Narcissistic In-Laws | The Signs

[@MedCircle]

Have you witnessed any of these signs of narcissism in an in-law? Let us know in the comments below - we want to hear your story. Watch more exclusive mental health videos with Dr. Ramani HERE: bit.ly/2NwXDEi

[@nargismirza9445]

MedCircle Please making parenting series aswell. mostly don’ts and disorders in adults are discussed. kindly highlight as to how one should train small kids so that they don’t turn into a narcissist.

[@paulaflowing6124]

MedCircle 10 times worse. What if you find yourself trying to raise your little son in a healthy way but in the nest of vicious covert malignant sociopathic family? Capable of things you would have never ever imagined... Not only the husband (former now) but also the in laws? And to top it all living in a country where the Great majority of health professionals along with the Population are NOT aware of this disorder and and everything that comes with it?

[@paulaflowing6124]

@Dr Ramani, if you by any chance have information of a skilled professional in Brasil do recommend it here! Thank you

[@paulaflowing6124]

Umm E Abed Yes, please!

[@katjastajner4154]

i have father and mather in laws who are narcisists. He is grandioz and mother is covert narcisist. My partner is alcohol and kokain abuser...We have son, we vere young, i was...i didnt realize what was going on, i was even convinced from mother in law to have this child. and my partner concived hidden...when i was obviosly pregnant i didnt want to have abortion,...But father in law was wery angry, he was very abusive through all my pregnancy, but when baby boy was born he calmed down,...i know why,...he want to control my child now...we have to live together in the same house,..they are very rich, i am pooor...i have no money to live by my own, even if i have my own job, in my contry you can not buy apartament,....and partner...he dont want to go with me to live by our own...he works at father office... very compicated situation....but owerall...i feel sad most of the time, ive learned much about peoples behaviour, and i stay optimistic that one day i will found a solution,... iam much worried about my son, who is 7 yeas old, ADHD, and very insecure...

[@AnaRose13206]

My fiancé described his parents as “Passive Aggressive” and “Control Freaks” and “Nosy”. I’d describe them as “Demonically possessed”.

[@YourImageExpert]

😂 I can relate to it

[@MelB868]

Ana Rose what would they do

[@TRUTHorSTFU]

Dear Ana Rose, you are most likely totally correct. Please read M. Scott Peck's book: THE PEOPLE OF THE LIE. It will clearly explain what you already know and sense.

[@mindfullofthoughts1453]

Haha..

[@alicerayne9461]

that is true my narc's mother and his two sisters were evil after I left him his sister got him a woman that he quickly married and started having kids by, and then the gossip about me started, that no one es would have me, I left him so no one es would have me, lol that makes no sense, the other woman he would stalk me with her so I could see him with her, and I heard that she had the mental thinking of a 12-year-old, so they hook him up with her so they could abuse and control her, and he cheated on her so bad he has a daughter by another woman the same age as his oldest son by his wife, so he had his wife and another woman carrying babies by him at the same time, wow that is so messed up, I was 18 when I married him and had never heard of narcissism back then, Demonically possessed is mind control and another odd thing was him or his two sisters never call her Mother or mom they adressed her by her first name, I lost a lot when I got away from that family how ever my peace of mind and my freedom was worth it

[@jp5419]

when partner/spouse can't see the dysfunction of his parents or just brushes it aside, run, don't walk. You will become their family scapegoat and the crazy one being the outsider. They're not worth it. Keep your sanity!

[@warriormom5843]

Hello my name is Scapegoat but also truth teller. Give me strength!! I stay until the kid’s of age-50% with them alone could destroy my child-won’t let that happen. And THIS is why we stay despite the abuse. We are not scared! We are protecting our children from brainwashing and debauchery.

[@uniquewhimsy622]

@@warriormom5843 yep the best thing to do is move very far away.

[@bs4real]

You mean like being told" don't be stupid" or "that's just crazy and stupid" if you dare to disagree with them on anything???

[@sashawalker4492]

I can relate to this. My family made my partner the scapegoat when they weren't making me it. I am sure it was so hard and so confusing for him. He would try to look out for me and I would get upset with him for it. But if he tried to encourage me to fix the relationship I would get angry at him for that too. I feel so bad for him throughout that time. Thankfully I did wake up. I stopped letting them put him down to me, eventually I stopped letting them do it to me too (though that part took longer). Now that it's behind us, I love him greatly for standing by me all those years.

[@Jess-kn8vl]

Yup

[@juliannajones6016]

It took me 5 years to see the narcissistic tendencies in my MIL. It took my husband another 5 years after I discovered it. I was patient with him because these were his parents. He kept trying to set up opportunities for us to work on our relationship. I was trying to establish boundaries and grey rock. Finally, we had a meeting where I asked him to pay attention to what they said/didn’t say and explained (ahead of time) how a narcissist would respond. His parents gave “text book” narcissist responses. My husband was crushed and disappointed. He finally saw the truth!

[@samanthasmiles9112]

My advice - it doesnt matter if your in-laws are crazy. What matters is how your partner sets boundaries and ensures he/she will.protect you from any and or ALL abuse that comes from their family.

[@TallMama321]

@Serenity’s Tarot I feel like this is what is happening to me

[@Odo-so8pj]

No boundaries no relationship.

[@jusmarie2417]

That part ! Exactly!

[@not-even-german4892]

Your partner will get exhausted at some point he will cut them off or you..... I'm in in...

[@kimbamw6713]

Mine didn't set boundaries with them..even as we both came across his aunt rumaging through our real estate papers and credit card statements in our bedroom.

[@Hope-rh8bi]

When you love your husband, but he is a mommy's boy and that mommy is a possesive narcissist who acts so innocent and deserves an Oscar for best acting. Edit: I found my husband cheated on me. And my MIL is in full support of him. Blaming me for letting him loose. So. Im going to divorce and get my ass away from this toxic life. Edit2: we are getting divorced this week. Good riddance. His last claim was for me to quit my job and stay at his home with his parents. 😑

[@freespirited4966]

True. Her fake tears will broke the heart of her manchild 😠

[@saltycat662]

It's actually emotional incest. The husband is actually married to the mother and no one has any idea.

[@preciousjhane2675]

True 😭

[@planetearth6315]

I totally agree

[@Jocelyn_Jade]

That was my situation ouch... his mom was an Nmom 😥 It was hard because you don’t want to cross the line at all... it’s their mother. Better to walk away.

[@TheHachie13]

I struggle because my in laws seemed amazing when I first met them. Almost too awesome. The mean behavior and narcissistic tendencies came out once my husband and I got engaged

[@freespirited4966]

Yeah for me, after marriage. Now I have to live with those devils.

[@TallMama321]

What did they start doing?

[@deliasolomon6782]

Same

[@kimberlyniehaus8976]

Same

[@mirukuchaa4905]

Please explain, we need to learn from examples

[@Andromeda_M31]

I have broken up with several guys because of their parents. There was no way I was going to live with that by choice.

[@Redeemed_30]

Andromeda Bravo!

[@TYGZus777]

You are blessed to have such wisdom!

[@KristonMahr]

Screw that. I been telling myself man you're letting an old lady try to tell you how to live... that's not being a man.

[@gunjanverma1850]

wish i knew before getting married

[@NT-bz5nh]

Onion Face same here. I was naive. I saw the crazy only after I married into the family. My in laws are toxic, even towards each other. No family is perfect but man, my in laws are something special.

[@sw9172]

Insight: Partner takes you to the lions den and does not prepare you for that. Partner gives their narcissistic parent a "pass" and is consequently unaware of the elephant in the room. Red flag. Thank you so much Dr Ramani for this insight.

[@KristonMahr]

I bet the partner has a passive mother considering she let her sell pot and risk getting arrested. I never go to know her parents but it must be that they let her do whatever she wanted a a child based on her grandiosity.

[@sarahhaynes9704]

I don't think it's about not prepping you, they've spent their whole lives being conditioned & groomed, so to them it's normal

[@victoriarosario3338]

@Clinton Shaun Yeah...we "got it" the first time that you did your sales pitch on another section of comments. Not appropriate. Has nothing to do with this topic. I'm sure there are cheating sites that you can find that are more suitable to your needs. Please, Go away...

[@scourneene]

My partner, after the last six years, is finally waking up to the fact she is from a very toxic family unit. She failed to warn or protect me until just last week. It took her lots of courage to stand up to them and create boundaries.. As a result we have both been shamed very aggressively and put down. They are trying to break us apart. We are stronger now and we have allies who are standing by us in a very difficult time! Thanks you for a great talk!

[@God.sDaughter]

Why do some mothers love to be nosy in their adult children lives? Your child is grown, therefore let him/her live their own lives.

[@kaedatiger]

I don't know about other moms. In my mother's case, she wraps her identity around being a mom, even uses the word in some of her passwords and online IDs, and consequently feels very threatened by me or my sibling having boundaries around her or going low contact.

[@freespirited4966]

My in law treats my husband as a child. Feeding him 24/7 really irritates me.

