Self-Sabotage After Narcissistic Abuse

Self-sabotage is a defense mechanism you may have learned from your abuser/s. It's part of the abuse training where the abuser conditions the target to abuse him/herself. In this video I describe the 5 most common forms of self-sabotage that I see in the particular kind of PTSD/C-PTSD that is caused by abusive relationships. I give you some tools to train yourself to stop getting in your own way so you can create the life you want to live.
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NOTE: Meredith Miller is not a therapist or counselor. She is a holistic integration coach, helping you to self-heal and transform your life after narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. Meredith teaches the mindsets and tactical skills to help with recovery. She works with a mind-body-spirit approach to wellness that is a valuable complement to traditional psychotherapy. Meredith recommends that you also seek out a licensed therapist who has experience with narcissistic abuse and relational trauma in order to help you with the complex-PTSD symptoms. Thank you for taking responsibility for yourself!

[@DazedDebbieShow]

Thank-you! My mom, when I was in first grade, let me sign up for ballet classes. I was so excited. But, then, she didn't take me to all the classes. The day of my graduation performance, she wrote down the wrong time on the calendar. So, when my father drove me there, the school was empty. We discovered that the performance had already happened. She did things like this to me, throughout my life. Breaking promises, holding back support, etc. Then, she'd tell me in my twenties, you should read the book, "When Bad Things Happen to Good People". I suspect now, that she was jealous of me. It can be better to be by yourself, than being with people who bring you down. Hang out with people with the same goals, who support you.

[@cynicalmushroom]

I do ALL of these things. It took a mental breakdown after 33 years of shit to make me finally be honest with myself. I've spent months educating myself of narcissists and their abuse and now I want to focus on healing and growth. I want to have a life now.

[@Happily418]

Badaboom! Closet of honesty is an awesome place to organize and clean out. It's like mental surgery.

[@libelulaojo]

33 yrs... You still a baby, with your whole life ahead. Hope you're enjoying it and that you've kept up with your good work. Sometimes setbacks can be discouraging and in case that's happened,I wonder that the universe to me to tell whomever you are to pull through and keep on with the good practices.

[@janesmith8894]

Virtuous life!

[@Trypyyyy]

I was 33 when I started to heal. I lost everything I have built over 10 years because I was around toxic people and my mothers gaslighting has added to it. Now, I am in a better space with myself . I hope you find healing

[@adembasou]

i love calvin+hobbes so much. more power to you dear one.

[@pedromartins3783]

I m,42,lost everything and i have a dream of entering in the best school of my country taking the applied mathematics and computation!!!

[@elhadjdiallo633]

You will get anything you desire as long as you believe in yourself .....i wish you all the best in life ...take care of yourself ....

[@rekha5543]

Pedro Martins it has been 2years have you taken any steps towards your dreams?

[@johnpinheiro6211]

Pedro, how is it going?

[@SeagullB]

Setting limits is a new skill for anyone who spent time with a narcissist .

[@ktxu2181]

Mantras: 1. "I decide what's okay for me. I have the right to say no." 2. "I can create the life I want to live." 3. "I will be victorious. I am worthy of success. I am the one I've been waiting for." 4. "I am worthy of good things. I am worthy of happiness." 5. "Everything is going to be alright. I am taking action that supports my growth."

[@loveanpeace4eva]

KT Xu YES! Thank you for typing this out.👍

[@crystalwright2788]

“Learned Helplessness”

[@Witchywoman13]

Exactly

[@starlingswallow]

Stand up for myself: I didn't know how. I had an angry dad and learned to people please with my mom because I was terrified she'd leave. Not being able to find the line, maybe I didn't know how to say "this is not ok for me"...this was the mantra of my LIFE. I had no idea I could say no or "let me think about it and get back to you." Bing learning about Narcs the past year has been huge in me learning boundaries! Wow- being around people that I have to DIM myself or make myself small. WOW. 😢 I don't want these people in my life anymore. I COULD ONLY BE A CERTAIN PERCENTAGE OF WHO I WAS!! Yes!! The last 13 years has been this and it was KILLING me! Not being our 100% selves IS self sabotage! It's our choice. I choose now to be friends with people who I can be 100% of myself around!

[@puremaledark8305]

When running your own business, learning to say No is a lesson that needs to be learned quick!

[@christymckee8133]

Thats right. Its not possible to please everyone and everyone doesnt know best about your business, but that wont stop them from the "what you need to do's". Do good and fair business practices and all will be just fine...

[@Ashmekd]

dude you might have straight up saved my life- thank you.

[@faith5802]

Thank you for this Now I'm beginning to understand why it's so hard for me to get anything done, and still carry the stigma among my narcissistic family members (and the flying monkeys), even well into adulthood, that I'm the lazy one, someone with no goals and no drive. Many days I can't even get out of bed, or can't wait for the day to be over so I can go back to sleep. Just avoiding everything. Plus I'm always downing myself so others can feel superior. Just so tired of living like this. I'm so glad to find your channel, Meredith. You are so insightful into narcissistic abuse and I'm sure you are saving lives.

[@catmagic2226]

I just plain don't want to be around people. I end up exhausted.

[@rickraff1740]

Understand

[@sh236]

Totally get this

[@elbywoggit6896]

The super funny thing is, this lady made a video about the narcissistic pandemic that's spreading due to culture: things like lack of accountability for character, etc. So, if the amount of awful people are GROWING and even narcissistic traits (short of pure narcissism) are GROWING and being REWARDED... but I'm supposed to search these assholes that are compounding on each other for solace? Friendship, love, support, etc? Yeah ok.

[@loveanpeace4eva]

human? knowing is required. 'The Purpose of DNA' I'M with ya! It's just me and my dog these days and I'm fine with that. Too much toxicity on society these days.

[@loveanpeace4eva]

Elby Woggit Exactly! At this point we must save ourselves! I have no desire to get into another "romantic" relationship again.

[@lenasvn]

I’m starting to see clearly why things are the wsy they are at 51, thanks to your videos. Heartbreaking to realise all of it and for how long I carried this junk in my soul.

[@jumpityjump3]

Good Karma same here sweet girl! ❤️

[@shatteredsquare]

51 is young

[@sharontennison603]

I’m catching on, about 5 years now...I’m 72

[@candywilkins386]

Im 51 and was married for 31 years to a narrisst! Im permanently disabled from him and our adult children dont even see this!!! Their still trying to please him!!!💔💔💔

[@imatryintoshake]

Same

[@TaajiRauf]

I am the one I've been waiting for. This video has come right on time. Self sabotage is a major issue in my life. Right now I have a homework assignment and I'm panicking. I will self talk myself out of this feeling. This homework will get done. One day at a time.

