Narcissistic Family Systems-Hard Wired Dysfunctional Values

[@ZekeMan62]

Fault finders. Yup, the narcissists I've known were always demanding that I and the others around them face up to their faults while completely ignoring their own massive shortcomings. They were 10 times more flawed than I was, and yet somehow managed to manufacture a reality where I was the contemptible one. Unbelievable. 3 Steps to Healing: 1) Realize it was never your fault. 2) Evict them out of your life. 3) Evict them out of your head. Kill them off in your mind and forget you ever knew them.

[@vivalospepes1402]

And pray for them and yourself

[@christinachiappette7356]

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[@christinachiappette7356]

💰

[@aquariousenigma70]

Lol...love it! Somehow managed to manufacture a reality ...... love this statement. So correct, it truly twist your brain into a pretzel. Then when they manage to dup others in the lie, that is when you get suicidal. Ohhhhhh the fuckery

[@ratacataviousbrown4702]

@@vivalospepes1402 To pray for them means you're in some way seeing or assuming the narcissist is something human or there something worth saving in the narcissist when their is NOT anything human or worth saving. Do you pray for the devil too??? Such a attitude further harms the victim and further invalidates everything the victim has been through. I don't pray for evil and I don't let evil thrive around me. I barely have time to pray for my family, friends, self and random people I encounter in life or on the news who are truly hurting or have truly been abused or wronged. I also pray for animals. No prayers for the wicked.

[@CholeyC]

Breaking off the family tree - that is what happened to me and the 1 healthy, non-narc sibling. We are outsiders in a family of cluster Bs. Thank you!

[@Bittagrit]

New here. I grew up in a religious strict, controlling environment, my husband came from a home of neglect and alcoholism. We have been married 30+ yrs. raised our children free to be themselves, encouraging them to explore their own interests. When we told them No we gave an explanation of why. When we knew they were making a big decision the encouragement was to look at all sides, get as much information as possible, weigh the pros and cons of near and long term future. After that make their choice. They are all grown up now. Recently we had a family event where they thanked us.

[@clrought]

I noticed in Narcissist I know. They seek to find & point out our faults & mistakes. To use us against ourselves & even get with others to use them against us because they want us to depend upon them & not trust ourselves or others.

[@love2learnmitchell329]

My codependent mother has dementia and needs constant care. When my elderly narc stepfather died recently, my sister was immediately promoted from golden child to narc and she has many flying monkeys. I went no contact with her just before he died, which meant no contact with my mother. That hurt me terribly and I felt so much guilt, because I wanted to help take care of her. In fact, one reason I took any early retirement was so that I could help to take care of her. However, at the time there was so much going on I felt I had to go no contact or lose my mind completely. I'm sure my sister was happy because it gave her more to talk about. Over the last few months I have binge watched everything I can find on KZbin regarding narcs and I am beginning to feel stronger emotionally. I have even started staying over night to help with my mother occasionally. Although I am currently going gray rock on my sister., I live under constant fear of her setting me up. I've given up trying to explain to friends and family, because as you predicted most either don't understand or don't want to get involved. But, it doesn't matter so much anymore, every day I feel a little bit better. I just wanted to say thank you. I felt so alone before I started watching your videos. I don't know how I could have gotten through these past few months without your help and that of my You Tube family. In the meantime, I was wondering if you have any suggestions regarding this type of situation?

[@patriciasimons1873]

Kris Godinez is also EXCELLENT to watch on this topic

[@makaylahollywood3677]

Thank you for sharing. My story is similar I wrote above. Hope you are doing well. It is a lifetime commitment to grieve and heal.

[@makaylahollywood3677]

Such valuable information, with a sense of true caring. I love your channel and it is helping me, guiding me, Thank you.

[@robicarm]

It seems with narc family's the controllers have already established who is important and who is least important. You go through life confused because you want to find a way to satisfy their constant disappointment and eventually except that you never will. Someone is the first and only choice and someone is the last picked and never praised. Some people stay trapped in the confusion like it's the Twilight Zone, and some like myself just accept it will only get better when you walk away from it all.

[@JephyrX]

Great video. I've learned a lot from it and others-and it's really helping. I'm even starting to develop compassion for the narcissists in my family-realizing that for many generations children were not given the nurturing and love they desired and needed. It doesn't mean I still take their abuse-but it helps me understand them more and move on to develop my own values and integrity separate from them. Thanks!

[@suzannebunbury2961]

Thank you, so very much! This message thrilled me. I’m feeling understood! Your acknowledgment and artful articulation of my life makes me seen and validated! It gives me hope and fuel to build that strong, creative, beautiful life that God intends me to live. I’ve been grappling with these exact issues for my entire life (I’m 62). This was empowering and revelatory. Thank you with all of my heart.

[@jengable4888]

I would TOTALLY AGREE with this. If you speak TRUTH regarding any dysfunction ( abuse, addictions, mental health issues, etc) then you are the target and threatened.

[@bethwall]

For all of us married to a person from a family like this, you are not getting to their pack mentality that damages all outsiders.................