[@thedancelearner7721]

Because they don't know boundaries

[@thedancelearner7721]

@Gemma Dann and adult rejection also

[@milkystraw15]

@@helenarichard really? Sounds like my MIL a germ freak and buys stuffs in bulk 😬

[@AAMtruthteller]

I met my MIL 2 days before my wedding. She is controlling, but I knew it didn't matter because I knew who I was marrying. He saw the issues and didn't tolerate it. We've been married 8.5 years now. I used to think he was mean for not being more involved with his family, but now I see him as very strong.

[@thatwifelife2138]

I should have trusted my husband. We will be married 9 years in Feb, and I want Nothing else to do with them.

[@uniquegeek2708]

Yeah I used to think my spouse was a bit of an a****** to his mom, but with time I understood he needed to grey rock and be blunt. Sometimes you just need to see the behavior over time and understand some of the subtleties better. Years after we married I discovered what gray rocking was and I was laughing because I realized my spouse was already doing this. He had never heard the term before.

[@catherinegibbons7884]

I met my MIL after I was already pregnant and married. Always thought my husband was rude/mean to his mom….now I get it. Holy fucking shit do I get it.

[@susannortham11.11]

Wish you would have addressed narcissistic mothers-in-law. It's a real and very common problem.

[@conormarren]

got any good videos since?? I'm having real trouble here on this one with my gf's mom! thanks x

[@BibiysDay]

@@conormarren focus on your own future life and love them with distance. That's all I can say cos loving them really time consuming. You and your gf need to learn deeper about narcisstic glossary to equip yourself even better how to deal with them and stop joining the drama that happening all the time.

[@lorenab5309]

This would be a good video

[@conormarren]

@William Scott thanks!

[@conormarren]

@MUSTBE1776 hopefully they're not copying Biden. Wwg1

[@a.humphries8678]

It's like entering into a cult!!

[@ShellyCatt]

😂

[@asiaferguson7332]

Ashley Humphries real shit !

[@WOG18]

I’ve always said this lol

[@14xx07]

Oyes! Y.E.S.

[@a.humphries8678]

@@ManuelaEstevan set boundaries with her immediately, and let him deal with her. Best of luck! It's hard.

[@Bobbi5941]

My ex has chosen his controlling mother and sister after we had already lived together for 2 years . So I made a final decision by end our relationship and started my own life in poverty but with full self respect .

[@nataliefrank1489]

That's all you need keep your self respect these people are nuts & they think all of us are crazy i started poor & still poor because he never had the money his family do & he rides there back & will do anything they say because of it powerful

[@jbasilio2205]

I eny you

[@maaikek8593]

Respect for you and prayer sent your way♥️🙏

[@debragillen255]

@@nataliefrank1489these are sad people. Wow . Not good

[@YourImageExpert]

It’s the in laws that are overly sweet in the beginning that you need to watch out for. A lot of pretence is a red flag 🚩

[@TallMama321]

I’m so dumb to not have been woke to this

[@kathrynkukura5060]

@@TallMama321 wow… so so true!

[@hg-tm6gn]

I wish I had known that. As I am listening to this, I was trying to pin poin how the heck I would have noticed. But I guess there were very subtle hits that I didn't think much about until now😔.

[@lisaw.7568]

Hey all :) - you can take my story into account, as well. They all were very accommodating, sweet, you name it, except for my husband's sister. Two in the family, his dad and younger bro, were genuine. His mum, sis, and bro in law were all upto no good. The mum was very sweet, but now when I look back at the little signs, I can see how she and her daughter were extremely disingenuous and almost always scheming. They always wanted to subtly show off their supposed superiority. When little red flags would pop out, my hubby always had the, "oh that's just the way they talk / are, Darling!" with a wide grin.

[@lisaw.7568]

My heart goes out to you guys! I think the show of love and affection is all a stunt to "nab" you, so to speak.

[@MissAmazanda]

The older I get the less people I want to be around, I have ran into every kind of A hole in 40 years you can imagine. There are just too many weird personalities out there....Narcissists, Bi-Polar ect ect and I just have no more time for them, I'd rather go into the woods and watch nature than be around humans

[@olivianichole288]

Exactly, I'm only 22 and I already feel the same way as you. I'm Considering moving to the mountains and living a simpler life. I'll live longer if I reduce the amount of people in my life. Most people don't understand genuine love or how to give it.

[@ashleehowell3117]

26 and I absolutely agree with you. Lets all get a cabin in the woods together and leave the weirdos behind lol ❤

[@olivianichole288]

@@ashleehowell3117 😂❤ yes I'm down lol

[@blueskiesforever114]

I agree!!

[@pacibaco]

Heck yeah me too ! I questioned an old retired business owner recently, I asked him “ what was the biggest hurdle in your long career?” He stated “ hands down managing people was the hardest task because each is SO different and usually difficult!” I’m 55 , I’m pretty much exhausted in trying to cope with the way humans are “ off “ ... I just find peace in alone time now . I need very little if any interaction

[@tinadailey1297]

My mother in law hates my guts , she thinks she is so superior to me,an really everyone. At our wedding reception she told me not to take the bride and groom off the cake that she was keeping it,she said Jack will be needing that in about 3 month's when he remarry a decent person. Omg ,I about died , right there in front of everyone, she said that , well of course Jack (my husband,her son ) was very irate, an we just left , I'll NEVER forget her wicked little smile when we walked out the door. Well it's been 17 years an we're still married, the old bat was wrong, she's treated me so bad that her an Jack's relationship has been terminated years ago.

[@mynameisreallycool1]

I'm glad that your relationship with you husband worked out despite your mother in law, and that your husband also noticed his mother's toxic behavior. Wish you two the best!

[@Shasha8674]

Maybe better to just ignore what is said and not react.

[@mR-dc4oq]

Shasha8674 no! That lady needed boundaries. Reaction was important. She clearly thought she could behave however she wanted. People like that need a clear message their behavior is not ok

[@Shasha8674]

@@mR-dc4oq If you don't react they may just get no joy and stop talking like that or may get worse. If she knows she can push your buttons she will. Moving away was good, but some have relatives close by and can't move and have to learn to make it work.

[@linab525]

@@Shasha8674 we have to react in such cases, otherwise the abuse continues. We have to teach them how to behave and show others that we don't accept it. We don't have to react emotionally. But show that this is toxic and one more time like this - they will be punished with no contact.

[@shravyak3307]

I went through this shit for 5 years and ended up with divorce . Got married again , now my in-laws and husband are very nice people . I clearly see the difference now and then .

[@freespirited4966]

You are lucky

[@shravyak3307]

@@freespirited4966 but tolerating the toxic in-laws and husband made my health worsen. But some how I didn’t lose hope on future. My positive mindset said keep on trying trying tried when they were behaving worst I hope they will change but they didn’t . They themself planned for divorce with me and then divorce changed my life . After divorce new life started, everything changed got into good positive minded people environment

[@shravyak3307]

@@sarahykassandralopez2304 get divorce and move on . Life is short , don’t make life painful

[@natashaghelani2513]

I’m glad you found loving in laws god bless

[@AlexZ-lc6nl]

I’m a guy and this is my current situation. Except I don’t want to give up on my marriage. Her family is just too much……

[@QueenofArgyle2525]

I lived this. I had to divorce them. The spouse constantly chooses their preferences over mine. I finally solved the problem by mostly going no contact unless necessary. It works.

[@melaniecyr5306]

Susan Hojdik im thinking of doing the same. My mother in law makes me feel left out in the most passive agressive way.

[@igoriapaz391]

Susan did you atleast tell him you were divorcing him?

[@QueenofArgyle2525]

Igoria Paz I finally decided to concentrate on my Own health and well being. I went on keto and so far lost over 42 lbs and counting. I have gotten more active and told him that I will be keeping a room for myself. He has his own now. I dumped all his mess in there with him and told him I will toss anything that is laying around more than a few weeks. I no longer give my itinerary for the day. He is pissed but knows I will walk if he tries to control me that way any more. It was scary at first but, anger gave me strength! He now treats me with more respect but is cold as a fish. No matter. I can live with it . My own power back is better than begging for love.😉

[@rosemary4802]

@@QueenofArgyle2525 I did the same thing. I have NO contact.

[@shunkaayami3612]

Same but the thing is my spouse is a narsissist her self including her parents

[@monikori6473]

My ex was on denial about his narcissistic parents, and turns out he is even a worse narcissist himself.

[@kaedatiger]

My narc exhub practically worshipped his father. Even after his sister accused him of bad touching her as a child.

[@fridaytieday]

This is the thing....sometimes these families are a nest of narcissistic personalities varying in different degrees. At first it's challenging, then it's overwhelming, and then one dies internally and is lost in the narcissistic sea.

[@lwheeler2466]

I was not prepared. I had no clue what I was getting into. 🤦‍♀️

[@ShellyCatt]

🙏

[@NT-bz5nh]

Girl, same

[@maiab.4894]

same thing is happening to me. Stopped when my son was born. I won't let them take my son and mess him up.

[@lucydaly44]

@@maiab.4894 Got so much worse when my daughter was born, I nearly lost my marriage and my mind. Sick sick people.

[@ritusabu7983]

Same here

[@DIVIPI9]

The story of my marriage. One of the reasons I divorced. He was a narcissist and his mother also. I am glad I am out of this chaos. I have always felt like I have to stand up for myself against him and his parents. It was awful. The moment I began choosing for myself and saying "no" then all hell broke loose. You then see the masks fall off and what you got yourself into. 6 years of a false marriage was enough for me. Now I see soooooo much more of how it all was in reality. It is like a cult. It is actually pretty disgusting. Thank God I am out! Feels good to be free.

