves victims to others talking BS about you to them, while with you they pretend it's everything ok.

[@ornellarose6378]

Damn truth of truths!!!!!!! Scarily Accurate!!!!!! So Exact!!!! Thankyou

[@srivarshakomara8]

They will never ever ever admit it

[@jasonsilverberg3170]

The most incomprehensible video I've ever seen!!!

[@jennifer-ci8cv]

This is 100% true I wish I new this before . My ex cheated on me throughout our marriage. I recognize so many of the narcissist women who went along with it too. They are such selfish people no souls.

[@kathpercy7941]

After 30 years abusive marriage finding out about 1 affair infidelity all of which I found out a lot more after separation the adultery it was throughout our marriage that was my breaking point to file for divorce but the aftermath of the betrayal and trauma bond has been excruciating still healing after 4 years 🙏🙏🙏

[@Harmonious-jm3sy]

Same. Good luck on healing too.

[@brothergas1260]

Please continue to. Just over 5 1/2 years for me with a 20 year marriage. It does get better. You’ll wake up one morning and be like wow!! Just be careful of who u allow in next.

[@Harmonious-jm3sy]

@@brothergas1260 looking forward to that day when I never think of them at all or not in such a resentful bitter way.

[@27lynn]

I'm glad you started on your way to healing. I wish I knew about narcissists long ago. After a 33-year marriage, I now know he never would have changed.. I thought after he retired from the service, he would. So I left him 10 years ago last October. Best thing I ever did. Danish hits the things he did exactly. I just never put it all together before. Keep listening and understanding what it was about helps a lot.

[@DailySonicOfficial]

this is what I needed, finally recognition