[@BeautifulDreamerK]

I hate to stereotype but you’ve described why family dynamics in asian culture is narcissistic. By culture, the older generations are co-dependent bc they don’t believe in independence. There’s often a pecking order in which the oldest in the family or the older crowd have control. Respect is automatically given to someone older, not younger. Asian culture also doesn’t encourage vulnerability. Crying or expressing your feelings is looked down upon bc it’s considered weak, so everyone puts on a front and lashes out in passive aggressive rage. Bc Asians are so competitive and believe in “success”, parents breed their children into this mentality so you grow up competing with other kids. The jealousy is considered a positive trait bc it’s “drive”. The constant competition for status and highest income is what drives people so the parents can brag and fulfill their ego (living their dreams through their child) and the child gets all the glory/praise but with demanding consequences. I was born and raised in the US. I am proud of my asian background but I am trying to get away with this narcissistic mentality. I want my kids to be opposite of my culture. I believe in independence, no competition with others, expressing your feelings is good, and that jealousy is really an evil trait.

[@florenceduran6669]

you hit the nail right on the head. My step-father was an alcoholic and physically and verbally abusive, my mother was verbally abusive and a codependent she pinned one child against the other. that one ended up always looking for love, when my mother died she stopped having affairs; no more looking for her mothers love- why bother, she is dead. so now that sibling is a covert/vindictive narcissist. I no longer wish to deal with her. she blames me for a lot of things and also blames many others for a lot of things. do you know what I can do to get along with her for sake of the family? she crushed Thanksgiving and Christmas.

[@reesedaniel5835]

There is no way to "get along" with a narc. You either become their door mat and emotional trash receptacle, or you go no contact. No contact is the only way to heal from this evil.

[@glitterboxglitterbox1939]

The most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me is when my aunt told off my grandpa off at a restaurant and ever since then my grandma doesn’t talk to her anymore so yeah she even made my grandma cry too! And my grandpa and then he started laughing too!

[@a.8774]

Peace and Harmony- you are sent by God. Thank you for your gift!

[@jengable4888]

I totally agree with everything you have stated so far ! I will have to watch the rest of this later ! Thank you for posting !

[@joelopez7459]

Never seen somebody tie it to shame so much but it seems very on point

[@yourpetyourway]

AMAZING DESCRIPTIONS of my family, like WOW!!!!! Shared this video on my FB page where I've got a post exposing my narcissistic abusive family and I know they creep my page so it stays at the top of my page for the next year.

[@krisluvsutube2684]

I don't even do Facebook because of my family. I don't want to see taste smell or hear them!!!!

[@audreydagger7366]

I friggin love this woman's voice.

[@igordemy]

Yes, it feels like I am creating a new path...My family (mother, father, brother, sinister), follows the family tradition based on what you said. Shame...My ex-wife family is identical... So it is just me, trying to inject the true values into my little sons. What chances do I have by going against all,of them? It's hard to say, but there is really no other way for me. It just doesn't exist.

[@tx-sweet-pjg3547]

This is definitely my family

[@SunChild1971]

This describes my family or origin very well. Thanks for the post.

[@1sanremy]

Thanx for dense video. Error is THE ENGINE of LEARNING. Each percieved error provides informations to improve your skill (technic, process). Your ideas lead me to become aware of a big lack of value in my family. They say: "family is a sacred thing" but will never demonstrate it in their actions ( don't speak, don't listen, don't help, don't support) This is sad, but they are totaly FAKE, only caring about their image.

[@prometheeasul3852]

Hello from France, I'm a 45 years old woman. I'm a French Creole. My parents had 7 children. I'm the 5 th. My first sister is the golden child. (And even today, still refuses to see my mother for who she really is. To the point where she e even dare asking me the reason why I left 23 years early). Very simple, my mother used to call me names, and used to say how happy and pround she would be to just push my suitcase outside, EVEN IF I WAS A FRIGTHENED 23 YOUNG WOMAN AFRAID OF EVERY BODY, and unemployed, whitout any friend at all. In asexual due to all my mum ugly comments since I was just 8 years old. From what my narcissistic mother told us, my father grew up in an other narcissistic family. I'm not sure about his father, but apparentely my grandmother was particulary violent without any limit, (back in the days 1937). I can remember that one day, around 1984, he was talking with one of his brothers on the phone. I was deeply surprised beacause I never had the feeling that he still had any contact whats or ever with his blood family, from their exotic island. When he learnt that his mother died a while ago, he just answered :"Oh really THAT THING is dead now:" Even if I have never loved him due to terrible violence toward his own wife and 7 kids, even today I'm still deeply amazed by those words. He married my mother just a few months after my mother's mother died. No doubt that it was a huge mistake. She was just 21 years old, (and choose to ignore all the RED FLAGS, and the fact that he alread had 2 kids from a previous household, but not married. And by the way, he NEVER told us about his kids. But I'm pretty sure that my mother heard about them before the marriage, even if she pretended that she had no clue). She is the queen of the queen of gazlighting like her adult golden child. 49 years old by 2017. He tried to kill my mother several times. But for some incomprehensible dark and dumb reason, she sticked around. We the kids had a very hard time to concentrate at school because we had no idea if she would still alive... SO HERE THE TRAP FOR THE KIDS: Because my father used to asault our mother with a knife or whatever, we had the vision of our mother as a weak person. No, no, no, she did her absolutely best, in order that each of her own child become to the point to HATE each other. And of course cried like a baby that the situation breaks her fragile heart. She even pretended for more than 20 years that she had a surgery due to breasts cancer. AND THE DOCTOR SAY THAT IT'S BECAUSE OF HER KIDS, because of the stress. The true thing is that now we were not with our father for over 8 years and now that we were young adult, she had no idea to make us to keep saying YES without asking any question. Now that we are all adults, cousins rarely meet. What a shame! I don't want to make this post too long, but YES, two broken child should never get involve in any marriage because nothing nice could come from that. I have no life, no kids, husband, job because of my past. Thanks mum and dad! ; (