[@winnieamar9368]

I can relate! Time for me to break loose too!

[@DIVIPI9]

@@winnieamar9368 one of the best choices in your life. 💪👍❤

[@anewchapter1336]

@@DIVIPI9 22 years of the same thing in my marriage and now I finally see through it all. MIL and husband are both covert passive aggressives. I was very naive and they had me fooled but NO more!

[@nataliefrank1489]

I've always felt that way it's a cult & you are either in or out well i'm out & he can go it is very disgusting & they have everyone around them fooled like they are super nice & supportive not at all just noisy & need something to gossip about weird

[@AAXS-op1vo]

Same, except mine lasted 25 years dealing with a narc MIL and her narc son. Hot mess because he knew what was wrong with her but they had a complicated sparring relationship. He cut his teeth on her, thereby learning how to narc out on me and everyone else. I was about 15 years in before a discovered a book about narcissism and finally had language and terms to describe what was happening. We had a life and kids so I tried the disengagement and grey rocking but that doesn’t work. All it will get you is a slide into a discard when they discover that you are no longer providing “supply” for them. You either get out, die out (from all the stress inducing illness that will pop up if you stay), or be PUT out. Took another ten or so years before the combo of put out/get out came. Now that I know what I know, can’t wait for it to finally be over. There was never going to be any “fix” no matter what I did. It’s a black hole that will swallow you up even as you continue to feed it. Just don’t. . . it will end with you shredded and Hollowed out. The peace I have gained NOT being in their MULTIVERSE is golden. I have lost a lot but have gained my PEACE back. I wish you all safe travels back to your PEACE OF MIND AND SPIRIT❤️

[@Martty_4]

The most painful thing is when your own partner doesn't support u and your stuck in the middle of nowhere. This mostly happens with women where men stick to their mums and dads and siblings against the wife

[@hayleyferguson5284]

Yes it’s sooooo painful.

[@ashaalidagostino]

Also very messy when there are children involved...

[@nataliefrank1489]

Thank you my husband has never stood up to me he'll fight me & call me very mean names but he's never ever stood up for me not once i'm over this marriage been over it

[@shonaosmond4886]

In my ex husbands eyes his mother can do no wrong. He even let her come into our house and clean out MY closet while I was away. I was always wrong, his mother was always right. And she always has to be the focus of everything even when it has nothing to do with her.

[@Andromeda_M31]

That's a sick family!! My ex boyfriend's mother was like that. Absolutely no one compared to how saintly she was. She told him a complete lie about something I said that turned him against me. I was grateful we were able to break up.

[@linab525]

I figured out it worth talking to husband like this "honey, imagine my dad goes to your garage and changes the tyres on your car. And then tells you Man, yours had the worst profile possible, don't thank me, I'm happy you are safe now". Can you argue? He did it for your own good without asking you, no boundaries. And the tyres were good. He's gaslighting you they were old and worn out. Would you feel OK? Or he comes unexpected and says that he has a surprise for you - new tools or new stuff for your bike, emphasising, that you're a little boy and he, my father, knows better. It was a moment of enlightenment for my husband.

[@notagain779]

@@linab525 , Here's a little story for your husband: My brother in law went to the house of his newly married daughter while her husband was away on a business trip. Without asking, he decided to install plumbing through a stone wall to the outside, for a hose hookup. (He IS NOT a plumber). The new son in law was told, "You needed a hose here." The son in law was expected to be grateful, of course. He said, "I would like to have been asked if I wanted a hose there." (!!!)

[@linab525]

@@notagain779 I don't have this issue anymore. The reply of the narc-plummer in our case would be "I took a day off to fix it for you. You are so ungrateful and immature. I wish I had a father-in-law like you have. " Then triangulating "look who you married, he's ignorant" and next step playing a victim that nobody appreciates his help and nine will give him water when he does. Narcs know how to play a drama queen.

[@notagain779]

@@linab525 , That's EXACTLY what he does! He thinks everyone's so lucky to have him take charge. He once installed a garbage disposal in my parent's kitchen when they said they didn't want it. After a week or so in the summer, a terrible garbage smell developed, and the kitchen had green head flies. Turns out he didn't hook it up correctly, and garbage was piling up under the house. He wasn't embarrassed or sorry about it either!!!

[@Bookisue222]

Hi Kyle and Dr Ramani, We would love to see an extended interview about narcissistic in laws, ways to cope, what to do if your partner is oblivious to behavior, what to do when they acknowledge their own parents behavior, etc. What to do if your own partner has told you your own parents are narcissistic... In an effort to save marriages...Just a full dive into this. I think it might give couples insite and direction on how to establish stronger communication skills and boundaries. If that's possible. 🤷🏼‍♀️ My husband and I so appreciate seeing your videos. They have brought awareness and clarity within our home and relationships. You're providing exceptional guidance and we're grateful. Keep them coming! 🙌

[@maxineclark9169]

S

[@crylokrebs9552]

She has her own channel too, I highly recommend it.

[@Michelehoffman-q7c]

My in laws have been a source of mental anguish for 34 years-maddeningly, they live directly across the street. Last May my MIL was diagnosed with terminal cancer and we came to a place of understanding, even love, after years of malignant drama at my expense. Friday was her funeral and my FIL chose not to speak one word to me-since her death I have driven him to doctor appointments and planned a luncheon on Valentine's Day so he wouldn't be alone. The final straw was taking him dinner down on my MIL's birthday last Sunday-he didn't thank me-didn't acknowledge my efforts at all. I didn't expect a parade, but his demeanor snapped me out of my idiot compassion phase. My husband went to confront him yesterday, about his treatment of me at the funeral and he flat out lied to his face. I am officially freed from any empathy or effort. Please take this video seriously. I love my husband and he has come incredibly far over the years but the stress I've experienced (including a nervous breakdown) was above and beyond what anyone should have to endure. I'm an empath, but I've no compassion for monsters.

[@ektaupadhyay903]

Me too slowly coming out of as you say the "idiot compassion phase". Dr Ramani's insights have brought me so much inner peace - otherwise I used to be so caught up overthinking

[@Graced_Mama]

Yes yes yes. 💯 My ex described his family as “difficult”. I took it with a grain of salt, regrettably, and soon found out what he meant. Difficult was a major understatement. The toxicity was like nothing I had ever experienced. Attempts to set boundaries backfired and seemingly left me viewed as the enemy and had me confused as to if I was the real narcissist. The most manipulative and confusing 3.5 years of my life. We have a little girl. I pray everyday.

[@lisagrace6471]

I hear you!

[@Shayne_T]

“You start to question if you’re the narcissist” - yes, it’s quite sad.

[@queencheepalmtrees273]

I’m staring to think they are everywhere God unions are. They working 😩I PRAY HARD

[@laurenstanderfer7214]

My MIL is a covert narcissist and controls my husband through me. I was stupid enough to fall for her love bombing but knew something wasn’t ever quite right with her. We lived with her when I was in nursing school and engaged, I suffered from panic attacks constantly and depression but thought it was from stress of planning a wedding. Recently We moved back in with them (briefly) and I figured it out from a book I read. Now we’re in a new home and I’m trying to set boundaries. It’s a touchy subject for my husband and he agrees she’s “off” but doesn’t ever want to communicate about her and I believe he’s in denial for how she treats me. It’s so frustrating

[@hiddensonata5098]

Don't have children with him for now. Wait til you sort this situation out. Sadly, most of the time, they will choose their mom. It's best to have a clean break. Children complicate things. Sorry to be such a downer, but thays reality.

[@laurenstanderfer7214]

Hidden Sonata I already have a daughter with him. She’s 2. It’s how I figured this whole thing out. We were all living with her.

[@hiddensonata5098]

@@laurenstanderfer7214 Wow, well life will be difficult either way if you stay or go. I feel for you. Not sure your husband will ever wake up but you should still put up strong boundaries. If it gets to the point where your husband is put in a situation where he has to choose between you or his mom, good luck. If I were you, I would always have a plan B. This marriage might last only as long as you tolerate this. All the best to you. Good luck.

[@ShellyCatt]

🙏

[@Shayne_T]

I feel you. I am constantly questioning my own sanity/experiences. Once you have your child, that’s when things change, that’s exactly what happened to me. I love my husband, but he may even be narcissistic, I don’t know. When I was pregnant, his family caused so much stress for me, lesson learned, don’t travel to visit unhealthy family members when pregnant, or while being a new mom.

[@deenoberry3360]

Great info. I was raised by a vulnerable narsassist. I regret so much that I didn't see the abuse she put my wife thru and worse my children. We've been no intact for years but damage has been done. My mom has steadily slide downhill and my siblings and rest of family have splintered off and it truly is the death of a generation but our choice will give our children a new start.

[@fahimal9417]

My Gosh why did I not listen to my gut feeling that my future husband’s mum is over controlling and manipulative and may end up trying to control me too and that he is absolutely oblivious about it. Now I am in this hell.

[@cartwrightworm1317]

I was the same way. I knew her family was cruel but I thought I could deal with it. My ex-wife said she had my back and she lied. She ignored them every time that they insulted me.