[@valeriegaddy8833]

Taaji Rauf Its Called Taking Responsibility for What Usually We Don't learn As A Child.

[@shannonmelidonis4371]

EMDR vids are good to work on for 10 min first

[@nineteenboston498]

I'm doing a lot better today than I was yesterday at this, so please disregard any rudeness of me posting here like i know what I'm talking about. I can spend a whole day trying to talk myself into doing something. On medium-tough days, I succeed very slooowly by breaking a (n embarrassingly simple) task into tiny little chunks. i.e., open the word processor and start a new project. BAM; success! Then I get a cup of tea as a reward. Feels like I'm the child, but hey :) Second might be open up the instructions or outline. Something equally tiny, and so on. Eventually you get on a roll, on medium to good days. It sounds so silly, but man it works if I'm in the right head space. Of course this won't help with your year-old work assignment, but if this helps someone reading, so many hugs to you Reader!

[@caithimhjoe2135]

The truth you speak, really hits home. I have suffered incredibly...self sabotage, self-pity. There is so much heart felt identification i have with wat you say..

[@sdigiaco]

Taaji Rauf "I am the one I've been waiting for" thank you so much.

[@nancycaccioppo9946]

HONESTY - this is the strongest, most powerful knowledge I have received in my whole life, thank you for caring so much Meredith

[@TheMeghajoshi]

Nancy -true

[@moyamontgomery1468]

My mothers favourite last minute saying was " Oh I really hope you're not going to make a fool of yourself. I really hate her for that but I don't waste energy on it anymore. She is dead and I am still not free.

[@gravityworks777]

My mom’s motto is, “It only gets worse!!” That is about life, my body, my marriage....anything 🙄

[@davidnutt8517]

Thats sad!

[@nunyabidness4946]

Did she accept Jesus Christ as her savior? I don't even want these sellout demons to go to hell.

[@Witchywoman13]

Cord cutting meditation

[@leeboriack8054]

So sorry for your pain! Been there. I've had to re-brainwash myself w poz morning meditation and guided meditation before bed. What happened to you did not happen overnight and the recovery does not happen overnight either. Slow and steady Pace wins the race

[@jocelynesdriving]

I'VE COME TO THE MOST HEARTBREAKING REALITY THAT I HAVE TO GO FAR AWAY WITH MY BROKEN LIFE FROM ALL MY NARCISSISTIC 'FAMILY' INCLUDING MY GROWN ADULT SONS . .. THIS PAINFUL SAD AND CRUEL HORRIFIC SITUATION I'VE DISCOVERED IS TOO MUCH . ...MY SOUL CRIES FOR TOO LONG ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. BUT WHAT I'VE OBSERVED IS, THEY LINKED AS A NETWORK AND YOU WON'T GET THEM TO SPEAK OR DO THE TRUTH..!! IT'S EVIL

[@voicebistro2726]

You will be OK. I did it too. It takes time.

[@voicebistro2726]

Good for you.

[@cl6239]

You have been called to heal humanity and one day, the pain you've suffered through will make sense to you and you will reap the joy God flows into your life.

[@cl6239]

Btw I had to do the same thing with a broken down car, I drove across the country to escape the narcissist family

[@lisabernier2161]

The way of the wicked is [as] darkness, concealment, gloominess and calamity, they understand, know and perceive not what they stumble on. Mashal/Proverbs 4:19

[@corsicanlulu]

i think a big issue that most of us dont even realize is that we may have a fear of happiness....sounds weird right? its mostly unconscious cuz consciously who doesnt wanna be happy? we all do...or at least we THINK we do...but if u were abused extensively ur whole life and have PTSD, ur identity is of being a failure or "loser" (as some people think of us and we think of ourselves). so we sabotage because we are comfortable in that position, we dont know anything else! we are creatures of habit and our habit is chaos, pain, trauma etc...its what we attract in our lives. its like we feel "how does it feel to be happy? what does that feel like? who will i be w/out these problems? i wont even know myself anymore..." and its so scary, that fear of the unknown and fear of not even knowing who u might be anymore....this was a big revelation for me...and if u heal from these thoughts u wont attract good things cuz deep inside u dont really want them

[@northernwolfhound7096]

corsican lulu its been a journey into ourselves that we needed

[@meera2531]

Yes this is the deeper damage that occurs and has to be over come by us.

[@kurlykaitlyn]

Yes

[@TaegukJoni]

I agree also, you ask .. .is this real , when is the other shoe going to drop ?

[@seh2850]

If you were the Scapegoat, you do NOT think you deserve happiness..

[@reelchange8542]

I typed up all the wonderful mantras from this video :) (see below): ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I decide what is okay for me; I have the right to say "No" I can create the life I desire; the past and present circumstances do not define me I will be victorious; I'm worthy of the success I am worthy of good things; I'm worthy of happiness Everything is going to be all right; I'm taking action towards my growth

[@LorraineGrant]

Having the right to say 'No' was part of an assertiveness course which I went on. There was also a section on 'How to say 'No' nicely'. Many people are afraid to say 'No' to their friends for fear of losing the friendship. I would rather people say 'no' to my requests, than say 'Yes' and carry them out with resentment. You can't please everybody all the time.

[@calmdowngurl]

Thank u

[@sdigiaco]

Revolt thank you

[@narimafanficfan]

oh thank youu!! you are wonderfull! (you deserve 10000000000000000 likes and love!!)

[@veronikuccia911]

thank you!

[@dontbelieveeverythingyouhe5599]

This lady is answering my life issues in a amazing way

[@flachlandbraut]

❤️

[@Somebodysomewheresometime]

And as an empath, I hate confrontation- disagreement which makes me being me or voicing my opinion and standing up for myself even more scary

[@Somebodysomewheresometime]

Just liked my own comment from 3 years ago 😂😂

[@MargotLarsenStarwoman]

I haven't realised that self sabotage was linked to PTSS! A big bang moment..thank you sending hugs to all😚❤✌

[@pault9544]

This is exactly what I do, just like how you described. Once things are going well and I'm feeling great, I begin to overthink, get stuck in my head, and end up ruining my mood. It's like my brain was set on the default to sabotage good things. I've also struggled with the 'woe is me' mentality of being stuck in past abuse. Thankfully I've started to become aware of this and I'm working to train this out of me. I know that those thoughts are not reflective of my authentic, whole self. Thanks for the vid!

[@marana759]

Wow! You described it amazingly. Thank you.

[@jesswise2354]

If I can ask what you do to get your mind and yourself to get yourself stuck out of that stuck in the past thinking I find I do it a lot as well and don’t know how to stop it?