[@markbusby9709]

Thank you so much for bringing the "Family System" to "Light" the tandem affect of abuse from one generation to another is very hard to understand "whilst your in the fog". (This subject is not discussed much on youtube). Now Im away from the source and "now' had time to think for myself" including help, and additionally thanks to Sam Vaknin, Richard Grannon, Ross Rossenberg videos, pieces of the puzzle start to fit. This video PH explains very well how we start life, and try our "hardest to live" yet invisible constraints have been put in front of us. I believe with your help and others' my adult family in time" can move on "industrially" Mark UK

[@patriciasimons1873]

Nailed it. My former life. I went no contact. You said it all...

[@peaceandharmony3137]

Good decision. Peace and Harmony

[@smartcatcollarproject5699]

The fact that narcissism may be shame based is very interesting, I think shame is an error most of the time, other reactions are more appropriate. That said, it conforts my view that narcissists rule our society, and this is not something new !

[@creator2149]

Thank you this is comforting information right now.

[@jooneemoon]

I would be interested to hear more about how 'function' can be created from dysfunction? especially when the family dysfunctional values are hard-wired

[@peaceandharmony3137]

Great questions-and we are definitely taking the channel in this direction--I am excited to discuss and feel you will find this quite relevant to your situation! :)) Peace and Harmony

[@danarchambault8723]

I have known many people that work in mental health , how is it that they are clueless about the subject s you talk about ?

[@lilac624]

I think the public should get educated about mental health.

[@lilac624]

It's a terrible thing while dealing with an exploitative person, you haven't got any validation while growing up.

[@reesedaniel5835]

This subject is kept hidden intentionally by the powers that be. Because they are also Cluster Bs and our society is controlled by these types. We live in a Narcissistic Matrix. It's a deep subject but it all began with Genesis 3:15.

[@patriciasimons1873]

They were not trained in it. The APA in the ACA do not train and narcissistic abuse and it's sad. Kris Cardenas is on KZbin and she talks about this often. It's sad because it's so prevalent and it's unfair to the victims

[@patriciasimons1873]

I meant to write Kris Godinez....

[@marlenaeva3813]

great information!

[@janethomas78]

Heart Breaking realization of my family who is SO Terribly Toxic. Where in the final moments of my mothers life, she could only provide to me an excuse for herself saying "I only wanted you to be independent". All she could ever do was make me into the scapegoat, and then a vehicle to make money from, and finally a personal slave for her own needs, until she finally passed away.

[@raphaelavelasquez4706]

I was born the wrong gender. My mother used to tell me over and over that she cried and apologized to my father for giving birth to a second girl.

[@cathyconzyme9641]

You can't be human - it will interfere with my lifestyle!

[@lauratheexplorer6390]

Cathy Conzyme Your needs get in the way of my ego! Ugh

[@erockfreedom6399]

Thank you

[@cathyconzyme9641]

I was born ineligible for family values.

[@TheMeliaz]

thank you.

[@EEhealth]

I don’t agree with how you are conveying your message. It’s reveals a great mixture of stereotype, bias and a categorization of two different principles and making them into one. When you say shame basing, and to allow the child to be who they want, and to help bring that out in them, indirectly speaking, that would mean that if my child were to come home and share their ideology of wanting to be referred to as his/her, or they identify as a cat that day, and I educate them on reality vs illusion , it means I am shame basing and have a narcissistic family base? Not every parent that wants to mold their offspring into something that they want them to be as believed; it will allow them to succeed and prosper in life; are narcissists. Please do consider or if you don’t already know, that we have been lied to about everything we have ever been taught. Most parents I know or have been around will speak up regarding behavior and actions that are inappropriate and not acceptable. You must consider that our entire educational system is controlled by learning only what they want us to learn. You are keeping alive the mentality and thought processes taught by the same ones who covered up true science, history, and health , and created the current health and mental health epidemics. Luckily, these people were not, however, able to control one thing, and that is the discernment that we were given by God to be able to naturally acquire. Overall, the true narcissists are the ones you gathered your talking points from.