[@Odo-so8pj]

Go no contact.

[@DeeDee-zo7rv]

My mil is a covert narc. I felt something was off with her but I didn’t know anything about narcissism then. We’ve been married almost one year now. Narcissism is very real and can be so devastating. Thank you for educating on this. More people need to be aware of this!

[@amarie6223]

Are you still with your husband? How do you guys handle that?

[@nataliefrank1489]

I wasn't aware & i've been married to a narc for over 25 yrs. i thought i was freaking crazy because his whole family are all narc i started talking to people to get more insight & then i started to google & found this wonderful site that answered all of my questions wow thank you & now i know how to deal with these weird people

[@YOU-niter]

@@nataliefrank1489I’ve been through the same thing!

[@Simplyme530]

I know one thing, my husband won’t allow anyone to disrespect me even if he have to cut you off

[@kcx2678]

You are one lucky woman. 👏🏻

[@siphiwemkandawiri4453]

U are lucky mine won't even protect me instead he's leading me to the lions den to be chopped by the in laws. He'll make u to feel guilty even if you're not. He can set boundaries he's afraid of them, then I have to suffer 😱

[@Simplyme530]

@@siphiwemkandawiri4453 it hasn’t always been like this. After he found out the truth and saw things for himself, then that’s when things began to change, but for years I kept my mouth closed so he didn’t know what was going on until I told him

[@MelB868]

@@siphiwemkandawiri4453 my sister in law is very mean to me. She makes fun of my weight she made fun of me for eating a bowl of cereal and I said all I had last night was a couple of boiled eggs I’m starving and I been up for an hour then she gripped at lunch because I couldn’t drink very sweet tea that tasted like syrup just a few sips and then I mostly drank water she should be glad I mostly drank water because she makes fun of my weight because I’m obese but I don’t know what her problem is with me like oh my gosh me having breakfast or me not drinking overly sweet tea is not hurting you why complain

[@Simplyme530]

@@MelB868 best thing to do is distance yourself. No matter what a person look like. That doesn’t give anyone a right to make fun of anyone. We are all different sizes. She’s probably just jealous. Ignore her. Ignoring those type of people will eat them up inside. Keep your head up because we are in this together. I wish you the best❤️❤️

[@rubygreby1473]

What's sad about these dysfunctional relationships is that the older in-law should be mature enough to be like a maternal figure, yet they act like an immature person jealous because you are a part of their son's life. They should want their son's happiness, which includes the daughter in law's happiness, but the narcissist in-law can't figure that out. They call their daughter in law toxic, yet they are the toxic ones. They call their own grown children horrible names, yet expect compliance. They block their daughter in law's phone calls, yet complain why they can't see the grandchildren even when nobody is stopping them from dropping by to see the grandchildren. Mental illness is the only way to describe their abuse, manipulation, control freak ways, lies & gaslighting. What's ironic is that they blame others for their own problems & low self-esteem, but they are doing it to themselves.

[@juliecramer7768]

People need Jesus Christ. He changes hearts. That is, if they yield their own will to his. My mother in law has never liked me and trash talks me to our children. In fact, she has done so many things I could write a book.

[@nataliefrank1489]

It's all making so much sense to me now after all this years i've struggled with his family i've tried everything but not anymore they can have each other i'll go visit my family from now on to get the love i need i send him & i might come or not done with that mess

[@alyciamarie4163]

My biggest thing is they do not care about me. It’s all completely fake. I do not matter at all if anything I’m a nuisance. The “rules” are always changing! The first year or two I thought it was miscommunication. Then I quickly realized nope it’s just that it’s their way or the highway. Every holiday was all about them. My family and wants did not matter at all. My husband lets them do it. Then we spend the holiday with them and it’s awful. My in-laws pretend to care about my husband but it’s all judgement. They speak down to him and seem to think that’s okay. I am having a son in the next month and I told my husband I’m done if things do not change. I am not putting my child through this.

[@YOU-niter]

Yes! It’s a mental illness! Narcissistic Personality Disorder! That runs the family! My partner knew his family were narcissists & stayed clear of them but they still managed to interfere in our relationship & destroyed it! ⚠️🚨⚠️

[@RichRich1955]

Put a recording device and record relatives badmouthing you then play it back to them.

[@zeezeetop135]

did that exact thing, and they accused me of being "manipulative" "vindictive" one. If you're so "straight" forward like you talk, then what do you have to hide?

[@onlychild4332]

So they will yell at you for recording it , then accuse you for playing goody goody while recording it, as you are the only person knows that recording is on. They have limitless ways to put you down. Simply you can’t win 😒😶

[@iamasoldierofgodkingofking1244]

I'm trying this now. I'm assuming that they will blow up and threaten me. But I will have proof of how toxic it is.

[@vala7125]

Good idea i wanna do this

[@user-ec8js3nc1p]

Omg GOOD IDEA!! I'm going to try this

[@lindanorton2088]

I married at 18. My mom is a narcissist and my husbands mom is as well. We just didnt recognize narcissism. 14 years later we figured it out and have never felt better. Thank you for giving us the words Dr. Ramani. Our family is flourishing now and we are so grateful for all you do.

[@nataliefrank1489]

Thank you i was thinking i was the crazy one in this family & know i know better i just back away from them

[@staceystrukel1917]

Same with our families. I hope we can heal it's been a long road.

[@mailenheuberger4875]

Wow so great you guys had that realization together

[@serotonie12]

How about in-laws who treat their family as an extension of their reputation or every aspect of their family life as a trophy?

[@prairieN]

Boom. For everything the adult kids went through the first and most important question was "what will people think!".

[@kizzy2874]

I so married into this type. My husband is the scapegoat and his brother is the golden child. My husband can NEVER do anything right which then extended to me and my kids! So we are quite often excluded unless one of us does something of merit in their eyes, Then THEY quickly bragg about it lol. Husbands brother can literally do no wrong seriously! in every way to them he is perfect. Example: We were at a cocktail party once and my husband looked very handsome. My friend said in front of us all ' wow you look so handsome' to which my mother inlaw replyed 'Well you haven't met his brother'! 😂. Every single one of my family that have met my mil have said to me afterwards that i have their sympathy. I learned over 15yrs of marriage to just keep interactions to a minimum, be nice and grey rock when with them and don't take things personally. Also another way to 'get along' with them while visiting, is just to agree with all their grandiose statements about themselves and internally roll your eyes lol.

[@rosemary4802]

@@kizzy2874 Your a strong woman, nice to know I am not alone lol.

[@namabest1]

Both my flying monkey mil and abusive fil have narc tendencies. Everything is about how the public perceives us. My husband is the hand maiden, sister (and by extension her cheating, lying, scamming "husband) is the golden child and brother is scapegoat. My husband is always trying to placate everyone. It's exhausting to watch even. Covid has been a blessing in disguise because we have a good excuse for not visiting them.

[@derlkarl9853]

I was hurt and heart broken when a very big problem occurred in my marriage seven months ago, between me and my wife . so terrible that she took the case to court to file a divorce. She said that she cannot continue to stay with me again, and she said "I don't love you anymore" So she took her things out of the house and made me and my children passed through several emotional pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back, after much begging, but all to no avail. and she confirmed it that she has made her decision, and she never wanted to see me again. So one evening, as i was coming back from work ,i meant an old friend of mine who asked of my wife .So i explained every thing to him, so he told me that the only way i can get my wife back, is to visit a prophet to know what is really behind this issue, because it has really worked for other people too. So i never believed in spell, but i had no other choice than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the Email address of the prophet. prophetehiagwina @gmail .com. So the next morning, i sent a mail to the address he gave to me, and the prophet respond the following day and assured me that i will get my wife back the next day. Hopefully I believed since my friend recommended me to him, ,so we discussed and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who didn't call me for the past 7 months, gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back. So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day ,with lots of love and joy, and she apologized on her mistake ,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day ,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before ,by the help of a prophet . So, i will advice you out there if you have any problem contact PROPHET EHIAGWINA, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you.. Email him at: prophetehiagwina @ gmail. com or call/whatsapp [phone] prophet ehiagwina can help solve problems such as: genetic battle spell to kill or destroy your enemy spell to get a good job win lottery dealing narcissist spell Avenge someone Spell to someone and many more

[@pigglywiggly3488]

I experienced this firsthand. Mama didn't want her son being with any woman except her. Something was always wrong with every girlfriend. 40 is too old to change his ways now🤷‍♀️

[@linab525]

Incest is best. Psychological, in this case. Those toxic mothers never let their sons grow.

[@pigglywiggly3488]

@@linab525 we went to a therapist and this guy couldn't see it like dr.ramani says. He actually said you're jealous of my mom and I said you can't see the difference between wife/girlfriend and your mom. Those are 2 completely different kinds of relationships. That was the end.

[@linab525]

@@pigglywiggly3488 I'm sorry to hear. You did the right thing trying the therapy and quitting the relationship. Confusing mother with gf is unhealthy. Otherwise, apart from having this attachment to mother he has a narcissistic idea that mother and partner can be competing for him and jealous of one another.

[@pigglywiggly3488]

@@linab525 I agree. He is also a covert narcissistic. I dodged the narc bullet.