[@sarahswan8498]

Thank you for this video. I dim my light and shut down and then start to feel worthless and faulty.

[@mpg869]

Stop doing that Sarah !!! Shine on !!

[@xenatron9056]

I go along thinking I am doing OK and then someone reminds me how defective my personality is. People are evil.

[@priscillamorales3130]

I hope your in the light now, you deserve to feel good and your not worthless! Your precious💕

[@ckinahan1]

I heard someone once say a version of the following that I adapted in order for it to become my mantra regarding your second example about not moving forward because of your past or current circumstances and it's helped me tremendously. The mantra I use is "my past is not my prologue".

[@Meeko58]

the work from home part of the video is so spot on. My mother is the narcissist. She always accused me of being lazy because I work in IT. She kept saying its not a real job because there is no "labor" involved, like waiting on someone hand and foot. Also, she hates computers and technology, so she views it as inferior to her because she does not understand it, and therefore, says "the old ways" are the best ways. I understand a lot of the older generations view technology this way, but in the way of the narcissist - it means something completely different when they are trying to have power over something or someone. I had a work from home job, and she used to constantly interrupt me. When I got a different job, where I could work both at the office and also remotely from home, she started to ease off a bit because she saw I was also physically going to an office so the job must be "real", but its still not "real work" because I "sit on my ass all day". And she would always get upset at the previous full time work from home job, because I got a paycheck. She would say where I got the money from lol.. I said from working! It wasn't until my then fiance', now husband, spoke up to her (he works in IT) and said that I'm a good employee (he used to work for the same company but left to pursue a start up), and that I was a hard worker and always would put my best foot forward. That jobs in IT require a lot of skill, knowledge and training, and that the company was very lucky to have me. You should have seen the look on her face. It seems that narcissists certainly don't like to hear that their adult child could excel in something above what they could excel in, specially in an area they have no understanding in. Then later, my mom would say "She gets it from me". Even though she has zero knowledge of IT, somehow... I got it from her. And that only frustrated me, because anything I would excel in, she took credit for. Yet, in high school when I did bad at something, she would say, "I don't know where she gets that from because its not from me". My mom is a high school drop out, and didn't finish a trade school either. She has no diplomas. I found this out only a few months ago, when some major drama hit the fan and I went "no contact".

[@imbrakingthrough2152]

Danni Kummerow .... she’s jealous of you - got no doubt- no contact is the best - or she will always make you feel guilty for living better

[@SweetOsoka]

Funny thought. Narcs view everything as "this is not real a job". Well i earn money,pay bills, i pay taxes what else matters ? Many our jobs didnt exist 100 years and some of our job will be gonne in 100 years. If you work too much narcs complain you think ONLY about money, if you work too little for them you are a fraud and a loser;)))))) you cant win them!

[@cordeliajosee]

I'd like to put a smile emoji here b u t i am so tech challenged i can't find it on my computer. LOVE it that you've risen above it all Danni and Bravo to you! Great job all round!!

[@alikirk2210]

Couldn't agree more! I was at full time uni and mine gave it all the "I support you, I think you're awesome" to me any everyone around us to appear like they were soooo supportive. But behind closed doors he resented looking after the kids and doing 50% of the housework because of how important he was to the household because he worked and I didn't. He viewed it as because I was at home (despite the fact I was trying to study) I was available to drop what I was doing to do whatever he wanted me to do (look after the kids so he could get a haircut, nip to the shops etc). Hed not actively say "stop studying and do x" but he'd eg sometimes get so resentful he'd take it out verbally on the kids and I'd have to stop what I was doing to calm it down. Or he'd do the housework but he'd huff and puff and kick things till I stopped work to help him out. When confronted he said he doesn't see what I'm doing as "work" because Im at home and don't bring in a wage. He'd go on about how important he and his financial contribution to the household was compared to me because I didn't work. I felt I had list everything I do such as take care of the kids for him while he's at work, time taken doing tasks like cooking, organising appointments for car Repairs etc etc etc and find out how much it would cost him to pay someone to do all those things if I wasn't here to contribute, which made him stop for a short while, but it'd restart a week later. There's no respect for anything you want or your time unless you're complying with what they want and it's benefitting them, then they're your own personal cheering squad. Anything that benefits you without making them look good is discarded as unimportant and looked upon with distain.

[@tatianahawaii13]

Insane! I understand you. Very proud of you !!!!

[@KA-pr1xt]

The most interesting thing about narcissistic abusers.. especially mothers is they are the first ones to point the finger at their children claiming the child grown or not is the narcissist abuser and poor me boo hoo... While the majority of actual victims of narcissistic abuse feel like everything is their fault and maybe they've deserved the abuse.

[@MarikaTheEmpress]

So true

[@gangstalksurvivournarcsurv4257]

My nm, an ABUSER..!

[@seh2850]

Narc Moms are big COVERT NARCISSISTS!

[@honey-feeney9800]

Maybe your mom was jealous of your acting talents ?

[@hinduhistory1407]

Aint mother's love grand..

[@Michelle_9_27]

Self sabotage is real for sure. Dealt with parental narcissistic abuse & was literally afraid of speaking up to my own child. Effected every relationship I ever had. I felt I wasn’t good enough for good people to be in my life. I’m in my 50s & just learning to change

[@suzanne7465]

After 28 years with my Narcissist husband I am struggling daily with all 5. It has been a year and a half since he died and I still feel paralyzed by fear and am so unable to do anything. *I need to lose weight= I eat more. *I need to make a friend =I don't go out *I need to gain confidence = I tell myself how bad and stupid I am *I had someone interested in me = I literally told him I was not good enough to be with him then never spoke to him again. *I need to = I just don't......

[@rik-keymusic160]

But you’re already aware of it which is a good thing ! If you see you’re doing it to yourself you got to catch yourself and do what you really need to be doing, not give in to these negative thoughts!

[@suzanne7465]

@@rik-keymusic160 Wow, it’s been a while since I wrote that! I don’t miss that version of me! It’s taking a lot to change and it was a day by day process ! I am now very happy with my life. I love God!!!! I have made friends and enjoy my family! I don’t hate myself all the time. I lost weight then put a little covid weight back on! 🤷‍♀️ I am happy! I decided I will never let him win as far as my mind is concerned! I made friends with the man that was interested in me. I definitely wasn’t ready for any kind of a relationship. I am traveling tomorrow by myself ( first time ever) ! I still am learning things that are unconsciously being done by me and trying to fix them. I feel now there is something more out there for me to do that I can use my life experience in. Something a lot bigger than what is in my little part of the world!!!

[@Snowhype]

You are so bright, beautiful, bravehearted! Thank you so much for being that shining light in my life. I hope I can defeat and overcome the CPTSD and be the person I really am. God bless you!

[@karo1564]

Sooo so on the point!! There is so many negative and envy people, I stopped to openly talk about positive things I succeded. Only to real friends. Makes me sick to get "comments" that belittle me or feel like cold water buckets over my head.

[@yonta123]

omg I just started crying from the onset of this... this video was and is my life that I am currently in the process of doing the work to healing from... from the parents as a child... and then keeping yourself in that place of lower success or being taken care of and self destruction on so many levels and ways. amazing. thank you for this video.

[@iahelcathartesaura3887]

Tonya Scott Big hugs & big huge ditto.

[@WildSwissMom69]

Tonya Scott Same here... Plus the father of my children is a narc as well... 😢

[@patriciacarmichael426]

I am working toward leaving my 2 narc sisters and narc parents are passed. I am also going to be incognito to them and my two narc sons and begin a new and happy life for me!❤

[@willowgray9287]

You are not alone, Tonya. I know you wrote your comment a “year” ago and I pray you are in a happier place. I’m going through this right now. Literally every single form of self sabotage she touched on are all things I do & have done for many years. Abuse in my childhood & unhealthy family dynamics were probably the catalysts, but being married to a narcissist/emotional/physically abusive man compounded the problem. (Way too much to type in a comment on here!!) Would love to hear an update if you ever see this comment ❤️🙏🏼

[@50hippiechick]

Even when I stand up for myself I am still ignored and feel invisible.

[@Cv_224]

Meredith, if you only knew how much I needed this right now! When I can't sleep at night or have these intrusive thoughts or flashbacks I listen and watch your videos. They resonate with me so so much. I have a lot of healing ahead of me and I truly didn't know where to begin, as I almost feel I'm walking aimlessly on earth. I know I need to get to a destination and yet the feelings of uncertainty and feeling lost can be so overwhelming. Sometimes, I feel like everyone has the formula and I just don't have it yet. I will definitely start the Self-Care Mastery Course because there is nothing I want more then to heal myself and thrive in this world! I do not want to be just the woman that got abused, I want to be the woman that survived, built herself strong and made something of her self in this life. I just need the tools to get there..

[@tundeawosika4594]

Hi. How are you now?

[@kurlykaitlyn]

Yas! I wont ever forget how awful I felt when i was in a play and though I wasnt a major character, I had a major part where the spotlight was on just me and I was day dreaming about this boy and my future and the audience loved it! I got so many compliments and people saying I was their favorite part and none of it mattered when I got to my mother, I was smiling, and she said the play was so stupid and I wasnt even part of it. Smile gone. The play was a waste of her time. I wasnt going to go on the next night because I was so ashamed and my teacher director fortunately got me to tell him the truth and he built me up again and gave me the confidence to go on and give my best. honestly I've never forgiven my mother and never again invited her to a show when theater was my life! Anyway, done ranting... lol your videos really help me feel heard so thank you

[@mariongustafson8101]

So glad you got another viewpoint and kept going. We are so conditioned to listen to the narcs in our lives. Keep pursuing your dreams. Blessings!

[@peaceofmindofpeace1650]

They even take out their envy on their own children. Horrible but I'm happy for you that you continued working with your talents & gifts 😊

[@JennyLeigh93]

This is exactly how I feel at work. People say horrible things to me or they say things in a horrible tone of voice and if I tell them they're being rude, I get dragged into the office. I will continue to stand up for myself regardless

[@benedictsumberbatch458]

Pretty timely, I just finished Going Mad to Stay Sane by Andy White, which is mostly about how self-sabotage or self-hatred is a learned behavior, and this video complimented his thesis on the subject.

[@InnerIntegration]

Thanks for the book suggestion! I hadn't heard of it yet. Big hug.

[@iahelcathartesaura3887]

Benedict Sumberbatch Thank you, I will look for this book!!

[@d4niela-922]

panic is my biggest enemy. still. triggered from ppl. i get panic again and again.

[@Rose-gn1nl]

First of all, god bless you Meredith! And thank you sooo much for all that you have helped me and many others. I have to share that I am a pisces like you lol. I was born into a highly dysfunctional family. Met my narcissist mom at the age of eight. Had lived with dysfunctional grandparents and an aunt plus three young teenage cousins. With my mom I met two younger sisters and although I had always dreamt of having a "real family", that is when the nightmare really started. One of my sisters was envious and never accepted me as her sister. Tried to turn my best friend against me and did everything in her power to make sure that the youngest sister followed her. I became "Cinderella" taking care of the home including baby sitting, cleaning and preparing meals for every one. Since the age of eleven. Worst part, I was never acknowledged and my mom always treated me like shit. Grew up without a hug or an I Love you" no type of moral support. My dad was out of the picture. My mom was Verbally and physically abusive ( mostly emotional) My stepfather was an alcoholic and tried to molest me on a few occasions where I was home alone at the age of 11. My mom didn't believe me. Its a long story, but I became severely depressed But I also became suicidal. And tried killing myself a couple of times. Couldn't study and decided to focus on my role of caretaker. She forced me to move in with my first boyfriend who was a big-time narcissist. Was in various hospitals and one of those times I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which didn't surprise me because I was feeling "off". And although I believe that for a couple of years I may have played the part, I never stopped being a good person and When I had my kids I gave them tons of love. I have come a loooong way by means of spiritual healing, meditation and people like you Meredith. I found most of my support online because no one in my huge family noticed the hell that I went through. I still struggle a bit with things and my "family " because they haven't changed. But I recently started enjoying being myself again including the spiritual gifts that opened up and developed due to my life experiences. I am in my own power now! I do things that make me happy. I am kind, highly empathic and compassionate. I finally love myself ( at 47 years of age) and have NEVER been happier in spite of everything. I will NEVER stop being a good person, but I will NEVER be someone's bitch again! 😘 My message to others is anything is possible! The hardest life experiences can and do become your greatest blessings. But you need to make the first step towards freedom. Only you can do this You deserve it! I send everyone many blessings 😘

[@pisceanqueen1]

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry to hear about the many ways you have been mistreated by those who are supposed to love you. I hope life is still going well for you, and would love to hear about it. - fellow pisces (in need of path change)

[@paiged6362]

Happiness is it’s own form of courage! I too have/had such a bubbly personality and sunny disposition...but they’ve dimmed my light so very much 😕 I think I’m actually terrified to allow myself to be so carefree again. Like I’ll miss some big red flag or something, because this will NEVER happen to me again! I’m so happy for you!!!