[@arturodiaz1063]

This is what in psychology can be called an emotional incest. Avoid anything with that creature. Definitely a genuine psychic vampire.

[@Asyma88]

Before my psychopath ex husband and his narcissistic alcoholic mother - i didn’t know that these type of people existed. They introduced me to the whole new world of narcissism, personality disorders, alcoholism, manipulations, you name it! It took me a 1 year to realize that it wasn’t something wrong with me but with whole family of in-laws.... I run , in the middle of the night to the airport with 1 luggage and whatever is left from myself. And never looked back!

[@joshuafalade4754]

Asima Honestly, i feel people end up with a Narcissist partner because they’re being skeptical about running a background check-up on who they’re dealing with. My worst experience was discovering my 8 years wife cheating on me through the help of Cyberhackingsage who helped cloned her cell phone. All i did was share my wife’s number with Cyberhackingsage and i got access to her Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram, Emails , Snapchat and text messages, both deleted and incoming ones without having to touch her phone. In case you need help, Contact him, he’s a Genius ( cyberhackingsage@gmail ) thank me later

[@arturodiaz1063]

Excellent! Good for you. That's all you can do. Save yourself. What goes around comes around. Best of luck Asima.

[@NT-bz5nh]

That’s crazy. My in laws have also introduced me to the world of alcoholism, manipulation, lies, codependency, you name it. Ive distanced myself from his family but my mother in law said I don’t know what love or family is..they treat me like I’m crazy because I need space. The problem isn’t me. It’s them. They don’t know what love is. They don’t know how to behave like a functional family. I’m not completely functional but I can see crazy for what it is. Why am I still in this marriage???

[@b.g.8743]

Two of my in laws are narcissists. At first they seemed so charming, but over the past 18 years I've come to see their true natures. It has been very difficult to deal with them.

[@kaitlync.2628]

My engagement was broken off because of this, 6 weeks before the wedding. My ex fiancé always had a hard time setting healthy boundaries with his parents and it caused a lot of problems. Once he started letting them get in the way of our family planning, I told him not to marry me if he was going to continue to do so. Then he walked out on me. It’s really sad but I’m thankful this happened before the wedding and not after.

[@bintefiroz7319]

You are so lucky...

[@kaitlync.2628]

@@bintefiroz7319 thank you, I feel very lucky!

[@fridaytieday]

Wow....your guardian angel looked after you.

[@Shasha8674]

If someone tries to boss me around I don't let them and they get worse. Sad, that they are very controlling.

[@freespirited4966]

Here too. At times I feel like a lost warrior in the battlefield. Situation is getting worse day by day.

[@Shasha8674]

@@freespirited4966 Don't fight. Avoid them and ask God to help. I say God bless to any one who tries to hurt me and it softens them and God may help. Mentally ill or narcissistic ...can't fight with, but avoid if possible.

[@freespirited4966]

@@Shasha8674 True.. I too feel God is the ultimate solution 😊

[@bintefiroz7319]

​@@freespirited4966how r you now??

[@susansherlock7474]

Don't forget , if your in laws are narcissistic, your potential partners may also be so...

[@kaedatiger]

Not necessarily true. There's always a chance, but it's just as likely that they develop a trauma disorder or attachment issues without a personality disorder. I've even seen the opposite happen where the person was not narcissistic enough and didn't protect herself or would constantly apologize for things that were not her fault or responsibility.

[@saltycat662]

Thankfully my husband isn't a narcissist. He was just a manipulated, blind fool. Thankfully he's broken out of the spell.

[@YOU-niter]

This is what I’m trying to work out! But partner saw his toxic family when young & stayed away from them! But! His nutty bardy cousin still found a way to destroy our relationship! Accusing her own cousin of all sorts! But everyone sees now what she is & how she manipulates partners mother & her brother & sister! & kids etc as her flying monkeys! These people are mentally ill! NPD’s.. I just don’t know if partner is too as he’s no where near as toxic narcs as they are.

[@veeragupta]

I am living with cold, manipulative,and exploitative in laws. Now they are old but same. I am not able to break away due to my value system.

[@prairieN]

I wish you strength and good friends. I thought my grandmother in law was a very shy and anxious woman until her spouse died and then she became this hilarious, adventurous woman. I'm so glad I got to know the real woman. I found out later that her husband was cruel and controlling and the kids would sometimes take her away for a few days when he got violent but they always brought her back for the same reasons. She had a wonderful last few years without him.

[@rsaug]

Same here 😔

[@leticusleviticus8514]

It happens.. I let my in-laws move in with me. I was warned that they weren't like other families, but they needed a place to stay for a couple weeks and asked. A couple weeks turned into two years of hell. They overstepped my limits, my partner wouldn't tell them anything, and I got so sick of it, I moved out of my own home. I came back a couple months later and they had placed all my home decorations and some belongings I left, in THEIR storage.. they still have them, but I'm glad we're not living together. They do want to visit, though.. 🙄

[@tanjyhill1634]

🙏🏽

[@Pookie515]

Having toxic in-laws is really difficult luckily mine live overseas and my husband is the black sheep in that family. One example of this is when my in laws had a secret chat group and were literally conspiring to give my niece on her first birthday a cake with ingredients her mother said she was allergic to and keeping this a secret from her mother to prove some point..... I sacrificed a lot when I was pregnant with my son. I kept it a complete secret until he was born. I didn't want that negativity or toxicity around me or my infant son when we were both vulnerable. I couldn't share my joy on social media and most people knew that were our friends and my family but I was always worried that someone would spill the beans. So unnecessarily stressful.

[@paula.haller]

First time I met his mom, I felt her ice blue eyes slice me right open, and she had not said a word. Then her first words to me were "So YOU'RE the one seeing my son.". And I clearly knew I failed the inspection while every one else was oblivious.

[@lyricsoftheart]

My boyfriends mom did the same she was like, “I just wanna know what do you want with my son.” Then she said, “your not better than me.” In like you just met me and your already throwing shots. Smh they messed up his head I feel sorry for him.

[@freespirited4966]

At least you guys don't have to live with them forever'. In indian culture, we have to live with them for our entire lifetime. 😤

[@nataliefrank1489]

yep, my mother in law did the same thing! she came to my grandmother house & talked about how poor we were & didn't have much & that was all true, but the one thing we had in my grand mother's house that money couldn't but was LOVE! my in law has a big beautiful home that she always likes to show off & invite to world over but here is no LOVE there i've never felt it like @ my grand mother's home i'll take her home anyday the rest don't matter

[@1c2h3e4u5n6g]

The devil was busy, so he sent a narcissist

[@PrincessShinezria]

🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@julie-annhall2078]

No he sent my ex mil.

[@joyfulj1663]

So true.

[@MelB868]

Like my sister in law? She makes fun of me for everything she’s very rude to me

[@joyfulj1663]

@@MelB868 try to avoid her? Is this your husband sister or brother's wife?

[@lh6800]

I love this quote, as much as it saddens me. "I think there is something that should give you pause if a partner is willing to take you into the lions' den and not prepare you. There's a real lack of sensitivity and awareness." I think that summarizes the main struggle of my former marriage. I had been so surprised by it when it started up (after my wedding). Then I found out from my sister-in-law that it was happening to her. Not one family member gave me a heads up. In fact, they were pretty content allowing me to be ripped apart. Hindsight is so 20/20, however I tried expressing my concerns but received such little help and support.

[@NT-bz5nh]

Sorry to here this. I also found out my mother in law is controlling, bossy, and manipulative to her other daughter in law. I wondered why my mother in law was picking on me. No one in the the family stood up for me. My mother in laws kids are completely silent and also content when she acts this way

[@nataliefrank1489]

No one will ever tell family secret's they didn't tell me either & still haven't i have no support i feel all alone in the marriage but the in law wives we have all decided to stick together since these old southern mothers are such narcissist & the father's i can deal with a little better the women are out of control

[@nataliefrank1489]

he could have warned me but i really think he don't even know that he's a narc he was raised by one & his mother & all his sibling are all Narc as of lately i've been calling him out on his behavior he's mad a few changes when it comes to me just a few but i can see he wants to explode because i dont do what he says anymore i'm not my our child i tell him you don't talk to your children like that so why are you talking to me in that manner he's been stopping right in his tracks but i'm over this marriage

[@vrindav4144]

They wait till the wedding takes place- till then it is "love bombing" phase. You feel weird, but you cant leave since no one leaves because there was "too much love" :-)

[@yellowgirl273]

A cult

[@jessiethrelkeld3628]

Absolutely! The wedding day is when everything shifted.9 years into marriage and my MIL does anything she can to hurt me, and create a golden child dynamic with our eldest child!

[@JG-cj6pc]

@@jessiethrelkeld3628 Same here. It's like once they "have" you, it's gotcha!" They completely flip the script on you and it's all your fault. I'm sorry, it's awful. It's your husbands responsibility to put her in her place and set boundaries for her, along with you setting boundaries too. If he won't do that and support you in that, please leave. That means he's just as invested in the chaos and the toxic bond as she is. I figured that out way too late. Golden children often becomes narcs themselves. That was the role of my ex husband, him and his mother were both covert narcs. You deserve better.