[@phoenixrising8007]

I’m beginning to realize that most of us came from dysfunctional families in some way and the normal family dynamic is really an illusion. We are all imperfectly perfect 👌 and that’s ok. However, abuse is abuse, and it’s not acceptable. When we grow up abused we LEARN to tolerate abuse from others because we never had a choice. As adults, We can choose to avoid abuse but requires considerable effort

[@susaville]

Thank you so much Meredith. You are so encouraging. I'm trying to reprogram myself after a lifetime of narcissistic abuse. It's a battle.

[@OhimynameisGoaway]

This woman is something different. Nowadays we see many people that say they are “healers”. And that sucks, minirity of them are. But this woman, wow. Simplicity, love, understanding and ecouragement in her voice is phenomenal. AND content too. AND she is so beautiful, without trying and exposing herself. Thank you!

[@borgullet3376]

Damn Meredith ! The first two minutes of this video was EARTH SHATTERING. I have Never heard anyone EVER talk about this in the way you have. My entire life was sandbagged by my folks then I was constantly beat up for being a failure. It was done SO SEAMLESSLY that I only recently have begun to see the truth. The Power of you words just validated my reality on a whole other level. GOD Bless you and all that you do !

[@kellieantoinette4183]

This is amazingly helpful! I have regularly engaged in all of these self-sabotaging mechanisms.

[@NatsGhost]

Thank you. Your focus on personal responsibility is so refreshing. It's time to stop crying 😁 Finally! Wooo! "I am the one I've been waiting for!" Dug the Jung quote. One of his quotes I've been using lately as a cognitive tool: "What you resist, persists." I really need to focus on mantras to quell that negative self-talk. Thanks for the focus!

[@lisaowens2523]

Thank you for this. It really resonated with my situation. So helpful to realize that after being raised by a narc and an addict and then married to a covert narc for many years, I have been sabotaging myself. This I CAN change and control. Watching this was a huge "aha" moment and I shared it with my sister, niece and daughter.

[@ABCviewing1]

Great job! Women are vulnerable to this as the narcissistic male takes advantage of false love to tap into their need to care for the guy and give up their dreams.

[@InnerIntegration]

You may be surprised how many toxic women do this to good guys too!

[@tanyadepoalo7033]

Alex Parry Journalist and Dancer ugh...So TRUE! perfectly and simply well said.

[@TheSound0fLegends]

Inner Integration I did all this for my wife. Friends, hope and life all given up.

[@raphaelavelasquez4706]

My mother can do it better than any guy. They're amateurs.

[@marciabray133]

Alex Parry Journalist and Dancer lo

[@kiwifruits527]

Thank You so much.😍. Self-sabotage is such a big issue for many of us😢. Great video👌.

[@elanabethfariss117]

Sadly, so many of us aren't even aware of these patterns until finally we come across the term(S) narcissistic abuse, etc. It feels so good to be on a healing journey, thank you :)

[@secretaryofoffense7118]

My God this taught me a lot about how I haven't ever stood up for myself and why I get stuck in this pattern.

[@bradmcewen]

How could Meridith possibly have 2 thumbs down ? Must be the anti anti narc robot.

[@InnerIntegration]

Sometimes people who want to play the victim get upset when I talk about self-responsibility!

[@Contessa998]

Brad McEwen I know......I don't get that either

[@pamham916]

Sometimes this is because people haves there phones in there pocket while listening to you tube on there I phone ... it hits the thumbs down by accident... Iv done this on other videos a fair few times.

[@bradmcewen]

Pam Ham. Hi . yes accidents happen. when I've accidentally done that your able to remove it. not sure if always possible. great honesty here. it's all good with those building back up.

[@pamham916]

Brad McEwen thank-you for the reply 😀

[@noellenicole5431]

Great Video. Thank-you so much! Two days ago I was blindsided in a work situation where I allowed myself to be set up and used with devestating financial consequences. Immediately I could see, feel and observe myself drifting back into the past and reciting all the negative things ever told to me over and over in my head. I knew it was the worst thing I could do, but it felt easier to resign myself to this "truth" I had programmed into myself. This has given me actual tools to pull me back out and keep moving forward in my growth and towards light. Thank-you! What a great gift you have shared!

[@karen.island3697]

Yikes! The story of my life. Mega self sabotage on every level. Wow, this was powerful. Thank you, as always, for yet another incredibly impactful video. 💖

[@ericjam6346]

What a great video. Sometimes small obstacles can be inflated to seem that they are enormous devastating issues. Your perception of activating fight or flight can definitely get broken. Good work!

[@juliswann]

sorry..rambling

[@ckinahan1]

And for number 5, being a hostage to your own fear about x, y or z, is to remind myself that fear stands for "False Evidence Appearing Real". I still have days where the physiology of the panic has gone off the reservation before I get a chance to get the mantra going, but when I can get in front of that, it works 99% of the time to quash my fears that keep me hidden away indoors. The other one I've heard that I like is "fear is a liar". Quick, to the point and easy to remember.

[@suewoo5]

I like you. I love the clarity and tenacity in your rhetoric. Very passionate and well thought out and intuitive. I wish you nothing but the best and thank you for your channel and wisdom.

[@trudytru8224]

One of the most useful videos ive watched in 6 years study on this recovery from cptsd. I get so far then sabotage! What i thought was life being ass but actually alot of it i recognise as sabatage after watching this thankyou

[@deb9784]

I seem to be overly responsible towards others, which keeps me from focusing on the things I need to accomplish!

[@barbaramoomoo2221]

"wisdom is born through pain" thanks for sharing your wisdom ♡♡

[@Theastrologer67777]

I love your videos so much! They have been helping me get through very hard times. keep up your amazing work!!

[@iahelcathartesaura3887]

You are telling my stories. Thank you for the support, camaraderie, clarity & healing.

[@VishalUpadhyay95]

What you're doing here on KZbin is priceless. Thank you very much for all your giving. I'm running out of words to express my gratitude towards this valuable contents you've been sharing. Thanks.

[@CMeaganMichael]

I found this video so healing today, I can not even describe it. I was just looking at your self talk video before. I knew it was something that would help me. I still do this sometimes. Moreover I struggle with not doing it. I am aware that I did this most of my life. Tons of self sabotage. I thought I was so far past that because my life is so much better but I am often triggered which gets exhausting. I do have a goal and I feel stuck. I am looking at your self care mastery course. This might be just what I need right now. The next step in my continuing evolution

[@Contessa998]

Omg! I woke up to this beautiful video!! It spoke LOUDLY TO Me. You are truly gifted in the messages you share. I cannot thank you enough 😇😘😀 Angel on earth Meredith!