[@saltycat662]

Omg that's what happened to me. They got worse after we married.

[@thankfulone2574]

My ex husband and his sisters were narcissists. Addicted to alcohol and greed of money. Manipulative, mean and very selfish. All of them. Thank god I am out of it!!

[@derlkarl9853]

I was hurt and heart broken when a very big problem occurred in my marriage seven months ago, between me and my wife . so terrible that she took the case to court to file a divorce. She said that she cannot continue to stay with me again, and she said "I don't love you anymore" So she took her things out of the house and made me and my children passed through several emotional pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back, after much begging, but all to no avail. and she confirmed it that she has made her decision, and she never wanted to see me again. So one evening, as i was coming back from work ,i meant an old friend of mine who asked of my wife .So i explained every thing to him, so he told me that the only way i can get my wife back, is to visit a prophet to know what is really behind this issue, because it has really worked for other people too. So i never believed in spell, but i had no other choice than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the Email address of the prophet. prophetehiagwina @gmail .com. So the next morning, i sent a mail to the address he gave to me, and the prophet respond the following day and assured me that i will get my wife back the next day. Hopefully I believed since my friend recommended me to him, ,so we discussed and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who didn't call me for the past 7 months, gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back. So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day ,with lots of love and joy, and she apologized on her mistake ,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day ,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before ,by the help of a prophet . So, i will advice you out there if you have any problem contact PROPHET EHIAGWINA, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you.. Email him at: prophetehiagwina @ gmail. com or call/whatsapp [phone] prophet ehiagwina can help solve problems such as: genetic battle spell to kill or destroy your enemy spell to get a good job win lottery dealing narcissist spell Avenge someone Spell to someone and many more

[@doreenr.7922]

Yes my husband let's his sisters run his life, he's made me the third party in r marriage, he's nothing but a Bully and a coward, disrespectful to me even in front of his sisters yet she had the nerve to tell me her brother a nice guy knowing how he's been betraying me behind my back, it's crazy, very materialistic too

[@woopiemiddleman8232]

I have a narcissistic mother-in -aw, a narcissistic sister-in-law and a narcissistic husband. A codependent father-in-law who is a punching bag for the MIL (literally punched him in front of all the family members many times). Then she managed to gaslight him into verbally admitting that she never hit him. The lack of awareness of my nar husband who is so lack of insight, who did not warn me about his lion den, and continually choosing his narcissistic family over me, is inexcusable. He is a victim of his nar. mother's physical and mental abuse growing. Finally, he learned about the term narcissism and managed to call me the "narcissist". God! Had I seen the red flags right from the beginning? Yes, the Nar sister-in-law was super rude right from the beginning. She would point her finger on my nose and accused me of not having a full time job. She would yell at my nar husband on the phone and being super rude to me for no reasons. Before I learned about narcissism, I took the fault for leaving him. That's how much he gaslighted me for taking all the blame. I'm thankful to be able to see the light through these videos. Thank you!

[@JG-cj6pc]

He's not a victim, you were. You said it yourself....he CHOSE them over you and knew exactly what he was doing, them too. Glad you're free and hope you're healing. Life is too short to put up with bs and abuse.

[@woopiemiddleman8232]

@@JG-cj6pc thank you for your support 🙏

[@JG-cj6pc]

@@woopiemiddleman8232 You're Welcome

[@JG-cj6pc]

@@woopiemiddleman8232 You're Welcome

[@enchantedviolet]

Walking into a storm you weren’t prepared for. That hits the nail on the head for my situation.

[@AbidingDude420]

Narcissists thrive around people who are afraid of confrontation and conflict. My wife is way too kind to her controlling parents, and they continue to boss her around into adulthood.

[@elenutzzi]

It would be great to see more content on this. Especially cases where the partner thinks everything is normal.

[@jopalo31675]

I’ve been married for 18 years. Yes, my in-laws are beyond over bearing, and controlling over their grown children. I would share one week of my vacations( timeshares ) with the my wife’s family every year . It became so hostile that I just couldn’t do it anymore. I’ve always had to be the bad guy, I have to set boundaries all the time. I could never let my guard down. My family isn’t all rainbows... we do argue( politics, religion, sports). But, if you stand your ground, make valid points. Your in. Would you like some coffee? They might ask. I’ve always told my wife to stand her ground.We’re very straight forward. My wife’s family is the opposite; a lot of whispers, secrets, underhanded comments. My father-in-law talks down to his children... my mother-in-law on the other hand tries to get her way without making it known. All the whispers and secrets. I’m the Son-in-law who shovels the snow in the winter, takes care of the house when they’re on vacation. Also, if there are electrical, plumbing, heating problems I’m there. I’m a veteran, I don’t take disrespect to kindly. My stance is, you don’t have to like me. But, you will respect me.

[@swiki7095]

When I met my partner 3 years ago, I was so excited to get to know his parents and brother. My partner just said “The later you meet them, the better.” I did not understand this at all. Now I do. We are engaged and planning the wedding. Of course, everything we wanna do is wrong. I am the nasty woman, and they all hate me. They never said it to me but they did mention things to my partner.He is going to therapy cause he is super sad to have a family like this. I feel horrible and it is just getting worse. I am now not sure if I am strong enough to live like this even though my partner is trying so hard not to be in contact with them. There is always something they say. We live so far from them which is good but I am so upset. I would like not to care but it hurts so much.

[@christianpulisic7784]

S Wiki,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🥀,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!

[@sharonchristian8508]

RUN, RUN, RUN

[@jackiemiles4448]

Please reconsider and don't marry this person...you'll be saving yourself from a lot of confusion and ultimate heart break. These people DONT CHANGE!!!

[@Veronica-eg2sp]

Omg you are so right, I only discovered my mother in law was a narcissist yrs later. I always knew she was toxic and had some sort of disorder, and the family dynamics were all wrong. just couldn't figure it out, after extensive research on personality disorders I found narcissim and she ticks every box. The amount of absolute hell we've be through is unbelievable. How a parent can try to destroy their child I'll never understand.

[@YOU-niter]

Same! Mutha in law! Turned & took sides of her niece over her own son! Sick it really is! I say to my kids I could never do that to you!

[@SwathiPallavi]

To MedCircle, I saw this video today. Have been keenly watching and following Dr. Ramani's talks on Narcissistic people and N-ism. It was heartbreaking, depressing and disturbing, to say the least, on finding out how much of N-ism I have been subjecting myself to. Thanks to your videos and Dr. Ramani's talks, I feel more empowered and stronger as days go by. As a person with Indian background, I can safely say that narcissistic in-laws are a rule in Indian familial system, rather than an exception. They exhibit all the symptoms talked about in this video. And let me add that parents used to raise their daughters to expect a narcissistic mother-in-law and sister-in-law and other in-laws. Sadly, not many gave them the tools to deal with them. This typical Indian structure is a thesis in itself. I call this the Indian Son Syndrome. I hear that things are changing in the current day generation. However, Indians and Narcissism have a very inseparable bond.

[@kaedatiger]

I would say the same of German families, especially around the time of WWII. They were firm believers in "breaking" their children, and that's why they were all too submissive as a society to stop Hitler. My family brought that toxicity with them when they fled to America and continued to beat their kids for three more generations. My cousin is the only one in our generation to have a child and as far as I know doesn't use any type of violence to control her son, the first to break the cycle.

[@annesmets]

I left my bf of 7 years just before we’re gettting engaged. At least, well this guy always promised to marry me, but he never did. My bf was completely blind to his family system and would always pick his parents side when they critisised me. At first I didn’t know what was going on, but deep down I knew something was off. When I finally saw what kind of family and toxic personalities I was dealing I didn’t walk, I RAN 💥

[@kristalynn7877]

My husband’s mom is a narcissist, and he’s always known something was wrong. It wasn’t til adulthood that he could put a label on it. Honestly, I think it helps my husband that I see it too, so he knows he’s not alone in it. He feels validated finally that outside people could see it as well. Unfortunately I’m no longer an “outsider” and the struggle is real lol, but we’re in it together, so that helps a little.

[@arturodiaz1063]

Hey! As a growing kid I could feel the pain of having a very narcissistic family. But I didn't know the right label and its implications.

[@a.humphries8678]

My husbands mom is this. He thought her devaluing behavior was normal. She used the "honor your parents" in sick ways.

[@BibiysDay]

@@a.humphries8678 I can relate with your experience as my MIL keep doing the same thing over and over again and using Proverbs 1:7 for her justification. Thankfully we're not in the same country, now we didn't really respond her drama (writing lots of letter & now email that full of toxic), but my sister in law and her family suffered the most as when my SIL keeping the distance, didn't read the letter but her husband keep feeding MIL's supply by being enabler with the thought of norm on the society, reading the toxic letter and felt strong enough to handle it but what happened was the other way around, the impact was all over around the family itself under his unsconsciousness.

[@a.humphries8678]

@@BibiysDay it's a tough, tough thing. So hurtful when the husband doesn't see it, and feeds it, that really drives a wedge in the marriage. You're fortunate to be in another country, I know it can still affect you though.

[@BibiysDay]

@@a.humphries8678 Exactly! Up to now MIL keep sending toxic email almost everyday. I used to peep at first but enough after that. The email that she sent still with the same story like we had before leaving the hometown in every our short holiday. And the story that we heard from our SIL/BIL definitely made our body so intense.