[@flachlandbraut]

Yes SHE IS ......... ❤️

[@user-kc1wg7wq8e]

Mildred Peroni Thank you so much. You motivated me to decide to start new life. Your advice makes me feel relaxed and focus on what I have to do for me. Thank you so much.

[@jessicahuston228]

This video popped up on my suggestions and I'm so glad that I decided to watch it!!! Not only did I need this today especially but you've also gained a new subscriber 💗💗 this made me realize so many things, I really today felt like I had it a wall and new I needed to start making changes!!! And you have given me the push I needed !!!! I am so grateful I found you 💞💞💞

[@marko651]

Meredith , how did you turn your life around in a year ? . Could you do a video on what was the most important things you did to get you where you are now . I have taken 2 years to recover from my Narc abuse and believe i have another year to go if i have no setbacks . Love you positive vibe .

[@InnerIntegration]

I made an advanced training course, almost 4 hours of content, called Self-Care Mastery Course to help people with this process. I go into the 5 domains of self-care mastery plus give a background on codependency and recovery, along with some highlights from my own journey. It also comes with 8 bonus exercises/guided visualizations. This is the course I wish I had access to years ago! innerintegration.mykajabi.com/store/MMDorN8s

[@janeadelaidelennox7193]

mark osullivan yeah I’d like to see details. I’m entirely alone and a single parent and I don’t have time. My life is work and trying to get rid of my abusive ex. There just is no time.

[@godschild6391]

Quantum same here exactly. Three kids he was breadwinner. They call everywhere smear me so I can't get ahead. People just believe them without knowing. Use kids as weapon. I have nowhere to go. It's a shame all the victims can't get together and start a support group/family and help each other out with kids, sharing bills, something cause it's pretty hard when you have nobody to watch kids & act as a support like family should. I can't use government help cause they find where you are & then target & harass you that way. I had a lawyer say the best thing is if you can just work and make it on your own since the courts are so corrupt anymore & a lot of times the abuser wins cause they have the money. Some situations are way more complicated & worse I think as far as how far the covert narcissist will go to destroy your life even using police,cps to sabotage you.Guess what happens if you are struggling because of the situation they left you in? Do you think they try to help you? NO it gets used against you. Just feels hopeless really. I'm past the point of self sabotage and know I'm worthy, we All are! That's what makes me so angry now cause no matter how positive or ready you are to keep them out of your life & not look back they find a way to sabotage you or make you need them. Seems the world is just full of them now.

[@phoenixrising8007]

Gods Child This is a year after your post but I like your idea of shared caregiving. We need a Narcissist Support Co-oP, Where parents and children can live affordability, heal and support each other.

[@b.boston8529]

​@@godschild6391 This is a sadistic, psychopathic narcissist. Teach your children well, but try not to give anything away that all of you are learning and changing. Do not let him know you know what you know. Let him get comfortable with thinking he still has the power as you slowly shift. I learned the hard way. We have to realize we are drawing these people to us because we signal that our time isn't valuable, we have often been taught to be supporters, not leaders, especially as women from families where men dominated and demanded the care and attention and we were taught to value ourselves by what we did to support them, our interests placed as relevant if we have done enough for them when it is never enough, our mothers even contributing to this not by choice but by what they modeled to us, instead of treasuring what we do for ourselves, taking chances and being okay with our own failure, which it is fine to do for others when it is truly valued and it is our choice, but not when we are manipulated into it and then imprisoned, demoralized and devalued.

[@dawncolicchio3595]

Amazing video. Very helpful to see you also have struggled with some of the same things I have gone through. I've been working very hard to break bad emotional self sabotage. I have found that connecting with my higher self and through daily prayer I have become more positive and motivated. Your videos have been a great help to me in this process. You set a great example of someone who has been through the storm and through hard work and self reflection has come through to see the rainbow. You also make it very clear that it is an on going process and there is no "quick fix". I am determined each day to live up to my full potential and find beauty in each day. Thank you for your videos ....I'm certain they have helped many people as they have me.

[@kitkat186]

It started with my parents I never learned boundaries or how to defend myself, I just had to accept it was my fault, even if it wasn't. My husband's had a field day I have lived his life, not mine. This is timely as I need to leave, we run successful businesses yet I'm the slave I see no money for my work. When I received an inheritance he demanded half which he didn't get, but I wound up paying for the groceries because he stopped access to the bank accounts. I went to the banks they were embarrassed because I am responsible for the mortgages yet I had no access to the information. My motivation is way down my husband wants me to keep working working working , it's the only thing that makes him happy, but now I have no incentive so I'm working at half speed. I explained the reason today, he went ballistic yelling at me that it's deliberate and I'm a crazy nasty bitch, it's time to leave I know so thank you I will follow your advice. I know I can fight for others but not myself it was driving me crazy so thank you.

[@seh2850]

You married your slave-driving unappreciative father.. First learn boundaries, but be prepared.. those who ran roughshod over your boundaries before will SQUEAL and threaten you because they will NOT give up their supply victim. I have an NPD workplace and when I stood up to a flying monkey co-worker who lied about me and made me look like a slut with a gossip that wasn't even POSSIBLE, and told her NOT of defame me and that my private life, whatever it is, is not a subject for her entertainment. Now people I don't know are saying how they were told how mean I was and that they disagree! What the Hell are these bitches saying?? Could be anything. Point is, there is NO LENGTH the will not go to after you RIGHTFULLY establish your boundaries after people got used to running over them.. So put yourself in a position of being out of their range of fire before you do this..

[@lulumann3171]

In New York State, there are financial abuse laws. Check your state or city laws. If these laws are not there, you may have found a way to help others after you heal from your abuse. Also, when you confront an abuser, do it in public. 9/10 times they will behave, and, if they don't, you have witnesses and evidence. Last, record conversations with a cell phone. If cell phones existed when I was growing up, my parents would be behind bars.

[@shellym2528]

He demanded half? No. No way. Please get away from him. He'll pull a dangerous guilt trip. PLEASE get out.

[@blueshoes915]

Thank you so much for this! I honestly have heard the words, “self sabotage” before and wondered if I was doing it. After watching this I can see how I have clearly been doing this my whole life and now see where it comes from. Whenever I had something good or happy happen in my life, my mother would make sure to take it from me or make me feel guilty about it any way she could. I now see that I am scared of being successful and happy as success and happiness have always brought about a wave of sadness, fear, and guilt! So crazy. I will repeat these mantras and work on my self talk. I have been trying to work on my self talk for over a year now and this video really tuned into a lot of what I was saying to myself and doing to myself to avoid being happy and successful. Thank you again for another helpful and insightful video!

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

This wisdom is so healing for me, Meridith! No one ever talks to me like this.

[@CatloafCreative]

This video is so amazing. I keep coming back to it and I often recommend it to friends in recovery. Your work is a blessing.

[@laslas5935]

I am in the midst of absolute isolation, confusion and despair. There were red flags but because my mother has always based her very being, on the best for her children and often basing everything on her sanctified Christianity.......I never ever saw her as a covert manipulator. It’s come to the point where I am in complete and utter confusion, questioning myself and my decency to the core. Am I a narcissist? Is it REALLY her? Is it my addict brother who was made the golden child? Am I a bad person? Should I not have questioned anything dysfunctional in our family dynamic? Maybe I am the bad person. There was a point where I drew a boundary; after she sent me a calendar to come over to my home to dress me down for calling her out on her behaviour. I told her I am willing to have a conversation with a professional present so she couldn’t manipulate the situation and not take responsibility for her behaviour. She attended 4 sessions, spent the first 3 outlining why I’m the problem and then in the fourth as soon as I finally had it and told her how much she hurt all 3 of her children, she walked out. She never returned. Out of fear, it took me almost 8 months to ask her why she’s never brought up returning to therapy. Her response was a tone of superiority, indicating the therapist was not helping. When I responded with the intention of saying I would love to continue, she abruptly cut me off and went back to discussions of issues at her work and church community. I decided to leave it and perhaps bring it up another time to not make her feel I’m pushing her. A few weeks later my sister sent me an email that I was band from seeing her kids because I was mean and yelled at them and bullied them. I have NEVER done such a thing... but realized it could had been facilitated by my mother. I’m not sure, I do not know. I never heard from my mother thereafter. So she obviously has cosigned on this, isolating me more as the awful crazy child. I know in my heart I did not do those things my sister accused me of. But who will ever believe otherwise? Maybe I am that awful. She’s also held my gay brother emotional hostage. She has made it clear his “lifestyle” will never meet her religious criteria. As a result he’s become an addict and self loathing. He also remains entrenched as a surrogate husband to her and has vowed himself as a 39 year old man to take care of her while denying his own right to live his life as a proud gay man. It is only now at 38, feeling severe depression, isolation and disparity that I am searching for answers; that I am coming across these videos to help myself through this all. I am trying to understand the pathology of my family dysfunction and give myself permission to let go. This is going to be a journey I am not sure I can make...... but I want people to know, that even in my feeling of of insanity, I realize I AM not alone. And neither are YOU. Thank for for this video.... and thank you for those that have also shared their stories. I don’t feel as alone, and am looking for understanding and healing.

[@SCLM2202]

LAS LAS take a peek at her video about the narcissist family cult. A real eye opener!!!!

[@mm669]

"I am the one I have been waiting for!" Beautiful. Thank you!

[@DaveKohler]

Yay!! She's back!!!!! 😎 This video message is SO good ... well said ... great material ...helps me to work thru. Such a beautiful light you are .... continued fabulous success to you, MMM! :-)

[@suzanneweisskopf-biggs6736]

Thank you so much, Meredith❣️ I use Scripture as mantras too, like: “He has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.” “The joy of the Lord is my strength.” There are more. When I went no contact with someone last year, I almost sabotaged myself by wanting to explain some more....even after what I’d already written. The reason? **I wanted to be understood! Thankfully I’d taken screenshots of his messages and my one final message before deleting everything. I HAD made myself clear, in just a few words! Nothing more needed to be said! That need and strong desire to be understood may not be bad in itself, but sometimes I can self-sabotage by pursuing it. That time I resisted. Progress!

[@deanaburnham9571]

Love the topic, the focus on self- awareness, and vital self-care! Comprehensive! Master Coach Meredith's charismatic personality is totally engaging. Very energizing presentation! Fun learning! Thank you!! Always so rich!!

[@bibop85]

I'm so grateful to have found your channel. I've been struggling with myself and my place in the world pretty much since childhood and only recently have come to the realization that my mother and brother have been mentally abusing me all along. They both seem to be covert narcs. So many of the aspects you deal with in your videos tell my story on point. I have been running away from them for years, only to find myself slipping deeper into a vicious circle of self-sabotage/self-hate, relationships with mentally abusive lovers, friends etc. I am now learning how to distance myself from their influence and be my true self. It feels great to wake up :) Thank you

[@julieannfrikuj6346]

procrastination due to fear of the unknown, also low self worth, gotta take a leap of faith and try. it is important. Thank you!

[@deanaburnham9571]

Ah!! This is a brilliant video Coach Meredith! ! Thank you!! Pure gold!! Love and prayers!!

[@mmmmlllljohn]

Thanks, Meredith, this was so very helpful. I am sending YOU a big hug!

[@della1822]

I just discovered you yesterday and subscribed immediately. I can’t even tell you how much I appreciate your wisdom, knowledge and presentation style. I do want to add something to your third self-sabotage point. As a person who is healing through the many effects of a narcissistic and abusive parent I have had to learn how to make choices that are good for ME. There are things that I have tried to do and goals that I have set that have “looked good on paper”. In other words, they were smart, appropriate, respectable, easily understood or whatever. The problem was that after being conditioned for so long to be “appropriate and respectable” and please everyone but myself, I had no idea what I really liked or needed etc. As a result, there have been times when I self-sabotaged as a self-defense. Something in me me just couldn’t go any further down a path or into a situation that was very wrong for me. I’m grateful! Now I’m learning to listen to and actually hear my true self. I’m learning to stand up for myself TO MYSELF and shut down that inner voice that says I have to be a certain way etc. Bc I’m honoring where I’m at, practicing self care and making choices that are more right for myself, I no longer need to sabotage things I worked for. And, if I’m not sure what the right choice is, I can wait to make it.

[@SeeCSeesCC]

❤️ I’m used to doing everything important my entire life by myself. My healing was in not being angry any longer but empowered in that

[@yonta123]

wow this whole video is just exactly what I needed to hear... I do every one... every one. It's time to exorcise it for the last time. amazing video.

[@flachlandbraut]

❤️

[@Wisdomfromnorth]

Wonderful video, thank you! 🦋

[@moniquemariemuniz]

I have watched this so many times. I cant believe how accurate you are. This is so hard.

[@Bluef1re]

Thank you for taking the time to make this. This has been an answer to my prayers. It's funny how often you can be telling yourself what you need to hear, but hearing someone else speak it out is what makes it click. Thank you!