[@ytzacamo]

I was literally screaming “YESSS!!” In the middle of the grocery store while watching this to everything said here! Preaching to the choir 🙏🏽😂😭 I have narcissistic in laws and all of this is right on the money ☠️. Described it perfectly.

[@poorrichlives3727]

I had different red flags. I was totally love bombed till I had kids. But my husband was always telling me "my mom is the most selfish person ever. It's like she isn't human. She doesn't care about anyone but herself. She's a liar. She is always lying. My childhood wasn't really like that." This was my red flag. I didn't understand at first because the love bombing was so intense.

[@Liam0408]

I was love bombed like this too by my MIL. Right until my daughter was born, then she became obsessed with her and constantly undermined my parenting

[@jjm559]

I walked into a storm of a marriage - mother in law a narcissist , sister in law was a flying monkey, father in law super selfish and a big ego, ganged up against me and made my life hell. My husband just didn’t see it. I shouldn’t have married him. I am getting divorced now getting out of the storm and all the toxicity. Dr ramani is so right if the husband doesn’t see it means he is still under the narcissistic parent - runnnnnnnn

[@nataliefrank1489]

Thank you i am running right now

[@YOU-niter]

Thankfully My partner saw his narcissistic family from a young age & stayed from them! But they still managed to destroy our relationship!

[@sharonchristian8508]

MIL told me she hated "my guts" from the first time she laid eyes on me. If she had told me before our marriage, I would NEVER had married her son. She made my life a living hell for 12 years until I understood how their family operated. By then the damage was done to my children. What he married was a scapegoat that his mother would attack rather than him. Twenty years later, I am still responsible for everything that happened in their family from the beginning of time. I am a fortunate person who escaped alive.

[@YOU-niter]

Same!

[@JT-fn4eu]

Everyone’s a narcissist these days ... everyone’s out for number one ... themselves... you can see that simply driving around , going shopping, at the gym , work , school etc... it’s ugly and it’s everywhere.... Snapchat.. instagram.. Facebook.. the ultra ego syndrome..

[@saltycat662]

It's actually an epidemic now. Society has seriously broken down.

[@Odo-so8pj]

The last generation will be wicked.

[@lookupthereupinthetrees9860]

Its because at a psychological level they're in survival mode. This impairs the amygdala's ability to process empathy. Everyone compares themselves to others, they sense they're a very small fish in a very, very big pond and it sends them stupid. Yes, as you say, social media is completely destroying society because it churns out millions of people who can't function within a relationship because they lack empathy or basic consideration for others.

[@miniholmes5148]

They don’t start out like that. They change over time!!

[@Thesunsreflection]

This woman is a GEM. Its because of her that I was able to recognize my mother as being a NARCISSIST. Make no mistake, my mother's narcissism has worsened. However, Dr. Ramani has taught me HOW to deal with it & what to avoid.

[@TinyNerdlette]

Thank you for this! Very often have dealt with addict, BPD or NPD siblings & it's so hard to find help for managing this toxic dynamic

[@christineR7972]

My husband is so blind to the way his family treats our sons and I...there were red flags when we were dating, looking back on it....but I had no idea NPD was a thing until we got pregnant and married.... everything hit the fan once I was stuck.

[@Ohdeyummm]

Can’t even call them INLAWS yet because they want him to postpone the wedding because THEY don’t feel like it’s the right timing and we shouldn’t have kids yet because THEY don’t want them yet. We don’t live with them nor do they pay his bills

[@samanthamarin328]

Lmao this though

[@Odo-so8pj]

Run. Mine said that it didn't end well.

[@liudmilaaleagaaguilera8876]

Specially when you have to live with the in-laws and their adult son who is narcissistic and the in-laws enable their son, it is an extremely difficult situación.

[@rubyredfrog]

Yep.

[@robinclarke6914]

I had a narcissistic mother inlaw and she was my worst enemy from the minute she met me and her other five kids immediately joined her in hating me. I met her about four years after being with her son and we moved to her state which I still live here. The story is too involved to tell but the attacks she launched against me were insane. I got away from her son who was a violent person and just a narcissistic sociopath but after meeting his mother I understood why he had issues. She literally owns her son's and my ex has never lived on his own. He has always had to live with someone that can work and pay bills because he doesn't. I got away from him 15 years ago and his mother tried to destroy my career and my life and used my kids to hurt me. She ended up with all three of her adult sons in her home. My ex and his brother have been there about eleven years or more. Their youngest brother died there and had lived there years too after his divorce. He moved in when he was in his late. 20s and never had another girlfriend or relationship. Just one night stands. His mother wouldn't let him or my ex have girlfriends. My ex tried to have a girlfriend after me and it lasted over a year but she left him because she said he and his brothers acted like their mother was their girlfriend and fawned over her and fought over her and she sat enjoying it all and she saw other things which I had known about. She said it was too sick for her and she left. A few years later she accused my ex of rape and isn't the first woman. He isn't allowed a girlfriend so he rapes women. That's his only sex life I guess. These toxic narcissistic women cause so much grief and damage and her son's are destroyed. Her daughters aren't. They have careers and normal lives. They're flying monkeys tho. My ex and his brothers kicked their kids to the curb for her. The youngest boy died at 35 and with nothing. His mother had everything not her sons

[@planetearth6315]

I have already came to this kind of relationship. Very toxic. My husband always keep silent when his father insults me and also his mother has a real hand in this. It's been 3 years. Adjusting with this life is highly difficult.

[@momofmany9954]

My husband and I had to press charges and go to court against his mother for parental interference. My MIL is a public school teacher with 20 plus years in the field. She also holds multiple master's degrees. She decided that my husband and I were neglecting our kids education and our choices for our kids weren't up to "her standards". For years she has threatened to sue us and call CPS. She was relentless and would not stop even after we begged her to leave us alone. She would show up to our home, work and then showed up to our kids school, all uninvited and unwanted. We had no choice put to press charges and file for a restraining order. She admitted in open court that she walked into my kids schools with plans to have a conversation with the kids principal because she felt my kids were being "neglected" and have a history of being "truant". (They were homeschooled when we moved and we followed the states laws) My MIL even brought her resume to court.😅 Her lawyer tried to hand it to the judge lol. She tried to prove she knew what was best for my kids. The judge told her she has no legal rights to the kids, had no business at their school and as an educator she should know better. The judge said what she did broke the law by trying to get my kids private information.🤦🏼‍♀️ She was found in the wrong and was slapped with the restraining order. I still can't wrap my head around this. I can't understand how she could be so self absorbed and thought so highly of herself that only her opinion mattered. For years she would use her "resume" as a reason to undermine my husband and I. "I have a master's degree, you need to listen to me".. Great, these kids aren't yours.🤷🏼‍♀️ My kids are well taken care of and all their teachers give them glowing reports. I dare she try to claim my kids aren't being taken of.

[@sagarikasuri7197]

Lol thats a netflix movie plot😂😂😂

[@YOU-niter]

Good on you!

[@lucydaly44]

My inlaws almost caused me to have a nervous breakdown after my daughter was born, my husband acknowledges what happened and their dreadful behaviour, but at the time I had no idea what I was in for. My daughter is nearly 7 and it took me 4 years to stopped being scared and traumatised after their emotional abuse, it was so bad that I wont have another child, I couldn't face the same again, and my husband, who is different to his parents and 3 sisters, I sadly believe is not able to stand up to them consistently enough to protect me, I'm gutted but have to be practical, I hope my daughter will understand, I can only protect one child, I'm not sure I could protect 2 and I think the same again would this time break me.

[@nataliefrank1489]

I felt the exact same all of his family against me & my children wow unbelievable is all i'll say it's not a healthy place to be i'm all alone in this marriage he's changed a little bite in order for me to be happy i can't be around them & i think he finally understands he's even different towards me in front of them as if its a privilege to be in their narc ass family

[@newenglandlofi4195]

Would love another one of these with the same premise but in relation to the entire narcissistic family structure: flying monkey, etc

[@LifepostNarcissism]

My in laws are a narssistic cult. From grandiose to malignant to covert. My youngest brother in law is not and have set boundaries from the start and seems to have a normal relationship with his own family. The things my in laws have done, imposed, and said is just beyond disbelief. If I try to share my experiences and stories with anyone, their response is, "that doesn't happen!" and I'm perceived crazy. My other sister in law who the in laws have completely discarded, tormented and cheated on her together as a narcissistic cult, is already been labeled, "lazy, dysfunctional and cuckoo." She has been divorced and completely kicked to the curb. The damage they have done to her is a very sad example of what narcissistic abuse can and will do to you if you don't do the work or are just unaware of narcissism. I'm so glad to come across Dr Ramani and a few others on youtube and am doing the daily work and have set a lot of healthy boundaries and have always been hardworking and independent. I do feel emotionally fatigued a lot living with my narssistic husband but I'm working on my exit strategy. Hopefully this year and I can start living a healthier life without him.

[@going2higherheights]

Wow this explains so much! I just wish I had saw the signs before I said I do! Would have saved myself 15 years of craziness and foolishness....

[@L6FT]

Ouch, thanks. I didn't know I was in a competition for my child until I broke up from his mom and moved out. That was when her parents stepped in and I was alienated from my son for over 2 years while they sought full custody. The court system, being geared towards women and the parent the child lives with who throws the first punch, took away my custody. They didn't consider that mom had some severe mental problems along with a history of cutting and suicidal thoughts. When I met her she had moved to a different country to distance herself from her controlling parents, but had moved back for economic reasons when she met me. After 2 years of alienation I made it back into my son's life, who was then 8 years old and said "dad I've looked forward to seeing you". His mom and her parents hadn't been able to handle him and the social workers wanted to put him into fostercare. I stepped in and he lived with me during weekdays where I got him back in school and stable. After 1.5 years his mom and her parents started complaining that they weren't seeing my son enough, and his mom told him he would no longer stay with me. Having autism and feeling the disagreement he closed off and retreated to his moms couch where he has been for the last 2 years with a smart phone she gave him to keep him occupied. They blame me for his regression and won't even consider how things fell apart when they broke the agreement. I use every chance I can to tell the surroundings and the social workers who keep changing faces, the history and how things went wrong, but somehow I get the deaf ear, and made to look like the bad guy because mom and her parents become uncomfortable and deny their explicit behaviours. I'm really really depressed about it. I'm realising that I will not be able to change them or make them be accountable. The best I can somehow do is show my son love and affection, and we have good moments together even though most of it is from his moms couch where he watches screen all day, since mom won't set boundaries. It's also distressing as I don't get to set any boundaries or bring my son to school, since that might make him rebel and make me look like a bad guy. So I have to be the nice guy who accepts everything, even though I can see my son is rebelling towards his mom and destroying inventory, which is now the second apartment she is being evicted from because of my son's behaviour that she can't control.

[@ItIsJustMeMe]

I so wish Iwas out there looking for this information and awakened 20 years ago. This is am amazing video. Thank you.

[@CandyJ2612]

It’s taken my husband 17 years, us separating for nine months last year, to finally realise the damage his parents have done and are continuing to do. To the point I’m now in therapy.

[@FeliciaRezk]

My mother in law is beyond abusive and entitled. We have 2 children and have been together for 14 years.. it’s at the point i am trying to get out of the relationship all together because I know he will never set the boundaries needed for a happy home. She likes it

[@tobyburden849]

This woman speaks truth listen to her please listen to her

[@samr9336]

First of all, such a great set, and I really enjoy the rapport between you two! My dad has narc traits. It's been a long hard road unplugging from that control. I choose and back my husband in the face of his in-laws.

[@grahamstrahle4010]

It's all so true for me - the experience of being devalued, kept on the sidelines. Not so much openly criticised as kicked in the pants when you're not there, but otherwise overlooked and diminished. Your work, your ideas, what you happen to think - never gets a look in. Forking behaviour, oh yes, where he takes it upon himself to arrange family events where you are always excluded and he is boss. Designed to make you feel insignificant, worthless, hurt. But when I stood up to it and told him what I really thought of him, it was like he didn't know what I was talking about. I got even more firmly rejected. Changed nothing.

[@justcallmetulip5735]

Been there done that..lol now im looking for a guy with no parents and carefully evaluate their siblings if they have any and other family members any sign of toxic clicks within the family I'm running for the Hills

[@Lilxbabiixmariamx33]

lmaoo girl same here omg

[@tonhan2092]

Thank you for making laugh. It is nuts.

[@Fariha2023]

When I came to live with my husband, at first they were treating me well, gave me lots of gifts which i never asked for unless they ask me if i need something. But later I got to know that they were talking about me with my husband behind my backs. Telling my husband how to control me and they would tell him that all of them gave me life. At first i ignored this kind of stuff but later after lots of conflict with my husband, I understood that they were never on my side. They were just pretending to be by my side while they brain washed me behind my husband and then did the same to him while i was not around. When I stopped doing things their way and started giving priorities to myself and my time, they just changed instantly. Now we don’t talk much even though we live in the same house. I keep my distance and mind my own business and told them to do so. Not to mention my father in law is very manipulative and get aggressive when thing doesn’t go his way. Now i know why my husband have this kind of personality because he grew up watching his parents doing this. Now he acts like them subconsciously on consciously who knows.

[@richebronsonify]

Why do you live in the same house? 😳

[@Fariha2023]

@@richebronsonify coz my husband still is a student and both of us are unemployed. So we don’t have a strong financial background to move out.

[@moniquespaulding2887]

The whole family is narcissistic, they all sided with the ex and made it horrific during the whole 30 years. The parents and the sister had never had anything nice to say to their faces while king story that u don’t care to talk about them anymore, I’ve rid myself of all of these reptiles (unfortunately I can’t get rid of him )

[@fancybutterfly6021]

The hard part is especially that your spouse doesn't see that his mother is sneaky and throws underhanded remarks at you. It gets complicated because as much as you try to bring that uncomfortable situation to your partner.... they don't see it.

[@ap3008]

I’m in the same situation. My MIL throws sneaky remarks and often she does it when husband is not present…just remarks to show me I’m little and don’t know anything, she is the matriarh (she told me I’m like a child, she tells me that I forget constantly, even though she forgets more, one time she called me really early in the morning to make sure I woke up for work - I never was late for work mind you, etc) BUT, because she’s over the top love bombing and so sneaky, my husband doesn’t see it.

[@rigae2]

@@ap3008 same experience. I am so stressed and traumatized. One additional thing I learned about narcissists is that they don’t like nice people. They are fake so they are skeptical of your goodness. Stay away. Check parents before marriage!

[@LynRuiz]

My mother in law once had the audacity when meeting me to suggest that I move out of my fiancée’s and my shared home and let him focus on his work and his son with his ex wife due to his stress after he went on an immature tirade directed at me because I didn’t win his parents over. Also she stepped back when I tried to hug her after meeting her for the first time.

[@rsaug]

17yrs ago I saw all red flags but didnt have the maturity to comprehend it all. Now stuck w/ narc inlaws & w/ a husband who is still in their shadows who wont admit and set boundaries towards their manipulative, emotionally abusive, financially exploitative & condescending behaviors. Infact he has become part of the herd. And oh boy dont even get me started on the silent treatments, passive aggressive behaviors,stubborness, gas lighting, etc etc.

[@YOU-niter]

I’ve had the same bullshit 🤯 They are ill! Seriously it’s a mental personality disorder! & if you don’t research & arm yourself with knowledge of narcissistic personality disorders They’ll drive you insane! So ℹ educated myself on narcissists & won them ALL! Bullies as they are!

[@justjulia8007]

Imagine my joy at having not only an extremely narcissistic MIL but also a SIL that’s a terror as well.....

[@tammyzhang]

Oh my god I feel dr. R knows about me and my husband and my mother in law so so well, she knows them better than anyone else in the world

[@djpacoelfuerte9531]

Her mother is a single mother of two different fathers. The mother abandoned my ex when she was 3 till about 15 years old. Now 22 and now my ex has two kids with two fathers. I left her after she kept abandoning me to go stay with her mother, the same mother that abandoned her. I told her this, I warned her and she never listened Now she’s with her mother Wish her all the best

[@tobyburden849]

She speaks the truth man.

[@Jess-kn8vl]

Having dealt with these personalities my whole life and later being diagnosed with C PTSD, I have lost interest in going anywhere or dealing with anyone or possible conflicts. Healing takes time. If I could do the past 20 years over I wouldnt, I am finally free, it took years and learned the lessons the hard way. I will never sit in a room and be criticised by people like this again, no matter how much I love the man connected to them.

[@monalikapoor9754]

My mother in law used to hang up the phone on my face when I called. I still married this guy and now have spent 15 years of silent treatment from my husband. I can't leave, I must be crazy and something is surely wrong with me.

[@cartwrightworm1317]

Talk to a therapist. Mine helped immensely. Do it sooner rather than later.

[@YOU-niter]

Get into narcissist abuse groups on Facebook etc helped me ENORMOUSLY! It’s them not you! At fault! They are sick!

[@MCLamb1984]

So… the first time I ever heard anything about my mother in law, it was my husband telling me that because he dropped me home, he explained where he had dropped me home, She was disgusted that I didn’t live in a wealthy area of town 😆 Then when I met her face to face, she literally would not speak to me. She wouldn’t even look at me. Just pretended I wasn’t there. In hindsight I should have just left.

[@maaikek8593]

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhhhhhhhh my groanings of how accurate this is. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.THANK. YOU. I've considered counseling because I've been told over and over from the in laws that I'M the problem, that I'M controlling, that I'M difficult. Way too much energy put into the garbage

[@AlexZ-lc6nl]

Wow. Yes. so much yes. My own experience has been this. At first the family of my wife was perfect on paper, but when they showed their true colors I was already married and neck deep in the family. It felt like a scam. I felt cheated. My in laws are very hard and I don’t think we will ever connect…it’s taken some time for my wife to see her family for what they are…and she still sometimes struggles…but the best thing we did was move away and do our own thing. We lived 45 mins away from one of her sister. She never came visit. Not once. Since moving away….they’ve called, and pushed for a visit and it’s all part of game. The dumb stupid emotionally manipulative game. Pray for me.

[@justcraftingaround7467]

My mother in law is always making life complicated