[@Snow0Dove]

I had this weird thought in my head when I was younger that if I get a boyfriend and get married, it'll be ok to hide most parts of my personality...so that I would seem perfect. Today at 23, I still feel like i can't be 100%, but I'm learning... I keep attracting people who are the same, they say, "Why can't I have a girl that makes it easy for me?" Then i come into their life and they assume I'm perfect, they think, "Now here's a girl that knows how to do her job, finally someone who doesn't have damages, and won't give me any trouble." These types of people are the ones that don't want a pet because they don't want the responsibility of taking care of them. By when they go for the most beautiful looking pet, it's only to show off, and they don't put the required effort of taking care of their needs, only complain... I NEED to break that thought! I want to be accepted for who I am, but I still put on a "perfect" look and attract men I DON'T want! I grew up with a dad that questioned a lot of my behavior and would make me feel like it's my fault that i don't look or act like a kid worth showing off... When I get emotional he wish I could turn off my feelings, which tells me you don't want to deal with the hard part of relationships, quits easily..... In school I kept quiet and didn't show my more loud and talkative side and classmates thought i was attractive, and I thought I had to always show my good side, seem like I'm perfect, and never let out my more unique side... I feel like I can't truly be myself with my dad and his side of the family. When I show off a certain "personality" that seems independent, teasingly playful, or leaderlike, they get mad. But I'm slowly opening more of myself to the world, just so slowly... I need to rebuild who I am... When I find someone who doesn't turn away because of trait my dad would find unacceptable, I feel weird and feel unable to keep talking to that person. I still need to learn to accept myself. I still attract people in my life that don't want to deal emotions. Thank you for this and many other videos of yours I've watched. Also my situation with my dad is much much better.

[@kaleighpatterson9275]

I really relate to almost all of this it’s weird lol I’m glad your situation got better.

[@libelulaojo]

Thanks Lady! Glad you're alive and around. In a day and age where counseling and such therapies can be unaffordable or off-the-beaten-path of some self-sabbi's roads, it's really great that you're so good at offering tools for those that may want some help and are alone.

[@Ursaminor31]

You know Merideth, thank you. You have stated, clarified and articulated so many things I cannot even put words to. You have helped me so much navigate my recovery and path forward. So much love and gratitude to you. Thank you.

[@msmolyansky]

This video worth at least $1000 bucks. Thank you .....

[@viktoriatroster2406]

"Fear porn" XD Great! I like the palms and sunshine patio in the background. Huge topic... I will think about it for a while... Thank you Meredith !

[@Jodeekowgirl]

This video came up in my feed in Australia just now!! Thank you so much Meredith 💓 I’m crying because ALL of the pain I am going through now makes sense from EVERYTHING you mentioned in the video! I’m 44yo have a Narc Mum who I’ve cut contact with but she’s turned the rest of the family against me so I’ve felt so worthless and alone for so long!! I’m on your website now signing up to your Self Mastery Course!! I can’t feel like this any longer nor keep self sabotaging my life!!

[@caresforu2720]

I did this for years due to much abuse until I found help. I want you to have a good life just like the videos I've connected. Don't allow the abuser (s) to control your life, please use all of these videos to help yourself and others eventually. It's time to get strong, share the love, you are worthy, no seed of doubt here, no rugs pulled out from under you, just real love. Why? Because we care because that's what real people do, sick people don't, they are ill. Thank you Inner Integration you are a beautiful person.

[@suzyliller9081]

my past doesn't define me!! LOVE THAT, WE'LL TRY THAT ON! Thanks!!

[@AnneMariaYritys]

I love your channel & videos, thank you! 🌞🌞🌞

[@4GodsPeople]

I learned I couldn’t stand up for myself and had to go gray rock inorder to not being attacked or to keep the peace...There was NO WAY to stand up for myself because he (my husband) was always right and he even said to me that my opinion doesn’t matter and that I did not need to have self respect because it was a sin.... there was no way to please him not even during the Holidays or special occasions Thank God I am 2 weeks no Contact finally! I am Seeking Peace and healing and simply so humbled to be FREE ... and Thank you for this information it helps so much

[@sh236]

Thank you for the kindness you show in this video. I feel so incredibly foggy at times after having finally left my covert abuser. My mind is so scrambled sometime but videos like this feel like a light.

[@petrinap6005]

I am so thankful for this video.

[@justemoi997]

So much love for this.

[@tanyadepoalo7033]

This video was so timely as I was really depressed the past few days...I just had surgery and have been house and bed bound and thinking of allllll the things I should have done or should be doing or haven't done and what's my purpose etc etc. All these self sabotaging techniques I have done to myself throughout my life and I am ready for change. I really needed to hear this it helps knowing I'm not alone and to see evidence that you csn change your life and ur thinking errors to create the life you truly want. it gives me hope. thank you again for another great uplifting video. :)

[@Starmielax]

Oh the thing about having your own business and people disrespecting your time really hit home!!

[@blackduck9867]

Heh, self-sabotage great topic. In my case I often get stuck by programing that with out of approval of my abusers (narc mother and father) I’ can’t move on. Like logic beneath they claim that they are source of ultimate truth and wisdom just grandiose people and I’m some sort of defective, so everything they say are 100% truth and if I think otherwise and want to act differently I’m not only criticize them and case their vindictive rage out of their hyper vigilance to criticism, but also divert from their ultimate “truth” and therefore put myself in danger - like I sin, go away from safe place, start to live by a lie and illusion, cause they never wrong and do not admit that they wrong and fallible. So they plant that seed of doubt inside me that my perception and understanding is defective, I lack that internal approval, and they push their agenda down my throat (like it is somehow good for me even I think and feel differently, and they imply that I’m defective by thinking/feeling differently and need correction for my own good). And because they reject my evidence, my proof and arguments and do not admit that they could be wrong, so therefore flaw is in me and I must change to see that they actually are right. I all the time end up defective person, with defective mind, defective eyes, ears, senses, so I should to listen and obey them cause they are complete and superior. So they dismiss me, I lack internal validation, and if I do thing my way I feel fear of doing wrong and getting bad consequences of that, and making parents suffer out of worry about me, something like that. And abusers can command and treat me horribly, I ‘was prohibited to call abuse abuse, and was called defective for naming abuse as abuse and not naming it love, friendship and care because my senses are corrupted and defective. I’m long time no or very limited contact with parents but I got that sort of internal dialogue every time I make decision or got in similar conflict, or situation when somebody acts similar to my parents, I do not know how to describe it better.

[@TorturedSweetly]

Black Duck Black Duck wow. I was reading your words with my jaw on the floor most of the time. My internal dialogue is similar to yours, and when you mentioned they planted a seed of doubt about your having a faulty perspective I couldn't believe it. Thank you for mentioning and sharing your story, you opened my eyes and this shed a lot of light on my severe indecisiveness, especially when attempting to discern who is and isn't healthy for me. Is this something you relate to?